#posing her like some kind of fucked up doll!

[lingeringscars]

Shauna always felt like jackie treated her like a doll. Jackie chose her clothes, her makeup, who she should date, and I'm almost certain jackie was the one who got shauna to try out for soccer. (I don't even like soccer!). Shauna never felt like a whole person with jackie (I don't know where you end and I begin) and at times felt like she was just a reflection of who jackie wanted her to be

Shauna resented jackie for this.

Jackie died for that resentment.

Shauna then treating Jackie's corpse as her own doll two months later. Literally envisioning jackie saying shauna was hopeless at applying makeup so she always had to do it as she did Jackie's makeup. The level that shauna is taking back control while talking to Jackie's corpse is astounding, especially when she ends up literally consuming everything jackie is.

She becomes jackie; she becomes what jackie would have been had she survived. Jackie controlled every aspect of shaunas life while she was alive and she still controls it now that she's dead.

[igotanidea]

Still waters run deep: Dick Grayson x f!readear

Summary: Here are some things I heard about myself: Kind of a girl that looks young, innocent and harmless. Kind of a girl you know is the weakest link in direct combat. Kind of a girl you tend to ignore beacuse she is no threat. The girl you feel the need to protect. (ironically, completely different than the previous one). A sensitive one. A shy one. Well, tonight I'm going out in sole purpose to have some fucking fun, cause life has been a mess lately. So, let's see if I'm going to act like shy and sensitive one after a couple of drinks. Oh, Dick's not going to like it.......

Warnings: cursing, a bit of smut (minors DNI!), mentions of illegal activities,

First person POV

This has been a hell of a week.

Between fighting with titans and keeping my secret identity a secret I also had to deal with day-to-day regular job and it made it twice as much energy consuming than for everyone else.

Of course, my thoughtful (and a bit too possessive) boyfriend tried to convince me to give one it up and commit to the Titans fully, but  much to his disappointment (to say the least) I refused , trying to balance it all.

So, can you blame for being stressed and drained?

Given all that I had two options – lay down, getting all my emotions suppress me or quite literally shake it off. A little party was just what I needed. But going out alone was not something I enjoyed, so the plan was to somehow convince Donna and Dawn to have a girl’s night out.

“I’m out” Donna muttered, not even raising eyes from the book she was reading

“Oh, come on” I whined “all work and no play…..”

“Don’t.” she cut me off, warning in her voice and instinctively I looked down moved by her harsh tone “Sorry Y/N. You know I don’t mean in in a bad way, but seriously. I really need some time alone, all right? I’ll join you next time.”

“Fine. I won’t push you. Hopefully Dawn will be up for the party.”

“Sorry, Y/N, I’m staying too. Hank has been going through something and I need to get him to talk before it gets out of hand.” Dawn chimed in

“Right. Can’t risk the big guy losing control.” I muttered getting her point but still disappointed

“No hard feelings though, right?” the blonde asked putting a hand on my shoulder, reassuringly

“No, no, of course not. I guess I will just go alone than.”

“Is your boyfriend not up to some dance with you?” Donna smirked knowing well enough how Dick felt about any and every party. Bruce had him discouraged during the years when he was forced to attend Wayne’s yearly galas. Therefore, I was not even going to ask him.

“Such a surprise, right?” I rolled my eyes ironically

“You know, maybe you should give him a chance.” Dawn suggested “I’m pretty sure he will go anywhere with you.”

“The point is, I want to party, not watch him eye everyone in search of a potential threat, so…. yeah, I’m going alone.”

“Stay safe than” Donna muttered, back into lecture

“She knows how to handle herself.  Have fun Y/N.

It took my quite a while to get all dolled up, wearing the dress that surely drew attention and was far more revealing than the hero suit I was used to, and putting a bit more makeup than on a daily basis. Truly, even with all my self-doubts and modesty, I had to admit I looked hot as hell. This is going to be a good night. I though as I sneaked out the tower.

***

Dawn was only partially right. I knew how to handle myself, but still all I heard from people was that H/N was the weakest link in combat. That Y/N was that kind of girl that pose no threat and the one you don’t really give attention to. It always made me …. sad and a bit angry for being seen like this. There was so much more to me they never seen. But tonight, tonight I was going to let it all go and just let loose. Knowing well enough, Dick would never approve of my plan for the night. Well, I was not his possession, was I?

***

Third person POV

Dick was working out, not surprising to anyone. He needed a good training after the whole week of stress, anxiety and fast action not that it was going to change anytime soon. He was truly hoping this will clear his mind, but clearly it did not.  So the other option was to find his girlfriend and let her soothing presence and her soft touches calm him down. He truly had no idea how she ended up with him. He was rage, she was clear thinking, he was impulsive and a bit reckless, she was always the one with the plan and clear vision. He missed her. For the last days they didn’t really spend much time together and when they did it was usually just sleeping together, tangled with other, trying to get as close as possible without disrupting the rest they both so desperately needed. Passing by was not good for the relationship and she pointed it out once, when instead of spending time with her he was up late, but he never listened. Until now. With the best intention to make up for his negligence he started searching the tower for her, but the girl was nowhere to be found.

“Has anyone seen Y/N? I can’t find her anywhere.”

“Seems to me like she finally broke.” Hank muttered with mouth full of some crazy dish he made “got to admit, she was pretty resistant in ditching you.”

“I’m serious. Did she left the tower?”

“Do you think you can keep her a prisoner here? She’s a free spirit, a fierce woman with ……”

Since Hank was not helping, Dick decided to ask Donna and Dawn if they knew anything. At first, they kept their mouth shout, not revealing the plan their friend made, but seeing his sad puppy eyes and real worry on the boy’s face they gave in.

“She went to a party” he repeated a bit confused. Why? Why would she go without him? Why wouldn’t she tell him a thing? Was she going for a one night stand? “Where?”

“She wasn’t specific about that, but knowing Y/N she joined the first club on the way.”

“I need to find her.”

“No, you don’t. She deserves fun.” Dawn objected

“It’s not like I’m going to destroy it” he stated, crossing arms on his chest “what?” his face dropped a bit upon seeing girls’ mocking expressions

“Not at all, Dick. You’re just a party animal.”

“I….” he tried to say something, but at the same time his phone rang and he was fast to pick it up seeing it was Y/N calling. “Y/N? Baby, where are you? are you all right? Did something happen? I will pick you up just tell me….”

“Dickie….” She slurred “I’m having so much fun! All those boys are just so friendly, you know. Wish you were here, boyfriend. TIME OF MY LIFE!” and then she just hanged up on him.

“Was she drunk? She never gets drunk.” Dawn was now a bit concerned about her friend safety

“Are you sure that she knows how to handle herself now?” Donna was obviously sarcastic on the outside but quite as much worried inside “she has no real fighting skills and if some creeps are all over her…..”

“Stop it!” Dick felt his blood boil at the mere thought of any other dude touching or even getting close to his girlfriend. If anyone were to cross the line and to hurt her,  he would have no mercy and no hesitation in permanently hurting all of the perpetrators “We’re getting her home. I’ll track her phone. “ he rushed to the elevator grabbing his jacket on the way, ready to fulfill his knight in shining armor duties.

“Do you think we should go after him?” Dawn looked at Donna. Dick was really in the state of mind in which he was capable of everything.

“I’m not his babysitter” Donna scoffed “And neither are you.”

 “But maybe we should make an exception and just this once follow him?” Dawn insisted

“What about Hank?” Wondergirl asked

“What about me?” said boy came through the door, a bowl full of food still in his hands.

“He can join.” Dawn shrugged, not really giving the boy any liberty to decide for himself

“What exactly are you girls getting me into?”

“A party, apparently. Main stars being very drunk Y/N and very angry Dick.”

“Well if that’s the show I’m all in.” Hank was already halfway to the door. “Are you coming or what?”

***

First person POV

I made a really, really good decision to come here. After a couple of drinks all of my inhibitions dissolved  and I wasn’t the quiet member of the team anymore. Oh no! Now I was the star of my own show! Dancing like there was no tomorrow, moving my body, showing my best moves. Old, quiet Y/N was long gone, the sex queen raised. Apparently I was not solitary in that opinion as a couple of guys, I was eyeing for some time now, came closer to me, following my dance moves. One of them grabbed my hips from behind as the other put his on my waist. Shit, they were both so hot and I giggled seductively trying to imagine how surprised Dick would be right now if he saw me. Not a good girl anymore! Not the one he could omit and neglect and left high and dry, unfinished . This was not a revenge or a payback, this was my way of getting what I needed, what I wanted, what I deserved. If my boyfriend wasn’t up to the job I needed some other forms of entertainment.

The song changed into something far more sexual and  the guy moving behind me started to pull me closer as his friend leaned in, his faces inches from mine. I did not stop him as his lips crashed on mine, his hands started roaming my body, caressing my skin pulling me off the dance floor. I let him fully take control of me. After all, like I said I was eyeing him all night, giving signals to come closer and have his fun.

“come with me, baby. Let’s go somewhere private and quiet, shall we. I’ll make you feel good, you look like you need it”.

“Less talking, more action” I whispered in his ear “I want to get you all alone, loverboy.”

The last sentence finally made him grab my hand tighter and get me out, downstairs. Apparently the club was situated above some old bunker, not that I cared when I picked it as my nightly destination.

Third person POV

  ***

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?

