#posts my mum would love
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Oh this is beautiful mandala work! Do you knit or crochet?? This looks so similar to the large scale blankets my mum makes!
I know I haven't been super active here lately but I wanted to share a new hobby I picked up. It's painting dots on rocks. I figured Tumblr is the neurodivergent haven that might understand my love of this hobby. So hang on I'll get pictures.
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Star Trek: La Sirena Fam & what each of them would do during Greek Eastern Orthodox Easter!
Picard: he's the perfect age to go all-out greek grandfather, tbh. Gets super excited to organise a big feast on Easter Sunday, wants to live it to the fullest, plans to do the whole "roasting an entire lamb for half a day" routine.
Raffi: has no idea what all the fuss is about but hey, there's food, wine and good fun, so why not. she doesn't care but gets EXTREMELY competitive with the egg-cracking, keeps slamming her egg into everyone else's and trying to wine through brute force, ignoring the fact that there's an ✨️art✨️ to the sport.
Rios: "I'm too old for this shit", absolutely doesn't want to partake in the festivities but ends up getting roped in by Picard and made to help with roasting the lamb. At the end of the day he can be found sitting to the side and eating tsoureki (as he should). Also probably gets shitfaced before half the day is done, ends up trying to dance. There's video. Shh, don't tell him.
Agnes: loves the fireworks of Resurrection Night! Loves the candles and the lanterns!! Loves the food and drink! She's so excited to experience something new and learn about a culture she's not familiar with, she's the one taking photos of everyone, she even tried to dye the eggs herself (with a little help from Stewart; it worked!). Definitely drags a very sulky Rios out so they can watch the fireworks together and feel all romantic and sappy (he complains, but of course he secretly loves it).
Seven: crowned winner of the egg-cracking competition, Raffi is SO salty about it. Also a tsoureki fan, ends up stuffing her face with it at breakfast and doesn't want to eat anything else for the rest of the day. Started watching Jesus of Nazareth every afternoon during the week just out of boredom because Elnor and Soji tuned in, is now very invested in it, also lowkey isn't sure the kids should be watching it. Especially Elnor.
Elnor: super disturbed by how bloody, brutal and visceral some of those traditions and cultural details are, tbh. ("What do you mean Jesus died?? Again? I thought it only happened once. Ooh, he's coming back? I see... wait- why are we following his tomb around the neighbourhood? Why are the old men chanting??"). Very invested into watching Jesus of Nazareth, though Soji has to very gently explain to him that that's not Actually Jesus, just an actor (he's shocked).
Soji: very excited to learn about a new culture ! Wants to try everything, from the food to the eggs to reading up all the little tidbits, fun facts and regional traditions she can get her hands on. Wants to help Picard and the holo squad prep the food, set up the table, etc. Feels like she's part of a family celebration for the literal first time in her life!
The holos pop up at random inrervals: Emil makes sure everyone stays hydrated and that nobody accidentally sets anything (or anyone) on fire. Enoch is in charge of the music (oh, so many corny traditional greek songs... meanwhile nobody in there speaks greek). Emmet is supposed to help in the kitchen but just falls asleep, and Ian is helping Agnes take the most embarrassing (and adorable) photos of a drunk Rios & Seven
[special dedication of this post to @coffee-in-that-nebula because i feel like we're the only greek ST:P/La Sirena stans around 😂]
#i have No idea what this post is. im just bored & waiting for my mum to get ready so we can go to church#and also i love to imagine what my meowmeows would do if they were real & introduced to my culture!! silly ig but it's fun#star trek#star trek picard#star trek la sirena#jean luc picard#raffi musiker#cristobal rios#agnes jurati#elnor#soji asha#seven of nine#agnebal#raffi x seven
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reiwa fancam mode melo (geats) | 4 aces & the black fox
#14shyx#14shyx edits#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#star of the stars of the stars.kr#kr gifs ♡*+:。#kr gifs ♡*+:。 geats#kr.geats: 4 aces & the black fox#geats spoilers#toku alumni#haruka kudo#flashing gifs#long post#my cute baddie vlogger <3#did i dedicate a whole set in this gif series meant for recurring reiwa characters i laser focus on for a cameo by miss haruka kudo? yes#i genuinely loved watching her onscreen. if only she was black geats too she would've been even more perfect lol#also her aesthetic!! one thing i like about takahashi series is that when there's a navigator girl she gets amazing outfits#the peppy goth punk(?) look is so fun#i think it'd be fun if she got to meet lupato kairi#it would be cute imo#bc i'm a pile of trash for kaiumi xD#merry late christmas everyone!#making this set before mum gets back home and i can finally have a normal sleep schedule again#good night :)
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it's taking everything in me not to post gameplay of Disco Elysium to my personal facebook so i can publicly beg my own mother "Please Read This Video Game, For Me, Your Only Sort-of-Daughter"
#im not allowed to post on Facebook#otherwise my boyfriend says im cringe#but yeah i want all the old people i know to play it#my mum is EXTREMELY book savvy#like she could easily read three books in a day if she felt like it - no exaggeration#and with how absurd and silly but beautiful the game is and its themes just#ohhh i KNOW she would love it if oNLY SHE PLAYED VIDEO GAMES
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"I can't hear you over the sound of the eight billion glasses and plates clinking, and the very high possibility that I'm going to lose my job, and the fact that everyone at this charity dinner hates me but we have to act nice to each other, and the weird lighting in this room, and these fucking Spanx!" - Katherine Hastings, probably
#she's autistic because i said so#the lighting in the charity dinner is so weird#it's not bad lighting but the spotlights make me think of searchlights#i remember trying on these really firm leggings that my mum has#and my mum was like “remember when you were asking about shapewear because of that show? that's what Spanx feel like.”#and i'm thinking “well that's bullshit; i can see why they made an entire cold open about them; this material is awful.”#also there's a continuity error in that cold open with katherine's sleeves#and it bothers me because when ana posted the scene on her insta; there was no continuity error#but the clips were in a different order in the actual episode#which just goes to show how many times i've watched that cold open#like i love it and i hate it#also wtf were the tight sleeve things for#do people really pay that much attention to women's arms when they're wearing tight dresses?#katherine and ana don't need spanx#and the former shouldn't feel like she needs them#i will die on this very specific hill#that scene in the commercial ep where sadie says something like “women should wear what they're comfortable in”#TELL THAT TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND#on x's insta she said that they were all wearing spanx and could barely breathe#and i'm just thinking about katherine really awkwardly asking dori for help#and dori sending a text to sadie#being like “we will all support katherine. we will all be concerned about her job and be physically uncomfortable together.”#women loving women in a non-gay way#but also in a gay way#sad that i can't tag people in hashtags#because i would love for @harrietdyker to write a fic#american auto#katherine hastings#sadie ryan#dori otis
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on arranged marriages
it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.
mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.
but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.
i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.
too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.
they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!
of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.
time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...
i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.
then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?
and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!
hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1
anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)
but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo
#banana speaks 🍌#okay that's enough emosh stuff for tonight i think#time to go to bed and watch his tiktoks and kick my feet and giggle at my phone bc i can't believe this is happening still#idk why i made this post honestly but its just like...it is SO SCARY sometimes#and for ages and ages i didn't feel ready at all#my sister had a love marriage and she's been married 10 years w 4 kids she's rlly happy#but i just knew that wasn't gonna happen for me so i was happy w an arranged marriage#but also#i have really strong faith#(mostly)#and something that really helped me here was#im SUCH a chronic over thinker but literally the moment i saw him in our front room#i felt this deep certainty like 'this is it..this is him' it felt like this beautiful peace in my heart#and that was so so lovely like...there's wedding stuff and other things to prepare for but theres no doubt in my mind ab him and its just??#insane im like#its like all my doubts disappeared#and also it's v interesting bc i think if he'd tried any lines on me or flirted when we talk i would be worried but#hes really respectful and my dad likes him my mum likes him we ALL like him hahaha#inshallah inshallah things will go well#also rishta's will come from unexpected places#we were looking in the uk for AGES and couldn't find anyone#but we found him within a year of him being here because turns out...he only came here from pak to be w his parents last year#jo hai tera lab jayega indeed#once agan#inshallah it all goes smoothly :D
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it is now officially the 25th which means...
merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33
#sophie's idle chatter#this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays....#i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true)#also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god#(not so) mini life updates :#the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and....#my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...)#my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF#currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔#the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :((#oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series...#sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently.....#the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;)#my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps#on my own 🧍♀️#OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT???#i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this#i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series.......#tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them#idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG#thats abt it i think?#anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33#ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶#queue... ueueue
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did i have a family photoshoot with little pixel people to put little pixel photos of their pixel family in their pixel house? why yes, yes i did.
#sims 3#ts3#s3#THIS IS NOT A DRILL#A SIMS 3 POST EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A DRILL#i took these and thought#why not post?#tis sims 3 and i love sims 3 and u love sims 3 (probably) and this way lila jade and aimee wont scream at me#well they dont scream at me#well lila does#and aimee#jade just threatens#but dw#she threatens with love#SO HERE I AM#this is my current household#if u would be interested in seeing more lmk#but the mum is#i forgot her name#i forgot all their names#never mind#LOVE U ALL BYEEE
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Warm Milk
(remember this poll? I sure did! This is the original shit I was talking about! Takes place a couple of hundreds of years after the events of Crystal Springs, Into the Shadows, etc. Some context: The dimensions between planes are thinning. Rosehaven is seeping into the living world, magibeans long dead returning to the world of the living—but for what purpose? Not even they know...)
(enjoy!)
___
Bianca padded down the stairs quietly. Eyes attuned to the dark, she trailed her fingers along the side table in the hall, gazing at the photos dotted about. Even in the lowlight, she could see how happy her daughter was in the photos she was in (laughing with Blaise, a little Jacqueline grinning in the bottom right, pointing; face pressed against those of the twins, the three of them grinning). And the ones she wasn't in (one of the twins stacked on one another, running down a beach; a candid shot of father and son caught up in a moment of laughter), Bianca could feel the love radiating from the photos.
She smiled to herself, continuing quietly down the hall. Every single bone and muscle creaked as she walked.
Bianca sighed, rubbing her lower back. I never thought I'd say this, but I do miss being dead, she thought to herself.
In Rosehaven, you didn't feel all the creaks of your bones and muscle pains and such. You felt fine. Safe. Okay. As young as you ever felt. As spry as Winter (senior) had been, despite looking as old as Bianca felt. Your body is there with you but it doesn’t age or degrade. You’re right as a flurry.
But back on this plane of existence…you felt it all and then some.
She sighed, turning into the kitchen. A light glowed above the sink. The dishes sat drying in the rack. A window was open, the sound of the wind rushing through the evergreen boroughs comforting. It was no mountain, but it was lovely regardless. It would do.
Quietly, she slid across the kitchen, pouring a glass of milk and staring at the contraption that supposedly warmed things with the click of a button. She squinted at it, rubbing her chin.
Perhaps she should wake her son-in-law? Or the grandkids? That is, the fiery ones, of course. It would be far easier for her to have them hold it for a moment rather than make the ruckus the. Contraption. Was sure to make.
She found the button to open the door. It went in with a deep crunch, the door swinging open with a loud bang that reverberated through the thing.
"Oh dear."
Straining her ears, she listened closely, hoping she hadn’t woken anyone.
Snores from upstairs. The wind. A soft voice? Murmuring?
Her ear twitched. She turned slightly, towards the right.
Her eyes readjusted. The table was empty; backyard door locked. The screen door, that is. The heavy door had been pulled all the way back, letting in the cold winter air. It smelt like the mountains.
Bianca made her way over, relishing in the breeze for a moment.
The voice was clearer now. She peeked outside; nothing and no one. Eyes travelling across the table, she peered into the cozy den.
A light was on.
