#poor Berthier

[kaxenart]

I have not entirely forgotten how sculpt as the mood was yesterday.

On account I have only been sculpting with a modicum of "seriousness" for about 2 years (and on and off in that time), I suppose I gotta live with the fact I do not do it as quickly as drawing.

Also while trying to make it look like Berthier, I am again thwarted by the hell that is trying to get a likeness from multiple guys drawing at multiple different times and never being sure who used the most Ye Olde Photoshoppe

I also need to throw hair on him too. I feel like my mental image of Berthier hinges on his curly hair.

[largecucumber]

19 and 20

19. Adam Zamoyski’s “Chopin: Prince of the Romantics” And I have the signed copy! 😚 I absolutely adore Chopin because I play the piano. The book is so well written, sometimes I forget that I’m reading about an actual real person. But some descriptions, the very gritty and depressing parts of his life, are so raw and emotionalllll gurlll I cried! 😭😭

20. Uhmmmmmmm. I have sooo many. Prepare! 🤭💕

The one and only, Johann Sebastian Bach! He’s incredibly talented like omggggg how does he even come up with all these amazing pieces of music?!? 😨😳 His genius is unmatched. There will never be another composer like Bach! I have dozens of portraits and stickers of him and even a t-shirt. Omggggg it’s so embarrassing 🙈

Glenn Gould, the quirky autistic Canadian Bach wizard! He’s so handsome even well into his older years. And he’s soooo eccentric, like you should read about some of his quirks, it’s really out there💀👀 Also, did I mention how talented he is?! He gets criticised a lot for his weird playing style and humming (sometimes singing) during his performances. I love it tho 😘 it really adds something to the records

Louis👏Nicolas👏Davout���� How can you not like this absolute beast of a man?! Sure, he was a bit rough with his soldiers, but I like a leader who doesn’t fuck around! We need more men like him! I feel for him though. He really was the least liked out of all Napoleon’s marshals, I relate to that because my fam doesn’t like me even though I’m a girl boss 👹 Poor old Davout was just doing his best! Here’s a quote that he wrote to Berthier —

“I cannot help admitting to myself that often my exactingness and my severity alienate good officers from me even before they barely have time to assess my true intentions."

Ommmgggg 😭😢

Ahemmm…. As a student I kinda have a love-hate relationship with this guy. I’ve suffered so many sleepless nights because of him 👩‍💻📚📚📚 But without this guy we’d probably still have our children working 16 hours for absolutely nothing (we still do actually, it’s heartbreaking). His works literally had soooo much impact on history, it’s unbelievable.

And of course, how can we forget our hero!?! I wanna be like him soooo much it aches 😫 My family genuinely don’t understand my obsession with this man, like how could they not?!! His image is literally on the wiki page for the “Great Man Theory” — that individuals with certain traits are able to affect the course of history rather than it being due to some larger force or something I dunno it’s an IR/history thing I’m studying 😢

[empirearchives]

Torture during the Napoleonic era

Torture was abolished in France in 1808 in the Code d'Instruction criminelle (Clémence Zacharie). Napoleon had earlier said on the issue of torture:

“The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important secrets to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to torture, produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their mind and what they think the interrogator wishes to hear.”

Napoleon to Berthier, 11 November 1798, Corres., V, no. 3606, p. 128

[phatburd]

Title: The Marshal’s Court

Genre: Romantic Dramedy (In the style of Bridgerton)

Setting: The First French Empire, Napoleon’s Marshals as the central characters

Season 1, Episode 4: “Manners and Macarons”

Episode Synopsis:

The fourth episode of The Marshal’s Court turns the chaos dial up to eleven. Napoleon, fed up with his Marshals’ blunders at diplomatic functions and balls, decides to hire an etiquette instructor. The results are so disastrous they aren’t even shown on screen, but it’s implied that after two days of trying to civilize the group, the instructor quits and takes up drinking. Desperate, Napoleon asks Josephine to give them lessons herself. The A-plot focuses on Josephine attempting to teach basic etiquette and dancing to a group of very resistant (and occasionally hopeless) Marshals, including Lannes, Ney, Murat, Davout, Berthier, Augereau, and Bessières. Eugène is there too—no one’s really sure why, and even he looks confused.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Soult indulges his secret passion for baking, and we learn more about his hidden dream of opening a bakery.

The episode is a hilarious mix of historical fact, drama, and absurd comedy, with Bessimu shippers getting more hints, Murat struggling with his two left feet, and Augereau channeling his past as a dance instructor.

Opening Scene: Josephine’s Intervention

The episode opens with Napoleon pacing in his study, fuming as reports of his Marshals’ social blunders reach him. He bangs his fist on the desk and calls for an etiquette instructor, only for a footman to announce that the poor man has quit and left Paris altogether after two days with the Marshals.

Napoleon, ever the pragmatist, grumbles to himself and declares, “If I want something done right, I’ll have to bring in the only one who can control them—Josephine.” A quick cut shows Josephine arriving at the Tuileries Palace looking elegant and composed, ready to take on the impossible task of teaching the Marshals how to behave in polite society.

Fan Reactions:

Fans immediately buzz over the instructor quitting. The phrase “Two days with Lannes and Ney will break anyone” becomes a popular meme. Social media theorizes that Josephine’s entrance is about to elevate the dynamic even further, with some fans already anticipating a showdown between Josephine and Murat (who is clearly dreading the dance lessons).

The Dance Lessons: Murat’s Nightmare

Murat, as we know from historical accounts, never learned how to dance, and the writers make full use of this fact. The scene cuts to the grand ballroom, where Josephine begins her lesson by teaching the Marshals basic courtly manners, such as how to bow without knocking over chairs (a clear reference to a previous unseen disaster involving Lannes).

Josephine then turns to dancing. The camera zooms in on Murat, who visibly pales at the thought. “I’ve never had the time for this nonsense,” he mutters, but Josephine gives him a sly look. “You’ll need to learn how to waltz if you want to keep impressing European royalty.”

Murat reluctantly steps onto the dance floor, and the camera pans to Bessières, who watches with a mix of amusement and concern. As Murat fumbles his way through the steps, tripping over his feet more than once, Bessières steps in to help, offering him quiet, reassuring instructions. The tension between them is palpable, and Josephine watches this interaction with a knowing smile, but says nothing.

Fan Reactions:

#Bessimu shippers are fed in this scene. The quiet assistance from Bessières as Murat struggles creates waves across social media, with fans swooning over the subtle affection between the two. One fan creates a viral meme with the caption, “Bessières: Secret dance teacher, secret lover?” Another popular meme shows Murat tripping over his own feet with Bessières catching him, captioned “It’s called grace, look it up, Murat.” The fandom goes wild, convinced that Josephine is in on the secret.