Getting the signal from her phone took Dick just  a few seconds and getting to the place where it came from, mere minutes. He was quite relieved to realize she wasn’t far but the view before his eyes made him regret getting here so fast. His love, his sunshine, his girlfriend was practically making out with some dude, that wasn’t him. In the middle of the club! What happened to the girl reluctant to any form of PDA!?

FUCK!

This fucking guy was touching her in the way no one else but him was supposed to! Getting his dirty hands on her perfect hips, trying to sneak them under her dress to feel her soft, smooth skin. For a while his mind was blurred with the memory of her naked body underneath him, whining and squirming in pleasure only he was capable of giving her. The flashback of her begging him for more, more…. Of her hands all over him, pulling him in, her soft moans as he was getting her high, her quiet words assuring him that she loved him so, so much and that he was doing so, so good…..

I need more, Dick…… please…. I need you so bad…..

I love you baby, I love you so much. Tell me you’re mine.

I’m yours, Dickie. Only yours…..

And I’m yours, baby. Let me show you…..

FUCK! FUCK! He was going to kill him for even looking in her direction! His poor baby girl. Seduced, probably drugged and used! The sudden movement, coming from the direction where she was, made him come back to reality and as he saw that lapdog drug her out into more secluded part of the building, the Robin with his ruthlessness took over his mind and action. Oh, this was going to be a bloodbath. 

Just a couple minutes later, the rest of the Titans team entered the club. At first glance everything was fine, but Dawn was quick to pick up on Dick’s figure disappearing behind the back. It took her  a second to figure out his posture was now different, more stiff, more grim, all his muscles tensed and fist clenched. The only things he was missing were mask and cape, but besides that, he wasn’t Dick Grayson anymore.

“Fuck!” Donna hissed realizing the same thing.

“What? What is going on?” Hank wasn’t even half as fast in recognition as girls, confused and lost in the situation.

“Just shut up and hurry or someone will end up hurt!”

***

First person Pov

“Where are you taking me? “ I giggled almost tripping over my legs, letting the stranger guide me

“Patience, baby, we’re almost there.

“I need you now” I whined, not being patient.

“I now, sweetie, I know. But trust me, once we’re in the safe place you won’t get rid of me….” He trailed, something dark in his voice

“I surely hope so…..” I started but didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence as something dark and stinking covered my head, my face included cutting off the oxygen supply and making me black out.

Oh, fuck….

***

I have no idea how long I was unconscious but I woke up to the sound of a few male voices, three or four most probably, but the extreme headache I was now experiencing did nothing to my evaluative skills. Oh, and I was also tied up, not able to move, my hands above my head, facing all the capturers.

“how many pills did you give her?” one of the man said

“One as planned.” The other replied

“Well, if it was one she would be up by now, you idiot! I’m serious, how many!?”

“One or two additional may have slipped in.”

“You dumbass! We need her aware of what’s happening! It makes everything far more funny.”

“I agree with him. The screams and attempted fight just spice the whole act” Ok, that was the third

“All of you shut up now!” the last one. So my calculations were right. There were four of them. Despite the situation, I congratulated myself in the back of my head. I groaned a bit and it got their attention “Oh, the princess is finally waking up. Welcome back to the land of the living, sweetie.”

“Where….. where am I?” I muttered narrowing my eyes. Gods, why all of the kidnappers always had to use the brightest light available.

“Well, it really depends from the point of view. From mine, you are on the verge of heaven, from yours probably first step of hell.”

“Are you the boss?” I looked him straight into the eyes

“ Are you always so eloquent?” he crouched next to me and grabbed my face painfully “and here I was thinking you were only  a pretty face and a nice ass” he slap my back and I flinched. What did I got myself into?

“What are you going to do to me?” I sobbed, tears falling down my cheeks now.

“Oh, there it is. You are finally realizing what is going to happen to you, don’t you?  Such a pathetic little bitch. Probably forgotten by a busy boyfriend, am I right? Desperate for entertainment and attention. Those are the easiest catch.”

I shook my head abruptly, the mascara smudged all over my face, vision blurry.

“Don’t cry princess. Where we are sending you, you’re going to have plenty of boys ready to thoroughly devour your attributes” the man laughed viciously. “Am I right boys?”

“So what is it? Some sort of trafficking ring? You sell girls to the brothels?” I gasped in terror, my eyes growing wide and mouth falling open in awe.

 “You little pinhead” he cooed “you’re lucky you’re pretty, because sensibleness is not your strongest suit. Yes, we will send you to one of our massage parlors. The clients will love you. And hey, another good thing. You will get to meet with some other bitchy hoses like you. After all, you were asking for it, weren’t you, you little slutty whoredog?” he leaned across, his face inches from mine.

“Ok, I think that’s enough.” I stated, becoming calm and sober in a blink of an eye. Before any of the guys wrapped their heads around the situations I did a flip, kicking their boss straight into the jaw, probably causing the ostectopy and sending him flying back. One out, three to go. The second one came right at me but I used my strength to hoist up and wrap my legs around his neck.

“Here’s a taste of your own medicine” I spat, now causing him to black out due to the lack of oxygen. “Not so nice is it?”

Two to go.

The third man came from behind me with some stick in his hands, his gaze fixed solely on my face. Oh, poor one, he thought he got himself some crazy weapon. Fool. It was way too easy to just trip him up, causing the guy to make friends with the floor.

“You bitch!” right, there was the last one. Probably the smartest (irony of course) observing my moves and trying to get the best strategy to get me.

“Please, tell me you are at least a bit better in fighting than those scumbags” I sighed in desperation. Honestly, my hands was becoming  a bit sore and I wanted to get over this situation.

“You bitch!” he yelled again. Definitely wasn’t the one with wide stock of words, but what can you expect in his profession. Taking cue from his friend, he tried to gather himself some gear, settling on a rusty chain laying nearby, spinning it over, almost hitting me. I just moved a bit to the right and then to the left and then a bit more to the wall, the man following me closely still playing with the chain. In the final moment I ducked and the weapon bounded off the wall hitting him right in the face, knocking him out. So, all four hurt, unconscious and defeated. The only problem for now was getting out of the rope that hamstringed my wrists.

“Do you need help with that?” a familiar voice and a familiar face egressed from the shadows.

“Nah, not really. I can handle myself” I smirked casually. In some other circumstances I would probably add a shrug but it was a bit impossible now.

“Mhm, I see” Dick came closer, stopping just a foot away from me. All of a sudden the closeness made me away of my vulnerable position. Ironically, I was not scared standing with my hands up in front of four dangerous men, but became paralyzed in front of my boyfriend. And shit if he didn’t; know that.

“Did you follow me? How much did you see? Wait, how long were you creeping there?” I tried to take control of the situation.

“Long enough to see you to do some improper things with someone that wasn’t me.”

“I bet he learned his lesson by now” I pointed my head towards said man lying on the floor, stepping from one foot to another. The position was getting more and more uncomfortable with every second.

“Oh, not even close. It’s me who will give him a lesson. When I’m done there will be nothing to pick.”

“Dick….” I whined, now really in pain.

“You got some moves baby” oh, this jerk really enjoyed having me on his mercy “why did you never show it in the tower?”

“You know, I’m really living by the still waters run deep rule. I…..” I groaned a bit and his eyes darkened at the sound “I like the element of surprise.”

“Do you? Well, this really was a surprise to me. In more than one way.” His face was now inches away from mine and I felt my cheeks (and not only them) growing hot.

“Dickie…..” I whined again

“By the way, are those the guys who were engaged in human trafficking? The one who sell girls to brothels?  The ones we were trying to track for the last month?”

“Yes…. I…..”

“So this was your plan all along?! Did you know how much danger you were in!?” his voice grew a bit more angry now. He was probably imagining all the things that could have happened to me. It served him right! “What if they were stronger than you? What if you weren’t able to defeat yourself? What if…..?”

“Grayson!” I yelled in frustration cutting him off.

“What is it babygirl?” he faked innocence.

“Can you… can you get me out of this ropes? Please? It hurts now. ”

“Don’t know. I saw you doing some things I didn’t like tonight. I think you deserve a bit of punishment for that” he smirked.

“Dickie….. please, please…” I moaned in that special way and it turned him on at once as he crashed his lips on mine, one of his hands lifting me up motioning to wrap my legs around his waist, the other untying the rope finally setting my arms free. As soon as he did both of his hands circled around my waist pulling me closer to his chest, squeezing me against his body while his lips and the kiss became faster, hungrier, more passionate and predatory. Not that I complained as my own fingers ghosted over his arms and chest, going down to the hem of his shirt, slowly peeling it of him. He groaned and pushed me to the wall to enable himself to pull that useless piece of material over his head. God, he was so well built it took my breath every time I saw him shirtless. He was so warm and strong I instantly felt safe, craving his touch, his attention and affection tossing my own shirt away.

“What happened to you?” he muttered against my skin, his lips moved to my neck and shoulder covering it with kisses and hickeys.

“What…. What do you mean?” I gasped as he found one particularly sensitive spot.

“We are practically in a public place. Everyone can nail us going so physical” his lips ghosted over my half-exposed breast “you were always so private, babe…..”

“I missed you” I confessed “and I honestly don’t care anymore. I need you. I want you. I don’t care who can see us…. Make love to me…..” I whispered and felt his pulse raise.

“I missed you too…..” his hands reached towards the clasp of my bra, letting my breast free “I’m gonna make you feel so good babe….”

***

“I don’t want to see anymore of this. I’m gonna be sick” dark haired girl standing in the corner turned on her heel and rushed out.

