#parameddic

[ofyorkshire]

would being jeanie for work be outside bj's comfort zone? is it just for fun and for himself? i am sure there are clients who would want Jeanie

Yes and no. There would be different versions of Jeanie, just like there are different versions of BJ (and I suppose, really, most people have different personas for different environments). BJ likes leaving his work at the door, you know. Once he's off the clock, he likes to be off the clock, and having a strong separate persona for work, especially sex work, helps him work and helps him relax after work.

So sex worker Jeanie vs. dancer Jeanie vs. casual just-for-himself Jeanie would all look and behave differently and I don't think BJ would necessarily consider them the "same" Jeanie. Each would have different backstories in his head that help give them their own personality, depending on what he needs from them, and each would dress a little differently. Exaggerations, I guess. Sex worker Jeanie is more at ease with sex and her body than BJ is and isn't as afraid to hold boundaries, dancer Jeanie is confident and isn't afraid to get a little theatric and vulnerable in front of a crowd, and casual Jeanie is a bit less flashy and everything BJ wishes he could be if he could go back in time and rescue himself sooner, or was born completely differently. Jeanie, no matter which Jeanie it is, is the embodiment of self-love for BJ, and the kind of person he'd like to be.

Is she how BJ sees himself inside? Not quite, I think his vision of his "real self" is a lot more abstract, but Jeanie is completely detached from Barry James and all the baggage he carries, and she's a lot closer to his vision than not.

That said, I do think Jeanie would be born either after a client requests that BJ dress in drag, or slowly on its own with BJ giving in to a desire to experiment and a friend complimenting or encouraging him. I'm softest about the latter, but that can happen regardless. I think it'd be most fun to make the reason different for each verse because the point isn't really how she's created, but that at some point, Jeanie will exist because she makes BJ so happy.

But TL;DR, Jeanie for work would not be out of his comfort zone as long as Working Jeanie can still be separate from At Home Jeanie. There would be some days where I think he wouldn't be able to be Jeanie at work, because a part of him does want to keep her "safe" from the bad memories sex work can dredge up and he doesn't want to accidentally start relating her to those, but on the flip side, he'd also prefer being Jeanie at work. She's "better" at it, he says.

[dutyworn]

                                           @parameddic    /    cont. from ↷

She’s exhausted, and doesn’t have it in her to navigate conflict, right now. Doesn’t have it in her to follow after TK, if he walks out on her (if he did, under normal circumstances, she would, but she’s oh so tired and doesn’t think she can offer him anything that would resolve his frustration). It’s not that he’s saying anything unkind. It’s that his frustrations are visible in the way he carries his body, and that she knows him well enough that his insecurities don’t seem out of place to her. She doesn’t share much. They’re supposed to be friends, close friends, family, even. He probably feels shut out.

But she doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it, not this moment, after too little sleep, riddled with nightmares. So, she sits there. And mostly stares at the table blankly, occassionally making herself glance at him, and just lets him continue, lets him work through it on his own. Lets him go through his own emotions, without beginning to analyse how to respond and how to make him feel better.

At, And then you act like I’m not even meant to be worried, she lifts her gaze to properly face him. Surprised, because... Surprised, at herself, because that’s just a given, isn’t it? No one is meant to be worried about her, ever. She’s never really questioned that belief, or even put it into words for herself. Sure, she’s had many friends and loved ones in her life who have challenged her tendency to keep pushing, keep going without knowing how to accept care. She’s even let some people (Garrus, Joker, Liara, Tali...) truly show that care, forced herself to become more comfortable being vulnerable around them. But they’re still...  not meant to worry about her.

This isn’t just about that, though; this is... different.

And to be told she’s loved. That she’s part of a team. TK, telling her that, so sincerely, it feels like something melts in her, some tightly held tension. Her shoulders slump. She hadn’t even realised how tightly she’d been holding herself. This whole team... She knows how  lucky she is,  that she ever was welcomed here, the way she was. They all know she’s... not really from here. She knows they can sense it.

