#posting a little late because my computer died :/ for a few days

[ybkitten]

Part of my gift to @annelaurant for the Aveyond Winter Exchange! This was the greatest prompt I could have fulfilled. I did, in fact, go back and play all of AV1 again just so I could immerse myself in the game and its mechanics just for this bit.

tbh some of the best warmups I've ever done for a piece of art lol

[iamyoursonly]

3AM (29/03/2024)

wrote this at 3am because i had a dream of him and i needed some hallucinations desperately <3 sorry for not posting for so long though, i had so many tests i could barely breathe :(

Late nights but no movie night, I’m just overworking myself, as I sit at the same spot for the 27th hour.

My tired eyes drag across the computer screen, lazy fingers typing the last few words with my keyboard to complete my long due essay. Headphones listening to pop music to keep my mind awake, well the unhealthy amount of caffeine also helped with that.

I take some freshly washed grapes that I previously prepared for myself and put one in my mouth, slowly chewing and getting a taste of how sweet the grapes are. Suddenly, my mind wanders to think of how it would feel like if there was someone to feed me grapes when I’m doing work.

I slap my face and take another sip of my coffee when my mind tries to wander away and think about that ‘homeless romantic’ crap again. I could’ve been doing that if my immature self didn’t choose to become a become a doctor. I just sigh and continue the essay.

Until I couldn’t, and I passed out on the table.

“My love? Are you alright?” A man whispered into my ear, his voice was so hot and addictive though. Complaining would be the last thing I would do honestly. But I had to get up and check who it was.

I open my eyes, slowly getting used to the light at my desk again, only to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my whole entire life. He was gorgeous as a greek god that only Zeus had crafted himself. His features as sharp as a knife, and he looked divine.

“Am I hallucinating?” I mumbled, and as if I said it out loud, the man whispered again. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

Well I better be in heaven for working my butt off completing that stupid essay. Seeing that I’m face to face with this beautiful man, I’m 100% sure I spawned into the correct place after I died. So this is the after life, it’s not even half bad to be honest. Like just look at him, he must be my guardian angel that is on his way to guide me to the staircase to heaven. The staircase will definitely be as gorgeous as his eyes…

“Hello? Darling? Are you still with me?” He says again, and I leaned closer to admire his features. I whisper a soft “Yes, I am.” As I focus on his ocean blue eyes, and before I knew it, I was drowning in that ocean his eyes held. His eyes was blue like a beautiful sunny day, it was that shade of blue that everyone liked, and I couldn’t help but admiring them a little bit too much too.

“Earth to y/n?” He tries yet again, but this time I could just focus on how snowy white his hair was, it was as white as the whitest paint ever made, and it looked so beautiful and silky I couldn’t even describe how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

As if he could read my mind, he grabbed my face and closed the distance between the two of us, and our faces were so close I could feel his breath… He can touch me! And I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I wasn’t. “Sir…?” I choked out, with his face so close to mine, I could barely control my pacing heartbeat, let alone my flushed expression. I could just stare into those captivating eyes of his and think about how beautiful he is… Honestly, even the most beautiful words cannot describe how spectacular he looks.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and with us this close, I’m definitely not okay.

“May I ask who you are and why you’re here?” I ask, trying to put up a strong face, trying not to show my weak side.

“I’m Gojo Satoru,” he replies swiftly, without hesitation, “And I may come from the future but don’t freak out please. I’ll explain.”

I just look at him, not knowing how to react as my mind had suddenly gone blank from this shocking news. “Time travelling? That’s possible?”

He chuckled as if he knew how I would react, “How old are you, darling?”

“I’m 14.” I tell him, a bit curious about what he will tell me next. “I’m 29.” He tells me, “It’s 2024 right now, right? I was 16 during that time.”

It took quite a long moment of silence for me to process this new idea of time travelling that I never thought would happen in the near future. I just look at him and his smile as he moved away from me. The amount of questions I had started flooding my mind, I had to resist the urge to ask him all at once.

“So you’re in the year 2036?” I ask him, and I got my answer in a second.

“Actually 2037, it’s March right now, right? Well, I was born in December.” He said, with a smile.

“Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me?” I started blurting out the questions I had in my mind for a while. And he just looked at me. “I just wanted to see if you met me yet, by that I meant my 16 year old self.”

“Huh?” I started to get confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“We’re dating, darling. In the future, and we’re engaged just last month in 2027.” He smiles, looking so happy I could almost know what to anticipate for the future, “You���re definitely the best thing that happened to me, I could see why I chose you as my wife.” I sat there in shock, not knowing the right words to say, but I felt a hot rush of heat on my face, I must’ve been blushing so hard when I heard him say that we will be engaged… I mean engaged with that man? What luck did I have to be able to pull him?!

“When will we start dating, may I ask?” I manage to choke out, and he laughs, making my face blush an even redder tone. Then he puts a finger up to his lips, as if telling me that it’s a secret, “Wait and see, it won’t be fun if I just spoil all the fun.”

His watch suddenly starts beeping really loudly, as if signalling him to go back, and I was right.

“Sorry darling,” he shows me his watch, and it shows that he had a minute left, “It’s time’s up for now, but I’ll see you later.” He just gave me a big hug and then he disappeared into thin air.

I still didn’t know how to react to that chain of information, I just sat still for a long time, so long that I could feel my butt hurting because of that. The wind blowing my curtains away from the touch of the windows, and that woke me up, that cold breeze of wind at night but with just a tiny bit of warmth to bring me the comfort I needed.

As if I needed something cold to continue this thinking, I head down the convenience store, in my silly pyjamas, I needed to get my daily doze of milk at 3am for better thinking. Not thinking that anyone would be there at 3am just like me, but I caught a glance of a tall guy with some snow white hair, and in that instant, I couldn’t stop my body from running towards that isle that he was in.

The tall guy turned to look at me, as I was panting from running so fast towards him, and he stared at me up and down, “Are you okay, miss?” I look at him, and I could see the sparkly ocean blue eyes I’ve just seen a moment before, but this person looked like a mini version of him — that Gojo guy. Even their voice sounded somewhat similar…

“I am, thanks for your concern.” I tell him, and he gave a slight smile before grabbing the last bottle of milk to the counter.

“Hey!” I call out to him, and he turned back to look at me, “What is it?” he says.

“I wanted that bottle too,” I say, a blush starting to creep up on my face, I think that explains the smirk on his face, “It might be weird asking but do you mind sharing?”

He just laughed out loud, breaking the silence in the air, and I just look at him with my blush creeping up my face so much faster than before. “So?” I ask again.

“I’ll just give you the bottle.” He tells me, then he heads to the counter to pay while I can’t even move my legs from embarrassment to stop him from paying for me. I simply stood in shock and waited for his return in the same position. He came back and gave me the bottle, I held onto the bottle tight and I maintained eye contact with him before he started leaving the store with both his hands in his pockets.

“Wait!” I call out, again, and he looks at me, “Would your name be Gojo Satoru?”

He didn’t necessarily respond but he did give just that tiny nod I needed to confirm, then he mouths the words, ‘I’ll see you later.’

master list

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

Do you have any bsd headcannons you'd like to share? (literally anything, I just love learning about other peoples hcs)

OMG YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES SORRY FOR RESPONDING SO LATE IVE BEEN USING THIS IN MY DRAFTS AS A COLLECTION OF JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT GOES THRU MY MIND AND I'VE JUST DECIDED I'M GONNA POST IT ALR

chuuya's hat is so old (bc it keeps getting passed from person to person and he brings it with him everywhere obviously) and WORN OUT but he has no idea how to fix it. he treats it like his child but it's inevitable that the material will deteriorate over time, so he's been trying to convince himself to go to a hatter for ages and can't swallow his pride. he drunkenly told it to hirotsu once night while they were drinking, and hirotsu just sighed and got it fixed for him that night while chuuya was passed out. they never spoke about it.

dazai has met several women who actually did say yes to a double suicide. the majority didn't mean it and just wanted to toy with him, but ran when they realized he was serious. a few actually did mean it. he pulled strings and invited them to a romantic date, except that he sent therapists there instead of him, basically playing matchmaker. all those women are now doing better but ask him about it and he'll act dumb and say he knows nothing about it.

fyodor needs glasses. his eyesight definitely sucks and the hours he spends at a computer don't help. however, he manipulates himself into thinking that he's actually fine when he's not. nikolai also has shitty eyesight bc of his dull eye and the other one he's probably abused looking at the birds in the sky and thus the sun. they are literally the blind leading the blind. nikolai places his portal 2 meters from where he meant to put it and fyodor says "good job". it's incredible how they're feared terrorists.

sigma gets tired wearing heels all day. he wants memory foam but doesn't know it exists. give him his goddamn memory foam. anyways one of his employees saw him holding his feet in pain and offered him orthopedic shoe inserts. he hasn't been the same since. would give them a raise if he knew how.

tachihara used to get acne from having his bandage on his nose all day. so, he's developed an incredibly rigid skin care routine. his face is soft as hell. cheeks are smoother than you'd think.

kouyou made it her first demand as executive to raid her favourite shop where she gets all her kiminos and accessories. hirotsu led the black lizard battalion into the shop and the workers were so fucking confused. stole expensive silk fabrics and clothing of the highest quality because she doesn't settle for less, and in the process has gotten hirotsu more into fashion. they go shopping together.

speaking of shopping, kajii only goes thrifting. have you seen his clothes?? they're not his size and torn as hell but they're so damn cheap he can't resist. his sandals are so goddamn iconic. yeah he's blowing you up but his dogs are OUT like a mf psychopath. i maybe love him a little too much.

ivan has greasy hair. while doing his surgery thing wtv tf that was, fyodor was continually grossed out (ironic aint it). pushkin was then ordered to help ivan wash his hair and they died just a little bit. neither knew what the difference between shampoo and conditioner is, and they struggled with it for a long time. eventually when they came back for fyodor to do the surgery, ivan's hair smelled like flowers and was braided cutely because they gave up and went to a salon where the people working there fell a little in love with his hair and went overboard. pushkin's hair (if you can call it that...) was also in a little bowtie. they enjoyed their little adventure just a little bit. just a little ofc.

odasaku has no idea how to cook curry. he loves it and fears doing it wrong, so he just buys it from the same place over and over. considered asking for the recipe but never did because why change what is already perfection. dazai however is convinced oda has housewife abilities and can cook like a god. he never knew the truth.

fitzgerald can't do math. he pretends he's good at converting currencies but in his head it just doesn't add up. 20 000 yen? that's like.... 5 freedom eagles obviously. no biggie *throws a bunch of american dollars at the workers and just takes the item and leaves* he also doesn't give tips when it prompts on the machine, and instead prefers sliding a crisp bill to them directly. cried a little when his favourite shop told him they ran out of an item he wanted and they didn't budge after he slid them a stack of 100s (he has no idea how many were in the stack)

fitzgerald also owns an airline but he doesn't manage it personally ofc. his only interaction with it is that they provide him and the guild with a private jet to travel to japan. lovecraft did not get on. he swam??? who knows, but he did not get on that plane. lucy got sick and louisa freaked out every time there was turbulence. mark was snoring loudly the entire way and steinbeck had his nose pressed on the window looking outside the entire time the lil cutie.

agatha has the super power of drinking tea while it is still piping hot. she never burns her tongue and never complained about its temperature, except when it's too cold. the water was literally boiling once (her subordinates wanted to find out how hot she can go) and she gulped it all down without a single contortion of her face. incredible.

shirase doesn't understand english and keeps trying to learn it but every time he thinks he's getting the hang of it, someone throws cockney slang at him and he gives up.

adam finally figured out how to blow a bubble of gum, but keeps swallowing it. one day, it clogged his internal system (he's not supposed to be eating obvi) and he's been afraid of it ever since. thinks it's possessed by evil spirits his android brain can't understand. i also hc that he recharges thru solar panels integrated onto his skin and for this reason he goes to the beach to 'tan' often. HE'S SO PALE people get a little concerned for him when they see him not apply sunscreen and just lay down for hours at a time. one lady actually told him he could get skin cancer and he opened his eyes "ackshually 🤓👆" then began reciting every fact known to man about skin cancer. rip that lady

verlaine and rimbaud complain about france all the time. "fuck france i fucking hate the french this country goddamn sucks" then as soon as someone else says anything bad about it they give them death glares and threaten death for disrespecting their country.

