#poor unlucky bastard

[dyinggirldied]

Current status of TSCTIR and ORV novel: end + side stories.

Current status of TCF novel: ongoing at 1000+ chaps

[blueteller]

I've come to the illuminating conclusion that Kim Rok Soo/Cale Henituse trying to find his Slacker Life through his whole life is just like Odysseus struggling to get back home for 20 years – except if Ody was schizophrenic and Ithaca did not actually exist

[wandering-tides]

ALL HAIL GOD FIVE COLOUR LIGHT... CALE HENITUSE‼️

[theobliviousunluckybastard]

WOW!! Our Cale suddenly went from being a weak ass human to an OP character who just crushed a whole dragon!! 🤣🤣 (without even bleeding!!...yet..)

Cale: (plans to knock out Cisco)

*knocks her in the back of the head with water chains infused with DA*

Sky eating water: (accidentally uses too much strength)

Cisco: (Gets slammed on the ground so hard that her head got stuck on the ice in the process)

Cale: I'm stronger than I thought?😳 (Flustered; Scratches cheeks in embarrassment)

Everyone else: ........(dazed)

Roan kingdoms combat mages: Remembers how their commander defeated WS and SG... ( Awed)

Clopeh: Hehehe!! (Cradling his video recording device while recording everything🤭)

Archie: (Just gave up) Everyone is just crazy!!

Horns: (Immediate betrayal) I BETRAY!! I WANT TO BE ON YOUR SIDE!!!! (while descending on the ground in his huge dragon form crushing Cisco in the process) 🤣🤣

Clopeh unlocked one more video about his legend!! 😆

Poor Cisko getting crushed twice!!😅😅

[sapongpiepong-blog]

‘Poor poor Cale. He’s always getting farther and farther from what he wants. He sure has quite the talent for doing that.’

Eruhaben-nim voicing out all of our thoughts about Cale

[savythenillerwaffer]

tired eyes

[ikamigami]

I don't have a boop button and I feel like an outcast.

Nihil novi 😑

[mishkakagehishka]

Well. I want a baby so bad it's making me stupid

[shell-senji]

I hate him so much.

[thebiscuiteternal]

Okay I didn't actually think about this when I wrote Cageverse even though I was capitalizing on age/appearance discrepancy for that, but now that I'm thinking about it, I am throwing this at y'all because the mental image made me cry laughing: if novel!Wen Ruohan's high cultivation level preserved him "surprisingly young" and "in his prime," and second son Wen Chao is old enough to have both a wife and a mistress, that means it's feasible that Wen Ruohan looks younger than both his sons.

[blueteller]

My only regret is that I did not think of this meme first

I am extremely pleased to see this regardless 😂

[blueteller]

Cale lying to us about the very premise of his own story be like...

[ilguna]

managers really think they know it all, huh?

[selfundiagnosed]

[honeyflashbang]

My theory on Sampo's true identity...

(Minor Spoilers for 2.4) (also, I’m no expert in… anything, really, but these are just my ramblings).

So, this has probably been mentioned before, but I have a teeny-tiny theory about Sampo’s true identity, and it relates to Finnish mythology.

So, “Sampo” in and of itself doesn’t have a set meaning, but it has its roots in Finnish mythology, particularly the “Kalevala” which is a 19th-century compilation of epic poetry. In it, a blacksmith god by the name of Seppo Ilmari(nen) forges the mythical device known as “The Sampo”. It’s never quite explained what The Sampo really is; some versions depict it as a mill, others as a cornucopia from which bountiful creations flow from, and some even have it as being a world tree/world pillar, so what The Sampo really is, isn’t entirely known. But, what is known, is that it brought riches and good fortune to its holder (again, the same as the cornucopia from Greek mythology).

But why am I mentioning all of this? Why bring up the Kalevala? It could be that Hoyo just chose the name “Sampo” for some flavour—befitting of a character who magics up relics from seemingly thin air and is trying to create riches—and yeah, it’s a possibility…

Until I saw these two screenshots from the 2.4 story:

You know what this means, right? 

Kalevala is a real planet in Hoyo’s Star Rail universe, and I find it awfully coincidental that they would use this name for a planet and not have it related to a certain blue haired conman, especially since The Sampo is such a pivotal element in the plot of the Kalevala—there is no way this is a coincidence (I refuse to believe it).

This leads me to believe that Kalevala is Sampo’s real home world, and is where he originates from.

Now, this is all well and good, knowing where “The Sampo” hails from, but I want to focus on its creator—Seppo Ilmari(nen)—and his parallels to a certain blue haired conman. For one, Ilmari(nen)’s name is quite interesting as the ‘Ilma’ part is Finnish for ‘air’ or ‘weather’, and as we know, Sampo’s element is that of ‘wind’ (And also the fact that Ilmari(nen) is credited as “Godlike smith-hero and creator of the sky”. I could go into a whole spiel about Ilmari(nen) and Qlipoth swinging their giant hammers in tandem together for all eternity (Go Sampard! Geppie is Qlipoth's true heir, you can't convince me otherwise!), but that’s for another conspiracy theory lol).

