#preparing for diagnosis
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#last night we got devastating news from the hospital#friday we took my grandpa to the er for a delirium and leg pain due to clotted veins to get some testing done and help him#turns out he has end stage lung cancer that spread through to his bones. doctors give him 4-8 weeks - tops#i felt guilty all weekend for setting all of rhis in motion while he preferred to stay at home (which he couldn't)#and then we got this diagnosis on top of it all. i've been an absolute wreck. i was wirh him at the er and visited him sunday and today#he's doing okay but he's depressed -has been for years- and it's been really tough fighting for someone who has given up years ago#i'm going home tomorrow. i need some time to rest and process to prepare for al that's to come#anyway. just wanted to update y'all after friday's post. i'm okay - all things considered. i just won't be as active out here as usual
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So originally I had just started doing adopts again because I was low on money these past few months and wanted some money to save for our FurEh trip with friends.
Well unfortunately life doesn't like to see us being proactive apparently because it decided to give us two great gut (and wallet) punches in the form of my car and our dog, Percy.
Percy was unfortunately diagnosed with stage 3 kidney disease last month. I was able to cover his initial vet bills but the unfortunate part about kidney disease Is that there isn't a cure. We most likely have less than half a year left with him. And I want to be ready if things take a turn for the worse.
The money that is for him would be put aside for the inevitable and heart breaking future vet bills. For now he is still spry and doing okay so we are doing our best to spoil him and keep him happy with what time we have left.
My car also decided to go caput a little over a week ago, we had hoped we could repair it ourselves but we can't. For only Repairing the most important parts it will cost us around $1100 to get it drivable again. If we want to repair everything on the car it would be more like $3000.
So I am here unfortunately asking for help. If you can't donate money I completely understand. If you would still like to help, sharing this post would still help so much. Any money sent through this link, twitch streams, commissions, etc. will be going towards fixing our car, Percy’s vet bills and then, if somehow there is more left over (and if there is then holy cow, wow) It will go towards our trip to FurEh, I think we're really going to need it.
I am also working towards opening my commissions soon if you would like to help out that way, keep an eye out! And of course there are still the available adopts as well!
tl;dr Percy is in the late stages of an incurable disease and our car broke down, both of these are costly and any help is greatly appreciated! ❤️
#it sucks to get news like this#especially after the near-tragedy of last year#Percy was my first ever pet of my own#and I have been quite emotional since his diagnosis to say the least#don't worry he's doing okay for now but we want to be prepared#and the car threw a wrench in that#we've been spoiling him though don't you worry
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well i'm glad i checked doesthedogdie.com before continuing to watch kaos because if i had to watch what happens to dennis the kitten actually transpire on screen (and what dionysus experiences afterwards), i think i'd be straight up non-functional today
fair warning that i will probably end up discussing specifics in the notes, so be careful if you decide to read them.
#ray.txt#cw: animal death#cw: cat death#kaos (netflix)#i was really enjoying this show but there are some things that i just cannot watch#even being prepared in advance or skipping past the scene is not enough#like i have very few genuine triggers but killing a cat--especially killing a kitten--is like... that's it. lol.#the very top of the list of things that will ruin my whole fucking life#at least now that i have the specific diagnosis to go along with it i understand WHY i'm this way now but#that doesn't actually make it any easier for me to deal with it. even in fiction.
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Just some more Still Wakes the Deep blah blah, but omg having just been diagnosed Diabetes type 1 myself recently, it makes me only love and feel for Roy 10X more...
This shit is litteraly poison, but so does the food we eat with how much sugar there is in ugh OTL
Never thought in a million year I had DT1, I had 0 symptoms and am in pretty good shape, but then suddenly, organs are starting to hurt really badly out of nowhere...
