#progressive can they be until they’re pushing an agenda?

[tristinian]

*notable marginalised person acts moderate so that their voice isn’t labelled radical and they don’t get cancelled*

Leftists: ok but this person who is marginalised isn’t progressive. We should cancel them. Btw we aren’t holding normies to this standard

[nerdygaymormon]

Certainty vs Uncertainty

I spoke to the Gatherings group which meets in Deltona, FL. I shared these thoughts with them, and want to also share them on my blog.

————————————————————

When I was growing up, I didn’t see LGBTQ people. I didn’t know any. I didn’t consume any media which portrayed them, at least not until I was a teenager in the 1980’s when the news would have stories about gay people protesting for recognition of the pandemic wiping them out and demanding more research and attention to HIV/AIDS.

As a teenager I began understanding that I might be one of “them,” and that scared me. I denied the possibility and doubled down on being the best Mormon that I could be. But there were moments where my thoughts would go to “what if?”

At the time, the LDS Church had very strong teachings against gay people. Here I was with my identity fully invested in the church, and so was my family's. To explore the idea that I might be gay meant to shake the foundations that provided stability and meaning in my life. Every indication I had is that if I were gay I would be kicked out of church and probably out of my family. That made it critical for me to press down the queer part of me.

Even though I was in denial, I still heard those negative messages and thought what if that’s me? What if I’m an abomination? What if I’m a threat to the family? What if I’m an enemy to God? I certainly didn’t want to be those things.

As my teenage years progressed and it became more and more clear that I feel things for guys that I never do for girls, I accepted the idea that I’m defective. God would never want someone to feel these things therefore something is wrong with me.

When I was 19 years old, my bishop called me into his office to talk about serving a full-time mission. Even though I didn’t share why, he could tell I wasn’t excited about this idea. He told me to go home and pray to ask God if the church is true, if the Book of Mormon is true, if Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I went home and prayed, but not about those things. I asked, “God, do you love me? All of me? Can you love who I am and what I am?”

That was the first time I was honest with God about what I was experiencing, and this prayer was answered with an overwhelming feeling of love and warmth, and I heard the answer, “You are not broken.”

First, how sad that someone who grew up in this church, all those years of Primary, Sunday School, and youth programming, would wonder if God could love me.

Second, this answer contradicted what the presidents of the church taught. God shot an arrow through the idea that everything I had been taught and believed was true, certain, and unwavering.

This is a church of certainty. “I know this church is true.” “I know the Book of Mormon is true.” “I know the president of the church is a prophet of God.” Being an LGBTQ member is an experience that pushes against that certainty. I think many, probably most people will question some of what they’re taught, but generally queer people enter faith transitions earlier than their non-queer peers.

Over the years, I have received answers that are out of alignment with the church. It caused dissonance for me. But that’s also what allowed me to find a way to stay. I didn’t have to believe the things this church taught about LGBTQ people because I had very clear answers to the contrary. Nevertheless, being a queer Latter-day Saint was, and is, a difficult space to exist in. Over the years, I’ve seen the church change how it talks about gay people and in the policies. Things weren’t as fixed and certain as I’d been taught.

For 9 years now, I’ve been serving as a stake executive secretary. I make appointments for the stake presidency, I create & maintain the stake calendar, I create agendas for meetings, and I attend lots of meetings. It’s just as exciting as it sounds. It also means that when a general authority comes to my stake and meets with the stake presidency, they also bump into this gay man.

I have a small blog where I write about being a queer Latter-day Saint. I wrote about the first general authority I met and I told him I’m gay and that he reacted with love and kindness. This post went viral, over 500,000 hits. Even though at the time I was anonymous on my blog, suddenly I was out to everyone. As my sister’s friend asked, "How many single, stake executive secretaries who live in Florida and work at a university can there possibly be?"

Several of these general authorities have invited me to meet with them when I travel to Salt Lake City, and I’ve had some interesting conversations with them, including with Elder & Sister Renlund. It's been an interesting experience to hear members of the Seventy and an apostle speak without certainty.

Sister Renlund’s father had a brother who was married to my grandma, he died in World War II. My grandma remarried and my mom is from the second marriage. My grandma was sealed to her first husband, and that was fine for my granddad until his wife died. That’s when certain questions became a big concern for him. Is he going to have no one in heaven? Does this mean he won’t be exalted? Are his children sealed to the other husband and he'll be their dad in heaven? While alive, a woman can only be sealed to one husband, but when she passes away she can be sealed to all the husbands she was legally married to during her life, and it will all get sorted out in heaven. If she chooses to be sealed to my granddad, the person she spent 70 years with, where does that leave her first husband?

We were talking about that and Elder Renlund said that we don’t know how it works, we don’t really know what heaven is like, but we’ve seen enough glimpses to know that it does work out for everyone and it is wonderful.

He has said something similar to that answer several times when I’ve visited with him. In a church of “I know this,” and “I know that,” this is not how I expected an apostle to answer. I’ve gotten similar responses from the Seventy I’ve met with.

This idea of not being certain, not knowing what the answer will be, not defining what the outcome must be, gives us the capacity to learn and grow, to seek what God wants for us. Until I was willing to be honest with God about how I experience life and ask if God could okay with me, I didn’t get an answer. God never was willing to respond to prayers begging Him to “fix” me, because I came with an answer, an outcome, and it wasn’t what God wanted for me.

The answer that I’m not broken sustained me for a long time. I’ve gotten a few other answers like that, such as it’s okay to date and seek a relationship, it is fine to leave this church, which clearly go against what our church leaders say. It puts me in a situation similar to the one that Joseph Smith described when local pastors were telling him that he was wrong and is a liar, yet he knew the answers he’d gotten from God. “I had seen a vision. I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it.”

Many people like that our church culture is one of certainty. It gives them a sense of safety. Here are the answers. They know if they check these boxes then they’ll receive the blessings they desire.

Having a culture of certainty creates a monoculture. People who have different viewpoints are likely going to be shy about sharing their thoughts in a Sunday School class. And it’s easy for others to become defensive and reply that is the incorrect answer, here’s what the acceptable answer is, and help keep everyone in line and the lesson on track. It leaves us blind to lessons we could learn from other perspectives. I don’t think that’s how God wants us to operate.

As I read the scriptures with my queer eyes, I more and more see that the things important to God are that we love each other, that we look for people who are vulnerable and try to make them more secure. We are to be welcoming to the foreigner and open our home and we are responsible for their safety because we’re operating from a place of security.

Earlier this year we got new policies about trans people at church. How certain are we that God wants these policies? If these are hurting trans people, what do we do about it? Do these seem like the policies a God of love would approve? Are they consistent with the idea of loving and treating others how I want to be treated?

Having queer people in church is powerful, it shakes up the certainty. I’ve heard parents of queer people say, “I know a loving God won’t separate me in heaven from my child.” “I trust that God will make it all okay.” That’s another way of saying, “Maybe our leaders are wrong, maybe God isn’t beholden to the rules we say He has to follow.” It’s their way of making some space for the dissonance they feel between what is being taught and the reality of their queer family member.

In the Genesis story we read about binaries. God divided darkness from the light. God created the heaven and the earth. God separated the water from the land. God created male and female. And yet, if we look around, none of those are binaries, they are spectrums. There’s sunsets and sunrises and eclipses. There’s swamps and marshes and bogs where the land and water are mixed. The sky has clouds and humidity, that’s water in the air. These spectrums are pleasing to God.

In Romans 1:20, the apostle Paul teaches that we have an invisible God but can know them by the things that God makes. When we want to know about God, we look at God’s creations and these will testify of what God is like. Considering all we can see around us, God loves diversity. God loves exceptions. God loves peculiarities. God doesn’t stick to binaries. God revels in variety. Same-sex behavior (courtship, sex, pair-bonding, and parental activities) have been documented in over 450 species of animals. What does this tell us about God? Having people whose gender is trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, intersex, androgynous, and so on, is more in line with what we observe about God from His creations than the idea that there is strictly one kind of man and one kind of woman and that’s it, no other variety allowed.

I leave these thoughts with you, and hope it helps lead you away from certainty and towards the humility of belief that perhaps we don’t perfectly know God, that our leaders can be wrong about things and as we grow in understanding perhaps it’s time to question if it’s time to change.

We say that people are to endure to the end, and that can sound like hold tight and don't question and suffer to the end. I think a better way is to say it is we should grow to the end. Athletes work to increase their endurance, they grow their ability. How can we as individuals and as a community grow? When we see policies are harming people we can ask what God would have us do? That’s a path to growth and spiritual maturity. Are we more concerned about being certain or about finding truth?

[iwanthermidnightz]

They really are running this thing as a forwarding looking campaign, which we all desperately need! //

Yes! Finally Democrats are making smart moves! We needed this. We just need to show up for ALL elections to keep up the momentum going as a party—so this NATION can really get to being "FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE."

It's time to wrap this chaotic Trump era up. He's been a thorn in 🇺🇸 side since deciding to run in 2015. Republicans will never get their party back in order until he's gone. Trumplican is their party now.

Country over party! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇲🙏🏾❤️🫶🏾

I fully agree! I love how this is going. I want nothing more than to build a coalition that will stand up to those who do nothing but stand in the way of getting stuff done!

However, I’ve thought about this a lot (wishing this nightmare era would be over and he would just go away) but he’s too much of a damaged narcissist to ever leave willingly. You see how he controls spineless r*publicans even out of office. They’re the ones who did this too by not standing up to him. It’s gross and pathetic. They stand for nothing but taking away basic rights and promoting nationalism.

Until adults/sane minded r*publicans force him out I just don’t see it changing soon. Their dangerous ideology is like a wine stain that will be hard to remove.

There are a few that are actually endorsing Kamala, but at a price.

It’s time we start giving them a taste of the “radicalism” they’ve subjected us to and push through a progressive agenda. What’s progressive to them is just basic human rights to us, that’s the difference.

So I can’t wait to win back the house and senate and get to work!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Plutocratic Power and Its Perils  ::  April 17, 2023

By Paul Krugman

Opinion Columnist

The rich are different from you and me: They have immensely more power. But when they try to exercise that power they can trap themselves — supporting politicians who will, if they can, create a society the rich themselves wouldn’t want to live in.

This, I’d argue, is the common theme running through four major stories that have been playing out over the past few months. They are: the relationship between Justice Clarence Thomas and the billionaire Harlan Crow; the rise and seeming decline of Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign; the trials (literally) of Fox News; and the Muskopalypse at Twitter.

First, some notes on the role of vast wealth in a democracy.

People on the right often insist that expressing any concern about highly concentrated wealth is “un-American.” The truth, however, is that worrying about the dangers great wealth poses for democracy is very much part of the American tradition. And our nation basically invented progressive taxation, which was traditionally seen not just as a source of revenue but also as a way to limit excessive wealth.

In fact, if you read what prominent figures said during the Progressive Era, many expressed views that would be hysterically denounced as class warfare today. Theodore Roosevelt warned against “a small class of enormously wealthy and economically powerful men, whose chief object is to hold and increase their power.” Woodrow Wilson declared, “If there are men in this country big enough to own the government of the United States, they are going to own it.”

How does great wealth translate into great power? Campaign finance is dominated by a tiny number of extremely rich donors. But there are several other channels of influence.

Until recently I would have said that outright corruption — direct purchase of favors from policymakers — was rare. ProPublica’s revelation that Justice Thomas enjoyed many lavish, undisclosed vacations at Crow’s expense suggests that I may have been insufficiently cynical.

Beyond that, there’s the revolving door: Former politicians and officials who supported the interests of the wealthy find comfortable sinecures at billionaire-supported lobbying firms, think tanks and media organizations. These organizations also help shape what military analysts call the “information space,” defining public discourse in ways that favor the interests of the superrich.

Despite all that, however, there’s only so much you can achieve in America, imperfect and gerrymandered as our democracy may be, unless you can win over large numbers of voters who don’t support a pro-billionaire economic agenda.

It’s a simplification, but I think fundamentally true, to say that the U.S. right has won many elections, despite an inherently unpopular economic agenda, by appealing to intolerance — racism, homophobia and these days anti-“wokeness.” Yet there’s a risk in that strategy: Plutocrats who imagine that the forces of intolerance are working for them can wake up and discover that it’s the other way around..

For a while DeSantis seemed to be surging in the race for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. Much of his apparent rise reflected support from big G.O.P. donors, who saw him as a saner alternative to Donald Trump — someone who would serve their financial interests while attracting working-class support with his social conservatism and willingness to play footsie with conspiracy theories.

