#probably should have split it in two
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ANTHONY & KATE BRIDGERTON Bridgerton: Season 3
#bridgerton#bridgertonedit#kanthony#kanthonyedit#kate shama#katesharmaedit#anthony bridgerton#anthonybridgertonedit#bridgertonblr#dailybridgerton#dailykanthony#kanthonydaily#ughmerlin#ivashkovadrian#userzoya#userhann#tuserbea#userkatiec#*gifs#1k#bridgerton spoilers#please excuse the discrepancy in quality i probably should have split this into two sets buuut whatever they're cute and i need them back
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weird guy. peculiar creature even.
#for the 3d model i wanted to do a cool pose BUT I FORGOT TO SPLIT HIS ARMS AND LEGS INTO TWO PARTS#no knee batter </3#he has no elbows aswell#off the batter#off batter#the batter#batter off#off game#low poly#3d model#blockbench#art#artists on tumblr#may have used some parts from ashleys model but thats ok#look making heads is hard#i should probably watch some tutorials#but i am. lazy#if anyone has tips for how to make them posable please help.. i am clueless#i wish you could rig it like a gmod character#that would be nice#scotcharts#scotchdoesthings#<almost forgot my tags
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The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x05 The Duke and I
Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!
For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers
It's episode five! Things are getting spicy! ;) While there's not a ton in this episode, there are some BIG developments...
Tomatoes
Alright, so I should mention before we get too into this scene, that it kicks off with mentioning the money issues the Featheringtons are about to have. It's part of the reason Portia is gonna push Marina marrying Colin so hard. Having a wealthy Bridgerton in her pocket kills two birds with one stone.
Alright, so this is day who knows how long of this courtship has been going on, and after the events of last episode, Penelope is no longer thinking this whole thing is cute or tolerable anymore. It's a combination of -- she's fucking with the man I love and the man I love is being fucked with, which are two different things. Yes, she is protective of her feelings and has no desire to watch Colin be with someone else. But she's also very protective of Colin in general - because they do have a relationship. It may not be romantic, but there are mutual feelings of friendship, and she sincerely does not like that Marina is manipulating him.
But of course - the look on her face here is pure jealousy. Because Colin is bringing flowers to Marina every day. And Marina doesn't really care all that much, but oh, how Penelope would love to be courted, love to be romanced, love to have the attention of any one showering her gifts and compliments. But the fact that it's not just some guy that she could live vicariously through Marina with, it's Colin, which makes it intolerable.
Meanwhile, oh Colin, lost in his own fantasies. He loves playing this role of romantic hero. He brings in flowers every time for Marina -- because it's a way to show he cares about her. It's also, probably, proper gentlemanly contact to bring gifts during a courtship. But it's also interesting -- that the whole reason this tomato discourse kicks off is that he wants to surprise her, be unpredictable, make himself stand out when it comes to the courtship.
Also, I'm really entertained by the thought that a bushel of tomatoes would be used as a courtship device. Nothing says romance quite like the tomato. (As much as I'm being cheeky about it, I do love a bit of spontaneity and absurdity in a relationship, so I do approve of Colin's ridiculousness here.)
I LOVE the tomato discourse. I love it.
I love that Penelope can't even help herself by injecting her comments. She is gonna meddle, but it's going to be on a simpler level to start with. Just a throwaway comment that really doesn't raise eyebrows (at first) that Marina doesn't like tomatoes. Which undermines the act that Marina is throwing at Colin (and Pen so notes this -- and, honestly, she's probably a bit amused that Colin picked something that Marina probably does actively hate).
Then, of course, after Marina kind of brushes that comment off, Pen digs in a little more -- suggesting the best place to go get tomatoes is... Greece. (My god, this cracks me up every time -- is Greece known for it's tomatoes??) And I love that she says this with a smile, playing it off as if she were just trying to be helpful. Then she suggests Colin bring her back a bunch (because I'm sure they'd survive the trip) after he gets back from Greece. Oohh, Pen, it's a longshot stall tactic, but if she can just put this courtship on delay...
It's fascinating watching Marina in this moment. She KNOWS that Penelope is up to meddling. She knows that she's intentionally trying to stop things from progressing forward, but the interesting thing is that she doesn't know why Pen is doing it. I mean, I kind of think it's obvious, but Marina, at this point, has begun to trust Penelope as a friend -- so it just comes off as her being super weird.
