#prioritizing people who do not hold a queer identity over people who do when you say ally is in the acronym and aro/ace aren't'. like i kno

[unloneliest]

the A in LGBTQIA2S+ stands for asexual and aromantic, yes. this absolutely is not a post arguing against that. but it is absolutely, critically vital that the A does also stand for ally. the plausible deniability that ally being a part of the acronym offers closeted people is a necessity. it's a matter of safety.

[abyssmare]

Mizuki Akiyama, and the Art of being Human

The understanding of gender nonconformity and the value of relationships in unconfirmed identities.

Aka, a small rant I had regarding Mizuki identity discourse recently. Do note I am not an extreme fan of Project Sekai, and this is solely from the lens of an small player perspective. Please be patient with me.

Mizuki as a character is someone who’s always intrigued me in a weird sense. I’ve always been deeply interested in their arc as a fellow queer person enamored by the fact that Mizuki’s arc was less centric solely on their gender identity but rather the fear holding such an identity can create. Mizuki is someone who values their relationships greatly, to a degree in which they prioritize them over other things— this creates a complicated situation of hiding unresolved feelings of shame of their identity behind the ideal that their friends wouldn’t need to know, the frightening impact of change overall creating a barrier Mizuki themselves admit limits their own feelings at points— you can not know Mizuki, without knowing Mizuki’s earnest self.

So the ideal that Mizuki is simply a cross-dresser / someone who enjoys identifying with a feminine appearance style doesn’t necessarily sit right with me. There is no act of betrayal that ensues upon the ideal that you wear clothes that go against your gender when it is solely out of self passion. It is widely agreed upon that Mizuki is a male at birth, so why does the ideal of them connecting with a gender outside of the one they were born with create such a discourse? Well, this creates a mirage of two problems : The separation of being a transgender woman, and nonbinary. This creates a ‘label’ that misrepresents Mizuki as a whole, which can come across misrepresentative of them as a character. I have always seen Mizuki as gender nonconforming though, which is widely agreed upon as the status Mizuki is in, so why put a hefty label on such a widely confusing topic? Mizuki themselves is confused on their identity and that is shown, but they’ve found a identity they feel comfortable with beyond their gender expression and that is how they identify— why mislabel them as a ‘cross-dresser’? Why label them as anything at all?

Gender nonconformity is inherently not a strictly transgender term, but given how intertwined their identity is with their character and their actions, it feels wrong to dismiss the idea that they are something beyond the clothes. They are not simply a guy dressing as a girl for ‘fun’ as cross-dressing implies, the hurt they feel when their identity is outted to Ena is real. The shame and discomposure they’re left to feel themselves is a show of the impact their identity had on them, and the impact their relationships having been intertwined in that identity has created.

Mizuki choosing to tell Ena was a act of impulse yet an attempt at showing their true, fullest self to Ena. To the one person that would value them the most, in their eyes, the one ‘deserving of the truth’. They wished to have those around them able to support them in whatever path they chose, knowing NightChord and Ena would see them differently but wishing to pursue such an act despite that— despite the fears they held, they wanted to show themselves to the fullest capabilities, to those that cared for them the most.

That in itself is an act of love, created by isolation. Gender nonconformity is an expression in itself, the need to become a label is only something people can express toward characters. Mizuki doesn’t *need* to identify as a trans woman, or nonbinary, or a cross-dresser, or anybody at all. Mizuki is in the ripe age where having no identity is reasonable, getting hold of yourself is hard— so why press that? Why discourse upon what makes people so human, the emotions we feel and the impact those around us create? Questioning yourself is human, it is only human to want to be honest to the fullest degree, too.

Not knowing your identity is human, not knowing your gender is human. Mizuki is a fictional character, but the treatment of queer characters ‘needing’ to be labeled as specifics or else they’re treated as a conversational spoke piece is real. It’s a misrepresentation of Mizuki as a character, and truly goes against what they stand for as a creation— no matter how you identify Mizuki, they are just themselves in the end- a confused, lonely, isolated child, who just wants friends to help them understand themselves. Kind friends, too, who will understand, when the time comes.

[pumpkinpaix]

mdzs fandom, diaspora, and cultural exchange

Hey everyone. This post contains a statement that’s been posted to my twitter, but was a collaborative effort between several diaspora fans over the last few weeks. Some of the specifics are part of a twitter-localized discourse, but the general sentiments and issues raised are applicable across the board, including here on tumblr.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen a few of my posts about this fandom, cultural exchange, and diasporic identity. For example, here, here, and here. This statement more directly criticizes some of the general issues I and others have raised in the past, and also hopefully provides a little more insight into where those issues come from. I would be happy if people took the time to read and reblog this, as the thought that went into it is not trivial, and neither is the subject matter. Thank you.

Introduction

Hello. I'm a member of a Chinese diaspora discord server - I volunteered to try and compile a thread of some thoughts regarding our place and roles in the fandom expressed in some of our recent discussions. This was primarily drafted by me and reviewed/edited by others with the hopes that we can share a cohesive statement on our honest feelings instead of repeatedly sharing multiple, fragmented versions of similar threads in isolation.

This was compiled by one group of diaspora and cannot be taken to represent diaspora as a whole, but we hope that our input can be considered with compassion and understanding of such.

For context, we are referencing two connected instances: the conflict described in these two threads (here and here), and when @/jelenedra tweeted about giving Jewish practices to the Lans. Regarding the latter, we felt that it tread into the territory of cultural erasure, and that it came from a person who had already disrespected diaspora’s work and input.

Context

The Lans have their own religious and cultural practices, rooted both in the cultural history of China and the genre of xianxia. Superimposing a different religious practice onto the Lans amidst other researched, canonical or culturally accurate details felt as if something important of ours was being overwritten for another’s personal satisfaction. Because canon is so intrinsically tied to real cultural, historical, and religious practices, replacing those practices in a canon setting fic feels like erasure. While MDZS is a fantasy novel, the religious practices contained therein are not. This was uncomfortable for many of us, and we wanted to point it out and have it resolved amicably. We were hoping for a discussion or exchange as there are many parallels and points of relation between Chinese and Jewish cultures, but that did not turn out quite as expected.

What happened next felt like a long game of outrage telephone that resulted in a confusion of issues that deflected responsibility, distracted from the origin of the conflict, and swept our concern under the rug.

Specifically, we are concerned about how these two incidents are part of what we feel is a repeated, widespread pattern of the devaluing of Chinese fans’ work and concerns within this fandom. This recent round of discourse is just one of many instances where we have found ourselves in a position of feeling spoken over within a space that is nominally ours. Regardless of what the telephone game was actually about, the way it played out revealed something about how issues are prioritized.

Background

MDZS is one of the first and largest franchises of cmedia that has become popular and easily accessible outside of China. Moreover, it’s a piece of queer Chinese media that is easily accessible to those of us overseas. For many non-Chinese fans, this is the first piece of cmedia they have connected with, and it’s serving as their introduction to a culture previously opaque to them. What perhaps is less obvious is that for many Chinese diaspora fans, this is also the first piece of cmedia THEY have connected with, found community with, seen themselves in.

Many, many of us have a fraught relationship with our heritage, our language—we often suffer from a sense of alienation, both from our families and from our surrounding peers. For our families, our command of the language and culture is often considered superficial, clunky, childish. Often, connecting with our culture is framed as a mandatory academic duty, and such an approach often fosters resentment towards our own heritage. For our non-Chinese peers, our culture is seen as exotic and strange and other, something shiny and interesting to observe, while we, trapped in the middle, find ourselves uprooted and adrift.

MDZS holds an incredibly important place in many diaspora’s hearts. Speaking for myself, this is literally the first time in my life I have felt motivated and excited about my own native tongue. It's the first time I have felt genuine hope that I might one day be able to speak and read it without fear and self-doubt. It is also the first time that so many people have expressed interest in learning from me, in hearing my thoughts and opinions about my culture.

This past year and a half in fandom has been an incredible experience. I know that I am not alone in this. So many diaspora I have spoken to just in the last week have expressed similar sentiments about the place MDZS holds in their lives. It is a precious thing to us, both because we love the story itself, and because it represents a lifeline to a heritage that’s never felt fully ours to grasp.

It’s wonderful to feel like we are able to welcome our friends into our home and show them all these things that have been so formative to our identities, and to be received with such enthusiasm and interest. Introducing this to non-Chinese friends and fans has also been an opportunity to bridge gaps and be humanized in a way that has been especially important in a year where yellow peril fear mongering has been at an all-time high.  

History

However, MDZS’ rise in popularity among non-Chinese audiences has also come with certain difficulties. It is natural to want to take a story you love and make it your own: that’s what transformative fandom is all about. It is also natural that misunderstandings and unintentional missteps might happen when you aren’t familiar with the ins and outs of the culture and political history of the story in question. This is understandable and forgivable—perfection is impossible, even for ourselves.

We hope for consideration and respect when we give our knowledge freely and when we raise the issue of our own discomfort with certain statements or actions regarding our culture. Please remember that what is an isolated incident to you might be a pattern of growing microaggressions to us. In non-Asian spaces, Asian diaspora are often lumped together under one umbrella. In the west, a lot of Chinese diaspora attach themselves to Korean and Japanese media in order to feel some semblance of connection to a media which approximates our cultures because there are cultural similarities. This is the first time we've collectively found community around something that is actually ours, so the specificities matter.

There is a bitterness about being Asian diaspora and a misery in having to put up a united front about racial issues. Enmity towards one group becomes a danger to all of us, all while our own conflicted histories with one another continue to pass trauma down through the generations. Many of us don’t even watch anime in front of our grandparents because of that lingering cultural antipathy. When the distinctions between our cultures are muddled, it feels once again like that very fraught history is flattened and forgotten.

Without the lived experience of it, it’s hard to understand how pervasive the contradictory web of anti-Asian and, more specifically, anti-Chinese racial aggressions are and how insidious its effects are. The conflation of China the political entity (as perceived and presented by the US and Europe) with its people, culture, and diaspora results in an exhausting litany of criticism levied like a bludgeon, often by people who don’t understand the complicated nature of a situation against those of us who do.

There is often a frankly stunning lack of self-awareness re: cultural biases and blind spots when it comes to discussions of MDZS, particularly moral ones. There are countless righteous claims and hot takes on certain aspects of the story, its author, and the characters that are so clearly rooted in a Euroamerican political and moral framework that does not reflect Chinese cultural realities and experiences. Some of these takes have become so widespread they are essentially accepted as fanon.

This is a pattern of behavior within the fandom. It is not limited to any specific group, nor does it even exclude ourselves—we are, after all, not a monolith, and we should not be placed on pedestals to have our differing opinions weaponized against one another in fandom squabbles. We are not flawless in our own understandings and approaches, and we would appreciate it if others would remember this before using any of us as ultimate authorities to settle a personal score.

It is difficult not to be disheartened when enthusiastic interest crosses the line into entitled demand and when transformative work crosses into erasure, especially when the reactions to our raised concerns have so frequently been dismissive and hostile. The overwhelming cultural and emotional labor we bring to the table is often taken advantage of and then criticized in bad faith. We are bombarded with racist aggressions, micro and macro, and then met with ridicule and annoyance when we push back. Worse, we sometimes face accusations of hostility that force us to apologize, back down, and let the matter go.

When we bring up our issues, it usually seems to come with the expectation that there are other issues that should be addressed before we can address ours. It feels like it’s never really the time to talk about Asian issues.

