#porch pirates

[sw1tchbackli]

Porch pirate meets Karma x 2. Somebody should buy those dogs 🐕 a steak 🥩 dinner for their actions 👍🏻

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[mostlysignssomeportents]

When you're self-employed, everyone is your boss

[psvcomic]

[womanofwords]

Dummy Deliveries

"Sweetie, we have a delivery!" Villain yelled. Hero came downstairs, saw the box and went pale.

"Put that box back," Hero ordered.

Villain's smile faltered. "What?"

"That is the dummy box that I made," Hero said. "I filled up a dummy box and it is supposed to be there for porch pirates. Nothing of value is in that box."

"Oh, I see," Villain said. "And I thought I was the mean one."

"You are, I promise!" Hero giggled.

The two began a watch of the package, checking on it as if it was an infant. It got stolen the very next day, much to their delight.

"Yes, it's gone!" Hero celebrated, hugging Villain.

"Aww, look at you, my little devil child," Villain cooed. "You have a taste for sadism already. I'm so proud of you."

"AAAAAUGH! THIS BOX IS FULL OF DOG POOP AND GARBAGE!" someone yelled from down the street.

"Another satisfied customer," Hero said.

[sportsandlaughs]

[deathwords334]

Curse you porch pirates!!!

*shakes fist at the empty driveway* I found out recently that a porch pirate not only stole my package of watercolor paints, but also the two Good Omens books Miel made. Miel's been really nice and a trooper about all this, I just hate that they have to deal with a situation like this. Realistically I bet the pirate's gonna either throw the books away or try and sell them online... But there is a part of me that wants to think they'll look at the cover and be all 'Hey I think I heard of this show. Maybe I should check it out.' And then they do and they get hooked and then they enter the stages of grief post season 2.

And then I'll have my revenge! Hahaha take that pirate! Feel the brain rot consume you!!

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

One of my roommates is pissed off because an amazon packages got stolen, and he's blaming me for not putting it inside. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was your on-call mailman. I didn't know it was my job to stay home all day long and wait dutifully for your packages to guard them from porch pirates at your unspoken behest, My Liege! Want me to do your dishes and fold your laundry too while I'm at it? Fuck you!

Over the last month he's asked me to put 10 or 12 packages inside for him, and I've done it whenever I was home, but now he expects it of me, so he's lost that privilege going forward. Don't fucking "bruh" me in the group chat, it's not my responsibility, I was just being nice! Maybe I'm not home, or maybe I am and I'm busy doing something; I'm not your friend, you've never said two words to me outside these mail requests, it's not my fault if something gets left outside because you weren't there to get it yourself.

Word of advice: if someone asks you for the same favor over and over and over again, say no on occasion, even if it's not a big deal, because otherwise it will become your chore.

[trunkards]

Trunkards #594. If you can't beat 'em, screw with 'em.

© 2023 Rick Hutchins

[inthecityofgoodabode]

May 2023: The Last Friday & Saturday

This is how we found our Amazon shipment on our front porch. It was like someone had opened it up but, when they saw it was bathroom cleaner, they thought “Oh my god! Work... let me get the hell away from this box!” There is this part of me that wants to believe most people would only be driven to thievery out of desperation but there is another part of me that empirically thinks most thieves are grifters who would be stealing whether they had just a dime or a billion dollars:  

On a more positive vibe, we went out to Plot 420 & did a lot of work. Unfortunately, there are no photos because the focus was on work rather content creation.

It rained today so muddy dog prints happened: 

My view while grilling: 

Grilling: 

Dinner... I’ll be glad when it is our own corn on the plate: 

[hisgirlfriday439]

So Amazon is doing the most I see..

[germaphobephysicist]

I'm okay with this

Mimics begin imitating Amazon packages, nesting outside abandoned houses to lure in and consume their new prey; Porch Pirates.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Package-tossing, priestesses and porch-pirates

[suspiciously-human-sized-horse]

Imagine how much porch pirating would have been deterred if one of them happened to pirate, by pure chance, a box laced with anthrax when the anthrax attacks were happening.

[talkoftitusville]

Outsmarting Porch Pirates After Prime Day: 13 Tips to Protect Your Packages

Amazon’s Prime Day, the two-day shopping extravaganza that just wrapped up, saw millions of shoppers snagging deals on everything from electronics to household goods. However, the surge in package deliveries also brought an unwelcome guest: porch pirates. These opportunistic thieves target unattended packages, and Prime Day, with its increased deliveries, provided ample opportunities for their…