But some of those donors are now bailing, because it looks increasingly as if DeSantis’s intolerance and conspiracy theorizing weren’t a political show — they’re who he really is. And the big money was looking for a charlatan, not a genuine fanatic.

Among the forces pushing a DeSantis candidacy has been Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News. Fox was essentially founded to carry out the right-wing strategy of pushing plutocratic policy while winning over working-class whites with intolerance and conspiracy theories. But emails and texts uncovered by the defamation suit by Dominion Voting Systems show that Fox has become a prisoner of the audience it created. It found itself endorsing claims about a stolen election, even though its own people knew they were false, because it feared losing market share among viewers who wanted to believe the Big Lie.

And does anyone doubt that if the Republican primary goes the way it seems to be heading, Fox will soon be back in Trump’s corner?

Rupert Murdoch’s organization, then, has effectively been taken hostage by the very forces he helped conjure up.

But Elon Musk’s story is, if anything, even sadder. As Kara Swisher recently noted for Time magazine, he’s become “the world’s richest online troll.” The crazy he helped foment hasn’t taken over his organization — it has taken over his mind.

I still believe that the concentration of wealth at the top is undermining democracy. But it isn’t a simple story of plutocratic rule. It is, instead, a story in which the attempts of the superrich to get what they want have unleashed forces that may destroy America as we know it. And it’s terrifying.

[naoyas90dayfiance]

NSFW Alphabet | Naoya Zen'in

NSFW

Naoya Zen'in x GN!Reader

NSFW Alphabet for Naoya under the cut.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

After Naoya finishes having sex with his spouse he's going to lie next to them. There won’t be much of a cuddling session or a romantic pillow talk; but, he's going to stay next to you until you feel better to get up and clean yourself up.

The aftercare is more about that he's going to want to stay around you after you're both clean and doing you’re doing the duties around the house. He's going to ask you to stay around him during the day. He wouldn't be able to let go of your presence because he doesn’t want to lose the connection he created with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part is everything about himself, he can't decide.

His favorite part about you is your eyes. For him, the eyes tell how others are emotionally, and to see you looking at him with a loving gaze makes his heart melt inside.

This also means he expects a lot of eye contact when having sex with you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His cum is salty and kind of bittersweet, it's because of his diet.

He will marry you again if you put his cum on your chest when he comes in it. Play with his cum and he'll get an adrenaline rush and will feel extreme love for you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Naoya watches porn and hentai. He watches some videos out of curiosity or because they turn him on.

His favorite category on porn sites is related to house duties, by the way. Naoya can't see his spouse sweeping without getting turned on.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Naoya has had a few partners in the past. They were people he found attractive and that they were all over him because of his rank and family. But those encounters didn't mean much to him.

Naoya during sex with his spouse he likes to think that he knows what he's doing, but he doesn't. However, he's going to pretend as he does. Please, tell him what you like. He's a fast learner.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary and mating position.

He really likes to look at your face when having sex.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's not serious or goofy.

He teases you a lot in the bedroom. He says things that are related to how the naughty side of you is something others don't see at first glance. He will also say dirty remarks about how you're enjoying his cock so much.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I believe he trims it. He doesn't like the appearance of a big bush. Also, he thinks that trimming it makes his cock look bigger too. His hair is green.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

When Naoya is having sex with you in the bedroom, things can get intimate very fast. During those moments he’ll say that he loves you.

Sex for him is a way to connect with his partner.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Naoya jerks off at least three to four times a week. But he doesn't like to do it; he prefers having sex with his partner or having his partner giving him a handjob.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Naoya's kinks are degradation, breeding, dom/sub dynamics, size kink. He loves absolutely anything involving power play.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom.

However, when Naoya has gotten his ego hurt he doesn't take clever decisions and can take you in public places or where other people can easily run into you two.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Naoya gets turned on by submissiveness, dominance, lingering, teasing, banter, bickering, and anything. It's very easy to get him going once he has chosen you as his partner. He's always ready to go.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Honestly, this dude is freaky. He'll try a lot of stuff.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Naoya prefers receiving head than giving it.

He's the one giving it to you when it's your birthday or it's a special holiday. And honestly, he's very good at licking you and getting messy. Had you seen him using his tongue? He knows how to use it to pleasure you. So, it does feel like a present.

If you get pregnant, he will 100% give you head. If you can't, then he will give you head when you had done something for the clan.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Naoya's pace is rough, he usually gets too excited when having sex so there's going to be A LOT of skin slapping.

He gets a sensual and slow pace when he's feeling down or he's appreciating all that you do for him. It's a very romantic moment when he thrusts to see your reactions and kiss you deeply.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Naoya likes quickies. They usually happen when he sees you cooking or doing house duties. They're very fast, needy, and desperate. There's not much kissing but a lot of fucking. They happen at least five times a month.

However, he still prefers proper sex as he can drag it out for longer and do more things that he wants to try with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Naoya is not the one proposing the risky stuff. If you want them, you have to ask him.

It takes a lot to get him to agree on certain things, but he'll give them one go because why not, knowledge is power amirite.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Naoya has a lot of stamina. Had you seen the training of the jujutsu sorcerers?

He can go as much as you want, baby. The first round always takes him not much to finish, but the other ones get progressively longer. It's a fun night, for sure.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Naoya doesn't like toys, but he has a rope or a pair of handcuffs around. Whatever you do with it, it's up to you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Naoya likes to tease a lot.

He sneaks up behind you to get you turned on, and then he'll leave and pretend nothing happened. And he'll do that again and again until it's finally time to go to your chamber, where he can have his fun with you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Naoya isn't loud. He tries to keep himself very quiet but sometimes a few grunts and low moans escape his lips when something feels very good.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Naoya enjoys it when you do cosplay during your dirty time together. I insist he's an anime fan and I will push that agenda all day.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Naoya has a good 7-inch dick on his pants with a pretty mushroom head. He's uncut.

When he's aroused you can see his veins popping out on the skin, some of them look purple and green. If you uncover his head when working on his dick, you're going to find a gorgeous pink flushed mushroom head. He drips a lot of pre-cum from his slit.

His underside vein pops a lot too. And his hard cock slaps directly to his abdomen. His cock curves upward a little bit too, and it's perfect for that friction.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very high, someone please have sex with Naoya. He needs it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Naoya after sex at night falls asleep very fast. He won't mind if you cuddle him when he's snoozing though.

[heliads]

Sudden Changes (Part Two)

When you, an Erudite, accidentally stumble upon Jeanine Matthew’s plans, she forces you to transfer to Dauntless. Your only hope is to blend in, although Four seems less willing to let that happen.

part one / masterlist / part three

This first encounter sets you on edge. You hate to admit it, that barely a few minutes into your tenure at Dauntless you’re already convincing yourself it’s all a mistake, but that’s the way it is. This is probably how your life will be until the day you die- terrified over the smallest of incidents, sure that any small happening means that Jeanine Matthews will be sending an assassin your way. This is no way to live, but you’re not sure that you have a choice about it. No, you have no choices left at all.

It was either this or die outright, you remind yourself. Even this nerve-strained way of life is better than that initial bullet. At least now you have time to grow and at least pretend that you got the easy way out, right? However, you’re not sure where to go from now. Jeanine included no terms of service in her deal. In fact, the only thing she said was that you would have to choose Dauntless. Then again, you’re fairly sure that if this man, Four, found out what you’d seen, you’d be back in that same scared place where you started.

That’s why you were sent to Dauntless in the first place, isn’t it? Jeanine wanted you to keep your mouth shut. You’d either learn to live as a mindless, brainless soldier, seamlessly fitting into the ranks, or you’d die and be stuck as a washed-out factionless roaming the streets, with nothing to do and no one to listen to you. However, you’re fairly sure that she hadn’t counted on one of her own Dauntless leaders questioning your presence here. Apparently Jeanine’s agenda only extends so far as herself, although that’s no surprise to anyone who’s ever known her.

This man, Four, however, you don’t know him as well. You may know Jeanine, or at least you thought you had, but he is a complete blank to you. You could swear that he looks familiar, like you’ve seen his face before, but every time you comb your memories, searching for a name to put to the face, you can’t remember a thing. This is unfortunate, especially since remembering who Four is could mean the difference between coming face to face with another one of Jeanine’s guards or accidentally discovering someone who could be an ally to you.

Regardless of who Four is or what his intentions are, you can be sure of one thing: he knows you, or must recognize you from somewhere, and he’s not going to leave you alone anytime soon. Ever since that first meeting, when he’d stared at you like you were someone he had pushed to the farthest corners of his mind, sure that he’d never see you again, it was as if he had sworn to himself that he’d never leave you alone. Wherever you look, he is there: down the table in the mess hall, watching you spar in training, eyes locked onto your knives and targets as you throw. His presence is silent, and he’s about as likely to say anything to you as any of the other initiates, but it’s there nonetheless. You can’t help but feel unnerved. You had hoped to blend into the crowds of trainees, but Four is making that impossible.

So, you throw yourself into your training with additional fervor. If he’s going to keep watching you, you might as well make sure that everyone else is watching you as well. Target practice, both with a knife and a gun, comes surprisingly easy to you. Maybe it’s because they both rely on taking careful aim, having perfect balance between what the eye sees and what the mind knows to be true. It’s about as close as you’ll ever get to Erudite in this dark corner of the city that the madmen call Dauntless.

Hand-to-hand combat, on the other hand, is not your forte. Not at all. You get the drills, sure, and it’s a good workout, but every time you’re put up against another opponent it’s like you’re missing some key part of a melody, repeating the same choppy chords while everyone else is improvising an entire symphony. Your punches are solid and sure, exactly what you’d practiced, but you can’t seem to quite put the pieces together the way the other initiates can.

Maybe it’s because you’re not used to this, the abandonment of all rational thought. As you watch your opponents, you notice one common thread among all those who win: they seem to run on pure adrenaline, and even when they study their opponent’s thought patterns, they don’t get lost in their heads, moving only with the speed of their fists. That’s where you’re lacking, you suppose, you’re still trying to cling to your past. If you let yourself truly fall, you might find something other than just the rocks at the bottom.

It’s after one of these days, when you just managed to eke out a victory over a girl who’s one place away from the bottom of the rankings, that Four finally approaches you. He walks next to you, arms folded across his chest. “You know, I figured that for someone who’s so good at rifles and knives, you’d be a little better in actual fighting.” You scoff. “Thanks for the kind words. I’ll cherish them always.”

Four chuckles. “Oh, don’t take it the wrong way. I’m just wondering why someone who’s supposed to be the best of the best back in Erudite would transfer away, and especially to a place that she doesn’t even seem to like.” You freeze slightly, then keep walking, hoping to cover up your slight lapse. Judging by the sharp look in Four’s eyes, though, he hasn’t missed a thing. “Maybe I wanted a challenge.”

Four raises his eyebrows. “I can’t help but doubt that. Why are you really here?” You weren’t expecting him to confront you like this, not here and not now. He isn’t dancing around the issue, not at all. You weren’t anticipating such a direct question, and you don’t have a solid alibi lined up. Instead, you deflect, hoping he’ll leave well enough alone, although you doubt you’ll be that lucky. “Why are you so interested in my motives? Don’t you have an entire other group of initiates to question?”

Four shrugs. “All of them make sense. All of them look like they’re happy to be here. You, though, you keep backing down. You’ll be in the middle of a fight, about to win, and then something comes over you, like you regret being here at all. You’re holding yourself back, and I want to know why.” This takes you by surprise. You knew he was trying to figure you out, but you weren’t expecting such an accurate appraisal. “We all have our bad habits. I still can’t figure out why mine is worth your trouble.”

Four stops walking, forcing you to stop next to him. “You’re interesting, Y/N. I saw you before, back in Erudite. I don’t think you would have left there for a second, and you don’t like you entirely want to be here now. You could have made a last minute switch, but that doesn’t seem like you. Either you’re making a point of trying to never be true to yourself, or there’s something going wrong.”

He walks away now, leaving you stunned and staring after him. You can’t help but flash back to the look in Jeanine’s eyes when she’d watched you walk away, remembering the cold glare of a woman who would be willing to kill anyone who got in her way. If you confess everything to Four now, if you tell him what truly went down, what would happen to you? Would Jeanine find out? Would she let you live?

