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allbark-no-bite · 2 years ago

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This is Real Life || Rafe Cameron x reader

summary: the kook princess comes home from college with a new boyfriend and Rafe isn’t happy about it. unfortunately, he isn’t in the position to tell her what to do

warnings: 18+ smut, foul language, unprotected sex, slight mention of underage sex

word count: 3.8k

author’s note: this contains NO SPOILERS for season 3! y’all i have had this in the drafts for a year and couldn’t finish it. i was quickly motivated by the release of season three. i actually have some more OBX stuff on wattpad that i hope to transfer over if this gets some attention :)

It was feral really, their relationship. What else was to be expected of Ward Cameron's only son and the kook princess? But for the record, she preferred the term bastard. Born the illegitimate child of the second wealthiest man in the Outer Banks, she could go by whatever she wanted and people would still be besotted—albeit wary—by the name.

She was exactly the type of drug Rafe Cameron couldn't resist time and time again. Better than anything Barry could ever try to sell him. One taste and now he gets an itch for her worse than cocaine. Midsummers made this temptation all the more unbearable. Liable to her father's heavy name, she'd be inclined for the occasion to put on some kind of obscenely form fitting dress that left little to the imagination and Rafe intoxicated by the sight all night.

It's a toxic green color, and by toxic he means the dark teal accents her sun kissed skin and dark hair perfectly. She'd dyed it black two summers ago before leaving for college, and it had yet to return to its natural fair brown. He's sure she did it just to spite him. Rafe had always preferred blondes. But damn did it look good on her. Shamelessly, his eyes drink her in as she flashes a pearly smile at the bartender taking her order.

Unfortunately, he also then catches sight of the guy standing next to her. He's a tall, brute of a man with large shoulders, a perfect nose, and sickening puppy dog like eyes. From the looks of him, he's undoubtedly one too many years her senior. Despite that, it's obvious that he's not the one in charge. Rafe watches as the older man hovers around her. He's confident in the way he carries himself, but Rafe can see how he moves around her with an air of caution, like he knows she's going to bite him if he gets too close. This observation leads him to his next point; the guy is not her type and Rafe knows it.

She met Armand nearly a year ago through a friend of a friend. He had returned to university from Europe to continue his studies with the leisure that his comfortable home life in a wealthy, two parent household provided him. While the six year age gap certainly raised eyebrows —specifically those of friends of her father's— it's not the reason she was uninterested in him.

Armand was the product of fine European breeding and the maturity that came with age. He spoke astutely and with confidence. He also had an unlimited amount of patience. And while it was nice to be indulged by his attentiveness every so often, it became quite boring if she was being honest. Armand was the type of guy one would bring home to meet their family, a quality that she had very little interest in.

Her eyes catch Rafe's from across the country club bar, and she immediately looks away. Instead she sweetly asks Armie, as she calls him, to get her another glass of champagne — her current one had gone warm. She pretends that she doesn't see him sidling up to her until he's standing right behind her.

Rafe has to hide his smile, licking his lips to wet them. After all these years, he's quite used to the games she plays. She makes him wait a few more seconds before she turns around, her exposed back pressing against the bar as she faces him. Her eyes first travel slowly down his body, coming about as close as one can to undressing a person without actually touching them, and only then returning to his face.

"What are you doing here, Cameron?"

They both know what she means is 'what are you doing in my face' and not 'what are you doing at Midsummers'.

Catching the message that she's not in the mood for any sort of shit answer he could give her about his required attendance at Midsummers, Rafe shrugs casually, rolling his expensive suit clad shoulders. His thumb drags across the smooth plane of his jawline, moving downwards and catching along his bottom lip.

"Heard you looked good in a sundress," he suggests, still trying to maintain an air of nonchalant indifference. He wants to know if her golden skin still tastes how he remembers it.

She rolls her eyes as a lazy, taunting smirk appears on his face. Before she can reply, Rafe saunters closer, practically eliminating the distance between them and blocking her against the bar. His face is close enough to her cheek that she can feel his hot breath as he wets his lips.

"Heard you looked good undressed."

Her expression remains unchanged, not bothered by his forwardness. "Would you let my brother hear those words come out your mouth?" She eyes him knowingly, feigning concern. "Wouldn't want to mess up your pretty face again."

The word 'brother' is synonymous to a warning to Rafe and immediately he glances sideways. Around them, residents of Figure Eight chatter and happily sip champagne. No one is paying the pair at the bar any mind. It is likely that no one has noticed them yet. Usually just the sight of the pair together is enough to draw a couple of stares.

When Malcolm Coors doesn't materialize from the crowd, Rafe's sharp blue eyes settle back on her. “Real funny," he sneers.

She has no shame in admitting she gets a little kick out of Rafe's fear of her brother. The two boys had graduated together a year before her, and she still remembers the pair of them being intentionally separated despite alphabetical order as they walked across the stage to receive their diplomas. Malcolm had been sporting a broken nose at the time and Rafe his own nasty looking black eye.

She smiles, enjoying his irritation. While she would like to bask in the fact that it looks like he's still licking his wounds after the past couple years, they need to get to the point before Malcolm does find them.

Rafe nods his chin over towards the unsuspecting back of her European rendezvous as he chatters amiably with the bartender. Rafe wants to swing a golf club through his perfect teeth. "How do you know this guy?"

She shrugs, playing at indifference. "Your inconsistency introduced us."

They haven't talked since before she blocked his number, which was over a year ago. The interaction wasn't exactly civil either. He specifically remembers screaming through the phone at some ungodly hour of the night and ending the call when she finally hung up on him by hurling his phone against the wall. Thankfully his parents had overheard the conversation and already assumed what all the noise was.

Biting back the urge to argue that he's not the one playing the hot and cold game, he persists "A bit old for you, don't you think?"

Her eyes don't follow Rafe's, which she knows are staring daggers at Armand. "You missed me," she points out.

Rafe sucks his tongue across the front of his teeth as an act of stalling, his expression becoming fed up and annoyed. Getting answers out of her has always been like pulling teeth. She doesn't want to play nice? Fine.

"Daddy doesn't have some billionaire's trust fund baby lined up for you?"

Her black lined eyes narrow. He levels his cool gaze with her. Oh he went there.

"Unlike you, my father has no say in my personal life." She's never referred to the man who sired her as anything other than her 'father'. It's the socially acceptable way of saying 'he's a bastard and I hate him'. "Besides, old money doesn't entice me, Cameron."

"Yeah?" he scoffs. Rafe leans in, murmuring softly into her ear. "That's not what you said what I was inside of you."

Her face flashes hot, and it's the first chip in her armor he has seen all night.

"I was seventeen. A minor, Rafe. You could go to jail for that," she snaps.

He smiles, cocking his head in a manner that says he isn't all that worried about his chances of going to jail. "You always act like I took advantage of you. Sweetheart, even if you hadn't begged me to screw you, we both know there's nothing you could have done to stop me."

It's her turn to scoff. "Am I suppose to thank you? You don't get an award for not being a fucking predator." She spits out the last part, and it causes a few heads to turn in their direction.

Among those heads, Rafe notices the blonde one of Malcolm; aka his sign that he needs to excuse himself. "Bitch," he mutters as he shoves past her.

She catches his arm before he can get too far. "Bathroom. Ten minutes.”

It is actually a grand total of twenty minutes before she finds Rafe in the small guest bathroom. Armie had remained glue to her side for another fifteen minutes and even after she managed to escape him, she was stopped by multiple friends of her father’s, asking how college was going and whatnot.

Nevertheless, Rafe waits for her. Each minute after ten, he promised himself he wouldn’t wait another, but the truth is he would have waited all night.

“Fuck. I’ve been thinking about this dress all damn night,” Rafe groans, grabbing a handful of her green velvet covered ass. His other hand is around her chin, guiding her mouth so that he can kiss her against the wall. Their mouths collide so bruisingly that for a moment he considers if he’s just broken his nose. Rafe doesn’t dwell on the possibility for too long because he’s been achingly hard for over twenty minute now and he won’t make it one more without coming in his pants. There’s only one place he’s coming tonight and it’s inside of her.

“I knew you were always a perv, Cameron,” she huffs out as he pulls away from the kiss to unbuckle his slacks and pull down his boxers. The length of him springs out against his stomach. Just looking at the size of him makes her legs shake. Much to her disappointment, he’s forcing her around, hips pressed against the counter before she can ogle at the sight of him for long.

Rafe slips into her as though it were a well practiced move and not something he hasn’t done in over a year. He still knows his way around her body.

She nearly yelps in surprise at the sudden intrusion. “Jesus—”

“Shut up,” he snaps, breathing hard. Just the feeling of her around him is enough to make him spill right now and he’s trying to hold on a while longer. Stomach burning with the effort of not coming, he bucks, just once to satiate himself, into her. The feeling is overwhelming.

Not pleased with his sudden lack of performance, she consciously clenches around him. “Are you going to fuck me or what because I’m sure Armie—”

Rafe cuts her off by drilling his hips back into her once more, this time much more forcefully, and her pelvis hits the counter. That is going to bruise. Rafe grabs a fist full of her dark hair. “I’m going to fuck you so good you forget his goddamn name. I don’t want to hear it again. You hear me?”

Eyes locked with his in the mirror, she nods quickly, desperate to let him have his way with her. “Fuck. Yeah, Rafe. Please just fuck me.”

Without wasting anymore time adjusting to the feel of her, Rafe begins thrusting his hips rhythmically at a ridiculous pace. The hot heat of her seems to suck him back in each time and he wonders if she’s like this for him. Armand. By the way she’s panting, moaning against the counter, he would say no.

As weird of a thing that it is to say, there are people who are good at sex, and then there are people who are great at sex. Rafe is one of those people. She’s never been with another guy who fucks her like Rafe does. It’s raw and filthy and animalistic.