Augereau: Dance Master and Former Pirate

Augereau, who historically worked as both a dance instructor and a fencing master, jumps into the lesson with gusto. He takes the floor confidently and starts demonstrating some more advanced moves, pirouetting and swirling dramatically. The other Marshals look bewildered, but Josephine gives him a bemused nod of approval.

At one point, Lannes and Ney share a glance and mutter to each other, “Wasn’t he a pirate once? Or was that just another of his tall tales?” The camera cuts to Augereau, who overhears them and gives a cheeky grin, saying, “I’ve worn many hats, but dancing is where the true art lies.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans adore Augereau as the unexpectedly graceful Marshal. A viral meme shows Augereau mid-pirouette, captioned “When you’ve defeated armies AND know how to nail a perfect twirl.” Fans also joke about his mysterious past, with some theories emerging about whether Augereau was, in fact, a pirate. The hashtag #PirateAugereau trends briefly as fans debate his murky background.

Berthier: Barely Conscious, But Competent

Berthier, as expected, looks absolutely exhausted throughout the lesson. Historically, Berthier was known to have worked for days with almost no sleep, and this is hilariously exaggerated in the episode. At one point, Josephine asks him to demonstrate a simple bow, but he stumbles forward, barely awake.

Despite his exhaustion, Berthier does have a clue about etiquette, having been raised at Versailles before the Revolution. When pressed, he manages to execute a perfect bow and a few elegant dance steps, but it’s clear he’s running on fumes.

Fan Reactions:

The fandom immediately takes to Berthier’s near-comatose state. Memes of him barely standing but still pulling off a dance move circulate, with captions like “When you haven’t slept in 72 hours but still have to look fabulous.” Fans appreciate the historical nod to his notorious work ethic and speculate that Berthier might actually need to sleep for once.

B-Plot: Soult the Baker

While the Marshals are stumbling through dance lessons, Soult is in the kitchen, indulging his passion for baking. Historically, Soult almost quit the military to become a baker before Napoleon’s Italian campaigns, and the writers take full advantage of this.

In a series of comedic scenes, Soult is seen meticulously preparing dough for macarons, explaining the delicate balance required for perfect pastry as if he’s planning a military maneuver. He refers to the kitchen as “his true battlefield,” and even Lefebvre drops in, raising an eyebrow and asking, “Why didn’t you become a chef instead of a Marshal?”

Soult replies, “Precision is key in both. You just don’t lose as many men in the kitchen.”

In the final moments of the B-plot, Napoleon himself walks into the kitchen, sampling one of Soult’s perfectly baked macarons. With a raised brow, he says, “I should send you to Austria with these. They’re practically a weapon.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans love the Soult subplot, and #SoultBakes trends for a second week in a row. Memes circulate with Soult in his uniform, meticulously icing macarons with captions like, “Conqueror of pastries, master of the battlefield.” Fans start clamoring for Soult to have his own cooking spin-off, half-jokingly demanding that the showrunners create a baking competition featuring all the Marshals.

Eugène: The Mystery

Eugène’s role in the etiquette lesson is puzzling to everyone, including the Marshals. He’s present, attempting to be helpful, but most of the time he stands off to the side, clearly out of his depth. Lannes and Ney keep exchanging looks, silently questioning why Eugène is even there.

At one point, Josephine catches him fumbling through a quadrille and sighs, “You’ll need to work on that, Eugène.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans are mystified by Eugène’s presence in this episode, echoing the characters’ confusion. Memes flood social media with captions like, “Why is Eugène here?” and “Eugène: The forgotten child.” Some fans jokingly speculate that Napoleon keeps Eugène around as a way to test his patience, while others are convinced he’ll have a bigger role later.

Closing Scene:

The episode ends with the Marshals lined up, bowing to Josephine one by one, each with varying degrees of success. Murat still stumbles slightly, but Bessières steps in to offer him a quiet word of encouragement. The scene cuts to Josephine watching them all with an amused smile, while Napoleon, lurking in the background, looks like he’s barely restraining his laughter.

Fan Reactions:

The Bessimu moment at the end is fuel for the shippers, with #Bessimu once again trending. One fan tweets, “Bessières: Here to rescue Murat from himself, one waltz at a time.” Fans are loving Josephine’s role as the Marshals’ etiquette tutor, with memes captioning her as “the real leader of the Empire.”

Teasers for Episode 5:

• Davout and Bernadotte’s rivalry reaches a new height, with tensions brewing over who will take charge of an upcoming campaign.

• Junot makes a surprise reappearance after being notably absent in Episode 4, sparking concern among the other Marshals about his mental state.

• The Bessimu ship gets another tease as Murat and Bessières find themselves in a compromising position during a royal banquet.

• Soult prepares a grand feast for Napoleon’s next big event, but will the stress of both military planning and perfecting his pastries be too much for him?

Fans are left eagerly awaiting the next episode, with social media flooded with theories about Davout and Bernadotte, Junot’s arc, and, of course, more Bessimu content.

[microcosme11]

Organization of Napoleon's households

With my bad knowledge of French, I'm reading this. For data hounds out there, you will love this book so much. It includes lists of personnel, amounts of stuff purchased, what food they ate, how many candles, all the sentries, security, etc. I'm skipping a lot of the statistics.

Poor Duroc had a job that was as enormous as Berthier's. There was also Daru, completely overwhelmed with organization. These people deserved any honors they got but even that wouldn't compensate for the stress!

Later--it gets even better with all of the etiquette, the chamberlains, pages, aide-de-camps, etc., who kept people away from Napoleon.

[josefavomjaaga]

Letter from Marie Louise to her father

Written shortly after the "handover" ceremony in Sankt Peter close to Braunau. For this ceremony, a wooden building, divided into three parts (French - neutral - Austrian), had been constructed, usually referred to as the "three pavillions" or "three barracks". The leaders of the two delegations, Berthier and Trautmannsdorf, both signed the contract before the bride was handed over to the buyer bridegroom's delegation.

Dearest Papa! Forgive me for not immediately writing to you yesterday, as I should have done, but the journey, which was a little tiring and long, prevented me from doing so. Through Prince Trautmansdorf I have found another opportunity to write to you once more sincerely, and I am happy to seize it to assure you that I am constantly thinking of you and always will.

"Sincerely" here probably means "without measuring my words because I'm being spied upon by my new entourage".

God has given me the strength to endure happily even the last painful blow, the separation from all my loved ones, in Him alone I have all my trust, He will help me and give me courage, and I will find my reassurance in the consolation of having done my duty to you by making this sacrifice. Yesterday I arrived in Ried very late, still preoccupied with the thought that I might be separated from you forever. Today I arrived at two o'clock in the French camp in the barracks at Braunau, after staying in the Austrian barrack for some time, I moved to a throne in the neutral barracks, after the papers had been read, all my people kissed my hand, at that moment I really didn't know what I was doing, a cold shiver overcame me and I became so upset that the Prince of Neufchatel began to cry.

