#post prisoner of azkaban

[violetthistle1]

Excerpt from As Many Times as I Need To by Violet_Thistle on Ao3.

“Look at me!” Remus shouted this time to get through to him the only way he ever could, with harsh words and a commanding voice. It worked like it always did, Sirius raised his head and looked him in the eyes with bloodshot, tearful ones. 

What!?” Sirius cried out in anguish.

“I know that the world has told you that it was your fault, that you sat in that prison and convinced yourself that it was your fault. I know, because I was doing the same thing. But I need you to hear me when I say, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Moony it was–”

“No, it wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t James fault. It was Peter’s.” 

“Moony—”

“It wasn’t James’ fault that he was too trusting, it was Peter’s fault for not being trustworthy. It wasn’t your fault for not trusting me, it was Peter’s fault for taking advantage of that! It wasn’t my fault for believing you betrayed me, it was Peter’s fault for framing you!” Remus was sobbing now.

“Moony–”

“And it’s Voldemort’s fault for believing a stupid prophecy by some half-baked seer, and it’s meaningless, it is, it’s all so stupid and they shouldn’t have had to die because of it–”

“Moony–”

“ –And they shouldn’t have been fighting the war at all, but it’s not your fault, it never was!” 

“Moony!” Sirius shouted because now Remus was spiraling.

“Don’t! Don’t stop me! I’ll keep saying it as many times as I need to for you to believe it!” 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59320471

[goldenprophetwrites]

one day, though it might as well be someday (completed series, wolfstar)

(details under the cut)

1. When I Loved (The Prettiest Star)

4.1k words, rated M

Realising he was gay was, in Remus’ opinion, worse than accepting he was a werewolf.

Even worse was how he realised; how the warmth of Marlene’s lips as she gave him his first kiss was completely overshadowed by the blazing heat of Sirius’ arm around his shoulder, pulling Remus into his side as his other hand ruffled his curls when he told them all about it.

(remus’s pov, pre-slash, hogwarts era, first war)

2. So Tired (it's the sky that makes you feel tired)

8.8k words, rated E

Remus scoured the Map for an hour before he saw him. A quick flutter of movement in the dungeons of a name that couldn’t be there. But it was, and it could only mean one thing.

Peter was alive. Sirius didn’t kill him.

(remus’s pov, canon divergence from poa)

3. You and I (will rise up all the way)

12.9k words, rated E

Although it hurt, having had Sirius and knowing it didn’t mean the same to him, Remus couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

(remus’s pov, post-poa, getting together)

4. You Will Be (my rest and peace)

23k words, rated M

Sirius felt unexpectedly furious. The depth of the emotion startled him, distantly registering how he’d grown unaccustomed to feeling anything that wasn’t grief, agony or numbness. He let the rage fill him, remembering the rat who had betrayed them. The rat who put him in this wretched place. The rat who got- who got them murdered in their home. The rat who looked just like the one in the photograph, down to the missing finger Sirius had seen him cut off himself.

No one escaped from Azkaban. It was a known fact. But no one who tried to escape before was Sirius Black.

(sirius’s pov, companion fic, escape from azkaban until post-poa)

[blackcatworshipcommittee]

Traumatized men in their thirties stitching the pieces of their lives back together, realizing that a patchwork quilt can be just as beautiful as unbroken fabric

[iobsessoverfictionalmen]

If you want to be tagged when I update, send me an ask or fill out the taglist in my bio.

[toorumlk]

best friends to lovers? no, best friends AND lovers!

[wingedhallows]

"i'm older than you think." ; sirius black

pairing: sirius x reader | 1k words plot: Sirius is taken aback that you're actually older than you look. prompt: "I'm older than you think." authors note: just a little something that came to me some nights ago.

navigation

The Black’s family home was lively, more than what you expected. Two redheads rushed past you as you brought a hand through your hair. The strong wind had messed with it. 

“Get back here you two!” a woman, also with red hair, yelled after them.

“Oh, hello, dear.” she spoke, her voice gentler.”Hello.” You answered. “Y/N, there you are.” Tonks' voice came from behind the red headed woman. A small smile spread on your face as your friend approached. “For a moment I thought you wouldn’t come, come on.” 

She engulfed you in a hug and rubbed your back in a comforting manner. With an iron grip, she dragged you into the kitchen. “I didn’t know we would have another guest, here, let me fetch another set for you.” The woman chuckled as she pushed past you two. “No need-”Don’t try, that’s Molly Weasly, just eat.” Tonks laughed as she pulled you through the door.

Around the big kitchen table sat a few more red heads, some teenagers and adults.

“Everyone, this is Y/N L/N. She’s one of the greatest Aurors I know and hopefully, after tonight, a member of the Order.” Tonks announced, a comforting hand on your shoulder as she pushed you towards the table. A man, curly hair framing his handsome bearded face and a sly smile beaming towards you, held his hand out for you to take. 

"Sirius Black, the owner of this lovely house. I’m glad a more beautiful person is joining us. Nice to meet you, love.” He spoke before he kissed your hand with a grin on his face. A certain heat crept onto your cheeks as you shot him a grin yourself.

“Nice to meet you as well, Mr. Black. This house is indeed very lovely, so bright and colorful.” You chuckled. His eyebrows shot up and a laugh escaped his mouth. 

“And she’s got humor, merlin.”

“Holy, get a room.” Tonks spat with widened eyes. She grabbed your arm and pushed you down onto a chair. “Here you go.” Molly grabbed your shoulder and placed a bowl of food in front of you. Without another word of refusal you ate what Molly had given you. You didn’t miss the many times Sirius had glanced your way.

After the meeting and your agreement to join the Order and help Harry Potter, Sirius’ godson, to help defeat Lord Voldemort, Remus Lupin had asked for another drink and you agreed to stay. Harry and his friends had gone upstairs an hour ago claiming to go to bed, though you believed otherwise. Sirius had seated himself across from you.

“So, you’re an Auror?” with a sip from your cup you nodded. “I became one right after graduation, I’ve been one ever since.” You shot him a smile and reached for your pack of cigarettes. 

