#pretty sure this is not the kind of thing tk meant

[normaltothemax]

Bullying the Traumatized "You know … it's OK to have stuff that hurts you." TK shrugged lightly, just a little, ducking to seek Lucy's eye. "It means it matters."

His bottom lip wobbled worryingly for a moment, eyes shining and cheeks wet. “I didn’t mean to,” he sniffled, little fists rubbing at his eyes. “It was an accident.” But that didn’t matter, because his records were broken. Laying in pieces on the floor, inadvertent casualties of his most recent tantrum. His favorite things in the world were broken forever and it was all Lucy’s fault.

@parameddic (x)

[otomehonyaku]

Diabolik Lovers Lost Eden Stellaworth Tokuten Short Stories スペシャル特典小冊子 ☽ Yuma ver.

This short story booklet was part of the Stellaworth set for Lost Eden! Keep reading below the cut for Yuma's version. Kou's and Azusa's are coming soon!

S ☽ [Ayato’s version by @kyouxa] [Laito’s version by @kyouxa] [Shuu’s version] [Reiji’s version] [Kanato’s version] [Subaru’s version]

M ☽ [Ruki’s version] [Yuma's version] [Kou’s version] [Azusa’s version]

TK ☽ [Carla’s version] [Shin’s version] [Kino’s version]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As always, special thanks to @karleksmumskladdkaka for providing the scans ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ Please do not reuse or post my translations elsewhere or translate my work into other languages without my permission.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I wanted to atone for my sins, that bastard–Shuu had said. 

At the time, I thought he was fucking with me, but when I thought about it, I realised I might actually be trying to do the same..

☽

“Fuck… Where’d that pipsqueak go?” I barged through the streets in a quiet Eden. 

Eden is about as big as it looks. It’s got plenty of hiding places, which I knew from the time I spent here growing up. That meant that trying to find someone here was next to impossible.

To make matters worse, the person I was looking for was about as tiny as a sprout. 

“Yuma?”

When I turned the corner, the person I saw unfortunately wasn’t the kid I was looking for… or so I thought. There he was, staring up at me in amazement from my girl’s arms.

“Huh, so he was with you…”

I sighed heavily. He seemed to be sleeping pretty soundly, too, completely oblivious to my relief. 

As soon as the kid became able to move on his own, he disappeared as soon as you took your eyes off him. It’s not like the pipsqueak could actually run around and get very far, but his unpredictable movements made me anxious to lose sight of him.

“Jeez… I thought he’d be a bit more well-behaved.”

Unlike that pain-in-the-ass, I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut.

“Don’t you think he’s starting to resemble you, Yuma?”

“What? You don’t know that. He can’t even talk yet.”

“I know, but… When I see you two side by side, you do kind of look alike. Maybe because you spend so much time together.”

I fell silent. She looked me in the eye, a kind smile on her face. She probably saw right through my behaviour, too.

The reason why I needed to protect this… this kid… was it really because I wanted to atone for my sins? I suddenly pondered that question. Boss was killed under my watch–twice–and then Shuu went and died on me too. Those sins of mine might’ve been weighing on me more than I’d initially thought.

Still, even if I make amends, that bastard is no longer around to see it. And it’s not just him. I lost everything dear to me many times over, and even the most important things to me now I can count on one hand.

And that’s when this little creature came into my life. 

I had to protect him. I couldn’t just let him die like I had let the others die. At least, that’s what I thought–that I wanted to repent. But at the same time, I was also kinda hesitant to attribute that sentiment to something else.

She didn’t beat around the bush, though–she told me it was love.

“Ah, did we wake you?”

The kid, who’d been cooped up in her arms, slowly stirred awake. He opened his eyes, still a bit sleepy, and looked in my direction as he yawned unabashedly. A big, carefree yawn. The fact that his languid expression reminded me of a certain someone irritated me, but I felt myself relax a little, too.

“Not a single thought going on in that lil’ head, huh? Just like that NEET.”

She laughed.

“C’mere. I’ll hold him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, ‘n gimme your hand, too.”

I grabbed her small hand in mine while I held the baby in the other. These were the two people I wanted to protect most of all. Their warmth proved that they were alive and well, and when they were near me, my mind went in all sorts of foolish directions.

Even if this was my atonement, I strongly felt that I never, ever wanted to lose these two. And that was enough for me. It wasn’t really in my nature to worry about these kinds of things, after all.

Having put my doubts behind me, I felt myself getting tired, too. I couldn’t hold back a yawn. 

“Ah, look at him.”

The kid stared up at us as he yawned in the exact same way, earning a chuckle from my girl.

[lovelytsunoda]

how will I know? // marcus armstrong

summary: marcus has the hots for a barista at florida's trendiest cafe. it's not the pumpkin spice that keeps bringing him back. perhaps its the fact that he doesn't know how to ask her out that's holding him back.

pairing: marcus armstrong x barista! reader

warnings: pumpkin spice lattes, mid-season exams, i don't know jack shit about coffee so if the terminology doesn't make sense, don't sue me. Clement has no filter whatsoever.

how will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer in every heartbeat! how will I know if he’s thinking of me? I’m asking you cause you know about things

florida is a vastly different place before eight in the morning. especially in the fall, trees dyed red and orange as nature takes it’s time ringing in the next phase.

marcus stopped, hands on his knees as he bent over to gasp for air. he never associated flordia with the cold, but when you grow up in christchurch, anything less than boiling is cold.

he took a deep breath, pushing up the sleeves of his athletic sweater and stretching his arms as he began to walk down the quiet street. the off season was no joke. sure, he’s fucked around for a few weeks with some of the old ferrari boys, but now he finally had a chance to make something of himself.

to be a household name.

which meant that despite the outside temperature and the lack of desire tk do much, he needed to keep up the routine. the routine would keep him sane, keep him in fighting condition.

but first, he needed coffee. and indoor heating.

he pushed into the coffee shop on the corner, a quiet yet cozy set up with blown glass pumpkins on the shelves behind the counter, a garland of fake fall leaves strung up around the point-of-sale terminal. lo-fi covers of eighties arena rock played in the background, a tinny rendition inf of Springsteens ‘dancing in the dark’ echoing throughout the empty space.

empty except for one person.

at a table in the back corner, a petite woman of about twenty one sat cross legged, earbuds in and staring at a laptop as she hopped her head to whatever she was listening to and scribbled a few things down on her notebook page.

she sang under her breath as she bopped her head, and marcus could hear the fluctuating notes of “you sexy thing” clashing with the overhead music.

there was something about the care-free nature of her own little world that marcus found very endearing.

sliding a hand into his pants pockets, he turned back to the counter, tapping the bell on the counter to call for a barista.

at the sound, the girl in the corner jumped, apple earbuds falling out of her ears as she stumbled over the kanken backpack on the floor.

“fuck, give me just a second! sorry, we usually don’t get any traffic before eight in the morning.” she groaned, heading towards the counter, cuffs of her oversized jeans dragging on the floor. “it’s mid term season, you know how it is.”

“I don’t, actually.” marcus shrugged “I never went to university.”

the girl laughed, slipping behind the counter. “count yourself lucky. this is hell.” she took a breath, tying her hair in a loose ponytail behind her head. “what can I get you?”

“do you have just, normal coffees?” marcus chuckled, looking at the chalkboard menu on the wall. “something that my trainer won’t kill me for drinking?”

the girl behind the counter laughed, placing a hand over her heart. “someone under the age of thirty drinks normal coffee?”

“such is the life of a professional athlete.”

she smiled softly at him, and he felt his stomach churn as she tapped the tablet screen.

she was so pretty, in such a subtle, ordinary way. the kind that took no effort.

“espresso, latte, or americano?”

marcus placed his order, tapping his black amex card against the machine as she turned around to grab a paper coffee cup, a blue sharpie peeking out over her back pocket. she uncapped the marker, leaning over the counter and resting her elbows against the laminate.

“can I get a name for that?”

“that depends,” marcus grinned, mimicking her pose. his face was so close to her that she could have kissed him if she leaned a little closer. “can I get yours?”

“y/n.” she flushed, blush spreading across her cheeks.

“I’m marcus. nice to meet you, y/n.”

every morning after that, it was like there was an invisible string that kept dragging marcus back. he couldn't explain what pull that the small boutique cafe had, but every morning, like clockwork, he was slipping into the small store, hoping to catch a glimpse of the girl who had first caught his eye, sitting curled up in her small corner of the white marble space.

by the second day, he had worked up the courage to ask what she was studying. by the third day, she had memorized his order (americano with cream and cold foam) and by the fourth day, he was coming in early to help her use her study flash cards.

despite herself, y/n found herself longing for the kiwi, the mysterious athlete that had slipped so easily into her life despite it all, despite the obligations that she was sure had to things that weren't her.

it all felt too good to be true.

and you know what, one morning he never came in, and she felt her heart sink, even though there was no reason for it. it's not like he was her lover. he was just another customer.

one she had grown attached to.

of course, marcus had a good reason for not coming in that morning. he knew it was the day before her exam, and he wanted more than anything to be there and help her make sure she was ready. instead, he found himself at the airport, waiting for two different flights to land: james from new zealand, and clement from... well, he didn't actually know where clement was flying in from. sometimes, when it came to the eccentric frenchman, it was better not to ask. and

because he was such a good fucking friend, he was waiting in the arrivals line at the asscrack of dawn instead of ordering coffee. and once his friends had piled into the car, squishing suitcases and duffle bags into the sad excuse of a trunk, he got it into his head that he was going to go straight to the coffee shop.

"mate, you missed the turn to your house." clement frowned, tapping on the window. "where are you taking us?"

james smiled to himself, wiping the sweat off his brow. "he's taking us to see coffee shop girl."

"oh, shit. are you finally going to tell her you love her?"

"oh, fuck you both." marcus groaned, pulling into a parking space in front of the small shop, aptly named 'what's the tea?. "i'm not 'in love', but i want to know her better. she has a big exam tomorrow, and you guys know i've been helping her study, so i just want to make sure she feels okay about it."

clement snorted, sharing a look with james.

"simp." both men said at the same time, laughing hysterically as marcus stepped out of the car, flashing his middle finger at his comrades before he went inside.

when they were done laughing, clement and james followed him inside, greeted by a lo-fi version of 'you shook me all night long'. the cafe was busier than marcus had ever seen it, and there were three different girls working behind the counter today, the tables almost full. he spied y/n's backpack at a corner booth, tucked safely into the corner.

but there was no sign of y/n.

he waited in the line, james and clem behind him, and when he reached the counter, he couldn't hide his disappointment that she hadn't come to ask if he still wanted his usual order.

"what can i get you?" athena, the woman behind the counter asked him.

"hi, is y/n working today?"

athena grinned, leaning against the counter. "you're runner boy, aren't you?"

"he calls her coffee shop girl! they're made for each other!" clem shouted with a laugh, earning a small slap to the chest from james.

"she's in the back, she stepped out to take a break. today has been rough on her." athena smiles softly, stepping back. "i'll go get her for you."

he peeled away from the line, hands tapping his sides nervously as he watched athena duck into the back room. james clapped him in the shoulders, attempting to talk up his longtime friend.

when the door to the back room opened, and y/n emerged from the small break space, his heart stopped. her eyes were rimmed in red, as if she had been crying. her hair was loosely pinned back in a plastic clip, a minuscule droplet of water on her glasses.

and as soon as she saw him, she couldn’t help but smile.

“you came. I missed you this morning.” she said softly, making her way towards him, hands shyly hidden in the sleeves of her sweater.

marcus chuckled, gesturing towards clem and james. “yeah, I had to go pick up these two wankers from the airport.”

almost as if they had heard, both men turned towards the couple, waving their arms madly.

“he wants to jump your bones!” clement shouts before taking a sip of his fancy matcha drink, seductively winking at a blonde behind the bar

“please, pay them no mind.” marcus sighs as y/n starts to laugh. “I’ve known them since I was like, twelve. theyre harmless, just taking the piss.”

“don’t worry about it.” she smiles, brushing an errant strand of hair. “I think it’s charming.”

“your civil lit exam is tomorrow, right? how are you feeling?”

she exhaled, slipping both hands into her back pockets. “overwhelmed. but I think I can do it. i can definitely pass, just not sure by how much.”

feeling james and clems eyes boring into the back of his head, marcus took a deep breath, wringing his hands together. “hey, after your exam, maybe when your life has calmed down a little bit, do you want to grab a drink?”

she beamed, blushing pink as she reached for a cardboard heat sleeve, scribbling her number down on it. “yeah, I’d love that. do you want w coffee? the usual?”

she slipped the sleeve with her number on it onto the cup, her hand lingering over marcus’ as she passed him the cup.

when he went back to his friends, james and clem took one look at the scribbled digits on the side of the cup and burst out into cheers.

as they left the shop, he turned back, stealing a look at y/n as she slipped behind the bakery case. when she saw him, she gave him a smile, and a gentle wave.

and marcus waved back. maybe moving to florida wasn’t a bad thing after all.