Which must have been a sight to behold: Berthier crying tears of emotion while his new empress starts to panic and desperately looks around for the emergency exit.

Prince Trautmansdorf handed me over to him [...]

... and a kleenex, too ...

[...] and my entire court was presented to me, oh God, what a difference between the French and Viennese ladies! --- The Queen of Naples came to meet me in the other room, I embraced her, and showed myself remarkably friendly towards her, but I do not quite trust her, I believe that it was not zeal for service alone that was the cause of her journey.

That's a very interesting first assessment of Caroline Murat. Marie Louise may have been less naive than she made herself out to be.

She travelled with me to Braunau, and here I had to hold a two-hour toilette, I assure you that I am already as perfumed as all the other French women.

Apparently, the difference mentioned above was largely attributable to odour.

The Emperor Napoleon has sent me a splendid golden robe, but he has not yet written to me - if I had to leave you, I would much rather be with him than travelling with all those ladies.

That's one thing that will remain true for a large part, I believe. With the one exception of the duchess de Montebello, she did not really appreciate the ladies of the French court (and Louise Lannes she apparently appreciated to some extent because she was not much suited for life at court).

Oh God, how I regret not being able to still spend the happy days with you, only now am I learning to appreciate them. I assure you, dearest Papa, that I am very sad and cannot yet console myself. I hope your catarrh will be completely over; I include you in my prayers every day. Forgive my poor scribbling, but I have so few moments to myself, I will kiss your hands a thousand more times and have the honour of being Dearest Papa! Your most submissive and obedient daughter Louise Braunau 16th March 1810

(Source: Helfert "Maria Louise, Erzherzogin von Österreich, Kaiserin der Franzosen", Wien 1873)

[sunsolii]

Napoleon's Marshals and their Birthstones FINAL part

This is the third and final part of the birthstone saga where I'll cover the remaining four birthstones and their marshals (plus two other non-marshals but I wanted to include anyway). I can't believe I spent half of my winter break researching shiny rocks XD

Part 1 and Part 2 are avaliable here

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*Mineraloid: A mineral-like object that does NOT contain a crystalline structure.

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Sapphire (September)

Marshals- N/A (Honorable mentions: Eugène de Beauharnais & Jean-Andoche Junot)

Type: Mineral

Group: Oxide (Al₂O₃)

Color: Blue, yellow, green, purple

Cleavage: Poor

Fracture: Conchoidal to splintery

Mohs Scale: 9

Luster: Vitreous

Streak: Colorless

Fun Facts: Sapphire is a variety of the mineral corundum and usually comes in the color blue, but it can also come in colors such as yellow, green, and even purple. Its blue hue is due to traces of iron and titanium in its crystal structure. Sapphires, along with the other cardinal gemstones, have a rich history and cultural significance. In ancient Persia and Greece, it was believed that sapphires possessed divine powers and were used in crowns and jewelry of kings and queens. In today’s age, sapphires are used in different objects such as luxury watches, LED lights, and infrared sensor windows used in military aircraft because of their durability (having a hardness of 9, making it the second hardest mineral other than a diamond) and a high melting point of about 3704°F or 2040 °C.

Opal (October)

Marshals- Augereau, Lefebvre, and Grouchy

Type: Mineraloid*

Group: (Hydrated) Silica (SiO₂·nH₂O)

Color: Colorless, white, yellow, blue, green, black, brow, pink

Cleavage: None

Fracture: Conchoidal to uneven

Mohs Scale: 5.5-6

Luster: Waxy

Streak: White

Fun Fact: Opals are formed when water carries pieces of silica inside an open rock or sediment, often found near volcanoes or groundwater. As time passes, the water inside the rock will evaporate, leaving the silica to solidify inside the host rock, which, under specific temperatures and pressure, will begin to form the opal. There are four types of opals: precious, common, matrix, and synthetic opals. Precious opals exhibit what is known as “opalescence,” which happens due to the arrangement of silica inside the opal, creating an array of colorful hues when put under light. Common opals do not possess opalescence; they are either opaque or translucent with one main color present. Matrix opals are opals embedded in their host rock during their formation, and synthetic opals are lab-grown opals that imitate the colorful look of natural opals.

Topaz (November)

Marshals- Berthier and Macdonald

Type: Mineral

Group: Silicate (Al₂SiO₄(F,OH)₂)

Color: Colorless, blue, brown, yellow if impurities are present

Cleavage: Basal (perfect)

Fracture: Subconchoidal to uneven

Mohs Scale: 8

Luster: Vitreous or adamantine

Streak: White

Fun Fact: Topaz gets its name from the Greek word topazion, which refers to the Zabargad Island near the Red Sea, where peridot is also found. Topaz comes in different colors, but the most popular color is blue, the most common color found in jewelry stores [1]. Natural blue topaz is very rare, so to get the color blue, a colorless or pale yellow topaz is heated or irradiated using gamma radiation. Subatomic particles are shot through the topaz at high speeds, which knocks some of the electrons out of orbit, causing the light that travels through the crystal to change and the amount of light absorbed. Due to the color wavelength changing, the human eye perceived the topaz as blue [2]. 

Turquoise (December)

Marshals- Perrin and Sérurier

Type: Mineral

Group: Phospate (CuAl₆(PO₄)₄(OH)₈·4H₂O)

Color: Turquoise, blue, blue-green

Cleavage: Perfect but rarely seen

Fracture: Conchoidal

Mohs Scale: 5-6

Luster: Waxy or dull

Streak: Blue or white

Fun Fact: Turquoise is another mineral that contains water in its structure; this comes in the form of a hydrated phosphate of either copper or aluminum. Turquoise was one of the first gemstones to be mined, with some jewelry dating back to around 5000 BCE. Even though it has been used in jewelry for thousands of years, its value has decreased due to the treatments and synthetic turquoise appearing more often in the market. Even though they are minerals, well-formed crystals are rarely found on their own, with most turquoise growing closely packed around another mineral, causing it to have a higher durability [3]. Due to its lower hardness level, caring for any turquoise jewelry is important, and it is recommended not to use it while doing any sort of manual labor as the gemstone can be easily damaged. Jewelry designers place a durable bezel around the gem to prevent scratches and protect it. However, the bezel can only protect the gemstone to a limited degree since it is still exposed to open air. It is also recommended not to get the gemstone wet as it can absorb liquids due to its low porosity, which can alter its color [4].