On the internet and in fandom spaces, Western-coded media, politics and perspectives are assumed to be general knowledge and experience that everyone knows and has. It feels like a double standard that we are expected to know the ins and outs of western politics and to engage on these terms, but most non-Chinese have not even the slightest grasp of the sort of politics that are at play within our communities. We end up feeling used for our specialized knowledge and cultural background and then dismissed when our opinions and problems are inconvenient.

As the culture represented in MDZS is not a culture that most non-Chinese fans are familiar with, we’d like to remind you that you do not get to decide which parts of it are or are not important. While sharing this space with Chinese diaspora who have a close connection to the work and the painful history that goes along with being diaspora, we ask that you be mindful of listening to our concerns.

Cultural erasure is tied to a lot of intense historical and generational trauma for us that maybe isn't immediately evident: the horrors of the Pacific theatre, the far-reaching consequences of colonization, racial tensions both among ourselves and with non-Chinese etc. These are not minor or simple things, and when we talk about our issues within fandom, this is often what underlies them. This is one of the first and only places many of us have been able to find community to discuss our unique issues without feeling as if we’re speaking out of turn.

With the HK protests, COVID, the anti-Chinese platforms of the US election etc., anti-Chinese sentiment has been at the forefront of the global news cycle for some time now, and it is with complete sincerity that we emphasize once again how important MDZS fandom has been as a haven for humanizing and valuing Chinese people through cultural exchange.

Experiencing racial aggression within that space stings, not just because it’s a space we love, but because it feels like we’ve been swimming in rapidly rising racial aggression for over a year at this point.

Feelings

This is a difficult topic to broach at the best of times, and these are not the best of times. Many of us have a wariness of rocking the boat instilled in us from our upbringings, and it is not uncommon for us to feel like we should be grateful that people want to engage with something of ours at all. When we do decide to speak up, we’ve learned that there is a not insignificant chance that we’ll be turned on and trampled over because what we’ve said is inconvenient or uncomfortable. When it is already so difficult to speak up, we end up second-guessing and gaslighting ourselves into wondering whether there really was a problem at all.

We’d like to be able to share what we know about our culture and have our knowledge and experience be taken seriously and treated with courtesy. This is a beautiful, rich world built with the history of our ancestors, one that we too are trying to connect with. When we find it in ourselves to speak up about it, we would appreciate being met with consideration instead of hostility.

We don't have the luxury of stepping away from our culture when we get tired of it. We don't get to put it down and walk away when it’s difficult. But if you're not Chinese or Chinese diaspora, you get to put this book down—we'd like to kindly request that you put it down gently because of how much it matters to all of us in this fandom, regardless of heritage.

What we are asking for is reflection and thoughtfulness as we continue to engage with this work and with one another, especially with regards to how Chinese issues are positioned. When we raise issues of our own discomfort, please take a moment to reflect before reacting defensively or trying to shut us down for spoiling the fun—don’t deprioritize our concerns, especially in a fandom for a piece of Chinese media. We promise most of us are not trying to start shit for the sake of a fight. Most of the time, all we want is acknowledgement and a genuine attempt at understanding.

Our hope with this statement is to encourage more openness and understanding between diaspora and non-Chinese fans while we navigate this place that we’re sharing. Please remember that for many of us, MDZS is far more intense than a typical fandom experience. Remember that the knowledge we have and research we do is freely and happily given, and that it costs us both materially and emotionally. Please don’t take that for granted. Remember too that sometimes the reason for our discomfort may not be immediately evident to you: what seems culturally neutral and harmless might touch upon specific loaded issues for us. We ask for patience, and we ask for sincerity as we try to communicate with one another.

We are writing this because there’s a collective sense of imposed silence—that every time the newest round of discourse crops up, we often feel as if we’re walking away having created no meaningful change, and nursing new wounds that we’ll never get to address. But without speaking up about it, this is a cycle that will keep repeating.

This is not meant to shame or guilt the fandom into throwing themselves at our feet, either to thank us or beg for forgiveness—far from that. We’re just your friends and your fellow fans. We are happy to have you here, and we’re happy to create and share and play together. We just ask to be respected and heard.

Thank you. Thank you for listening. Several of us will be stepping back from twitter for a while. We’ll see you when we get back. ❤️

* A final addendum: here are two articles with solid practical advice on writing stories regarding a culture other than your own.

Cultural Appropriation for the Worried Writer: Some Practical Advice

Cultural Appropriation: Some More Practical Advice

The thread on twitter is linked in the source of this post. Thanks everyone.

[messengerhermes]

Things for White Fandom Nerds to Consider

Hey y'all, After seeing a post where fans of color wrote about their frustrations with the ways white fans prioritize our comfort over their wellbeing and access to safe fandom spaces where they can have fun, be comfortable, and have their needs responded to and respected, I wanted to build out a separate post specifically addressing a few of the things I notice we white people tend to do in fandoms, and also offer resources for those of us who may be looking to break down our internalized white supremacist shit and change. So, some questions for my fellow white fandom nerds to consider:

Are you attempting to learn more about white supremacy and how you've been raised on it, whether you like it or not?

When fans of color in a discord/forum/comments section name harm they are experiencing in said space, do you downplay that harm, ignore it, or outright contradict them, because well, things have been nice here for you?

Do you prioritize peace in fandom spaces over the comfort, wellbeing, safety, and joy of fans of color? Pushing for discussions of racism to be shelved or ended because they make you uncomfortable?

Do you insist that you can't be a force for white supremacy, because of another marginalized identity you hold? (True facts, my fellow white disabled queers, we are still mechanisms for the white supremacy machine against communities of color whether we want to be or not. There are people of color living with the same queer crip identities we have who are navigating vastly different roadmaps because they're Black and brown, and we need to build skills in acknowledging those differences and being able to engage in real conversations and work around them)

When someone points out racism creeping into your fanworks, do you recognize that as an act of good faith, that they are trusting you to receive that knowledge and change? Or do you become defensive and dismiss them?

Are you only interested in characters of color if you think they're hot and want to watch them kiss whoever else you think is hot? Do you flatten them down to being a white character's love interest/bestie/confidant without building them out the same way you do your white faves?

When you do come up with headcanons for characters of color, are you considering the ways racism may be playing in there without you thinking about it, because you don't have to think of those things? (I'm thinking of the deeply fucked up "Miles Morales shoplifts" thing I saw drifting around a while back. Shoutout to the humans who said fuck that and went "Miles Morales takes up Ballet instead because I loved that shit personally")

Do you love reinterpretations of characters as people of color and share art and writing that shows these depictions, but prioritize this from other white creators over creators of color? (This does not me white creators shouldn't draw or write characters of color, the issue here is who gets praise for "diversity" in their work and who gets ignored or criticized)

Do you care for people of color when they're characters in the things you enjoy, but struggle to care about systematic oppressions without relating them back to your fandom (Thinking this time of the surreal "If you like K-pop care about orientalism" situation that happened like two weeks ago)

Do you get caught up in feelings of shame and guilt around the power whiteness gives you, and seek out people of color to make you feel better about how good/bad you are as a white person?

There is not a magic wand for undoing racist and white supremacist values we've internalized. And there is no "Tada~ you've hit the end of the journey, all your racism is gone and now you are a Truly Good White Person" moment. Because things are way muckier than that. Racial Justice work, and becoming a traitor to white supremacy is about the ongoing practice of :

building self-awareness

having the resilience to face our harmful actions

taking accountability for our behavior

developing a cultural identity outside of the sterilized concept of White that white supremacy has constructed

speaking out against racist policies, practices, and interactions in the spaces we are in

supporting the movement towards abolition

developing resilience in ourselves so we don't run to people of color in our lives for reassurance every time white guilt screeches in our ear

Learning how to be in spaces where our every thought fart is not the center of attention

relearning history from a decolonized lens

Way more than could be condensed into a Tumblr post which will be rapidly forgotten or metabolized by the internet

That said if you're the reading type, might I recommend checking out Rachel Cargle's Community POC Reading Recommendations spreadsheet? This spreadsheet is not specifically for Racial Justice, but it is broken up by genre and the nonfiction section has a lot of work by authors of color talking about Critical Race Theory, racism, white supremacy and related subjects.

[quietnqueer]

Why identifying as aromantic is important to me (as a 36-year-old woman)

Submission to the October 2020 Carnival of Aros on the theme of ‘Prioritization’. 

I identify as aromantic asexual (aro/ace). Both parts of that identity are important to me, but the aro one particularly so. Why? Because at 36 years old, society’s amatonormativity has more of an effect on me than its allonormativity.

In your teens and twenties, sex is a huge deal. There’s a lot of pressure to have sex and to be sexually desirable. But by the time you reach your mid-30s, this eases off. Your allosexual peers’ obsession with sex starts to wane, and you find less conversations about it taking place in your everyday life. In fact, if I were to admit to a 30/40/50-something allosexual person that I’m just not that interested in sex, I reckon there’s a good chance I’d receive a nod of recognition.

However, if I were to say that I’m not interested in having a relationship? That I intend to be ‘forever alone’? Well, that would raise eyebrows.  For in amatonormative society, partnering up and settling down with someone, in the form of a mutually exclusive, ‘romantic’ relationship, is deemed inevitable; essential; the natural order of things. As you get older, society can (just about) countenance you not wanting sex. But it can’t comprehend you wanting to remain single.

  When younger, aro people can get away with saying things like, ‘oh, I’m not looking for a relationship’, or, ‘I’m not interested in getting married’, in response to those seemingly innocuous, everyday questions we all get asked such as, ‘have you got a partner?’ and ‘are you married?’ Why? Because people assume that’s just your age talking, not your orientation. However, as you get closer to 40, being asked these kinds of questions can fill aro people with trepidation. How to explain that you’re just not that way inclined, when the overriding message from society is that you should be?

I remember a work lunch a few years ago, at which the conversation amongst my colleagues turned to talk about their husbands; how they met them; how they popped the question. Obviously, I had nothing to share on this topic, but that was okay; in my colleagues’ eyes, I was still young, with plenty of time to find My Man. I do wonder though, had I stayed in that job, how my colleagues’ attitudes towards me might have changed as the years went by and I continued to stay single. How would they have accounted for my singleness? With open-mindedness or prejudice?

For this is another issue aro people face as they get older. As the years go by, you become more conscious of what your family and any long-standing friends/co-workers might be making of your perma-singleness. Do they think me socially inept? Emotionally under-developed? Frigid? Pitiful? Just… not normal? Such is the stronghold amatonormativity has over our lives, that to lead a single life leaves you open to being perceived in all sorts of narrow-minded and unkind ways.

  This is why claiming an aromantic identity is so important to me at this stage of my life. Whilst I’m still not really ‘out’ as aro, just coming out to myself has made all the difference. Now I know who/what I am, people can make whatever assumptions they like about me; that I’m a socially inept loner, whatever; it doesn’t matter. Knowing I’m aro, I feel the sting of the prejudicial attitudes our hetero/amatonormative society has towards single women a lot less, and am a lot more secure in myself.

  Knowing I’m aro also helps when it comes to just being able to deal with everyday adult conversation; so much of which is centred around people’s dating lives, their married lives, their coupled-up nuclear family lives.  For alloromantics – i.e. the majority of people – their ‘romantic’ relationship, and the family they create around that, is the very foundation of their lives. So, of course this ends up being the subject of a lot of everyday chit-chat, whether at the family dinner table or round the office water cooler. But for those of us who are aro/arospec, these most ‘normal’ and mundane of conversations can be awkward at best and alienating at worst.