TAGS

@magnummagnussen @httpiastri @clemswrld @libraryofloveletters @scuderiamh @lorarri @cartierre @diorleclerc

[rmd-writes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @cha-melodius @hippolotamus @mammameesh @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit for the tags. I'm sure I've done this before but I can't find it to see how long ago!

How many works do you have on ao3?

84

What's your total ao3 word count?

591,653 but that's inflated by a number of collabs, I think the number is closer to 400-450k

What fandoms do you write for?

RWRB, 911 LS and SC (rarely these days)

Top five fics by kudos:

Excluding any collabs (there's a couple in particular that are right up there)

Everybody needs good neighbours | RWRB | E | 14.3k | neighbours au

to the victor, the spoils | RWRB | E | 19.4k | lawyer au

yours for the afternoon | RWRB | M | 4.6k | coffee shop au

what, like it's hard? | RWRB | E | 65.1k | lawyer au, the prequel

I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby | RWRB | E | 7k | college au

Do you respond to comments?

Yes, I try to! I'm not always prompt but I do respond to almost every comment

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Happy endings only here. I do have one unpublished Tarlos ficlet that's kind of a Queen Charlotte inspired future fic that is the saddest thing I've ever written which is the result of @howtosingit saying "whatever you do, don't think about X" which of course meant that I did and I wrote it in a fever dream, cried then buried it in my gdocs.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them hahaha

Maybe the ending to what, like it's hard?

Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten some strange comments but I don't know that I'd class it as hate, as such (thankfully)

Do you write smut?

nah yeah lol

Craziest crossover:

It's not a proper fic, but I wrote this in response to an ask about what would happen in Alex & Henry, David & Patrick and Carlos and TK all met.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I am aware!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes and I love it! I've done collabs where we each write a chapter, one where we each wrote a chapter and then fully co-wrote the final chapter, a full co-write with @welcometololaland (that ended up morphing into each of us alternating chapters), and I'm in the process of another co-write with Lola atm.

All time favorite ship?

you can't make me choose

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't like to say never, but probably the SC paint & sip au

What are your writing strengths?

based on the comments I get - smut with feelings, banter/dialogue, characterisation

What are your writing weaknesses?

World building, pretty metaphors, I'm far too fond of run on sentences to the point where if I was beta reading my own writing there are SO MANY sentences that need to be cut down so that the reader can breathe.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

If it fits the character, I love it! I generally ask a native speaker to help me with translations for accuracy

First fandom you wrote in?

Schitt's Creek

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't wanna choose

I've got no idea who's done this already but I'll tag @welcometololaland @everwitch-magiks @clottedcreamfudge @indomitable-love @three-drink-amy

@never-blooms @freneticfloetry @strandnreyes @heartstringsduet @reyesstrand

@indestructibleheart @orchidscript @maxbegone @carlos-in-glasses @beautifulhigh

and an open tag if anyone hasn't been tagged and wants to play 💖

[fruitgummies01]

I agree about tae joining and maybe not fully understanding what he was getting into. I feel like a lot of jikookers were really hard on him, but his comment at the omikase (which was literally the night of their first day in jeju) he said "I felt that" about the show being for just the two of them and thanked them for letting him join. Yes, he still invited himself, but I think he realized the atmosphere after getting there. I don't know if it was the general arrangement (the two beds, the two coordinating pairs of swimming trunks, etc) or some of jungkook's less than thrilled comments earlier in the day (there could have also been private conversations between the three of them because of course we don't see everything), but it felt like by the end of the day he felt that it was a show meant for the two of them, which in his defense is different that all the other bts content we get (AYS isn't like ITS or BV for example).

Kind of tangential to this talking point, I'm curious who in the group knew what about the show. Like so far we've seen tae, yoongi, and namjoon get called while the show was filming. We know yoongi had some vague explanation of "I'm going to the US to drink with jungkook" from jimin. Tae seemed pretty in the dark about it: not understanding the MMA/elbowing comments, just seeing about them going to jeju on the shared group calendar bts have, not understanding the vibe (like asking why RM wasn't there). The only thing we have from namjoon is before enlistment in the wlive when he jokes about MMA fighting in bed. I know the show was very make-it-up-as-we-go so maybe they felt it was hard to explain since plans weren't really set, but I just find the inner workings of bts interesting, like who shares with who and about what topics (and this is completely aside from shipping discourse or anything specific about jikook or tk).

Completely agree with everything you said!! Even if you look at JK and Tae's conversation over the phone in episode 1, it seemed like Tae had no idea what they were doing or where they were (lowkey makes me wonder if that NYC trip was even on their group calendar, which brings about even more questions I won't get into lol). But given ITS and BV, it would be easy to assume that Are You Sure would be similar to the things they filmed before, so I tend to cut Tae some slack when it comes to inviting himself on their trip. I'm sure he got the message after repeatedly be referred to as guest multiple times lol.

Much like you though, "I just find the inner workings of bts interesting, like who shares with who and about what topics", I often have the same thoughts. It's normal that the members won't know everything that is happening in each others their lives, since they were working on their solo projects and insanely busy, but (shipping aside) it feels pointed that Jimin and Jungkook made it a priority to carve out time to spend time together. I also think it says a lot that Jungkook brings up Jin by name repeatedly at different points in the show so far. RM by his own admission, said that he had to distance himself from everyone, which I completely understand. I became a fan after JHope and Jin had already enlisted so, aside from older content that I've watched, I'm so interested in discovering more about their dynamic and inner workings in real time. Especially after massively successful solo careers.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

It's finally done!

And only three days late!

my @911reversebang fic

California (AO3) inspired by the awesome art by redpinkdots

TK doesn't move to Austin with Owen after his OD but decides to check himself into rehab to get clean once and for all. Only reading websites is hard and things aren't exactly the way he thought they would be.

A/N: I got this idea the first time I saw the artwork and I was so excited when I got assigned this. But life��� kind of got in the way and I really struggled with this fic in more ways than one. Though I'm pretty happy with the result in the end and I hope you'll enjoy it too. And just FYI - all I know about both California and rehab facilities is what I've seen and heard in various tv shows and quick google searches... so it's probably hella inaccurate... but just go with it.

TW: Mentions of TK's overdose and addiction

TK opened his eyes and closed them again right away. The bright lights hurt his eyes and he groaned trying to remember where he was and how he’d gotten there. Because he definitely wasn’t in his bed in his apartment.

“TK? Are you awake?” a familiar voice asked but the fog in his brain wouldn’t lift enough for him to put a face and name to it.

“Welcome back mister Strand. You gave everyone quite the scare.” Someone else said and this time TK was sure he didn’t know them.

Someone, possibly the same person, adjusted his blanket and suddenly he noticed a beeping noise.

He opened his eyes a tiny bit and saw nothing but bright and white.

His brain needed a minute to process the information.

Hospital.

Again.

Shit.

He squeezed his eyes shut yet again.

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m here. We both are.”

“Dad?” he asked, or more like croaked. His throat hurt and his mouth was dry.

“Yeah, I’m here. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok.” He felt his dad squeeze his hand.

Someone grabbed his other hand and when TK turned his head to look at them, a white hot knife was slammed into his brain.

Or at least that’s how it felt.

He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in and out a few times to get the pain to subside.

In through his nose, out through his mouth.

Suddenly a familiar scent hit his senses and this time he knew exactly what it meant.

“Mom?”

Her perfume was always a comfort to him. Ever since he was a little boy. Only now it reminded him of how much he’d let her down. Again.

“Yes sweetheart I’m here. I’m right here. You’re going to be ok. I’ll make sure of it.”

He slowly opened his eyes again and saw his mother sitting next to his hospital bed.

“What happened?”

“We were hoping you could tell us.” His dad said from his other side.

“Owen.” Gwyn warned him and then turned to her son. “You’re in hospital… they uh… they had to pump your stomach. Your dad found you in your apartment.”

“You OD-ed. You weren’t breathing. I had to use Narcan to bring you back.” Owen told him and seemed to struggle to swallow past the lump in his throat. “If we’d been just a little bit later…”

“But you weren’t.” Gwyn cut in, clearly eager to move the conversation along. “Just… try to get some rest and when you’re ready, you can tell us what happened.” She squeezed TK’s hand.

“What time is it?”

“About 4.30.” Owen answered after glancing at his watch. “Don’t worry, the nurses won’t kick us out after visiting hours.”

“No… I… I have to go.” TK said, trying to sit up and ignore the pain in his body. “My shift starts at 5. I have to go. I can’t be late.”

“Wow, wow, wow. TK calm down. Son. TK.” Owen tried, getting up from his seat and trying to make TK stay in bed.

“Tyler Kennedy Strand.” Gwyn started and TK knew he was in trouble whenever his mother used his full name. “You stay in that bed and rest until someone with MD behind their name says otherwise.”

TK considered his options for a minute and then relaxed under his father’s grip and sagged back against the bed.

Owen squeezed his shoulder.

“You’ve been through a lot. Just take your time. The guys understand.”

“They know?”

Owen glanced at Gwyn for help before taking a deep breath.

“What? What’s going on?” TK asked.

“Some of them were with me when I found you. The others I had to tell when you didn’t show up for your shift.”

“What? My shift starts at five.”

“No… Your shift started at five on Sunday. It’s Wednesday now. You’ve been in a coma for three days.”

“What? I… how… That… It can’t be.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” The voice from before said and this time TK glanced around and saw a nurse of around his age. “The doctor will be around later to asses you.” She told him and left.

“Asses me? What does that mean?”

His parents shared a look.

“I think they’ll want to do a psych evaluation… to determine if you need to be admitted as a suicide risk.” Owen said after a beat.

TK sighed and closed his eyes.

“Great.”

“Should they?”

He opened one eye.

“Should they what?”

“Admit you as a suicide risk?”

“What? No!” TK said immediately but the look on his parents faces told him he wasn’t very convincing. “I don’t know… I’m pretty tired. I think I just need to get some rest.” He turned away from Owen.

Unfortunately that meant he was now facing his mother.

“Does it have something to do with Alex?” Gwyn asked and TK felt his heart shatter all over again at the mention of his boyfriend’s name. Or ex-boyfriend now he supposed. “I know you were going to propose… and he’s not here now…”

TK threw an accusing glare over his shoulder at his father.

“You told her?”

“I didn’t realise it was a secret. You were all but shouting it from the Empire State building.”

“It wasn’t your news to share! I would have told her myself if there was something to tell!”

“So is there something to tell?” Gwyn interrupted, well trained in stopping arguments between her son and ex-husband before they could explode.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” TK said, pulling the blanket up to his ears and closing his eyes. “I’m tired.”

---

A few days, multiple tests, and a mandatory psych evaluation later, TK found himself back in his childhood bedroom in his mom’s apartment.

He’d fought his parents tooth and nail to let him go back to his own place, insisting he was fine, but they’d blatantly refused.

He’d overheard Owen making calls to clear his schedule so he could be there for him, and his mom had told him she’d be working from home for the foreseeable and it was up to him to decide which parent he’d move in with.

He’d picked her because at least she’d be working and wouldn’t be hovering over him 24/7 like his dad would if neither of them would have anything to do all day.

He knew it was because they cared, but he just wanted to wallow in peace.

He rolled over in the small single bed to check his phone. Mostly out of habit since it had died on him days ago and his charger was still on his bedside table in his apartment.

Deep down he knew that if he’d been left alone with a fully charged phone, he would have ended up doing something he’d regret.

Something like calling Alex and begging him to take him back. Or yelling at him and calling him every name under the sun.

Possibly both.

But he was petty enough not to want to admit that to either of his parents.

Suddenly a knock on his bedroom door snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Permission to enter without you taking your bad mood out on me?”  

TK looked up and pushed himself up on his elbows.

“Enzo?”

“Hey kid, I come in peace.”

“What are you doing here? Did mom send you to check up on me?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny.” Enzo said, sitting down in TK’s desk chair.

“That’s a yes then.” TK said and sat up. “Wait, how did you get in? I didn’t hear the doorbell and mom is at the office.”

Enzo held up a keyring with several keys on it.

“There is this great invention called keys. They let you get into places without ringing the doorbell.” He joked.

“You have a key to this place?”

“Of course.”

TK narrowed his eyes.

“Are you and mom back together?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny.” Enzo replied with a grin. “And I’m not here to talk about me. How are you holding up?”

TK shrugged.

“Mostly bored. Daytime tv sucks and I’m getting sick of staring at these walls. But it’s better than mom and dad constantly hovering over me and checking up on me.”

“Don’t you think they have good reason to do that? It’s not like you stubbed your toe.”