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Sources:

Sapphire: MAT, M. (2023, April 24). Sapphire: Properties, formation, occurrence " Geology science. Geology Science. https://geologyscience.com/gemstone/sapphire/?amp

Opal: MAT, M. (2023, September 29). Opal : Properties, formation, uses and deposits " geology science. Geology Science. https://geologyscience.com/gemstone/opal/?amp

Topaz: [1] King, H. M. (n.d.). Blue topaz. Geology. https://geology.com/gemstones/blue-topaz/#treatment

[2] MAT, M. (2023, August 26). Topaz : Gemstone: Properties, formation, occurrence, uses. Geology Science. https://geologyscience.com/minerals/topaz/?amp

Turquoise: [3] MAT, M. (2023, April 23). Turquoise: Mineral properties, uses and occurrence. Geology Science. https://geologyscience.com/gemstone/turquoise/?amp

[4] King, H. M. (n.d.-b). Turquoise. geology. https://geology.com/minerals/turquoise.shtml

[the-paintrist]

Jacques Augustin Pajou - Portrait of the Artist's Family - ca 1802

oil on canvas, 63 x 52 cm, Musée du Louvre

Jacques-Augustin-Catherine Pajou (27 August 1766, Paris - 28 November 1828, Paris) was a French painter in the Classical style.

His father was the sculptor, Augustin Pajou. Nothing is known of his childhood. In 1784, at the age of eighteen, he became a student at the Académie royale de peinture et de sculpture. Four attempts to win the Prix de Rome were unsuccessful.

In 1792, he became a member of the Compagnie des arts de Paris, organized by the Louvre, alongside the painter Louis-François Lejeune as well as the future economist, Jean-Baptiste Say. While stationed with the regular army in Sedan, he wrote numerous letters to his friend, François Gérard. which express his initial enthusiasm, but gradually turn to boredom, disillusionment and physical exhaustion.

After being demobilized, he participated in creating the "Commune générale des arts", an institution designed to replace the Académie Royale. He served as Secretary for the Commune's President, Joseph-Marie Vien. In 1795, he married Marie-Marguerite Thibault (1764-1827). Under the First Empire, he was commissioned to paint a portrait of Maréchal Louis-Alexandre Berthier, which may still be seen at Versailles. In 1812, he was awarded a gold medal for his depiction of Napoleon offering clemency to the Royalists who had taken refuge in Spain.

In 1811, at the urging of François-Guillaume Ménageot, who had become apprised of the precarious financial situation facing the sculptor David d'Angers, Pajou wrote a letter to the mayor of Angers, demanding that material aid be given to the sculptor. The aid was granted and was considered a lifesaver for d'Angers, who went on to win the Prix de Rome for sculpture and spend several years at the French Academy in Rome. In 1814, he painted three tableaux celebrating the Bourbon Restoration. They were displayed at the Salon and it is possible they were seen by Napoleon.

He resigned from most of the associations of which he was a member in 1823, citing poor health. In a letter from that period, he says that he was "cruelly tormented for a year by a continual tremor." He died in 1828 and was interred at the Cimetière du Père-Lachaise.

His son, Augustin-Désiré Pajou also became a well-known painter.

[empirearchives]

Okay, here’s my non-exhaustive list in which I probably forgot a bunch

— Napoleon returning worship in France only to end up getting excommunicated

— Napoleon serenading his teacher and getting arrested by him for three days for the crime of being an annoying singer

— Napoleon’s political enemies in France making propaganda posters with the message that Cambacérès being gay was just as bad and destructive as war and tyranny

— Taking the city of Moscow only for there to be no more Moscow. (I’m so sorry)

— Literally no one recognizing Napoleon when his facial hair grew out and he was wearing the winter attire

— Napoleon selling Louisiana, then his brothers getting super mad about it and screaming at him when he was just chilling in the bathtub. And it got so heated that Joseph ended up getting drenched in bath water.

— Someone already said it, but I’ll repeat: the fact that Napoleon (or possibly Berthier?) shot Masséna in the head and they all just moved on like???? No big deal, my work day consisted of my boss shooting me on accident

— Napoleon’s poor mother and uncle falling for an Austrian clairvoyant (read: spy) who claimed to be getting visions from the Virgin Mary and told them that Napoleon had been removed from St. Helena.

— “Napoleon’s fury at the marriage inspired Lucien to write to the emperor that, while his own wife was no saint, unlike Josephine she was not ‘old and smelly’ and that at least he had had the sense to ‘marry [his] own mistress rather than someone else’s.’” (That last part was an own against Napoleon, which always kills me).

— Junot trying to break Napoleon out of prison and Napoleon being like “Um…. no.”

— The British intercepting Napoleon’s letter to his brother, Joseph, and publishing it to humiliate him, but the content of the letter was just Napoleon pouring out his heart to his brother and telling him how much he meant to him.

— Marie-Louise legit thinking Napoleon was going to be an ugly ogre, then immediately changing her mind when she saw him in person. (She literally told him he was much more attractive then his posters 💀)

— A British person being the one to commission one of the most famous portraits of Napoleon (which Napoleon quite liked). The reason why that’s funny is because Britain and France were at *war* and yet this guy was just openly stanning the other side. It’s this painting by the way:

Funniest Napoleonic Era moment GO

[josefavomjaaga]

I *need* to see Soult in the cat enclosure in the animal shelter AU. That sounds amazing. I want to see a cat brush up against him and do the “please pat me” flop and he has no idea what’s happening, or him trying to talk to cats like he would a subordinate.

You do of course realize that I had no intention of actually ever writing that, don't you?

Anyway, I tried. The usual disclaimer: Me German, me bad English. If not make sense, me sorry.

-

»What's the matter, Bonaparte?« Josephine knew her husband well enough to recognize the worries behind his annoyed demeanor. »Problems at work?«

»Nope«, he answered a little too quickly. »No problems. Everything under control.« His steps echoed on the floor as he was walking up and down in the living room, trying to keep whatever bothered him to himself. He failed, as Josephine knew he would. »It's the guys. They're out of control. Murat and Lannes spreading chaos. Davout and Bernadotte constantly at each others' throats. Masséna and Augereau on their crooked ways as always. As to Soult and Ney, rumour has it that they were ready to duke it out in the open, in the company parking lot, in front of our customers! Even old Lefebvre has been in a fight with Mortier... I really do not know what to do with them anymore.«

Josephine had expected something of that kind. She wondered briefly if any other boss on this planet had to deal with a similar bunch of unruly employees. »Maybe it's because you don't give them enough leeway«, she suggested. »They do work hard.«

»Sometimes. Most of the time, they do anything but. They’re a bunch of lunatics with the craziest ideas, ready to get themselves into trouble as soon as I turn my back on them.«

»But other than that«, she insisted, »they do work hard, right? Lately, you have kept them on a very short leash. Maybe they need to do something fun together, to ease the tension? Something that is not about sales numbers and accounting and opening new markets … oh, I know! Sainte-Esperance!«

»I don't think religion will do it for them, Josephine. They are not the spiritual type, as a rule.«

»No, dummy. Sainte-Esperance is an animal shelter. Or rather, a large farm turned into a shelter and a sactuary, where old animals can live out the rest of their lives in peace if nobody wants them. Eugène and Hortense used to go there during their school holidays. The staffers are always looking for helping hands. To feed the animals, to walk the dogs, to clean the barns...«

»Stable work, eh?« Napoleon was surprised. For once, Josephine's idea seemed interesting. »Truly, an afternoon of shoveling manure into wheelbarrows might serve them right. Come to think of it, we could turn this into a charity event. Bonaparte Inc. helping poor animals, doing pro bono work... that's great PR. I need to talk to Berthier about it.«

Of course the task to organize it all in the end had safely tumbled into Berthier's lap. But for once, he was lucky. As it turned out, the animal sanctuary received this kind of requests with a certain frequency and had developped standard procedures. Including standard application forms that they would mail out immediately, as James, the guy on the phone, happily assured him.