“Well, I am quite enjoying the show” the muscular boy let out a laugh but being hit through the head by his blonde girlfriend crouched and they both left the room as well. The only people present were two very longing for each other young adults, too busy with themselves to care about the rest of the world.

@somest1 @pinksirensong - I'm sorry to drag you through this ..... 🙈

[opheliajupiter99]

Lil' Gid (Part 2)

It was the early morning of the next day, cozily tucked away within the Inn at the End of the Road. After the initial scare and subsequent settling of Kremy's new friend from the other side, Kremy had fallen asleep back on his bed with the little doll tucked away in his jacket pocket.

Of course, the doll couldn't actually -sleep-, all it was really doing was laying there, waiting for Kremy to wake up. As such, it'd grown quite bored, especially since the Baron had told it quite a good deal of the others in the inn, and the curiosity combined with the boredom eventually drove it to carefully pull itself free of Kremy's pocket and hop down onto the ground, shuffling off and slipping through the door.

First, the little doll ended up in Gricko's room, peeking through the crack in the door before waddling on in. Gricko was curled up at the foot of the bed, fast asleep, while Hootsie was tucked snuggly in the bed itself, blankets pulled up tightly around her and a little stuffed toy cradled in her little claws.

As the door creaked open, Hootsie squirmed, peeking one of her big eyes open. At the sight of the doll, both eyes shot open wide in surprise. The doll waved, miming a giggle, before waddling up to the bed, hefting itself up with the aid of its chains.

Hootsie quickly pulled the doll in close to cuddle it; it didn't just -look- like Uncle Gideon, it smelled like him too! Maybe papa had gotten it for her as an early birthday present! Oh, this was the best day ever! Hootsie snuggled against the doll cheerfully, and eventually, as she was used to chew toys especially, nipped into the doll.

The doll didn't move against it, as he didn't feel it - somebody however, certainly did...

"FUCK!" Gideon shouted as he shot up in bed, his white shirt stained partially red as out of seemingly nowhere, a beak-shaped bite wound had appeared on his chest, gradually seeping out blood as he frantically dabbed at it with his blanket.

Kremy burst into the room shortly after, awoken almost immediately by the sound of Gid screaming. "What happened?!" Gid gestured to his chest, still dabbing away at the bleeding wound. "I dunno man, I just woke up to a shitton of pain outta nowhere, and this ugly thing!"

Almost immediately putting the pieces together, Kremy patted down his jacket, in such a panic to rush to Gid's scream he hadn't even realized the doll wasn't there until just now. "Ah shit...Gid, stay here, I'll be right back."

Without waiting for Gid to respond, he rushed to Gricko's room, flinging open the door, Gricko, who'd also been woken up by Gid's scream, trying to get Hootsie to hand the doll over to him; gently of course, which was probably why the wound on Gid's chest hadn't gotten worse.

"Hootsie! Gimme the doll, you're hurtin' Uncle Gid!" Hootsie let out a whimpering hoot, hanging her head at her papa, and now Uncle Kremy's, scoldings, spitting out the doll, who sat itself up on the bed and dusted itself off.

"Goddamnit ya lil' shit, I told ya to stay in my room til' I woke up!" The doll put its stubby hands to the side of its head in an 'oh no!' kind of pose, then mimed another giggle. "You know this lil' fella, Kremy?" Gricko said; of course, given it was a voodoo doll of all things, that'd perhaps be assumed, but suffice to say things were a bit frazzled at the moment.

"The Baron sent him up topside to help us. I'm sorry, I shoulda locked my door, I was just really all over the place last night; when the lil' fucker first came in, I thought I was dead and buried." He huffed, looking back to the doll. "Now come on, let's getcha sewn up."

"But shouldn't I help Gid, I can get some banay-" Gricko began, but Kremy waved a hand. "Nah, voodoo doll's don't work like that, Gricko, to heal the wound ya gotta fix the doll, ya can't heal it normal. Ya can throw whatever ya want at the wound and it won't do shit if the doll's still torn, that's part of why they work so well."

So, Kremy sat down and began to stitch up the doll, which in turn began to seal up Gid's wound. As expected, Lil' Gid was a troublemaker, though to expect anything less of a being from the other side was a foolish endeavor. But, even with that, Lil' Gid's intentions did indeed lie in helping - if it could stay in one piece long enough to help, anyways.

[coldslaws-gear-station]

So, I was in a good mood and I couldn't sleep, so I decided "Y'know, my AU has been giving me insane brain rot lately. I should really go do those concept designs!" My mood very quickly diminished by the 3 hour mark.

So just to preface, since these are concept designs they're all on the same body type and blank pose, as all three of them have different body types and sketching out all three of them would've actually made me go looney, also they're headless like all outfit design concepts should be

So let's start with the easiest design; N!

Her design is relatively the same as their canon outfit, just with his over shirt being transformed into a coat. The collar be more loosened to symbolise a more laid back kind of personality, and her turtle neck extending to their hands simply because I like it. Other than all that, she's the same, nothing to really note

Now we're going into a bit more of a complex design; Ghetsis

I'll admit I had some fun with this. A long dynamic coat to symbolise his incredibly dramatic personality, along with a faux corset to symbolise nobility in his iconic colouring. Flared pants simply because I like it and gloves for obvious reasons, the belts simply exist to be dramatic, they don't actually have a working purpose. Big pockets because he carries around too much stuff, and of course the plasma insignia.

His outfit is very covered, to show his modesty but also to hint as his body image issues that I won't elaborate on right now. However I did notice this left me without a section to colour with his skin tone, so I just slapped it above the turtle neck even though it basically covers his neck.

Now let's get to the problem child that had me dreading the end run of this; Alder

Do you remember that post you made about making designs more complex than a tshirt and pants gives you a hernia? I felt that, I felt that so far into my bones. If you look closely you can see the point where I just fucking gave up at getting it in the lines.

The fur is designed to give off more of a "look at me, obviously I'm important" sorta vibe. Also his front piece on his poncho on the canon design being switched to be on his back is to symbolised a "flipped" personality. Sun charm because I heavily associate him with the sun, wrappings around his hands and feet because he used to punch things too much but now he finds the pressure of the wrappings comforting, and the ones around his feet are because he literally never wears shoes. In his defence though he stayed in his room basically all of his life, you don't wear shoes in your room, at least I don't.

The moment I draw this bastard genuinely outside of concepts I may actually perish, this bastard gave me more of a headache than you could possibly imagine. But a complex design shows a complex character in a way, god I fucking hate drawing fur

- 💌

YEAAAHHH WOOOO THESE ARE GREAT . im a big fan of alders specifically i think you did great. also dw about the bodies i do the same, i have a little doll i use as a base when i need to design shit. agent mara and bau penny were made with the same base LMAO (still need to finish bau penny </3 but exact same problem, making outfits is torture. he's actually THE reason i made the hernia post his outfit has been a fuckging nightmare SIX HOURS OF WORK AND I STILL DONT HAVE A DESIGN I LIKE)

n is very cute though and i like the sorta glove thing going on. n with gloves or any kind of hand wrap really makes me 🥺😳 idk what it is.

ghetsis's coat is REALLY fucking cool ugh<3 love the warm tone on the base color. although ghetsis i will admit the eye pattern might make folks mistake you for a villain again /lh

and again alders is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 literally straight fire i think it's so great. i love the emblem especially and the colors all come together fantastically it's just 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 WOOOOO YEAH. can't wait to draw these mfs when i feel human again

[rui-drawsbox]

I’m back on my bullshit 😔. (This got real long as I was writing it so I had to add the keep reading thing for everyone’s sake)

so… Mika as a bit of a villain, a bit of an evildooer, a bit of a malicious man. Would he transform like the magical knights or would he have to manually change outfits? Cuz I doubt that he would just go out without covering his face or disguising himself. If he has powers I would assume he gets his own special form, like an evil magical girl lmao.

Also, I was thinking about Bingus 💀. Mostly the actual threat he could pose to the magical knights. He feels like the type to use henchmen/an army of mindless henchmen, like an army of living dolls.

So, Mika’s powers, if he has em. Personally I don’t know whether he would, he could just be real good in a scrap or have powers given to him by Shu, or he could have magic of his own. If he did have magic of his own I feel like it would be something he didn’t really know to use before Shu got involved with him.

On the topic of Mika’s powers (again), I’m not sure what they would be exactly. I have a couple ideas, shadow manipulation, some kind of physical enhancement thing that lets him fight on past the point of serious injury and do physical feats that shouldn’t be possible (like bending his spine in ways it shouldn’t, or lifting cars and shit like that), or bringing plushies to life, or something to do with crows. Idk man, he has so many options but being a villain and all means he can have more than one to make him threatening : D (I’m getting tempted to write 😔)

Also what weapon would he use? I feel like he’d wield something unconventional, like a chainsaw or those giant pairs of scissors that you see in anime. Alternatively he could wield something graceful like a lance or spear (maybe one that resembles a big sewing needle ✨). Plus with the reach that the spear would have it would make him more menacing, especially in a fight against people wielding swords (cough cough the knights). Either way he’d be terrifying in a fight, I can just feel it. He’s so pathetic but if you hand him a weapon he’s fucking scary. (I really want to draw him lmao)

ALSO JUST HAD A THOUGHT!!! Shu and Mika fighting together could be really cool cuz if Mika has that body enhancement power where he can be injured beyond what’s possible for a normal human and still fight Shu could manipulate him like a doll to fight viciously. I have fight scene ideas in my head. Like straight up angsty shit tbh.

maybe Mika doesn’t know Arashi is a magical knight, and after he finds out he doesn’t want to fight her anymore but Shu pushes him on and actively makes him fight with like his powers or something. Puppet master Shu <<<333

losing my mind rn, anyways Mika screaming and crying while being forced to actively fight Arashi <<33 let him cry 😎 (I love Mika so much but like I want to see him crying sometimes)

Also Shu regretting his actions after realizing how torn up Mika is (emotionally, not just physically for once) after fighting Arashi. Shu redemption arc? Nah, that’s for season two, he’s a villain, he’s gonna double down on his shitty behavior by internalizing all of this and pushing Mika away while yelling excuses to get Mika to leave. Like calling him broken or useless because he knows it will get Mika to leave him. 🫠 I love writing too much, angst specifically.

also Mika bonding with knights at school before the reveal and seeing them as his first actual friends and companions outside of Shu. I feel like that would be really cute.

back to the girl boss and her friends cuz I’ve talked about Mika enough for now.