So, ‘Ilma’ means ‘air’, and Sampo wields ‘wind’.

Cool.

If the parallels ended there, I’d just say I was being crazy… but there’s more.

Sampo’s 4th (and arguably best) eidolon is called “The Deeper the Love, the Stronger the Hate”. Two out of his six eidolons refer to 'love', whilst the other 4 are to do with wealth and riches. The wealth and richest aspect leans towards The Sampo of mythology, whilst the ‘love’ aspect, well…

According to the story, Seppo Ilmari(nen) is the unluckiest bastard alive when it comes to love. Like, seriously. His whole storyline is that he can’t find a woman. For one, Seppo Ilmari(nen) is double crossed by his so called buddy, Väinämöinen, into creating The Sampo for the evil witch Louhi of Pohjola in exchange for her daughter’s hand in marriage (which, Ilmari didn’t even want in the beginning), but when the poor guy actually sees the daughter and falls in love with her (and subsequently creates the Sampo—after failing miserably a number of times, mind you—he creates a crossbow, a boat, a cow(wtf?) and a plough, all which are somehow either evil or flawed), she ups and just leaves him hanging! (in the original runes, however, he is successful in gaining a wife, as his ‘unlucky in love’ spiel was later added by Lönnrot in compiling the Kalevala).

As with any mythology and re-telling of it, there’s so many different versions of the same event. In “The Maiden of the North”, a 1898 opera written by Oskar Merikanto, both Ilmarinen and Väinämöinen compete for the chance to marry Louhi’s daughter, who is then mentioned as being “Ilmari(nen)’s first wife” and who later dies to Kullervo’s curse (apparently she was a bit of a bitch to Kullervo by taunting and tormenting the poor boy—who was a child slave mind you!). Distraught, Ilmari(nen) forges himself a wife of gold and silver, but he finds her to be too cold and callous—he forges her out of love but only finds hate—so he tries to gift her to Väinämöinen (who doesn’t want her either, lol), and suggests he cast her back into the furnace and to “forge from her a thousand trinkets”.

Here’s the accompanying poem:

Never, youths, however wretched,

Nor in future, upgrown heroes,

Whether you have large possessions,

Or are poor in your possessions,

In the course of all your lifetime,

While the golden moon is shining,

May you woo a golden woman,

Or distress yourselves for silver,

For the gleam of gold is freezing,

Only frost is breathed by silver.

It is apparently your standard Aesop’s fable of “money can’t buy happiness”, which is something else I see in our dear old Sampo Koski. During our time in Belobog, we see how different he acts with the Underworld and Overworlders. To the poor, he actually seems approachable (albeit a bit of a nuisance), going so far as to help the Underworlders (an example being the questline “Survival Wisdom” in which he and Peak set up a business together renting out his tools to help the miners make a decent wage to support their families). In contrast, we actively see Sampo being very hostile towards the Overworlders, scamming them and putting the nobles in their place or setting them up to be caught by the Silvermane Guards (an example being during the museum questline where you discover his identity as “Mr Cold Feet”. Sampo clearly states to who he thinks is his mark that ‘we are not friends’ in a very hostile manner, something which we’ve not seen from Sampo before as he is usually quite amicable). 

For all Sampo’s showboating and flashing his money around, he helps where it counts. He wants to make money, sure, but not at the detriment of the people who need it the most, only to those with excess.

Anyway, back to him being unlucky in love…

In another rune entitled “Kosinta”, Ilmari(nen) goes on a journey to compete for Hiisi’s daughter, and wins by completing various feats, one of them being “ploughing a field full of snakes”:

And as we know, Sampo is very heavy on the snake motifs (the head of the snake on his shoulders, the spine wrapped around him, the daggers are its fangs…etc.)

So that’s another interesting link between Seppo Ilmari(nen) and Sampo Koski.

So, why have I gone on this long winded tangent about Seppo Ilmari(nen) when I’m supposed to be talking about Sampo Koski?

Well, that’s because I think Sampo Koski’s real name is (or a variant of) Ilmarinen.

In the Hoyo universe, I believe Ilmarinen came from the planet Kalevala and ‘created’ the persona of Sampo Koski, much like how in the Kalevala, Seppo Ilmari(nen) forged The Sampo.

As I’ve listed above, there’s so many links between the two:

“Air” as a name and “Wind” as an element.

Seppo Ilmari(nen) ploughed a field of snakes to win Hiisi’s daughter’s hand in marriage, whilst Sampo Koski relies heavily on snake motifs for his attire.

Sampo’s two eidolon names that relate to love (which are completely different from the other 4 eidolon names), whilst Seppo Ilmari(nen) is known to be unlucky in love.

I’m pretty damn sure Sampo creates his own bombs and tinkers with the old relics to bring them back to life, whereas Seppo Ilmari(nen) is a smith who created the dome of the sky! They’re both artificers!

And now the revelation that a planet by the name of “Kalevala” exists is no mere coincidence.

So, either Sampo is Ilmari(nen) - or! - Sampo is a puppet (like Herta) created by someone called Ilmari(nen). 

(I would love if his 5* version is him with this name).