Her ear twitched.
"AND he let me use his HAMMER MOMMA! The HAMMER!" said a delightful voice. Just hearing it made Bianca feel such joy. She crept closer to the den, head tilted towards the sounds.
"The HAMMER?!"
It was Jacqueline who was speaking now. Excited with a hint of panic. A tone Bianca found herself recognizing easily enough.
"YEAH! Hephaestus says I'm gonna make my own bow in NO TIME!"
"That's wonderful, sweetie!" Jacqueline replied, the smile in her voice loud.
"She's been taking to the change very well," a third voice said. Smooth and chipper, a hint of tired—but not quite. Hearing this voice made Bianca think of her Winter, wherever he may be.
Her heart panged.
"That's good! I'm glad," Jacqueline sounded relieved. "I'm really sorry about all this, love."
"It's okay! I'm just glad you're safe! We understand, don’t we, Joy?"
"Yeah! Safety is important! I learnt that today too," the child’s voice grew quiet, sounding proper chided.
"Did you now?"
"…yeah. I accidentally hit Hermes with a few arrows. He was a real good sport about it but I felt very bad and then Mater gave me the safety talk."
"We really should have done it sooner," the third voice spoke again.
"But! Better now than later, after she finds the lightning bolts! She was giving them the eyes earlier today."
Mater. Bianca ran the word through her mind. Greek, if she wasn't mistaken. For mother.
Jacqueline threw a hand up to her mouth, trying to mask her laughter. “Oh dear.”
This is wrong, Bianca, she thought to herself. Stepping back (having made her way to the arched entrance, lurking in the shadows), she walked towards the kitchen entrance, clearing her throat before reaching the den entrance again and knocking on the sideboard.
"Jacqueline?" she asked, peeking into the room.
He granddaughter shot up, pillows flying. "Oh! Hi Bianca. Everything okay?"
"I fear I've run into a problem. The contraption that heats things up? The little one."
"The microwave?"
She nodded. "How do you use it?"
"I'll be right with you. Just give me one sec!"
"Certainly. I'll wait in the kitchen." Bowing her head, Bianca backed up, keeping to the shadows between the two entrances.
The sprite curled back up, bringing the phone right up to her nose. The little display glowed, casting a dim light onto her face. The snow was gone from her hair, Bianca noted.
"Is that her?"
"Yeah. Technology problem."
There was a delightful giggle. "Off you go to save the day! My hero. I miss you.”
"We both do, Momma!”
Jacqueline smiled. “Awh. I miss you guys too.”
“I knew it!”
The loving voice laughed. “Alrighty, Joy. Say bye to Momma. She’s got a something cold to save.”
Jacqueline laughed. “It looked like it was a glass of milk.”
“She’s got a glass of cold milk to save!”
"Okay! I love you Momma!" the child's voice was filled with so much joy, Bianca could not keep back the smile that had snuck onto her face. It was hurting her cheeks. "I miss you! I hope I get to see you soon. I got a sword lesson and I wanna make one with you."
"Awwh, Joy! That's so sweet! I'll brush up on the blacksmithing just for you, okay?"
"Okay! I love you! KISSES! MWAH!"
"KISSES! MWAH! I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay! Bye Momma."
“Right, off you go! Go bug your grandad for a bit.”
“O-kay! Wee!”
Jacqueline laughed, watching the child run off, Bianca presumed. She pushed her hair off her brow, snuggling into the couch cushion. "She's doing okay?"
"She’s thriving! And wreaking so much havoc. That’s why we’re on Olympus now. Jupiter had enough so we’re hanging out with my mater’s side. Oh, Jacqueline, you’d be so proud! I know I am. She’s a hit over here!”
“Good! Good. I’m...glad.” Jacqueline’s smile dropped. She sighed, mussing her hair once more. “I’m so sorry about all this, Donnie.”
"Awh, babe, it's okay! You’re trying to keep us safe. We understand."
"I'll try to swing by tomorrow? If that's okay."
"Uh, duh! You're my WIFE! Why wouldn’t that be okay? I love you. I always want to see you.”
"And I you," Jacqueline smiled. "I'll see you soon, brown eyes."
"Not if I see you first, blue eyes."
Bianca tuned out, giving them space. Moments later, the blankets rustled.
"I know you’re still there, Bianca.”
Bianca felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She turned the corner sheepishly. “Sorry dear.”
Jacqueline smiled, leaning her head on the couch. "S’okay.” She pat the spot beside her with a slippered foot. “Come sit!"
Bianca obliged, sinking onto the couch. Her muscles thanked her. She sighed, falling back into the cushions.
"I miss being dead.”
"You WHAT?"
"Oh, sorry, Jacqueline. Sit back! I don’t mean it in a way that's concerning. I just…forgot how old and stiff my body was. I miss not feeling every single muscle every time I move."
"And warm milk helps with that?"
"Hmm? Oh!" she looked down at her glass of not warm milk. "Yes and no. It doesn't help my muscles. It helps my heart, though. Your grandfather said it was the cure for any ailment," she smiled fondly. "Lately I've been finding comfort in a warm glass of milk. It makes me think of him. But alas, your father went to bed before I could catch him and Lady only knows what would happen were I to wake your siblings."
"When they were younger, disasters! But now that they're older, they sleep like logs, for the most part. Just waking them up would be an impressive feat on its own!”
Bianca chuckled.
"You miss him, huh?"
"I do. And I worry for him," she admitted, bringing a fist up to her heart. "I don’t know where he is, or what he's doing. I know he's on this plane. But I can't…find him. And it hurts. Everything hurts. He'd love to see this. Knowing that your mother made a lovely life for herself? He'd be delighted! She found a love as true as ours," Bianca smiled down at her hands. "That's all we ever wanted for her. And I was so terrible! Afflicting you with the shard and sending you halfway across the world. Stealing her away from her family to try and bring back mine…and even after everything, you've all welcomed me here."
