#exclusion

[avoidantrecovery]

“A third way to react is self-isolation is where you prevent yourself from any further opportunity to be ostracized, by being by yourself, by being alone, by not allowing the possibility for rejection, exclusion, ostracism. This also allows the person to regain some of the needs that have been threatened [by ostracism]: it gives them control, you can't fire me, I quit. You end up taking control of a situation and preventing ostracism by not allowing it to even happen in the first place.

We know that some people become what we call rejection-sensitive. They experience rejection and exclusion early in their life and then they expect it to happen all the time and so they're always on the lookout and prevent themselves from getting in the situations where they could be rejected. They see it when it's not happening, and so on. While both aggression and self-isolation fortify the needs [threatened by ostracism] neither one of them lead to re-inclusion.”

– Kipling D. Williams, Full PreFrontal Podcast Episode 191

[convertgrapeling]

if school children are going to receive ridiculously harsh punishments for things like "swinging on their chair" or "not having full equipment" then maybe it's time that schools started providing heavier/more comfortable chairs and paying for all school equipment. take it out of the fucking headteacher's salary.

"persistent disruptive behaviour" is the reason given for more than 85% of school exclusions and the criteria schools are using under this description is ridiculous. children are missing out on their right to education because grown adults can't tolerate a bit of swinging on your chair.

[nonbinarymlm]

My partner and I were joking about how as a trans-cis, interracial mlm couple there’s no local queer spaces that are welcoming to both of us. There are general queer spaces that erase and are unwelcoming to queer cis men (and that often falls extra hard on men of color) and there are male-dominated queer spaces that are not welcoming to trans men (or trans people in general). Then there are trans-only or non-white only spaces, which can be very helpful individually but we can’t go into as a couple.

It’s funny because it’s true and it sucks! 🙃

[philosophybits]

"Property" means dominion over things and the denial to others of the use of those things.... It is the private dominion over things that condemns millions of people to be mere nonentities, living corpses without originality or power of initiative, human machines of flesh and blood, who pile up mountains of wealth for others and pay for it with a gray, dull and wretched existence for themselves. I believe that there can be no real wealth, social wealth, so long as it rests on human lives — young lives, old lives and lives in the making.

Emma Goldman, "What I Believe", New York World, 19 July 1908

[man-squared]

Really weird how the idea is that trans men (and anyone transitioning in proximity to men in any way) are believed to be transitioning to gain male privilege and out of victimhood, when in reality, I've heard so many transmascs (specifically trans men, and somewhat myself) talk about how they were afraid to even just identify as men because of harassment, exclusion, and denial of queerness for doing so (see this post).

[ladymacabrebeth]

Whenever I feel excluded, underestimated, undervalued, and unreciprocated, I immediately find my way to the exit and bid my sayonaras forever. Goodbye because I know my worth now.

Lady Macabre Beth

[thecouncilofidiots]

Hnnnnng

I can't see a post about Chappell Roan without going into fight-or-flight anymore because I was literally called "not queer" (teasingly but it hurt) because I don't listen to her music

Like

I'm 5/6 in queer identities

I'm not cisgender, not allo(romantic/sexual), and not hetero(romantic/sexual); the only non-queer part of me is being perisex (as far as I know)

Not listening to ONE artist doesn't change that

I like and listen to rock/alt music; I don't DISLIKE her or her music, it's just not my vibe

Trying to live as a queer person whose identities are often involved in discourse and seen as invalid, even by other queers, is hard enough without things like this...

[frameacloud]

“Some weres in the recent past have made some ‘rules’ for therianthropy.  Ignore these.  There are no rules that any of these people can place over YOU and your spiritual beliefs.  Some will claim that you must be a predatory animal, or you cannot be a mythical beast.  Please do not fall for this.  These rules may be true for their small groups, or their friends, but they do not govern therianthropy.  Most of these people create rules to limit the number of members in their group, or to exclude people from therianthropy altogether.  These people have no right, and you shouldn’t listen to them.  Once again, find the truth for yourself.  The werecommunity has many members who believe they are mice, deer, rabbits, snakes, dragons, unicorns, and gryphons.  You find out what’s true for yourself, and nothing else matters.”

- Excerpt from “Introduction to the Newbie’s Guide,” by Jakkal, in 2001. You can read the full article here.

Some present-day context: Jakkal is one of the most respected and influential writers of the therianthrope community of the 1990s. She ran one of the main therian sites, which is where this article was. At the time, it was common to call therians “weres,” from the word “werewolf.” Today you can still find some therian groups who have made themselves echo chambers where they try to push misinformation of the very kind that Jakkal warns against in this piece from over two decades ago. Sharing and reading widely from different times and places in our communities-- especially about harmless opinions and experiences that differ from our own-- are important methods for preventing such echo chambers of misinformation.

