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samieree · 22 days ago

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Born in Flames || Game of Thrones

OC x ?😏

-> Chapter XXXVIII ''King's Landing''

Chapter XXXIX ''Decoying and confessions''

She had waited for Christer Renel where she had said she would, in the royal chambers. She had thought that when she finally entered the Red Keep again, she would claim the Iron Throne... That this place would be her home, that she would feel something, anything.

But this was not her home, the Iron Throne was not hers. The city she looked upon from the great balcony was not hers. Not while her enemies still lived.

"Cersei has escaped, with the Greyjoy fleet, with what army she had left, even her servants, and that means she intends to return." she said, not even glancing over her shoulder at ser Arthur. She stood with her hands rested on the stone railing, until she slammed them against it in frustration. "And she will not do that until she can challenge me. When I have a moment of weakness, or she gathers an army and creates a weapon able to kill my dragons. It looks like I have won, but I feel everything crumbling in my hands."

She had similar feelings in Meereen, when the city was slowly killing itself, and none of her efforts were working. Even though the situation was different then, because there were two groups of citizens fighting each other - plus the Sons of the Harpy - and nothing like that was happening here, the result could have been the same. They would tear the city from each other's hands until one finally won, but would there be anything left of the city?

She had managed to save Meereen, from what she knew from Daario's letters, the city was doing very well, prospering. In addition, her wish to free the people in Lys and Volantis was also slowly coming true.

When everything will be over here, she would have to fly there, see how Essos is doing, how Daario is doing. Unfortunately, for now, nothing like that was even on the horizon. Frustrating. She missed those people, how they looked at her, how they treated her. She felt needed, she felt that her actions made sense, and not... that everyone was just trying to fight her and grab as much as they could.

"I doubt people will welcome her back with open arms." Arthur said, trying to comfort her somehow, or even calm her down? He could see how tense she was, all nervous that nothing was going her way. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but each time it did it seemed to be more and more frustrating.

"So she'll force her way in, when I'm not here to do anything about it." she replied skeptically, tapping the barrier with her fingers until Arthur stood next to her and could see this gesture of nervousness and impatience.

"She lost, now she's just postponing her final fall. Even when you didn't have the throne yet, the continent was already united under you." Of course, he was aware that the fighting wasn't over yet, but at the same time he was convinced that it wouldn't be long. If Cersei dares to return to the country at all.

Out of hatred for her, not out of love for me - she wanted to say, but she held back that unpleasant thought. Especially since she was chased by another one, which she decided to share:

"Not whole." she wouldn't have looked at him if she hadn't heard a muffled snort of laughter at her words. She frowned. "What?"

The amused smile - which he tried to cover with his hand until he saw that it was too late - said enough. They both knew what part of the continent she meant when she said that. And she didn't like his smile at all, and even more so when he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively after a moment.

"I-" she stopped, feeling her cheeks burning. She quickly turned her face the other way to hide it.

She was embarrassed not so much by Arthur's clear suggestion, but by the fact that he must have noticed in her behavior that she was not indifferent to this specific person. For her, these were only small gestures, furtive glances, at most single words that could be interpreted in too many ways to talk about unmasking feelings. Besides, she herself did not even feel as if some great love burned in her heart. That's it, she liked to look at him, talk to him, based on what she knew she considered him a good person...

She omitted one thing, which did not escape Arthur's attention: That these furtive glances and small gestures were mutual. She could not see everything, after all she did not have eyes in the back of her head to see Robb looking after her, sometimes until she disappeared from his sight - and by the way, sometimes she did the same. Apart from that, she did not even react much to what she could easily notice. She kept telling herself that it was only her imagination, that she was definitely delusional and she added deeper feelings to the gestures of an ordinary, friendly relationship.

With Daario she had no problems determining that he was looking and behaving towards her in a specific way. Like with Jaime, it didn't take her long to figure it out.

But there was one thing that connected the situation with these two men: She didn't love either of them.

Finally, Visenya cleared her throat and found the words that would go through her throat without admitting something she wasn't convinced of herself.

"I was supposed to make alliances, yes, I even told Daario that: 'If I want to rule Westeros, I must make alliances. And we all know that the best way to do that is through marriage.' I don't think I ever told you what he told me..." she bit her lower lip for a moment, remembering those words herself. "'You are the Queen, not a prize for the highest bidder.'" those words had been running through her head relatively often lately, especially since she had received a letter from him... Of course, it was mostly a love letter, because what else could she expect from him? He remained faithful to her, he followed her orders, but at the same time he loved her as much as ever, even though she had left him. It still hurt her. She wondered if it was a good decision, after all, maybe if she had taken him with her, she wouldn't have turned to- "I thought I'd marry Loras and thus win over the Reach, but he's dead. His sister too. The Tyrells will die with Olenna. I don't have many candidates left, do I? Robin Arryn?" she grimaced. "He's a child."

Finally, she turned her gaze back to ser Arthur. He no longer had that smirk that made her blush and feel stressed, but his gaze was still the same: 'I know.'

And the fact that he knew all this simultaneously stressed her, embarrassed her and... lifted a certain weight from her heart, that all her feelings weren't suffocating inside her.

"I see how you look at me." she wrinkled her nose, grimacing at him and taking on a slightly sarcastic tone, as if to give this conversation a lighter tone. "I'd like to... I want to prove that I can rule on my own, that I don't need any man by my side, because then everyone will use him to question my rule. But I'm afraid that I'll have to prove my worth for the rest of my life, which wouldn't happen if I hadn't been born a woman... But then I'd be dead long ago." she laughed, but there was no amusement in it. Oh well, she wanted a more cheerful tone of conversation, and she had just killed it herself. "Do you think that... I can really change the world? Because I'm slowly starting to doubt it myself..." she confessed, fighting the overwhelming urge to lower her gaze.

"Yes." He smiled warmly at her, coming closer and putting his hand on her shoulder. "You'll raise a new generation, according to new rules, and for them, what is currently hard for some to accept will be completely normal."

She realized that breaking the wheel she had once discussed with Tyrion would be more like letting it fall apart under the influence of the passing time than by her actions. All she could do was try to slow it down enough to finally stop - but not with one powerful one at the top crushing the others, but to let it fall to the ground and finally break apart.

She was about to respond, but she heard the doors to the chambers open and someone enter. She dropped the subject and left the balcony, ser Arthur right behind her.

"My Queen." greeted her the man she had only seen twice in her life, and she owed him so much. "It is an honor to meet you, Your Grace."

"It is my pleasure. I have never been able to thank you properly. If it were not for you, I wouldn't be here." she smiled gently, even though looking at him reminded her of Selaria.

She hoped that wherever she was now, she was happy and not in pain.

"My Queen... Can we talk in private?" he asked quietly, stepping a little closer but still keeping his distance.

She glanced over her shoulder and motioned for ser Arthur to leave them alone. She saw no reason to fear Christer. After all, if it weren't for him, her 'great journey' would never have even begun. He had no reason to hurt her now. Even if Selaria had always been reluctant to talk about him, she didn't feel threatened in his company.

"What is it? Do you have any problems? How can I help?" she asked. She wished she could repay him for his help all those years ago, but she couldn't think of anything. He didn't seem like the kind of man who would simply want gold in exchange for his 'services'.

"Truth be told, I've been dying to see you, Your Majesty. Who you really are, since you've managed to shed the disguise you wore to survive after all these years." he surprised her with these words, but she did not comment on it in any way, except to raise her eyebrows slightly. "You have changed, my Queen, only for the better, of course. You are as beautiful as your dragons, especially the one you managed to hatch in your old chamber in this Keep."

If his previous statement had surprised her, this one left her dumbfounded. How... How did he know? She had only spoken to ser Arthur and Missandei about where Maelia came from. Selaria certainly could not tell him, it was their secret. But it was the only possibility...

She didn't know much about her old servant's mysterious brother. She had no idea, for example, that he was the one who had indirectly given her the dragon egg.

"Thank you." she replied after a moment, catching herself at being silent for a bit too long.

She remembered how, when she had given him a letter to send to ser Barristan, he had told her something like... That this would be his last help? What had he done before? Who was he for real?

Maybe she shouldn't feel so comfortable around him, even though he was kind to her?

"Wine?" she suggested, wanting to ease the atmosphere that - at least in her opinion - had suddenly become thick.

"Thank you, I don't drink. Wine dulls the senses." he politely declined, smiling gently the whole time, as if kindly, but she felt uneasy looking at this smile. "I don't want to take up your precious time, especially since you'd probably rather spend it with someone else. I beg you for a moment, though, because I want to give you some advice - even though you've heard the best one from Lady Tyrell."

"Yes?" she wasn't happy that he had refused her, then she would have an excuse to go somewhere and relieve some of the tension that had already gathered inside her. And now... she had to stand. She kept her hands clasped in front of her and tried not to think about all the questions that came to her mind when she thought about Christer.

She wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear this advice.

"You have so much power that you can't trust anyone. Anyone." he repeated, emphasizing his words. At that moment, the smile disappeared from his face and he took another step towards her, crossing the boundary of the appropriate distance. Fortunately, she had dealt with many people before and it didn't make her retreat in fear. "People are selfish, they will betray you at the slightest stumble, even for a small reward or even out of envy. You won't even have time to look away and the crowd will already turn against you." she felt him push something into her hands, a piece of paper, but for now she didn't take her eyes off his face.

Then he took not one, but two steps back.

She wanted to end this meeting quickly. She had already forgotten how strange she felt when she talked to him in the sept long ago.

She even forgot that she wanted to ask him how he managed to survive the sept explosion, where he had taken refuge? He wasn't there? Wasn't he hiding as a septon anymore? Where was he then? What did he do? Why did he have to hide at all? Even Selaria had never told her that. Just like years ago, after meeting him she had more questions than answers.

The only thing that was going through her mind was his 'advice' and that piece of paper he had pressed into her hands.

"Thank you for everything, my Lord." she finally said that polite formula that was tantamount to ending the conversation and asking him to leave the chamber.

"I am not a Lord, Your Grace. I am only a loyal servant of the Princess who was promised." he smiled and bowed deeply, still in this bow he left the chamber.

As soon as the door closed, she immediately took a deep breath, she seemed to hold it in since the moment this conversation went in a strange direction. She almost immediately went to pour herself some wine, she needed a whole glass to somehow digest this.

I can't explain it, but something about him almost made my breath catch in my throat.

'If you ever come back here and need help, ask Christer Renel - that's my brother's name. He saved your life and if necessary, I trust he will guide you to your goal.' that's what she told me, before she ran away and we never saw each other again. A few years have passed, and I still don't know what to think about it, especially after this meeting...

* * *

She needed to catch her breath somewhere outside the Red Keep. She also didn't feel like talking about this conversation, so she quickly left, announcing that she was going to the Dragonpit - well, its ruins, and she wasn't walking on foot, but riding a horse. At first she wanted to fly, but she remembered that she shouldn't strain Maelia yet - no matter how strange it sounded in the context of a beast many times larger and heavier than her.

Even when she was already there, she didn't open the letter she had received from Christer. It was small, she unfastened a few hooks from the top of her outfit and hid it between her breasts so as not to lose it, in case she decided to open it after all. Okay, she saw a piece, but really not much, because only the initials: P.B.

She didn't think about who it could be, many people could have such initials, she might not even know them. She hadn't been here for a few years, a lot could have changed, and she didn't want to bother Varys with something like that - although he would probably know or find out somehow.

The Dragonpit was truly a ruin. It was slowly falling apart, but Visenya didn't even feel sad looking at it. It was a place that had played a big role in the demise of dragons. Walking around it, you could even see bones and skulls still lying around. They were small. Looking at her dragons, no one would say that the bones found in the Dragonpit actually belonged to a beast, rather a cat or a dog.

She crouched down and picked up one of the smaller skulls. It almost fit in her hand. It was the size of some of her dragons' fangs. Smaller than their claws. It was hard to wrap her head around how her ancestors had wasted these beautiful creatures that she loved with all her heart.

She raised her eyes and looked at the sky. The four of them circled the sky above the city, but not far from the Dragonpit, as if guarding her. She smiled to herself at the thought.

She didn't believe in any Gods, but at that moment she begged that they would watch over them, protect them from any harm. Then she laughed quietly to herself, because it was kind of funny to ask for protection for fire-breathing, flying beasts, as if they needed it.

"I haven't said anything yet and I've already amused you, Your Grace?" she glanced over her shoulder and saw Robb.

She thought he probably had some urgent business to speak about with her, and it soured her mood a little, but when she was quiet for a moment to let him tell her what it was, he didn't say anything.

"No, I just thought..." she began after a moment of silence, looking back at the sky. "...that it's a bit funny that I worry about dragons. Did something happen?" she added quickly, not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer, because she thought he wasn't interested.

