#posting this here because it doesn't really fit anywhere else - sorry!

[th3irin]

Cyberpunk 2077... but make it Wes Anderson.

[intheholler]

the appalachian murder ballad <3 one of the most interesting elements of americana and american folk, imo!

my wife recently gave me A Look when i had one playing in the car and she was like, "why do all of these old folk songs talk about killing people lmao" and i realized i wanted to Talk About It at length.

nerd shit under the cut, and it's long. y'all been warned

so, as y'all probably know, a lot of appalachian folk music grew its roots in scottish folk (and then was heavily influenced by Black folks once it arrived here, but that's a post for another time).

they existed, as most folk music does, to deliver a narrative--to pass on a story orally, especially in communities where literacy was not widespread. their whole purpose was to get the news out there about current events, and everyone loves a good murder mystery!

as an aside, i saw someone liken the murder ballad to a ye olde true crime podcast and tbh, yeah lol.

the "original" murder ballads started back across the pond as news stories printed on broadsheets and penned in such a way that it was easy to put to melody.

they were meant to be passed on and keep the people informed about the goings-on in town. i imagine that because these songs were left up to their original orators to get them going, this would be why we have sooo many variations of old folk songs.

naturally then, almost always, they were based on real events, either sung from an outside perspective, from the killer's perspective and in some cases, from the victim's. of course, like most things from days of yore, they reek of social dogshit. the particular flavor of dogshit of the OG murder ballad was misogyny.

so, the murder ballad came over when the english and scots-irish settlers did. in fact, a lot of the current murder ballads are still telling stories from centuries ago, and, as is the way of folk, getting rewritten and given new names and melodies and evolving into the modern recordings we hear today.

305 such scottish and english ballads were noted and collected into what is famously known as the Child Ballads collected by a professor named francis james child in the 19th century. they have been reshaped and covered and recorded a million and one times, as is the folk way.

while newer ones continued to largely fit the formula of retelling real events and murder trials (such as one of my favorite ones, little sadie, about a murderer getting chased through the carolinas to have justice handed down), they also evolved into sometimes fictional, (often unfortunately misogynistic) cautionary tales.

perhaps the most famous examples of these are omie wise and pretty polly where the woman's death almost feels justified as if it's her fault (big shocker).

but i digress. in this way, the evolution of the murder ballad came to serve a similar purpose as the spooky legends of appalachia did/do now.

(why do we have those urban legends and oral traditions warning yall out of the woods? to keep babies from gettin lost n dying in them. i know it's a fun tiktok trend rn to tell tale of spooky scary woods like there's really more haints out here than there are anywhere else, but that's a rant for another time too ain't it)

so, the aforementioned little sadie (also known as "bad lee brown" in some cases) was first recorded in the 1920s. i'm also plugging my favorite female-vocaist cover of it there because it's superior when a woman does it, sorry.

it is a pretty straightforward murder ballad in its content--in the original version, the guy kills a woman, a stranger or his girlfriend sometimes depending on who is covering it.

but instead of it being a cautionary 'be careful and don't get pregnant or it's your fault' tale like omie wise and pretty polly, the guy doesn't get away with it, and he's not portrayed as sympathetic like the murderer is in so many ballads.

a few decades after, women started saying fuck you and writing their own murder ballads.

in the 40s, the femme fatale trope was in full swing with women flipping the script and killing their male lovers for slights against them instead.

men began to enter the "find out" phase in these songs and paid up for being abusive partners. women regained their agency and humanity by actually giving themselves an active voice instead of just being essentially 'fridged in the ballads of old.

her majesty dolly parton even covered plenty of old ballads herself but then went on to write the bridge, telling the pregnant-woman-in-the-murder-ballad's side of things for once. love her.

as a listener, i realized that i personally prefer these modern covers of appalachian murder ballads sung by women-led acts like dolly and gillian welch and even the super-recent crooked still especially, because there is a sense of reclamation, subverting its roots by giving it a woman's voice instead.

meaning that, like a lot else from the problematic past, the appalachian murder ballad is something to be enjoyed with critical ears. violence against women is an evergreen issue, of course, and you're going to encounter a lot of that in this branch of historical music.

but with folk songs, and especially the murder ballad, being such a foundational element of appalachian history and culture and fitting squarely into the appalachian gothic, i still find them important and so, so interesting

i do feel it's worth mentioning that there are "tamer" ones. with traditional and modern murder ballads alike, some of them are just for "fun," like a murder mystery novel is enjoyable to read; not all have a message or retell a historical trial.

(for instance, i'd even argue ultra-modern, popular americana songs like hell's comin' with me is a contemporary americana murder ballad--being sung by a male vocalist and having evolved from being at the expense of a woman to instead being directed at a harmful and corrupt church. that kind of thing)

in short: it continues to evolve, and i continue to eat that shit up.

anyway, to leave off, lemme share with yall my personal favorite murder ballad which fits squarely into murder mystery/horror novel territory imo.

it's the 10th child ballad and was originally known as "the twa sisters." it's been covered to hell n back and named and renamed.

but! if you listen to any flavor of americana, chances are high you already know it; popular names are "the dreadful wind and rain" and sometimes just "wind and rain."

in it, a jealous older sister pushes her other sister into a river (or stream, or sea, depending on who's covering it) over a dumbass man. the little sister's body floats away and a fiddle maker come upon her and took parts of her body to make a fiddle of his own. the only song the new fiddle plays is the tale about how it came to be, and it is the same song you have been listening to until then.

how's that for genuinely spooky-scary appalachia, y'all?

[voidy-vibing]

This is probably gonna be my last post about the Zerum drama but here is a full breakdown of what happened and what I understood! Thank you @obbystars for showing me the tweet and screenshots. (also sorry for the tag)

So.

Zerum, the co-creator of Pressure, who's sona is canonically married to Sebastian has been getting constantly harrassed, bullied, and been given death threats.

There have been alllegations in which they are anti-selfship, transphobic and ableist.

To start off bit by bit.

Zerum was NEVER anti-selfship/oc x sebastian. In the Official Pressure discord server, there is a rule where people are not allowed to show ship art with ANY of the Pressure characters as all devs aren't comfortable with it. While they do not allow it in the official discord, they are not BANISHING shipping as a whole and people are allowed to do whatever they want.

People have been calling Zerum possessive, insecure, and a hypocrite because their reaction to people thinking 'Sebastian x Zerum is a joke not canon' was a pretty bad one. It was not professional, and people were right to get mad about their behavior but responded A THOUSAND TIMES worse. They sent Zerum countless death threats, insulted them, and they also griefed the Pressure Fandom Wikipage (the unofficial one) with a Sebastian x Zerum divorce fanfic (its fucking crazy).

People took the fact that Sebastian has a wedding ring as something to SPITE the Sebastian shippers, but to me it really seemed like setting in stone a thing that was already meant to be canon, as many ppl thought it was a joke.

The transphobic allegations came from the fact that Zeal made Zerum post a rule that Sebastian art with him in a dress isn't allowed. This was a rule ZEAL wanted, and they only banned it on the official discord server, and do not care for anywhere else. They just do not think it fits Sebastian's character ig. Its kind of weird to me, but its whatever.

The abelist allegations came from the fact that Zeal, when adding the deaf accessibility setting, didn't take on some tips from the deaf community. This I don't know a whole lot about so I'm not gonna delve deeper into it rn.

