#post-breaking dawn

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas22: Day 8: ATBT Faithless

Good evening chickens. I'm currently fighting off the flu because it isn't Christmas unless I've stressed my immune system into a breakdown (two sick dogs, one sick cat, and a clown family.)

Tonight, thanks to beautlilies who reminded me this even existed, we have a little one-shot from All These Broken Things-verse, post-Breaking Dawn.

I hope you enjoy it!

all these broken things: faithless. 

She wonders when she stopped believing in some kind of higher power. In god and fate and destiny and the idea that it would all work out, somehow. She did believe in those things for such a long time; they were the tiny lights in the darkness, the hope that there would be something for her to fight for. 

Instead, she’s nothing. She’s not Alice Cullen or Alice Hale or Alice Whitlock. She’s just Alice, the eternal refugee. The ghost and the victim and a monument to every ounce of her own fucking failure. Somewhere, her rightful self is furious with her for ruining everything so thoroughly. 

She wonders when it happened, when she stopped believing in anything good for herself. In when she just… finally let her heart break into a hundred different pieces and let herself face the truth. That Jasper did not love her. He tolerated her and used her, but there was nothing else there, not for him. 

The obvious answer would be walking in on him and Tanya. She never expected monogamy from a man who didn’t know she existed, but it had stung that he didn’t even try to be diplomatic about it, to try and keep his assignation hidden. That Tanya had the dignity of the house, of slipping away and be worthy enough to fuck in the house. She got the dirt and mud and shame of the woods.

(That shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, really. He had pointedly made her no promises, and she had long since learned where her place was in the world. She should be grateful - and pleased he didn’t hurt her, she can almost hear James informing her. She thinks very highly of herself indeed, if she aspires to be the kind of girl a man fucks inside a house.) 

But it wasn’t then that broke her. That had been hard but it was just confirmation of what she had known for so long. 

It was Italy. It was surviving Italy. That she was so willing to die for Edward and Bella because, in her heart of hearts, she knew there was nothing left for her with the Cullens. She would never be a daughter or a sister or a wife or a mate. She was just a space filler, a haunting of the life that never came to pass. 

It was sitting in the car driving back to Forks, next to Jasper and answering all of Carlisle and Esme’s questions, whilst distantly realising every single one of them was about Bella and Edward and Aro. None of them asked about her, not once. Sitting in stolen, mismatched clothing, and having negotiated a stay of execution from the Volturi on a tissue-paper-thin deal, not one of them asked if she was okay. 

She’s so tired of waiting for something good for herself. She cannot believe in any sort of god or goodness when she’s facing down the Volturi a second time - standing face to face with Aro of Italy alone, because the Cullens are willing to die for one of their own. 

(Had she noticed that Emmett accompanied Bella and Renesmee to Aro when they were called forth, but she is left to approach him barefoot with two strangers in tow and hoping beyond hope that her story is at least enough that they will survive? She had, and she had wondered if Aro would take her as his pound of flesh if it came to that.)

She packs up her clothing in the attic, folding them and laying them out like she is arranging bodies for burial. A ceremonial return of all that they gave her. The letters are written, she’s fucked Jasper good-bye, and now she’s finally leaving, the last of the Cullens’ so-called ‘friends’ to depart. 

(She can’t even see what will become of her, the second she leaves them behind. That frightens her so much, but it makes sense. To make a decision, you have to want something. To want something you have to have something to hope for. One step out of the door and there is too much and not enough all at once. She’s never been brave, but she will just this once. 

Because, frankly, it would be braver of her to stay.)

—

No, she stopped believing in god a long time again. In a rotten shed in 1948. 

But herself? Her visions?

The Cullens?

(Jasper?)

She stopped believing in them the second they left her to face down the Kings of Volterra alone. When there was no comfort or confidence or acknowledgement, the illusion crumbled. They can no more be her family than she can be the girl she was supposed to be. She lost that and ruined that and she deserves to be alone for her failures.

Nothing better is ever going to come for her.  

And that is why she is leaving.

