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[napoleondidthat]

Napoleon, The Director’s Cut

The added material makes the film better but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

So I did it. I rewatched the Napoleon movie with the added material. I was wondering if a second view would salvage it, maybe it ages well.

That answer is no.

It has been awhile since I saw the theater version, so I am not 100% sure that what I will say isn’t maybe a few scenes that were in the movie and I just don’t recall. There are new scenes and old scenes that are longer now.

From the beginning to Toulon are about the same as far as I can tell. One thing I will note: it is curious that they chose as the Bonaparte family representative Lucien. I am happy to see Lucien get some love as he’s my favorite of the dysfunctional clan, but it seems a weird choice. Joseph is usually chosen because he and Napoleon do have a different dynamic of an elder brother who has such a stronger personality younger brother. But what is equally weird is that Lucien serves no purpose. He’s there in a military looking uniform listening to Barras talk about France’s military challenges, he just pops up in Toulon (as does Barras who apparently just hangs around on the perimeter of the battlefield) so Napoleon can hand him the cannonball he fishes out of his poor dead horse (I’m traumatized all over again), and then disappears completely after the coup d’etat.

There might be some new stuff in here but I am not remembering it.

The most backfill is the Josephine arc, and that does actually help the film somewhat. In the theater version Josephine launches on screen stumbling out of prison.

Scene one shows her at her home and some asshole guy is questioning a five year old Hortense about the whereabouts of her father and the Revolution. Eugene stands back with Lucille, the maid. Josephine watches the scene from the top of the stairs wrapped in a shawl. Little Hortense is obviously scared and says that her father is in prison and the Revolution is against the nobility. The man asks her about her and the father (I think) loyalty and is she a noble, and she looks to Josephine for guidance, Josephine nods at her to answer. She says she is noble, her father does support the Revolution, and so does she. The man warns her not to lie because he can tell. Josephine pipes in saying that she’s a five year old child leave her alone she tells the truth etc.

That scene bleeds to the next where Josephine is in the back of a cart of other prisoners and is being unloaded at Carmes prison. She is processed through by a gruff woman who strips her of her rings and demands to see in her mouth. She wanders around the prison and at all the chaos. A woman comes out and calls her name and they embrace. It’s Therese Tallien. She leads her through the prison and acts a bit of a tour guide. The watch some prisoners get in the cart to meet the guillotine. Therese says there is no tears….moving on. They pass cramped quarters where they pass a couple having sex. Therese says if a woman gets pregnant she can avoid the blade and “since when do men need a reason to fuck?”

The next scene is that night and Josephine lays in Therese’s bed and watches her doll herself in the mirror as much as she can. She ties a red ribbon around her neck and tells her how it represents the blade. Therese states she will survive this and Josephine can too or she can die pure. Josephine stays silent in all these scenes.

Next scene is Josephine cutting her hair short, looking a little more sexy in her dress and walking down to the lower part of the prison where she goes to a man waiting for her on a bed. And fade to black.

There is a rather powerful scene of an order of nuns being led to the guillotine. The crowd jeers and screams at them just like they did for Marie Antoinette. But these nuns look pristine in their habits and they go to their deaths calm and cool and singing a hymn in French. The last nun is just a young girl and she watches as all her order meets their end and she goes up the platform and they rip her veil from her and put her down on the bench for the blade and she never misses a note. Her song only ends when the blade falls. The crowd that was bloodthirsty just goes deathly silent and exchange looks with each other.

That follows the scene of Barras confronting Robespierre over his actions. Same as the theater version. Robespierre shoots himself again but the scene doesn’t end with Barras saying “the guillotine for you my friend” the added scene is Robespierre’s death as he is dragged with his bandaged face up to the guillotine with the crowd cheering. He is beheaded.

The scene with Josephine leaving prison is longer. She walks around the city and it’s rather strangely deserted and messy streets. She comes to her house and enters to find it’s been ransacked. She goes up the stairs calling out to her children and Lucille. She is eventually confronted by Lucille who takes her to be an intruder but then recognizes her and calls for her children. They appear and approach her slowly as Josephine takes off her hood and they all reunite.