ARASHI AND KNIGHTS NOT BEING FRIENDS BEFORE ALL THIS BULLSHIT (except Ritsu, girlies gotta be girlies ya know?) AND BONDING OVER ALL OF THIS SHIT AND GROWING TO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER LIKE A REAL FAMILY.

they should go sing karaoke together with Mika.

also just them doing domestic stuff together in general. Like having a movie night or cooking together.

ALSO, ya know how a lot of magical girl shows have like second forms or power ups that get revealed around the mid season, and how these are sometimes locked behind character based trials? Like, some character development has to happen first before the character can start using this more powerful magic?

I’ve been thinking. 😔 still don’t have words for these thoughts tho so I’ll be back.

Mika should unlock his true magical knight form, when.. OH HOLY SHIT HE COUKD BE LJKE A DARK KNIGHT, WAIT OH MY GOD I JUST HAD THIS THOUGHT!!! Back to what I was saying, he could unlock his true magical knight form after he leave Shu and, and! Decides to forgive him and actively starts working with the knights to save Shu from himself. Now that I’m thinking on it more, I feel like this would be more of a self actualization thing for mika. He’s finally making a decision for himself, and it goes against Shu’s wishes completely. Maybe he could get his actual powers in a burst of righteous fury over one of Shu’s self destructive actions :):):) broseph should grab that pretty boy by the collar and scream at him for once. It would do Shu some good to be yelled at occasionally, humble him.

I’m gonna shut the fuck up now. Arashi’s super magical girl form should be queen related cuz she’s the queen of knights, yada yada, I need to continue unpacking my stuff from my recent move, so I’m done opening my skull like a trap door and pouring the contents into your ask box for now.

I’ll be back (assume the tone was menacing, like an old wizard who speaks of the end times)

Your au is so fucking cool btw, thank you for the brain worms :):):)

Replying this took way more time than i thought because turns out i cant think in words lmao, so i sketched all the ideas i got from this in my free time the past days ksbxk

Starting with Mika and weapons! (And other's weapons but mainly Mika)

Yea hes pathetic but also the biggest menace with a weapon. At first i thought about double swords or some fact double weapon (u can see i recently watched the puss in boots movie) but i also like the idea of showing how inhumanly strong he is with his weapon, so a Claymore! A Big ass sword that is weird not being scared of getting closer! Im talking about his henchemen moment, because after all his redemption arc i feel like giving him a more futuristic spear, kind of like a sewing needle yea (i didn't drew that cuz i thought about It after but u get It?)

Now designs! My favorite parts! Henchemen!Mika:

An easy to fix/change-specific-parts uniform! Provided by his boss!

I honestly think he would not be completly human, mabye a genetically modified one or entirely artificial. I mean, if Knights are getting their powers from some random alien why not artificial people? I like the idea of his body being like a wooden doll, those which all their joints are joined by an elastic inside the body (or reference dolls for artists if is easier to search?), so he could stretch/broke his bones all he wants without worrying, besides, if his skin is hurt badly Shu would "heal" It for the sake of his incognito mode!

After redemption!Mika:

Dont focus in the colors--I'll fix It when i make everyone's outfits in digital skdjjs

Futuristic! Neon! Transparent parts of clothing! Bold shapes! Mika is now a brand new person, letting behind his heavy past focused on obedience to live his own life! In part thats why i wanted to give this version of him a spear, because its a lot more lighter than the Claymore and can be used a lot more freely!

Now the rest of Knights designs! Ritsu, Leo and Tsukasa:

(Tsukasa sword is in the wrong hand but lets ignore that)

Ritsu's skirt is really puffy, mainly because It makes me think its extremely comfy and soft like a cloud should feel! His cape is in the right side so It won't bother when using his sword

Leo skirt is parted at the side so he isnt limited by the cloth when fighting, talking about that! I gave him two swords mainly because hes ambidextrous but also because he gives me messy figther vibes, specially having fun when is surrounded

Tsukasa always gave me the most classical knight vibes, so he has the most simplest but not less elegant outfit! Really, search Female Knight and at least in the first five images there's someone with a similar skirt/naked legs

Now with some random ideas: i would LOVE the idea of Knights adopting Mika after he's dumped by Shu, It would be like Arashi taking care two times at week, the others one day at week and the free day they do a sleepover all together! It would be like that until him and Shu make up in the second season lmao. And yes It would be a heavy angst, the series starts with Arashi learning how to be a Magical Girl and making friends along the way and then It finish being super dramatic and sad. The only thing that could recover watchers from the finale is the classic outro where It shows everyone's getting along, Shu being scolded by Mika for being rude to someone and the final image is the graduation photo with everyone showing their diplomas and jumping like the good ol' Friends they are JWJDJJA

But no yea, come back anytime, i love reading all your ideas for the au! Theyre very creative and is super fun to imagine all the situations you describe!

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 385 - 445

TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed" TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN" TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there

so fucking true Dave, keep spitting.

EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.

ULTIMATE WHITE BOY BRO STRIDER.

oh hey it’s the page I used to showcase Hussie’s affinity for slurs.

uh

still bad.

me when I fucking sTAB MY MOTHER.

I’m having rough flashbacks to HS^2 and I don’t like it.

also I just gotta say that Mom is the coolest looking person in this entire comic I mean just look at this fucking POSE.

it just screams “hello daughter you are going to get fuckin served.”

yes. the pony. beloved Maplehoof.

I’ve always seen this idea that the process of creating Earth, and by extension Universe B, involved taking the attributes and interests of the 12 trolls and morphing them into brand new instances and ideas, like how Gamzee’s Juggalo religion manifested as ICP on Earth.

I like to think that the entirety of the For Assholes book series exists through a recycling of Karkat’s personality.

also that fucking Asshole Note is comedy gold.

aw yeah time to fucking beat the shit out of an imp let’s

shit.

W magnet.

alright for real this time let’s kick the shit out of this imp.

goddammit.

also another White John can be found in this flash, collect all 7 to turn Super White.

also the Egbert Centipede I guess.

Tip: I am so fucking mad.

OK 1 MORE TIME.

he did it. he destroyed the fucker. John man.

YES.

DO THE THING.

YEEEAAAAAAH.

yeah.

fuck you cat I am about to revive.

IT’S HER, CLOWN GRANDMA.

HI NANNA.

TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them.

what did she mean by this.

what did she mean by this?

what did she mean by this?!

TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

not saying it.

Page 422, titled “[S] GO ON. ==>” completely underrated flash, just listen to this fuckin song.

it captures the feeling of a big expository RPG cutscene so damn well I love it, it’s like I’m a kid again.

this is also just one of my favorite Sburb mechanics, I love the concept of basically deciding the abilities and aesthetics of the NPCs via prototyping, it’s such a cool little thing and opens up a lot of possibility for any fan-sessions.

JOHN: ok, i think i get it now! JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad! NANNASPRITE: Yes, John! JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!! NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!

NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that! JOHN: oh...

I fucking love this sequence because John activates the Cheery Protagonist Mode ready to assemble a team of teens with attitude in order to save the world from Dark Chess and whatever only to hear that the entire world will end and his response is just “aw..... :(”

I went on this entire shpeel about the potential of writing an isolationist John based off of willy nilly prose narration at the beginning but MAN do the early versions of the kids not give a SHIT about what’s going on.

“John Egbert, the Earth is doomed, it is going to explode, all life will die, you and your friends will be the last living things remaining.”

“:(”

AND THEN HE JUST MOVES ON.

this is a very weird moment that sticks out when looking at the comic as a whole because the weight of literally all life dying at once is nonexistent, but at the same time, this is fucking hilarious.

it makes think about a lot of rewrites I’ve seen where they try, emphasis on try, to give the fact that world ends more emotional relevance, and they basically kinda force this by introducing random background characters who are obviously going to die immediately.

like “oh hi my name is Huma Nfriend I’ve been besties with John Egbert since childhood we’re very close and cool and we’re gonna play a game called Sburb!!!” and then they just

I understand y’all want to make the characters actually feel something in regards to the entire home blowing the fuck up but there’s gotta be better ways than inventing some characters just to fridge.

also John does this.

uh, yeah. I don’t know.

he’s having a moment.

just give him some space.

ok now that’s just rude.

god Rose’s house during the winter is so pretty.

holy shit a Jade and Rose conversation, I hope we get plenty of these! (we do not.)