❝ I do know that, ❞    she says, softly, her expression relaxed for a brief second.    ❝ I do know. ❞    She does. And she loves them back, and they know that, too.

❝ It’s not that I don’t... trust you, ❞    she starts, searching for the right words, averting her eyes, the relaxation beginning to give room to returning tension.    ❝ You, and all of you. ❞    She’d make herself talk about it, she thinks. To TK, Marjan, maybe. But...

How to say it.

As it is, she supposes.

❝ I’m scared, ❞    she admits. Rubs the back of her neck and leaves her hand there, squeezing slightly.    ❝ I don’t like to feel vulnerable, sure, I know I’m not the picture of a functional human being with that, but I’m also scared of, just... If I told you. And you didn’t believe me. That’d be a million times worse, than holding it all in and being alone with it. And I know you think you would believe me, ❞    she laughs, bitter,    ❝ maybe you’d believe that I believe it. You wouldn’t be mean about it. But you wouldn’t believe it, and I can’t  bear the thought of you not believing it.  Not this. ❞    She can share vague stuff, of her childhood mostly, but she’s spent her entire adult life (until here, anyway...) so heavily involved with the Alliance, practically living on space ships and station posts and training camps and... It’s hard to offer half-hearted truths while having to obscure most.

[erendreich]

@parameddic if you want an excuse to hurt him ⛓️

"One."

Crack!

"Two."

Crack!

"Three..."

The horsewhip came brutally across the young man's back a third time. A fourth, fifth, and final sixth that rang against the cold cellar walls with metronomic timing. Slow, assessing, Cale tilted his head at his newest work. The strikes had not split skin, but blood was blooming rapidly to the surface, streaking the man's bare back with angry, red marks. Good. These would serve as reminder enough, and that done, there was no point in rushing the rest of their time together just yet. Cale might as well enjoy and make the best of a bad situation.

"Look at me, Tyler"

Tyler, his little accident. Bound tightly at the wrists and ankles to keep him from trying to run, and his body, naked but for his underwear, was forced to bend uncomfortably at the knees and waist over a metal rail which served both as support to keep him from completely toppling and kept him in the proper position for whipping. Too, a thick, leather collar hung loosely enough to chaffe around his neck, pulled down by a chain fastened low to the floor. This was not an aesthetic choice; Tyler had been in this position for almost twelve hours now, and the chain kept him from straightening his legs, his back, or relieving the muscles that Cale knew must be straining. Humiliation, stress, helplessness... These were all important tools in breaking a spirited animal.

"I said, look at me."

Cale knotted his fist into Tyler's hair and yanked his head up. The chain around the paramedic's neck rattled.

"Six times, Tyler, exactly. Do you know why?" he asked, patient and over-soft for the cruelty he'd just committed. "Because there are six levels to your training. Six steps: Rhythm, Relaxation, Connection, Impulsion, Straightness, Collection. Right now, you are at the very bottom, not even at step one yet, but these six steps will be the cornerstone of everything we do here. It's very important that you remember them. Do you understand?"

[cardiomyapathy]

@parameddic

"There's a reason why you're a PARAMEDIC, and I'm a SURGEON. "

[twicecut]

📞 Ring, ring... It's for @parameddic.

"—Hey. You awake? It's Diego."

[normaltothemax]

@parameddic liked a starter call

“You should eat something.”

With a concerned frown, he sat on the coffee table across from TK. He’d been sitting on the couch for a while now. Lost in his thoughts, silent and unmoving. Carlos was pretty sure he knew exactly what TK was thinking about, too. The video footage of him and Kyle—Yusef—had gone viral. It was all over the internet and had already been picked up by a couple of news stations. Everybody everywhere was voicing their opinion on TK’s actions. Analyzing every last detail of that damned video and deciding where the blame lay.

As if TK didn’t feel guilty enough already.