wells has memorized a whole lot of things about quantum theory from her days studying to be an engineer because it was her favourite class. she cannot handle mechanical or civil engineering topics and physically ascends at the mention of anything to do with dynamics. i also think she's been hit on a lot while wearing disguises; she tells them she's actually a woman, they freak out, then she sends them back in time. this time, they do not approach her and thus she doesn't have to deal with the awkward rejection and doesn't even remember it.

jules verne has made little dolls and pretended that they were his friends and invented scenarios in which they hung out. i will not elaborate on this.

albatross sometimes interrupts conversations in order to listen to the engine of a vehicle passing by. tries to track them down, too. he'll be the type of guy to ogle at your car without making eye contact with you while you're still in the car. and when i say ogle, i mean ogle. checks out motorcycles more often than women.

the flags bully lippmann sometimes when he acts in a really cheesy scene. he's coming to hang out with them and they're all giggling and chuckling at him stupidly. albatross walks up to him, tucks his hair behind his ear and whispers whatever cheesy thing was said in a low voice before bursting out laughing (he usually starts laughing before he can even finish the sentence). pianoman slides it slickly into conversations, and doc 'fufu's at random moments when looking at him and he suddenly remembers the scene. iceman has not watched the movie and chuuya couldn't care less.

the first time he tried to take the train, ranpo loudly exclaimed and yelled at every turn and stop of the train. he went during rush hour too and got his entire body smooshed into the strangers next to him. he squealed when someone accidentally (accidentally) grabbed his ass in the crowded traincar, then asked loudly who did that. dramatic as hell. got his pockets picked and knew who did it, but couldn't do anything about it. he felt awful and slumped his way back home and collapsed into yosano's arms with a groan. this was the only time she'd ever willingly bought him a bunch of sweets and let him eat them in peace while he ranted to her about the atrocities

kenji is more notorious on the streets than he knows. he got recognized by some huge 200cm tall man built like a goddamn tank with tattoos all over his body who wanted to fight him. kenji was so flattered that he knew his name that he thanked him and burly dude was like. wtf. anyways they got beef ramen together afterwards bonded over cows and are now besties. he's told the agency about it but they think that by "friend" he means someone else his age.

tanizaki ran into kajii once at his favourite thrift shop. he recognized him and ran out freaked never to return. for this reason he had to keep wearing his same stanky ahh uwu girl clothes that don't fit and hasn't had a style update. actually, when doing his research for how to infiltrate the mafia, tachihara found out that there have been a lot of sightings of known dangerous ability users in the thrift store, and that's why he wears the same shirt as tanizaki.

tachihara dreads the hunting dogs meetings because they make him feel like the only sane one there. his back has become so chiseled from carrying teruko around all the time, and once - jouno thought it would be funny - he tripped on a wire laying down on the ground and almost dropped her. he had to use his ability to pick her up from the belt of the uniform to prevent her from faceplanting, and she looked like she was about to explode. he had to let her beat him up a little then she hopped back on his shoulders and nothing changed. he questions his life choices often

jouno can't handle cinnamon or ginger scents, they overwhelm him and he goes into a fucking sensory overload coma. odor orgasm. sinus sex. teruko got sick once and tachi made her the strongest herbal and ginger tea you've ever seen (learnt it from his brother rip the goat) and he collapsed on the ground with a moan. woke up a half hour layer with no clue wth just happened. tecchou eventually heard about it, placed a hand on his shoulder and said "it happens to the best of us" while nodding solemnly then never elaborated.

yeah fukuchi and fukuzawa used to steal food when they were younger but imagine them figuring out milestones together. "dude my armpits are itchy where is this hair coming from :(" "genichiro i don't need to know about that *scratches at his armpit subtly*" i think they were very goofy about it

speaking of puberty elise once freaked mori out by saying she got her period. dude was like. wtf. you're an ability. how tf. she insisted he got her a bunch of tampons n pads and chocolate and heating pads and the works, then once he (the underlings he made go do the shopping threatening their lives if they ever told a soul) bought everything, she looked at his confused and asked why he bought those things. she's an ability how could she have a period? mori cried a little that night.

bram is a swiftie for no reason other than i think it's funny. alternatively, i believe he listens to reggae for no reason other than i think it's goddamn FUNNY.

kunikida's old students sometimes run into him on the street and recognize him. they immediately straighten their backs, nod at him and quickly walk away in the most respectful way because they don't want to ruin his schedule. he nearly tears up from happiness every time.

natsume goes through 5-6 "here, kitty kitty!"s in a day when he's just vibing around. people try to feed him grass blades. people get WAY too comfortable rubbing his stomach. once, a girl saw him on her way back from school and started scratching a random spot behind his ears and he folded so quickly and just melted on the sidewalk. he wont admit it but he has that weak spot in human form too (i want to pet him so badly this is self indulgent ok). the girl was actually gin btw. she's an animal whisperer i dont know why i dont know how but she is.

[mariska]

hi friends. mainly making this post on here in case my friends have noticed me absent socially from pretty much all my main interactions social media places cus i have very very little to no social skills/energy and i dont want folks worrying about my inability to talk like at all lately even through text instead of voice.

a few days ago my grandpa passed away after a brief amount of time in hospice care with mainly my moms looking after him in shifts. he was in his 90's so it was somewhat expected but it still happened really quick in the grand scheme of things and i'm not coping well at all with it, especially because i was too scared of visiting him these past couple months for multiple reasons having to do with me being immunocompromised more so than usual on a new hormone med i've been taking, my severe agoraphobia, and to be completely honest, i could not bear to see him in a slow state of death because i knew the image would never leave my head.

we were always really close. he was on my non-biological side of my family (i have 2 moms and was born via known donor father so im only genetically related to one side of my family and they don't live in the US) but he was absolutely autistic (never formally diagnosed but fit all the criteria to a T the same way i did before getting diagnosed, like VERY similarly to me it was almost eerie in a good way), he was there when i first started learning how to swim cheering me on when i was very little visiting him and my (also deceased) grandma with my moms, he sent me custom printed birthday + christmas cards using his own scanned family photos and 90's tower computer (that he originally built on his own originally, he loved building computers especially when i was little and it was like The New Home Tech Thing, only reason my family even had a computer when i was growing up is because he custom built one for us and sent us sheets and sheets of instructions on how it all worked and how to install things and such), he gifted me my first digital art tablet in my tweens/early teens (which if you know me, digital art eventually became my main and preferred visual art medium for drawing/painting and i still use the same brand of usb plug in tablets today that the original gifted one was).

anyways. sorry for rambling it's just been. um. like very hard. trying to. get through the days. i also had an extremely re-traumatizing doctor's appointment the same day he died (my mom who took me did not tell me before the appointment and waited until after which i am genuinely so thankful for theres no way i would have been able to go to that appt if i'd had his death on my mind beforehand) and, thankfully again, the doctor i saw is a very very kind trauma-informed woman who was super patient and understanding with me, and knew the appointment would be traumatizing cus we had discussed why that would be at the previous first appointment i had with her and she did all she could on her end to help make it less stressful and scary for me, but, y'know. still brought back some very intense personal trauma that i've only really started trying to mentally process in the past few years.

so that is. a very abridged explanation as to why i have not been able to reply to most messages on here and texts and discord and such and i'm super super sorry about being so MIA. i just do not have the ability to let everyone know individually why i am disappearing in and out from plans and conversations so i'm hoping most of you will see this post here and that way i maybe won't feel as bad as i do about very much unintentionally ghosting so many of you that i truly care about very much 💔

[hardlystrictlystarwars]

Not my Miguel || Miguel O'hara Angst

Miguel O'Hara x F!Mother!Reader

Spiderman 2099 saved you from your universe as it crumbled with everyone else being destroyed. He took you to his headquarters for safety. Only it wasn't your Miguel. 

Warnings: Angst, language, probably some spelling errors, and spoilers if you haven't seen the movie.

A/N: I haven't posted in a while and I don't know if my tags are working. Hopefully you all like!

Comments and reblogs are always appreciated!

You looked through old memories on your computer. Photos of you, Gabriella and Miguel. All smiles and not a care in the world. Looking back, it seems foolish you couldn’t tell your Miguel from the one that replaced him. Six months went by in a blink of an eye and you hardly questioned your husband’s identity. All the little changes never carried into doubts in your mind. Like how he suddenly knew how to cook, he arrived on time to everything instead of being fifteen minutes late as usual, and most importantly, he was obsessed with your daughter. 

Sure he adored her before, but one day he came home from the bank and he was suddenly dialed up to eleven. He always insisted on picking her up from school, making sure her ponytails were perfect for soccer practice, and Sundays were reserved for high tea at noon in pink frilly dresses and tiaras. 

It was too perfect to be true. 

He wasn’t your Miguel. 

Yet here you were still with him. 

You heard him come through the door of your apartment. The apartment he put you up in after your universe fell apart. It had all the doo-dads and fancy gadgets that you had talked about wanting in your dream home. Something you had told him half-asleep, not even thinking it would ever be your reality. 

He gave you one of the first prototypes for the bracelet, or rather handcuffed it onto you and called it a day. 

No more cooked dinners after the end of a long day at work, no more strolls through the park or ice cream dates. That Miguel that you had known for six months was seemingly gone. Wiped from existence and replaced by a reclusive, detached shell of himself. 

“How was your day?” You asked in a quiet tone. Words that he still heard because your apartment had been eerily quiet since he brought you here. 

“Fine,” Miguel grunted, before starting to walk off. 

“Wait, Miguel!” You turned towards him, having to get something off your chest. He was only a few feet away from him, but it might have well been an ocean sized gap separating the two of you.

 “I was thinking, or well, I had come up with an idea, or more of a proposal,”

“Yeah?” He turned around to you.

“I don’t really have a role here, so I was thinking that maybe, you could find me a universe that doesn’t have me in it and I could go live there?” The words came out of your mouth in fragments and you prepared for the worst outrage.

“No,” 

“No?” You questioned.

“No,” He replied. 

“Why not?”

“That’s not how the multiverse works,”

“But maybe in a universe where I died or-or one that-”

“I said no!” He raised his voice. 

“Miguel, that’s not fair,” You snapped back, “You won’t even try? I-I don’t fit in here, I’m not a spider-man, person, cat, dinosaur, or whatever,”

“I did it before and I lost Gabriella,” He replied, “I won’t lose you too, not again,” 

You paused hearing those words and glared at him.

“You lost Gabriella? Just you? Not, we lost Gabriella? It was only you? Only you suffered the consequences of losing a daughter? Is that what you're saying?” You questioned him, 

“That’s not what I meant,” He sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Miguel! She wasn’t just yours- she wasn’t even yours!” You shouted.

“Don’t you dare say that!” He yelled back, “You know how good of a father I was to her, I was much better than the alternative,”

“And what exactly would that be, huh?” You often thought of what would’ve happened had Miguel never taken Miggy’s place. What your life would be now. 

“I saved you, don’t forget that,” Miguel said, towering over you.

“Yeah? Where would we be if it wasn’t for Spider-Man?” You asked him, “Where would Gabriella be?”

[rinkwrites]

TWE was Ancient Roman medicine different from modern medicine

(posting my shitty essays that I'm deleting off of my computer so they're still saved somewhere)

One of the biggest differences between Roman medicine and modern medicine is that Romans had no compulsory training to go through before they could become a doctor. To be a doctor today you have to go through years of training and exams and then go through Med School, it involves arduous work, studying and dedication, and anyone who is incompetent would quickly get thrown out. However, in the Roman times pretty much anyone could be a doctor. While a few romans learnt at schools set up and were taught by people with years of practice, some used any old prayers and rituals despite very definite proof that they did not work. While the best Roman doctors were providing better healthcare than anyone else up until about 1850, a lot of Roman doctors believed they could see how to cure patients in the stars. There was a very wide range of capability. Even some of the best doctors such as Galan and Hippocrates, got things wrong. They both believed in the four humours, a theory that has since been widely disproved. They were both also right about a lot of things, Galan worked out that the brain controlled the body by dissecting animals (unlike the Greeks, romans didn’t like the idea of dissecting human corpses, and so they didn’t make a lot of discoveries about human anatomy themselves, most of their knowledge was taken from the Greeks), and the Hippocratic oath which includes the phrase ‘Do no harm’ is still used by doctors today. Despite what they got right people today sometimes laugh at their mistakes and dismiss their research, despite how impressive it was for that day and age. Although good Roman doctors such as Galan and Hippocrates made mistakes, because of what they got right, their knowledge was not questioned until the Georgian and Victorian era’s.