Jade knows about Sburb??? and it could bring Jaspers back to life???? what could it me- ok this joke already fucking sucks.

ah yeah it’s time to beat the shit out of the local whiteboy.

this shit is so fucking cool oh my god.

also there are literally meteors falling as Dave looks out and I guess he does give a shit.

[fan-kingdoms]

reposting my rant about sirenix and why s5 ROBBED US

so i wrote this rant a while ago in an addition to a personal post and i figured it deserved its own post. basically i have a lot of feelings thoughts and anger over sirenix as a fairy form and i think a better-executed harmonix would've been a better sirenix. here we go:

IN DEFENSE OF HARMONIX: Plot-wise

so we can’t just start on sirenix without first talking about harmonix, which is a big part of my anger towards it. while i do find the idea of a “stepping-stone” fairy form that builds up to a more advanced form interesting, the whole concept falls apart when the endgame form is such an obvious downgrade from the preliminary form. let’s look at harmonix for a minute.

the two main criticisms of harmonix are that it's A. unnecessary and B. very same-y in terms of character design. it is kind of unnecessary but that doesn't mean it can't be fun! i think the whole "temporary form" thing could have been handled better than just getting it when they open the book. it's like the winx equivalent of "it's dangerous to go alone, take this! *gives link a sword*" which makes it feel incomplete. it could've been really cool if harmonix posed some sort of challenge that forced the girls to grow into their powers or think of new angles of using them, in addition to the whole "find these gems before the month is up or lose your powers forever" thing. i would've liked a plot where the girls have to prove that they're worthy of sirenix not necessarily through getting some crystals, but by mastering harmonix first. but hey we can't really expect fantastic writing from winx club (affectionate) so sometimes we gotta deal with the fact that a fairy form is there to sell some dolls and look cute

AND SPEAKING OF LOOKING CUTE!

2. IN DEFENSE OF HARMONIX: Design-wise

first off i really wanna say that harmonix really slayed with the transformation sequence, SO aesthetically pleasing. you can tell the girls are becoming water nymphs it's so flowy and graceful, plus its nice to see them with wings Not the size of a fucking truck. i see the samey-ness here with the design but i actually think they did a really good job with it, and that it's suitable for the concept

first off, harmonix is a temporary form that only lasts maximum a month, because that's how long you have to complete the sirenix quest before losing your powers forever and never having a fairy form again. with this logic, it makes sense for harmonix to be a one-size-fits-all costume to slip into for a bit— it doesn't have to be properly tailored to the girls' individual selves and styles. yet, it does a much better job than sirenix at doing that!

when you look closely, each harmonix outfit calls back to the girls' older fairy forms. look at bloom— she's the only one with a tiara, bringing to mind her magic winx crown, and her skirt has all these layered ruffles, reminiscent of her enchantix dress and even her believix skirt. stella's got the same ruffling that matches her believix skirt, and if you look at her wings you can tell they're modeled off her magic winx wings. flora's dress has that light pink triangle on the top, which exactly matches the design of her magic winx dress, and her skirt has these flower petal shaped pleats which echo back not only to her powers but her believix skirt. as for musa the diagonals in her dress remind me of the mesh cutout in her magic winx dress. tecna's wings are clearly modeled off her past wings, and so are aisha's, that jagged shape from magic winx is there even with the gentle style of harmonix. she's also got the one-shoulder top with the strap on her right side, like in magic winx. it's really subtle but the resemblances are there! also, i love the way each girl has unique sparkle effects on their wings (bloom's hearts, stella's stars, flora's flowers, musa's notes and treble clefs, tecna's diamonds, and aisha's swirls)

and no matter what you say about harmonix you have to admit the spells are BANGERS. thirteenth seal? diapason? incredible.

and now we can finally move onto the main event

3. WHY I HATE SIRENIX SO MUCH!!- Design

honestly this should speak for itself i shouldn't have to explain it. fashion? gone. individuality? gone! CHARACTER COLOR SCHEMES??? GONE. it's just so terrible. what in the 2012 justice store fashion is this.

why is there so much purple. the only one who's actually in her own color scheme is flora, and even her colors are slightly off. why is there so much purple in bloom and stella's outfits purple has NEVER been in either of their color schemes. what is with musa's lime green skirt. WHERE did those blue-green colors in tecna's leggings and wings come from. even aisha's purple isn't right, her purple has always been very pink, the magenta morphix color. why are the streaks in their hair like that.

it's the same massive wings copy-pasted onto everyone, high ponytails across the board except for flora and tecna, same weird mesh cutouts?? like what's happening here. they look like they're wearing tacky patterned leggings. despite the uniformity in outfits among the girls, the outfits themselves aren't cohesive— they're chaotic and look like they've been thrown together without any regard for actually looking good. and looking good means a lot to the winx!! and what's more it just looks so… immature compared to harmonix. they go from these mermaidlike, gorgeous, graceful creatures to the garish eyesore that is sirenix and it just feels like a regression. if getting sirenix makes them these powerful fairies that can coexist with the ocean, make the outfits reflect that growth and that power

4. WHY I HATE SIRENIX SO MUCH!!- Plot

i really hate the way sirenix fit into the overall story. it really isn't any more powerful than enchantix, only better suited to water, so why would the ancestral witches have to curse it? why was that the trump card power daphne was going to use against them? like she definitely has enchantix why did she need sirenix on domino while the witches were attacking?? and daphne is another reason why the sirenix designs are so heinous!!!! daphne is THE sirenix fairy, we assume it was her favored form (though i don't know WHY), and we always saw her in nymph dress, with her flowing gown and mask and general ethereality. if it weren't for her coming back to life (and believe me i also hate her human character design i barely even consider it daphne) and transforming, i would not be able to imagine her wearing anything like the sirenix outfit. you're telling me that daphne, nymph of magix and previous guardian of the dragon flame, beautiful goddess older sister, would be wearing that tacky legging-ribbon-bathing-suit abomination??? absolutely fucking NOT! it just clashes with literally everything we know about daphne up until that point (s5).

lastly. why the hell do the winx keep using sirenix post-s5. they hardly Ever go underwater after that please god just use enchantix again

in conclusion harmonix was good actually and we all got robbed by sirenix they should have switched the designs and the spells

[egipci]

hi! i love your fics and writings! i was wondering how john might feel about authorities like the police or the military, given the requirements of his lifestyle, and seeing dean's acab attitude, do you think he came back disenchanted from the war? or that being a hunter has changed the way he sees these agencies? or maybe opposing them is just occupational hazards? i mean. do you have headcanons for these things?

hello and thank you, kind anon! That's such an interesting question. You got me thinking about a little scene in the police station after Mary burns, a la Manchester-by-the-Sea, where John is still in shock about what happened and in disbelief about seeing her on the ceiling (because that's obviously not the result of a routine gas accident, though maybe a kind of home invader--- but then again what human can pin a person to the ceiling like that and escape in the three seconds between her screaming and John finding her? So that couldn’t have actually happened) and he's like "I got drunk, I fell asleep in front of the TV, I heard Mary scream, I woke up and I went to see what happened, and as soon as I went into the room it exploded" ---

Or, in the world in which Azazel momentarily possesses him to feed Sam and is found out by Mary (she didn't recognizes him at first!)--- in that world where he remembers sitting down with a beer and watching a movie and then maybe -- moving around the house, going up to that room but not remembering why, feeling out of control of his body or in a trance, or where he has a weird gap in his memory where he just blacked out until his wife screaming woke him up ---

Or, even the world in which he recognizes right away that someone invaded his home and killed his wife--

In all these scenarios it comes down to "I got drunk, and my wife got killed, and you're just... letting me go?" and the police is like "Sorry, man. Accidents happen, it's not a crime to get drunk, and there is no evidence of any foul play here" --- and in all these scenarios he comes away with a deep impression of the ineffectualness of the police, who are letting fuck-ups like him out there getting married and having kids and getting to keep these kids even after such profound failure (and/or not looking for the person who killed his wife). And of course after he speaks to Missouri that disdain takes on an extra layer of pity or condescension, because obviously the police don't know what's out there and cannot for various reasons. And over the course of his hunting career they are mostly a nuisance and an occupational hazard --- and they pose a real threat to his custody over his children -- but they're useful insofar that they give some people closure --- maybe rarely, but it happens.

That tangent aside, I'm also intrigued by little John growing up in Kansas in the 1960s, raised by a single mother, probably lower-middle class, if not just outright in poverty--- sure it's the Sexual Revolution, but I'd be surprised if women like his mother were not harassed/ heavily-policed. The 1960s was also the rise of mass incarceration and a period where, for example, the welfare system utilized police apparatus to monitor "welfare fraud" --- including literally making midnight visits into women's home to inspect if there were a "man in the house," or denying benefits to mothers who had children out of wedlock or who held a job that earned them so little they could barely survive, or where your neighbors who didn't like you could just call the police on you because you should be poor and on welfare but your kids have dolls and new clothes or whatever. Of course these policies disproportionately impacted black and brown people, but white people were obviously not completely shielded from state intervention.

I also think a lot about John's own abandonment issues/daddy issues and the kind of trouble he got into as teenage rebellion or teenage angst or whatever, combined with the fact that he looked like that. Did he have a dad-hole anywhere near the size of Dean Winchester's? Absolutely not --- but he was a young pretty thing, raised by a woman, having to "perform masculinity" in a way to protect himself and his mother, and I'm contra mundi re: this headcanon, but I think part of why he's so cognizant of Dean's sexual appeal to monsters and humans alike is that he himself to some degree was sexualized from a young age and has experienced sexual aggression from men, including but not limited to, police officers. So like, does he have respect for local police? Probably not. (Which is why Bad Boys is nonsensical).