As it turns out, you’re not sure that you’re going to have much of a choice. You manage to scrape through the first stage of training, especially due to your skill with a gun and a knife. You were able to improve your physical fighting skills after you picked up on Four’s silent hint to be more aggressive and just go for it, and you find yourself comfortably within the upper half of the initiates. Not bad for someone who’s not supposed to be here at all.

The next stage of training, on the other hand, seems even worse than the first one. When Eric and Four explain what your fear landscape is and how you’ll be traversing it, a silent storm of dread rises up inside of you. You know what your worst fear is- being found out, watching one of Jeanine’s guards place the barrel of a guard in front of your skull. You have no doubt that it will show up in your fear landscape, and you have no idea how to explain it away without revealing yourself. You’ve been thinking of potential alibis for days, but none of them make sense.

So, when you walk in the door to your first fear landscape training session and see Four waiting for you, you can’t help but groan inwardly. There’s no getting out of this, is there? Four will know the truth, you’ll be in even worse danger than before. When Four places the needle in your neck, he must sense the tension radiating out from your every movement, because he reaches down and takes your hand. “You’ll be fine, honestly. This entire stage of training will take place in your head. From what I’ve heard, that’s your strongest suit.” Then you’re pulled under the tow of the drug, and you can spare no more thoughts towards the comforting look in his eyes as he looks down at you.

You progress through your first few fears without too much difficulty. The last one, the most difficult one to face, is the one you’d been dreading all along. The scene shifts into a familiar hall at Erudite, the one where the windows progressively disappear, as do the cameras. If only you’d noticed the way that the building practically called out for you to turn around and run. Maybe then you’d have made it out without all of this. Maybe then you’d still be at Erudite, with no idea of the thrills of life at Dauntless.

A new thought flies into your head, one calling for you to run. If you turn around now, you won’t have to see the scene over again. You wouldn’t have to know any of this, you could make it out. However, your footsteps continue down the hall, carrying towards the open door that you know will lead to the large room full of Jeanine’s plans. You’re already here, you might as well see the whole thing through.

So, you keep walking, and when the ceiling opens up before you to reveal the room you’ve seen so many times before, whenever you close your eyes, you don’t run. When the guards come over, pointing guns at your head, you don’t back down for a second. Instead, you let your fists fly out as you’ve been taught, and you take them down without another thought towards the matter. This is what you’ve been learning all along- not to regret what might have been, but to fight. You’ve always been fighting, you realize. Maybe Dauntless provided you with the opportunity to make it all count for something.

You grab one of the guards’ guns, and when you turn back around, Jeanine is in front of you. Her voice is cajoling, as if you’re one of her students again. “Y/N, what is this? Don’t be ridiculous, put the gun down.” You shake your head. “You can’t scare me any longer. You might have forced my path, but I’ve made it my own. You won’t control my thoughts any longer.” You know the simulation, you know what you’re expected to do. All the same, when your finger closes on the trigger, you can’t help but look away, unable to stare your mentor in the face as you point the gun her way.

You wake back up in the Dauntless room, gunshot echoing in your ears. Four is staring at you with unabashed horror. “That’s why you left? You found out something that Jeanine Matthews wanted to cover up?” You nod, wrapping your arms around you as if the meager warmth can stave off everything that you’d seen. “I wasn’t supposed to be there that day. She gave me a choice: I could either transfer here or die by the end of the night.”

You’re not sure why you’re telling Four everything, not now. You’ve been so afraid of letting anyone know anything about you, and here you are, spilling your entire heart out to Four like he’ll be willing to watch over it for you. However, he doesn’t look like he’s about to rat you out to the Erudite guards. Instead, he’s shaking his head softly, his face wrought with something almost like guilt. “I just- do you regret leaving? You were meant to have a strong future in Erudite, to do things that no one else had even dreamed about. Now you’re here, a soldier for the rest of your life. If you could set things right, would you?”

Your attention snaps back to him. Those are dangerous words, and he knows that. Even entertaining that thought would mean rising up against Jeanine, against Erudite and the other factions. So, you stand up to face him, unwilling to commit to anything until you know Four’s true motives. “It depends on what setting things right would mean. This is a tricky city, you know. Anything anyone says could be taken the other way.”

Four sighs. “Right. I should clarify. This city, this faction system, is flawed. You know that. There are people with too much power over everyone else, and the factions don’t account for everyone.” You stare at him. “You’re talking about the Divergents.” Four hesitates, confidence wavering as if he’s about to make the worst decision of his life. “I’m one of them.” You shake your head softly. “Even saying that could get you killed. Why are you trusting me with this?”

Four steps forward, taking your hand. “I want you to remember everything you saw in that room. If Jeanine was willing to kill one of her best students, she must be covering up something big. If you can tell me everything you remember about what was in that room, we might be able to have some leverage. Leverage can get you anywhere in this city.” You nod slowly, realizing what he’s saying. “It could make sure you stay alive, even if your secret comes out.”

Four inclines his head. He looks back to you know, eyes seeming to swallow you whole. “Will you do it? Will you work with me?” You give him a half smile. “I’m not sure that I have a choice. I’ve been running ever since I got here.” Four shakes his head. “That’s not an answer. Y/N, we could both be killed for this. If you want out, I won’t judge you for it.” Your smile broadens. You didn’t expect this generosity, not from him. “I’ll do it, Four. Honestly. I won’t back down now.” Four smiles in return, the expression almost foreign on him. It makes his eyes soften, the hard glares of a soldier gone from him. To be honest, it makes your own gaze stray on him for a little longer, unwilling to put away this picture of him in your head. “When do we begin?”

ty luna once again

divergent tag list: someone who is way too cool to be one of my fears @underc0vercryptid​

[shadowfromthestarlight]

A woman's name came up in polite conversation recently. She runs one of the school boards of which I have been critical of late. That board has been doing a horrible job, a complete disservice to the kids at that school.

"She's perfectly lovely," I was told by someone who knew her. "Yes, lovely," someone else agreed.

Here's the thing: I'm sure she is. I know many of these people. They're all lovely. Boards everywhere are populated with delightful, successful people who would be wonderful table partners at a dinner party. Politically, they are largely centrists.

And yet, woke perversities and the insanity of Critical Race Theory are being institutionalized on their watch.

And it's not just school boards. It's institutions of all kinds - corporations, foundations, NGOs...all of them, really. And, arguably, they are overseeing the dismantling of Western culture, of the Great Experiment.

This is not an exaggeration.

How can this be?

This is a source of some interest to me, so I decided to talk to a number of people about it. There are several factors at play.

First, about a decade ago, boards made a laudable effort to diversify themselves. In the process, they got what they asked for, which was not merely skin color diversity but opinion diversity. At least, they thought they wanted that. Or perhaps they thought their new members would smile and keep to themselves, just happy to be there.

Some of the new faces were considerably more radicalized than anyone may have realized. It's also possible they became more radicalized, as was the fashion, post Ferguson, and in particular, post George Floyd. Either way, most boards now found themselves with one or two very different voices in their midst, voices pushing for radical change.

Normally, this wouldn't matter. Boards are usually twenty or more people, and an extremist or two would easily be voted down.

But this time was different.

You see, if the extremist voices are "of color," it changes the social dynamic entirely. Remember, we are dealing with Lovely People here. Lovely People are virtuous. Lovely People don't make a fuss. Lovely People embrace diversity, and they want to be sure you know that.

So much easier to go along.

Plus, these new advocates for social justice were just so damn passionate. They pushed their agendas with vigor.

This has long been a crucial aspect of the American polity. The left cares about what it cares for more strongly than the right. They write letters to the editor, they go to town meetings. They hashtag ad infinitum. If it's Tuesday, it must be a women's march. Or a climate march. Or a food justice march. (Not kidding, it's a thing.)

Conservatives don't do these things. Or rarely, anyway. They get outworked, out hustled, and outshouted.

Many of the radical changes that have happened in our institutions also happened during the Trump administration. This is no coincidence. You see, Lovely People couldn't be seen to be Trump supporters. In places like Manhattan it was social suicide.

Lovely People didn't approve.

So, if you stood in the way of these new voices, the others would be on to your scent. They would sniff a Trumpist inside their boardroom walls.

Like I said, suicide.

There's also the matter of board...comity? No board likes dissension, and they especially don't like it when word of dissension leaks out. Group dynamics create groupthink.

But lastly, with private school boards, there has been an entirely unique factor at play. Most school board members have enrolled children. Put yourself in their place. Assuming you even had qualms about having your kids labeled "supremacists" and "oppressors," you were all too aware there could be real consequences if you resisted the New Order.

You see, the administrators and teachers were all enthusiastically on board. Stand in the way of this train and that letter of recommendation to Yale might not have the necessary adjectives.

Don't think they're above it, because they're not.

You might even have to find another school, and that's certainly a hassle, and it might not be a brand, like Dalton or Brearley, and that will be an issue next time you compare familial notes at the club. So where's Taylor now?

So, you see, if you're a Lovely Person, there's just no incentive to raise your hand, no incentive to say, "but wait."

The Lovely People don't get ahead by throwing bombs.

The problem is, progressive movements are never sated. The goal posts are always moved. The Lovely People will go along and go along until one day the revolution comes for them.

[aerielz]

Oh please could you do “just take my hand” for j/d?

Last one was so angsty I decided this one would be just straight up post-canon fluff!

The night is cold, but pleasant, and he’s enjoying himself, which is not as much of a rare occurrence as it used to be. Relaxing still doesn't come naturally, and Josh figures perhaps it never will. But he’s learned to push aside the press, and the threats, and the pressure, and congress. It's there, in his pocket, a phone call away. But for now, it is tame.

At this moment all that worries him is the air of amused understanding Toby has about him.

Donna walks ahead of them, almost bouncing on her feet, leading the way across Central Park to some place Josh’s not sure what it is, and Toby watches as her giddy form guides them to… wherever. He keeps glancing between the two of them, something clearly on his mind.

Up until Josh can’t take it anymore.

“What?,” he asks, eyes darting to Donna, mirroring Toby, as some structure starts to become clear.

Toby just shakes his head.

“What?”

“I’m just surprised you’re okay with this.”

Josh shrugs, legitimately confused. “With what?”

“You really don’t know,” Toby lets out a genuine laugh, “Your obliviousness truly is dumbfounding.”

“What the hell are you even talking about?,” he answers, just in time to look up and see what it is that they’ve been approaching all along. “Oh.”

They catch up to Donna at the edge of an ice skating rink, as she’s hooking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate the both of them to the woman behind the counter.

“Oh,” he repeats.

It’s a big and loud place, not packed, by any means, but it is tourist season: there's enough of a crowd inside the rink to lose someone in, and families and couples stand outside, too, just as entertained to watch as the ones inside are to skate. The harsh lights that light up the attraction mark a big spot in the night, making it stand out from a great distance.

It’s an impressive feat that he managed to completely miss it.

“Why did you think we were coming to the Park at this hour?,” Toby asks.

Josh takes a second. Shrugs. “Sightseeing?”

“Without an agenda…? Her?,” he points to Donna.

If she’s offended by the take, she doesn’t let it show. Donna doesn’t even turn around — she just hands the woman in front of her a few bills and thanks her when she motions for them to enter a waiting area.

Toby follows Donna into it, and Josh stays where he is, brow furrowed in a grimace.

He opens his mouth to protest, but closes it immediately.

If he thinks about it, it was rather obvious, wasn’t it? It’s entirely expected that she’d drag them into this along with her — it’s Donna, they’re in New York in the middle of winter and she’s asked him for skis that one Christmas, for crying out loud —, it’s not like it’s a stretch.

If it’s her leading the way, he’ll follow. He doesn’t care where they’re going anymore. But it’s not his blind trust in her that takes him further this time, it’s her excitement about the whole thing. There’s something different about it, something he can’t quite grasp. Josh can understand how he got himself into this position. What he can’t understand is why, when he looks at her, he sees her face light up like Time Square.

She sits down at the bench and takes off her boots to put on the skates with an ease that spells practice, and Josh observes her motions, a tad mesmerized, following suit even if the familiarity in her gestures is something he can't copy. It’s just tying a shoe, but he feels like he’s fumbling.

Donna enters the rink tentatively, but quickly glides away from the edge, gaining an easy confidence in her footing far faster than Josh would think was possible. She’s out a few feet, being soon joined by Toby, before realizing he’s not beside her. She angles her body sideways and skids to a halt, looking back to wait for him.

It's his first mistake, really — having waited for her to look back. He should've just gotten it over with while she was distracted, but, alas, now he has a proper audience.

