#exclusion

[avoidantrecovery]

“A third way to react is self-isolation is where you prevent yourself from any further opportunity to be ostracized, by being by yourself, by being alone, by not allowing the possibility for rejection, exclusion, ostracism. This also allows the person to regain some of the needs that have been threatened [by ostracism]: it gives them control, you can't fire me, I quit. You end up taking control of a situation and preventing ostracism by not allowing it to even happen in the first place.

We know that some people become what we call rejection-sensitive. They experience rejection and exclusion early in their life and then they expect it to happen all the time and so they're always on the lookout and prevent themselves from getting in the situations where they could be rejected. They see it when it's not happening, and so on. While both aggression and self-isolation fortify the needs [threatened by ostracism] neither one of them lead to re-inclusion.”

– Kipling D. Williams, Full PreFrontal Podcast Episode 191

[convertgrapeling]

if school children are going to receive ridiculously harsh punishments for things like "swinging on their chair" or "not having full equipment" then maybe it's time that schools started providing heavier/more comfortable chairs and paying for all school equipment. take it out of the fucking headteacher's salary.

"persistent disruptive behaviour" is the reason given for more than 85% of school exclusions and the criteria schools are using under this description is ridiculous. children are missing out on their right to education because grown adults can't tolerate a bit of swinging on your chair.

[philosophybits]

"Property" means dominion over things and the denial to others of the use of those things.... It is the private dominion over things that condemns millions of people to be mere nonentities, living corpses without originality or power of initiative, human machines of flesh and blood, who pile up mountains of wealth for others and pay for it with a gray, dull and wretched existence for themselves. I believe that there can be no real wealth, social wealth, so long as it rests on human lives — young lives, old lives and lives in the making.

Emma Goldman, "What I Believe", New York World, 19 July 1908

[did-they-mention-disability]

jacob and julia both briefly mention accessibility issues in the witness that impacted each of them personally while playing beyond hanwell (when a screen pops up saying that the game has sound puzzles but visual clues can be added via gameplay settings).

[legendarydragonperson]

As an Ecuadorian who lives in Chicago, I am very lucky in general to be somewhere that will always get attention from creative voices. From comedians, musicians, artists, and YouTubers who wanna go on a comedy tour.

Specifically, Dan, admitted in his "Why I quit YouTube" video that his persona before around 2014 was trying to be a mildly offensive English comedian but it was definitely something he could have taken more responsibility for even though by the looks of it he was just trying to move on and so did the audience. But for POC people it's just different and it's not something everyone is going to get but it doesn't mean you ignore it. That makes you ignorant and not a very nice human.

And I have always been aware of the outdated jokes that are just not funny whether it be racist, misogynistic, or fatphobic. Even if meant to be sarcastic it's not funny and it's boring 2000s humour we all hate.

Just some things that come to mind:

(timestamp 1:33 Like when he admitted he tries to act like a different race and speak in a different language to avoid homeless people like maybe don't to that?)

(This whole video is weird but looking up legal slavery as a "happy medium" is wild)

This whole video even though it's a joke.

Like why do you think Dan deleted most videos it's because they were in his own eyes probably offensive and he doesn't want them on his page even though nothing has ever really gone?

Like even though it's mild don't pretend if you saw this now you wouldn't react against it.

I also never said this before but Phil is in the performative activism area in my opinion and does not discuss politics online in-depth and just because he's associated with Dan who is loud about politics doesn't mean he gets a pass.

The fandom is majority white making the space when the topic of racist behavior antsy when really poc voices just want to be heard.

Again not trying to cancel them, fans just want answers about the lack of inclusion of these tour stops, and rightfully so.

Bonk me on the head or message me if I'm wrong but Dan and Phil not going touring in South America, Africa, or Asia to me, is understandable because they are just not as popular as they were before. London shows are selling out faster because they are performing in smaller venues while US venues like mine still have more than half of available tickets.

That being said you are allowed to be upset. I am not trying to make an excuse it's just a reason which is understandable to me. Especially when the effort was put in before like ii which was a world tour even though they didn't sell out every show there are still fans out there.

It's sad they can't travel more and I don't know the hurt that many fans are feeling. The only relatability I have is that during the interactive influence tour, I was a poor 13-year-old in Ecuador and couldn't go hoping one day Dan and Phil would just come to me in my country.