“I know.” TK sighed and let himself fall back on his bed. “I just want to forget it happened. All of it. But I can’t. Dad put me on medical leave and mom made me come back here instead of letting me go back home.”

Enzo nodded.

“She told me.”

TK rolled onto his side, leaning on his elbow.

“She won’t leave me alone for more than an hour. She’s only gone now because she absolutely had to go to the office and couldn’t get out of it. And now she’s sent you to babysit me.”

“I’ve had worse afternoons.” Enzo shrugged.

TK let out a grunt and dropped back onto his bed again, trying to ignore the feeling of being thirteen and grounded for doing something stupid while Enzo tried to get him to talk about why he’d done what he did.

“I didn’t… plan it…” TK started after a while. “I just… I wanted… to stop feeling.”

“And taking a bunch of pills was the way to do that?”

“I know it was stupid alright? But I wasn’t thinking clearly.” TK admitted and sat up again. “I proposed to Alex and he turned me down.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. And then he told me he was in love with his spin instructor and they’d been dating behind my back.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I thought we had a future together, he was just trying to get rid of me. I’m such an idiot.”

“You trusted the guy you fell in love with. That doesn’t sound so idiotic to me.”

TK shook his head.

“I always do this. I fall for a guy who doesn’t like me back or just wants something casual.”

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now…” Enzo started and waited until he had TK’s full attention. “But one day, and I hope that day will come soon, you’re going to meet someone who is as crazy about you as you are about him. And you’re going to be so happy. So happy that this will be nothing but a bad memory.”

“You’re right. That’s not what I want to hear.” TK told him and looked down at his duvet. “And it’s never going to happen anyway. I’m damaged goods. Nobody is going to want to be with me.”

---

“If you’re going to my place to get clean clothes you might as well take me with you.” TK pleaded with his father. “I’ll stay where you can see me the whole time, I promise. I just want my phone charger and my laptop. I’m not going to score, I’m just bored.”

It was a few days after his talk with Enzo, and after some pushing from his stepfather, he’d told his parents why he’d taken the pills.

It had both cleared the air and made them hover and smother him even more. He was going stir crazy and would do just about anything to get out of the apartment.

Owen hesitated for a minute but then sighed.

“Fine. We can’t keep you locked in here forever I suppose.”

“Exactly.” TK jumped up from his seat and went to grab his jacket. “Come on, let’s go.”

They decided to walk to TK’s apartment instead of getting the subway in the middle of rush hour.

“Maybe we can stop by the station on the way back. So I can let the guys know I’m ok and I’ll be back at work soon.”

“Back at work? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Did you call that therapist for an appointment?”

“What? No. I don’t need one. I just need to get back to work. Like you said, I can’t keep hanging around mom’s apartment all day and you can’t keep getting Enzo to check up on me when you’re at work.”

“He offered to stop by! He wanted to catch up and see how you were doing.”

“Well I’m fine.” TK insisted. “And I’d be even better if you’d let me go back to work.”

“I will. Once your therapist signs off on it.” Owen told him and then lowered his voice. “You nearly died TK. You overdosed. I know why you did it, I know it wasn’t an accident, and I can’t let you go back on shift when you’re not in the right headspace. You’d be putting the whole team at risk.”

TK rolled his eyes and started walking faster, zigzagging between commuters and groups of tourists in an attempt to shake off his dad. It was petty and childish but in that moment he didn’t care.  

He reached his apartment door with Owen far enough behind to not even be in sight, which pleased his inner angry teenager greatly. He put a hand in his pocket to grab his keys, only to remember he didn’t have them on him.

His dad had been to his apartment to get him a change of clothes when he’d been released from hospital and had taken his keys.

“Great.” He muttered and sat down in front of his door to sulk and wait for his dad.

Only when he heard footsteps approaching a few minutes later, it wasn’t Owen who came round the corner.

“Alex.”

“TK. Hey.” Alex smiled and TK hated that he still got butterflies in his stomach from just being near him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Just coming to see how you are. I don’t like the way we left things.” Alex explained. “I’ve been trying to call you but it keeps going to voicemail.”

“Phone is dead.” TK snapped. “And even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t want to talk to you.”

“Oh come on TK. People break up all the time. We can still be friends, right?”

TK snorted.

“Friends? Do you really think I want to be friends with you?” He stood up. “You broke my heart, Alex. I loved you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you! I proposed!”

“Yeah… well… you always were more into it all than me.”

“Just go Alex. Leave me alone.” TK sighed and turned his back to the other man, wishing again he had his keys on him.

“I uh… actually… needed to talk to you…? I uh… lost my sunglasses. The designer ones I bought last summer? Did I leave them at your place?”

“Are you for real?!” TK exploded, just as Owen rounded the corner.

“What’s going on here?”

“I was just asking TK if I’d left my sunglasses at his place.” Alex explained, trying to sound casual. He knew full well Owen didn’t like him.

“After he dumped me for his spin instructor when I proposed to him!” TK yelled. “You cheated on me for god knows how long and if I hadn’t proposed you still wouldn’t have told me!”

“That’s not true. I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“How considerate.” TK said sarcastically. “Just go away and leave me alone. I don’t have your stupid sunglasses. Maybe ask your other boyfriend if he’s seen them.” He held his hand out to Owen. “Keys please.”

Owen handed him the keys and put himself between TK and Alex, staring the man down.

“TK doesn’t want to talk to you and if you don’t leave now, I know some people in the NYPD who might want to talk to you instead.”

“Breaking up with someone is not a crime.”

“Maybe not. But harassment is.”

“TK just let me have a quick look around for my sunglasses. I know I wore them last time I came over.” Alex said, attempting to step around Owen to get to TK but Owen stopped him with a glare and a hand on his chest.

“I think you should leave. Now. Before I do something I regret.”

“Are you threatening me Captain Strand?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Now leave.”

After a minute Alex decided to cut his losses.

“Let me know if you find them!” he called out to TK before turning and walking down the stairs.

Owen rolled his eyes and walked into TK’s apartment, doing his best to ignore the place he’d found TK barely two weeks ago, pale, cold, and barely holding onto life.

Thankfully this time, TK was alive and well and shoving clothes into a bag.

“Do you need me to grab anything?” Owen offered.

“Bathroom.” TK replied, voice breaking as if he was trying not to cry. Owen decided to leave him be for now and just busied himself gathering TK’s shampoo and shaving kit.

Maybe they could make a quick stop downtown after all on the way back to Gwyn’s place. Seeing the crew might cheer him up and take his mind off things.

---

Despite Owen’s best efforts, TK hadn’t cheered up from a visit to their firehouse and had barely left his bedroom since they’d gotten back to Gwyn’s place.

He was worried about him and he knew Gwyn was too.

Almost a week had passed without TK making any kind of move to pick himself back up and Owen had convinced Gwyn to stage an intervention with him to pull TK out of his own mind.

That’s where they were now. The three of them sat at Gwyn’s kitchen table, staring each other down, none of them really knowing where to start.

“I don’t know what your plan was, but if it was just us sitting here, staring at each other, you can do it without me.” TK said and pushed his chair back and got up.

“TK. Sit down.” Gwyn told him and reached out for his hand. “Please. Your father and I just want to talk to you.”

TK sighed and sat back down.

“About what? That I should go to therapy? Or NA? That you’ll be there for me every step of the way? That it’ll be good for me?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, gearing up for a fight.

“I got offered a job.” Owen interrupted. “In Austin, Texas. Rebuilding a firehouse that lost almost its entire crew.”

“Ok.” TK said after a minute of letting the sudden change of subject sink in. “Good for you, dad.”

“I think I’m going to take it.”

TK nodded.

“So you’re moving to Texas then.”

“Yeah… I… we… your mother and I… we both think you should come with me.”

“What? No way. My life is here. My friends, my job.”

“You’ll make new friends. Better friends.”

“Friends who don’t use.” TK deadpanned.

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Owen asked. “And you’ll have a job at the firehouse with me.”

“So you can check up on me.” TK said, daring him to disagree. “And why would I move to hate crime, USA? I’m gay, dad. And Jewish. Texas isn’t the most welcoming place for people like me.”

“I’m sure a big city like Austin isn’t so bad.” Gwyn offered. “If you want to go back to temple I can reach out and ask for recommendations for LGBT+ friendly places in Austin.”

“I’m not moving to Texas!” TK yelled and got up and started pacing. “I actually found a rehab place in California. I emailed them to ask if they have a place for me. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure there was anything to tell, but if they get back to me and tell me I can come, I’m going.  A few weeks of yoga on the beach and I’ll be fine. I’ll be able to go back to work and actually do the things I trained for instead of hanging around this place all day.”

“California?” Gwyn interrupted. “When did you find that place?”

“The other day. When we got back from packing up my stuff.”

“Ok. And what kind of place is it? Can you show me the website?”

“It’s just this wellness thing. I don’t have the details right now.” TK brushed her off and turned his attention to his phone when it buzzed in his pocket.

“If it’s yoga you want, I can go to yoga classes with you here. You don’t need to go to the other side of the country.” Owen offered. “Just no goat yoga. I’ve heard weird things about that.” He tried to joke to relieve the tension.

TK didn’t reply just focused on his phone.

“Everything alright? TK?”

“Uh yeah, yeah… I just got an email from that place in California I found… they have a place for me. I can start the program as soon as tomorrow.”

“That’s good isn’t it?” Gwyn asked “That’s what you wanted.”

“Yeah… I uh… just didn’t think I’d be able to start so soon.”

“You don’t have to go.” Owen said, trying to find the right words. “I mean. You can go to NA here, I can come with you. There are clinics and programs here in NYC too. You don’t have to do it all on your own. I want to help you. So does your mother.”

“I know dad… but I… I think I just… I need to get away. I just… need to put as much distance between me and… everything that’s bad for me here.” TK said as if he was telling himself why going to California was the best thing for him.

“Like Alex.”

“No. Yes. Not just him. This isn’t his fault. It’s on me.”

“Him being a lying, cheating…”

“Dad…”

“What?” Owen asked. “It sure as hell didn’t help, did it?”

TK shook his head.

“You’ve never liked him.”

“Clearly with good reason.”

“Tell me more about this place in California you found?” Gwyn interrupted, trying to get the conversation back on track. “What do they offer except yoga?”

“It’s… some kind of retreat. I think. I signed up pretty quickly so I wouldn’t change my mind.”

“But it’s a rehab facility?”

“Yeah. They have medical staff and they offer therapy. I think I’ll be good for me.”

“Why don’t you just come to Texas with me? We’ll start over together.” Owen offered. “I’m sure they have yoga classes in Texas too.”

“No, dad… I need to do this on my own. I want to do this. I want to get clean once and for all.”

“And you think going to California will help you do that?” Gwyn asked.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so.” TK told them. “And there was this guy in the academy with me. Evan B... something. He transferred to LA to be closer to his sister or whatever… I don’t really remember. But maybe I can message him when I’m done, see if there are any jobs going with the LAFD. Stay out west for a while.”

“You have a job here. And I can get you a job in Texas.” Owen said, earning him a glare from his ex-wife. “But if you think California is the right thing to do for you… we’ll both support you.

---   

A few days, a maxed out credit card, a teary airport goodbye, an exhausting flight, and a three hour time difference to mess with his head later, TK stepped off the plane in California and went to the motions of reclaiming his bag.

He threw it over his shoulder and shuffled through the arrivals hall with the rest of the passengers. As soon as he walked through the doors, someone rushed past him. He wanted to snap at the guy and maybe throw in a snide comment or two, but then he saw him practically throw himself at another guy holding a heart shaped balloon and he had to look away. He couldn’t deal with happy couples right now.

Instead he made himself focus on looking for whoever the clinic had sent to pick him up.

He noticed a guy in a simple button down shirt and jeans instead of the usual corporate three piece grey suit holding a sign that, upon closer inspection, said Tyler Strand.”

“Hi. I think you’re here for me.” He told the guy, walking up to him.

“Are you Tyler Strand?”

“Yeah. I uh… go by TK actually. “Tyler Kennedy. Two first names. My parents have never agreed on anything in their lives, naming me was no different… this was their compromise.”

“Oh. Sorry about that. I just copied what was on the form.”

“It’s fine. Someone getting my name wrong is the least of my problems at the moment.”

“Yeah.” The guy said and cleared his throat. “ Uhm… Do you have everything? Your luggage?”

“Just this.” TK shrugged the shoulder his bag was hanging from.

“Alright. Let’s get going then. It’s not that far from here. Only about an hour and a half’s drive.” The guy told him and started walking. “I’m Carlos by the way.”

TK followed him out of the airport and to the parking lot where he unlocked a plain black car, thankfully without any logos or the name of the retreat on it.

“Just throw your bag in the back, it’s open.” Carlos told him and TK did as he was told before getting into the car.