"Ser Davos wanted to see the Dragonpit, and I decided to accompany him, and I noticed you were here, Your Grace. Nothing more." a lie. Ser Davos wasn't here, he came alone because he wanted to see her. All the way there he thought he'd come up with some excuse to talk, or at least understand himself why he wanted to see her.

But no. And here he was, standing in front of her and not knowing what to say.

"You can call me by my name when we're alone, you know?" she had taken a bold step towards a closer relationship shortly after hearing that she couldn't trust anyone. She even smiled.

Not many people she told to call her by her name. Missandei, ser Arthur, Grey Worm, Daario - she let them, but they more often called her by her title out of habit or the desire to show her respect regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes Tyrion allowed himself to do so, but on the other hand, she had never told him that he could do that. But Tyrion was Tyrion.

Until someone addressed her only by her first name, she hadn't realized how much she needed it. It gave a sense of closeness, gave a certain intimacy to the conversation. It was no longer a distant conversation with a ruler, but simple chit-chat with a friend. She felt more at ease then, even though she was already used to hearing 'Your Grace' much more often than 'Visenya'. At first, she had troubles with it, and laughed to herself that her name had changed to 'Your Grace Targaryen'.

"So you must also call me by my name in private." she nodded. "So what are you doing here, Visenya."

I like the way he says my name. I wonder how the diminutive would sound in his mouth.

"I guess... I'm thinking." she replied, closing the distance between them. She stopped at the wall he was standing next to and leaned her back against it. She looked down at the skull she had been holding in her hands the whole time, before she held it out to him. "Zaldrizes buzdari iksos daor. A dragon is not a slave. And my ancestors locked them up here." when he took the skull from her, she turned her head and looked around the place.

She didn't know why she suddenly recalled that sentence in Valyrian. Using it in Westeros didn't make much sense, because few people knew it. Maybe this way she felt closer to her family? The dragons themselves? After all, they come from Old Valyria, where this supposedly perfect language also comes from.

No matter what the reason was, Robb liked listening to Visenya speak this language. Besides, he had already thought about it in the cave on Dragonstone, his opinion hadn't changed since then.

"I'm sure they had their reasons." he replied, sensing the sad tone in her voice.

"This place was the beginning of the end of my family." she cast a brief glance at the dragons in the sky. They were currently playing, pushing each other. "Terrifying, but extraordinary. They made us special too. And they locked their family symbol here, until it finally languished away and... You see for yourself." she pointed to the skull in his hands. "Dragons languished and they with them."

"But we can admire them as they were in their glory days. Thanks to you." he took a step towards her, but his crossing of the boundary of the respectful distance did not bother her, she did not feel uncomfortable, quite the opposite.

She wanted to say that it was not thanks to her, but especially her aunt, but she bit her tongue. The memory was still painful for her and she felt guilty, even though she had moved on and treated all four of them as her children.

Without them we were not exceptional, we distanced ourselves from the Gods and came closer to people - she wanted to add, but she felt that she was already complaining about it too much. No matter what she did, she would not change history.

Maybe there will be more dragons than the four that there are now. After all, she still has three eggs, maybe Maelia will lay even more?

"I'm afraid it won't be for long. Without someone of dragon blood to ride them, to take care of them... They will become savage. But I will try to make sure that they do not hurt anyone, even when I am no longer in this world."

She really spoke of them as her children, they were her children, he could see that now. The way she looked at them, the way she spoke of them, the dragons were close to her like family. He had been skeptical about it before, but finally he noticed this... something, this spark in her eye, also the smile dancing on her lips.

"You're an extraordinary woman, you know that?" he said, placing the skull on one of the stones, but not looking away from her. She really was... Different, in a very positive sense of the word. Like no one he'd ever met. He'd compared her to Talisa before, but... Visenya was something even more, just as good and unyielding, but much more ambitious. "You certainly won't be the last of your line."

He knew Talisa's story very well. She had a very good childhood, and what changed her life was the moment when a slave saved her younger brother's life. That was when she decided not to waste her life on balls and things like that, but to save people.

As for Visenya, her past was more complicated. He didn't know her very well, and certainly not from her own stories. Most of it was what Maester had once told him, or what he'd heard about her accomplishments across the sea from others. What Visenya had told him when they first met, when they weren't friends yet, were also pretty well-known facts: what had happened to her parents and siblings, where she'd grown up, how she'd escaped, freed the people of Slaver's Bay, brought the Dothraki, the Unsullied, and the Dragons to Westeros. There were certainly many things he didn't know about her. Good and bad, happy and sad.

But it was obvious that she had been through much more than his tragically deceased beloved, and yet she still had the strength to fight, to move on.

In that, they resembled each other. Two people broken by life, who thanks to others got back on their feet and decided not to give up until they won.

"I don't know..." she said, sighing at the end.

He wanted to press, to ask what she meant by 'I don't know'. Doesn't she want to have children? So who is supposed to inherit the throne from her? After all, she can't leave it to the dragons, no matter that they were her children in this... let's say, peculiar way.

But seeing her face, he decided not to pursue the subject. If she wanted to, she would open up on her own.

Besides, he couldn't expect her to talk about herself all the time, while he kept silent about his past and traumas.

"I thought my life ended in the Twins, when the Freys killed- slaughtered my men, bannermen, mother and wife, like they were pigs for slaughter. I regretted that they hadn't killed also me, I regretted every day that I had managed to escape." he confessed what still weighed on him and would for the rest of his life. He would never forget that evening, but he was slowly learning to live with these memories.

"I heard that... She was pregnant." she said softly, so much so that it was strange in his eyes, as someone who didn't know her as well as Missandei, for example. He wasn't used to experiencing this... so very gentle, too good for this horrible world, side of her personality.

He nodded, looking down and biting his lower lip slightly. Then he felt Visenya grab his hand and squeeze it lightly. She had already held his hand several times, as she had said that she would not build a new world using the values of the old one, as when she had placed his hand on Viserion's head.

"It seems that we were not meant to be." he finally said, swallowing the tears that had begun to gather in him. "I believe that wherever she is now, she is better off. My parents and brother too... All those who died and were close to me."

"Many people who serve you will die, but it will be their choice: to follow and protect you, even at the cost of their own lives. You cannot blame yourself for that. That is more or less what the first person I lost and could not easily recover from it told me." she opened up, finally remembering Selaria aloud. At the same time, she finally buried her in her heart, fully accepting that she would never see her again, that she was dead, but with that assumption she could at least take comfort in the same way as Robb did. It was so... Painful, but at the same time comfortable. "I didn't see it then, but now-"

"You see the purpose?" saying that, he looked at her, as if she could be the goal in herself. "In all that you do?" he finished for her, returning the squeeze of hands at the sight of her gentle smile.

"Yes, exactly." silence fell between them, but they were still holding hands. Until Vis gathered the courage to ask one more question. "If I may... What happened between you and Theon?"

He should have expected such a question from her, since she had seen him tugging at his former friend by the shirt on Dragonstone and was on the verge of beating him. He would have done it if he hadn't saved Sansa. That was the only thing that stopped him.

"He betrayed me when I was at war. He took my home, burned two children so he could call them my brothers, so people would believe. Supposedly he paid dearly for all when he was tortured by Ramsay Bolton, but... It'll be hard for me to ever forgive him, even considering he saved my sister from that psychopath." he shook his head, remembering those very distant times and how much his life had changed since then. He would never have predicted this. "I thought we were like brothers, and yet he betrayed me."

"I believe in second chances." she replied, stepping a little closer to reach out and grab his other hand. "Well, sometimes." she added quickly, wincing slightly. "It happened in Slaver's Bay, I gave them a second chance, and some of them still did their best to kill me. I thought, what did I do wrong? I didn't take their fortunes, they still wallowed in luxury, but some people just... don't change.

"And never have enough. But look where they end up."

She smiled. Their hand hold had changed slightly, now Robb was holding her hands as if he were about to raise them to his lips and kiss them, but instead he was stroking the backs of them and the knuckles with his thumb.

"Tomorrow we leave King's Landing. We will stop briefly at Harrenhal, where my allies will join us, and I will take them all to the North. As I promised, we will face the Night King, together." her heart beat faster not only at the thought of the slowly but surely approaching war with literal death, but also at the realization of how close they were standing.

Saying they would do it together sounded more like they were going to stand against everything not as two rulers with armies under their command but just... as them. She felt a bit like in that dream in which she had danced with him. She still didn't know if he had experienced the same dream, or was it... Or was it him that had the necklace she hadn't found yet?

For a moment she thought he would actually lift her hands to his lips and kiss the backs of them - heck, even Robb himself was really going to do it for a moment, but he came to his senses and just squeezed them tighter before letting them go.

"Then it would be best to start preparing the departure. Your Grace." he bowed his head for a moment before leaving.

With those two words he had built up distance between them again, and for some reason it hurt her a lot.

He had only done it because he wasn't sure if he was ready to move forward in this area of his life, and if she wanted it. He couldn't trust what he saw in her eyes for a very simple reason - he didn't even looked into them. Because it turns out that you can drown not only in those silver curls, but also in eyes as purple as amethysts.

But it's worth noting that this distance hurt him as much as it hurt her.

-> general masterlist -> Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon masterlist

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realmackross · 1 year ago

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PARTIES: @ignxta, @realmackross TIMING: The night of September 8th. SUMMARY: Chai comes over for a two person pity party with Mackenzie that leads to a trip to the Serpent Flats where things don't go quite as planned...Hang on kids, you're in for a wild ride. WARNINGS: Substance abuse tw (has heavy mentions of alcohol throughout), mental health tw, murder mention tw, unsanitary tw (just in case)

The sleepover had been a literal nightmare. Unfortunately, Mackenzie couldn’t really remember what happened, since she was the one creating all of the chaos. But when she had come back around, she knew that something really bad had taken place. Now was damage control time. What did people know and not know? What were they going to say outside of the sleepover? Would the media find out? Her mind raced with all kinds of thoughts filled with the worst of the what ifs that eventually led to the woman needing a break from it all. A distraction. Reckless or not at this point, she didn’t care. She just needed to make the thoughts stop.

“Dippin’ Dots and alcohol.”

Sending Chai a text, Mackenzie invited him over to finish off the treat he had brought to the sleepover. Of course by the time she had sent the text, she was already half a bottle down on vodka and ten cups in on the Dippin’ Dots she couldn’t even taste. But at this point it didn’t matter. She couldn’t promise there would be any left when he got there, but she’d surely try. The alcohol, on another hand, was a different story.

—

Chaisai was…confused. That was the easiest way to word how he was feeling. The events of the party were clearly some kind of trick, maybe this was the way the Allgoods hazed their new members? It didn’t have to make sense to him. But maybe he had overreacted a bit–or underreacted, it was still foggy on what kind of decision this had been–and touched the Abnormal Crystal and now he was experiencing some new side effects that hadn’t been present before. The Abnormality, or something encased within it, seemed to want control over his body. He didn’t mind that much. Mostly it felt like it wanted him to keep going to Bleak Point, which was easier said than done. But perhaps he could bring company. So when Mack had asked him to come over for Dippin’ Dots and alcohol, who was he to deny her?

His car rumbled up to her Barbie Nightmare House for the second time and Chai awkwardly swung his body out of his car and headed up to her door. Getting his movements right when he was fighting for the controls led to his gait being slightly stiff. He felt a little robotic, a little like a…maybe zombie was not the right descriptor here, if Mack wanted to give him that story. Chaisai stood at her doorstep for a moment, considering just walking in, before he shot Mack a quick text that only said here.

—

Mackenzie heard her phone go off with the notification from her doorbell camera and the text that Chai had sent. She could already feel the tiniest of buzzes, but still not enough to do any real damage. She would soon fix that though, especially now that she had someone to party with.

With the bottle in her hand, she made her way to the front door to let her new friend in. Of course, she wasn’t entirely sure if they were friends after the events at the sleepover. All she knew was that he was giving her the time of day, and if it meant she had someone to get drunk with and eat ice cream with, that was okay. Plus, he had said something about her touching his rock, and it having magical powers. Just like everything else in Wicked’s Rest, it had sounded ridiculous, but what else did she have to lose? Besides, it’s not like it could probably really do anything to her. Mack was a zombie and it was a rock, “Hey Chai. So glad you could make it to my pity party of one. Your Dippin’ Dots are in the freezer and there’s alcohol on the counter, but I call dibs on the three bottles of vodka.”

—

Chaisai smiled when the door swung open. “Hi, Barbie. It’s good to see you looking so full of life. So vivacious today.” He wasn’t joking. She did look better than the last time he’d seen her. The contacts were gone, her head was back in its correct position, and really, what more could he ask? “Hey, a pity party is still a party.” He squinted at Mack at the comment about the vodka and his eyes scanned her with scrutiny. “You can handle three bottles?” he asked, his disbelief evident in his tone. Probably some kind of wicked celebrity party thing, he figured.

