#prime michael? sure
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"Arguing online is bad" I tell myself as I write my third essay about why Nico Rosberg is actually one of the best modern drivers and why people should love him.
#nico rosberg#my beloved#kevtalks#SOMEONE CALLED HIM A ONE HIT WONDER#WTF#and this guy was like “Um Actually ☝🤓 Michael would've won 2014 championship if he had stayed” BRO WE LITERALLY SAW NICO EATING HIM UP#prime michael? sure#2013 michael? nuh uh. argue with the wall btw
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Crowley Of The Day: the way I giggled, he gets it.
#Crowley#Aziraphale#Good Omens#David Tennant#Michael Sheen#Good Omens Prime#Neil Gaiman#Terry Pratchett#Ineffable Husbands#Crowley Of The Day#COTD#COTD New Post#New Crowley Of The Day#Daily Crowley Content#Daily Crowley#Good Omens Season 2#GOS2#Although If I’m Being Honest I Don’t Find It That Irritating#Wait And See? Okay Sure#I’ll Just *Gestures To The Venom/JedTavius Hyperfixation Corner Of My Brain*#I’ll Just Be Over There
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"You really care about me."
"Yeah. I really, really care about you."
"I- I really care about you too."
"No, but... I like, really, really care about you."
#mr. & mrs. smith#mr. & mrs. smith prime#maya erskine#donald glover#john x jane#alana x michael#john smith#jane smith#i... need these two in a romcom i think#i like them both individually and i was gonna get around to it but it really was the interviews they did together that sold me on the show#they've got great chemistry#i enjoyed it for what it is#mr. & mrs. smith spoilers#i just need them in a romcom so they play people who aren't as fucked up because they were both frustrating at times#their last scene made me cry tbh so i guess i'm a sucker#i want them to get a 2nd season just because i like maya and donald but also... fuck amazon#michael#cw: food?#him making sure she's hydrated even though they're going through a rough patch was ao sweet of him#also i can't with her kissing him on the cheek in the last scene#i say i liked this show enough and that i'm not super attached to it... so why am i still thinking about them???#i really wanted to hear her say his real name but i get it#i find it oddly sweet that the first thing john asked her(not said ASKED) was if she really loved him and she said that she did#alana
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FINALLY
Finally I open tumblr and our madness has a purpose
#I was 99.9% sure s3 was going to happen#but now it’s 100% TRUE#and tumblr can be mad abt it#which is honestly the best part#good omens#good omens 2#good omens 3#good omens s3#neil gaiman#terry pratchett#michael sheen#david tennant#ineffable fandom#ineffable husbands#ineffable divorce#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#prime video#mailmiocuoredipietratremaancora
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I feel like much has been made about the fact that, if left unattended, Michael will put Adam on the pedestal God previously occupied and try to love him the same way, which makes things Worse for both of them. And not about Lucifer doing the same thing to Sam.
#they are similar situations but also. Different.#Michael’s trying to deal with his abandonment issues because that’s what God *left* him with#but for Lucifer. this is about rejection.#similar flavor but not the same#this is about him Making A Choice to love god first. and then being told his choice was wrong. that the way he loved was wrong.#and that it was so wrong that god would rather lock him up in hell and never lay eyes on him again than just let him be#WHICH! HUH! YEAH THAT MAYBE FUCKED HIM UP A BIT!#what I’m saying is that when this comes around again but with Sam this time. it’s not like Lucifer has learned a different love language.#he’s the same. he got locked up. he was in stasis. he did not grow. this is all he knows.#and the last time he told someone he chose to love them above everything else that got him burned.#so. Sam.#(oh god wait no it’s worse. Sam *has* thrown Lucifer in hell. and it wasn’t for *choosing* Sam but. wasn’t it. what’s the apocalypse if not#the worlds longest bloodiest courtship. Sam’s intentions ≠ how Lucifer received the message.)#what Lucifer wants is. somewhere to put that love. and he is primed for it & him to be thrown out.#I’m not sure where I’m going with this honestly but I think it would do him some good if he got to lay Sam down and worship him for a bit#and have that be allowed. welcomed even. but also. reciprocated. the reciprocation is key.#that’s key for midam & samifer. learning that love is something that is meant to be returned.#spn#lucifer spn#sam winchester#samifer#lucifer/sam winchester
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ME, DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR EOBARD THAWNE IN THE NEW FLASH TRAILER FUCK ME DUDE ARE THEY GONNA KEEP THAWNE A SECRET? THERE IS NO FLASH WITHOUT THE REVERSE FLASH
#the flash trailer#eobard thawne#calm down#so either it’s a secret and BOOM he’s gonna show up randomly in the movie and I’m going to scream like an insane person in the theater#OR thawne isn’t in this movie and I’m going to very#VERY upset after watching it#I know the plot of flashpoint like the back of my hand btw I am going insane#kara instead of kal el hidden from the sun#I’m not sure if michael keaton is meant to play batman as bruce wayne? or as bruce’s father??????#also also holy shit a universe where time traveling barry doesn’t fucking knock his alternate self out????#ALSO this means I know it means the barry of this new universe is going to die to save barry prime#dude regardless of if thawne is in this movie I’m writing eobarry fanfic after I get out of that theater#I’ve wanted this movie for a decade holy shit#my face is buried in my hands jesus if 2023 summer#is going to revive the eobarry in me#holy shit#if I walk out of that theater and there’s no thawne then (MANICAL LAUGHTER) june 2023 is going to be the second time I’m going to write#barrycest and that is a very unique fucking quality#dude i’m so normal about it#IM NOT IM ACTUALLY GONNA BE THAT ANNOYING ASSHOLE WHO SCREAMS IN THE THEATER THE MOMENT I SEE A BLUR OF YELLOW
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Transformers One trailer response
Looks bad.