And finally, people think that the devs are mischaracterizing Sebastian by making him more snarky lines, or the ability to kill you, as a way for Zerum to 'fend off' the simps. This is not true, due to the fact that the voicelines for Sebastian killing you was recorded BEFORE there was the huge popularity for Sebastian. This is not something that was per say targetted at Zerum, but Sebastian has TOLD that he has been forced to help the Players. He doesn't help the Expendables because he is caring- he helps out of being forced to ans out of NECESSITY. It says in the wiki that Sebastian gets the data from the Expendables for blackmail (or probably something whatever in regards of escape ofc), and he simply sees the Players an easy means to get said data. Just because he is snarky because you literally flash his eyes fucking dry does not mean they are changing his character. He is still funny and sarcastic, but there are consequences to your actions and that'll be him getting mad ar you if you annoy him too much. It is very fair imo.

So no, perhaps in canon, Sebastian would not care for the players but it doesn't stop anyone from shipping or simping. He just manipulates us into thinking he cares in the game yes, but fandoms such as ourselves really shouldn't need to be mad or necessarily care over this aspect. This new update shows Sebastian's true colors VERY WELL and it is infact in-character for the game's story context. This does not mean you can't change it to your own liking, self-indulgence comes with being in fandom, and no one is gonna shame you for that nor should you shame someone else. I understand if people are upset over these new stuff about him, but I can make a seperate post to speak about this more clearly, I only wanted to try and explain it.

So yeah.

I really truly hope this does not seem like I am attacking, targetting, or hating on someone. If allegations with the devs or Zerum change, they'll change, but it's important to take every perspective and keep an open mind.

[pastelwitchling]

Rewatching the RWRB movie for the billionth time, and I want to mention this to see if anyone else felt it, but... did it bother anyone else that they completely removed Alex's jealousy?

They were only a few moments in the book, but they always meant something, and they showed Alex's attachment to Henry before the kiss at New Year's. Speaking of which, I hate the New Year's Eve party scene. Don't get me wrong, I hated it in the book too (as an introvert, I hate all parties, including party scenes in stories, and I think the movie made the karaoke scene a lot better because it was quieter and a lot smaller than the original scene in the book at a club with another roomful of people), but here were the big differences that really ruined it for me:

The book version: Alex says he's not going to babysit Henry if he has no one to talk to, but the second he finds out Henry is bringing a plus one, he asks who it is because he's jealous, and ends up sticking to his side the entire night without even realizing he's doing it because he loves watching Henry's reaction to everything he does. Also? Henry is never left alone. He's either with Alex, or June, or a group of interns are giggling and blushing at meeting him because he's, you know, Prince Henry, the youngest and most beautiful prince. Everyone already knows who he is, and Alex is not really needed at his side, but just enjoys being there. This is super important: Alex doesn't want to be anywhere but at Henry's side, watching Henry.

The movie version: Alex does indeed spend the night talking to Henry (from what we see), but then a girl falls into his lap and has no idea who Henry is, which is already weird. They act like Henry is some college friend of Alex's that he happened to invite to his New Year's party, and not, you know, THE YOUNGEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL PRINCE THAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS. That's not my own wording either, by the way, Alex is the one that calls Henry that in the book during a jealous fit. Not only that, but Henry is left alone at a bar (no one's coming up to the handsome European prince during a party? Really?) , and Alex looks over from where he's dancing with someone else and gets a look of almost pity before he comes up to Henry and tries to get him to dance, making it feel like Alex is talking to Henry because he feels sorry for him and he has to instead of being there because he just wants to be.

Like? Can you see my issue? Listen, I love this movie, I'm rewatching it right now as I write this post, and I've memorized the entire script at this point. But I truly hate that party scene. It turns Alex's unwitting attachment to Henry to, ironically, a babysitting scene. Why not have Alex look over instead to find Henry talking to someone else, get jealous without realizing he's getting jealous, and cut in with the "You don't dance?" line, interrupting whatever conversation Henry was having. It becomes clear to us that the person Henry was talking to is already at the party with someone, but Alex, in his jealousy, only noticed that Henry had been enjoying his time at his party with someone else, and it would've been a single moment, but like all of Alex's jealous scenes in the book, it would've held so much weight.

I'm not going to pretend like the movie doesn't do a fantastic job of thoroughly showing Alex's feelings for Henry later on, but I also won't act like the movie doesn't have its flaws. It has plenty, but I can overlook and dismiss all the other mistakes. This stupid New Year's party is the only one that truly bothers me. (Also that scene during Alex and Nora's conversation after Henry kisses Alex, and we get that super pointless few seconds of the girl walking in? Like, thanks, glad we didn't get other vital scenes in the movie - because all the deleted scenes so far HAVE been super vital - to get some of those riveting few seconds scattered throughout the film instead.)

I know that the more you love a book, the more you'll find flaws with the movie/show adaptation. The movie does many things much better than the book, but there are some aspects of the book that were too important to cut out in the movie. Still, I still recognize that as someone who loves this story so much, I was bound to find a few things that could've been done better.

[wild-west-wind]

sorry if this is an odd question, but how did you become a park ranger? and did you "always" know you wanted to be a park ranger? (as in, did you decide this long ago and went to the right schools for it, or did it just sorta happen because of your educations?)

it seems like such a fascinating job, i feel like i would enjoy it but alas ive never been really good at the subjects required for it, but that doesnt stop me from daydreaming and looking at your posts about your job with like... is there a word for when youre kinda jealous of someone but in a kind and inspiring way? like "wow wish that were me!" but in a sweet way? haha im sorry, english isnt my first language and i just woke up and decided to send this

i hope you have a good day!!

Not an odd question at all!

So, as for how I became a park ranger, I live blogged the process in real time when I was first applying. In short, get two years of college (ideally a degree), learn how to write a good federal resume (it's different), apply for 100 jobs (easy once you get going), and get one job offer. The first seasonal job is the hardest, then the first permanent job. Lateral moves are really easy once you have your foot in the door. The government doesn't want to take risks on hires, but once someone else has vetted you, you can go anywhere.

And I absolutely did not always want to be a park ranger! It's like the ideal job I dreamed of at age 5, but I didn't go to school with this in mind, I wasn't dreaming about it at night. I needed a job, and this seemed like a good fit, so I went for it! It's probably a 60/40 split at my park, people who fell into this versus people who went and got one of those "Parks Management" sort of degrees that are totally useless outside this career path (and tbh really not necessary IN this career path).

And you should totally apply. The NPS manages A LOT of sites focusing on a lot of topics, and even in sites that are irrelevant to what you actually study, you'd still be bringing good skills in. Among our permanent staff I work with directly every day, we have a Parks Management degree, a music degree, geology/environmental science, biology, spanish, economics, and film arts something or other. Our summer staff has even more diverse educational backgrounds. If you're willing to put in the work, and you give a shit about where you are, you'd be a good park ranger.

As someone who lives vicariously through a lot of people, I'm happy to know some pictures and stories I'm posting here are giving you good day dream material!

[p-redux]

Just a question, a serious one, for you or anyone else here. Sorry, this is a long post.

If you are totally okay with whoever S wants to date and you are just happy for him, then why do you allow people on your blog to trash these women? I know a couple of the women he's supposed to have dated have done some things to and/or said some things about Sam that were bad. But most of them still follow him (if they did before) and most of them have said nothing bad about him. Why not defend them? We don't know for sure which of them he dated casually, more seriously, or at all. It's mostly conjecture. Why are the women always attacked?