The four humours, a since disproved theory that originated in the Roman empire, was the idea that the human body has four ‘humours’ (myth of chemical systems in the body that regulate human behaviour). One of Hippocrates books, On the Nature of Man, has the line ‘‘The Human body contains blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile. These are the things that make up its constitution and cause its pains and health. Health is primarily that state in which these constituent substances are in the correct proportion to each other, both in strength and quantity, and are well mixed. Pain occurs when one of the substances presents either a deficiency or an excess or is separated in the body and not mixed with others.’’ He, and many other people in the centuries since, believed that illness was caused by too much, or too little of one or more of the humours. This theory is called humourism. Doctors believed the best way to restore balance between the humours was by ‘bloodletting,’ a dangerous practice of letting blood out of the body that continued up until the late 1800’s. These doctors were wrong, and many died over the centuries from having too much blood ‘let.’

Another significant difference was that their medicines contained all natural substances, some of which worked, some of which definitely didn’t. Doctor used poppy seeds as a sedative, spider webs to help wounds scab over. These remedies would have been passed down for generations. Some doctors could also conduct minor surgeries with some success, however they also tried to cure toothache with peppercorn and berries, chilblains with boiled turnips, and snake bites with pig poo. On the other hand, today, most medicines are made in labs with chemicals. Some people today still buy ‘natural’ remedies, as they believe just because something was grown in a field rather than in a lab it must be good for them, they feel safer knowing the pills their consuming have olive oil and mint, rather than long complicated chemical names that they cannot pronounce and don’t understand the effects of.

Many Romans had little confidence in their doctors, there are records that say things like ‘’Some doctors charge the most excessive prices for the most useless medicines and drugs, and others in the craft attempt deal with and treat diseases that they obviously do not understand.’’ Another source says, ‘’Until recently Diaulus was a doctor, now he is an undertaker; He is still doing as an undertaker, what he used to do as a doctor.’’ While a few people today have little confidence in their doctor most people would trust them and their knowledge. Some Romans, however, did trust their doctors, many believed that astrologers really could see into the stars and tell them their fate, as we saw in the story ‘astrologus victor’ this did not always end well for people.

Nowadays we are able to treat a lot more people and Doctors are able to set broken bones and cure most diseases, back then many were unable to afford, or could not receive medical help. We also have teams of highly trained doctors working in labs to cure diseases and breakthroughs happen frequently, whereas back then they did not have organised researched teams at high tech labs. Some  of the Roman Emperors had an emperor’s physician, or kidnapped people they believed had a lot of medical knowledge, but there was nothing like the amount of research we have nowadays. We also have vaccinations nowadays, meaning that illnesses such as plagues and flus no longer cause massive pandemics. In the Roman Empire however, infectious diseases would spread quickly and kill hundred and thousands of people, nowadays we have a lot more control, things like the flu and measles are vaccinated against and even when a new disease breaks out (for example covid-19) we can get vaccinations and treatments fairly quickly.

Romans got a lot of their medical knowledge from Greek and Egyptian texts and remedies from the countries they invaded. A lot of influential philosophers and doctors were Greek and were taken by the Romans for their knowledge. Even today some of the medical equipment we use is similar to the Romans. Our operating equipment for minor surgeries such as the removal of the tonsils and our methods for stitching up a wound are almost identical to theirs. Since the start of time humans have been passing on, and often stealing knowledge and ideas from each other.

While there was no compulsory medical training in the roman times, there were still medical schools. Many influential philosophers and doctor set up their own schools where people could go to study their ideas, and some temples to Apollo, the god of plagues and healing (along with music, poetry, art, prophecy, truth, archery, the sun, and light) and his son Asclepius were used as medical schools. Other Gods temples were used by the Romans for more specific things e.g., temples to Juno/Hera Queen of the Gods and Goddess of the family, were used as training places for midwives, and wounds caused in battles were treated in the temples of Athena/Minerva, Goddess of wisdom and war. People also used temples to the gods simply to pray for their loved ones to get better, and even today people still go to places of worship to ask God to heal their family members.

Roman doctors made a lot of advances in pregnancy and childbirth. Examples of birthing stools start to appear around then, and the rate of death drops to only 1 in 50 for a period of time, while that seems incredible high to us, living in modern Britain where less than 1% of woman die during childbirth this was incredibly low for that period in time. Roman midwifes were very respected, and some caesarean sections took place. While the woman would not survive this procedure, the babies quite often would.

During the Roman Empire, much progress was made in knowledge of what causes disease and how. Some of their theories were remarkably close to what we know today. One doctor, Marcus Terentius Varro believed that disease occurred due to minute creatures too small for the naked eye to see. We now know about bacteria and can see them using microscopes. On the other hand, there were also less competent doctor, Lucius Junius Moderatus Columella believed that diseases were caused by swamp vapours, or ‘miasmas’ areas of bad and impure air. This belief was accepted as truth and miasmas were what got the blame for the black death a couple of centuries later.

A lot of the names for our medical terms come from Latin. We still use all of the same names for the bones that they did and the names we use for infectious diseases often derive from Latin. For example, in the word coronavirus, the corona bit comes from the Latin word for crown, due to the crown-like shape of the bacteria that carries the virus.

While Roman some parts of roman medicine seem ridiculous or funny to us, and the high mortality rates can shock us, they were still better than anything else for centuries after, and in some parts of Rome the infant mortality rate was lower than it is in some less economically developed countries today. And however many advances we have made, and however many advances we still continue to make every day, it is important that we acknowledge that we wouldn’t be where we are today in anything without the influence of Romans, and others, for centuries before us.

[leggigoesabroad]

Karma is the guy on the Chiefs coming straight home to me

Writing this first post from Eli’s mini iPad that Hil lent to me for this trip to Africa, while in the pitch black in my tented king bed at Kifaru House in Laikipia, Kenya. What a sentence! Also, typing on an iPad is much harder than a computer so bear with any formatting problems or typos. It’s 5:26 am and I leave for the morning game drive at 6:30. I woke up at 4 am unable to fall back asleep so I’m just leaning into it. Plenty of time for a nap later.

Well well well! To back up, I’m im Africa for about 16 days for an amazing safari through work. This is one of the perks of the job and it doesn’t feel real. Lots of stress anxiety and prep went into it, and I’m finally here. The flights were LESS than enjoyable - 9 hours Denver to Frankfurt, two hour layover, and another 9 hours to Nairobi. I hit a wall with about 5 hours left in the last flight and wanted to jump off the wing of the plane. Joints ached, stomach hurt, couldn’t sleep or get comfortable, you name it. Thinking of paying to upgrade the way home to economy plus because maybe I’m upgraded cabin category rich? We’ll see! I got in late, around 11 pm, and was whisked to Giraffe Manor in Nairobi. It’s a very famous hotel known for the way the giraffes who live there lean their heads into the breakfast nook and eat off the table. Very on brand for instagram influencers which I BASICALLY NOW AM. I was so grateful for the bed when I got there I barely took in my surroundings for the 12 hours I was there, but I will never forget the amazing shower. Tbh all of the showers so far have been incredible. Powerful, boiling hot, like getting a deluge of hot water with amazing pressure and simply washing away my ~pain. I was treated to a delicious breakfast at Giraffe Manor while the staff tried to entice the giraffes to come nearby despite the rain, and one actually did! I was happily watching another couple take pics with her and then the staff asked if I wanted some too, so I jumped at the chance bc why not?! deeply grateful I put on Glow Screen before breakfast because my skin simply glowed in the photos. It sounds dumb but looking back on rare photos and looking busted is so disappointing - so wear the minimal makeup! You won’t regret it!

My Safari Director, Wesley, picked me up at 10 am to go over to Giraffe Centre, which is the other side of the same fields as Giraffe Manor. That was almost equally cool - I got to hand feed the giraffes there. Tbh Giraffe Manor was awesome, but a little over-hyped for me. People lose their minds trying to book it because it’s so famous on social media, but it’s ludicrously expensive and so so so hard to get. I don’t think it’s worth all of that! My biggest takeaway will be lightly guiding my guests against it now that I’ve experienced it. Maybe not my company’s goal but hey you can’t control my takeaways!!!

We then went on to Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, an elephant orphanage and rehabilitation center. This has been my favorite thing so far. I could talk about it forever. The 27 baby elephants in their care were all located when their mothers died of various causes - poaching, drought. Baby elephants cannot survive in the wild without a mother, as they need to nurse for the first few years of their life. The Trust brings them in for the first few years of their life and takes care of them in their infancy, with the goal of eventually reintroducing them in the wild into a new herd, which is a 5-10 year process. They slowly wean them off milk and give them more and more time in the wild. The elephants come back each night to sleep with their keepers, and eventually don’t come back every night, spending more and more time with their new families until they don’t come back at all. 😭 The Trust has saved and successfully reintroduced over 300 elephants in their tenure, and the elephants will always remember the humans when they see them again. Elephants have got to be the most fascinating creatures on earth, bar none. Maybe octopus come close?! I could have stayed there all day listening to their stories. And this was in the middle of aggressive jet lag so you know it was really gripping!

We met up with my colleague Krista for lunch, who I’ll be spending the rest of safari with. Krista is lovely and we get along great, so it will not be a difficult way to spend 15 days! After lunch we checked into our next hotel for the night, Hemingways Nairobi. In contrast to Giraffe Manor, we book a TON of guests there so it was great to experience it firsthand. I was supposed to take copious notes on every detail of the place but the exhaustion simply did not allow! I’m on day 4 now so hoping it starts to abate soon, but the anti malaria pills I’m on have me all fucked up. They cause crazy vivid dreams and also a need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I’m not miserable by any means, but it could be better! Wesley assures me the side effects will stop and I would love that. They make the passage of time weird too. I’ll feel like I’ve been sleeping forever, and will wake up and look at my phone, and it’s only an hour after I went to bed. What?!

Also, yesterday was my little Len’s first birthday. Gutted to miss it half a world away, but my parents took excellent care of her and gave her a “yes” day. The best kind of day!!! She’s a very lucky girl. And she leaves in a few days to go to her two week board and train program. It will be so good for her, but if I think about it too long I’ll cry, because I know she won’t understand where she’s going or why or where her family is. She will adjust because dogs live in the moment but still, sobs.

I have more to write about yesterday and our first game drives - they were so special. But it’s almost 6 and I need to meditate and get dressed! As jet lag continues to improve i hope I’ll be able to blog daily. But holding this little iPad hurts my hands and thumbs. Oh well! Off to see the African sunrise :)

[melosfantasos]

I hope everyone reading this is doing well. I have received further bad news; in short, the family member I'm a caregiver for has cancer again. I finally started drafting the new chapters in the past days, however, due to the tension, work, and constant exams, it is very difficult for me to either have time or desire to write for long periods.

I still write outlines and have many ideas to continue the fanfic, so rest assured that it will not be abandoned. It will just take longer for me to publish.

As you have seen by my last post, I am also doing visual work. It's something that I can do more absent-mindedly than writing, so I plan on doing it more often.

I was meaning to comment on parts of @thrudgelmir2333's post, but it got posted as soon as I received the first half of the bad news. I would like to comment on it and, in the event of someone else that might have more words on the topic, hopefully hear from them too.

"Fate" was my fanfic's firestarter

Thrudgelmir wrote a very candid description of how some of the fandom's experience with Saint Seiya goes. I am of the belief that the vast majority of people who love SS, including those who are well-involved in the fandom, don't think the original manga and anime are bad. I genuinely think most people tolerate its quality, either by focusing on superficial aspects (cool armor, cool mask, cool techniques, etc.), or because they got attached to it as children.

