#proud of me for at least trying
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My page for @destinytriofanzine! I drew something about kids always dreaming of far off places
[id in alt!]
#kingdom hearts#kh#ahh this one was so hard to draw; i never know how to combine a bunch of scenes in one picture without it looking cheesy#just threw a bunch of waves and leaves and birds on top and called it a day haha. it might be a bit too busy though#the white line going up the center is supposed to be a trail left behind by the gummi ship! it connects to the ship in the bg at the top#it's kinda meant to evoke little kids dreaming of other places-> getting older and earnestly making the raft to try to reach the dream#->the gummi ship as a premonition of how they'd actually reach the dream in the future. i guess? idk how to explain#and i really wanted to have kairi's expressions be really similar but changing subtly from wonder to worry when she's older#the boys are just max enthusiasm the whole time#but yeah. something something Symbolism and hopefully it's at least kinda pretty if it doesn't make sense#i'm just super proud to have been part of this project! everyone's work is just amazing#the destiny kids give me this soft feeling of kinda lonely nostalgia. it's nice to have a book full of that#very wistful looking through it#fan art#my art#project stuff
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An uncertain homecoming...
<previous - next>
#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#Erenville#X'vahl Tia#Erenvahl#WoL x Erenville#wolship#Dawntrail spoilers#went back and forth between wanting to include Erenville's inner monologue or not#decided against it because X'vahl can't hear it#so I have to rely really heavily on conveying emotions just via facial expressions#which I *hope* I managed to do here.#I've been.... feeling like I've been really annoying lately...#so I've been keeping a little more quiet and to myself#but I want to keep posting these#because at the end of the day I do it for me#because storytelling like this makes me happy and gives me a creative outlet#and honestly it's something I'm proud of myself for that I've managed to keep going this long while still maintaining excitement about.#I figure if anyone finds them annoying I use the Erenvahl tag pretty consistently (or I try to at least)#so they can either blacklist that or block me outright.
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having a keyboard going clicliclicliclicalcalcalcalcalclclalcalcl does boost my productivity
#its soooooo ironic working on this essay because my work-life balance is nonexistent#at least when i was still studying pharmacy#LMAO#ok but#im so proud to condense like a series of definitions (there are 3 pages of tables of diff authors and definitions) to one sentence#look look#It is understood that work-life balance is not a rigid framework-#but a continuous adjustment in response to personal priorities and external demands#EH? pretty “assignment” worthy sentence dont ya think?#im literally trying to hype myself up to finish this dang assignment to pass this subject bruh i hate SKDJGDHKJH#i'll do anything from gaslight to rewarding myself with something imaginary hakjsfhkdfjh#my sister say i shouldnt whine about quite literally the last uni work i'll be doing but i will LMAO#i know i still have to write reports and thesis when i work so i will whine when i get to that point in life too#yk what is funny?#this assignbment is a self reflection theme essay - not a lit review#which somehow is even harder for me cuz bruh i dont like to talk about my life like HAKJDHKJH#like yes i yap alot here about my irl stuff but i hate doing that into paper and needing to make it sound professional#like okay how the hell am i suppose to write “so like assignments and short deadline literally makes me wanna kms” into paper KJHCKLZJGSDHK#sum sum stress and burnout i guess urghhhhhhhhhhh#gomz whining about uni once more#gummmyspeaks#thank you keyboard#LOL#cuz now i wanna keep typing bcuz it sounds amazing ahahahahahahaha
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stargazing
#my art#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jshk#yashiro nene#amane yugi#hananene#i missed hananene tanabata again but at least i got to use my new markers this week lol#i know the perspective is iffy on this one i just can't tell how bad cause I've looked at it for too long#but! doing a weird top down thing with 2 characters fully colored is a lot for me so I'm proud regardless :)#and as usual one of the worst parts was trying to digitally edit the colors back to how they look on paper. sigh
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-source: Batman (1940) #17-
Weapon of Choice: So I taught my cousin's five year old how to unload a dishwasher and this kid gets off of their step stool, puts their hand on their hip and as serious as could be, looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Dreamwork makes the team work." And I almost died from how much hope that sincerity in that phrase died within me. So as much as I want that to be the weapon of choice here, I just cannot and I hope you all understand this reasoning.
#dick grayson#robin#robin dc#nightwing#batman#bruce wayne#they were so proud and asked me if I was crying#my eyes were watering up trying my best to not burst out laughing and crush their little heart#at least it wasn't me defending cops this time
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.
Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.
anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#edit:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves#just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :]#recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance#because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think#they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same#like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well#and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system#which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science#and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS#and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from#the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left?#their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future#there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine#anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic#if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like
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I'm still working on this btw. Chipping away at it one little panel at a time 🥲
#'I'm just gonna make a short little prologue comic' I say as the short little prologue comic becomes a 50 pages long chapter zero#CRYING kicking and screaming 😭🫠💀#BUT I am committed to finishing it ☝🏻I'm drawing all of these pages even if they look like ass at the end#I'll be drawing it. coloring it. writing dialogue(WISH ME LUCK). everything.#this is for sure the biggest project I've ever taken on jfjcjckkfk#the biggest thing I've ever committed to w my art was. idk. I think the 250 boxes challenge??#which took over a month to complete w me drawing at least a few boxes every day#now w this one it's me trying to draw at least a few panels every day. or every other day when I'm working on commissions#it's been fun yk all things considered#even tho sometimes it's daunting that there's so much to do#I also get super excited to see it finished#honestly it'll be an attempt. I'm sure that even if it's not perfect at the end#there'll be parts of it that I'll love and be proud of <3#sleep.txt#sketch tag#ship: viper#I'll probably post it when I'm done#(which will probably take a couple of months still sdjfhsdkhfs)#still thinking abt How I'm going to post something with this many pages 💀 but I'll figure something out#preferably something that doesn't become a giant long post on the dash 🫠
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For the record guys writing an actual book vs writing a fanfiction actually isint that different but the important key thing to note is you have to write what you love and of what you love
dont worry about audience dont worry about trends , dont worry about people who dont love what you make, focus on writing what you love. Youll write a whole lot more and you'll be writing something you considered worth writing, and that makes it a whole lot more worth reading.
and it will be *fun* You can absolutely casually write books for funsies and not because youre desperately trying to get a book published
I've written like, three last year. And each time it took like, two weeks? make an outline of your idea, fall in love with your characters and world, make it something you could research and discuss for hours, write a bit each day and have a clear idea of where each chapter is going and what your end goal is. you'll reach it eventually.
i started this hobby dreaming of being able to just write *one* book one day once in my life
Now i can casually pick up a new book idea and have it done in under a month. Why? because i practice and i have a lot of freetime admittedly but its primarily because i kept writing every day (AND HAD A CLEAR GOAL OF WHERE I WAS GOING and knew about what to expect, its really really hard to reach the finish line if you have no idea where it is-)
you can write 50,000 words in a single year by writing about 140 (a bit under actually) words a day. and you can write it a WHOLE lot faster if you write more than that. (personally i've managed to write that many in 3 days at my top speed but please do NOT try to replicate *that* i had like pain for weeks and tingling hands after, please do not look at that as something to look up to, that is not a flex, that is a warning , im pretty sure the maximum safe number of words you can write in a day is about 5,000 and if i go over that much the tingles come back in my hands, so like, be careful please. if youre really digging into writing and you find its super fun you will have to be careful and take breaks and be cautious about your health ive wound up ADORING writing but like, you can go too far and get injured)
the whole tldr is: writing a book is not that hard really
but you gotta believe in yourself
you've gotta respect your own wishes and chase the things that make you happy
and youre gonna make it way harder on yourself if you put it on some giant pedestal
authors arent special supernatural creatures that create worlds, theyre humans
and one of the coolest skills us humans have is the ability to create worlds. *all of us* have that ability.