"Bianca. I gotta be real with you. In terms of blood relatives coming back from the far past? You're not the craziest we've seen."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Uncle Pyros is like, fifty shades of messed up. That guy is WHACK. But don’t tell dad I said that."
"Your secret is safe with me." Bianca sighed. "Those poor boys. I always hated being called to court. They never looked happy. Serafina was so strict; and Canicus was just as bad in other ways. I kept telling your grandfather, I said, you know, Winter, we could just snatch them up and take them home! And he'd say, he'd say, Bianca, we have our hands full with one, don't you think? Best not bring back old habits." she laughed. "We didn't, really. Your mother was a very calm child. Well. She was a child when we left; I've no idea how she was in later years, or for the rest of childhood."
Looking off into the distance, Bianca sighed.
"Well…from what I've heard, she's where we get most of our unhinged ideas from. The most chaotic of all the seasons as a kid. Still is to this day, if you ask my aunts."
"Oh, how delightful!" Bianca leaned back into the cushions, a soft smile on her face. "It's nice to see them both happy together. Your parents, that is."
"Makes you miss your hubby, huh?"
"We never did tie the knot, but yes! It does. Deeply. Achingly so, even.”
"I get it," Jacqueline wiggled against the couch, getting cozier. "I miss my wife."
That fond, loving smile was back on her face; so small and yet, filled with so much emotion.
"We did actually tie the knot. I mean, we were already referring to one another like that so we went, you know what? Frost it! May as well make it official! And then we did!" She shrugged. "The proposal went a little awry, but the wedding was nice! Especially since we found out we had a KID beforehand! Can you believe that? A whole entire KID. She was totally unplanned and I love her so much.”
“Oh, and I took you away from them, didn't I?"
Jacqueline nodded. "And I couldn't even remember them, because, you know, your mirror does that fun thing where it only makes you think of bad and sad thoughts? They were so fuzzy.”
Jacqueline smiled. "Magical objects just bring out the worst in people."
"I'm so sorry, Jacqueline. Really. I would never want to take anyone away from their families. That was a pain I'll never forget. Pain enough that it drove me to do that to you and your mother when I was shard-ed, just to try and restore my own."
"Indeed."
"Why do you even HAVE that mirror?"
"Cursed artifact that came into my possession when I was young. It splinters often, and the splinters get caught up all over the place, making people see only terrible, awful things. I used it in my younger years to do some truly bad things. Much younger, of course; I haven't been that bad since meeting your grandfather. I was glad it had come with me to Rosehaven. It wouldn't cause trouble ever again, I thought.” She chuckled coldly. “I thought wrong. Seems that was the worst place for it."
She opened her hands. The mirror appeared in them, empty but for two shards.
She sighed.
A warm hand landed on her knee. Bianca looked up.
Jacqueline was smiling at her, softly. Reassuringly. "We'll find him, and we'll find the shards.” She gave her knee a little squeeze. “I know you miss him. I miss my partner in crime, too! And I know you missed mom.”
"I'm glad to get to know her again. Odd to say but. Well."
"I kinda get it." Jacqueline pulled herself up a smidgen, phone clutched close to her chest. "Donnie and I had no idea Joy existed for about three years. She was born from the joy we both felt being reunited again after the proposal. I missed her baby years! Had no idea what she was like until recently."
"Hmm. I feel we have a lot more in common than just looks," Bianca mused.
"Indeed," Jacqueline replied, in an almost dead-on impersonation of Bianca's own accent.
She laughed. "I'm sorry I took you away from your wife and child. And still am, evidently."
Jacqueline shrugged. "This whole Rosehaven thing is weird. Scary, too. And after everything that happened to me? I don’t want to risk Joy. Or Donnie. She can handle herself of course, but I love her! I don’t want to see her get hurt. That's why I didn't mention them. I wasn't sure if you were…"
"Safe."
"Yeah.
"Wise. My reputation is. Quite terrible, really. Especially with children."
"Yeah, maybe gramps was onto something when he said not to bring back old habits."
Bianca laughed, looking at her granddaughter with a fond smile. "I'm glad you've found love, too."
Jacqueline scooched over the pillows, leaning up against Bianca. She put her phone in front of them, the screen blinking to life to reveal a photo.
There was a very tall, very strong woman. She was blonde, her hair tied up, laurels wrapped in the strands. She was beautiful. Jacqueline stood beside her. And between them, a small child, a tad darker than Jacqueline and a tad lighter than the woman. She grinned, a tooth missing, her strawberry blonde (emphasis on the strawberry) hair pulled up as well, falling right out of the scrunchie. Behind them was a big, feathery wing; and behind the girl was a smaller set of wings, looking more like butterflies than birds.
"That's the love of my life, Donnie. It’s short for Hedone."
"Hedone. That’s the Greek Pantheon…Goddess of…pleasure?"
Jacqueline flushed, nodding.
Bianca smiled. "And that's your little girl?"
"Joy. Embodiment of Joy. She's everything to me, goddess of the springs. The moment I met her, I was like, damn. I'd do ANYTHING for this kid. ANYTHING."
"I felt the same when your mother was born."
"Was she like, sick, or something?"
"Sick?"
"It's just," Jacqueline shifted, facing her grandmother with a look of placid curiosity. "I've heard that when she was born, there was something wrong? Or off, or something. I’ve only heard it offhand oh, once or twice. Nobody's ever explained it to me, and Mom doesn't even remember. So. I figured, you know, who better to ask than the person who birthed her, right?"
"Ah. Well, she wasn't sick. She was a miracle baby, though. See, I'd always wanted kids of my own. But I'd never managed to settle down with someone and have them."
"So you stole them instead?"
"Yes. And I used the mirror to do so. It's an ugly thing; it fell into my possession when I was quite young. It takes the beauty and love out of everything and makes you see only the bad. As you are, regrettably, well aware."
"You as well."