I'm fairly certain many of us share a bit of the latter. I got attached to SS by watching as a kid, both with my late brother or by myself when I came back from school. I remember coming home in the second half of middle school and only being able to watch the last few minutes of each episode on TV every day; the Brazilian dub of Blue Dream was most of what I could see by then.

I also used to roleplay in chatrooms designed solely for SS, perhaps a dangerous endeavor for a child, but I never had any issues back then. This side of the attachment is fandom-esque by design. When I re-watched the entire series in 2021 and re-read most of the manga, the faults in the narrative and characterization were blatant. I was not surprised though; I already expected them to be there.

How do you people feel about this? I don't think anyone is wasting their time by engaging in fandom, because I don't think fandom is about its target media. In fact, I don't even think fandom is an extension of its target media. I believe fandom serves itself first and foremost, and the owners of the IP (e.g. Toei) are in charge of capitalizing on a fandom's interest. The SS fandom is forlorn in this sense, but I praise the efforts of people like Thrudgelmir, because those are works of their own, standing on their own merits. I believe fanfic, too, serves itself, no matter the genre.

Why are you people so much into Saint Seiya? Do you feel that its original part was truly bad, despite some saving moments? The only reason I am into SS is because I loved it and roleplayed it as a kid, because that's what we had on TV, and that's what we talked about in school. I am an SS fan by fate alone. I only write my fanfic because fate made it possible for me to have the will. If I learned about SS in my teenage or adult years, I would've never written Saints of Athena; I just wouldn't bother.

I watched Naruto a little while ago, you know, I had never watched Naruto as a kid. It was pretty popular back then too — when I was around 11 or 12, I was a "web DJ" in a radio for a website that focused on Japanese pop culture. I had to have a bunch of songs in my computer for when people requested them, and I knew Naruto songs by heart due to the volume of requests they received. I got nostalgia listening to the songs when I watched the anime, but felt nothing for the anime itself.

After the femboy and the big sword guy died, Naruto fell from an average show all the way to boredom. Like Saint Seiya, I saw much potential in the characters going unused. I committed the sin of getting attached to Tenten, though colleagues of mine pulled me out of that hopeless pit soon enough. I went as far as the 60s in chapters, then I gave up.

Nonetheless, I felt no desire to write a Naruto fanfic. I thought to myself about how I could've rewritten the female characters better, how I could have recharacterized many themes, how I could better use Rock Lee, so on and so forth... I assume those are topics the Naruto fandom often debates, but alas, I didn't feel like writing even as much as a one-shot.

This was fate. It was too late for Naruto to hook me in; Saint Seiya hooked me at a time when I was prime to get attached.

I don't care that it's bad, I just care that I want to write about it. There will never be a good remake of the original, so I will write it. I will write it for myself if I have to, but I will go as far as the ending that I devised for a Heaven Chapter.

I enjoyed reading Thrudgelmir's reasoning for writing fanfic. I don't think any of it is a waste; I believe it to be a precious thing, that those words have been set down and published for anyone to freely read. There are few things more valuable than art that can be experienced unfettered by any passerby, even if no passerby ever does so.

I make music and very few people listen to it, but isn't it a beautiful truth that I have made it, recorded it, and made it available? Now if there is even one stray soul that reaches my song, they will get to hear it. If they think it's trash or the opposite, I will be grateful that they offered my art moments of their life in order to experience it.

So it does not matter to me if little to no people read us. I'm just glad that we have existed here, and that we have brought these things to the open, that we have willed these works, and that a handful of other humans experienced them.

This only reiterates Thrudgelmir's conclusion. Indeed, write for the sake of it, just because you want to.

[thefanficmonster]

Corpse’s Girl

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?

Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤

P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘

Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.

He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.

“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.

I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.

“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.

I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.

“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.

The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.

“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.” 

I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.

The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting. 

“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“

He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”

I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”

“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.

“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.

He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“

I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“

He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”

I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“

He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”

I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.

Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.

“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.

I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.

My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”

“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.

“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“

I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.

My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.

I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.

When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.

“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“

I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”

I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.

“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt. 

I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“ 

And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....

I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.

“This is all my fault.“

Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.

“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.

“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.

 I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.

Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.

While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.

“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.

And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.

My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.

And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.

Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.

Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.

Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.

I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.

I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.

                                                            *  *  *

I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.

I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.

My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.

I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.

We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold. 

“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.

I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.

“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“

“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.

Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.

Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.

Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.

                                                              *  *  *

Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours. 

I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper. 

And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity. 

I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.

One tear slides down my cheek.

Another follows.

And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.

A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.

“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.

Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.

I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.” 

He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”

I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life. 

What do I have to lose?

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.

I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.

It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.

Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me. 

I choose to believe the latter.

And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.

“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“

His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”

He smirks at me, “I wonder who’s at number 1.”

I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”

He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat

[chubby-aphrodite]

I think in all my time on tumblr this is first time I’ve posted a pic of my dad?

Anyway. My dad died on 9/11. He was an IT guy for Cantor-Fitzgerald. I grew up constantly hearing about how I looked and sometimes acted just like him, but I only really got it a couple months ago when I looked in the mirror with my hair pulled back and went “Oh fuck I see it now.”

It’s… been hard. Growing up without one of your parents and then the other still reeling from the trauma of losing her true love and sorta fucking you up in the process? Hard. I’m 21 now, legally old enough to drink in the United States.

In hindsight, all the constant faux-apologies from people I barely knew about my dad dying in a national tragedy was fairly embittering. It was never really about me or my family when they brought it up, it was always either hollow apologies or where they were or what they were doing when it happened. I was barely three months old and didn’t even grasp that my life was different before then. But then for the rest of my goddamn life, I always had to be subjected to it. Over and over.

As a little kid, and even now sometimes, I could be… overly empathetic. The way I always tried to relate to some’s hardships was imagining myself in their place, and think about what it would be like.

Almost every year in elementary and middle school, we would be made to watch a documentary on it. So, me being that kind of empathetic little kid, imagining myself being there, and then connecting that Oh, that’s what actually physically happened to my dad, that’s why he’s dead was… overwhelming, to say the least.

It got both worse and better as I got older. Everyone started realizing hey, let’s maybe not retraumatize this kid again and started letting me stay home from school on that day, no questions asked.

I also started actually understanding the repercussions of everything as I got older. The jingoism, the ultranationalism, the islamophobia. I think for a few years in my teens I sort of repressed my own feelings about it and tried to act as though I wasn’t someone personally affected by it, and therefore only focused on the effects it had on literally everything else. But, now, I realize there’s… not really much I as one person can do about all that, other than try to spread word about aligning yourself against them. So I think that’s part of why everything’s hit me so hard lately, I’m just finally actually able to process my emotions like a goddamn adult.

I don’t really know what else to say, so I guess I’ll introduce my dad. His name was John. He liked computer games and Dungeons and Dragons growing up, and even founded the local high school’s DnD club while he attended. He made snarky comments and jokes about things a lot. He once went outside in the snow wearing only a bathrobe to grill himself a burger. He fell completely head over heels for my mom after she chugged a beer in one go and then belched it out. He loved my mom, my sister, and me very much.

I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair short lately. One of the pros I’ve been thinking about is giving all the people who say I look like him a heart attack. Because I think that’d be really funny, and he probably would’ve thought it was funny, too.

So. Yeah.

[elizabethh1125]

{Eye for an Eye} William Afton x reader (apocalypse AU) -

An: (EDIT: I decided to repost this because I found a bunch of things wrong with it so sorry about that they should be fixed now!!!)

Yo guys! Welcome to my first multi part series!

I know it has taken a few weeks for me finish writing the prologue, but it's long as hell and I have been delayed by hefty school work along with my spring break vacation, so pardon that! Anyways hopefully I can get a schedule going here, so you guys don't have to be left waiting all the time. The prologue will be posted on both my ao3 account and also my tumblr, but the rest of the chapters will exclusively be on my ao3 account, just because it's easier to upload my long fics on one single site. Ty so much for understanding! I love y'all so much.

PS: keep a look out for the next 2 chapters soon, hopefully they should be posted in the next few days since I've had alot of downtime on my vacation!

As always reader is over 18-

Minors dni please!

(Please let me know of any grammar errors! There might be alot since I'm using my phone to write until I get home, so I haven't been able to use my usual spelling check!!!"

Anyways ty for reading, I hope you enjoy!

And have a wonderful morning/day/night!

(oh and one last thing! I apologise for no continue reading- I will add it when I can get back to writing on my computer)

You can read this fic in my ao3 account here:

https://href.li/?https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaSunshine

This work is Inspired by Adoste's- The silver state: it can be read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36634924/chapters/91379950

-Eli <3

----------------

Prologue.

A wasteland,

That's all that was left.

Life before the sickness wasn't always cut and dry, but now… you were lucky to even find a place to sleep, let alone survive.

When the first few people died of it, nobody really thought anything of the illness. Just another flu or cold that would blow off by the end of the winter. But when folks began to drop in waves, the government knew something was wrong. Albeit, they tried there best to persuade the public into believing that nothing was wrong. They broadcasted all over that all we needed to do was quarantine for a few days to let the sickness run its course though the already infected.

What they didn't tell the country is that the sick never really died…

They just…

Changed.

Everything happened so fast that nobody really knew the exact story of how things spread so fast. But in the short time they had warned everyone to huddle inside for a few days, more than half of the population had already been infected.

Nobody knew how it was spreading so fast, and the CDC rushed to twitter and other social media sites to try and spread information as fast as possible.

But it was already too late.

You had to learn how it happened yourself.

When things had begun to look really bad, your roommate suggested that the two of you flee to a safezone in Atlanta before the sickness reached your town.

So, the two of you packed all of your shit into a little 2012 honda civic, and busted the fuck out of there.

Only hours into the drive the two of you came upon a blockage in the road.

“Woah, what the hell?” Your roommate stops the car and turns to you, but you're looking out the window at a fence topped with barbed wire wrapping all the way across the highway and into the tree line. It goes as far as the two of you can see.

“What should we do?” You turn to her.

Something isn't right here.

While sitting and trying to come up with a solution to get around and into the city, a group of people from the otherside arrived.

The man of the group seemed angry, kicking the fence and shouting curses. The woman, holding a small child, possibly only two or three years old, called for you to come over to the fence.

“What's going on? Why is there a huge fence blocking the way?” your roommate spoke to the woman as she wandered around the area.

“The military… They are locking us in the city.” a tear fell from her eye despite her straight face.

“What happened to the safe zone?” you questioned,

“There is no safe zone… they said that to lour all the surrounding cities into atlanta so they could lock us all in. we tried to leave when we found out, but clearly… we are too late.” the husband spoke as he eyed your roommate.

she had begun to mess with the bottom of the fence.

“We tried to leave by car, but they- were everywhere, we had to go on foot. But he's right… we are too late, there's no way out for us now…” her curly brown hair covered her eyes as she looked down to the pavement.

Her husband shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“No this can't be it honey, we at least need to get Ray out of here.” with his words your roommate pulled harder at the bottom until a small gap opened. Quickly you spoke.

“Quick! He can come under the fence!”

The dad jumped to help hold it up, but the mother hesitated. You looked at her with sympathy and pleaded with your eyes.

“I know you don't trust us, but I promise we will find a way to get you out-”

“Come on Maria! Give him to them! We don't have much time! This isn't going to hold for much longer.” the man called for his wife,

With his words she looked up to you, hot streams of tears falling down her sepia cheeks.

She turned to her child and gave him a tight squeeze and kiss on the face before rushing to the opening and passing the kid into your arms.

You used your hand to shelter his soft chubby cheeks from the ground as the mother pushed him under.

He began to cry as he left her arms and you held him to your chest to try and calm him.

“Its okay baby-” the mother cooed through the fence, trying to muffle her sobs. “Mommy is gonna find you, okay baby? You be good for your aunties.” your roommate and the father drop the fence when he makes it all the way under. The man is going to join his wife on the other side of the fence. “ Mommy and Daddy love you so, so much!” she fell into his arms, and he nodded with her words.

You brought the child up to hold its parents' hands though the fence.

“Please,” the father whispered slightly under his breath so Ray wouldn't be able to hear.

“Take care of him…”

You nodded and softly spoke,

“I promise I will keep him safe.”

The father swallowed as a tear fell down his cheek.