i believe in you
and for the record it took me several years to write my first book-
my second book took 6 days
my third took 3
oh frick ive written four books, sick
okay my fourth book? that one i freaking paced myself like a sane person and finished it in like two weeks which i think is pretty sick and i didint approach my danger threshhold of 5,000 words
and that i think is about the pace id like to go with my books in general frankly-
why am i capable of this? because im not worrying so hard over if im being cringe, because im letting myself be self indulgent, have fun, and letting myself become my own biggest fan. Sincerely please have fun and stop thinking so hard about your audience and stuff, please go have fun my friends and try to treat writing as a hobby first and other things later
yes even if you want to do it for a career
especially even because then your audience will be made up of people that actually have the same interests as you and actually like the things you like and then you get to write for people who like your specific weird little brand of writing
please, authors get stuck in a genre if they write too much in it , write what makes you happy or youll feel increasingly obligated to be stuck in one genre
im probably super super privledged to be able to say all this and i KNOW i am to be able to have the time to spend as long as i personally do on writing, but the truth is is that whether you do all those hours in one day or spread out over the course of weeks and months, youre still gonna get those words in and what you write will still be just as worthy of love and admiration as the works of any other and its gonna take the same number of hours regardless of if you do it in a day or a year (like i get it i can write fast but the real reason i got it done so fast is just i have way more free time than average and was able to write for 6 hours a day, unrealistic for most people as you can imagine)
this is not meant to be a ohh lo ok at me i can write so fast and i can write so much thing because im also the same person who spent over 5 years trying and failing to write one book and feeling overwhelmed because i thought writing was this impossible magical dream on a pedestal and it turns out no its like, just like really fun if you dont panic so hard about rules and regulations and popularity and pleasing an invisible audience.
I'm saying this because i thought it was this impossible thing
im saying this because i really truly want to live in a world where people write as gleefully about their ocs and worlds theyve made up the way they write fanfictions
you can worry about cleaning it up later for now just make sure you actually make something you love enough to find joy in creating it.
im just a little weirdo who fell in love with writing
i really hope maybe this can make you less scared of falling in love with writing
and reassure you also that **writing fanfiction is just as real of writing as regular writing and is part of what taught me how to actually have fun writing and writing about what brings me joy**
and that your work, no matter how short or long, original fiction or fanfiction, first draft or thousandth, is legitimate and yes you can complete it, youll be okay, and even if you dont, youll only psych yourself out if you turn it into a giant mountain to climb
the old tale of the tortise and the hare still shines true
slow and steady wins the race.
(i say this especially as a hare, because i could keep running without a break but ill get freaking injured, even those who can be hares must rest if they want to reach the finish line, and unlike in a real race theres no set time you need to do this in, theres no deadline, all that matters is eventually reaching the end)
youve got this
youre doing great
and please keep writing, but do so for fun, without shame, without judgement, and without comparison. there is no room for self judgement and shame in a happy life, and please, compliment yourself, own your achievements, be proud of yourself.
and if you can, please comment on here or reblog telling me about your project and what youre doing right now to work on it
celebrate your achievements, and celebrate each others achievements in the comments.
no shame. no judgement.
*no self deprecation allowed.*
self deprecation is not a virtue and you will never know how bright you could shine if you snuff out your own light the second you dare consider it might exist at all.
so get in there and brag and if youre up for it or dont have anything youre able to share just yet, tell us what you love most about writing or favorite tropes! :3 have fun! love you guys!
#writing#writeblr#writing advice#uplifting#writing inspiration#please be nice to yourself#or at least dont actively put yourself down#you will internalize anything you say about yourself enough#so please be kind to yourself#i know its cathartic to be cruel to yourself and you think you deserve it or that its justified for whatever reason#i know you may think its cringe to be proud of yourself#but please because ive learned the hard way how hard it is to drag yourself back from the misery that leaves you in#hear me out and at least give being decent to yourself a try
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new year's eve
A/gathario ft. sick A/gatha being too stubborn for her own good. 8.7k words (💀) There WILL be a part 2 to this at some point, but given how long this took it might be a minute lol.
All of this was inspired by @flutterytickles's tags on this post about the idea of a professor AU and a New Year's Eve party, and when I say I took that and ran with it...😳
I am MORE than happy to yap about this AU forever, but really all you need to know for this is that everyone's teaching at a small, liberal arts college in Boston. A/gatha was hired as an English professor, but now mostly teaches American history through literature and print culture. R/io studied environmental science with a focus in botany and also poetry in school, and she took a pay cut specifically to teach at a school that would let her do both. Other than that, I feel like it's pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy!! <3
Please don't reblog to non-kink blogs! Minors DNI.
“So it’s not going to be a party,” Rio said. “At least not according to Lilia. But Alice and Jen will be there, and a few other faculty members and some of Lilia’s grad students, and Alice assured me there will be good food, lots of drinks, and probably karaoke if they can find a way to hook it up to Lilia’s TV. Sounds like it’ll be a good time.”
“Hmm,” Agatha hummed. Rio had her on speakerphone on her desk while she was tidying up her office, using the time that barely anyone was on campus to prep for the spring semester without anyone commenting on how many empty energy drink cans she was hauling out to the recycling bin.
“Well you know how I feel about karaoke,” Agatha said. Rio thought she heard the sound of her clearing her throat, but she chalked it up to static on the line. “But is Lilia actually inviting me or is this you asking me to come with you?”
“Both,” Rio said. “Lilia doesn’t have your number and she figured you wouldn’t be checking your work email over the holidays, so she asked me to ask you. And I would like it if you came with me.” Rio paused. “You know, if you want to.”
There was another little burst of noise on the line—this time it almost sounded like a sniffle—before Agatha spoke again.
“Well, I promised Nicky I’d take him to the parade and the fireworks at the Common tomorrow, but that’ll be over and done by eight.” Agatha paused and this time Rio was sure she heard a sniffle. “Let me talk to the kid next door, see if he can sit in after I put Nicky down and I’ll…”
Agatha trailed off, and Rio frowned.
“You’ll…?”
“Hh-hold on, I n-need—”
Rio could hear Agatha’s breath stutter, and then before she could even process what was happening, she heard what sounded like a poorly-stifled sneeze from a distance like Agatha was holding the phone away from her face.
“Bless you?” Rio still wasn’t a hundred percent sure she was hearing things right, but she still spoke loud enough for Agatha to hear and—she assumed—roll her eyes at. What she wasn’t expecting, though, was Agatha’s shaky voice when she brought the phone back.
“D-don’t,” she started. “I’m not…n-nah…not…hheh’EHTtschu!”
That was definitely, for sure a sneeze that time, and though Rio couldn’t see it, she could tell by the involuntary little groan that followed that Agatha wasn’t happy about it. Whether it was about sneezing in general or about Rio acknowledging it with another, more enthusiastic “Bless you!” was anyone’s guess.
“Ugh, sorry,” Agatha said after collecting herself again. “You were saying?”
“I think you were saying something about getting a babysitter? But, if you’re not feeling well we don’t have to—”
“I’m fine,” Agatha said firmly. “It’s just some gunk Nicky picked up somewhere. It’s probably just one of those twenty-four hour things, I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Rio was pretty sure that wasn’t how colds worked, but Agatha’s tone told her the topic was not up for discussion, and Rio didn’t feel like pressing the issue would be helpful. This was Agatha, after all.
Last spring when they’d first gotten paired up to teach an interdisciplinary studies course on floral symbolism in classic American literature and poetry, Agatha had neglected to inform Rio that she was horribly allergic to about half the flowers they’d be talking about, so Rio hadn’t thought twice about showing up to the very first class with a fresh arrangement of native wildflowers to sit on the podium between them as they took turns going over the syllabus.
Agatha had done an admirable job downplaying her reaction for most of the hour-long class, only stifling the occasional sneeze into near-silence over her shoulder, but the second class was dismissed, she’d dissolved into the single most dramatic, drawn-out fit Rio had ever seen, blushing furiously the whole time and still insisting she was fine when she could gather enough breath to speak.