Just when she think he’s as deep as he can be, he shuffles a bit, readjusting himself to get a better angle and hit a spot inside of her that tears a cry from her throat.

“Oh fuck— Please, Rafe. That’s it. That’s enough. I can’t—” When she starts begging for him to stop is when he knows she’s close. She’s always been too prideful to tell him when she’s close and it pisses him off to no end. He slows his pounding to get in a few more drawn out thrusts. The head of him catches inside of her and she cries at the sensation.

“There you go, there you go,” he groans, finding the breath to encourage her to finish as he struggles to control himself. “Feel me? Atta girl, you’re right there. Right there, baby.”

Crying out a moan, her head falls back as she orgasms, her walls fluttering in protest around him. The shock last for several long seconds throughout her entire body, and she contemplates if she’s ever going to be satisfied by another orgasm ever again. Even after, the electric buzzing sensation remains, and she remembers that Rafe is still throbbing inside of her.

Without warning, he thrusts into her a couple more times before finding his own orgasm. With his nose pressed into her hair, mouth right next to her ear, Rafe moans as he releases inside of her, and he hears her breath hitch at the sound. As if he needed proof of the fiery ball that had been pent up in his stomach all evening, he spills and spills and spill inside of her. It leaves him trembling by the time he’s done.

“Fuck,” he groans.

“Fuck,” she repeats, humoring him. He almost laughs but he doesn’t think he had the energy left for it.

Slowly moving again, the noise that his dick makes fucking into her, his cum dripping out is obscene, but he wants to savor the hot mess of her around him for as long as he can.

Smugly, he catches her gaze in the mirror, watching himself move in and out of her. The mascara under her eyes is smudged, making her searing gaze all that much darker. Rafe thinks she always looks perfect no matter what. He does have a bias towards ‘freshly fucked’ though.

As much as he would like to remain pressed against her —and in her— he knows she’ll only tolerate him for so long. So with a final sigh, he presses a prolonged and affectionate kiss to her hair and pulls out of her. As she fixes her dress, he tucks his still-leaking dick back into his boxers, pulls up his pants and watches her walk out the bathroom without a word. Rafe waits a respectful few minutes after her to make his exit.

Feeling truly fucked out, no pun intended, he heads over to the bar, where he spots her with her boyfriend, his arm wrapped low around her waist as he kisses her cheek. He needs a fucking drink, he thinks. And then, probably something stronger.

—

There are very few things that can rouse her from the dead sleep that she gets in her childhood bedroom. Coming home to the plush baby blue comforter that covers her perfectly made bed is like downing a handful of melatonin gummies after sleeping on a crummy twin mattress for nine months. Despite this usually holding true, Armie is the only one dead asleep beside her.

'I’m going to fuck you so good you forget his goddamn name.' The memory keeps replaying in her head. The perfect infliction of his voice down to the scent of him as he leaned in is marred into her memory. He still wears the same cologne.

Without warning, her phone on the bedside table blares to life, ringing loudly, and the bright screen illuminates the mostly dark bedroom. Scrambling to shut it off before the commotion wakes Armie up, her immediate response is to swipe the answer button.

"Hello?" she asks, her voice hushed, into the phone.

"I need you, (y/n)."

Rafe's voice transfers crystal clear through the receiver, like he's not even trying to be quiet.

"Rafe?" Cupping her hand over the speaker and pressing the device closer to her ear, her eyebrows furrow as she hurriedly swings her legs over the side of the bed and quickly tiptoes out into the hall."Rafe?" she asks, this time louder now that Armie can't hear her. "Are you fucking cra—"

"I—I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I— fuck, (y/n). I just—" He's rambling, his smooth as honey voice much thicker than usual and notably less precise. He sniffs, loudly.

She sighs as he tries to collect himself over the line, mumbling and stuttering. "Why do you only call me when you're high, Cameron? I mean, seriously?" This is not the first time he's phoned her in the middle of the night, high out of his mind.

Rubbing her hand over her eyes, she checks the clock on the wall. It's well past 3 am. There's a slim chance she will even get any sleep at this point.

"Listen, (y/n). I–I just—"

"No, you listen," she snaps, cutting him off. "You'd better be at your house when I get there or else. Got it?"

She can hear him swallow over the phone and something crashes to the floor. "Yeah— I— yeah, I will. I will."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

It helps that the Cameron's live only a few houses down. In reality, no one lives very far from anyone in the Outer Banks. Figure Eight is only a bike ride away from the Cut.

With the majority of the Cameron household likely asleep, and not caring to wake up Ward, she walks in without knocking. She'd never knocked before and wasn't about to make a habit of it now. Creeping slowly through the entryway, her sneakers echo loudly on the pristine tile floor. She knows this house like the back of her hand and therefore has no difficulty in navigating it in the dark. Around her, the house is still.

"Ra—" A hand clamps around her mouth from behind, effectively cutting of her startled shriek. Shoving his heavy body off of her, she whirls around to face him. "What are you doing?" she whispers loudly, shoving his hands away.

"I didn't want to scare you," Rafe defends, his blue eyes shining even in the darkness.

Shoving him once more in the chest, hard for good measure, she moves past him into the kitchen and flips the light on. Now that she can actually see, she steps back to take him in.

His pupils are blown, leaving very little of the blue of his eyes distinguishable. The suit jacket from earlier in the evening is gone, but everything else, from his dress shoes to the the white button up shirt underneath remain. Half of the top buttons of his shirt are open, revealing the golden skin of his chest. Nervously, he rubs at the back of his neck, where the short crop of his buzz cut fades.

"(y/n), I—," Rafe begins, stepping towards her.

"Shut up, Rafe."

His head fogged with the determination to get her to just listen to him, he ignores her instruction. "C'mon, baby. I just—"

"Shut up, Rafe," she repeats, sterner this time. She knows his head is not in the right place at the moment, and he needs to get it together if they're going to have this conversation.

"I need—"

"I said shut up!"

Finally something must reach the inside of that thick skull of his and Rafe immediately clamps his jaw shut. Now silent other than his heavy breathing, his big doe eyes watch her attentively.

She stares at him for a moment, using the quiet to gather her thoughts. Seeing him like this tears her up a little inside and it’s hard to find the right words to say to him. Sure, she treats him like shit most of the time, but that’s because it’s like second nature to the two of them. Fucking is the only thing they’re both good at.

She knows somewhere behind his drug induced haze, he’s really just a scared little kid. Most people take one look at Rafe and assume he’s just another screw up, destined to end up mooching off the Cameron family inheritance for the rest of his life. But she knows deep down that he has it in him to be better.

“You gotta stop, Rafe.” That’s the most honest and genuine sentence she’s spoken to him in a year. “This is not some prodigal son fairytale where you just get to walk away from it all when you decide to get your shit together. This is real life.” Her voice has risen towards the end and his already glossy eyes look wet.

Rafe can count on one hand the number of times he’s cried in his life, especially in front of someone else. His emotions tend to teeter from slightly cocksure to overwhelming rage without much of a grey area. But right now his throat feels tight and his eyes burn and he’s coming pretty damn close. And maybe it’s from the coke he snorted earlier but even that’s starting to wear off. He knows because his head isn’t swimming anymore and his eyeballs don’t feel like they’re rolling around in their sockets.

Fighting the swell of emotion that is threatening to erupt out of his chest, he looks up, tongue pressed into the inside of his cheek, suddenly not wanting to look in her eyes. Rafe finally nods, sniffing hard while he gathers himself. “I know,” he whispers, the noise barley even audible.

Still nodding to himself, he settles his gaze back on her. “And I know you think that this is the cocaine talking, but I promise you it’s not. I mean it when I say I need you.” Timidly, he paces towards her from across the kitchen. “I—I need your help. I need you. I—”

While he continues to ramble, she hushes him as he rests his chin in the crook of her neck. One hand cups the back of his head while the other rubs his shoulder through the soft cotton of his shirt. “Okay. You’re okay,” she murmurs into his ear, still holding onto him as he sinks to his knees on the kitchen floor. He’s tall enough that his head meets the middle of her stomach even on the floor.

Rafe can’t recall the last time anyone has held him so carefully before. But he does know that it feels wildly more intimate than any sort of sex they’ve ever had. Drowsy with relief and crashing from his high, he almost asks her if she loves him. It would be so easy to breathe the words, but instead he closes his eyes and lets her hold him a while longer.

#rafe x y/n #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe imagine #rafe cameron smut #rafe smut #outer banks #obx smut #obx3 #obx imagine #obx x reader

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optichocolate · 15 days ago

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Absolute flash won't come out in sooo long and yet my brain won't stop thinking about it...

Anyways we got some pictures and I'm gonna analyze the hell out of them like the nerd I am. So, first things first. We got this image when absolute flash was first announced and I saw some people trying to guees what it meant and that maybe the figure around Wally was Barry. But I think it's Wally himself in this pictures. What that means I have no idea, but you can see three figures around him and I think the haircut of this person is kinda similarto Wally's own? He looks tormented by the figure which is not cool, but hey it's not the flash if Wally doesn't suffer a little amiright?

In the second image he looks really shocked to have powers which means he probably wasn't born with them. The image on the bottom panel kinda supports my theory that these red things are Wally's powers. Either it's an stylistic choice, a new spin on the speedforce, or he's being possessed by something. Could be all three.

His fear on these images could be because his powers hurt him, which is likely the reason, BUT! I'm gonna venture and say that in this universe, being a metahuman is illegal, or simply very very bad. We go this image of the rouges looking badass and my initial thought was that they were assossiated with the government somehow. I think they could be paid in order to do certain things (probably hunting metas?) and getting paid for it. Maybe they are even viewed as superheroes!

I'm so excited to see them in action. So far we can see Golden Glider, Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang, and Trickster? I think? Probably a new character cause it looks like a woman.

And finally my favorite page.