BUT - Looks bad in a weirdly specific way. Like it might be a good movie with a bad trailer kinda way.
Or maybe I'm just desperate.
#transformers#tfone#why. whyyyyy#def had that Siege/Earthrise/Kingdom “not sure who this is for” vibe#don't like the artstyle.#But I will suffer all this and worse for a crumb of Elita-1. So#ugh#John Hamm as Sentinel Prime better SHINE bro I mean it#Brian Tyree Henry is at least trying so I thank him for that#Chris Hemsworth... could be better but I'll reserve judgement for now#I Do Not Like Keegan Michael-Key and this may be the movie that makes me hate Bumblebee#Elita got maybe three words in the trailer so I will also reserve judgement on Scarlet Johansson#I like the initial concept I'm just concerned how they're gonna pull it off#we saw a few decepticons for maybe a third of a second so now I gotta go back and comb through it so I can actually see their designs and#not just recognise their colors like a sleeper agent seeing their activation code
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I ran out of tags XD Good Omens Spoilers Beware! (time for dinner now)
The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB–
Keep reading
#FASCINATING essay#intriguing ideas and clues#the eccles cakes are DEFINITELY significant! weren't they called the ultimate comfort food? comfort disappears...#s2 has so many threads left up in the air ready to be played with in s3 it's great#wondering hard about the editing/erasing memories ability...is that something any angel at michael/uriel/saraqaels' level can do?#is it something they can do to ANY angel (or demon?)/only if they decide as a committee?#cuz they expected to erase gabriel's memory. saraqael had the thing to “look up” gabriel's memory in her hot little hands at the meeting#was THAT the book of life or is angel memory editing a separate function? (I'm leaning toward the latter)#GABRIEL fell in love?? GABRIEL?? with a demon?? is that Real? is it??#One Prince of Heaven may fall (lucifer/satan) but not two (crowley?) and CERTAINLY not 3 (gabriel) eh metatron? eh?#you are on to something BIG and the payoff is gonna be great!#(hey hollywood execs pay your fucking staff already & stop forcing wga & sag-aftra to strike for survival) (s3 doesn't HAVE to be on prime?)#oooh maggie not sure about maggie not being real. you've got me halfway convinced but aziraphale loves her records#AND she gets all the everyday records that the resurrectionist keeps getting--possible grounding in reality?#“it's just a thing we do” - i am on the fence on this one. on the one hand it is a very Character thing to say. on the other...#it's also a very mellow go woth the flow i don't get it but I'm here and i don't hate it kind of thing to say (and she really really wants#to dance with nina)#*with#the perfect crime...the parallels to gabriel's disappearance with none knowing who done did it (cuz he zapped himself into the fly)#back to gabriel & beelzebub and the everday records....the sheer NUMBER of records...does it imply gabriel turned EVERY RECORD in the juke#every time they visited the resurrectionist (3 times on screen?) or does he change just the one currently selected and there's a ton more#visits there that we DON'T see (but the records are proof of)?#gabriel says Nah. nah. nuhuh. nope. great & terrible prophesy bad things coming ah yes I'll renege and lose my memory to avert it ???#Nah is too out of character to not be deliberate. WHAT DOES GABRIEL KNOW ABOUT WHAT IS COMING. why did he set things up#so that he could escape heaven scot free but memoryless and WHY was that integral to averting the Terrible Thing that is coming?#is metatron the terrible thing? did gabriel have to leave the coop SO THAT metatron would be tempted to meddle & suck aziraphale in?#so that aziraphale (and crowley) can save the day by stopping “heaven”/metatron's plan for the second coming?#the Great Plan is ineffable...the Apocalysn't...the plan behind the plan for apocalypse...god's narration & the nice & accurate prophecies--#what I'm getting at there (poorly) is that...maybe god's plan is to see how long things can last? how great creation can become?#because it IS a damn shame to end an infinite universe after 6000 years before the engine is even fully cranked up...