Rio had run up to her own office to grab her own bottle of Zyrtec, sure the whole time that this was going to get the whole class cancelled, and her partnership with Agatha would be over before it had even properly begun. With the meds in her system, though, Agatha had pulled herself together shockingly quickly to teach her afternoon class, and to Rio’s surprise, not only did their joint class proceed as planned (after a serious, Rio-initiated discussion of what parts of the syllabus Agatha was and wasn’t allergic to—which Agatha was also blushing furiously through—and an Agatha-initiated tacit threat to never speak of the incident again), but Agatha had been grateful enough for Rio’s help to offer to repay the favor by taking her out to dinner.
One thing led to another, and now, nearly a year later, they were dating, all because Agatha was enough of a stubborn bitch about her allergies to not keep antihistamines on her.
Rio had never actually seen Agatha sick before, but she assumed she probably wouldn’t handle that much better.
“Hh-ITSchu!”
Another sneeze from Agatha drew Rio from her thoughts.
“Ble—”
“Not yet, I…he’ETshiu! Ugh, fuck.”
“Salud,” Rio said.
“Shut up,” Agatha grumbled. “I’m fine. Just let me talk to the kid next door. I would never say this to his face, but he’s a total loser, there’s no way he’s got plans. I gotta check if Hanukkah changes anything, but I’ll text you when I know?”
“Sounds good. Love you, and get some rest!”
She could practically hear Agatha roll her eyes before she shot back a, “Love you too,” and ended the call.
Not half an hour later, Rio’s phone lit up with a text from Agatha.
Teen’s free to babysit. Pick me up at 9?
It’s a date, she replied.
~**~
Agatha was already waiting on the front steps when Rio’s overpriced Uber pulled up in front of the elegant Beacon Hill brownstone. Her hair was down, falling in loose waves over her shoulders, and she was wearing lipstick, which wasn’t unheard of, but the deep raspberry red shade of it made something in Rio’s brain short out, and suddenly her only thought was about how badly she wanted to fuck it up at midnight.
As she drew closer, though, she realized that the lipstick was a distraction—and a damn good one at that—from the subtle little signs of illness on the rest of her face. Her makeup was impeccable, but up close, Rio could see the shadows of dark circles under her eyes, the barely-there pinkish tint at the tip of her nose, the subtle crease in her foundation that showed just how often she'd been—
Right on cue, Agatha scrunched up her nose with a small sniffle, and judging by the way her hands twitched at her sides, she was really fighting the urge not to rub it. Rio would never say it out loud, but she was pretty sure it was one of the cutest things she’d ever seen.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, yourself,” Agatha said. Those raspberry lips twitched upwards, as Rio wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Her skin felt a little warm for someone outside in the middle of winter. Rio couldn’t be confident it was high enough to be a fever, but she filed the thought away for later.
“So…,” Rio started as she pulled out her phone to look up Lilia’s address. “How were the fireworks?”
Agatha sighed heavily. “We didn’t end up staying. Nicky didn’t sleep well last night, which meant I didn’t sleep well last night, and we only made it halfway through the parade before he decided he wanted to go home.” Agatha sniffled and scrunched up her nose again. “Poor kid was practically falling asleep on his dino nuggets. I put him to bed and hh’he was out like a li-ihh-light.”
The slight hitch of her breath drew Rio’s gaze upwards, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Agatha scratching the bottom of her nose with her thumbnail.
“Oh poor thing,” Rio said, definitely not talking about Agatha; that would be ridiculous. “And how are you feeling? You sure you’re up for a wild party?”
Agatha rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “I think I can hiih-handle whatever Lilia’s got planned.”
“You sure?” Rio lowered her phone and met Agatha’s eyes. “Because we can just stay in, especially if you didn’t get much sleep last night. I hear they’re letting Andy and Anderson drink on CNN again this year, and we could do those Lego flowers from Christmas and just take it easy.”
Yeah, Rio thought to herself; that was a safe angle to approach it from. Asking outright if she was under the weather was a surefire way to get her to dig her heels in deeper, and while Rio was pretty sure that was going to happen anyway, she wanted to make sure Agatha knew she had an out if she wanted it.
As Rio had predicted though, Agatha shook her head.
“No,” she said. “I’m fine. I already missed the baby fireworks, and I don’t even remember the last time I got to go out for New Year’s, so I’m not missing this.” She punctuated her statement by audibly clearing her throat, and she glared at Rio for noticing. “And I feel fine,” she snapped. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Ok,” Rio raised one hand in a mock surrender. “In that case, it looks like we have a choice between a pretty straightforward thirty minute walk, or we can take an Uber that’ll shave a whole five minutes off that time for…” she refreshed her app and her eyes widened in shock as she wordlessly showed Agatha the inflated price on the screen. “Suddenly I’m thinking it’s a great night for a walk. What about you?”
When she didn’t get an answer right away, Rio glanced up from her phone and took in the dazed look that had settled over Agatha’s features, the way those raspberry lips parted, one hand hovering in front of her mouth as her she scrunched up her nose once more in vain before—“hiET’SHhiew—‘ITSHhyu!” She aimed both sneezes into her elbow at the last second and then sniffled wetly as she rummaged around in her purse for…who the fuck still carried handkerchiefs in the twenty-first century?
“Bless you, bless you,” Rio said lightly, as Agatha blew her nose once, dabbing lightly at her nostrils to keep from completely destroying her foundation. Rio couldn’t help but notice that once she was done, she shoved the handkerchief in her pocket instead of putting it back in her purse.
“Thanks,” Agatha muttered. “How long did you say the walk was?”
“Google says thirty minutes.”
Agatha gave a haughty sniff as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Closer to twenty if you walk like you live here,” she said. “I vote we do that.”
There was a part of Rio that thought about protesting further, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good, and besides that, Agatha was a grown woman who could listen to her own body. If she wanted to push herself for the sake of a stupid work party then who was Rio to stop her? And also, Rio selfishly really did want to mess up that lipstick against a backdrop of fireworks.
“Alright,” she sighed. “In that case, vámanos.”
With a swish of her long coat, Agatha set off down the block at such a pace that Rio had to jog to catch up.
~**~
Lilia lived on the top floor of a refurbished tenement building in the North End that was all decorative brick work and copper patina on the outside, with an interior that looked authentically pre-war. Which war exactly was anyone’s guess, but Rio was putting money on Civil.
The chilly night air had made both of their noses run, and they paused in front of the elevator to collect themselves. Rio pulled the sleeve of her sweater over her hand and swiped briefly at her nose. Agatha, on the other hand, took a bit longer to recover.
She’d been mostly alright on the walk over as far as Rio could tell—the fresh air really had seemed to be a good move—but now that they were back inside the dry heat of the building, it was clearly taking Agatha a second to gather herself. She had her handkerchief out and was running it on one finger under her eyes and around her nostrils, but her nose, it seemed had other ideas.
Her breath hitched once, twice, and she tipped her head back, her mouth just open enough that Rio could see she was pressing her tongue to the roof of her mouth to try to hold it back. It wasn’t enough, though, and Agatha let out a particularly vocal gasp right before she pitched forward with an itchy-sounding “hiih’IIShu!”
“Bless you,” Rio said.
“Ugh, thanks,” Agatha grumbled. “Must be the temperature change. I’m fine.”
She at least had the decency to flush as Rio eyed her skeptically, but before Rio could say anything else, Agatha was slipping the handkerchief back in her pocket, sliding open the metal grille in front of the elevator, and waving Rio inside.
“Can you just promise me something?” Rio asked as the elevator groaned and shuddered its way upwards. Agatha didn’t say anything, but she side-eyed Rio curiously. Rio took a deep breath and flexed her fingers at her sides as she said, “Promise me if you reach a point where you want to leave tonight for any reason you’ll tell me?”
“I’m—”
“I know you’re fine,” Rio said. “And I’ll let you be the judge of your own body. I’m just telling you that if you want an out you’ve got one, no questions asked.”