They pulled out of the parking lot and soon they were onto the highway.

As much as TK tried to focus on the random pop songs playing on the radio, the guy sitting next to him intrigued him for some reason and he wanted to talk to him to find out more about him.

“So are you a therapist or just the driver?”

“I’m not a therapist.” Carlos told him, glancing back and forth between TK and the road. “Though I’ve been told I’m a good listener if you want to talk.” He shot TK a quick smile.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m more of an activities kind of guy.”

“Activities? What is this, summer camp?”

Carlos laughed.

“Well… in a way. Though a bit unconventional. Maybe more like boy scouts? For adults.”

“I was never a boy scout.” TK shrugged. “Born and raised in Manhattan. The most exotic place my parents took me was the Bronx zoo.”

Carlos laughed.

“I’ll try not to hold it against you.”

They made small talk about the music on the radio, the latest celebrity scandal, an upcoming superhero film, and even the weather, until TK felt himself getting drowsy and rested his head against the window, planning to close his eyes for five minutes.

The next thing he knew was Carlos gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up.

“Hey, you fell asleep about an hour ago but we’re here.”

TK rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked around.

“Right. Ok. Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok. You probably needed the rest.” Carlos gave him a friendly smile and helped him grab his stuff from the trunk. “Do you want to go over the paperwork now or do you want to get settled in first?”

“Papers.” TK replied right away. “Get it over with.”

“Alright, follow me.”

Carlos lead him into a building and down a few hallways. They met a couple of people along the way and Carlos greeted them all in passing. Though they all seemed to be staff rather than patients and it made TK curious.

“How many people are here.. for uh… help?”

“About 30 in total. Not that many.” Carlos replied, opening a door with a key card. “That way we have more time to curate people’s experience based on their needs.” 

TK snorted.

“Did you just quote the website?”

Carlos shot him a grin.

“What can I say, I like to be prepared.”

He opened another door and entered an office and gestured for TK to sit down.

“Just give me a minute to find everything. I don’t usually do the paperwork thing and this isn’t my office.” He explained. “I don’t have an office.”

“It’s fine.” TK shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to be.”

Carlos opened a few drawers and pulled out some forms.

“Ok, let’s get started. First question. When is the last time you used?”

“Anything?”

“Hmm.”

“On the plane here…” TK admitted reluctantly.

“What did you take?”

“Just… two little bottles of vodka from the drinks cart. To take the edge off.”

Carlos nodded and wrote down TK’s answers.

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“And before today? What was your drug of choice?”

“Anything I could get my hands on…” TK told him, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands. Thankfully the track marks on his arms weren’t nearly as bad as they could have been, but he still felt self-conscious about them.

Carlos’s eyes flicked to his arms but he didn’t acknowledge the move.

“Ok. You said you overdosed in your application, what did you use?”

“Pills… they were easiest to get…” TK answered, squirming in his seat, regretting not choosing to go to his room first.

“Oxy?”

“Yes… do we really have to do this?”

Carlos put his pen down.

“You can fill it in yourself if you’d rather… but one of us has to somehow. These need to be filled in and filed before your treatment can fully start.”

“Right.”

“Look, I know this is a lot but it’s only going to get better from here.”

“Hopefully.”

“You don’t think you can do it?”

TK sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“I want to. For my parents. I’ve caused them so much pain…”

“But…” Carlos prompted.

“But… this isn’t my first time trying to get clean.” TK sighed. “I just… don’t know if I can do it. Maybe this is as good as it gets.” He shrugged. “I get clean for a few months and then just… find a reason to score again.”

“And why shouldn’t this time be different? Why shouldn’t this time be the time you kick the habit for good?”

TK shook his head.

“I don’t know. I’m pretty tired. Can we finish this another time? Tomorrow maybe?”

Carlos smiled and TK felt a little bit of the pent up anxiety slowly slip away.

“Sure. I’ll show you to your room.”

---

The next morning TK was woken up by someone knocking on his door.

He dragged himself out of bed and opened it to see Carlos standing there in work out gear.

“Morning.” He said happily. “Are you ready to start the day?”

“What?” TK blinked and tried to wake himself up enough to figure out what was going on.

“It’s a nice morning. We’re going for a run. The others are on their way too.”

“Others? Run? What?”

“It’s part of the program you signed up for.” Carlos said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Healthy body and a healthy mind.”

“I… I don’t… I… think… uhm… I don’t understand.”

Carlos smiled.

“Not a morning person?”

“No. Yes. I mean. What the hell is going on?”

“It’s time to start the day with a run. And then when we’re done with that we can finish the paperwork from yesterday before the afternoon program starts.”

“Afternoon program?” TK shook his head in an attempt to wake himself up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The program.” Carlos said and proceeded to run TK through an itinerary that exhausted him just listening to it.

“I… What’s going on?” TK asked “Is this bootcamp for navy SEALs?”

“Hardly.” Carlos snorted “But this is what you signed up for.”

“No… I think I’d remember joining the army.”

“I know it can be a lot on your first day but you get used to it soon enough. Trust me.”

“I… I think there’s been a mistake. I was under the impression this was more… yoga on the beach and spiritual awareness and all that.”

“Well… I do yoga in my spare time, I know a few poses. I’m not an instructor or anything but we can set something up after dinner maybe.”

“After going through special ops training? I don’t think I’ll be alive.”

“It’s not so bad. Honestly.”

“Somehow I doubt that. I guess I didn’t really read the website that well when I signed up. I uh… I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’ll figure out a way to get back to the airport and see if there’s room on a flight back east any time soon.”

Carlos crossed his arms in front of his chest and TK had to force himself to not let his eyes linger on the way his muscles moved under his shirt.

“So you’re just giving up? I didn’t think you were a quitter.” He uncrossed his arms. “But I guess it’s easier to leave than to admit you can’t cut it.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Not everyone can handle this program. It’s good to know your limits. I’ll drive you back to the airport myself. Do you need to call anyone? The phone signal is kind of hit and miss out here. Mostly miss.”

TK knew Carlos was baiting him but he wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

“Give me five minutes.”

---

TK considered himself to be in pretty good shape. His firefighter training made sure of that. He’d been in the top 5 of his class in the academy and could definitely hold his own compared to the more experienced members of his crew.

Only the program he’d apparently signed up for now seemed designed to actually kill him. He was sure even Navy SEALS would think it was too much.

The morning run wasn’t just a few miles in the area or even on a track, but through the woods near the facility. Uphill and down again. Avoiding tree roots, rocks, overgrown areas, and random holes.

They were running in a group but TK, as well as some other patients, were trailing behind.

Just as he was trying to figure out a route back to base camp as he’d started calling the clinic in his head, Carlos caught up with him.

“How are you holding up?”

“I don’t know. Fine.” TK panted. “Is this your tactic? Trying to kill me? If I’m dead I won’t think about wanting to use?”

Carlos chuckled.

“Has anyone ever told you, you can be pretty dramatic?”

TK grinned.

“Often. But it’s part of my charm.” He said and dropped down at the foot of a tree to catch his breath.

Carlos gestured to his coworker and the rest of the group to keep going and sat down next to him.

“So when did you decide to be an army drill sergeant?” TK asked, using his shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow.

“I’m a cop actually. Or… used to be I guess.”

“That explains a lot.”

“It does?”

“You like torturing people.”

“I like helping people.” Carlos insisted. “That’s why I left the force. A friend of a friend got me this job. I figured I could do more good here than arresting people for minor offences.”

TK nodded.

“That’s… very noble of you.” He settled on.

“Try telling my family that.” Carlos sighed. “My whole family is in law enforcement somehow. My dad especially wasn’t happy when I quit my job. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, carry on the family legacy.”

“Yeah… I know a thing or two about following in your father’s footsteps.” TK said and leaned back against the tree.

They sat in silence for a while until they heard the rest of the group coming closer and got up to join them again.

---  

“So how did you end up here? You don’t seem like the typical Californian surfer dude.”

Carlos laughed.

“What do they look like then?”

TK shrugged.

“I don’t know. Not like you. More… bleached blond and beady necklaces. And flip flops.”

“Well you’ve got me there. I’m from Texas originally. Austin.”

“Really?”

“Yup. I grew up on a ranch on the outskirts of the city.”

“A ranch? So you’re a farmer? Or a cowboy?”

“Neither. Both. It’s complicated.”

TK nodded.

“Does complicated have a name?”

“Yeah. Dad.”

It had become a thing. Whenever they could get away with it, TK and Carlos would just hang out and talk. No pressure from the group sessions or the one on one talks with his assigned therapist, but just the two of them.

Since he’d gone through the worst of the withdrawal in hospital back in New York, his treatment mostly consisted of working on his mental health. And thankfully for him, talking to Carlos did just that. They had a similar sense of humour, similar complicated relationships with their families, and just generally got on well.

He’d told him about Alex, Carlos told him about marrying his best friend in an attempt to please his family.

“How did that work out for you?”

“Badly.” Carlos shrugged. “I mean we’re still friends… and my mom had a framed picture of us on display with the rest of the family pictures. For a while I told myself that meant I’d done the right thing. But it wasn’t.”

“If we were allowed to drink here, I’d buy you a beer and we could raise a glass to making bad decisions to please our parents.”

---

A few days later, the group TK was in was going on a hike with an overnight stay in the woods near the clinic.

TK was less than enthusiastic about it, and told Carlos as much (repeatedly) as he helped pack tents and other gear.

“Just think of it as going camping.” Carlos offered. “It’ll be fun. Connecting with nature and stuff. Maybe I can even smuggle in some ‘smores.”

TK gave him a blank look.

“I’m from NYC. I grew up in Manhattan. My parents are workaholics. What makes you think I ever went camping as a kid.?”

“You mean you never pitched a tent in central park?” Carlos joked. “Or maybe swam in that fountain you see in every movie?”

“I’ve done a lot of things in Central Park…” TK started. “But somehow never that.”

“Well, maybe you should. It’s good to have a goal in life.”

“Only if you come bail me out when I get arrested.”

“I don’t know, it’s kind of a long commute from here.”

TK laughed and ducked his head. Their talks had started to get a little, or a lot, flirty and he was fairly confident Carlos liked it as much as he did. Liked him.

Only every time TK thought the other man might make a move, or when he was hyping himself up to do so, Carlos would come up with some excuse that meant he had to be as far away from TK as possible for at least a couple of hours.

He wanted to ask why but also wasn’t ready for a simple answer like Carlos just not liking him like that.

So instead he said nothing and just admired Carlos from a distance and made himself talk to other people.

Which was going fine until about 15 minutes into their hike when one of the other patients tripped and fell down a hill.

TK’s first responders training kicked in and he rushed over to them, skidding and sliding down the hill.

“Let me have a look, I’m a paramedic. Don’t move.” He told the woman. He’d talked to her a few times and vaguely remembered her name was Hannah and she was from Wisconsin. He tried to examine her as best he could without his medical gear. She had a head wound and her leg was obviously broken.

He noticed someone coming down the hill after them and didn’t have to look to know it was Carlos.

“I have a first aid kit. It’s got the basics.” He said, unzipping his backpack.

With Carlos’ help, TK managed to treat Hannah’s injuries while one of the other staff members radioed for a medevac to get her out of there and to a hospital.

“Someone needs to get up there to show the helicopter where exactly we are. It’s the only place they’ll be able to land.” Carlos said, nodding at a an open place higher up from where they were and turned to TK. “How are you with heights?”

“Fine.” TK shrugged. “I’m a firefighter.”

“I thought you said you were a paramedic?”

“I am. Both. I’m dual certified.”

“Really? That’s impressive.”

They carefully climbed up to the landing spot and with help of the rest of the group and the paramedics, they got Hannah onto the helicopter and on her way to the hospital.

“You two make a pretty good team.” Luke, one of the other patients said, and TK found himself agreeing with him.

“Yeah, we do, don’t we?” Carlos said with a smile.

---

“We’ll set up camp on the other side of this river.” One of the other staff members announced as the group walked up to a river a while later.

“And how do we get there?” TK asked, fearing he already knew the answer.

“We cross it.”

“By bridge?”

Next to him Carlos laughed.

“Did they teach you to swim in firefighter training?”

“They did not actually. The only water I handled in that was the kind that’s supposed to save you from burning to death in abandoned warehouses.”

“That’s… oddly specific.” Lexi, the other staff member commented.

TK shrugged.

“It’s the easiest thing to set up for training recruits.”

“Anyway.” Carlos clapped his hands. “I hope everyone can swim because we’re going through the water to the other side of the river.”

“And how do we do that with all of the stuff we’ve been dragging around?” TK asked him.

“You tell me.”

TK raised an eyebrow.

“This is beginning to feel more and more like summer camp. Or boy scouts.”

“I thought you’d never been a boy scout?”

“I’ve seen them on tv.”