With a small smile on your face you held out the pack for him. “Want one?” he shot you a smile and nodded his head. “I’d love one.” you chuckled. After lighting your stick you leaned over the table to light his. His eyes widened as you came closer as expected.

“As an Auror, you must be in grave danger.” He spoke. It was only you two, the others were immersed in their own conversations.

“It’s always dangerous, feels nearer than it did last time though.” His eyebrows furrowed and he chuckled as he blew some more smoke from his lips. You did the same. “Last time?” you nodded and took another sip from your cup.

“The first war?” You tried, he didn’t get it though.

“What would you know of the first war? You’re barely an adult, we all know Tonks’ hardly one.” He stomped out his cigarette and without a warning a laugh escaped you. “Oh, merlin.” You heaved, wiping the non existing tears.

“What’s so funny?” he spoke, a unsure smirk on his face. “Mr. Black-” you had to laugh again.  “This is truly hilarious.” you paused

“I’m older than you think.” you took a sip from your cup and a big smile spread on your face once again. 

“What?” he managed to say, the cup of firewhiskey in front of him long forgotten. You lit yourself another cigarette and gave him a smile.

“We went to Hogwarts around the same time, I think.” you paused and his eyebrows furrowed once again. “You were a fourth or fifth year. I mean who could ever forget the great and mighty Marauders?” His mouth had opened in disbelief.

“I’m almost ten years older than your cousin.” you whispered.

“So-”Yes, I’m almost as old as you, so.” He shook his head and stood from the table. With his cup in hand he made his way next to you.

“Well, forgive me, darling. You look hardly a day over twenty.” You had to laugh again and shook your head.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Black.” he clasped your hand in his and gave you another smile. “Please call me Sirius, love.” you nodded and took another sip of your drink.

“And since the Firewhiskey is slowly loosening my tongue, I believe that I do not feel ashamed to say that I'm slowly starting to fancy you, Y/N.” you stopped yourself from laughing and nodded at him.

“I’m afraid, me too.” A wide smile spread on his face as he came close.

“Good, then I get to do this.” with a hand on your cheek he came closer. His warm lips connected with yours and with almost rehearsed movements you kissed. Your hand found the back of his head, the other sat on his neck.

 “Ew, you two.” Tonks spat and Remus had to laugh at the sight of you two.

“Definitely hardly an adult.” Sirius chuckled.

You two were out of breath as you rested your head in the crook of his neck with a grin on your face.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Honey, I’m Home-!

Sirius Black x Mom! Reader

Ever since Sirius was sent to Azkaban, you were the one in charge of raising Harry. Doing your best, and lucky to have Remus to help. Because of that, a certain Rat wasn’t able to avoid any of your gazes. When Harry’s third year came to a end, you were given quite a surprise at the train station

Warnings 18+, P in V, Female Reader, high emotions, hurt comfort, fluffy and heated sex, getting back together, implied breeding kink, taking care of your man with baths food and you, sir this bed is about to be destroyed with how hard he’s going to rail you. Also, implied Wolfstar/ Remus x You/Poly situation deal up in here hehehehe

“Harry-!” You called, with a smile. Always there to pick him up from the station, every single time. As a good parent would. Ever since you found out he had such a risk to end up at the Dursleys, like hell you would let that happen. Made you pamper him a bit, given your good friends lost their lives for him. But like hell he didn’t deserve it.

“Shhh shh-!” Harry was soon hushing his friends, leaving you confused. Hermione and Ron quick to hush up, while Remus would set the last of the bags off the train. Wanting to help out, since there were so many Weasleys to worry about. The way he smiled, you were even more curious. You couldn’t recall the last time he looked so relieved. Was there a change in laws that permitted him to work at Hogwarts?

“Children, settle down. Settle down. Go on and show her the surprise.” He teases them, as he would help Molly with the rest of the Weasleys. He threw you a wink, which had you very confused. Not what did that Marauder have in mind this time?

“Mum…..Can we get a dog?” Harry asked you, as the trio stood next to each other. With cuts and bruises all over, but smiling. Even Ron seemed chipper, despite the fact he was in crutch. The hell did those three get into this time?

“A dog-? Harry….You know why we can’t get a dog.” You sighed, not wanting to have this discussion again. With out Sirius, you just couldn’t. Any dog was to painful of a reminder. Oh how you miss your padfoot. What you would give to see him again.

“Mum, please? He’s got no where else to go. Just look at him-“ Harry pleaded, as the trio stepped aside. The dog now exposed to you. Was so painfully skinny, yet also so furry at the same time. Matted fur, and just looking like a grim. He looked so much like Sirius, but so dead as well. Your heart just couldn’t say no this time.

The defeated sigh had them cheer, as Remus returned. Still giving you this coy smile, that had you furrow your brows. You felt like you were missing something, but you didn’t know what. You just knew that it was time to take everyone home.

With Harry hugging his friends goodbye, while this new dog stuck close to your legs, Remus would catch up quickly with Molly. Explaining something. You swore it was about Scabbers, but the new playmate was keeping your attention. Suddenly jumping on you, and licking your face.

“ACK-! HEEL HEEL-!” You called, as the dog was just to strong. How was something so fragile so durable? Reminded you of Sirius. How even in his dog form he was able to tackle people down. Was just making your heart hurt more, which in a morbid sense made you unable to refuse the dog either.

“Mum, Uncle Remus said you should head home with our new dog. He needs me to stay here and catch Mrs. Weasley up on stuff.” The way he fidgeted with his glasses told you it was a mixture of a lie and some truths. What the hell were these people planning? Was this some scheme to help you move on? Accept Sirius was never coming back? That hurt, but also a point was made. Who can escape Azkaban?

“Alright. But be home before dark.” You warned, as you kissed his forehead. Right on his scar, which made him smile. He made sure to give you a hug, before quickly returning to the red heads. Poor Molly looked ready to faint. Make that she did, and the twins had to catch her. Yeah, like hell you wanted to be involved with that.

“Alright, let’s-“ But the dog was running. Right through the wall, with no hesitation. You were flabbergasted, but had no time to think. Harry’s new dog was running off. No way you wanted his poor heart broken over that. So, you ran after it. Trying to catch up, but it seemed high on life.