Agatha considered her words for a moment. Her lips were pressed in a thin line as she ran her tongue along the inside of her cheek, and then she sighed.
“Alright,” she said quietly. “Thank you.”
“Any time.”
The elevator jolted to a stop and they stepped out into a long hallway. There was music and laughter and a scent that Rio could only identify as ‘miscellaneous party food’ wafting from their left.
“I’m gonna take a wild guess that Lilia’s that way,” she said. She glanced over at Agatha who just tossed her hair over her shoulder, cleared her throat, and sniffed once more before nodding in the direction of the sound.
“Shall we?”
Rio hesitated for just a moment, captivated by the way Agatha’s mask slid so smoothly into place. She had hardly realized just how much she got to see when they were alone until suddenly she was faced with the Agatha that was ready to actually walk into the party.
The little signs were still there: the way that her foundation was starting to separate and smudge around the tip of her nose, the way her lips parted ever so slightly so that she could breathe without the air catching audibly on the building congestion in her sinuses. It was an impressive performance. Frankly if Rio hadn’t seen evidence to the contrary, she might have even believed Agatha’s little act.
Of course, the fact that she had gotten to see that evidence to the contrary at all—even if Agatha was denying it the whole time—was also not lost on Rio. It made her stupid, lovesick heart flutter in her chest just realizing that Agatha trusted her that much. It was also mildly annoying knowing that it would be that much harder to tell if Agatha reached her limit tonight, but they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.
She must have lingered a bit too long, though, because Agatha noticed she wasn’t following and raised an eyebrow at her.
“Are you okay?” she asked, looking pointedly at Rio’s hands.
Rio hadn’t even noticed that she was fluttering her fingers at her sides, but the sudden awareness made her stop and flex her hands.
“Yeah,” she said. “Let’s do this.”
Rio reached the door at the end of the hall first and knocked right below the brass 4F affixed to it. When no one answered right away, Agatha tried the knob and found that it was already unlocked. She glanced at Rio with a shrug before pushing it all the way open and leading the way inside.
Rio's first impression upon stepping into Lilia's space was that it perfectly answered the question, "What if an eccentric gender studies professor with a fortune-telling side hustle had lived in the same rent-controlled apartment since the 70s?" which wasn't a question Rio had been asking, but it was nice to have an answer nonetheless. The entry way led into a spacious living room filled with squashy, mismatched furniture. Decorative lamps on various surfaces gave the room a soft, warm glow, and there were tapestries and artwork covering nearly inch of exposed wall. It was inviting and a little overwhelming in the same way that Lilia herself could be and Rio found that she kind of liked it.
Her second impression was that she and Lilia definitely had different ideas of what "not a party" meant. There were far more people than she had expected here. She vaguely recognized some other faculty members and a few of Lilia’s grad students and TAs who hung out around her office a lot, but she was only halfway through her second year of teaching, so there were still more unfamiliar faces than familiar ones.
"Soo…," Agatha started, leaning close to Rio's ear as she slipped out of her coat, "Are we sure that Lilia understands what a party is?”
Rio bit back a laugh as the hostess in question rounded the corner. “Did I hear a knock? I thought I—oh, Rio, you came!”
Before Rio could react, Lilia swept forward and enveloped her in a brief, but warm hug that had Agatha pressing herself flat against the wall to stay out of the way.
“Oh, I’m so glad you were able to make it,” Lilia said. It wasn’t until she stepped back that she seemed to notice Agatha. Something flickered behind her eyes for a fraction of a second before her wide smile was back in place. “Agatha, it’s nice to finally see you outside of the office for a change. Did you two come together?”
“Sort of,” Agatha said at the same instant Rio said, “Kind of.”
Lilia raised an eyebrow, and Rio glanced over at Agatha who was starting to get a sort of dazed look in her eyes, so Rio quickly took over.
“We split an Uber,” she said. “Those holiday prices are crazy, but if the alternative is the green line on New Year’s…” she trailed off with a shrug and an eye roll, and that seemed to be good enough for Lilia. Or at least, if she had further suspicions, she was good enough not to voice them.
Out of the corner of her eye, Rio could see Agatha bring her hand in front of her mouth in a loose fist, her thumb resting along her jaw and her first finger pressed against the bottom of her nose. It wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary—one thing about Agatha, the woman was always touching her face—but Rio guessed from the way Agatha scrunched up her nose that it was a little more practical at the moment.
Rio was about to come up with some excuse to try to shoo Lilia away, when someone else called her name from elsewhere in the apartment. Lilia glanced in the direction of the voice and sighed.
“I suppose I should go see what all the fuss is about,” she said. "You two feel free to make yourselves at home. There's food in the dining room, drinks in the kitchen, and I think someone brought some..." she mimed smoking a joint as she trailed off, and Agatha snorted. "If you want to do that, though, just do me a favor and take it outside or on the fire escape. The scent lingers in here like nothing else.”
“Understood,” Rio said.
Lilia gave a satisfied nod before turning on her heel and disappearing back into the festivities.
Rio turned towards Agatha just in time to see her shove her face into her bunched up coat and muffle a forceful sneeze into it. She came up for air with a slightly dazed look on her face, her mouth still open in preparation, but after a long moment of anticipation, nothing else happened. Agatha exhaled with an angry huff and hung her coat up on an empty hanger.
Rio did the same after her, except she nearly dropped the hanger when Agatha suddenly swore behind her. Rio whirled around just in time to see Agatha crush her nose between her thumb and forefinger as she pitched forward with a pair of stifled sneezes that were nearly silent save for a soft, choked off little gasp.
Rio almost felt a little guilty for it, but she couldn’t help noticing just how different these cold sneezes were from Agatha’s allergic fits. It was a strange thing to think about, but with her allergies, Agatha seemed to have some semblance of control, at least at the start. The tickle tended to be a slower, more torturous build that Agatha was shockingly good at hiding, and the sneezes themselves started off as soft, tickly little things that she was scary-good at keeping quiet. This cold, by contrast, seemed to keep her on her toes, sneaking up on her and then backing off just to come back with a vengeance, and Agatha was clearly already getting frustrated.
Agatha released her nose with a heavy sigh and a wet sniffle, and when she noticed Rio looking at her, she frowned.
“What?” she snapped.
“Nothing,” Rio said. “Bless you.”
That seemed to soften Agatha around the edges for a moment, and she muttered a quiet, “Thanks,” before she brushed past Rio into rest of the apartment. “Let’s find the kitchen,” she said. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink.”
Rio rolled her eyes, but followed along anyway. It was less than two and a half hours to New Year’s, but she had a feeling it was going to be a long night.
~**~
When Lilia had said there were drinks in the kitchen, Rio had expected champagne, some prosecco, maybe some kind of fancy Italian wines and some seltzers in the fridge for the grad students. What she hadn’t expected was a downright undergrad-rager amount of boxed wine and a rainbow of Jell-O shots, but now that she was looking at the spread, she realized that yeah, actually, this kind of tracked.
There was indeed an array of random seltzers and cheap beer in the fridge along with a couple of bottles of something bubbly with sticky notes on them warning that they were not to be touched until midnight. Rio grabbed a mango White Claw and turned around to see Agatha debating between the wine and the shots like it was a matter of life and death. After a moment, she reached a compromise with herself in the form of downing a purple Jell-O shot and then immediately grabbing a plastic cup to fill with room-temperature Franzia, because sure, why not?
“Hey, Rio, you made it!”
Rio spun around to see Alice approaching with a beer in hand and a bright smile on her face.
“Of course,” Rio said. “I wouldn’t miss it!” She took a sip of her seltzer and surveyed the room. “Although there are a lot more people than I expected when Lilia told me specifically that this wasn’t a party.”
“That’s Lilia for you,” Alice said. “Anything less than a full-on rager doesn’t count as a party to her. But for what it’s worth, it’ll probably start to clear out by 11:30ish. Most people just use this as a rest stop for a bit and then walk to the waterfront to catch the fireworks. But they’re missing out because that’s usually about when Lilia gets stoned enough to break out the oracle cards and that’s worth sticking around for.”