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Pt I good omens but i've never watched it
i've never seen good omens but it's all over my tumblr dash so this is what I've gathered can someone please confirm if i've got it right
there's a demon named crowley
there's a biblically inaccurate angel named aziraphale but like it's very sexy when the demon calls him 'angel'
the demon and angel have been married for 6000 years and they still keep looking at each other all sappily
Neil Gaiman is somehow involved, I think he's the writer but also he's on tumblr (uh, @neil-gaiman) and people keep questioning if he's real
is neil gaiman like a fandom inside joke why is everyone asking if he's real
there actors are called michael and david and amazon prime thought they were the same
there is a bookstore and crowley is sad
they kiss and it is very nice and desperate and crowley says we could have been us. i have no context for this. someone is going to heaven i think.
there is a god, i'm not sure if they're good or evil though
the demon wears sunglasses
it's a comedy but for some reason everyone's crying after whatever the last season was, are you guys okay
things are on fire
they are very gay
there was a book and at one point they switch bodies
more fire and crowley screaming
they are called ineffable husbands i dont know what that means
they fight crime or they do crime or they fight crime by doing crime i really cannot remember which
gay
#good omens#lgbtqia#crowley#aziracrow#azirowley#aziraley#aziraphale#michael sheen#david tennant#fire#gay#ineffable husbands#good ineffable omens#WHAT DOES INEFFABLE MEAN#husbands#angel#demon#we could have been us#6000 years of pining#wait why did this tag complete with pining#why were they pining when they were married sorry what the hell is happening#good omens summary#what is good omens#neil gaiman#5k
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Rip to my old Donkey Kong Jr
The little box got fucked up
I tried using the tools from the kitchen drawer but it was an unsuccessful overaction
#and like if you want my old She Ra to watch your pile I can rent her for about tree fiddy#greetings mister T#Michael#Strados#She Ra#sure Jem too if I can find her ...#hmmm#will I be shocked ar hiw alike we are where it counts I wonder#her listening to japanese reading in English#girl for real you must be high#price is rignt theme bone sure#mmm. I might tickle you a little#baby you have seen the profile you know we roll#even I look over and am like goddamn that is Prime#gotta let it cook for while to get it ready for servings temperature#raising temperature is an easy one#when I want to#maybe you should tell our children the story about how I fucked up some kid in pre School#yes that is the kind of family we are#we will test which is stronger#you're breatharian or Prime#she pictures Prime on her knees taking a selfie#do you need to be entranced again by the irresistible 11:11 serpent that owns your soul on all levels#I know I do
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“I know, I know.” That’s Michael Sheen‘s response to how much the end of Good Omens Season 2 hurt. But the good news is that we know there will be more: The Prime Video series is ending with the third season, set to film in 2025.
When TV Insider recently spoke with Sheen, there wasn’t much he could say about what’s to come. “It’s still in development, but obviously I’m very excited to work with David again, and I love that character,” he shared. “I’m very excited about it.”
...
“One of the extraordinary things about being a part of [Good Omens] is the audience, the fans, the fandom of it. You have to take it very seriously because people get really affected by it,” Sheen added. “And seeing how people reacted to the end of Season 2 was extraordinary. So yeah, I hope, and I’m sure, that Season 3 will be a satisfying experience for everyone.”
...
So far, only Sheen and Tennant have been confirmed for Season 3, so when TV Insider caught up with Jon Hamm, who plays Gabriel, in May 2024, we had to ask if he could return. “I don’t know. I hope so. I hope he’s happy somewhere with his life, so to speak, in the universe. I think that there might be something happening, but I don’t want to get too far out over my skis and I don’t want to spoil anything,” he said.
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Which drivers (Current/retired) would be a dom/sub/switch?
(I’m bored in math class, okay?)
Feat :: Sebastian Vettel, Michael Schumacher, Mika Häkkinen, Kimi Räikkonen, Nico Rosberg, Fernando Alonso, Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, Lance Stroll, Kevin Magnussen, Lewis Hamilton, Daniel Ricciardo, Logan Sargeant, Nico Hülkenberg, Sergio Perez, Carlos Sainz, Oscar Piastri, Mark Webber, Jenson Button
Dom
RBR!Sebastian
Man’s going to town. He’d make sure you couldn’t walk proper for days. He has a breeding kink as well. You can’t change my mind
Prime!Micheal
He’d have you begging and sucking his cock till you’re lightheaded and throat dry
Mika
You say Mika? I say fucking pounding you until the whole town could hear your moans
Kimi
Drunk or sober, man will pound you until you know why they call him the ‘ice man’
Nico R.
Would try to be submissive once, and never again
Mark
Vettel!Reader and you’re done. Especially after Malaysia ‘13. Will never see a day where you can walk again
Switch
Ferrari!Sebastian
“Happy wife happy life” You want to be in charge? Fine. You want to be controlled? Fine. Man wanna please his partner
Fernando
He’d be sweet ‘n all, but if anything goes wrong in a race, he’d pound the frustrations out on you
Mercedes!Michael
He had a rough weekend? Pounds you. You had a rough week at work? Pounds him
Max
More sub than not, but you’d gladly let him take his frustrations out on you
Ferrari!Charles
Mostly a needy slut, but will have you on your knees in a split second if he’s mad (Almost never)
Lance
If you wear something short or any how revealing, drivers room immediately, pounding you over his desk, but the moment you call him a good boy… He becomes the most whiny needy little thing ever
Kevin
Find out he’s not getting his contract renewed, and he’d be pounding you in frustrations. But, when he realised that he won’t be teammates with Nico anymore, he just needs his partner to comfort him
Lewis
Your pleasure over his
Daniel
Really doesn’t matter what era. Man’s had a rough career. Either his frustrated enough to pound you, or he’s in a depressive phase where he just needs you to take care of him
Sub
AM!Sebastian
After he changed to Aston Martin, this man forgot how do be anything but a sub. His favourite position is anything where you’re pounding him
Benetton!Michael
*cough* Virgin!Michael *Cough*
Logan
Need to say more?