Carlos couldn’t do much about that, unfortunately, so instead he tried to focus on what he could do, and what he could do was be there for TK. Stand firmly at his side and be strong for him while he needed someone to lean on. He could take care of him even if TK didn’t feel much like taking care of himself. And that started with getting some food in him. One hand rested on TK’s cheek, thumb stroking gently across the skin there. Carlos ducked his head and tried to meet his eyes. “Hm? Do you want to help me make something?” A distraction might be good.

[merrilark]

I saw a 'snail mail' button on your blog and i pressed it. No further thoughts. 🐌 ✉️

It's super late and I'm reeeeeally sleepy like barely awake and I stared at the envelope way too long bc I thought it was a slice of cheese.

So here's a snail enjoying cheese for you. I drew it with my finger on my phone but he's full of love. And cheese.

[sheldoney]

@parameddic

"Is it true that you cannot lay down after a concussion or is that just a myth?"

[muppetjackrackham]

first sketch of the night for @parameddic of connor, the android sent by cyberlife!

request one here!

[kurthorton-moving]

@parameddic: "who told you it wasn't that bad?"

he's pretty sure they both know the answer to that question. he thinks, maybe, tk is just trying to make him say it out loud. the blonde gives a shrug, as if it doesnt matter, as if it isn't important. in truth, while his parents had told him as much, kurt was his own worst enemy. he's always felt the need to minimalize things, to insist its never that bad, that he's fine. he believes it to be his own character flaw, hasnt considered that its likely a learned response to a childhood of pressure. "me, my mom, i don't know." he feels a little weird about tks concern, so far from used to people worrying about him. "theres always someone who's got it worse, y'know?"

[strangcmatters]

@parameddic

She had been in Austin for four months. The first three were for setting up the shop; building the bookcases, organizing the rooms, pricing and shelving all the books. A month before opening she’d put out a call for gently used books, and was heartily responded to, cementing her belief that the move from California was the right one. The building did not yet overflow with books, but she was certain it was only a matter of time. The shop had been open a month, and business was going well enough—not booming by any metric, but a steady trickle that’ll keep the lights on. Her apartment was another matter entirely, still filled with boxes that needed unpacking.

She was among the stacks when she heard the soft jingle of the bell on the door. “Welcome to Strange Matters!” Rei called out, continuing to shelve books. “Let me know if I can help you find anything, and if you’re just popping in to ask about the name, it’s a Shakespeare reference!” With the last book returned to its shelf, she headed back to the front desk, smiling at her new customer. His appearance struck her as familiar, and she blinked a few times. “I feel like I’ve seen you before. You ever been to LA? Because I’ve barely left this shop since I moved here,” she laughed, returning to her waiting chair.

Barely a heartbeat passed once she sat before recognition sank in, and she turned fully to him, excited. “Oh, you’re the paramedic! The one who let go-” Her brain couldn’t keep up with her words, and her eyes squeezed shut as she realized what she’d said, a hot flush spreading across her cheeks. “That. Should not have been out loud, I am so sorry.” Is it too late to move back to California? She grimaced, scrambling for a way to fix this. “Can- Can I-…” She paused, taking a breath to center herself, and tried again. “Can I make you some tea?”

[ofyorkshire]

would it be too much to say the first thing tk noticed was 'maybe gay'. he was out looking for someone to hook up with and maybe the first thing he noticed was "that guy's cute" but the first time he properly Looked it was because he was catching some flags (some interest) back, and TK's gaydar is pretty good, even if it's not specific to gay/bi/pan etc just. 'interested or not'.

tk likes his waist though. and thought that his hands (piano fingers) looked like they'd be good in his hair. 10/10

send me your muse's thoughts when they first met mine from some meme i can't find rn || always accepting

I totally thought I replied to this ages ago oh no. I'm getting such wild deja vu from how I'm about to answer this. Maybe I just dreamt it. :x

But that wouldn't be too much to say, no. BJ, unless he's working, which he either was when they met and thought TK was cute and sweet enough not to charge (LOL) or he was just out for personal fun, tries to not make it too obvious unless people are looking. His mannerisms lean a little bit "stereotypically gay" for the lack of a better term, so he probably is easy to ping regardless.