If we all do really love Sam and his work AND support whatever type of love life he chooses, then why do we look for every bad trait about the women associated with him? I do think a couple of them maybe wanted him for his money or fame, but all of them didn't do that. Sam is a grown-ass man, and while I do think he is a nice and sweet people pleaser, I don't think he is gullible enough to only go out with women who want to use him or who are trashy. It's terrible for women to attack other women when the only reason they do it is based on conjecture.

I know many here won't agree with me, but when I look at Katie , Abbie, and Mackenzie I don't see fake, plastic , bougie women. There are others we have seen him with who also don't look that way. Why would we assume he's attracted to those types? Just because he looks at or follows women who might fit that type, doesn't mean that's the type of woman he really wants a relationship with. The women I see on IG often just remind me of what has always appeared in men's' magazines, it's just easier now to post your own photos. Much of that is fantasy and men are really visual.

Personally, I just don't believe he has dated every woman associated with him in the last 10 years. I just don't. I also don't believe he has dated someone if we have no actual proof. Being around someone, friends with someone, hanging out with someone, having a meal with someone doesn't always mean dating them. Everyone jumps to conclusions EVERY SINGLE TIME he is rumored to be connected to a woman. I have even read where Sam said there are numerous scenarios about who he has dated or is dating and many of them aren't true.

Sure, it's fun to speculate. But when it moves to attacking these women, that's too far. We don't know Sam or any of these women personally- at least most of us don't. We only know what they may share on SM. I find it appalling the ugly, hateful things I have seen written about Karina Elle and Monika Clarke in the last year or so, for example. Unless someone here has more proof than I have seen - real proof- we don't know IF or how long he actually dated either of them. We don't know if he dated one, but not the other. We don't know if he dated them both at the same time. Only Sam and the women know for sure. Without irrefutable proof, we don't know what happened between them. Someone dropping an anon that he was at a football game with his hands on KE's ass, or that he was spotted in Brooklyn with a tall, beautiful brunette shopping but with NO photos just isn't proof. I'm sorry, but if you can hang around a location long enough to KNOW it's Sam and KNOW the identity of the woman, you can get a photo. I know many say they didn't take a photo because they didn't want to invade their privacy. Well if that's true, then why post about it on a fan blog???? I would guess that any fan who may have seen him with a date and asked for a photo with him- who genuinely likes and respects Sam-- probably knows who he was with and has chosen not to post it anywhere out of respect for Sam and the woman.

I fan over him too. Sometimes I love the speculation too. But these women are real human beings and we need to remember that. And if we love and respect Sam, we need to respect his own choices. He doesn't need my permission to date or care about any woman. But if I respect him, I shouldn't trash a woman he chooses to spend time with.

Anon, you've mistaken me for some other blogs. This is PURV, one of my number one rules for my blog is that I don't allow any hate toward Sam or Cait OR Tony OR any woman Sam dates. I delete hate comments other people may have left on my posts, and I warn the person that if they do it again, I'll block them. Sometimes, people will reblog a post and leave a hate comment, but there's nothing I can do there because I can't delete a reblog. But the person will automatically get blocked.

So, please pay better attention or realize you're mistaking me for other blogs, I don't tolerate hate for the women Sam dates at all. If anything, out of respect for him. If he picks a woman to date, then he must find qualities in her he likes, and that's good enough for me. Whatever and whoever makes him happy, I'm happy for him. Simple as that.

As for your specific comment about not knowing whether Karina or Monika dated Sam. Um, the sighting at the football game was not an Anon. It was an identifiable real person who was at the game and saw them together and their interactions. A source I directly talked to. She has no horse in this race, no reason to lie. I got the info from her directly and I know her full identity. So, there is NO doubt her sighting was real. As for Monika, there are PICS of Sam and Monika KISSING at a restaurant in New York. And I also DMed with the photographer who TOOK the pics. He confirmed neither Sam or Monika's people called him. He's a photographer active in New York and gets around a lot. The pics are real and the kiss was real.

So, while you're right that there are some women associated with Sam where it's only speculation with no proof...the two you mentioned there IS proof. And plenty of others as well. Simply search my blog or do a Google Search. There's more proof for Karina and Monika than the two instances I mentioned. And he didn't date them at the same time.

And to reiterate: I, Purv, DO NOT allow any hate on my blog toward ANY woman Sam dates. And certainly no hate for Cait's husband, Tony. Apparently that wasn't clear to you. I hope it is now. Sorry to be pissy, but it's annoying seeing this first thing in the morning, when I've literally made it my blog's work to NOT hate on any of Sam or Cait's significant others. I'm one of the few blogs who sets this boundary.

Have a nice day, Anon, but please, if you're going to take the time to write such a long Ask, do your research first before accusing someone of something FALSE. Thank you.

Happy Monday, everyone! 🙄🙃

[theinvisiblemuseum]

how about......people demanding wlw rep then never actually engaging with it because the only thing they care about is woke points☕

this really was the wrong day for me to rb this game because i'm seriously genuinely going to be a major cunt about it and i dgaf. that's your warning.

so. here's what i think. in very general terms.

if you don't want to read below the cut (valid) here's all i'll say: stop, actually. i don't want need or care about the megaviral wlw fanfictions of your dreams, because that's not how i choose to engage with fandoms. i already make and engage with the kind of content i want to see which (surprise!) includes a lot of wlw content, but i don't see the need to force moral superiority down people's throats over it. i don't give two shits if anyone other than me is making wlw content. this is fanfiction. fanart. etc. people are allowed to write or engage with whatever they want, HOWEVER if you're throwing a fit over not having enough wlw content and can't name a woman off the top of ur head, that seems like a you problem, idk. basically i choose to actively NOT engage with the type of people screaming crying and pissing themselves over content that already exists that they can't be bothered to look for because appearances and #feminism are all that matters.

if you're here, i'm going to get more cunty, not sorry, you were warned.

the demand for wlw rep is absolutely just dog whistling to seem holier than thou, and like, whatever, most of this shit originates on twitter and tiktok and i've never listened to a word a twitter or tiktok user has said and i won't start now so on the whole i can just put my metaphorical headphones on and tune it out and keep doing my thing, yk? but when it permeates my little den of horror and my brain starts scratching itself, well, i find that sometimes i need to be an asshole and sometimes is right now.

it's not actually a fandom sexism/misogyny issue it's an issue of wanting validation to enjoy certain things, because those things are only cool if the hivemind says so, right? i'm no political expert but i know enough to know that cultlike thought patterns don't lead anywhere good. i've seen zombie movies. i live in america. LOL.

i always joke about how i'd rather die than have my favorite ships become popular (i.e. pandalily, bartydora, lilycissa, etc) but the reason i say that is because a. it breeds discourse that i don't care about, and b. i don't want a bunch of people engaging with content they're not actually interested in just to seem woke or stay on top of trends. it just makes things worse for the people who actually enjoy it.

and while i have your attention, and while i'm being a bitch, wanna know one of the big reasons i think people are crying and whining about the 'lack of wlw rep'? they want other people to care so they don't have to. of course, they don't realize other people already dooooo care, because they're too terrified to sort by anything other than hits on ao3, but that's neither here nor there. no, what they want is for some big strong heavenly god to bite the bullet and characterize these women that, let's be frank, are names on a page and nothing more, so they don't have to. so they can keep on keeping on with the characters they DO care about and toss something around every once and a while about (insert megaviral wlw fic that doesn't exist) to avoid claims of sexism & lesbophobia. AND AS A DISCLAIMER! i don't think people should feel the need to care about a bunch of random characters if they don't want to. once again, this is fanfiction. do whatever the fuck you want. i promise it makes things so much more fun and chill. just because i wanna characterize the shit out of pandora fucking lovegood, i'd never demand anyone else does, and that's the crux of it, isn't it?