Now, re the military, I think it's not uncommon for people to have some kind of cognitive dissonance in their views about the military vis-a-vis the police, even though the police is increasingly heavily-militarized. Even if you're an anti-police libertarian, the police is bad because it's the state interfering in your life, the military is out there far away fucking with some other people. (If you're a white supremacist, the police and the military are fucking with brown people who need fucking with.) It's interesting too that John joined the Marines 1) not only willingly, but through fraud, when there was already a significant movement against the draft and draft dodgers were prosecuted 2) when over 50% of Americans were against the war, and the percentage was probably much higher among his age group, 3) the Pentagon Papers came out in 1971, around the same time he enlisted. Like--- guy, what were you thinking?! Still, young men and women get duped into the military every day, so, does this make him particularly evil or unethical? I don't know. We (generalizing here), for better or for worse, have gotten really good at separating the US's war crimes from the people who perpetrate them --- intelligence agencies and politicians lie and get Americans killed, or so it goes. It's not uncommon to hear from veterans who deeply regret what they were asked to do while still recognizing themselves and the people they served with as victims. So, does he regret joining? Probably. Does he maintain any loyalty to the military as an institution? Maybe. Does he maintain loyalty to the veterans he served with, or veterans at large? Absofuckinglutely. We don't really have a lot of evidence either way, but we know John spoke of his family in military idiom and understood himself as drill sergeant, which suggests he finds some value in the institution or its methodologies. (See also Dean's running to help Deacon, or his attempt to connect with random Marine man in S1.)

[scurvgirl]

The VMA fashion this year was so bad I have to talk about it. Under the cut for length. If you liked the fashion this year, feel free to move on. Also, this is about the FASHION and NOT the people. And these are just my personal thoughts - I am very much just someone who casually enjoys fashion but damn. I have THOUGHTS right now.

Nicki Minaj in Dolce & Gabbana.

This isn't 100% hideous because waist up, it's beautiful - the viel and the bustier are lovely. Waist down is a different story. The panty is so boring and then the V to mid-thigh seam is just...SO BAD. SO SO BAD! It looks like a cheap, grandma curtain. There are four different lace patterns here and they're not blending well at all. The color is nice on Nicki's skin but I cannot look away from those seems, they are so so bad.

Taylor Swift in Versace

Girl I am so sorry they did this to your boobs. They look lopsided and just...bad. Otherwise, this is a really boring black dress. the buttons are...there I GUESS. But the rushing looks so frumpy around her right hip and it's just...bad.

Cardi B in Dilara Findikoglu

This would be 100% better with 66% less skirt. As it is, it looks EXTREMELY uncomfortable and the balance of this kind of material to skin is off for me.

Doja Cat in Oscar de la Renta

This isn't fucking fashion. I don't care if it's Oscar de la Renta, this looks like she walked through one of those bagged spiderweb things you get for your bushes on Halloween. Just because your tits are out and you're wearing nude shoes and a thong and your head is shaved doesn't mean that everything you put on your body is fashion. This isn't against Doja Cat, this is just...not fashion. There is nothing inspiring about this.

Megan Thee Stallion in Brandon Blackwood

We've seen this. It's not bad, Megan looks great. But it's boring.

NSYNC

Isn't the point of coming out of the closet to embrace your true gay self and to make sure your fellow boy bandmates don't dress poorly? I mean, this is just...sad.

Charlie D'Amelio in Shushu/Ton

I actually don't mind the dress, but the hair with it is just...and the pose...something feels sinister here. Janelle Monae could have rocked tf out of this but instead we get this.

Sofia Carson in Alexandre Vauthier

Alright sequined Cookie Monster, come through. I see you. The color is great, I like the play on small to big sequins, but the design of the bottom half is bizarre to me. They look like dragonborn legs meets harem pants.

Bebe Rexha

Girl, why'd you hot glue a horse tail to your ass?

Karol G in Ashi Studio

I actually like the dress and coat (contrast to Doja's, there is structure and interest to this beyond just using Karol's body). I'm just putting this here because it is clearly so heavily inspired by Kylie Sonique Love. The doors she has opened.

Quincy Combs

The depressive state of men's fashion in one photo. Just...ugh.

Nicky Hilton wearing something a middle aged mom in Dillards would see and go "Kaylee!! This is so cute!"

Jennifer Aydin

Wearing something you pick up on the Jersey Shore for a shotgun wedding.

JT in Mirroir Palais

Someone help my fellow big tittied girl, if she takes a breath, those puppies are breaking loose. Dear designers - please fit thine cups properly. Girl is slightly hunching too to keep it together. Yeesh. (Love those shoes though)

Kaliii

What is with this trend of cutting at the mid-thigh? It's terrible! It's disjointed, confusing, and not in a good way. I am all for fashion that is just WEIRD, I'm here for it. But this isn't that, this is seriously trying to be pretty and it's just not. Also, girl, there is a better shade of orange out there for you, get something with a dash more red so it doesn't wash you out.

Not all the fashion was this bad. So here are some notable wins in my book.

Prince Derek Doll - understood the fucking assignment. This is stunning!! I WISH they had dropped the designer's name because they deserve recognition.

The Warning. I don't know who you are but I am gay and no immune to latex vampire dress vibes and chunky heels. You look great and I'm gay, so gay.

Maneskin because fuck gender, I'm gay, and YEEEEEEES.

Shensea. This gives me huge Him vibes from the Power Puff Girls and I am HERE for it. I love everything here, there's camp with the tiny bag and the glasses, sexiness, and just overall FUN. It's great.

Chris Olsen. I think men need to dress like this more often. If we're gonna see lady tits, I also wanna see man tits.

Coco Jones in Moschino. I love the early 2000s R&B vibes, the sleekness, the overall vibe - just great.

All photos are from E!online

[ikkaku-of-heart]

@pxison​ asked: (Yonji) - Ask is being put under the cut because it’s dirty

Corded muscles looped beneath knees work effortlessly to keep the engineer pinned down exactly where he wanted her. His hands kept hers in place and he wasn't looking to allow her to move an inch unless he permitted it.

And that wouldn't be for some time. Not until he took from her what he wanted and in turn overwhelmed her would he even consider slipping away and out of her heat. Hips all the while continued to churn and press, muscles flexing this way and that as he fucked into her relentlessly, putting on display that modified stamina and strength he was known for.

"Had enough yet?" He doesn't even sound overly exerted as he poses the question, he just wanted to see how fucked out she was by then to gauge his progress on fucking her mindless as he'd promised in the heat of the moment.

Her inner walls clenched around Yonji’s meaty cock, the way she was positioned ensuring that his pubic bone rubbed against her clit with every thrust. And fuck, those thrusts were deep in this position. She swore she could feel every thrust in her throat, and he was doing a damn good job hitting her G-spot. Her tits bounced with every hard thrust - they one of the two body parts that could properly move with how he had her pinned down, no matter how much she tried to squirm beneath him.

Ikkaku was realizing that she probably shouldn’t have questioned Yonji’s strength. Or at least, shouldn’t have challenged its uses in the bedroom. Of course being strong had its advantages, but she had underestimated how he’d use that strength in tandem with his stamina when it came to sex.

She gasped and cried out in pleasure, eyes glazed over and half-lidded as she came for the third time. Her hips tried to buck in response to the orgasm, but they were pinned down too firmly by his own. At least she was able to hear his question over her panting breath. Fuck, he didn’t even sound winded yet. Clearly he hadn’t been bluffing when he’d made his promise. She’d figured that he’d be the kind of guy who talked a big game but was actually a quick shot.

As her over-stimulated cunt throbbed, Ikkaku understood that she was well and truly fucked. At least it was in the good way.

“Nnnaugh!” Ikkaku groaned, her words getting cut off as he once more managed to hit both her clit and G-spot at the same time. Biting her lip, she worked to collect herself enough to properly respond. “Ah! You’re better...AH! Than I expected,” she whimpered, shaking her head. That was the other body part that she could move, and her neck arched as she felt another orgasm already building up. Her jaw fell open and she continued to pant and whimper, wondering how long she could last. How long Yonji would last. Fuck, if she passed out, would he just keep using her unconscious body like a sex doll?

Fuck, that thought was way hotter than expected.

Her next orgasm continued to build, and she looked up at the man pinning her in place and fucking her into the mattress. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were swollen, and a few stray curls stuck to her sweaty brow. “Don’t know...how much I can take but...more.”