Carlos laughed.

“Well in the beginning you were calling this basic training for Navy SEALs so I guess you’re getting used to it all.” He winked and TK suddenly didn’t mind the hiking and the camping so much anymore.

After some arguing and general chaos, the group managed to work together to create some kind of raft to get them and their gear to the other side of the river, without swimming.

Only the raft wasn’t very stable and when it was TK’s turn, he leaned to one side too much, causing the raft to flip and him ending up in the water.

Thankfully it was a warm day so he didn’t mind too much. But he could’ve done without making a fool out of himself in front of Carlos.

Carlos who was getting into the water with him to help him get his stuff onto the river bank.

Carlos who looked unfairly gorgeous in a wet t shirt.

“Are you ok?” He asked TK who was trying to swim to shore with some of his dignity intact.

“Yeah. Just a bruised ego.”

After the rest of the group made it across in one piece, they all helped Carlos and TK get out of the water and see how much of their stuff was still ok to use.

“I think you two should just go dry out in the sun for a while.” Lexi told them. “We’ll lay out your tent, TK, so it can dry too.”

“My tent is big enough for the both of us.” Carlos cut in. “We’ll lay your sleeping bag out in the sun and we’ll just share my tent. If that’s ok with you?” He asked TK who was about to actually jump for joy.

“Sure.” He replied, hoping he sounded a lot more casual than he felt. “I promise I don’t snore.” He joked.

“That’s ok. I can sleep through anything. My sisters used to share a bedroom next to mine when I was a kid and they fought a lot. The walls were paper thin.” Carlos told him as he and TK made their way over to a sunny spot by some rocks near to where the rest of the group was setting up the camp.

TK sat down and closed his eyes, tilting his face up to the afternoon sun.

“We should probably get out of these wet clothes.” Carlos said after a few minutes.

TK opened his eyes and looked at him plucking at his wet t-shirt, obviously uncomfortable.

He grinned.

“Are you trying to get me naked?  

“What? No, no, no. I just don’t want you to catch hypothermia. And neither do I.”

“Well, you know the best way to warm up is sharing body heat.”

Carlos looked at him for what seemed like hours and TK could practically see the cogs turning in his head, working through the various replies, trying to find one that was still the right side of professional.

Fortunately or unfortunately, he wasn’t sure, some of the other patients joined them and their little hang out for two turned into a group therapy session.

“Oh my god, look at that!” TK exclaimed a little while later. “Don’t move guys, you’ll scare him off.”

Carlos followed TK’s line of sight and noticed a small lizard sitting on a nearby rock, observing the intruders in his territory, trying to find out if they were a threat.

“Look at him, he’s so cute.” TK slowly crawled over to the lizard. “Hey buddy. Did you come to say hello?” He carefully moved his hand to try and pet the animal.

“Careful. It might bite.”

“Not if it doesn’t feel threatened. It’s just coming to take a look. He’s just a curious little guy.”

“You like reptiles?” Luke asked, the look on his face making it clear he definitely didn’t.

“Yeah. They’re gorgeous and they can make such great pets. I had a friend in middle school who had a leopard gecko. It was so cute and smart. I was over there all the time.” TK said excitedly. “I practically begged my parents for a lizard for my birthday from then on. I did all the research and worked out where to buy food and everything.”

“Did you ever get it?” Carlos asked.

TK shook his head.

“My dad wanted a dog and my mom had and still has a parrot called Ginsburg.”

“After Ruth Bader Ginsburg?”

“Yeah. My mom’s a lawyer and a politics junkie.” TK said absentmindedly, while still trying to befriend the lizard. The entire group watched with bated breath as he slowly moved his pointer finger closer to the lizard’s head.

Only right before he could have touched it, the lizard decided it had had enough and scurried off.

TK pulled a disappointed face and sat back down.

“Better luck next time.” Luke offered and TK nodded.

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll get a lizard when I’m done here and going back home.”

Their little group spent the rest of the afternoon talking and just enjoying being out in nature.

By the time it started to get dark, they moved back to the place where they’d put up the tents and everyone got comfortable around the fire.

They talked, shared stories of their lives back home, and offered each other advice and support.

As the night went on, one by one people started calling it a night until it was just Carlos and TK left by the fire.

“Alone at last.” TK said as he moved to sit next to Carlos. “I thought they’d never leave us alone.”

Carlos glanced at him at smiled.

“Are you not enjoying spending time with your fellow patients?”

“They’re alright.” TK shrugged. “But I’d rather spend time with one person in particular.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He’s kind, helpful, sweet, a great listener, and absolutely insanely gorgeous.”

Carlos bit his lip.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“I’m a mess.” TK shook his head.

“Maybe. But you’re a hot mess.” Carlos told him, the late hour and the bubble they found themselves in apparently turning off any filter between his brain and his mouth.

TK felt his cheeks heat up but decided to throw caution to the wind and make his move. He leaned in, looking down at Carlos’ lips and back up into the soulful brown eyes that made his heart flutter.

The moment his lips met Carlos’ he felt himself come alive in ways he hadn’t ever thought possible. It started off as nothing more than a press of lips but soon grew more heated as TK ran his tongue along Carlos’ lips until he opened up for him.

He licked into his mouth while his hands had found their way into Carlos’ hair, running his fingers through the soft curls as Carlos ran his hands over TK’s back, pulling him impossibly closer.

Somewhere in the back of his mind TK knew someone could catch them at any given moment, but the feeling of finally getting to kiss Carlos after weeks of quietly pining for him was too good to stop and he wanted more.

He moved his hands from Carlos’ hair, down to his waist and slipping them under his shirt, letting them roam over his chest and stomach.

Carlos pulled back and started kissing his neck and TK discovered he was really into that.

Only when TK’s hands moved lower and started blindly fumbling with the button on Carlos’ jeans, somehow the spell was broken and the moment was gone.

Carlos jumped up and touched his fingers to his lips.

“This… can’t happen.”

“Why not?” TK asked, getting up and taking a step towards him. “We both want it.”

“I’m supposed to be helping you. I can’t take advantage of you like this.”

TK rolled his eyes.

“It’s not taking advantage if I want it.”

Carlos shook his head.

“We can’t. I… I can’t jeopardise your sobriety like this.”

“My sobriety is my own responsibility. That’s what this program is teaching me isn’t it? To take responsibility for my actions. This is me doing that. I want to kiss you and I know you want it too.”

TK took another step forward and closed the distance between them. He slowly leaned in and put his hand on Carlos’ cheek while looking him in the eye.

“I want this.” He said before pressing his lips to Carlos’ in a soft chaste kiss that couldn’t be more different from the first one.

Carlos seemed to almost melt under his touch and TK felt his resolve slipping as he started to kiss him back.

At least until his brain caught up with the rest of his body and he pulled away again.

“I can’t. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have… I just… I can’t. If anyone finds out I’ll get fired so fast… I’m crossing so many lines.”

“I don’t care. I like you. I want this.” TK told him.

“I do care.” Carlos said, almost begging him to understand. “I want to help people get their life back on track. I can’t… do this. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have… I screwed up. I’m sorry.”

“Do you not like me?” TK asked when Carlos had to pause his rambling to take a breath.

“I do. I like you a lot. And if things were different I wouldn’t hesitate to take you out on a date or cook you dinner… But I can’t take advantage of the situation like this.”

“But you’re not.” TK said, trying to make him understand. “You’re not.”

“I am. I’m supposed to help you. I’m supposed to… I don’t know… guide you. You’re a client. I’m in a position of power.”

“What if we just forget that? Just for tonight. And tomorrow we’ll just go back to how things were before.”

Carlos gave him a small smile and TK could tell he was seriously considering it.

“I wish I could.” He replied. “But I don’t think I could go back if I let myself get lost in you. You are… a force to be reckoned with TK Strand. And I wish things were different. I wish we’d just met in a bar or getting a coffee downtown. I wish I could get to know you without all of this.”

“You could. You can. The program is almost over. Nobody has to know. I won’t tell if you don’t.” TK told him and stepped closer again. “Please don’t make me beg.”

Carlos smiled and ran a hand through TK’s hair.

“You deserve the world.” He told him. “And don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.”

Carlos stepped away and disappeared into the tent, only to come back out with his sleeping bag almost right away.

“I’ll sleep out here. It’s supposed to stay dry anyway.”

“Carlos don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not. I can’t share a tent with you and not touch you. I don’t think I would be able to control myself.”

“Then don’t.” TK pleaded and he could tell Carlos was this close to giving in.

He took a deep breath and made himself step away.

“If things were different…” He looked at TK and shook his head slightly. “It’s better this way.”

The rest of his time in California, TK spent mostly on his own, mourning something he’d never really had.

A few other patients noticed he and Carlos weren’t attached at the hip anymore and his assigned therapist noticed his mood had changed.

He fed all of them some line about being homesick and ended up calling his dad and agreeing to join him in Austin.

On his last day, Carlos was nowhere to be found and TK told himself to accept he just wasn’t interested.

He said goodbye to the friends he’d made and made them promise to look him up if they ever found themselves in Austin Texas. He’d slipped a note under Carlos’ door telling him the same.

“Station 126. Just ask for me.”

One of the staff members TK had only seen but never talked to drove him to the airport and wished him the best.

When he landed in Austin, his dad was waiting for him and pulled him into a hug the moment he walked through the doors after the luggage reclaim.

The house Owen had bought looked like something straight from a home improvement show and TK did his best to make it feel like home.

The dog he’d adopted was a nice distraction and TK took it out on long walks to explore Austin together.

His new coworkers were nice enough and after a few weeks of working together they’d become a close knit friend group.

He hadn’t told them about Carlos however. He hadn’t told anyone. That kiss was his memory and his alone.

Though maybe he should take Paul and Marjan up on their offer of going out to explore the Austin nightlife on their next day off.

Maybe there would be someone to make him forget about Carlos, even if just for one night.

---

“I’m just saying, when in Rome. Or… when in Texas.” A young woman in a hijab said to a black man standing near her as they cleaned the fire engine. Carlos watched them through the open bay doors for a moment before taking a deep breath and walking in.

“Hi… I’m looking for TK Strand. Does he work here?”

“That depends. Who’s asking?” the woman asked.

“I’m Carlos. I’m a… friend from California.” He settled on, not sure how much TK’s coworkers knew about him.

Confusion flashed over the woman’s face and she looked at the man who just shrugged.

“Ok. Wait here. I’ll go see if he’s available.” She instructed him and turned around and walked up some stairs.

When she returned a few minutes later TK was right behind her.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and just stared.

“Carlos? What are you doing here?”

“You told me to look you up if I ever decided to go back to Austin… here I am.”

“I… Yeah… I can see that.” TK stammered, still not quite believing what he was seeing.

The woman and the man from before were still lurking, ready to jump in the moment they deemed it necessary.

“You ok TK?” the woman asked.

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. He’s alright. He’s not the guy from New York.”

The woman nodded.

“Alright. Just yell if you need anything. There are a bunch of firefighters up there who have your back.” She said, not quite talking to TK anymore.

“I know. Thanks Marj.”

The woman nodded again and walked back up the stairs, the man following close behind.

“She’s…” Carlos trailed off, not sure what to say.

“Yeah. I told them about my ex… and my OD.”

“Oh. Good. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what you’d told people here…”

“Thanks, but I’ve decided to stop hiding who I am.” TK shrugged. “My addiction is always going to be a part of me. Hiding it won’t change that.”

Carlos nodded.

“That’s… that’s good. I uh… I’ve decided to do the same I guess.” He told TK.

“Not hide your addiction anymore? I didn’t think you had one?”

Carlos shook his head.

“No. I mean… I’m not going to hide who I am anymore. I’m just… still kind of figuring out who that is.”

TK smiled.

“Well… the person I met in California was kind, a good listener, gentle with a slight sadistic streak.” He joked and they both laughed. “What are you really doing here Carlos?”

“I quit my job in California. I’m back in Austin.” Carlos explained. “I’m staying with a friend right now until I get a place of my own.”

“Ok.”

“I just… I know it’s been a few weeks but… I can’t get you out of my head.” He stepped forward and reached out to grab TK’s hand, smiling when TK let him. “I’d like to get to know you… without… everything… from California.”

“But the stuff from California didn’t just go away when I completed the program.”

“I know. But I also know there is more to you than just your addiction.” He took TK’s other hand in his. “Remember when I told you I’d want to cook you dinner and take you out on a date?”

“The night you insisted on sleeping outside because I’d kissed you? Yeah I remember.”

“It was the right decision at the time… but… now things are different… so… if… if you’re still interested… maybe we could… go on that date sometime? And you’d let me cook you dinner?”

“That depends, will you end up sleeping under the stars again?”

Carlos laughed.

“Maybe. If my friend won’t let us use her place. I’ll have to sleep in my car.”