Right, I’m finished rambling. Gonna go huff some copium...

[imsilay]

APPETENCE

hey, idk how i managed to finish A WORK but here we are. MDNI. please :>

“C’mon liebling, you can do one more f’me” he mumbled softly as his fingers caressed your spine softly, running up and down within the length of it. “Didn’t you missed me?” his voice thick and low with arousal. You whined and squirmed on his lap with the feeling of his cum oozing out of your abused and puffy lips. He had been going for an hour and he looked like he had no intention of stopping any soon. His big palms covered the small of your back and massaged the sore muscles, earning a grunt from you.

“Do you ever get tired?” you whined and buried your head into his cloth covered neck. His mask was covering his expressions but you could just feel him pout at your words. “No, liebling.” he mumbled, squeezing your sides softly. “And here i was thinking i’m the old one.” you could hear the faint disappointment hidden in his voice. You felt like someone ripped open your ribs and punched you in the heart. The last thing you wanted was to disappoint him. Oh and he made sure to use that.

That manipulative bastard. You hated him for knowing you so well.

“Just one more.” your muttered and god he was like a child who got permission to eat candy. The candy being you, he grabbed you by your middle and lifted you up until he could line up his thick cock to your entrance. You dug your nails onto his shoulders aa he slowly sunk deep inside you, his tip kissing the sweetest spot inside your pulsing walls. “So fucking good.” he breathed, head trown back to headboard. You could see his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as you sat still on his cock. Neither of you made an attempt to move, he relished the feeling of your walls engulfing his cock to the brim and you tried to adjust the fullness. You could feel the sweat sliding on your back as you got more and more hot. König wasn’t any different from you, his bare torso and neck glistened with sweat, his chest rose and fell with quick breaths.

He was used to all kinds of tortures but none of them were as hard as being away from you. Not being able to feel any part of you or hear your sweet voice drove him mad. He was barking orders and slaughtering enemies, taking all of his anger out off the poor recruits and unlucky enemies that dared to stand on his way. Yet being the killing machine he was, he never dared to hurt you. Even with his words he was always on the thin ice. Thinking thousands of times before saying a word to you and restraining his hands in his pockets around you so he wouldn’t be all over you. Sometimes the urge to manhandle you around almost would get the best of him and he would fold his arms around his chest firmly, the voices in his heads screaming at him to grab your wrists and pin them to your back. Then he could bend you over that couch and pound into you like his sick mind wanted. But no, the day his hands landed on you, he swore that he’d cut them.

Handling you was such a delicate job, and he was as careful as a gardener with their favorite flower. His fingers grazed the soft skin of your sides as he brought them up, up to your cheeks. His calloused and lengthy fingers wiped the tears even you haven’t noticed yet. You shivered although you were burning inside. Leaning into his palm you fisted the hem of his mask, wanting nothing more than ripping it off and kissing him like the whole night you wanted. But you knew better, he had a rule.

The mask stays on. Which unfortunately meant no kiss for you.

“Easy.” he whispered softly, other hand that wasn’t holding your face pushed you into his chest. Your cunt clenched around his hard shaft. Your arousal dripped and soaked his balls. You squirmed when your sensitive nipples brushed against his chest. You could feel his muscular chest and toned abs right against your bare skin. The skin to skin contact calmed you down but it didn’t helped the way his thick cock spread you open. “Calm your adorable little butt down liebling. If you keep squirming i won’t be able to wait.” he breathed, biting down on his lip and pressing your body still against his with two big arms. “Then don’t.” you moaned, snapping the thin ropes that kept him together. His arms hold you still as he started to drag his cock in and out of you.

He started off slowly, finding a pace that made you nuzzle his neck and breath him in. And he kept picking up the pace as your moans hot louder and louder until you were screaming and the bed was making creaking noises. He cursed under his breath then bit his tongue to not moan like the whore he was. He couldn’t take it anymore. With a quick maneuver you were facing the ceiling and his big palms were grabbing your ankles. He looked godly as he kissed each ankle before throwing your legs over his shoulders and making you squeak with his tip kissing your cervix. Your feet dangled over his shoulders as he grabbed your waist and lifted you slightly off the bed until the angle was just right and he was reaching the deepest part of you with the each thrust.

You grabbed the sheets for dear life as he fucked you nice, fast and properly. Soon your walls pulsed and clenched around him, forcing him to cum inside you and milking every last drop of his cum. He replaced you carefully on the bed slowly pulling out off you and watching as his cum dripped out of your cunt. He wished his phone was near to film it. After a while of adoring the view he slumped on top of you like a weighted blanked. Very heavyweighted blanked. He pushed his mask above his lips and lazily sucked hickeys around your neckline. He was imagining to do it since you were bouncing on top of him at the beginning of the night. “Mein, mein, mein.” he whispered, hoping that you wouldn’t hear or understand but you heard and understood. Like every other nights. You were used to being claimed by him. You were his, at the end.

-

not proofread no nothing, just enjoy :>

a/n: please support me by reblogging, if you liked the content ofc <3 your comments also makes my day :* and i love to reply all of them :>