AR!Charles
Man could never hurt a soul. Props a virgin as well
Nico H.
He isn’t sub space submissive, but he isn’t dominant. He makes love
Sergio
If they have big brown eyes, I’ll have them on their knees in seconds
Carlos
Big brown eyes
Oscar
Pound him all you like. Man’ll be begging for more even if he can’t feel his legs and be coming dry
Jenson
I read ‘Life to the limit’, and man just needs a fucking hug and someone to make love with him
#formula one#smut#Sebastian Vettel smut#Michael Schumacher smut#Mika Häkkinen smut#Kimi räikkonen smut#Nico Rosberg smut#Fernando Alonso smut#max Verstappen smut#Charles leclerc smut#Lance stroll smut#Kevin magnussen smut#Lewis Hamilton smut#Daniel ricciardo smut#Logan sargeant smut#Nico hülkenberg smut#Sergio Perez smut#Carlos sainz smut#Oscar piastri smut#mark webber smut#Jenson button smut
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Putting the Meta in "Metatron"
(couldn't resist the pun, sorry)
Ok, this has been tickling my brain for a while. I've been thinking about how The Metatron designed his role and discourse specifically to manipulate Aziraphale into the end result we saw in the last minutes of S2. I become obsessed with it because… well, I'm a bit obsessive, but also because there were many really smart writing decisions that I loved (even when I despise The Metatron exactly for the same reasons. Hate the character, love the writer). If you haven't watched Good Omens Season 2, this is the moment to stop reading. Come back later!
We already know that in Book Omens, the role of Gabriel in the ending was occupied by The Metatron. Of course, the series introduced us to Gabriel and we won a lot by that, but I feel that the origins of The Metatron should be considered for any of this. He is not a "sweet old man": he was the one in charge of seeing over the operation of Armageddon; not just a stickler of rules, but the main promoter for it.
However, when he appears in the series finale, we first are primed to almost pass him by. He is in the line for buying coffee, using clothes that are:
obviously not tailored (almost ill fitted)
in dark tones
looking worn and wrinkled
This seems so important to me! All the angels we have seen are so proud of their aspect, wear clear (white or off white) clothes, pressed, impeccable (even Muriel), even when they visit the Earth (which we have already seen on S1 with all the visits to the bookshop). The Metatron chose a worn, comfortable attire, instead. This is a humanized look, something that fools all the angels but which would warm up someone very specific, can you guess?
After making quite a complicated coffee order (with sort of an affable and nervous energy), he makes a question that Crowley had already primed for us when asking Nina about the name of the coffee: having a "predictable" alternative and an unpredictable one.
This creates an interesting parallel with the next scene: Michael is discussing the possibility of erasing Aziraphale from The Book of Life (a punishment even worse than Holy Water on demons, because not having existed at all, EVER is definitely worse than having existed and ceased to exist at some point) when The Metatron arrives, interrupts the moment and signals having brought coffee. Yup, an amicable gesture, but also a "not death" offering that he shows clearly to everyone (even when Michael or Uriel do not understand or care for it. It wasn't meant for them). He even dismisses what Michael was saying as "utter balderdash" and a "complete piffle", which are the kind of outdated terms we have heard Aziraphale use commonly. So, The Metatron has put up this show for a specific audience of one.
The next moment on the script has Metatron asking Crowley for the clarification of his identity. Up to this moment, every angel has been ignoring the sprawled demon in the corner while discussing how to punish Aziraphale… But The Metatron defers to the most unlikely person in the room, and the only one who will push any buttons on Aziraphale: Crowley. After that, Aziraphale can recognize him, and Metatron dismisses the "bad angels" (using Aziraphale's S1 epithet) with another "catchy old phrase", "spit spot", while keeping Muriel at the back and implying that there is a possibility to "check after" if those "bad angels" have done anything wrong.
Up to this moment, he has played it perfectly. The only moment when he loses it is when he calls Muriel "the dim one", which she ignores… probably because that's the usual way they get talked to in Heaven. I'm not sure if Aziraphale or Crowley cared for that small interaction, but it is there for us (the audience) to notice it: the sympathy the character might elicit is built and sought, but he is not that nice.