“GET BACK HERE-!” You hollered, as the dog was running like it was the last thing it could ever do. You were so focused on trying to catch up to it, you barely noticed where you were running towards. By the time you finally caught up, you were wheezing. Hands on your knees, as the door the dog stopped at opened.

“About time Master and Mistress Black returned.” Kreacher sneered, as the dog hurried inside. Did he say what you think he said? No way. That can’t be Sirius. No way in hell. Looks like him, but he’s in Azkaban. You don’t just escape Azkaban. Sure, the daily prophet said he did. But it was more than likely gossip gone wild. You swore every week they said someone did, only for them to be returned the next day.

“Kreacher, phew, give me a minute here.” You coughed, as you stumbled inside. Left for the building to vanish, in the early morning fog. As if it was never there. Leaving you to be alone, with the elf and dog, as you hung up your coat.

You did your best with making the home more live able. The spare rooms built for whenever Harry wanted friends over for the summers. Along with just a safe haven for friends in need of a stay. You turned what was once a cage, into a proper home. Seemed the dog loved it, as it was quick to run up the stairs. Bolting past the curtained painting, and straight to your bedroom.

“How does it….No. no this can’t be. No way…” It was starting to become harder to deny, as you walked up the stairs. By the time you reached the door, you heard it. That familiar eerie bone cracking, when a animagus was changing forms. No way. It couldn’t be. It can’t-

“Home sweet home-“ That gruff voice sung to you, as you opened the door. There he was. Your husband. Your world. Your everything. Standing there, bending his back, as he sported a tattered Azkaban uniform. Bloody, dirty, hardly clothing at all. Hair a mangled mess, and in desempate need of a bath and shave. He was so sickly thin, the very thin fabric was just a sheet on him. Hardly could process it, when those dark eyes locked on yours. Hair so long now, and body tattered. No matter the design, it was still him. Your Sirius.

“Hardly changed a day…” He dreamily said, with that exhausted smile. He was so drained, but you could still see the pure joy in his eyes. He was home. He was with you, and could be there for Harry now. His best friend Remus was in his life again. He’s not in that damn prison, and he’s in your sight once more.

You didn’t care about the grime, as you practically fell into his arms. Sobbing in joy, as he held you close. Despite his thinner structure, he was able to hold you tightly. As tightly as he could, and sway with you. No need for words. Just gentle tears.

That was why Remus was so coy, and why Harry had you two run off. You two needed time to reconnect. Even so young, Harry could grasp how important this was. Guess you were rasing him right. Seemed also that Kreacher might have missed Sirius as well, because you could hear a bath being run. No one asked for it, but he did it. His own free choice. He missed him, in his own way.

“Darling, I love you so much. I really do, but I am so fucking gross right now. You know I’m being honest when even I’m unable to handle my own stink. I’ve had sex with Moony under a full moon. I’m GROSS gross right now. I will kill for a bath-“ He went on, making you just laugh with your tears. Despite the years in such a horrific prison, he was still himself. Guess he was always a little insane.

You didn’t let him go an inch, as you trailed after him to the bathroom. More than happy to help him wash. Just enjoying the needed intimate moment. Just a wife, washing her husband. By god was he filthy. By the time Harry and Remus returned, he was finally drying off. You had no idea if the bathtub will ever recover. Least he was now in his favorite black robe.

“I’ve got dinner handled, don’t worry-!” Remus called, as Sirius would come down the stairs with you. Unable to let go of his arm, and he hardly complained. He missed your touch all the same, as you two would enter the dinning room. Where Harry sat.

“Guess we better start from the beginning.” Harry murmured. You had already gotten used to your son’s insane adventures, but this one took the cake. He got his god father out of Azkaban, somehow-? Yeah, you were sitting down for this. Mindlessly playing with the exposed chest hair you could grab, as the trio of misfits began to explain.

Even while eating, more like Sirius devouring anything in sight, there was so much to discuss. Was mostly Remus, and Harry, speaking. Given Sirius was more so busy hiding during that time frame. Oh how your heart had broken, and repaired, over and over from it all. Your poor husband. But, he’s back now. He’s back, and he’s never leaving you again.

“I know you are my god father and all, but….Do I call you dad now-?” Harry asked. He’s thirteen, still a child after all. It’s going to be a lot to process, even by Wizard standards. With his meal finished, Sirius did have to think a moment. Dispite the fact Harry knew Sirius from stories, because of you and Remus, he was still a stranger after all.

“Uncle Padfoot will work just fine.” He smiled, as he ruffled Harry’s hair. That made the young teen give an awkward grin, as there was something to work with now. Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot. It’s a start, and you couldn’t be happier. Just staring with such love to him, with your head on his shoulder. Taking in that scent, as Remus was unable to stop his smile to.

“Harry, dear, why don’t we go out for a walk. Hm?” Remus asked him, making the boy raise a brow. Why would he want to….Oh. Right. Remus would give a gentle head nudge towards the door, and Harry was quick to get the message. Grabbing his jacket, wand, and chasing after his uncle. Not wanting to say another word, as he really rather not think about his mother’s sex life. Even if it’s with his god father.

The second the door closed, you were yanked from your chair. You gave a squeak, as you were tossed over his shoulder. Just like the old days at school. Whenever he wanted your attention, he simply tossed you over his shoulder. Forcing you to pay attention to him, as he would steal you to a private room for a discussion.

“I’m not letting you out of that bed until the head board breaks-“ He warned, as that had your heart racing. Twelve years is a long time, and there was most certainly some catching up to do. You couldn’t deny that, as you watch the stairs trail behind him. Escorting you to your once shared bedroom. Now together again.

You were plopped right on the bed, and he was on you like the hungry dog he was. Stealing you into his lips, and you couldn’t stop your moaning. It had been so long. You needed him as badly as he needed you. How you were enjoying the new long hair, and tangling your fingers into it. Needing as much skin as you could get from him.

He was more than happy to give it to you. The robe thrown aside, as he was pulling at your clothes. Not giving damn if they tore. Nothing else mattered in this moment. He wanted to fuck his wife, and by god was he going to. Twelve years, in Azkaban. He’s going to get all twelve years of pent up desire out in one night. Will your body recover? Do you even care?

