#verse ; // hell is forever

[j0celynh0rr0r]

The Satanic Bible

[jalicecookie]

No Scissors Deals

"Valentino! You don't make any deals with the Toddler, when it comes to playing with Scissors! And don't let her cute behavior, wrap you around your little finger!" - you hear the voice of your Daddy Vox from across the Room, but don't look over towards him. Very carefully, your little fingers want to reach for the gold chain, that your Papito Valentino is wearing around his neck, while you reiterate your request , to finally be allowed to play with the scissors and Valentino's cherry-pink eyes just flash with amusement.

Curious, you took a few clumsy steps closer to the high shelf with the many compartments.

Velvette's spacious office was already deserted at this late hour.

The employees of the social media-focused Velvette had gone home.

The fashion icon from hell was editing one of the her videos on her laptop , because it needed special settings and at that very moment both Valentino and you could hear Velvette hissing at Vox from her small private office, that he should turn down the damn firewall,  to further boost  towards her already good online reach.

Vox had told Valentino to keep an eye on you ,while he took care of Velvette's problem. And since Valentino himself was on his cell phone and was obviously sending a few voice messages to Angel Dust, you really wanted to take a look at the large shelf.

It wasn't the first time you had been in Velvette's work office.

Sometimes it could be pretty stressful and hectic here.

But that didn't bother you, whenever Velvette was given the babysitting task, she let you have plenty of tablet and cell phone video time, when she wasn't busy dressing you up like a doll and needing you to plan a mini fashion line for the stylish demon toddler.

"Oh there! Scissors!" you said quietly as you stopped in front of the large white meter-high shelf that stretched up to the ceiling and your devilish eyes flashed with joy , when you saw a pair of scissors there.

It was a pretty pair of scissors with pink hearts and dark blue handles as a design.

Oh, you really wanted to hold these beautiful scissors in your hands and play with them!

And pretend you were a great fashion queen, like Velvette was.

Sometimes you try to imitate different members of your Vee family.

One time, before going to bed, you ran excitedly to Velvette with the Vox electric toothbrush and whispered to her that you can now talk to the toothbrush like Daddy because Daddy can talk to the television.

And if you play with the scissors, you'll definitely be able to help Velvette a lot!

You made your decision, you first tried to stretch your hands up as high as you could... but the scissors were on two shelves above you. Too far to be able to reach for them easily.

Next you try to climb up the shelf...which only works to a limited extent, because not even after 3 seconds you slip and land on the floor with a loud thud and an old vase knocked over on impact.

Valentino, who felt disturbed in his voice message and was about to shout , annoyed that this noise was really shit in timing and should be quiet, turned around and was with you,  within a few moments, picking you up from the floor with one of his two pairs of arms and looking at you with concern.

"What happened baby? You know Velvette hates it,  when one of those ugly vases breaks?" , said Valentino with a hardly regretful look at the fragments of the vase. None of which - thank Lucifer - hit you.

You sniffed once, startled by the impact on the floor and dissatisfaction at not having the scissors yet.

Valentino stroked your hair soothingly , before he moved a few steps away from you and sent another voice message to Angel.

The recording time was shorter than before and so you were able to express your wish as soon, as Valentino put the phone back in his pocket.

"Scissors! Wanna! Play! Papito, scissors? Climb, no, no....ouchie....scissors?", you said and pointed to the large shelf with your left hand.

Valentino followed the hand gesture with a quick glance ,before gently examining you through the heart-shaped lenses of his glasses.

"Naaaw Papito's little princess wanted the scissors to play with,  and fell down while climbing?" -  Valentino cooed with obvious amusement.

"Yes! Help Papito? Please, please", you said and bounced up and down in the Overlord's arms.

Valentino just shook his head no with little interest and thought you already had enough toys.

Toys that were often dragged from your room to the living room and that he had to run in zigzags to get a new coffee. Scissors like that were really nothing special.

"Eat Veggies like  good girl... like a big kid... don't cry ...   yes scissors?" - you replied hopefully. Proposing a deal was easy. Even though your fathers always had their own rules, it was no secret that you really cried a lot when you ate certain vegetables and refused to try even a small bite.

"So you want to eat your vegetables and not cause a drama, hm? And in return I should give you these scissors to play with?", repeated Valentino and didn't seem to be averse to the idea.

"Oh, there are actually several scissors. It seems to be your lucky day, baby. There's still blood on one of them...ah! That must be my attack , after my last author for the films quit!", said Valentino and eyed one of the scissors that still had blood on it with an annoyed expression on his face. That bitch deserved that!

You clap your hands once and nod eagerly, not because you understood Valentino's last words, but because there are apparently several pairs of scissors...oh, you can then help Velvette diligently!

"Valentino! You don't make any deals with the Toddler, when it comes to playing with Scissors! And don't let her cute behavior, wrap you around your little finger!" - you hear the voice of your Daddy Vox from across the Room, but don't look over towards him.

Very carefully, your little fingers want to reach for the gold chain, that your Papito Valentino is wearing around his neck, while you reiterate your request , to finally be allowed to play with the scissors and Valentino's cherry-pink eyes just flash with amusement.

