#polishing up around here
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I gave him a girlfriend.
(this scene starts with them kissing, actually. I just didn't want to draw people kissing. Jiang Cheng pulls back because he doesn't want to ruin their friendship, nevermind that she initiated. He apologizes for how inappropriate that was. Meihua, undeterred, asks him if it's inappropriate because they aren't exactly courting each other. Jiang Cheng doesn't answer so she took that as a yes and then the comic happens.)
#she's Miao Meihua and she's the one who got to keep one of Jiang Cheng's dog: little love#anyway. i looked around the mdzs oc tag and a lot of them are for ships and then I thought to myself: I can also make one!#so here she is#she's a dog breeder. yes they are all little love's descendants.#i like her design#i don't really know and am not interested with romance. but this scene sprung up to me and I think it's cute so I drew it#not interested enough to polish it tho XD sorry. yet another messy comic for you#one of the good things about her initiating is that if anyone ever says that Jiang Cheng is so horrible no lady would ever love him#Jin Ling can disagree and say that jiujiu's lover is actually the one who pursued him.#if anyone then says that Jiang Cheng's lover must be a gold digger. jin ling will start breathing fire.#she calls him sect leader jiang to tease. wanyin on a normal day. and a-cheng on very rare occasions of emotional vulnerability
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
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#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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Hey! First of all, I love what you do! It's really beautiful, I just wanted to ask you what software you use to make your illustrations? And what software for pixel art? Thanks in advance for your answers. Keep up what you're doing, it's really too beautiful! <3
Heya, thank you so much for the kind words! Fairly simple answer here, I use the same software for both- I work in Clip Studio Paint. I DO have asesprite and I really want to learn how to use it, mainly for patterning/tiling in pixelart. But currently all I use is CSP. It's served me well!
Pixel art can be done in basically any program that has a pixel brush luckily. But ye this is my usual setup! The one upside of working in CSP is that I can do my regular non pixel art concept sketches right there on the other side of the canvas in cases where i feel i need to haha
#i actually dont do detailed sketches like that trevenant often at all. i just did that one cus it was a bigger one at an extreme angle#also to xplore the colors i wanetd a bit#my usual sketches r closer to the ninetales! n that ws a pretty 1 to 1 recreation of the sketch which is rare i usually#change the pose and design when trnaslating to pixel art.#but yeah VERY loose sketches. mainly so i dont get too hung up on 'this has to look like x' cus it might not be able to translate to pixels#well enough. what i can make look good in pixels takes priority over the og sketch haha (also i dont usualy bother to pose the sketches lol#the tree as u can see had no sketch since ykno. just a tree!#i do all my pixel work generally in one#maybe two layers. a second layer usualluy only for bigger elements i want to be able to remove#in this case the second layer i have for the pixels is the white outline around the tree! for the lum/cress i posted it was the light#rings behind it. also i dont think i ever posted that tree here. sad. it was a nice tree.#maybe i should sometime. i was proud of it#not art#ribbon answers#i also need to finisht hat DAMN TREVENANT its just the bg i gotta polish
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I drew another Chara- living with the Dreemurrs edition
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"The King and Queen treated the human child as their own. The underground was filled with hope."
I don't like this as much as the last one but oh well... I ended up rambling a huge amount in the tag, so if you want details and headcanons about the actual drawing again, you'll have to look pretty far down this time, sorry (Also, I ran out of tags after a while. Tumblr is tired of me, lol. I might reblog this more tags later if I remember what I was going to say.)