Don't wait too long poeple and check with your doctors even if there's ''nothing'' T0T and to all Diabetic ppl out there, keep on fighting 💪✨
#random#delete later#first 2 weeks of diagnosis i didn't realized what it meant to live with this#but the 3rd week it really sinked it and i couldn't stop crying everyday#i felt even more like a failure and it made me even more angry that my biological parents left me with that#being adopted i have no medical history and i was already living a quite healthy life style#ofc it could have been even better but now i have to do many extra steps#everything's back to normal now but holy shit that hit me like a truck#plus it was urgent since it had been MONTHS it was left untreated and my family doctor just never told me or bothered to check my blood tes#so ughh idk it sucks with life being already hard as it is#high blood pressure now this... tho theyre probably related#i prepared my bucket list sooo i guess LET'S GO?! jk jk#i'm scared to have a heart attack or stroke in the middle of nowhere where no one i love is around... and that'll be it#but i mean if it happens it happens i guess XD#i'm hopefull now but holy shit... fucking pancreas who just decides to stop working#when you read more about DT1 it just feels like a bad employee who suddenly doesn't want to work anymore#and the good boss cant do anything about it#oh well#as long as i can still create art i'll be fine and happy#diabetic? more like diabethicc
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I have an exam in 9 hours. In that time i need to sleep, and i need to absorb tje entire spanish language.
Instead im thinking ab him
Just a boy and his dragon
#i am unmedicated#no bc seriously i need my adhd diagnosis NOW because its debilitatint at rhis point#like i couldve prepared this two weeks ago#it is midnight i am DOOMED#anyways snotlout snotlout oi oi oi#snotlout
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Please pray for my Aunt’s husband. He’s in the hospital right now, and it’s not looking good. Things were looking up and they’re ere talking about finally going to Florida, but he had a sudden decline early this week. She went in today to talk options with his doctor.
It hasn’t been that long since we lost my Uncle, and I fear that losing her second husband after only three years of marriage might break her.
#prayer request#she’s been preparing for the worst since his diagnosis#instead of enjoying her life with him#of course I want him healthy for his own sake as well#but I’m terrified that should we lose him#we’ll lose her too#fury’s life#fury’s family
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god i feel. SO lucky that i was able to get a diagnosis so fast. thank god for doctors who actually care
#marzi speaks#i mean. autoimmune diagnosis two months from symptom outset is insanely fast#and lucky bc i think we caught this early enough to avoid damaging my organs long-term#and it hasn’t even had time to try to fuck up my kidneys#the steroid Works (the rash on my feet has gone down So Much)#and they’re gonna start me on the other meds today (gotta keep a close eye in case of reactions)#i’m just like. so relieved. they have a diagnosis and it feels correct and the treatment Works#i had been mentally preparing to wait like. 6 months to a year for dx. maybe more. but i have it now#n yeah i’m gonna be immunocompromised for a bit#but like. i’ll take that over how miserable i was feeling before that
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i’m feeling soooo nervous for my assessment monday. we’re going to review my answers to the questionnaires i was given and i’m worried i’m going to clam up on the spot and not be able to justify myself at all
#which is why i wrote 300 pages of notes in preparation#but what if she doesn’t believe me because i can’t articulate myself well#i was talking to my bf about this earlier and how i’m worried i’m not going to walk away with a diagnosis if i can’t communicate myself#to her in our meeting. and then realized wait. why am i so worried about not being able to communicate#LOL i’m probably fine. but like what if i’m making it all up and/or i can’t get her to believe me#idk she does. bc she asked if i’ve had staring spells and i said yeah since like 1st grade#and my dad said he hadn’t noticed me doing that. and then she was like ‘well she must have done a really good job hiding it.#which is what she wanted.’ so she KNOWS i’ve been masking#idk. it’s just wild. this is the most insane thing i’ve ever gone through
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I'm in the process of autism assessment and I've been on a waiting list for 3 years but I finally have an appointment in 2 weeks. Before that I got a phone call and my parents also had a virtual meeting without me, which I found strange cause this is supposed to be about me. Anyway, my appointment in 2 weeks is with my parents and I'm really uncomfortable about that because I feel like it will change my behaviors and make me mask even more. Also, I'm 18. I'm an adult. I do not want an appointment with my parents and I do not want my diagnosis to be based on their opinion. They are supportive but I can tell they don't think I am autistic. I also mask more around them because I feel like I disappoint and annoy them when I show more obvious trait. I don't understand the diagnosis process, can someone who went through it help me?