Josh takes his first steps into the ice with way too much confidence and both his legs decide to go opposite ways, sending his butt to the ground.

Donna’s eyes widen. She tries very hard not to smile.

(And fails.)

“Oh my god, you can’t ice skate,” Donna glides back to the entrance and bends down to help him get on his feet, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You were making it seem easy, I thought it couldn't be that hard."

"You've never done this before?,” Toby says from beside Donna.

Josh shrugs, taking Donna's hand.

"I don’t understand, you're from Connecticut.”

"What, and that’s a requirement, now?,” He has a good grip on Donna's hand, but he can't decide how exactly to stand up. Josh tries putting both his legs under himself, and they won't stay put where he wants them, sliding everywhere no matter what he does, “Jesus, why do people think this is fun?!"

“I don't know, I’m having quite a lot of fun,” Donna teases.

“Yes, but you're a sadist,” he replies.

“She's a masochist, is what she is,” Toby chimes in, taking enough pity on him to help, “Nothing else explains willingly being around you for this long.”

With Toby pulling him by his other hand Josh finally finds enough purchase on the ice to more of less stabilize himself on the blades.

It's a fragile balance. To say the least.

“Oh, god, I’m gonna die,” he all but gasps, tightening his grip on Toby's and Donna's arms, “I’m gonna die or— or— I’ll fall again and then someone’s gonna go over my fingers and. I don’t know, chop them off. Look at these things, they're deadly.”

“They're rentals, they're blunter than Lou on a Friday night at the podium,” Donna remarks.

Josh looks at her, “Bringing Lou into this will not make me feel any safer.”

“What were you doing your entire childhood?,” Toby asks.

“Studying.”

“That’s just sad.”

“Yeah, well, I know that now.”

“It takes a while to get used to it, but it's not that hard,” Donna says, “Just… baby steps.”

Both Donna and Toby let go of Josh and he stays upright, which, as far as the three of them are concerned, looks like progress.

He tries to take a step and his balance fails him, again, having him make a wild grab at whatever’s closest.

He ends up throwing his entire weight on Toby, who says, “Or perhaps just… try to stay upright for a couple minutes, you know, get used to that.”

“Well, you do it, then, if it's so easy.”

“I am doing it, in fact my ability to stay on top of ice skates is the only thing separating you from certain death, right now.”

“Listen—”

“God, you’re both insufferable,” Donna complains.

Josh disengages his grip on Toby’s arm and defiantly leans away, falling to the other side, instead, to the safety of the rails, “—I'll need five minutes tops, you'll see, I'll be skating circles around you—”

“You wanna spend the time we have on ice arguing, fine,” Donna continues, “I'm gonna try something else.”

“—I'm adaptable, it's my whole thing. Tell him, Donna.”

He turns to her for support and it's just in time to see her floating away from them.

The annoyance he feels at the insignificant betrayal doesn't survive watching her as she skates, though.

Most of the people doing rounds around them look clumsy and unsure on the ice, but Donna looks like she’s home. There’s a unique freedom to her movements, a confidence, that looks good on her. She has the turn of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, like she does when she convinces senators to shut up and listen, but it’s lighter, here. She leans her body away from the railing to take a turn and it’s almost like there’s not a single tense muscle on her body, like she’s gliding without any effort.

Josh stays where he is, gripping the guard rail with both his hands, watching dumbly as she does not much else then make a full turn around the rink. When she’s not too far away from where she started, Donna diverts to the center of the ice, where there’s no one and the ice is even. She brings her feet closer together and her arms closer to her chest, which sends her body into a slow spin around its own axis. It’s not fast, but it’s graceful, and she looks focused on her own movements, enjoying each second, purpose behind every move — like when she kisses him, when she unbuttons his shirt, when she’s drawing her own name out of his lips.

The comparison is a little out of place, and makes him blush, but the truth is that Josh knows her joy like he knows his own. Both are, after all, intimately connected. So as he watches Donna’s happiness from afar, he lets himself feel it, too.

His mouth hangs open, when she comes closer to where he is with Toby.

"How did you—” he says, a dumb smile on his face, “How come I didn’t know you could do that?”

He sounds giddy, almost innocent in his laughter. Donna’s cheeks burn red with the effort and the effect of his gaze.

She shrugs, and turns around to face him, ”You never asked.”

“I’ve known you for eleven years. We’ve been married for two of those, how come I didn’t know you can figure skate, this is ridiculous.”

“I can’t figure skate, Josh, it's just really basic stuff.”

“You should’ve shown me this when we met, I’d have married you on the spot.”

“Would’ve shaved off six months tops,” Toby chimes in.

“I’m serious.”

“We work every waking hour, Josh, not a lot of skate rinks open at three in the morning in DC.”

“We met in New Hampshire, there’d have been a lake. Or. Something.”

“Honey.”

“I’m sorry, I’m... processing.”

“It’s not anything impressive.”

“From where I’m standing it looks pretty fucking impressive.”

“Can't believe I'm saying this,” Toby says, “But I'm with Josh in this one.”

“You're not helping, Toby. C'mon, it's really easy,” she extends Josh a hand, “I’ll show you.”

“No, I,” Josh gives her a nervous laugh, “I think I’m fine here.”

“Come on,” she insists, “Take my hand.”

He’s curious enough to consider, but, still… “You really think that’s a good idea?”

“You wanted to be a ballerina, there has to be some sort of body awareness in you.”

“You do know I never took a single ballet class, right.”

“Just take my hand,” she insists, “You’re gonna be fine.”

“Yes, take her hand, Josh,” Toby says, and his is the face of a man who knows he's about to have an inordinate amount of fun at the expense of someone else. “You're going to be absolutely fine.”

Josh gives him a look, to which Toby's smile just widens.

That silent and childish challenge is more than enough to convince Josh to actually do it. He takes a deep breath and leans away from the railing, taking both of Donna's hands, one in each of his.

“Oh, god.”

Donna brings him closer to her and grips him at the elbows, so they're more safely linked. She sinks the brakes in the ice and pushes back and takes him with her when she slides back.

“Oh, god. Oh, God, Oh god,” Josh keeps saying.

“You’re stiff as a plank, you’re gonna break something,” she says, laughing.

“Oh, God, I’m gonna break something.”

“No — oh my god — here, just—,” Donna takes one of her hands away from his elbow.

“Donna—”

“Shh, just calm down. Look here, look at me,” she says, gently laying her hand over his cheek, “Josh?”

He looks up, locking his eyes to hers.

“Just keep looking at me, okay?”

He nods, a bit frantic.

“Just relax, honey,” she says, moving her thumb over his skin.

It’s like each stroke removes something from him, something that should never have been there in the first place. The tension in his jaw instantly vanishes. He breathes a little slower.

Donna smiles, her eyes still on his, and slides her hand down, over his neck. He releases the tightness there, too.

They’ve been here before, they both have this program down pat.

When he had panic attacks in the middle of the night, a decade ago, she’d calm him down like this. She couldn’t call him honey back then, and he didn’t know she tasted just as sweet, but the routine is the same. It's Donna gliding her fingers over his skin, giving him something to focus on, taking him out of his head.

Following this practiced dance of their own creation, Donna’s hand slide down again to his chest, his heart right below her palm under layers of clothing. Josh’s entire upper body relaxes.

Less rigid, he feels less like he’s about to topple over. He can focus on the cutting winter wind on his face instead, then; and this nice sensation under his feet that's almost like floating, which is the closest he'll ever be to flying.

It's a clumsy taste of a freedom she knows a lot better than him, yes. But a taste of it, regardless.

He feels more stable, more confident, and she notices it.

Josh is not paying attention to it enough to know how she does it, but whatever it is, it sends them both spinning, like she did before. It feels good. He can almost pretend he knows what he’s doing. Josh laughs, and he's not sure why, or where it came from, but he knows it's the right thing to be doing right now.

Snow starts to fall over them, showering them in white very lightly; very slowly. Flakes dust Donna’s hair and the harsh white lights of the rink hit her from behind and cast a halo around her frame — she looks downright angelical, it’s absolutely ludicrous. He can't stop smiling.

When they come to a halt, Josh pulls her closer, touching his forehead to hers.

He thought the ridiculous part of being in love with her had been over years ago. So naive of him.

“Not so bad, huh?,” she whispers.

Her nose is cold when he kisses it. Her lips too. He lingers, her face touching his, and feels the space between them warming up.

“You’re both disgusting.” Toby screams from not very far.

Donna kisses him, this time, and he takes her bottom lip between his. There's nothing else beside the feeling of her, then, that tentative way Donnatella Moss— not being a fan of this sort of public display of affection — nibbles at his own lips, as if she doesn't have his ring around her finger.

Josh never feels his phone vibrating in the pocket of his coat. Not then, and not five minutes later when it rings again.

He’ll only remember it exists after he takes it out of his pocket when they're back in Toby’s guest room. Donna is pulling a fluffy, horrid, Christmas sweater over her tank top when he notices the screen cracked beyond repair.

“That wasn't like that this morning, was it?,” she asks, noticing it too.

“Yeah, no. I think repeatedly falling on my butt this evening has something to do with it, though.”

“There has to be some place that can get it fixed, we can ask Toby.”

He thumbs the glass and watches the mess of lines and lights flicker under the pressure. There's nothing recognizable coming through.

He shrugs. “You know how the Secret Service is with these things.”

Donna comes behind him to put her arms around his midriff, watching him play with the useless cellphone over his shoulder.

“What if it's some sort of national emergency?,” she asks.

“Sam would've called you and asked for me,” he says, “Or just let you solve it. God knows by now everyone knows you can do this better than me.”

“Damn right I do,” she plays along, kissing the nape of his neck and getting a hum of appreciation out of him, “But, seriously, honey—”

“It's our weekend off,” Josh says, turning around to pull her into his arms properly, “I have other priorities.”

He can tell she's trying to hide her relief, but Donna melts against him, a little, and a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she rests both her hands against his chest. He can still feel the lightness of watching her do spirals or swizzles or whatever-the-hell-those-were-called — can still taste that freedom he found in her smile.

(A couple of years in, but they’re both still getting used to this. To the enormity of this thing they do, and the things they’re building together, which, somehow, feel bigger.)

“I'll get it fixed when we come back home,” he tells her. Donna nods, fits herself in his embrace. “And then we'll find you some skates, and a rink, and you'll show me exactly what it is that you've been hiding from me all these years.”

[subjecta5newtella]

WHITE BOY SUMMER AGENDA

I forgot that I had put that in the tags of this post for a second and I was like ?????? for half a second before I Remembered. and then once I Remembered I was like hey! you could make a rant out of this! I’m so sorry if you didn’t want one but I’ve been sitting on it for a while and this gives me an excuse so without further ado: the movie!minho rant

me saying minho was pushed aside in favor of the white boy summer agenda is a joke but it’s also... not. I have a lot of positive feelings about the movies but I also have mmmmm a Not Insignificant degree of bitterness about how minho got treated compared to the way thomas and newt got treated. and I don’t wanna be like “it’s all about race” because a) I don’t think it’s my place to determine that and b) I don’t claim to know what goes on behind the scenes, either in terms of outside factors or in terms of unconscious bias, but when the one non-white member of the main trio undergoes significant role reduction... i don’t love it, yknow?

it starts with screentime imo. I think it’s fair to say minho is with thomas more than anyone else in the books (I’m not about to run numbers on this, but with the exception of the betrayal sequence and the part where thomas is traveling with brenda, both in tst, as well as the couple times thomas is completely on his own in tdc, there are.... very few times they’re not together). the first movie I think does okay in this regard. we see him about as much as we see him in the book. tst I think also does fine on that specific metric, but I also do not entirely remember what happens despite rewatching it like 3 weeks ago. and then we get to tdc and he’s entirely sidelined.

in isolation, I don’t think his tdc storyline is terrible. his friends care so much about him that they’ll do absolutely anything to rescue him! WCKD tries everything they can to break him and they can’t break him! which makes an excellent contrast to the fact that newt’s death can. if I’d never read the books, I think I’d be fine with it, but unfortunately for everyone I have, which means i am well aware of the change from minho always being with thomas to minho being removed from the group dynamic, even if they’re trying to save him.

my issue with this is that characters don’t build the same way in isolation. I know this because I have been living alone during the pandemic and I have not grown as a person. but actually, though, it’s not like you CAN’T develop a character with minimal interactions with other people, but in a series that’s largely built on love and friendship, it’s really hard to bring a character into that when he’s just.... not There. since one corner of the trio is missing, everything is skewed heavily in favor of the thomas/newt dynamic, instead of being more evenly balanced. book!thomas is equally close to them in different ways; he’s consistently reassured by the presence of either one of them, and at points refers to them kinda interchangeably as his best friend. he seeks out minho first frequently, and minho’s often the first one to greet him when they’re reunited. we also, especially in tst, get a lot of back and forth between minho and newt that gives us a window into their relationship. some of these things we can’t get because of plot changes or runtime constraints or character changes, sure, but they’re not replaced with anything that makes us feel that sense of closeness.