#chara dreemurr#undertale#next up: the narrator#(I know that's not a title they receive in game like the other two but... just let me have this)#The future monarch of monsterkind. The prophecized saviour. One of the most important people in the underground. An angel apparently.#Chara puts all of their effort into appearing perfect in both appearance and manners. They're representing all the underground now and they#don't want to let down the king and queen! (Plus Chara's scared of getting kicked out or worse should they ever disappoint their family)#But... they're gonna save everyone! They're gonna make sure the monsters win this war! It's their destiny! The prophecy says so!#(... That's why all this happened to them. Chara sees themself as smarter more careful and maturer than their peers... because of the way#what a strange child...#hey look! I did a thing#my art#they were raised on the surface. They believe they have the skills to lead monsterkind to victory because of what they suffered.#Almost like they were trained or led to this moment. Like they don't have a choice. But this makes all their pain worth it right?#It was always for this fated grand purpose right? That's why they hate feeling robbed of their ''purpose''! Might be part of why they hate#determination! What do you mean you can defy fate? What do you mean things could've been different? That I didnt have to go through this?#that it wasn't written in the stars?... Oh shit I forgot to talk about the drawing!#The little bunches are supposed to look like monster ears. Especially with the monster soul locket. They're doing a curtsy which they alway#upon meeting someone new and introducing themself as the future monarch of monsterkind. Calling whoever they're talking to sir or ma'am.#Wanted to make it a curtsy/bow combination but I couldn't draw that. They have a little golden flower clip to pull their hair back and#they gave themself the belt and flouncy petticoat. They iron and polish everything they wear literally everytime they go outside.#Chara wears heeled boots whenever possible because they really hate being so short...they somehow think it makes them look weak.#The blushes and lashes are make-up! Chara wants to look perfect after all! They also really really hate their red spots/birthmarks and will#cover them up whenever possible...and they're wearing their crucifix again. Of course they are! Through it all they'll always keep#their faith. ....Until Chara finds themself a figurehead of an entirely new religion. I think they're...newly 11 here. (Second year in the#underground. 10 when they fell. 13 when they did.) Comfortable (comfortable as they can be) with their new family but not yet desperate#to get them out as soon as possible. Might not even be working with Gaster yet. But Asriel already gave Chara their locket.#I definitely think it was...a while before Chara really thought of returning the favour. Not that they don't utterly shower#Asriel and their parents in other gifts or affection! But they're just not one to make... promises of forever lightly. Especially because#Chara isn't really planning on staying around for a long time at all! They will break the barrier like prophecized then climb the mountain
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unedited random short post frontiers fic from few weeks ago
When they finally got back, Sonic /slept/.
He took the spare-slash-his room and burrowed mostly under the covers until only the top half of his head was visible, and was quickly unresponsive to the world.
So much so that after checking in physically a few times over a day, Tails became nervous and looked up their communicator programs.
The vitals tracker reported an unusually low heartrate for Sonic's personalised baseline, but it was steady and stable.
He was just /exhausted/.
And no wonder, after what they had all been through.
Still, Tails stayed close, taking his own time to get back in touch with the real world of their home.
Amy called. On hearing Sonic was still asleep - going on 17 hours - she expressed concern, but Tails tried to reassure, using numbers and logic in a way that worked more on him than her.
But she was busy checking in on various friends after their trip and before she headed out on her own. She promised to be over tomorrow with something easy on the stomach.
Just before eventually heading to bed himself, Tails looked into the spare room one last time.
All the alarms for Sonic's tracking were set on Tails' own communicator, just to make sure he'd wake immediately if there was anything.
There wouldn't be though. It was just pure exhaustion. It was just a lot.
Tails had practically managed to convince himself he believed that by now.
He padded up to the bed after hesitating in the doorway as he had been all day. Nearer, the covers moved just slightly with unusually slow but very even breaths.
Sonic's head quills just poked out of the duvet, his eyes closed and for once in sleep, face smoothed of concern.
Just resting. Catching up on who knew how many days' worth of sleep and exhaustion.
Tails let himself one last long look before slowly padding away again. He started to pull the door shut behind him into the hallway and paused.
"Rest tight, big bro. I'm watching out for you. We'll be fine."
The words weren't heard by anyone but their speaker, but Tails was as reassured as if they had been parroted from Sonic himself.
He had said enough similar lines. And he had never allowed them to become false. Tails intended the same.
Carefully, he tugged the door to, but not shut, lest it need opening quickly at some point.
The young fox silently stepped towards his own room, ready for rest even as he checked the communicator's alerts one last time.