#prepare for autistic assessment#autism#late diagnose autistic#aroace#asexual#lgbt pride#arospec#actually aro#autistic girl#masking#assessment#diagnosis#anxiety
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im gonna feel bad for all the kh fans who followed me once i hyperfixate on something elsWRONG!! ONLY THE STRONGEST FOLLOWERS SURVIVE !!!!!!
#robo ramble#same goes for the guilty gear fans. if you left because suddenly this bitch started talking about mickey mouse anime game then you are weak#(zexion voice) you should’ve known this was going to happen#(back to robo voice) as soon as i started vaguely posting toontown you should’ve thought#Oh I Think This Fucker May Potentially Be A Fan Of That Mickey Mouse Anime Game and braced for it.#you would have been prepared my my villain monologue that goes into detail about my vague childhood memories of me playing kh1 on that#ps2 in the cruise ship kid play area.#and then me and my sibling got days on the ds months(?) later#that shrimple and clean planitb remix never left my mind that day#the words Is Any Of This For Real Or Not brought that 4 year old existential dread..#and then sanctuary changed my life forever#it shaped me into the cringe ass lil beast i am today#all of that before i got my autism diagnosis. but to be fair. that game WAS my real autism diagnosis#years later i remembered how much i love kh and got refixated on it again and played the games i never got to play because i was#hashtag swagless and hashtag no playstation kid and hashtag only wanted this system to play One Game#and literally nothing else.#thanks to the power of emulation i [THIS POST HAS BEEN DMCA’D BY SQUEENIX SQEX TOYS INC]#and thats how i realized ppl were pretty much damn right about kh2 being peak#anyway. now heres my full essay on replinami: [TAG LIMIT REACHED]
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the weird thing about when someone dies is that they're never truly dead in my head. when i think about my grandpa, my grandma, my uncle, i dont think of them as dead. i think of them as just... gone for a while. some longer than others. i think about my cat sammy and my cat cassy and i feel like i could still look over and see them there beside me. i can see the way sammy would always cuddle right up to me and lay his head on my shoulder. i can see the way cassy would swivel his head at me when he wanted pets.
they're all dead. they're all gone. but i feel like i could see them again, just like old times. all i need to do is give them a call.
#speculation nation#death/#animal death ment/#negative/#i suppose. im not feeling bad exactly. just contemplating the psychological disparity.#even with my cats. i was there when they were put down. i saw them dead. i kissed their cold little heads.#i think about my uncle. how he came into my work unexpectedly a year or two ago. how delighted i was to see a familiar face.#i think of my grandma. the phone calls we would have. how supportive she was of me and my sexuality.#i think of my grandpa. his eccentricities. the way he rambled on and on about history or his own experiences#they are all alive in my mind. but years pass and theyre just Gone. absent from my life. little warning and little preparation.#i knew my grandpa was dying. my grandma was a very unpleasant surprise.#i knew my uncle was dying. but there were only six weeks between the cancer diagnosis and his death. hardly any time at all.#i knew sammy's time was running out. he was 14 years old. he was getting so skinny. and then he was gone.#cassy was a surprise. one week he was his normal attitude filled self. the next week he was dead. not even 2 years old.#for a lot of my life i hadn't known death. not really. i'd never closely known anyone who had died.#but i know now. and the odd thing is that Yes it hurts. but more often it's just strange.#someone can be in your life one day and out the next. and there's no true way to predict it.#hug your loved ones a little closer. i know i have been lately.
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I finally have a date for my diagnostic appointment!!!