I also think we lose out on minho’s individual arc, to a degree. in the books he goes from someone who is willing to abandon thomas and alby in a moment of panic to someone who, even with a launcher pointed at him, even surrounded by cranks who have already tried to attack him, can’t give up on newt until thomas basically drags him away. I’m... not sure he changes as drastically in the movies? we have the same starting point with the night in the maze, but starting at some point in tst I kind of felt like he was just... there, even when he was with them. yeah, he made some sarcastic comments and did some cool things (I could watch him kick a guard into a wall all fuckin day) but I think in large part his character progression stalls out sometime in tst, and isolating him from the rest of the group strips him of his opportunity to grow in relation to other people.

I’m glad that the movies did good things for thomas, I really am, because he went from a character I was constantly exasperated with to one I did actually like. book!newt is still central to my heart, but movie!newt is an extremely good character in his own right. I think the dynamic between the two of them is really interesting, and I absolutely understand why that ship is as popular as it is! I just think the decision to focus on that relationship came at the cost of minho having a truly equal role in the trio, and it doesn’t sit well with me. I’m a product of the thominho era and I know that colors my interpretation even if it’s not the ship I go hardest for, but I also just find book!minho a really interesting character, and I think he lost the most personality of anyone in the trio.

all of that combined with how heavily newt and thomas’ relationship was promoted especially for tdc,.......... it’s hard not to feel like minho was sacrificed for the White Boy Summer Agenda

[washymylifeaway]

hi! do you have any favourite fantasy/mythology esque sakuatsu fics?

Haikyuu SakuAtsu fanfic recs: Fantasy Edition!!!!

To the anon who requested this, you are an ABSOLUTE GOD. I don’t know if you know, but fantasy AND mythology are some of my FAVORITE genres of ALL TIME. STILL, I saw the esque and I ran with it (cause there isn’t a lot of like pure fantasy or mythological journey fics ie. my poor excuse OOPS LOL and I wasn’t too sure what would be okay on this list AHAHA), so if it’s not the right kind of fics you were looking for, I’M SO SORRY :((((((( May this rec list be up to your expectations!!!!!! (And if it isn’t, feel free to re-request :’))))),,,, ALSO, ignore me switching between Sakusa and Omi LOL.)

As per usual, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for each fic before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

if you make me feel in love / if you make me open up by volchitsae (E) 6.4k // this is a reincarnation AU, and it has a major folklore/japanese-ish mythology (gods) element to it. This honestly MIGHT be my favorite from this list cause it’s just done SO well and I LOVE the reunion after the TRAGEDY :’)))) I’m trying to be vague cause I REALLY don’t want to spoil this fic at ALL, so PLEASE read it heh.

my love, take your time by bastigod (T) 9k // this is another reincarnation AU, but this time it’s with greek-ish mythology :’D However, the fantasy part of it is kinda on the back burner (ahaha oops LOL). It becomes more apparent near the end of the fic, but the build up to it is worth reading, which is why it’s here LOL. I love how they added Sakusa’s own memories concerning certain things, and how he collected pieces of them in the museum! The writing is so good, but also, I’m a sucker for Omi making lists relating to Atsumu hehe.

your flame will not survive in this cold tundra by awkwardedgeworth (T) 26.5k // this is an AtLA AU, but even if you don’t know the show, you’ll still enjoy it! I absolutely love this fic and the plot is really AMAZING and asihfkjahsdkfjak their DEVELOPMENT. Especially with the separation of POV’s in both chapters (and what we get to see which we didn’t previously) UGH,,,, it was so GOOD. (Their other AtLA AU fics are really good too, so don’t be shy, go read them as well LOL.)

one life, one encounter by bastigod (G) 5.7k // this is a japanese-ish mythology AU, with our first appearance of foxsumu. We do stan Kita-san and Sakusa being friends with one another in this house :D This fic was really cute and Sakusa is so baby in this (but in a GOOD WAY), and when he talks to Atsumu at first,,, HE SOUNDED SO LONELY LIKE I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND :((((((

give me a moment so devoted by volchitsae (T) 4.5k // immortals! YES! I really really like this one and I think that their relationship in it was SO cute. I am really into the idea of Atsumu being insufferable throughout Omi’s lifetime and them having INSIDE JOKES AHHHHH. It’s really light and fluffy so if you just want some love in your life, this is the read :)

show you my best disguise by volchitsae (T) 5.1k // this one has NICE Sakusa in it (which I think should be more common fight me) and their relationship with one another is actually good from the beginning :D I love how naturally it progressed and how we get to see the habits slowly build as they spend time with one another. Very good fic, but not lots of magic until the end LOL. (There’s also a lot of poetry LOL.)

both our hands speak for us and complicate it by volchitsae (M) 8.6k // MAGIC/superpowers :D FIRST, the puns are such a nice touch to this fic and SECOND we do love the yachi/yama agenda being pushed here. I really like the conditions Sakusa’s powers have, and how that added to the plot (and the ending for that matter, may there be a universe where they can touch LOL). Honestly, the magic is also kinda back burner for this one and it focuses more on relationship dev. but it’s still a fun read so I added it LOL.

Rain and Its Incendiary Properties by firtree (M) 24.5k // so we get some Sakusa turning into vampire backstory in this one, and the revelation of more mythical beings LOL. Bless Komori and tbh Suna for being some MVP’s in this fic, we do love the familial bonds :)))) But also, the knowledge at the end does give some second hand embarrassment so brace yourself LOL.

two slow dancers by orphan_account (T) 1.2k // AHHHHHH BLOND SAKUSA! Also, yes another vampire fic. What? Sue me. This is just a load of fluff and sap from Atsumu, and warning: there ARE twilight references in this one ahahahaha. (If you thought that with this many vampire fics on the list, you would be safe from twilight, you obviously thought wrong.)

crimson colored lotus by sieges (M) 16.5k // this was a demon slayer AU LOL. TBH I haven’t watched DS, but you honestly don’t really need to in order to read this LOL. It’s explained really well and the writing is AMAZING! It’s not a linear fic, but you can read it in order if you so choose. I know it’s a stretch for this list, but it’s just that good, okay? LOL.

how can I not be moved (by you) by Ann1215 (T) 26.4k // this has warlock Atsumu (with an actual REASON for his blond-ness that isn’t Osamu) and halfling Sakusa, who is eventually a sap LOL. I really love fics with familiars and animals so this fic was one that I really liked hehe. The ending? Embarrassing but we do love the love LOL. Also the second part with Atsumu’s POV, FLUFF like, yes please give me all the love :DDDDD

enchanted to meet ya by zantetsvkens (T) 4.8k // FAST BURN but it makes sense. I agree with the a/n at the end for the confession, so there’s that LOL. I liked this one because the tactful provoking was SO good and funny for that matter HAH. But Sakusa WOULD be more concerned with the window costs than Atsumu’s wellbeing (it had to have been said).

when morning comes we'll be safe by bestcarrot (T) 2.7k // another demon slayer AU even though I’ve never read or watched ds? Yes. Again, sue me. I know it’s teeeeeeechnically a stretch BUT fox demon Atsumu...... (Also it’s written so well I felt like I needed to add it okay? :’)))))) AND yes, I WAS holding onto the no character death (YOU SHOULD TOO), the close ending was scary.

a boy is a thing with fangs by unthank (T) 3.5k // foxsumu! ngl I’ll just be straight up honest with you all, I added this for the response Sakusa has to Atsumu when they’re watching SunaOsa play shogi in the next fic LOL. I thought it was so funny and perfect for that moment please. Just,,,, forgive me once AHAHAH.

Falling For You (Literally) by Anubis_2701 (T) 6.5k // clumsy Atsumu makes me feel some type of way LOL. This is another NICE, soft Sakusa fic (like i said we need more: me pretending like I don’t see the tag for it LOL) and it’s just really cute. There’s some medical tings that occur (cause Omi is literally a magical medic LOL), but it’s just very FLUFF hehe.

The curse of a blessing by basinnit (E) 7.8k // CHECKING WARNINGS AND TAGS!!!!!!! I felt like I knew what was going to happen, but DENIAL IS NICE OKAY. Honestly, it seems short with it’s 7.8k word count, but with the number of mental breaks you’re gonna need,,,, it’ll seem long. Also, yes Atsumu punching people (one person in particular) because I would’ve too and I love that person >:((((( It looks scary and confusing with the tags, but I’d read it anyway LOL. (If you’re wondering, the magic is that Suna and Sakusa are warlocks LOL.)

The Fox Prince by cinnamonlove (T) 13.1k // okay there are some INSULTS thrown (and lots of cursing LOL) and so TW: LOTTA CURSE WORDS. Aside from that, we see once again MVP Komori making an appearance, but also vulnerable SakuAtsu near the end :0 It’s definitely an interesting fic, so that’s why it’s here LOL. (Also it’s like fake foxsumu but not really,,,, you’ll understand.)

the echoing halls by ohwickedsoul (T) 11.7k // GAH THIS ONE WAS SO GOOD. To read it though, some background knowledge (or google LOL) is needed cause the mythology references are very strong in this one. But I love when Sakusa was so desperate (honor’d light AUAHFKJDHFKJS) and Atsumu was aboutta (basically) punch him LOL. V GOOD V CUTE IN LOVE? I AM.

Did I just take this ask as an excuse to read a crap ton of fantasy/mythology AUs instead of doing any of my other work? Yes, yes I did. Also, I know it’s kinda short (LOL NOT ME SAYING THIS but I did NOT (surprising IK) put some of the fics I liked D:), but I tried to REALLY narrow it down a bit hehe. I hope I didn’t miss too many good ones, and I’m sorry for not really staying on ‘topic’ LOL. I realized while re-reading these that a lot of them are just Atsumu like meeting Sakusa by chance and being like dang, he’s hot. Gotta bother him forever ig? Thank you for the ask, it was really fun and I hope you liked the fics hehe :)

[bondsmagii]

(cw: I'm about to get real crass about CSA because it makes me real mad and that's how I cope)

the cultural reaction to cuties is infuriating to me, especially how even defenders feel the need to criticise the hypersexualised camera shots for ""normalising sexualistion of children in film"". Like, this is a thing that is happening in real life, right now, folks! Real Life Kids commonly do dances like these, in clothes like these, in an attempt to copy adult women being framed in shots like that! That's basically a good fifth of Tik Tok! The shots being of kids instead of adults is intentionally horrific, because it's trying to highlight that that kind of societal gaze is what pressured them to do the dances and wear the clothes and everything else; to take a thing that we've all come to accept as normal (8 year olds online twerking to songs explicitly about sex) and make us see how horrific it is, so people might give a shit for once. (A real shit, not that Pizzagate-adjacent thing where people only bring it up in service of criticising something/someone they already didn't like, and never exploring why it's so prevalent to begin with). You know, the filmic opposite of normalisation?? It's incredibly disappointing that people's takeaway appears to be: "ew gross, look at how horny this camera is for literal children. Glad this absolutely isn't a thing that happens in real life that I will go straight back to ignoring while patting myself on the back for identifying this media as Problematic

And the idea that "a pedophile could get off to this" makes any sense as criticism! I guess pedophiles only get off to children in revealing clothing, huh? So all children need to do to avoid pedophiles is, uh... *checks notes* "dress less slutty". I *wish* I lived in a world where pedophiles were genuinely waiting on feature films to deliver them a few shots of children in revealing clothing, instead of trading real CP that has caused untold suffering. Sometimes it really feels like people are more invested in weaponising the idea of suffering children in rhetoric, rather than the welfare of real children. It's the same disconnect that makes it impossible to bring up things like early intervention programs for pedophiles without being called a pedophile yourself (a rich thing to call someone who was on the receiving end, and takes about a year off my lifespan every time).