Colin, meanwhile, is a bit baffled by Penelope. He doesn't really catch on that she's meddling -- thinks, more so, that she's being a little obtuse, and that is not catching on that he'd rather see how things work out with Marina. But...
There are a couple of interesting dynamics going on in this last little bit.
First of all, the comfort in which Pen and Colin speak to each other says a lot. There's no formality between them. They speak with each other at ease, in the way siblings would talk with each other. Colin, no doubt, probably does think of Pen a bit like Eloise in this moment. He even calls her Pen, here, which is kind of unusual when you think about it, because they're at her house and not his. And the way he kind of dismissively states he's unsure of his travel plans -- it's said, almost irritatingly, in the way you'd want to tell your younger sibling to bugger off, I'm trying to hook up with this girl...
When Pen brings up his travel plans, she mentions that he's always been interested in travel. And while this is a calculated thought - a way to re-inspire desires that he has probably for sure talked about at great length when she's been over to visit Eloise -- I think there's some sincerity here, too. I think she can recognize a desire to go out and see the world, and the idea of him closing the door on that opportunity -- especially for Marina, who is manipulating a relationship with him, and will saddle him with fatherhood at such a young age really does get to her.
Which is why it's more complex than -- I have a crush on a boy, if I get him out of the country, he won't hook up with the pregnant lady and be stuck with her.
Colin then has a line that REALLY sticks out to me. :: 'Were I to go, there are things in London I'd miss more than seeing the world.'
This line hits a little harder when you sit down and think about it. I don't doubt that Colin has an adventurous spirit -- more so than either of his older brothers. But I think also, unlike them (well, Benedict is going to go about it another way) Colin is searching for something. He isn't sure what, but travel seems to be an opportunity to find out.
Marina is a purpose. She's a reason to stay. She's a reason to do the things that his heart really desires to do. She's a person to protect. A person to start a family with. A person whom he does want to figure out his sexual desires with. A person who will let him satisfy the role he thinks he's supposed to have in society. And if that person is right there - then why travel in the first place? He doesn't need to search for something that is right there.
The fascinating thing is that it is better for Colin that he does end up going. He kind of needs those experiences to gain new outlooks on life, to clear his head, to be at peace with himself, and to understand what really missing something when he's away is. And, of course, because he'll find that he'll get to fall in love in a deeper way while he's gone (of course - through his correspondence with Penelope).
And, of course, i can't help but go back to thoughts on The Odyssey -- which is one of the myths embedded in Pen and Colin's story -- the story of a world weary soldier just trying to get back home to his wife... Penelope.
Colin thinks he understands what he's saying when he says that line. But he doesn't truly get. And won't ever if he choses a path with Marina - one that is doomed to be a (possibly) unfulfilled life.
It's always so funny to me when TV characters have private conversations literally two feet away from people who shouldn't hear it, lol.
Pen is probably well aware that the childish meddling she's doing isn't really working, so she goes to appeal to her mother. She points out that Colin is young, yes, but she tries to appeal to her mother's sense of logic. She points out that there may not be enough time to get them married since Colin is young and may not be ready for marriage. Portia considers, but does have her own plans...
Ug, poor Pen, the pining does get me. It'll be alright, girl...
A Plan...
If there's one thing you can say about Marina, it's that she knows how to play this game, and how to do it well so that she can get what she needs. Is it manipulation? Yes. Is she doing it out of self preservation? Absolutely.
She completely plays Portia here (Portia, isn't necessarily stupid, either, but is trying to be calculating in her own right). Marina appeals to Portia's sense of status -- and her desire and need to maintain that status. So Marina basically cuts her a deal. Let me go after Colin, and I'll repay you by letting you stay in your good standing with the Ton. And so the two of them forge an alliance.
But, ah, all this talk of seduction and manipulation -- that's breaking Penelope's heart as she hears it. It's bad enough that the guy she loves is interested in someone else. She has always known or felt that she'd lose Colin some day to another woman. But to lose him to people who do not have his best interest at heart? It's devastating.
But still... she does not go first to her best line of defense, Lady Whistledown... that's the last possible card she'll play.