Either way, it sucks and I'm sorry if this was all nonsense to you. If you need a chat or have anything to say, feel free to DM or share your own thoughts. <3

[avoidantrecovery]

we need to talk about ostracism, self-isolation and rejection sensitivity

I've been reading about ostracism and was really surprised to find out how impactful it is in people's lives and how little it is talked about.

To keep things short (according to Kipling D. Williams, one of the leading scientists on the subject):

ostracism is the act of being ignored or excluded

it's different from bullying or other more "engaging" abusive behavior in that it's about completely shunning a person, excluding them, not talking to them or engaging them, not arguing, simply treating them like air

when a person is ostracized, the same parts of the brain are activated that activate for physical pain

taking a tylenol actually dampens the pain of ostracism

people feel the pain of ostracism, even if the group ostracizing them is filled with people they don't like

something as simple as the silent treatment or deliberate denial of eye-contact or handshakes can be considered ostracism

four needs are threatened when a person is ostracized: belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence

it activates an ancient fear of being abandoned and left to fend for one's life alone

the ostracized will go through three phases: reflexive (immediate negative affect and pain), reflective (efforts to re-connect with group via social conformity; if this is not possible aggression or self-isolation and development of rejection-sensitivity) and resignation (long term ostracism: feelings of alienation, depression, helplessness and worthlessness)

For me, AvPD began after an ostracism event paired with other bullying I was going through at the time. This was many years ago, however there is a through-line from that event to who I am today. After being ostracized by a group of girls in my new school, I tried my best to negotiate my behavior, clothes, etc... and be re-included. And the moment I thought I had been re-included in their group (they pretended), they pranked me, which nearly led to me drowning during a school trip. From that day on, not deliberately, I slowly began to self-isolate and separate from other kids. I became very sensitive to rejection and just couldn't place why, I definitely hadn't been like that prior. I had been very extroverted by nature, but suddenly would not go anywhere other kids might be (like playgrounds or toy shops etc…)

Even when I did form friendships with people, later on, it was more of a mirroring and masking, never deep friendships and no relationships. I was still negotiating, trying my best to not put myself at risk of ostracism again. Same for education and jobs.

Anyway, after reading about ostracism and just how strong the impact can be, I believe this is why AvPD developed for me. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced similar, I feel like ostracism is something that is easy to overlook. I always thought that the near-drowning is what had been a key event for me. But it was actually the prior ostracism that made the near-drowning so much more potent as an event. The strong desire to be re-included in the group and only to have the rug pulled from under me and literally be left for dead. That lead to me then self-isolating and so on... can anyone relate?

(The book is called "Ostracism, Exclusion and Rejection" by Kipling D. Williams). There is also an article in the Scientific American on the topic: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-pain-of-exclusion/

[ukdamo]

anyways im radicalized now

aeon ginsberg

I’m not funding a war  if I pretend the money  in my taxes are only going  toward the roads that  are actively collapsing. 

            Did you hear about the soldiers              who stole all of those tractors?              Did you hear the company              that makes those tractors,  founded in a country not “fighting” in the war,              was able to brick the tractors              before they were at all functional? 

There are in-built kill switches in our devices. 

Think about your debts and              how much they weigh. 

            US company sends a shipment of bricks              equal to the weight of the hard drives they develop              to Singapore because  they can get away with it. 

            Do you think if the bulldozer used              to build the Killdozer was an American make              it would have been stopped before              it was rendered inert too?  Maybe the make made the autonomy possible. 

I’m not funding a war,              I’m in one. 

There’s no recourse to repair  what we own within legality.              Amazon acquires OneMedical healthcare,              Amazon sells medical information to the police.  It hasn’t happened yet but              the Ring Doorbells send footage              to the police without the consent              and the knowledge of the “owners,”  and who makes the doorbells? 

User on twitter finds out the company              that they got their printer from              can disable its functionality from afar              because their debit card had expired.  A friend can have their CPAP machine             forcibly taken away from them              if they aren’t using it “enough.”  John Deere pioneered the addition of remote              kill switches being installed in technology              and now the idea of one being installed              into a pacemaker is not 

            so far off. 

Rendering a piece of technology inert              is called “bricking” it.              Are you excited to talk to a friend and              because of the status of their debts  a brick is weighed into their body? 

Think about what you owe  and how much it weighs,  think about what you give away              and where it goes, think about              how much choice you really have, 

if you have choice at all.              Marvin Heemeyer’s choices were diminished              until there was nothing left but to build Killdozer              but even so he was allowed to build it              without the only options he had left becoming bricks. 