Here we get Wally talking to... someone. I actually have no idea who this is. It gives me uncle Ben vibes, but he looks to old be Barry. And since this is a story where the heroes are doing BADLY I assume it's not Jay either. The only way I could see it being either of those two is if they die OR wally won't see them anymore. The last panel being all black makes me think they are telling Wally something shocking, or maybe they are sending him away?

It could also be Rudy...? Wally has green eyes, and the guy has brown eyes, though. Besides, Rudy and this guy look nothing alike and it's... weird seeing him being so chill. Have we ever seen Rudy actually sit down and talk to Wally in a nice way? At least this guy looks chill, though he IS pretty big. Look how tiny wally loooks in comparison. Sure hope he won't turn him in to the Rouges or something.

The third possible option is that this is a foster parent? Maybe Ira West took him in? Could be a totally new character, the point is that he takes care of Wally. Maybe Rudy and Mary died, or they were clearly abusive in here? The second option doesn't sound too far-fetched... The writer has complete freedom over this story considering it's like a canon AU, so anything could happen. This guy could be an alien for all we know. A manifestation of the speedforce? A memory? A nightmare? Who knows...

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flashfuture · 8 months ago

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Also I'm not sure how familiar people are with this issue but

The Flash vol 1 #168 "One of Our Green Lanterns is Missing!"

It's a real good one. It gives a historical precedent for the Guardians trusting Barry.

For context 1967 and Barry and Iris have recently been married and moved in together.

(The Flash vol 1 #168)

"While you're at headquarters see if there's been any word from Hal Jordan! He might have reached town this evening and left a message there for you !"

"Thoughtful of Iris! She knows I've been worried about Hal ! We received a letter from him last week saying he was on his way to Central City to visit Iris and me in our new house..."

"But since then there's been no sign of him ! And that's not like Hal-- To act in such a manner !" But I suppose his duties as Green Lantern-- which Iris knows nothing about-- intervened! At least I hope that's the reason ! ... Either I'm having an hallucaination-- or I'm looking at one of the Guardians of the Universe Hal told me about !"

"I am one of the Guardians, Barry Allen-- seeking Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern of this sector of the cosmos!"

So Barry and Iris are incredibly worried about where Hal could be at since he said he was going to visit them and was a no show. Now one of the Guardians of the universe has popped down to see Barry and ask for his help.

"You mean-- something is wrong? Hal is missing!?"

"Yes ! And his power battery too! In our efforts to regain contact with him, we thought of you! We are aware of course that from time to time you have teamed up with him as The Flash ! My mission is to enlist your aid in finding Hal Jordan!"

So Barry agrees of course to help find Hal and even tells Iris he's too upset about receiving no word from Hal to work tonight.

The next morning Iris is just saying how she thinks it's "strange Barry, that there's still been no word at all from Hal--"

When on the tv they show off a fisherman with who could it be but Hal Jordan. And Iris in shocked starting at the tv says "Barry, get down to the dock-- on the double! What are you waiting for?" And Barry of course runs out faster than on the double to get Hal.

So the Flash hits the docks says Hal Jordan ! And realizes Hal lost his memory and the Fisherman who found Hal is like cool go with the Flash kid

Barry takes Hal back to the hotel he figures he's staying at and finds the Lantern Hal stashed away and tells him in the vaugest most suggestive way possible what they're gonna do.

"Hal, please do exactly as I say-- even though you do not understand! A great deal depends on what we're about to do-- believe me ! But we must do it right ! come-- this way--"

"Why are we kneeling down--?" Great question Hal I love that you do it anyways

"Hal, you must repeat after me exactly what I am about to say..."

In brightest day, in blackest night and well you get the rest. Barry says the Lantern's vow while holding Hal's half up to the lantern and it fixes his memory. Hal gets dressed Barry lounges on the back of a chair.

"Green Lantern, it may take the two of us to handle the super-crime! How about joining me?"

"If you didn't ask, Flash-- I'd insist!"

So they go beat up the bad guys Kabam

And then Hal takes Iris and Barry out onto the boat to show them how to fish. And The Guardians are pleased The Flash was successful and clearly know they can rely on him again in the future.

"Green Lantern, don't run out on me! Without you I'm helpless against these super-armed crooks!"

I'd also just like the point out this click bait dramatic ass break up style cover. Absolutely not what happened in the issue it's really good

#long post #dc comics #the flash #barry allen #green lantern #hal jordan #iris west #halbarry #halbarryiris

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gaykarstaagforever · 10 months ago

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1969

Jim Shooter wrote this, so it is significantly less idiotic than most of these.

That said...

Most of the plot - Superman and the Flash having amnesia and thinking each is the other one - hinges on the fact that they are identical men, except with different hair. Which seems implausible, since one is a magical alien with super-strength from the Sun, and the other is a nerd who was near exploding go-fast chemicals. But I guess it at least acknowledges how DC artists could only draw one muscley man over and over again in different skin-tight unitards. Fair enough, Jim.

We also get the weirdest random explanation for where Superman stores his Clark Kent clothes:

Clark Kent and Barry Allen spend most of the story running back and forth from Central City to Metropolis, desperately trying to find each-other to figure out what the hell is happening. Barry uses makeup to look like Clark Kent and gets almost-fired by Perry White for being bad at reporting on weddings. Because while this comic takes time to remind us Barry is a "police scientist," Perry also says he writes like a child.

Which...I mean, seems kind of rude to me, especially coming from someone who writes superhero comics for 8 year olds for a living. But I don't solve murders with science. So if you do, please confirm if you and your colleagues don't know how to write.

Eventually, Clark and Barry accidentally meet clandestinely on a Metropolis park bench. But Barry is dressed like Raphael from the Ninja Turtles, so they still don't figure it out:

...Why does this look like something someone drew from a picture they took from a bush? Is that just me? That might just be me.

This, however, is 100% exactly what it looks like:

They finally meet in an abandoned train tunnel and figure out each is the other, and trade clothes.

So it is canon in DC comics that Clark Kent and Barry Allen have been nude together in a train station, at least once. And then traded underpants.

Clark suddenly remembers what happened to them (possibly from the shock of being naked with Barry Allen; the comic breezes over this). There is giant space seed flying towards Earth, carrying the spore of a monster space plant that will grow to consume all life. Superman saw it and summoned the JLA to help him, but only the Flash showed up, because "Green Lantern is off helping Hawkman," and...I guess Jim forgot who else was in the JLA at the time.

Good on Barry for showing up, but how exactly is he going to help Superman stop a threat that is still in Space?

Answer: he is not. But Superman came up with a plan where he and Barry changed outfits to confuse the space seed (yes, really), and then Barry put on a helmet and Clark flew them both into it.

...At which point he suddenly realized it had kryptonite in it. He and Barry fell to Earth, unharmed but with amnesia.

But now that they're inexplicably cured by re-switching pants, it is time to hurry up and actually stop the space seed. Superman draws Barry a helpful diagram of his plan:

...Thanks, Kal-El. Totally worth the time it took to do that.

Assuming, like me, you have no goddamn idea what his plan is, think of the absolute dumbest way Superman could save the Earth from a giant kernel of space-corn. And that is exactly what he does:

He temporarily stops the Earth by making the ground really hard (specifically in Brazil, for some reason), and then repeatedly doing flying elbow drops onto it. Which, I won't lie, is exactly the awesome way all problems would be solved if we lived in a better universe where wrestling was real, and wrestlers were Superman.

...I still assume this probably killed at least a few people. Or fish, at least, on the daylight side where the Sun suddenly boiled an entire ocean.

Also, note how this "new" Superman plan ALSO DIDN'T INVOLVE THE FLASH WHATSOEVER. Except that he came along and narrated it for our benefit, while Superman was repeatedly smashing himself into Brazil.

The story ends with Barry hugging his wife and Clark musing to himself how he and Barry can trust each-other with their secret identities from now on, because their balls sweat into the same Spandex for like a week.

Implying that, what, the members of the JLA go into that WITHOUT knowing who each-other are? I mean, I of course see Batman pulling shit like that. But Wonder Woman and Hawkman barely have secret identities to begin with.

But I guess if Clark and Barry have exactly the same proportions and faces, maybe it doesn't really matter either way.

This issue also features the following ad for jeans:

I don't know if cattle-rustling was still such a huge problem in the West by 1969. But if you are a teen boy keen to take it upon yourself to stop it, I suppose it makes sense you should make sure your butt looks good while doing it.

Also, if you need more cheap plastic armies in your house,

#superman #silver age comics #comic book cover #1969 #dc comics #gay

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago

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s3 episode 9 thoughts

i have so much to say. i just copied and pasted my notes, and my thoughts were COMICALLY long. but it was SUCH a good episode so i have a LOT to point out. even more than usual, somehow.

(screams to let it all out and then tries to take a deep breath and gather myself)

okay. OKAY FUCK. okay. whew. we start from the top. the very very top, in which i click on the episode. and so begins an emotional rollercoaster.

this episode description mentions a train. as does the one after that!!! am i in for a two parter?!?! well, if so, at least i am prepared with this information, so i don’t get a massive shock like with duane barry! (author’s note: i was right!)

a train. huh. would love to ride one of those someday. unfortunately i’m american. we only really have cargo ones hanging about. but their noise is deeply familiar and comforting to me regardless.

(little did i know that this was the very kind of train to be featured in this episode!!)

camera opens on tennessee! children are riding bikes to watch a train. ah, good to know the desire to stop doing other things and instead watch a train go by is universal.

now it’s night at the train. is some graffiti action going to take place? the music is getting weirder as we look at the top of this train, and it appears we are in for no ordinary graffiti moment as some cars pull up.

and these people are from japan! in tenneseee! boarding the train…? which is full of science stuff!! this is odd on many levels.