A Wedding
This is, like, the saddest wedding ever. Man, they look miserable.
Colin seems fine about it. He smiles a bit because it's Daphne, and she's getting married. But not a whole lot of insight to pull out here. He's so detached from this plot line, lol.
A Proposal
So, right before we jump into the Pen and Marina stuff, Cressida approaches Daphne and basically says -- I hope some day you'll pay me to keep quit about the shit I saw in the garden. Like, the girl had a blackmailing mindset even here. I mean, obviously Season 3 didn't come out of nowhere, but it is interesting the seeds they did place for things so early on.
Anyway... Penelope's back to her meddling -- this time trying to get Marina interested in ANYONE else. And I mean, Pen's got a good eye. She's watched all of these people, and I trust that she's attempting to set Marina up with a good (enough) match.
After Marina becomes stubborn about Colin, Penelope opens up. While she's not entirely truthful, she is very open and does lay a lot of it on the line. She admits she does care for Colin. She admits that she just cannot stand back and watch him be manipulated into a life that he didn't sign up for. While she is holding back on the extent of her romantic feelings, she is being emotionally vulnerable, in a way to get Marina to empathize with her. I mean, she is being sincere, and cutting a lot of the mind games crap she had been doing. But she's hoping that a more open approach will help change Marina's mind.
Of course - Marina is out to win. She sees no other options, and she does throw some of it back in Penelope's face. She knows that Colin is a sure thing, and that she'll be treated right. She is not going to lose that chance - because the alternative are the Rutledges of the world. And she just can't take that chance.
It's kind of funny that she still doesn't get how invested Penelope is in this, but she is giving Pen her own moment of emotional vulnerability. She is running out of time, and she will do what she can to secure a good future for herself, and however Penelope feels about it, doesn't really matter because it's ultimately not about her. (And, you know, she isn't wrong, even though we may side with Pen on this one.)
We also learn that Rudledge is engaged and off the market (darn) so Portia tells Marina she'd better get working on Colin... there is a time limit after all.
Before we get to Colin though... we have this brief moment between Pen and Eloise. They've had their fight, and now it's awkward. Neither really quite knowing what to say. But it'll be alright... They always find their way back to each other. But no time for that now! Other plotlines to get to! lol
Poor Pen, no where to hide in this brightly lit, very white room. She can't hide from Eloise. And she can't hide from Marina and Colin. It's just a lot... Just a lot to witness, and she can't do anything about it.
Not at the moment anyway...
The reason the earlier episodes showed Pen and Marina getting along well is to establish the respect Pen has for Marina and vice versa. But this is the turning point. Because Pen had tried to be open about her feelings and Marina was just not playing that game.
Oh, there is some anger in Penelope's eyes. You do not fuck with Colin. You just don't. Penelope would help her with any, every other man in all of England. Just not hers. Pen could accept if Marina truly loved Colin, she probably would let him go.
But the 'act' is going into full swing now, and Pen just cannot with it. She just cannot with how Marina is going to completely manipulate the situation. And even though Pen doesn't get to see what we're about to -- she knows what's happening. Unfortunately, poor Colin can't.
So, what is the FIRST thing Marina do? She needs to get them alone, so she pretends she's not feeling well. And I mean, she gets him. She so gets him. His protector/hero complex is activated and he quickly is not only concerned, but gets her out of there.
And oofff, this next scene is almost hard to watch, because every beat of it on Marina's end is calculated. It's masterful really.
Oh, poor Pen, having a moment for herself of sadness.
But I also just thought of something... had Marina chosen anyone else, she could have really helped Marina. The Lady Whistledown of it all could have helped her. Penelope watches everything, she knows things, and she could have helped Marina in snagging any other man at that party. Of course, she was never going to give up her identity, but it's kind of interesting to think of the what ifs...
Oh man, Marina's smug look when they enter the study. She isn't even trying to hide it.
Colin. You are such a dumbass. (Said with all the love, cause I do love his dumb ass.)
It's funny, Colin is such an interesting study because he's got such a duality about him. Social decorum is something he thinks about (and will very much so in this scene), but he also isn't really one to play by the rules.
In this instance, though, it's his youthful inexperience and naivety that is his down fall. Does he want to be alone with Marina? Yes. But does he sense that she's setting this up so they can be alone? Not even in the slightest. He's still in protector mode. Even the scandalous shutting of the door is about her comfort, not about what she's trying to get.