[legendarydragonperson]

As an Ecuadorian who lives in Chicago, I am very lucky in general to be somewhere that will always get attention from creative voices. From comedians, musicians, artists, and YouTubers who wanna go on a comedy tour.

Specifically, Dan, admitted in his "Why I quit YouTube" video that his persona before around 2014 was trying to be a mildly offensive English comedian but it was definitely something he could have taken more responsibility for even though by the looks of it he was just trying to move on and so did the audience. But for POC people it's just different and it's not something everyone is going to get but it doesn't mean you ignore it. That makes you ignorant and not a very nice human.

And I have always been aware of the outdated jokes that are just not funny whether it be racist, misogynistic, or fatphobic. Even if meant to be sarcastic it's not funny and it's boring 2000s humour we all hate.

Just some things that come to mind:

(timestamp 1:33 Like when he admitted he tries to act like a different race and speak in a different language to avoid homeless people like maybe don't to that?)

(This whole video is weird but looking up legal slavery as a "happy medium" is wild)

This whole video even though it's a joke.

Like why do you think Dan deleted most videos it's because they were in his own eyes probably offensive and he doesn't want them on his page even though nothing has ever really gone?

Like even though it's mild don't pretend if you saw this now you wouldn't react against it.

I also never said this before but Phil is in the performative activism area in my opinion and does not discuss politics online in-depth and just because he's associated with Dan who is loud about politics doesn't mean he gets a pass.

The fandom is majority white making the space when the topic of racist behavior antsy when really poc voices just want to be heard.

Again not trying to cancel them, fans just want answers about the lack of inclusion of these tour stops, and rightfully so.

Bonk me on the head or message me if I'm wrong but Dan and Phil not going touring in South America, Africa, or Asia to me, is understandable because they are just not as popular as they were before. London shows are selling out faster because they are performing in smaller venues while US venues like mine still have more than half of available tickets.

That being said you are allowed to be upset. I am not trying to make an excuse it's just a reason which is understandable to me. Especially when the effort was put in before like ii which was a world tour even though they didn't sell out every show there are still fans out there.

It's sad they can't travel more and I don't know the hurt that many fans are feeling. The only relatability I have is that during the interactive influence tour, I was a poor 13-year-old in Ecuador and couldn't go hoping one day Dan and Phil would just come to me in my country.

Either way, it sucks and I'm sorry if this was all nonsense to you. If you need a chat or have anything to say, feel free to DM or share your own thoughts. <3

[kimchicuddles]

Happy new year to everyone who ever felt excluded from their family (or anyone else's). You're always welcome in mine ❤️ patreon.com/kimchicuddles

[avoidantrecovery]

we need to talk about ostracism, self-isolation and rejection sensitivity

I've been reading about ostracism and was really surprised to find out how impactful it is in people's lives and how little it is talked about.

To keep things short (according to Kipling D. Williams, one of the leading scientists on the subject):

ostracism is the act of being ignored or excluded

it's different from bullying or other more "engaging" abusive behavior in that it's about completely shunning a person, excluding them, not talking to them or engaging them, not arguing, simply treating them like air

when a person is ostracized, the same parts of the brain are activated that activate for physical pain

taking a tylenol actually dampens the pain of ostracism

people feel the pain of ostracism, even if the group ostracizing them is filled with people they don't like

something as simple as the silent treatment or deliberate denial of eye-contact or handshakes can be considered ostracism

four needs are threatened when a person is ostracized: belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence

it activates an ancient fear of being abandoned and left to fend for one's life alone

the ostracized will go through three phases: reflexive (immediate negative affect and pain), reflective (efforts to re-connect with group via social conformity; if this is not possible aggression or self-isolation and development of rejection-sensitivity) and resignation (long term ostracism: feelings of alienation, depression, helplessness and worthlessness)

For me, AvPD began after an ostracism event paired with other bullying I was going through at the time. This was many years ago, however there is a through-line from that event to who I am today. After being ostracized by a group of girls in my new school, I tried my best to negotiate my behavior, clothes, etc... and be re-included. And the moment I thought I had been re-included in their group (they pretended), they pranked me, which nearly led to me drowning during a school trip. From that day on, not deliberately, I slowly began to self-isolate and separate from other kids. I became very sensitive to rejection and just couldn't place why, I definitely hadn't been like that prior. I had been very extroverted by nature, but suddenly would not go anywhere other kids might be (like playgrounds or toy shops etc…)

Even when I did form friendships with people, later on, it was more of a mirroring and masking, never deep friendships and no relationships. I was still negotiating, trying my best to not put myself at risk of ostracism again. Same for education and jobs.