Still, he needed no second prompt before he was brushing past Mack and headed to the kitchen. His movements still felt unnatural, but he hoped he looked normal. Something about touching the Crystal had changed him, but he couldn’t figure out what exactly was happening or why. Reaching for a bottle, his hand jerked, nearly sending the bottle crashing to the ground. He managed to snatch it before disaster, and exhaled with a laugh. “Knock yourself out with the vodka,” he said as he began to pour his own glass. “I don’t think I’ll need three bottles.”

—

Full of life? Mack was surprised to hear that, but she’d take the compliment. It was better than feeling dead on the inside and out, “Thanks, Ken. And you are right about that. I’ve even got My Chemical Romance playing in the background.” She stepped back from the door so he could come in, “I could probably handle a lot more, but we’ll start with three.” She hadn’t tried drinking herself into oblivion yet, but tonight they would possibly find out. Like licking a Tootsie Roll Pop, except how many drinks does it take for a zombie to get wasted.

Mackenzie shut the door behind him and followed along as he went to the kitchen, only to see disaster averted, “Damn. Sharp reflexes. Good job, Ken. If only you could have caught me like that the other night.” She had wondered if he still didn’t believe what she was, but shook that thought when she went to grab more Dippin’ Dots and another unopened bottle, “So what’s the plan? Eat, drink, and be merry or was there something else you wanted to do? Anything but mattress surfing.” She didn’t want round three, especially if it involved Chai with some fava beans and a nice chianti, which she had downstairs with the rest of the wine.

—

“I don’t see how you could handle three by yourself–that’s, what, 80 proof?–but sure, I’d like to see you try,” Chaisai had already resigned himself to taking care of Mack tonight, should the pity party take a turn for the worse. It’s what he would hope a friend would do for him, and he figured Mack was as close to a friend as he had right now, despite the whole sleepover thing.

The mention of the sleepover made Chaisai purse his lips. “How could I have caught you?” he asked carefully. “I think you would’ve broke my bones. Besides, you’re okay now, right?” He turned to look at her, confusion written across his face. “I mean, you look okay now…” He let himself trail off. Maybe she’d finally explain what that whole thing was about. Or maybe she’d just keep up the story about zombies. “The plan? I guess we can clean up some of these Dippin’ Dots. Definitely drink. No mattress surfing, but did you still want to go to Serpent’s Flat? I could get us a Lyft.” He took a sip of his drink, quietly watching Mack’s face for any reaction.

—

Mackenzie wasn’t being very discreet in holding her alcohol, but she knew Chai had been there. If he found out again, what was the worst that could happen? It would just prove that she was never lying to him. Plus, if they wanted to have fun, it was going to take copious amounts. It’s not like alcohol poison was a thing for her anymore. She had easily started to learn that after coming to Wicked’s Rest, “Challenge accepted.”

Walking over to the counter, she pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, her fresh bottle and Dippin’ Dots placed in front of her and ready for consumption, “It was more of a joke, but yeah, you’re right. I probably would have crushed you.” She looked down for a minute, her mind flashing back to the sound of her neck cracking for the second time in her undead life. There was no doubt that Mackenzie probably had PTSD from all she had seen and done, but she was an actress, and she had a part to play, even if it was only to help her make it through another long day of being dead.

Mack let her eyes move back up to meet his, “That sounds pretty solid. And yeah, I do. I’m still intrigued by the fact that a rock can apparently make weird things happen. So yeah. Let’s eat, drink, and be merry, and then you can show me what the big deal is about your rock.” She opened her new cup of Dippin’ Dots which looked almost like Dippin’ Sauce and decided to just pour the thick, creamy liquid back like a shot.

—

Making a note to locate ibuprofen or something later, Chaisai briefly wondered if they would even make it to the Abnormality. Something inside him twisted impatiently at the thought, and he resigned himself to making the trip happen before Mack could finish the challenge of three bottles. He went into the freezer and grabbed a cup of Dippin’ Dots for himself–Ultimate Brownie Batter, the clear winner of the available flavors–and went to sit beside Mack.

“Look,” he started, noticing how poorly his response had landed. “If I could be your knight in shining armor the other night, I sure would have, but I don’t think anyone was expecting that. Least of all your lamp.” He gestured vaguely to the end table where a lamp should reside, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little. Maybe Mack was just a really good actor, or maybe things were more complicated than they seemed. She looked to be taking this harder than he’d expect for a prank, unless it was because it had really blown up in her face. The little stunt did end the sleepover early, after all.

A shiver of elation mixed with indignance ran up Chaisai’s spine at Mack’s words. On one hand, he was glad that she’d acquiesced to his plan, and the words your rock felt like a badge of pride. But something deeper inside him scoffed at how she could doubt the power of the Abnormality. Chaisai tried to keep his face a perfect, placid mask and he nodded. “Don’t cast your doubts just yet,” he chided with a smile. “The Abnormality is not just any rock. It’s so much more than that.”

—

Mackenzie swallowed the Dippin’ Dots soup and sat the cup back down on the counter, “Honestly, I didn’t expect it either. Not to be pushed over a railing by a mattress.” She could tell that Chaisai was still in denial, but it was fine. To each their own. Besides, she was just glad someone wanted to spend time with her after everything that had happened. But what was it about the lamp? She still wasn’t sure. Winter had mentioned something about it after everyone had left, but it meant nothing. Glancing over, she noticed the table was bare and needed something. Maybe she’d go shopping online or try to find something in town, “Speaking of, what’s the deal about the lamp anyways? I knew it got knocked off the table, but it seems like you’re not the only person who’s made a big deal out of it. It’s just a lamp…” She turned her attention back to Chai.

While she waited for his answer, Mackenzie unscrewed the cap on the vodka, and took a long slow drink barely feeling the burn as it slipped down her throat. When she was satisfied, she sat the bottle back down, “Well, whenever you’re ready, to take me to the, what’d you call it? Abnormality? I’m ready. I’ve never, in my life, wanted to touch someone’s rock as much as yours so lead the way.” If they were Ubering, the vodka was coming with her. She needed the buzz, because honestly, going to see some flat piece of land that was supposed to be magical sounded like something out of a movie she once auditioned for a very, very, very long time ago.

—

“Yeah, I’d expect to be pushed over a railing by a close friend who is secretly an enemy or enemies to lovers to enemies, maybe. But no one ever suspects the mattress,” Chaisai said, shaking his head slowly. “You hate to see it.” Was humor the way to cope here? He couldn’t tell from Mack’s vibe if she was at that point with it, or if she was taking this more seriously. He took a mighty swig of vodka and tried not to cringe before he chased it down with a bite of Dippin’ Dots. Honestly, it didn’t help much, but it was anything at all. How could Mack chug it like water? She was on another level, clearly, and he’d have to play catch up.

“Oh, the lamp?” he said, regretting bringing it up. Milo had explained it was due to his wizard magic, but Chaisai wasn’t sure if that was the kind of thing someone kept secret or not. “The lamp, yeah,” he said, stalling for a moment as he thought up a story. “I dunno what happened, but I think when you, uh–,” was there a polite way to phrase this? “–when you took your little tumble, I think someone jumped and bumped it. Cleaned it up, of course, but yeah. I felt bad, because you were, er, indisposed.” That was the kindest way he could think to say it without using words like beefed it, or fucking died, or any audio descriptors. “It was a nice lamp,” Chaisai said, shrugging. He took another bite of Dippin’ Dots before he had to say anything more on the subject.

“Oh, yeah. Hold on.” Chaisai pulled out his phone and went about ordering their rideshare to take them to Serpent’s Flat. “It says they’ll be here in 10.” He took another swig, longer this time, and couldn’t help from cringing. A shiver ran down his spine and he had to take another bite of his ice cream again. “I don’t know how you’re doing that. Vodka sucks bad.” As Mack started talking about the Abnormality, a devilish smile spread across Chai’s face. “You wanna touch my rock? Bro, you could’ve said anything and you chose to word it like that?” He laughed, shaking his head again. “That’s sus as hell.”

—

“The mattress. The real silent and deadly killer. Would make for a great movie. Maybe I should write a script for it, since I have so much time on my hands now.” She let a soft snort leave her lips, but was secretly heartbroken at the idea of not being able to make movies anymore. Change had always been hard for Mackenzie, but all the change that had happened within the last couple of years had been the worst thing she had ever experienced.

She watched him fumble through the story of the lamp, so immediately her mind went to it, too, being the victim of supernatural shenanigans. “Well, I appreciate the mess being cleaned up. It was a nightmare cleaning up all the Barbie decorations after everyone left. And I’ll be honest, I didn’t really make much of an effort until probably a week later. I don’t think I ever want to see the color pink again.” Mack shuddered at the thought and topped it off with a drink from the uncapped bottle.

“Ten minutes and then I get to see what all the fuss is about.” Mackenzie finished off the rest of the liquid, before screwing the cap back on, “I guess I’m just used to it, but clearly it looks like you’re not from that face you just made.” She laughed. Grabbing the empty bottle, she got up from her chair and went back to grab another unopened one, “I’ve got jokes okay? I’m not just Double D Barbie…Depressed and Dead. But no, really. How bad can this thing be? I’ve touched lots of rocks before.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “Not like that, btw, and nothing has ever happened. Are you finished with the Dippin’ Dots?” If they were about to leave, she was going to at least straighten up the kitchen before they left. Melted Dots and empty liquor bottles was not something she wanted to clean up when she got home from their exciting night of touching flat, hard mounds of the Earth’s creation.

—

“Isn’t there some wild percentage of people who die in bed? Maybe the statistics are wrong and it’s really about people who die by bed.” Chaisai had questions that lingered on his lips. If Mack was still feeling sensitive about the party as a whole, swearing off pink and all, how could he just ask her outright? He licked his lips and pressed them into a thin line. “I don’t…,” he paused, finding the right words. “I don’t really understand what happened that night. Like, a lot of wild shit popped off all at the same time. I’m just trying to wrap my brain around it. But like…you’re like, I don’t know, Deadpool? Like the regeneration thing.” Maybe it was rude to ask so outright, but he had to know, had to understand.

“Hey, if we ever have another killer party and you need a hand, just shout. Scout’s honor.” He scooped up the last few bites and passed Mack the empty cup. “How do you get used to that? No chaser?” Maybe she could do the whole three bottles thing. Chaisai took another long swig, immediately regretting having finished his Dippin’ Dots. He shuddered with a shake of his head. “You’re built different, you know that?”

Standing up to clear off the counter with Mack, Chai could feel the little rush to his head. He wondered if the Crystal was feeling it, too. Would it be easier or harder to keep himself in line? He didn’t ponder it long, tuning back into the present moment as Mack spoke. “Oh. I thought Double D Barbie—another incredible way to phrase things—but I thought it might stand for Dippin’ Dots. Can I be Double D Ken? Am I Kenough for that?”

—

Mack narrowed her eyes and thought for a moment about what Chai had said, “You probably have a point. But it would hurt bed frame and mattress sales, so they spin it to make it fit their propaganda.” Mattress conspiracy theories. If this was any clue to where the night was going, it was going to be quite interesting. And now she was being compared to Deadpool. “I hope I’m not as pretty as Deadpool.” She had thought it had been pretty obvious, but she could tell he was struggling with the idea of the supernatural. Hell, she was too, and she WAS supernatural, “I can see the gears spinning, and I wasn’t lying when I told you what I was. Trust me. It makes no sense to me either. But at this point, if you want to think I’m Ryan Reynolds, then be my guest.”

Snagging the empty cup from Chai, she tossed it in the trash can, along with the empty bottles of vodka, “Honestly, I don’t want to experience another killer party for a long fucking time.” Wetting a few paper towels Mackenzie began wiping down the counters. When she was finished, she snagged the last unopened bottle she had originally gone for, before the distraction of cleaning came about. With her attention back on Chai, she grinned, “Nope, no chaser.” She leaned in closer towards him, “I’ll let you in on a little secret, “I can barely taste anything, so yeah, I would say I am built different.” Mackenzie straightened back up, before walking back around to the other side of the counter to sit next to Chai again.

“You okay there? You look a little wobbly.” If he wasn’t feeling the greatest, they could go to the Flats another time. Mackenzie wasn’t going to make Chai go somewhere if he didn’t feel good, “We can do this another time if you’re not feeling it. And my mom and dad always said I had a way with words. But of course. What is Barbie without her bestie Ken? I’d say you’re Kenough.” She gave him a good firm pat on the back.

—

“You’re definitely prettier than Deadpool. The costume would be a nice touch, though. You ever considered a life of fighting crime?” Joking about it made it easier for Chaisai to wrap his brain around the concept. This was the stuff of comics, not real life. Yet here they were, face to face, and he was pretty sure this was real. “This is a weird town, you know? I didn’t think it could get zombie levels weird, but it surprises me daily.” There were questions he wanted to ask, but if Mack was grappling with her reality already, he didn’t want to make things weird.