He may be a little slower, but he's not a complete idiot, and when he takes a moment to asses that she's fine, he gets it. And the wheels start turning. And yeah, he does want to hook up with her. His little grin at his fortune says that.
Marina, however, just has zero time for the drawn out romance Colin has playing in his head. She is direct and gets right to the point. And I love that there's a little moment of freak out that crosses his face. Sure, he wants to hook up -- but he clearly never has before, because the minute she moves forward he does have a sheer moment of panic before he regains himself. He wants her. But he has no idea what he's doing.
And then we get this. This almost kiss. And there's just... a lot to this little moment. A lot.
Because I think it speaks to Colin's fantastical idea of what romance is vs the reality of it when it's staring him in his face.
I do think, yes, base line, he wants to kiss her -- among other things. And I do kind of wonder if he even has kissed anyone at this point, because he's kind of acting as if he's in this place where it just feels... not right. And, not even coming from the societal pressure (which I'll get to in a second) but from a place where -- he has all of these romantic little fantasy of what this moment should be like, and having a rushed moment in the study the way Anthony probably would do it, is not really Colin. Or.. this youthful version of Colin who doesn't have the experience.
I have to wonder if this younger Colin has all these fantasies about kissing his wife for the first time at their wedding and the magical moments he know does happen afterwards. And I think that's why I do think it's a good thing all of this happens because it does end up smashing his idyllic version of romance to allow him to be open to what real romance is -- not the ideas he's made up in his head, but what is really there.
(And I mean, I guess I'll get into it maybe later? I do have headcanons for Colin -- such as his first time with a woman was probably bought and paid for at a brothel. That after this whole Marina thing kind of sours him on love for a while, it pushes him to go out and get some experiences. It allows him to understand the world a bit better - so when he finally does see Penelope, he'll understand it better.)
So he stops the kiss. And Marina, who is savvy as fuck for navigating all of this so quickly, doesn't push him. She's gonna seduce him, but she'll do so on his terms. And appealing to his greater sense of romanticism and honor. Which really works in her favor, ultimately.
Colin can barely believe he's stopping - because he probably is a bit overwhelmed by whatever body reaction is probably happening in that moment. He still considers himself a gentleman who does things in a proper order.
And it's funny, as much as he ends up being a bit of a rule breaker, it's almost not intentionally. He wants to always be doing the right thing. He wants that honor. He wants to be the gentleman. He wants to be seen in good standing by the greater society. So he won't do anything to compromise himself, but more so her. And so he holds back because this is not the proper way. So, yes, I do think some of society's pressure is on display here, too.
Oh, but Marina, girl is so calculated in this scene. She plays on his gentlemanly nature. Plays on his need for honor. And pushes hard on his desire. You almost feel bad for how easily Colin cracks. He is very much a 'my wife' guy. Even here with Marina, that tendency is here on display.
The jump to marriage is bonkers quick. Yes -- it is partially fueled by society's restraints on sexual desires. But it's also a romantic fantasy Colin actually wants. He wants a wife. He wants that life. He's just never found that emotional connection to really fuel him to go for it. But he thinks he has that with Marina. He thinks that she wants that life with him, too. And, of course, now that they've been alone and courting, he thinks it is the proper step to take. So he does.
It's sweetly in earnest. And a bit unsure of a proposal. He doesn't doubt his own feelings, but he doesn't know where Marina stands.
When Marina not only says yes but looks ecstatic about the idea, he just lights up. Romantic achievement fulfilled. That almost kiss did make him unsure of things. But now that marriage is on the table. Now that they can have this nice long engagement and a fancy wedding and this idyllic life of love he's always heard about from his mother, he is so, so excited about it. He thinks he's getting everything he's ever wanted.
And... he thinks he's giving her everything she wants. He talks about her deserving a grand wedding. He is (almost hilariously) breathless when he says it'll be wonderful. (There is really a little ten yo girl living Colin's heart, lol)
Unfortunately, Marina's excitement is not for the same reason as his own. She's thrilled that this whole plan has worked as quickly and as swimmingly as she wanted to. And... she didn't even have to sleep with him to get a proposal. Win-win, really.