My aro identity provides a much-needed bulwark against this. Before I discovered aromanticism, when I found myself in conversations about marriage and dating and settling down, I would often end up feeling insecure and embarrassed because my lack of relationship experience meant I had no similar anecdotes or stories to share. And even though I knew I didn’t actually want a relationship, and felt on some innate level that I was destined to stay single, this didn’t stop me from wondering whether the fact I’d made it all the way to 30 without ever having been in a relationship, or gone a date, meant there was something wrong with me.  If I hadn’t discovered aromanticism, I can imagine these feelings of shame and embarrassment would only have intensified as I got older.

But now I know I am aromantic, I understand my non-existent relationship history to be a sign of my aromanticism, rather than of there being something ‘wrong’ with me, whether socially, emotionally, or physiologically. Again, this doesn’t mean I’m at the stage where I feel comfortable being all ‘I’m aro!’ when talking to people. But it does mean I can hold my head a bit higher when I find myself caught up in conversations in which everyone’s going on about their love lives.

  As I get older, it’s my aromanticism that makes me feel queer in the world. My peers, siblings and cousins are coupling up and settling down, and here I remain, steadfastly single. As a result, I become more conscious of how my lack of romantic attraction sets me apart from others more than my lack of sexual attraction. No one’s quizzing me on the details of my sex life, or asking me who I ‘fancy’, anymore. But people do enquire about my relationship status. And people are likely to make all sorts of not-very-nice assumptions about that 30/40/50-something woman in their midst who continues to stay single. This is why, now I’m in my mid-30s, I have more of a need to give a name to, and to understand, my lack of interest in romantic relationships, than I do my lack of interest in sex. Claiming an aromantic identity helps me to navigate the amatonormativity which is all-pervasive in everyday adult life; and to navigate it with pride.

[wolfstar-in-color]

June Creator Spotlight: BigBlackDog

Hello, colorful cuties, and welcome to our first creator spotlight!!

Each month, we will highlight a different creator in our lovely fandom who features diverse characterizations. We will invite you to get to know them better through questions and answers, Fandom Discourse(tm), and a featured prompt created by our guest!!!

For our first spotlight, we are more than pleased to highlight the incredible work of bigblackdog!!! See a little snippet of this wonderful interview below, along with bigblackdog’s prompt! Look below the cut for our complete interview. Don’t forget to share and interact with this post, and if you have anyone you’d like to recommend for a spotlight, shoot us an ask! You can find our first guest’s Tumblr here.

“I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence.”

bigblackdog’s prompt: I want to see more latino characters who are not impoverished or criminalized. Give me a joyful latino/e remus!

Hello, I'm bigblackdog! I'm almost 30, and I've been active in fandom on various platforms for about seven years now. I'm latina/e and live in the u.s. with a small white dog.

Q: How did you start creating in the fandom? What did you wish to bring into the fandom? 

A: Like a lot of fans I started with self insert fic as a middle schooler. Sometimes the practice of self-insert gets ragged on in fandom, as if you're not doing real character work, but I think it's really cool. And if you're an under represented identity in the traditional western canon of literature, self insert is a radical practice. Making space for yourself in a story that refuses or ignores your identities is a radical act. And that's what i want to bring to fandom-- disruption and self care.

Q: What things about s/r as characters or in their relationship inspire you to create around them? 

A: Wolfstar was the first queer ship I was introduced to. I wasn't someone who arrived in fandom with my own robust queer reading skills, I needed other queers to hold my hand and introduce me to queer ships and how to find them and build them. My interest in r/s was simply a clinging to queerness I wasn't finding in other places. I really think it could have been any characters, as long as they were queer.

Q: What things would you like to highlight about the Wolfstar fandom and your experience in it? 

A: I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence. It's hard not to feel bitter. But i've also met some amazing people and overall feel that fans really are trying their best to be welcoming and inclusive.

Q: What type of content do you wish you saw more in the fandom? 

A: I want to see more discourse that aims at amplifying underrepresented voices like wolfstar-in-color. I want to see more fans of color joyfully and irreverently writing themselves into the magical world!

Q: What is your favourite wolfstar fancontent (fic/fanart/gifset/etc) and how does it inspire you? 

A: I love dontthinkonithermione's rp. Not only does she do an amazing nerdy know it all Hermione, she envisions Black characters in every corner of the hp world. Have you seen her Hogwarts p.e. professor rps? i love the space she creates for herself, and the joy she does it with.

Q: Which of your own identities inform your creative processes? How has that process been for you? 

A: I started out in fandom really trying to feel out the nooks and crannies of being queer. As i've spent more time in fandom and become more confident in my queerness I've started looking closer at some of my other identities-- Latina, mixed, adhd-- and how i can squeeze them into the hp world. For a long time it was hard, especially with being Latine and mixed, to envision how that identity could belong in a 90s British boarding school in the Scottish wilderness. I also really struggled with the feeling that i would get "diversity" wrong. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I have to write diversity because i'm an underrepresented voice. Brown people are often pressured to do the work of educating white people about racism and in fandom spaces that often means pressure to write the reality of racism instead of the fantasy that white writers get to play with. And sometimes i just want to write a pwp without worrying about the revolution, you know? But i really love fandom for its refusal to play by the rules of capitalism and canon, eventually i started to feel like putting more of myself into my writing was another rule i could break.

Q: What advice do you have for other content creators with diverse backgrounds in the fandom? What would you say to people that might feel they don’t have the “right” history/experience/characteristics to participate in the creation of content related to Wolfstar? 

First, there's a lot of content on tumblr that aims to silence your voice, learn how to recognize the difference between cancel culture and encouragement. Sometimes content that seems well meaning still presents writing diversity as a list of black and white rules (and virtue signaling) instead of encouragement for underrepresented voices to share their own messy experience. Set those rules gently aside. Second, fandom is built on the idea that the author isn't the only person who gets to play. we all get to play. It doesn't always feel like we were invited, but the great thing about fandom is there is no barrier to entry, no prior experience or publishing hoops to jump through. This is our playground too. If canon is dead then why can't our stories be brown and queer and neurodivergent? Third, find your people. i've found that having just one other person to talk about race with has made the whole space feel more welcoming.

Q: How could we build a more diverse fandom? 

A: We have to stop prioritizing white and cis male voices. We recognize that policing irl is a problem inextricable from whiteness and maleness, but we don't see that fandom policing online is also a problem deeply embedded in whiteness and maleness. White and cis male people frequently use their discomfort with difficult topics to change the subject from a critical discussion to one that prioritizes their white and/or male feelings. The same thing happens online when personal discomfort is used to cancel or undermine content that's challenging to a white or male voice. White and cis male voices are used to having their needs met above others. And we still cater to that in fandom spaces when we privilege 'fetishization' discourse over racial discourse. When we lift up bipoc and women/trans/nb voices and the issues they're concerned with we'll make fandom a more welcoming place for underrepresented voices.

Q: What’s your favourite thing to modify in Sirius’s or Remus’s characterizations to bring new perspectives to them? 

A: It really depends on the story i'm writing and what issue i'm trying to figure out. Sometimes i need Sirius to be Adhd to come to terms with my brain, sometimes i need two brown boys to fall in love and be happy against all odds.

Q: What does diversity mean to you? What does that encompass in fannish spaces? 

A: This is a hard question! I tend to think of diversity as those voices that are disenfranchised or pushed to the margins. And fannish spaces have all the same hierarchies and blind spots as other spaces. In fannish spaces there's the idea that you can curate your experience to some extent, but for marginalized voices, at least in my experience, no matter how much you curate the marginalization is still there.

Q: What are your ideas about the notions of culture and ethnicity? How do you relate to those notions? 

A: There was a time in my life where relating to my ethnicity was largely a process of recognizing larger systems of oppression and how they worked against my various identities. And for a while it was a really helpful way to frame my experiences. Now I feel a little less attached to ethnicity as like, a monolithic concept threaded through my whole life and more attached to the small things that I enjoy about my ethnicity and culture-- making a really good pot of beans, for example.

Q: Leave us with a quote or work of art that always inspires you. 

A: "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Audre Lorde

[absentcaryatid]

She Likes To Be On Top

Chapter Eleven of the Juicy Cock Saga, an ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

Fluff and innuendo only, all talk and no action but still occasionally NSFW, 3K words

You may wish to read the Prologue first: She Came On A Red Motorbike Previous Chapter: Only In Fanfiction

~

“Chicken girl! You haven’t abandoned us,” Mingi yelled before picking you up in a well-intentioned but over-enthusiastic greeting. “You aren’t our delivery person anymore. We have all missed you, we don’t order fried chicken as often because it wasn’t the same without you. Yeosang won’t even talk about chicken anymore. Are you here to drop off food? Everything you bring always tastes best.” His sincere, warm praise made your smile almost as wide as his was.

“Sorry about my absence, it was hard on me too missing my best customers and good friends. My cousin took over the takeout trips from me while I finished up the semester. I'd been able to keep working a little, mostly your dorm and KQ Entertainment runs until the final exams got near. I had to really prioritize my business degree over helping deliver chicken for Gran. My uncle had a long talk with her about that.”

He smiled, knowing he had kept your secret identity as literally part of the KQ family from everyone, even the other members, for now at least.

“Actually Mingi, I’m going to be seeing a lot more of you these days. I am the new intern until I go back to college.”  Holding up four laden bags you grinned, “I did bring meal boxes for each of you as long as I was on my way here though.”

It was all welcome news, but more for the former than the latter, and the gentle giant of a man dramatically jumped for joy. He took some of the bags lightening your load and passed them to Wooyoung who immediately called back toward the practice room, “Guess what, Yeosang? Your true love is here!”

Hongjoong strolled over at the commotion ready to possibly rescue or at least greet the new employee he had been told to expect when he realized no introduction was necessary.

Mingi exuberantly explained the situation. “Hongjoong, she's going to be working with us, here!”

You met him with a bow although he had offered a hug. “I appreciate your manners toward a workplace senior but you do not have to be so formal with me,” he said pleasantly.

You explained that although you were already very friendly with the guys through your previous connection delivering their takeout which had led to so much more you planned to avoid being so physically touchy with them at the new job. Taking this internship seriously you wanted to be treated like any other staff member. Hongjoong respected your dedication and said he would convey that message to the other members not present.

The truth of the matter was that you weren’t like any other staff member and you felt the need to come clean the next time you were at the ATEEZ dorm for the “going away” party they threw for you. You weren’t really going away but they understood the visits to their home would be far less frequent while you worked at the same company, at least for now while you were trying to back off being so affectionate with the group so it would not show up at work. They said it did not have to be that way but it was your request and they honored it.

Stuffed with cake and ice cream you sobered for a moment and made a serious admission. “I have been lying to you.”

“You are not ace?” Mingi asked hopefully beside you at the table.

“Oh no, that I am. A virgin, never been kissed, no nothing.”

“Not pertinent to the lying then but I need to point out that sounds like some ‘gold star’ bullshit,” Seonghwa remarked.

You had heard of people who ranked their queerness by experience, or rather lack of other experience as “gold star” gays or lesbians. There were probably aces that did the same cruel thing. Seonghwa was completely right to call you out about your potentially harmful phrasing.

“Do you know what, you are absolutely right. Even with gradations like gray-ace there is no such thing as a hierarchy of being more of a ‘real ace’ than anyone else. Previous sexual experience is not the determining factor of someone's identity, it is their own assessment alone that makes the label. Lots of people figure things out later in life or change over time.”

Jongho sounded testy. “Thank you for the lecture, teacher. I would be more receptive to learning at a different time. Can we get back to the lie now? What have you done that we need to know about?” It took a lot to get him riled and he was probably thinking you had been selling photos of their dorm to trashy news sites, writing a tell-all book, or something else invasive like that.  

“Nothing bad, just a rather big lie of omission.” You got to the point quickly to head off stressing your friends further. “For a long time now you have deserved to know that the boss of your company is my uncle.”