“Do you have a big car?”

“No. Not exactly. I drive a Camaro. Looks cool but limited space for sleeping.”

“Well hopefully your friend will be in a good mood then.”

“Yeah… so is that a yes?”

TK smiled.

“Yeah. It’s a yes.”

Carlos’ smile got impossibly bigger.

“How does Friday sound?”

TK let go of Carlos’ hands and cupped his face.

“It’s a date.” He said and leaned in and kissed Carlos.

Somewhere behind them a chorus of cheers and wolf whistles erupted.

“I think your friends approve.”  

[freneticfloetry]

hi courtney! @reyesstrand here on my main blog ajdnskd but for nice ask day i’d love to know about to build a home…what was the writing process like? any little tidbits you want to share about it? it’s one of my absolute all time favourite fics, so anything you’d want to share would be amazing <3 also!! i saw your ask where you mention you saw hozier and i’m seeing him on tuesday (!!!) so any hozier songs you feel speak to the lone star characters/relationships the most?

Hey Maddie!

First of all, hugs and kisses to you for all your kind words on to build a home (here and in feedback). I’m so glad it struck a chord.

I’m not sure what else to say about it, to be honest! Um… okay, there were four scenes in my original outline that I cut. Well, three scenes cut and two others combined. Very early on there was a scene at the honky tonk the night TK and Carlos met, sort of the tail end and aftermath of their first hookup and Carlos deciding that he needed to see this boy again, even if it meant breaking his rules and bringing him home. I never even started that scene proper — once things got flowing it made much more sense to just refer to that in the scene following, after TK stormed out on the date. Immediately after that one was supposed to be the scene when Carlos finds out Iris is alive, which got the axe for two reasons: one, I really didn’t want to write Michelle, and two — more importantly — I needed Iris to stay a sort of ghost for Carlos until he’s forced to unearth all that later.

Chapter Two pretty much proceeded exactly as planned, with the exception of the post-fire scene at Owen’s — that was just supposed to be Carlos laying in the dark and sort of inside his own head, reflecting on all the things he lost but the one thing he came out with being the only thing he couldn’t bear to lose. But TK sort of stormed the castle. I was chugging along, and all of the sudden, I’d typed that he’d woken up. It was literally like he said “my baby’s hurting, he needs me.” Which was cute, but not the plan. 😂 Still, I was really happy with the conversation that emerged.

Chapter Three, though… well, like mother like son. Not only did TK go rogue again, so did Gwyn, with the whole “future” talk toward the end of their conversation. The post-Cooper scene was originally post-Sadie, but it was too raw and too soon for TK to have processed things in a way that would have let him have that talk with Carlos (who would’ve been too freshly-mired in his own guilt, at that point, instead of adrift and unsure in Cooper’s wake). Switching it was definitely the right call, for me. The We Need to Talk About Iris of it all had huge changes in the moment, because once I started the scene, even though I had a plan, I wrote one line in particular and it unlocked everything else. Going over it with @ambiguouspenny, I thought they were going to have a meltdown. But in a good way! The hospital scene threw me a curveball, in the form of tying up a loose end from the first chapter, so that’s how Dom happened. It derailed the original plan for the first half of that conversation with Gabriel — he was going to tell Carlos that his abuela had always called him such a homebody, that after he came out he couldn’t leave home fast enough, and Carlos was going to confess that he’d sort of detached because he wasn’t sure he’d have a place under their roof after everything, that he had a bag that lived in Iris’ trunk for months, because it was better to be ready than to be blindsided — but I actually like the detour better. There was a scene planned immediately following — the boys coming back to the loft from the hospital after Marjan’s whole ordeal, where TK tries to convince Carlos to take the detective exam — but once I finished the scene before that was the easiest cut ever. It would’ve derailed all the emotional momentum from the scene before. And the wedding and wedding night were supposed to be two separate scenes, but halfway through the hospital scene I randomly got the urge to combine them, and I really love how it turned out.

There are a few lines and snippets that didn’t make the cut, one piece of dialogue in particular that inspired a whole new fic. (Also there was an extended exchange during the move-in scene, with Carlos’ crack about the exercise bike, that kind of went something like this:

TK: “Seriously, how does a guy who looks like you own zero gym equipment?” And then, like a little lightbulb: “Oh my god, you were that kinda gay.”

Carlos: “There’s a gym at the precinct, TK.”

TK: “And I’m sure that’s what you use now.”)

So basically… the writing process was chaos. I guess I had things to say after all! 😂

Second, YAY, A HOZIER SHOW OF YOUR VERY OWN!

Re: Hozier speaking to Lone Star characters and pairings, why yes, don’t mind if I do.

I think there are a bunch of things that fit, actually. Tarlos and Francesca are clearly a match made in heaven, but First Time has hella TK vibes, both Shrike and Sunlight are Carlos as hell (though the former fits TK too), and I, Carrion (Icarian) fits for both Tarlos and Judd/Grace, from TK or Judd or even Grace’s perspective. From Eden is such a Judd-about-Grace song, as is NFWMB, but I think Would That I is his truest theme. Better Love could be Judd or Carlos. Unknown/Nth is my Breakup Era Carlos Anthem, and As It Was fits for TK during that same stretch. I have too many feelings about Movement to even nail down who it belongs to. All Things End feels like it would work well for Owen and Gwyn, and I’ll be damned if Arsonist’s Lullaby isn’t Owen’s buried anger issues to a tee.

I won’t even get started on individual lyrics/verses (but “I get along without you very well some other nights” and “be still my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me” is the most TK Strand shit ever).

Not that I’ve thought about this at all. 😜

(Oh my god, this was an utterly unhinged answer, I’m so sorry.)

[beautifulhigh]

⬛❤️♒

For a fic of my choice! So just for you, let's do the Only Fans 'verse!

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

TK moving in with Carlos was a whole discussion, not just for what it meant about their relationship. Carlos was taking TK's photos after the whole business with Matthew but they were done at his room at Owen's. God bless his father's fondness for minimalism in making it indistinct.

Carlos finding out that TK wanted to keep taking the photos there wasn't that much of a surprise, but he still wanted to make sure TK was OK with bringing it into their home.

One of the reasons he bought the loft was because he could see all the places where they could create a neutral space, and all the windows would give perfect lighting for the photos.

♥ - family headcanon

When they told Carlos' parents about TK's stint as an Only Fans boy, Carlos was pretty sure that it was the moment it would all came crashing down for them. They were publicly dealing with Carlos' sexuality, they loved and accepted his boyfriend, oh and by the way he pretty much posted nude photos online.

Neither of his parents live under a rock, and they had heard about New York Firefly, of course they had. They were determined to do right by their son now that they had a chance at a relationship and so Carlos' sisters helped them with Google searches for things like GLAAD and Pride. It wasn't long before NYF came up linked to that. The fact he was a gay first responder, talking about what it meant for his life, helped them get some insight into the kind of things that Carlos would have been going through.

And TK, Andrea had pointed out to her husband at the time, completely unaware of how close to the truth that was.

They'd not seen any photos (much to both the boys' relief) but they had read up about him and the good that he did and they agreed that what someone chooses to do with their body is their choice so there was no judgement.

They had a lot of long conversations about what it would mean for all of them if TK went public but they promised to support the boys no matter what, and that they would like to be involved if they were wanted. Because if they could stop another set of parents making the same mistake with their boy then something good would come out of those lost years.

As they were leaving, Andrea hugged TK and asked him if the firefly tattoo was real. The look on her face made it clear that she knew where it was supposed to be. He smiled and shook his head and there was a silent promise that he would never tell Carlos that she'd seen at least one photo.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Carlos' Cooking Corner is by far and away the most popular content on their channel. TK points out that he is more than capable of cooking as well, and uploads a few videos to prove it, but someone points out in the comments that the white singlet vest Carlos wears when he's cooking is the main attraction.

In the next Carlos Cooking Corner he's wearing nothing but an apron. Literally nothing else. TK is sitting on the counter behind him, looking starved and you could believe him when he said he just really, really, really wanted the grilled cheese Carlos was making, but you'd be deluding yourself.

The video ends when Carlos turns around and brings the plate to TK. The internet breaks as a result.

(He also texts his parents and begs them not to watch that video, or to never tell him if they do.)

Ask me stuff about characters, 'ships, or my fics

[morganaspendragonss]

Is it bad that I kind of want him to have the genetic condition? It's a very serious disease, I know. But I just love and miss TK whump.

i think it would definitely be an interesting plotline to explore, however we would likely never see it with tk given symptoms typically start presenting at ~50.

(though of course it can hit earlier and if we go by show canon, we are seeing that with robert - owen is in his mid-50s right now and given his parents divorced when he was ~12, robert has to be in his early 40s. except this is lone star so obviously he's meant to be in his 50s even though that makes no sense. but the lone star timeline never makes sense to let's just accept it and move on.)

as i was saying. i highly doubt tk will have the gene because it'd be a pretty cruel thing to leave hanging over our heads when the show ends, though i won't rule it out completely. i do believe we have a higher chance of owen having it (inheritance probability is 50% when one parent has the gene and the other doesn't). i'm still not sure if it's likely per se, but it could be one way of having owen retire and hand over captainship to judd. obviously we've all heard that rob lowe never spends more than five seasons on a show so maybe this is his out. i don't know.

i'm still holding out a lot of hope for tk whump in the finale but i don't think it will come in the form of huntington's

[carlos-in-glasses]

hiya! i hope you're still down to answering asks about That Line, sorry if you're not, do feel free to delete this too!

i think my initial reaction to that line was like a sucker punch to the gut with the way it was setup, i.e. the framing, him standing next to TK, and TK looking at him after he'd said that line. i was so pissed and i'm still pissed about it now. in no way is that fair to TK for him to have said that, no matter how angry or hurt he is. i'm not saying right/wrong bc it's never as transparent as that, i'm coming from pov of an audience and having witness both sides of the argument. yes, tk crossed a boundary when he visited iris even though both him and carlos had agreed not to, and i understand why carlos would react the way that it did. i hated it, but i don't really wanna get into it now. which brings me to,

i think, or at least i'd hoped that this might be setting up for carlos' character arc where – you'd previously mentioned that 403 is essentially confronting his past before taking that next step into his future with carlos, and i agree! – we'll be able to see carlos realising that he needs to be able to learn how to let go of the unfounded guilt he had towards this whole mess (i.e. marriage, iris getting kidnapped), and iris would swoop in and be like, 'hey, i'm no longer your legal responsibility now, and i am no longer your responsibility, period. i can take care of myself, and i'm sorry for the way things were but we're still best friends and i still love you. you can let go of this now.' something something about him having to confront and address things rather than chalk things up until he absolutely had to confront it, in order to move forward in his life, bc atp its at a standstill. and it's kind of like a full circle moment for him to realise that he didn't need to, and will never need to take on this weight and responsibility all by himself and pushing away the ones he loves in the meantime (i.e. TK 😭😭💗💗💓), when there's someone so willingly to take on this weight with him (back to my boy TK). i know i'm dreaming big but if i had to cope with shitty writing choices from a professional who does this for a living, i can pretty much read between the lines and interpret it however i want to.

which brings us back to That Line, so if the writers are willing to explore that route with carlos, it would make much more sense in relation to him implying that it was the marriage, and TK having been drowning in his own guilt and misery, misunderstood and took that to mean that carlos had meant with him (imagine the angst we would get from this if it was addressed on screen i'll cry).

i know i'm putting myself through the mental gymnastics and i'm pretty sure i'm 100% wrong in this. atp i'm still pissed at everything and especially carlos (i know its warranted but i'm still pissed and that's ok bc i'll get over it), but this is a headcanon i'd like to believe in until we have more context in 404 IF (and that's a big fat if) it ever gets addressed. if its just a result of a poor writing choice, i'm more than willing to pretend it never existed too.

thank u for reading, sorry it's this long!

Hello anon! Very happy to discuss, no worries at all. <3

I think 4x03 was a hard pill to swallow after how easily 4x02 went down. We've never seen Carlos shut out TK like this, even in the ice storm (he was mad but he was there. Although I should note I did not see the ice storm arc play out as it aired, so my experience of it is different to those who did watch at the time), but we've seen him be 4x02 Carlos before. The contrast is extreme after last week's squishiness. It's implied he 'doesn't like TK right now' immediately after being madly in love. It's new for us to get to grips with, how he goes from one to the other so quickly. I share your sucker-punch feeling and I still have it now to an extent – even after having talked myself into thinking Carlos was referring to himself and Iris. I guess I wish I didn’t have to *think* that, and rather I could just know. I’m happy for plenty of things to be left up to my interpretation as a viewer, whatever I’m watching, but a lack of clarity around something like this line doesn’t sit well with me. I have a very nervous disposition!

