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atlabeth · 2 years ago

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everything happens for a reason part 20 - zuko x fem!reader

Guess it's true, I'm never getting over you

part 19 | masterlist | part 21

a/n: holy shit guys. we're finally here. the title chapter, the part that officially puts us over the 100k mark, the turning point, the end of the constant mf angst that i've put you all through. that's right. it's finally time for yn and zuko's life changing field trip. ive had this idea down for so long and i can't believe we're actually here lol. buckle up because she's a very long and very emotional one. i hope you enjoy.

wc: 14.3k I KNOW IM SORRY

warning(s): a lot of angst, fighting, violence (including minor character death), a whole lot of emotions, but the fluffy reconciliation you've all been waiting for<3

chapter title comes from everything happens for a reason (!!!!!!) by madison beer

Y/N felt betrayed.

It wasn’t a secret how she felt about Zuko. She avoided him at every possible moment, making herself scarce whenever he walked into a room or completely ignoring him in group conversation—it was the closest she could get to the civility required now that he was Aang’s firebending teacher, and even that was difficult.

Not because she didn’t want anything to do with Zuko—no, it was becoming the opposite, and it scared her more than anything.

She found herself thinking of him more often than not. And not of the North, or their meetings along their journey, not the catacombs—she found herself recalling the more pleasant memories.

The time they spent together whenever they could when she was still a servant and he was still a prince. The sunset they shared together the night before her life was turned upside down. Those afternoons when she would visit him in the tea shop, talking like they used to, smiling like they used to.

Remembering him for who he was rather than who he had become was dangerous. It was how she got her heart broken in the first place, how she went through some of the worst months of her life.

He couldn’t hurt her again if she didn’t give him the chance to. So she wouldn’t.

But it was getting harder and harder to avoid him, because one by one, her friends forgave him.

First, she’d heard, was Toph. She didn’t have any kind of grudge against him, and she was able to make up for him burning her feet tenfold now that he was part of the team.

Next was Aang. He was already far too forgiving, the amount of grace inside of him more than Y/N could even hope to muster. They proved themselves in front of the last dragons together, and apparently that was enough for Aang to trust him.

It took Sokka a bit longer, but after what they pulled off at the Boiling Rock together, he didn’t seem to have a hard time getting along with Zuko. The fact that he helped save Y/N and Suki probably didn’t hurt his chances either.

Zuko had burned down Suki’s village, but Y/N still remembered what she told him in the courtyard—”if you can get me out of here, you’re forgiven. Kyoshi’s fans, I’ll be your best friend.” They weren’t exactly that close, but they worked together, and that was enough.

Katara, it seemed, was the only one who still shared Y/N’s scorned feelings. They held onto each other like a lifeline, feeding off of the other in their hatred. It might not have been the healthiest option, but they refused to forgive Zuko. They stewed in their hurt, and it felt good. It felt good to have a target for their bitterness rather than the abstract ideal of betrayal, and Zuko worked just fine.

After they had fought against Azula, the night they settled on a random Fire Nation island, the two of them sat together on the outskirts of camp. They were meant to be keeping watch together, but instead they made quiet conversation.

“So,” Katara said, “today was… something.”

“That’s one way to say it,” Y/N said wryly. “Since joining you guys, I’ve had enough action for a lifetime. I can’t wait for all this to be over.”

Katara smiled, but it was wistful. “Neither can I. This has all gone on for so long—all I want is peace.”

A memory flashed through her mind—frantic screams, desperate pleading, flames devouring centuries of life—and Y/N swallowed thickly as she tried to push it away. The closer the day came, the more the memories would appear. It happened every year, but this time it was worse.

“Me too,” she murmured. “More than anything.”

Katara looked at her for a moment, her gaze softening before she finally spoke. “Are you okay? I… I know today wasn’t easy.”

Y/N managed a thin smile, but it wasn’t convincing. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Katara said dryly. “We look out for each other—we always have, even from the first day we met. But it’s like you’re trying to make it as hard as possible for me to care about you.”

“One of my many skills,” she said sarcastically, but Katara didn’t laugh. Y/N sighed in response, long and deep, and allowed her gaze to drift into the murky distance. At nighttime, the water and the sky became one. It was calming. “I just…” she shook her head, “I don’t know what to do.”

“With Zuko,” she guessed.

“With everything,” Y/N said, but then she sighed again. “...Zuko included.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Katara said quietly. “Not after everything he’s put you through.”

“I keep telling myself that,” she murmured. “But there’s something inside of me that I can’t get rid of.” She looked at Katara, the beginnings of tears glimmering in her eyes. “There— there’s this hope that I can’t get rid of, that things could be the way they used to be again. And— and last time I felt that way was in Ba Sing Se, and I know where that got me, so—”

Katara stayed silent, only taking her hand to acknowledge her while allowing her to continue. It was a lifeline to her, one sorely needed, and she let out a shaky breath.

“So why do I still feel that way?” she asked, almost desperately. “How have they all forgiven him so easily? They know what he did— spirits, Aang died because of him— but they’re all able to sit around and joke with him like nothing happened.”

“They didn’t trust him the way we did,” Katara said with a quiet anger. “They didn’t trust him the way we did, so it didn’t hurt them the way it hurt us.”

“I don’t want to forgive him,” Y/N said weakly. “But the thought of losing him hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much?”

“I don’t know,” Katara murmured. “I… I don’t know.”

Y/N flinched as a tear rolled down her cheek and fell to the ground below, and she instinctively wiped it away. She couldn’t show weakness.

She grimaced at the thought. How long would that wretched place stay with her?

“I’ll give you some time.” Katara’s expression was pained as she squeezed her hand. She didn’t want to leave her alone, but Y/N was thankful for it. Right now she just needed to feel miserable by herself, without bringing Katara down with her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Katara nodded as she stood up. “You can sleep in my tent tonight. Or if you decide you want to talk, come bother me. I promise it’ll be okay.”

Y/N nodded, the action a bit numb, and she could feel Katara’s eyes on her as she lingered. But eventually she mustered the strength to leave, and Y/N was left with her thoughts.

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat as she stared up at the sky. She tried to find the constellation her father taught her when she was a mere child—the tiger seal.

It was a jumble of stars that didn’t even remotely resemble the animal, but she remembered late nights spent stargazing on the ground outside their house, giggling endlessly as her father would point out various other constellations that he made up on his own. It would last until her mother would come out and tell them it was far past your bedtime, young lady, but she would never hide her smile as they ambled back inside.

The memory made a smile of her own emerge, but she soon realized she was fully in tears. They slid down her cheeks, falling onto the dirt and stones jutting out of the cliffside.

She couldn’t stop thinking of Zuko. She couldn’t stop thinking of her father. She felt so deeply broken in a way that she had no idea how to fix, in a way that was threatening to consume her.

She had her life back. Everything should have been back to normal.

But instead, she felt more lost than ever.

Y/N ended up taking Katara’s offer of sleeping in her tent, and she was glad she did. The familiarity of it all made her heart ache, but she was thankful for it. Thankful that she had friends like these who wouldn’t let her push them away, no matter how much her newly wired instincts told her it was the right thing to do.

She was visited by her childhood in her dreams yet again. She saw her father and her mother, walking hand in hand with smiles on their faces as they trailed behind a young Y/N skipping through the village paths.

She saw her child self running, screaming and laughing in equal parts as she was chased by the boy marked as the tagger, only to stagger backwards after running into one of the adults. But she was greeted by the smiling face of her father. The boy tapped her on the shoulder and ran off laughing, but her father knelt down to her level and looked at her completely seriously.

“I guess that means we’re the taggers now, huh?” And with that, the two of them ran around the village tagging everyone they could with the seriously unfair advantage.

She saw the moment after she’d learned how to waterbend, sprinting through the whole village to find her father, drag him to the lake, and show him her new skill. Gan held all the stars in his eyes as he watched her bend, and even though it was the simplest thing she could’ve done he praised her to no end.

The absence of scars, the smoothness of her skin, a bright smile that shone through her—she was unmarked by the world then. Hopeful, content, naive.

When she woke up with still-wet tear tracks on her cheeks, it wasn't a surprise. She woke up like this more often than not.

One week. Seven days. And then she would go to face something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

But for now, there was something else to focus on. She could hear loud voices outside of the tent—all familiar, thankfully—but she knew that meant she had overslept.

Y/N fixed her hair and her clothes, rubbing furiously at her face to get rid of any signs of her previous emotions, and emerged from the tent to see her friends all standing around Appa.

“—about getting closure and justice,” she heard Zuko say, and her brows instinctively creased.

“What’s going on?” Y/N asked, crossing her arms as she stopped between Sokka and Zuko. “What are you all talking about?”

Zuko’s eyes widened slightly as he looked at her. “Uh— good morning.”

“Good morning,” she said stiffly before repeating herself. “What’s going on?”

“Zuko knows where to find the man who killed our mother,” Sokka said. He was oddly quiet.

“And Katara wants to find him,” Aang said, his expression uneasy.

“Is there a problem with that?” Katara asked defensively.

“Not if Zuko’s right and you just want closure,” he said. “But I don’t think that’s what this is about. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

“Maybe it is!” Katara exclaimed, gesturing with one hand. “Maybe it is about revenge, Aang. But don’t you think I deserve it?”

“You don’t know what it will do to you,” Aang said. “I know how you feel right now, trust me—like violence is the only way to solve your problem. I felt that way after I discovered what happened to my people. But it’s not the only way.”

“I can’t let him go now that I know I can get to him!” she yelled, her voice rising with her anger. “Maybe it’s what I need—maybe it’s what he deserves.”

Aang’s eyes widened slightly. “Katara, you sound like Jet.”

“That’s not the same,” she snapped. “Jet hurt the innocent. This man— he’s not innocent. He’s a monster.”

“Katara, she was my mother too, but I think Aang might be right,” Sokka said.

She set her jaw. “Then you didn’t love her the way I did.”

Sokka took a step back as his eyes widened. “Katara…”

“The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper.” Aang spoke up quickly, trying to fill the air after what she’d said. “While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.”

“That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple preschool,” Zuko said. “It’s the real world.”

“And you think he hasn’t experienced the real world?” Y/N snapped. “I think he knows a little bit about grief after what’s happened to him.”

Zuko looked at her with a surprisingly level expression, contrasting her narrowed eyes and upturned lip. “Monk pacifism isn’t going to help here.”

Y/N opened her mouth to retort back but Aang stopped her. “It’s okay. I forgive you, Zuko.” He looked at Katara. “That’s what you need to do. Forgiveness.”

Katara laughed in disbelief. “You want me to forgive the man who murdered my mother?”

“Of course not!” Aang said. “You need to face him—I understand that. But when you face him, you can’t kill him. You have to let the anger flow through you, and then out of you. Accept your emotions, then let them go.”

“Why should he get to live when our mother is gone?” Katara shouted. “I don’t want to forgive him, I want revenge!”

“Killing him won’t bring our mother back,” Sokka murmured. “You’ll just have someone else’s blood on your hands.”

“Good,” she said coldly. “An eye for an eye.”

“Makes the whole world go blind,” Aang finished. “One of the monks said that back in the temple—violence might feel right, but it just hurts everyone more. Forgiveness is the right choice.”

“Forgiveness is the same as doing nothing,” Zuko said.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “It’s easy to do nothing—forgiveness is hard.”

“It’s not just hard,” Katara snarled, “it’s impossible.”

Aang looked over at Y/N, who had been silent since her outburst at Zuko. “Y/N, please. You know revenge won’t help her.”

Y/N looked between the two of them, the steely determination brewing in Katara’s eyes at odds with a desperate softness in Aang’s. Something twisted in her chest, and she had to force herself to look away as she spoke.

“...Do what you have to,” she said quietly. “Whatever that ends up being.”

Hurt flickered across Aang’s expression before he looked away, and Katara nodded thankfully at her before she started walking away. Zuko cast a long look at Y/N before he followed her.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Y/N muttered as she hurried off in the opposite direction, swallowing her doubts as her hands bunched into fists and loosened over and over, desperately needing something to do with them.

Katara was going after her mother’s killer, and Zuko was helping her with it. Katara, her last line of defense in her feelings against him, was going on her own trip with him. Y/N knew it was for the best—it was something she needed to do and Zuko had the Fire Nation knowledge that no one else in their group possessed, so he was the obvious choice—but a small part of her still couldn’t help but despise it.

He was getting too close, far too close, and she wasn’t going to let that affect her.

No matter what.

Y/N had found a small solace by the cliffside, sitting on the edge as her legs hung off. She could fall just as easily as anything, but maybe it was the danger that calmed her, the fact that she was in control of what would happen. She heard the footsteps before anything though, and her body tensed up instinctively as she whirled around.

“It’s just me,” Toph said, her blank gaze aimed at the ground. “You’re jumpier than usual.”

“How can you tell?”

“I can hear every ant on this cliffside through their movements,” she said. “Your heart rate spiked so much that even a baby could tell you’re off. You’ve been off, ever since you came back.”

She smiled wryly. “I’m still getting used to everything again. It’s not an easy transition.”

“But you’re here,” Toph said, and she sat down next to her. “You’ve been through everything, and you’re still here. That means you’re tougher than everything the Fire Nation has tried to throw at you.”

“How can you say that so easily?” Y/N asked. “I’ve flipped out on everyone at least twice for no reason. I constantly have nightmares about what’s happened. I— I can’t even bend because Zuko still has this stupid hold on me. I don’t feel tough. I feel weaker than ever.”

“You’re still here,” Toph repeated, emphasizing each word. “So many other people would have given up by now if they were in your position. But you didn’t—you fought, and you continued to fight until you won, no matter how long it took you. That’s what makes you tough—not all the stuff you’ve been through, but the fact that you’re still standing at the end of it.”

“When did you become so wise?” she joked weakly, her gaze trailing off into the horizon. The sun was beginning to set, beautiful reds and oranges blending with deep purple. It reminded her of the night everything changed.

“Someone had to keep these dunderheads together while you were busy in prison.” Y/N chuckled a bit, but she could see Toph’s expression sober in her peripherals. “...I’ve just been worried about you.”

“Really?”

Toph punched her on the arm without looking. “Does that make you believe me?”

Y/N managed a small smile as she rubbed the spot. “Yeah.”

“Good. Because I don’t know how much sappy stuff I can take.”

Her smile widened as she wrapped an arm around Toph and pulled her closer. “So you do love me.”

“Let go of me!” she protested. “This is the worst kind of sappy stuff!”

But Toph made no move to get away from her, and Y/N laughed. “Just admit it. You missed me.”

“Of course I missed you,” she huffed. “Without you, I actually had to do all the work with Katara instead of knocking Twinkle Toes around with earthbending or practicing on my own. It was horrible.”

“I missed you too, Toph,” Y/N said with a smile. “I didn’t realize how much I appreciated your tough love until I didn’t have it.”

“I have plenty saved up for you, Snowflake,” Toph grinned, “so don’t worry.” But her expression sobered, and she paused.

“...I’m here for you,” she said after a moment. “If you need anything, or just someone to listen to. I’m good at listening to people complain.”

“Thank you,” she said, her smile softening. “That means more than you know.”

And as the two of them sat there in silence, nothing being said verbally but more in the air between them than ever, she felt content once again. She didn’t realize how much she just needed to talk to somebody. First her conversation with Katara and now with Toph—her friends really were the secret to making her feel better.

…Things would be okay again, Y/N thought to herself. No matter how long it took, her friends would be there for her.

Things would be okay again.

She would be okay again.

“They’ve been gone for too long,” Sokka grumbled.

“It’s been two days,” Aang said. “Zuko said the man they were after was retired—it can’t be easy to find a retired Fire Nation soldier, no matter how knowledgeable you are about the navy.”

“That’s too long,” Sokka insisted as he crossed his arms. While Y/N, Aang, Suki, Toph sat together in a loose arc, Sokka was up and pacing. He had been for the past twenty minutes.

“Can you sit down, Sokka?” Y/N asked. “You’re stressing me out.”

“You should be stressed out!” he exclaimed, flinging his arms up. “The boy prince of betrayal went off with my impressionable sister on a murder field trip. There is no reason to not be stressed out!”

“You need to give Sugar Queen more credit,” Toph said. “If Zuko tries anything, he’s the one that should be worried. Not the other way around.”

“Toph’s right,” Aang said, but then he frowned. “And I thought you trusted Zuko.”

“Not when he’s alone with my sister on a murder field trip!” Sokka heaved a long sigh as he stopped, staring out into the distance. Even though their island was one of a big scattered chain, they were still extremely isolated. It was unnerving sometimes, especially at night. “She feels everything so strongly, and… and she’s always felt guilty about what happened to Mom. I know she thinks this is her chance to make it up to her, to do what she wished she could have done on that day. But I also know that if she goes through with it, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.”

“She’ll make the right choice,” Y/N murmured. “I know she will.”

Aang suddenly perked up, and he turned around. When he did, his eyes widened. “They’re back.”

They all turned around to see Appa touching down at camp, but only one person dismounted.

“Where’s Katara?” Y/N instantly asked, her eyes narrowing as she darted up.

“She’s fine,” Zuko said, but when he glanced at Aang she could see his nerves. “She… she’s back at the dock. At the soldier’s village.”

“Did she…?” Aang didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to.

“No. He’s terrified out of his mind, but he’s alive.” A weight was visibly lifted off of Sokka’s shoulders with the single word, and Aang nodded.

“That’s… that’s good.”

“She said she needed some time to herself,” Zuko murmured. “I figured it was only right to bring you back with me.”

“I’m coming too,” Sokka said.

“Me too,” Y/N spoke up. She could feel Zuko’s gaze on her, but she didn’t meet it.

“I’ll stay back,” Toph said. “Someone has to hold this place down.”

“I will too,” Suki said, and she gave Sokka a light kiss on the cheek. “I hope she’s okay.”

“She will be,” Sokka said softly. “Eventually.”

Zuko nodded and started walking back towards Appa. “Let’s get back, then. It’s a bit of a ride.”