Sonic would be fine. It was just up to rest and time now.
And Tails would make sure he got it.
#sonic fic#Wrote this in bed at midnight couple weeks ago#Technically finished but unedited obviously lol#So just throwing it here for now#Til I get around to polishing it up for ao3#My writing#Sonic and tails#Unbreakable bond#Frontiers#Sonic frontiers
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as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit
it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now
#re:kinder#fanart#aya re:kinder#aya hibino#i state shes my daughter NOW because before i didnt pay too big of a mind to her#but honestly in each different playthrough of this game i gain new appreciation for each character#because fun fact ryou was my favorite character at first just because he seemed nice and was a healer and was nice#second playthrough brought in rei and shunsuke in my mind because they ate it up wirh their roles in the story#meanwhile as time passed yuuichi started to grow on me as i realized he was a little too relatable BASICALLY THINGS LIKE THAT#and spoilers for the unspecified project mentioned in the text just because i feel like it#i also did this because having a transcript of every line just spurred me on becquse of how easy it made things#its much more fun to start doing these kind of line based doodles when you dont have to manually go througj hours of gameplay to find stuff#so just being ablr to ctrl f through a document made me very glad HEUEHEHEBEHR#im still working on it it needs proofreading and polishing on some sides but overall it should be here soon i hope#if anyones interested in it do let me know HUEHEHEBRB i will post it regardless but it would be nice to know if anyone is interested#ANYWAY#as to why Aya seems to have a purse when her sprite doesnt its because her equipment mentions her carrying a yellow pouch#its meant to be that!!!#she looks very goofy with it on made me giggle ngl#(as in. amusement)#it adds more interest to her visual design so its nice to have it there im glad its there#OH YEAH SOME COMMENTARY ON ONE OF HER LINES HERE THAT REALLY PIQUED MY INTEREST#if sayaka dies and shes there to see it (thus. you chose to bring her with you) she has this line#where it implies that shes afraid of dying which makes things sad when she's suicidal#she already states i think her desire is more to disappear than to die exactly but even then it's quite sad#like even if she wants to disappear with how gloomy she's feeling and all the things going around with her parents#shes just a little girl who doesn't want to die😭😭#it really adds a sense of realism to how depression is tackled in game at least for me#that when one is depressed and suicidal a lot of the time it's the wish for this state of suffering to end rather than to actually die#SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER ITS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT UPPED MY APPRECIATION FOR HER
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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Eekk
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#me @ work and the Toji wip I was working on. should’ve brought my laptop so that I could work on it here since there’s nothing to do#rambling#but I didn’t feel like lugging it around orz#I gotta make him hairy… I feel like not enough artists draw Toji with body hair#and in bl they don’t make his asshole hairy either it’s such a shame#especially in fanart like man#I’ll do it for him#also Ijichi…#I was gonna line it but i decided that the sketch was good enough so I’ll just work my way around it and polish it up the slowfashioned way#my art
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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One part ginger, one part ginseng root, two part wolfberries
Those were the ingredients Tusu Elixir used to cure the headache of the villagers.
It was a simple remedy that any old doctor would have been able to make up, yet being able to see the light in their eyes slowly return back was a type of happiness that he quietly indulged in. Although his usual comments about people not taking care of their health were as snide as ever, observant patients would always notice how he seemed very pleased whenever he was able to cure a patient, regardless of what ailment they had been inflicted with.
One part spring water, two parts daisies, three parts freshly bloomed plum blossoms
It was supposed to be an easy to make medicine. However, the cold winter breeze that knocked against his window taunted him, whispering about how this little girl was going to die in front of his eyes if he didn't do anything.
"Please doctor, you have to save her!"
The begging eyes of the single mother tore his heart apart.
That night, the mother and daughter duo reunite happily, thanking the doctor profusely for bringing the little girl back the life. The doctor listened to everything they had to say before shooing them away, telling them to get out of his sight which they happily did.
The moment they left, the doctor locked the doors before looking down at his feet, a heavy sigh exhaled from his lips as he watches his feet fade in and out of existence.