“Sounds like fun.” Rio hadn’t even heard Agatha come up behind her, but there she was eyeing Alice over the rim of her plastic cup of cheap wine. “When do we break out the Ouija board and start telling ghost stories?”
“Oh hey, Agatha,” Alice said. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she glanced from Rio to Agatha and back again like she was trying to connect some invisible dots. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, good to see you too,” Agatha said flatly. She took a long sip of her wine, and she held her cup in front of her face a second longer than strictly necessary to block her nose from view as it twitched just the slightest bit. A tense moment passed where Rio couldn’t tell if Agatha was actually going to sneeze or not, but she recovered quickly, lowering her cup and shouldering past Rio towards the dining room. “I’m gonna get some food.”
“Ok, bye, Agatha,” Alice said drily. She shot Rio a look. “I didn’t know you two…”
She trailed off, and the implied ellipsis hanging off Alice’s words felt like a set trap for Rio to walk into. She’d had the feeling that her officemates were starting to suspect something for a while—from the sounds of it there was even a betting pool now—but Rio wasn’t going to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that easily.
It wasn’t so much that they were trying to keep it a secret—sneaking around like teenagers wasn’t really all it cracked up to be when they were both parties involved were closer to fifty than fifteen—but with a kid in the mix, and Rio being so new, and Agatha’s…well, being Agatha, they just…never really cared to make a grand announcement to their colleagues. At some point it would come out, that much they both knew, but for now it was still sort of thrilling to have such a secret that was theirs and theirs alone.
So it was with all of that in mind, that Rio managed to say, “Lilia’s the one who invited her.” She took a swig of her seltzer and wished she had grabbed something harder. “We just split an Uber here.”
“Ah, sure,” Alice said. “It’s just funny; Lilia’s been trying to get her to come to stuff for years now, but this is the first time she’s actually shown. I wonder what changed.”
“Yeah,” Rio mused as she watched Agatha disappear around a corner. “I wonder.”
“Ok, well…” Alice bounced on the balls of her feet and clapped her hands together as she took a slow step back. “I need to track down an HDMI cord to try to set up karaoke, but I’ll be around.”
“I’ll see you,” Rio said.
She gave Alice a half-hearted wave and then followed Agatha’s trail into the cramped dining room where she found Agatha trapped in conversation with a short woman with a neat blonde bob who Rio vaguely recognized from the…admissions office? Student life? Something like that.
Whatever they were talking about, Agatha hardly seemed to be in the mood for it, but the woman clearly wasn’t taking the hint. Agatha had her hand in front of her face again, the knuckle of her first finger moving slowly back and forth under her nose as she nodded absently, her attention clearly more on her nose than her conversation partner.
If Rio had felt a little guilty about watching before, she felt downright voyeuristic now. From the corner of the doorway, Rio had a perfect view of Agatha’s profile, and she watched with rapt attention as Agatha managed to wrestle the tickle back long enough to interject.
“That sounds great, Sharon, but you see, the problem is that I don’t want to, so…” she trailed off with a contemptuous, open-handed shrug, and the woman—Sharon, apparently—just laughed.
“Oh, I’ll get you one of these days!” She wagged a finger playfully in Agatha’s direction before glancing down at her empty cup. “I’m gonna get some more wine, but I’ll email you once we get back on campus!”
“I’ll delete it,” Agatha called after her in a mocking tone.
She waited until Sharon was safely out of the room before whirling around and coughing into her elbow. She recovered quickly enough, but kept her arm in front of her face for a moment too long. Rio could see her shoulders tense and then release as she smothered a trio of sneezes against her sleeve, each tripping over the next like they had taken umbrage at being held back for so long. “Hiih’TSHh!-h’TSHh-TCHhu!”
“Bless you,” Rio said.
Agatha startled at the sound of her voice and spun around to glare at her.
“I’m fine,” Agatha said through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t even ask.”
“Well you were thinking it and that’s bad enough,” Agatha snapped.
Her voice was starting to take on a more noticeably-congested edge, and Rio found herself wondering if she’d have to put her foot down at some point. Either Agatha was a better liar than Rio had thought if she had been feeling this bad this whole time, or she was going downhill faster than Rio had assumed she would, and frankly Rio wasn’t sure which was worse.
“Is this where the…oh. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
Rio and Agatha both spun around to find Jennifer Kale smirking at them from the doorway like she very much hoped she was, in fact, interrupting something.
“You wish,” Agatha growled. “What do you want, Jen?”
“Maybe to socialize?” Jen said slowly like she was trying to explain the concept to a child. “At a social event? Although I can’t imagine you have much experience with those.”
“Can it, Kale,” Agatha snapped. She took a long sip of her wine and shouldered past Jen on her way back into the kitchen. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Nice to see you too, Agatha!” Jen called after her. She turned back to Rio and rolled her eyes. “You really can’t take her anywhere, can you?”
The question felt equal parts loaded and rhetorical, and given Jen’s…history with Agatha, Rio figured her safest option was to plead the fifth. She ignored Jen’s pointed smirk and took another long drink of her seltzer.
“Well, forget her,” Jen said. “I was actually hoping to run into you here. I heard back from my mother about those old Home Garden magazines we were talking about? She found some of my grandmother’s old issues, and she said she’ll send them out to me next week. I can bring them into the office when they get here if you want to go through them.”
“Oh, sweet!” Rio had been working for most of the fall on a proposal for a class on Victory Gardens and the development of urban home gardening, and some of the earliest primary sources had proven to be a bit of a bitch to track down. “Yeah, I’ll be in and out of the office the next few weeks before the semester starts, but I’d love to get my hands on anything you’ve got.”
“Cool,” Jen said. “I’ll keep you posted.” She gave Rio a soft smile and looked like she was about to say something else, but Rio took the pause as an excuse to slip away.
“I’m gonna go mingle a bit more. You know, network or whatever, but I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah,” Jen said. “Yeah, I’ll see you.”
Rio grabbed a star-shaped sugar cookie off a platter at the end of the dining table and popped it into her mouth as she slipped out into the living room before Jen could say anything else.
Agatha was across the room, in another tense conversation with a woman Rio definitely recognized from the library, but she couldn’t quite place the name. Dottie? Sarah, maybe? Either way, Agatha saw Rio looking and shot her a sharp glare. Rio took the hint and headed over to where Alice was fussing with Lilia’s ancient CRT TV.
It turned out it didn’t even have an HDMI port, which meant the karaoke idea was getting nixed, but after a little bit of snooping in the cabinet underneath, Rio found a dusty plug-and-play joystick with a collection of old arcade games that was still in working order, and it only took a few rounds of Frogger before a full-on tournament broke out.
Rio lost sight of Agatha as a small crowd started to gather around the TV, but despite that, if she was being honest, she was kind of actually starting to have a good time. As the clock ticked ever closer to midnight, the crowd did in fact start to thin out, and those who were left were mostly reaching a pleasant state of being under their influence of choice. Conversation and laughter flowed easily, and Rio found herself suitably distracted from worrying about Agatha.
That was, at least, until she caught sight of Agatha slipping away from the rest of the party, making a beeline for the bathroom down the hall with her hand against her face.
That got Rio distracted enough that she ran Ms. Pacman straight into a pixelated ghost to a collective groan from her audience, but Rio found herself not really caring. She passed the joystick off to Alice who was going for the high score on Galaga, and picked her way out of the crowd.
“You good?” Jen asked.
“Yeah,” Rio said. “I’m just gonna grab another drink.”
She headed into the kitchen and grabbed another seltzer—a wild berry Truly this time—and made a pit stop in the dining room to grab a couple of those sugar cookies in a napkin before following Agatha’s path down the hall towards the bathroom. She was barely halfway to the door when she heard the unmistakable sounds of Agatha…well, struggling.