Soon enough, they were all in the village, and Aang jumped off Appa as soon as he’d guided him close enough.

“Katara!” he exclaimed as he ran towards her, sitting on the edge of the dock. “Are you okay?”

“I’m doing fine,” she murmured. Her voice was placid as the water she sat above, but it was strained.

“Zuko told me what you did,” Aang said softly. “Or… what you didn’t do, I guess. I’m proud of you.”

“I wanted to do it,” she said stiffly. “I wanted to take out all my anger on him, and I almost did. But… but I just couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too weak to do it or strong enough not to.”

“You did the right thing,” Y/N said. “Facing that man makes you stronger than he could ever hope to be.”

“Forgiveness is the first step you have to take towards healing,” Aang said.

Katara stood up, and her gaze was a mixture of sadness and acceptance. But it was obvious the ordeal was still weighing on her. “I didn’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him. But…” she looked past them and over at Zuko, the smallest of smiles pulling at her lips. “...I am ready to forgive you.”

She walked up to Zuko and hugged him, and after a moment of hesitation Zuko smiled and wrapped his arms around her. Y/N clenched her jaw and started walking back over to Appa.

She was happy Katara got closure, of course she was. But in the process, she had forgiven Zuko. She was her confidante, the one person who understood how deep her anger towards him went. She had been by Y/N’s side throughout their whole journey, at each and every road block, she was there for Ba Sing Se—for all of Ba Sing Se.

And somehow, Zuko had gotten her to forgive him too.

It was selfish, unbelievably so, for it to hurt her so much when Katara had just faced something impossible. But she couldn’t help the way that her chest twisted, how her heart ached, how her nails dug so deep into her palms they left indentations.

When the rest of them got back onto Appa, Katara sat down next to her. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course.” She didn’t make eye contact, her gaze focused into the distance as Aang set off for camp. “I’m glad you got to face him. That you made the right decision for you.”

“Y/N,” she murmured, “I know what this is about.”

“It’s not about anything except you,” she evaded. “This was a journey you had to take—we’re all behind you.”

“And you have all my thanks for that,” Katara said. She glanced at Zuko on the other side of the saddle, very obviously trying to pretend like he wasn’t listening in on their conversation. He wasn’t very good at it. “But I know you’re upset about… that.”

“We don’t need to talk about this right now,” she said.

“Y/N…”

She didn’t say anything. Katara sighed and settled back down on the saddle.

“Okay,” she nodded. “When you’re ready.”

Quiet conversation was made on the other side of the saddle between the three boys, but there was nothing between Katara and Y/N.

Nothing except a newly found weight on both their shoulders.

The sizzling fuse exploded when they got back to camp, though. A ride spent staring at the sky didn’t do much for her. Y/N got down from Appa the moment Aang guided him to the ground, and Katara let out a hefty sigh as she followed after her. She started to say her name, but she didn’t get far.

“Even you forgave him.” Her words were cold, icy rather than hot anger. “Even you! After everything we’ve talked about— everything you know!”

“I— I know,” Katara said, and she let out a deep sigh as she ran a hand through her loose hair. “But… but he helped me in a way that no one ever had. I found my mother’s killer. I got closure.”

“Well, maybe I should get him to help me find the guard who killed my father,” Y/N said sarcastically. “Maybe that’ll get me my bending back.”

“It could,” Katara said, and she was actually genuine. “It could work. And Zuko would help you.”

She huffed a mirthless laugh and shook her head, biting the inside of her lip to prevent the tears she knew would start welling up. “I’m not letting him back in. Even you said I shouldn’t.”

“I can’t say I know how much you’re hurting,” Katara said, “but… but Zuko is hurting just as much as you. There’s no excuse for what he did, I’m not saying that. But he wants your forgiveness more than anything in the world.”

“Did he tell you to say this during your trip?” she asked stiffly. “I mean, now that he’s turned you over to his side and everything.”

“I’m saying this because I care about you,” Katara said softly. “Y/N, I have seen you hurting for months now, all because of Zuko. Even from the first moment we met in the North, I knew there was something inside of you, and it’s still there. And if you don’t take care of it, it’s going to consume you.”

“I can’t forgive him.” Her voice was barely a whisper, a cracked, haunted resolve behind it. “I won’t let myself get hurt again.”

“And I can’t promise that he won’t hurt you again,” Katara murmured. “But I do know if you decide to let him back in, he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to you.”

Y/N wasn’t able to muster any words. She wrapped her arms around her midsection and turned away, blinking back tears.

“He talked about you,” she continued. “When he wasn’t talking about the Fire Nation and where we were going, he was talking about you. He loved you back then, and he still loves you now. Even if it took him way too long to realize it.” Katara’s expression softened as well as her voice and she took a step closer. “All he wants is to help you however he can.”

“If he loved me then and he still betrayed me,” she whispered, “then how can I ever trust him again?”

“...You just have to,” Katara said quietly. “Trust in the Zuko you knew before you were forced to be on opposite sides. When the two of you were the missing half of each other’s souls.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, still unable to look back at Katara. “I can’t.”

“Then at least don’t push us away,” Katara urged. “You’ve been off. I don’t know what it’s about, but you can tell me as little or as much as you want, whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you—we’re all here for you, Y/N. We love you so much. Let us help you.”

She bit down on her lip hard to prevent the tears from welling up, and she was only able to muster a nod. “I will. Soon.”

“...Okay.”

Y/N walked off, and she could feel Katara’s worried gaze on her. It took all her strength not to look back.

Three days.

It all went on as usual. Suki asked if she was okay, but she didn’t push.

Sokka wouldn’t stop looking at her strangely. He must have heard her leaving her tent in the middle of the night.

Two days.

The nightmares were worse. She nearly woke up screaming. Thankfully, she didn’t wake Katara.

Aang sat with her during breakfast, telling ancient airbender stories. He didn’t ask anything when he had to repeat himself because of her blank stare at the ground.

She spent most of the day sitting by the water.

Maybe it would come back after this.

One day.

Everyone knew something was wrong, but she didn’t give any of them the chance to ask.

Especially Zuko. He wouldn’t stop looking at her, wouldn’t stop trying to talk to her. She brushed him off every time.

She packed her bag that night.

She barely slept a wink.

“What are you doing?”

Her plan was to leave at the crack of dawn, before her friends could ask any questions or try to go with her. She would be back by nightfall, and she would have closure. The nightmares would stop. The guilt would go away. She would be okay again.

But of course, he had to ruin everything.

She didn’t look over at the sound of Zuko’s voice as she rifled through her bag, making sure she had everything she needed. “Nothing.”

“That doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Very perceptive, aren’t you?” she said dryly. Y/N tied her bag shut and stood up, then climbed onto Appa’s back. “I’m leaving.”

His eyes widened. “You’re leaving? Does everyone else know about this?”

“Not leaving for good,” she scoffed. “I just have something I need to do.”

“And that is?”

Y/N glared fully at Zuko. “None of your business.”

“You’re taking Appa in the middle of the night to go somewhere,” he said, crossing his arms. “Every time someone’s tried to do that, it’s been for something important. Sokka was going to the Boiling Rock, and Katara wanted to find her mother’s killer. I’m guessing whatever you’re going to do is equally important, which means you’re gonna need backup.”

“I said it was none of your business,” she repeated. “I can handle myself just fine without you.”

“Well,” Zuko crossed his arms, “I’m not leaving until you tell me what you’re doing.”

“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” she jabbed.

“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” he responded with a shrug.

She went silent for a moment as her gaze traveled away, staring instead at the dark night sky. Today had been the hardest day yet, even looking back on her months in captivity. It was the day everything changed. She didn’t exactly know what possessed her to tell Zuko the reason, but after a moment, she did.

“Seven years ago today, my village was invaded,” she said quietly. “It’s the day my mother and I were captured, and… and the day my father was killed.”

Zuko’s eyes widened, and his voice was the same as hers when he finally mustered something. “I… I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“So am I,” she said, “but apologies haven’t helped me with anything. I’m going back. I’m visiting my village for the first time since my mother and I were taken. Now that I have the means to travel there, it’s something I need to do.”

“I understand,” Zuko said, “completely. I’ll come with you.”

Her response was instantaneous. “No.”

“You can’t travel that far alone,” he insisted. “I have no doubt that you can handle yourself, but you’ve trained to fight with your bending, and right now you don’t have it. If you run into any kind of trouble, you’re… well, you’re gonna be in trouble.”

“I can fight,” she said. “I’m good with my fists. I held my own against Azula.”

“You did,” he admitted, “but her skill also isn’t in her hand to hand. And if you’re up against multiple people—say, Fire Nation guards—you’re gonna go down quick.”

“You have just as much faith in me as ever,” she remarked sourly.

“It’s not that I don’t have faith in you!” Zuko defended. “I just don’t want you to die because you have too much pride to accept any kind of help.”

“It’s not that I don’t want any help,” she stated. “I just don’t want your help.”

Zuko let out a long-lasting sigh, shaking his head before he finally met her eyes again. “Look. I know you don’t like me, and you don’t have to. Not after… not after what I did. But whatever’s between us can’t affect our mission, because ultimately we’re all here to defeat my father. That has to happen no matter what, so like it or not, we’re probably gonna have to work together at least once to make that happen.”

“I don’t have to work with you if I don’t want to,” she said.

“Really? So if we’re in the middle of a fight and your choice is to either work with me or die, what would you do?”

“I’m not that stupid,” she snapped.

Annoyingly, though… he had a point. They couldn’t afford any distractions, not so close to the end. And Y/N wouldn’t be the reason for their failure because of Zuko.

“...Fine,” she relented, but the glare she pinned him with was still withering. “But you do whatever I tell you to do, and you don’t come with me when we get to my village. This is private.”

Zuko immediately broke out into a grin and he nodded. “Of course. I’m here for you.”

She averted her gaze as she took her seat on Appa’s head. “Get your things before I leave you here.”

He nodded again and he started off towards his tent. Y/N let out a loose sigh as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms, the early morning chill beginning to get to her.

A trip with Zuko to her childhood village on the anniversary of the worst day of her life.

This couldn’t go terribly at all, she thought wryly.

“...So,” Zuko said, “do you know where we’re going?”

“No,” she said, “I just thought I would lead Appa around blindly and hope that we somehow end up in the right place.”

“So you do know—”

“Of course I know where we’re going,” Y/N snapped. Maybe it was unfair of her, but she didn’t exactly care. “Sokka took a map from Wan Shi Tong’s library before it collapsed, and he let me borrow it. It’ll take us a couple of hours, but we should make it before noon.”

Zuko nodded. “Where is your village? You never told me much about it when you talked about your past.”

“Why do you care?”

He huffed a laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

She said nothing, and Zuko sighed. “I care about you, Y/N, more than anything. I’m here because I want to help you. Of course I care about where you’re from.”

“That doesn’t mean we need all the small talk,” she said.

“It’s not small talk, it’s a conversation,” Zuko said dryly. “I’m more than happy to sit here in silence with you for another six hours, but I think that’s pretty boring.”

“...It’s by the southern coast, near the Zeizhou provinces,” she relented after a moment. “It’s so small that you can’t find it on a map unless you know what you’re looking for. We didn’t even have an official name—if we had to, we called it South Zeizhou because that was the only notable thing near us.”

“What was it like?” he asked. “Growing up in a place like that.”

“It was nice,” she said. “We were almost completely isolated from other villages, so we were tightly knit. Everyone knew each other—I’m sure I knew each person by name by the time I was five—and everyone helped each other. We didn’t have much, but everyone was well taken care of. Our community was everything.”

“That sounds beautiful,” Zuko murmured.

“It was,” she agreed. “Until your people invaded it and destroyed it.”

Zuko went silent at that, but instead of the sick sort of satisfaction she normally experienced, she felt… guilty.

It wasn’t his fault. Zuko was only a year older than her—when her village was invaded, he was probably in school lessons or learning how to be a prince. And now he was here, going against everything he knew, everything he’d ever had, to try and make things right.

He was a child just like her. And with a father like Fire Lord Ozai…

“...I’m sorry,” she said, and his eyes darted up, a bit of shock visible in them. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I just…” she sighed. “I’ve never forgiven the Fire Nation for what was done to my people. And I guess you’re just the easiest target.”

“I understand,” he murmured. “And for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

“This doesn’t mean anything.” The words were quick to leave her mouth, and she didn’t look at him. “Just because I feel bad doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.” Nevertheless, she could still hear the smile in his voice.

“I know.”

More silence.

“What was your father like?” Zuko asked as he broke it. “You speak of him so fondly.”

She bit her lip at the question as the memories flooded back, and Zuko was stumbling over his words almost immediately.

“You— you don’t have to answer,” he said, “obviously, if it’s too much, but I—”

“He was the nicest man you’d ever meet,” she said softly. “He was always willing to help anyone who needed it, always willing to do far more than he had to if he thought it would make someone happy. And he did—he made my mother the happiest woman alive. He was beloved by everyone in the village.” Y/N swallowed hard. “He died to protect it. To protect me.”

“You’ve made him proud,” Zuko said. “I know you have.”

“I hope so,” she murmured. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

She meant to leave it at that, but for some reason, the words continued to flow. “But I… I’m worried about what will happen when I get there.” that they won’t recognize me when I come back.”

Zuko frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s been years since I was there.” Y/N let go of the reins and wrung her hands together. She glanced down at the bandages, the rough fabric almost a comfort after her time without them. “I haven’t been back since I was captured. What if they resent me for not being there?”

“No one could possibly resent you for that,” he scoffed. “You were taken, Y/N, by soldiers. You were a child—what could you have done?”

“Anything,” she muttered. “If I had done anything, maybe things would have been different.”

“You can’t do that to yourself,” Zuko insisted. “You’ll drive yourself insane going down that path.”

She shrugged. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“Look at me.”

Y/N frowned. “What?”

“Turn around and look at me,” he said again. “And don’t do your stubborn I hate Zuko thing. Just humor me for once.”

She scoffed and crossed her arms as she turned around, looking him in the eye. “What?”

“Do you think it’s Katara’s fault that her mother is dead?”

The jump to the topic made her blink, recoiling the slightest bit. “What? No— spirits, of course not.”

“But she died to save her,” Zuko said. “The raiders were there looking for the last waterbender, and that was Katara. Her mother gave herself up in place of her.”

“That’s not her fault,” she said. “Her mother ch—”

It hit her then, and her eyes narrowed. “You’re not clever.”

The slightest smile tugged at Zuko’s lips and he shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“You’re not clever,” she simply repeated, and she turned back around and grabbed the reins. She couldn’t see Zuko’s pleased expression as he adjusted his position in the saddle.

“Just trying to help,” he said, and his voice softened. “You’ve made your father proud, even if you don’t think so. You’ve made both your parents proud.”

She didn’t respond. She feared that if she tried to, the tears would spring. And she wasn’t going to cry.

But she appreciated his words more than he knew. Maybe even more than she knew.

But she couldn’t say that. And so they rode in silence.

“We’re almost here,” she announced, and she lightly tugged at Appa’s reins to get him to slow down. It had been a few hours of silent flying and navigating, but they’d made good time. By the spot of the sun in the sky, she could tell it was just before noon.

“Good,” he said.

They had been in the air for hours, starting even before the sun had risen, so it was no surprise when she glanced behind her and saw Zuko fighting off grogginess in the form of a barely stifled yawn.

“You didn’t have to come, you know,” she said, maybe a little too snippy.

“I wasn’t going to let you go alone,” Zuko said. “And even though you might not think so, I like being around you. I…” he sighed and shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“What?”

“I just want things to be the way they used to be,” he murmured. “But I know that can’t happen. And I know you’re tired of hearing it.”

“...I want that too,” she said quietly after a moment of hesitation.

She heard the rustling of leather and a sharp intake of breath, and it wasn’t hard to tell he was shocked by her words. And maybe she was shocked too, because she knew she meant them completely.

“Y/N,” Zuko started, “you—”

But then he was interrupted by her gasp.

“What?” he asked, only a moment of hesitation before he switched veins. He moved up beside her, and his eyes widened. “Flames of Agni…”

In the distance, she could see where the forest abruptly stopped. It went on for kilometers, the ashy remnants of fauna and chopped stumps. So much of the forest was just— was just gone. And in the center of it all…

Her village was unrecognizable. Houses made of wood and stone had been torn down and replaced with metal buildings, and the few original buildings that still were in disrepair, riddled with scorch marks and on the verge of falling apart. She could see armed Fire Nation soldiers manning certain spots around the village, as well as marching through the streets. They numbered far more than anyone in simple Earth Kingdom garb.

Flags and banners with Fire Nation insignias hung everywhere, but the worst part was the factory. It was as big as ten of their old homes, black, polished metal only good for serving as an eyesore. It pumped out acrid black smoke, and even from so far away it made her eyes sting. Her hands clenched into fists around the reins, and anger swelled up inside of her.

Everything that was held sacred in her village was gone, ruined by the Fire Nation for their own gain. Just like everything else in the world.

And she hadn’t even known about it.

“The Fire Nation is still here,” she said shakily. “I… I don’t know what I expected. I thought they would move on after the raid, but…” She barely managed to choke back a sob by clenching her jaw tightly. “They destroyed it all.”

“I’m so sorry.” There was horror in Zuko’s voice, and like her, he was unable to look away from the devastation. “I… If I had known…”

“Sorry isn’t going to fix anything,” she said bitterly, but it was more pained than anything.

“Then we will fix it,” he countered. Her eyes flicked up to him, the smallest bit of surprise visible. “We’ll take your village back and get the Fire Nation out, once and for all.”

Y/N’s grip tightened even further on the reins, her nails digging deep into her palms as she nodded. Her eyes hardened as they moved back to her village, and she nodded resolutely.

“You’re damn right we will.”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m not okay,” she said. She wanted to snap at him, but she didn’t have the energy. Not after what she’d seen.