Chaisai scooted out of Mack’s way as she cleaned up the kitchen, but lingered there, feeling like he should be helping in some way. “Hey,” he said, with a smile he hoped was reassuring. “If anything like that ever happens again, at least I could be more helpful next time.” God, he hoped there wasn’t a next time. The thought of the sound of Mack’s neck snapping made his stomach flip, but he maintained his composure. If he thought about it, that night was really something for everyone involved. He would rather not think about it. Mack leaning in pulled his brain back to the present. “You can’t taste anything?” Chaisai repeated, surprised. “Man, I thought you were maybe just some hard ass, Hollywood party girl. Nope, just Deadpool.”

The suggestion that they didn’t need to go to the Abnormality sent a surge of emotion through Chaisai’s chest. His brow furrowed and he shook his head. “No,” he said, a little too firmly. “I’m good, just don’t have the Deadpool tolerance.” He tried to force a smile again, but it looked out of place. “Come on Barbie, let’s go party.”

—

Mackenzie acted bashful when Chai complimented her about being prettier than Deadpool, “Awww, you’re sweet. I do like a good costume, especially the ones that really sell that you’re about to kick somebody’s ass? You know, I haven’t, but maybe if I had a solid partner to help kick some bad guy ass I would.” Being a vigilante superhero seemed like a fun idea now that it had been brought up. It’s not like much could really mess with the young actress anymore. Even bullets wouldn’t stop her…well, as far as she assumed, but she didn’t want to find out anytime soon. “It is a weird town. But I’m just glad I’m actually starting to make friends, like you, the official Ken of Wicked’s Rest.”

With everything finished up, the only thing left to do was wait for the car, “I appreciate the offer, but I’m pretty sure no one, you included, wants to see that happen again.” Mackenzie hated not being in control of her body, and more so not being in control and not remembering what she did when the hunger took over. It had been a scary experience every time it happened, and one she could stand doing without ever again. “Not anymore, nope.” She narrowed her eyes, “Hey! I’m still a hard ass, Hollywood party girl. Plus, I’m sure Deadpool would love being called that, so ha! And where do you think these dark circles came from under my eyes? Not from a regular 8 hours of sleep, thank you very much..”

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow when Chai returned a hard no, “Somebody’s determined to go spend time with their favorite rock…Now where’s the damn uber? I’m not getting any younger. And I refuse to open this third bottle, until we’re standing at your favorite place in Wicked’s Rest, toasting its weirdness.”

—

“I think you’d look kickass in a Deadpool costume, kicking ass.” Chai laughed at the thought, imagining Mack fighting bad boy zombies. “I personally think I’d rock a pair of tights, but I’m not much of sidekick material. I’m just a squishy little guy.” He didn’t think the Abnormality had afforded him any good powers. He couldn’t fly or see through walls or anything. It had only given him a sense of security that he couldn’t explain in words. It was like knowing something bigger than you had a plan, but not in a religious way. Mack calling him a friend caught him off guard. “Oh. Yeah, I agree. It’s easier to navigate the weird when you aren’t alone.” A pang of guilt tugged at him. He had had friends who touched the rock with him. They weren’t around anymore. But it wasn’t like the rock could kill a zombie, right? She was already dead. She survived a nasty fall, what was the worst that could happen?

“Damn, if I’d known that I would’ve at least brought something I could drink without a chaser,” Chaisai teased. “How am I ever going to compete with Hollywood’s best zombie party girl?” Only zombie party girl? He wasn’t sure. That thought could wait until he was awake in the middle of the night. It was too existential right now. His phone vibrated at that moment, and he checked it to see the rideshare driver coming down the street towards the house. “Speak of the devil,” he said. He offered Mack a hand. “Shall we? I hope you’ll at least think my favorite rock is cool. There’s a whole chunk of town buried underneath and no one really knows how or why this happened. If it’s not cool in any other way, at least it’s a miracle of nature. What more can a guy ask for?”

—

“You know what would look good in a Deadpool costume? My butt. I’ve worked hard for this ass, and just because I might fall apart a little, every now and then, Barbie’s gonna keep her damn ass.” Mackenzie had wanted light and funny. She needed it. Chai probably needed it. Everything about Wicked’s Rest had seemed so heavy at times, and a night of not thinking had been exactly what she had needed, “Hey, first. You said sidekick, not me. And squishy and little doesn’t mean shit. Some of the best stunt people I’ve worked with were squishy and little and could take a fall like nobody’s business. Maybe I can show you a few things one day, you know, when neither of us have been drinking.” Perhaps the alcohol was getting to her a little more than she thought, but if it made her a little happier for the evening, what was the harm? At least she’d be making good memories with someone she felt she could trust.

“I think I have some soda, water, and Bodyarmor in the fridge. Uh, and there is a bottle of wine. Oh, and Fireball, if that’s your thing. It’s usually my thing, because it’s the only thing I can taste. I know it’s not vodka, but at least you don’t have to chase it?” Mackenzie shot Chai an uneasy smile. “Yeah, more like Hollywood's pariah. But they don’t need to know that.” She was both relieved and excited that their ride had made it, and with a cold, dead hand gladly took Chai’s, “Wait, you didn’t tell me there was actually an unknown part of Wicked’s Rest buried underneath. That just made the curiosity factor go up tenfold. So you’re getting a mystery and nature’s beauty all wrapped into one? I can maybe start to see why you like it so much, but I won’t know until we actually get there.” She proceeded to move forward making sure to lock the house behind them as they made their way to the car.

—

Chaisai couldn’t not look respectfully. He glanced at Mack’s ass briefly and nodded. “Hell, yeah, Barbie. Keep up the good work.” He couldn’t keep from cracking a smile and chuckling. It felt stupid to be drunk, telling his zombie friend she had a nice ass before they did something reckless. He felt stupid, but he was having fun. That counted as a win in his book. “Nah, I think squishy and little is my downfall. Maybe you can show me how to make it my up…fall. But I think my crime fighting tactic right now is to tuck tail and run.” Truthfully, he hadn’t been put in any crime fighting scenarios, but when fight or flight kicked in, he’d want to choose the latter.

“Water?” he asked, as the options were being listed. “Water and vodka? Nah, bestie. But I’ll grab a soda.” Chaisai opened the fridge and grabbed a soda. He scanned the rest of the fridge briefly for any ominous Tupperware containers of brains, but abandoned the search quickly and returned to Mack’s side. Taking her hand, he was surprised it was this cold, but he didn’t comment on it. “Can’t spell party girl without…well, actually pariah doesn’t really fit in there, does it?” He shrugged. “You can be Wicked’s Rest’s party girl now.” Following her out to the car, he nodded as she spoke. “Yeah, it’s like natural phenomena, and history, and weird all in one package. What’s not to like?”

—

Mack was glad Chai had grabbed a drink to go. It wouldn’t be fun drinking alone, even if it was the saddest two person rager known to man. Letting go of his hand, she opened the door and climbed in the back seat, “Up Fall. Don’t think that slipped past me or the compliment about my ass.” She slid over in the seat catching the reaction of the driver’s face in the rearview mirror and stifled a laugh. “At least let me show you some basic self defense moves.” Mackenzie looked over to her friend. In this town, there was no telling who you would have to defend yourself from, and though she hadn’t put those that she cared about in a very good situation, she still wanted them to be safe, even if it meant against her.

“Wicked’s Rest’s party girl. I suppose it’s got a nice ring to it. Plus, it’s a little more private.” Mackenzie shrugged, before looking back up to the driver, “Take us to see his package - I mean, his natural phenomena…Shit.” What was the name? Rocks…Fl- “Flats. The Serpent Flats, please.” She let her eyes move back to Chai, “So maybe my limit is two bottles. Might not need this one afterall.” Raising it up, Mackenzie let out an uneasy laugh.

—

“It’s a nice ass, what do you want me to say? You know it’s a nice ass,” Chaisai said, climbing in the back behind Mack. “Would you not call running away self defense? I think that should be the first lesson in any self defense class.” He buckled up and greeted the driver quietly. Surely you had to hear weird things as a rideshare driver in this town, but their conversation was certainly bold. Chai couldn’t find it in himself to feel embarrassed or to censor himself.

He nodded along with Mack again. “That’s what I’m saying. Hollywood is too broad scope, but Wicked’s Rest is a nice fit, right?” Mack was opening her mouth and inserting her foot before Chaisai could get a word in to save her. “Your parents are right,” he said, smirking. “You really do have a way with words.” He had ordered this rideshare through an app, and the driver certainly knew where they were going, but Chaisai didn’t mention anything. “Does this mean I win? If you’re tapping out here, I think I win. I knew three was too much for any person or, well, any–,” he cut himself off, looking at the driver, then to Mack, then back at the driver. “Any Hollywood party girl,” he said, mentally kicking himself for the near slip up.

—

“I know. I’m humble about everything else in my life, but my ass cause I worked hard for that bitch.” Yeah, she was definitely starting to feel a little more tipsy. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, but it’s not like she could get sick right? She was dead. “I mean, I guess. But what if you get cornered? What are you gonna do then? You can’t run, because you’re trapped.” Mackenzie knew this guy was going to have a story, but that was okay, as long as he didn’t know who she was.

Sinking down in her seat a little, Mackenzie tried to hide herself from the driver’s judging looks as best she could, “I’m starting to wonder if it is, since my foot is currently residing in my mouth. At least there’s no paparazzi waiting around every corner.” She looked out the window watching as the driver pulled away from her house. There had been times in her past, before being a part of the undead, where she had been caught in some awkward tipsy situations and this had been very reminiscent of it. However, Chai claiming that he won caught her attention and ripped her back to her current reality, “Yeah, no. I don’t think that’s right. I still downed two whole bottles, and who knows? The night’s still young. Give it time.” Luckily, she hadn’t caught his little slip up, which kept the mood light for her. The last thing she had wanted was some rando knowing what she was and spouting off to his buddies, even if it did sound preposterous.

—

Chaisai laughed. “You should be proud. Screw being humble, who said you had to do that?” Perhaps it was a celebrity thing, where you had to take fame with grace. But what was the point now if she was dead and thousands of miles away from the flashing lights and the big screen? “Ew, I don’t want to think about that.” Chaisai said, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t want to be cornered, but maybe that’s when my superpowers will kick in. Under pressure I’ll turn into Spiderman or something. This town is weird enough, stranger things have happened.” There was a part of him that hoped that maybe the Abnormality had something hidden in store for him, but he felt no reaction as he spoke. As the car drew nearer to the Serpent’s Flats, though, the familiar longing ache and the hum inside his core was back. Like a well worn sweatshirt, it brought him a sense of comfort and warmth.

Turning in his seat to face Mack better, Chai bit his lip, mulling over his question before he asked it. “Is it scary? The paparazzi always following you like that? I wouldn’t be able to feel truly alone, you know what I mean?” He glanced at the driver. Maybe this wasn’t the venue for this question to be asked, but what was the worst the driver could take away from this? He could see the headline now. Former movie star gets drunk in Maine and looks at rock. That was benign in his eyes.

“I’m counting it as an early victory,” he said smugly. “Even if the night is still young, I don’t see how you could possibly win at this rate. Not without ending the night with me carrying you.”

—

Chai was right. Mackenzie had tried to be humble and kind most of her life. Sometimes she was caught off guard if it had been a bad day, but she wasn’t in Hollywood anymore. Still, there had been something about being kind to those around her that Mack cherished. She had risen to the level of fame in part because people respected and liked her work. Fandom had been such a tricky thing, because humans were tricky and sensitive, “Kind of an unspoken rule, I suppose. But I guess you’re right. I’m not currently in the spotlight or being hounded for interviews.” She was still in the spotlight, but not for something good at the moment. But Chai didn’t need to know that. “See, you’d make a great Spiderman, and I would totally support you as being my local neighborhood spidey.” She smiled warmly at him, but something started to feel off, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Maybe the alcohol was starting to do more than just make her tipsy. Still, there was no time to worry. They were fine. She was fine.

His question for her quickly became a distraction to the funny feeling that was starting to take over her body. The paparazzi had been a tricky and sometimes intimidating part of her life to handle, “Yeah, it can be, especially if I go out on my own to do something. It’s like some of them hangout and just wait specifically for you, if they’ve caught a tip. Others just catch you in the wild. But the scariest thing is the people who see those pictures and study your routine getting this delusional idea in your head that they know you, just because they know what you do on a regular basis…” Her mood had dropped. She had been in some scary situations, because of the paparazzi, and she was grateful that was one thing Wicked’s Rest didn’t have, “I’d take monsters over people with cameras any day…” Mackenzie grew quiet and let her eyes drift past Chai and out the window into the night sky.

Mack was glad when the conversation went back to alcohol, and Chai’s delusional idea that he was going to be victorious, “You’re so on. I hope you like eating humble pie my friend.” A small smile spread back across her face.