“Sirius-“ You sighed, as he finally got your top off. His face buried into your chest, as he snapped your bra strap off. Tossing it aside, as he drank you up. Just feeling your skin on his, and savoring the long missed flesh against his bearded face. Feeling that freshly softened hair on your chest felt so good. Every single fiber of your existence was on fire. Felt like you might implode.

“Not a day passed by, that I wasn’t thinking of you. You, Remus, Harry, you three were what kept me sane. I knew you three were safe with each other. Waiting for me. I came back. I came back, like I promised.” He sighed, as you felt the tears on your chest. Gentle fingers played with his hair, as to try and calm him down. Comforting him.

“I always knew you would.” You felt so silly thinking Remus would ever try and help you move on. Hypocrite he would have been. Human emotions be human emotions, and they were being carnal right now. Needing to burn and burn and burn.

“Have me again, like you’ve had me before.” You asked him, as you cupped his face. Having that thick beard nuzzle into your palm, as those dark eyes stared up to yours. So much pain in his face, but comfort in his eyes. It’s a long journey to recover, but his soul was still there. His body is damaged, but a body can repair. A mind is harder, and that was the battle. A battle he won.

With a kiss to your palm, he would soon attack your lips. Growling into you, as he pulled away the rest of your clothes. Needing to devour your body. Soon marking away at your neck, your chest, your arms. If there was anything his lips could grasp, and making sure you were marked. As if to remind the world you belonged to him, and he wasn’t going anywhere. Not anymore.

“Sirius, how can you still be such a tease?” You whined, as he was grazing his teeth over your thigh. Leaving a bite on your flesh. Letting himself enjoy the flavor of the tingling flesh under his tongue.

“What? I’m an old dog. Old dogs have bad habits.” He teased, before he finally allowed you to get some attention. He really didn’t change, and you were shocked. Never thought being abused could be useful. Only a Black would have such a morbid survival skill.

Before any more depressing thoughts could fill your head, you were able to enjoy the familiar sight. Your husband between your legs, with his cock rubbing against you. The tip of his cock coming into view, whenever he rolled his hips up and down. Rubbing right on your clit, and making you whimper. Sure you’ve played with yourself, but nothing beats his touch.

You both were gripping tightly. Him on your thighs, while you grabbed his shoulders. Needing to feel him in your hands. You both needed it so badly, but both held a near fear. As if afraid that it was all a dream. Luckily, he had the nerve to test that fear. Test it, as he finally pushed in.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this-“ He moaned, as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. The way he growled, and his body just shivered. Aching, and moaning. Might spill just then, if he didn’t stop. Just savoring the feeling of being back inside of you, and how your eyes watered from pure comfort. To have your husband back.

He would lean down, and kiss away your tears, before he allowed himself to move. Just moaning for you, as his nails dug into your flesh. Marking you more, as you moaned into each others mouths. Needing to drink in every last thing you both could offer. So much to catch up on, and to make up for.

With the tender moment passing, you were soon reminded of the wild man you married. The feeling of your legs being pushed towards your shoulders, as he tried to get into you deeper. With his hands now on your ankles, as he was snapping his hips into yours. Needing to make sure you felt ever inch of him.

You loved it, and missed it, all. The feeling of your arms around his neck, and tangling your fingers into his hair. How he growled into you, and the snarls. Oh how you loved how animalistic he was for you. How he would bark and howl at the beg and call to you. Your big bad wolf.

It was all you missed. Had you in a mixture of tears, and pure desire. How he wanted to fight your tears, and kissed you. As heated as he could, to make up for the years parted. To taste you, and savor you all over again. Just the sounds of your moans, the creaking bed, and the flesh on flesh.

You didn’t know how long it lasted, but you felt him pull your lip. Sinking his teeth into it. A typical sign that he was close. A need to ground himself, to last a little longer. Oh how you missed his little habits. That thrill of pain again sent you over, as you came with him. To be as connected as possible.

You expected to get a moment to savor the after glow, but he kept true to his word. You were soon tossed onto your stomach, with the ass in the air. Of course he wanted doggy. It’s cheesey, but a favorite. Suppose one more round could be mustered.

One more became two, and three, and soon you had to chug a Pepper Up potion to keep up. You lost track of the rounds, before you were laid on your back. Soaked in sweat, and sticky from it all. Sheets hardly on the bed, and you were certain there were cracks in the wood. Hardly could breathe, but it seemed he was satisfied.

“Pretty sure you fucked a dozen kids into me.” You wheezed, as he chuckled. Enjoying a much needed cigarette, but still making sure you were comforted. Having your head in his lap, as he played with your face. Admiring all your features.

“Good.” He snickered, as you swatted at his hand. The both of you able to share a laugh, as there was a soft knock at the door. All Sirius had to do was give a sniff in the air, and he knew who it was. A whistle was given, before he grabbed a pillow for you. So you could cover up, despite the fact Remus has certainly saw you naked many times.

“Feeling better now-? Could have used a silencing charm. Had to tell Harry Kreacher was fixing a wardrobe.” Remus scoffed, with a tray of needed drinks and snacks. He would set it down on the bed side table, before joining on the bed. He deserved to catch up with Sirius to. Fine by you.

With some shifting, you were soon snuggled between the two men. Sirius still playing with your hair, as the two men remained sitting up. Keeping their voices low, so you could drift. Just able to be safe, and warm, again. Snuggling your husband, and comforted by the sound of old memories.

What a wonderful lullaby.

[sorenphelps]

I looked up some quotes in PoA, and it's actually hilarious how afraid everyone is of Sirius, like he's just mentioned and everyone basically shits their pants. I know it's part of the Ministry propaganda, but still. Here are some examples:

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are scared of him, because if he's clever enough to escape from the inescapable prison, who knows what else he's capable of.

It is reinforced by Fudge himself, he seems especially scared of him (I know it's at least partly because he's losing popularity as MM because of Sirius' escape from Azkaban). He even says that Sirius can do things that the freaking dementors are a better option!

Or look at this part of Fudge's monologue about when Sirius was captured, I mean TWENTY Aurors were sent to take him in, and that was probably decided before he supposedly killed all those people. It's probably still just the propaganda, but McGonagall also says that [Peter] should have left it to the Ministry, so there must be some truth to Fudge's statement of "Nobody but trained Hit Wizards from the Magical Law Enforcement Squad would have stood a chance against Black once he was cornered."