Bianca hummed. "When I finally did succeed, and the little boy's little friend came and found him, and saved him, I managed to cry the shard out of my eyes. And that's how Queen Frost found me. A pathetic, weeping mess in the highest reaches of the Nordic countries. She told me that I would find what I needed here in Crystal Springs; that it would heal the hurt. That I'd be safe. And…I was. But the hurt never left. See, the shard in my heart stayed put. And whenever a child would come near my domain, I'd keep them as long as I could, just to try and thaw my icy little heart."
"Oh. That's…how am I both heartbroken and appalled?"
"I am a woman of many talents, it would seem.” Bianca laughed, the laughter trailing off with a small exhale. “It's messy, I know. And it got messier still. Nothing worked. I was devastated; stayed up in the mountains with my storms and my lands and all that nonsense. I was there for eons…until your Grandfather entered my life."
Jacqueline watched as Bianca softened, her face lighting up. The mirror seemed to shudder; it did not like where her memories were going. It disappeared as she looked away, awash in them.
"Was it love at first sight?"
"Ha! No. I thought him annoying and irritating and all but blew him right off my mountain. But he was like one of your brother's stray animals. He just kept coming right back! One day, I found myself not blowing him off the mountain. And then I looked forward to his visits. And then I told him about the mirror and everything and he helped me gather the pieces and seal it away. And we fell in love, and one thing led to another and we found ourselves expecting. In the traditional way. By ordibeing standards, of course."
"Oh! So Mom was the first sprite to be born instead of made?"
"Yes, and no. It was the first any pair of sprites had managed to conceive a child on purpose. Emphasis on the on purpose. The only example they had to go off of was Fate-touched, so they had no idea how reliable that experience would be compared to this one.”
“That experience being?”
“The Twin Princes.”
“Oh! I didn’t know that! I just assumed they were made the way all sprites used to be made, you know?”
“The King and Queen tried, of course. Fate prevented it from happening like that. But it worked the other way.” Bianca shrugged. “Serafina was a rather clever warlock. She knew exactly what needed doing for a safe delivery and all, and got it done well before they were born. But your grandfather and I...”
“Would’ve had no idea, since it’s not like the monarchy shared these sorts of things. And given how sprites were made, it was probably to them like, one and done kinda deal, I’d bet. They assumed it would never happen like that again.”
“Ha! And your grandfather and I went and proved them wrong. They’d have hated that! They probably did.” She grinned. “At any rate, given the circumstances, healers monitored us closely; we didn't know what to expect. A sprite had never been formed like that naturally, you know. Lady only knew what would happen. But I tried very hard not to think about that. I focused on when I could feel her move about, and making a nursery, you know. All those things you do when you're expecting."
"I don’t know if I'd know that! We uh. We were NOT expecting at ALL when Joy showed up, dragging Jack Frostbitten Frost himself and Venus, goddess of frostbitten love, behind her, the three of them being pursued by the personifications of Despair and Sadness."
"Oh my."
"I know! I'd have loved to paint a nursery or have that whole build up to her arrival, but it was very sudden and violent.” She looked sheepish for a moment, running her hand through her hair and looking away. “I was very violent."
"Momma bear energy, yes?"
"Oh, big time. The moment Jack told me who she was and it all clicked and that connection was there, I just. I lost it. She's the personification of Joy, Bianca. Despair and Sadness wanted to consume her essence in the hopes that they'd feel something other than what they are."
"Oh. So you had a breakdown."
"Huge. I went feral. And in the end, as seems to be the case with this family, it was a hug that did it; Joy defeated Sadness and Despair with a hug."
"What an impressive child."
"She's so impressive. And she did that as a three-year-old. Which is HELLA impressive by sprite standards. Though she didn't quite age like a sprite? She is now, but she was aging like a human almost until she hit six. Regular six. Not six hundred."
"How old is she now?"
"Almost one hundred! I'm kinda relieved she seems to be taking after the celestial side more than the sprite side. I'm not sure I'm prepared for a century of trying to help her keep shape, followed IMMEDIATELY by a century of her keeping shape AND being a terror about it."
Bianca laughed. "The terrible two-hundreds."
"Mm. Mom and Dad say all four of us were pretty brutal, so I'm sure my kids will be no different. Sorry, I got so off topic. We were talking about Mom!"
"And then went into moms territory. Not off topic at all, sweetheart."
"But I wanna hear the rest of the story!"
Bianca laughed. "All right, all right. You don’t need to lose shape about it."
Jacqueline pulled a face. She lifted a hand, the entire thing AND her arm suddenly turning into snow as she tilted her head, crossed her eyes and went "BLARGH!"
Bianca wheezed. "Okay! I'm going! Pull yourself together, young lady!"
Cackling, Jacqueline's arm solidified. She curled up, snuggling back into the couch. "Okay. I'm behaving."
"You know, I don’t think you ever have."
"That's because you've been talking to Jack too much. He likes to play it up like I was the most troublesome thing around, but he definitely made it ten times worse."
"Now that I believe."
She giggled, her small smile reminding Bianca very much of a time when Winter was a child. A time well before The Call, before the repeat of her past mistakes, and before she was cast from Rosehaven for Lady knows WHAT reason.
"Bianca? You okay?"
She cleared her throat. Swallowed the emotion. Nodded. "As fine as can be, all things considered."
"We can stop if it's too much. I didn't mean to press."
"Oh! No. It's quite all right. Big feelings are big feelings. It's best we experience them. Least we steal children about it."
Jacqueline giggled.
"Where did I leave off?"
"Nursery. Prep work. That sorta thing."
"Right. Well…the time came, eventually. She was ready to arrive. And arrive she did. As a pile of snow and ice. Baby shaped, but lifeless. I…I sobbed. I sobbed, and sobbed, Jacqueline. I was beside myself. I refused to let her go, and your grandfather, bless his soul, stood by my side the entire time, and did not try to take her away from me. He did his own research; called Mother Gaia and her daughter, Tara. They came by and brought with them a life light. The thing you are given as a freshly made sprite to give yourself a form. They gave it to us, and it turned white as snow, and your grandfather and I placed it within Winter and she came to life, with the loudest cries. Oh, I was so, so relieved."