She and Zuko had set up camp a while away from her village, deep in what remained of the forest to give Appa enough cover. Though she wanted to light a fire, she knew it was too risky. And so they sat together on the ashy, barren ground, the air between them heavier than ever.

They were going to take back her village, that much was a given. The only question was how.

“You’re right,” he murmured. “It was a stupid question.”

“I just don’t understand,” she said weakly as she sat back on the ground. “Why would they stay in our village? We’re so far off the map that it’s probably costing them more to be here than not.”

“That’s what the Fire Nation does,” Zuko said. “They destroy everything they get their hands on.”

When Y/N looked up at him, he was staring at the ground, his jaw clenched.

“It’s about breaking their spirit,” he continued. “If they just left, your people could fight back. Get revenge for the invasion. But if they take over completely—”

“They crush an uprising before it has the chance to grow,” she murmured, “and they gain a workforce and all the natural resources they could want.”

“Yeah.”

Zuko’s voice was oddly quiet, stilted in a way she couldn’t place. She couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“What happened when you went back to the Fire Nation?”

Zuko glanced at her, swallowing hard before he looked away. “I’m not sure you want to know.”

“I do,” she said. “And I think I have the right to know.”

“Mai and I got together.” He sounded almost embarrassed, and she hated the twist of jealousy in her chest. “We talked during the entire boat ride home, and it went from there.”

“Oh,” she said stiffly. “So while I was sentenced to rot in prison for the rest of my life, you were getting busy with the girl who’s loved you her whole life.”

His cheeks flushed bright red in spite of the obvious anger. “That’s not what it was!”

“Really? Because that’s exactly what it sounds like.”

“We were both struggling,” he insisted. “I… I wasn’t handling Ba Sing Se well, and Mai was having doubts about everything. We gravitated towards each other in our misery, and— and it just happened.”

“You can’t honestly believe that’s true,” she snapped.

“You don’t know anything about Mai if you think it isn’t!” he exclaimed. “Neither of us were—”

“What?” she asked, brazen in his silence as he suddenly cut off. “You weren’t what?”

“…We realized that we didn’t like each other in that way,” he finished in a mumble. “Expectations pushed us together. Our own feelings pulled us apart.” Zuko looked back at her this time. “We couldn’t ignore our… our true feelings.”

“And what are those true feelings?” she asked. She couldn’t help the mocking tone in her voice, but the anger was beginning to come back. Mai had never been mean to her back in the palace, but it was hard to forget Omashu and Ba Sing Se. And it wasn’t exactly nice to hear that she and Zuko got together right after she was sentenced to a life in prison.

“I love you,” he said, “and you know that. But Mai, she—” Zuko shook his head and glanced away.

“What?” she repeated.

“...Do you remember Ty Lee?”

She frowned. “Yeah. She’s tried to kill me a couple times.”

“That’s who,” he said, and her eyes widened slightly. “They’ve always been close, but… I don’t know. Maybe the pressure of working under my sister brought them together. Maybe me being as horrible as I was pushed her away. But all I know is that Mai has feelings for her, and none for me. And I’m okay with that.”

“...Ty Lee,” Y/N said, and she managed a chuckle. “I think that’s the last pair I expected.”

Zuko cracked a smile. “It works, though. I hope they can figure something out.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Me too.”

But then Zuko’s expression sobered again as he looked at her, his gaze as piercing as ever. “You know I don’t like her. You know there’s nothing between us. A—and you said you wanted things to be the way they used to be.” His voice was low, but there was no mistaking the edge of desperation in it. “So why can’t they be?”

“Why does it always come back to us?” she asked bitterly.

“Because I want there to be an us again so badly,” he said. Zuko’s voice was so genuine it pained her, and she hated how easily he was cracking her resolve.

The walls used to be easy to keep up, used to be gratifying. But now all it did was hurt. The night was cold, and she longed for his embrace.

But Zuko was fire. Beautiful, inviting, full of warmth, but able to hurt her just as easily.

And spirits, that was all she could think about as the scar on her arm stung. The burns on her hands had faded, and Ba Sing Se’s mark was nearly gone as well, but she couldn’t forget.

“Maybe there can’t be an us again,” she mumbled as she stood up. “And maybe we just both have to accept that.”

The look in Zuko’s eyes hurt, his downcast expression combined with the same longing she felt. So she walked away towards the forest, or rather what remained of it.

“I’m going to scout out our surroundings,” she said, though it was half-hearted. “I’ll be back when the sun starts setting. We’ll figure out a plan at nightfall.”

She’d disappeared into the woods soon enough. If Zuko said something, she didn’t hear it.

She held true to her word, and she was back by nightfall. Zuko had drawn a map of her village in the dirt with a stick, and though it was crude it was accurate. It turned out he had a better memory than she thought, and it also seemed that when they were working towards something like this, it was easier to work through the tension.

It took the better part of an hour for them to come up with something and actually agree on it, and it was still shakier than he liked—a lot of it relied on her people remembering Y/N the way that she remembered them. But it was a plan, and it could work, so it was good enough.

Soon enough, they were back on Appa, riding through the inky sky towards her village. Dressed in black from spares Zuko had in his bag—the same outfit he lended Katara during her mission, she was sure—they blended in perfectly.

“We’re here,” she whispered, and Zuko nodded as he sheathed his sword and moved up next to her on Appa’s head. “Do you remember the plan?”

“Of course I do,” he said. “Are you dropping down here?”

“Yeah. I’ll signal when I’m ready for you.”

He nodded again. “Good luck, Y/N.”

“...Thanks.”

She guided Appa closer to the ground, handing the reins off to Zuko when she thought she was close enough. She slid off as quietly as she could, her moccasins doing little to help with the shock of landing but good enough at muffling her movements. There were fewer guards than before, but it still made her nervous.

Y/N didn’t even dare to breathe as she moved through her village, ducking behind cover when she needed to as she made her way towards one of the only remaining houses. Despite the Fire Nation banner hanging across the front, it still felt like it was her village rather than another forced colony.

That was something, she supposed.

She pushed the door open quietly and pulled the fabric down from her face, checking once more to make sure there were no guards before she closed it. And when she turned around, she was met by a wide-eyed woman and a stark-faced man darting up from his spot on the floor.

It probably wasn’t the best look, showing up dressed in all black in the middle of the night while the village is occupied by soldiers. She could only hope they would recognize her.

“What are you doing in our home?” he demanded, but his wife shook her head.

“I must be dreaming,” she whispered, and she stood up as well. “Y/N? Is… is that you?”

“Leya,” Y/N said, and she felt the pinpricks of tears behind her eyes, “you remember.”

Leya laughed and clasped her hands together as she moved closer and pulled her into an embrace. “Of course I remember you, darling! How could I forget the little waterbender who always managed to soak my laundry just as it had finished drying?”

“Gan’s girl,” the man—Lao—marveled, and he laughed as well. “What in Kyoshi’s name are you doing here?”

“It’s hard to explain,” she said, slightly sheepish as she pulled out of Leya’s hug. “But basically… I’m here to save the village.”

Lao shook his head with a smile—that same smile she remembered from her youth, a mix of approval and surprise. “You haven’t been here since the invasion and now you’re here to save our village. You haven’t changed a bit.”

“What can I say?” she said with a slight laugh. “I’ve been busy with the Avatar.”

“The Avatar?” Leya asked, and Y/N held up her hand.

“As much as I’d love to tell you both what I’ve been up to all these years, we’re working on a schedule.”

“‘We’?” Lao caught. “Who else is here with you?”

She didn’t think she could exactly say the crown prince of the Fire Nation, no matter how reformed he claimed to be.

“A friend of the Avatar,” she decided. “He’s waiting for my signal. That’s when the action’s going to start.”

“What exactly is your plan?” Leya asked tentatively. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but our numbers aren’t the highest. Those who haven’t been sent away as laborers had their spirits broken long ago. There are very few with any kind of fight left in them.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ve got more than enough fight in me for this whole village. But I need your help.”

Lao nodded. “Anything.”

She smiled, a miniscule amount of weight dropping off her shoulders in relief. “Good.”

Appa was stashed securely in the woods, a rucksack full of moon peaches to keep him happy and quiet, but Zuko was still nervous.

How couldn’t he be, hiding behind a gaudy metal structure pretending to be a house that fit into this village? He was only the traitor boy prince of the Fire Nation, most likely with a wanted poster and a bounty on his head courtesy of his father.

He wasn’t scared, though.

Nervous? Sure. But he couldn’t wait to give these soldiers what they deserved.

Zuko’s eyes snapped towards the sudden movement across the way—the Fire Nation banner had been ripped down from the house Y/N went into, and the woman who did it held her fist in the air for a moment before darting back inside.

The signal.

It was time.

Zuko took a deep breath, pulled his broadswords out of their sheaths, and started moving.

It didn’t take long to find a guard, standing at his assignment near some light post. Zuko dashed behind him and brought his swords up to his neck.

“Stay quiet if you want to keep your head,” he said. “Nod if you understand.”

The guard nodded, but Zuko saw his hand clenching into a fist. He moved one sword down, and he froze in place as the sharp edge settled against his skin.

“No firebending either,” he growled. “You wanna test my patience some more, or are you ready to cooperate?”

“I— I’ll cooperate,” he stammered. “Just don’t hurt me, please. What do you want?”

It was almost pathetic. These people took over an innocent village, and now they were so confident that they stationed guards like this. Zuko wondered if this man even knew what had been done here.

“Good,” Zuko said. “Who’s in charge here?”

“General Lee,” he said, and Zuko had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Of course. “He— he’s the one who took over this place at the beginning. The one who ordered the invasion.”

“And where is he?”

“The biggest house at the end of the lane,” he said. “You— you can’t miss it.”

Zuko thanked the soldier for his information by knocking the flat end of one blade against his head, and he took a step back as the man fell to the ground, unconscious.

Step one complete.

“How is your earthbending?” Y/N asked. She and Lao moved swiftly through the village under the cover of darkness, avoiding soldiers where they were stationed as they conversed in low voices.

“Not as sharp as it used to be,” Lao said. “I’ve been hiding it since the invasion—otherwise they would have killed me or sent me away. What do you need it for?”

Once again, that sheepishness came back. The plan she and Zuko created sounded very outlandish when she said it out loud.

“I want to destroy the factory.”

“You certainly don't aim low, huh?” Lao chuckled a bit, but he flexed his hands nonetheless. He moved his fist forward and a short pillar of solid rock shot up from the ground. “I’ve still got some of it, at least.”

“That’s why I asked for your help,” she said. “The Fire Nation builds everything out of metal, but I think they forget that rocks are pretty effective against it.”

Lao smiled as he sent the rock back down into the earth. “I like how you think.”

She smiled as well, but her head shot up at the movement near them. She stepped protectively in front of Lao, her instincts above anything, but the tension dissolved when she saw it was just Zuko.

“Did you find out where he is?” she asked, and he nodded.

“His name is Lee— General Lee,” he said. “The last house,” he pointed, “that way. You can’t miss it.”

“Good.” She cracked her knuckles. “I have some things I’d like to say to him.”

“Y/N,” he said, “he’s…”

“What?”

“He’s the one who did all of this,” Zuko said. “The one who ordered the invasion. He’s been here ever since.”

Her jaw clenched as she felt fire ignite inside of her. “Then maybe I have a little bit more to say to him.”

“Take this.” Zuko took one of his swords off along with its sheath and handed it to her. “Just in case.”

She nodded, taking some satisfaction in her practice swings before she stashed it across her back, then she looked at Lao. “You two are going to take down the factory together. Is anyone in it still?”

He shook his head. “Shifts ended a few hours ago. It should be completely empty.”

“Good.” Y/N looked at Zuko. “How do you feel about causing some explosions?”

He smirked. “Pretty great.”

“And how do you feel about crushing a lot of stuff?” she asked, turning to Lao.

“Even better.”

“Great,” she smiled. “Obviously, this is going to make a lot of noise. Get out when you feel danger—we might have to bring this fight to the streets.”

Lao cracked his knuckles. “Gladly. It’s about time we take our home back.”

“Laya’s alerted the people?” Y/N asked.

He nodded. “She’s gone house to house—she should be near the end by now. She and the rest of our people will be safe, and anyone who’s willing to fight will be ready for my signal.”

“Then I think it’s time we split,” Y/N said.

“Be careful,” Zuko said. “Don’t let your anger blind you.”

“I’ll do what I have to do,” she said simply.

Zuko nodded in understanding. “See you on the other side, then.”

“See you on the other side,” she murmured.

Y/N got used to the weight of the broadsword in her hand as she moved through the village yet again. She was surprised at how easy it was, how inattentive the few guards were. Their confidence would be their downfall.

It wasn’t hard to find the house of the general. It was so massive it edged on gaudy, obviously built for nothing but the man’s ego. The door wasn’t locked, and she just shook her head as she slid inside. This was ridiculous.

She closed the door as quietly as she could behind her, and she held her breath as she looked around the first floor. It was eerily empty, eerily silent. Maybe he wasn’t here.

Y/N tightened the grip on the hilt of the sword as she crept up the stairs, wincing at every creak. The whole upstairs was the general’s room, and she shook her head. This was more luxury than anyone in the village lived in. He’d built his comfort off the pain of her people.

“Would you like to tell me what you’re doing in my home?”

She whipped around, her sword instinctively flying up as she stared right at her target. So he was here, and he’d been just as quiet as her. He was younger than she expected, but his eyes told everything she needed to know.

“General Lee,” she said, and she was surprised at how steady her voice was. “This isn’t your home.”

“Isn’t it?” He was dressed in a simple tunic and pants, no armor in sight. Good. “I was here when it was built, and as far as I’m aware, it was built for my use.”

“You took it from my people,” she said. “You took everything from us.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific,” he said nonchalantly. “I’ve taken over a lot of villages.”

“Do you not have any shame?” Y/N demanded, and she pointed her sword at him. He didn’t even flinch. “Destroying the lives of innocent people, tearing apart their homes for resources, occupying them just to show off your strength. You kill people, you destroy families, and you don’t even care?”

The general had the nerve to smile. “It’s the way of the world. The weak fall, the strong prevail. I guess your people were just weak.”

Y/N couldn’t control herself after that. She yelled out as she lunged forward and swung with her sword. The general sidestepped her as she whirled back around, and he just laughed.

“You want to fight, girl?” General Lee mocked. “For what? Your people? Your honor? You won’t get far, I assure you.”

“For my family!” she growled. “Your men killed my father and forced my mother and I into servitude. I’ve wanted revenge for so many years, and now I can finally get it.”

His eyes lit with recognition and he raised his eyebrows. “The waterbenders. So you managed to escape—impressive.”

And then suddenly, there were two massive explosions. They were all the way across town, but it still rocked the foundations of the house. The impact must’ve been felt all over town, surely alerting every guard on duty that something was wrong.

Step two was complete.

It was Y/N’s turn to smile at the general. “There goes your factory.”

The general’s mocking confidence melted into cold anger. “You—”

“Blew it up,” she responded. “Yeah.”

She lashed out with her sword to force him out of the way, then booked it down the stairs and out of the house. She laughed in pure exhilaration as she saw all of the guards in the street, as well as the general running out of his house. The fire blazing in his hand matched the anger in his eyes.

“You want a fight, girl?” he growled. “I’ll give you one!”

General Lee launched the fireball at her and she dodged out of the way, watching as it sizzled against the ground. She held her sword in both hands, beckoning him to come further. It wouldn’t be an easy fight to win against an enraged firebender, but then again—she’d done it before.

He was far too eager to go against a young girl as he shot fire at her in repetitive blasts. She dodged what she could and slashed through the others with her sword, lunging at him with the blade when Lee gave her space.

But then fire shot past, narrowly missing her, and her head whipped around. It took these soldiers long enough to realize the fight was happening right next to them.

“Come on, Zuko,” she muttered as she backed away from the men, the general and the soldiers narrowing in on her. She brandished her sword. “Where are you?”

“You’ve picked a battle that you can’t finish,” General Lee spat as fire lit in his hand, “just like your father!”

Rage hotter than anything before ignited inside of her. And then, everything happened at once.

The general and his soldiers shot their fire at her.

Someone yelled at her to duck, and she dropped to the ground.

As the fire was extinguished above her, General Lee’s eyes widened. He took a step back. “What in Agni’s name—”

“I’m not too late, am I?” Zuko reached a hand down to her, and Y/N let out a relieved breath.

“Right on time,” she remarked as she took it and allowed him to help her up. “I’m in a bit of a situation.”

“I noticed.” Zuko turned to the general and gestured with his head behind them. “I’m sorry, general, but I think someone blew up your factory!”

“Prince Zuko,” he said sourly. “So you’re a traitor as well.”

“I’m not a traitor,” he said, stepping in front of Y/N ever so slightly. “I’m helping free these people from your glorified slavery.”

The general’s eyes narrowed. “So all it takes for the crown prince to give up his values is a pretty face.”

“You’re a sick man,” Zuko spat. “Take your soldiers, leave this village, and we’ll give you the mercy you never extended to her people.”

“I don’t think so,” Lee said, and he smiled. “Don’t worry, though—this’ll all be over soon. Unless you think you can go against every soldier here on your own.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been outnumbered,” Y/N said, and she drew her sword. “Besides—”

“—They’ve got help,” someone interrupted. She looked behind her and saw Lao, followed by a myriad of villagers—some earthbenders, some that were just ready to end this. More than she thought still lived here, more willing to fight than she thought.

So everyone’s spirit wasn’t broken.

She smiled. Step three.

“So you want to make this harder,” General Lee said. “I admire your tenacity, but it won’t do you much good.”

“We’ll see,” Zuko said.

Lee didn’t even say anything before he started firebending, and Zuko blocked it yet again. The battle immediately escalated from there, earthbenders and soldiers and swordsmen fighting. It was mostly visible in flashes of fire and the occasional lamppost, but it was loud.

Y/N and Zuko fought side by side against the general, their moves seamless—whenever one fell back, the other would step forward. She was surprisingly good with a sword, but it might’ve been her adrenaline.