Berthier had foreseen doom pending over the whole enterprise, but now suddenly felt a lot better. Nothing could be truly bad, he told himself, if there was proper paperwork and documentation for it. As a matter of fact, James did sound pretty chill about the idea of dealing with a group of moody, inexperienced and potentially rebellious helpers.

»No need to worry. We likely have seen worse. You know, we often work with police and local judges, providing resocialisation opportunities for juvenile criminals. So we have staff on hand who know how to deal with most kind of delinquents. How old are yours, by the way?«

»In their 30s and 40s, mostly.«

»Repeat offenders then, presumably?«

»Incorrigible.« Berthier sighed.

The man chuckled again. »Just wait. Sainte-Esperance is not named like that for nothing.«

The animal shelter turned out to be a vast estate, a real labyrinth of old farm buildings and new stables, interspersed with fields, gardens and pastures. Cows and donkeys were grazing peacefully in the open, some employees could be seen walking a large group of dogs, and those figures on the meadow somewhere in the distance - were those … ostriches?

»This is a zoo!« Lannes announced happily. »We should all have brought our kids!«

The mere sight of the estate had already significantly brightened the mood when the bus with Berthier’s grumpy volunteers came to a halt in front of the main gate. The most chipper among the group (Murat and Lannes, who else?) could not even be held back long enough for Berthier's assistant Lejeune to take the obligatory promotional photo. Before anybody had a chance to rally the group, they had already eagerly run off. Berthier called after them but saw himself, as usual, expertly ignored. When he tried to follow, he soon got lost between the buildings. Through a large fence he briefly caught a glimpse of Lannes giving some mongrel a bellyrub, then saw him and Murat round a corner, Murat waving a large backpack through the air.

»Hi, we’re here for the dogs. I've brought, like, a ton of dog treats.«

Before Berthier could react or at least look for a gate in the fence, an employee of the shelter took care of the pair and led Murat and Lannes away. They disappeared behind a door, and Berthier recorded this as the first defeat of the day.

»Don't sweat it, boss«, said Lejeune when Berthier returned alone. »We'll take a photo of the rest of the group. Noone will notice those two are missing. Besides, I'll be back in a few hours, so we can have another shot of the whole group before they get back on the bus. It's gonna be a 'before - after' thing.«

That was probably the best they could do. Still, the day had not started out well. After all, this event was to serve a purpose, it was supposed to resolve conflicts and boost team spirit. To that end, Berthier had wanted to group together those of his subordinates who had not gotten along well lately. However, Lannes and Murat had just successfully escaped his plan. But they would be the last, he told himself, while Lejeune took some group photos.

»Everybody halt«, Berthier shouted as soon as Lejeune pocketed the camera, because several more of his remaining subordinates seemed ready to disperse. »I will now distribute your tasks, according to this list. We’ve talked it all over with the staff of the shelter. You all have pre-assigned jobs. Let's see ... Lannes and Bessières were supposed to go to the cat enclosure. Well, so much about that. Bessie, we'll find something else for you. Soult, you and Ney will take over for Lannes and Murat.«

Ney shrugged, but Soult scowled. »This seems highly unreasonable«, he said. »I place great value on docility and obedience. Cats are diametrically opposed to those principles. I am decidedly a dog person.«

»Who cares? You'll only clean out cages and litterboxes, so stop whining.« To Berthier's relief, Ney grabbed Soult by the arm and dragged him along in the direction Berthier pointed. Discussions with Soult, this unbearable know-it-all, tended to be long and fruitless.

»Alright...« Augereau and Masséna were next. They did not have any particular feuds with each other, as far as Berthier was aware. But both of them had protested vehemently against this project, or rather this »waste of a weekend« that kept them from conducting »important business«. Business that, Berthier suspected, was better not to be talked off publicly. In any case, it would be easiest to group them together, to better keep an eye on them. He would even throw them a bone.

»As to you, you will go to the section with exotic animals.«

»Exotic?« Augerau seemed sceptical. »How exotic could anything be in here?«

»Quite a bit. There’s some former circus animals, also some from dissolved zoos, and several illegally held pets that were seized by police.«

Masséna’s eyes lit up. »Is there ivory … I mean, elephants?«

»No«, Berthier said firmly. »But you can start with feeding the ostriches. Bessières, please join them.«

»Bessières? Cool.« Masséna grinned. »If there’s any carnivores to take care of, we’ll at least not run out of food.«

»Maybe I should join them, too«, said Lefebvre. »Want to tag along, Mortier?«

The group strolled away, and Berthier hoped that he had misheard when he thought Augereau and Masséna were discussing the price of ostrich feathers and eggs.

When he finally had distributed the last task (to that impertinent whiner Thiébault who would take care of the bunnies), Berthier decided to spend an hour or so in the cafeteria.

An excellent cafeteria that James already had gushed about on the phone, a cafeteria offering a macchiato to die for and a cake buffet stacked with eclairs, macarons, madeleines, chouquettes ... to go with it.

A cafeteria the overworked staff manager had carefully neglected to mention to anyone. Berthier placed his cup and plate on a small sidetable, leaned back into one of the comfy seats, turned off his phone, and closed his eyes.

He allowed himself two full hours of heavenly peace before his sense of duty took over again. After all, he had left his subordinates in the care of the unsuspecting employees working for this animal shelter! He better check on them immediately.

Berthier started where he imagined the greatest danger: in the cat enclosure. Ney and Soult had been nothing short of vicious to each other during the last months. Leaving them alone could be fatal.

To Berthier’s surprise, he found Ney sitting on a chair in the sun outside the building, a large grey cat on his lap.

»I’m done«, he said. »They allowed me to bring this one outside as she’s so well-behaved and affectionate. She’s quite the charmer, truth be told. I have half a mind to keep her. Just not sure what Aglaé will say about it.« He scratched the cat under her chin. »How about I name you Ida, hm?«

»No problems with Soult?«

»Not as far as I’m concerned. They have two large enclosures for the cats, so we made a convention. I took over one, he the other. Cleaning, feeding, and if possible petting and a quick check, just to see if they look healthy, don’t have any scratches. Easy.« He chuckled. »For me, that is.«

Berthier had a bad feeling when he entered the building. As expected, he found Soult in one of the enclosures, croached in front of a large cat tree. The enclosure held plenty of toys, cat beds and places for the animals to hide in. Berthier also noted that the space Soult had taken care of sparkled with cleanliness and that all litterboxes and feeding dishes were lined up with geometrical precision.