It’s called a siege when you decide  to wait for your enemy to run out of resources.              It’s called “scorched earth” to destroy anything              that might be useful to whomever you’re fighting against.              Who was the first brick at Stonewall?  We got past Act Up and now you can’t get  a monkeypox vaccine unless you can prove  you’re a gay man who has sex with other men. 

            Did you know you can be arrested for sodomy still?              Did you know some John Deere tractors only work              if the same farmer is buying Monsanto approved seed? 

Marvin Heemeyer said “It is interesting to observe              that I was never caught.”             Maybe we will get a justified right to repair,              maybe the earth will die before then.              Scorched Earth. 

We’re in an overwhelming heat wave,  we’re in the coldest summer of the rest of our lives.  They don’t make the tools we need              to become autonomous anymore              because they can ship us              our weight in debts instead. 

            What happens when we learn              that we can’t use our refrigerators  because we’re late on rent?              What are you going to do              if you’re trying to shoot yourself              in the head and the gun won’t go off because your sold healthcare data  informed the manufacturer  that because of severe depression 

the guns you own will become bricked? 

What are you going to do  when you can’t do anything else  but lower the DIY armour              over the caddy of your killdozer,              only to find that it’s been rendered              a series of bricks? 

            “It is interesting to observe              that I was never caught ...              somehow their vision was clouded” 

[tornad001]

if i see another juneteenth post that's like "yt's don't interact" im gonna have an aneurysm. like what's u doing? u realize this is tumblr dot com correct? not a secret black panther meeting. and if u just have a problem with whites interacting with ur post about black liberation, idk what that says about ur understanding of race relations and liberty.

anyways blah blah marx was correct, we share more in common economically with the proletariat slave than the bourgeois master. liberation for some is liberation for all, rising tide, boats, u get the point. i just don't see what u gain through this facile attempt to exclude engagement? are u strengthening the discourse? are u fostering understanding? or r u just kinda being a dick for no good reason?

[tenth-sentence]

Guilds, professions and universities excluded women so that the feeblest male candidate might get the plum jobs.

"Normal Women: 900 Years of Making History" - Philippa Gregory

[willowreader]

This is in response to the NPR article below. Read both. I have been really upset how the Long Covid community has been dismissed. Nobody wants to know how sick Covid can make you. They are not believed, and their issues minimized. The media has not given them any kind of platform. I know a few people with Long COVID. I will advocate for them in any way I can.

The CDC has made things even worse by their new policies. It is almost impossible to protect yourself from COVID when there is basically no isolation period anymore.

[man-squared]

I find that it is really easy to erase people from their own histories when you focus entirely on definitions and gatekeep people from certain labels (not even communities, just labels*).

I think as time goes on, if the whole "lesbians can never be men or date men" ideology** continues to prosper in queer/LGBT+ communities, it will be very easy to decide that people who were assigned female at birth but not solely or at all women (and/or "just" nonbinary) have never been a part of lesbian/sapphic history.

I personally see it all the time in regards to the multi-attracted spectrum (mspec) community (specifically the bi community). Disregarding how the bi community was created (you know, mostly from being pushed out of the lesbian community), historical lesbians who could be seen bi or otherwise mspec (which we can't necessarily place on them, but we can recognize the personal identities and behaviors of people while also understanding that bi -and even lesbian- was not always a label to identify under [and how it has been used differently throughout history, not even as am identity about attraction but gender and otherwise too]) are either erased all together, pushed out of their lesbian identity, or have their attractions, affinities, and behaviors erased and denied.

I just think it's really important to bring up and notice if it becomes a thing (it has *cough cough* Dr James Berry), but especially if it becomes the NORM.

*You never know if someone who is a label is a part of a community or not. I find that a lot of people who get mad at lesbian men (especially trans men lesbians and/or lesboys) decide that we are automatically involved in lesbian women spaces because we are lesbians. And maybe that is the case, and I do know that it is for some, but it isn't for all, so it's weird to propose the idea that all men who call themselves lesbians just want access to lesbian women spaces to take resources and harm those lesbian women. In fact, all lesbian men who have access and are involved in "lesbian women" spaces actually want access to those spaces to have comradery in their attraction and/or connections to women/feminity. It also doesn't help those exclusionists that a lot of lesbian spaces are also open to lesbian men, regardless of if they are exclusively 'lesbian/sapphic women' spaces or not -- and in reality, those places aren't deciding that transfemmes or trans women or nonbinary people aren't lesbians, just that there are more trans lesbians than just those categories. Lesbians come in so many shapes, sizes, experiences, and labels and identities.