—

Chaisai made a Spiderman gesture to mime web slinging, complete with sound effects. “Pschew!” The moment was short lived, however, as it seemed they were both putting their feet in their mouths. “Sorry,” he said, feeling guilty again. “I didn’t mean to be such a Debbie Downer, I’ve just never been famous or even close to it. It’s hard to put myself in your shoes, but that’s not the vibe tonight anyway.” Maybe verbally steering this soon-to-be trainwreck of a conversation into warmer waters could get them back on track. “I love pie,” he said. “Ooo, next time maybe we’ll make pie shots, okay? If we’re going to do these sad little pity parties, we might as well plan a little more ahead next time.” He still sincerely doubted that Mack could make it through another bottle tonight. Or, could zombies not get sick? Either way, he didn’t really want to find out. He considered not egging her on, but he was winning.

Before his eyes were aware of it, they were pulling up to the Serpent’s Flat viewing stations. Though he hadn’t been paying enough attention to see the Flats coming up on the horizon, the prickling feeling across his skin had told him where they were before the car had come to a stop. “Finally,” he whispered under his breath. “Thank you,” he called to the driver, unbuckling and reaching for Mack’s hand to tug her out of the car. “Come on, come on, come on!” he said, excitement ramping up in his tone.

—

Mackenzie let out a bit of sigh, before shaking her head, “It’s fine, seriously. It’s just a part of my life, and people get curious. I understand.” Mackenzie shot him a reassuring smile that everything was okay. “But I agree with you. Next Pity Party will be a well oiled working machine with a theme. And my vote is that we make these a regular occurrence. You, me, and a new part of Wicked’s Rest to explore every time…Okay, maybe not every time, but sometimes.” She liked the idea of a regular hangout session with Chai. He was fun and funny. A winning combination in her book.

Feeling the car stop, Mackenzie looked around realizing they were literally in the middle of nowhere, but before she could take a good look, she felt Chai tugging her out of the car with such an excitement that even she was surprised; the last bottle of vodka getting left behind in the seat of the car. It was when her feet hit the ground, that she had an overwhelming rush of that same strange feeling come about, and it left her in a daze for a moment, stumbling forward slightly, before she was able to regain her footing. But Mackenzie was still skeptical. There was no way touching a huge flat rock could turn your body inside out or do the things that Chai had claimed. It didn’t make sense. There had been some weird stuff happening in this town, but rocks didn’t have that kind of power did they? She wanted to prove him wrong. But more so, for herself, prove that this town wasn’t as fucked up as it really was appearing to be. Giant spider anomalies and magic name stealing creeps on the internet were different right? They had to be.

Letting her eyes scan the area, it was a vast void of nothing, but what looked like melted rock covering the land. It didn’t seem threatening. Just lonely. Desolate like Mackenzie’s life had felt most nights when she sat at home on the couch watching reruns of old shows. It didn’t look anything like she thought it would, and she couldn’t help, but wonder how the Serpent Flats came to be. She would have to look the history up, when she got home, if Chai didn’t tell her in detail. But first, she was on a mission. There had to be one normal thing in this town, and she was going to prove it, “So Spiderman. What is so damn special about this flat void of black rock?”

—

“I think we could manage that,” Chaisai said. “There’s a lot to explore here, even if we have to get a little touristy.” He hadn’t seen the town from a tourist standpoint, having grown up in Wicked’s Rest. It would be interesting to explore the lighthearted side of things with Mack, as well as the dark underbelly of the town. Tonight was more of the latter kind of experience, or at least it could be. Chaisai almost felt guilty, like he was tricking Mack into this. But she had willingly agreed, even after he mentioned the potential for something catastrophic. She knew the risks, even if she didn’t believe them.

As they exited the car, Chaisai could feel the absolute power of the rocky expanse before them. It was like coming home after a long time away. The feeling comforted him. He let Mack’s hand fall from his grasp and began walking forward to get a better view. His feet were moving before his brain had time to register it, and it made his head swim for a second. He caught something similar happening to Mack, but didn’t mention it. She would be fine.

When Mack spoke with such derision, that amplified surge of emotion gripped Chaisai again. This time it was a cocktail of anger and indignance and some sick glee that she’d finally experience the power of the Abnormality. “Come on, you’ll see. We just gotta get a little closer.” He beckoned her forward and started approaching the closest rocky surface. Its swirling patterns were enthralling. Chaisai thought he could just forever follow the ebb and flow of the crystalline surface, never getting bored.

“Come here. Come closer,” he said. The words came out without thought. He didn’t even glance Mack’s way as he reached out to brush his fingertips along the formation. It was like a static shock, sending a tingling sensation through his fingertips. The feeling rejuvenated any fatigue he had felt from drinking. “Home,” he mumbled quietly, and snapped his head to look at Mack, expectant.

—

Whatever this feeling was that was coming over her as they inched closer to the formation had started to grow stronger, and Mackenzie could have sworn that her head was starting to hurt. No, that can’t be right. It’s a placebo effect. Her brain was telling her something that just wasn’t true. But damn had Chai become so entranced by the rocks that lay out ahead of them. So much so that Mackenzie, though something was telling her to turn around, continued to blindly follow him.

The warning signs that lay just to the left and right of them had been completely out of her view. Maybe from the pull of the magnetic feeling or just because her eyesight had gotten so much worse since becoming a zombie, Mackenzie had chosen to ignore them. But it was just a bunch of rocks. She had been telling herself that since the first day she had talked to him. And now, here they were and she had a point to prove. If not to him, then at least to herself. Maybe bursting his bubble wasn’t such a good idea. He had been so kind to her, and she didn’t want that friendship to end, because she didn’t believe in the power of the Flats.

Mackenzie moved closer as she watched him kneel down and soon reach out to brush what appeared to be a smooth surface with his fingertips. It was the way his head turned and his eyes were trained on her that had creeped her out just a little bit. It was as if she were walking into something she couldn’t escape and the closer she got, the sicker she felt. Mackenzie…it’s a fucking mound of flat fucking rocks. Chai’s probably just trying to freak you out. No more alcohol for the rest of the night.

Sucking in air and slowly pushing it back out, she shot a small smile in Chai’s direction as she kneeled down beside him, "What's the worst that can happen? It’s a rock…" Turning her attention back to the anomaly, Mackenzie paused before lowering her hand to meet that of the charred looking surface that spread out just beyond her and her friend.

As soon as her deadened palm lay flat against the cold stone of Serpent Flats it was like her entire life from the start up until this current moment flashed before her eyes. Her head had fallen backwards limp as she remained in some kind of trance. And when she finally came to, she wasn't herself.

Mackenzie's head fell forward and hung limply. There wasn't any kind of thought process left in her brain. But one thing lingered; an insatiable need for food. Her appetite was deathly. And it became apparent that something was not right with her when a low, breathy growl escaped her throat.

With her hand still flat on the rocks, she unsteadily moved her head and looked up at Chai. Her eyes were milky white, but she could still make out shapes and figures, especially of things that were living.

Pulling her hand up and slowly rising to her feet from the kneeling position she had been in, Mackenzie started to stumble forward slowly and awkwardly with one thing on her mind, making him her next meal.

—

Mack looked unwell. Curious. There had been no ill effects in Chaisai’s eyes, but Mack was looking pale, if that was possible for a dead girl. He watched her with curiosity as he absently traced the patterns on the surface of the abnormality. Mack seemed hesitant, so much so that Chai wondered what she was thinking. Was she afraid of rocks? The thought almost made him laugh, but he did his best to keep his face calm and reassuring. “Don’t be shy.”

The anticipation swelled in his stomach. It felt like an electric current running through his entire body. The tension ratcheted higher and higher until he felt like he’d been strung tight, watching as Mack’s hand moved towards the surface in almost slow motion. The second her hand touched the Abnormality, the tension broke. It felt like a rush of cold water being poured down his back. Chaisai sucked in a sharp breath as his vision blurred. He could see snapshots flashing across his mind, but they were memories he didn’t understand. He felt confused, like he couldn’t think straight. He and Mack had been drinking, but his stomach clenched with hunger. When he watched in first person as he stood over a still-warm corpse, one he knew he killed, and he watched as he dove in for a meal, it clicked. This was Mack’s memory. He was seeing what Mack was seeing. Abruptly, he removed his hand from the Flat and stood up. He didn’t want to see anymore of that. The hunger had quickly turned to a pang of nausea. Sweat beaded on his forehead, but he felt cold. He shivered and turned his attention back to Mack.

Taking a step back, Chaisai smiled sinisterly at his friend as the hold of the Abnormality released her. He eyed her curiously as her head dropped forward. “How do you feel?” he asked, eagerly awaiting her response. What he hadn’t expected was the sound she made. Was she growling at him? “Uh, Mack?” He let out an awkward laugh, trying to ignore the way the hairs at the nape of his neck were standing on end. The Abnormality couldn’t kill her, clearly, but this moment was the first time he had considered if it had been a bad idea to test this out alone, at night, with a zombie. The way Mack’s head snapped up to look at him confirmed his suspicions. This was about to break bad. Taking a bigger step back, Chaisai locked eyes with Mack. He wondered if she could see him. Her eyes were different now, in a way that sent a shiver of panic up his spine. “Mack?” he called again, starting to back up for real as she rose to her full height. “Mackenzie? Can you hear me?” She stumbled forward and he stumbled back. The thought crossed his mind that this was the worst dance he’d ever done. Absurd. Stupid. Dangerous. This had probably been a huge mistake, and now he was going to end up as a chew toy. Was every party going to end with a hunger for brains? “Mack, answer me.”

—

Drool seeped from Mackenzie’s mouth. Her brain was numbed to anything, but the need for food. Words weren’t being processed, and she could no longer understand her name. Instead, all she saw was his form starting to back away from her. And with every step back that he made, she took another step forward. Her limbs were heavy as if the weight of the world hung on her shoulders, and she dragged her feet in true zombie fashion ready to reach her meal one way or another.

The Flats' power truly had a hold on her. It had been nothing like the sleepover. Mackenzie felt stronger. Her hunger was insatiable. Nothing could stand in her way. And right now, all she focused on was making a meal out of the man that stood just a few feet away.

Continuing to move along at a steady pace, Mackenzie extended her arms out trying to grab at Chaisai. Her eyes were hollow and filled with nothing but his reflection. Like a predator trained on its prey, she tracked him never missing a step.

—

Chaisai kept backpedaling, but Mack was closing in on him. As he backed away, he stumbled over the Abnormality itself, falling onto his back. His head connected with the serpentine surface beneath him and for a second, he just laid there. This wasn’t how he had imagined dying, but he knew it would be at the Flats. It would be kind of fitting.

Before he could think any further, before he could try to reason with Mack, before he understood what was happening, his body was acting on its own again. This time, he was grateful to have touched the crystal in his backyard. If he hadn’t, he might have just laid there. But now, he was staggering to his feet and he was running without thought. He didn’t need to stop to think about where he was going, he just knew the route. Chaisai kept checking over his shoulder to make sure there was distance between he and Mack, and his feet propelled him forward thoughtlessly. Like a parasite preserving the longevity of its host, the Crystal or the Abnormality piloted him onward.

—

Mackenzie was moving in closer, and when her cold, void eyes watched Chai fall back onto the Flats, she was preparing herself to drop down and make him into her first meal of the night. With each uncalculated step on the uneven, but smooth rocky surface, she felt the same initial power engulfing her whole form in a warmth that continued to drive her forward. However, before she was able to make her move, she watched as he managed to scramble to his feet and take off much faster than she was able to keep up.

A meal lost had only angered her, but Mackenzie’s reign of terror was just beginning, and as she moved in the same direction as Chai, whatever was about to cross her path was going to be in for one hell of a surprise.

#para: chai #para: rock me amadeus #{closer to fine; plot}#wickedswriting #ignxta #substance abuse tw #mental health tw #unsanitary tw #murder mention tw

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the-chosen-none · 2 years ago

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Harold’s Accidentally Horrifying Vault

Okay, so I’ve made a post here before several months ago alluding to what I picked up on about Vault 29, which is where Harold came from, and I also made a post about it on the classic Fallout subreddit a while back, but I’ve decided do a deep-dive into it here because it is a perfect example of how different writers presumably not communicating with each other plus writers treating something obviously bad as not being that big of a deal accidentally created something way worse than what they might have originally intended.

True, most of it comes from Van Buren and the Fallout Bible, the former becoming very different for New Vegas and the latter being more of a suggestion that writers can use or discard, but a reference to what became of Vault 29 in New Vegas seems to me like it was meant to be an Easter egg for the fans who knew about Van Buren to tell them that this idea created for Van Buren still exists in canon one way or the other.