With the amount of energy and anger pumping through her veins, she was sure she could take on anything at that moment. And having Zuko with her… She would be lying if she said it didn’t help.

It was a deadly dance between the three of them. Y/N’s sword sung as it cut through the air, and it was in sharp contrast to the explosions of fire in the background and the general’s own bending against them.

Maybe it was that adrenaline inside of her, or maybe it was the thought of finally getting to deliver justice for her village. Maybe the spirits were finally on her side. But whatever it was, General Lee ended up stumbling as he dodged the sword’s jab at him, and it gave her enough time for Zuko to kick him in the chest and send him backwards. Y/N took the opening and swept his legs, putting all her strength into the single move, and it worked.

He fell to the ground, a slight grunt being forced out as he landed on his back, and Y/N pointed her sword at his neck. She took immense satisfaction in the flicker of fear in his eyes.

“Zuko,” she said placidly, “go help the others.”

He looked at her for a good, long moment before he conceded with a step back. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“I won’t regret this,” she murmured.

Zuko’s gaze remained on her for another moment before he turned and ran back into the fray. Y/N could do nothing but stare down at the general. The man who took everything away from her in one short afternoon, now defenseless below her blade.

“So,” she said, “after all this time, all it took was one fight for you to fall.”

The general gave her a wry smile. “It wasn’t exactly a fair fight.”

“Neither was the invasion of my village. But that didn’t stop you, did it?”

“You savages have never understood,” he growled. “No great leader has ever gotten anywhere by being nice, by yielding to the demands of those lesser than him. There’s a reason the Fire Nation is at the world’s helm while every other nation continues to fall to its feet.”

“Because you go after the defenseless!” she exclaimed. “You go after those who can’t do anything against you, and then you destroy everything you find. All you care about is power.” Y/N huffed a mirthless laugh and gestured around them. “And look where that’s gotten you.”

“Yield,” she demanded before he had the chance to speak, moving her sword closer to his neck. “Yield, and leave this village, and I’ll let you leave with your life.”

The general laughed, followed by a wince as her blade nicked his skin. “Don’t you know anything about the Fire Nation? You served there for so long.”

“Yield!” she shouted, her voice trembling along with her grip. She just wanted this to be over.

“We fight until death,” he continued. “You’re going to have to kill me if you want your way.”

“You think I won’t?” she challenged. ”You’ve taken everything from me! Your life is too small a price to pay for what you’ve done!”

“I think you’re weak,” he spat. “Too weak to do what you need to do.”

Her eyes stung with tears as she pulled the sword away from his neck.

General Lee huffed a laugh. “Like I said: you’re wea—”

He was stopped in the middle of his sentence as she plunged the sword into his heart. His eyes widened as he choked out his last breath, the light beginning to drain out of him. And then he was gone.

“I’m not weak anymore,” she murmured.

Y/N stared at his lifeless body for a moment, glanced at the gleam of blood on metal.

She had just killed a man. The one responsible for her father’s death, for the imprisonment of her and her mother, for the invasion of her village.

Y/N didn’t feel remorse, didn’t feel satisfaction—but she felt whole. Like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She sheathed her sword and walked away, back towards the chaos of the ongoing fight. Zuko had joined the others, fighting with a combination of his sword and his bending, and it worked wonders. For a moment, all she could do was watch him. The grace he fought with was akin to that of a waterbender.

Lao moved like he was twenty years younger, working in tandem with other earthbenders as they took down the Fire Nation forces soldier by soldier. Toph would have been proud.

But now there was only one thing left to do.

Y/N took a deep breath then cupped her hands around her mouth, yelling as loudly as she could. “Soldiers of the Fire Nation! Your general is dead!”

That was enough of a shock to knock them off their balance, because Zuko and the earthbenders all immobilized their foes. Zuko with a sword to the neck, Lao and his crew with rocks around their legs and other limbs. The fight died down quickly, all of them staring at her. Zuko’s expression was impossible to read.

“You heard me,” she repeated, “General Lee is dead. You have no stake in this village anymore. Leave, or face the same fate as him.”

“Will you stand here and fight for a nation that doesn’t care about you?” Zuko shouted, catching on to her goal. “Or will you do what’s right and leave these people be?”

Silence hung in the air, only broken by the heaved breaths of soldiers and earthbenders alike. She stared at them all expectantly, her heart pounding in her chest.

And then, the clatter of a sword against the ground.

“I surrender.” A soldier being held in place by rocks around her ankles had dropped her weapon, looking Y/N straight in the eye. “I’ve served the Fire Nation blindly for far too long.”

She nodded at the earthbender, and he retracted the stone around her.

“Go,” Y/N said. “Back to wherever you came from.”

“Your mercy…” the soldier murmured, and she shook her head. “Thank you for giving us a second chance. I know it means little, but I apologize. For everything.”

And then she walked off—in the direction of the shore, she noticed—and soon enough, she’d disappeared into the wood. They must’ve come in on ships.

Slowly, the remaining soldiers either dropped their weapons or declared their own surrender, and one by one they were let go. The sound of clattering metal was music to her ears, and with each one the weight lifted a little more.

The soldier in Zuko’s hold was the last to drop his sword, and Zuko kicked it away before removing his blade from his neck. As he walked away, she let out a sigh of relief.

“…We did it,” she said. “We finally did it.”

“You did it,” Zuko said as he sheathed his sword, doing the same to the other when Y/N handed it to him. “None of this would have been possible without you.”

“Wouldn’t have been possible without you either,” she said, and the smallest smile tugged at his lips.

Lao walked up to her, and he enveloped her in the biggest, tightest hug she’d felt since Katara’s at the air temple. She reciprocated immediately, tears springing into her eyes at the warmth he carried.

“You did it,” he said, his voice and eyes full of pride as he pulled away, though his hands remained on her shoulders. “You’ve given us the freedom that none of us could attain in seven years. We owe everything to you, Y/N.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, unable to help her grin, and she looked back at the other villagers. “Any of you—thank you so much. Tonight, you fought for our people! You fought for our village! And we’re finally free from the Fire Nation.”

A wild cheer erupted from the group, and Y/N had to wipe away the tears that began to fall. They’d really done it.

“Go, be with your families!” she exclaimed. “Celebrate with your loved ones! You deserve it—enjoy your freedom!”

Several of the villagers clapped her on the shoulder or shook her hand as they began to wander around, returning back to their houses. She heard one discussing architectural plans, about what they would do with everything the Fire Nation left behind, as well as their houses. The smile wouldn’t leave her face.

And then Zuko walked up, alerting her to his presence by clearing his throat. “Y/N,” he said, and she turned around.

“What?”

“First of all, congratulations.” His own small smile was there, and she felt her cheeks warm. “You freed your village from a seven year occupation. It’s amazing.”

“It feels amazing.” She rubbed her arms, the cold of the night beginning to get to her as her adrenaline from the battle started to fade. “I can’t believe we did it.”

“I’m not surprised,” Zuko said. “You can do anything you put your mind to—I’ve learned that twenty times over by now.”

She chuckled a bit, but Zuko’s expression sobered. “But I have to ask. You… you killed the general.”

The air between them immediately changed. “I did.”

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“I don’t feel happy,” Y/N said, “so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going to start killing everyone that’s ever wronged me.”

Zuko laughed, though it was slightly nervous. “That’s, uh— that’s good.”

“But I don’t feel sad either,” she said. “I just feel… right. Like it was something I had to do. Not just for my people, but for me. To know that he’ll never be able to hurt someone the way he hurt me.”

“...Good,” Zuko repeated. “That’s all we can ask for, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “But… I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. At least until I’m ready to tell everyone.”

“Of course,” he agreed.

“Good,” she said.

Y/N looked up at the sky, the sun having fully set. It was dark except for the bits of ashes that littered the battlefield and the lanterns that lit up the path through the village. But there was still something she needed to do.

She looked back at Zuko. “I have something I need to see. And I want you to come with me. Is… is that okay?”

He smiled, his voice soft when he spoke. “I’d love to.”

The path she led him down was one well-traveled by the people of her village—the inky darkness they walked through was penetrated only by the flames Zuko held in his hand at Y/N’s request. She knew she would be able to find her way without it, though.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Somewhere special,” Y/N answered. “Sad, but special. Somewhere I’ve thought about a lot since my mother and I were taken.”

It took a few more minutes of walking in silence only disturbed by night ambiance. When they got there, Y/N let out a quiet sigh. There was unimaginable weight behind the sound.

“We’re here.”

“Where is ‘here’?” Zuko asked tentatively. But then he made the fire in his hand bigger and brighter, and his breath caught in his throat.

“...Hi, Dad,” she said softly, her gaze focused on the headstone. “It’s me. Your little girl finally found her way back home.”

“Y/N…” he murmured.

“I’ve been wanting to come here for a long time, but I’ve never been able to,” she continued. “But you don’t have to worry anymore—the village is free. The Fire Nation is gone. And Mom is okay—she’s safe in Ba Sing Se, and after all of this is over, I’m going to find her again, and I’m going to take care of her. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” Y/N chuckled. “I’m sure I’ve been driving you crazy with everything I’ve been doing lately. But you can rest in peace now.”

“Are you sure you want me here?” he asked. “I— I don’t want to disturb you—”

She shook her head, placing her hand lightly on his arm. “Stay. Please.”

“...Okay,” he said. “Of course.”

“This is Zuko,” she said, and she laughed a bit as he hesitantly waved. “He’s… he’s the most important person in my life.”

His eyes widened a bit and he looked at her, but her only response was to wordlessly slip her hand into his. He didn’t hesitate to lace his fingers through hers.

“We’ve been through a lot together, and I’ve… I’ve been really angry at him lately. And I thought it was good, righteous anger, but all it did was eat me up inside. I’ve been miserable because of it—I even lost my bending. But now… now, I understand.”

She looked at Zuko now. His gaze hadn’t moved.

“I love you,” she said, “and I mean that with everything in me. I’ve been so angry at you because of what you did that I haven’t let myself think about anything that you’ve done—and you’ve helped my friends so much since you joined them. You’ve helped me too, even when I claimed I didn’t need anyone.”

“And all this time, I thought that letting you go was what I needed to do. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.” She tightened her grip on his hand—her lifeline. “I’ve lost so much in my life, Zuko, things that I can’t get back. And I’m not going to let myself lose you again.”

Y/N pressed a gentle kiss to Zuko’s lips, and he extinguished the fire in his hand as he immediately reciprocated it. It was impossibly soft, impossibly right. And Y/N knew then that this was exactly where she was supposed to be.

“I love you too,” he murmured, and his eyes shone even in the darkness. “More than anything. And I’m so sorry that I ever made you think anything else.”

She pulled away from the kiss to embrace him, and when his arms wrapped around her, it was like home. The constant twist in her chest, the constant weight she’d been carrying for months—it dissipated, and she felt lighter than ever. Spirits, it all felt so right.

And when they pulled away, Y/N rested her head on Zuko’s chest. He responded by wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her in close.

“Thank you for taking me here,” he said. “For trusting me enough with it.”

“Thank you for never giving up on me,” she said.

“Speaking of that…” Zuko said, and there was a slight lilt to his voice as he lit the fire in his hand again. “How about trying that bending again?”

Y/N chuckled a bit as she looked at her hand, flexing her fingers the way she used to. She barely had to concentrate as she pulled moisture from the air, forming into an orb of water in the air. She wasn’t even shocked—she’d known, after they got here. It wasn’t anything concrete, just… a feeling. A feeling that order had returned.

“It’s back,” he said, and the boyish surprise in his voice made her smile.

“That it is.”

Y/N formed it into a flower and then froze it, gingerly taking the stem in her fingers. She walked up to her father’s grave, running her fingers over the engravings. She wasn’t here when it was made, but she was so thankful it had been made. That her people had always been thinking of her and her family.

GAN

HUSBAND OF KURA, FATHER OF Y/N

48 AG-93 AG

WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS LOVE AND HEROICS

It was bittersweet, but she was glad he had a spot here. He would always be remembered.

She carefully placed the flower of ice against the headstone, lowering the temperature of her breath as she blew on it to preserve it longer. It would melt eventually, of course, but this wouldn’t be her last time here. Next time, there would be real flowers.

“I love you, Dad,” she murmured, resting her head against the stone as she closed her eyes. “Forever and always.” She stayed there for a moment, and the gentle breeze that blew through the enclave was no coincidence. For the first time in a very, very long time, she felt peace inside.

She stood back up with a sad smile, wiping at the tears before she turned to Zuko. “I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

Y/N nodded. “I am.”

Zuko nodded too, and they started to walk together down the path.

And when he offered his hand, she took it without hesitation.

hope you enjoyed this mf emotional marathon of a chapter lmao im gonna go hibernate for a few months because jfc

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator @louderfortheback

atla tags: @marianne1806 @brown-eyed-thang @akiris

ehfar tags: @chandies-sideblog @zacatecanaaaa @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy @whats-my-question @selfship-mishaps @ilistentotayswifttocope @i-make-questionable-choices @3leni @thatobsessedreader @lostgreekgod @oriontingz @zerode-unhinged @badpvn @mimi-sanisanidiot @adhdhufflepuff @aquaamethyst96 @hollyismentallyillhelp @holypoetrygarden @islandgayneery @pitrii-petra @jinxed-jk @veras-fanfic-reblogs @cloud-9ine @lucifersidepiece @kiskzawagnerwhore @froggi-00 @eajalova @mrsyixingunicorn10 @xxxxxxdelenaxxxxxx

#zuko x reader #zuko x you #zuko x reader fic #zuko #zuko fic #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar fic #atla fic #avatar the last airbender fic #atla x reader #avatar x reader #sadie writes #ehfar

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stolitzsings · 2 months ago

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💖, 🖋 and 👨‍👩‍👧 for the ask game! (I probably got at least one of the emojis wrong but hopefully they still make sense 😂) - @blitzwhore

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

Can't believe you're gonna make me think of something nice to say about myself 🤣 I've been told I have a very "lyrical" style of writing, and sometimes I'll write a sentence or paragraph that flows really well and just Hits. I love those moments when I feel like I've really nailed it at a word-for-word level.

👨‍👩‍👦 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic?

Most people in my life know I do writing of some sort, but I'm pretty vague with the details lol. I only talk about writing fic with irl friends who also write/read fic (and I don't tell most of them that I write smut, just bc I know it isn't their jam). I told my therapist I write "character studies," because what is smut if not horny character analysis? 🤣

🖋 Post a snippet from a current WIP

Putting this one under the cut!

Ok I was a little nervous about sharing this because it's from a longer AU I've been toying around with, and historically I'm very bad at sticking to longer projects. But regardless of what I do with it I had a lot of fun writing this scene of M&M tormenting Blitz lmao

Blitz could feel his face heating up. “He isn’t— It’s not like—” Fuck, he was losing this one fast. “Okay, so maybe we’re boning or whatever, but it’s just a casual thing, you know? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” Moxxie raised an eyebrow. It was almost impressive how smug he looked. “Who said anything about dating?” “I think he just did, babe.” Okay, now they were getting on his nerves. He could feel his spines starting to bristle. “Look. It’s just a convenience thing, ‘kay? He gets to have his bad boy fantasy, and I get a reliable fuck who I know won’t steal my kidneys while I’m asleep.” It wasn’t like Stolas would ever really consider a relationship with someone like him. Disowned or not, he was still a royal. And that was fine! Blitz didn’t want anything complicated, anyway. Fucking was easy. It was comfortable. It was all either of them was looking for. “If you say so, sir.” Moxxie had somehow dialed the smugness up to eleven. Blitz rolled his eyes and walked towards the door. “I’m firing both of you. And I’m keeping your shares for today.” He was pretty sure Moxxie started to say something in response, but he was out the door before he heard it. He let himself stew as he made his way down to the parking lot. “Looking for excuses,” for fuck's sake. They were hired killers! What did they expect? He was going to get injured sometimes. And it only made sense to go see Stolas, who knew more about this shit than any of them did. Besides, a quick fuck sesh was good for you, or something. Boosted your sero-whatever levels. Got your blood pumping. It was basically healthcare, anyway. Talk about a bedside manner, he thought to himself, grinning. He made a mental note to use that one with Stolas later. He'd think it was funny.

“C’mere, B, let me take a look at that scratch for you.” Millie had opened up their first-aid kit and had just finished bandaging a shallow cut on her thigh. Blitz looked down at the wounded arm that she’d gestured to. It wasn’t serious— an annoyance, more than anything. He shrugged. “Eh, that��s okay. I’ll just have my guy take a look at it.” Millie eyed him skeptically, like she was trying to catch him in a lie. “You know, you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with this mysterious “guy” of yours lately.” Moxxie looked up from his paperwork with a conspiratorial smile. “You’ve been seeing him for everything, even minor injuries. Almost like you’re looking for excuses to pay him a visit.” Oh great, the famous M&M tag team. “What? No, I haven’t.” Even he knew he sounded defensive. “Sure looks that way to me.” Millie crossed her arms and perched on the edge of the desk so that she and Moxxie could give him the double stare-down. Cute. “Are you sure that medical attention’s all he’s been giving you?”

Thank you for the ask @blitzwhore! I'm still answering these prompts if y'all are curious 😊

#ask game #my writing #wips #stolitz

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beecreeper · 2 months ago

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*vibrates excitedly*

We're doing asks again!?

5,6,26 for the gang please

5 answered here and the rest under the cut!

6.) How would the player go about meeting them in Act 1? What is their introduction?

Briar -- Briar would be found inside the dank crypt, having landed outside the cave entrance round the back and followed the smell of death and mildew inside. She was just about to try and ambush the thieves but then the player comes in and deals with them instead so Briar just waits and listens, preparing to ambush the player instead. If you fail a perception check she tries to jump you but the tadpole connection stops her and she immediately goes into “lying to get this person on my side” mode. “Oh sorry about that I thought you were with those bandits thank GOODNESS I found someone else who escaped that ship maybe we can help each other?” If you pass the perception check you can spot her and choose to attack or say something but the tadpole interrupts you either way.