this is why it also bugs me when i see posts like 'omg i don't even care who the ship is, i just love sapphics!' or smth along those lines because like, yeah, i love women and i love when women fuck each other and love each other, but i'm not just gonna care about a ship because it's two women. if i did, i'd be more than happy with the pg spoonfed #girlcore sapphic representation in mass media, because half the time it's just two white girls named rachel and brookleighanna whose only defining character traits are that they're gay. nothing more. and sorry, but i'd rather have no wlw content than that. i can't enjoy a ship if i haven't rotated them to hell and back like a rotisserie chicken in my silly little head, often before i've even consumed any content about them. that's the fun of it! i sent like 12 voice messages about a ship i don't even care about that much one time just because i took a shower and had a lot of thoughts. does that mean i'm going to attempt to make them a cornerstone of the Fandom As A Whole and be treated like a celebrity over it? fuck no. i'm just here because i like to have fun and talk to people about characters we all enjoy and create so much lore in my head that only 2 people will ever know about simply because i'm passionate about it and that passion is really enjoyable to me. fandom is a community to me, not a hierarchy, like tiktok or twitter would have you believe, and i think that's what this whole conversation about wlw rep is missing right from the jump. (ta da! i circled back to the point at hand in the end. my tangent had a point!)

yeah so that's my two cents. lol.

[thebreakfastgenie]

I have a lot of complicated feelings about this so if you find this ask uncomfortable please feel free to not answer. In a nutshell I had a very close friend in my 20's. The kind of friend people tell you adults don't have anymore. Acquaintances knew us as "__ & ___". And unfortunately while still in his 20s he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that took his life within a few months. This was very difficult to me to say the least and I truly believe I will never find another person who will understand me or connect with me that day, romantic, sexual or platonic. So I feel like when people are like "let people have platonic soulmates" this is the kind of relationship they want to see. I've experienced one myself. Some don't. Some have those relationships that last a lifetime. I never got that chance. ... but all of that being said, I still always get confused when people are like "why can't people just be friends! why can't it be just friendship for once!". Because even though I've had the kind of relationship people are talking about when they say that, I don't personally see any shortage in media of men having these kind of intense powerful friendships? There are whole genres built on it. The buddy film. Found family. I don't really see what people mean when they say that two men can't be shipped because it's somehow off-limits because we need to preserve this rare depiction of friendship, because that depiction in media to me has always seemed much more common and valued than people keep telling me it happens in real life. I feel like I shouldn't need to say this but just for clarification I also don't ship BeejHawk (or really anyone from MASH) so I have no skin in this race from that perspective. But I've heard people use that same argument a lot for different friendship/common ship pairs and it just always falls flat to me on those grounds. What am I missing here??

Hi, anon!

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. As you may know from following me, especially if you've seen my pinned post, I had a similar experience as a child. I am fortunate enough to have another platonic soulmate in my current best friend.

I can't speak for anyone else on the "why can't they just be friends" thing, but this is the way I see it. This is probably incomplete because I used up most of my focus for the day on my job, but these are some thoughts, and I may add to them later.

There isn't a shortage of platonic relationships in media. There is a shortage of platonic relationships in fandom. Contrary to the current popular trends, fandom is not only about romantic shipping, and as someone who is interested in multiple kinds of relationships, the constant focus on shipping gets old. If you want gen content, you basically have to make it yourself. I am also not personally ever saying any ship should be off-limits for that reason. But in fandom spaces, especially when a ship is popular, there is a pressure to ship it that isn't always visible unless you're one of the people who doesn't. A lot of it is passive pressure; when ship content completely dominates a fandom space, it sucks if you don't ship it. It sucks even more if you're very interested in the dynamic between those characters, but don't see it as romantic, because there just isn't anywhere to go. It's especially frustrating when the canonical relationship is platonic, but any analysis of that is expected to fit a romantic narrative that was invented by fans.

Because that's the thing... it's expected. This ties into a larger issue, which is that spaces like tumblr conflate fandom, activism, and identity. It's seen as cooler and more progressive to ship the popular gay ships. It's also seen as inherently tied to your identity. People say "gay fans" when they mean "fans of this gay ship" and if you're a gay fan who doesn't like that ship, that honestly feels pretty fucking bad. There can also be a pretty condescending attitude that's basically like... if you don't ship this, you just don't get it. This is especially frustrating with a non-canon ship because like... no, I understand the source material just fine, I just don't subscribe to this particular popular extra-textual interpretation. There's also a certain attitude to the shipping where every interaction is treated as evidence of the ship. This runs the gamut from acts that clearly indicate love of some kind to literally standing next to each other. The "if not then why" principle gets really tiresome when there is an obvious (and canon) platonic explanation.

This is personal to me, but when I look at two characters doing things I do with my best friends, and then the fandom says "wow look how they're in love, you'd have to be insane or stupid to think they're not" I don't really like it. I know it's not that deep. But it does kind of eat away at the way I'm relating my experiences to what I see. And I'm a little sensitive about people insisting relationships must be romantic that aren't, which is very related to my experiences growing up gay. I would get both "oh, you like him!" and refusal to believe my denials about boys I was honestly just friends with and people I barely knew asking if I was dating my friends. When one of my best friends came out as bisexual in college, people we went to high school with began saying we had been a couple. We never were. As a gay person, it's important to me that people understand that I can still be best friends, even affectionate best friends or platonic soulmates, with women without being in love with them romantically. Maybe that's because I grew up in the "okay just don't hit on me" era of homophobia, I don't know. And I do try to keep some perspective about these things because again, I know it's fandom and not that deep. But when it's unending "the only possible explanation for this is romantic love" it does make me start to wonder... is that how they see people in real life, too?

The way fandom boxes every intense relationship between two men into a sexual/romantic label honestly feels reductionist to me. There is a whole spectrum of human experiences I want to explore through this piece of media and this relationship. It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference, in my experience, is a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

I do also call into question a little bit the idea that media is full of well-developed, close platonic relationships between men. Particularly when you're talking about M*A*S*H, which aired from 1972 to 1983. During his interview with Mike Farrell on MASHCast, Rob told Mike how important it was to him as a teenage boy to see two men who were friends be open about their affection for each other. Maybe now in 2022 we see more of that--though my opinion is a lot of the buddy genre is very surface level--but that wasn't so commonplace when the show was on and I think that historical significance is worth acknowledging.

It's also just... gotten to a point in fandom spaces (and this is not specific to one fandom) where the word "gay" appears before everything. "Gay little show" "gay people when" and it's not even relevant! The gay shipping overshadows literally everything else and some of us are just not into it, but still interested in fandom. So "why can't people just be friends" to me is not just about how relationships are interpreted, but also about just wanting to talk about something else besides the ship for once. This is also a problem with het ships, including canon ones, but the difference is, in my experience, there's a superiority associated with gay ships. Wanting two fictional men to kiss isn't doing anything--positive or negative--for the LGBT community.