“Thank you.”

The three of you packed into your car again. Heading west, as the couple had suggested you go. Hopefully you could find an empty town or small refuge in the mountains, but it would take at least 2 days, or maybe even weeks if you had to go by foot, to reach Colorado.

They decided they would try to find a way around the fence somewhere else, hopefully trying to meet back up with the three of you out west, but when you had begun to drive, your roommate spoke,

“They are never going to make it.”

You wanted to retaliate.

You wanted to at least have a little hope for the toddler sleeping in your lap as you rode.

But you knew better.

Even the survival chances of the three of you were low.

“I know.”

The rest of the drive for that day was in almost dead silence, only broken by the shuffling of Ray in sleep, or by small conversation. Your mind was full of thoughts of what's next? Carefully plotting how you were going to navigate through the country with a child, with an illness you knew almost nothing about nonetheless.

As you drove you finally encountered your first sight of the infected.

They seemed to mostly consist of small trios or groups, and they mindlessly walked around in the road.

Some almost looked alive, although they were all easily identifiable by the fast growing fungus spouting from their bodys.

Some had large wounds, but you couldn't see what caused it due to the fungi pooling out from the openings.

Everytime you passed around a bunch of them you cringed.

“Don't stop. Whatever you do dont stop.” you begged your roommate.

“No way in hell… at first I was tempted, just to see what the hell is going on with them. But after getting a closer look as we passed… im to freaked the fuck out to even get close.”

“Plus-” you butted in. “ we have no idea how they actually got infected. What if its by air or something?”

“Oh gosh, don't say that.” your roommate shivered. “Lets just keep going.”

After the sun had gone down you and your roommate decided it would be a good idea to try and find a safe place to spend the night, and eventually pulled over into a rest stop.

You had made it a good 9 hours of driving, only stopping a few times to use the bathroom outside of the car while watching for the infected. But you at least had another 12 hours ahead before you reached colorado. And all you and your roommate had packed was a backpack full to the brim with clothing, a refillable water bottle, a few cans of food and snacks, flashlights, and toiletries. You had also packed your small battery powered walkman, along with a few extra batteries and cassettes. but other than that, you had no weapons, and not nearly enough food or water to keep a kid alive for more than a week.

You needed supplies.

And fast.

“Potty…” Ray mumbled into your shirt.

You hummed and turned to your roomie as you stepped out of the car.

“I'm going to take him to use the bathroom, I might even try and clean the dirt off him in the sinks.” you pondered outloud.

“Okay, I'm going to try and find a map. That would definitely help us tomorrow. After that-” she points to a glowing area of the stop filled with vending machines. “ We should eat, and take the rest for tomorrow.”

You nodded, but wondered,

“How are we going to break the glass?”

She chuckled and moved to the back of the car.

“Sorry , I forgot to mention earlier.” She opened the trunk and pulled out a crow-bar. “ I put this in our trunk before we had left along with one more thing.”

With that she reached inside and pulled out a wooden baseball bat. Tossing it to you.

You caught it with one hand and smiled brightly at her,

“Where the hell did you get this?”

“You know, around~” she closed the trunk and pointed to the bathroom side of the rest area. “ Go ahead and get cleaned up, I'll meet back up with you guys once I find a map.”

With that she headed off to the backmost building in the little rest stop marked ‘visitors center’ and you took little jay into the bathroom areas.

You had barely taken a step inside when you froze.

The lights had mostly gone out, and only one remained in the corner of the room.

But that's not what scared you.

What was under it did.

A woman,

Probably in her late 50’s,

Standing under the light,

Clawing at it.

The telltale signs of infection raked her form.

She was covered in fungi, and her shoulder poured blood where the mushrooms seemed to origin.

She turned as she noticed the light of your flashlight.

Shit.

You threw the light at her face and slapped your hand over Ray's mouth before he could begin to cry, harshly slamming the door and clamoring back away from the building.

You expect her to chase you, but through the window you can see her shuffle back with the impact of your light, then moving to try and attack the light coming from it as it rolls away.

You were confused, but not willing to stick around an experiment, especially since you had left the bat that was tossed to you leaning on the car.

Never again.

You sputtered to sit Ray in the car.

“Potty…” he cried again, tears welting in his eyes.

You shushed him and whispered.

“I know, I know, keep holding it bud. Stay here for just a moment.”

With that you shut the door and locked it, grabbing the bat and running after where your roommate had entered.

But you were halted by a horrid display.

Painted in blood?

Over the entrance to the visitors center.

It read.

“Do not enter! Infected inside! Don't let them bite you! Deaf and blind, but react strongly to-” the last few words are cut off by large splatters of blood.

Is she a fucking idoit!? Who the hell would walk into a building that says don't enter!?

You don't have time to think though,

Screams abruptly from inside the hall, and you rush with your bat inside the building.

Guess you just sound hypocritical now.

Inside you see your roommate running from the far side of the room. She is still holding her flashlight, and blood is pouring out of her arm. A map is clutched in her uninjured hand along with her bloody crowbar, and almost 7 infected are chasing her towards the door

She screams for you to run.

But you pause for just a moment as the puzzle pieces fit together.

Deaf and blind-

That's why the lady in the bathroom didn't chase after you. It's because she couldn't see, or hear you.

But, she was clawing at the light.

And then chased after you when you had the light, until you threw it at her of course.

Your eyes drifted down to her wounded arm.

She's holding her light

Blind and deaf, but react strongly to-

LIGHT.

“Drop your light! You scream at her mere seconds before she reaches the door.”

She does as you ask, tossing it to the side.

It diverts the attention of the infected and they clamor over to it.

You take your chance to grab her and slam the door behind you.

Fear turns to anger as you point to her arm and then the blood warning.

“Are you stupid?! Look at your arm! Do you know how to read?!”

She begins to cry,

“I know! I'm sorry god!” snot pours from her nose and her wound begins to sprout small mushrooms.

“Fuck!” you turn around and try to stop yourself from beginning to cry too.

As you slam the bat on the wall beside you in anger, she falls to the concrete.

You swiftly turn to look at her, dropping your bat on the ground and rushing over to her.

“I'm going to die.” she looks up to you, the dying sunset casting a soft glow over her face.

“No you're not!” you choke out, “ i'm not going to let you die! You can't die! Please!”

You bring your hands to her face, but your eyes are drawn to the bite.

Fungus crawls its way up her arms and out of the wound.

The infection is moving so fast, you know she doesn't have long left,

But what sense goes first?

“I don't have long left, please y/n. Listen to me.” she speaks softly as her eyes begin to cloud. “ take the bat, and smash my head in-”

“What!” you shout.

“Listen to me y/n! I killed one of them while I was inside. It's the only way for them to die. You have to destroy the brain. Don't wait for me to turn, y/n. You have to kill me and get the hell out of here.” she felt around for the bat and threw it at you.

“I- I can't do this! Please don't make me do this!” you shout but she stops you again.

“ Kill me, and Take the kid y/n! Take him and LEAVE! I'm not asking you again!”

You pause and sob for a few moments, trying to build up the courage to fulfill her wish.

But you can't.

You just can't.

“I can't do this. Can't there be another way?”

But she doesn't answer.

You look down to hope and see her alright,

But the fungus has spread to her ears, and she's struggling to breathe.

“Please” she whispers. “I don't want to turn…”

With that you bring the bat down on her head.

The first hit isn't enough.

So you bring it up again.

And again.

Squeezing your eyes shut, and white knuckling the bat.

“I'm sorry. God I'm so sorry..” you sob when you feel like enough is enough, not taking the time to open your eyes, but grabbing the map and bat, before heading back over to the car.

You throw the bat and crowbar in the trunk,

And Pausing before you get in the car to throw up on the grass beside where you stand.

You have until nothing's left.

Reaching back to take your water from your bag, opening the cap, and washing the horrid taste of acid from your mouth.

After Standing and taking a moment to catch your breath, you open the door to the passenger side of the car.

Jay is sitting in the seat, pants soaked.

“Shit.” You mutter softly

“I couldn't hold it.” He tilted his head down in shame, but you couldn't stay mad.

“It's alright. Stay here for just a moment, I'll be right back to get you cleaned.”

Shutting the door behind you again, you grabbed the bat and walked over to the bathroom.

Now that you knew how to get rid of them, your master plan was to take out the one in the bathroom, clean up Jay, spend the night in the car, and leave in the morning after looting the vending machines.

You wanted to stay for longer so you could give your friend a proper burial, but you weren't sure you could stomach seeing her.

It also wasn't safe to linger in the area for too long.

You had a kid to look after now.

And you were not going to let what happened to her happen to Jay.

When you entered the bathroom for the second time, the infected lady you had seen previously was still scrambling at your dropped flashlight.

She was facing away from the door and you took the chance to wipe your sweaty palms against your shirt. Taking the bat, and aiming it high over your head. being careful to not alert it of your presence.

You knew she couldn't hear you, but you still walked dead silent behind her.

You swallowed, and then before hesitating, brought the bat as hard as you could down onto her head.

The first hit was enough to do some real damage, but it still tried to turn around to defend itself. you swung the bat straight back over your shoulder and around again, this time smashing her skull enough that she went limp on the floor.

You did it.

she was dead.

You dragged the body out into a patch of grass outside, and then checked the rest of the building for any remaining infected.

Luckily she was the only one, so you rushed back to the car and pulled Ray out. Apologizing to him for taking so long, you took him inside of the building and washed him and his clothes in a sink.

After you had cleaned the two of you up, you brought Ray back out to the car, settling him in the back seat and pulling a jacket over his tiny form.

“Try and get a little sleep, bud okay? I'm going to run and get cleaned up, then I'll come right back, I promise.” you sat the map in the front, took some spare clothing from your bag, and hung Rays rinsed pants to dry.

You felt bad for leaving him once again, but you needed to rid yourself of the blood now drying and cracking on your skin.

You headed into the bathroom,trying not to look in the direction of the lady in the bush. It's deftly too dark to see that far, but the thought still sends shivers down your spine.

When you made sure the door was closed behind you, you began to walk over to a shower used for truckers that you had found earlier.

“Perfect.”

You striped yourself from all your clothing and started the water.

It was far from hot, but at least not cold enough to be uncomfortable. So you relished in what little time you had to clean yourself, before having to quickly dry yourself, and change.

When you had finished with your shower, you quickly brushed your teeth, and ran back out to the car.

The door handle was cold, and a sad sigh left your mouth knowing that tomorrow you would have to leave your roommate's body behind.

You promised yourself you would come back one day to properly bury her.

You gently opened the door, and closed it. Now sitting in the driver's seat, you made sure to lock the car doors before leaning back the chair and closing your eyes.

Your thoughts pushed to keep you awake, but the adrenaline keeping you awake was beginning to wear off, and the wave of exhaustion was steadily pulling at the lids of your eyes.

And eventually, you succumbed to the weight.

Falling into a deep slumber.

And for just a while,

You could forget the horrors of your reality.

The next morning was quiet.

The sunrise cast an orange glow over the horizon.

When you stepped out of the car you could hear the soft sounds of insects in the grass, and birds calling in the trees.

On a normal day, people would call today beautiful.

But it was a living hell for you.

You rushed and woke the kid so you could get him dressed and fed.

then looting the vending machines and using the bathroom, just like you had planned.

When all was done, you strapped the kid into the seat, and drove off.

For the next few hours you drove along the cross country highway, using the map to avoid large cities or blockades.

You gave the kid your walkman to keep him entertained for a while. And when that wasn't enough, you began to tell him stories, and sing songs.

When you decided it would be a good time to pull over and take a quick food and bathroom break, you checked the map and noticed that Colorado was only about an hour away now.

Your plan was to find a small town, hopefully not overrun by infected, and loot from a store.

Find stuff for you, the kid, and most of all , food for the both of you.

After that you would try and find a house to stay in, and try to find a way to contact other survivors.

So you did just that,

Funnily enough,

Finding survivors wasn't as hard as you thought it would be.

When you had found a store to get supplies from, a large group was already there.

They saw you had a child with you, and told you that they had a safe zone not too far away from where they were.

So you went with them,

And stayed.

At least for a while.

You see,

The first few months were fine.