So basically, Vault 29′s experiment was to put a bunch of kids between 5-16 without their parents to be raised by machines and see what would happen. Depending on if you look at the Fallout Bible or VB, the parents were either originally with the kids but they were elderly and died off soon afterwards, or the kids were separated from the parents immediately. I’m going with the latter, since the former is pretty stupid. I’m skipping a lot of other story stuff surrounding 29 like the whole Derek Greenway part, but this is the gist.

Then, a terminally ill woman who had her brain uploaded into a computer system named Diana Stone learned about the experiment and was horrified, so she took it upon herself to take over the Vault’s computers and raise the children herself.

However, rather than doing this purely out of kindness, Diana decided to play god and raise the children to believe that she was a divine being. When they left the Vault, Diana set up a village for her flock to live in, and much like Arroyo, the so-called “Twin Mothers tribe” would pretty much cosplay as Native Americans, in this case the Anasazi, to live in an agrarian society away from the rest of the world.

My memory is a little fuzzy on what was supposed to happen in VB, so correct me if I’m wrong, but because your player character was a carrier of a plague, they had to find a way to cure it, and so by helping Diana re-establish herself as the ruler of the Twin Mothers, she would help you out, and the cure had to do with the fruits growing from the tree on Harold’s head.

As far as I know, Diana was supposed to be seen as a good person, or at least helping her continue to keep the Twin Mothers in isolation is supposed to be the “correct” decision, even though she started a cultural-appropriating cult which she made herself the spiritual leader of, keeping her people ignorant of the outside world. It really IS Arroyo all over again, except at least Arroyo eventually abandoned their former way of life.

Okay, so most of this has yet to be acknowledged in canon... however, Ulysses does mention the Twin Mothers in NV, and that they were either absorbed or destroyed outright by Caesar’s Legion. Like I said, I think this was meant to be an acknowledgement to the fans who had followed Van Buren’s development, so we can assume that the general outline of the Twin Mothers’ origins could be canon.

Before I move on, I should acknowledge that Vault 29 did get a reference in Fallout 76, where a university student bemoans the thought of having to work with supposedly spoiled teenagers from affluent families, though because this character was not actually working with the Vault when she talked about it, we can assume that she’s not entirely correct in her assessment of the Vault, since the Fallout Bible pretty clearly stated that it was both young children and teenagers in there.

Anyway, so Harold came from a cult? That’s not great, but maybe it doesn’t sound quite horrifying to some of you yet. Oh, I haven’t even gotten to the worst part!

You see, the final piece of canon information about Vault 29 comes from the Tell-Me-About function from FO1 where, if you ask Harold about his Vault, he says that the people had to leave because there was too many people and not enough food and water to go around. If we consider the FO Bible, it says that Harold, and presumably the rest of the residents, left in 2090, 13 years after the War.

A Vault originally made entirely of minors had to leave in just 13 years because of overpopulation, and remember, due to the nature of the Vault’s experiment, these children would have had to be selected before the War, and it wasn’t a case of random people from all over running inside...

At best, Diana ignored what was going on and let the kids run wild because she wanted them to be free-spirited and one with nature and all that, OR she deliberately manufactured this overpopulation either to make as many people as possible for her cult or as a controlling method, real cults have been known to set up marriages and make the victims have children to discourage them to leave.

It’s honestly pretty likely that the writers of Van Buren either forgot or had no knowledge of the Tell-Me-About line, and if they had included the Twin Mothers more in New Vegas, it’s likely that they would have ignored it, but because they have not yet talked about them in more detail within canon, what we’re left with is pieces that have accidentally created something both more disgusting yet interesting than the racist-sounding original idea for Van Buren.

Poor Harold. It’s amazing he turned out as kind and somewhat well-adjusted as he did.

#long post #fallout #fallout harold #fallout van buren #fallout meta

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betweenthetimeandsound · 1 year ago

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Writing Questions

--Thanks @lexiklecksi for tagging me on this! These questions made me think a little, so it's taken a while...

What is your absolute all-time favourite ideas you’ve ever had?

--One of my short stories finds my protagonist facing the people she's hurt in her dreams. If she doesn't find a way to conquer those challenges, she could die or lose her eternal soul.

--I like the idea for Iodine a lot--the girl finds out her family is alive, running organized crime in their homeland, but she hasn't been there in years and is acquiesced in her new identity. The futuristic world of Iodine, which takes place in the midst of a civil war, should play on my knowledge of history and political science.

--I have a story where a guy has to hunt for human/animal hybrids in Ethiopia, which should play my background and politics with fantasy. It should be interesting!

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes?

Somebody asked something about my musical, but I don't quite remember it.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part of being a writer is coming up with something which is actually quite good! Just getting an idea, writing something, and seeing it bloom is just really good. What makes it better is if somebody enjoys it as well. On the other hand, the rewrites can really stunt my work, as I'm not sure how to approach them. While it gives me an opportunity to write from another perspective (as I'm doing with Iodine's second draft), I wonder when enough is enough.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I feel like I have an obligation to create, so to tell stories and to make people feel better. In addition, I want to tell some truths which I couldn't really express through speech, as well as feel what other people are feeling.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

Somebody once said that to make it as a writer, I'd have to treat it as a job. I'm still not sure how to approach writing, whether as a major career of as a side hustle, but writing does take discipline, especially concerning how to get stuff done!

What is your favourite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

While not fully polished, I'm proud of this short story, because of the different lenses involved. Still struggling for a title, though; what ideas do you have?

I like this one, inspired by a Florence and the Machine song lyric. I could imagine this one being expanded to a longer and more horrific story.

The Prostitute: Because of the inspiration involved and the imagery I used. Plus, it can get dark at times.

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

The classic "write drunk, edit sober", especially considering that I hardly drink alcohol.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

While Amber (the princess of Vela) and Dr. Shira Mizrahi have pretty dark methods to get their way, they mostly operate out of care for their own people. They have a little bit of arrogance about them due to their abilities, but they mean well. And I could understand that sentiment (one's trying to protect her country, another her family), especially when it feels like you're all alone in the world.

One character I have in mind is Hilda Adalbjorg Vigdis, the queen of a fantasy realm. She's descended from disgraced royals from a faraway realm who tried to take over the fantasy realm. While she uses her newfound power to develop the kingdom, she also has a superiority complex which scares the civilians a lot, especially as she was an usurper of a long-beloved dynasty. At the time of this book, she's incapitated, so I could imagine feeling sympathy for her, though her real intents would come to light eventually.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I think my younger self would wonder why my works are quite dark, as well as when my novels were going to be published. :)

@fragiledewdrop, @prasannawrites, @andromedaexists, @violetsinsummer, what about you?

#tag games #writing questions #writeblr #writers on tumblr #about me #personal

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gh0stofthespire · 2 years ago

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once again can we take a minute to realise that in a sea of mlm dramas ("bl" if you will) that all follow the exact same tropey, problematic, fetishistic route, we have shows like cherry magic, not me, and bad buddy?? all 3 incorporate elements that COULD have been used in that tropey, problematic, fetishistic way and yet they DON'T, because the writers of each of these shows actually have RESPECT for their stories, and the people within them. (also im v aware that there are many others who do the same thing, but ive only seen those 3 as of yet)

like for example, look at how bad buddy subverts every typical trope to create a university story, which are typically FULL of issues or overdone tropes (hello 2gether ily but you're not excused from this) with an entirely unique premise, turning engineering vs architecture, and the premise of forbidden love, into a piece about how, as a parent, your issues are not for your child to carry, and your own expectations for your OWN life shouldn't be passed down to your children, it very explicitly has both pat and pran tell their families that their feud should NEVER have been their burden to carry. plus the women are treated with utmost respect??? and are GAY!?!? (2gether again, im sorry, but earnpear deserved so much better, this is how you should've done it!!!)

and not me, how it has sean suspect from the beginning that "black" isn't actually black at all, and how white did all but tell him he was a different person. the fact that seans heart only breaks when he confronts white because he's leaving, not cause he lied, as he kind of already knew that part, and he didn't care, not really. he fell in love with a soul, not a name,,,, it always breaks me. the scene on the container, when he holds white so so tightly- i will never recover. how it doesn't have a magically perfect ending for dan and yok, because yok is too hurt to just jump back into things with him. how it shows REVOLUTION, the POWER of the people and how social media can be an incredibly powerful tool in giving a voice to the silenced, and how with enough force behind them, people can do such incredible things. it wasn't JUST about sean and white, it was about the fight for justice. just *chefs kiss*

and cherry magic. oh cherry magic, how it took a tropey, problematic, fetishistic source and made it into something SO beautiful. adachi is someone i think we can all relate to, and his relationship with kurosawa is so incredibly balanced, and sweet, and so so loving. and fujisaki??? she is AMAZING. they really looked at a very typical "fujoshi" style character and said no no no we're not having that, instead she will be their aroace best friend and number 1 supporter and that??? now THAT is magic!!! i would start talking about this one too but ive never been able to articulate things v well, as can be seen from this post, and cherry magic especially has this feeling of just all encompassing warmth, love, and unconditional acceptance and putting that into words on a silly lil tumblr post is impossible.

#ahem thank you for coming to my ted talk ig #not me the series #bad buddy #cherry magic #eli.txt #im not the best at articulating myself but yeah

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nerves-nebula · 2 years ago

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OKAY SO #1 - Guinea pig

SO this is moreso a reference to a habit of my adoptive mother's rather than a specific event, but there's also one event that really sticks out because it is a story she herself likes to tell people.

But first, background information. The term "guinea pig" was used by her because of a few reasons. First, she's big into some non-traditional spiritual people.

I think it was Richard Gordon(? might've been a different bloke) who created his theories and ideas in the realm of what he does, but needed people to test these on. He couldn't just go out and find people to introduce these concepts to (too many variables plus not enough control) SO he decided to work on his children.

He had 2 daughters I think it was? maybe 3 kids? Where he had them practice different spiritual methods and he'd test the results against those without the spiritual methods, and etc etc. He called his kids "guinea pigs".

My adoptive mother wanted to do a similar thing with me basically, where if she had me practice/doing certain things/rituals that the other foster kids didn't have to (to a degree anyways) she'd be able to compare results and use them as proof of whether we were "working in the right direction".

So summary of that, she's called me her "little guinea pig" since I was little because I was the person she would try new things on before talking to other people about it. Test subject and all that.

NOW going back to the "one story that she likes to tell people" bit.

SO I was like, somewhere between 6 and 8 and we were going over to a family friends place for one of their kid's birthdays (pretty much the only family with kids we ever saw lol). In the car she turned to me and decided that it was time for an experiment where "I couldn't find a way to leave" because "she could tell I wasn't putting my all into it".

I very much did not want to do that and I decided that because my adoptive father was there (at this point I was in foster care though :/ ) if I speak up he'll probably put a stop to it. He didn't.

I tried telling her that I didn't want to be her guinea pig anymore and that I was really tired of having to do all that stuff if there wasn't often results and I'd be blamed for there being no results. I tried saying it as politely as I could, but she... did not respond well.

Things lead to another and she was lowkey yelling about how I was "rejecting healing" and "had let the humans of the world infect me". She ""agreed"" to not call me a guinea pig for a while (<- more about this after). I was crying and stuff and had to come up with an excuse for why it looked like I was crying when we arrived at the birthday party.

I told my adoptive parents the excuse so they could approve it but they ended up telling the parents at the party that I was being difficult (so if I said anything I was just being a crazy kid. didn't help that "adoptive child syndrome" exists. People's belief of the "adoptive child syndrome" heavily impacted how people treated me growing up -_- )

FINAL PART: The reason why she ""agreed"" not to call me a guinea pig for a while was because after a few years it became like a joke thing? (not sure the exact words for it lol). She eventually went back to calling me a guinea pig, but she'd also be like "haha, remember that time you were so crazy and cried because I want the best for you? Remember how ridiculous that was? I'm so glad you aren't like that anymore, right? :)"

(the thing is she's ALSO told this story to other people?? Like even just last year when some people I don't know well were visiting. We were in a restaurant and there was like 5 people I barely knew there and she told them the story and did the whole "haha but my kid now hates me because of this, don't you?".

I had to subtly try to calm her down so she didn't believe that because it'd get messy after the event if I didn't. Everyone was uncomfortable (I think?) and she went into wayy too much detail about me crying and how stupid I was being. IDK why she wanted to talk about that, but she followed it up by telling them that when I had my wisdom teeth removed they had "given me date rape drugs and I hadn't felt a thing" as if like, that's something to be proud of. ??)

ANYWAYS THERE'S STORY #1: Guinea Pig.

T'was long and looking back kinda funny like she is built SO different xD

CHRIST ALIVE. That's fucked, but thanks for sharing!

here's my little "weird thing my mom used to call one of her kids" fact I guess: She used to call my oldest sister her "Little Husband" as well as treated her like an "equal" in some instances

I was partially raised by my oldest sister too and though I never called her mom I did think of her as a protector cause she was the only one who would protect us from our older brother.