[felacunti]

I could argue that there are some saving graces about certain female characters in Zeta (aside from Lila, she was a queen thru and thru), but damn they did Fa so dirty and the worst part is that (to me at least) her situation is so weirdly... "real", she wanted to be a pilot like everyone else, but since she's good with kids (and seems to be the only person on this god-forsaken ship who actually gives a fuck about them) and she's a girl everyone pushes her in the direction of being their babysitter, it's always "Fa look after the kids", "Fa, how are the kids" yada yada... and I kind of get why she would settle for the role everyone expects her to accept, everyone is forcing it on her, there doesn't seem to be anyone who would support her own ambitions

maybe I'm just copying with this interpretation tho

also... why the fuck are those kids even there? i get that in MSG 0079 the kids didn't really have anywhere to go so they just stayed on the White Base but those two? why the fuck did Quattro even bring them on if he's not looking after them or taking them anywhere??? (still haven't finished Zeta, but I doubt that's gonna get answered)

sorry for rambling

sorry if this spoils zeta for you but youre looking around at posts about it so i guess it doesnt bother you much.

so heres my thing about the female characters in zeta, right? their saving graces are almost all conduits for them to be the boosters to male character's arcs. Either Jerid or Kamille. Even Haman, who by all means is the female character in Zeta with the most practical affect on the narrative and ability to voice her opinions and thoughts, is often framed via Char. Its a serious consistent issue. Reccoa is a sexual assault survivor and its pulled out as a surprise reveal in the last 5 seconds of her life and it retroactively makes her portrayal... kind of disgusting? that being said Fa does get it horrendously and she singlehandedly kind of undoes whatever progressive statements about feminism zeta tries to make. like, there are a lot of characters in the series with being misogynists as a character flaw, which is fine. but the idea that women shouldn't pilot mechs is kind of... right? In the narrative. The female pilots are either waifish hang-ons who suck (Sarah, Fa, Reccoa, Mouar) or they're irrational, impossible to control and prone to fits (Four, Rosamia, Reccoa). The exceptions are Lila (competent but killed because of the Jerid Woman Event Horizon), Haman (a Newtype and therefore a secret third gender), and Emma (does not care about her femininity which is supposed to be tragic (also gay! which is some great rep there.)) When Katz is a bad pilot, the series goes "Ok Katz get it together or you'll die." but he keeps getting to go. There's a period of time where Bright just says "lol no Fa is not launching in the Methuss, she fucking sucks."

ALSO YEAH I DO NOT KNOW WHY SHINTA AND QUM WERE THERE? like i kinda like them they were obviously introduced for levity and it was well needed but like. lmao.

[whatsthepointinstayinghere]

I plan on leaving Tumblr.

What's the point in staying on a platform where people don't even like you or want anything to do with you?

Every day I check on here I feel depressed. Because I feel as though everything I do just isn't enough. I've already annoyed someone and still they won't talk to me, just because I can't control my emotions. I'm tired of waiting... I know that they will never want anything to do with me permanently. I know what that meant whenever I got a perma ban.

Truth is. I still wasn't able to play Raincode. I physically can't touch it. Because I feel like I don't deserve to. Until I'm forgiven, or at least I'm on good terms with that person.

I'm going to just stay on YouTube. I'm sick of trying out new platforms in the hopes of being accepted for who I am... Instead of being treated like a criminal where everyone ignores me. It's really impacted my life, and times I've had dark thoughts. For once I just want to befriend some people who can like me for who I am, who are actually willing to get to know me better.

People see me as nothing but a trauma dumper. It hurts, and I don't have the energy to remain here anymore. Not that it matters to anyone. Barely anyone talks to me, my posts became silent after I upset that person.... I believe that them warning the Raincode community about me has something to do with other people ignoring me. I'm tired of being ostracised, explaining constantly about my mental health and conditions... It's like talking to a brick wall.

I need to face the fact that no one In that community or anywhere else likes me. It doesn't matter if I own up to my mistakes, my existence is always the problem.

I don't feel welcome in the Raincode community. I don't feel welcome anywhere. I tried once again to fit in. To use my own ability to show interest into the game and my sense of humour. But if one person really hates me then there's no point in trying anymore. I really wanted to talk to them and show that I am sorry... I spent days on a Sickfic for them. Yet.... It's not enough.

I know I should take this message seriously, but it's really hard for me, especially when I want to see good in people

It's me that's the problem. I don't deserve to try and be in their company. To even talk to them. I'm a disease that spreads misery to all. I'm far more than that... Yet people refuse to understand me, they just expect me to be perfect and act a certain way while speaking a certain way. This is not the way I want to live.

I don't want suicidal thoughts anymore. No matter what community I try to join. Or what I do, it's always the same. A neverending purgatory of hell. I only wanted to make friends and talk about video games. Why is that so damn hard?! Yes I have issues with venting, but is that the only reason to hate someone? Permanently block someone away? Now you know why I'm always feeling low, years of online rejection has permanently damaged me.

It's bad enough that I'm already alone on YouTube. No one cares about what I do, so I might as well stick to one place.

Goodbye Raincode.... I really loved every aspect of you. It's just a shame that other fans can't accept me.

I wouldn't have been depressed in the first place if people took the time to get to know me better...

Yet I've tried to do the same for them. But helping others also causes them to look at me the wrong way.

My name is ice dragon 19, I often go by Icebane as well.

A name people in multiple communities both fear and hate.

Times I've wanted to change it but what's the point... No matter who I try to be, I'm still me in the end. The outspoken autistic person who makes everyone feel uncomfortable in the same room.

I begged for people to listen to me. But now I'm giving up because it's getting nowhere. My place is full of emptiness. I'll give it a few more days until I delete my account, perhaps my nonexistence was the better decision.

I can't wait to erase that Raincode Sickfic, it's worthless and nobody likes it anyway. A waste of effort and time just to try and atone for my actions.

[mewmewdraws]

I'm venting about a friend also I might not post as much after this.

Alright time to explain why I might not post as much as I would like to.

So I have this friend and they are a person that is very important to me because we have been in a friendship for more than 5+ years.

This summer I have been bored and stuck in a house for almost the whole summer so far so I would ofc try and talk to friends.

Now during school and what not they would almost talk to me daily. I would be the first person to say something then an hour later (due to them being in a different time zone than me) would respond back almost daily.

Now that it's summer break they almost never talk to me. which I have the thought that there family was just busy or they where hanging out with some friends.

Yesterday I asked them if they wanted to play a game or not because we haven't really done that in a while and they said sure but they also said that they would join me in a few mins. I left the game after that because I wanted to play on my xbox but it still would be the same game.

For some reason it wouldn't let me sign in on my xbox and I went back to my computer then saw my friend was online. I joined them and then after me joining they just straight up left and went to play a different game.

I stayed in the game for 5 mins to see if they would join back (because it's roblox I mean there are a lot of people who get a shit ton of disconnects) But they never did join back

This lead me to having a panic attack and I was questioning are friendship. But I didn't question much and instead of asking them about I just left the game and did a diamond art thing.

This is an online friend but still this person had done a lot for just being my friend. I have a lot of panic attacks due to anxiety on life and much more things I think about.

To add onto the fact that they don't talk to me as much. I would always say like e as a joke or something else like a cool picture I found here or anywhere else. we would have a short talk like only 5 text's then they would say they are sleepy.

Now I know a lot about this person and I figured that there siblings are just a lot rn. but when ever I joke about it they just say that there siblings just use the computer and they leave to go do anything else. (they don't like playing on there phone because roblox is kinda hard to play on mobile) But sometimes it doesn't feel like that. and one of are last little chats they said that they were sleepy but then said or am I really?

This didn't affect me as much but it still makes me question are friendship now. I really don't want to lose this person for they have keeped me alive when I felt hollow and empty inside.

I wasn't a popular kid when I was in middle school nor high school but those times were really hard due to the fact I lost a childhood cat of mine during middle school and a family members death during high school.

My online friend was around for both of them and they made me feel like someone cared for me at the time. I would have thank them in so many ways there wouldn't even be a book or list to even fit it.