You’re right, the framing and the whole vibe made it seem like a super passive-aggressive reference to his own relationship, yet as I mentioned it’s total whiplash for the man who’d so recently comforted TK on the couch to say such a thing. If he *was* making a reference to being super displeased with TK to the extent of suddenly finding their relationship bad (just writing this reinforces to me how it makes no sense…) then the punishment does not fit the crime. Especially as Carlos is canon-aware that TK and Iris hugged rather than had a falling out.

Essentially, I share your headcanon and would really like to see them address this comment so we and TK aren’t left in the dark. There are actually so many good things that can come out of this arc, even if the writing itself leaves us with neon question marks blinking over our heads. By trying to ignore his past and leave it behind him, Carlos has inadvertently looped it tightly with his present and now he has to unpick it from this point. That’s fascinating! I want to see it. This is contrasted nicely with TK, I think, who in some ways ‘left the past behind’ when Owen brought him to Austin, but has been doing the hard work to face it and overcome it ever since, by going N.A meetings, taking his sobriety seriously, talking to the crew about it and his relapse, and finding an incredible man who opened up his heart again. Carlos is on a similar journey, in his own way, he just has to stop resisting and pretending and lying. I love Carlos so much – and it’s because I love him that I care. That lad needs to apologise to his fiancé. TK needs to understand that Carlos’ reaction was due to 99 problems and TK was maybe 1-ish (due to a transgression that was actually nbd). And they are going to be okay.

[morganupstead]

Since I've been watching 911 Lonestar the next day I think I'm going to keep all of my liveblogs on one post *if I don't like it I might change my mind but this is working for right now* :))))

this woman's house on wheels just got up and stolen by her ex-husband?? what a morning

THE IDIOT COP ON THE MOTORCYCLE AGAIN??? (aka Damien Dahrk on a motorcycle ifykyk)

a helicopter is the plan to get her out??? wonderful how inventive lmfaoo

LET'S GO MARJAN MY GIRLIE

I know she needs a place to live, but girl your husband is semi-kidnapping you in your house on wheels going 70 on the interstate. You should probably willingly be rescued

"in about 60 seconds, you'll be the proud owner of 9 tenths of nothing" is an absolutely perfect Marjan Marwani line

He thought that he could just ram the whole thing past the overpass?? Men really are idiots.

Umm?? Why is Strand getting the beer and the credit THAT WAS PAUL'S INFO!!! give the man credit where it's due

Was Captain Strand joining a hate militia nazi group on my bingo board for this season?? No, but I like this CI storyline so far.

I would like to be a fly on the wall to see all of Grace's calls in a day, I'm sure they are so wacky

I'm sorry but I LOVE Grace and Tommy's friendship and I missed this so much. This banter in the breakroom??? YES

She called her "Gracie" and that makes my heart so happy

Have I mentioned how much I miss my favorite gays??? TARLOS BEING ALL CUTE AND DOMESTIC UGH

Iris is a character all right, she hasn't said one word so far that isn't a to-the-point interrogation but i understand her.

CARLOS STOP SMILING AND SAVE YOUR FIANCE

Just the three comas, damn TK i forgot how bad you've had it for a second there

Oh she's not going to sign it...........Oh boy this is going to get complicated

Frog prince at 10 o'clock??? NANCY I LOVE YOU

I thought the pastor was from Suits, I figured out after the fact that he's from Lucifer and that's where I've seen him.

I'm kinda falling in love with the Reverend so Tommy please get your act together

I feel the need to say, careful Captain because that top dog is gonna be sus

THE MOTORCYCLE COP IS UNDERCOVER?????? didn't see that coming. Oh wait maybe he's not and he's a part of this nazi group which would be a lot worse

Okay, that question is answered. NOt undercover.

It's so like him to not turn it on, I can't stop laughing.

TOMMY YOU LOOK SO PRETTY, HONEY

THAT WAS A DREAM??????? oh lord NO PUN INTENDED

TK, I love you very much but I'm not sure your ready to take on Iris all by yourself..........

That conversation went all kind of differently AND I LOVED IT AND I LOVE IRIS. I can't tell what she's going to say, but then it ends up being the right thing.

TOMMY WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? I think he meant dinner......alone???? But i will not complain about Ryder family cameo because i love them. Tommy really thought this would be less awkward and or easier to get through?

I was really hoping he wasn't going to find that bug DAMN It now captain strand is in all kinds of danger.

I love it when Carlos makes sure he's close to TK during important conversations, yes one of their love languages is physical touch but when they aren't on the same page he makes sure to reach out and touch him like an olive branch. It makes my insides explode it's so sweet.

CARLOS WHAT HAPPENED???? please let it not be iris.

JUDD!!!! COWBOY, YOU COULDN'T TELL WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

my religious mutuals I have a question: What can a Reverend do and not do?? Can they actually get married or??? I have no idea how this all works lmfaoo

OOOOOOH TOMMY she looks happy and I will champion happiness over almost anything else

I really hope Iris is okay!!!!!!

*I really liked that episode*

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Ooope an accident o.o

I mean it makes sense but idk if she did it

Aww :'((

But does he believe her xD

Maybe he's like I am lol - I said idk if she did, but also idk if she didn't XD

Oh yeah I wasn't even thinking about that just the unhappy marriage part

But hmm yeah she wouldn't need it

O.O

I'M SORRY SHE'S W H A T??!?!!?

UH OH

OWENNNNNNN

NOT ANOTHER CRAZY LADY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Idk I think it might be a mislead

But if not AAAAAHHHHHHHH

YEAH I'D SAY BAD NEWS IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT

Hey now he can know how Carlos and TK felt in 3x12-

Sorry sorry XDD out of line (maybe)

Still though ರ⁠_⁠ರ

That's the last of my last thoughts! Now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I really enjoyed this episode!! It was definitely WILD, don't get me wrong xD, but it was a good time :)). I honestly don't know what to believe about Kendra, but promo and ending aside, I did feel bad for her this episode :((. And Owen! But I'm glad for once he did the mature thing and just talked with her instead of going crazy lol. Besides all that, the calls were great :D, and frankly everyone slayed 🥰. Congrats and the food too, besties lol. And I'm so glad Grace's dad is okay :'D. It was the drama before that though o.o. But yeah, everything was really great :)).

By the way, once again, this is being written the day of the release of the next episode xD. In my defense, it was show week lol. It's currently evening, not quite an hour before show, because I got distracted when I meant to write it earlier lol. But honestly, even if I wasn't doing this with a less fresh memory of what happened, I don't think I'd have too much to say. Especially because there were several people we didn't see much of this episode - it's pretty much just the main two plots lol. But, still, I may end of shortening stuff just a little bit of what I might have said :). Be that earlier today or closer to the episode. Also it depends on if my motivation increases when I'm actually doing it lol.

Now it's time for the individual parts!

Carlos! I miss you babey 🥰😭. Lol, at least we got one Reyes this episode xD. But, I'm sure he was great at his job :). I love him 🥰🥰. We'll probably see him again next week :D.

Mateo and Nancy! Didn't see much of them this episode, but they were great. And hopefully we see more of them next time anyway. I'm going to say this for each of them, but their reactions to Owen and Kendra's husband were great LOL XD. Anyway, they were both great at their jobs :)). I love them 🥰🥰❤️.

Paul and Marjan! Again, we didn't see much for them, but they were great for what we did see :). Their reactions to that Owen scene were hilarious too lol XDD. They were both great at their jobs this week :)). Not that they usually aren't lol. I love both of them 🥰. Hopefully we see more of them next week :).

TK! Just like most of the crew, we didn't see him much this episode, but he was still great :D. His reaction the Owen situation was priceless XD - I just have to specifically mention the whole "everybody's already married!!" thing XDD. Anyway, he was great at his job this episode 🥰. I love him :DD. I hope we see him more next episode :D.

Tommy! Again, we didn't see her very much this episode, but she was great! She was great at her job, as always :)). And her reaction in the Owen scene XD - wonderful lol. Hopefully we see more of her soon - I have even wondering how her relationship with Trevor's been going! But I think I remember seeing something about getting more of that soon, so, yay :)). Maybe next episode even? Not sure, but now that I think about it I think it might be :). Anyway! I love her 🥰🥰❤️.

Judd! It was really great seeing him support Grace this episode :'D (not that he ever doesn't lol). But also kind of calling her out xD. In a loving way, lol. The entire time, he was there for her, and I just- aH, I love them so much :')) 😭❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰. My babeys <333. He was also great at his job this week :). I love him 🥰🥰.

Owen! I did genuinely feel and for him this episode :((. And for Kendra <33. I'm honestly not sure what to believe, like I said - the promo could be purposefully misleading is, and I just don't know if they'd have Owen fall for ANOTHER crazy lady. Especially with drugging again. But, eh, I don't know! Still, they were nice while they lasted this episode :)). And honestly, sucks to be her husband 😬😬😭. Poor guy xd. But like Owen why didn't you try and let him thaw first before CPR lol. Idk if would've lived if he was already THAT frozen, but still xD. Besides that though lol, he was great at his job this week :). Anyway, I'm definitely intrigued by next week, and a bit nervous 👀. But we love a good Gabriel and Owen team up :D, so I'm excited :)!! As long as Tarlos doesn't end up drugged or in a burning building this time lol. Anyway, he was great with supporting Kendra this episode too :). And, like I said, actually being mature and talking to her honestly lol. I love him <3.

Grace! My poor girl 😭😭😭❤️💔. She really was going through it this episode </3 <33. But I'm so glad her dad's okay :'D. And I'm glad she managed to forgive him, too <33. It was crazy finding out her mom already did :O. All that lost time must suck :'((, since she probably would've been able to forgive him earlier if she knew her mom had, but they can make up for it now :')). And AAHHH her sisters!!! We love cute family moments :'DD. And of course then being Sierra's actual sisters is such a slay 🥰🥰. But yeah, we had some GREAT emotional moments from this storyline 😭😭❤️❤️ :')). I meant just this episode, but overall as well!? Like, in the past when it first started. Also, that song was SUUUCH A SLAYYYYY ❤️❤️❤️😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰!!!! :OOO :'DDD SO lovely <333. Anyway, she was great at her job this episode :). I love her so much <333 🥰😭❤️.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! The calls were great, we had a bunch of drama (but luckily not all of it ended up not okay - some of it's nice and good now xD), and some really emotional moments :'). And we haven't had a Grace storyline in a while, so that was OBVIOUSLY a slay as well - we love our girl :DD. I am nervous for the next episode!! A bit scared, but definitely way excited too :)). I don't really have any theories as to what's gonna happen though lol! I'm interested :)). And I'm just along for the ride as of right now xD. Anyway, even through tragedy (though let's be honest that is not a negative factor lol) this episode was great 🥰. Plus it had some SUPER hilarious moments lol xD.

So yeah! I loved the episode, I thought it was great. I'm nervous for the next one! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 13: Open

It was really good! I'm a bit scared for the next episode, but excited too. I'll be here next week with my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 14: Tongues Out

See you next week!

[firedragon1321]

HEY WHO WANTS SOME FUNNY BADFIC LINES?

I torture myself with badfic sometimes. There used to be a LiveJournal for posting this kinda stuff, but who uses LJ anymore? Here is a fine collection of horrible badfic lines and author’s notes, for your viewing pleasure.

Most of these are from Digimon fic. Some of these are NSFW, or from a NSFW source.

THE FIC LINES (SFW)

“Then Myotismon then said," I think that’s enough damage for one day, ciao!..."

Myotismon, Digimon

This one’s from a Digimon Mary Sue fic. Myotismon- a villain who wants to kill the child protagonists- kills only the Sue. The canon characters mourn the Sue. He has them at his mercy. But then he does...this. This is one of my personal favorites, but I never noticed there’s two “thens” in that sentence until tonight.

“You like what you see, Hugh? Come get it, come get your birthday gift. That’s right; you’re getting an ass as your birthday present. Who needs a Wii U when you’ve got an ass?”

Nate, Pokemon

I need to stop reading bad/OOC fic on purpose. But lines like this make it all worth the suffering. The succulent line “Who needs a Wii U when you’ve got an ass” made me break out laughing- hard. The rest of the fic was OOC crap, BTW.

“What the HELL ARE You Doing You Motherfukers! It was. Dumbledore!”

Dumbledore, Harry Potter My Immortal

This is one of the classics of badfic. I read it in one night. A skunk sprayed outside, providing an odor to enhance my reading experience. I went a little crazy and remember nothing but the famous introduction and this line. A pure gem.

"Stop calling Lexaeus my mom, it just creepy. I mean he's like almost 7 foot and hell of buff!"

Axel, Kingdom Hearts

I vaguely remember this fic was some kind of Soriku/AkuRoku Double Power Hour where Sora and Roxas were catboys or something. This line- like many of the other zingers- comes in out of fucking nowhere. Yes, Axel- Lexaeus is “hell of buff”. I also know the image is technically of Lea, but KH3 graphics are pretty.