But yeah the whole "Little Husband" thing is sOOO upsetting hafhadsudhdg

OH aLSO what the FUCK is adopted child syndrome????? I'm looking it up but it just seems to be "this kid isn't acting grateful for being adopted so I'm going to call their problems a syndrome" and thats uh. um. WELL I don't like it.

#nnstuff #ask #child abuse #abuse

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velvetcloxds · 3 years ago

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DANCING QUEEN | T.S.

Pairing: dilf!tony stark x plus size!fem!reader

Word count: 1.3k

Warning: age gap, mamma mia themed birthday party? picture in moldboard does not depict the reader, plus size reader isn't actually mentioned 'tis just for me

Summary: your boyfriend has a bad habit of spoiling you despite your objection and you were a fool to think your birthday would be any different

A/n: listen, I'm nothing if not predictable

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Tony’s eyes hadn’t drifted from your frame from the moment you stepped onto the dancefloor with Wanda. If he were a better man, he would’ve tried to hide that, but he wasn’t and he had no shame in showing the entire tower just how in awe he was of his girl. You were dancing so freely, so wildly, it filled his heart with warmth, knowing how much it took for you to get comfortable around people, and yet here you were with his friends, his family, and you were happy.

Your gaze sifted through the room in phases, finding something new to focus on as songs shifted, from the dozens of disco balls scattering the ceiling, multicolored fairy light hung low enough that you could catch them in your hands, silver tinsel curtains decorating the doorways, theme specific drinks and snacks being led about by waiters- Tony had managed to create the perfect little world for you, only enhanced by the brilliant, though slightly ridiculous, Mamma Mia inspired costumes he had lovingly forced everyone to wear.

He knew you didn’t care much for being spoiled, easily pleased with a small gesture or a loving smile, you needed nothing more than him and his love to make you aware of how important you were to him. But he was partial to treating you occasionally, and your birthday was no better excuse to do so, you deserved nothing but the best, after all.

“There’s my little dancing queen,” he smiled as you strolled over towards him, closing the door to the balcony behind you as you smiled back in a heartbeat. “You having fun?” he asked, your feet barely settling in place before his hand fell to your waist.

“The most,” you admitted with excitement almost oozing from your words, one hand clutching onto his arm as you looked down at your own outfit for the umpteenth time that night, mesmerized by the way the material hugged your curves, pattern matching the one from the movie almost perfectly and you couldn’t quite fathom the work that Tony had to put in to organize what you deemed the perfect night. “I still can’t believe you did this,” you admitted sheepishly, failing miserably at hiding how overwhelmed you were by the grand gesture.

“I don’t see why, you know that I’d do anything to see that pretty smile,” he mused, and you would’ve melted right there had he not placed down his drink to show you he had more to say. “Speaking of- “he began, a small smirk tugging at his lips while he held you still, hand searching his pants pocket for something. “Gift time,” he noted and pulled a folded envelope from the confines of the material.

“Gift time? You mean the party wasn’t my gift?” your brows furrowed, knowing he’d understand the sentiment behind your shock as you looked between the white paper and his face. He pulled you closer, as if trying to silently calm your lecturing nerves as you sighed lightly.

“I’m offended that you'd think that,” he teased and shrugged when you met his gaze with a soft frown. “Don’t look at me like that, I want to do something nice for my girl, is that not allowed?”

“You’ve already done something far beyond nice for me, Tony, I can’t accept this.”

“You don’t know what it is yet, silly girl,” he protested and tilted his head, almost to challenge you to try and fight him on spoiling you today of all days, which for all intents and purposes, was his free pass. “Open the envelope, sweetheart,” he insisted with a little nod as he gently forced it into your hands, all your fingers working together to open it as you sighed lightly, nearly swallowing said sighs as you pulled the contents out.

“Tony-“you gasped, eyes growing larger, if possible, as you reread the boldly printed words over and over again, just to be sure. “Are these?” your heart was pounding in your ears, excitement getting the better of you as you felt your objection to Tony’s shenanigans floating from your body.

“Two tickets to Greece? They were the last time that I checked,” he replied with that signature hint of arrogance as he looked down at you, your mind too busy processing the meaning behind the two pieces of paper to notice him pulling you closer towards him.

“Are you asking me to go to Greece with you? For two weeks? Tony, I don’t know what to say,” you were briefly made aware of two hands as they snaked around your waist and spread out across the small of your back, Tony’s smirk dipping into a smile at your state.

“Say yes,” his hands tugged you against his chest, your breathing meshing with his as warmth strangled your neck and cheeks, having to bite back a laugh at his boldness, at his uncharacteristic spontaneity with your relationship.

“It’s the middle of the semester,” you protested, more so reminding him that normal people can’t just drop everything and go on vacation because their boyfriends wanted to do something nice for them.

“I’ll make arrangements,” he noted, and you were instead reminded that Tony Stark was not a normal person, and by default, neither were you.

“And the Avengers? You cannot make arrangements to postpone crime.”

“I figure the bunch of them could survive a few days without me.”

“Tony, I don’t think I’ve even stayed at the tower for this long,” you turned shy at that, feeling his gaze turn soft as well as his hands moved up your back to secure you further in his hold, hoping that the touch would distract you from your nerves instead of adding to them.

“We’ll set some boundaries,” he promised, less cocky, more understanding as he nodded to reply to your uncertain stare, raking his eyes over your features to figure out what else you were thinking, what else you would find as an excuse, but he was happy to find none, you looking down at your hands instead, where your fingers traced the details of your trip. “Just say yes already.”

“You’re crazy,” you informed him with a shake of your head, earning a gentle laugh from his lips, the sounds vibrating through your body as you gave in to his hold completely.

“Only for you, baby,” he sighed and brought a hand to your face, thumb, and forefinger gripping your chin to guide you to look at him. “Say yes,” he repeated, and you had no control over your body as it leaned into his touch, your faces inches apart as his warm, whiskey-kissed breath fanned your already burning skin. “Say yes so that I can kiss you,” he added and furthered his words by brushing his nose against yours.

“Yes,” you whispered, eyes closing out of pure instinct as his lips brushed over your cupid’s bow, a shiver running up your spine as he repeated the nimble action around your mouth at an intoxicating slow pace before your lips finally melted with his. “Thank you, Tony,” you breathed, fingers sculpting around his cheeks when you pulled away, knowing that as much as you objected to the act of being spoiled, he objected just as much to the notion of you thanking him for merely expressing his love for you. “I love you more than words could say.”

“Oh, I’m sure I love you even the slightest bit more than that,” he teased, and you needn’t open your eyes to know that he was smirking like the cocky bastard you knew him to be. “Happy birthday, baby,’’ he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply before guiding you right back into a kiss.

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messers-moony · 3 years ago

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Divorce | J.P

Paring: James Potter X Slytherin!Reader

Summary: Reader goes through divorce with her arranged husband but sees her Hogwarts crush almost two years later at her Potions shop in Diagon Alley

Divorce sucks. There is no other way to say it. There is no amount of sugar to properly coat the words to make them seem better than they are. Instead, they’re pure salt– pure acidity. An arranged marriage for purebloods was typical. That doesn’t mean that everyone technically agrees they work. Some speculate that arranged marriages work more than chosen marriages. Y/n wouldn’t be one of those people.

Her family was a part of the sacred twenty-nine. The L/n’s, to be more specific. Y/n was a model child, an only child at that. She was sorted into Slytherin with not a consideration of any other house. Immediately at the age of sixteen, she was engaged to another man called Zenix Flores, another family of the sacred twenty-eight. Zenix was sweet, but he wasn’t her type.

Throughout her years at Hogwarts, Y/n stared at another. His name was James Potter. A star Quidditch player for the Gryffindor team. The best Chaser. Y/n’s lingering stares and dreamy look didn’t make it past Zenix. Fortunately, Zenix had eyes for another as well, Sirius Black, the best friend of James Potter. They bonded over that. They bonded over being in love with people they couldn’t have.

Everyone dies eventually. Immortality is not reality, and once Y/n’s parents died. Divorce was in order. However, they didn’t love each other like they should’ve it still sucked. They were close friends. But did close friends have a child together? Leo Flores, the product of Y/n Flores and Zenix Flores, was only eight years old when they went through the divorce. Leo was a token to show that Zenix and Y/n fell in love. An illusion.

It took months, but after the process was complete, Y/n left. Leo was to be in her care for the rest of his life. Zenix would send some of his profit to them to help, but he would never see his son again. Granted, he didn’t treat Leo well. Always so harsh, so strict on the little boy. The first words out of Leo’s mouth were ma’am and sir. Not momma or daddy. Instead, they were formalities.

They lived in an apartment in Diagon Alley. It wasn’t huge, but it was enough. Y/n changed her last name, and Leo’s back to L/n. Another long process but worth the wait. Y/n worked at a Potions shop in the Alley. Sometimes her old friend Severus would visit and buy some ingredients, but no one else she knew ever came into the shop. Not until he showed up at the door.

James Potter came waltzing into the Potions shop like it was nobody’s business. Unknown to the woman working the shop, he had been watching her work from afar. Just across the street was a bookstore where Remus would visit. During one of those visits, James caught sight of her. Granted, James didn’t think he’d find love after Lily ran away after his proposal claiming he wasn’t enough but that all changed when he saw her.

The feelings came back like it was yesterday she was gazing at him from the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. Y/n’s cheeks were set ablaze, and her stomach was placed into a frenzy of a million different feelings. Her heart made it seem like she ran around the Quidditch pitch one thousand times. Unbeknownst to her, he felt the same way.

Eventually, he made his way to the counter, “ Um- Good Afternoon. “

“ Good afternoon, sir. How may I assist you today? “ Y/n asked despite her racing heart, “ I need some help brewing a complex Potion. “ James confessed, fiddling with his hands.

“ What Potion, sir? “ Y/n inquired, “ Wolfsbane. “ James answered.

Her eyebrow quirked upward, “ That is a difficult Potion. It could have awful defects if made incorrectly. “ Y/n explained, looking at the ingredient list, “ How about this, I’ll make you the Potion instead of you possibly messing it up? “

“ How can I trust you won’t mess up? “ James questioned, smirking teasingly, “ Well. If it helps any, I received O’s on all of my Potion examinations, even in N.E.W.T level. “ Y/n quipped.

“ Well. I suppose you know your stuff. “ He replied as he crossed his arms, “ I suppose I do. “ Y/n retorted with a smile.

So James decided that she’d make the Potion. He would’ve paid her a million Galleons if he was just allowed to sit in the shop and stare at her. She was a beauty and moved so gorgeously. She moved with a purpose, with determination and ambition. Sirius and Remus had begun teasing him as James stared longingly at the Potions shop across the street.

“ Do you know her name? “ Remus asked, standing beside James now, “ No? “ James stated.

Remus chuckled; of course, he didn’t, “ Y/n L/n. She was a Slytherin in our year. Amazingly brilliant she is. Apparently, she was married to Zenix Flores but got divorced two years ago. “

James and Sirius stared gobsmacked, “ Did you stalk Prongs’ future wife? “ Sirius accused, and Remus shrugged, “ I was curious. Plus, I knew her at Hogwarts. She was a Prefect. We had a lot of rounds together. “

“ She was a Prefect? “ James queried, “ Mhm. You were too busy drooling at Lily to notice her. “ Remus nodded.

Now James felt incredibly stupid. All those pranks on the Slytherin house made him feel exceptionally stupid, knowing that she could’ve caught the backlash on some of them. Not only that, but she was a part of the sacred twenty-eight. James had never felt more idiotic, and he had gotten rejected after proposing to his girlfriend. That was saying something.

A month had passed, and the potion was ready. So once again, James walked into the Potions shop. This time she had a messy top knot present on top of her hair. Her eyes held extreme tiredness, and she moved almost sluggishly. James was worried. But Y/n saw him enter the shop and her cheerful smile glazed her face. Two bottles were now present on the counter for James to take.

He stood at the counter and pressed ten Galleons on the table, “ Sir, they’re only three Galleons. “ Y/n stated, “ Take the extra. You look exhausted. “ James replied.

“ Th- Thank you. “ Y/n smiled, “ Thank you, Y/n, for making these. “ James said gratefully.

Y/n blushed, “ I- Um- You were a Slytherin Prefect in my year at Hogwarts. “ James stammered, “ I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you before. “

“ It’s okay. Divorce can do that to you, Huh? “ Y/n laughed bitterly, “ Well, when I proposed to Lily, she straight up told me I wasn’t good enough so, that was almost like divorce minus the paperwork. “ James added.

“ I’m- I’m so sorry. “ Y/n apologized, “ No, no. I’m okay, trust me. It’s been about three years. “ James replied.

Before Y/n could speak again, steps were heard from the second story, “ Mom! Mom! “ Leo’s voice called as he rushed down the steps.