“Hih-TSSHhiu! Heihh-hhETshiw!” Rio heard what she assumed was a hand slamming down hard on the edge of the sink, followed by harsh fit of coughing that only seemed to feed back into the cycle as Agatha paused just long to inhale sharply before—“HHET’Sshiu! Motherfucker!”
“Agatha?” Rio knocked lightly on the door with her knuckle. “It’s just me. You ok?”
“F-fuck off,” Agatha growled. Her voice was really starting to go now—it sounded low and scratchy, cracking between syllables—and though she made a point of turning on the water in the sink, Rio could still hear her sniffling miserably.
“Agatha, come on, don’t do this to yourself.”
She got no response to that, presumably because Agatha knew that her voice wasn’t helping her case at this point. Rio checked the time on her phone; it was after eleven now. If she’d known a few hours ago that this was where they were going to end up, she’d have put her foot down at the start. She should have pushed harder when Agatha was still malleable. Now it felt like she was talking to a brick wall. Or a closed wooden door, she supposed.
Just as she was about to get up to go back to the party, she heard Agatha clear her throat.
“If I’b bothering you so mbuch you can just fucki’g leave,” she snapped.
“Agatha, that’s not…” Rio trailed off as Agatha’s words actually hit her.
Oh.
So that’s what this was all about.
“Listen,” Rio said. “I’m not leaving you. Not because of the party and definitely not because you’re sick. You’re kind of fucking stuck with me whether you like it or not, and I’ll give you space, but I’m not leaving you. Take as much time as you need. I’m heading back out to the living room, but I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready.”
The water stopped running and Rio could hear Agatha sniffle again. She didn’t say anything, but then again, she didn’t really have to. It was enough just for Rio to know she was actually listening. As she started to turn away, she suddenly remembered the cookies in her hand.
“Oh, and I brought you a little something to eat. They’re right out here if you want them.”
There was a narrow little table with a collection of candles and crystals next to the bathroom door, and Rio set the napkin-wrapped cookies on edge before she headed back down the hallway. When she reached the end, she heard the bathroom door open and shut, and when she turned around, the cookies were gone.
~**~
By 11:30, the party was smaller, but rowdier than ever. Lilia, who had been out on the fire escape more than once, was giggling her way through a tarot reading for Jen over the arm of the other couch. There was music blasting from someone’s phone, and a cheer went up as Alice finally broke her high score. Everyone that was left was talking or laughing, and it was easy enough for Rio to slip back into the fray and plop herself on an overstuffed couch cushion without so much as a glance her way.
The minutes seemed to drag by impossibly slow. 11:45 turned to :50, turned to :55, and Rio was starting to think she might have to press her luck and check on Agatha again when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and speak of the devil, there she was. Her hair obscured most of her face so Rio couldn’t get a great look at her, but she tapped Rio’s shoulder and nodded towards the fire escape, and that was all Rio needed to scramble to her feet and follow her.
There was no one out there at this time of night; everyone left was inside, watching reluctantlyas Alice unplugged the game and tuned the TV in to the Times Square ball drop. Agatha slipped out the open window onto the metal platform, and before Rio could even process what they were doing, Agatha grabbed the railing of the narrow stairs leading up towards the roof and started to climb.
“Ok, not that I’m not glad you’re out here again, but what are the fuck are you doing?” Rio asked, trying not to notice just how high above the city streets they were.
Agatha paused and looked back at her. “I wa’t to watch the fireworks.”
She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it had been her plan this whole time, and though Rio hated the thought of setting foot on those narrow, creaking stairs, she had to admit that, yeah, she very much did want to watch the fireworks too.
She followed Agatha, and they both scrambled over the lip at the top. After the hazy warmth of Lilia’s apartment, the chill breeze was a welcome change, and Rio had to admit, the view was nice from up here. Rio checked the time on her phone. Two minutes to midnight, and she swore could feel it in the air.
“You don’t have to kiss mbe or adythi’g,” Agatha said. “I just thought this mbight be dice.”
Ninety seconds to midnight.
“Would you stop me if I did?” Rio asked.
Agatha scoffed. “You’d really risk catchi’g this?”
“What can I say?” Rio shrugged. “I’m feeling lucky this year.”
“But I’b gross.”
Rio pressed her cold hand against Agatha’s fever-warm cheek—oh yeah, she was definitely going downhill—and guided her gaze up so she could take her first good look at Agatha’s face in the moonlight.
Agatha’s bright blue eyes were watering so badly it looked like she was crying, and though her mascara had held up valiantly for the last few hours, it was starting to smudge in earnest now. The makeup around her nose was a patchy mess, clinging to the dry, reddened skin where it hadn’t been rubbed off entirely. Her lipstick had honestly held up surprisingly well, although the edges were starting to get fuzzy. All of that coupled with her irritated frown as she sniffled and wrinkled her nose again made her look so pathetically adorable that Rio could almost melt.
“See that’s the funny thing,” Rio said. “You’re saying gross, but all I’m seeing is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Agatha blushed furiously, but she let Rio pull her closer.
Ten seconds to midnight.
The air was humming with electric energy. Rio was sure there was nowhere else on earth she’d rather be.
Five!
They could hear the countdown from all directions.
Four!
Agatha swore as her nose twitched and she aimed a loud “Hh-ITShoo!” into her shoulder.
Three!
Agatha sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve.
Two!
“Last cha’dce to back out.”
One!
Rio smirked. “Not on your life.”
Happy New Year!
All at once, the city erupted around them, but Rio hardly paid it any mind as her lips met Agatha’s, waiting and eager, and for a moment, they were the only two people in the world. Rio could taste the artificial vanilla of Agatha’s lipstick, could feel Agatha’s poor, abused nose against her cheek as she tangled her fingers in Agatha’s hair and savored absolutely everything about the moment.
Agatha was the first to turn away, gasping for breath that couldn’t break through the wall of congestion in her nose, but she didn’t pull away from Rio’s arms.
They stayed like that for a long moment, foreheads pressed together as the fireworks over the water lit up the night sky around them.
“Rio?” Agatha finally croaked.
“Yeah, love?”
“I dod’t feel very well,” Agatha said. She let her shoulders drop and rested her head on Rio’s shoulder so that her next words came out even softer. “I thigk I’b ready to leave ndow.”
“Oh, you are, huh?”
Agatha nodded weakly against Rio’s neck. Rio bit back a chuckle and carded her fingers through Agatha’s hair, which just made Agatha press closer. She was for sure running a fever now, but Rio didn’t think she needed to say that part out loud.
The fireworks were starting to die down now. The city that slept by 10pm was already quieting again, and a cool breeze blew across the rooftop, making them both shiver. That was enough to finally spur Rio into action. Despite Agatha’s low whine of protest, Rio took a step back, and reached into Agatha’s pocket to find her crumpled handkerchief. She offered it to Agatha who rolled her rheumy eyes, but accepted it gratefully and set about wiping away the tear tracks and the smudged eye makeup. There wasn’t much she could do for her foundation at this point, but after a moment she managed to pull herself back to some semblance of her usual self.
“Ready?”
“H-hold on.” Agatha held up one finger as she inhaled a shaky breath. Her eyes fluttered shut, her lips parted, and she stayed like that for a long moment, before—
Fuck, I lost it.” Agatha scrubbed at her nose with the crumpled handkerchief in frustration before flipping her hair over her shoulder and following Rio to the edge of the roof to step gingerly back onto the fire escape.
The party was well and truly winding down now, but those that were left seemed occupied with champagne and company, so no one seemed to notice when Rio and Agatha slipped back inside. For a second, Rio almost thought they could make a clean break for it. They’d grab their coats and slip outside, and Rio would text Lilia a brief goodbye once they were in the Uber back to Agatha’s place.
That kind of luck didn’t seem to be on their side, though, because Lilia caught them as they passed the kitchen doorway.
“Oh, Rio, are you leaving?”