He would look though. And it would be soooo obvious to people like TK, who are looking. There would be no question he's interested, whether they're shooting a glance across a whole room or two feet away. BJ might have even glanced first. TK is more than a little easy on the eyes. I don't think we ever talked about how they met or how that went down beyond "it happened", but now that I know TK more, I think I can confidently say BJ would have enjoyed chatting him up a bit before stumbling off to whatever hotel TK chose. BJ doesn't normally make a point of talking too long to the people he sleeps with, he prefers to go and get it over with (weird choice of words; his relationship with sexual pleasure is love/hate), but he would like the sound of TK's voice and his general way of being that he'd like to hear him talk more. Play the silly game of flirting and being flirted with, even if they both know it will end with them in bed sooner or later whether they flirt or not. It's fun.

BJ does have a nice, slender little waist and nice nimble fingers that are very good at what they do. All very grab and kissable, and more people he likes should do that. Or he's happy to run his fingers through TK's hair again, too. Romantically or platonically. Nothing more calming than someone playing with your hair. He's tactile with people he trusts and do it for a friend if they needed to relax.

[dutyworn]

                                           @parameddic    /    cont. from ↷

TK is  not fine,  but is there any point in arguing that? Wren hesitates. She’s not leaving him alone, not like this, but should she...? This is her fault.

She never would have chosen this. She’d rather be stuck not-home than get back at the cost of him being stuck not-home.

❝ You can  ⸺  you can speak with... ❞    All of her human crew speak English, and Doctor Chakwas could fit TK with a translator implant at the med-bay, easy, but that’s probably not a good idea to suggest right this minute; technology like that doesn’t exist for him, it’ll probably seem insanely invasive; maybe he’s better off being suggested an external, wearable device, for now...

❝ TK, you’re my family, too, ❞    Wren says, with the same gentle tone, though she keeps her distance.

They’re up at her private cabin, although nothing in the room suggests it used to be her space; it’s her crew, on board, now, but the Normandy’s probably been under someone else’s command at some point  ⸺  most of the plants she’d picked for the fishtank (instead of fish) are still there, but her model ship collection is not on display and she can see none of her personal belongings anywhere.

❝ I’m not going anywhere, ❞    she states. Carefully, she sits on one of the chairs, across from the edge of her bed TK’s sitting on.    ❝ TK,  I need you to understand  ⸺  I’m not going to rest until I find a way to get you back home. I don’t care how many people tell me it’s impossible.  I’ll find a way. ❞    She wants to tell him she didn’t want this. Needs him to know she wouldn’t have done this to him on purpose. But this isn’t about what she needs. She’s been in his shoes, she understands what he’s going through, at least to some extent. She... she was always trained to handle impossible situations, and she was trained to sacrifice herself. She also didn’t find herself in the future, in fucking space-flight, in some situation not even plausible for where she came from.

“Shepard,” Joker calls, almost hesitantly, through the cabin’s comms, “not to rush you, but Garrus is seriously going to tear me a new one, over here.”

❝ Tell him he can wait, ❞    Wren snaps.

“Uh, have you met⸺”

❝ He can wait, Joker. Make sure EDI knows access to my quarters is off limits, as well. ❞

Pause.

❝ Just... I’ll be there, later. Please, ❞    she adds, apologetically.

“You got it, Commander.”

She’s developing a headache. She wants to properly reunite with her people, but TK needs her, and TK is her responsibility, and it’s her fault he’s here, and she can’t just leave him alone, no matter how much he wants her to.