After that, comes "the chinwag" and the offer of the coffee: the unnecessarily complicated order. It is not Aziraphale's cup of tea (literally), but it is so specific that it creates some semblance of being thought with care, and has a "hefty jigger" of syrup (again with the funny old words). And, as Aziraphale recognizes, it is "very nice!" (as The Metatron "jolly hoped so"), and The Metatron approves of him drinking it by admitting he has "ingested things in my time, you know?". This interaction is absolutely designed to build a bridge of understanding. The Metatron probably knew that the first response he would get was a "no", so he tailored his connection specifically to "mirror" Aziraphale: love of tasty human treats he has also consumed, funny old words like the ones he loves, a very human, worn, well-loved look. That was the bait for "the stroll": the moment when Aziraphale and Crowley get separated, because The Metatron knew that being close to Crowley, Aziraphale would have an hypervigilant soundboard to check the sense of what he was going to get offered. That's what the nasty look The Metatron gives to Crowley while leaving the bookshop builds (and it gets pinpointed by the music, if you were about to miss it).
The next thing we listen from The Metatron is "You don't have to answer immediately, take all the time you need" in such a friendly manner… we can see Aziraphale doubting a little, and then comes the suggestion: "go and tell your friend the good news!". This sounds like encouragement, but is "the reel". He already knows how Crowley would react, and is expecting it (we can infer it by his final reaction after going back for Aziraphale after the break up, but let's not get ahead of ourselves shall we?). He even can work up Muriel to take care of the bookshop while waiting for the catch.
What did he planted in Aziraphale's mind? Well, let's listen to the story he has to tell:
"I don't think he's as bad a fellow… I might have misjudged him!" — not strange in Aziraphale to have such a generous spirit while judging people. He's in a… partnership? relationship? somethingship? with a demon! So maybe first impressions aren't that reliable anyway. The Metatron made an excellent job with this, too.
"Michael was not the obvious candidate, it was me!" — This idea is interesting. Michael has been the stickler, the rule follower, even the snitch. They have been rewarded and recognized by that. Putting Aziraphale before Michael in the line of succession is a way of recognizing not only him, but his system of values, which has always been at odds with the main archangels (even when it was never an open fight).
"Leader, honest, don't tell people what they want to hear" — All these are generic compliments. The Metatron hasn't been that aware of Aziraphale, but are in line with what would have been said of any "rebel leader". They come into context with the next phrase.
"That's why Gabriel came to you, I imagine…" — I'm pretty sure The Metatron didn't imagine this, ha. He is probably imagining that the "institutional problem" is coalescing behind his back, and trying to keep friends close, but enemies closer… while dividing and conquering. If Gabriel rebelled, and then went searching for Aziraphale (and Crowley, they are and item and he knows it), that might mean a true risk for his status quo and future plans.
Heaven has great plans and important projects for you — this is to sweeten the pot: the hefty jigger of almond syrup. You will be able to make changes! You can make a difference from the inside! Working for an old man who feels strangely familiar! And who recognizes your point of view! That sounds like the best job offer of the world, really.
Those, however, are not the main messages (they are still building good will with Aziraphale); they are thought out to build the last, and more important one:
Heaven is well aware of your "de facto partnership" with Crowley…
It would be considered irregular if you wanted to work with him again…
You, and you alone, can bring him to Heaven and restore his full angelic status, so you could keep working together (in very important projects).
Here is the catch. He brought the coffee so he could "offer him coffee", but the implications are quite clear: if you want to continue having a partnership with Crowley, you two must come to Heaven. Anything else would be considered irregular, put them in a worst risk, and maybe, just maybe, make them "institutional enemies". Heaven is more efficient chasing enemies, and they have The Book of Life as a menace.
We already know how scared Aziraphale has always been about upsetting Heaven, but he has learned to "disconnect" from it through the usual "they don't notice". The Metatron came to tell him "I did notice, and it has come back to bite you". The implied counterpart to the offer is "you can always get death". Or even worse, nonexistence (we have already imagined the angst of having one of them condemned to that fate, haven't we?)
When The Metatron arrives, just after seeing Crowley leave the bookshop, distraught, he casually asks "How did he take it?", but he already knows. That was his plan all along: making them break up with an offer Aziraphale could not refuse, but Crowley could not accept. That's why he even takes the license to slightly badmouth Crowley: "Always did want to go his own way, always asking damn fool questions, too". He also arrive with the solution to the only objection Aziraphale would have: Muriel, the happy innocent angel that he received with so much warmth and kindness, is given the opportunity to stay on Earth, taking care of the bookshop. The only thing he would have liked to take with him is not a thing, and has become impossible.
If God is playing poker in a dark room and always smiling, The Metatron is playing chess, and he is quite good at it (that's why he loves everything to be predictable). He is menacing our pieces, and broke our hearts in the process… But I'm pretty sure he is underestimating his opponents. His awful remark of Muriel being "dim"; saying that Crowley "asks damn fool questions", and even believing that Aziraphale is just a softie that can be played like a pipe… That's why telling him the project is "The Second Coming" was an absolute gift for us as an audience, and it prefigures the downfall that is coming — the one Aziraphale, now with nothing to lose, started cooking in his head during that elevator ride (those couple of minutes that Michael Sheen gifted to all of us: the shock, the pain, the fury, and that grin in the end, with the eyes in a completely different emotion). Remember that Aziraphale is intelligent, but also fierce. Guildernstern commited a similar mistake in Hamlet, and it didn't go well:
"Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me, you would seem to know my stops, you would pluck out the heart of my mystery, you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass, and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me."