Ah well, all well ends well.
Two parts parsley, two parts mushrooms, mix it all together in a bowl with freshly brewed wine
That was the "medicine" he forced himself to drink to regenerate his energy every so often.
Rumours of a doctor that could revive the dead spread like wildfire while the wine that brought him to existence was slowly becoming a forgotten tradition of the past.
By the time he was found by you, it was obvious that he was already on the brink of death. His pale skin looked ghostly underneath the candlelight, while his frail body was supported by a wheelchair that was covered with various medicinal herbs and flowers, blooming healthily in contrast to the sickly food soul who summoned them.
Although his words were akin to poisonous needles, that didn't stop you from noticing the blanket that covered his legs; and in a moment of impulse, you grabbed it and lifted it up.
"......."
At that moment, a heavy silence befell onto the both of you.
"Who did this to you?"
Your hands shook as you reached out to touch his legs-- at least, where his legs should have been. However, there was nothing to imply its existence except for its shadow that faded in and out of existence, following the movements of his upper body that froze the moment you lifted the blanket off his legs.
Instantly, the man slapped your hand away, glaring down at you.
"It's none of your business."
Who he wanted to save was his problem, and the price he had to pay was his burden to shoulder. So, don't bother him nor try to stop him.
It was for your own good.
One part wisteria, two parts tea leaves, then mix them all in a special bowl that contains....
Your eyes narrowed so hard that they became the size of twigs. No matter how hard you squinted, you weren't able to tell what the last part of the recipe was.
"Don't squint so hard or else you'll be walking around with a pair of windows in front of your eyes. You're not smart enough to pull off that look."
Tusu Elixir not-so-gently dropped a book on top of your head, making you wince before you turned around and pouted. "It's not my fault that Shifu has such bad handwriting. If I wasn't your disciple, I doubt anyone else would be able to read past the first sentence!"
The man furrowed his brows. He rests his elbow on his wheelchair's arm before resting his chin on top of his palm, staring at your face with an irritated look. "Is that so? Well, if you had just paid attention to my lessons while I was teaching you, you wouldn't need to refer to these books at all. So instead of blaming me for your incompetence, how about you stop staying up so late at night and go to bed early so that your lazy brain can absorb more knowledge in the morning."
Before you could protest, he turned his wheelchair around and wheeled his way to the opposite side of the room, ignoring your pleas and cries for help.
After coming to Kongsang, his days had been relatively peaceful. Its power helped stabilise his condition while its fertile soil helped him grow various medical herbs that were hard to obtain in Qingqiu. Since he was also an established doctor, he was able to open a clinic without any problem and had been seeing patients in and out every day just like he used to. The only difference from the past compared to the present was--
"Shifu!!"
The sudden yell snapped him out of memory lane, causing him to whip his head around instantly in the direction of your voice. In his haste, he didn't hear how close your voice was, leading to your faces being so close that your noses would brush against each other if any of you made the slightest of movements.
Ba dump
It was only for a brief second, yet it felt like an eternity to Tusu.
For once, the doctor was rendered speechless, incapable of retorting back any snarky words or comebacks. Instead he sat there as still as a statue, wishing to prolong this moment for as long as he could.
Unfortunately, that wish was shattered the instant you pulled away, putting as much distance between the two of you as you could while apologising in a frantic voice.
"I-I'm sorry, shifu! I just wanted to ask you about this other recipe, but then you just looked so entranced in your writing that I didn't know how else to pull your attention away so--"
You rambled on and on, droning off about some excuses that Tusu could easily refute against-- except he didn't because he was too busy trying to slow down his heart that wouldn't listen to his commands to stop beating so loudly.
Sometimes, he wondered why he agreed to take you as his disciple. Was it out of pity? An act of kindness? A way to keep you by his side longer even though he was so eager to push you away in the past?
Even now, he wasn't sure of the answer. However, whenever the time came for you to leave his clinic (to leave him), there was always one thought that never failed to cross his mind.
When were you coming back?
Two parts fresh snow, three parts ice, all encased inside a bottle that held the air of the coldest winter.