Anyway, after reading about ostracism and just how strong the impact can be, I believe this is why AvPD developed for me. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced similar, I feel like ostracism is something that is easy to overlook. I always thought that the near-drowning is what had been a key event for me. But it was actually the prior ostracism that made the near-drowning so much more potent as an event. The strong desire to be re-included in the group and only to have the rug pulled from under me and literally be left for dead. That lead to me then self-isolating and so on... can anyone relate?

(The book is called "Ostracism, Exclusion and Rejection" by Kipling D. Williams). There is also an article in the Scientific American on the topic: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-pain-of-exclusion/

[theadaptableeducator]

Threads of Dominion: The Interwoven Collapse of Colonialism, Nationalism, Imperialism, and Capitalism

Umberto Eco, the renowned Italian philosopher, semiotician, and cultural critic, offers a rich theoretical framework to analyze the interconnectivity and unsustainability of colonialism, nationalism, imperialism, and capitalism. His work often addresses the dynamics of power, ideology, and culture, which are crucial for understanding these phenomena. Interconnectivity Colonialism and…

[ukdamo]

anyways im radicalized now

aeon ginsberg

I’m not funding a war  if I pretend the money  in my taxes are only going  toward the roads that  are actively collapsing. 

            Did you hear about the soldiers              who stole all of those tractors?              Did you hear the company              that makes those tractors,  founded in a country not “fighting” in the war,              was able to brick the tractors              before they were at all functional? 

There are in-built kill switches in our devices. 

Think about your debts and              how much they weigh. 

            US company sends a shipment of bricks              equal to the weight of the hard drives they develop              to Singapore because  they can get away with it. 

            Do you think if the bulldozer used              to build the Killdozer was an American make              it would have been stopped before              it was rendered inert too?  Maybe the make made the autonomy possible. 

I’m not funding a war,              I’m in one. 

There’s no recourse to repair  what we own within legality.              Amazon acquires OneMedical healthcare,              Amazon sells medical information to the police.  It hasn’t happened yet but              the Ring Doorbells send footage              to the police without the consent              and the knowledge of the “owners,”  and who makes the doorbells? 

User on twitter finds out the company              that they got their printer from              can disable its functionality from afar              because their debit card had expired.  A friend can have their CPAP machine             forcibly taken away from them              if they aren’t using it “enough.”  John Deere pioneered the addition of remote              kill switches being installed in technology              and now the idea of one being installed              into a pacemaker is not 

            so far off. 

Rendering a piece of technology inert              is called “bricking” it.              Are you excited to talk to a friend and              because of the status of their debts  a brick is weighed into their body? 

Think about what you owe  and how much it weighs,  think about what you give away              and where it goes, think about              how much choice you really have, 

if you have choice at all.              Marvin Heemeyer’s choices were diminished              until there was nothing left but to build Killdozer              but even so he was allowed to build it              without the only options he had left becoming bricks. 

It’s called a siege when you decide  to wait for your enemy to run out of resources.              It’s called “scorched earth” to destroy anything              that might be useful to whomever you’re fighting against.              Who was the first brick at Stonewall?  We got past Act Up and now you can’t get  a monkeypox vaccine unless you can prove  you’re a gay man who has sex with other men. 

            Did you know you can be arrested for sodomy still?              Did you know some John Deere tractors only work              if the same farmer is buying Monsanto approved seed? 

Marvin Heemeyer said “It is interesting to observe              that I was never caught.”             Maybe we will get a justified right to repair,              maybe the earth will die before then.              Scorched Earth. 

We’re in an overwhelming heat wave,  we’re in the coldest summer of the rest of our lives.  They don’t make the tools we need              to become autonomous anymore              because they can ship us              our weight in debts instead. 

            What happens when we learn              that we can’t use our refrigerators  because we’re late on rent?              What are you going to do              if you’re trying to shoot yourself              in the head and the gun won’t go off because your sold healthcare data  informed the manufacturer  that because of severe depression 

the guns you own will become bricked? 

What are you going to do  when you can’t do anything else  but lower the DIY armour              over the caddy of your killdozer,              only to find that it’s been rendered              a series of bricks? 

            “It is interesting to observe              that I was never caught ...              somehow their vision was clouded” 

[man-squared]

It really baffles me that people wholeheartedly believe that people are only trans-exclusionary redfems if they only are transmisogynistic.