I'm so excited to learn how this is going to unfold!! Because our heroes have always been very enthusiastic at creating plans together, failed miserably at executing them, and even then succeeding… But now they are apart, more frustrated and the stakes are even higher. Excellent scenario for a third act!
*exits, pursued by a bear*
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#good omens spoilers#aziraphale#ineffable spouses#ineffable divorce#narrative analysis#character analysis#the metatron#and a casual Hamlet quote#just because I love Hamlet
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Renovations Needed
For @artificial-transmutations
“Wait, you’re serious? Your uncle left you property?”
Andy nodded, “I’m as shocked as you are. But it says it right here. Look!” He handed Michael the paper, “It’s his old club. Not in the best part of town though...”
“Doesn’t matter, we can sell it!” Michael smiled, “We’ve been pretty tight on cash and we could use it for our wedding.” Michael hugged him, “Babe, this is incredible.”
Andy smiled warmly at his boyfriend. Michael was perfect. His smile enough to brighten up even his darkest days. His lean, muscular build highlighted under his tight white shirt. But more importantly, they complimented each other well. Michael’s ambition tempered and strengthened by Andy’s kindness.
“So, let’s go check it out”
_________
Compared to their cozy home, his uncle’s property was on the “bad side” of town. And just as his uncle neglected his body, he did the same to his property. Boarded up and worn down, this place needed a lot of work.
“Geez he let this place go.” Michael said, as the two inspected a broken window, “Fuck, I doubt we’ll get much for this place.” Andy frowned.
The two unlocked the front door, overwhelmed immediately by a moldy smell. The floors were stained, the bar was in shambles, and the walls were dirty. Andy jumped at the sight of a rat.
“What did you say your uncle did again?”
“He ran a club.” Andy replied, “At least until all that smoking caught up to him.” He navigated around some broken glass, “This place was really big back in the day... first gay club in the neighborhood.”
Michael nodded and continued his inspection, “Babe, look at this.” Andy’s eyes fell on a framed picture of his uncle, “Tough looking dude.”
Andy nodded, “That was him in his prime.” Mountainous biceps, a wide back, jutting pecs, bald, a thick beard- his uncle wasn’t someone you messed with. His stern glare could snap a lesser man in two, “He was never my biggest fan. I’m not exactly... tough. Just a ‘wimpy bitch boy’, as he would say.”
Michael frowned and kissed his boyfriend, “You’re perfect to me, babe.”
The rest of their inspection was disappointing, but nothing could compare them for the bathroom. Piss stains littered the floors and walls. Urinals were caked in it. There was even one missing- completely torn away from the wall. The smell nearly knocked them out, and they quickly retreated.
“This sucks.” Andy looked over to the photo of his uncle. His stern gaze piercing his soul, “He could’ve really made something of this place.”
“Agreed. It’s a real shame.” Michael replied, “He really fucked up, didn’t he.”
Andy sighed, looking at the picture of his uncle. And suddenly, an idea popped into his head, “What if I clean it up?” Michael let out a laugh, “No seriously! I could get this place straightened up. It would increase the value for sure!”
Michael sighed, “You really think you can do much for this dump?” Andy felt a sudden pang of anger that quickly dissipated before he could process it, “Look babe, I’ll support you. Couldn’t hurt.” He leaned in for a kiss.
_________
“This place looks better already.” Andy whispered as he entered the club the next day.
The club somehow already looked cleaner. Maybe even a little livelier. The smell wasn’t as bad, the floors not as dirty. But there was still work to be done. Andy swept the floor and watched as the grime vanished without much effort. He even dusted the photo of his uncle.
“We didn’t really get along, but thank you.” Andy whispered.
When he arrived home, Michael greeted him warmly, “Hey babe, how’d it go?” He scrunched his nose, “Damn, you stink.” He chuckled, but Andy glared at him, “I didn’t mean anything by it.” Michael replied, realizing his boyfriend wasn’t in the mood.
“I’m gonna go shower.” Andy said, brushing past his boyfriend without even a kiss, “See you in bed.”
In the shower, Andy tried to relax. His muscles were sore from earlier. And as he lathered up, he was surprised to feel small hairs along his chest and stomach. He was usually clean shaven, and these small dark hairs were odd. He thought little of it.
Upon entering the bedroom, he found Michael lying in bed. Naked. A sexy smirk on his face. One that Andy usually couldn’t resist.
“You seem stressed babe.” Michael said, putting his hands behind his head, “And I think I have the solution.” His erect cock was on full display.
“Not in the mood.” Andy replied.
“Bullshit, I heard you moaning in the shower.”
“Not in the fucking mood.” Andy continued. Michael frowned, “I can sleep on the couch if you want.”
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Michael asked, concern etched on his face, “You seem...” He approached his boyfriend.
“I’m fine.” Andy replied, “Long day. Last thing I want is your dick up my ass.” He crawled into bed and faced away from Michael, “You coming?”