“I knew that,” Mingi gloated. He’d kept the secret, surprising everyone including himself and you smiled at him earning a big grin in return.

While speaking you had also begun resting your hand on his thigh so it was not just your smile making him beam. Then you turned serious. “I thought Mingi had shared the information so I had been working on the assumption that all of you in the dorm knew but were just being quiet about it. Anyway, now you know why I could text the CEO to break the rules and get permission to stay at the your dorm the night of the big storm so long ago.”

San looked stricken and apologized. “I remember. I am sorry Seonghwa, Wooyoung, and I were so skeptical of your text back then.”

“No, no, it was completely reasonable to be without understanding how we we knew each other. You have nothing to be sorry for,” you said, touching his hand reassuringly.

Hongjoong nodded thoughtfully. “You call the owner of  the restaurant Gran. Is that something everybody does like when she tells people we are her grandchildren or is she real family?”

“No, it is real, she is mother to my mom and aunt. She also has a son.”

Putting two and two together he realized that meant your uncle, his boss, had been promoting his own mother’s chicken restaurant. “So that's the real reason CEO Kim has been so supportive of Juicy Cock, it is his mom's shop. We had been having fun with the innuendo but it was a mystery why he kept approving our association with the brand. He said she had loaned him money to start KQ Entertainment but that clearly was not the whole story.”

“True. I think my uncle does not care who knows, the older people in Juicy Cock’s neighborhood certainly remember him growing up there as a teen but they are not generally the ATEEZ market so the connection was never made. My guess is he kept the family relationship hidden to let it be my choice to be open or not.”  

Yunho gently prodded, “Why did you keep quiet?”

“Well, now that I am an intern I want to make my way without being the niece of the boss and getting preferential treatment. So, you know but I do not want it to go further than this dorm if at all possible. But beforehand? You have seen I do not flaunt my friendly relationship with you guys, it is a similar thing for my family. I wanted to be seen as me, and the grandchild of the restaurant's owner was fine too, though I know that helped me win over Yeosang.” His subtle smile at that helped you go on.

“But as we became closer I had to know your trust was something I earned on my own. I am sure now you never would have sucked up to me to curry favor with your boss but then I had no way of being certain. I should have been more open once I understood that, though.”

Wooyoung asked, “So how did Mingi know?”

“It came up.”

“That's vague,” San snarked.

“He was asking if I was pregnant.”

“What?” several voices startled.

“You had to be there,” was all the answer you would give.

Mingi was grateful that other than Yunho the guys didn’t know fully how silly he had been and how much his mind ran away with him that day. He squeezed your hand in an appreciative expression. You were very good to protect him by deciding not to take the opportunity to explain all that happened, as good a story as it was. He figured some of the others would be getting the whole thing out of him later though, by tickling if necessary. It would probably do him good to talk to more of his friends about all these feelings he was developing.

“Well she could have been pregnant, weren’t you just saying ace is in the heart not what the body has been up to?” Mingi then added, “First I thought she was dating the CEO. She told me to sort out that misunderstanding.”

Jongho sighed wearily. “So I can stop holding my breath then. There is no scandal looming.”

“Nothing like that. You know, my uncle bought me my first asexual pride patches so I think he’d have no trouble fending off a hit piece story about ATEEZ and their shared girlfriend if something like that ever happened. I am sorry I made you worry my secret might harm your careers. I really should have told you sooner.”

In the end your friends and now colleagues understood your reasons and declared there were no hard feelings for keeping that fact from them. After all, there were things about them you did not know either and that was not an impediment to being dear to each other. So with a weight off your chest and a final round of goodbye hugs you left for your college dorm. The next time you met it would be at KQ headquarters and everything would appear far more professional. The internship would keep you busy enough that you didn’t have time to miss socializing at their dorm and once the school break was over you would leave the temporary job and see them again as usual.

For the remainder of your college years you would return whenever you had time off to rotate through a different department of KQ Entertainment. The pirating watch dept looking for music uploads fascinated you along with the data analysis that team did for fan engagement and reception to different content. There even were some long distance workers who would not be interacting with ATEEZ outside VIP concert ticket meets in their country assigned the task of keeping a regular survey of fanfic.

“We have a person in Scandinavia,” your uncle explained, “fast reader and writer too, in multiple languages. We have juiced the fic pool like we do with other social media dropping in some concepts we want to promote or gauge reactions to some content themes. They’d been doing the stories in their off time and we finally had the smarts to put that work of theirs on the payroll too.”

Of all the placements throughout the company, wardrobe had been your favorite. Being around to help dress the members was not the draw, for you the appeal lay in design. Watching the process of dreaming up eight complementary yet personalized variations on a theme and seeing the seamstresses bring the ideas to life really caught your interest. Although your future career intentions lay in less hands-on aspects of business management you were really grateful for the inside view of every component of the production company from the ground up.

Hongjoong had been particularly generous with his time whenever you had questions about the musical production side of his work. Knowing your eventual goal was to be involved in a management company yourself one day he appreciated the chance to teach someone how to be supportive from the perspective of what an artist really needs. Now that your family connection was revealed the odds of you being his superior one day were clear and he appreciated the task of training the future boss to see his side of things.

Before the last year of your master's degree you had even been placed as an assistant to your uncle, Mr. Kim, the founder and CEO himself. This meant you crossed paths with the boys less often at work but had been able to socialize with them more freely outside of it again as you earned higher positions in the company.

You realized with a start you were internally still calling the ATEEZ members “the kids.” They were adults now really and had been for some time and despite being younger than all but Jongho you always had thought of them fondly that way. To truly treat them as coworkers you knew you needed to leave that attitude behind and recognize the young men as fully competent adults rather than the often goofy teens clamoring for the chicken dinners you used to deliver to their dorm years ago.

This career choice did make you happy and certainly gave you mental flexibility from dealing with the many things that could come up unexpectedly, most of which were not in the job description. Memorable days included a panicked phone call from Wooyoung looking for assistance getting San’s arm unstuck from within a claw machine while trying to fraudulently grab a plushie after running out of coins. Wooyoung snapped pictures of the EMTs you enlisted briefly posing with a more resigned than distressed San who proclaimed he had earned the stuffed animal legitimately and it just had not dropped into the chute.

There was also the day you hastily had to donate some hair before a show because Yeosang had been running around with Hongjoong's braid extensions yet again. He swore he had returned them after playfully sporting them in a backstage V Log but somehow they had gotten hidden under a newly arrived delivery box and your replacement hair was quickly styled then clipped on Hongjoong that day, which was closer than you ever had wanted to get to a performance stage.

No matter what happened some things remained the same. Your cousin was now delivering Yeosang’s chicken orders and had been to the ATEEZ dorm sometime earlier in the day as evident from the scent in the air. The members were friendly enough with her but she was not you and the interactions were brief, not even joking to Yeosang about true love. That was reserved for you, and Betty once upon a time.  

Settling on the couch you scrolled through your phone to await another movie night with the guys. Well, all but Mingi since he was taking a health break from official duties. It was seeing the way you missed him that prompted tonight’s entertainment because all of them could use some cheering up for the same reason.

From your perch in the living room you overheard Yeosang in the kitchen ask, “Do you mind if I suck on your Juicy Cock?”

“I forgot you like that. Sure. Suck it off, make yourself happy,” Hongjoong agreed.

That got you looking up from the screen. You realized you were thirsty but this might not be the best time to intrude on the members in the other room. Surely they remembered you were here, right? It was the polite thing to do to let them know you were within earshot so you got up. You paused wondering what you were about to happen upon then resumed walking into the kitchen to find Yeosang and Hongjoong standing together at the counter by the sink.

“I can go if I am interrupting something.”

“Come join us, sit down, sit down.” Yeosang waved you into one of the empty seats at the dining table. “I was just telling Hongjoong he left so much of the fried chicken coating on the ends of his drumsticks. Seeing the bone pile I was asking if I could suck and gnaw on them. The tragedy of having so much of the delicious seasoned batter left behind unappreciated is one reason I don't like to share the legs usually.”  

“You know, the way it sounded from the living room I wondered if you were finally getting over Betty, Yeosang.”

Hongjoong went over what he could recall of the conversation and laughed. “I should be so lucky. No, his heart is fixed. They have been talking a lot on the phone again lately.”

Yeosang smiled broadly. “Betty has been getting a lot more recognition for her work since she brokered the collaboration between Lil Nas X and RM of BTS on the ‘Seoul Town Road’ version of ‘Old Town Road.’ She even tells me she feels her reputation for competence in her own right has been sealed so she is open to dating again and already has one person in mind. I see her next week when she is back running another training at KQ.”

“No way!” You squealed in delight. No fanfiction pairing you sighed over held the same level of affection you had for seeing your former college roommate together with your dear friend. If anyone was meant to be together it was them. “Let me know if you have any trouble getting time off to see her. I will go straight to my uncle and sort things out if need be.”  

“Already have the vacation booked with CEO Kim’s approval. We are going somewhere quiet for the week after her work. I’m glad Betty doesn’t want our relationship to be used for publicity and I am in agreement with her on that. She shouldn’t have to put up with fans questioning if she’s good enough for me.”

“Meanwhile I who know you both hope you’re good enough for her.”

“I am going to be, Betty means the world to me.”

“Perfect, because if there’s ever a problem that’s your fault you’re in trouble with me too.”

“That’s intimidating and very motivating and I very much plan to never find out what you would do to me.”

“Good.”

~

On to Chapter Twelve: Everything But Juicy Cock

Look forward to Jongho staying true to himself:

Jonngho considered holding your hand in reassurance but decided that was not his thing. He might ask Wooyoung to do it if needed. There had to be a way to get this discussion to end so he could eat in peace.

Masterlist

[gascon-en-exil]

It's still somewhat astounding to me that a single offhand comment about trans headcanons for a Three Houses character got me a torrent of verbose anon hate, all presumably from one very loudly opinionated person. I'm not going to bother responding to those directly or any of the many that will assuredly follow - although I am old enough to be amused by the thought that the same whining the troll makes about trans headcanons contributing nothing to fandom could have been ripped right out of 2000s-era discourse, except back then it was about gay headcanons/fic - but a combination of candor and spite has nonetheless prompted me to put my current project on hold for a moment and talk a little about why I would have trans headcanons at all, and more specifically the kind that I do.

I have in the past suggested that, while I generally identify as cis, my gender has become more fluid in certain circumstances over the past half decade or so. Sexual circumstances, to be precise, to the point that I do now describe myself as "genderfluid in bed" for men who display an interest in such things. The common term for that is feminization kink, and for the men who are into that it usually manifests in little more than a desire to see me in lingerie and/or the use of associated wordplay during sex (ex. calling my hole a pussy/cunt, expressing a desire to impregnate me). I can understand why that might be appealing for some men; gay men collectively have a bunch of hangups with regard to straight men, and while that more often manifests through lewd fantasies of celebrities or watching porn where allegedly straight guys jack off for the camera I can also see in encounters with those men a desire to in essence RP as straight men fucking women. I get that from some bi men too, men who have explicitly enjoyed my natural androgyny and in some cases have even used their sexual experiences with cis women to add some extra flavor to our time together. Obviously this isn't a thing for all or even most gay/bi men - and guys who are looking for more masc partners are unlikely to start talking to me in the first place - but anecdotally speaking there are men of varying self-identified orientations who are into feminized AMAB sexual partners.