[goron-king-darunia]

If you are buying the thing for you and you like it and it fits comfortably on your body, then it is for you, no matter what your gender is. If you are buying it for someone else and it looks like something they would like, use, wear, or play with, then it is for them, no matter what their gender is. Can we please stop using gender as a shorthand for gift ideas because IDK about the rest of you, but as a kid I was playing with Barbie like I was making war dramas, playing with fake food to practice cooking, building anything I didn't have as a toy already with clay and lego, using hotwheels to represent bigger cars in my games even when the scale was all wrong, playing with puzzles, go bots, dressing up my bunny rabbits and alligators in pretty dresses and santa outfits. My play was absolutely genderless. If it was a block, I built with it. If it was a doll or plush, I told a story with it. If it was a crayon, I drew with it. Dolls are not just for playing house, nor are doll houses, though I did enjoy that style of play. Lego are not just for making whatever model is on the package. I literally just got minecraft this year and my ass is playing fucking Lego. Like yes, I know the Ender Dragon or whatever. But bruh. I am just building with bricks. And I love it. Is it limiting in what I can build small-scale? Yeah, kind of. But even with all the weird pieces, lego is also limited. But I am still building shit and having fun. General rule with kids, ALL kids. They are brand fucking new to the world. They want to explore, experiment, and create. They have textures they love and textures they hate. But in general, if you give a child a doll or plush toy, they will tell a story with it, they will play house with it, they will play catch with it. If you give a child paper and marker, they will draw things. If you give them blocks they will build with them, make up games with them Godzilla city, bowling, build a scene to pose figures with, balance a tall tower. If you give them chess pieces they will make up whatever games they want with them, whatever. Chess with no rules, use the pieces as tops. No matter what you give a child, any child, they will use that toy in unexpected ways to suit their personality. So if you want a specific toy that a specific child will like, get to know the child. Don't assume the girl wants a pretty doll to style the doll's hair. Yes, I did that as a kid. I also used Barbie's legs to dig in the dirt because it spared me from mom uncomfortably digging dirt out from under my nails after I played outside. Barbie was a shovel. Barbie was whatever I wanted her to be. I loved fish and snakes and bugs as a kid. Still do. But I also liked "cooking" with my fake food and playing house with Barbie. I liked mixing potions with hand soap and perfume and flowers and dirt from the garden and hammering planks together to make "tree houses in the juniper trees in the side yard." I think the only games I never liked were sports because I didn't like overly complicated rules and not being able to just pause the whole game if I got tired. Kids will make up their own uses for any toy so if you don't know the child, get them LITERALLY ANYTHING and I promise you they will find some use for it.

dude today a customer brought me a birthday card and asked me "is this a girl birthday card or a unisex birthday card? I thought it was unisex but when I scanned it at the self-checkout it said girl birthday card." the birthday card was just a bunch of balloons with the text "happy birthday". and then when I was like "i dunno I think that's just the official name of the card on our system I'm sure a boy would be happy with the card" the customer was like "well if it is a girl birthday card can you tell me if this other birthday card is unisex or for girls? if the other card is unisex I'd like to exchange the girl birthday card for the unisex one". Like what. You can look at the cards. With your eyeballs. You are holding them both you can see them and decide whether or not you want the card. What the fuck are you talking about why are you asking me this

[redhead-reporter]

º ✧ 。continued from HERE with @alldaddy​ ! :’)

It was very, VERY hard to surprise an investigative journalist as talented as Mary Jane Waston - but god damn had Odin Borrson pulled it off spectacularly.  

They’d always been very UNDERSTANDING of each other’s high pressure jobs, rescheduling countless dates when his meetings ran long or her deadlines got tight without ever feeling slighted or unappreciated. It was part of what made them WORK so well together, that deep respect for each other’s work ethics. But ... c’mon. It WAS Valentine’s Day, one of the handful of days a year now that she was with Odin that MJ actually made sure she was off the clock with enough time to DOLL herself up for dinner. So when he’d texted her to say that he was running so late he couldn’t pick her up like usual, to just go on to the restaurant without him? Yeah, she’d been more than a little TICKED. Not enough to cancel the date, although the pettier side of herself HAD presented that as a brief option, but still. 

Thank god she hadn’t actually threatened that, considering what was waiting for her ...

To say MJ’s jaw hit the floor when she walked in would be an UNDERSTATEMENT. For a moment she’d just blinked stupidly, turning her head left and right as her brain struggled to make sense of what she was seeing. This was one of the hottest, most exclusive restaurants in New York City. It had a waitlist several years long that took having some serious connections to even get on. Tonight was the single biggest night for restaurants to be busy ... and it was fucking EMPTY. Like tumbleweeds rolling through, crickets chirping levels of empty. “Okay... what the hell is happening right now?” she’d tried to ask Vili, but when she turned around he was already gone. Instead there was only the staff who patiently guided the shell shocked redhead up the stairs and into the next room. 

With her heart HAMMERING loudly in her chest MJ tried to take it all in. The small fortune’s worth of her favorite flowers on every table, serving as a backdrop to the dozens of large framed photographs. That first vaguely blurry cell phone photo of the two of them at the club the night they met, captured by Harry in the hopes of alerting her EX to the new man she was eyeballing. Them together on the beach the first time she’d flown to LA to visit him placed next to a goofy selfie in his car when they took a long weekend up to a cabin in the Berkshires. A paparazzi photo of him smiling SO proudly at her when she won her first Pulitzer prize last spring, then the staged one his real estate agent had made them pose for when they got the keys to the penthouse. All broken up by sweet, private candids they’d taken over time, capturing SMILES they saved just for each other. It was practically a MUSEUM to their love story, enabling her to quite literally walk through their last two years together as the kind staff member led her towards the stairs to the roof. 

“Odin?” MJ managed to squeak out when she saw him standing in the center of it all, still shaking her head to try and clear her mounting confusion. She crossed the roof to him immediately when he reached for her, hoping that at least touching him might GROUND her enough to make sense of everything. But then he promptly dropped to one knee and she LOST her connection to reality entirely. If you asked her five years from now what she’d been thinking during Odin’s heartfelt proposal? The honest answer would be that she wasn’t thinking - she could only FEEL, could only vaguely register the tears that had begun freely falling down her cheeks as her free hand lifted in cliched shock to cover her mouth. 

All her life she’d thought this moment would scare the HELL out of her if it ever came, that she’d instantly fill with panic that they’d turn out just like her parents in the end and push whoever it was away. But the horrible dark nightmare of Philip and Madeline’s “love story” was the LAST thing on her mind. Why? It was simple, really - MJ loved him. Wholly, utterly, completely. She loved him so much that he didn’t even feel like another person to her anymore; he was PART of her, practically her right arm in everything she did. He believed in her more than anyone else, did everything in his (admittedly IMMENSE) power to support her without ever making her feel like she couldn’t have done it for herself. He always let HER dictate how fast or slow everything between them went, even when she could see in his eyes that it killed him a little to do so. He challenged her when necessary, he SOOTHED her when needed, and he made her smile just by being there in their oversized bed whenever she opened her eyes.

He was ... the love of her life. So really? There was only ONE thing she could think of to say as the candlelight made the stunning engagement ring inside the box SPARKLE like one of the sky’s brightest stars.

“... Yes. Yes, Odin Borrson, I’ll MARRY you.”

[bugscrew-diary]

I have been away.

A lot has happened since I last wrote a post here. It has been 3 weeks now. I actually wrote a chunk of a post about the kinds of crazy dreams I have, but I didn't finish it so it's just in my drafts now. There definitely is a reason for my initial neglect towards writing posts, but the extended absence is just a product of me breaking the habit of writing every day before it even had a chance to form. I don't really need to expand on that though, because I've talked about the problem of my habits in an earlier post.

The initial absence was caused by the unfortunate fact that I gave myself a little bit of weed induced psychosis. The actual weed psychosis part sucked but really, the bad part was the week long battle with debilitating anxiety and mild psychotic delusions that followed. It got a little better every day, but the first few days were excruciating. I couldn't do anything without it causing a panic attack. However, I think it was worse the first few days because the main source of the anxiety was that I thought I just fucked my brain forever and I was just going to have horrible anxiety and moderate psychosis for the rest of my life. It went away though, so I'm back.

I wanted to write about all of it the first day after it happened, but I couldn't even text my friends a brief, just one-sentence explanation for what happened without triggering a new panic attack. Writing a whole post about it was definitely out of the question, especially because I still believed some of the delusions caused by the psychosis and I felt anxious about the fact that I would be writing about things that I knew weren't true but still somewhat believed. But the anxiety is gone now and I feel inclined to write about the experience and what it felt like to have MIP, a random acute anxiety disorder, and delusions that genuinely scared me.

It started after getting way too high and seeing a tweet about Lily Rose Depp. I didn't know what she looked like, but I know people think she's pretty so I was curious to look at her instagram. I scrolled through a few pictures and quickly became infatuated with the fact that you couldn't see her neck in most of the pictures, and if you could, some other part of her body that I can't remember anymore was covered. It's a weird thing to become fixated on, but I did and the more I scrolled, the more my suspicion was confirmed. I believed she wasn't real. I thought she was some kind of doll or mannequin, being placed in different outfits and poses for pictures. This then sent me down a spiral, believing that no celebrity was real and they were all these mannequins that just get toted around for pictures. I still don't know why, but this thought scared me and led to the craziest panic attack since my shrooms trip went bad, and it actually might have been worse than that.

I finally calmed myself down after about 2 or 3 hours of trying, walking around in my house, seemingly in the clear only to go back to my bed and have another panic attack. I thought I was gonna be like that forever, but after a few hours of spiraling, I realized that I was not in the headspace to be deciding whether I thought that was true. I finally somehow calmed myself down enough to sleep and decided to deal with it in the morning. When I woke up, the first few hours were okay, but then I quickly realized it was just as bad as the night before and I was having constant panic attacks all day. This made the thought that I was stuck like this forever even worse because it was seemingly being proven by the fact that this was now a 2 day ordeal. Plus, I still believed the delusions that I also simultaneously knew weren't true. It's a weird thing to experience, wholeheartedly believing that something could be true when you also wholeheartedly understand it to be factually untrue. It's especially strange when that thought is unsettling or even anxiety-inducing for absolutely no reason.