_________
The next day, Andy sat in his uncle’s office, rummaging through a desk. Even the office underwent a transformation overnight. The smell was gone, the chair was repaired, and the desk was no longer dusty. Andy scratched his chest and mentally made note that it felt firmer. But his thoughts were interrupted when he found a VHS tape. He raised an eyebrow.
“Shower Time?” He read the label, “What the fuck?” He looked up at the newly repaired TV and VHS player, “Might as well.”
The video started. There was his uncle. Nude. Standing above some guy. Some lesser man. Andy watched closely, absentmindedly rubbing his stiffening cock. And then it started. His uncle pissed on the guy below him. Andy watched as if in a trance, still rubbing his cock. And then it stopped.
“What the fuck?” He whispered, looking down at himself, “I... I’m not into that kinda shit, am I?” The disturbed young man exited the office, “I need to get out of here...” But as he passed the watchful gaze of his uncle’s photo, he froze, “Where the fuck am I going?” He whispered, “I have work to do.”
Hours passed, and Andy’s work was nearly done. He wiped some sweat from his brow, barely registering his newly mountainous bicep. He felt his phone vibrate. Michael. He ignored the call and continued his work.
When he arrived home, Michael wasn’t there- likely at the gym. Andy walked to the bathroom and stared closely at himself in the mirror. Something wasn’t right.
“There we go.” He whispered, pulling out the clippers, “Just a little...” He buzzed away his brunette locks. Shorter and shorter until not a single hair remained, “Better.” He ran a hand over his bald head.
Later, when Michael did return home, he nearly fainted, “What the fuck?” He said, “Andy, what did you do?” Andy looked up and shrugged, “Babe, you’re bald!” Michael knew how much Andy cared about his hair, “Somethings wrong. Please just tell me.”
Andy glared at him, “You got a problem, bitch boy?” Michael’s jaw dropped, “By the way, we’re keeping the club.”
“That wasn’t the plan.” Michael crossed his arms, “What about selling it? We need the cash for the wedding.”
Andy stood up and crossed his arms, “Who gives a shit? Club’s nearly done anyway.” Michael could only watch as his boyfriend got up and left.
_________
Back at the club, Andy sat in his uncle’s office, watching another one of his uncle’s piss videos. The initial disdain for them being replaced by pure pleasure, as he jerked off. But his pleasure was interrupted when the door swung open.
“Andy, we need to...” Michael said desperately, “What are you doing?” Andy smirked and continued to jerk off, “Andy. Cut this shit out.”
“Didn’t take you for a little bitch.” Andy replied, standing up, “You should be fuckin’ happy. I mean look at me.” He flexed his biceps, which now rivaled Michael’s, “And this fuckin’ club is gonna take off.”
“But babe, I don’t want the club.” Michael replied, “Ever since we got it, you’ve been different. Andy please.” And for a second, Andy’s new persona faltered. His boyfriend’s caring eyes breaking through to him. And the kindness returned to Andy’s eyes.
“Michael...” He whispered, “I-I’m sorry.” He stepped forward, “I don’t know what happened.”
Michael smiled and hugged his larger boyfriend, “It’s okay.” He looked down at Andy’s arms, “ But you need to tell me your workout routine.” He said, trying to add some humor to the situation.
Andy shook his head, “Michael... this isn’t right.” He looked at his larger bicep.
“You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” Michael smiled.
The two started walking down the long hallway to the main floor. Past the furious eyes of Andy’s uncle. And Andy froze.
“Wait babe, I left something in the bathroom.” He said.
Michael nodded, “Okay, I can wait...”
“No, come with me. Please.”
Michael shivered. Something told him to run. There was something different in his boyfriend’s eyes. But he wasn’t gonna leave him. He nodded and the two entered the bathroom. It was still in a state of decay.
“God, smells like piss in here.” Michael laughed nervously, “Guess you haven’t had time...”
Andy shoved him. A forceful push that sent him tumbling against the wall. Falling exactly into the empty slot between two urinals. Michael’s back hit the wall and he winced in pain, looking up at his boyfriend.
“Andy, what the hell...” Michael tried to move, but he couldn’t. He pushed against the wall desperately and looked up at his boyfriend in terror, “Andy, please! You need to help...”
But then he saw it. Andy was frozen, his clothes shredding as his muscles continued to grow. Behind him stood the specter of his uncle, who’s ghostly hands ran up and down Andy’s enlarging body. Andy moaned as his pecs grew into a pair of firm muscle tits and hair finally carpeting his clean-shaven skin in seconds.
“Andy...?” Michael whispered. Andy’s uncle smirked and suddenly Michael was naked. Pressed against the grimy wall of the bathroom.
The young man let out a yelp as he felt the pipe behind him enter his asshole and fuse to it. And he shivered as a sickly cold passed through his body.
“It hurts...” Michael whimpered as his muscles ached.
He looked down and quickly regretted it. His muscles were deflating- retracting into his body. His proud pecs and abs smoothing out, and his brunette locks and body hair fell to the ground below. Michael cried out again as his legs began to shrink and pull up into his abdomen.
“Andy help!” Michael cried out. He could see himself in the mirror. How his human features were starting to disappear, while his skin took on a paler tone. He felt cold. A sickly inhuman cold, “I-I...”