Every time someone brings this movie up, I feel like I'm losing my marbles. Otherwise smart and insightful people seem completely willing to misread it in the most infuriating way possible. It's like it's the Asch conformity test, and I'm the rube in the last chair wondering whether I even watched the same movie as them. It's comforting to see at least one other person on this godforsaken planet comprehending that The Sexualised Children Shots Are Horrific On Purpose in this movie trying to push people out of complacency

honestly go off like I could not have said this better myself. this is exactly what's been pissing me off about the response to this movie and my post about it in general.

the cultural reaction to cuties is infuriating to me, especially how even defenders feel the need to criticise the hypersexualised camera shots for ""normalising sexualistion of children in film"". Like, this is a thing that is happening in real life, right now, folks! Real Life Kids commonly do dances like these, in clothes like these, in an attempt to copy adult women being framed in shots like that! That's basically a good fifth of Tik Tok!

this is what I cannot get my head around. like, people are freaking out over how this movie normalises the sexualisation of young children, but somehow miss the point that it's already been normalised. the movie would not be necessary if this hadn't already become a completely normal part of society. even walking around the shops in town I see children maybe 10 or 11 years old dressed like Instagram models, faces full of makeup, revealing clothing... it's honestly disturbing. these kids think that's acceptable, they think that's what they need to do in order to have worth, and it's terrifying. if I had my own children, I would be terrified for them. the movie is not the problem. why people can't direct this anger and outrage to websites like TikTok instead, I have no idea. probably because that would require actual work, and we all know these people are addicted to outrage and self-righteousness and absolutely allergic to any kind of effort to create real change.

It's incredibly disappointing that people's takeaway appears to be: "ew gross, look at how horny this camera is for literal children. Glad this absolutely isn't a thing that happens in real life that I will go straight back to ignoring while patting myself on the back for identifying this media as Problematic"

people get so offended when they're made to feel uncomfortable. I have no idea why. I'm trying to work out this thought process but it's simply beyond me. it baffles me that people can see something that's actually happening in the world, and instead of getting angry about the actual issue, they decide to attack the female director of the movie about said issue, who is writing from her own experience. like, how in god's name these people managed to miss the point so badly, I do not know. the manoeuvres they had to do to miss a point that big and obvious should make them all automatic gold medal winners in Olympic gymnastics.

(I do think that a lot of people yelling the loudest about Cuties have probably only seen the Netflix promotional poster and then devoured a bunch of Twitter threads highlighting the apparent problems and possibly a view video essays on YouTube showing the most dramatic and out of context shots of the girls, however.)

And the idea that "a pedophile could get off to this" makes any sense as criticism! I guess pedophiles only get off to children in revealing clothing, huh? So all children need to do to avoid pedophiles is, uh... *checks notes* "dress less slutty". I *wish* I lived in a world where pedophiles were genuinely waiting on feature films to deliver them a few shots of children in revealing clothing, instead of trading real CP that has caused untold suffering.

right? like. this point is so fucking useless. by this logic, we should ban everything with photos of children in it. if a paedophile is going to waste time going to see a full feature movie just to see some young girls twerking-- I mean, why would they in the first place? why would a paedophile do that when they can just sign on to TikTok and see thousands of hours of footage of young girls twerking? and if "revealing clothing" is all it takes, what's stopping this paedophile from going to the local pool and watching the kids in swimwear? what's stopping this paedophile from going and picking up a clothing catalogue and flipping to the pictures of little girls in dresses? the fact that people can compare the content of a feature-length film to actual CP fucking baffles me. like. it's actually insulting to compare things like that -- and by extension, any child on the street in a t-shirt or a dress or a skirt or a swimsuit -- to actual CP. like, who looks at a kid and thinks like that? if you want to stop paedophiles being creeps, you'd have to lock kids up in the house until they're 18 and ban all depictions of kids forever. paedophiles are gonna be creeps no matter what, and they're not going to bother with a full film when they can log onto TikTok and comment something creepy on footage of a real life child who might even message back and enter into communication with them. like, damn. why aren't more people getting mad and outraged about that?

Sometimes it really feels like people are more invested in weaponising the idea of suffering children in rhetoric, rather than the welfare of real children.

they are. "somebody please think of the children" is now the rallying cry of the right (all leading Democrats are secret paedophiles, the LGBT agenda is making Our Innocent Christian Children into perverts) and the left (problematic media is Harming Our Innocent Children, everything needs to be censored and squeaky clean so the Metaphorical Children don't stumble across it and think it's acceptable). it's the quickest way to get people outraged and it works like a charm. as soon as somebody starts rallying under the flag of protecting kids, it gives them a fast pass to power and influence. who wants to be seen to not care about kids? who wants to risk being called a paedophile or a child abuser? unfortunately their eagerness to declare everybody such has resulted in it losing its meaning. now when I see someone accused of paedophilia I no longer feel the usual revulsion but instead a tired suspicion followed by hours of research to determine if they are actually abusing children, or if they ship the wrong thing. to put the numbers into perspective, the one and only time I found out somebody was actually abusing minors, I was genuinely shocked because I had never found a true accusation before in oh, six years? which is unsurprising, seems I have been called a paedophile and told I shouldn't be around children because I like a villain from a YA series. as for real children, none of these people give a shit.

It's comforting to see at least one other person on this godforsaken planet comprehending that The Sexualised Children Shots Are Horrific On Purpose in this movie trying to push people out of complacency

that's exactly it right there -- it's horrific on purpose, but these people can't understand that. to them, literature and art and film is supposed to always make you feel good, and if it doesn't it's mean and abusive and you should have warned for it and also you're an asshole for making it in the first place. for people who only consume media to feel good, and only create it to feel progressive and wholesome, it's inconceivable why people would create something depressing or disturbing. because they're consuming media of only things they like, they assume everyone else is. ergo, if you make something nasty, it's because you're into something nasty. if you write about a murderous villain, it's because you want to be a murderous villain. if you direct a movie about children being sexually exploited, you must want to sexually exploit children.

these people cannot understand that art is supposed to teach and inform as well as comfort and coddle. some art is there to make you feel good, and other art is there to make you take notice of injustice and suffering and make you angry and upset enough to want to do something about it. these people do not understand that at all, and with this kind of logic they would try to ban Holocaust survivors from speaking at schools because it's too upsetting to think about, rather than paying attention to the message that such things get across. we cannot change society without empathy, and to experience empathy for something outside our own understanding and experience, we need to come into contact with people who have lived through it. we need to see it depicted. that's how we learn to feel for others. it puts a face to the suffering and makes it easier to stay motivated and stay mad.

but no. these people just want to be nice and fuzzy and safe. that's all that matters to them, and anyone who thinks they're wrong for doing it must be a paedophile or something. right. gotcha.

[randomoranges]

rambly fic thing as always. 

Boxed Up

It’s a quiet dinner, safe for the scrape of forks against the dinner plates. Well – mostly his fork against his dish. Étienne’s been playing with his food more than actually eating at it, digging out the wild mushrooms from the risotto and chewing on them for longer than necessary. He’s been this way for the better part of the week and Edward has no idea what’s been eating at him. He’s asked, on more than one occasion, but Étienne’s been cagey. Edward’s giving him until the weekend before sitting him down proper and confronting him about whatever’s been bothering him. It’s been a hell of a week and a crazy month at that too, so it could be a myriad of different things, for all he knows.

 He’d ask now, over dinner, but they’re both tired and he’s not sure he has enough energy for pushing the issue until it’s solved. He feels as though he’ll just end up hurting his partner by saying the wrong thing, despite the best of his intentions. Therefore, he gives Étienne space and just hopes that he’ll come around in his own time. He can tell that Étienne wants to breech whatever has been bothering him, but he too is looking for the right time. Edward worries. Always. It’s part of his nature. He knows how Étienne can get and doesn’t want that for him.

 Edward’s about to clear the dishes, seeing as Étienne’s made little to no progress on his meal, when, as if reading his mind, his boyfriend speaks out, quiet and fragile, over his mound of simmered rice and mushrooms.

 “Are you happy?” He asks and Edward blinks, wondering if he’s even heard right.

 “What?” He asks intelligibly, the question having taken him by surprise.

 “Are you bored?” Étienne asks instead.

 “What?” He repeats, a broken machine that has failed to comprehend the simply task that’s been asked of it.

 “Of us. Are you bored of us – our relationship – our lives? Are you happy being here – with me and our life?”

 He blinks again. He has no idea where this is coming from. He would have never guessed that this has been the issue plaguing his boyfriend’s mind. He wonders what this means. Where Étienne wants to go with this and if it isn’t some cataclysm to something bigger and mightier.

 Instead, he takes a sip of water to buy him some time to ponder the best way to answer these questions other than stating the obvious. At least – the obvious to him.

 “I’m not bored,” He says, finally, “And I’m quite happy with our life together.”

 He thinks maybe that will be that and Étienne will be content with the answer, but he’s known the other for too long and so he’s able to tell that there’s still more gnawing at his mind.

 “Are you – unhappy? Bored? Is this what this is about?” He asks, fear taking hold of his own mind. Is Étienne about to tell him that he wants a break? Wants to end this? Edward would be devastated. Blindsided as well.

 “What – no! I like our life!” He says quickly, almost insulted Edward would suggest otherwise. “I’m just – it’s just – don’t you find we spend too much time together?”

 Sometimes, he wishes Étienne could be clear when he talks about things that are bothering him. The roadmap to the real issue is always a complicated mess with sharp turns and pedantic questions that lead from one existential dilemma to another, until finally, with careful word choice, Edward is able to get to the real root of the problem. He momentarily wishes Étienne would have waited until the weekend to expose his issues – when they’d both be more rested, but he supposes he’ll take what he can. At least, he thinks, Étienne is talking. In his own complicated way.

 “What do you mean?”

 “We’re literally always together. We work together. You drive me to work. We have lunch together – often. We do things on weekends together – usually. Aren’t you afraid that at some point you’ll get bored? Is this what life is all about? Is this what you really want out of your life? Don’t you wish it was more exciting? Is this what you wanted when you were younger?”

 He’s getting closer to the nucleus, Edward can tell, but there are still some other red flags popping up along the way that Edward wants to address. To make sure Étienne is okay. That there isn’t some other bigger issue hidden in the shadows.

 “I mean – no, I don’t think I saw myself living this exact life when I was a teenager – then again, I didn’t think much beyond what I would be doing next weekend. But, I don’t feel suffocated by the time we spend together. We’re not always together either, even if we do work at the same place. It might be a little unconventional, but we have our own friends we see without the other and activities we do on our own. Like when I go skiing over March break and you go down south with Emma.” He tries and hopes he’s hit a mark. Étienne nods, as if reassured by this and Edward lets out a breath he’s been holding.

 “I can’t speak for the future, but right now, I’m not bored. It might not be the most exciting life, but I like it just fine... I like what we’re building together.” There’s a pause and when Étienne doesn’t say anything, he figures he’ll take a shortcut, “What’s this all really about, Étienne?”

 Étienne sighs deeply and decapitates his mound of risotto with the back of his fork. “I don’t know,” He starts and then jabs the rice, “I mean – I do, but – it’s just – we’ve been together for a while now – years, really and it’s just – I’d hate for you to wake up one morning, turn around and realise that this has been a waste. That you’ve missed out on some big adventure or something.”

 He wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. He’s always considered his life with Étienne to be his big adventure. In all his wildest dreams, he’d never thought he’d get this – stability, a partner he loves and who loves him back – even when he drives him crazy.

 “When did we become boring, old queers, Ed?”

 This time, he does laugh – a soft little chuckle – and he also reaches over for Étienne’s hand to give it a squeeze.

 “I think we’re just getting older. We want different things and are at different points in our lives.”

 “Are we though? I mean – I remember when I was twenty and hitting the clubs. I had some crazy, wild fun nights, at the time. Meeting new people, staying up ‘til all hours. Hooking up. Going to one party after another. God, when’s the last time we even had drag brunch? You used to bring me to those all the time! When’s the last time you even saw your friends from drag?! Now we’re just – two people. Where’s our rebellious spark?!”

 Edward quiets. Étienne has a point. He remembers his own youth, way back when, and the crazy things he’d done. The trips with his friends to other queer cities, the drag shows he’d gotten involved with, volunteering for Pride and such. It feels like a different lifetime ago – something that could have even happened to a different person all together. Had they really done any of those things?

 “When’s the last time we even saw any of our queer friends? It’s like the only circle we’re involved in now is the teacher one. I had to find out through Facebook that Steven and Max broke up. Steve and Max!”