But now that they are not wanting to talk to me nor even hang out in the same game as me it just makes me question if this is a friendship worth fighting for.

I don't really know what to do. I can't talk to my mom about it because she doesn't know I have online friends. If I told my mom about this she would take away my computer and made sure I didn't any socials. I know one of my friends would know if I was gone for a month due to me helping them through there hard relationship.

There girlfriend didn't talk to them for 5 months but she's back and well from what I know. But I want to keep in touch with my online friends because the ones that I talk to they have been with me for over 5+ years.

I am sorry that I made this vent so long and if you did read the whole thing then thanks. I just wish I had more people to talk about this to and I don't want to talk to my friend about there behavior because I don't want to act like an bitch. They could just be busy. but the fact that I joined them in a game and they leave to play another was just odd to me and I don't know what else to do.

So I am just gonna do my own thing for a little and I'll try to post more art because I have been slaking.

Again sorry for the long vent but i feel like I needed to tell yall this. Thanks for reading I hope yall stay healthy and safe <3

[sketchguk]

Hi it's soulmate anon! Omg I kept checking back for a few days to see if you responded but you didn't. Then I stopped checking and you did 😭😭😭 Why does the universe hate me????? About the fic idea eheh I've been thinking about it even when I daydream!!! I really like Queen Charlotte series, so I was thinking something like that where they marry for convenience. But soonyoung and mc know each other from childhood or atleast teenage because they're both royals and soonyoung has liked her from before ( I have a specific scene in mind for this skskskssk tell me to explain if you want to hear!!) But mc doesn't like this arrangement for some reason ( I don't know what yet 😔) and so she doesn't even give him a chance like ..... They get married but she makes it clear she doesn't respect this marriage. There's more I thought but this is just the jist!

Also I always get confused that you're active but i think you queue your posts 😂 Do you log in only once a week or like that??? Is there anywhere else you're active 😔

Anddddd how is everyone in Hogwarts au doing?? I miss them I love them so much please give me some small crumb about them I'm begging 😭😭😭

I'm going to check your blog everyday so I don't miss your reply again !!!!!! It makes me wanna make an account itself LOL but if you're not active it won't make sense even then 😔

oh no i'm so sorry i took so long to answer !! i queue one post a day at 8pm est !! i don't have a schedule as to when i'm online otherwise >.< do you really check tumblr without an account ?!! :0 i'd recommend you make one so that you can keep up with content creators !! and you can save your favorite fics/posts on your blog <3

marriage of convenience is such an S tier trope 🤝 don't tease me with a scene and not go into details !! i wanna hear more, of course !!! i need to know all about this royal soonyoung <33 (btw he looks sooo good this comeback. i'm obsessed with him and he is neither my bias nor my bias wrecker, but he is the coolest dude in my eyes) !!

even though your mc doesn't like the arrangement, how does she treat soonyoung? :0 does everyone see her as someone kind and sweet, but she loathes the man she's tied to? LOL (ravenclaw mc vibes !!). or does she hate everyone.. and especially soonyoung LOL. OR is she distant from him, although she can't stop herself from liking him !!!

AGH royalty aus are seriously so delicious. please tell me more about your own au !!! i will d*e if i don't have a new hyperfixation LOL

in regards to the hogwarts au, have you seen the gose comeback special? they're role-playing students, and seokmin wants to recruit the members to join the orchestra LOL. i imagine gryffindor soonyoung wanting to infiltrate one of mc's clubs even though he doesn't fit in ahaha. this man has no business joining student government or herbology, but he's standing his tallest and doing his best :') mc stares at him dumbfounded because he's unbelievably loser boy coded. she grumbles throughout the whole club meeting, but he smiles so proudly because he snagged the seat next to her LOL

other club members shoot him weird looks, and they gossip about him not having the qualifications to be here !! but if there's one thing that mc hates more than soonyoung, it's the way other people poke fun at him !!! like yes he is a himbo, and he can't be serious for one second, but only she can tell him off !!!! >:( (she also really hates injustice, so these people have no right to put him down when they're making harsh judgments). mc defends soonyoung by being snarky to those bullies >:( and they never open their mouths again aha

[hotshotshitshow]

im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏

Harry was your high school bully, but he started to fall in love with you the last year of high school. Because he became famous he drew distance and hasn't seen you in years; that didn't stop him from thinking about you sometimes. One day he meets you at a friends wedding and he wasn't going to let you slip through his fingers again

Genre: fluff mostly

Warning: none really, Niall is In here

Pairing: harry styles x reader

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission

Comment and reblogs welcome

It's been 9 years since Harry has seen you. Here you were standing in front of him a beautiful woman, no longer the teen he used to bully. You looked just liked you did when you were 18, but ten times better because you were able to find your confidence. Harry hated himself for ever taken part of the bullying he did to you in high school.

Back when harry was 20

Harry sat with Niall in his hotel room as they both became drunk together. They were talking about random things like they always do when they down a few beers.

"there were lots of pretty girls today. Crazy at times but pretty amazing." Niall said as he laid slump in his chair. Harry nodded as he ran his fingers through his curls.

"yeah, they were beautiful." Harry stopped speaking for a second before he spoke again. "But none of them compared to this girl that was in my class when I was 17." Harry sighed as he took a sip of his beer.

"I bullied her and I regret it now." Niall sat up in his chair. "Harry you talk about her every time you drink a couple of beers mate."

Harry nodded screwing his eyes shut. "I know, I know it's just... I notice she was stunning and now that I think about it I was only bullying her because others were and because I was too afraid to admit I liked her." Harry groaned, he ran his right hand over his face as his left hand gripped his beer tightly. "I'm so stupid."

"harry, you're not stupid, you were young. If you really love her you need to call her or find her and tell her. Apologize first because you did her wrong and you know it. Now–"

Niall slumped back into his chair. "Let's talk about those girls."

--

The next day harry thought long and hard if he should call you and tell you how he felt. He stupid mind was getting in the way and everytime he thought about calling you he pushed the thought aside and said he'll do it later. That was his thoughts on and off for the last 7. He of course didn't call you or find anyway to contact you. Harry gave up hope and tried his best to push you out of his mind.

It was a success before until he saw you again.

Present day

Today harry was going to a close friends wedding. Harry stood in front of the mirror fixing his shirt, making sure he looked good For this event.

When he looked good enough for his liking, he walked out of his bathroom and went downstairs to the kitchen. He grabbed a snack, he knows it was going to be a long day so he needed something.

A few minutes later Harry was on the road to the wedding. He was in a good mood, drumming his fingers to the radio and singing along to it.

Not even 20 minutes later he pulled into the parking lot of the wedding venue. He found a great parking spot in near the back, he Parked and turned off the car. Harry took one last look at himself in the rearview mirror.

"look amazing still."

Harry opened his door without looking. A Yelp was heard forcing harry to look up. He quickly got out of the car as he noticed he had hit you with the door as you were picking something off the ground. "oh my gosh, I'm sor–"

Harry trailed off as he noticed it was you. His heart in his chest skipped a beat, it was really fucking you, he never thought he'd see you again.

"y/n?" You stood up, your eyes were widen when you noticed it was harry, your high school bully.

"harry." You swallowed thickly. "Um.. I have to go inside." You turned around ready to walk away. Harry knew he couldn't let you go again, at least not unless he apologized for what he has done to you.