Ferox -- If Ferox were a companion, you would him find having just killed a bunch of goblins. He got confronted and SNAPPED. The player would hear the sounds of a struggle somewhere outside of the deserted village. The encounter space would need to be set up in such a way that you can only see the combat happening when you’re close enough to be dragged into initiative (like down where you find scratch? But scratch would probably have to be moved somewhere else). There’d be a bunch of goblins already dead but a few more to pick off before you can talk to him. Once initiative ends, the dialogue tree starts immediately.

Molli -- If Molli was a companion, she would be found lost in Ethel’s swamp and getting accosted by something, though I haven’t precisely decided what. Gut instinct says some kinda plant thing, like being all tangled in vines or something and she’s calling for help. You can approach to help her but then the whatever it is attacks. If you save her but don’t recruit her there she shows up again at the grove and can still be recruited at any time but disappears after act one. If you leave act one without triggering the fight, then she can be found dead tangled up in the same vines.

Myrala – I'm struggling with Myrala the most because I have so many half ideas for her and none of them are singing to me just right. Gut instinct says she’d be near the grove, helping out with the tieflings and probably getting involved with the tiefling kids specifically because she’d have such an immediate soft spot for them. Another idea is that she could be encountered in various places (either determined randomly or by whatever you run into first) that are all little treasure stashes that she’s trying to lock pick into. Even though Myrala hasn’t been a thief in years, being flung into the wilderness has activated her survival instincts and she’s picking back up the habits she had in Menzoberranzan that kept her alive, justifying it to herself as necessary and telling herself that as long as she’s not stealing from/hurting people *directly* it’s still morally okay. Maybe you could confront her about stealing and she’d try to lie about what she was actually doing? I gotta stew more on this but I don’t wanna keep this reply waiting any longer lol

Poppy – Poppy would be in the goblin camp drinking in the main area, evidently having a great time. If you talk to her, she tadpole connects with you and says GET ME. THE FUCK. OUT OF HERE. She had landed in an area where she ran across the goblins first and was just rolling with the whole true soul thing to avoid getting gutted on the spot. If you don’t recruit her or specifically warn her, she’ll die if you poison the goblin ale.

26.) Give us one of your Tav’s secrets!

Ferox -- Ferox usually discloses his urges and the fragments of his past that he remembers but he deliberately chooses NOT to tell anyone how familiar that roasted dwarf smelled. He's taking that one to his grave.

Briar -- okay like. BESIDES the memory loss and murder urges that she hides from her companions that's old news. Pre-tadpole Briar kept her last name and hometown a secret, mostly because she considered that part of life completely worthless. As far as she was concerned she emerged fully formed at 14 covered in her foster parents blood. (Gortash tracks down this information anyway just to be petty with it)

Molli -- Something Molli doesn't tell anyone, even after the details of her situation with Gortash come out, is that she BEGGED to stay with him when he was sending her away to be tadpoled. Not only was she terrified for her life but she was also SO broken and dependent on him at that point. She was convinced that *she* must have done something wrong and was desperate to get back in his good graces because that's the pattern that had been so deeply ingrained into her.

Myrala -- that she *has* stolen things since coming to Baldur's Gate. She sets rules for herself (only from people who can afford it, never involve the people directly, only take what you need) but she feels awful about it anyway. She spends so much time preaching about how Eilistraee gave her a second chance, so stealing, even just to survive or to help her converts, feels so much like a betrayal of that. It's ESPECIALLY important to her that none of her little group of converts/refugees ever find out.

Poppy -- she's low-key scared of dogs but doesn't like to admit it so she just grits her teeth and bares it. Scratch makes her SUPER uncomfortable

#durge briar #durge ferox #tav molli #tav myrala #tav poppy #text posts

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fanfic-lover-girl · 3 months ago

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Downsides on living in a 3rd world country

So anyone who reads my blog probably knows I am from Jamaica, although I live in the US now after going to college here. And as messed up as the US is a lot of times, I am so grateful to be here. Make no mistake: Jamaica will always be my home and I love the country so much but honestly, I never want to go back.

I feel like a big issue (depending on how you see it) is how people back home handle medical problems. For example, since coming to the US I have learnt about so many freaking allergies and food intolerances! Someone told me they were allergic to carrots and my mind exploded! I even learned fairly recently that light and water allergies are a thing 🤯.

But back home, if a kid does not want certain food because they don't like it or it upsets them, the parents are like "well you better eat it or you go hungry". Especially in my parents' generation. When meals were provided, no one really gave any consideration to allergies. If there was an event, there was no effort to make sure there was a vegetarian or vegan alternative (not that I cared much since I 100% love meat and dairy lol). I think the same attitude also applies to pain. If you have some kind of chronic pain, it's just something you need to toughen up and deal with and move on.

Thank God I never had allergies and I hope it stays that way. But I even think about my tendencies. Like I hate the sound of loud chewing. I can't stand it. I remember the first time it really bothered me. Back then, we ate dinner around the table and we were eating boiled food and stewed chicken. I was a little girl, less than 10 for sure, but I remember how overwhelmed and distressed I was at the table as I heard my family eating. It got so bad that I crushed the food to mush in my hands. My parents were mad (understandable since we couldn't afford to waste food like that) and sent me to a long timeout upstairs in the bedroom.

And it never got better.

Thankfully, we stopped eating around the table at some point. And if I could, I would listen to loud music while I ate my dinner around my family to block out the noise. Or I would retreat to a different room to eat if I wanted to eat in peace. I am lucky that most of my friends and extended family don't chew loudly but I try my best to tolerate the few that do when I am forced to be in their presence during a meal even though I am literally dying inside.

I thought I was just sensitive. When I feebly tried to bring it up to my mom during Christmas, she never treated it with any weight.

It wasn't until I mentioned my issue to a college friend that she said I may have misophonia. And it's like everything made sense. I don't know if I truly have it or not but it fits so well that I felt like I might cry. But a normie Jamaican might just say I am being extra and making a big deal out of nothing.

There are way worse struggles of living in a developing 3rd world country, don't get me wrong. But I am bringing up this because I have a family member living with me for at least a year and his eating sounds are driving me crazy and I don't know how much longer I can bear this in what used to be my quiet, safe space. This is just a way to build up some courage so I can talk to him about it. I know he won't be mad about it but it just feels so awkward.

#misophonia #jamaican culture #struggles of third world living #vent #pet peeve

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ceapa-mica · 1 year ago

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GEHAT'IK BE ALIIT | Chapter 24

{cross-posted on ao3} {masterlist}

<- previous chapter

Pairing: Din Djarin x Original Female Character

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Grogu being a public menace

Words: 5758

Summary: Visiting Din's homeworld to celebrate Life Day becomes an emotional roller coaster for Din and Elora.

a/n: Welcome back! You're probably wondering what returning to the place of his trauma will be like for Din. There will be so many emotions! Also this is the official Christmas chapter for my fic (published in September lol) If you're reading this during the holidays I wish you Merry Christmas or whatever else you celebrate.

"This is Vetina City spaceport tower one, state your business, Razor Crest."

Din got goosebumps at the transmission, but didn't let his nervousness get a hold of him.

"We are here for the Life Day celebrations."

"You have permission to land in bay 5-C. Thank you."

Din and Elora exchanged glances. Even Grogu had picked up on his father figure's feelings, causing him to squirm in Elora's hold.

"Relax, little one. We have not yet landed." she cooed in a soothing voice.

When Vetina City came into sight, Din was speechless. The ruins of the town he used to live in wasreplaced by a bustling city with a large spaceport. Even from afar you could see the many people bustling in the streets.

"It's so… different from what I remember."

Bay 5-C wasn't hard to find, and as the Crest hit the ground, Din didn't move. Elora put a reassuring hand on his arm under his pauldron where she knew he could feel her touch.

"We can still leave. It's all up to you." she reminded him.

Din considered it for a moment, then he stood and tried to look confident. Elora and Grogu both sensed that quite the opposite was the case.

"Now that we're here, I think we should at least take a look around. This place has changed a lot, so we can get our bearings."

Down in the hull, Elora took her gray Jawa cloak and her satchel bag. Arfour was beeping, excited to join them again. Meanwhile Din had left for the 'fresher. He had removed his helmet and stared at his reflection for several minutes.

Elora patiently waited for him, but Grogu on the other hand didn't want to wait any longer. He wanted to run around and explore. He squirmed impatiently in Elora's arm and was on the verge of throwing a tantrum when Din came out of the fresher.

"Are we good to go?" Elora asked. As a simple response he took her hand and opened the hatch. Followed by Arfour they set foot on Din's homeworld. It resembled Nevarro in some way. At least the soil, as it was a similar shade of gray. The scent of fried food lingered in the air, and as they left the spaceport for the bustling streets, there were colorful decorative lights on the flat roofed houses, the market stalls, trees and lanterns.

"I heard people put those everywhere for Life Day." Din said, noticing Elora's astonished gaze. He chuckled at the childlike wonder in her eyes, his hand still in hers. Grogu let out a joyful squeal as well, making attempts to climb over on Arfour's flat top, and Elora let him.

"Stay close, Arfour."

The droid whistled in agreement and followed them closely as they strolled through the streets. There were so many vendors, some were selling fabrics, little trinkets, Life tree orbs, and of course, all kinds of foods. Roasted meat, even stews and many different pastries. Elora knew to keep an eye on the always hungry child who looked displeased at the attention he got from Elora and Din with all the food around. The moment Grogu tried to take a particularly delicious looking pastry from a stall via the force, Din had quickly intervened and took the child into his arms, holding him close to his chest.

"Having one thief on the team is enough, don't you think, you little womp rat?" Grogu frowned, making his forehead look even wrinklier than it already did. "Don't be upset, I will buy you something sweet later. Let's take a look around first, then we decide what we wanna eat." That's when Din noticed that Elora had let go of his hand. She was nowhere to be seen. Fortunately, the HUD inside his helmet wasn't just useful for bounty hunting, but for tracking down wayward loved ones who have a talent for getting into trouble. It took him barely a minute to find Elora, who was standing at a stall. She had laid eyes on an object she examined with a thoughtful look in her eyes.

"It's made out of beskar alloy, very high quality." the Togruta vendor said.

"Did you find something?" Din asked, looking at the colorful metal figure Elora held in her hands. It showed a Jedi and a Mandalorian - the Jedi pointing their lightsaber at the armored warrior who responded using their flamethrower.

"It's a rarity, the price is 3.500 credits. You won't find anything of finer quality on the entire market, that I assure you."

"He says it's made from beskar alloy." Elora added, causing Din to huff in disbelief.

"I'm Mandalorian, and I can tell the difference between common durasteel alloy and beskar alloy. And this…" He took the statue and hit it against his vambrace, the collision of the metals creating a dull sound. "...this is definitely not beskar alloy." He then hit his chest plate with his vambrace, the collision causing a loud bright sound resembling a bell. "This is what beskar on beskar sounds like. Think about it next time you try to scam tourists out of their money." The vendor was at a loss for words, looking around to estimate how many people had witnessed this moment of pure shame.

Meanwhile Din, Elora and Grogu went on their way. Elora was blushing and looked uncomfortable, something Din noticed immediately. "You alright?" Elora put on a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I can tell when you're pretending. So what is it?"

"Argh! I'm just frustrated. I feel humiliated is all. Not by you, by that son of a bantha vendor. I should be able to recognize beskar, or anything of value really. When someone scams a Jawa out of credits, parts or whatever, it can ruin your reputation within the tribe. In my culture we get taught how to trade from a very young age. We learn what's valuable and what isn't, I should have known this was durasteel alloy. It was just so polished and shiny, looking like my beskar alloy lightsaber hilt. I would have fallen for it if you hadn't intervened."

"It looked real, Elora. You can only figure it out with a well trained eye and hitting the material against actual beskar. Next time someone claims to sell a beskar object, you know what to do." Din hated the sad look in Elora's eyes and tried to distract her, leading her to a town square where a choir with a little orchestra in blue uniforms was singing Life Day songs.

Grogu looked interested in the direction of the two chindinkalu flute players. Din put him back on Arfour's top, the droid rolling closer to the orchestra. Grogu clapped his little hands, cheering the musicians on. At the same time Din took Elora's hand. "I'm really not good at this but…can I have this dance, my lady?"

Elora tried to hold back her laughter. "I don't think you've spoken to me in that formal tone before, sir." Din blushed under his helmet. "In case you don't remember, on Naboo I had to dance with this annoying noble, his feet probably still haven't recovered from it."

Din chuckled at the memory. "He got what he deserved. Step on my feet as often as you like, it won't make me love you any less, mesh'la."

"You're being quite a flirt today, Din Djarin." They began to sway to the music together, not caring how the couples around them danced. They found their own rhythm and only had eyes for each other, and occasionally for Grogu, who was still gleefully watching the orchestra.

"You know what I don't understand? Why do paintings and statues always portray Mandalorians and Jedi fighting each other? Clearly the times have changed. Look at us -" She accidentally stepped on his left foot. "Sorry…"

"They are portrayed fighting because the Jedi stepped on the Mandalorian's toes while dancing." Din chuckled, then his voice turned serious with a gentle undertone. "Our cultures have fought each other for thousands of years. Do you remember what Paz said? That Mandalorians and Jedi could never -" He accidentally stepped on Elora's toes. "Sorry I- um… Well, our cultures are polar opposites. If we should choose to spend our life together at some point, there would certainly be people, even friends, who wouldn't agree with our connection."

"So far my family is just looking forward to a wedding. Dank farrik, I assume you've never been to a Jawa wedding, no?"

"I can't say that I have."

"Jawa weddings are huge. Especially since I'm the daughter of the chief. When two Jawas get married, the two tribes come together for the ceremony. Weddings are a way to strengthen connections with other tribes. One Jawa wedding I attended took three days, believe it or not."

"Our cultures are very different indeed… A Mandalorian wedding ceremony is just the couple, alone, speaking the wedding vows to each other. There's no feast, nothing special, only that we remove our helmets for our spouse for the first time. Spouses and offspring are the only living beings allowed to see each other's faces in private. This is the Way." Din explained.

"I know we only let my family believe we're engaged right now, but could you imagine getting actually engaged to me in the future?"

The look in Elora's eyes was so hopeful, it made Din's heart swell.

"There's no such thing as engagement in my culture, just the marriage vows. And… despite all odds… I can imagine making you my riduur one day."

"Riduur means wife?"

"It means spouse or romantic partner, yes. Do you know that Life Day marks one year since we first met? I remember the bounty before Grogu, he mentioned Life Day. Then I went to Arvala 7 and found you and the kid."

Elora couldn't believe it was one year already since she had left her tribe for the first time to find blood relatives. It felt like it had just been yesterday. So much had changed in just one year. She had to admit it had been the best year of her life so far. She finally found love, she knew her birth mother was still alive and had better control over her force powers than ever before. Everything had changed. She went from hating Mandalorians to being unable to imagine a life without Din by her side. They were on Aq Vetina together - a place that meant so much to Din - celebrating the little family the four of them, Arfour included, had become.

"You truly changed my life, Din. We've been through so much and-" A sudden scream tore through the music, causing it abruptly to stop. It was one of the chindinkalu flute players.

"Grogu!" Din yelled, rapidly approaching the musician. Grogu had force jumped onto her shoulder out of curiosity, scaring the shit out of her.

"A green rat! Somebody take that thing back where it came from or so help me-" she yelled. Grogu showed no fear, trying to reach the mouthpiece of the instrument before Din grabbed him.

"I'm sorry, Miss! He's still a kid, I-"

"You're sorry?! That thing tried to bite me!"

"He did not! He wanted to play your instrument." Elora explained, focusing on the fear the woman felt, and sending calming vibes through the force at her. She instantly calmed down.

The incident had caused a small crowd of people to gather around them. Too much attention was never a good thing, especially when you wore beskar armor, were force sensitive and on top of that on the Empire's most wanted list. Din and Elora knew that and left the scene, walking over the market in quick steps until the town square was out of sight. Din took a weary look around, but nobody paid more attention to him than usual. He was used to the looks he got for his armor. After he deemed the situation safe, they went to a food stall that offered ronto wraps and salad bowls. Elora looked for a table to sit. Din returned with two plates of ronto wraps. Instead of ronto sausage the wraps contained ronto gyro, and it tasted as good as it smelled. Elora admired the way Din's armor reflected the rays of the evening sun while she ate and she thought about how annoying it had to be to never be able to eat with others. Din leaned back in his chair, looking content, Grogu took a particular liking to the meat, and Arfour was watching the passersby.

"I- I have something for you, cyar'ika. I know Life Day is tomorrow, but I wanna give this to you now." Din said with a softness in his voice, as the last bite of her dinner disappeared in Elora's mouth. He opened his satchel bag and took out a small red box. She opened it with bright eyes, and gaped at the pretty golden bracelet with multiple charms on it. One being a tiny purple crystal, looking like a small version of the one in her lightsaber. Another charm looked like the middle of Din's chest plate. He noticed how her eyes went to that part of his armor.

"It’s called the kar'ta beskar, which means beskar heart. And you, cyare, have my heart."

"Where did you get all those particular charms?!" Elora looked around to find the market stall that was selling those.

"The bracelet itself I bought on Naboo back in the day. Whenever we went to markets, I've been looking for charms to add. The beskar heart I bought in Kyrimorut. Today I found the last one."

The bracelet had five charms. The remaining three were a rusty little bolt, a bead of jade in the same shade of green as Grogu and a very shiny mythosaur skull.

"The bolt is supposed to signify your tribe, the jade signifies the bond you have with Grogu, and the shiny mythosaur skull the Armorer made for you as thanks for helping to successfully relocate the covert."