The party scene where Napoleon and Josephine meet is longer. Napoleon runs into Barras who cheers him but Napoleon like the buzzkill he is refuses to show a smile and Barras eye rolls him off. The scene of the play that they are putting on is a bit longer with Josephine and Napoleon first noticing each other in this setting and exchanging glances. Josephine is sitting at Barras’ table. Napoleon is hanging out with Lucien.

An added scene is that after the party there is a scene of a naked Josephine having sex with Barras after the party. She watches herself in the mirror. Barras tells her she accumulated a lot of debt at the party that night and gets up to get some money for her debts. She quips she should charge him more for the attention she brings him. He tosses the money at her and says he will pay for her debts this time but he’s done. She needs to get to know Bonaparte.

Fast forward to Napoleon and Josephine courting. Lucille and Josephine talk about whether Josephine likes Napoleon that way or not. There is an extended scene of Napoleon receiving her invite but this time it shows him standing outside her door killing time in the street by reading a newspaper. Lucile watches him from the door discreetly. She closes the door when he come across the street. He rings the bell and Lucille stands inside the door smiling. She makes him knock again before she opens and smiles and welcomes him in. I am not sure what this is supposed to be implying? Lucille has a crush on him too?

The wiff of grapeshot is the same but there is an added scene of Napoleon, Barras and other random military men singing a song and toasting their success. They all congratulate Napoleon as the savior but he shrugs it off and plays humble.

The wedding scene is slightly longer I think. The guy talks about their birthdays that I don’t remember from the original.

Italian campaign is merely what they show in the released footage that I posted. There is the dinner where Napoleon notices Hippolyte and Josephine chatting it up at the dinner table.

There are more scenes with Hippolyte and Josephine. Mostly narrated by Napoleon writing to her his love etc. One scene of Josephine buying hats and Hippolyte sits in a chair and watches her. She looks sad like she does through most of this film. Hippolyte puts on a turban and clowns around. The two maids find it adorable and laugh. Josephine seems mortified and keeps telling him to stop and to take it off.

There is an extra scene of Napoleon and Josephine lying in bed and she tells him that the trouble is that he is always off to battle and she is alone and never knows if he will return or not. He assures her he will always return and not to worry. He kisses her all over her face and she looks on gloomy. I don’t remember where this scene is, but it’s around the Italian campaign scenes.

Another Josephine and Hippolyte scene where he is in her garden chatting up people and Josephine sits inside by the piano listening to the musician play. He watches her as she looks visibly upset.

Napoleon in Egypt is pretty much the same as the original. His return is slightly different. He returns to find the house empty and blows up at Lucille. There is an added creepy scene of Napoleon eating alone at the dining table and Lucille comes in with a plate. Napoleon stops her and apologizes for his outburst. She understands. Be great if they stop there. But no. Napoleon slides his chair out and asks Lucille to sit on his knee and she does. He tells her he’s sad and needs comforting what can be done? She tells him she can get him some desert or draw him a hot bath and she will console him. Napoleon just lays his head on her shoulder.

The scene where Napoleon confronts Josephine over the affair is for the most part the same except there does seem to be some added dialogue. Josephine the following day asks Napoleon if had affairs and he admits he did. She asks if they were pretty and did he love them etc. He says they were pretty because they didn’t cry. She then says she doesn’t care as long as he doesn’t leave her. Please don’t leave me. I don’t recall this in the original film but maybe it was there and I just blocked it out.

The scene where Napoleon confronts the directory is longer to me it seems with some additional dialogue but that could be wrong.

There is an additional scene of Napoleon cleaning his guns at the dinner table with Lucien. They are a bit drunk and Lucien says he doesn’t get why Napoleon is going along with the plotters plans. He doesn’t need them. Napoleon says he will need ladies in waiting, right? Lucien says they aren’t good except to lick your balls and Napoleon laughs and says that he will need one of those. Josephine stands on the balcony watching and listening. She leaves, Napoleon hears the sound and swings the gun in her direction but she’s gone.