(japan to tennessee… whew, that’s a long flight. give these men some caffeine now!)

caffeine seems to be ignored because they are in surgery looking gear cutting something open. and green stuff flows into a jar? hey. not liking that.

they are cutting into what looks like, in my opinion, some guts.

until people run in and start shooting!!! really truly shooting and killing everyone!!! what!!! what the hell!! who are these guys!! are they with cig man??? holy fuck, if that WAS an alien autopsy, way to ruin the scientific method with bullets in the lab!!

and they are zipping an alien into a bag!! so it was!!! the blatant disregard for learning here!! it’s appallingly american! who are these people?!!

bum bum bum bum… woo woo woo woo wooo wooo… woo woo woo woo WOOO woo… intro time.

mulder has his feet up on the desk. fiddling with… something. scully opens the door and he tells her to come on in, with the face of a man who is scheming. he has it all dark like a movie theatre!!!

LMAOOOO he ordered a video from a magazine of an alien autopsy. and that must be why he looks like a kid in a candy store. $29.95, plus shipping!!! THAT IS A LOT!!

she’s like, you literally cannot see what they are operating on. and she says it’s hokier than the one they aired on fox news. which means i have to google a few things to learn if that actually happened. actually i don’t want to even know.

he mentions the green goo and he says “it’s widely held that aliens don’t have blood, scully” <- girl how would she know that. also you literally almost died FROM alien blood. so explain.

they’re arguing the merits of what makes an authentic alien autopsy tape, and then he points out how the people burst in with guns right before the film cuts off. well, that could make it look more authentic, or less!

some guy in allentown got the tapes so they’re visiting LMAOOO road trip road trip!!!! to a very old looking house.

the studio is called “rat tail productions” okayyy. i kinda like that. but it’s all boarded up so they have to try and break in.

and they find a dead body!! that is still warm!!! what is going on!!!

someone else enters!! and mulder chases after them and jumps the fence yelling that he is a federal agent. zooooom that is a speedy man.

and just when it seems mulder has the guy, he starts kicking and punching and BOOM! down goes mulder. until he shoots something nearby to show he isn’t playing.

mulder is wet from falling into a bunch of garbage… king. and the language barrier is being a barrier!

(sidenote i’m surprised they didn’t make mulder learn another language in school or for the fbi?? like actually really shocked. you’d think he’d have at least one other one, or a few basic phrases, under his belt. idk, where i’m from higher education in humanities related fields requires language learning, but he somehow escaped)

mulder is pretty despite being covered in garbage and bringing a man to a police station

scully says they can’t find an interpreter! this is not really shocking because they are in pennsylvania.

“well look at this… a beacon in the night” says mulder whilst smiling, and who is it he glances upon but SKINNER?!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? are they in trouble?? does… skinner know japanese??

(mulder asks and he does not 💔)

skinner says they have to let the guy (kazuo sakurai) go because he is a high ranking diplomat. so if you’re a diplomat can you just… walk away from a murder scene and that isn’t a problem?? at all? i did not think it worked like this.

skinner asks what they’re doing and mulder says he’s tracking down a “video piracy thing” LMAOOOO least convincing lie ever.

skinner tells him to go back home, and then very purposefully brushes into his shoulder before walking away. yowch! that has got to sting. mulder looks like he just got caught and is trying to charm his way out of it

scully rightfully points out that this makes no sense, and asks if he wants to drop it, but mulder says he paid his $29.95 and he is gonna get his answers!!!

LMAOOO he “forgot” to turn in the suitcase kazuo was carrying. it has a list of members of a ufo society with a local woman’s name circled!! was she gonna be their next target…?

he tells her to get a motel and he is going to go back to D.C. and be “a good boy” for skinner… LMAOOO, and he’ll show the files to his besties

back in D.C., and woah, mulder looks like a real slut with his hands on his waist and his jeans and tucked in turtleneck sweater. i am NOT complaining. just merely observing. it’s kinda giving that one photo of the rock. i see where he took his style inspo from.

so the lone gunmen say that the japanese were looking for a sunken ship from wartime, and it looks like they found it, but they brought it to virginia? very weird. maybe they did not find a sub… but something else.

the diplomats are heading home. or not. because someone is beating up kazuo! huh?! WHAT!

scully on da scene in allentown pa. serving. knocking at a door of the person whose name was circled in the files.

but the person goes to answer the door and she says they know her. she’s like umm not sure about that?? until another person comes to the door and says “oh my god… she’s one” WHAT??

(is this like a secret society of people who were abducted or like. are they trying to scam her or something?)

she looks super freaked out. she’s trying to explain that she’s here for murder investigation reasons, but the lady in pink (penny) is calling and saying everyone needs to come over right away. this will surely make scully even more stressed.

they ask her if there was some unexplained event that happened last year. and also to please sit down. so you KNOW things are about to get wild.

mulder is asking about the ship that allegedly was returning through panama. and the boat was stopped! but then kept going? the guy he’s asking to look into this does not seem to be pleased to discuss this subject.

scully is freaking tf out but trying to gently explain that she does NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE. but they’re talking about being taken to “the bright white place” and that she was only taken once, but these other women were taken many times. WHAT IS GOING ON.

they ask her about regression hypnosis and she’s like i do not want to talk about this. (and yes i even TRIED IT) and she looks around at all the other women and it is creepy. SAVE HER… save them all.

mulder is running away from the guy he asked for the files from. he’s always going somewhere. looking at a boat. looking at another boat. is he gonna sneak on the boat? YES HE IS. HE IS JUMPING ON IT. elbowing a window open to get in. this is a wild man!! he will break into your boat!!!

he’s going through drawers looking for stuff and i’m thinking, oh man i really hope the boat doesn’t start heading out to sea… he has nothing to survive on. and we’ve seen them kill people, so don’t say “accidental” boat abandonment with a guy on it is out of the realm of possibility. but it IS the boat he was hoping for. and now he’s sneaking about its underbelly.

NO! he has been caught. the boat is being swarmed by men with guns. he seems too tall to hide…. but he did!! AND HE JUMPS INTO THE HARBOR LMAOOOOO, NOOO, THE POLLUTANTS!!

back to scully. i was so caught up in the boat espionage i had forgotten about scully’s dilemma. and they say that she won’t remember what happened to her for a while. cut scene to her being blowed up again like we saw in s2.

and she is really freaking out now, because they point out that they all have the mark and she just wants to learn about this murder, damn it, not unpack trauma!!

but betsy, who she came to see, is dealing with very severe cancer. and they say that what she is dealing with is going to happen to all of them. WHAT??? “we’re all dying because of what they do to us” OH MY GOD??? she has tears in her eyes. WHAT!!! what.

back to the boat. do i look like i give a damn about the boat!! no!! but mulder is crawling- at night- from the harbor. so did he stay there all evening or….

so he’s once again on the run. and soaking wet. please take a shower, my friend. you know not what they do in that harbor.

he sees people pulling in to the warehouse nearby!! with guns!!! and we see him sneak by!!! no, mulder, consider going home and not getting caught!! but what if he finds something that can help scully…? and oh my gosh, he doesn’t even KNOW she’s slowly dying yet. oh my gosh wait i need to sit down (said by the girl who is literally sitting)

the orchestral score is popping off, too. he peeks in a window and sees a giant… thing? being gassed. with cameras out and about. like a blimp looking thing.

somehow he gets a change of clothes. and he goes home but his apartment door was unlocked! so he has his gun. is it skinner?

IT IS!! whew! that was best case scenario, so it was just wishful thinking on my part, but maybe i really am deeply attuned to this show. skinner is sitting there in the dark. we see some photos on mulder’s desk but they kinda just look like random places. one is some sort of field? and the other is a house, i think? not recognizable to me. but back to the plot at hand.

skinner tells him to put the gun down. sort of like you tell a dog to drop it. he obeys. aww, he is a good boy for skinner, like he mentioned earlier.

so skinner has some tea; kazuo’s body was found in a canal!!!! he didn’t make his flight!! and they government thinks he was killed over his BRIEFCASE!!!

mulder plays dumb. then he admits that scully has the briefcase in her car. he seems like he’s trying to play it cool but skinner is NOT having it. “this is bigger than me, you, or the FBI, agent mulder” okayyyy king of being vague. and he says he is not getting involved!!! woah!!!

so mulder goes to… a senator!!! yes, the senator we saw very briefly a few times before, whose name is richard matheson? i didn’t really understand that in the past, but maybe it was building up to this. richard says to return the photos, but mulder says he’ll be entangled in a murder investigation, which he cannot afford because he is so close to the truth!

this senator claims to be telling mulder the truth about what is going on. and he explains what happens in tennessee, how the japanese doctors were murdered doing a secret thing.

“what am i onto here?” , he asks. “monsters begetting monsters”, says the senator. ohhhhhhh that does not sound good.

(i hope he exposes the alien people and the torture and they blow up all the people that hurt scully and the rest of those women and then hold hands)

he’s back in his office with his glasses on. and i would be glad for a glasses mulder win under normal circumstances, but my heart is sick over scully. i take what i can get when i can get it, though, because he is a beautiful man in glasses.

SCULLY’S BACK!! and she is still freaking out. she relays the news that she might be dying, and he looks up at her so innocently and says “but you’re fine, aren’t you scully?” OHHHH BABY. BABY. GROWN MAN. BUT BABY. OHHHHHHH MY HEART. MY HEART ITS MELTING. MY EYES ARE TEARING. “but you’re fine, aren’t you?” oh lord… he cannot lose anymore people.

she is terrified- “am i? i don’t know, mulder” NOOOOOOOO MY BABY. STOP. DO NOT DO THIS TO HER.

he pulls up a photo and she says she knows someone in it, but that guy has been dead since 1965. mulder seems to find this difficult to believe, but last episode he was suggesting that someone was bleeding another person’s blood, so i feel he of all people should be open to this idea.