Elora stared at Din, completely at a loss for words. As much as she hated crying in front of others, tears welled in her eyes. Grogu cooed sadly, obviously not understanding why she was suddenly crying. Din was such a thoughtful person, he made her feel seen, made her feel loved, both physically and emotionally. Her heart truly felt like it could burst out of happiness, and the featherlight feeling in her tummy had increased tenfold.

"I feel bad because I have no gift for you."

"There's no bigger gift than having you for a girlfriend."

"Didn't you say earlier that you can imagine making me your wife one day?" Elora asked with her usual cheeky smile while putting on the bracelet. Din reached out and wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I promise you I will. There's something I wanna show you. All of you."

The sun had set and they continued their stroll around the Life Day market. At the cobblestone plaza where the town hall was located stood a large tree decorated with colorful lights and orbs. It looked simply magical. Grogu squealed joyfully and jumped off Arfour's top, waddling towards the tree. He was so tiny compared to it. Elora and Din laughed at the child's curiosity. There were some kids at the plaza playing ball, distracting Grogu from the enormous tree. Before the boy could run off to Maker knows where, Din had picked him up.

"How did you know the tree was there?" Elora asked.

"The food vendor saw Grogu and mentioned the Life Day tree and something else. It will be a surprise."

"Another surprise?!"

Din nodded. "Trust me, I know the perfect place for this one." He put his arms tightly around her waist.

"What the-" Before Elora could speak any further, Din had activated his jetpack, zooming off to a nearby flat rooftop of a building that was higher than the tree on the plaza. Arfour used his thrusters to follow them.

The view of the city was incredible. The decorations, the lights, the many different scents coming from the market, it was more than Din could have imagined, but to his disappointment, it didn't feel like a home anymore. This bustling city had once been a small town with simple people and without a spaceport. He could tell most people down on those streets weren't born on Aq Vetina. He wasn't sure if all those changes made it easier for him to find closure or not.

"Okay why did you take us up here? Don't get me wrong, the view is fantastic, but I have a feeling Grogu is craving a dessert and-" Din raised his hand and she paused.

"Just wait for it."

Elora didn't understand the sudden secrecy. What were they waiting for?

Suddenly there was a whistling sound and in the next second the sky above lit up in the most beautiful colors. Grogu winced at the sounds of the firework, but looked up in wonder, same as Elora. Neither of them had ever seen fireworks before. Even Arfour bleeped at the spectacle in wonder. As the colors lit up the night sky, Din's gaze rested on Elora and Grogu. If there was anything he enjoyed watching more than the fireworks, it was their reaction. He knew it was a moment both of them would never forget. Elora felt his eyes on her and turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his helmet where his mouth would be.

"I love you, Din. Everything you do for me - for us… How are you feeling by the way?"

"I'm fine. Life Day is about family, and there's no better way to honor my parents than being happy. That's probably what they would want me to be. Making Life Day unforgettable for you and Grogu makes me happy. And I love you too, cyar'ika."

They were holding each other and looked up at the fireworks, with an occasional glance to Grogu who was mesmerized by the beauty. It was when he started to cough due to the smoke in the air that Din and Elora let go of each other.

"We should find a place to sleep. As much as I love the Crest, a holiday is special. We should celebrate it somewhere festive." Din suggested and took them back down to the streets, where he started looking for lodging.

He was distracted for a moment, asking a vendor where they could find a place to sleep. Elora took that as a chance to walk off as she noticed a stall selling melee weapons.

"There's a bed and breakfast at the-" Din paused and his eyes landed on Arfour. Elora and Grogu had disappeared. He was about to use his HUD again to find them, when there was a commotion a few stalls to his right.

"Thief! Somebody stop this woman!"

He recognized Elora's red hair immediately from afar and groaned in frustration. "I knew this was gonna happen at some point. Come on, droid."

Din and Arfour followed Elora's distinctive red hair through the crowds. He was surprised how fast of a runner she could be, and he had a feeling it had something to do with her force sensitivity. If there had been someone trying to catch her, she had already outrun them.

At a young age Elora had learned how to escape pursuers. She knew she had to hide from their sight, which meant she had to get off this market. So she took a turn into the next alley. It was dirty and smelled of a mix of mud and urine. Out of breath she checked on Grogu, who was giggling, amused by the situation. He held a little muffin in his hand he was nibbling on.

"I hope you learned an important lesson today, kid. When you steal, try not to get caught."

His ears flopped at her words and the sad look in his eyes made her heart melt, she couldn't be mad at him.

"There you are…" Din had caught up to them, a little out of breath. "I told you stealing could get you into trouble." he scolded Elora, who couldn't hold back a cheeky smile.

"You did, but I think you forgot to tell him." She pointed at Grogu, stains of blue buttercream on his mouth and nose. Din huffed in disbelief and let out an exasperated sigh. "You're being a bad influence, cyar'ika."

"Aww I take that as a compliment." she responded in a tone dripping with sarcasm.

Before they could argue, Din looked around, having picked up on a sound coming from another nearby alley. It was a metallic sound that Elora and Din were both familiar with. At the mouth of the alley, Din pulled his blaster from its holster faster than the blink of an eye, shooting at a silver battle droid who was carrying cargo.

"What the fuck, Din?!"

It took several shots to destroy the droid. The cargo, a large grey chest, fell to the floor, a golden power-like substance coming out of it. Elora had seen it before, and she knew a spice deal gone wrong meant trouble. "I know you hate droids, but thoughtlessly shooting one is risky, given the cargo it's supposed to load on the sled.

"I don't care. That's the kind of droid that killed my parents. It's dangerous." The hatred in his voice was audible.

"It was likely reprogrammed. They can be useful for carrying heavy objects." she tried to explain.

Din clenched his hands into tight fists and took deep breaths, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. "What would you do to the man who you thought had killed your mother, Elora?"

It took her a moment to think of the right words, but she decided to be blunt about it. "I would let him suffer before I kill him." she said in a dark tone. She understood his actions, but also saw the risk. Din's trauma seemed to impact his judgment.

That's when a blaster bolt came out of nowhere, almost hitting Elora in the shoulder. She dodged it with her lightsaber in a second's notice. There were men yelling inside the building. Another blaster bolt hit Din in his chest plate, causing him to stumble a few steps back.

"See what you've done?!" They started running again, Elora dodging the blaster bolts that followed them with her lightsaber and Din firing shots at the group of six men, shielding Grogu from harm with his body. His aim was much better than theirs. In a matter of minutes there were only four of them left, then three, one… Even when no more shots were fired after the last spice smuggler fell, Din and Elora remained on high alert, Arfour bleeping uncomfortably and Grogu on top of him dropped his long ears in fear.

"It's okay, sweetie, we're out of danger now." Elora cooed, picking him up. In her arms he instantly buried his little face in the crook of her neck and she went to face Din. "Listen, I understand what overcame you when you saw that droid. The same feeling overcame me when I met you for the first time, Din. I learned in the best way that things are not always as they seem. This droid was programmed to load cargo, not kill innocents, and I know a thing or two about droids. You're not the type of guy who thinks with their blaster, it was reckless and so unlike you."

"I- I'm so sorry, I put you all in danger. It was never my intention, it's just…" She noticed how he shivered. "I saw that droid and I just…. I was nine years old when one of those things almost killed me. When I saw the droid back there, it was like I was a child again.." Din's voice trembled. Elora felt a deep sadness radiating off him. Before she could pull him into a hug he walked past her, his gaze on a clothesline where a red cloak was hanging to dry.

"Darling?" Elora asked as Din stared at the cloak, his posture being rigid.

"That's traditional Vetinese clothing. My family… that's what we used to wear." His voice was quiet and sad. "I don't remember much, but I know I was happy. It's the little things that I still recall the most aside from our last moments together. The scent of my mother's perfume, my father's laugh… Damn it was such a long time ago."

Din took the red fabric in his hand, a familiar feeling of safety settled in his gut at the touch.

"Nothing gets lost in this universe. In the force they'll always be with you until the day you join them." Din turned, and Elora took the opportunity to pull him into a warm hug. He rested his head on her shoulder, enjoying the feeling of her running her hands over his arms.

"Whatever you feel, Din, it's okay."

Their hug was suddenly interrupted when the back door of the building opened. A little old lady in a lilac dressing gown stepped out, two tookas purring around her legs.

"What's all the noise out here?!" she asked, her wrinkly face contorted in anger.

"Sorry, m'am. We were about to leave." Elora apologized.

The expression on the woman's face changed from anger to curiosity as she took in Din's shiny appearance. "Why did you return here?" the lady asked Din, who was taken aback by her question. "Your people freed what was left of our village. Are you back because this town is in danger?" she clarified.

"No, not at all. I was actually born here. The Mandalorians took me in after the battle droids attacked the town.”

The old lady frowned thoughtfully, appraising him. "What's your name?"

For a moment Din hesitated telling this woman - a stranger - his name, but decided to take the risk and do it. "The name's Din. Din Djarin."

Her eyes lit up at his name. "You're Zaro and Ni'qa Djarin's boy, aren't you? Oh, I thought you had died along with them." Tears welled in her eyes as she introduced herself as Varia Geth, explaining that she had been a neighbor of Din's family back in the day. Din was still in disbelief hearing his parents' names and that there was someone who remembered him from before his life as a Mandalorian foundling. He couldn't place the warm feeling that blossomed in his heart, but he knew Elora and Grogu felt it too.

Varia invited them into her house. Grogu was immediately fascinated by her tookas and squealed happily as Din put him down to let him play with them.

"If you and your wife are looking for a place to stay, you can sleep in my son's room. I have no use for it since he moved out." Varia offered, and Din and Elora eagerly accepted, without bothering to correct her when it came to the title of their relationship, since old people could be a bit conservative at times, and they wanted to sleep in the same room.

It turned out, Varia had a real talent for baking, much to Grogu's delight. They sat down in her cozy living room that had many pillows and self made blankets. With a hot chocolate for each, Varia started telling them stories from before the Separatist invasion that destroyed the village. How all people wore red cloaks when leaving the house, about the peace and quiet she missed so much in this bustling city. Din listened intently, sipping his hot chocolate through a straw that went under his helmet. From the stories Varia told them, his parents had been kind and generous people, living a simple life with the wellbeing of their only child as their top priority.

Bedtime was truly something else when you were used to sleeping in the small nook on the Razor Crest. The spare bedroom in Varia's house had a bed that was big enough for two, with lots of soft pillows and self made quilts. Grogu cooed as he climbed on top of it, getting comfortable.

Din removed his armor sans his helmet, feeling safe enough in this house to do so. Elora took off her boots and put her lightsaber on the bedside table before lying down next to Grogu who was trying real hard to keep his eyes open. Din laid down on the other side of him, so Grogu was lying in between his guardians. He yawned and they watched him drift off to sleep with a smile on his face.

Arfour had switched off, charging in the corner of the bedroom, and peace and quiet settled in the house. Din and Elora looked at each other, and despite the helmet, she knew the look in his eyes was full of affection.

"I certainly didn't expect the day to go like this." he whispered barely loud enough for the vocoder to pick up.

"How do you feel?"

It took Din a good minute to come up with the right words. "Like I made the right choice by coming here. I have to thank you for suggesting it." He caressed her cheek with his gloved hand. "My sweet girl, you helped me reconnect with my family in a way, I hope I can find a way to return the favor."

"Mmm.. the thought of my mom spending Life Day without me now that I know she's alive... It feels a bit off." Elora yawned, closing her eyes. Din didn't miss the light frown she always had when she was worried.

"I'll do everything so you can celebrate together next year, mesh'la. Rest now, the kid will be up early."

He didn't have to tell her twice. He watched her fall asleep wrapped in the colorful quilt blankets, taking her hand in his. Just like any Mandalorian, he swore to put his little family before everything else, like his parents before him.

"Patu! PATU!"

Elora groaned when Grogu jumped on her chest before the sun was up.

"No…it's too early. Go back to sleep." she cursed in Jawa Trade under her breath. That's when she felt that the other side of the bed was cold and empty, her eyes blinking open. Grogu crawled up to her face and squished her cheeks with his pudgy hands.

"Grogu!" Din's voice came from the hallway. He came to take the child off her chest. "I told you to let her sleep longer. I'm sorry, cyare. He woke me up first, all excited about his Life Day gifts."

While Elora sat up and rubbed her eyes, Din took Grogu back into the living room where he started playing with the Life Day gift Din had gotten him - a Thranta plushie that was actually more of a soft blanket than a stuffed toy, and miniature Jawa toy figures. Varia was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, waffles by the smell of it. Din wished his life could always be this harmonic, but he knew the reality was a different one, Moff Gideon was still out there and many others wouldn't hesitate to kill him for his beskar or to get to Elora and the kid.

After breakfast (Din having breakfast in the living room instead of the kitchen due to his Creed), Elora approached him with a present wrapped in red paper. "I found this on the market yesterday. I think it's a useful gift."

Din raised his brows, surprised that she, too, had bought him a gift. He didn't expect that.

"I didn't steal it by the way." she added as she noticed his hesitation.

"I didn't assume you stole it, I'm just…" He unwrapped the item, which was a box containing a collection of high quality vibroblades. He took one, twirling it between his fingers. Din huffed in disbelief. "They must have cost a fortune."

"I saved some credits from our previous jobs. Do you like them?"

Din stood up, looking down at her. "No. I love them! Such a thoughtful gift, thank you so much!" He wrapped his arms around her. "Gifting weapons is a sign of trust in my culture. It means a lot to me."

Varia searched several shelves in her living room until she found what she had been looking for. It was a small holochip she gave to Din.

"What is this for?"

"Put it in the projector and you'll see." she said with a kind smile.

They all took a seat in front of the holoprojector in the living room. Grogu was still distracted, playing with his new toys.

As Din inserted the holochip, a holopic popped up, showing several people in a backyard. Adults and children alike wore red cloaks and the neighborhood looked rather rural. Din held his breath as he saw his parents' faces for the first time in so many years. They were talking to friends and neighbors, and there was him, chasing after a tooka with a wide smile on his face. He looked no older than four years in this holopic.

"Is that-"

"Yes. That was before I took the Creed, which means you can look at it."

"Oh Din, you were so sweet! You still are, of course."

Din huffed at Elora’s remark. "I know hundreds of ways to kill someone. There's nothing sweet about that, cyare." He couldn't take his eyes off his parents' faces. Elora sensed his inner turmoil and took his hand.

"You can keep the holochip. That's my gift for you, young man." Varia said, tearing up at Din's reaction.

"Thank you. I- I don't know what to say. You really wanna give this to me?"

"It's your family, you should carry a picture of them with you. I have enough holochips anyway." she shrugged.

Elora and Din agreed that this was the best Life Day ever, despite being their first. There was hardly anything that could top that. If Grogu could speak, he would probably agree, judging by the joyful gleam in his dark eyes while playing with his new toys.

They spent Life Day eating cookies, laughing together, listening to Varia's stories and telling her of their adventures in return. Taking some time to unwind and not worry about what tomorrow would bring was exactly what they needed. They made memories that day they would cherish forever. It truly felt like, for a moment, the Galaxy was completely at peace.

<- previous chapter

They needed some downtime ok! Now let's get back to new adventures around the Galaxy with the next story arc coming soon! Spoiler: Our favorite Weequay space pirate will show up in the next chapter!

#gehat'ik be aliit #din djarin #din djarin x oc #the mandalorian x oc #the mandalorian fanfic #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian fic #the mandalorian x reader #star wars #star wars fanfiction #din djarin fanfiction

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dragoncarrion · 8 months ago

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can you tell me about cinnabar and rage rush :0?

GLADLY!!! im putting all this under a read more since it'll probably get a bit long

ok so those two are part of a tf story i've been spinning around in my head for a while. it's still HEAVILY in the works but i've got the basis for both their characters. kind of

Cinnabar (the big dragon) is a predacon that self exiled kind of in her own volition (yes im writing the t.f.p predacons into this bc i could not skip the chance to have big dragons in my story im sorry). she used to be an executioner for the current guy ruling the predacons (which would be Quinacridone. dont worry about him i barely have anything on him lol he doesnt matter) but her friend, some other guy named Malachite was conspiring against the previous leader with Quinacridone's help, once the deed was done however he basically threw Malachite under the bus, dropping him into this vengeful spiral. He tries to drag Cinnabar into it, hoping that she'd kill Quinacridone for him given her closer position to Quin, but when she refused out of fear of both of them getting killed, they had this big falling out and fight (if you've seen previous drawings of her you'll notice she's missing an eye. well this is where she loses it lol). After this, Malachite fucks off to somewhere, and Cinnabar runs away too, both to try and find him, and because Quinacridone seems to be getting onto their plans of dethroning him, despite how unwilling she was to do it. She lands in this strange underground colosseum fighting ring, where's she "loses" Malachite's trail. In reality he had been fighting here for a while, mostly for his bruised ego and because something about this place seems to keep people from leaving (lore wise its bc there's some big ass titan underneath with its freaky aura that fucks with your mind). So she's been here since, working as an announcer for the fights and a guard of sorts, hoping to get a lead on where he ended up, but everyone here is very secretive and uncooperative.

Now Rage Rush (the tiny ass sparrow) is said colosseum's champion. Im thinking she's got this outlier power of like. mini hyperspeed that looks like borderline teleporting, so it's impossible to track where she is during fights. She's been here wayyyyy longer than Cinnabar, and was actually the one to take down Malachite in a fight, though only by some mere dumb luck. at the last second The spiny plating on her left shoulder is actually a bunch of his scales since she likes keeping "trophies" of those she defeats like some fucking sicko. When she meets Cinnabar she's quick to realize who she's looking for, but decides against telling her for obvious reasons. Rage Rush becomes something like a... "friend" to Cinnabar in the following years. They're both very bitter assholes though, so it's mostly some on and off toxic situationship of sorts 😭 Cinnabar hates Rage Rush's incredibly rude and aggressive personality, always getting under people's skin just for the hell of it, while Rage Rush gets very irritated at how Cinnabar seems to always be wallowing and moping about something. Sometimes she'll outright ignore the sparrow even when she's talking to her face just to get back at her. Still, they mostly stick together since Rage Rush finds Cinnabar fascinating and is one of the only people who will talk to her (plus they're both lonely as fuck deep down). Fun fact: Rage Rush used to be some low status autobot (loooong time ago im thinking that whole thang has been over for millennia by now bc thog dont caare) going by the name of Speck, but changed it to something edgier once in the fighting ring. She has a history of feeling ignored and excluded by other people, which led to her starting to resent pretty much everyone around her after a while, so the adrenaline of the fight's victory feeds into her rancorous power fantasies that she has been stewing in for ages. i dont ljke her ❤️

#ask box #i think thats all for now...#thank youuuu for asking mwah

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scottxlogan · 2 years ago

Text

Writing Questions Tag Game!