Rio stopped dead in her tracks like she’d been caught sneaking in after curfew. She could feel Agatha stiffen and clear her throat next to her.
“Oh, uh, yeah,” Rio said with a nervous glance at Agatha. “It’s getting late and—”
“I have to let the babysitter go,” Agatha chimed in. “Rio offered to split a car.”
Her voice was fading in earnest now, but Rio noticed how carefully she was choosing her words so at least she didn’t sound too congested on top of it. Her explanation seemed to be enough for Lilia, who smiled at them both.
“Well, get home safe,” she said. “Happy New Year! And Agatha, I hope you feel better soon!”
Agatha’s jaw dropped and she looked like she was contemplating homicide or suicide or both, but Rio just gave her a shove in the direction of the door and gave Lilia a soft “Happy New Year,” and a shy wave in return.
She grabbed both of their coats out of the closet with one hand while she pulled up Uber on her phone with the other. No way they were doing that walk again tonight.
“Ok, driver’ll be here in three minutes,” Rio said.
When Agatha didn’t respond right away, Rio looked up to see her frozen in pre-sneeze torture, her lips parted, eyelashes fluttering, brows knitting together as she took a breath in, and then—
“Oh fuck mbe!” Agatha scowled and pinched the bridge of her nose hard.
“Oh, pobrecita,” Rio breathed. “Let’s get you home.”
Agatha rolled her eyes, but before she could say anything, the lost sneeze snuck back up on her with a vengeance just as Jen and Alice passed by on their way to the kitchen.
“HHT’SCHiu!”
“Bless you, Agatha!”
“Fuck off, Jen!” Agatha called back.
With that, she flipped her hair over her shoulder, held her flaming cheeks high, and stalked out of Lilia’s apartment, leaving Rio to call out a soft, “Happy New Year, guys!” before jogging to catch up.
~**~
The ride back to Agatha’s place was short and quiet, and even though she hadn’t strictly been invited, Rio followed Agatha inside where Agatha paid the babysitter, kicked off her shoes, and tossed her coat in the vague direction of the coatrack before throwing herself down onto the couch in the parlor.
Rio had been in Agatha’s house more than a few times, but this—Agatha being this miserable in her own home—was new enough territory that she wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself. She shed her own coat and shoes, and picked up Agatha’s so at least they wouldn’t be a tripping hazard later, and returned to stand behind the couch.
Agatha had one hand dangling towards the floor and the other over her eyes like if she blocked her vision, she could pretend the night had gone differently.
“So,” Rio started carefully. “What are you thinking? Do you want me to stay?”
Agatha moved the hand over her face and looked up at Rio with red, watery, exhausted eyes.
“I cad take care of byself,” she said.
“I know you can. That’s not what I’m asking.” Rio leaned over the back of the couch and reached one hand down to brush a lock of hair out of Agatha’s face, curling it gently around her finger. “Do you want me to stay?”
“You’ll get sick,” Agatha whined.
“Again, not what I’m asking. And for what it’s worth, you did have your tongue in my mouth less than an hour ago, so I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed.”
Agatha started to laugh, but it quickly turned into a cough that only seemed to irritate her nose as she quickly brought her hands up to cover an itchy sneeze. “hH-IItschu!”
“Salud, baby.”
“Thagks,” Agatha grumbled. She sniffled wetly and wiped her nose roughly on her sleeve. “Ugh, feel gross! I hate bei’g sick.”
Rio bit back a laugh. “I don’t think most people really enjoy it.” She had moved from playing with Agatha’s hair to scratching lightly at her scalp. Agatha’s eyes fell closed and she moaned into Rio’s touch.
“Let me ask a different way,” Rio said. “Do you want me to leave?”
Agatha’s eyes opened again, and when she looked up at Rio with her flushed cheeks and her sniffly nose, Rio felt like she could melt into a puddle on the spot. The flush in Agatha’s cheeks deepened as she slowly shook her head no.
“Ok,” Rio said. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Shut up,” Agatha muttered without any bite.
“Ignoring that because you’re sick,” Rio said. “Now what do you say we get you somewhere more comfortable than the couch so you can get some actual rest, hm?”
It took a few more minutes of gentle prodding from Rio to get Agatha to her feet and up the stairs, but once she was moving, she seemed to be able to handle herself. She poked her head into Nicky’s room before heading to her own room to change while Rio busied herself digging around in the bathroom medicine cabinet.
All Agatha seemed to have was a bottle of Advil, a box of Zyrtec, and a mostly-empty bottle of grape-flavored children’s cold medicine that was missing the measuring cup. Rio vowed to make a supply run in the morning, but for now, the Advil was probably better than nothing. She filled a glass with water from the sink, and then grabbed the allergy meds for good measure and headed for Agatha’s bedroom.
Agatha had already changed into an oversized t-shirt with an ambiguous number three on it, and a pair of worn flannel shorts that were practically indecent. She’d pulled her hair into a loose bun, and she was just finishing wiping off the last of her makeup with a wipe that she tossed carelessly in the direction of the trash can. It missed by a long shot, but Rio thought it was cute that she’d tried.
“Here,” Rio said, holding out the water and two ibuprofen tablets. “You didn’t have much, but this should help keep your fever down.” Agatha took the meds and washed them down without protest, and Rio offered her the box of allergy meds. “I don’t know if these’ll do much, but they might at least take the edge off until I can run out to the store tomorrow.”
Agatha’s cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “About that…”
“What are you…?” Rio trailed off as she pulled the blister pack out of the box and found it completely empty. “Why was this still in the cabinet if you knew it was empty?”
“To remind myself to buy more,” Agatha said like it was completely obvious and not actually one of the most ridiculous things Rio had ever heard.
“Ok, scratch that then.” Rio tossed the empty package into the trash can. “Do you want anything else?”
Agatha shook her head as she set her water on the nightstand.
“Just hurry up and c’mere,” she said, making grabby hands in Rio’s general direction. It was quite possibly the cutest thing Rio had ever seen, and she wiggled out of her nice jeans and into a spare set of pajamas as fast as she could so she could crawl under the covers with Agatha, who immediately attached herself to Rio’s side.
“I’b sorry I was a bitch earlier,” Agatha mumbled.
Rio chuckled as she leaned her cheek against the top of Agatha’s head. “Lucky for you, I kind of like it when you’re a bitch, because I know you don’t mean it.” Agatha grumbled something unintelligible against her neck, but Rio continued, “And because the sooner you get being a bitch out of your system, the sooner we get to do this.”
“Love you,” Agatha mumbled sleepily.
“Y yo a ti, mi amor,” Rio said. She reached back to turn off the lamp on the bedside table and then pressed her lips against Agatha’s warm forehead as she settled back down.
Agatha was already out, her breathing coming in congested little snores that made Rio’s lips twitch into a smile as she felt her own eyes growing heavy. Her last conscious thought before she slipped into sleep herself was that there was nowhere else on earth she’d rather be starting the new year.
#it is almost 4:30am i have work tomorrow but the hyperfocus came in clutch it felt like it took me five minutes to get this polished#never have i claimed to make good choices in the throes of fic writing sdhvnhdfv#i am actually like absurdly proud of this silly little fic so i hope y'all like it too!!#part 2 will be probably a little more a/gatha too but don't worry r/io is DEFINITELY getting a turn with this 😈#a/gathario#a/aa#snzfic#sneezefic#witchywrites#anyway i love you all and this lil community so much and now i'm gonna go sleep for a million years or at least until my alarm goes off 🫡#(also my cat keeps trying to bite my computer as i post this so hello from my cat i guess)#(he didn't help but he wants to be included)
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Vroom..
#my art#käärijä#*mine#I worked hard on this but still struggled with the bike obviously please be proud of me for at least trying
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"I should've seen the signs" I feel like Stoick was basically reliving the way he lost Valka.
To him, after a lifetime of wanting nothing but to kill a dragon, Hiccup's suddenly and inexplicably changed his mind. To him, Hiccup saying he can't kill them is just like when Valka refused to and tried convincing others as well, then as a result was 'killed' by one herself.