»But it seems you are quite done here?«, he asked.

»Obviously, I am not«, Soult bellowed back. He seemed in an even worse mood than usual. »There are several small kittens in there. I am supposed to check on them but they refuse to comply. All my orders to come out for a proper inspection are ignored.«

Something stirred behind Berthier. Ney had followed him in, the grey cat sitting on his arm.

»Just leave them be, man. The staffer said to check on them if possible. These little ones are shy, you scare them.«

»I have been told to check on their health, and check on their health I will. And if it’s the last thing I do.«

Ney sighed, shrugged and looked at Berthier. »I tried.« He went back outside, and Berthier followed suite.

Checking in on Augereau and Masséna also had high priority. When Berthier reached the entrance that led to a section »For staffers only«, according to a sign on the wall, the door abruptly swung open, revealing the back of some employee carrying one end of a large chest. The chest seemed to contain some living being, as there was lots of rattling, growling and hissing. The chest’s other end was supported by Masséna, and Berthier’s eyes widened.

»What’s going on here?«

»Just getting your purchase on a truck, sir«, said the staffer. Masséna went a little pale at the sight of Berthier, then sent him an innocent smile.

»What purchase?«

»Well, your little gator. These two gentlemen have just arranged everything with our management. I’m so glad you approached us. It’s quite rare to find people with a special permit to keep these kind of animals...«

Berthier tried to say something, but was at a loss for words. Augereau, talking in hushed tones into his phone, showed up behind Masséna, bumped into him and almost caused him to drop his burden. Then he saw Berthier.

»Oh shit«, he said. »I almost had it sold.«

»Turn around«, said Berthier. »Get that poor animal back where it belongs. There will be no purchase. What have these gentlemen told you anyway?«

»Why, that your CEO had sort of a private zoo…« Scowling and puffing, they carried the chest back into the building.

»You know how Napoleon always says that Josephine has so many pets it’s like a zoo at Malmaison«, mumbled Augereau.

»But surely there must be papers if one wants to keep an alligator«, said Berthier.

»So?« Masséna shrugged, as far as that was possible while manoeuvering a chest containing an alligator backwards into the house. »All my papers are top notch. Guaranteed to pass every first check, even by the police.«

The alligator seemed rather disappointed that the deal had failed to materialise, it growled and hissed as it was released back into its little pond. And Berthier realized somebody was missing.

»Where’s Bessières?«

»Don’t worry«, said Masséna. »The alligator wasn’t hungry.«

Augereau laughed. »He, Mortier and Lefebvre went outside, to see the ostriches.«

The ostriches lived in a wide, open enclosure, but the gate was locked, and the animals apparently had already been cared for. Another staffer showed Berthier where to find his missing subordinates: in a pasture next to some stables, amidst a bunch of farm animals.

»These are mostly seniors«, explained Mortier and laughed as one of the cows licked his hand. »Some have a really sad story. Mindy here ran from the butcher.«

»She’s a tough girl«, said Lefebvre. »A survivor, aren’t you, lady?« He was followed by a couple of goats pushing each other out of the way for the bread crusts Lefebvre dropped for them. Similarly, Bessières was sourrounded by sheep and donkeys; he waved at Berthier and clearly seemed to be enjoying himself.

»So, I guess you two have gotten over whatever trouble you had with each other?«, asked Berthier. Both Lefebvre and Mortier looked at him.

»What trouble?«

»Do you mean that little misunderstanding at the elevator door?«

»But that was nothing.«

»I was a bit in a hurry, admittedly. Shouldn’t have pushed you, Morty.«

»Already forgotten.«

Well, at least here there was some tangible effect. Maybe not all had been in vain.

There was little chance for a similarly relaxed atmosphere in the aviaries where Davout and Bernadotte were helping with all sorts of feathered residents. Though the two of them seemed mostly busy insulting each other, as usual.

»Ah, Berty! Good you're here.« Bernadotte was sweeping up bird droppings near a feeding place. »Go find Davout for me. I suspect I accidentally locked him up with the owls in the first building. My bad. But in my defence, it's truly hard to tell him away from a tawny owl.«

Davout, only a couple of feet away, surrounded by a group of silver pheasants and chicks eagerly picking food off the floor, did not miss a beat.

»Really, Berthier, this has been an awfully insightful afternoon. I never imagined how clever parrots can be. The big one back there«, his thumb pointed at Bernadotte, »the one with the huge beak, really has quite a vocabulary for the dumb beast that he is.«

Bernadotte briefly turned his disproportionate nose in Davout’s direction. »Speaking of parrots«, he said, »I believe somebody still has to clean their aviary.«

»Yes, that somebody being you.«

»Me? I told your lazy arse to do it like an hour ago.«

»And I told you to do it yourself. What's the matter, can't find the place where your work is, as usual?«

»Alright, gentlemen, that’s quite enough!« It was in moments like these when Berthier wondered whom of this pair he could stand the least. As usual, he did not come to any conclusion. »Apparently, you both have received the order to clean the parrots’ aviary, so you will both do it.« He took a deep breath. »And in order to make sure it’s done properly, I will supervise it in person.«

He regretted his tone immediately. Both Bernadotte and Davout turned around to fix him with the stare of a predator who has just noticed fresh prey.

»Now look at that.«

»Look who’s getting all puffed-up and authoritative.«

For a brief moment they seemed ready to join forces against Berthier’s order, then they realized with whom they would have to make common cause and decided both that obeying to Berthier was the less disgusting option.

Berthier spent twenty exhausting minutes in the next aviary watching his two subordinates clean, grateful that the parrots’ constant squawking kept him from hearing most of the equally constant bickering. Some of the parrots obviously had been kept by humans before, as Berthier occasionally believed to hear words among the squawking, things like »Good morning«, »prrretty boy« or the occasional »stupid fool«. Though maybe the last had been uttered by one of the two cleaners.

At some point, Bernadotte turned around and looked at a grey parrot sitting on a tree nearby. »What did you just say?« The parrot repeated whatever it had just uttered. Berthier could not make out any words in it, but Bernadotte started to laugh.

»You understood that?« Even Davout looked impressed.