There is a new scene I think of Napoleon designing the Consulate uniforms. There is also a scene of Napoleon and Josephine hosting a party and mingling along the table where Napoleon kinda flirts and Josephine watches him and the flirts with whoever she talks to.

The assassination attempt scene is pretty much what has been released. It happens incorrectly and Napoleon yells at his advisors. They do show the execution of the Duc d’Enghein out in the forest and not in a moat. He’s some poor sweaty looking guy. He messes with the gravel he’s standing on and turns and there is the firing squad. He reminds them he is a Frenchman and some other nobles stuff and asks to command the execution. The guy who I assume is General Dumas ignores him and commands ready…aim…but then tells the duc that he can go ahead. The duc instructs to aim at the heart and the guns fire.

It’s the scene right after the coronation that Napoleon and Hippolyte Charles have their conversation.

A lot that comes after this is the same I think. There is a whole scene in Russian between the Czar and God knows who. And they only subtitle half of the scene. So you listen to the rest and don’t know what the fuck anyone is saying.

There is a scene of Napoleon huge ass map being painted by David. Napoleon wanders in in his nightgown and starts walking on the map. David tells him it’s not dry and if he must walk on it, he can step on Italy. Cut to the new scene of Napoleon and his generals on the map planning Austerlitz and Napoleon hopping on Italy so as not to disturb the now dry paint? I don’t know.

There is a scene of Napoleon on the toilet before battle, I believe it’s Austerlitz. He gets up and then buries his head in a bowl of water. He strips down and asks I guess the valet to brush him like a horse. Harder etc.

The next new scenes seem to be Napoleon on Elba. There is a scene of him walking down a street by himself and he draws his sword and starts practicing fencing moves but trips over his own feet and falls down in a doorway.

There is a scene of a boy bringing his boots that he shined in and dropping them unceremoniously on the floor. Napoleon chuckles and asks him to go get him wine. Napoleon sees in the paper Josephine is wining and dining Alexander. He gets mad but this time the boy enters the room and Napoleon asks him if he knows who Alexander is. The boy says no. He asks but you knew who I was? The boy says yes. Napoleon dismisses him.

There is a new scene of Napoleon and his mother serving him lunch. She quips she didn’t come all this way to sit and have lunch with her son who is a moody SOB. Napoleon doesn’t react but just broods. She tells him he wasn’t meant to die on this island and puts her arm around him. Napoleon tells her his wife is entertaining the Emperor of Russia in his home. Madame Mere hugs him.

Except she isn’t your wife. It isn’t your home. And she’s dead. And what has happened to his son and Marie Louise? Never mentioned again.

The scene where he learns of Josephine’s death seems longer. There is a scene where he goes into her bedroom and crawls into bed. That might be in the original and I forgot.

There is a small scene of him on the toilet again before Waterloo. He wipes his tush and look into the bowl to see nothing but blood.

There is an additional added on scene of Napoleon showing the St. Helena girls how to fence before he just drops dead at the picnic table.

I think those are all the added scenes. I may have missed a few.

This movie feels like a bunch of baggage the British have yet to unload from Napoleon to me. Like an angry ex who can’t understand why the guy they broke up with is still so popular and why we aren’t writing odes to Wellington. It also feels strangely like English cartoon propaganda come to life. Like all those English cartoons now filmed with people.

I say this because the obnoxious hit you over the head stats at the end tallying up the war dead is just so cringing. I am no war lover but laying the blame at Napoleon only seems the worst of takes. Not only does it ignore that a lot of history is people waging war and killing each other, it’s not as if Napoleon is a serial killer racking up all these deaths on his own. If Napoleon is to blame, then so is Wellington for dragging his army out at Waterloo. He could have stayed away and look how many people would have lived? And a nation that was at one time killing people left and right all over the globe as it expanded empire saying “yeah but Napoleon did…” seems a bit too hypocritical.