You were safe,

The kid was safe,

You decided it would be best to give Ray to a mother who had lost her child. And being a kid yourself, you really felt like you couldn't take care of him the way she could.

You spend most of your time scavenging anyway, and learning how to defend yourself.

Your bat hat got a few upgrades along the way, and you had picked up a pretty sick knife to strap to your leg as well.

Most importantly though, you were taught how to shoot guns from a few of the adults in the community.

It took weeks to get the idea down, but eventually you began to pick up on it. You might even brag that you have quite a nasty aim.

When they felt like you were ready, you were gifted your very own revolver, adding to your array of wepons.

Things were nice for a while.

You made a few friends and really began to feel comfortable again.

You had even planned to go back and bury your friend.

That was, until they began to show up.

Not infected.

Worse.

The community began to call them “the ravagers”

When they first started to pop up around camp, only a few of them came at a time. They would try and steal our shit, or kill our people.

And of course,

That shit wasn't going to slide.

So you began to defend the community along with others who wanted to protect the people.

That's how the cycle began.

More and more kept flooding,

Until one day.

You were overrun.

The majority of the group had been out on a scavenge, so all that was left to defend was you and a few others.

To be fair, you held them off for a while. At least making it so families could hide the children.

But when they began to shoot machine guns at you,

You gave up on fighting back.

It was time to get the hell out.

They came in so fast,

Set the whole place of fire.

The holes in the walls began to be flooded by the infected but ravagers didn't seem to be scared at all.

And that scared you.

Before you knew it

They began to loot almost everything.

You weren't going to wait around for them to show up at your place. So you packed all of your essentials again, and left.

You were so scared, all you could do was run, and pray you wouldn't get shot.

You tried to leave from the south west, hiding behind trees and ducking in between houses. If you could reach your car you could just drive away. At least you would have a place to sleep-

“HEY!” your heart jumped to your throat.

“gwen!Come get a look at this sick ride!”

“Please dont let that be my car” You screamed internally as you peeked your head out to see a tall girl with bright red hair break into a car, YOUR car- fuck! turning on the engine like a pro thief. She waved the other girl, Gwen over to her, before hopping into the driver seat and honking the horn.

The other girl walked over, and tilted her head when she saw your car. You noticed she was shorter than the redhead, with thick black hair.

They were both covered in ash and blood, and you noticed a rife in the smaller girl's arms.

“bitch , that is the ugliest car I've ever seen. Get out and let's go shoot up some of these pussys, maybe take some shit while we are at it.” She paused to point her gun in the air and fire a few rounds. You flinched and steaded yourself quickly not to be caught. “if we are lucky, hopefully one of these fuckers will have some bleach to sniff. Or at least some licor.”

The two of them ditched your car and went back to doing whatever they please

You wait a few moments before dashing to your car. But the coast seems to be clear enough and you feel a wash of relief.

You hop into your car and lock the door, going to put your keys in the ignition.

“phew, maybe it will be easier to get out of here than I thought.”

They seemed to be so preoccupied in looting the place that they would be distracted long enough for you to get out-

“Who the fuck told you that?”

Your thoughts were interrupted by a mal voice, and the cock of a gun at your head.

Shit.

“Wow, you should see the look on your face doll. It's hilarious!” you could see him out of the corner of your eye.

Blond, missing a tooth, old. Ew.

You would usualy tell someone like him not to call you that, and to fuck off- but the gun against your temple made you feel like that probably wasnt the best idea.

How the hell did he even get in here?

Your fight or flight response began to kick in. and the adrenaline was making it hard to see or speak.

“What do you want?” your voice croaked out, a little shakier than you had meant it to be. Still you kept your face firm and looking ahead.

“Well darling~ boss told me to keep my eyes peeled for something interesting, and at first, I was going to snag this sick car. But when i saw you headed from the trees, I knew that this must be your car! And I though, HELL! Might as well get two portions tonight. So doll, you are going to put your hands behind your back, and shut the hell up. Because I don't want to have to lose my double portion- but, I might have to put a bullet in your pretty little head if you become a bother.” he smiled brightly and your stomach twisted.

He seemed two crazy to bargain with. So you complied, as much as you could.

Even if he was crazy. Or his boss was too. You aren't going to escape, or even get anywhere if you're dead.

The man hops from the car, introducing you to do so.

After you get you he waves his gun in a ‘turn around’ manor. So you slowly turn around.

Your hands are tied, and then he throws you into the passenger seat.

The next few minutes are a blur, but soon enough you find yourself back at the front gate of the safe haven. Over-run by the ravagers and infected.

The car comes to a halt and your yanked out from the car. Your sneakers drag on the rocky pathway as your bought through hordes of people to the top of the lookout tower.

On your way up the two of you are stopped by two men.

A shorter, slim redhead, with long hair and green eyes, a peice of his hair seems to be braided and anointed with ribbon, and a scar runs along the side of his left cheek. He has some type of small gun on his belt, but the rest of his body is anointed in massive daggers,blades, and knives. He’s scary, but not as scary as the man next to him.

The other man is much, much taller, with short blond hair and brown eyes. He's wearing a shark tooth necklace and what you assume is casual attire underneath all of his guns.

Even though the man is covered in weapons, it's not what haunts you. It's the fact that under all of his weapons you can make out the text on his shirt.

“World's best dad.”

With the photo of a girl peeking out underneath

The buff, tall man standing in front of you has a child.

And something about that makes you ill.

You wish you had time to wonder if he was just trying to provide for the girl, or if she might even be alive- but the smaller one speaks to the man holding you before you can analyze too hard.

“Hey, who the hell said you have permission to see the boss eh?” He had a thick Brooklyn accent as he spoke.

The blond man held his hand out to block the old man holding you and nodded his head towards me.

“Who's she?” his voice on the other hand was thick and dark, like warm chocolate on a cold day.

The shorter guy looked over in your direction and squinted at you.

The man holding you began to seem nervous and pulled you forward, slightly ripping your shirt.

“I got this girl and a nice car.” his sweat began to pool at his neck as he tossed you over to them.

They looked you over once before shrugging. The tall one motioned for the inside, and the small one rolled his eyes.

“Fine. double portions for you tonight. Now fuck off. I'll take her to the boss.`` The redhead grabs you by the arms, pushing you in front of him and guiding you up the stairs, and past 3 more men, and a woman sitting on the steps.

When you worked your way to the top another door stood in the way, and the man behind you paused to knock a few times on the covered glass, waiting for a firm ‘come in.’ before opening the door and pushing you inside.

Once inside you fell to your knees, and looked up to a group of six or so men, all dressed the same. They surrounded a man sitting in a chair, holding a cigar.

The room smelt like ash and whisky and it almost felt like a 1920s mafia movie.

A few more men stood on the side, held on the ground by gunpoint.

You could see they were the leaders of the sanctuary.

A few of the men spoke, but you couldn't seem to take your eyes off of one individual.

In one hand he held a glass of alcohol. In the other he held his cigar.

While the rest of his men wore all black. He wore a purple tie, and spoke with a thick, and eloquent british accent.

His mid length brown hair was perfectly fluffy, and pulled back half way to stay out of his face.

His eyes were a deep silver, and his skin lay pale as a ghost.

His presence was domantiang.

And you were sure that if this wasn't the apocalypse, he would have probably owned some large company. He was definitely that type.

The men seemed to be bargaining but stopped when the two of you entered the room.

Your heartbeat in your throat as the man looked down at you, meeting your eyes and taking a long drag of his cigar.

He paused for only a moment.

“Dagger. I'm in a meeting, who's this? And why is she interrupting us.?”

Dagger.

Fitting name.

“Don't ask me boss. Crazy Jim found her while snaggin a car. Came to us spouting some bullshit about giving her to you and getting second portion.” dagger pulled a toothpick from his pocket and placed it in his mouth, giving you a light kick.

Something clicked inside of you the moment daggers foot collided with your back.

Boss.

He was the boss.

This man is sitting in front of you.

it's as if he noticed you knew who he was.

His aura seemed to grow in that instant. And the room began to grow tight.

You are nervous now.

He seemed to scan your body for a moment, letting out a soft ‘hmm’ as he did so.

And when he seemed satisfied he looked up at dagger again and spoke,

“I think I'll keep her.”

And with that he waved his hand,

You were then dragged to the side of the boss by dagger, where he left you and headed to exit the smoky meeting room.

Oh hell no.

You began to shake and try to escape.

You refused to be taken by these people.

Lucky you managed to snag one of daggers small knives while he was pulling you around.

How he didn't notice was miraculous, but you didn't have time to celebrate.

You quickly slit the duct tape holding your arms together.

You would have no time to plan, no strategy.

You would have to just run as far and as fast as you could.

So you took off.

Surprisingly it took a moment before anyone noticed, and you actually managed to get to the door before a man in the shadows,

One you had not seen,

Grabbed your arm and threw you back across the room to the boss.

You grunt as you impact the ground.

Lucky nothing was broken, but your body would be sore for days.

A dark chuckle came from behind you, and suddenly dagger was back on your side, dragging you over to the boss, closer this time.

“You're a slippery one, aren't you darling?”

He laughs again,

“Tie her up, and you may leave.”

You try to continue to fight, but the redhead is much stronger, and he binds your hands with rope this time. It's tighter and you shuffle your hands in discomfort.

When dagger seems like it is satisfactory tight enough, he leaves you and goes to exit again.

But just before dagger exited, the boss called out,

“oh and that will be enough. Burn this place to the ground, I got what I want.”

Burn this place?

There are children and families here!

You've seen them, running around the safe haven.

Even seen a few babies be born.

And on top of that, so many innocent lives.

You spoke before you meant to.

“Wait.”

The boss and dagger both stopped for a moment before resuming.

Fire burned in your blood.

You should have stopped there but you couldn't let this happen.

“Wait!” You shouted this time.

In an instant the boss sat down his glass of whisky and grabbed your hair pulling you up to face him,

You rose to your feet and stood between his large slender legs.

From afar he seemed smaller,

But now that you were close he actually overtook you in size.

He looked down at your face with his silver eyes, shooting warnings down your spine.

“Please-” your voice shook.

You prayed you could seem brave enough to convince him.

“Don't do this to them. They have children and families here, please!” You try not to seem like your begging.

The bosses lips pull back into a twisted smile as he takes his cigar hand and sets it aside.

He brings his now free hand up to twirl his finger in your hair.

“What's your name?” He asks you softly.

“Y/n” you practically are whispering now.

“Y/n” he tastes your name as he speaks. “Darling y/n. Your so brave to stand up to the big bad wolf. Look at you~” he coos. “Do you think your going to stop me by trying to make me feel guilty?” He laughs again, this time dark and evil. “Oh sweetheart. I could care less about this place. Your heroic words are mere entertainment for me. Although your escape attempt was not appreciated. In fact, maybe I would have listened if you were a good girl~” he released your hair and went back to his cigar.

“Please.” Tears begin to fall down your cheek and he freezes.

“I'll do anything…” You mumble between sobs.

The bosses eyes widen and he sets his cigar down again.

His foot taps to get your attention, and when you look up teary eyed, you swear he looks insane. But when you blink he's back to just looking at you.

“You'll do anything?” He tilts his head at you.

And as much as it pains you.

“Yes” you nod.

“Good~” he purrs and forces you to stand all the way up again, holding your arm.

“I'll be honest with you. I like you. So, I'll make a deal with you. But-” he continued before you could say anything. “ If you don't like the conditions, i’ll burn this place to the ground, no second chances,” he paused to tilt your chin up at him. His smile dropped.“No negotiating.”

You're willing to take that risk.

You nod and he hums in satisfaction.

“Good~ I'll leave these people alone, I'll even leave all of their stuff. Well… Most if it at least” his grin returning. “ All you have to do is come with me. Just you. But, no fighting, no running away.”

Seems easy enough.

“Oh and-”

You should have known.

“You will stay by my side. Until I say otherwise.”

What?!

Was that like his weird way of asking you to marry him?

You don't even know this guy's name!

“make your choice. And quickly darling I don't have all night. You see, I'm losing a whole lot of good loot for you sweetheart, but an eye for an eye right?.”

Your stomach dropped.

Screw it.

“Fine”. You agree, and the boss clicks his tounge.