(oh…. they’re using unit 731 for the storyline here. and they have done that in the past as well but. wow. awful lot of baggage to dredge up there. very very painful and unhealed wounds)

((and i guess before they have done similar things involving nazis, right, remember victor? and his experiments? even if it was done before though, it doesn’t make it any less chilling to me. i’m not sure how i feel about using real horrific war crimes as plot points in an alien show))

but my reckoning with history aside, mulder says that four of the men in that photo were in the alien autopsy video. and they were murdered.

“murdered for what? or murdered by whom?” oh scully, you deserve none of the suffering that the world has given to you. NONE OF IT. if i were mulder, i would hug her and never let go ever. ever ever.

he thinks they’re still trying to make an alien-human hybrid, but she still isn’t buying it, even after everything; she needs proof. she says believing is the easy part, but he disagrees. “you think that believing is easy?” he asks, and it hangs in the air.

oh, i want to linger in that space forever. the tension it creates, the things it reveals about him. how belief is centered on hope, how he has to fight for it, that it doesn’t come as natural as breathing as he might have you thinking. it’s hope for a better future, it’s hope for righting old wrongs, it’s looking where no one else will go find the answers. it’s about getting family back. it’s about fighting and sneaking and learning and even killing to get what you need to know. but it’s never easy.

FUCK. I’M LIKE GONNA JUMP UP AND DOWN. THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!! THIS IS THE STUFF!!!

they hold eye contact for a bit, until she sighs and breaks it (fuck me, i’m emotional) and he points out that they DO have proof, as he reaches for her arms- the spy photos were tracking a ship that pulled a UFO out of the ocean, and the UFO is in that warehouse that he saw earlier!! that thing i said looked like a blimp!!!

he says the US has a secret railroad. i yearn so desperately for accessible transportation. if the government said tomorrow, yeah, we have a secret rail system, i’m not sure how i’d react. perhaps relief?

there is very very very charged eye contact.

okay, bringing the thingy from her neck to a guy who can understand it. it’s a “micro processor”, and there are a few companies that make them. and they are being used for many things. so was it made by ordinary people, and not alien tech…? who is doing the torturing and testing…? and to what end???

it’s all women in that room… is it for alien breeding purposes… oh, i shutter to imagine

back in west virginia!!! mulder has a leather jacket on and a dream as he climbs up into some sort of railroad building’s roof. his hair blows dreamily in the wind as he busts out some binoculars. if he were to be caught, he could probably convincingly claim he was a birder. i understand they go through a lot to find their birds.

people are showing up. they’re speaking japanese and getting what looks like a LIVING ALIEN onto the train? mulder is on the move. the train is taking off. is he gonna play subway surfers irl and try to jump on that thing? yes, he is SPRINTING. but he realizes he cannot outrun a train.

back to scully cam. she is watching footage. a japanese surgeon is taking off his surgical gear and she recognizes him!! OH MY GOSH SHE RECOGNIZES HIM FROM HER TESTING! NOOOOO!!! NOOOO!

she answers the phone like she wasn’t unpacking horrific information and mulder reports from west virginia. and she points out that she recognizes the doctor… but not from the video tape. NOOOOOOO. realization crosses his face, and i’m sure only adds fuel to his fire to get on that damn train.

so mulder is trying to catch up with the train. a handsome japanese man is being followed by the dude that killed the other guy earlier. AND NO!!!! the killer just killed the handsome japanese man and locked him in the bathroom. then adjusted his hair???

mulder JUST misses the train. perhaps this is for the best?

scully going home. WHY IS X THERE?!?!?!? he’s telling her to tell mulder to get OFF OF THE TRAIN. she rightly is suspicious but he is NOT playing around.

mulder is about to leap on top of the train when he gets the call from scully. and he asks who told her what he was doing and to stop it, and like me, she is also probably realizing she doesn’t know this dude X’s name.

and he jumps on the train!!! but loses his phone in the process!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

WHAT THE HELL.

okay, my yelling aside, THIS is when the show is at its best, imo. THIS is the blueprint for me. character driven. heart of the plot. reveal after reveal but vague enough to keep me wanting more. the government is evil and every conspiracy has more conspiracies. getting to know what is ACTUALLY going on in snippets. skinner is there. this episode truly had it all.

EXCEPT an ending, of course, because now i have to WAIT to watch the next part. SO TRULY DIABOLICAL!

no no, i jest, i can take a cliffhanger most of them time. i just better not have ANY distractions tomorrow.

whew, so much to unpack. i think there are two things that are sticking out the most to me here: scully’s terror and mulder’s belief.

her not knowing what to believe is true about herself and the world she has studied so carefully, being surrounded by strangers who claim to know her, that know things ABOUT her, and who tell her she is going to die slowly and horribly. how she tears up when she learns this. how she tried so hard to get control over the situation by pivoting to the murder case, only to be denied. how the reigns of control slip from her hands, and it is left to fate. and how horrific that is. how she cannot handle processing what was done to her, but is forced to, by seeing this guy who did unspeakable things to her again. how she says she needs proof. as if she’s biding her time, waiting for a full answer so that the reality of what she has gone through can sink in. if there’s never proof, maybe she’ll never have to process it.

and mulder, who thinks that belief is hard. who has sacrificed so much of his life to belief, put himself in danger countless times to find the truth that everyone around him either denies or ridicules him for. how he has little more than his work, because he needs there to be hope. if belief is terror for scully, to him it is a source of possibility. how they’re both wrapped into the same tragedy with entirely separate takes on what it means and how to proceed but whatever is bringing them together keeps weaving them tighter and tighter.

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i could scream.

i actually typed all of that, took way more notes than usual, and STILL feel like i’m barely scratching the surface. i feel like i need to give a lecture on this subject matter to even sort of drain the giant well within me of feelings regarding them. his face, how he insists she has to be okay, right? right? and her terror when she admits she doesn’t know.

now. i hate to say it, but i have seen vague spoilers about what happens in the next season, involving illness. and i have a feeling i’m gonna cry like a baby because i’m so messed up just by this. maybe it’s a sensitive topic for me, or maybe i’m just too deeply attached to these nerds and need them to be happy.

but the depth of my feeling is indicative of how amazing this episode was. it was fast-paced, but not too fast to follow. it explored our character’s hopes and dreams and fears. the dialogue and acting was excellent. how much can be said with just eye contact, and then it breaking, is stunning. i want to know what happens next, and despite my eagerness, i am too disciplined and sleepy to go onto the next episode.

(i have some thoughts that i need to gather and articulate at a later time regarding the use of unit 731 as a plot point, but they’re still loading, and frankly it would be better to make a post just on that subject once i can figure out how to verbalize them and if i feel that i can confidently tackle the subject matter)

goodnight world, i’m gonna scream.

#this took so much longer than usual but it was worth it because WOW i’m shocked #but now i need sleep so pretend you don’t see any glaring typos #and i hope you can feel my enthusiasm from behind the screen #juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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zahri-melitor · 7 months ago

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Newish Comics:

The Flash #7: The Linear Men? The Linear Men??? Si Spurrier, what is cooking in your brain and can you keep giving me a direct line to it? (I mean bringing the Linear Men in a series that also gave us Gold Beetle makes perfect sense because Rip would be so into her but wow. It looks like they've barely been used since Flashpoint too). Also it's fascinating watching the re-establishment of Max and Bart's relationship.

Barry seems to finally have risen out of his ennui a bit, only to notice Something Is Wrong With Linda and then immediately suspect (wrongly) it's Hartley. Still pretty sure Linda's main issue is PPD but it being imposed by an external source is certainly something.

Green Arrow #10: this is another issue that mostly exists for people to hug each other, while Williamson goes 'remember that these people had relationships?' Sean Izaakse's art is just so good in terms of drawing the memory backgrounds so well I can pick out the specific issues and storylines he used as references (Batman + Arsenal shoutout!)

Also, remember when Amanda Waller didn't put bombs in people's heads, she just very occasionally put explosive collars or wristbands on the most dangerous and/or irritating Suicide Squad members? (Like Captain Boomerang?) Because I do. I remember Suicide Squad 1987.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #11: part of this is me just being contrary, I know, but I am extremely not convinced we are going to see Maps as an active Robin in a main title, given Kerschl is a Gotham Academy creator anyway, and she's currently getting appearances as Meridian over in Birds of Prey. Gotham Academy continuity is only about 1/4 linked to main book continuity. (Someone is going to try and point out 'they appeared in Robin War' or something but it was an active and new title then, and honestly, nobody writing most Bat titles cares about them. It's its own sub universe. Also this story has Bruce dating Isla MacPherson, something I guarantee will not be followed up anywhere else)

Also imagine being called Karl Kerschl and coming to DC to write? How much time does this poor man spend saying "no, not Kesel".

The Artemis story remains amazing and I am fully supportive of it retconning whatever character crimes it is currently trying to excuse as weird.

Also how did we get so unlucky as to have both a Bat Lash AND a Sgt Rock story in this issue?

Amazons Attack #6: and this tied things off nicely! Honestly for an event that didn't need to happen, Josie Campbell did well with it, featured a whole host of Wonder Woman characters that Tom King's barely interacting with, and added to some relationships between characters that needed additional work.

Alan Scott: The Green Lantern #5: I am sure this is a far more meaningful issue if you care deeply about Green Lantern lore. Also DELIGHTED that the JSA team up in this series actually happens on page rather than in the final splash like in Wesley Dodds: The Sandman. (Wesley Dodds is still the best of the three minis to me, but I'm happy here that we're going to get JSA backup).

The Warlord #45: Previously on Lost World of the Warlord (I said I would) Travis set out to find out what had happened to his daughter Jennifer. He goes back to the village of dwarfs and gets his old sword back (since he chucked Hellfire into a lake), and ends up fighting some Cyclops' that took several of the dwarves to eat. Tragically nothing particularly fun happens here (though a skeleton IS tied to a cross, the bondage isn't involving any characters I care about AND it's just a warning threat)

Also something weird went on with the lettering this issue where what I think were script directions ended up as text boxes for all the scene transitions. If it was a stylistic choice on Grell's part it's a particularly odd one.