"Scissors? Pretty please?", -  you wanted to touch the glittering gold of the chain, but Valentino playfully grabbed yours hands with his other two hands to stop you.

"Hmmmm.....if I contradict Voxxy now, Papito won't get any of his ´toys´ later, and Papitio would be very sad because of this" -  said Valentino with a grin. His gold tooth flashed once.

And you were still far too young and small to understand , the allusion and the real meaning that it was never about toys,  that Vox was withholding from Valentino, but something completely different.

An impatient whimper escaped you as you snuggled closer to Valentino's upper body and asked sadly for the scissors once more.

"Wanna help.....Velvette! Scissors! PLEASE!", you whimpered and Valentino smiled at your cuteness.

"No need to burst into tears...besides, Daddy Voxxy didn't say anything about the scissors in our kitchen, Princess",  Valentino said soothingly.

"VAL!"

While you were calming down with the cuddles Valentino gave you, Vox seemed to have heard the part about the scissors in the kitchen,  and reminded his partner , that the rule applied to all scissors in the V-Tower.

"But she wants to help Velvette, Voxxy! And eat her Veggies from now on like a good Girl"  - Valentino defended his affection for the deal with the vegetables.

"It will definitely work without Scissors. I'll say it for the last time, Valentino. No scissors DEALS!"

THE END

Ao3

[ibeewashere]

When I tell you I just had the most VIVID. FUCKING. PROPHETIC VISION. OF KRISTEN APPLEBEES TO YOU DIDNT KNOW FROM HAZBIN HOTEL.

[dreadbornesaint]

tag dump - verses

[originemesis]

@exalted-slaughter xxx

“No speeches. Instead, focus, properly, on what we shall do if we experience resistance. Which we surely shall, if we do go through with this plan to invade and exterminate. Charging headlong into the enemy offensive with no tactics would be nothing short of a disaster that would decimate our forces, sir.”

"What other tactics do we EVEn need?? We're fucking heaven. We're gonna S.W.A.T those bitches EZ PZ. Unless you need a different invasion strategy to chub you up, then how'sa bout we let me lead with a giant fucking LASER in the town square? Vaporize a good chunk, then the gals pick all the cockroaches scurrying off ~ it's foolproof! Sexy. First Fucking Man-splained certified." That's all it needs to be, right?

[out-of-heaven-and-hell]

@kakodaimones liked for Pimp!Verse Charlie

"Good Evening, Mister Vox." she says calmly, talking a seat in what used to be Valentino's office, though it has since been fairly heavy renovated. At best only the general layout remains and maybe the vague scents that the fallen overlord left behind. "It's quite an honor to be meeting with you, may I offer you anything? Cigar? Drink? I do keep some candy in desk."

The last part is said a bit more playfully, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood as she summoned a lollipop in her hand.

"The cinnamon apple one is the best flavor, if you ask me." she giggled, resting her arms on the desk in front of her. "What can I do for you?"

[mydreamsarentrare]

*

[betweenlands]

(dominion) viking headcanon: knows like nine different variations on battle hymn of the republic.

his favorite one is blood on the risers.

[j0celynh0rr0r]

Make sure to read ur bible today 🙏🏻

[positivelybeastly]

What do you think the deal was with Hank’s cabin that seemingly only Bobby also knew about where they’d go for “double dates and the like”. It probably wasn’t Vera and Zelda they were taking since I don’t think Zelda stuck around that long and I doubt Hank could have bought a house while still going to Xavier’s as a student

"Doesn't everyone have those? I'm just a - very canny investor. Gotta use the old noggin for something, y'know? It's really - really prime real estate!"

"You know, you should look into it! Renting! It's great, you - you never know when you might need a second income stream! Or, rather - if you owned such a cabin. Which I don't. I merely rented it. The details are hazy."

"Real estate is such a funny business. I really - I should look at my portfolio, you know? Maybe get Bobby to take a look at it. I haven't even thought about that old place in years! Ahh, Bobby, what a card. You know, he's a bigger ladies man than me, and that's saying something! Enough to make the bouncing blue Beast look like a tree stump! Just, a real Casanova!"

". . . WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOBBY CAME O - "

[the-hazbeens]

‘ don’t i even warrant a hello? ’ -From Adam to Lute(?)

❝ Oh fuck! Adam! Sorry! Hello, Sir!! ❞

<She totally wasn't caught off guard or anything>

[fstbmp-a]

The Olympia Castlevania-style hypothetical storybook game...

[originemesis]

@exalted-slaughter xxx

“We are also dealing with Hell, the eternal adversary of Heaven and the one realm most familiar with our tactics and our strategies, of which we have next to none because of your constant dismissal of the threat that they very well can still pose, sir. Yes, the sinners are weak vermin cowering in our shadows that we can slaughter with ease, but vermin can still bite back if it is not cornered and torn apart before it can act. We need a proper plan in case we do go through with this, and we are besieged with something we were not able to expect.”