"She was brought to life. That was the miracle."
Bianca nodded. "And she was full of life. Very silly, a little goofball just like her father. And devastatingly savage when needed, just like her mother. She was smart and keen and we loved her to bits! It broke my heart, what we did. To think, fighting to keep our home safe for our daughter ended up with us losing her. And now I have that chance again, to know her, to love her…but it's been thousands of years. Thousands. Tara is far more her mother than I ever was. And my darling Winter Warlock isn't here to see any of it." Eyes downcast, Bianca looked at the cold glass of milk in her hands and sighed.
"Oh, here! Let me get that for you."
"No need, Jacqueline dear. I've got it."
Both winter sprites jumped a bit as Winter herself stepped through the archway, cloak draped over her arms. She placed it gently on the egg chair by the entrance, wiping something off of her cheek and cleared her throat. "Here. I can take it. I'll show you how the microwave works."
"Oh, it's quite all right, dear. I'm not even sure I really want it anymore—"
"Yes you do," both women said, in unison, in the same tone of voice. They looked at one another, giggling a little bit.
"You miss your boo thang, Bianca! Of course you'd want to indulge in something that makes you think of him!"
"I wouldn't argue with her," Winter agreed, gently taking the glass of milk out of Bianca's hands. "She's married to Cupid's successor. And has been having many sweets for the exact same reason you find yourself craving a warm glass of milk."
"Ah. I'm out numbered, it appears."
"And outwitted! Come on, up you go. Here." Winter offered her an arm. Bianca took it with a grateful look, gently prying herself out of the cushions. "Let's get those limbs of yours all warmed up."
___
Bianca let her daughter lead her into the kitchen. She tried not to lean on her too terribly much, but the support was…nice. They made their way to the microwave, stopping in front of it.
"The big button here opens it." Winter clicked it; there was a crunch and a low thrum and the door popped open again, the little light flickering on. "Just place the glass inside and click start a handful of times."
"A handful?"
"The number keys are preset. The one warms it for one minute, the two for two, and so on and so forth. The start button does thirty seconds which is usually all I need. Though I will admit, I don’t often use this thing. Usually I bring it to Blaise."
Bianca smiled. "I'd do the same, were I you. I briefly thought about it, actually, but didn’t want to wake him. He seems so stressed about this all…and the younger two? Goddess above. I daresay whatever would happen after waking them would be enough to send us all back to Rosehaven."
Winter laughed. "Fino and Fiera certainly are characters. They were worse in their younger years. I'm inclined to say they've mellowed out at sixteen hundred, but I'm not entirely sure I believe that. I don't think any of the four of them are capable of mellowing out, if I'm being honest."
Bianca chuckled quietly, gently closing the microwave door shut and tapping the start button three times. The noise it made nearly shook her bones; her jaw was most certainly knocking about.
"Dear me."
"Yes, it's a little loud. And a little too fancy for my tastes. But Jack was very excited about it, as was Blaise. I figured I may as well let them have their fun."
Bianca smiled.
Winter smiled back.
The microwave hummed behind them as the silence pressed on. Comfortable, but with something unspoken lingering between them as the microwave continued to tick down the seconds.
"How long were you—"
Bianca did not get to finish her sentence. The words were cut very suddenly as Winter wrapped her arms around her torso and pulled her in, squishing her very, very tightly.
"Long enough," she said, muffled against Bianca's chest. "I'm sorry."
"No." Bianca wrapped her arms around her daughter, cupping the back of her head and tilting it towards her, kissing the very top of it. "I am."
"Goddess above, that sounded so awful, I—" Winter lifted her head, looking up at her mother. "I couldn't even imagine any of that happening to me and my kids. I'd be beside myself."
"I was. And still am. And even though this situation is so messed up…perhaps it’s selfish of me, but I'm glad. I'm glad to see you living, thriving—" she smiled, wiping the tears off of Winter's face with both her thumbs. "It's all we ever wanted for you."
"I'd be devastated if it were me, and Blaise wasn't by my side to see everything the kids have done."
Bianca's grip tightened. She laughed. "It hurts, yes. Oh, I love him so much. He was my everything. Is my everything. I—"
"WAIT, HOLD ON. GRANNY BEE."
Her breath hitched as Jacqueline came sliding out the den, phone in her hand, looking frantic in an excited way. She'd called Bianca Granny!
"Jacqueline, careful!" Winter let go of her mother and reached out, grabbing Jacqueline before she could fall forward. "You know the kitchen is slippery in those socks of yours."
"I know, I know! But I just! Granny Bee." She caught her breath. "Hey. Hi. Woah. You okay?"
She sniffled, wiping away tears. "YES. GRANNY BEE IS JUST FINE."
Winter and Jacqueline shared a look. "O-kay…listen. I got an idea. I just need to ask you a few questions."
"Sure. Sure. Certainly." Another sniffle. The microwave beeped. "How can I help?"
Winter opened the microwave, passing Bianca the warmed milk. She nodded her thanks, taking a sip as Jacqueline started explaining.
"My wife. She's Cupid. Well, next in line to be Cupid. Right. Anyway, uh, because of that, she's really good at love stuff??? So HERE'S the THING. Would you say that the Winter Warlock is the—"
"Love of my life? My soulmate in all senses of the word? Partner in crime? My person?"
Jacqueline blinked. "Yes."
"Yes. Oh, absolutely, yes. That man. He's. I just—" her fingers tightened on her glass as she tried and failed to find the words to describe their love.
But for Jacqueline, apparently, that was enough.
She grinned, feral, whipping up her phone. "I knew it. Okay, so, I have this crazy idea. I think I know how to find him."
"What?"
"You do?"
"Yeah!" She put the phone up to her ear. "If you're okay with it, Mom. I know things have been kinda tough? I don't want to throw the other parent at you when you and Granny B are still working sleet out."
"Oh! Yes! Of course! If you're comfortable with it, Winter dear."