»I think he said: Hur mår du, dummskalle?« Bernadotte chuckled. »Which in Swedish means: How are you doing, stupid? - I guess we can tell that his former owner was Scandinavian.«

»And that this clever parrot recognizes a fool when he sees one«, Davout added. »How come you speak Swedish?«

»I don’t. Yet. I’ve been studying it for two weeks now.«

»You have? Why?«

Bernadotte glanced at Berthier, then he shrugged. »I guess it won’t hurt to tell as I’ve already informed Napoleon. I have received a job offer. From a Swedish company.«

»What?« Davout seemed almost hurt. »Why would anybody want to hire a dimwit whom even a parrot immediately recognizes?«

»Maybe not everybody ignores my talents the way you do.«

»And you actually want to go?«

»I’ve not quite decided yet.«

»But you’re thinking about it.«

»Yes.«

»Enough to try and learn the language…« Davout grumbled. »Well, it’s not like anybody would miss you here.«

»Mutual, I assure you.«

They worked in silence for a bit, before Davout started again. »But if you just pack up and leave… that’s so inconsiderate from you. I mean, whom am I supposed to call a dickhead every morning then? Whom to prank? Who can I send all those insulting e-mails to? Just so you know, I even signed up on howtobesttrollyourworstcolleague.com, all because of you. And now you will just leave?«

Bernadottes stared, then turned round to face Davout, leaning on his broom. »Wait. Those impertinent, occasionally obscene e-mails you’ve sent me over the last years – they were from a website?«

»Sure. Did you think I could come up with something like that on my own? Aimée would not let me anywhere near the children if I could. And I never would have checked that site out except for you. - Though«, he added thoughtfully, »that’s not entirely correct. I originally signed up because I wanted to find something to insult Murat. Didn’t work though.«

»Why not? - Oh, let me guess. Murat wrote back?«

»You bet. And he had help from Lannes. I stopped immediately. Lannes comes up with stuff that would even make the guys from that website blush.« He hesitated a little. »So… if you really go to Sweden, would you mind if I keep sending you those mails? It’s kinda part of my morning routine, you know. You could answer in Swedish for all I care. Your mails immediately go to spam anyway.«

»So do yours in my mailbox. Do as you please.«

»Cool!« Davout beamed. »I’ll text you if there’s a mail you actually need to check.«

A little confused, Berthier left the aviary to see if Lejeune had already returned. Instead of Lejeune, he encountered Lannes and Murat, each of them holding the leashes of several yapping dogs.

»Berty!« Murat almost dropped the dog leads in an attempt to wave at Berthier. He beamed at him as if to outshine the afternoon sun. »This has been your best idea ever! Tell Napoleon we have to do this again soon. - Just look at all these adorable furballs!«

»We’re taking them for a walk«, Lannes informed Berthier matter-of-factly before being dragged away by his excited charge.

»Don’t be too long«, Berthier called after them. »We’ll have to leave soon. I can see the bus already coming.« He found himself ignored. Well, what else was new?

The bus moved into the parking lot, followed by Lejeune’s shiny red convertible.

»Where is everybody?« asked Lejeune, getting his camera out of the trunk. »We’re already ten minutes late.«

Excellent question, thought Berthier. When after another ten minutes his subordinates still would not show up, he resigned himself to the inevitable: another long walk across the grounds in order to pick his men up one by one. By the time he finally had found Masséna in the terrarium, Bessières and Mortier happily chatting in the cafeteria, Ney asleep in the sun with one cat in his lap and another at his feet, Lefebvre and Augereau trying to teach swearwords to the grey parrot Bernadotte had admired before, and the latter sitting astride a fence next to the cow shed, telling Davout about his possible move to Sweden, the rest of the Bonaparte team had also decided to show up. Even Lannes and Murat had gotten back from their walk.

»We only have to get the dogs back. We’ll be here in a moment.«

The moment turned into another twenty minutes. Then they returned – and each with a dog.

»My wife is gonna kill me«, said Lannes ruefully. He croached in front of a medium height mongrel of indefinable colour but very fine features and a decidedly clever look. »The last thing she said when I left was: Don’t you dare bring home a dog.« The dog started to lick his face, Lannes laughed. »But who cares. The kids will love you.«

»And Caroline will love this beauty.« Murat had brought an almost fully white borzoi. He petted her head lovingly. »Isn’t she marvellous?«

»She’s bound to succumb under the weight of her beauty before we’re on the bus«, sneered Lannes. »Actually, she reminds me a bit of Bessières. Dumb as a box of rocks...«

»Okay, folks«, called Lejeune. »Everybody line up for some more photos!«

Presumably, the photos Lejeune took now would turn out a lot better than those he had taken on arrival. When the employees of Bonaparte Inc. entered the bus again, they were happily chatting away about whatever they had done or seen during the last few hours. Berthier barely dared to think it: this idea actually might turn out to be a success.

Until he realized that something was wrong.

»Stop!«, he called out to the bus driver. »We’re one man short.«

»Can’t be«, Murat shouted from the backseat. »All seats are full.«

»Yeah, and the gator wasn’t hungry«, added Masséna.

»All seats are occupied because your Bessiedog has taken one, you git«, commented Lannes.

»Soult is not here«, announced Ney.

Berthier looked at him. »He would not still be in the cat enclosure, would he? It’s been hours!«

Ney shrugged.

He accompanied Berthier to look after his missing companion. Maybe he felt a bit bad for having left him alone.

On entering the cat section, they found Soult indeed still in the enclosure. He was sitting on the ground, his back leaning against a cat tree, his legs spread wide. One black-and white kitten, maybe a couple of months old, was sleeping in his lap, another, red-furred, he was holding on his arm, a black one was busy climbing from a platform of the cat tree onto Soult’s shoulder and back, occasionally tugging at the human’s hair, and two more seemed to play hide and seek between Soult’s feet. They also had opened his shoelaces.

»Soult!« Berthier was exasperated. »Have you not heard? We’re leaving.«

»I can’t«, Soult said. In a tone as if he didn’t know if he wanted to sound defiant or apologetic. »The little one in my lap has only just fallen asleep.«

»So? Push the kittens off and get up.«

Soult seemed to ponder the idea, then shook his head. »I can’t.«

Ney smirked. »You wanted to see if they’re healthy. They look healthy to me. Mission accomplished. Time to leave.«

»But I can’t do that to them. They’ve only just started to trust me.«

Berthier had enough. »Okay, then stay here for all I care. We’re out of here.«

He turned and left. Ney hesitated before following.

»Want me to phone your wife so she can pick you up later?«

»That’d be very kind of you.« Soult petted the red kitten in his arm. »I think I’ll be done in an hour or so.«

[histoireettralala]

Part 61

Napoleon: Do you have any skeletons in your closet ? Masséna: You mean literally or figuratively ? Napoleon: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify…

**

Lannes, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true, WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK

**

Larrey- Are you having another depressive episode ? Berthier- A depressive episode ? Berthier- I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

**

Oudinot- I think my guardian angel drinks.

**

Caroline, texting Murat- Joachim, there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door, can you get rid of it ? Caroline- Pls hurry because I'm going to cry Caroline- Joachim Caroline- Joachim ... - Joachim is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.