"And?? It's never stopped us before!" Disgruntled flipping through his speech notes which looks suspiciously like the movie script for Braveheart- ... or the Bee movie.

"If you're so SCARED about sinners biting when you know you can easily bash their teeth out, I'd suggest taking up KNITTING!! Seriously- you're like the most bloodthirsty one here. Don't bitch at me about strategy! Every year it's the fucking same- you cunts subdue the weak and I come in the vaporize the stronger variants. Why complicate it? Only thing we NEED to do is leave more weapons behind so the fucking demons kill even more of their own kind once we're gone. Ya know ~ since they're 'safe' in the contract from our activities."

[out-of-heaven-and-hell]

Charlie tag dump

[shimmerbeasts]

For a time, Karlach had finally been free of Zariel more or less. Free, in a way that she had finally been away from the stench of Avernus. The absolute had been her ticket, to closest thing she could call freedom. But even now, that time had come to an end, and with Gortash gone she had to fulfill her end of the pact. Karlach had wept, the moment her engine had forced her back into Avernus. Zariel had not yet arrived at that time, but Karlach knew it was only matter of minutes until she would collect her champion. And so she cried out in pain, the pain of the loss, of knowing she would never see faerun again. Her friends would off living their happy lives while she was condemned to the hells. Wyll, for his part, tried to come, but she would never subject anyone else to this life. Even if this decision was for the best, that didn't mean her heart didn't break at it. By the time Zariel had found her, the tiefling had cried herself until the well was dry and that was left was the pain. Part of her had hoped that she would be found before then, that someone would put her out of her misery. Yet, Zariel was far too invested in her champion to allow so. Karlach could feel the fire surround them, too, and without looking she knew they had returned to Zariel's floating island. "You've gone soft. We're going to fix that, for your own benefit." Karlach heard Zariel say, which prompted her to look at the devil with broken eyes. The fire that beat with her engine, did not seem to reach her eyes. It was if she was dead, and all the hope had fled her completely. "It's bad enough that you took me away from them, from the people who actually cared about me, and now you're going to make my life hell all over again." Karlach downcast her eyes as she struggled to even be within Zariel's presence. She knew she couldn't be what Zariel wanted her to be, at least not like how she had been before everything. Before she gained a now broken soul. Of course Karlach knew better, somewhere underneath all of the defeat was someone who needed purpose. Zariel would certainly give it without a doubt. Never mind that her engine seemed to react when in close proximity to the arch devil. "Not that there is anything you can fix, you're just gonna stick a soul coin in me and force me to fucking fight."

The flames, which had sprung up around Karlach the moment the Tiefling had reappeared in Avernus, had been magical in nature. Pulled forth from the very engine in her chest, the blood-red fire surrounded Karlach like the prized treasure, which she was. Safeguarding the so-called Fury of Avernus from anyone but the war general, who had laid claim to her so many months ago.

The fire danced, rustled and hissed as if it wanted to drown out the sobbing of the Tiefling as she mourned the life, which had been stolen from her the moment, Enver Gortasch had signed that dotted line. The ground dried around her feet, cracks appearing in the soil. Hot, sulphuric fumes travelled up to the surface, further obscuring Karlach from any approaching attackers.

The flames only parted for the Archduchess of Avernus herself. Zariel's draconic feet slammed onto the ground only a few inches away from Karlach. The towering figure was shrouded in her black-and-red wings for a couple of seconds before Zariel unfurled them, sending a mild shock-wave into the Tiefling's face and ripping the fumes away from the ground. Zariel spoke as she inspected her priced champion, sitting there huddled, weeping, weakened and soft like a newborn.

Their gaze met, and Zariel felt nothing but disgust for the dead, detached look, with which Karlach greeted her. Where was the Tiefling's fire, which had struck fear in the heart of demonkind? Where was that passion and the rage, which had made Karlach sign her own deal in haste? Enver Gortasch had claimed that he had given the archduchess the perfect body to create a soldier, unlike anything Avernus had ever seen! And yet that same man had now broken her prized champion! Nobody broke her asset.

"Quit the moping, soldier", Zariel chastised Karlach as she grabbed her by the chin and forced her on her feet, fiery white eyes locked onto those broken windows, which had once harboured a soul, "Are you really going to blame me for something, you knew was going to happen? Ever since you signed our contract, you knew how this was going to end! With you returning permanently to Avernus after Gortasch breathed his last breath. It is not my fault you chose to have friends. It is not my fault you chose to get close to people when you knew these relationships were never going to last. Don't you blame me for becoming sentimental and foolish, little girl. I taught you better."

The archdevil's thin lips quivered into the imitation of a smile as Karlach claimed that there was nothing to be fixed. Zariel said: "We should maybe save the soul coins for last. As for fixing you" - that same hand trailed over the side of Karlach's face and behind her broken horn - "let that be my worry, my champion." The grasp tightened, and under a painful tearing, Karlach would be able to feel blood seep into her hair. "Now onto your feet, soldier. Let us return home."

@faerunscursed cont. from here.

[moonystoes]

omg i just noticed Faris has a quran verse tattooed on his neck 💀💀