Also, the "of course, Black was quicker" comment, or this one where Fudge immediately jumps to the conclusion that Sirius caused Snape's injury and that it's a miracle none of them died.

The guy must have had a reputation or sth, no wonder his animagus form is literally the omen of death.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

oh oh oh sirius was in solitary confinement for twelve years. god why does no one talk about how that would ? affect him? do you think he had hallucinations? do you think he saw james and lily? do you think they blamed him? do you think he heard his mother? do you think she asked for her star back? do you think he heard his brother? asked why he did what he did? do you think i screamed for his father? asked why he wouldn't come to him, even like this?

do you think when he was on the run he was so paranoid he couldn't eat or move from one location for days? do you think he could tell reality from hallucination? do you think he had horrible panic attacks when he saw a wizard in black? do you think he couldn't eat regularly anymore because he threw it up?

do you think when he was at number twelve, he dissociated for weeks? if harry wasn't there, do you think he sat in his mother's room and stroked buckbeak's head and let his conscious slip? do you think he started forgetting everything? do you think he forgot how to play chess and cook mary's favourite dessert and what lily's favourite dress was and how james took his eggs every morning? do you think he was so afraid to sleep he stayed up for weeks? that he couldn't sleep without a potion? do you think he bled to feel something in the long months he didn't see his godson? do you think he thought of his mother while he did it? do you think he ever could properly eat again? how bad was his guilt? did he looked in the mirror and see murderer? do you think his mother's screaming was comfort to him after so many years of earth-shattering silence? do you think sirius took comfort in the fact that it was the only thing that was the same when everything had changed? do you think the only reason he didn't start drugs was because he had people who depended on him? because he'd never be taken into consideration if he was addicted to opioids? do you think he got angry more? do you think he got angry less? do you think he stopped trying to make connections with people?

[iamnmbr3]

i think it's under appreciated how stone cold lupin was in the end of book 3. he was really out there just cooly and calmly fully ready to commit a murder. sirius is harsh and angry. but lupin. he's cold as ice. it's kind of terrifying. look at these excerpts:

lupin isn't just the chill marauder. he's not temperamental the way sirius is. but he's pretty scary in his own way ngl.

[outromoony]

"I'm mental about you too."

“You'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?”

[violetthistle1]

Excerpt from As Many Times as I Need To by Violet_Thistle on Ao3.

“You were right!” Sirius shouted. “When you said ‘I wish you trusted me half as much as you trusted James’, you were right.” 

“Cariad, no one trusted anyone, that’s why we were losing.”

“Wrong. James trusted. James trusted everyone. James even trusted you, I was the one that talked him out of including you.”

“Sirius, James’s trust is why he died!” Remus said.

“You take that back!” Sirius spat.

“Pardon me for ever speaking against perfect James, may his memory never be tarnished!”   

Sirius silently sobbed. “I know he wasn’t perfect, but it breaks my heart to think that the thing that brought him down was that he trusted too much. That’s not what brought him down, I brought him down! It was me!”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59320471

[solis-angelus]

Sirius Black— post Azkaban. circa 1993

insp.

[blackcatworshipcommittee]

“Need help finding anything?”

“Oh- no, thanks. Just picking this up to help… a friend.”

(I didn’t feel like drawing in any detail 😂😭)

[heylorrain]

A proper apology

🔞❤️‍🔥 NSFW // MDNI 🔞❤️‍🔥

⚠️ Sebastian Sallow x F! reader⚠️ Spicy content ahead

Full pic on my Ao3 and Poipiku 🐍 Ominis’ version

“Look at yourself. I am doing this to you. You’re mine. No one else's.” You couldn't tear your gaze away from the mirror as he made you his.

Sebastian Sallow, the boy who had captured your heart in 5th year, was now just a memory. After everything that had happened with his uncle and the relic, you couldn't bring yourself to continue with your relationship. He spent one year in Azkaban, paying for his crimes before finally being released.

But 6th year at Hogwarts just wasn't the same without him. The classes felt dull and lifeless without his charming wit and adventurous spirit. The Undercroft, where you had shared countless secret conversations and stolen kisses, now felt hauntingly empty. 

Then, in 7th year, he returned. Rumors spread like wildfire about why he had seemingly transferred to homeschool - some said it was to help his sister Anne catch up on her studies. But only you and Ominis knew the truth behind his absence - the pain and guilt of what he had done.

As you watched him from across the Great Hall, your heart still ached for what could have been if things had gone differently. You missed him. You wanted to run to him and tackle him with a never ending hug, and fill every freckle in his face with your kisses.

But then, as the memories came flooding back, you remembered. You've written to him every single day for an entire year. Each letter carefully crafted and sent with hope and longing. And yet, every one of them was returned to your hands with a familiar red stamp: rejected by the recipient. 

He took a seat next to Ominis, not even sparing a glance in your direction. His gaze, or lack thereof, felt like a heavy brick wall crushing down on you. You stood up from the table, completely abandoning your untouched dinner. You needed to be alone. To escape the suffocating anxiety that was building inside of you. He was so close, yet so far away.

Leaving the Great Hall with a calm facade, tears begin to flow freely as soon as you're out of sight. The haunting image of him sitting mere inches away from you is burned into your mind. 

Seeking refuge in the abandoned Haunted Toilets, typically reserved for Peeves, you let out all of your pent-up emotion in a torrent of tears. The grimy, cracked walls amplified your sobs, sending painful echoes reverberating through the empty bathroom.

"Why does it still hurt?" You cried to yourself, the weight of your longing for Sebastian crushing down on your heart. You could feel his absence like a physical ache, You yearned for his warm touch, the gentle caress of his hands, and the familiar scent that always comforted you. Every aspect of him felt like a distant memory that only intensified the pain in your soul.

The door creaked open behind you, and there he was. Sebastian stood in the doorway, his tall frame silhouetted by the moonlight streaming in from the window. The light played across his freckles, turning them into shimmering specks of gold. He watched you crumble before him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. His eyes bore into you, demanding an explanation. 