Second, if Napoleon is such a baddie, then why portray him as such a buffoon? It’s hard to hate him in this movie because he’s a cartoon. This Napoleon if anything makes me want to flick him off the screen. And that sucks because Napoleon is so much more compelling than this hot mess.

What story are they telling? That Napoleon was a warmonger but also a cartoon? That Napoleon was a serious threat? That Napoleon had mommy issues? That Napoleon and Josephine were toxic were they some great romance?

They keep trying to point to Napoleon having some weird Mommy issues but never follow the thread except for some characters making statements out of nowhere.

The actors do the best with this crap, but they all suck including Vanessa Kirby who usually gets praised. Sure, she does alright if you don’t know the real character of Josephine.

Kirby and Phoenix seem to try to be overly serious about these characters to the point that they become melodramatic jokes. You can make an argument that Josephine did suffer some form of PTSD after the Revolution. She probably did. Except it didn’t last her whole life. The historical record of her is as gracious, cheerful, warm, loved to spend and party, happy for the most part. She also could be a drama Queen and manipulator. Did Kirby just not read this and instead picked up some emo biography that I’m not aware of? He constant “fuck off and fuck you and the horse you rode in on” is so unlike the real woman.

Phoenix I think honestly doesn’t give a shit. He was way too old for the part but he is a gifted actor so I though he might be able to pull it off. Clavier was way too old too but somehow shines better than Phoenix. And Clavier wasn’t that great of a Napoleon either. But when Phoenix was quoted as sort of saying Napoleon was a little weirdo with a small coat that he wasn’t really concerned with playing a historical figure but just a cartoon character.

It could be also because I think the chemistry between Vanessa and Phoenix is in the negative territory that the characters fall flat.

In closing, this a film I can’t see myself really watching again. It has its moments, and it does look like an Assassin’s Creed Unity decorated set (and that is a compliment). It’s just too much for a mess and not really a fun mess. I’m glad I got to see it in the theater because Lord knows when that will happen again, the opportunity to see a movie about something that I live with in my head.

But this is a British cartoon take on a man that they seem to still be angry with and they want you to remember he is a villain, a terrible killer but also a silly man child who is a buffoon somehow.

Oh and he is a shitty lover too who doesn’t know anything about it.

[napoleondidthat]

I Am Dying A Thousand Deaths…

I’m currently watching the director’s cut of Napoleon by Ridley Scott. There is quite a bit new material that does fill out the story, explains things better and overall makes the movie flow better. There are gross inaccuracies still that makes the Napoleonic historian, us, cringe, but the average viewer wouldn’t care.

Some scenes are good, some are meh and then a few like what the hell am I looking at?

I haven’t been through the whole movie yet because I have to stop it every now and then but I had to stop and talk about this fucking scene.

This. Fucking. Scene.

Napoleon seeks out Hippolyte Charles to get advice on how to get Josephine pregnant.

Scene opens with Hippolyte waiting to be summoned by the Emperor and he seems nervous because he probably thinks Napoleon is going to confront him on his affair with the wife. Cannons are being fired outside randomly, who the fuck knows why, and every explosion makes Charles fidget more and look more guilty.

He is summoned.

Napoleon asks him if he can keep this conversation to himself and be discreet. Charles agrees. Napoleon then asks if he has children.

Yes, he has three sons, he says.

Napoleon asks if it took long (the act) to conceive.

Charles says he can’t remember.

Napoleon then asks, I shit you not, “is it important to pleasure a lady before you enter her”

Charles is like “dude” and mumbles about loving his wife. Napoleon says he loves his wife too and doesn’t want Charles to be shy, speak openly. Charles says he doesn’t know what the FUCK is going on.

Napoleon then says, again I shit you not, “tell me is it important for me to use my mouth down below between my wife’s legs before I enter her. “

The fuck is going on! Am I having a stroke? Am I stroking out?

Charles says he believes that a more a woman is aroused the more likely she is to conceive.