#z canon read throughs #newish comics

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thebibliomancer · 7 months ago

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Earth X #5

Thor seems different than usual.

It’s probably the braids.

Earth X: what you get when you ask Alex Ross to write a Kingdom Come tier story for Marvel. It is Bad Future! Uatu the Watcher has been blinded and he’s forced Aaron to be his seeing eye robot.

If you’re wondering what their dynamic is, it’s this:

The world is a mess with mind-control squids and body-control forever teens. Everyone has been mutated and Reed Richards blames himself. Many of the heroes we know are dead, retired, or in the clutches of the squid or the kid. And the world may be destroyed by vibranium or humanity may super-evolve into space gods.

As we go on and learn more about this setting, there are more and more plot threads.

Captain America in a flag yoga and Wyatt Wingfoot went to California to investigate the Skull, a horrible teen with the power to control people. The Skull took Wyatt for his growing army but left Steve alone because it was funnier that way.

While Steve sits and despairs about the hopelessness of the situation, circus Daredevil shows up and offers to become Steve’s new sidekick.

I am alarmed that this guy is relevant to the plot.

Also… I’m kind of wondering if he’s supposed to be Deadpool. Not actually Wade Wilson Deadpool himself but he has a lot of Deadpool energy and almost nothing to do with Matt Murdock. Alex Ross usually doesn’t like anything introduced after the death of Barry Allen but I wonder if he liked Deadpool enough to want to include someone like him.

This circus Daredevil is given an actual origin in a prequel from a few years back but the idea is sticking in my mind.

He’s red and black, he wants to work with Cap, he’s got an irreverent sense of humor, and he’s got a healing factor so strong he can’t die and has little self-preservation instinct anymore.

Anyway.

The Inhumans continue their journey to find their missing prince. Last issue, Reed Doom promised he’d help by getting a Cerebro and reprogramming it to find Inhumans. He takes off - using a teleportation device made out of Lockjaw… Aww, best doggo is dead? This really is Bad Future.

Reed leaving causes the Doombots of Castle Doom to suddenly register the Inhumans as intruders.

Their fight against the bots leads Medusa and Luna to discovering Dr Doom’s time platform… and Reed’s notes on it, reflecting he really wants to use it to save Sue from exploding but he doesn’t know when he’d stop altering history if he started.

Elsewhere, Cyclops is contacted by Corsair, Havok, and Polaris. FROM SPACE!

They know something bad is going to happen to Earth and want to bring Scott away to space safety.

He refuses to leave without Jean, even though she chose Wolverine over him in the love triangle.

Also, when Alex Ross doesn’t like a character, you know it. And he seems to hate Wolverine.

The appendix reveals that all the psychics are dead (Professor X, MODOK) or depowered (Jean).

Not sure yet why but it means there’s nobody to counter the kid or the squid.

Over in New York, Kid Bruce and Gorilla Hulk visit Sorcerer Supreme Clea.

Clea and Wong explain to Bruce that Strange’s astral form was destroyed while it was out of his body. His body still lives but he’s essentially dead. And that’s why Clea is sorcererly supreme.

So Bruce explains what he’s there for. He’s been having the oddest recurring dream.

Of Captain Marvel on his Death of Captain Marvel deathbed. In the dream, he rises out of bed and shows the assembled crowd of friends, allies, and respected enemies that he has the universe inside him. And then dies.

A universe inside a person sounds to Clea like Eternity. But Eternity is dead. Despite being the universe. Not sure how that happens.

Bruce really wants Mar-Vell to explain the dream to him so he asks Clea to dunk him into the Realm of Death.

I feel like there’s intermediate steps you could try but what do I know.

And geez, Bruce’s dream of the universe inside a dude and visiting death to interpret it on top of the world possibly ending and superpowered menaces running amok with nobody to stop them… This universe is a mess.

(By the way, the appendix notes that Carol Danvers is the current Captain Marvel and that she’s in space helping the Kree on their destroyed capital. So Earth X gets two more tallies for things the 616 would copy later.)

Now then. Let’s talk cover Thor.

Earth X wants to paint the entire history of Marvel with one brushstroke. Superpowers and even super genius is the result of Celestial meddling.

The gods were mentioned in issue 0 as being in conflict with the Celestials but I guess Ross didn’t feel like actual gods fit the picture he was painting.

On Earth X, the Asgardians aren’t gods. They’re super advanced shapeshifting emphatic aliens with no personality of their own who take their identity from those who observe them.

They came to Earth and were viewed as the Norse gods so the Norse gods they became.

Their powers became what people expected them to be. Their personalities became what people expected them to be.

I have no idea how this alien race of blank slates managed to invent space travel.

I don’t particularly like this worldbuilding idea for Thor’s slice of Marvel. His mythos feels diminished if it’s just aliens play-acting old stories.

Anyway, girl bod Thor is fighting some storm giants that made their way to Midgard* alongside the Iron Avengers, who Thor treats as friends.

*Earth

Tony Stark in his isolation somewhere tells the Iron Avengers to respond to another crisis because Thor’s got this one handled.

Vision in a cool hood wants to argue, feeling Tony is being manipulated by President Norman Osborn but ultimately does what Tony asks.

Back of the book appendix info: when the mass empowering event started, Tony sealed himself in isolation, afraid of being changed. He didn’t know but Scott Lang Ant-Man snuck himself and his daughter Cassie into Tony’s isolated environment to try to protect her. But she wound up changing anyway. And now they’re stuck because they can’t leave without compromising Tony’s sealed environment.

The people outside that were mutated came to resent Tony for not being mutated so kept trying to attack his bunker or whatever. So he created the Iron Avengers and gave them his dead friends’ personalities.

Honestly, I can’t wait for the issue that focuses on Tony. There seems to be a lot to unpack.

Also in appendix news, Osborn went on a secret killing spree of supervillains before he took power. He wiped out a lot of Tony’s rogues gallery, for example. And he was never elected as president. He just had himself declared as such and a jaded mutated populace went okay whatever.

Earth X is a mess.

After fighting off the storm giants, Thor calls Loki out as responsible for the attack.

Interesting new design Loki. Could do with you being less interpersonally gross though.

Unsurprisingly, Loki is behind Thor’s new look, having somehow tricked Odin into turning his brother into a woman as his latest trial of humility.

And if Thor goes back to Asgard to tell Odin that Loki is up to his shit again, Loki will lock Thor away from Earth so he can’t stop his evil scheming.

This is a weird plot point.

I’ve heard that it inspired Jane Foster Thor but I’m pretty sure both this and Jane Foster Thor were inspired by the What If where Jane Foster became Thor.

Thor seems only mildly irritated by this whole thing but sheesh, with everything else going on why throw this in?

Earth X is a mess. Captain America is demoralized and wearing the flag as a toga. Cyclops is depressed and lost the love of his life, again. Spider-Man is depressed and has a Venom daughter. Reed is depressed and blames himself for the state of the world.

And Thor has been rule 63’d. But at least he’s not depressed?

#earth x #liveblog #Thor #cyclops #Wolverine #jean grey #captain america #loki #captain marvel #hulk #Clea #mr fantastic #uatu the watcher #machine man

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made-this-cause-why-not · 11 months ago

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DC Comics Characters as Mauraders

So this initially stemmed from my bi yearly harlivy brainrot session where I thought "oh my god, Dorcas and Marlene are so Ivy and Harley." Specifically Dark Knights of Steel Harlivy (I would bury an army for you) (In return you will live here with me/ In return you won't fight in the war. This again? This always) . Want me to explain- gladly. Marlene "dive in head first, my blood runs red and gold, if I go, I will drag you to hell with me" McKinnon, working for The Order and thinking "hey this is kinda sketch, I don't know if we can trust Dumbledore" and Dorcas "every acquaintance is a new connection to better myself, killed by Voldemort personally, I will slither on my stomach if it means I can slice as your Achilles tendon and watch you fall" Meadows being the Anti-Heroes needed to end the Voldemort. They know they must fight in the war, they just need to fight on their own side.

And then I thought- why stop at them. So I present, the Mauraders as DC Comics Characters:

Starting off strong, James and Lily as the Iconic Blue Boy Scout and Pulitzer Prize winning Lois Lane. Do I need to explain? The Kal-el is so James/Mirrorball coded, and if James ever became a supe, Lily Evans would be the first to know.

After this, we have Remus and Sirius as Bruce and Selina Kyle. Remus is so Bruce Wayne- an orphan with a bad experience with animals at a young age. Reserved and quiet but a commanding authority figure that eyes turn to in times of need. Like, Remus is so batman but Brucie- oh that all Remu. Remu is a cassanova that everyone has a crush on, the life of the party that drinks iced tea at Gala's and is always limping or wincing over something. Sirius, well for a second I did switch the two and have Sirius be bruce but no, Sirius is so Selina. Sirius steals diamonds from museums, knowing that he has the money and Remus could buy them if he really wanted because "well where's the fun in that Moony." (Sirius has a huge platonic obsession with Superman and when Remus makes the Justice League he is ELATED. He loves going to HQ and telling embarrassing stories to James. He even let it slip that he calls Remus Moony and now all of the Core Members do it too. He loves hates it.) (Also, Sirius is friends with Marlene in any universe and he loves that it annoys Remus a little bit. When Harley/Marlene finally joins the league, they celebrate by breaking into a new art exhibit)

After this we have Pete as Barry "I could have finished this myself but that wouldn't be as fun" Allen. Pete is kinda just at the meetings as a favor to James and doesn't understand why Batman won't just let him take care of the Joker himself. Peter is nice and always a bit confused as to what is going on. Batman used to scare him, but shortly after learning about Moony, the two started bonding over nerdy shit together.