 There we go, Edward thinks, the nucleus.

 “If they can break up then who’s to say it can’t happen to us?”

 The news had come as a blow to both of them, really. Edward had met Steve and Max through Étienne and even then, already, they had been Steve-and-Max. They’d been together for nearly twenty years and were an inspiration, really. Despite being together, they were still active in the community, still went out, and still enjoyed life. Max had even proposed to Steve, a few years ago, and anyone who’d seen the video of the proposal had cried at how utterly sweet and romantic it was.

 “Sweetheart, listen – no one knows for sure what’s going to happen to us in the future. But I promise I’m not bored and I like being with you. If ever anything changes, I would absolutely tell you. The best we can do is to take it a day at a time and check in with each other, if ever we feel like something is off.”

 “I guess,” Étienne mumbles, “But when did it get like this? When did we get washed out?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been erased. That any personality trait I have or had is gone. All I am is a teacher. Day in and day out. I only ever get to be myself on few occasions. Convenient periods of time pre-established by the school agenda. When did I stop being the person you met when we started dating? When we used to do things that were something else than Being a Teacher?”

 Edward doesn’t say anything. He gets it. So much. It has never fully occurred to him, but Étienne has hit the nail on the head. There have been times, when, upon reflection, he’s felt as though the institution of school has been like a closet and that he’s been forced back in it. Hiding who he is. Not being his true authentic self, but some persona. The teacher persona. Sure, he hasn’t exactly rocked the boat and announced to the school that he’s queer, but he also doesn’t want to. Because it’s his personal life. And because there’s some deep fear anchored deep within him. It might be the twenty-first century, but it’s not a walk in the park either. So he’s kept quiet. Has hidden things about himself, when once, years ago, he had never shied away from being gay.

 Therefore, M Édouard and Edward are two different people. He wonders, briefly, who gets to see the real Edward Murphy and if there’s ever been one, or if, instead, each facet is a part of the real Edward. It’s late and he’s tired. This isn’t the time or day for this type of talk or thought, yet now it nags at him as well, calling for attention.

 “We started dating over summer break – we didn’t have to worry about work and we had all the time in the world. Plus, that was years ago, we’ve also changed – we want new things now.” He tries, repeats, and hopes he sounds as convincing as he’s meant to be – as reassuring.

 “Then why does it feel like settling?”

 Why does it, really?

 “If you could,” He says instead, “What would you do differently?”

 Étienne, this time, is silent as he ruminates. “I don’t know – I mean, I guess the obvious would be to actually talk about my boyfriend when asked. All the teachers with kids keep talking about their goddamned outing apple picking and showing off pictures of their kids with the apples and whatever. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute but all I ever hear is about the kids, what happened at daycare and weekends up north. I want to talk about my night out at the club, or show pictures of me and my boyfriend on vacation, or whatever other basic human thing I’ve done with my partner without having to fear I’ll get spat at. Or something.  I want to be able to exist. Fully. Not just in parts. I don’t want to be afraid when I show the kids a new artist who happens to be queer. I don’t want to gloss over the facts. I want to wear nail polish to school if I want to. Every inane thing I never questioned before. Most of all, I just want to be.”

 Edward wonders if it would be different if there was actual tangible support they could see. If other teachers spoke about these things – about their queer friends and family – about themselves; if it would feel different and safe. He wonders how many others of their own colleagues are in the same situation and keep to themselves out of fear and he wonders about the other queer teachers who don’t even have a friend or confidant at work. He considers himself lucky, really, that somehow, Étienne managed to find work at his school – that they’ve found each other. Even when they’d only been friends. It had been a blessing to be able to confide in Étienne, then – to have someone who got it.

 “We can always try,” He says after a lapsed moment of silence, “To be more of ourselves – to test the waters, so to say. If someone’s gotta do it, why not us?” He’s not sure how it’ll look, but – they can give it a shot. Take the proverbial baby step. See how it goes.

 “I guess you’re right – just wish it wasn’t always so – exhausting.”

 They leave it at that for now and clear off the table. Once the dishes are done and the leftovers boxed up in the refrigerator, they retire to the living room. Étienne finds solace in Edward’s arms and the two spend a quiet evening replaying the previous conversation in their minds, lost in their own rambling thoughts. There’s a lot to process and they’re both painfully aware that change will take time.

 “What if we tried to actively re-engage with the community – go back to our old hangouts – call up our friends?” Edward suggests, sometime later.

 Étienne ponders this for a moment and then nods, “We might as well try.”

 They may as well. If not them, then who?

 FIN

[tundrainafrica]

What do you think of the Anti-terrorism Law? It’s not like I’m against these fucking assholes who makes this country even worse than being a hellhole like it was before and will always remain like it until the very last existence of these pigs— okay, I’m sooo done with this country. I wish to immediately get out of this place

Hello Anon, 

Woop, we going into politics now. I come from a very liberal school actually, very liberal yet very religious... I mean you can actually be both at the same time surprisingly. I mean the whole point of religion is to love your neighbor and to utilize faith and beliefs to facilitate understanding and discourse but religion is commonly twisted to fit the agenda of those in power...

Anyway rant aside about religion, the reason I did bring it up because the Philippines is a generally very religious country and yet the government and the rich try to twist a lot of the religion to justify what’s happening in the country. 

And yeah, I fucking hate it. I don’t wanna name any politicians here but a fair amount of people go to mass everyday yet turn a blind eye at whatever is happening around the country now, or decide to be pro vigilante justice and anti-liberal and progressive beliefs yet these same people deny the fact that if Jesus lived in our time period, he would have been one of the victims of these ‘vigilante justice’ acts. 

To answer your question, No, I am not for the Anti Terrorism Bill. 

I was in law school for a while before I dropped it altogether to focus on my career and to a degree, I am aware of the alarming parts of the anti-terrorism bill and I am very much against it because there are certain clauses which can be so easily twisted to fit the agenda of whoever is using it to detain people. 

So, sure, it has certain elements which can keep people safe especially for those who run on the idea that certain criminals ‘should have their rights and privileges taken away from them’ if they are going to abuse it. 

I’m on the fence on this. Although I do believe that criminals SHOULD be detained to keep the public safe, I think there is a lot of thinking and lots of reform which should be happening to the justice system before we take these things into account. Besides, a lot of criminals do not actually do crime for the sake of doing crime. A lot of criminals are not sociopaths or psychopaths. They’re just unfortunate people pushed by our shitty health, support and social systems that just need to do shit to survive. And yeah, more often than not, the people who are detained are poor and obviously do not have the resources to defend themselves, financial and obvious legal wise. So imagine just how many people were just fucked over by the legal system over all. And also imagine how many rich people get a light sentence just because they have the money to pay for a good lawyer lmfao. 

The reason why I am against this generally is because many laws have the potential to be abused by those in power and laws generally cater more to the rich who have the resources and the capacity to get good lawyers who can twist whatever law in their favor. 

Because that’s what the law is. The law is so open to interpretation that one law, if twisted the wrong way can really fuck over a poor family’s finances, custodies, situations, and same for businesses. 

Yeah, I’m disappointed with what’s happening. I do have plans of going abroad to study. I do plan on coming back though, I mean if I learn enough abroad, if I earn enough I might get into a good position here to do something for my country too. 

Sorry for the long and messy answer. I just decided to just word vomit the first things which came out of my head when I opened this ask lmfao. 

[veliseraptor]

do you have any fics (in any fandom) that you wish had got more attention? and would you like to highlight them now? :D

oh this is a fun question. I feel like every writer has those fics that they wish had gotten more attention and I am certainly no exception. to pick a few...of course, some of these are in small fandoms so the fact that they got less attention is inevitable. but still, they’re ones I’m proud of. (I did not put the Lymond fics on here, though, because my expectations on that scale are sort of ‘if three people read it I’m happy.’)

Girls Like Me, Death Note. 2.1k. This is one of those fics that’s like...kind of a weird one, and I get why it didn’t get a lot of attention, but I’m very fond of it. It was for the concept of Misa/Takada as a pairing, brought on by a rewatch of Death Note with some other folks that included, among other things, a lot of consideration of the way Death Note treats its women. 

Mostly it ended up being more about Misa and misogyny, and very much inspired by the lyrics of the song it’s titled after (by ThouShaltNot):  Girls like me have given up on lending out our eyes / For if and when you bring them back, they've shrunk another size /Your tiny tweezer hands are so precise, but cold as steel /Girls like me are sick of being flesh they touch, but never feel

all my wastelands flower, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 3.8k. I don’t know that I’d actually written explicit Mildmay/Felix before this fic? I can’t remember doing it, anyway. And it’s very much in line with my “service top Mildmay” agenda, which is the only way I can really see him playing that role for Felix, ever. 

And I’m just pleased with how it ended up taking shape, and the fact that for all it’s a very...tender fic, the dysfunction is still very present. I love balancing those things and I felt like I did a good job here.

Iron-black Wolves, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 10.3k. Look, I’m not sure how good this one is but I’m damn proud of it in concept and pretty pleased with the execution, too. Longest fic I’ve written for this fandom thus far (I have longer ones in progress oops), and I just...had fun playing with a whumpy relatively minor canon divergence that doesn’t necessarily actually change much about canon moving forward, but is certainly delightfully self-indulgent in multiple ways.

Still, On With the Show, Doctrine of Labyrinths. 2k. This is an older fic (I think maybe the oldest on this list? other than possibly Girls Like Me, I’m not checking dates), but I’m still pretty pleased with it. The concept was basically “Felix, pre-series, dealing with his anxieties about his old life catching up” - it’s a period of his life that I find interesting and haven’t personally explored much except for here (and in one other fic). I was proud of feeling like I got into some of the headspace of a Felix who is in a very different place than the one I write most of the time.

post war blues, Wheel of Time. 4.8k. This is another one where I’m like. Yes, I know why this didn’t get more attention, I’m not surprised, but I personally really like it, so there. What do you mean, everyone didn’t want post-series fic featuring Min and resurrected Ishamael/Moridin/Elan Morin Tedronai? I mean, I guess I didn’t know that I did until @taimproblem pointed it out to me, but.

Sin to Heaven, Dragon Age. 2.9k. My one and only Dragon Age fic! and of course it is pretty much just “make Cullen suffer, psychologically.” You hand me a situation like we’re given in Kinloch Hold, from a character I’m stupid fond of who is a traumatized mess and a half, and I’m not going to do something with it? Who do you think I am?

tear out all your tenderness, The Untamed. 7k. This is relative, obviously, because by nature of this being a bigger fandom this and the next fic are more popular than many others, but it is a personal XueXiao favorite and I feel like has gotten less attention than some of my other fics for them. Which makes a certain amount of sense! I feel like it doesn’t quite neatly slot into the dynamics I’ve mostly found in my reading, but that’s kind of what I was trying for.

And I really like some of the writing in it. 

Unnatural Selection, The Untamed. 3.1k. Again, relative, and XueYao is always going to be a more minor pairing, but this is the...less popular of the two of those I’ve written (there’s a third in the wings and you know I’m going to do more, right) and I think I actually like it more. The dynamics in both are a lot of fun, and there are certain things about I Come With Knives that I like more, but this one I’m pleased with because it is very much the push-pull of who is in control/who isn’t that I love with these two. 

And the way that they like. Like each other and also really don’t. And just the concept, too, because I didn’t know how much I wanted “fucked up sex in the vicinity of Nie Mingjue’s corpse” until I started writing it. 

we’re not the only ones, MCU. 4.8k. This one is like. Buried deep in Remember This Cold and doesn’t feature the main characters of the verse it is part of, but it’s one of my stealth favorites of the series (with Retrospective another of those). This was my first time writing Sam Wilson POV, and this fic was fun because it let me really...dig into and play with dynamics that don’t usually get to take center stage. 

Also I just had a lot of fun writing Sam trying to wrangle his disaster friends, and basically picking up the team leader role in Steve’s absence, and actually doing really well with it, because he would.

what little girls are made of, MCU. 3.5k. This one was an exchange fic that I wrote intending it to be Sharon/Natasha and it ended up only sort of being a pairing fic, and sort of more being about Natasha’s mild social dysfunction and the ordeal of trying to make friends with a spy who doesn’t really make friends in a normal manner.

I’m really proud of it, actually, and I wish it had gotten more attention.