Napoleon thanks him and says he sought him out because he is a man of good “cocksmanship”, has a pretty face and the aire of a hairdresser.

I want to throw myself out of a window. I am dying watching this. Not laughter, like I want to go crawl under the bed and never come out again.

This fucking scene.

What in the absolute actual fuck did I just watch?

[napoleondidthat]

Director’s Cut: Duc d’Enghein

Okay….

Well way to go Caulaincourt. The men all exchanging glances is how all we all are watching this movie: All WTF is this for real??

Lol@Josephine randomly sitting in on a state meeting and their god awful dialogue. Oh my God! I’m screaming!

Josephine: You are letting your hate direct you.

Napoleon: One day you will regard this action as good policy and will kiss me with your mouth you said those words from. Go to bed.

You died just reading that, didn’t you?

[napoleondidthat]

Director’s cut: The Infernal Machine.

God-damn this is all wrong. Like everything is wrong.

You had one job Ridley!

Hey Napoleon, someone tried to kill you maybe show some emotion? Did someone tell Phoenix that Napoleon just sleepwalked through his life?

Why is the carriage on fire already before it blows up? Why are people moving around a carriage that is a bonfire through the street?

Where is the little girl that is murdered in the event? How do you forget her?

Wtf?

[napoleondidthat]

Director’s cut:

Napoleon reaches Italy and seemingly is bored. He attends church on a horse, literally. He loots pretty pictures.

[napoleondidthat]

Director’s Cut:

Napoleon with his carpet map sits perched on a ladder….making plans.

And Napoleon has to hop from one land mass to another. Lol

[napoleondidthat]

I went hunting and I found a few clips from the Directors’s cut. Here is the new trailer for the director’s cut where Josephine is seen more.

[napoleondidthat]

hello ⚘️ I like to say I love napoleon so much but I considered him as villain he was raicim

specially what he did to alexander dumas but I believe he's wasn't raicim on everybody he was impressed on arab especially arab peninsula I'm arab but napoleon is my favourite historical villain💗💗

I don’t see him as a villain but there are certainly those who do.

[napoleondidthat]

Okay so I was wrong, the director’s cut is out. It’s three and half hours now. Anyone seen it and want to give us the scoop?

[napoleondidthat]

Josephine is so bored through out this story she literally rather be dead.

[napoleondidthat]

Credit: bizarre comics

[napoleondidthat]

A cringe fest of Napoleon movie WTF moments.

The sad part is that I can actually see Napoleon doing some of these things, but something dies inside of me when I look at these.

[napoleondidthat]

Marlon Brando as Napoleon in Desiree.

Judging you.

[napoleondidthat]

Love your blog! Have you seen the 48 minute director's cut of Napoleon yet? How is it?

Hi!

I love that you love the blog!

I haven’t seen the director’s cut. I don’t believe it’s out yet, is it?

*cringe*

[napoleondidthat]

For what actual reasons did Napoleon reinstate slavery?

Many.

1. Racism was at play. Napoleon didn’t own slaves. That doesn’t mean that he thought Blacks should hold the same status as Whites did in society. General Dumas was a general under his army and was Black but he wasn’t treated well by Napoleon.

2. Money. Napoleon needed funds to run his army. The colonies were required to send money back to France. Plantation owners were in need of workers, and hey, they liked the slavery set up just fine, and told Napoleon that they couldn’t sent the money if they didn’t have workers. I have also read that slavery was still being practiced before Napoleon officialized it again.

Mostly I’d say it was money and power that lead him to bring it back. Politics and power is all head and no heart.

I will also point out that Napoleon was friendly with the Black slaves on St. Helena, especially a man named Toby. He did remark on their treatment or mistreatment as it were. I believe he even said he regretted that he did reinstate slavery.

Does that absolve him? No. But like all things in history, it’s complicated to have a simple answer.

[napoleondidthat]

🐧🐧🐧

[napoleondidthat]

A detailed look/tour of the Arc du Carrosuel