Now of course this comes to what is probably a more salient question: am I into that, or is it just one of several types of kink I'm willing to engage in because it broadens my appeal? There's no shortage of that in my sexual CV; I've let men suck on my toes, piss on me, tie me up, flog me, on occasion done all of the above to them, and more - but I'm sufficiently aware of my own interests to know that none of those things really turn me on. Feminization however I do like, so much so that I've noticed that I'm more genuinely attracted to men who treat me in what I perceive to be a feminine way, who take the lead in social situations and in intimacy and who enjoy the contrast in our bodies (these men almost always being bigger, hairier, and hopefully more well-endowed). The concept of treating me as feminine alone carries a ton of culturally specific baggage. The French are traditionally perceived as a more feminine/effete culture in the English-speaking world. Créole women like my female relatives and ancestors are notorious for the way they control their husbands, lovers, children, and (back when we had them) domestics while still constrained by the bounds of patriarchal society. It is through them that I learned most of how I conduct myself around men both in and out of bed, that the easiest way to control a man is to appear to be controlled by him while simultaneously enslaving him to his passions - passions that I intimately understand because I too have a dick. Most of my sexual partners come from backgrounds very different from that, so they have trouble understanding how I approach sex even if I'm trying to form an actual relationship with them. Still, some of them try, and I enjoy it when they do.

I've had trouble opening up about this before on my blog, not because of any trolls (although pissing off trolls is always fun) but because I've never been quite certain of how welcome talking about this would be. Most of the content and resources by, for, and about trans women online I've come across has concerned lesbian trans women, or otherwise centered around trans women's relationships (sexual or otherwise) with other women. As someone who still conceptualizes my gender identity first and foremost in relation to my sexual availability to men, those resources are unsurprisingly not going to speak to me very well. General trans content on Tumblr and other fandom spaces is similarly of little personal appeal, with the users skewing heavily AFAB and therefore more likely to feature trans men. I fully understand why that is, and on occasion I've been known to enjoy M/M porn where one character has a vagina with no explanation. God knows I've fantasized before about having an orifice that lubricates itself, doesn't need to be flushed out before sex, and is naturally built to take a cock. The philosophy behind most trans headcanons does elude me a bit though, as it seems to me like it'd be easier to keep a character's canon AGAB and change their gender identity rather than the reverse. Apparently that approach is much less common, but I can safely say that all of the handful of trans headcanons I've had involve canonically cis male characters imagined as trans female and sexually involved with cis male characters - big surprise there, right?

I get the impression that my perspective could easily be considered antiquated in several ways: that I emphasize sexual activity over the more nebulous sexual attraction when it comes to discussing orientation; that I prioritize my sexual activity over my gender identity; that I believe there exists a liminal space between fem cis gay men and straight trans women, and that there is historical precedence for such a space in pre-modern/early modern queer communities; and that to the extent that I've internalized a feminine gender identity I do so in the context of my relationships with men. Again, a lot of that comes down to culture, to the myriad ways in which queerness in New Orleans has retained its own history and character independent of other queer cultures in the English-speaking world. Maybe some of it sounds outdated, or misogynistic (I've seen that criticism lobbied at drag queens, and it would probably apply here too), or most bizarrely of all transphobic...but it's all nonetheless a part of who I am, and at the end of the day the only people whose opinions on this subject really matter to me are the men who want to take me to bed. To quote a particularly fitting verse from "Sugar Daddy" of Hedwig and the Angry Itch:

So you think only a woman Can truly love a man? Well, you buy me the dress, I'll be more woman Than a man like you can stand

Indeed.

[goatsandgangsters]

7, 32 and 36 for the trans ask meme! (also for future reference: if you ever want to chat about gender stuff, my inbox and messages are open, jsyk)

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

It really opened up such a world of choice for me. Everyone is given a particular script about who they’re supposed to be, how they’re supposed to do relationships, what we’re supposed to look like and be interested in and how we express ourselves and what we do with our lives and who we do our lives with and what we prioritize. My opinion has always been that the business of queerness is rooted in identifying what these scripts are and actually asking, Is this what I want and does this work for me? Questioning my gender is what opened up this whole world of questions in the first place. And if I had gone my life without asking those questions, trying to be “good” by following the script perfectly, I would have been so much less happy, so much less whole. Part of myself would have always been shoved aside and buried. 

I love that I had the opportunity to metaphorically dump everything related to gender and bodies on the floor—both big things and small—and finally start to ask, But what do I actually want? 

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

On the one hand, 5 years is a ways away and we’re always changing and evolving in ways we couldn’t have predicted. So I expect some things will be different in 5 years—probably in ways that I don’t expect now, but with hindsight will make so much sense. 

For comparison, 5 years ago, I kept telling myself it was pointless to be out as nonbinary, because that would just “invite scrutiny and harassment.” 9 years ago, I was sitting in my dorm room panicking because I realized I wasn’t a woman but didn’t know what the fuck else to do about it. 

But in the grand scheme of things, I don’t honestly foresee my gender identity changing much or drastically in the coming years. Honestly, my understand of my gender has been pretty consistent since I first began questioning it. The difference is just that I have more information, I can articulate it better, I’ve answered a lot of those questions for myself. But when I look back on that point in 2012–2013 when I was first drowning in my own questioning process, I can see a very clear line between then and now. My first question was over whether I was a trans man or genderqueer, and I’ve settled in a place of nonbinary transmasculinity that feels like the natural middle point between those two options. I expect that my understanding of myself and my gender will continue to grow and evolve, but I really don’t think it will drastically change. My process has been a long and drawn out one, for sure, but it has never been one of drastic change—it’s more been about gradually allowing myself to accept and be what I already knew I was. 

THOUGH, IN TERMS OF PRESENTATION, THERE IS ONE CHANGE I EXPECT: I am going to have a totally new relationship with shirts. I’ve told myself to put shirt-buying on hold until I have top surgery expressly for this reason, because the way that I choose shirts is going to change—not in terms of style, per se, but in terms of fit. I cannot WAIT until “how well does this minimize my chest” isn’t a major factor in my choices for shirts and jackets. I’ll still prefer a masculine-cut shirt, but I might even end up going a size down, because if it fits tighter across my chest, that will no longer be a bad thing!!!! I’m overjoyed at the prospect, tbh. I’M GOING TO HAVE A NEW RELATIONSHIP TO WEARING SHIRTS AND IT’S GOING TO BE SO GOOD!!!!!!

To memeify it a little bit, once I can wear a tight men’s shirt, it’s over for you hoes. 

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

For the most part, I would say that my gender identity and gender expression are pretty congruent. It’s been a gradual process, but I do feel like my wardrobe and grooming choices by and large reflect my identity to me. 

Although, because I’m working with a canvas that people incorrectly perceive to be ~~feminine, I do need to overcorrect my gender expression to be more masculine to counterbalance it. (Not that it even works most of the time. Cis people will ignore blatant cues like short hair and 100% masculine clothing from the men’s section but still be like “hm but I’m going to confidently call you ma’am without any hesitation”)

In unfortunate reality, most of the people I encounter in life probably view me as a masculine woman. But in truth, I’m less of a masculine woman and more of a soft man. (Not that I’m either binary, but you get my point.) I still prefer masculine dress and masculine style overall, but if I didn’t have to overcorrect for how people interpret my body, I might have more freedom to play with a little more flamboyance in my gender expression sometimes—to be “man androgynous” instead of “woman androgynous.” 

[Trans ask game! What has been your gender journey?]

[agentshilonglang]

oh my gd it’s a readmore in 2020, don’t reblog but i bet someone will so then whatever but it’s slur discourse so it’s not even worth reading

antiblackness below

but the whole “WE, all of us, reclaimed the q slur, every single lgbt person simultaneously at a specific moment and everyone agreed every single one because we were so much stronger back then and so much less Divided unlike now“

glorifies the past as having had no nuance and no conflict,

glosses over disagreement,

lumps all lgbt people together as a mass when we have varying experiences based on race, disability, location, visibility, economic status, etc.,

and discourages recognition of other’s experiences at the expense of their safety for a narrative that shames individuals in the name of progress

wow that was a lot of words, how about i say it like this instead

reclaiming slurs means they don’t hurt anyone anymore, huh? if the q slur is popularized, then it will become less of an insult and more of a point of pride in our identity, yes?

ok then that should mean nonblack people should be fine calling me a nigger, by that logic. it should be my fault if i don’t like to be Empowered by that word, i’m the one holding back progress if my relationship with that word reminds me of targeted pain and intentional demeaning. and i fully recognize how i Can turn the word back on the world when i call myself that, oh i know i do, i know i Can. but are we going to change Africana Studies to Nigger Studies to make EVERYONE start doing that? is THAT progress? when everyone in the room can call me that so now it’s Academic and ok to do? (which apparently is the litmus test to declare what’s desensitized and morally sound, academia of all things)

if the q slur is the only slur you’ve ever had to endure, really dig deep down and analyze what other slurs do to us. expand your world.

there were intentional, varying reasons why people tried to make Queer Studies the academic term, and just because it settled on that doesn’t mean it’s law, doesn’t mean it can’t and shouldn’t change, doesn’t make it HOLY, doesn’t mean you’ve won the argument for the most woke person in the room who knows the Truth next to the “embarrassing” people next to you that are “holding us back from respect and progress.” always watch out when you start thinking in that direction.

we’re humans. prioritize each other, prioritize you, prioritize being a fluid thinker with values that reflect understanding the world is huger than you and that’s actually good and you’re always going to be learning and you’re never going to always be right but the least we can do is Listen to the people who have your back, you know??

[foundlingmother]

On Lady Loki (the impossible dream that’s sparked controversy because apparently we all lost our minds and think they’re actually going to portray a nonbinary character in the MCU when really there’s just a female character on the show that this actress is going to play and it’s probably a love interest because of course it fucking is):

If the Loki show had the right talent behind it, I would be ecstatic. I would want the MCU to hire nonbinary writers and/or consultants. Otherwise, my enthusiasm would be dampened tremendously.

I’ve seen people say a few things, and I would like to speak to the concerns that portraying Loki as queer would somehow detract from the character/the existing storyline/Tom. 

First, if they have decided to portray Loki’s queerness, Tom is not being recast. He continues to portray masculine-presenting Loki. Tom is an excellent actor, but if they can find a talented actress to capture Loki along with Tom, I do not see the problem. I believe there’s supposed to be six episodes, an hour-long each? Maybe half an hour? Let’s say Loki presents masculine half the time. That’s still 1.5-3 hours of Tom as Loki. He can do amazing things with that. I understand if Tom as Loki is your preference, but, I’m sorry, I think representation is more important, especially since there will still be a lot of Tom as Loki content. Can anyone argue in good faith that it’s more important you get all of the content with your favorite actor portraying your favorite character than nonbinary people get representation in the MCU--that nonbinary kids get a character that they can identify with and discover themselves through, as so many people with mental illnesses or abuse survivors or the like did with the Loki we saw in Thor? Loki is a character for people who have been othered. He’s an intersectional character, and that’s so wonderful. So special.

Second, Lady Loki and Loki are the same character. I am the same person, regardless of gender. The storyline would be the same irrespective of the gender of the person portraying Loki at any given moment in the show. Furthermore, they’re not going to copy and paste the original Lady Loki storyline from the comics (it’s not even remotely set up and very obviously problematic). If they take any inspiration from the comics, it will be from the portrayal of nonbinary Loki in Loki: Agent of Asgard, which wasn’t all about Loki being queer even though Loki was queer in that. Because Loki is Loki is Loki. Lady or Prince, Loki’s Loki. Same character. 