Tears fell from his eyes as he watched his toned arms begin to retract into his body. All the while, Andy was moaning as his own body packed on firm muscle and manly hair. His once clean shaven face now sporting a beard, while his expanding arms grew wiry hairs. In the midst of his transformation, he looked down at his boyfriend.
“Michael...” He whispered, “I-I’m sor...” He moaned as his package expanded, his bulge barely contained in his tight underwear.
Michael open his mouth to reply, but no words came out. Instead, his mouth remained forced open. And he could only watch in terror as it widened and stretched, forming a basin, while his tongue shifted into a urinal cake. Tears streamed from his eyes as he felt piping emerge from the top of his head and connect with the wall behind him. The coldness he felt earlier was now spreading. His flesh fully converting to white porcelain. And the last thing he saw before his vision went black was a final look of terror from Andy, which was soon replaced by the stern look Michael recalled from his uncle’s photo.
And then it was dark. It was cold and he was unable to move. Trapped. Not able to fully understand what happened to him.
“Fuck, I gotta take a leak.” Michael could still hear Andy’s voice, now gruff and harsh. He called out for help in his mind, hoping someone could hear.
But then he felt it. In the cold darkness of his new existence, he felt warmth. And tasted what he came to horrifically realize was piss. And after a minute or two of his old boyfriend filling his new mouth with urine, he felt hands wrap around his handle. The orgasmic pleasure nearly breaking Michael’s mind entirely, but not enough to free him from his new prison. Or awareness. And as the urine was washed away, Michael cried out in anguish as he came to realize his permanent fate.
“Shit that felt good.” Andy grumbled, “Alright, back to work. Opening days in just a week.”
The larger man went to leave, but not before turning back and looking at his new urinal. Something told him he was forgetting something important. A sense of dread filling him. He shook it off and left the bathroom, all under the watchful gaze of his uncle’s ghost.
_________
Opening day would come and go. And night after night, partygoers enjoyed the club and its atmosphere. Unaware of what had transpired there. And while they might not have been aware, Michael was. Day after day, and hundreds of men later. All filling his mouth and sending him into orgasmic pleasure with just a pull on his handle. Leaving him trapped and begging for freedom. But at least Andy would visit him. To use him of course. And only him. Andy couldn’t explain his attraction to that urinal. Nor would he ever realize why.
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Michael is just trying to make sure heaven stays in order. Michael and the rules return when Good Omens returns on July 28th, exclusively on Prime Video.
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AKA, some silly things I have written
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All fics feature explicit content and are tagged with appropriate warnings
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💚(Completed)
🌿(In progress)
WIPS
Karma is a God - Aemond x OFC 🌿 The Dance of the Dragons begins on a lie, and Aemond owes a debt, one Lucerra will see repaid in Fire and Blood
August - Aemond x Reader // Modern AU 💚 Your family is invited to spend August at Dragonstone, where you have an unfortunate first encounter with Aemond Targaryen
My Heart Belongs to Daddy - Modern AU 💚 She loves this little game of theirs, taking what they can from each other with the brief moments they have
Come So Close That I Might See - Aemond x OFC 💚 Desperate to secure her position, Aegon's wife turns to Aemond for help
It Will Come Back - Aemond x OFC // Modern AU🌿 Jaya Velaryon finds herself face to face with a demon of her past, namely Aemond Targaryen. Love and hate are not emotions easily unlearned
We're Born At Night - Aemond x OFC 🌿 Lady Rhaelle Targaryen of Runestone travels to King's Landing to plead for her sister's life
The Way You Taste - Halloween Special 💚 You don't know what's holding you back from Aemond, but lately you can't shake the feeling that someone is watching you.
Nightblooms 💚 It was a single night, such a trivial moment, two children sharing lemon cakes in a brothel, but she has not forgotten it. He will not recognise her, surely? Can I Be Yours? - Nightblooms II 💚
You Want This, You Need This 💚 The only daughter of Rhaneyra Targaryen is firmly devoted to her mother's cause, and yet she finds her way through the passages of the Holdfast, to the bedchamber of a Prince she should hate
De Facto 💚 She can't afford to fantasize over Aemond Targaryen, he's her boss and the Prime Minister... but stopping is easier said than done De Jure 💚 (part 2 to De Facto)
Sweet Dream - The Sandman AU 💚 Her father means to summon and capture Death, but ends up with the wrong sibling. She becomes fascinated with their prisoner
Sour Switchblade 💚 No sooner has she landed in the courtyard of Storm’s End, she knows her mission is doomed
Hysteria 💚 A housewife reaches breaking point and seeks medical advice at her husband's request
I Have Always Been A Storm - Aemond x Floris Baratheon 🌿
Just for a Moment - Tom Bennett x OFC 💚 Tom Bennett has a habit of climbing through her bedroom window whenever he's in trouble
Mine All Mine 💚 Michael doesn't need friends, but now he thinks he's found his perfect match, and he has no intention of letting her slip away
Christmas Request 💚
Christmas Request 💚
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