I think this was all so scary for me because my brain doesn't typically operate emotionally and especially not anxiously anymore. I used to have pretty severe anxiety about everything, but now I think of myself as an extremely rational person. This doesn't mean smarter, I just mean I tend to lead with logic (or attempted logic if my conclusion is wrong, I suppose), rather than emotion. It is very rare that I make a decision, big or small, by way of emotion. It is even rarer that I don't take something I perceived and mentally expand upon it until I've drained all the intellectual life out of it, or I get distracted by something else. Both of these processes were smashed to pieces for almost a week straight because 1) the conclusions I would come to when I would try to expand upon something were completely illogical and deluded and I knew it, and 2) I was completely unable to mentally expand upon anything without it triggering some amount of anxiety because of that, but I was still trying because this is just how I operate. It's not even really "trying," it just happens.

To be fair, the reason the psychotic delusions stayed bad was because they were triggered by the Coffeezilla video about the IShowSpeed crypto scam situation. The part that brought the anxiety back was the fact that he brought a fake Cristiano Ronaldo on stream to promote the scam he was a part of. This was literally my fake celebrity delusion from being put into real life practice, right in front of me, literally 12 hours after it spawned in my mind. This situation genuinely made me anxious almost every day for over a week after the initial break, but honestly I think that was warranted considering what an insane fucking coincidence that was. I ended up watching a bunch more Coffeezilla videos after that though, which is really cool because he's genuinely a great YouTube journalist and it's nice to have that now.

The true saviors of that week were TMG, though. Their podcast has been my go-to safe media for over 3 years now. It might even be 4 at this point. Even on the initial panic attack night, where nothing seemed to be able to make it stop, I used their podcast to help calm down and it actually worked for a little bit. It completely worked every single day I had anxiety after the first night until it finally went away. If I need something to fall asleep to, it's always them. I don't know what it is about them that is so comforting to me, but they encapsulate and deliver true calmness for me. I listen to both podcasts every week and it's still not enough. I've never stuck with a content creator like I've stuck with them and it's not even through any effort. They're just part of my routines now. I appreciate them so much and I hope I have the money to go to one of Noel's comedy shows soon.

Anyway, I think I've said enough considering I'm going on tangents now but I'll have more to say tomorrow or the next day because I have a job interview and my friend who lives far away now is coming home tomorrow. Plus, I didn't even write about how I bumped my car into someone else's 2 days ago and I'm being unjustly held liable for damages I didn't cause <333.

Also, it'll be a slightly more difficult post, and it'll probably take me a few days to write, but I want to write about stan culture and its relationship with mental health and now corporations. I'll be writing a fully fleshed out essay about it, but I don't have my thoughts organized at all, so I think a post on here will be a good place to start that. I also want to write a post about Charles Leclerc soon as cringe as it sounds but I have much to say about my own thoughts, my mindset surrounding him being an actually pretty good thing to frame it around so we'll see if my cringe detectors will let this one slide and let me post that to the internet when I finally write it.

Ok byeeeee.

[onsunnyside]

Sonny imagine airhead!reader being bounced between the frat boys. She loves having their attention and being full of each of the boys cum. She loves being sandwiched and tossed around inbetween all of them while one films it, her long lashes batting at the camera with a teasing smile and glazed eyes. She loves when they appreciate how she dresses up and pampers herself just for them. And they love it too, manicured nails and pretty soft hands rubbing over their bodies and cocks, her pretty lips always soft and pressing kisses all over their faces and bodies, looking so swollen and gorgeous wrapped around their cocks and in an ‘o’ shape when they pound into her. They love marking up her soft skin and blemishing it with their marks of ownership. They love flaunting their pretty doll in her skimpy outfits around the school, smirking when the other guys show how jealous they are that the frat boys snagged the prettiest airhead on campus. She gets so jealous when girls try to flirt with them, whining for their attention and tears welling up in her eyes at the thought of losing one of them, pressing kisses and biting marks wherever she can reach. And being catty and pouty if a girl even stares too long at one of them. She loves being dressed up in the cutest lingerie and posing for them while they circle around her like animals to their prey, their eyes full of lust and possessiveness as she wiggles her hips and poses for the camera they only use specifically for her. They each have a polaroid of her, each picture customized perfectly to their taste and want. Oh the boys love their perfect little doll and she loves being that for them .. 🧚🏻‍♀️

AHH THE FRATBOYS' AIRHEAD ?? COUNT ME IN !!

you're ditzy, sweet, kind, and just so pretty, making everyone weak in the knees !! you're too dumb to get into drama or trouble, so you're on everyone's good side and could easily bat your eyelashes to get whatever you want. (why would anyone be mean to a dummy like you🤧🤧)

some guy asks if you're busy after class, he caught a glimpse of your panties bc your skirt is so small. and so casually, you answer: "Oh, no. My boyfriends are taking me to dinner!" and ofc, he just blinks at you, "boyfriends?"

cue the montage of these big beefy frat bros doing frat bro things, like partying, messing around, and absolutely dominating on the football field, sweaty and covered in dirt, practically dogpiling you after their win !! talk about a dream 😪

i love the jealousy on both sides !! the boys are smug and cocky, but won't hesitate to knock someone's teeth in if they pushed too far. and you're whiney and pouty, always making your rounds during parties so all the girls know those fellas are taken !! lots of lap sitting (probably dry humping too), kissing their faces and necks, sliding your hands up their shirts, and all that.

let's talk about those polaroids hmmm?? now i only know for sure that ari, steve and, curtis are the certified frat boy bfs so: Ari would have one of you completely ruined, fucked stupid with that dumbed out look on your face. Steve's would be more classy, you in a tiny sheer nightie with his cum all over your face. and Curtis, the one who marks up you the worst, would have one of you in his football jersey, covered in his marks ✨

you all run a twitter account where you post snippets of your *special and messy* times together. it was all for fun and bc you loved being flaunted.

but then, Ari asks "why don't we do it for real? We could make money too." let's be honest, being an airhead, you didn't think much of it and said yes right away bc you love making them happy and you wouldn't mind the extra cash (shopaholic much). so you become a camgirl, their camgirl more specifically, dressing up and posing for pictures that they post and advertise on their/your twitter. thus, the birth of sexy cam-legends !!

hehe the question is, which lucky boys are gonna have you ??

ari, steve, curtis... sweet nerdy IT jake who is surprisingly a frat boy too... but who else 🤔

[movedtodykedvonte]

Just Ethan unknowingly increasing his Father vibes around the Lords. Casually tells one of them good job and it makes their entire week and he doesn't even realize how much kind words mean to them. Donna sees that he draws and in attempt to have something in common shows him her doll plans. They are really detailed and obviously thought out and horrifying but he gives her a gold star sticker and tells her good job and she's so proud of that cheap little sticker and he doesn't even know! D:

Other things Ethan has done and doesn’t realize are just dad traits

Stood behind Moreau and asked 1000 questions about the movie he was watching while insisting he wasn’t interested

Found out Moreau loved cheese and like buys him copious amounts (my dad does the same thing with peanut butter pretzels)

Did the hands on hips pose when looking at a machine Karl built before dad slapping him on the back and saying good job

Saw some of Chris’s men ogling at Alcina and death stared them before handing her a shawl. She was very confused (also he’s just like, pls don’t fuck the vampire she’ll just eat you)

Donna pricked her hand on a needle and he fussed about it until she let him disinfect it and put an Elmo bandaid on it

Carried Angie around like a baby when her leg fell off once and did the rocky thing (like when you bounce the baby in your arms)

Hangs up any of the shiny things Moreau brings him

Carries a note book of things the lords tell him so he doesn’t forget

Slides Alcina’s daughters extra Lei so they can sneak buy items from the duke like a grandpa

Has unintentionally read them all a lullaby when reading one to Rose and proceeded to cover them up so they wouldn’t wake up cold (also cranky cause the last thing he needs is 4 upset eldritch bio weapons)

[eatfruitdrinkwater]

to be a woman is to have the capacity to withhold generations of rage and sadness

tw/ s/a

-

i carry distress in my pelvis.

it presents itself as an anxiety attack when i try and sit in a butterfly pose, or when i think about the people who i let touch my body.

it feels like guilt for not being good enough, and a burning rage in knowing that i am more lovable than i could ever fathom in this lifetime.

my sadness feels ancestoral, like a russian doll, and each time i cry i am left with more to mourn.

my mother and her mother and many mothers before have had their sexuality and feminine magic demonised and incarcerated.

my pelvis holds injustice and a fear of being seen.

once there was a boy who hunted me down on the playground like a predator with its prey, when he caught me the only place i knew where to hide was the darkness behind my closed eyes. i was laughed at when i came to, by a kid that just stood there and watched. i was punished and sent to the principles office when i retaliated. i was just a little girl. that was the first time i felt like every other woman.

i dont know how to keep this fucking rage quite, so stop hurting me if you cant deal with it. dont poke the fire if you dont want your house to burn down.

the idea of being better only feels like defeat; my voice has been used against me before i have even spoken.

i feel stuck.

i dont want to be afraid of my power to be alone just because i have been taught to be lonely.

women give people the benefit of the doubt as a reason to not burn them to the ground, we look for ourselves in everybody we meet as a reason to show them mercy and kindness.

some days are good, i wake up and stretch and eat something yummy.

other days anxiety wakes me, and i cant stop thinking about a better place where we all get along and its okay.

im sorry im too quite. im sorry im so loud. (please give me room)

- LM