That is a huge part of their ideology, yes, but another big part is that trans people that were assigned female at birth are both "confused little autistic girls who are being forced to mutilate their bodies by the trannies [and they mean trans men here most of the time with trans people who were AFAB]" or "raging delusional misogynistic traitors who embody everything terrible about being a man and use their internalized misogyny to target our poor baby girls."

All trans people threaten their womanhood in similar and different ways, and they use that as a basis for their hatred (it very much seems like toxic masculinity but the woman version - because 'toxic femininity' hasn't really been openly coined or talked about as a concept from what I have seen). They hate us all and it's not trans women-exclusionary redfems; it's trans-exclusionary.

I won't say that they aren't targeting trans people who were AMAB (and gnc women and poc women) in droves, but they also target us in horrific ways. Just because a redfem doesn't say "trans women are men" (a simplification of their behaviors, ideas, and actions) doesn't mean that they don't think it, but also it doesn't automatically not make them T E R Fs when they target the rest of us.

Brought to you by another post that suggested that we shouldn't call people trans-exclusionary redfems if aren't transmisogynistic (I think this post was trying to bring up a good point but flew past it: not all transphobes are redfems -- however, a lot of transphobia is fueled by their rhetoric). Transmisogyny is so important to point out, to acknowledge, to fight against, but it is not the only tool used against us.

And honestly, it feels like we've gotten to a point were some people seem to believe, by what they say, that transphobes would be okay with trans men and other trans people if trans women didn't exist, which is a shitty thing to feel like people are saying about you when your group is being beat to death as well. This is not a women vs men or TME vs TMA or this trans group vs this other trans group issue! This is an issue with trans people, with gender deviants, with people who aren't cis, gender conforming, and white.

Plenty people are able to talk about transmisogyny, or other types of transphobia, or personal transphobia without pushing absolutes onto reality. Transmisogyny must be fought but it cannot be eradicated as an isolated concept.

[ladyzamos]

At some point when little Willy Murderface was in elementary school, friendship bracelets made of embroidery floss became really popular. It started with just the girls, but the hype was so big that even the boys got into the fad, of course only using ‘masculine’ colors and not putting on any ‘girly’ beads or charms. It seemed like everybody in his class was making and swapping bracelets all day and some kids had dozens on each wrist. He really wanted to do it, too, to be like the other kids and show them that he was cool just like they were. The problem was that he didn’t know how to braid anything, and he didn’t have any friends to teach him. He couldn’t ask his grandmother; that would be too embarrassing and she probably wouldn’t help anyways. So Willy would stare at the girls who made the best bracelets at recess while they braided, trying to understand the mechanics of what they were doing (and effectively creeping them out). 

Over a weekend, he found some string and practiced and practiced for hours until he finally figured out how to make a braid, or something close enough. Then he raided his grandmother’s dusty sewing kit for thread. He painstakingly made a bracelet for everyone in his class, even trying to use their favorite colors if he knew what they were. 

On Monday he took all the bracelets he’d made to school with him in a paper sack. All morning he felt sick and nervous, but when recess came around, he stayed behind and put a friendship bracelet on each of the other kids’ desks. When the class went back inside, the others were all surprised and started trying to figure out who’d done it. 

It didn’t take long to puzzle out that it was Willy since he’d been weird all day and was the only one late to recess. 

At lunch one of the most popular kids in class was bold enough to walk right up to him while he was eating his tuna sandwich, drop the gift on the table and tell him that they didn’t want a friendship bracelet from him and he hadn’t done a very good job, anyway. It started a wave of returns. A few people gave the bracelet he’d made for them back, a lot just shoved them into his desk, but he saw a few in the trash can. The other kids laughed at him and made comments about how ugly his bracelets were. 

He was so hurt and humiliated that he begged his grandma not to send him to school the next day, even told her that he was sick, but she made him go anyways.

So, I was having a bad hair day, which got me thinking about hair textures and wave patterns. This made me think about my mtlOC, Emie. I always depict her with wavy hair. I got to wondering if it just grows like that. I decided that, yes, she has naturally wavy hair, but that she likes to put her hair in a braid at night just to make it easier to style in the mornings and to help her hair not get crushed flat while she sleeps.That made me think about Murderface. Murderface has that gruff exterior, but we all know he’s clingy underneath. He’d definitely hang around her while she gets ready for bed, watching her braid her hair. I like to imagine that they do a lot of physical care for eath other, lots of intimacy in non-sexual ways. I wondered if he’d ever try to help. This thought got in my head that wouldn’t go away and made me sad so I decided to share the misery. Sorry this isn’t really written in a creative way. If anybody wants to roll with it and take it somewhere, please feel free.