His heart stopped the moment he heard the news.
"Let me see them."
Yangzhou hesitated before shaking his head. "You mustn't, Doctor Tusu. You've used too much of your soul energy trying to heal us. The young master is already being taken care of by Doctor Dumpling, so as soon as you are fit, you'll be able to go see them again."
Tusu gritted his teeth. "It seems that you didn't hear me. I said, Let. Me. See. Them."
Yangzhou bit his lips, taking a glance at the opened window inside of the room before slowly shaking his head again. "The young master was the one who told me to keep you in place if something were to ever happen to them, so--"
"Hah! So that fool already knew what they were doing, what a joke!"
Tusu laughed bitterly, slamming his hand so hard against his wheelchair that veins popped up underneath his skin.
How laughable was it for him to react this way? He would always talk about how taking you under his wing was more trouble than it was worth but as the days went by, your presence in his life became irreplaceable, something that he wished to keep longer by his side without knowing why he longedfor it so desperately.
Now, as his mind turned into a blank, his thoughts shifted to the scene of the battlefield; all the food souls bravely fighting on the front lines while he was in charge of keeping them alive at the back. Out of nowhere, a corrupted food soul came from behind and threw a corrupted blade at him aimed at his heart. By the time he noticed, it was already too late, you were standing in front of him with the blade through your arm.
It was fine, it was fine, it was fine–except it wasn't because the corruption turned out to be extremely poisonous to mortals. Although you were part god, you were still human which meant that you were still vulnerable to this poison. The sole cure to the poison was effective only on food souls so your chances of survival were slim, so slim that all the stars could fall from the sky before you had a chance of survival.
There wasn't enough time, he had to see you now but the resolve in Yangzhou’s gaze told him that he was determined to see through your orders to the bitter end.
Earlier, if he had seen the enemy beforehand, none of this would have happened. If he hadn't exerted himself on spot, he would be well enough to look after you right now. If he had healthy legs, he would be strong enough to push the man away and rush to your side.
Past regrets were the present self's worst enemy. That couldn't be more true as he watched Yangzhou leave the room before standing right outside as a guard.
If only he had the ability to pull down all the stars for you.
Three months of autumn, two weeks of quarantine and one day of visit.
.... Alas, the stars had yet to fall on the night of your passing.
Two parts sunshine collected during the brightest hour of the day, two parts starlight taken from a newly born star, mixed together with water drawn from the Huang Chuan river.
No, it still wasn't good enough.
Perhaps substituting the water with flames from a newly reincarnated phoenix would work better? But there was a chance that the concoction would explode on use, damaging your well-preserved body lying on the bed as silent as stone.
Maybe using bamboo water collected during the moment of sunrise would help balance it out, but that meant that it wouldn't be strong enough to call back your soul from the underworld.
Were you still in the underworld, waiting in line to drink Meng Po's soup or had you already been reincarnated during the year he used to preserve your body in such a perfect condition?
Something that felt like a sneer escaped past his lips but he was too exhausted to acknowledge it. Instead, he rolled his wheelchair up to the side of the bed and gazed at your face, murmuring under his breath.
"Wake up. You've been sleeping for so long that the god of food had to come back to take over Kongsang."
"He wasn't pleased when he learnt of what happened to you. In fact, he was furious and nearly went to war to avenge your death, but that's to be expected. No parent would ever want their child to die before them, especially in such a cruel way."
"You're a fool to think that sleeping for so long means that you're free from practice. There is so much you still have to learn so don't think of slacking off now. If you wake up now then I might be generous enough to let you off tomorrow."
"Okay, I'll allow you to sleep in for another hour every morning. That should be enough time for you to pull your ditzy head out of the clouds."
"Don't get greedy. I won’t negotiate past an hour. Now open up your eyes or forget about calling yourself my disciple ever again."
"......."
"That was a lie. You're the first and only disciple I'll ever take under my wing. All those times I told you to stay back were excuses for me to keep you by my side longer. You were improving at such a rapid pace that I was scared that you would leave me soon so I purposefully went harsher on you to keep you from improving any quicker."