"y/n wait." Harry ran up to you grabbing your arm. You turned around looking at him "I need to tell you something." Harry sighed. "I know this is so late and it probably doesn't matter to you, but listen... I'm sorry for bullying you in high school. I was trying to fit in and it was a stupid Idea." Harry looked at you upset face, your arms were crossed which showed you weren't convinced, but he keep going.

"I was trying to hide the fact that I was.. I was in love with you. Y/n I Loved you since we were 18 and didn't notice until I was going on to be a superstar. You don't have to forgive me but I needed to say that."

Harry finished. He breathed a sigh of relief as he finally got what he needed off his chest.

You clicked your tongue as the wheels in your brain turned. "Harry it took you this long to say something." "I know I wanted to so many times but I pushed it aside because I was scared." Harry placed his hand on your shoulder softly looking into your eyes as you looked into his.

"I know it took so fucking long, but just know I mean it. I'm so sorry."

You exhaled scratching your forehead. "Look harry You're lucky I forgive people easily." Harry sighed out softly.

"but don't get comfortable now." You pointed at him as you said that. "You have a lot to make up especially if you want this to go far you know, so don't get comfortable."

Harry nodded. "of course." "Ok..." You started. "Do you want to walk into the wedding together?"

Harry grinned. "Sure." He opened his arms so you can link them together. You snickered as you did. You both walked in together like you both were each other's dates. You both had a lot to talk about, but you were happy to put the past behind you.

----

@harryspirate @kendra233

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson

summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!

part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

"What do you think?"

I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.

"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"

She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."

I almost laughed. "You're kidding."

Her smile lessened. "I'm not."

Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"

Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."

When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"

Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.

"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"

"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."

I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.

Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.

"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"

"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."

My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."

"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."

I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."

She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."

"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"

She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."

I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"

Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."

I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."

"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."

"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."

I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"

"The Rising Tide–"

"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.

"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."

I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."

I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."

She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.

"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."

I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.

"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."

"They're not as bad as you think!"

"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."

"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."

She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."

I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van. 

Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.

The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.

I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.

"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”

"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.

I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.

"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"

"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.

I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?

As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.

Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.

"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"

She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"

"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."

I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.

"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."

"It is," she said with certainty.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."

"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."

She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.

"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."

"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.

"Sure it doesn't," she played along.

"It doesn't," I agreed.

"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.

I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.

"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."

"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"

"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.

"Why do you care about them so much?!"

"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"

I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."

She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."

I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"

"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."

I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."

She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.

—

"What do you mean she's run away?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."

I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.

Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.

"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."

As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.

I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."

I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.

Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.

Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.

The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging nor trying to romanticize yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, toxic relationship, violent behavior, murder, sexual scenes, paranoia leading to mental blackouts, miscarriage, suicide attempt, mental disorders and death are contained within this post. Read at your own discretion.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:

𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟿𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿

𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟾𝟻 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟼'𝟶 𝙵𝚃.

𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%

𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□90%

𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎

𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:

•𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

•𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗

•𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛

•𝙴𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝

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Mingi was someone who always kept to himself, never wanting to draw any kind of attention.

Unfortunately for him, he got a lot of attention while he was studying in university, and not the good kind.

He accidentally bumped into one of the jocks at school, and from that moment on, his life was hell.

He was constantly belittled, shoved to the floor, his locker filled with vicious and cruel messages ranging from "freak" to "kill yourself."

Mingi often just sighed and continued his day, as if this was totally normal.

It's not that he didn't understand what was going on or didn't care.

He was just too awkward and scared to stand up to himself.

So he often just came home, feeling hopeless and in despair.

Many times he hardly ate and would end up crawling inside his blankets and cry himself to sleep.

Even the few people he talked to stopped associating themselves with him out of fear of becoming the bullies' next target.

So Mingi resigned himself to being alone and to think no one would ever care about him....

Until you came along.

You had recently transferred to his school and one of the first things you saw was the poor sandy hair colored giant get punched in the stomach by his locker.

You were so disgusted and sickened by their behavior that you did not hesitate to go over and make sure he was all right.

"Hey, do you need help?" You asked as you helped him get up.

"I I'm fine...t-thanks.." Without another word, he left you standing there, running off to his next class.

He thought that'd be the last time he saw you but during lunch break, you made it a point to look for him and talk to him.

"Are you feeling better?"

Mingi looked up at you with wide eyes, wondering if it really was him you were talking to.

"Y-yeah...I'm fine. T-thanks"

Smiling at him, you sat next to him, taking out your lunch while trying to make conversation with him.

All throughout it, Mingi seemed agitated, scared almost.

You felt really bad and asked him if something was bothering him.

Sighing he told you:

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I think it's best if you stay away from me.... I don't want them to hurt you because of me..."

You saw the sadness in his eyes, the loneliness behind them and that made you want to stay with him even more.

"What's your name?" You asked what you had really wanted to know since the beginning.

"Song Mingi." He answered you.

Grinning at him, you held out your hand.

"Well Song Mingi, I'm L/N Y/N. Your soon to be new best friend."

Mingi's mouth dropped at your words, he couldn't possibly believe you were serious.

But you were and not only did you become his closest friend, you also became his protector.

Unlike him, you were fearless, vivacious, outgoing and spontaneous.

And Mingi began to admire you a lot for it....

More than admired, he began to worship you, falling deeply in love with you.

For once in his life, he was happy, truly happy and filled with joy.

Instead of crying himself to sleep, he went to bed all excited to spend the next day with you.

And of course you two spent a lot of time together, since he became your math tutor cause you were the absolute worst with numbers.

You were thankful that Mingi was so patient and caring towards you.

He never showed any signs of frustration or annoyance even after explaining the equation to you about 20 times.

"Y/N. Pay attention or you won't ace the test." He often told you, adding a little pinch to your nose or cheek to get you to focus.

He also loved just talking to you during these sessions.

Obviously being your best friend, he also ended up picking up on what sort of things you liked in a guy.

He would often observe you at school or while you two were out.

One time he even read through a few of your messages with one of your other friends from your old school.

It was exactly what Mingi needed to know, he now had a glimpse of the type of boyfriend you wanted.

And for you.....he'd end up becoming that boyfriend.

So while you were in spring break, he prepared everything.

He got rid of his cardigans and vests, trading them for leather and jean jackets.

He ended up cutting his hair differently and started wearing tighter fitting pants that accentuated his thick thighs.

So when you saw him again, it was a complete 180° from the shy, nerdy boy you knew.

"Whoah! Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

You weren't going to lie, Mingi did look very attractive.

You were glad though that he was still the cute, adorable and somewhat clumsy boy he was when you first met him.

Because that's the Mingi you knew and loved.

And you wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.

It was after finals that Mingi decided to ask you out.

You were both out celebrating the fact you both passed when he popped the question:

"Y/N will you go out with me?" He suddenly blurted out.

You were taken aback, but said yes nonetheless.

Mingi was so happy.

He was extremely devoted to you as a boyfriend, always saying yes to you and going along with whatever it was you wanted.

Anything you said, he would do it.

"Anywhere you want to go is fine with me."

"Anything you want is fine with me."

You thought it was really sweet at first, he really wanted to make you happy.

But after almost a year of dating, it kinda started to get annoying.

It bothered you that he never seemed to have an opinion of his own.

You actually snapped at him one day while planning a date out.

"Can't you freaking decide for yourself once?"

Mingi just whipped his head at you, unable to comprehend why you were yelling at him.

"Do you not even care about me or this relationship? Cause honestly it seems like you're not actually putting effort into it and if it's like that, why am I even wasting my time on you?"

Mingi got really scared when you began walking out the door, he pleaded with you to stay, to talk through it.