"Tell me, NOW." Sebastian demanded, his voice hard and unforgiving.

You couldn't believe it. After a whole year of ignoring your letters, worries, and heartache, those were the first words that came out of his mouth?

"What do you want me to tell you, Sallow?" you spat back at him, anger bubbling up inside of you. You violently wiped away the tears that had escaped down your cheeks. 

Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked at you skeptically, his arms uncrossing as he took a step closer. 

"You don't look fine to me," he said softly, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of distress. "You know you can tell me anything. We may not be together anymore, but I still care about you."

We may not be together anymore, but I still care about you. The hypocrisy. His words hit you like a punch to the gut, reminding you of the love that was once there between you two.

"What do you want from me, Sallow?" You spat out his name with venom, your voice trembling with emotion. "I gave you everything in our 5th year. My time, my patience, my loyalty, my devotion. What else do you wish to take from me? I'm here at Hogwarts, alone, ignored by you while Ominis is probably already waiting for me in the Undercroft to hear my sad thoughts for the millionth time." Tears welled up in your eyes again, threatening to spill over onto your swollen cheeks.

He closed the door behind him with a soft click, making it feel like a finality. You heard the lock turning, sealing you both inside the small room and shutting out the rest of the world. The air between you two felt thick and suffocating, filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. 

He prowled towards you with the quiet, calculated movements of a wolf stalking its prey in the cover of night. His eyes gleamed with a predatory hunger, and you could feel his gaze raking over your trembling form. A shiver ran down your spine as he continued to close the distance between you, his steps almost silent on the humid stone floor. 

"Do not come any closer Sallow" You warned, pointing your wand at him. The point of your wand hummed with energy, ready to unleash its magic at your command.

“Do it” Sebastian growled through clenched teeth “Curse me, Y/N. I don't give a damn. After everything I went through in Azkaban, do you think you can hurt me any further?. “ Your trembling wand pinched his chest as he kept walking towards you.

 “Do you?” His voice boomed off the walls, echoing in your ears. 

“I rotted in that hellhole for a year. I was utterly alone, without Anne or Ominis or you. I knew I deserved everything that happened to me. But most of all, I deserved to be left by you. You deserve better than me. You deserve someone better not a-” He choked on the word before spitting it out with disgust- “murderer.” 

Tears welled up in your eyes as his words pierced your heart, but you refused to let them fall.

“I pushed you away because I thought I could never earn your love again,” he continued, his voice breaking with every word. “When I was in Azkaban, when I was losing my grip on reality, all I could do was beg in my head to hear your voice, to smell your scent, to taste you one last time. But I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve you. I still don’t. ” The pain and regret in his voice were palpable.

With a sharp intake of breath, you closed the distance between you and Sebastian. The sound of your palm striking his cheek echoed through the walls.

How dare he? How dare he confess that you deserved more, a better man? The anger burned inside you as you thought about all the letters he had ignored, the anguish, tears, sorrow, and love that he had chosen to disregard. 

"I'll stand by you through this, and in all our other lives, Sebastian Sallow. But if you choose to delve deeper into the dangerous world of Dark Arts, pushing me away as you go down a path towards self-destruction, do not expect me to follow. I love you too much to watch you fall apart." Your words were laced with equal parts passion and desperation, a final plea for him to see reason before it was too late.

With a heavy heart, you began to turn away, your steps slow and hesitant. As you clicked the lock open, ready to exit the bathroom and leave this tense encounter behind you, a sudden force seized your waist and yanked you back inside. The sound of your sharp intake of breath was drowned out by the thud of the door closing behind you.

"You're not going anywhere," Sebastian's voice was low and rough with emotion, "not before I give you a proper apology." 

He lifted you up and pinned you against the door with ease, his strong hands gripping your sides firmly. Your own hands instinctively reached up to cling to his neck, fingers digging into his skin as if seeking reassurance. 

Your lips collided in a violent and heated kiss, the passion between you both exploding like a firework. Your teeth clashing against his, causing the taste of metal to run across your lips. The intensity of the moment consumed you as you pulled, pushed, and shook him, unable to control your desire for this man. You didn't know what you wanted to do with him, but you just needed him, desperately.

 “Sebastian, I-” 

“Shut your pretty little mouth.” Your words were cut off by his rough command. 

As you kissed, your fingers traced over the soft strands of his hair, relishing in the familiar sensation. It had been so long since you had felt his touch, and you had missed it dearly. The scent of him filled your senses, a mix of wood and fresh cut grass that was uniquely him. His breath was sweet as honey and seemed to wash over you like a warm embrace. Memories flooded back as you savored the moment. 

“Let me devour you...please.” Sebastian’s tone was like that of a wild animal, asking permission to feast on its prey. It was almost pathetic how much he craved you.

But as he moved in for another kiss, you turned your cheek and whispered in his ear:

“No. Apologize first.”

Sebastian was determined to earn that apology. His sharp gaze met yours as he carefully set you down on your feet, his movements deliberate and purposeful. 

He kneeled before you and his head got lost in the folds of your skirt. As if seeking absolution, he began to worship every inch of skin above your knees with his lips. each kiss like a sweet offering of repentance.

Slowly, his kisses trailed up your thighs, inching higher and higher until they reached your inner thighs. You could feel the heat emanating from your core, begging for more. And Sebastian was all too willing to give it.

With rough hands, he parted your legs and pressed himself against you, feeling the intense heat radiating from your entrance. He couldn't resist any longer and continued to trail his kisses higher and higher until he buried his nose between your soaked panties. The sensation caused you to moan loudly, unable to contain yourself. 

His strong hands traveled to your hips, pushing you against the wall for support as your legs threatened to give out under the overwhelming pleasure that was coursing through your body. And in that moment, with Sebastian's lips and hands worshipping every inch of you. 

With a careful tug of his teeth, he removed your lace panties and let them drop to the floor at your feet, leaving you bare and exposed. 

Your body responded instinctually, reaching out to grip his head and guide him to where you needed him most. His tongue was like a delicately placed brush, painting slow and deliberate strokes across your sensitive flesh as he savored the sweet taste of your arousal. Your hips began to sway in time with his movements, rolling forward and back in an erotic rhythm. Your knees clenched tightly around his head, holding him in place as he worshipped you with his mouth.