"I'll admit it. I love you. I loved you the moment you reached your hand out to me. I love so deeply that there’s no curing me, just like how there is no cure that could bring you back to my side again."
"So, wait for me, okay? I'll be joining you soon. Don't you dare to cross over before I find you again, stupid disciple."
#the tale of food#the tale of food x reader#▪︎ writings#tale of food#tale of food x reader#tusu elixir#HI to anyone who saw this post before i reedited it: no you didn't#I forgot I had this lying around in my drafts till I was trying to complete requests so I polished it up and here it is now#warning: do not try to make any of the prescriptions in this fic#they are all completely made up and would not pass as real chinese medicine#i'm sorry to everyone who opened the full post thinking there was more fluff#in this kongsang there is only pain and even more pain#still hope you can enjoy it(?)#tusu elixir x reader#ttof#ttof x reader
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The more I learn about the history of the middle east in general, the more I realise that the "Israel-Palestine conflict" is actually just a group killing their own fellow shared ethnic group who are "too brown".
Hebrews and Arabs both originate from Phoenicians, aka "Abraham's descendents" according to their respective oral stories and passed on histories. They are from the same place and people. However, there is a narrative that twists this and claims that Arabs were "always an outside force that invaded", when the various groups within that ethnicity always had their share of cooperation and conflict in various stages of history. Just like, say, the various groups in France. They were of the same group and no particular ethnicity had no more of a "claim" to the land than the other, they just had their beef and eventually integrated.
So when I see "but the Arabs are colonisers" I can't help but ask; what is a colonisers to you? Seriously. If colonisation means "any conflict in the past between a shared group from the same place" every single group would be colonisers. There's no such thing as "an innocent conflict" where atrocities weren't committed by either side. So please get that out of your head if you want to say "but the Arabs did X, Y, Z to the Hebrews so it's colonisation and they don't belong in A, B or C areas". That's just not how colonisation works. It's like calling TERF or cis a slur when they're not. Conflict between the same people from the same area is, yeah, a conflict hit not colonisation. However, a people who are from a completely different place who want to erase an ethnic group and take over their culture, erase their history and get rid of their physical features? Yeah, that's what colonisation is. It's genocide with the aim to erase a specific group or culture and take it and the land over. For example, the British in the Middle East.
The problem with calling Arabs "colonisers" is not only is it completely historically wrong, they're from the same place and have the same origins as the Hebrews, but they (like Palestinian Jews) have been their since before the British came. Compared to European Jews who came later on after having lived in Europe (and became European as that is genuinely a part of their culture and ethnicity as well and shouldn't be erased or forgotten, that's also cultural erasure of Germanic, Polish, etc traditions passed on) and, sure, do have origins there *as well* but it needs to be understood that they, specifically Zionists, are a part of the British colonial project aimed at killing *both* Arabs and Jews. The point isn't to help Jews against a colonisers from the first few centuries (sorry to tell you everyone, but no, the Ottoman Empire, Baylon and the Pharaohs literally do not exist anymore, like how Italy isn't the Roman Empire by default because that's where Rome is), but a group of people who've just been living there for the past few centuries and generations who just want to live. The problem is, they haven't been allowed that and propaganda keeps being pushed that completely jumps around historical facts like, for example, Jews (ethnically speaking) were not always Jews but the Ancient Hebrews, aka, Phoenicians, aka where Arabs came from ethically. They are the same people, just who moved to different areas and developed different cultures and languages. Sort of like, you know, every other nation with specific dialects for specific regions and different cultures and folk stories depending on where you go.