[halcyon-autumn]

Huge L for Helio this episode I gotta say. Something about meeting that guy makes people want to go worship a dead lesbian

[thewritingofspencerrose]

"Edward, they're just talking about a cute guy in a movie," Bella reminds, hand on her husbands shoulder as they sit surrounded by his family in the kitchen, the talking in question coming from the living room upstairs.

"That girl just said he made her feral," Edward groans, shaking his head. "You don't even want to know her thoughts."

"That girl, is Alexandra," Renessmee chimes, appearing 25 as she stands next to Jacob. "And she's one of Charlie's best friends."

"I think it's sweet," Esme comments, hands moving about the kitchen as she makes snacks for the human's upstairs. "You both wanted her to get to live a normal life. This is that. She's a sophomore in college-"

"Don't remind me," Bella mumbles, voice low. Charlie's humanity has been weighing on all of the family more than usual. The twins just turned twenty, and while Renessmee may look older, they know they'll have her forever.

It's not that way with Charlie.

"Mom!" I exclaim, moving into the kitchen, surprised to see the whole family sitting around. We may all live here, but that doesn't mean we're usually all in the same room. "Do you know where my laptop is? The girls and I are going to look for our formal dresses."

She used to be so small, so little. Her brown hair in pigtails and her golden eyes, somehow inherited from her father wide and inquisitive. Now, as she stands in front of her family, her golden eyes covered by brown contacts, her long hair running down her back in waves as she stands in a shirt too shoer and baggy sweatpants that could have only belonged to her boyfriend.

"Formal dresses?" Alice questions, eyes lighting up at the idea.

"Yeah! The sorority has a formal this spring and the library is putting one on for the student assistants that I talked Paul-" Paul, that stupid wolf with anger issues that Bella once clocked in the face. How did he end up imprinting on their daughter? "-into going to them with me, so I need to pick out dresses so we can get him matching ties."

At least he treats her right. Will continue to treat her right. Until she-

"So? Any idea where it is?" I ask again, although all Mom does is approach me, wrapping me in a large hug. "Um... what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Mom assures, "Just wishing you'd stop growing up."

All I can do is smile, hugging her back. "Sorry Momma, but I don't think that's going to happen." I apologize jokenly. "So, laptop? We're going to turn on Mamma Mia and find some options."

"It's upstairs on your bed Sweetie," Grandma offers, "I moved it up there while I was cleaning earlier."

"Ah! You're the best, thank you!"

And she's gone.

It happens that fast.

And they're not ready.

[forkswashington]

[edwardsdeathcabcd]

what makes me actually boil with rage is the way it’s framed as though jacob & the cullens have an even rivalry and like, he hates them just as much as they hate him, but like… jacob is a lower class kid who lives on the rez, the cullens live in a plantation home on private property. jacob calling alice a leech is an insult, but alice calling him a mongrel calls into power and privilege, ya know. like am i supposed to honestly think jake making blonde jokes to rosalie (which is certainly sexist and uncalled for) is on the same level as her serving him food in a dog dish? him seeing the cullens as bloodsuckers and murderers is just like, incorrect and unfair, but them seeing him as uncivilized and over-aggressive has implications deeply rooted in the oppression of his people

[homodotus]

hey me and my girlfriend saw you from across the parking lot and we really fucking hate your vibe. i’m going to hit you with my mercedes

[wyvernity]

holiday doodles from the past week! hope everyone is enjoying these cozy times :]

[14dayswithyou]

💖 EVEN MORE DAY 4 SNEAK PEEKS! 💖

[ezzakennebba]

anyway bella was 18 and pregnant for only 28 days before she was giving birth.

twilight is a horror saga.

[wanted-by-the-volturi]

Twilight Text Post 9/???

[liljafish]

dont mess with us rosalie fans, there are only like 5 of us

[leahclearwaterdefensesquad]

Going to be completely honest here, but the twilight saga should have started and ended with just twilight

[drinkingteaforever]

bella swan era

[edwardsaginger]

out of context this is probably the funniest thing ive ever said

[forkswashington]

the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 1

[the-golden-onion]

the answer is both. smeyer wtf???