“Tsk- that wasn't a polite answer, try okay sir~”

You tried not to roll your eyes.

The hell was this guy's problem?

All sense of your pride was gone, but it still made your face burn in embarrassment as you spoke,

“Okay sir.”

He seemed pleased.

“Good girl."

[footballfanfictions]

The thrill of the chase - Chapter Six

Pairings: Mason Mount/OC, Ben Chilwell/OC

Warnings: Grovelling Ben and a very upset Mason. 

------------------------------------------------------------

Katie

  Three more days passed with radio silence from Ben. I stormed into my office on Thursday morning feeling incredibly grumpy and resentful towards everyone else. That was until I opened the door and the smell of fresh flowers hit my nose. 

Every available surface apart from a small workspace on the desk was covered in vases filled with white roses, lilies and purple flowers that I didn’t recognise. 

As I moved some of the vases to make space to set up my computer and tablet next to my screen I realised that there was someone stood in my doorway.

“Billy! I’ve not seen you for days. How are you?”I asked chirpily, my bad mood already lifting.

“Ye good darl, see you got Chilly’s flowers then?” he stepped closer to one vase and inspected the flowers before saying “I think mine for Bri were better.”

I laughed, shaking my head at him. The start up screen on the computer flashed up and I logged in. Immediately I started to get google alerts and other pop ups for our social media channels and some of the players’ personal accounts.

“You’re going to be busy today. Mason’s mrs has been all over social media going bat shit crazy all evening, accusing him of cheating and allsorts.” 

I narrowed my eyes at the screen trying to pick out Mason’s name in the pop ups. 

“Are you sure?” I asked as I scrolled through.

Billy was right though, Mason’s social media was flooded with people commenting in the defence of his girlfriend, asking how he could ever dare cheat on her. I clicked through from Mason’s page to hers and listened to the short clip from her tik tok where she explained that Mason’s head wasn’t fully in their relationship and she felt that could only mean one thing, that he was cheating on her. I rolled my eyes but at the same time I didn’t quite know what to think. Was Mason really that type of guy? Footballers have a really shit reputation for cheating because they can basically get any girl that they want but we had that chat the other day when I was upset about Ben and he had told me that he didn’t want to end things with her because he was scared of being alone.

“Do you think he actually did it? I can do a better job of squashing this if he didn’t” 

Billy shook his head and straight away said “No way. Ok he’s not really in it anymore but he feels really bad about that because they’ve been together so long and she even went with him when he played for Vitesse.”

“Do you think that you can send him my way when he’s free? I’ll do my best to block the trolls and we’ll deal with the rest when I see him.”

 --------------------------------------------------------

  “I am so sorry for running out on you last weekend.” 

Ben had come in from training to spend his lunch break with me and was currently grovelling. I was quite enjoying having his attention again and wasn’t going to let him off the hook for disappearing that easily. 

“Can I ask what was so important?”

“It’s going to sound stupid but I went back to Leicester. There was this kid there that I used to give my shirts to every week and he tweeted that it was his birthday and that he never got my shirt from the last game I played so I kind of panicked and drove up there with it.” he said.

He seemed genuine and if true, that was a very nice thing to do for a young fan. I felt the ice wall around my heart melt a little. 

“I guess I can forgive you then.” I smiled.

“I hope no one told you to stop seeing me.” he mumbled, his head slightly turned in the direction of the door as if he was checking no one was listening.

I laughed and took a dramatic pause before I responded. “Bri was too loved up with Billy to give any kind of real opinion on the matter and the only other person I spoke to was Mase who told me that I should give you another chance.”

Ben shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the mention of Mason’s name which seemed a little bit weird but then again he probably knew about what was happening in Mason’s relationship right now so dropped whatever he was going to say about it. 

“Do you want to go and see a movie later? Mads has been going on and on about one he saw recently. Can’t remember the name of the top of my head but it sounds good.” 

“That sounds nice. As long as it’s not a horror film then I’m up for it.” I responded.

Then feeling bad that I had been a bit stand-offish with him, I leant across the desk and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. As I sat back down in my seat he mumbled “tease.”

“Sorry you still don’t get to go back to full benefits that easy Mr Chilwell.” I grinned. 

“Ok then gorgeous. Can I pick you up at about 7? I’ll look at the film times and see if we can squeeze dinner in before.” he said, standing from his chair and subtly trying to brush crumbs from his sandwich onto the floor. 

“Yeah ok, I’ll be ready by then. I’m hoping that I won’t need to stay late tonight.” I stood from behind the desk to see him out and pecked him again on the lips just outside my office. 

“See you later.” he grinned before leaving in the direction of the training pitches.

Just as Ben turned the corner, Mason came towards the door from the opposite direction, his brow furrowed. 

“Are you here to see me?” I asked him.

“Of course, you asked for me?” 

He sounded very upset so I tried my best not to get snappy at him.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t sure if you had gotten the message that’s all. Come in and I’ll make us a drink.”

His expression softened a little then and he entered the office, heading straight for the more comfortable chairs over the in the corner.

Thinking that it might be more comforting than a coffee, I made him a hot chocolate and finished it off with whipped cream on top. The only thing missing from it was some chocolate sprinkles.

He laughed when I passed him the mug and said “hey where are the smarties or the dolly mixtures?”

“It does seem like it needs something on top of the cream doesn’t it?” I laughed.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes while Mason sipped his drink and tried to calm himself down. 

“I’ve seen her video.” I started.

“It’s a load of shit. You know it’s a load of shit right? Do you know what brought her to post that? They have a fucking new song coming out that’s about cheating and revenge and she wanted to use our relationship to promote it so their PR people told her to post a video about suspecting me of cheating to get her social media engagement up!” his voice escalated in volume as he spoke.

“Are you telling me that it was fake?”

He nodded. “Sorry for getting so angry and aggressive about it but how dare she shit on me and my image to further hers?!”

“Fuck, ok. I’m trying to think about how we manage this. If we come out and say that you haven’t done anything then I’m sure she’ll make your life living hell for it. If you were to break up with her over this, she can then make it spiral even more out of control and can use that to almost confirm her story.” I sighed, feeling so frustrated and angry for him. 

“I want to break up with her now. I can’t stand the sight of her face. I don’t think I can go home and see her tonight. I don’t know what to do. I know you say she can then make it worse but I don’t know if I care at this point.” he put his head in his hands.

“Speaking to you as a friend, I think you need to do what is best for you and we will deal with the fall out from it together. We put out something this afternoon on your socials that deny her claims and we continue to do that until the story dies.” I said.

He looked over the top of his hands at me and nodded.

“Do you trust me to do this for you?” I asked.

“Of course. I’m grateful for your time. I know this isn’t exactly part of your job.”

“Marina would never forgive me if I let this get out of control and it started to affect your performance of the pitch or brought the image of the club into disrepute.” I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, hoping that he found the little bit of contact reassuring. 

He looked at me, the hands that had been covering his face now in his lap and bit his lip. There was a silence between us again, and just as I was about to ask him if he felt any better, he leant in and pressed his lips against mine, his left hand coming up and cupping my cheek.

It took a lot longer for me to react and pull away from him than it should have, and he looked shocked when I did.

“Fuck!” he shouted before scrambling out of his seat and walking quickly to the door, running his hands through his hair. “Fuck!” he shouted again before slamming the door shut behind him.

[grace-lost-in-space]

The Update

Everything has been really hard and today was my breaking point. As most of you know, I have three social workers. One with my home nursing agency, one with DCFS (the state), and one with the state of Ohio because that is where the original report was made when my mom dropped me off in Cleveland at a hotel by myself and I had to get myself to the clinic the next day. I still have no idea how I made it there. My doctor later told me he did not expect me to make it out of that admission alive. And the worst part was that when my mom dropped me off at the hotel, she told me "I hope you die." Well, I am really glad that I did not die. Maybe. I think.

So fast forward to today. My state social worker and my Ohio social worker both messaged me. My state social worker was called in because of the abuse allegations against my mom (when I had the black eye, etc). I have not seen her since her first visit 3 weeks ago. She asked how I am doing and then, in all of her glory, asked if my mom can help me find a new therapist. Because, you guessed it, I still have Legs as a therapist because of the psychiatry issue. This social worker promised me she would help me find a new therapist but told me she wanted me to keep seeing Legs until she found someone. Now she decided to put that responsibility on my mom OF ALL PEOPLE. My Ohio social worker messaged me to tell me that she has tried to contact the home nursing social worker for two weeks now and the HNSW has not returned her calls. I told her that I only ever met her once and she never did visit again. The HNSW is the one who is supposed to be helping me get the medicaid waiver and also get into a group home. Obviously that is not happening and the Ohio social worker is a little more than angry.

And to make things extra worse today, I had a session with Legs. She was 30 minutes late. She is never late, so it would not have been a big deal if she had just told me that she would be late. Her computer was messed up (not her iPad, so the video session would have worked either way) and that she would be running late. She did not do this. So what did I do? My brain combed through every scenario until it convinced me that she died or that something bad happened to her, since she never warned me that she would be late. And then as I was crying when she started the video chat, she said (and I have the whole session recorded) "Grace, I need you to stop. I need you to stop being upset, okay? You say you want people to think you are smart...well...then stop being upset and stop crying."

There was more. A lot more. But if I type all of it right now, it will send me back into my 7 hour meltdown and I am just now coming out of it so I want to keep it that way, at least for tonight. It was awful. She was telling me "I told you I didn't forget your session. My computer was messed up (she sees me on her iPad) but you don't believe me. You don't trust me." Which actually is not true. I kept trying to explain to her that I was crying/worried because she is never late and I thought something bad had happened since she never messaged me to warn me that she would be late. But she still found a way to turn it around on me.

All of this is a mess. All of it.

And then, as if everything else was not already falling apart, I got my labs back. My hemoglobin is back at transfusion level. I have to go to Cleveland next week to see the hematologist and have another transfusion and then hopefully set up regular iron injections to prevent this from happening again.

I am nervous for the appointment. I am always so scared of going to Cleveland alone. It is a really, really, really long drive there and back and I have to do it by myself. It is really hard but even harder when you are non-speaking. I still do not have words. I just want my words back more than anything. I think the first thing I would do is scream to anyone who would listen about how Legs treats me and about how so many others treat me because they assume that non-speaking correlates with intelligence. It does not. I am smart. And I do not need to "stop crying" if I want to be recognized as smart.

Another thing that several people have messaged me about over the past months/year/weeks is an AAC. This would be an app on my iPad like Proloquo2Go. It is for non-speaking people and it gives them an actual voice. Actual opportunities to speak. My speech therapist (Dr. Cough) suggested this app about a year and a half ago but I was hesitant because 1. it costs A LOT and 2. I really wanted to try for a while longer to get my words back. Unfortunately, it has been two years and I have not been able to speak. It has made everything harder, especially during hospital stays and at appointments because I have to write everything down on paper and people get very impatient and on a few occasions, I have even had providers/nurses take away my notebook so I could not keep writing. That would be like someone putting their hand over a speaking person's mouth. It has been awful. So I think I am going to kind of put the idea out there of fundraising for the app so that maybe, just maybe I can have an easier and more reliable way to communicate and one that will help people actually listen to me and take me seriously. Plus I want to be able to interrupt Legs. Right now she just puts her hand over my pen when we are in her office on Mondays and tells me to let her speak.

So I feel really self-conscious about this and also scared but I am going to give it a try anyway. If the only thing you are able to do is share this post, I would be so, so very grateful. If you are able to donate, I will be equally as grateful and please know that whether you share the post or donate, you are helping me get my voice back, even if it is through an app.

The app is called Proloquo2GO and it is for my iPad. It costs $250. I would be using it to communicate with everyone around me and most importantly with my doctors and my therapist. Right now, I am having to use a pen and paper and that has been tough in more ways that one.