And I'm very anxious about it 'cause I don't know how to prepare for it
Also, am I supposed to unmask as much as I can or act like how I "normally" do in social situations and mask?
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very ironic that i can’t sleep the night before finding out wether i’m getting an anxiety diagnosis or not, because i’m too anxious
#im also finding out wether or not i’m getting an autism diagnosis and a depression diagnosis#i am so insanely anxious right now#i’m fully aware that i’m autistic i’m just also very good at masking and i wasn’t told my autism assessment was an autism assessment#so i couldn’t prepare so i didn’t unmask#and it was horrible#but also diagnosis or not i’m just glad to be done talking to a psychiatrist
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hehehe I have acquired one of my grandpa's old canes >:)
#when my hip acts up again I'll be prepared#also had a brief talk with my dad wherein he asked about my potential autism diagnosis and he said. he would drive me???? to wherever???#and if i chose to go with the private clinic he would pitch in to pay for what my insurance won't cover????? hello#this is me finding out belatedly what it's like to have a supportive parent after i spent most of my adolescence with my fucking mother lol#rayrambles
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i guess the thing abt the diagnosis for me is that. nothing has ever been severe for me. its just kinda. annoying and vaguely concerning. people with the real disorder are out there suffering and im just. mildly bothered. but im still diagnosed nonetheless? sounds fake
#wl26#and its not just abt ocd. well it kinda is bc thats the only diagnosis ive got#but like with all the other suspected disorders too#like the other day i told mom that i brought up with the therapist that i struggle with studying and preparing for classes#and then a few days later she was napping while i studied#and she said hey maybe its not a disorder problem. maybe its just because ur always getting distracted to text somebody#and i didnt wanna admit it to her so i took evasive action but like fuck! maybe so!#n she said maybe if you just closed all ur apps for an hour and focused on studying maybe then u would get it right#n im like fuck! maybe !#but i dont want to is the thing KFJDNGDFGD#guy who is so painfully lonely every second of his existence. tbh#i dont want to have to NOT talk to my friends. i dont want to#so its like. do i actually have adhd or am i just a stubborn childish loser who deliberately refuses to put effort into ANYTHING#bleh
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yesterday was. a lot
#was sick on saturday right. slept from 4pm to 10am the next day#had a convo with my sister that turned south#and because of the weather being awful my SAD combined with that and sente into a depressive episode#had a breakdown over my relationship with my family and their (not. great acceptance/treatment of my autism)#cried for hours until my mum and dad sat down to have a talk#i vented stuff i have wanted to say for like. 2 years now. both understood and talked to my siblings about it#brothet completely understood#think my sister kinda understands#which is better than i expected because i was fully prepared for her to just. not give a fuck because i have trouble communicating with her#and now i feel kind of better?#i did. purge a fuckton of motorsport stuff from my blog because it was related to the conversation we had#but was one of many many many things that compiled into a very uncomfortable atmosphere for me in house#my mum is gonna try harder not to use the r slur which is a relief. my sister has agreed not to make fun of me when i do hear it#and become upset about it. they understand why i am upset about specific people they support and talk about in front of me#and i made sure to let them know i understand that they have diff opinions on people who have said hurtful things about disabled people#because they none of them will ever come from a place where those words hurt them#but still let them know how that affects my.... i dont wanna say trust? like my comfort in being autistic vs masking with them#which ive often been forced into doing and am still unlearning#most importantly theyve now accepted that i am autistic#that my diagnosis was not officially completed/given because the doctor advised against it. because it makes things way harder#really im just happy that i wont get comments from my sister about not actually being what i claim i am/have because they.#really upset me esp when these things that i am (autistic+adhd) and have (ocd/anxiety/depression) are linked but have been confirmed#multiple times by multiple doctors#idk i just hope things get easier from here. i can tell my family werent aware of how much this stuff was affecting me so im glad we talked#because keeping that inside was. exhausting
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