Oh, Colin... he feels everything so intensely. It's a shame this is a mix of lust and youthful ignorance fueling romantic fantasies that this proposal comes about. And Marina was hoping for all of that. He promises that he'll give her everything she wants, and he does in this moment. It's a shame that what Colin doesn't realize -- it is just a fantasy, and ultimately, not what he wants.
Oh man, that look Marina gives before she turns around. Diabolical. I don't think of her as a villain. I really don't. I think she's a young woman who is desperate and willing to do what she can to ensure her own safety. But she is playing with his heart, and knows it.
Look how giddy he is, oh Colin... Well, they promise not to say anything -- because seriously, probably not a good thing to announce your engagement at your sister's wedding. But Colin's probably going to be sleeping well tonight.
It's interesting -- thinking about how Penelope is currently a little heartbroken while all of this is going on. But, you know, she's had a long time to have to deal with these problems, with the emotions. She is able to handle a lot of these harder emotions and process them better because they've been going on for so long.
I think when the shit hits the fan with Marina, it's going to hurt so much worse in some ways. It's like the opposite of the she fell first, he fell harder trope. He's never had to experience heartbreak on this level before, and it'll feel devastating. It's no wonder he spends all of season 2 spiraling. Huh.
Anyway, on that happy note, we get to move onto episode 6! Which is my favorite Polin episode for Season 1 :)
[As an aside, this episode ends with Daphne and Simon's first time, which -- has a lot of similarities, beats, and dialogue as the Polin mirror scene. But the atmosphere, tone, and even acting are a lot different. Idk - I find it really fascinating. If anyone else does, let me know, and I can do a side by side analysis of it, cause there are some interesting things to dissect there.]
#bridgerton#polin#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#penelope bridgerton#colin x penelope#polination#the lady whistledown papers#i probably should have split this in two but ah well
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Can't stop thinking about unhealthy co-dependent teen!fireskulls..
#directly related to that Matryoshka idea i had#Pump's fear of abandonment (which stems from his parents leaving for work) leading him to do stupid and selfish things to try and assure#him that Skid won't leave him#spooky month#skid and pump#skid#sm skid#pump#sm pump#skump#fireskulls#au#skid x pump#the idea I'm having rn is that Skid starts to experience psychotic symptoms and depression#and he's like hm maybe i should go to the doctor about this#but Pump is immediately like oh my god please don't because he's scared that if Skid gets medicated he'll realise how ridiculous and chaoti#that Pump is and won't want to be his friend anymore#so yeah gaslight gatekeep girlboss ig#(none of it would be romanticised at all btw)#they deal with their turmoil in different ways#skid draws and spraypaints his ''personal monsters'' (hallucinations. he doesn't know that though) all over the place#pump destroys stuff with his hammer and sets shit on fire#so yeah if y'all like the sound of that incredibly angsty (and probably cringe) au then I'll draw something for it lol#i just want skid and pump to be a little fucked up when they get older okay#sm 6 hinted that their personalities are gonna change (them getting upset and wanting to be better)#so this au would be that but cranked up to the extreme#they're still very silly and spooky btw they're not like edgy broody teens i'm not that bad /lh#i guess the best way to describe it would be like...#you know jinx from arcane? imagine if her character was split in two. skid gets her psychosis and pump gets her chaos and violence#wow i accidentally reached the tag limit lmao
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Sketches
#shuichi iguchi#shigaraki tomura#spinaraki#these were 2 unrelated sletches but then my brain starting brewing some thoughts#mainly an au where spinner is sent in as a spy (for???? not the heroes lmao) to get into Shigaraki's confidence which of course means#wink wonk bedroom activities ANYWAY spinner catches feelings and doesnt really want to inform on Shigaraki anymore and is feeling conflicted#about what he should do and shigaraki knows something is up with his maybe boyfriend but not what and just :))) angst and split loyalties#amd feeling torn in two directions#(i sya not heroes but the only group with enough prescence is the mla but thats not really their m.o. either so???? idk what group would#have the reach/influence to feel threatened by some upstart kid in the villain world and manipulate a member into taking this espionage job)#anyways ive got so many au ideas and not enough time to write a fic or 12 lmao#like the research + planning + plot points + writing + editing + energy to pull it off.... im tempted to dabble in it all again tbh#im a year behind the manga tho and still havent watched the last season so idk where characters have ended up#and id rather not write anything until i catch up (idk maybe horikoshi has revealed some fun/character specific info?)#here i am talking on + on in the tags. anywho if anyone wants to write a fic based on any of my posts feel free bc i probably never will
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well i could move to europe. we have the means to and ive always wondered what it would be like to actually LIVE there. but i have a life here and i had PLANS here. really big ones. and none of my friends have a europe to be able to just pack up and move to. sure i bet its leagues nicer than this shithole but those friends are family to me. and if i go with my blood family and cant take my friend family with me then i dont really see a point to it all. and so we press on anyway. as one does. as humanity always has. for the rest of life and time.