Each flick of his tongue sent shivers coursing through your body, causing you to moan uncontrollably. As the passion built and your bodies intertwined, beads of sweat formed on your skin, adding to the intense heat radiating between you. The bathroom mirrors were steamed up from the steamy encounter, the only source of light being the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the window. 

Your moans warned Sebastian that you were nearing your limit, he only seemed to be spurred on by the challenge. With his strong, calloused hand, he traced a path down your body, his touch sending shivers of anticipation coursing through your veins. 

You couldn't help but twitch in response, eager for what was about to unfold. He then slowly, tantalizingly, slid his index finger inside your warm and inviting body, causing you to let out a feral growl of pleasure. 

This was a sensation he had only given you once before - before everything fell apart. Before the fifth year intervened and brought chaos into your relationship. Before the cursed relic came between you. Before the painful breakup that tore your hearts apart. And now here you were, reunited and rediscovering the passion that still burned between you.

Every nerve in your body was on high alert as the sensations from his touch washed over you. This wasn't like your first time with him at the dimly lit Undercroft, this was something else entirely; a chaotic and wild frenzy of desire. 

He pushed his index finger in and out of your entrance in a perfect rhythm, each thrust causing your walls to tighten around him. The sound of his voice, deep and almost demonic, made you let out a loud cry 

"After all this time...you're still so tight for me, Y/N," you heard Sebastian growl, his words laced with possessiveness and hunger.

You were wild and unapologetic, a naughty young woman who reveled in the forbidden pleasure of rocking your hips against your loved one. Sebastian, the man who had pushed you away for almost a year, was like a drug to you. You couldn't resist his touch, his alluring presence. It was like coming home after a long journey. 

As he slipped two fingers inside you, you gasped in ecstasy.

"You're taking me so good, my love." You gasped as Sebastian added a third finger, filling you completely. 

The sensations in your G Spot were intoxicating, sending shivers of pleasure through your body as your walls tightened around his fingers. You reached your climax and fell to your knees, still trembling with desire for him.

With a soft cry, you pulled him out of you slowly, savoring every moment of pleasure before he slipped away from you. Your body ached for more, but even in the absence of his touch, you could still feel the lingering effects of his fingers inside you. It was a bittersweet ache that only he could soothe.

He raised his hand to his lips, savoring the lingering essence of your orgasm and the wetness that coated them. 

A smile played on his lips as he whispered, "Your taste hasn't changed a bit, my love." 

He couldn't resist any longer and dove in to kiss you on the humid floor. Your legs welcomed him eagerly, wrapping around his waist as your bodies molded together. 

You could feel his cock throbbing painfully hard against his clothes, a testament to his desire for you. The stain of his pre-cum, evidence of how much he wanted you, had made an appearance earlier as he went down on you. Your inner thigh still glistened with it. 

Before things could get too heated on the floor, he pulled away abruptly.

"Get up," he commanded. "You're too delicate to be fucked on the floor, dear." In a heartbeat, he was on his feet and effortlessly lifting you up off the ground. He pressed you against the sink, making you face the mirror so you could watch every moment of what was about to happen next.

As you looked at yourself in the mirror, a blood-curdling scream threatened to escape your lips. 

Your hair was a tangled mess, strands sticking out in all directions as if they had been struck by lightning. And your blouse - which one were you even wearing? Blinking, you realized that Sebastian must have taken it off of you without you even noticing. Thank Merlin your bra was a decent one, its deep red hue matching perfectly with Sebastian's favorite color. Though now, it felt like a symbol of his possession over you. Your reflection seemed almost unreal, as if you were looking at a stranger who had been ravaged by desire and abandoned by all sense of control.

“Look how beautiful you are,” he whispered, his voice low and husky. His hand gently caressed your cheek as he gazed at you with adoration. “Look at yourself. I am doing this to you. You’re mine. No one else's.” His words sent a thrill of excitement through your body. You couldn't tear your gaze away from the mirror as he made you his, his hands exploring every inch of your bare skin. 

Your lips parted to speak, but before any words could escape, you felt his hard length pressing against your ass. 

He noticed your hesitation and spoke softly, “Tell me, what is it?” Your eyes met his in the reflection of the mirror, filled with longing and desire.

Without another thought, you looked over your shoulder at him, silently pleading for more. You wanted to feel his warmth, his body pressed against yours. You've missed him and he could see that in your eyes. As you stood there almost naked and vulnerable, he remained fully dressed.

He stepped away from you, not breaking eye contact in the mirror. 

Slowly, deliberately, he began to undress himself. First came his cloak, sliding off his shoulders with ease. Then, with just two fingers, he released his tie and looped it around his neck. Next went his vest and suspenders, each piece discarded with a practiced grace. 

You couldn't tear your gaze away as he stripped down before you, watching every movement in the reflection of the mirror.

With only his pants remaining, his arousal stood tall and hard before him. He closed the distance between you and began to kiss the nape of your neck, trailing his hands over every inch of your exposed skin. As he reached behind you to knot his loosened tie around your wrists, you trembled with anticipation.

His warm breath danced across your ear and the sensitive skin of your neck as he moved closer. The scent of him enveloped you, sweet and intoxicating.

"I miss the way you say my name, love," he purred as he wrapped his hands around your tightly bound wrists and pulled you closer to him. His voice was like a velvety whisper. "Say it."

 You hesitated for a moment, unable to resist getting lost in the reflection of his intense gaze. His piercing eyes seemed to see straight through you, leaving you vulnerable and exposed. 

He pressed his cock against your closed thighs, teasing and tormenting you with each subtle movement. A bead of precum escaped from the tip of his member and dripped between your legs, igniting a deep ache within you. His throbbing erection came tantalizingly close to your folds, tempting and teasing you further. 

Desperately wanting to catch a glimpse of him, you dared to look down but he quickly tugged on the tie that bound your wrists together. The sensation made you moaned as he held you in place.

“Say my name first”.

“Sebastian” You whispered in a very low voice. 

He shoved his cock closer to your entrance, brushing your clit.