With the Arrowverse being the origins of my love for D.C (yes, I know it isn't comic accurate, but middleschool me loved it so fuck off), I have to make Mary as Dinah. I don't know much about comic accurate Dinah- a problem I plan on rectifying in the future- but her general "I'm done with this shit" vibe is matches Mary "i'm leaving the wizarding world and not turning back".

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Alice and Frank as Hawkman and Hawkgirl

Evan and Barty as Penguin and Riddler (Gotham's Penguin and Batman 2022's Riddler because yes)

Regulus as Jason "Do I look like Batman? Musty Bitch" Todd

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ketchup-monthly · 2 years ago

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N for DC

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

oh god there are so many more things than 3 that i would like to see in the DC fandom that i dont see. but i'll shave it down to 3

MORE LANTERNFAM -dear god please give me more lanternfam. i want hal! i want guy! i want john! i want kyle! i want kilowog! i want carol! i want razer! i want aya! please god i just want more lanternfam -on that note, i also just want the lanterns to get more respect???? they wield the most powerful weapon in the known universe and are insanely powerful to be able to do so. lets get some respect on their names, please?

midnighter and apollo actually getting the credit they deserve instead of being watered down little bitches -dear god please dc ruined their characters and took away all interesting factors that either of them had and left them soulless shells of the men, nay, gods they used to be. they took away their marriage. they took away their daughter. they took away their beautiful codependency. -instead, midnighter is an edgy batman knockoff and apollo is a superman fanboy -they would not fucking say that -and a lot of fans are seeing their new 52 and rebirth versions and accepting that as who they actually are as characters, and no! they had a rich and vibrant history before the new 52 ruined them -i just want them to go back to who they were, together and apart, before the new 52, where their story actually had meaning and a political message instead of the watered down fanservice "oh look we have gay characters" that their comics are today

more content that separates other characters from the bats so they can get an actual story told -ive complained about this in some of my tags recently, but as someone who is in a lot of other parts of the dc fandom that ISNT the batfam, i'd like to be able to sit down and actually have content for characters, ships, and dynamics between characters that dont involve any of the bats. -im a lantern fan. do you know how hard it is to actually find content for that? there is so little guyhal content, or superlantern, or green lantern the animated series, or hal's relationship with literally any other character when compared to the content for bruce and his kids. -i want to be able to read clark kent content without it being about bruce. i'd like to read superbat where its not about clark being a stepdad to the batkids and completely ignores clarks kids. he has kids and this is as important to his character as bruces are to his. -i want to read flash content without dick in it. i'd like to have comics coming out where i wont have to read about the bats and their misadventure of the year -please stick the bats in an alternate dimension where nothing happens for a year so i can enjoy literally anyone else doing anything else -duke can stay bc he already has literally barely any content for him and i think he deserves to get to grow as his own character for a bit. im putting him in a terrarium with shelter, food, and enrichment and gently misting him with water as we speak. i shall take care of him as he becomes independent and gets to be a kid for a little while. he is being taken care of well -that being said can i please have more fics where we take bruce's kids from him and they actually get to grow a personality other than "gotham vigilante"? let hal steal bruces kids! let clark! let barry! let dinah! please im asking very nicely

#oops i ranted a bit there #dc comics #lanternfam #green lantern #midnighter #apollo #midpollo #my typical anti-batfam sentiments #love them but please god can i get a waffle (content other than batfam)?#ketchup answers

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noodyl-blasstal · 1 year ago

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Aftermath - Blupjeans Week day 7

“I think I’ll maybe do it after the bone church?”

“How romantic.” Said Taako, wryly. “Here’s a load of dead people whose bones they dug up and made a chandelier of, also, I’ve been in love with you for a bajillion years, wanna grab coffee?”

“I wasn’t going to say the last bit.” Barry huffed. It was already mortifying that he had to talk about this with Lup’s brother. Maybe he should have told Magnus instead, but Barry wasn’t convinced he could be counted on not to wave them off by shouting ‘good luck telling Lup how you feel about her’ or something equally mortifying. Taako, at least, was air tight.

“You aren’t going to tell her you love her?” Taako narrowed his eyes. “Barry, Barold, you are my best friend in the world and I will murder you to death if you do not do this. You have been promising for months. Months! I cannot live like this. It’s homophobic.”

“I’m your best friend?” Barry laid his hand to his chest. “Taako, I..”

“Shut up.” Taako hissed. “If you don’t tell her then I will.”

Barry tried not to laugh at the deflection. Torturing Taako when he accidentally confessed that he had feelings was one of Barry’s favourite sports. It was a toothless threat too, if Taako was going to tell Lup then he would have done it already. He clocked how Barry felt almost as quickly as Barry did. “I’m going to tell her. I’m not going to ask her out for coffee after. Probably.”

“Fine. Fine! But you’d better tell her. Or else!” Taako mimed a series of tiny punches.

“No, please, Taako! Mercy! Mercy!!!”

– The conference was in a castle. It was hard to pretend that wasn’t at least 60% of the reason they were there, but their research was good too. The post-doc hunt had, thankfully, provided them both jobs. In the same University, of course, because it was unfathomable that they wouldn’t be together. The fact they would apply for jobs together and continue to live together wasn’t even discussed, it was just how it was going to be. The photo strings moved again, Barry’s book shelves stood in a slightly different configuration, and their coffee machine only fitted under one of the cupboards in the kitchen. They took their home apart at the seams and lovingly sewed it back together somewhere new.

It was inevitable that they’d end up researching together. They knew each others’ work inside out anyway, and one late night conversation about being able to sap energy from a storm cloud to heal someone led to a frantic few weekends in an empty evocation lab, which produced the paper that had taken them here. The applause faded and the moderator stood to ask for questions.

“It’s more of a comment than a question.” Said the dapper elf who had lazily raised his hand and immediately commanded attention. Of course that would be their first response. No one would want to drag things on after this. It was Barry’s least favourite phrase, but he tried not to roll his eyes and nodded politely instead. He felt Lup bristle beside him. “In my own research…” Barry fought not to tune him out. Maybe it would be relevant? Maybe the comment would even be helpful? “...instead of hiring an evocation specialist, which, even though I’m sure yours wasn’t too costly…” he gave Lup a once over which made Barry want to bite him. “...is still an unnecessary cost. You can just use volunteers. They have plenty of power for the taki…using. Voluntarily offered, of course.” He smiled a violently calm smile. There were murmurs around the room.

“What my colleague means to say…” Said the female elf next to him, Barry assumed his twin because they certainly looked the same, but people with these ethics might be experimenting with cloning for all Barry knew. “... is that our subjects are all there voluntarily and know exactly what they are taking part in.” Barry would like to see the ethics board they’d run that one by.

“...They volunteer to heal others?” Lup asked.

The pair shared an uneasy look. “We didn’t say our experiments were exactly the same, anyway, I’m sure lots more people have questions about your little project.” The female elf made a dismissive hand gesture.

“Which University are you from?” Lup continued before the moderator could take another question. “It would be wonderful to keep in touch as we obviously have similar research interests.”

The female elf’s mouth closed into a tight line and she glared, but her colleague… brother? Both? Answered before she could shush him “Felicity Wilde. It’s private.” He said smugly.

“Uh huh.” Answered Lup. Scribbling a note. “Great, and you are?”

“Edward and Lydia Vo-Gue. Remember it, you’ll see our publications soon enough.” Lydia elbowed him hard in the side.

“Cool, thanks.” Lup finished scribbling. “Anyone else actually have a question about this sweet sweet research?”

They did.

– “Are you actually going to contact them about their research?” Barry asked once they’d escaped from the conference dinner. The food was all strangely combined in the trying to be fancy but not actually fancy way and their table had been full of people who only wanted to talk about nothing but themselves. They fled as soon as the dancing started.

“Fuck no. I already emailed the Neverwinter ethics board. I imagine they’ll be shut down by the time they get home.”

– The bone church was their reward for surviving the schmoozing. The university had to pay for them to get to Goldcliff and back anyway, and the conference just so happened to finish on a Friday and it wasn’t any more expensive to travel back on a Sunday. They had meticulously planned the weekend and the ossuary was their first stop. They had a full morning to explore and they were going to use it. It was also where Barry was going to tell Lup how he felt. Definitely. It wasn’t going to be weird. It was going to be fine. Even if she didn’t feel the same it wouldn’t ruin everything, she already knew and she wasn’t angry. She wanted him to have as much time as he needed, but Barry was growing more sick of waiting and less worried about change with every passing day.

They stood together in front of the church, it looked completely ordinary from the outside, all weather-worn stone and too-modern-roof. “Ready?” He asked Lup?

She casually took his hand. “Cha’girl was born ready for this. Let’s go get our spook on!”

It was beautiful, macabre, but no one could deny the artistry, the dedication to shape and place as the old graves had to be emptied to make way for new corpses. There was an undeniable tenderness in the refusal to throw away the bones, the time spent cleaning and creating instead of destroying and forgetting. Their guide was taken aback by their endless questions, but was able to answer them. Lup and Barry absorbed as much as they could from them, and were eventually let loose while their guide tended to another tour.

“Is it okay if we check out the chandelier again before we go?” Lup asked. “I want to look at how they were connected again.”

“Sure.” Barry replied, his mouth dry. This was the place, and he was nearly out of time. Not that it mattered, but Lup would like it if it was here.

“Babe, you know your cool bird skulls?”

“Uh huh.”

“Think we could make them into cool miniature candle holders like those ones?” Lup pointed to the chandelier.

“I think we probably could.” Barry nodded. A skull and a candle should be easy enough to cobble together into something her spooky heart desired.

“I’m not sure we should try and create the full chandelier.”