#in laymans terms: fuck it we ball#yknow the thing about time is it just keeps going forever. and i find that interesting given im writing a comic about time#ive found every realization about time ive thought of to be interesting#sometimes you have those moments where you can almost feel the timeline split in two#and the thing is THOSE outcomes will branch out into OTHER outcomes#like a piece of broccoli. or better yet a tree i suppose.#and after that what then? even more outcomes forever#i know everyone else is probably in the middle of their own moments of Profound Thought#so im sorry for clogging up your dashes with even more of that. hahaha#but in times like this what the hell else are you supposed to do with your feelings. yknow?#look man im gonna try to look on the bright side and hang in there. i should get one of those posters with the cat on it#and i encourage you guys to do that as well#godspeed my friends
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i'll answer messages and asks eventually but im in crozcest mode rn plz give me a few hours to get back to normal
#crozcest#im unwell im screaming i cannot be contained#the rewatch is taking forever because i keep rewinding and overanalyzing everything fuck me-#i'm gonna have to split the post into two probably it's so long#oh- i should make a poll on that
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Head in my hands wondering if I'll have to cut the entire Chume Labs section out because it's more suited to being a different chapter, but also knowing the next chapter can't have it either so I might have to cut it from this fic entirely aaaAAAAAAAAAA
#i talk#fic talk#I was thinking I could stay up a while and try to finish this chapter so I could maybe post it tomorrow#but this is really eating me up#On the one hand... a solely Fuga chapter would be great#on the other hand... this chapter is supposed to show their growth from Fuga to the Chume Labs era#(even if it IS 99% about Fuga)#because that's what the chapter's theme is about#Agh#I'll keep chipping away at things regardless#Anyways for folks who like numbers#so far of everything I've already written / edited I have 5588 words#If I solely make this a Fuga chapter there are 1135 words left in my draft#meaning the final total of the chapter will be around 7000 words more or less since I tend to add a lot more stuff when I'm editing#I've got 1870 words (approximately) written for the Chume Labs section#which means if I do the entire Fuga + Chume Labs part this chapter will probably be just under 10000 words#@ __________ @#Maybe I should split this chapter up and make the Chume Labs part an interlude#Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm#Or maybe I'll throw it in Chapter 4 after all. Hell I dunno#We'll see how I feel once I finish editing all the Fuga stuff#I'm pretty happy with the Fuga stuff though but oh boy did it kill me#I think the reason I'm waffling about the Chume Labs bit is because technically it wasn't supposed to be included in this chapter#I had the idea two (?) ish weeks ago and went ''Wait that's a great idea to add''#which is how 99% of my writing goes and is one of the reasons why everything takes so long lol#But anyways. Yeah it's looking like no chapter update today (or I guess tomorrow depending on your timezone)#Sorry guys!#But it's almost done
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rivals
#vee queued to fill the void#lol sometimes i wonder if i miss the division beef#like nothing can really hit that 1st drb experience but kr also didn’t try lol#and while i can definitely breathe easier since they aren’t so intense anymore is that really a good thing i’ve been wondering lol 🤔#like i see lots of people of the opinion that the conflicts between the leaders got solved waaaaaaaaaaay too quickly and i don’t disagree#i like pointing out how long it took jakurai to forgive ramuda vs how long it took kuukou to forgive ramuda#like from the standpoint of two individuals who have buddha/god imagery attached to them#and for that reason it’s really cool that kuukou forgave ramuda instantly without needing to know ramuda’s baggage like jakurai did#but should that have cooked some more is what i wonder lol#it could have also set up some fun differences between sasara and kuukou who are both very bonds dependent#but kuukou could have been significantly more angry about being split from ichiro vs sasara numbly accepting the loss#and it gets across in a way in the 6 colours track because kuukou does let ramuda know lmao#and sasara only chimes in after kuukou lets ramuda off the hook lol like it’s there!!!!! should it have cooked tho#ramuda being forgiven by everyone is good because plenty wasn’t his fault but him choosing ichiro and samatoki WAS#so something like that probably could have stewed longer lol#this is a whole entire thing actually lol i wanna keep rambling about the surface level squabbles we got with like gentaro and juto#and beefs that could have exposed more like hifumi and gentaro’s#or just the fact since posse is at the center of all conflict with their strongest chuuoku ties and idk if that’s a good thing rly#but these are a lot of tags lmao#c: dop#c: daisu#c: ramuda#c: kuukou👑#c: sasara