I was tagged by @mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea Thanks for the tag. We’ll see how it goes!

Doing this under the cut:

What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had?

My favorite idea I’ve ever had was something about time travel yet unexplored in writing. I was inspired by an outing with my sister and when it hit me my sister was like yes it’s brilliant lol, but I’ve yet to write it. I understand that’s vague but it was a fun idea. As for favorite ideas I think my favorite ideas are the ones where things just pop into my head and are silly and fun. I have so many of them that I can’t really pinpoint which one is my favorite, which is a lame response but that’s where I’m at lol.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Probably the time that someone asked me why do you do this when no one likes you or your writing. I know that’s a TERRIBLE answer but that troll question is something that sticks out in my head and kind of guides a lot of what I do moving forward. It was just such a mean, vague question that sometimes when I’m having an off day I think about it and wonder what it’s all for but then I write something and get it out there and I think to myself that I did that. Even if no one reads it I brought something to life that wasn’t there before I put it together and that’s pretty cool. I don’t know, but that sticks out a lot.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part is being able to create and world build. I do a lot of fanfic but I’ve also dabbled in original fic as well and to be honest I just love the idea of watching an idea grow and flourish evolving into something that goes above and beyond my own initial ideas. It’s just fun seeing how things develop and evolve. I think that’s my favorite part of it all. I could take or leave that whole need to feel validated by statistics. All too often people get caught up in the height of likes, comments, hits, etc. It’s exhausting and it can be a self-defeating part of it all if you allow it to get inside your head and stew there. Working on something you’re proud of is such a good feeling, but allowing the self-defeating idea of not having anyone paying attention can spoil something so great you’ve accomplished and that’s the part I would totally want to put behind me.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

Because when I think of my existence in the grand scheme of things that one thing that always sticks out is imagining I couldn’t write and how much that would be terrible once I’m not longer around because I love writing. Writing has gotten me through a lot of points in my life even before I realized why I needed to do it. There’s just something about that freedom writing or creating provides that just allows you to go places beyond what you thought possible.

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

That it’s okay not to be perfect with what you do. I’m a perfectionist by nature so it’s hard for me to not be overly judgmental about things that I’ve done and how I could improve upon it. Whether it’s writing or art I’m always second guessing stuff and in the beginning I wish I could’ve told myself to ease up on that and just have fun. Also that there was more than the word ‘said’ as my early writing included that a lot.

What is your favourite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

My favorite story I’ve ever written to completion as of this point is probably a WinterIron one called End of the Line just because this was a GIGANTIC endeavor and my very first story in fandom. I worked so hard on this one writing it entirely without the benefit of an audience through the process until it was finished and going through posting. It was just such a great experience in that kind of writing freedom that for me I see it as a great triumph in the accomplishment I made and it opened the door to a new ship for me so it was a double win!

What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

“I like it yeah!” (No it’s not my quote and no it’s not the best quote ever, but it holds a meaning that perhaps only a few people will understand. I would think a few people following me on my tumblr have been around long enough to know what it means, but I’ll drop a hint below). It makes me smile all the time ;-) Probably not how I was supposed to answer that but it’s what popped in my head lol

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

I’m going to roll with Scott Summers on this because it’s a mixed bag on whether people love or hate him. Scott isn’t the hip fun guy (sorry X-Men Apocalypse but you got him super wrong!) and he’s the guy who gets things done. His take charge focus on what is needed to be done makes him someone people like to complain about a lot. Anything Scott has done wrong gets put under a microscope and is put out there to support why people hate the character, but it’s just ridiculous. Scott is such a fascinating character, who with his background could’ve easily become a villain, but he’s a hero through and through and there’s something about him that really resonates with me. He doesn’t back down from a fight and does what’s right by his people even it it comes at a great risk to his personal sacrifice and well being. There’s so much about him that I love and support even if the poor guy is bad for himself in his quest to be the best leader he can be so yeah...that’s my answer.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

My younger self would be STUNNED at all the changes we’ve made since writing original horror mystery stories by hand and thinking they were really a big deal. Life has given me plenty of experiences and opportunities to grow and learn and now that I’m a bit older I don’t have the influence of others skewing what I want to create and that’s such a fun freeing feeling. I think my younger self would be surprised at how much I put out there and have fun with. Writing is an exploration of creativity and fun to be had. As a kid I think a lot of it was a coping mechanism and I grew a lot for it in my life experiences I guess.

Thanks for tagging me! This felt like a mini self-analysis lol so thanks for that. It was fun!

Tagging: @naughtyneganjdm, @sgfic, @sammy-souffle, @chaoticgardenbread, @onekisstotakewithme, @just-fandomthings and really anyone who wants to take part in this. No pressure to to this but it’s here if anyone is inclined to do so :)

#random #writing questions #ask me #mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea

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bonesandthebees · 2 years ago

Note

TAGD Ch15 Analysis- 2/2

Wilbur is so protective of him I can't-

Okay okay so first he's hyper-focusing on their surroundings to make sure nobody (especially Jack and Niki) will run into them, then he tries to get them out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible. And when that doesn't work out he tries to de-escalate the situation, then stands in the way of their oncoming fight. He really cares about Tommy:')

And oh Tommy is going through ittt

Poor Tubbo just wanted to have a nice chat and give Tommy a bit of normalcy after everything that happened and Tommy just snapped at him:(

And Jack is going through it toooo

Goodness, everything is such a mess right now and I am so here for it!!

Jack is angry. That is a reasonable reaction for surviving a murder attempt committed by a close friend of yours. Tommy wasn't really helping in calming him down, although I doubt there was much he could do even if he tried. They both say things that they probably don't mean to hurt each other. They're just going through so much

Niki wants to watch the world burnnn>:)

Just kidding lol but it looks like she wants Tommy to pay at least a little bit for his actions. I'd be pissed too if someone did that to my best friend.

I already miss rainduo so much. Why did this all have to happen directly after a bonding moment between them!!? Bones, why must you do this to us?

Aimsey's just trying to stop a fight from breaking out and immediately gets shut down.

And then Wilbur gets hurt. I'm glad it wasn't anything too serious. Hopefully. I'm also glad to see that Niki and Jack are still worried about him, despite them not being on great terms. I didn't doubt that they did, but it is nice to see it anyway.

And now Tommy is protective of Wilbur. They have a crimeboys moment and I'm so happyyyy

"I trust you."

Ahahshdhxhhajdhdhdhdbj he said it he said it he said itttt thank youuuu

And we finally know how old our favorite traumatized Pythia boy is. He's a lot younger than I thought he'd be. I'm curious if there is a reason for this? I get why you did this in stars and especially in strings.

anyways, you are doing amazing bones! this was yet another rollercoaster of emotions and a fantastic chapter!! i am practically buzzing with excitement i can't wait to see what happens next<3

-🧭

protective wilbur for the win lets goooooo

to be fair tommy and tubbo have not had a good dynamic for a while now, and tubbo was advocating for, y'know, murdering the guy who is now tommy's best friend. tommy was under so much stress that morning he just didn't want to deal with anything from tubbo, despite the fact that tubbo was just genuinely worried about him. it sucks for both sides :(

jack is furious about the murder attempt which is understandable! the longer he's had to stew in it, the more pissed he's gotten. and it doesn't help that niki is equally as pissed and the two feed off of each other's anger. the situation was going to escalate no matter what, but tommy's stubbornness definitely made it escalate faster.

aimsey is just the group peacemaker who doesn't want literal fist fights breaking out over breakfast.

even if jack and niki are pissed at wilbur for sticking with tommy, they both expected this. even if they're upset at him, they don't hold the same kind of resentment as they both do for tommy, so of course they were upset when he got hurt. jack especially feels guilty because he was just going to try and shove tommy (which definitely would've escalated into more, but yknow you're not thinking of the future a ton in a fight like that), but he shoved wilbur instead, who slipped and cut open his head! like, that is way worse than whatever jack intended to do, and it wasn't even the right target.

the "I trust you" and hairwashing scene is something i've had planned for agesssss

well the age difference between crimeboys in glass is actually the same as the age difference in stars, it's just shifted. it's a 4 year difference either way. generally when I mess with crimeboys ages in fics, the lowest I go with the age difference is 4 years (strings is an exception and if you've read it you know why). so it was less about wilbur being 22 specifically, and me wanting crimeboys to be as close in age as i could make them for glass without shifting the core of their dynamic. I liked tommy being 18 because it just felt right, so then it was like ok then I'm gonna make wilbur 22

tysm compass anon i'm so glad you enjoyed!!

#ask #compass anon #through a glass divine

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ratmuffintherapy · 2 years ago

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My Best Friend (Part I)

imagine: you and eddie have been friends for years and there has been tension the whole time, and finally, you two give into it. warning: n/a (maybe fluff if you want to be warned about cute shit lol), cursing, mention of drugs notes: let me know if you want a part ii to this! i think it could be a really good slow burn. word count: 1.2k a/n: i'm working on a longer fic but in the meantime, here, take this!

"y/n!" i turned around to see my best friend of... oh god, is it five? six? years walking towards me. my breath hitched in my throat, the same way it always did when i saw him.

i raised my hand in a wave and smiled. "eds!"

"how you doin', good lookin'?" eddie winked at me, making me giggle.

"always feeding my ego munson, that can't be good for you, me, or anyone involved."

"i'll feed your ego til the end of time, babygirl."

i felt myself getting red but brushed it off. i was always bad at taking compliments; it wasn't just because he was mock-flirting with me. there was no way eddie would make me blush like that.

"what're you doin after school today?" eddie cocked his head and leaned against the locker in front of me.

"hangin with you," i smiled and brushed a stray hair behind my ear, "what else would i be doing with my time?"

i watched as eddie looked down at the floor, then back up at me with a sly grin. "wanna rent a movie and smoke tonight then?"

"yeah, but only if you let me finish my homework first."

"or you could do it after."

"eddie, you know damn well nothing will get done if i don't do it before we smoke." this made him roll his eyes. he always made fun of me for caring about class and doing my homework every night. it wasn't like he was stupid--what people didn't know about him was that he's actually super smart and super talented--he just didn't care for school. it wasn't his fault people at school only saw him for the drug-dealing, "freak" part of him. they didn't even give him a chance. they took one look at him and gave him a wide berth.

"alright, fine, i'll just keep myself entertained while you ignore me and do your work." he pouted, making me roll my eyes this time.

"you'll be fine, you idiot."

-y/n's POV-

i stood outside eddie's van, waiting for him to get out of class. with a huff, i looked down at my watch. i shielded my eyes from the sun and squinted towards the school entrance. 10 minutes past. it wasn't a super long time, but i really didn't have patience, and eddie knew that. he probably got caught up talking to his hellfire club friends or something. i couldn't imagine him staying after class to ask for help from his teachers or anything.

after an excruciating two more minutes, i saw a familiar head of messy black hair bouncing towards me.

"sorry, y/n!" eddie yelled as he ran towards me, "had to make a quick deal."

"jesus christ, eds, don't yell that!" i rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the van to head towards the passenger seat. i landed hard on the seat and winced as my shoulder brushed against the burning hot metal seat buckle.

"what, no one cares." eddie mumbled under his breath. i panted in the seat next to him dramatically, begging him to start driving so we could roll down the windows and get some air rather than stewing in the wet heat of his van.

we skidded out of the parking lot, and started zooming down the road. most people were not fond of eddie's reckless driving, but having been in the car a million times while he drove, i was pretty much used to it. my mom, on the other hand, constantly yelled after him pulling out of the driveway to "eddie munson, please for the love of god, slow down!"

i leaned against the doorframe of the car. the wind rushed through my hair, and i closed my eyes to enjoy the warmth of the sun. now that we had some air circulation in the car, i found the heat to be enjoyable. i watched the trees zoom past us and thought back to the first time eddie had ever driven me to school. we had gone down this exact road, just as, if not more, recklessly than how eddie was driving now, and i smiled to myself as i remembered gripping onto the sides of the seat for dear life. i remembered fearing i wasn't going to make it to school because i died in eddie fucking munson's car.

"what's on your mind, sugar?" i snapped back to reality when i heard eddie's voice. i gave him a sweet smile and shook my head, "nothing."

"well, you're awfully quiet. usually you're talking my ear off."

"i'm just... reflecting."

suddenly, a glint caught my eye. the light from the sun had bounced off of one of eddie's silver rings and blinded me for a split second. i stared at his rings, and my eyes wandered down to his hand lazily holding the steering wheel. he never drove with two hands. one always leaned on the door with the window rolled down, and the other held the wheel. right now, he was tapping the rhythm of some song on the wheel, humming to himself.

"enjoying the view?" i snapped out of it to see eddie smirking at me.

"just... zoned out."

"mhm. sure."

we pulled into a halt in front of family video. i hopped out of the van, eyeing steve and robin, who were helping customers inside. i strolled behind eddie as he leisurely sauntered to the door and swung it open.

"the god of hellfire has arrived!" he spread his arms with a flourish, and both steve and robin rolled their eyes.

"welcome to family video, is there anything i can help you with?" robin recited her welcome phrase with no enthusiasm, and smirked playfully at me.

"why yes, miss buckley, there is something you can help me with!" i returned her jest, "i'm thinking... horror tonight."

"wait. horror? we did NOT agree to that." i giggled at eddie's reaction. whenever we watched horror movies, eddie's entire body ended up wrapped around my torso in fear, and his face was always buried in my shoulder. although he looked tough on the outside, eddie was a big softie on the inside, something i always teased him about but secretly loved about him.

"don't worry buddy, i'll be here to save you." i patted his shoulder.

"if only we could watch eddie watching this." steve said as he handed me a movie. i took it to see that it was "the shining," something we had seen a million times before, but still loved. doesn't everybody love it?

"ah shit, no way i'm watching that, harrington. give us something like 'the land before time' or something." i laughed out loud at the image in my head of eddie watching an animated movie about dinosaurs.

"no way eddie, the queen has spoken and the queen has requested horror, so 'the shining' it is."

reluctantly, and complaining the whole time, eddie handed over a wad of cash, which steve took with a mocking smile.

"have fun, lovebirds!" steve waved as we exited, and robin blew us a kiss.

"awww, you hear that y/n? we're in love!" eddie nuzzled up to me and i laughed and pushed his head away.

"hurry up and get in the car, weirdo."

eddie feigned hurt, clasping his hands to his chest and falling backwards. "my heart! it's--it's BROKEN!" he dramatically tossed his arms up in the air and fell on the hood of his van, only to spring back when he touched the hot metal.

"and that is a lesson in stopping your theatrics and driving us home." i sniggered and jumped into my seat.

part 2 coming soon!

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

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goldenkamuyhunting · 3 years ago

Text

Replies to asks regarding what happened to Ogata in chap 310

New group of asks, this time tied to what happened to Ogata in chap 310. Sorry if I placed them together and it I’m late in replying to them.

@somethingelse-notunique said:

EASY MODE!! Thank you! That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking these last chapters, but I just couldn’t find the words. I’m not sure how everyone else felt while reading it, but I was super interested in the physicological parts of the characters. Especially Asirpa, Sugimoto, and Ogata (I know you’ve been getting a lot of asks about Ogata but…hopefully it not too annoying lol). I was really hoping we’d dive deeper into what makes them tick and force them to answer uncomfortable questions. All that we have been getting recently has felt rather shallow. I didn’t hate what the Ogata death soliloquy gave us, with him seemingly not feeling too guilty over his parents murders. I liked that, it was interesting(If expanded upon).I just wish he was forced to stew in it a bit longer. Deal with the more advanced questions. It especially annoying when Asirpa seems to take some of his ideas later on. It just set up perfectly for Ogata to impact her. Imagine the train scene with an Ogata already well in the process of coming to terms with himself. Even if that still ended in his suicide, I think it would have been the perfect place to truly shake both Sugimoto and Asirpa viewpoints/morals. Which they did a little with Asirpa, but no follow through. I feel the rest of the story probably not going to make them question themselves that much. Hopefully I am wrong, perhaps Tsurumi will pick up Ogata missed potential

If I could help, then I’m glad!

I’m the same, I’ve been very interested in the psychological aspects of the characters. The story previously used to care a lot about it and Noda was really doing a great work with it in previous chapters.

Asirpa, Sugimoto, and Ogata were among the most complicate, Asirpa was doing a lot of personal growth, Sugimoto was dealing with his PTSD and I’ve lost count of how many issues plagued Ogata.

Credits when it’s due, the manga didn’t completely drop the psychological aspect, but it ended up mostly overshadowed by the action scenes and neglected or going nowhere. “Golden Kamuy” is also an action manga, and I’m sure there’s a part of the fandom which prefers this but I fear I belong to the side that favored the psychological side.

I don’t mind Ogata asks, though I’m trying to put them all in a single post so as not to fill people’s dashboards with posts saying similar things. Sorry if I gave you a different impression.

I wouldn’t say Ogata feels no guilt for his parents’ death, at least for what his mother is concerned (but I’ll develop this more later, after I reply to the following anon ask if, it’s okay for you) and I fear, from the way Noda constructed the scene, we couldn’t get more out of him. This isn’t him rationalizing his feelings, this is him breaking down. It’s emotional, not rational.