[arachnidiots-a]

TK & LIAM. continued from here | @parameddic

nervousness practically buzzes around liam. on the other side of the threshold they stand still in the same clothes they walked out of the station in, some loose button down and pants-- both colorful of course. if anything's changed it's the now present redness all over their face. liam can't hide that no matter how much they force their face into a smile.

the door is already open, tk's already stepped aside to let them in, but they're still trying to justify the unannounced visit. "emmett's not answering his phone and roxy's got a shift and--" and tk was next on their list for people to turn to. the small box in their hands shakes as she takes a loud breath in. she almost forgot about it, despite the absolute detour she went on for it. stepping into the home, she extends the box out towards tk. it's a pack of hot pockets.

"i- sorry this is kind of the best i could do." liam's never shown up anywhere empty handed, and even a moment like this isn't an exception. matter of fact, they feel like they probably should have bought more or at least that it was owed. "it's a two pack. one for you, one for carlos."

liam's quite good at being still. they've had a lot of practice and despite the frequent need to mess with jewelry, their hair, or sway from side to side they manage to usually be quite settled. it's a means of keeping themself from getting overwhelmed. standing opposite of tk now, they're anything but settled. one hand won't stop running through their hair, tugging at strands. they chew the inside of their cheek. the silence is uncomfortable. "i'm sorry for waking you."

[wearealive]

a closed starter that @parameddic did not ask for! from human!eli (tw: brief mention of child loss, blood/broken glass)

as much as eli liked to believe he'd seen everything, he'd only been in the field for three years — most days they dealt with the same few types of calls, but losing a child en route while they were stuck sitting in STAND-STILL traffic had sent him over the edge. all he could think about was his baby sister, but he had to push it down and do his job.

the ride back to the station with TK was damn near silent. they'd both asked each other if they were okay, and they'd both (probably lied) and said yes. there wasn't much to say after that. TK drove, and eli finished some electronic paperwork on his tablet. the moment they pulled back in, eli knew he needed to escape. he was always more than happy to start on cleaning the cabin right away, but he couldn't right now.

❝ i'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. i'll be back in a sec. ❞ eli brushes past the other, barely inside the bathroom before his stomach twists and he's sick - he's able to make it to the sink, at least. the thought of locking the bathroom doesn't even cross his mind, brain going absolutely haywire.

all the emotions he'd been trying to suppress on the call are all bombarding him at once — anger. disgust. anxiety. sadness. it's too much. he splashes cold water on his face a few times, but it doesn't help. he needs to feel something stronger. he's so mad. he raises his fist and-

❝ fuck! ❞ heard easily from outside the bathroom. his fist smashed through the glass of the mirror, shards flying everywhere. a good majority are now stuck in his knuckles, and blood quickly begins to trickle down his arm. fuck, it hurts. he can't move a muscle in his hand without extreme pain. at the very least, his mind was off of the case for now. ❝ oh, fuck. oh, fuck. ❞ he was an idiot. there's a fast, hard knock at the door, which TK wastes no time swinging open. eli turns to face him, hand still stuck in a fist. ❝ i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm— ❞

[9-1-1--lonestar]

@parameddic: "I'm awake." He was so totally not awake. Judd had woken him by thudding his gear on the same table TK had drifted off on, lightly drooling on his forearm, wrists folded into a pillow - but TK jerked up, now, voice rough with an edge of sleep, "I wasn't sleeping." He was sooooo sleeping. He rubbed the heel of one hand into one eye, squinting againt the light with the other. "When did you get back?"

" Yeah, I bet you was just fixin' to. " God those Strand boys were as the same as they could POSSIBLY be. Hell, TK couldn't even let someone know he was catching a couple minutes in down time. Were all New Yorkers like this? Judd had to assume so. Not like he had ANY PLANS on finding out.

Judd pulled the chair out from the table that sat across from Strand, hands folded in front of him, fingers laced together. Looking back at TK, his first reaction when it came to him and his dad had become looking them over for anything that might be wrong. The question of when they had gotten back pulled his attention over his shoulder to the ENGINE BAY.

" Bout ten minutes ago. You uh . . . Checkin your eyelids for blemishes or somethin? " By now, the way he talked about how prissy he found Strand and his kid had become more akin to a gesture of affection. Or at least, as far as Judd got to doing so.