“Louder” 

“Sebastian” - A little higher. 

“You can do better than that”

"S-Sebastian, please-" 

The sound of your breathless pleading was music to Sebastian's ears.Your voice quivered with need and anticipation, the same plea you had made when you lost your virginity to him. 

He pressed himself against your back, pushing you against the cold marble sink. His strong hands grasped your hips, spreading your buttocks apart. Thanks to all the skilled work he had done with his tongue and fingers earlier, he had no trouble penetrating you in a heartbeat.

A primal growl escaped your chest as he began to thrust his hips slowly against yours. Your core eagerly welcomed him, craving his touch. Every thrust sent sparks of pleasure through your body, your walls clenching tightly around him in ecstasy.

The sounds of your wetness mingled with the sound of skin slapping against skin as he drove into you over and over again. The heady scent of sex filled the air, making your head spin and your senses reel. With every movement, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, until finally you tumbled over, crying out his name as waves of pleasure washed over you.

“F-Fuck, you’re so tight, my love” Sebastian groaned, his voice strained with desire. 

You whimpered in ecstasy as he maintained a firm grip on your restrained wrists, his other hand skillfully undoing the clasp of your red lace bra with one hand. The delicate fabric fell away, revealing your breasts to him. They bounced and swayed with each thrust of his hips, drawing his gaze to your hardened pink nipples. Without hesitation, he swung you around and carried you into one of the closed stalls, never breaking contact with your body as he sucked on your sensitive peaks. The sensation was like a slow burn, building up until it consumed your entire being. 

With a firm hand, he pushed the stall door closed behind you, trapping you against the cold wooden surface. His strong arms lifted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his hips as he devoured your lips with his own. The heat of his body pressed against yours, igniting a fire within you.

“I’ll fuck you in every possible corner in Hogwarts, do you understand me?”

His hands roamed over your body, drawing gentle circles on your breasts before squeezing them and eliciting a moan of pleasure from you. He couldn't resist the taste of you any longer and eagerly sucked on your skin, savoring every moment of finally being able to have you. Just when you thought he would change positions again, he lowered you down a bit, and with an abrupt move he claimed you as his own, pulling your body inside of him. 

A sharp moan escaped your lips as Sebastian guided your weight. Every movement was under his control - how you entered him, how you exited him. As you looked down, you saw your glistening pussy eagerly welcoming his hard cock, sliding in and out of you with each thrust. Your hot juices threatened to splash against his lower stomach, evidence of the intense pleasure between you. 

Your vision blurred as he consumed you, making it difficult to focus on the sight of him thrusting into your soaking wet pussy. You instinctively reached out and grabbed onto his back, digging your nails into his skin as you moaned in ecstasy. Resting your chin on his shoulder, you were able to catch a glimpse of his reflection in a small mirror positioned perfectly in front of you. The defined muscles of his back flexed and strained with each powerful movement, adding to the intensity of the moment. As he continued to penetrate you, his perfectly round and smooth ass tensed and relaxed, driving you closer to the edge. 

Sebastian looked over his shoulder and caught you watching him.His eyes locked with yours, a wicked grin spreading across his lips before he resumed his sensual assault on your body. 

"Take my cock," Sebastian growled, his voice thick with desire. "Take it all in. You belong to me, now and always. You’re mine."

You surrendered to his words, feeling a rush of pleasure coursing through your body as he thrust deeper inside you. Your nails dug into his back, leaving red marks in their wake as you lost yourself in the intense sensation.

With each moan and gasp that escaped your lips, Sebastian's own sounds grew louder. His arousal building until he couldn't hold back any longer. With one final, primal grunt, he released himself inside you, filling you with his warm seed.

Both of you collapsed into each other's embrace, your bodies forming a perfect fit, you could feel his warmth radiating against your skin. The intensity of your hug made it seem as though the world had faded away. Your legs were wobbly and weak, but his strong grip held you steady. His chest rose and fell rapidly against yours, the sound of his racing heartbeat filling your ears. It was a familiar sound that you had longed to hear again.

He held onto you tightly, facing you with an intense gaze as if he never wanted to let go. His nose buried into the soft skin of your neck, taking in your scent, and his arms wrapped around you like a protective shield.

As your bodies intertwined in a warm embrace, his breath tickled your ear as he whispered those familiar words.

"Ever thy. Ever mine. Ever ours." You melted into him, gazing into his hazelnut eyes, now filled with sincerity and regret. It was the same quote you had signed each letter you sent him with, a constant reminder of your love for him. 

"Y-You read them? You-" Your voice trembled with emotion as you tried to comprehend his actions.

He had read them all, despite wanting to push you away and make you forget about him. A pang of regret shot through his voice as he continued, "I wanted to break your heart and make you hate me, to erase myself from your life. And for that, I am deeply sorry. I have read every word, every letter, written with nothing but love and anguish from your hand and soul." Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you realized how much he had suffered silently, just like you.

Tears glistened in his eyes as he repeated, "I-am-sorry," his voice cracking with raw and intense emotion. 

You gently pressed your lips against his swollen ones, the warmth of your touch bringing a sense of comfort to his beautiful face adorned with scattered freckles.

"You're forgiven." You whispered softly.

👉 It was Sebastian's turn >:)

👉 And in B&W because I did not feel like coloring today

[darkcrowprincess]

Harry Potter thoughts:

Sirius Black and Severus Snape were the only characters in the series that were named (secret names of course) in titles of books with Harry's name. And I like to think it's like each character is like a secret window into who James and Lily Potter was as people. They each haunt the narrative. But especially in each of those books. It's funny in a soft bittersweet way to think about. Both of the Potters best friends being in a title of a book. I like to think of it as representing several things. Two parts of a whole of Harry's parents love for him. Two people to stand guard to protect Harry. Two people to represent a kind of gift James and Lily left behind for Harry. Sirius gave Harry the love he always wanted. And Snape, he kept Harry alive. For better or worse he made sure Harry survived. It's again a bittersweet thing to think about. It's like Lily and James are saying to Harry, "Death is keeping us from being with you Harry, so we will send the two people we know best to watch over and keep you safe in our stead."

@potions-of-dark-devotion

(Don't like don't read. Post hate and I'll block you!)