Winter's brow furrowed as she thought about it for a moment. "Well. I think before I know how I feel about that, we'd have to see if we even can find him first. And then, given the state you were in, Bianca…what state he's in."
"And if he has a shard in his eye, or worse, his heart…I shudder to think what part he'd be playing in this mess."
"Oh?"
Bianca nodded. "He was a brilliant warlock! Is a brilliant warlock. His mind…I believe Fiera would call him a giant nerd. Given that, and how he was like back before he met me, before he met Kris, even…I both hope and fear that he knows more about what is going on than all of us."
"Then we better go frostbitten find him, eh? How do we feel about a ladies trip to Mount Olympus…"
#dani writes#smile shots#cs posting#crystal springs#the rosehaven arc#that's what i'll call the musings from this set of stories lol#spoiler alert: you can blame the sprites for this mess 🤣🤣🤣#BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW#this is very much not a final draft! it's like. 1.5. maybe second draft#i wanted to put more between winter and bianca bc winter overheard the conversation right?#and the way they freed bianca from the shard involved a frost family beat down and being EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED by winter herself#so winter's got a lot of FEELINGS going on and when she hears bianca tell jacqueline this story a lot of stuff falls into place#it helps that she's also a mum so. she gets it#ANYWAY they go to olympus and dite uses bianca's love for winter sr to find him#and then bianca and diteline set off to go hunt him down while winter babysits bc yeah she's only JUST come to terms with biomom#she is NOT ready to deal with biodad and would much rather cuddle her grandchild thanks#it's a fun bunch of stories! also involves pyros redemption arc and possibly patricide#and it is currently living rent free in my brain rn. HHH#anyway! figured now was as good a time as any to post!#meant to do it yesterday but didn't get around to it lol#bianca highly recommends a warm bevvy and self care for you all!! 😘😘#ocs#my ocs#okokok. which ocs. we got.#bianca/the snow queen#jacqueline frost#winter frost#and joy and dite of course!!!#joy frost#hedone frost
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but what if her aim is to just make as many money as possible, as quick as possible, and then sell the business, let someone else deal with the mess of it, and just retire with her rental properties and money from selling the business and/or those townhouses and
#like what's in it for her???#she's at retirement age#and also they're 'her' clients#so she can take as many with her when the business is sold#take the employees that she likes and offers them jobs to work from her dining table#i don't think trento girl or woolworths guy would accept that#the new admin girl might accept just because she's hungry for experience and doesn't have much of it#oh yeah tony#he'd be devastated if she sold the business#or she just finds a cheaper place closer to her house to run an accounting firm#maybe she doesn't need to sell#just move to a 'cheaper' place#but i told my mum that she pays about $4000 in rent per month and my mum said that's cheap#sigh#i don't know#can't wait for her to give me a termination letter tomorrow and it'll say 'she told me to retire'#I'VE MENTIONED IT ONLY HERE#IN THIS POST#write a fanfic about her retirement#she could go cruising every year#take alex#alex would love it there's so many pools and spas and he can make the boat go faster by#he teaches her to swim#'ok three things 1. breathe on both sides 2. use your elbows/shoulders not forearms (opposite of maxi) 3. extend arm when coming up for air#she's just like 'lmao three things should be 1. breathe 2. breathe. 3. don't sink to the bottom 4. breathe'#she can count she's a creative accountant#tumblr i'm sorry#it's not my fault blame her
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Girl help I'm having aroace Miguel O'Hara thots
#fuck what if he wanted a daughter and the companionship of other spiders (initially) bc he was desperate for non-sexual and non-romantic#affection/connection???#man so desperate for familial love that he made the spider society AND dimension-hopped#makes me wonder how the dead Miguel had Gabriella#cloning??? assuming the dude was going by the comics backstory and was a geneticist#maybe Miguel in ATSV wasn't a geneticist????? no test tube baby for him I guess#does this stem from my need for more complex ace rep? Probably???????#where's that post with the “I need more passionate aces - aces who get fucking mad”#bc THAT'S HIM OFFICER#Miguel O'Hara the angriest aro ace in the business#the thots are thinking#because y'all KNOW he wouldn't have trouble making a baby the conventional way I've seen those fanarts the PTA mums would be all over that#even his fucking AI was falling in love with him in the comics#so why the fuck did he need to hop dimensions to have a family?????#mmmmmmm sex and romance repulsed motherfucker coding detected#this is in no way a jab at anyone else's hornyness for him tho#character.ai away my dudes#honestly the art and writing coming out bc of sheer thirst for this man is incredible to me#I just want an ace character I could go to anger management class with#bc I'm over here existing in a perpetual state of annoyed at the only ace rep being robots/aliens/emotionless#bc all that is the fucking coolest and all but eeeeeeeh#gimme an ace who could foreground familial relationships and friendships and show me how devastating they are when broken#rather than act like passion and love and emotions are unavailable to people without romance and sex#gimme an ace character who is emotional and worldly and irreparably fucked up#gimme ace Miguel O Hara#ATSV#spiderman across the spiderverse#spiderverse spoilers#atsv spoilers#atsv miguel
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the truth is (a perspective on love)
context: edit based off a personal conversation with @onlineproblems about parental love, unconditional love and the love we deserve bonus: her wise perspective:
more bonus:
#i don't make edits nor any other posts in months and then when i do it's based off a personal conversation#anyways a bit of background context for the bad bitches who care about this stuff <3 (i love you bad bitches)#i chose the church scene for 1 for the fact that it's one of the lowest points for jane (and lisbon too arguably)#in our lowest points we are more likely to feel like we are not deserving of love#(particularly if our guardians would have expressed or implied we are not worthy of love respect and consideration if we didn't comply)#and also for the church imagery: that they're in a church and god is said to be unconditionally loving#(but a lot of folks - yours truly included - may not feel so. i am not speaking for everyone tho and my perspective is christian)#the second one is...well i would've wanted to have a shot with both their faces but i simply couldn't get it so i focused on lisbon.#but they both want to be loved as they are. by the other one preferably. and they both love each other. idiots (affectionately)#the third one is rather simple - alex jane is an abusive piece of shit and probably i don't have to explain much here#the fourth one is...well lisbon's mum wasn't present and her dad definitely didn't know how to care for them and offer them love#it is also implied that the mother wasn't very responsible either#and the fifth is...they have each other's love but just as importantly they have the love of their community as well.#the love they give and receive doesn't stop there with each other#they give and receive from their family and friends and community as well; and from themselves#the mentalist#jisbon#wayne rigsby#tm edit#tm meta#my edits#love#parental love
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I've decided to submit my dissertation on Hallowe'en this year so I can become a doctor of monsters on their special day.