To him, way Hiccup tossed his weapon and shield to the side then approached Hookfang while speaking about how dragons aren't what people think they are probably bares an uncomfortable resemblance to the way Valka put down her weapon and stared a dragon in the eyes and as a result was taken.
To him, attempting to do anything but preemptively defend yourself against a dragon will only end in tragedy, so he has to do anything he can to stop Hiccup before it's too late.
(And just like with Valka, he unintentionally escalated the situation by trying to protect Hiccup but only agitated the dragon, causing it to panic and react, inadvertently putting someone he loves in danger. again)
Stoick of course, wasn't acting rationally, but it makes sense when you think about how traumatizing Valka's 'death' must've been for him (and how much Hiccup reminss him of her); he watched her get taken, presumably killed, and couldn't do anything about it.
#THE PARALLEL GHSSHRBFK THE PARALLELS#'so everything in the ring was a trick? a lie?' he was so elated when he though hiccup was finally taking after him#he convinced himself so hard that This was the real hiccup he's finnaly going to be a proper viking a real member of the tribe#and he was so proud and glad he finally had something he could connect with his son over#but again he'd convinced himself of all that. he completely ignored everything hiccup had to say#in his eagerness to actually be a Family to actually bond with his child#he was so stuck with this fake image of Hiccup the Dragon Slayer he'd convinced himself of to the point#when it all fell through he felt almost betrayed#betrayed and scared#scared he made a horrible irrational and emotionally charged decision of essentially disowning his son#im not saying stoicks a good parent. hes not. but hes trying and alone and taking care of an entire village as well as hiccup#and all the unprocessed trauma and emotional repression#hes not great but hes not bad either. hes trying.#hes trying and its not enough but at least it got better#i love stoick#parents of autistic kids they dont understand moment#httyd#stoick the vast#stoick haddock#hiccup haddock#valka haddock#httyd analysis#maybe?#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#haddock family#moth.txt#also pls dont tell me abt how valka and the 2nd movie wasnt planned yet. ik that but i like expanding on things#and pondering a characters reasoning for certain decisions bc its fun and makes them all the more fascinating#post rewatch 1am thoughts go crazy (sorry if any of this is like redundant or confusing. im tired) if u read the tags ily
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yearly art summary time o( ̄▽ ̄)d didnt draw much for some months so i just lumped whatever doodles i could find (template here!)
#duck rants about something#art summary#i think i got a bit better at backgrounds but a far cry from where id like to be orz otherwise not much improvement either this year akjsgh#wait actually i posted on the exact same day last year didnt i LMFAO i just looked back on those tags and lol. well no worries duck back#then bc ur having the worst week of ur life part 2 electric boogaloo!!!!!! you have seen absolutely nothing yet dude 🎉🎉🎉🎉#been having many the urge to delete this account again but also i feel a little bad for the me those years ago yg kebanyakan usahanya utk#bikin sesuatu yg aku bakal bisa banggakan so welp. even if i cant like or be proud of myself rn seenggaknya paling dia bakal suka wkwkwk#or at least thats what i try to tell myself
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"You thought I was bringing you flowers?"
Just about a post where @jewishdainix once pointed out a possible parallel between Fitz feeling offended that the Fool would dare think he'd be bringing him flowers during The Quarrel vs. when Fitz decorates his funeral Pyre after the Pale Woman…………..not that it actually mentions Fitz using flowers for the pyre but the thought still made me go insane and I had 2 draw it teehee
#rote#realm of the elderlings#the Fool#fitzchivalry farseer#robin hobb#:v#btw I completely gave up trying to get an accurate skin/hair tone for the fool in favor of ummmm color palette <3#also this rly made me realize how much better I am at traditionally painting stuff than digital.......girl I am out of my DEPTH#to say the least. on a computer that is.#at the risk of sounding vain I am very proud of how this came out and think it ended up looking 1000000 times better than anything I could#digitally
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My mother noticing I was overstimulated:“Honey is your autism acting up?”
My father, the brains of their operation: “it’s called sensory issues and they’ve got it bad”
What the fuck am I supposed to say back???
#autism#autistic adult#late diagnosed autistic#seriously though#this is a reoccurring thing#at least she’s supportive?#she tried to get me to take a job helping autistic people with everyday tasks and said I would do awesome because I have the tism#I called myself Captain autismo and now she thinks it’s a genuine nickname#she wants to get a shirt saying that she’s proud of her autistic child and idk how to stop her#too much support sometimes#but I still love her#she’s trying her best
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FINISHED LAST 2 EPS OF YURI ON ICE,
ON THE FLOOR
ON MY KNEES
VICTOR KISSING YURI’S HAND WITH THE RING, THE CROWD GOES WILD
THEN YURI ON THE ICE KISSING HIS RING BEFORE HE STARTS PERFORMING HHHH
DIVORCE ARC AR THE END OF THE SECOND TO LAST EP??? VICTOR CRYING BC OF YURI???? NOOOOOOOOO
“I’ll be sure to skate my and Victor’s love, laid bare to the world!” That’s more like it <3
UPDATE NVM IM SO STRESSED AHHHHHH
“I really want to kiss the gold medal” *pans to yuri and victor almost kissing* 🤔 damn straight gay
Not victor refusing to kiss yuri’s silver medal and then leaning super close and asking if he has suggestions…damn king
Did they just make vows again <3 good for them <3
THEYRE SKATING TOGETHER AT THE END AHHHHH
SO THEY'RE MARRIED NOW RIGHT
im so unwell about their tenderness its unparalleled
I NEED MORE CRIES WDYM ITS OVER HHH WHERES THE NEXT SEASON SOB BANGING MY FIST
#blu liveblogs#yuri on ice#yoi ep 11-12#i LOVE how they show their rings like all the time like yes#yes show teh sparkle#show their commitment to each other !!!!#and omg their pre/post performance rituals are so#either heart wrenching /neg or heart wrenching /pos#im so normal abt victor kissing yuri's ring hand like hfjkawnlfkjwf#ALSO. WHEN YURI WAS LIKE VICTOR LETS END THIS I WAS LIKE NOOOO STOP. STOPPPPPPP YOU IDIOT (AFFECTIONATE) STOP !!!!!#THEN VICTOR CRIES SO BAD AND IM LIKE DUDEEEEEEEE#THEN THEY BOTH LOOK SAD HRAWEHLRWJKENFJSKDF#BUT THEN. YURI NAILS HIS FREE SKATE PERFORMANCE HRAJKWENLFWEJKF YES MY KING#also called it i was like hm i really want yuri to win gold but yurio is prob gonna get it at this rate... and yeap#then i was like this is gonna lead to yuri and victor havin some form of gay vows to each other or smth to stay on the ice or smth#AND YES I WAS RIGHT LETS GOOOOO HRJAKWENLFWEF#ALSO THEIR HUGS ARE EVERYTHING THEY GIVE ME LIFE#THE WAY THEY CLUTCH AT EACH OTHER SO TIGHTLY#KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE#already in love but thats besides the point yes FALL DEEPER IN LOVE#also i liked the jj comeback yes u go king#also i loved yuri's character development#look at yuri slaying on the ice now with confidence !!!#so proud of you dude <3#also yurio is such a tsundere lmao damn in the begining i remeber thinkign who is this asshole goddamn#gud character development all around#im going to try and convince one of my friends to watch this cause they always get me to watch stuff#i watched all of rwby this is the least they could do for me <3#its my turn now hehehehe
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deku the kinda guy whose mom relegated him to vegetable prep every time they made dinner
#bobbi babbling#midoriya izuku#mha#this is not me saying he cant cook#like im sure at the very least he can make basic meals#but i also think he would get distracted a lot and make mistakes that ruin the dish so he avoids it#i feel like hed randomly wanna make a fuckin. croquembouche#and pull it off first try perfect#then the next morning go to make miso soup and burn the water because he was so proud of the day before
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