Do you guys think it would be okay to try and fundraise for it? I have a PayPal account. I just feel so sad and so embarrassed that I have to ask for help. I feel like my life has been nothing but asking for help from doctors and my mom and therapists and now you all. I feel so sad. And I am really, truly sorry if this post comes across as pushy or anything of the sort. I just really want a way to have my voice back and after doing a lot of research and a lot of messaging with others, this seems like my very best option right now. And please know that I would be forever grateful and that you would be making an honest difference in my life, whether you share or donate, or send well wishes my way. I am so thankful for the community here. I will put my PayPal link at the bottom of this post. I hope that is okay. I am really nervous for this part. But here goes nothing. Or maybe here goes the start of learning to advocate for myself and actually being able to advocate for myself for once. There are other apps with a similar concept but this is the one that my speech therapist and others on my team have recommended over and over 💙.

paypal.me/savinggrayce

[x-childish-x]

Valentine’s Day Mystery Special! Part 3

How They Would Spend Valentine's Day With You!

Request: No

Warnings: Swearing, fluff

Word Count: 1243

A/N: Day Three! Here it is! The Mystery Valentine's Day Special! It's basically a brief list of some head-cannons of what spending V-Day with these characters would be like (from my opinion). SORRY THIS IS LATE MY COMPUTER DIED LMAO! Characters who receive their own special are not included on this list. Another reminder that requests are still open but will not be posted until after 2/15. However, you can send in a Valentine's Day request and I'll do my best to post it with the specials! If you would like an extension of any of these, send in an ask and let me know! I hope you enjoy!

Part Three: X-Men

Kurt Wagner

(gif not mine!)

Shyest person ever. Oh my god, so shy and awkward. He would be so shy that you almost didn't become his valentine, even if you were dating, because he was way too afraid to ask. And gifts? Oh god, for gifts he'd get so shy he'd probably teleport away by accident and then reappear and ultimately startle you from how quickly he disappeared and reappeared. He'd immediately begin to apologize about scaring you and about a "bad gift" because you'd have tears in your eyes. But the tears would be happy tears because Kurt would put literally SO MUCH time and effort and thought into your gifts. It'd take you a while to reassure him that they were indeed happy tears and not bad tears. Kurt loves you so much but he'd still be so shy and awkward about the whole day.

Warren Worthington iii

(gif not mine!)

Listen, I love Warren but he would be so full of himself. He likes Valentine's Day but mainly because it means that he gets chocolate and he gets you to spend the full day with him. He'd get you a stuffed animal and some candy/chocolate, he'd wanna watch a movie with you and probably would ask you to make dinner. You'd both share a lovely dinner but, overall, Warren's not the most romantic guy. He's the type of person who's into Valentine's Day for like two hours and then it's just another regular day (and he's not necessarily wrong). However, despite all this, he would spend the day making sure you understand that he loves you dearly and he appreciates you. You mean so, so much to him for giving him a chance after the whole Apocalypse thing, so he would definitely want you to understand your special and he loves you so much.

Erik Lehnsherr

(gif not mine!)

ROMANTIC. Oh my... I can't even begin to explain how secretly romantic this man is. Erik loves you, and I mean he loves you, and he 100% uses the excuse of Valentine's Day to flaunt it. He would wake you up with breakfast in bed of your favorite breakfast foods and he'd give you your favorite flowers and your favorite sweets. Erik would definitely pamper you the whole day and he would not be an ounce of shy about giving you gifts. He'd just be so happy to give you stuff. You'd watch a movie together and then he'd make you a gorgeous, candle-lit dinner. Of course you'd end the day taking a bubble bath together and he would be the freaking cheese to leave a trail of rose petals. Erik is the definition of romantic himself, so I have no doubt that he would love Valentine's Day for the sole purpose of getting to have an extra reason to spoil you all day because, "You are perfection and therefore, you should feel like perfection."

Logan Howlett

(gif not mine!)

Bless his heart, bless Logan's heart, but he definitely lets his ego get in the way. He'd definitely try to act all manly about the day because he doesn't like Valentine's Day that much. He would think flowers aren't manly so he'd get you some chocolates and something you'd been asking for for a long time, maybe he'd even make you something. Logan loves you more than he could ever actually express but he's just not the most romantic person, seeing as his past relationships never ended that well. Logan would definitely be watching some sports game and you'd kiss his cheek before getting up to like, refill your drink or something and this is when his guard would fall. He'd snatch your wrist and be like, "Where are you going? You're not leaving are you? I'm sorry I've been so.." and you'd just smile and raise your glass, quickly refilling your drink before coming back to sit beside Logan only to be yanked into his side and have a kiss placed to your temple as he'd mumble, "Love you so much, bub."

Wade Wilson

(gif not mine!)

Wade loves Valentine's Day so much. He'd get one of those corny Valentine's Day shirts and wear it with so much pride, and you can of course expect him to have matching Valentine's Day socks. You though? Oh you can bet your ass you are forced to stay in bed or on the couch. Wade barely even lets you lift a finger because, you're his queen and "Queens let their Kings serve them." He would get you anything and everything you wanted. Candy? He bought you enough to last you years. Flowers? You don't even have enough vases. Jewelry? You don't have enough body parts. Your first Valentine's Day, it took you maybe two hours to realize he was purposefully going over the top because... it's Wade. But you know his intentions are all good because holy fuck he loves you so much. However, when night comes Wade would literally get so flipping kinky with you because... again... it's Wade. One last thing, there's a 99.9% chance that Wade didn't even ask you to be his Valentine, he probably just demanded it.

Hank McCoy

(gif not mine!)

Hank is... well he really has no opinion on Valentine's Day. He doesn't dislike it but he doesn't necessarily like it. As for your date/gift exchange all I can say is picnic. Picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic! I can't stress this enough, Hank would take you on the cutest picnic you've ever been on. Like, it'd be next to some beautiful waterfall or on some hill with an outstanding view, but it'd be so cute and so neatly packed. He'd definitely be shy about giving gifts but would love the tiny squeal you'd left out when he'd hand you your favorite candy and something you'd mentioned a few times but not enough to suspect he'd actually paid attention. Hank is shy, so naturally he'd just want to spend the day appreciating you and making you happy. You'd be laid back in his lap, taking in your surroundings and Hank would mumble, "I'm truly the luckiest guy in the world."

Alex Summers

(gif not mine!)

This boy loves Valentine's day, can't express it enough. He full-heartedly believes that the mansion needs to be decked out in decorations, every single year. Alex is definitely not the most romantic person but he tries so hard to be romantic and his efforts definitely work. Not only would he get you chocolates and candies and flowers but he'd definitely be the person to get you balloons and a card. He would put so much thought into the gift because he'd definitely make it all into a little gift basket with all the gifts and the card would definitely bring you to tears.

Scott Summers

(gif not mine!)

Scott pretends to hate Valentine's Day but everyone knows he loves it. He loves seeing you smile and hearing your laugh. I touched a small bit on Scott in the Peter special. Definitely gives you flowers, and he would go more off of which flowers smelt the best rather than which were the "prettiest". Scott would totally get you chocolates and your favorite candy but he'd get you like those Lindt Lindor chocolates or Sees Candy. I feel like Scott would leave the whole day up to you. If you wanna watch a movie, sure! Which one? If you want to go out to eat, sure! Which restaurant? If you want to go exploring, sure! Where to first? Scott literally finds joy in seeing you happy so I think he'd just spend the entirety of Valentine's Day trying to make sure that you're as happy as possible.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[v-thinks-on]

Wanna Know a Writer

Thank you very much to @sparrow-ink for the tag - I love doing these when I get the chance! Incidentally, this is also my 1001st post on Tumblr!

How many works do you have on AO3?

It looks like I have 116 right now, but it will be 117 tomorrow (with a short Batman/Superman fic)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

716,792 apparently... I’ve been writing like crazy lately and I still swear that can’t be right, but there you go

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

It looks like I’ve posted fic for 30 (including crossovers and fusions) and there may be more I haven’t posted, so not listing all of them. You can see the whole list here

Following @sparrow-ink‘s example, I’ll let my filesystem speak for itself:

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Language of Chess has been the undisputed champion for a while (Kirk and Spock flirt using the Vulcan language of chess)

The Old Family Farm is a more recent fic that came up from behind while I wasn’t looking (Clark Kent takes Bruce Wayne to meet his parents)

The Gift Giving Game was my K/S secret santa gift for Herenya_writes (Kirk and Spock stir up rumors as professors at Starfleet Academy)

A Hidden, Personal Thing (Spock offers to mind meld with Kirk)

Human, Vulcan, and Everything in Between (Spock is ace, Kirk is polyamorous, and it works well for them)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment because there’s nothing I like more than talking with people about my writing and the stories that inspire it! I’m more than happy to answer questions on here too, if anyone has any!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

So, these days I’m generally a firm believer in happy endings, but in the pre-AO3 days, I used to mostly write death!fic and a few highlights actually made it onto AO3:

The Death of Spock - Spock dies during the original five-year mission and Kirk is left to pick up the pieces

Only a Fool - Watson dies at Reichenbach and Holmes is left to pick up the pieces

Honorable mention: Devoted - the inevitable tragedy of Mary Watson (nee Morstan)

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

As it turns out, the other thing I used to write is crazy crossovers, many of which were never finished, let alone saw the light of day. I’ve dialed back on it (a little), but here are some highlights:

Spock in Wonderland

Millennium Death Note - currently in progress! (What if Light Yagami solved the Millennium Puzzle?)

The Mysterious Mr. Jeeves - Jeeves and Wooster x Everything, but I think the most outlandish one in there would have to be The Phantom of the Opera

Honorable mention: my old BBC Sherlock x Harry Potter - the writing isn’t great and the plot is a bit of a mess, but it will likely always be my most viewed fic

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Only a little bit and mostly just on FanFiction.net - there was one person offended that my big Star Trek TOS x TNG crossover was “secretly” Kirk/Spock. More often I get people who like most of my fics, but then get annoyed about Kirk being polyamorous or Spock being ace or don’t like how I decided to end something, which isn’t terribly helpful, but could be worse.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nope, don’t read it, don’t write it, just not for me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, thankfully.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I’m honored that people want to translate my stories into other languages (and make podfic of them)!

The first three chapters of Devoted (the tragedy of Mary Watson) are available in Chinese

Enough to Drive a Man to Madness (Mycroft puts up with Sherlock Holmes angsting about Dr. Watson) is available in Russian

Once Upon a Dream (Holmes and Watson dance) is available in Russian

The Appearance of Dorian Gray (Bertie Wooster meets Dorian Gray) has a podfic

And I think someone did a podfic of a scene from A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (the progression of Kirk and Spock’s relationship over The Original Series), but I can’t seem to find it right now

What’s your all time favorite ship?

My first and dearest will always be Holmes/Watson from the original Sherlock Holmes stories

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’ve gotten to be pretty good at finishing things I want to write, but there’s this huge Disney crossover I started writing with a friend that is glorious and complicated and almost 1/3 of the way done despite being over 90k already. Whenever I think about it, I always think that, yes, I will finish it some day, even though my co-author has lost interest, but the truth is probably not... But who knows, maybe I’ll turn around and have it done for next year’s @wipbigbang!

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve discovered a secret talent for finishing what I start, which is nice - a combination of planning and just keeping at it, slow and steady.

I think I do a good job of capturing characters’ voices, whether in dialogue or narration, and it serves me particularly well when I’m trying to imitate a style - I’m especially proud of some of my Jeeves and Wooster. I can also do some nice flowery prose if put my mind to it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

For all of my love of pretty prose, it’s easy for me to forget to describe things, so my writing can end up fairly sparse. I also feel like I could get better at integrating romance and plot - the romance often ends up getting drowned out by everything else going on, which is especially frustrating because I’m usually writing it because of the romance.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

That’s a good question. Probably Death Note (my friends and I used to ship L/Light) - that’s the oldest fic I have on my computer, at least, but I used to write on paper, so there may be something even older there. The first fandom I posted anything for is Harry Potter (a next-gen OC fic about the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange - it’s best not to ask). I also posted my first Holmes/Watson fic at about the same time (it’s pretty bad, but I tried).

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m actually really happy with a couple of my somewhat recent longer fics:

Generations - my Kirk/Spock Star Trek: Generations fix-it

Bertie Solves a Mystery - Jeeves and Wooster get embroiled in a murder mystery and meet Hercule Poirot and Hastings (also Jeeves has a mysterious backstory)

tagging: I’m going to second @plaudiusplants and tag @the-z-part​ and @marlinspirkhall​ if you’d like to do it, along with anyone else who wants to go for it!