Third, diversity doesn’t mean sacrificing quality. Identify the problem with the following statement: “Our marketing team found that portraying Loki as genderfluid would increase the money we earn off the series.” Do you see it? Do you see the problem? It’s the fact that their primary motivation for creating the show is clearly money. Prioritizing earnings over quality--over creating art and compelling storytelling--is what sacrifices quality. It would not be in the slightest bit difficult to satisfyingly conclude the loose plot threads of MCU Loki’s existing storyline while portraying the character as queer if telling a good story was the motivation for the series (or even just a significant goal). The cry shouldn’t be, “Don’t make Loki queer! Focus on telling a good story!” It should be, “Focus on telling a good story!” Personally, for me, Loki being canonically queer in the MCU would be so fucking incredible. I would cry big, fat tears of joy. So, my cry goes, “Focus on telling a good story! Make Loki queer and hire queer writers and/or consultants!”

All that said, Lady Loki isn’t happening because, no, Disney’s marketing team did not find that us nonbinary folks were moneymakers (really, they’re only just now flirting with including LGB heroes--gender minorities are a different kettle of fish). Tom will play Loki the entire series. People like me won’t get represented. The show likely won’t deliver what any of us are hoping for because the MCU is just a cash cow. Black Panther, I would argue, was the last movie (and the first in a while) that felt like something created even 50% because someone felt it should exist, rather than because someone saw dollar signs. Yes, it was greenlighted because market research found an MCU movie with an all black cast would do well at the box office, but the people working on that movie definitely had the goal of creating art to the extent they were permitted. That’s not typical for the MCU anymore. I don’t think we should hold our breath that it will happen with the Loki series.

Bonus: Queerness is an aspect of one’s identity. Magical age regression is not. Lady Loki =/= Kid Loki. A Kid Loki storyline would be an actual diversion from the existing Loki storyline.

[wedontcareaboutyourbinary]

terf (and other radfem) dogwhistles & warning signs

I wanted to make an easy guide to helping people identify terfs and other radfems. 

Followers, if you have anything to add on, feel free to reblog and add it, or shoot an ask and we’ll add it!

dog whistles: things that are said by the person in question that may indicate radical feminism and transmisogyny; that may not sound radfem or transmisogynistic at first glance.

note: these are dog whistles. that means plenty of people may say these things without knowing what they mean in terf circles. just because someone says some of these things (with perhaps the exclusion of ‘gender critical’ and a few others), it doesn’t inherently indicate they’re a terf. look further, read more that the person has said, etc. before making a judgement. basically use dog whistles as red flags, not as confirmation. however, ones that are huge terf red flags are marked with asteriks (*), so judge accordingly.

lesbian = female homosexual* - sounds correct enough at first glance, however, this phrasing (or similar variants) is frequently used by terfs to say “a lesbian is a vagina-having female attracted exclusively to other vagina-having females,” as to terfs, homosexual does not mean someone exclusively attracted to the same gender, but someone exclusively attracted to people of the ‘same sex,’ which for terfs means perisex cis people.

gender critical/gender abolitionist - on the surface, these labels may sound good! trans people talk all the time about how difficult gender is to navigate, about not understanding gender, and so forth. however, when terfs call themselves these things, they don’t mean that they’re critical of the gender binary, or want to do away with gender assignment. rather, what they mean here is that “yes, gender is a social construct, however, it is a meaningless one. what really matters is sex, which is binary male and female, and only (cis) females can be lesbians (female homosexuals).” ‘gender criticals’ often view gender as synonymous with gender roles, and view trans women as awful men who further the ‘oppressive institution’ of gender. in spite of being informed about the terf connotations of these terms, some people insist on calling themselves gender critical because they’re using the “actual definitions of the words,” not going off the terf meaning. 

TRA - stands for “trans rights activist.” that’s a good thing! we care about trans people, we want them to have rights! however, i have only ever seen this acronym used by terfs, talking negatively about trans people and their allies (and, as i’ve seen it pointed out, it’s very possible that the acronym is meant to be similar to MRA)

terf is a slur / cis is a slur* - the former is said by terfs to try and guilt people out of identifying them as such (terf stands for “trans (woman) exclusionary/(exterminatory) radical feminist”), the latter is meant to take language from trans people, and try to make trans people look more “othered” (i.e. terfs want there to be “normal women” and then “trans women/male invaders,” not “trans women” and “cis women” and “nonbinary women,” etc.)

Womyn* - may seem obvious, but almost the only people who spell “woman” or “women” as “womyn” (or variants such as “wombyn”) are radical feminists.

females and males - if the person is a terf and they don’t call women ‘womyn,’ it’s likely that they refer to people as ‘females’ and ‘males’ instead of as women and men.

lesbian not queer - plenty of non-terf lesbians say this one, simply because they aren’t comfortable being called queer! however, when combined with other dog whistles, it should send up red flags.

natal woman / woman born woman* - “woman born woman” sounds like it would be another way of saying “cis woman- a woman assigned female at birth, who identifies as a woman! but that’s not the case. woman born woman means “a woman who was born as a woman (for the people who say this, that means someone who was born with ‘female parts’), not a nasty male invader who thinks he’s a woman”

TIM and TIF* - means “transgender identified male” (referring to trans women) and “transgender identified female” (referring to trans men). they don’t look harmful at first- they’re reminiscent of the MtF and FtM acronyms perhaps, at a first look, but they’re almost exclusively used by terfs, and once you know what they mean, you realize they’re inherently misgendering people.

Woman-only spaces - again, this is a grayer one. there are spaces that are women only! However, when  combined with other dogwhistles, it means it’s likely the person only has afab people in mind when talking about women here.

Dysphoric female* - a phrasing almost only ever used by terfs.

Genderists* - what many terfs call people who support trans people/trans people as a whole. Also look for genderism.

Gender cult / Trans cult* - in spite of the fact that many people, both outside of radfem circles and ex-radfems, have pointed out how these spaces are often very cult-like (asking too many questions is looked down upon, dissenting with the group is punishable through social ostracization and shaming, and so forth), terfs continually try to portray any trans space as being a cult (often implying that trans women are the most powerful in these spaces and are like cult leaders)

Libfems - this definitely isn’t the biggest one. plenty of people use it to refer to that Generally Wishy Washy Doesn’t Do Anything brand of mainstream feminism, I’ve seen non-terfs use it in that sense, and liberal feminism is also an actual brand of feminism. However, radfems basicallly use it to refer to any feminism that’s not radical feminism, and use the term frequently. So if it’s combined with other dogwhistles and warning signs, consider it a red flag. Especially concerning if it’s being used in an insulting/derogatory manner. 

Kink critical - a general radfem dogwhistle for very similar reasons to “gender critical,” rarely refers to interacting with kink critically but rather that thinking all kink is bad and needs to be abolished, that people who are kinky are either abusive or stuck in the patriarchy’s grasp, etc. however, like with gender critical, some people choose to use it anyways to refer to actually interacting with kink in a critical mindset, ignoring the radfem connotations.

Male invaders - used to refer to trans women in general; terfs claim that trans women are cis men trying to play dress up and “invade” spaces for “women born women.”

warning signs: other red flags that aren’t short little phrases, but likely are still present on blogs, social media, in conversation with, etc. in regards to terfs. similar to dog whistles.

gender essentialism - basically, the belief/ideology that men and women are inherently different down to their very essence. some things to watch for: (in pagan/witch circles) claims that only women are capable of being witches/that magic is inherently female, claims or attitudes that men are inherently by nature more violent, claims or attitudes that women are inherently by nature superior/wiser/smarter/etc. than men

condescending, self-serving concern towards afab nonbinary people (and sometimes cis lesbians who support trans people) - while some terfs vehemently view afab nb people as, in short, nasty traitors, some terfs view us as women who are lost and misguided, who have been sucked into the trans cult and need to be saved from it. however, many terfs switch from that view to viewing us as annoying lost causes when they find they’re unable to “save” us. some terfs hold a similar view towards cis and afab nb lesbians who support trans people (especially trans women), and claim that we only do it because we’ve been manipulated and shamed into it, and that we need rescuing by radfems to fully embrace our lesbianism. watch for: referring to afab nb people, nb women, and nb lesbians as lost/misguided, talks of being ‘traitors’ to one’s gender/sex or ‘betraying’ one’s gender/sex, posts that it’s okay to be gnc and not be nb (not bad in and of itself! but sometimes a terf red flag)

reduction of nonbinary identity - disclaimer: (afab) nb lesbians can be terfs just like cis lesbians can! plenty of terfs claim that gender is fake/isn’t real and that they don’t have a gender (some even use terms like agender), however, they think that sex is what matters, and thus still view themselves as lesbians, align with terf ideology, and so forth. basically, reducing the importance of nonbinary identity to emphasize the “importance of sex” while also being nonbinary. watch for: “gender is fake, i’m a female” and other such phrases, generally identifying as genderless/not having a gender while also supporting radfem rhetoric

fake/self-serving concerns about trans kids - not in the sense of being concerned about trans children living in a transphobic society, but rather, concerns that gnc kids, tomboyish girls, etc. are being misidentified as trans and being forced into a trans identity, especially in regards to afab children. watch for: any talk about children. watch for: anything about parents ‘forcing’ transgender identity on their children

radfem brand biphobia - biphobia in a way that’s often specifically execued by radfems. watch for: claims that bi women prioritize men over women (especially if there is a claim that bi women are incapable of prioritizing women over men), claims that bi women force lesbians to care about “het relationships” or prioritize and care about men, etc.

[askanaroace]

[screenshots of a tumblr post: @multishipper-baby asked: Hey, I have a question! Can I identify as a bi aroace if I'm gray-romantic? I know it's still in the aro spectrum, but I don't want to make other aroaces uncomfortable and use a label that's not mine

/end ask

@biaroace answered:I’ll start off by saying that I cannot control what you or anyone else calls themselves. However, I will say that I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with someone aro/ace-spec [a-spec for short] using “bi aroace” for the sake of brevity alone (and this goes for any other flavor of oriented aroace). 

“Why? Ace-spec people call themselves ace all the time. How is this any different?” That’s because the dynamics of the ace community are very different: asexuals are prioritized within their own orientation. They don’t have to fight to be recognized within their own label. They don’t have to question whether a post employing the term “asexual” includes them or not. They aren’t hesitantly listed off fifth in a list of possible definitions at best and outright excluded at worst whenever someone asks “what’s an asexual?”. Rather, those were the plights of a-spec people. 

I believe that’s the very reason a-specs made their own terms, and adopted the terms of the dominant majority (aro/ace) as shorthand. It’s perfectly justifiable! It’s admirable, even! But to transfer this practice onto oriented aroace labels would be a grave mistake, because as of now, we hold nowhere near the influential power aces and aros hold within their own communities. If anything, it is a-specs who are prioritized over us. A-specs who are taken as being the more “acceptable” meaning of bi aroace (as opposed to us weird oriented aroace heathens with our ~non-romantic/sexual unspecified attraction~). A-specs who are the face of our very orientation despite employing it as a mere shorthand. You’re not sticking it to the big man by claiming “bi aroace” as an a-spec person. You’re repeating exactly what was done to you. In order to help us be rid of this dynamic, I encourage you to leave “bi aroace” to oriented aroaces and instead use the equally cool alternate shorthands provided by your very own aro/ace-spec communities. For instance, bi-grayro ace could act as a neat shorthand for you (plus it’s got the same amount of syllables!) :>

Finally, I’d like to thank you for having taken the time to send this message. Your mindfulness as an ally is greatly appreciated, and I hope my response cleared things up!!

/end answer

@babyferrettails reblogs with: Yes! I’m sick of people saying that someone who uses an “orientation+aroace” term to describe themselves are probably grayace or grayro. It completely undermines oriented aroaces which is unfortunately the norm in the community already. @biaroace I’m glad you took the time to type this up it explains it really well!