***

[microcosme11]

I might laugh if I got this letter but the recipient probably didn’t

Napoleon was angry with Belliard for retreating from Madrid, I think on behalf of Joseph. He dictated this hilarious letter for Berthier to send as though coming from him.

My cousin, write to General Belliard to express my dissatisfaction with the false direction he gives to the affairs of the Army of the Center.     Answer General Belliard that you have not put his letter in front of me; that he had doubtless lost his mind when he wrote it, that to offer his resignation for not having carried out my orders, is to declare that one does not want to obey; that it is having incurred the death penalty; that these 3,000 men and 1,200 horses could have saved the army of the South; that he is very guilty; that he could have evacuated Cuenca or any other point, but that he had to carry out the Emperor's orders; that there are two or three passages in his letter which are not from a soldier; that, if you had put them before His Majesty's eyes, he would have had him arrested and would have made an example of this breach of military discipline; that, for the sake of his former services and the friendship you show him, you did not let the Emperor know these unseemly phrases, and that you confined yourself to saying that my orders had been carried out; that this affectation of feelings of honor and personality is the height of ridicule and military indiscipline; that the honor of a general consists in obeying, in keeping subordinates under his orders in the path of probity, in ensuring good discipline, in devoting himself exclusively to the interests of the State and of the sovereign, and in disdaining entirely his personal interests; that you see, by the tone he takes, that he has unlearned France, and that, when it comes to carrying out the Emperor's orders, he thinks he has to speak to the King of Spain.

Préceptes et jugements de Napoléon recueillis et classés by Lieut.-Col. Ernest Picard (1913).

[le-brave-des-braves]

*He couldn’t see Berthier properly, let alone Bory. Soult’s giant form was still moving forward as he let go of the collar and stood up, swiftly unfolding his beautiful wings.*

@your-staff-wizard Berthier, I’m coming for you!

*And he plunged into the fiery pit of flaming flora, finding both the marshal and the ADC DuQuay. He grabs both of them, and hopes that he would be able to carry them all as he needs to get out as soon as possible. At last, the carnivorous plant irritated by the heat, finally releases Berthier’s hand*

“Soult, I have them!”

*He shouted out as he finally managed to gain some kind of stability and place both Berthier and his ADC on the ground. He almost feels good about this unless the thought that didn’t originate in his own mind pushed itself in - THERE IS BORY. HOW? Why? What is he even… THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT AND HIS FUCKING PLANTS. He lets out a groan almost similar to that of a dragon and he flies up once again.*

*The hot air is pushing his wings up and the smoke flavoured by all the attempts of taming the plants is becoming unbearable and suffocating. Now he can see, that one miserable figure surrounded by flames, too deep in the room… he had no chance to notice him before.*

“Bory, stay where you are. Don’t scream, don’t breathe it in and LET GO OF THAT STUPID PLANT! I’m coming for you dumb ass.”

*The pain is not real. It is only in your head, Michel. You cannot die. You are free. Those were the words he repeated in his head as he jumped straight into the flames, taking hold of the poor ADC.

And then, the pain gets real. He could hardly pinpoint the exact moment when the flames around him exploded, setting the clean, coppery feathers ablaze.

The wings were sensitive, indeed, and it was not his lover’s touch that revealed it - it was the flame now rapidly consuming them. He is screaming, but he has a work to do. It was not a good landing. He can’t even make sure that Bory is alright because of the agonising pain.

Continuing on from here... With @le-brave-des-braves on his back, the great drake Soult approaches the plants that are menacing @your-staff-wizard and have turned his place into a veritable jungle and...

with a roar and a burst of mighty flame, sets the plants ablaze! Possibly including the carnivorous one! And probably the house! Sorry. But what's this?

Why, it's ADC Bory de Saint-Vincent, who hasn't noticed that the world around him has just gotten a whole lot hotter! And that one little spark can set him... alight. Like the one that's currently merrily eating his tailcoat uniform.

[napoleondidthat]

I love Berthier, okay? I love him so much that I surprise myself. He's my favourite dead person and only my love for Josephine comes anywhere half as close as how much I love him. And I don't even know why but the first time I read about the Marshals and finally came to Berthier's bit, i was like "oh god. No. Not another dead guy. And certainly not one about whom there's hardly anything written" But fate hates me and three years later(I was a late bloomer) I'm still desperately in love.😭

Oh no! Well, I happen to love Berthier myself (not as deeply as you do :) ), but Berthier is a great guy. He’s a very likable personality and he was sometimes so mistreated by Napoleon, you can’t but help to want to give him a big hug. Berthier deserves some love!

[handfuloftime]

In December 1809 the news of the impending divorce, already in the air, lent an atmosphere of discomfort to the party. In the hope of cheering things up, Berthier had asked Brunet to come and give a performance of his latest farce, Cadet Roussel, with the company of the Variétés. In the presence of Napoleon and Josephine the plot unfolded more or less smoothly until the moment when Cadet's father says to his son, to put him on his guard against the machinations of a countrified gallant in love with his wife, 'Do you know what it is that attracts this libertine? It's your divorce he's aiming at!' The audience was startled, but worse was to come. Cadet explains why he got married. 'Do you suppose it was for pleasure? It was for something far more solid--not to allow the perpetuity of my family to die out; to see myself reborn, and to have predecessors!' It was as though lightning had struck the gallery at Grosbois. Josephine turned pale behind her fan. Napoleon had ceased to laugh. Berthier tore his hair behind the scenes, and exchanged acid remarks with the chamberlain, M. de Saint-Cyr. 'Who chose the play?' 'Yourself!' 'I didn't know anything about it!' 'You ought to have read it!' 'How absurd!' 'What a disaster!'

Jean Robiquet, Daily Life in France Under Napoleon

[joachimnapoleon]

Ever since he left Paris with Louis, Berthier loathed the prospect of being branded an émigré. He soon found himself under round-the-clock surveillance by the Bavarians, followed by agents even in his morning walks with his family. Isolated, the man known for his sobriety took to drinking several bottles of champagne in the morning, and it was in this state that he saw the Russian cavalry moving up on June 1, and fell to his death from a tower window, his brains scattered on the courtyard below. Some said he was assassinated by French royalists intent on stopping him rejoining Napoleon, a wild theory generally rejected. Suicide was the verdict of the Bavarian authorities, and was rapidly accepted by the rumor mill. Emmanuel de Waresquiel has no doubt this was the cause. This much is known: Consumed by doubts and despair in his refuge in Bamberg, he sought to return to France, to live quietly on his estates, but was denied a passport by the Bavarians; his doctor said he was in a state of “hypochondriac melancholy.” His children’s governess heard him mutter, as he watched the Russian cavalry pass, “This defile never ends… Poor France, what is going to befall you, and I am here!” These were the last known words of the man Napoleon told Metternich “followed me around like a good boy.”

—Michael Broers, Napoleon: The Decline and Fall of an Empire