"I'll do anything! Y/N please just don't leave me! What do you want me to do?!" He begged as he got on his knees.

"I want you to leave me alone!"

Alone......that word struck a chord in Mingi's head.....alone.

No....he couldn't go back to being alone...go back to the cold world that he was used to.

He began hyperventilating, his head was spinning and it was pounding like there was no tomorrow.

He doesn't remember much after that. All he remembers was the annoying knocking at the door.

He remembers opening it and seeing a random salesperson there....

But after that, it's all a big black faze, and when he finally came to his senses....

He was covered in blood, and a bludgeoned corpse was sprawled across the kitchen floor.

Although he was panicking, Mingi knew that you could not find out about this.

So he quickly got to work and cleaned up all traces of blood and managed to get rid of the body with no one seeing him.

He was so confused about what happened and panicking about if you found out, that he didn't hear you come in the house until you literally stood in front of him.

He instantly got on his knees and hugged your waist.

"Baby I was so scared that you left me forever! Please I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't care about you, I do! I fucking love you so much, and I promise I'll try harder....

Just for you..."

You felt so bad seeing him, and truly you loved him and felt like it was a petty thing to get mad about.

You pulled him up and reassured him that you weren't mad anymore and that you were too much in love with him to leave.

Mingi felt so relieved. He couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen if he did lose you.

He'd probably go insane.

True to his word, Mingi did try harder to get rid of that habit of just following what you said like a little puppy, and would now start expressing himself more.

Now the problem was he went the complete opposite direction: now he seemed to question your every decision and it would lead to small tiny banters between you two.

One time you got tired of him making a fuss over the fact you were spending so much time with a classmate that it turned really ugly.

"We're working on a project Mingi! Nothing else!" You shouted at him.

"What do you need to be going to his house though and staying til late hours of the night? Why can't you two do it here?!"

"Because you end up distracting us both and throwing passive aggressive words to him." You were exhausted from all the screaming by now you were losing your patience.

"Are you sure it's not because you're just whoring yourself out with them?" He didn't mean for those words to come out...but they did.

And you didn't mean to get so angry to the point of slapping him, but you did and that's when it hit you that you went too far.

You both stood there stunned at what happened, Mingi more hurt than anything by your actions, while you felt ashamed of yourself.

You lifted your hand against the very person you were protecting at first.....and now you hated yourself for hurting him like his past bullies.

Ashamed and full of guilt, you turned away and began walking out.

"Wait no! Y/N please! It's ok! It was my fault! I shouldn't have said that! Please let's just work it out!"

"No Mingi! I can't! I..... I need a break."

Mingi's world came crumbling down when you said that. He went into a slight catatonic state as he watched you walk away.

Once he regained his senses, he ran after you, desperate to bring you back, running around aimlessly through the dark streets and alleys, calling out for you but you were nowhere to be seen.

"Get lost you dirty bastard." A passerby rudely shoved him out of the way.

In a matter of seconds, Mingi's eyes darkened, his fist clenched at his side as rage now coursed through his body.

He turned his head to look back at the stranger who was now walking away.

Smirking, Mingi pulled out the switchblade he was carrying in his pocket before creeping quietly to the man.

Someone had to pay the price and feel the wrath and despair he felt at losing his goddess......and he found them.

It had been roughly a month since you last saw Mingi and although you hated to admit it, you missed him. But you knew you had to stay away for his sake.

But things don't go as planned and you soon found out you were going to have to see him sooner than you thought...

Because you were now pregnant with his child and you had to let him know.

You were so nervous about telling him, your hand trembled as you opened the door to the apartment you used to share with Mingi.

You quietly stepped inside, too afraid to call out for him just yet.

But then you heard some weird noises coming from the bedroom, your heart somewhat dropping when you distinguished what sounded like moans and panting.

You could also make out Mingi's deep voice calling out your name.

Opening the door open, your hand flew to your mouth, semi-muffling your sharp gasp as you took in the scene of Mingi fucking some random girl with her face covered on the bed you two shared not too long ago.

"What the fuck Mingi?!" You exclaimed in utter disgust and betrayal.

"Y/N! I can explain!" All color drained from Mingi's face as he pulled himself out of the girl and quickly dressed himself.

You couldn't bear to stay there another moment, you just ran out of there once again.

But you didn't get far because Mingi swiftly caught up to you and enraptured you in his arms.

"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! You liar! You cheater!" You tossed and writhed around as you tried to escape his grasp, while Mingi tried to hold you still and trying to talk to you.

You felt an immense pain run through your stomach at that moment, your body becoming paralyzed as some weird and excruciating torment bursted in you.

Mingi noticed as well how you clutched your stomach and had difficulty breathing so he wasted no time in taking you to the hospital.

You woke up hours later, late at night, a nurse by your side and Mingi on the other, his hand holding onto yours as tears poured from his eyes.

"What happened?" You immediately asked, your hand instinctively going to your belly.

The nurse explained with sorrow how you had lost the baby, apologizing profusely to you, knowing you were probably in pain.

You went berserk when she told you that, first you denied it, then you began screaming while trying to pull off the IVs attached to you.

Mingi tried to calm you down, but instead he made things worse with his presence.

"This is all your fault! If it wasn't because of you, my baby would be alive!"

Those words cut Mingi deep inside, you killed him immediately with them.

Other nurses rushed in to calm you down as one of them pulled Mingi away for his protection and for yours.

You were numb for the next few days, refusing to see anyone and especially not Mingi, you gave strict orders not to let him in.

You were planning on never seeing him again.

The very day you were released from the hospital though, he was the first person you encountered while you were on your way home.

"Y/N?" He asked, startling you when he came out from the corner.

Your feet shifted slowly, almost losing balance on the small step on your front door.

"What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I never wanted to see you." Not wanting to waste another minute, you quickly punched in your passcode.

"Y/N baby you don't mean that! I love you! And you love me!"

You let out a dry and haughty laugh at that.

"You? Love me? Is that why you were fucking some whore behind my back?"

"I swear she didn't mean anything! And I made her cover her face because I was thinking of you the entire time..."

You rolled your eyes at that, feeling absolutely disgusted.

"But then I realized she was to blame for everything and so I got rid of her so I can make you happy, forgive me and we could start again."

You halted your actions when he said that.

"Mingi...what do you mean you got rid of her?"

If his last words disturbed you, now you were absolutely horrified as he calmly told you how he mutilated her body and discarded her remains in a lake outside of the city.

You actually felt sick and nearly threw up right then and there.

"Mingi.....what..... you're insane! How could you-?"

Mingi couldn't understand why you were upset.

"Don't you see? I did it for you Y/N. Everything I've ever done is for you."

Now it dawned on you, the person you've ever loved was sick, extremely sick and needed help.

"Mingi.....don't come near me again....stay away....seriously..."

And once again another struggle between you two ensued, you wanting to run away while he held onto you for dear life.

"Stop Mingi! Let me go! I don't love you anymore!"

The spinning in his head started once again, his vision becoming hazy, he could hear his own heartbeat resonating in his ears, his hand shook violently as it reached for an all too familiar object he kept hidden in his pocket....

Everything turned dark and blinding....

But when he came back, there he was, staring in shock at your lifeless body, a fresh, clean cut running all across your neck, blood still spurting out and staining his hands.

"Oh my God! What have I done?!" Mingi cried out, wailing and screaming erratically at the thought that he had just murdered his soulmate with his own hands.

He couldn't bear the thought of living without you, he just couldn't....

And so he picked up the very tool he used to kill you and held up to his own neck....

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