/end reblog

@aceexplorations reblogs with: So I️ understand where you peeps are coming from. I️ really do. But as someone who would like to identify as a lesbian aroace but can only get up the courage to identify as an aroace who desires a long term relationship but only with other women, I️ really don’t mind people who are aro/asespec identifying as a label-aroace.My reason is this: At the moment you never hear of ANYONE identifying as label-aroace and as a result anytime anyone does people, all people, question how that is possible. The more people use the label the faster others will get used to hearing it. And as long as people remember to include an explanation for how someone who is aroace and not aroacespec can be label-aroace I️ think getting people more familiar with the label can only help.Plus, I️ don’t believe in telling somebody how they should or should not identify. They should do whatever makes them feel the most comfortable.

/end caption]

Yeah... I'm actually incredibly uncomfortable with this push to limit who can identify how, especially in this context. I’m tagging @multishipper-baby to make sure he can see multiple perspectives on this, and thank you @aceexplorations for speaking up as well.

For one, the orientation+aroace format was something people were using before "oriented aroace" came about, and there are still people who identify this way who do not specifically identify as an oriented aroace. It'd be one thing if it was a natural progression of the term changing to mean something more specifically, but forcefully trying to push people out of a term that has been open to them before "oriented aroace" became a named, defined thing does not at all sit well with me.

For two, there are many reasons - all extremely valid - why some choose to verbally identify, identify only as, or in many cases shorten to aro/ace when they are aspec. For example, can be easier than getting into an even more detailed explanation and so plain exhaust them less. It could even mean that they feel more comfortable setting boundaries in not having to discuss personal matters that may make them uncomfortable. We've long been pushing that aromantic and asexual can absolutely be umbrella terms and that you don't have to identify as aspec or some certain aspec term if you don't want, aren't comfortable with, don't prefer, or are unsure where you otherwise stand. To limit that now after we've worked really hard to make these terms open and welcoming to folk who are constantly wondering if they belong... I can't tell you how many times I've seen demia folk asking if they're welcome in the community, and graya in particular was hit extremely violently by exclusionism (at one point, basically dying out as a known label and only recently being talked about again).

For three, it’s long been the tagline of the queer community (perhaps particularly for nonbinary and aspec people, but I am currently most involved in those communities) that labels are, first and foremost, for ourselves. Do we feel a connection to labeling a certain way, even if it’s merging or stringing together multiple terms? Does it help us communicate how we feel? Does it bring us a sense of relief to use the term? Then we should use it (excluding instances of cultural appropriation or other harmful actions)! I am not seeing a reason here why it harms either oriented aroaces or non-oriented aroace orientation+aroaces to both be using the format orientation+aroace.

Finally... I'm sorry, I'm just not at all understanding the point of limiting who can identify as an orientation+aroace. When we're creating strict and limiting turns, we have to ask ourselves: why? What purpose is this serving? Does it help more people than it hurts? Is it unnecessarily leaving people out/making people feel unwelcome and/or invalid?

Honestly, I understand the argument so little, I can’t even make a point against it, nor figure out what the heck question I should be asking. The aspec spectrums simply do not exist in some sort of hierarchy as you are implying. Some folk may have more visibility than others (due to the size of the community, how long they’ve been pushing for education - not due to a particular in community effort to maliciously destabilize ourselves), and it’s true that right now there’s a lot of valid discussions going on about how people need to be careful with their words (stop saying aromantic when you mean asexual), but nobody was gatekeeping orientation+aroace until these ideas on your blog started coming up.

I saw someone trying to argue that they wanted oriented aroace to have full ownership over orientation+aroace because they wanted it to be immediately clear to people that they were specifically aroace and not graya, to which, I’m sorry, but I have to call bullshit. Orientation labels honestly say very little about us and the true complexities of our feelings, and they work well that way!

For example, someone who identifies as bi may be someone: with a strong preference for one gender over another, someone who’s only attracted to a specific amount of genders, someone who’s attracted to multiple genders but may not even include one of the expected binary genders, someone with no discernable preference for one gender over another, someone who’s attracted to all genders but considers gender an important component of their attraction, etc. Someone saying they’re bi doesn’t tell you anything beyond the fact that they’re attracted to two or more genders!

Aro and ace have long been this way as well. Even aroace is as well! There are so many details and intricacies to our feelings, desires, repulsions, aversions, preferences, wants, etc. that no label could possibly encompass all important aspects of our identity! At some point, there’s gotta be a breakdown where we realize that labels are a quick summary of how we feel, not the end all, be all of who we are or how we’re allowed to feel.

Aspec people calling themselves aromantic, asexual, or aroace all know there is a tradeoff to not outright specifying the spectrum part of their identity, and they are making the choice for themselves that they are okay and comfortable with what that entails. It should not be up to us to try and shame them out of that. As aspec people, we are not taking anything from each other by using our own community’s terms!!! It’s a difficult amatonormative, sexnormative, heteronormative world we must navigate. Our terms and our community should make it easier for us to navigate these minefields, not create more minefields to trip each other up in.

I’d be completely fine if “oriented aroace” itself was a term to specifically be defined in a strict manner. I am not okay with the bold claims that oriented aroaces somehow own the pattern of merging together identity terms in non-standard ways to describe themselves, specifically owning oriented+aroace, of which I have an incredibly hard time believing they invented.

So far, I’m not seeing how it harms us to keep orientation+aroace something open. However, I am hearing from people who are hurt by trying to make it more exclusive.

[myawrites]

HOW TO MAKE YOUR TRAVEL WRITING MORE INCLUSIVE

A guide to avoiding writing solely from the Western gaze.

BY MARIANA ZAPATA

2020 changed every aspect of how we travel, from our ability to do so to the safety measures we now take.

As the world comes to grips with the failings of many of its systems, particularly as they pertain to marginalized communities, especially people of color, who have been disproportionately affected by the double pandemic of COVID-19 and police brutality, there is one more aspect of travel that needs to change: how we write about it.

The origins of travel writing are frequently tied to colonizers meandering around the lands they’ve taken, reporting on the customs of the locals, who are often portrayed as less civilized or even as “savage.”

Our idea of travel today may not be all that different. Online travel groups are often filled with fantasy posts about laying on a beach while a sexy Brown person serves you drinks or pictures of White people surrounded by Black children whose lives they claimed to have changed on their two-week trip to “Africa.”

Travel writers aren’t responsible for the behavior of tourists, of course, but we are partly responsible for the images that inform collective perceptions of places. The beach fantasy and the white savior complex were most likely first concocted by travel writers of yore, then sustained by travelers.

When we write for a white Western audience that we assume to be cis, heterosexual, and able-bodied, we effectively close the door to everyone else – and that’s not acceptable. Here are some steps travel writers can take to ensure a wider, more inclusive lens.

Stop and consider

Hold yourself accountable at every step of the writing process, beginning on the road.

“Make sure that the places you’re exploring aren’t just white-owned and operated. Instead, seek out local businesses and places of interest that are owned by members of the community…and that are inclusive of people of all abilities,” says Priscilla Blossom, a queer Latina journalist specializing in travel, culture, health, and parenting.

But don’t tokenize these places in your articles to earn diversity points – authors need to treat them with the same respect as they would a white-owned space.

Before pitching a story, “consider if you are the right writer for an assignment,” advises Uruguayan-American travel journalist Lola Méndez, adding that writers should consider whether they should write about places they’ve never been to or have merely passed through.

Don’t promote places or tourist practices in your content that are disrespectful or exploitative. For example, as a Colombian-American, I find it painful and infuriating to see promotions for Pablo Escobar tours that glorify a mass murderer. Would mass-shooting tours in the U.S. ever be OK? Would you want foreign tourists coming to gawk at the poorest neighborhoods in your city? I hardly think so. Grant other places the same courtesy you’d want for your own community.

Diversify your sources

“Whose voices do you value in your trip planning and research?” asks Bani Amor, a gender-queer Ecuadorian travel writer, in the Bitch Media piece “Check Yourself Before You Wreck Someplace Else.” They add that “travel guides overwhelmingly reflect those who hold the most power in this world – white folks from the West.”

To combat this, Black travel blogger Kay Kingsman advises writers to diversify the media they consume. When you do this, she says, “your writing naturally becomes more inclusive.”

Award-winning travel journalist La Carmina from LaCarmina.com uses her personal experience to inform her approach to writing. “[I] think about the broad spectrum of individuals in my life and include perspectives that they would find most helpful and meaningful,” she says.

But you have to do more than follow a couple of bloggers of color and pat yourself on the back. While researching and interviewing, use local sources and experts who represent marginalized perspectives. Kingsman does this by reaching out to travel bloggers who are local to the destinations she covers on her blog, The Awkward Traveller, and actively smashing stereotypes and misconceptions in her content. Seeking the most authoritative voices to speak about a particular place is essential in travel writing.

Watch your tongue

“In addition to proofreading for grammar and flow, we should look over our writing carefully and consider whether our words are thoughtful to all,” says La Carmina.

Countries are not static postcards but complex webs of intersecting histories, cultures, values, and identities.

Blossom nails the heart of the language problem as “anything that really embraces white culture but ‘others’ the culture of non-white [people] or anyone/anyplace deviating from the standard.”

For example, American writers often use the word “exotic” to describe eating bugs, even though it’s a common global practice. Yet the word is rarely used to describe unusual European dishes like calf’s head. This sends a message that travel content is meant for a Western traveler.

The way we write can and often does erase and invalidate the culture, history, and experience of marginalized groups and locals. One of the best examples of this is the use of the word “discovered,” both in a historical context and as a personal claim of travelers. It is often said that Western settlers discovered the giant sequoias of the Sierra Nevada in California, despite the fact that indigenous groups had known about them for centuries. Likewise, travelers don’t “discover” a spot that locals have always known about, they simply become aware of it. Calling instances like this a “discovery” implies that something only matters when outsiders (usually Westerners) know and care about it. Local knowledge and perspective is not given importance and is thus erased.

It’s not enough to avoid problematic words. You can cut out all controversial words and still write a narrative that focuses on the Western gaze and treats locals as caricatures that simply provide flavor to the story. Again, treat locals with the same nuance and respect usually given to white Western communities.

Don’t glam things up

Countries are not static postcards but complex webs of intersecting histories, cultures, values, and identities. The tendency to glamorize destinations to appeal to fantasies of leisure effectively prioritizes the wants of Western travelers over the lived experiences of locals.

“Be honest about the complicated history that formed the place – colonization still impacts each and every place around the globe that was conquered by foreign forces. Don’t erase that history in favor of gushing over beautiful architecture,” says Méndez.

For example, many solo female travel writers tout their safe experiences in Mexico as proof that the troubles in the country have been exaggerated. This ignores the crisis of trafficking and femicide that local women have suffered for decades.

Black travel writer Teresa Lynn Hasan-Kerr explains that while we don’t want to perpetuate incorrect stereotypes about the countries that former President Trump would call “shithole countries,” we also shouldn’t use our limited experience in a country to gloss over its realities.

Acknowledging problems is also a way to keep readers safe, particularly travelers of color, who often experience discrimination and harassment around the world.

Before moving to Morocco, Hasan-Kerr thoroughly researched the country. None of the information she found prepared her for the anti-Blackness she faces daily. “I really wish someone had briefed me about the racial harassment [in Morocco],” she says, stating that having that information available would have been helpful to her.

Guidebooks already include disclaimers and warnings pertaining to the safety of female-presenting travelers, so extending the courtesy to travelers of color should be a given.