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are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture
#i have seen it on two entirely separate topics lately and its like. hello?????#'if you cant name 10 trans authors off the top of your head you shouldnt be talking about trans issues full stop.#i dont think thats an unreasonable expectation for anyone wanting to engage in rational discourse' how about we all go outside#because like yeah i couldnt name you too many trans authors but given my transgenderismness i think i do in#fact still deserve a seat at the table. and i dont think there should be a prerequisite academic education level to be allowed to talk.#'but you could find them for free-' yes‚ you can‚ but people should still be allowed to a) choose what they read based#off of what interests them and not mildly-to-extremely dense nonfiction writing and still Talk About Their Own Lives And Have#Opinions#shockingly not reading a lot of one specific type of author doesnt prevent a person from having reasonable and valuable opinions#if youre not capable of parsing someones argument because theyre not well-read enough then that just imo means you dont actually understand#the things youve read to be able to give them a synopsis#this isnt school. we're not being graded. there is no required reading and you are perfectly capable of giving people an#explanation on your stances if theyre unfamiliar with them#i had a b) but i dont remember what it was‚ i think it probably was part of what i covered there that i thought was a separate thought#but yeah just like. idk you can just say 'hey i would really recommend reading xyz but to summarize‚ (thing that disproves them)'#it is not . difficult to either Explain yourself or‚ if that is not possible‚ Not be condescending to the person youre not willing to teach#for not knowing#ill stop there bc ive already done that ramble before but. yes#origibberish#edit: ok upon reread i got turned around and switched from addressing the less educated one conveying their arguments#to the more well read one#bc that was the b is i was gonna talk about both#yall get what i mean though just like. split it in half and flip it turnways
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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy
#not writing#shay speaks#not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure#of when i want to end this one and start the next#but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah#we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4#and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again#and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that#AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6#and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd#i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks#my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like#slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks#but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs#big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out#again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post#mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day#it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters
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I wiped out so hard tonight my KNEES
#I fell over. so many times. including two of the worst falls I’ve had in a WHILE#god the first one literally like minute and a half on the ice i lose a foot under me and do the splits. crash into the barriers#I am notably Not flexible I cannot do the splits. I don’t know how I kept skating afterwards#the worst fall I have ever had however was right at the end and the thing that made me get off#we were playing a thing and both me and this other guy we’re trying to catch this girl who turned out to be Also going very fast#three way collision all falling forwards on top of each other#we SLID there were BLADES BY MY HEAD im lucky im short im amazed nobody got actually hurt#except like. my knees which are now staging a coup I rlly should ice them but I don’t have ice and I just wanna sleep#but GOD tonight was a mixed bag#i have acquired the instagram and will probably get him on committee if he sends me the thing#also slowly thinking hrm yeah he’s probably straight#anyway good news: i think we’re pretty solidly friends now. bad news: prooobably regrettably heterosexual#idk straight guys shouldn’t be allowed to be cute and funny and good at skating it’s not fair#aaaanyway. it’s my own fault bc I meet most new people through hockey now and this sport is pretty notoriously not queer#it’s a little different here but the people who end up Good are largely not yknow. and I am unfortunately into guys who can skate#also they end up being the people I actually get to talk to with what I do. dumb as hell. they should invent gay hockey players#anyway my assessment is still vibes based there’s time for me to be proven wrong but we will see. it’d be funny if he was queer after this#will think abt texting him on a day that isn’t tomorrow bc tomorrow’s gonna be too much and I would like to have some time to chill sometime#anyway this is my periodic reminder to myself that I’m literally just Allowed to have feelings. fucked up that it’s true#but like it’s just. allowed. and it’s not even that I’m dumb or have bad taste or smth like that and over like what.