#technically it won't be official until months later post-examiner review + revisions + conferral + graduation i guess but still.#my mum loved telling people i was going to be a monster doctor + she would have loved this.#not a sonnet#knowledge quest
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It was my anniversary yesterday and I thought the Tumblr friends might enjoy this photo of our wedding cake.
#the cake was made by a lovely friend of my mum’s#who could not get her head around rainbow cake as a concept#so we got delicious slightly gothy chocolate cake instead#and the toppers really stole the show anyway#I do still think sometimes#what if I had had one (1) real opinion on the aesthetics of my wedding#I would have been so stressed#anyway that is another post really#it was a brilliant wedding
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Count the ways I've had a fucked up life:
-Shoved my twin sister when we were 3 and saw blood come out of her ears from the knock on her head. From that point on she was half-deaf. -Twin sister and I nearly drowned at age 6 by being pulled into a powerful rip-tide at an unsupervised beach. My parents thought it was cute until we couldn't swim back and they both had to swim out to get us. I remember being really tired, and them being unsure about being able to swim back to shore.
-At age 11 witnessed my mother forgetting to apply the brake to her car. She tried to get back in and tripped, it subsequently rolled over her, crushing her foot and dragging her down the road. She bled profusely. The crimson stained pavement haunted me for a long time. I blamed myself because I arrived home from a friend's house at the same exact same time and believed I distracted her.
-Accidently electrocuted myself when I was bored while watching my siblings play on the computer. Without looking, I fiddled with the back of an old lamp with my finger tips, but I didn't know that fumbling the cables would cause it to surge. The large shock sent my arm numb for about an hour. Didn't seek treatment because the power tripped and I was worried I would get yelled at.
-Deep in the bush, during a particularly dry summer, family friends stupidly made a bonfire, and I saw our campsite get quickly lit up. As the flames surrounded us and the cars, I was yelled at to go get help/manual water pumps as if it was my fault. Somehow we managed to put it all out. We had to try something because the alternative was getting trapped.
-Was on the phone to my grandma when she had a stroke, I had no idea what was going on, to the point I thought it was a prank. I was crying because it wasn't something I was even aware could happen to someone, I continued to listen and her language skills deteriorated the longer I was on the phone. She became convincedly desperate despite her incoherence and somehow I broke away from my fear and got my dad to help her.
-My mother stabbed my older sister in the arm with a kitchen knife and they both just walked off. I remember being around the corner listening to the argument escalate and saw my older sister clutching her arm. (my sister is very violent so I think it was done in self defense???)
-Dad threw that same sister into the drywall multiple times--Not to excuse it but she was a devil, and would attack / lunge at us, and disrespected my parents from a young age. Dull thudding against walls sends me on edge to this day because it was one way to identify a scuffle with her.
-Mum had a cabinet pushed onto her by my older sister. The cabinet had a glass panel that shattered on her leg and sliced it open.
-My twin sister got upset at me and swung a 10kg metal bar stool at my leg, the blunt force tore my leg open, I now have a very sensitive scar on my shin. -My mum ran at me in an anger spell and I blocked it by pushing her away from me (that's legitimately all), she slipped on the slippery cork floors we had and fell over hitting her head hard. She was unconscious for a few minutes. Her tongue was sticking out and her eyes were open. I thought I had killed her. I wanted to call an ambulance. She woke up and I begged to her that she needed to go to hospital but she brushed it off because we had to catch a flight.
-On my way back from a lunch break I saw a woman go under a Truck. Once again I blamed myself because I crossed in front of the driver at a crossing, and nodded to him. As he rolled forward to leave she sprinted across, I turned and saw that she got hit. -My older sister took advantage of my mum and got into large debts by getting her to co-sign loans behind my dad's back. My mum was paying off things like her phone bill and eventually a car loan. This caused a lot of violent contention.
-Older Sister was kicked out of multiple times but my parents never fully cut her out and now she lives scott-free in a brand new granny flat in the backyard because of their guilt.
-lived in relative poverty and mess most of my teenage life because it was too expensive to send 4 kids to school for my parents. They worked full time but didn't really provide us with any emotional security. Both parents were very messy but blamed us for it as we got older. I tried my best to keep things clean but it was often in vain (it is to this day as things have escalated to full hoarding)
youtube
#SO UH THIS IS WHY I DRAW .NOT BECAUSE IM ANY GOOD NO SIR JUST BECAUSE IT WAS A FORM OF ESCAPISM HAHA :'3#stability is such a cute little dream to have#its not ALL bad but most people probably wouldnt cope with what i have seen#i have not had therapy for any of this lmao#i straight up have memory holes because there was so much time arguing and witnessing horrible shit#my poor mum she is very highly strung i dont blame her my sister is a spoiled 40 year old abusive brat#day dreamer life baby#got struck a lot too by my mother her weapon of choice was the wooden spoon idk hey haha it was just sort of the norm back then#the paradox was that my family would still do normal things like camping or having dinner parties and those were great#processing it all is hard lmao i have anger issues and depression spells#idk why im posting this might delete it later lol#this all sounds fake hahaha which but it's real i promise#the second my older sister became autonomous it was over#notice my dad and brother arent in this picture much#my brother is...idk okay he has demons and my dad is nice for the most part but he lives in his own world#im sad...#they dont realize i have absorbed all of this and it has formed who i am#i love my family but i dont love....the horror
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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