Inclusivity in travel writing goes well beyond the scope of writers’ influence. However, we do have some say in how we present our own work, in the sources that we use, and in the nuance we add to our content. The lack of diverse editors in the industry is not an excuse to continue writing from a Western gaze.

Mariana Zapata is a Colombian-American travel, sustainability, and lifestyle writer. She has lived and worked around the world, making a home in cities like Miami, Paris, Seoul, and Bogota. You can usually find her at street food stands, judging fashion inaccuracies in period films, or falling victim to her non-existing sense of direction

[lifebydesign66]

White Supremacy Culture

TAKING IT PERSONAL: WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE

As a queer-identified, able-bodied and cisgendered woman with class and race privilege, I strive to prioritize naming how social locations shape the ways we move and show up in our lives. I believe those of us with privilege(s) are presented with opportunities to examine our values and actions with honesty, humility and openness. My hope with this imperfect piece is to enliven anti-racist study and exploration. Focusing on racial formation and white supremacy culture in this writing is intentional, however, is not meant to downplay or discount the role of intersecting categories of gender, sexual orientation, ability, nationality/immigration status, age, class or religion. In upcoming pieces, I will discuss interlocking systems of privilege and oppression, the origins of identity politics and delve deeper into white supremacy culture.

DEFINING TERMS

White supremacy culture is the idea (ideology) that white people and the ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions of white people are superior to People of Color and their ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

White supremacy culture is an artificial, historically constructed culture which expresses, justifies and binds together the United States white supremacy system. It is the glue that binds together white-controlled institutions into systems and white-controlled systems into the global white supremacy system. [from Sharon Martinas and the Challenging White Supremacy Workshop] (1)

UNEARTHING MY PRIVILEGE

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a psychotherapist. As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved dinosaurs. The movie Jurassic Park came out in 1993, but I am almost positive I knew the word “paleontologist” before then. I remember sitting in a ditch, filling a small plastic tube--the ones used to hold a single rose--with dirt. I grew up going to museums, zoos and libraries. I saw people who looked like me, white and sometimes women, in positions of authority, which gave me a sense of choice and possibility. My life reflected the race, class, citizenship and gender-conforming privileges of my family, privileges with violent histories.

MY UNSPOKEN QUESTIONS ABOUT PRIVILEGE

As a child, messages about cultural acceptance were confusing at best. My Southern California elementary school had a “Multicultural Day” every year where we learned about celebrations and food from around the world. At the same time, I didn’t understand why people around me were so angry when families came to the United States from Mexico. Many of my classmates were from Mexico and Latin America. There were palpable rifts in the process of making friends. There were also moments of possibility. I remember proudly singing songs in Spanish, dressed up as a fairy in a musical production of “Hansel and Gretel.” Something changed in my fourth grade year when suddenly we weren’t speaking Spanish anymore at school. Instead, we focused on glorifying the genocidal California Mission system. Nationalism, racism and xenophobia prevailed and the rift became an abyss. As I look back, there were moments when a part of me felt uneasy and had questions about the messages I heard from the media, from family members and at school about my classmates and their families, yet I wasn’t even sure how to form the words.

GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE ANSWERS ABOUT WHITE SUPREMACY CULTURE

Those gut-wrenching “something is wrong here” sensations continued, building up as my home life became increasingly scary and unpredictable. Ultimately, my privilege gave me the opportunity to understand my privilege. The private high school I went to effectively prepared me to attend a state college. My intention was to become a wildlife biologist. Barely a semester into college, that plan began to unravel. Too many questions went unanswered. My first sociology class was like a gateway drug. I needed to understand and Ethnic Studies made the most sense of the world. Native American Studies, Ethnic Studies including Black, Latinx and Asian-American Studies and Women’s Studies arose out of demands for higher education to prioritize the knowledge and experiences within these communities. What I learned was shocking, disorienting and powerful. Coming to terms with having been lied to all your life is overwhelming. Where to direct all the anger, sadness and guilt? Part of my answer was--and is-- to stay committed to understanding, reflecting and acting.

WHY RACE WAS INVENTED

In their pivotal text Racial Formation in the United States, Omi and Winant stress that “the emergence of a modern conception of race does not occur until the rise of Europe and the arrival of Europeans in the Americas” (2, p.61). When power-hungry European businessmen  came into contact with indigenous civilizations, they found a way to justify mass murder by religious doctrine. Later, when conditions in the United States changed, “European colonial powers established “white” as a legal concept in 1676 after Bacon’s Rebellion, during which indentured servants of European and African descent united against the colonial elite” (3, p.125). Then the wealthy European settler-colonialists gave “white” servants privileges, like land, access to guns and the ability to form militias, effectively squashing the possibility of overthrowing them. Laws made by the wealthy for the wealthy changed the once shared conditions of people from different geographic locations (4). Hence, race is an ever-changing category, created to maintain wealth and power for social, political and economic purposes, enshrined in every aspect of society.

UNDERSTANDING THE SMOG OF CULTURAL RACISM

As Beverly Daniel Tatum explains in her book Why are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? (5), “cultural racism” is a part of our collective experience because it is ���like smog in the air.”  This smog is made up of “the cultural images and messages that affirm the assumed superiority of Whites and the assumed inferiority of people of color” (p.6). Dr. Daniel Tatum offers countless examples of the ways in which these unspoken and direct messages, from very early in life, shape identity development. In other words, the smog of cultural racism creates the conditions of how we understand ourselves and one another.

TAKING IT PERSONAL: REFLECTIONS TO CONSIDER

How have you noticed the social/political/economic categories of race shift in your lifetime?

What does the “smog” represent to you?

How does the smog of cultural racism show up in your life?

What does it mean to be aware of white supremacy culture?

There are no swift solutions to doing the work of acknowledging privilege. It is an engaged process of openness to unknown and uncomfortable experiences. Over and over, mistakes will be made. What do you need to keep going?

In my client-centered work, I strive to maintain an awareness and respect for personal experiences and intersectional identities. I believe healing happens in powerful community action and when we invite ourselves to be fully honest and aware.

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

[polyrolemodels]

Chrissy Raymond Holman

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

I’ve been polyamorous my entire dating life. That’s about 20 years, give or take a failed attempt at experimentation with monogamy in college. I identify as polyamorous but in practice, I’m a relationship anarchist. My relationships are free, fluid and always evolving.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I’d love to tell you my polycule is a neat and well organized constellation with flowery names and well- defined lines directing relationships, but it isn’t. It’s a chaotic and often nonsensical clusterfuck of characters and I’d be remiss to attempt to define it as anything but messy. That being said, I’m demisexual and a relationship anarchist in practice, so anyone in my chosen circles of friends is considered intentional family and I therefore include them all in my dynamic diagram. My larger polycule is aptly named Team Clusterfuck and that’s an international group. My anchor group is called The Butt Kingdom. They aren’t mutually exclusive groups and the latter is the group I see the most. I have five regular partners, two queerplatonic partners and a hodgepodge of people who weave in and out of my life. I also have two toddlers and a west coast daughter. 

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

Transparency. I have little to no shame and I’m an extremely blunt New Yorker, so I say what’s on my mind and I encourage my partners to do the same. I’m always upfront about my feelings, my practices, my expectations and my boundaries. That’s not good for everyone, but I’m most ethically sound with similarly inclined people. I’m also awesome at time management, but transparency is something for which I’m notorious.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

There are a few struggles. I struggle with dating people new to polyamory. I struggle with dating or even being around people who aren’t aware of intersectionality. I struggle with folx who are codependent. I also struggle with the intersection of polyamory and mental illness. I’m vehemently independent and I’m always busy, so I greatly value emotional labor. Since my energy stores are limited, I tend to roll with the people with whom I grow the most. Those tend to be the most difficult, yet fulfilling relationships.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

Originally, I would spend large quantities of time trying to educate new poly partners on polyamory 101, social justice and autonomy. That took a great deal of my energy and I wound up resenting people I was dating for making me do their emotional labor. I’ve since stopped dating people brand new to polyamory and as far as mental illness and social justice go, I have a big list of links and resources I send to new partners and if they read and parse that info and still have questions, we move forward and I answer questions.

On a bigger scale, my discussion groups center around intersectionality and ethics, so for those I’m not dating, I invest time and energy in helping folx new to polyamory find resources and adjust.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

When I first have a sex conversation with a new partner, we discuss our barrier habits, personal health and the associated risks.

A hard-line boundary for me is that I don’t tell other partners what to do with their bodies. It’s up to them if they use barriers with other people. It’s up to them to update me with any info relevant to my sexual health. It’s up to them to maintain their partners’ private details when relaying that information to me. It’s up to me if I want to use barriers with them or not after there is an update to our shared sexual health. It’s up to me to use the information provided by other partners to maintain my own sexual health. It’s up to me to ensure all my partners are kept safer and risk aware based on my experiences. I must protect their privacy when relaying info to others.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

My worst mistake was getting involved with people before checking in with their other partners. I’ve been in a slew of situations where partners were cheating, unbeknownst to me, and I somehow became an accessory without consent. I now immediately say no to don’t ask, don’t tell dynamics, and ask new people I’m dating who aren’t linked to my larger group for permission to say hello to their other partners. That can be a one-off email. I’m aware that there are many folx for whom metamours are a triggering subject, so as much as I try to accommodate that, I also need the confirmation that I’m engaging with someone who is also in an open, consensual relationship.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

I am a queer, white, cisgender, demisexual, demiromantic, polyamorous person who happens to be borderline.

Being white and cis forces me to address my privilege from every angle, if I am to treat my partners with dignity and equity. I attempt to use these privileges to lift and center those I hold privilege over. That means in my capacity as a community leader, I make events as accessible as possible and I don’t often engage with the media, but instead, pass the chance along to other folx who aren’t represented. I also seek out others who understand intersectionality because of this constant examination.

I was raised in the queer community by my two moms, so it’s been an inherent part of my life since I was a child. I’ve identified as not straight since I was 8 and have been reclaiming the word queer since I was a teenager. Being queer and polyamorous has made me more attuned to gender diversity across the spectrum, and I have no preference when it comes to my partners’ genders. I won’t tell you that the queer community here in NYC is particularly keen on polyamory. Many still live in a mono-centric mindset. My approach is to validate monogamy along with polyamory as two different but viable lives.

I am borderline. When I begin dating someone new, I have a big list of links I send them about BPD. I am upfront about what it entails, how I will receive information, what to do if I’m having an episode, and what accommodations I need. I’ve been diagnosed for 20 years, and I have had most mental health professionals allude to my polyamory as a symptom of my BPD. I’ve learned to navigate mental illness with a lot of self-awareness and armed with links. I can’t say this enough- do not read about BPD on the internet. It’s incredibly stigmatized. If you have a partner with mental illness, ask them for resources first.

Being demisexual and demiromantic in a word filled with compulsory sexuality is hard enough with one partner, but add more and it gets exponentially more complicated. I must be wary of folx who try to assess my level of connection with them based on my physical interaction with them. Some people erase me and tell me I just haven’t’ found the right connections yet. Others don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize sex or romance. Learning how to communicate what these identities mean to me is something I’m still tweaking. It makes my dating pool smaller, but that’s ok.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

I’ve been an admin of this Polyamory Facebook group for a few years. We center marginalized folx and teach social justice 101 and discuss polyamory within a framework of intersectionality.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2372502430/

I also run Open Love NY, our educational and social group that advocates for ethical non-monogamy in NYC. We have over 5,000 members. Check us out at: www.openloveny.com

I am one of the hosts of Poly Cocktails, which is an international polyamory/ethical non-monogamy monthly gathering.

I also belong to the Poly Leadership Network. First rule of PLN is… kidding!

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Thank you!  

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