**Not even going into how that ideology can be easily used to bar whomever you deem "a real lesbian" from the communities and label as well. When I was on twitter and seeing this shit get spread, so many transfemmes pointed out how transmisogynistic/tranaphobic this was for them as well as lesbians. Who gets to decide who is a lesbian, or a man, or a woman, or someone who is dating a 'man?'

[avoidantrecovery]

“Even in a verbal or physical altercation, individuals are still connected. Total exclusion, however, severs all bonds. Social rejection also deals a uniquely harsh blow to self-esteem, because it implies wrongdoing. Worse, the imposed silence forces us to ruminate, generating self-deprecating thoughts in our search for an explanation. The forced isolation also makes us feel helpless: you can fight back, but no one will respond. Finally, ostracism makes our very existence feel less meaningful because this type of rejection makes us feel invisible and unimportant.”

“The Pain of Exclusion” by Kipling D. Williams

[zoomar]

Just to be polite - you'd think they'd ask me to lunch.

[fr-3-aksh-0-w]

I wish my siblings would actually talk to me and invite me to do fun things. Rn all of my close siblings are playing games together and not a single person even texted me, or messaged in the group chat that something was happening. I really just want to be included.

I know I’m the youngest and they prefer older company, but I’m a fucking legal adult now. I have a job and interesting things to say too…

I wish the exclusion stopped once I stopped being an annoying little kid. I wish they could see that and love me just enough.

I love them more than they’d love me. Especially my sister.

[crystalsenergy]

Echoes of Separateness:

Ego, bullying, and the illogical path of the wounded ego #1

(I demand that the person be here, but in reality, I didn't even want that…)

From schools to politics, From family gatherings to religious meetings, From friendships to the workplace….

In all these places, considering that there will always be the issue of coexistence and groups, we always play a role.

These places that many of us have passed through, if we haven't passed through all, we have probably passed through 2 (school, family), 3 (school, family, religion), or even 4 (school, family, religion, politics).

And this role could have been to reinforce inclusion or separation. These are not places that are naturally bad, of course not!

Things don't need to and many don't have a bad nature. It is us, with our actions, especially the repeated actions, that make such environments more or less harmful to our development and coexistence.

I am mentioning this because this is the focus of the text, to talk about separation and ego and the negative and regressive role that this plays in our journey as individuals and as a community.

How many times have you excluded people, wishing to be included in these places?

Conscious or unconscious of this, and ah, the fact of being "unconscious" doesn't mean incapable of noticing, because we could and can seek these issues, there are ways and various signs of how much we are being dominated by the unconscious, the universe NEVER leaves us without these signs! Many come through people, those who bother you and whom you unfortunately continue to exclude.

How much does the process of exclusion still remain a part of you?

Whether it's leaving people disoriented with unpleasant remarks,

reinforcing segregations, and this starts from school to the moment you grow up,

believe you have automatically acquired "maturity,"

and start using age to camouflage from your own consciousness patterns that come from the past: segregate, segregate, segregate. Exclude, exclude, exclude.

All, in the end, due to a wounded and very insecure ego.

All due to a root of insecurities and an extremely wounded inner child, still needing approval.

And it's okay for our inner child to be this way, after all, something happened to generate this issue and that's what is important to be looked at, addressed.

We should not look at any of this with judgment, guilt, or seeking to place responsibility on someone, but rather with eyes of acceptance and self-forgiveness.

And, unfortunately, one of the most complicated things people do when they are in scenarios of relentless search for approval, falling into the process of gossip, exclusion, is

to demand the same from others.

Because up to that point, you can understand through a very raw and straightforward logic:

"The ego is demanding the same from others because what based this person's search for approval was exactly the fear of being alone, low self-esteem, almost nonexistent self-acceptance, which make them direct these internal monsters to the external, they are not as secure as they want to appear, they show others strength and confidence in everything they are and show, but if they really were enough for themselves, they wouldn't demand that other people be like them, applaud them, etc."

Up to that point, we understand through raw and straightforward logic.

Beyond that, comes the most nonsensical part of the wounded and controlling ego's process: demanding that different people be part of it. Demanding, for example, a presence, but in the end not even wanting the presence... want examples?

In the next post! Kisses in the air…