#almost two years? there have been 5 guys total. mr prick who WAS queer unfortunately. and while the other four did turn out to be straight#that was due to 1. guy literally had rainbow fucking stick tape and Everyone thought he was gay. also I was just kinda fucking around there#2. talked to him like three times before asking him out. agrees to dinner bc he thinks it’s funny. 3. many signals bc bunch of queer friends#still unconfirmed but be does have a girlfriend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 4. okay maybe I should know better by now but he’s cute okay I’m allowed to hope#it’s not even like I’ve DONE anything other than talk to him dude you’re fine you’re allowed to feel things#aaaanyway. bed now. eepy. will talk to him later. he complimented my hair okay I’m done now going to sleep#very sorry to anyone who reads these tags for just going on abt this guy but also no I’m not scroll down#luke.txt
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good morning!! :3
#i managed to work more on that fic so I'm happy :D#at this rate i'll definitely have it finished before the lantern rite event starts hehe :3#and i'll keep doing companion quests in terms of gaming plans for today#like i'm almost done with all the belobog ones (think i have like two-three left?? idk how many clara's splits into)#but that's fun! :D#i'm also wanting to come up with more tags for some potential f/os#speaking of... i should probably screenshot my potentials list and share it here#i doubt many people go look at it that often (probably since i silently add to it and don't tell anyone)#lol i should also change that hehe#but anyways#i hope you have a good day/night!! <3#morning rambles
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Hey y’all I know pretty much nothing about...dang it I don’t know what the branch of science is called. Archaeology but for animals? Paleontology but not for dinosaurs??? Biology but for things long extinct???? anyway to make a long post short: I want to make a like beanie baby version of a sabre tooth tiger, possibly a sabre tooth tiger cub. Can you please share any sources you know of that show what sabre tooth tigers are believed to have looked like?
#I should know this I am friends with an implausible number of archaeologists for someone who is not an archaeologist#turns out the reason I've been kinda out of it this last week might not be that the new manufacturer of my meds made them in a shape#that cannot split evenly and resulted in a slightly different dosage every time#it might be that I am mildly allergic to the inactive ingredients that manufacturer uses#so. that's fun. I have the old version of meds back and am doing MUCH better#but still not back to 100%#and now I get to call a pharmacy again and ask if there's any way for me to get a list of the inactive ingredients#so I can start narrowing down which thing is messing me up lol#before I have any tests done that these meds affect I am supposed to be off them for at least a full day#preferably two weeks. So I'm assuming I'll be most of the way better tomorrow#and fully back to my normal within two weeks#probably sooner! probably only the active ingredient lasts that long#who knows though. certainly not me
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so close...freedom is Right There....
#the good news is this exam is actually only SIXteen hours over two days instead of seventeen like I'd thought#the bad news is that it's split 7 and 9 hours instead of 8 and 8 and the second day starts an hour later#which would be fine except I also have to catch a flight#was hoping to be able to stop by home on the way back and pack but I might have to pack...in advance (shudder)#OH SHOOT I FORGOT THE BIOSTAT REVIEW#I KNEW IT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I MEANT TO DO TODAY#man this is what you get for spending the first four hours of the day in bed doing nothing#(that is a lie. I was catching up on belated femslash feb stuff)#(but still Nothing Productive)#cannot wait to be done and on the other side of this good lord#imagine actually being able to DO THINGS AGAIN#I know the creativity will not magically turn on like a faucet as soon as this passes but. one can dream.#Cheese's personal molasses#SO many fleeting ideas and SO little power of execution#(except my execution tomorrow ;'D)#hm. should probably go to sleep#but I don't want tomorrow to start yet#okay NOTES TO SELF:#WATCH THE BIOSTAT VIDEOS#cases cases cases cases cases#some mcq if you really want but mostly cases#pack...I guess......#how expensive would it be to briefly rent a trumpet vs. checking in a bag
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