[mbti-notes]

hey mbti-notes! a question about one of your posts on politics/conservatism. you say that conservatism at its best is needed for society. the way conservatism has existed in my mind thus far is: using religion to justify prejudice, ignoring science (like climate change), racism, etc. i live in the US so maybe part of the media hellscape is why i have these associations, but im curious about how conservatism can actually be good to a society. infj and want to be more open minded/knowledgeable

I appreciate the willingness to learn. The political media in the US is dominated by “talking heads” (as they are commonly called) with hidden/ulterior motives. They’re there to push an agenda, to persuade and push people to emotional extremes, for the sake of making money and/or to support a cause that they’re personally invested in. The most important point is that they’re not really there to educate or help viewers be more learned, so they have no reason to be intellectually honest or care about other viewpoints. They’re certainly not the best sources to learn politics from. 

When you get emotionally captured by talking heads, you’re buying in and essentially joining their agenda, either as a vocal supporter or their vocal “enemy”, and helping them spread their narrow/distorted worldview. It’s no coincidence that the spread of talking heads in the news media has been accompanied by a spread of conspiratorial thinking in society. 

Learning about society and politics through talking heads makes it easy to turn various groups into abstractions. This enables dehumanization and polarization, hence, the endless battle between the “cons” and “libs”, as though everything in the entire world is split along this stark line. Whether you think there’s a fundamental difference between the two “teams” (partisan) or no substantial difference at all (apathetic/cynical), you’re missing the point that the false dichotomy was invented to mislead you and erode your political power. The first step to stopping this problematic trend is to stop it within yourself. When you’re aware of what’s happening, then you have the power to take a different path and encourage others to as well. 

To be an intellectually honest person means being careful about the claims that you are making. When you make a claim: 1) you have to define your terms and use them properly, 2) you have to support the claim properly with factual evidence or logical argument, and 3) you have to prove the legitimacy of your claim by properly answering the relevant rebuttals to your claim. 

Addressing the claims that you’ve made, for example:

Only conservatives are prejudiced? Only religious people are prejudiced? A prejudiced person is going to use any justification available. Someone who uses religion to justify prejudice is perhaps better called prejudiced, bigoted, racist, xenophobic, sexist, intolerant, fundamentalist, hypocritical, self-interested, disingenuous, etc, depending on the situation. 

Only conservatives ignore science? Have you ever met an anti-vaxxer? Most of them aren’t conservative. Someone who ignores/denies/devalues scientific facts is perhaps better called irrational, uneducated, ignorant, willfully ignorant, skeptical, antiscience, denier, a luddite, etc, depending on their particular beliefs and reasons for mistrust. 

Are most/all conservatives religious? There are many atheist conservatives that believe only in economic conservatism. 

Are most/all conservatives bigots? There are many moderate conservatives that support equal rights and civil rights movements. 

Are most/all conservatives antiscience? There are conservatives that love science and are even scientists themselves. 

The point is that your claims are not objective, precise, nuanced, or well-informed. By making careless criticisms, you’re being unfair. And you’re destroying any chance of winning over people that might be sympathetic to your position. The fact of the matter is that the majority of people are relatively moderate, even uncertain or weakly committed, in their political beliefs, though they may lean conservative or progressive based on their upbringing or past experiences. This is a good thing because it allows space for people to learn new ideas, find common ground, and tackle sociopolitical problems in a balanced way. You don’t want most of the population to exist at political extremes because that’s how you get a dysfunctional and even violent society, yet that is where the talking heads lead people. When you’re dealing with an extreme person, you can’t help but become more extreme to make yourself heard, which starts up a vicious cycle that leads to more and more extreme positions. You see this happening between political opponents in the media or social media, until the extreme voices drown out everyone else.

Did you learn these ideas/associations from media talking heads? You sound just like them. You misapply words, make extreme generalizations, use questionable logic, and inject (emotional) bias. You’re using the word “conservative” without really knowing its meaning, though it seems central to your political beliefs. It’s not just you. A lot of people misuse political terminology, e.g., conservatism, liberalism, fascism, communism, socialism, etc. Study political theory or political philosophy and you will start to understand how these words have been abused. 

To live in a democracy, you raise your voice, you engage in debate, and you criticize those you disagree with - quite normal. But if you want to debate well and launch a serious criticism, make your claims verbally precise, identify the right source of the problem, and be factually objective, as opposed to carelessly lumping all the people you dislike into one abstract group to label, demonize, and hate. There is constructive vs destructive criticism - which do you prefer? Constructive criticism is intelligent and boringly focused on getting proper solutions; destructive criticism is gratifying but makes problems worse.

By definition, a conservative is a traditionalist, meaning that they respect tradition and aim to preserve tradition for the good that it contributes to a well-functioning society. Therefore, conservatives, as a group, are as diverse and varied as the many possible human traditions that are out there to be upheld. Are you really going to claim that no tradition is ever good or that all traditions should be abolished? If you make this claim, you will be wiping out some very important structures and institutions that keep society alive and well, and you will be removing some very important mental health supports from individuals. If you call yourself a “progressive”, are you really going to claim that continuous “progress”, growth, expansion, or change doesn’t have any downsides whatsoever? If you make this claim, then you are ignoring legitimate criticism from conservatives about your blindness.

There are always going to be conservative and progressive forces in every society because these forces exist in every human mind. The question is how they relate to each other. It is the job of a good conservative to make sure that society doesn’t erode, doesn’t change too quickly to be destructive, doesn’t descend into chaos - to cherish what is already good in society. Similarly, it is the job of a good progressive to make sure that society doesn’t stagnate, doesn’t perpetuate negative beliefs and values, doesn’t resign itself to entrenched problems - to improve upon society’s flaws and faults. 

Conservatism and progressivism are opposing forces that need each other to be at their best. It is when they act as enemies and retreat into their respective corners that you see the extremes which dominate US politics today. Politics is actually a circle rather than a spectrum, in that the extremes on both ends eventually come together to agree on mutual destruction. If you aren’t able to understand this principle of mutually determined fate, then you are in danger of becoming just as biased or extreme as those “conservatives” you criticize.

[notgonnarememberthis]

Exceptional - Prologue

Sherlock was made to feel unimportant his entire life. Haunted by the ghosts that his ability shows him constantly. His father "hires" Joan Watson as his sober companion, a former surgeon, the only ordinary person in a family of gifted. He finds himself wanting to protect her from whatever agenda his father has behind this decision.

_______________________________________________________

We back at it again with an AU that nobody asked for. Truthfully, this idea for a powered AU has been sitting on the back burner for a WHILE but finally the pieces clicked together thanks to the help of a couple people. Hope you all join in on this new ride because I have a LOT of exciting ideas to comb through. May or may not have ideas for a third au but I have no intention of dropping the ones already in progress. I just apparently enjoy giving myself a lot to work with.  The ground trembles under his feet almost knocking him off balance. He has to protect them at all costs so he pushes forwards into the chaos. A crack ripples through the concrete threatening to topple everything he knows in an instant. Still he marches forwards.

He bites back her fears of what, or who may lie inside waiting for him to stumble upon. A high pitched sound emanates from the building ahead, he knows it’ll hurt like hell but he can’t let them down. He followed the trail left behind, now he has to be the one to help. 

They’re depending on him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sherlock stretches out on the sofa ignoring the trill of the voice next to him. Agnes, he’s named the woman, is an older lady in her seventies insistent that she’d been unfairly killed despite Sherlock knowing for an absolute certainty that she has no recollection of at least a week before her death if not longer. He’d sketch her out later and search for a missing person’s report matching her face but he was at least hoping he could enjoy his morning before the dead started knocking incessantly.

Enjoying the morning got thrown out the door when he remembered his ‘sober companion’ was meant to arrive today. Over the years he’s grown accustomed to his father’s type of ‘help’. His help was a code word. A person of interest that he wanted to keep a stern eye on. This one, however, was the first that Sherlock had grown highly suspicious of.

Joan Watson, surgeon turned sober companion. Seemingly gifted in the medical profession until an accident with a patient had her license revoked. She never recovered and turned to helping people remain sober. A doctor was hardly something his father needed with enough power and money to lure a corrupt professional of any kind. The difference of her being, she was completely ordinary. An unremarkable person in a world of sufficient talent.

Not possessing a power is rather common, but Ms. Watson seems to be the only person in her family with such a position. This is what he suspects his father is interested in. What makes her different from her family. Her father possesses the ability to translate any language or code, her mother has a genius intellect and the ability to retain even the smallest information, and her brother has teleportation. Now she could possess a power so insignificant it is even unnoticed by herself, yet he believes this not to be the case. Coming from a person more than familiar with a useless ability, one would notice.

He pushes his father to the back of his mind rousing the woman in his bed to get ready for the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She seems nice. She’s cute too.

Sherlock no longer startles at the sudden appearance of the dead in his residence. Agnes smiles at him like a grandma driving her grandchild to a teenager to a date. He furrows his brow at the woman jutting out his bottom lip in defiance. Joan Watson had been all he’d expected, annoyingly nosey and all too ordinary as he’d researched. The case had kept them busy the lot of the day so they resigned to the Brownstone for some R&R for his untrained companion.

“That’s none of my concern. She’ll be gone in a few weeks.”

You are not planning on driving that poor girl away. Agnes scolds with a frown. Sherlock deeply wishes now that he’d had time to find her peace so he could have a peaceful night to work on his experiment.

“I won’t have to. My father takes care of that plenty. I’ve had common colds that lasted longer than his help has. He’ll swoop in, offer her a new position and I will never see her again.”

I think this one is going to surprise you.

“What do you know?”

“Who are you talking to?” He spins around, surprised by the new presence in the room.

Well, are you going to introduce us? He rolls his eyes at the woman.

“Agnes, this is Joan Watson. Joan Watson, Agnes.” He gestures to where she, no doubt, sees an empty space. He turns to Agnes only to find that she is gone. He looks around for a moment, expecting her to have materialized behind Watson to study her closer but the older woman is simply gone. “Agnes is dead.”

“You can speak to the dead?” She leans against the counter with a soft exhale in amazement.

“It really isn’t all that amazing, I assure you.” Watson shakes her head.

“Your father didn’t tell me you were gifted.”

“Because my father sees my ‘gift’ as useless at best and a nuisance at worst.” Her face softens in what he almost believes is sympathy. He prepares himself for the spiel most launch into at this revelation on the borderline of tuning her out.

“Wait, why did we spend all day at a crime scene if you can talk to the dead?” His eyebrows shoot up, taken aback. “Surely you can just ask who killed them.”

“It thankfully doesn’t work like that or this job would be immeasurably boring. The victims are as unreliable as any other witness. They are spared from remembering gruesome deaths as would most in a plane crash or a wreck. Some lose a week, most lose a month. As for others, they’re hateful of the living. They take out their anger on someone who has wronged them, even if they’re entirely innocent.”

“Like an ex.”

“Precisely.” He bristles at her understanding. The last who’d understood him… “Besides, they’re decidedly less present today.”

“Maybe this one doesn’t want to be found.” He rocks back and forth at the thought, possible but not likely. “Do they always know they’re dead?”

“Not always.” He drifts for a moment, distracted by a memory. “They don’t always linger either. The ones that do have unfinished business, the ones whose lives were cut off without warning.”

“That’s where you come in.”

“Correct.” She grins to herself at the praise underneath his words. Not a lot understood his abilities, they came with a lot of underlying rules. She’s different. “What about you?”

“Me?” She runs a hand through her hair with a curt shake of her head. “No abilities. My parents tested me when I was younger but nothing.”

“Why did your parents test you.” The question comes out harsher than he intends. Concern passes over her face momentarily but she reigns it in just as quickly as it appeared.

“I’m the only one.” Any emotion that comes with the statement is stifled, one that she’s said so many times that it has lost all meaning. “It’s rare and my parents did everything to make sure I was ok.”

Sherlock nods thoughtfully. Any comment on her side is abruptly cut off by the ringing of his phone calling him back to the case once more. Yet even as they proceed his eyes linger on Watson. Seemingly useless in her family she made a name for herself in the world and still she lost it all. He shivers at how familiar the narrative sounds. Despite the annoyance at her intrusion he finds himself wanting to protect her. His father is a poison, but he won’t let him touch her. She’s perhaps the first person to understand him in ages. 

He can’t help his curiosity, but neither can she. She is attentive on the case, never once fazed by the brutality yet still remorseful. She must have been an exceptional surgeon. She listens to the details of the case, hanging onto every word even as she slipped into slumber. She’s comforting with grieving families, it evens out his harder edges.

She’d be an excellent partner, he muses.

Told you she’d surprise you.