The point is, so much of Jewish history is actively being erased to "protect the Jews" by...commuting cultural genocide of the Jews and Arabs. It ignores the actual impact of Nazism within Israel's formation and history, how much it influenced policy, how Jews who were "too visibly Phoenicians" aka appeared too Jewish or arabic or middle eastern in appearance were deemed as "weaker" and "lesser" for my surviving the holocaust and used as a reason to deny rights to both Jews and Arabs who were too visibly Semitic. It ignores how antisemetic Israel is towards Jewishness and how utterly antisemetic Islamophobia is because they are literally from the same origin and, yes, hatred and fear of one does carry into hatred and fear of the other. So much of the propaganda and denialism of history happening right now is a direct response to dear and hatred of "big noses", "brown skin" and people deemed as too middle eastern because they, just like in World War II, World War I and beforehand, antisemetism is the backbone of British imperialism and conquest of the middle east (yes, this also means a targeting of Arabs and Jews as people who look a specific way). And yes I'm annoyed and yes this is a ramble that's probably not very coherent, but damn I'm so sick and tired of misinformation and the twisting of everything to suit this narrative of "Arabs versus Jews" as if they aren't both just Semites who are being collectively oppressed, erased and reinvented by the west to suit western ends.
#I'm tired man#Palestine#Israel#No Jews didn't just manefest out of thin air in Judea because it has “Judea”ism in it...#and no Arabs didn't all just pop out of the air in the Arab Peninsula#They're all from the same place and/or region and ethnicity#and yes Europeans with Hebrew ancestory are still also European just like how I'm also European (Ukrainian Polish) and Indigenous Australian#It doesn't automatically mean I can walk up to a Dharawal elder and say like#“oh I'm Yorta Yorta so I can do whatever I want to you and you're an invader”#Also I can't just pretend I don't benefit from white privilege when yeah I don't get called shit like petrol sniffer and other slurs#I don't get treated different because I don't look indigenous#doesn't mean I'm not and don't belong here and I still deserve to know my culture and language#BUT that doesn't make me entitled to other nations/ tribes around me simply because our grandparents were neighbours#Doesn't mean I get to reinvent THEIR history and oral traditions to suit me and my family's genuine displacement#Yeah we were fucked over and our family suffered a lack of knowledge of who wer were but that doesn't give us the right to do it to others#The british are the enemy not Palestinians or Arabs or Hebrews#when will y'all learn that maybe it's the far right people who currently want to erase multiple cultures for money and power??#We all have a shared issue and that issue is fucking Britian.
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Being able to play as Knuckles with polished versions of his 06 moveset was not on my 2023 bingo card but this Frontiers update is DELIVERING I love it
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#LITERALLY teared up seeing his 06 attacks#they’re so clean and polished its amazing#i first played 06 in 2016 and who knew SEVEN years later i’d be here#like this is so surreal#this is so much fun btw#the whole update#i forgot there was a story bc i got so distracted running around and exploring with amy LMAOO#sonic the hedgehog#sonic the hedgehog 2006#sonic 06#sonic frontiers#sonic frontiers final horizon#knuckles the echidna
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#hhhhh i just wanna lay in bed watching movies all day. i need some sort of wizard to turn me into a salamander so i dont have to do my job#it takes me all day to relax and for what? its Sunday and i have to grade at e#least 45 lab reports and make a presentation about photosynthesis so i can teach tomorrow so that i can barely tread water#im so behind on grading. and thats not to mention all the other bullshit i should b doing. ugh. i just wanna not do anything#i got covid vaccinated yesterday so im kinda exhausted on top of preexisting exhaustion. anf i would like my problems to stop existing#also i forgot how annoying it is to live in a place with mice. like stop scurrying around in my walls! stop trying to make mouse holes#dont make me murder u bc i will. ill buy mouse traps and thdn youll b sorry#but id rather not do that bc itll b annoying to check the traps and dispose of the bodies. bleh#i just wanna watch surreal movies abt self destruction and cosmic horror#so annihilation and maybe sunshine bc i havent watched it and oh god whats that polish movie uuuuuh#i can't remember. it starts with s i think but all i can think is susperia which is not correct. solaris? i cant remember if i watched#it or just read thr book. idk i like surreal slightly pretentious movies. under the skin is another i lov#god. i dont wanna get up. i still only got 7hrs sleep. i just wanna lay here and decompose#fuck. i have so much to write for Wednesday. and i think i have to share a paper Friday. fuck.#unrelated
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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