“He smiled, before pulling off his plaid shirt. Don't worry, he had a white t-shirt underneath.”

Prose, Digimon

I used to do a lot of MSTs of Digimon fanfics. The Myotismon quote was from one of my victims. So is this one, which was a Stufic. The Stu’s target was Mimi. They were hanging out or going to bed or- God knows what. The author pulled the story to a full fucking stop to tell the reader about this white t-shirt. Just in case they thought things were getting too racy. The fic was rated K on fanfiction dot net.

“Mimi's eyes widened as she watched the older man grab Izzy's neck viciously as the man grabbed a rifle from his pocket and held it threateningly against the younger boy's head.”

Prose, Digimon

Another old MST victim. Yes, you read right. A thug pulled a full-size rifle out of his pocket. I had to stop my MST for two solid minutes because- no? I think the author meant a small handgun, not a fucking rifle. Fun fact- the minimum length of the barrel for a rifle is sixteen inches. This is equal to stuffing a standard ruler and then some in your pocket!

““DORA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Screams Annie way too overdramatically.”

Prose, Digimon

This was another Suefic. Not sure if I actually MSTed this one. Anyone who knows Digimon knows that- right before crossing into the Digital World- your regular Joe experiences some freaky electronic behavior. A television playing Dora the Explorer- to the delight of some teenagers- zapped out, leading to this little gem.

"I had them not shoot you for the soul purpose to annoy you."

Leomon, Digimon

This fic was an MST fic and I fucking hated it. It was made by non-Digimon fans if I remember correctly, who made everyone OOC and stupid. And used “knave” as an insult a lot. Leomon was an antagonist- not sure if he was under Devimon’s control- and he summoned cupids to make the DigiDestined fall in love with random bullshit. TK was spared this gruesome fate. When he questions why, Leomon drops this zinger.

“He then kicked Gatomon a few feet (Because I hate Gatomon and so does Koushiro.) “

Prose, Digimon

Same fic as above. I forgot to mention the Author’s Notes liked to butt in at times, too.

"Sorry Miss Luna, but there are no breaks form learning your education,"

Teacher, Digimon

MST Suefic victim. This one is just a grammar mess. It looks like something Google Translate might write if it was allowed to make a fanfic. No- let’s not wish that into reality.

“He decided to act like a complete wigga and moonwalked home at 45 miles an hour.”

Prose, Beyblade

This was the most terrible Beyblade crackfic I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a slur in there? The moonwalking bit was what got to me, in addition to the very specific speed. The fic gets even worse. That gem of a line is in the NSFW section.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?!"

"Samus... there's no sal-"

"DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT A MEME IS!?"

Link and Samus, Smash Brothers

I honestly remember nothing about this fic except this line.

THE BEST POKEMON BATTLE EVER

(Note- I didn’t bold anything to avoid eye strain. The battle below is presented uncut in its entirety, to deliver maximum pain. Enjoy!)

+++++++++++++++++

"Let's get started, shall we?"

"Okay," Rosa said, moving away from Elesa to get their battle started. "Go, Emboar!" Rosa said, releasing an Emboar holding a Quick Claw.

"Go, Zapdos!" Elesa said, releasing a shiny Zapdos. "Thunderbolt, Zapdos!"

"Flare Blitz!"

Doing as told, the Emboar ignited himself, then he rushed towards Zapdos to tackle it. The Fire-type move instantly knocked Zapdos, but it costed a bit of Emboar's health.

"Impressive, I say. Go, Raikou!" Elesa said, and she released Raikou. "Thunderbolt!"

"Flare Blitz, again!"

The Emboar's Quick Claw didn't activate this time as Raikou attacked first with Thunderbolt, easily blacking Emboar out. "Go, Haxorus!" Rosa said, releasing Haxorus. "Outrage!"

"Hidden Power (Ice), Raikou!"

The Raikou's Hidden Power wasn't enough to knock Haxorus out as Haxorus retaliated with Outrage, knocking Raikou out as Elesa stomped her foot.

"Damn," Elesa cursed.

"Almost out of Pokemon?" Rosa asked.

"Yep, let's see what happens next!" Elesa replied.

After releasing her last Pokemon, a Magnezone holding a Life Orb, Elesa yelled, "Hidden Power (Ice)!"

Rosa didn't order her Haxorus to use a move since Outrage forces Haxorus to use it again. After getting hit, the Magnezone used Hidden Power to knock Haxorus out.

"I'm almost out too," Rosa said.

"Then let's finish this," Elesa said.

"Okay. Go, Sigilyph!" Rosa said, and she entered a shiny Sigilyph in battle. "Use Heat Wave, Sigilyph!"

"Avoid Heat Wave, then use Thunderbolt!"

Failing to avoid the Sigilyph's Heat Wave, the Magnezone blacked out and Rosa jumped up and down in joy, celebrating over a win against a Gym Leader.

THE FIC LINES (NSFW)

"She just walked away licking off your semen like it was gameshow slime."

Sora, Digimon

MST victim again. “She” is Kari and “your” is Tai. Yep- it was one of those fics. The fic was later revealed to be a deconstruction of ero-fics, exonerating it of all crimes. But this line remains, like a bad taste in your mouth.

"With my Viagra pills of the gods, anything is possible."

Palutena, Kid Icarus

This was...special. The fic was set up to be a Pit/Palutena fic, then abruptly bait-and-switched into Pit/TWINBELLOWS. This line explains why Twinbellows is willing to participate in a union straight from the Underworld.

“Jizztacular!“

Pit, Kid Icarus

Same fic as above. You can probably imagine when this line comes into play.

"Whut are you fuck'un norms looking at!" roared Granpa, his 134 inch knob swaying out in front like a barge pole. "GAY PRIDE WORLD WIDE!"

Ryu Granger, Beyblade

This is the same fic as the moonwalk line and hoo boy. I told you it got worse. How to make it even worse? Every single major male character is lined up behind him and- well, I’m sure you can figure out the rest.

THE AUTHOR’S NOTES

“this is a sentence that makes no sense for you enjoyment.“

AN, Kingdom Hearts

This is from a response to a PM from an anti, who wasn’t happy about the author sexualizing the underage characters. The author broke down the PM- itself poorly written- in a nasty, mocking way, making an ass out of the anti. This was part of that response, and perhaps the only redeeming quality of the exchange.

“My grandmother was a poet (she taught me to read, too!) and she watches over me from the Good Place The Good People Go. She watched me write all 12+ words of this. Do you think YOU can shame me, internet puritans? Do you really? No one can shame me or stop me. The only thing that can stop me is running out of tea.”

AN, Beyblade

This is similar to the AN above. It’s more of a general response to antis than a direct attack on one person. This line made me lose my mind laughing. Remember- it’s okay to write pedofics, as long as Grandma approves of them first! Props for having better spelling/grammar than the Kingdom Hearts AN...

THE END

You survived! Yay! This is my grand gallery of badfic lines and horrible author’s notes. I am honored to share it with all of you!

[beautifulhigh]

Carlos is the one who is more vocal in his sleep. It’s usually just noises but occasionally it’s actual words and phrases. The first time TK stayed over he woke up in the middle of the night needing a drink. As he moved to get out of bed Carlos muttered “don’t want you to go” and that little sentence has lived in TK’s heart ever since. Carlos doesn’t remember it and tried to play it off as some kind of dream he was having, but they both knew that Carlos wanted more from TK than he was giving at the moment and so there was an unspoken agreement to never mention it again.

Post-fire there were a lot of comments to go with his recurring dreams about them being trapped, about one or the other not getting out. TK just rolls over and makes sure he’s making as much physical contact with Carlos as he can until his boyfriend’s sleeping brain realises they’re OK.

When TK moved into the loft it took about a week before his sleep pattern settled down because hospitals and comas will do a number on that. During that time he heard Carlos mumbling half-finished comments about losing him, about being alone, about how happy he is that he’s home. They talked about them all in the morning because they talk about these things now.

--

TK snores, but only when he’s sick. Years of having to share bunk rooms on 24 hour shifts meant that if you snore you were very likely to be smothered in your sleep.

--

They’re both stupidly clingy when they wake up, when they’re half asleep and trying not to be just yet. Then there’s hands across the bed and grabbing at whatever body part they find first. Which has been both cute and comforting and more than a little handsy on more than one occasion. Usually they’ll fall asleep pretty close to each other but Carlos will roll over at some point in the night and they have their space. Carlos will also sometimes roll back and reach out: they know his brain is still checking to see if TK is still there, like this life they’re living is some dream he’s having.

If TK is the first one to bed he’s down and out and an immovable force. Until Carlos comes to bed and then TK will roll over a little, his leg or foot might gravitate a little towards the heat that Carlos is giving up. He jokes about his Texan man running hot (”In more than one way.”) but he just likes feeling the body heat because it means that they’re here, together.

If it’s a bad night they can both be a little restless but the other knows how to deal with them by now and so they will actively reach out and cuddle up against them. Sometimes they’re spooning*, sometimes one is hauled up to lie on the other’s chest. They know that comfort is needed and so it is given - the reason why can be dealt with later.

* if the comforter is the big spoon then it is because the other needs to be stopped from spiraling over something. It’s their shorthand for “I’ve got you”. If the comforter is the little spoon then it’s because the other needs to just slow down and stop. They hold the other’s arm over their stomach, a shorthand for “I’m not letting you go”. Yes, they switch.

--

TK joked about how he will burst into tears as soon as Carlos starts his vows. He was mostly right as Carlos was practicing them so much to get the wording spot on that he gave away a few lines in his sleep in the days before the wedding. TK, awake with his own nerves and thoughts and a blank piece of paper with the heading VOWS on, sat there and cried happy tears in the dark.

He didn’t let on that he knew, but if his vows echoed some of Carlos’ sentiments then everyone can just think that they’re perfect for each other. Whatever that actually means.

Between TK and Carlos, who's the one:

talking in his sleep? (And by that I mean making little noises that don’t necessarily make sense)

snoring?

moving around until the other one pulls him into his arms?

Please discuss 😉

[chisatowo]

Every now and then I remember the characters from a dream I had a while back and I just have to take a moment to think abt them

[marjansmarwani]

I promise that it’s worth the risk

24.2k || ao3

Carlos has an accident at work and for a while, TK thinks everything is lost.

But then he wakes up, and everything is okay.

But then it isn’t, because Carlos doesn’t remember him. In fact, Carlos doesn’t remember anything of the past three years: the entirety of TK’s time in Austin. Which is a pretty sick joke on the universe’s behalf, in TK’s opinion. He doesn’t know how to deal with that fact that though he didn’t lose Carlos, he did lose him in just about every way that matters.

But if one thing will always be true it’s that TK Strand loves Carlos Reyes with his entire heart and nothing is going to stop him from being there for him, whatever may come.

Six months later, the amnesia fic is finally done! 

There are so many people I need to thank for getting me through the writing of this and making sure I actually did finish writing this in so many different ways. I’m going to list a few but I know that the list is not limited to just them: @moviegeek03, @justaswampdemon, @pragmatic-optimist, @doublel27

Beta’d by the wonderful @terramous

If you’d like to listen to the playlist I made to go with this fic, you can find that here. Happy reading!

--------

In the days that followed he would marvel that all it took to upend his entire world was one phone call.

Because that’s all it had been: a single call from a kind but efficient nurse in a hospital across the city. TK had never been on the other end of the call from the hospital. He could say with absolute certainty that he hated it.

Well, at the moment, he didn’t really feel like he could say anything at all. He was frozen at the edge of the station kitchen as Nancy gently pried his phone from his hand and Marjan placed a warm hand on his shoulder as she studied him with worried eyes. He wanted to assure them he was fine, that they didn’t have to worry, but that would be a lie. He was so far from fine he couldn’t even remember the sound of the word. His world had just been tipped off its axis and now it felt like it was spinning in place, stuck at this moment and a single line repeating in his head like a broken record: Detective Reyes has been injured in the line of duty.

He doesn’t know how Carlos had done it so many times. How had he even been able to breathe after getting one of those calls, let alone function? It’s all TK can do to agree to his dad’s offer to drive him to the hospital and to sit silently in the passenger seat, anxious fingers twisting at the gold band on his necklace as the world flashes by outside the window.

He could feel his dad’s eyes on him and he knew without looking what he would see. The weight of his gaze felt familiar; it was the same one he had felt so often in the days right after his mom had died. He knew his dad meant well, but he couldn’t handle it. The thought of losing Carlos like he had his mom…it was too much. He couldn’t bear those connections right now.

“Please stop looking at me like that.”

His dad looked startled by the sound of his voice, but he recovered quickly, “Like what?”

“Like he’s already dead.”

[continue reading on ao3]