“No, I think Taako would probably refuse to come over ever again if we had bones hanging from the ceiling. Kravitz too, for that matter. You know how he is about the sanctity of death.”

Lup rolled her eyes. “Fine. We won’t make a cool spooky chandelier that we’d both love. We’ll just decide not to do a fun group project because of Taako getting all the squeamish genes and picking the least cool kind of Death-y boyfriend. That seems right and fair.”

“I’m in love with you.” Said Barry softly. It wasn’t what he meant to say, there was a speech, he’d written it down. Maybe he could show her later, then she’d know he’d tried. “Just so you know.” He added. “Although, I think you did already.”

Lup smiled and placed her head on his shoulder. “I’m in love with you too, Bear. Just so you know…”

Barry didn’t know what to say. Sure, he’d realised this was a likely possibility. It wasn’t like Lup had pulled back since she’d overheard the conversation, if anything, they were closer than ever. But to hear it. To know, wholly and fully? That was magic.

“Anyway, wanna grab some coffee?” Lup always knew the right thing to say.

#blupjeansweek2023 #Blupjeans #Noodyl Writes #Barry Bluejeans #Lup #Lup Tacco #TAZ Spoilers #TAZ Fic

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blingblandfanfic · 1 year ago

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Lup and Barry clone Taako

i've been dabbling in taz fic lately, and i started this and realised i only wanted to write this scene, and thus didn't want to flesh it out further LMAO

one scene isn't enough to post on ao3, but it is enough to post on tumblr ;)

It starts with Lup’s hovering.

Her metaphorical hovering, that is, not her literal hovering. It’s been a month, maybe a bit more since they’ve defeated the Hunger, and on account of being a lich with no legs, she’d have to drift from place to place for all that time.

Taako doesn’t know why she and Barry haven’t made her a new body, but whatever.

To be honest, it takes a while for Taako to even notice her metaphorical hovering, let alone be bothered by it. There’s something about being separated for over a decade that’s made it so that neither of them can be apart for too long without getting panicky about it. But as Taako soaks up sister time, his Lup quota fills up a little bit faster every day until it’s almost back to pre disappearance levels.

He’d expected it to be the same for Lup, but she’s still clingy. Still hovering. Metaphorically. It’s obvious that there's something she wants to tell him, and he’s never known her to be shy about anything, so he’s waiting for her to spit it out herself.

One night, when she’s decided to ‘sleep’ in Taako’s bed instead of Barry's, she finally plucks up the courage to ask whatever she wants to ask him.

“Taako. How much do you love me?”

“What do you want?” his eyes are closed, but if they weren’t, they’d be squinting suspiciously.

“Seriously, babe, just answer the question.”

“You’re my heart, duh,” if this is what she’s been worried about the whole time, then Taako’s gonna be pissed.

“How would you like to make that literal?”

He finally pulls open an eye to see his sister, floating ominously above him, “and what the fuck do you mean by that?”

If Lup had a face, she would use it to give him a bashful smile.

“Well… we need like, a lot of DNA samples in order to create a clone, and it was easy for Barry because he always had access to his body but–”

“But your body is dust,” Taako closes his eyes.

“Hey, we’re already technically clones of each other! We just need to do it manually this time!”

“It’s still fucking freaky, though!” he sits up on his elbows, “I don’t wanna go about my day knowing there’s a version of me growing in a test tube!”

“Then don’t think of the clone as you, dummy, it’ll be my body, I just… won’t be in it, for a while.”

“Oh my god,” he slumps back onto the mattress, “when the fuck did this become our life?”

“I think we were pretty much locked in the moment we got the IPRE acceptance letters,” she floats down to lie on Taako’s body, her not-face propped up by her hands. “Seriously, though, if you really don’t wanna do this, then it’s fine. We’ll figure something else out.”

“Oh yeah, like what? Possess some poor schmuck and spend the rest of your days running from Kravitz? No way, this is the easier option.”

“I have a feeling you’re not fully 100 percent on board with this.”

“Yeah, of course I'm not! Who wants to be cloned? But I’m doing it anyway because you’re my sister, and I want to fucking hug you.”

“God, same,” Lup sighs, “and I want to bang my husband,” she ignores Taako’s retching, “it’s just that we have to be really careful about this, now that me and Barry are working for the Raven Queen and all, we have to make sure this is super duper ethical. Cloning is super light necromancy, and she’s barely willing to let us do it.”

“Fine,” Taako raises his hand, “you have my full unequivocal consent to clone my body and bang your husband with it. I just don’t want to see the fucking thing until you’re in it. Do you need that in writing or what?”

“Actually, yeah. Like I said, the Raven Queen is being super strict about it. Kravitz says we’re lucky she’s letting us do this at all. I guess being the saviors of the universe helped us out there.”

“She also has a big soft spot for Kravitz. She’s like his Mom.”

“Aww, really?”

“He can deny it all he wants, but I know the truth. He blushes like a motherfucker when I bring it up.”

“Ha!” She barks out a laugh and sits up, “I'm definitely gonna bring that up the next time I see him,” she floats off him and makes for the wall– doors are obsolete to a lich– but she pauses, turning back to face him. He can almost imagine her face in the empty darkness that is her hood, a reflection of his own, but far more open and gentle than he’s ever allowed himself to be. “Seriously–”

“Seriously,” he raises his hand, “I'm cool with it. Now can I go the fuck back to sleep?”

“Yeah,” she says, soft, with a hint of a smile, “you can.”

#Taz #the adventure zone #lup #Taako #exclusive content #snippet #taz balance

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moviemunchies · 10 months ago

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Before this movie came out, there were some reservations about it–whether it would be good, or if it would even be released. There were problems with the state of the DC movie universe, for starters, and the weirdness going on with Warner Brothers management. Despite all of that, the guys at Warner Brothers insisted that this movie was coming out, and that it was “one of the greatest superhero movies ever made.”

It is… not.

Barry Allen is the Flash–a founding member of the Justice League and the fastest man alive. Upon getting a better grip on his power to travel through time, Barry decides that he can prevent his mother’s murder and clear his father’s name through a very simple switch-up. So he does that; except he’s thrown out of the timestream unexpectedly to his eighteen-year-old self’s life, where his mother is alive and he’s in college.

Except everything’s changed! Because changing history isn’t only going to change the present, it also disrupts everything else, so Barry’s now in an alternate timeline. And in this timeline, Zod is invading and Barry can’t find Superman or the League around to help. So he’s got to figure out how to save the world, and then get home.

Yeah, it’s another loose adaptation of Flashpoint.

This movie was being billed as the thing that was going to reset the DC continuity for the movies and put it in the new state for Superman: Legacy. Except watching it, the movie is plainly not that at all–the way the universe is left at the end of this movie is not really compatible with whatever they’re doing with the new DC movies. The end result is that the movie feels pointless in its conclusion, a funny little one-off that affects nothing.

It’d be more forgivable if we’d had more time with this iteration of Barry Allen/the Flash. Instead, much like Superman in Snyder’s movies, we’re skipping straight to big stories without developing these characters enough to care. And now we’re getting no more of Barry Allen, or at least this Barry Allen.

Which is kind of a shame? Because I went into this out of curiosity, and I didn’t expect that much from it. I remember for the first third of the movie or so, I was having a surprising amount of fun. I liked this version of Barry. I enjoyed seeing his interactions with his fellow Justice Leaguers, and I thought about how I’d love to see more of these characters interacting. I’d love to see more stories about Barry, but I don’t think we will, at least not anytime soon.

Also, Ezra Miller went kind of insane in the last year or so, and that’s probably an admittedly good reason as to why they’re not rushing to make more anytime soon.

The multiverse is pretty weak here–people have written pieces as to why we’re all sick of the multiverse by this point, and that’s fair. Other than the main Plot itself, where Barry is in an alternate timeline, it only really comes up in the climax, to sort of say, “Hey! We remember all of these past DC iterations! Do you?” Okay, fine, that doesn’t make it good storytelling. It’s not terrible, it’s just not great, either.

Michael Keaton’s a fun Batman. I’m going to be honest with you–I never had much attachment to the 1989 Batman. I liked this take on Batman, though I don’t know if that means he should have replaced Ben Affleck, or even the Thomas Wayne from the comic; the decision to reference the Burton film felt more like fanservice than something that actually made sense.

Also! Question: why does Iris like Barry? By the end of the film, she’s clearly interested in him, and while we know he’s a great guy, the way he’s acted towards her throughout the movie isn’t very appealing from her point of view. She should be incredibly skeptical about his prospects as a romantic partner, if anything. It seemed like a typical ‘Nerd guy gets The Girl’ Hollywood trope than actually writing for the characters.

This movie feels like it’s had a dozen reshoots added to it, to try to make it appeal to more fans through references, and to try to make it fit or not fit in a new DC universe. And while it’s great fun at times, I’d have preferred if the movie only tried to tell a singular story. I would like an actual Flash movie that had Barry interacting with his own supporting cast and rogues gallery–because Flash has an amazing rogues gallery! Thawne! Zoom! Captain Cold! Mirror Master! These would be fun on a massive blockbuster budget!

And it’s pretty darn egregious that, with everything that’s going on in Warner Bros, that they canceled Batgirl, a film with a female Hispanic lead, and kept straight on with this, when its star has actually committed crimes and threatened people.

I don’t know! I had more fun watching this than I expected, and that was a nice surprise! At the same time, this far from “one of the greatest superhero movies ever made” that was promised–I don’t know how someone even arrived at that proclamation, unless the executives decided “nostalgic references to previous movies” counts as quality. Given the state of Hollywood, that’s a possibility.

If you’re a massive DC fan, or liked other movies in this iteration of the DC universe, than you’ll probably have some fun with this movie. But is it a must-watch? No. Not even close.

#The Flash #Barry Allen #Ezra Miller #Movie Munchies #DCEU #superheroes #DC comics

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