I’m… not sure which idea of his you think Asirpa took later on. If it’s the one about the gold bringing misfortune and leading people to more fights and death the first to suggest it is Makanakkuru (if we go by the volumes in the story) otherwise it’s Kimuspu (if we just follow the chronological order) and it’s overall correct.

And yeah, it would have been great if Ogata’s death was used for… something… but ultimately the story and the characters have no time for it. Asirpa and Sugimoto have to face Tsurumi so what happens to Ogata feels like a parenthesis, which is why I wish Ogata’s death had happened sooner, so it could be processed better.

Well, it would be great if Tsurumi could actually promote some food for thoughts… but I fear if we’ll get it, it’ll be when all has ended.

Chap 216 in a way foreshadowed the situation we’re in now, with the group chasing after a white bear in a reckless manner hoping in a maximum gain, with the result they only worsen Sugimoto’s wounds and lose the bear. Chasing the gold was equivalent to chasing that bear in such a way, a lot of harm and no good came from it but somehow the group didn’t even realize the lesson.

I wonder if, at the end, Noda will remind us of this parallel or not. We’ll see.

I appreciate all of the writing and thinking you do about GK. Thank you for being in this fandom and enriching it with your work. :) I do disagree with how I interpret Ogata's finale (and only chapter 310, I'm with you on Noda assassinating him being smart, cautious and independent character) though: I think the poison gave him an epiphany into realising, that he was indeed normal and not defective. And him killing himself instead of leaving it to the poison was his (only) way of taking responsibility for the sins he committed. I don't think he wanted to escape his pain by dying. He was so calm and collected, when he readied the rifle and specifically went for the eye, instead of the forehead, as a target. That seems like his analytical and composed self, and his guilt integrated back into one person - and allowed him do die with peace of mind. (This interpretation is actually what keeps me from not being completely devastated with how the story turned out, so I am quite invested in seeing it this way...) So, you who has been having issues with the plot for a while, would naturally disagree, but i'd like to hear your thoughts on it nonetheless ^^

Thank you for enjoying my work!

Having different interpretations is fine, I don’t really own the truth and that scene is complicate. I’ve seen tons of different takes and who knows which one is the right one and if your interpretation helps you, then it’s all the more good for you to embrace it. I thank you for wanting to share your interpretation and for wanting to know mine. I love to hear other people’s interpretations and if they enjoy to hear mine it makes me happy!

And yes, I view the scene in a way that’s slightly different from yours or from the anon of the previous message. So, if it’s okay with you, I’ll go and explain my thoughts.

I fear it’s pretty long as this will be more of a meta about the whole of Ogata’s psychological arc more than just about his suicide in chap 310 because 310 goes back and forth in his story and so it feels easier to cover it all. I apologize to you and to the previous anon for the length and thank you again for wanting to hear my two cents. So, without further ado…

LET’S HAVE A TRAVEL IN OGATA’S WAY TO DEAL WITH GUILT

So, how do I interpret the whole thing that happened to Ogata in chap 310, if I discharge the idea it’s just ghost possession (an idea as I’ve said in the past which I personally disliked but that was foreshadowed and might work well for Japanese readers as it would be digging into their culture) and consider it from a psychological standpoint (which might not be wrong either)?

Ogata killed his mother when he was a child. Afterward he should have felt guilt, all the more because his father didn’t even come back to her.

Now, guilt and the shame it causes are extremely unpleasant emotions and with good reasons. They exist to stop us from doing again something we regretted doing afterward. However children don’t like to have to deal with unpleasant emotions, their brain isn’t ready yet to unpack them on its own and turn them into something that help us take a better course in life. They need the help of an adult to do it and, if they don’t get it, they do the only thing they know how to do on their own, try to push the painful thing away from them with various maladaptive copying methods.

Some persuade themselves the misdeed never happened, some push the blame on others, some… just suppress the guilt and shame. We’re adults, we know this is wrong, but they’re children and for them this is the equivalent of self defense. The brain must protect the child’s psyche. What’s painful needs to go away one way or the other and there’s no one who is capable to blindly believe to his brain’s lies like a child.

But while overall this seems a quick and easy fix, the brain isn’t really capable to cause the guilt to disappear entirely by just pretending it isn’t there. Basically, metaphorically closing the child’s eyes won’t really erase what the child doesn’t want to see.

Feelings that don’t get unpacked and processed in a healthy way remain trapped inside the child, behind the walls the brain has built to keep the child from seeing them and, therefore, feeling bad. The guilt bangs on the wall of its prison, it causes subconscious stress but, exactly because it’s subconscious now, it’s even harder to deal with it. The more it goes on, the more damaging it is. The walls chips, guilt oozes out but the conscious can’t even name it because it can’t see it.

Meanwhile, since the memory of guilt was suppressed along with guilt, it couldn’t work as a stop from repeating the same mistake, so more mistakes can been done, then guilt is suppressed again and stuck into the same prison with the previous guilt.

On the surface it seems easier for the brain to do so, the prison now already exists so it becomes a fast process to stuck the guilt in it, and the person can really delude themselves they don’t feel guilt at all. However new guilt adds in to the pressure of the previous one.

Walls will be eventually torn down as they won’t be able to hold forever and, if the process is too abrupt, all the guilt will get free and pour on the psyche like a crashing Tsunami with devastating effects.

And that’s more or less what happens to Ogata.

He makes again the same mistakes under the false beliefs he won’t feel guilty, even though guilt slowly oozes out of him and fill its prison.

Chap 243 shows a scene in which Ogata asked for confirmation of his mind setting to Usami. Asking for confirmation is the easiest signal no matter what you say, you aren’t secure of your beliefs…

This seems hinted also in chap 165. As Ogata insists that nobody feels guilty there’s a swirling shading on him, which actually is normally used to indicate inner turmoil. To make matters worse, Yuusaku, differently from Usami, doesn’t validate Ogata’s beliefs.

It’s worth to mention chap 243, 165 and 187 contrast slightly with each other as in 243 Ogata seems more aware of his insecurity (in fact in the volume version Noda adds a scene in which he questions if he’s the odd one because he was unloved… even though since Usami has agreed with his mind setting, this would make two of them and Usami had loving parents) while in chap 165 it seems less aware and in 187 he has worked out a conditio sine qua non his theory that everyone can’t feel guilt works, ‘you won’t feel guilty IF YOU HAVE A REASON TO KILL SOMEONE’ a condition he didn’t include in 165 where his point of view was just, nobody feels guilty when they kill, everyone fakes.

Whatever.

Anyway Ogata kills Yuusaku in hope this will lead Hanazawa to him and then kills Hanazawa in exchange of a last, and possibly first, talk with him.

Guilt fills him just the same and gets suppressed and, since years have gone by from his mother’s murder, his brain is fast into placing guilt in the prison built for it. The walls are old and torn though.

Again chap 310 implies we never see Yuusaku’s face out of his guilt and his inability to face it, and this can be applied to his mother’s face as well. Chap 310 won’t even bother to reveal Tome’s face. On the other side we saw Hanazawa’s face just fine in the flashback so it’s hard to quantify how much Ogata regretted killing him and if he did at all.

Hanazawa was, after all, a complete stranger to him, and one that discharged him and his mother and showed disgust toward them. He and Ogata are tied together by a biological link but that’s all, he has no kind memories of his father so murdering him might not have made such a big of an impression same as murdering his mother or Yuusaku.

We go on with the story.

Chap 243 implies it was already leaking out more consistently than it did previously by showing that, when Ogata was sleeping and his mental defenses were low, he calls his brother and is overheard by Usami, who immediately figures Ogata, deep down, is regretting killing Yuusaku. On the opposite side Ogata is still fully in denial but, if the leaks were to keep being slow, maybe they could have forced Ogata to confront them so he would have lead with them in a better manner. Or not.

We’ll never know because it wasn’t meant to go that way (and because we can’t tell if he dreamt Yuusaku again out of his fever dream in 164/165 because the manga never showed him doing so and the fact it happened in 243 might be merely due to him not having fully recovered yet… though this would mess up a bit with the timeline but whatever).

Anyway we don’t really know in details how Ogata was prior to the gold hunt, but through the gold hunt we see he’s a risk taker when trying to reach his goal. Very likely it’s not all bravado and recklessness.

Ogata’s maladaptive copying mechanism is showing its downsides.

Not only it doesn’t stop Ogata from making the same mistakes over and over but leads him to be subconsciously suicidal which is a side reaction suppressed guilt can cause. It’s not conscious otherwise Ogata would have just gunned himself much sooner, but it’s there, subconscious, and it makes him reckless.

It’ll get worse though.

In chap 164 Ogata gets delirious with fever, his mental defense weakens and he starts seeing Yuusaku in place of Asirpa. If before Ogata would see Yuusaku just in dreams which Ogata might or might not remember, now he sees him in front of himself. Kind Yuusaku, mortally wounded Yuusaku, he’s in front of him in place of Asirpa. A part of Ogata’s consciousness probably starts connecting the dots but is again suppressed as Ogata continues to deny everything because it’s safer, it’s less painful and he never fully graduated from being a child who believes if he closes his eyes bad things will disappear for real.

Again, maybe with time (and, likely, with help from an external source) Ogata might have processed it better but that’s not that kind of story and, as he gains strength due to recovering from the fever, his mental defenses go back in place and he likely goes back on seeing Asirpa instead than Yuusaku.

It was just the fever, nothing more, he likely told himself.

Only it wasn’t so simple.

On the ice field, in an effort to get Asirpa’s cooperation, Ogata put in Sugimoto’s mouth the words he wanted his father to tell him and he’s so emotionally involved by his narration he makes the mistake of telling Asirpa Sugimoto would want to eat something that’s absolutely not connected with Sugi, anglerfish nabe instead than, let’s say ‘citatap’ or something else he KNEW Sugimoto liked (Ogata couldn’t know of the dried persimmons but picking a random food was way more risky than trying with a food he knew Sugimoto liked to eat). Asirpa discovers the lie and Ogata cracks a little.

He challenges Asirpa to kill him.

Officially because she’s like him and so she can kill too if she has a reason.

According to chap 310, because a part of him, which he still keeps suppressed, has realized his own sense of guilt thanks to her and now he wants to be killed by her.

Yes, the mind can fracture in such a way, keeping your wishes hidden from your conscious yet moving to act you in a certain way and manufacturing fake reasons so that you don’t have to face your real ones but also yes, I would have wished Noda had explained it better.

Anyway Asirpa refuses. He tries to threaten her into compliance, and we might wonder if he sees Yuusaku as he aims at her. We’ll never know if he sees him or just thinks at him as he says ‘it’s simply not right that people like you exist’ (the you is a plural in Japanese meaning it doesn’t refer just to Asirpa).

Asirpa, by mistake, hits him with a poisoned arrow.

Ogata loses his eye but, later, manages to escape and go back to Hijikata’s group.

The loss of his eye can have caused him to suffer of minor visual hallucinations which might have worsened his state as they can be a consequence of enucleation. As Ogata got himself a glass eye he might have been told he might get them, so the scientific explanation would work for him also as a way to deny them, to deny that his hallucination mattered and were caused by guilt.

Or not.

Chap 164 has Kiroranke say the Orok believed Ogata was possessed by an Anba, an evil creature (悪い化物 ‘warui bakemono’), and connect the whole thing with Yuusaku. Ogata will call Yuusaku a akuryō (悪霊 “evil spirit”) in 253 and 310 so he too embraced the idea a ghost is haunting him (let’s remember his father cursed him and that being haunted by the ghost of the one you’re killed are part of Japanese traditional beliefs).

So yeah, it can be Ogata is being plagued by more hallucinations which are actually for a physical reason, the guilt that’s slowly oozing out of its prison pushes him to interpret them as ‘Yuusaku haunting him’, making him embrace superstitions, which is convenient as he can continue to deny his guilt by painting it as an evil ghost haunting him.

The story goes on and doesn’t really dig on him beyond two occasions in which he tries to shoot Asirpa… and senses in his blind spot ‘someone’, the visual telling us that someone is none else but Yuusaku.

The fracture in Ogata’s mind is more visible.

He tells himself he would be fine by killing Asirpa and tries to do so and his sense of guilt goes to plague him in roundabout ways as he isn’t ready to face it, bet effectively stopping him from killing Asirpa.

Ogata still manages to kill Usami, and this might have been important because Ogata might have realized on the ice field, despite threatening to kill Asirpa, he just remained staring at her and didn’t press the trigger and so this can have caused him some doubt. But then he kills Usami no problem and this proves not only he can shoot accurately but that he can shoot to kill.

The thing with Asirpa should have been a fluke, he can tell himself, and dismiss he just stood there with his rifle aimed and did nothing.

Though Noda didn’t really develop this so it might be it’s just me.

And so we get to 304/309/310.

People know I’ve plenty of grievances for how those chapters handled the story, despite them confirming almost all my speculations.

I’ll skip 304 for now.

309 shows Ogata aiming at Sugimoto at such a close distance even the worst shooter could have blown his head off aware Asirpa is watching him and shooting.

I don’t know if the bullet at least hit some part of Sugimoto, it clearly didn’t blew his brain out. Then Ogata recharges his rifle, turns and is hit by a arrow.

Ogata pulls the arrow out.

As far as we know he never had a crash course on how this isn’t a bright move or on how he also has to remove the flesh around it as he wasn’t around when Kumagishi was shoot (apparently in the exactly same spot and Asirpa didn’t even try to save him because since the arrow was in his stomach there was nothing they could do). Anyway Ogata wastes precious time pulling out just the tip of the arrow by carving his stomach to pull it out.

It tells us he didn’t know that this wouldn’t be enough, that nothing would be enough.

Ogata talks about ‘something that has been bothering him for a while and that got resolved’.

The vague phrasing that really has no reason to be vague could refer to Asirpa being able to kill or not, as his wording seems to match the one he used in 187 as @deepfriedegg observed or they can refer to him having been able to kill Usami as he might have been bothered by the fact he couldn’t kill Asirpa and the fact he can’t die yet is tied to how he has to prove himself he can shoot her… because if what he consciously wanted was just to kill her he could have let the poison do his work.

So the fracture in his mind becomes even stronger.

However his stress level rise too high for him to handle. He’s poisoned, he has a wound in his stomach and one in his leg and fighting with Sugimoto, as brief as it was, wasn’t the equivalent of a stroll in a park.

His mental defenses crash down and, instead than seeing Yuusaku in his blind spot, he sees Yuusaku ahead of himself.

The following scene is confusing but the easiest psychological interpretation is that all he had kept trapped in his subconscious, all his guilt, all his fears, all his negative thoughts overwhelmed him.

It could happen because Ogata was in a situation of extreme stress, but exactly because he’s at his weakest psychological point and has suppressed all that for so long, he’s absolutely not equipped to face it.

Among his worries there is that his mother’s murder was meaningless, which hints he felt guilty for it or otherwise he wouldn’t have cared if it mattered or not… and Tome’s face is still not shown (but maybe Noda will fix this in the volume).

The way I see it, Ogata can’t stew in it any longer or face the more complicate questions because at the moment he can’t face not even the simplest ones. It’s a tsunami, even the visual implies that his head is spinning and water is dragging him away.

Him begging to ‘stop it!’ and ‘that’s enough!! Don’t think anymore!! I lose!! No more!! Don’t think anymore!!’ it’s him trying to apply his maladaptive copying mechanism of suppressing what cause him pain, but it clearly can’t work anymore. The prison for his unpleasant feelings which he built over the years has shattered and he can’t push them in any longer.

When this happens the mind breaks and, often, presents solutions that basically lead to suicide (or, if you’re ‘lucky’ just to self harm… or to harming others… it really depend on the situation) as the only way to stop the pain because the pain comes from within yourself and you’re all of sudden your worst enemy and you might not even realize it because you aren’t thinking straight and you can’t realize harming yourself is not the way to fix things.

Going for his eye is not just symbolic of how the bullet came out of Yuusaku’s eye, but an actually ‘safer’ way to stop yourself from seeing things and thinking (moments ago Ogata reminded himself in order to hit a bear’s brain he should have gone for the eye not for the head).

It’s unlikely Ogata is calm as he pulls the trigger.

Not only he was overwhelmed a moment ago, but his seeing eye is open wide, which isn’t a sign of inner calmness.

If we look at the scene from a psychological angle, what we see is not exactly him having an epiphany in which he experience sudden and striking insight about his guilt, it’s more him having an episode of psychosis (to not confuse with psychopathy, psychosis is an abnormal condition of the mind that results in difficulties determining what is real and what is not real) through which his suppressed emotions come to light.

One would need help to overcome this and Ogata gets none.

People watch him break down but they are his enemies and, even if they weren’t, they aren’t equipped to help him, they don’t get what’s going on, they can’t even predict what will happen, in fact they’re all surprised by the outcome.

Ogata fundamentally dies alone and his death, at the moment, hadn’t been used by the plot. It didn’t affect any of the characters in a significant way. It just happens so that the cast can move to the next step.

In fact Asirpa had already decided to kill people for the sake of her goal, starting with attempting to do it with Ogata and, if she felt pain for him, it lasted two panels… but it might also be she’s just saddened/worried by her resolution to handle the mess on her own and ask Sugimoto and Shiraishi to remain behind so they’ll stay safe as an old defining trait of Asirpa was her fear to be left alone.

Everyone is free to speculate on this but, for now, she doesn’t seem affected by what had happened, nor were Sugimoto or Shiraishi. It happened. Let’s move on.

So that’s the end of my two cents. I might be wrong of course as I’m not Noda and my interpretation is influenced by my studies, my experiences and by my culture and they’re no the same of the intended target audience so I guess everyone can choose his own while we wait for the release of the volume and see if things in it will be different.

Still thank you to you both for wanting to hear me out.

#Ask #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Asirpa #Sugimoto Saichi #Makanakkuru #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Hanazawa Yuusaku #Hanazawa Koujirou #Ogata Tome #Usami Tokishige #Kiroranke #Kumagishi Chouan

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