“ Mom! “ Leo appeared from behind the counter to see James and a blushing Y/n, “ Oops, uh, sorry, mom. “

“ No, it’s fine. Come here. “ James beckoned, and Leo hesitantly approached, “ What’s your name, little man? “

“ I’m ten! “ Leo announced proudly, and James chuckled, “ That’s awesome! “ James smiled.

Y/n turned to her son, “ What did you need, Leo? “ Despite being embarrassed, she was calm, “ You accidentally placed my quills on a high shelf. I can't reach them. “ Leo confessed, slightly embarrassed.

“ I’ll be up in just a second, but- “ Y/n began, but James stuck out his hand, “ I’m James. “

“ I’m Leo. “ Leo accepted the handshake and smiled at the adult man, “ If your mom doesn’t mind, maybe we could chat? “ James inquired, looking toward Y/n.

Leo looked hopeful at his mom, “ Please? “

“ Sure. You can go. “ Y/n allowed, and Leo hopped over the counter.

Before James could leave the proximity of the counter, Y/n grabbed his wrist, “ Please. Take care of him; I'm trusting you blindly here. “ She pleaded, and James smirked, “ Of course. “

The rest of the day went smoothly. Y/n had closed shop and began restocking items when they showed up. James' unkempt brown hair was more unorganized, but his hazel eyes glassed with mischief. Leo’s black hair was blown away from the rain, and his blue eyes sparkled with excitement. James beckoned the ten-year-old back upstairs while he approached Y/n.

“ So? Have a nice day with my kid? “ Y/n teased, and James chuckled, “ He’s fantastic. “

“ I know. “ She replied, “ I took him for ice cream, and we went shopping for a little. “ James informed.

Y/n melted at the adoration present on James' face, “ Do you need any money back? I can- “

“ No. Don’t worry about it, doll. I’ve got it covered. “ James interjected, “ I just saw him, and he had this look. He looked trapped. He needed to leave and just let loose for a couple of hours. “

“ I- I really love him. “ James confessed, and Y/n smirked, “ You’re in love with my son but not the woman who created him? “

“ If we're being honest. I’ve been watching you from the bookstore across the street. I thought you were gorgeous. Remus was the one who told me who you were. “ He admitted nervously, “ But being with your son today. If you’d like, could I take him out more often? “

She stepped down from the ladder and stood in front of him, “ How about you stay forever? “

“ I- I mean that is if you want. I know that I’m a pureblood, and- and my son- you probably don’t want to have a child right now. He’ll be going to Hogwarts soon, and quite frankly, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it. But- But his former father wasn’t amazing, and I’m not sure you want that responsibility- “

Y/n was cut off when James grabbed her by the waist and placed his lips on hers. His thumbs rubbed gentle circles on her skin through her shirt. Y/n’s hands went through his unkept brown tuffs and his glasses slightly fogged from the heat of the kiss. They pulled apart but rested their foreheads on each other. They were still somewhat breathless from the soft kiss.

He held her chin in his hand, “ I’d love nothing more than to stay forever. “

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thealtoduck · 3 years ago

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Being from District 1 and being in the 75th Hunger Games with Finnick…

Finnick Odair x Male reader

Warnings: It’s the goddamn hunger games so people dying and lots of violence, talk about two people hooking up.

(A/N: This is based on the movie because i didn’t feel like re-reading the book before writing this)

Growing up in District 1 had it’s advantages because unlike most districts yours has a good relationship with the capital and you are illegally trained for the hunger games so you get an advantage.

…buuuut there is a disadvantage, you are taught the games are just that GAMES and ignore the parts where you might end up traumatised or worse dead.

And that is how you ended up in the games, you volunteered but mostly because you were taught that the games are a good thing and because your parents pressured you into it.

However you ended up winning but not without some mental scars.

You took your winnings and moved into the victors village but without your parents not ever wanting to speak to them again.

You lived peacefully for a while until you didn’t because the capitol decided that for the third quarter quell the tributes would be reaped from the victors of each district.

When you saw that you may or may not have had a nervous brakedown.

Then came the day of the reaping, you told yourself that you were not likely to be picked since District 1 had several other Male victors.

”As for the male tribute… Y/N L/N”

But then you were picked anyway… *cries*

So alongside Cashmere you headed for the Capitol in one of their fancy trains.

You had been allowed to chose your mentors, Cashmere had chosen her brother Gloss. You had picked Augustus Braun, Panem’s favorite son, (he was a character created for promo photos for the movies, the guy who ”plays” him is really hot). He had been your mentor during the year you won so he knew how to work with you and plus he is nice :).

When you arrived at the trainstation there were a huge crowd waiting for you. Augustus advised you to try to appear sad but still wave to the capitol citizens and treat them kindly so they might sympathize with the fact that your back in the games.

You met up with your prep team and they made you strip naked so that they could look you over and make you look presentable.

After they finished they got you into your outfit for the tribute parade.

(A/N: Your outfit is whatever the male version of this would look like)

You were walking towards the chariots for the parade when you heard a catcall whistle and you knew immediately who it was.

You turned around and were met with a almost naked Finnick Odair a familiar sight as you had hooked up the year before while being mentors for the tributes.

”Hello Finnick” you said in a voice implying that you were not in the mood for his flirting.

He caught the hint and the two of you had a normal conversation. You asked how Annie and Mags were doing as you were rather fond of both of them.

He said they were doing fine considering the cicumstances. The two of you talked for a while but eventually Finnick went to try to make Katniss Everdeen uncomfortable for fun.

You climbed in to the chariot and helped Cashmere get up as she was wearing 8 inch stilettos.

After the tribute parade you are escorted to the training center with the rest of your group.

The next day training began, you went directly for the throwing knives which was your preferred weapon.

Then you were approached by Peeta Mellark, last years winner, he asked you to show him how to throw knives. You agreed to show him and you gave him some tips and tricks that you used. He then showed you how to do some simple camouflage.

You liked Peeta he was the kind of person that was hard not to like, unlike his district partner.

You and Cashmere invited Katniss to the place where they showed you how to make hammocks and it was noticable that she was a bit suspicious to be talking to career tributes.

The training days passed by and you did well on your private session but now it was time for the interviews.

When you got out on the stage you threw your arms around Caesar Flickerman as if he was your lover, which in turn got you a ”Awww” from the audience.

You turned on the waterworks, you talked about how much you will miss the capitol citizens for treating you like family and that you regret not reconciling with your parents after a fight you had before you left and not getting to say goodbye to them. It was all lies though but it was enough to fool the audience.

The audience gave you a standing ovation while you joined Cashmere standing in a line above the stage.

The rest of the tributes gave their interviews (Johanna’s was your favorite) and then Peeta during his interview told Caesar that Katniss was pregnant and all hell broke lose.

That evening you were visited by Haymitch and he told you that Peeta had wanted you as an ally and about the rebellion and about their plan to get Katniss out of the arena.

You agreed to the plan.

Before you went in to the arena you said goodbye to your escort, prep team, stylist, Gloss and Augustus.

You also said goodbye Cashmere since you knew you were on different sides in the arena and you said a silent prayer that you wouldn’t have to be the one to kill her.

You were then taken aboard the hovercraft and flown to the arena. You were then escorted to the small elevator thing that takes you the podiums in the arena.

You stood in the elevator waiting anxiously for the game to start. You also realised that you didn’t know who your other allies would be other than Katniss and Peeta.

The podium then started rising until you were inside the arena. Your eyes were blinded by the sunlight and you looked around and saw that the podioum was surrounded by water.

You saw that there were rocky spokes connected to the island where the cornucopia was located.

Then you heard a voice saying ”Let the 75th Hunger Games begin, May the odds be ever in your favor” a voice started counting down from 10 and you prepared yourself to dive in.

A canon went of as the starting signal for the games and you dove right in to the water and swam to one of the rocky spokes and climbed up on it.

You saw someone else had climbed up on it behind you but didn’t care to find out who so you tried to run but they had roughly grabbed a hold of your arm and were trying to drag you back.

You turned around and saw the male tribute from district 9. Without thinking further about it you clenched your fist and punched him in the nose. He let go of you and you started running towards the cornucopia.

You looked around and realised that you were now at a disadvantage from only being held back for a few seconds.

You reached the cornucopia and tried to sneak around it to see who was there but Finnick suddenly appeared around the corner and pointed his trident at you for a second but brought it down as soon as you made eye contact.

”Come on” he said and led you to the weapons. You picked up vest with a bunch of throwing knives attached to it and put it on.

You had put it on just in time as the man from 9 had reached the cornucopia as well. His nose was bleeding from your punch. You got a knife from the vest took aim and threw a knife at his throat, you hit just as intended.

You got an extra leg holster with throwing knives and a regular knife incase needed for close combat.

Finnick told you to stay by the supplies to guard them with Katniss while he looks for Peeta. You nodded at him as he ran off.

Katniss and you stood guard for a while until Finnick returned saying Mags had found him. You and Katniss followed him as he led you out on one of the spokes leading out from the cornucopia.

You saw movement in the water as Peeta was wrestling with a tribute trying to drown him. Finnick dived in to help Peeta, you turned to the cornucopia to check so no one would sneak up behind you.

Soon enough Peeta and Finnick were out of the water and the 5 of you made your way in to the jungle.

You all ran through the difficult jungle terrain except Mags who was carried on Finnick’s back.

After getting far enough from the cornucopia you all kneeled down for a quick rest. You heard more canons going off meaning more people had died.

”I guess were not holding hands anymore” Finnick said with a quick laugh. ”You think that’s funny?” Katniss asked with obvious hostility in her voice. You made quick eye contact with Peeta basically saying ”Fuck, they are going to be fighting”.

”Every time that canon goes of it’s music to my ears, i don’t care about any of them” Finnick answered. ”Good to hear” Katniss said pulling out a machete from her quiver. ”Wanna face the career pack alone? What would Haymitch say?” Finnick asked teasingly.

”Haymitch isn’t here” Katniss stated and there was silence for a moment until Peeta said ”Let’s keep moving” and you all got up and continued moving through the jungle.

Peeta walked in front using the machete to cut plants and vines out of the way, Finnick was behind him carrying Mags, you were behind Finnick and Katniss was behind you.

You noticed Katniss stopping behind you as you turned to see if anything was wrong she yelled ”Peeta! NO!” and right behind you there was a bang and you were knocked to the ground by Peeta flying backwards.

You sat up and saw Katniss crawling over to Peeta repeating his name slowly as he lay motionless on the ground. You then heard her say in a panicy voice ”He’s not breathing”, Finnick ran over to him and started doing mouth to mouth resuscitation. You crawled over to see what was happening.

After a while he woke up again and you all started to move slowly but Katniss was now in the lead, she threw small rocks at the barrier so that you could navigate how close you were to it.

Katniss told the 4 of you to wait while she climbed up a tree to see your location and if she could find fresh water. When she got down she told you that you were on the edge of the arena and that she couldn’t find any water.

Finnick suggested that you should set up camp and sleep, he said he could take first watch to guard the others to which Katniss disagreed which in turn made Finnick upset since he literally saved Peeta.

Honestly you were tired of both of them so you rolled your eyes and walked away to find somewhere decent to sleep.

You found a spot close to Mags where you laid down and shut your eyes but that didn’t last long as you heard the anthem playing and you looked up and saw the faces of the fallen tributes.

When you saw the face of the man from district 9 you felt ashamed. You wondered if he had a lover or children at home who had to watch him bleed to death from a knife to the throat.

You turned around so you lay on your other side and your y/c/e met with Mags kind eyes and she gave you a small smile as if she had read you mind which you returned shyly.

(A/N: I had to stop a second just for some Mags appreciation because she’s one of my favorite characters in the hunger games universe.)

You closed your eyes again trying to sleep but you then heard something hit the ground you sat up and looked to Katniss and Finnick who had gone to inspect the noise.

It turned out to be a sponsor gift, you stood up and walked over to them. Katniss held a small silvery thing. ”What is it?” Finnick asked. ”It’s from Haymitch…… I think it’s a spile” Katniss answered.

”A what?” Both you and Finnick asked as Katniss stood up and found a tree and started banging on the spile with a rock hitting it in to the tree.

You all waited for a moment but soon water started trickling down from the spile. Katniss caught some in her mouth and told the others to get some, first Peeta got some, then Finnick and the you.

You were on you knees infront of the spile, you got a mouthful of water. Finnick walked up beside you with a small smile and said ”As much as i like seeing you on your knees, can you move over a little? I need some more water for Mags”. You laughed a little and moved aside.

”Seems like someone has gotten his wittiness back” you said and Finnick gave a small laugh and started filling a leaf he had shaped like a bowl for Mags.

After that you went to your previous resting place and laid down to sleep again. You were woken up at some point by what sounded like a gong and the sound of lightning but you managed to get back to sleep.

You were woken up by the sound of Katniss screaming, you quickly got up and pulled out your close combat knife. You saw no one but Katniss, she was laying on the ground whimpering and there was a closing in behind her.

”Run! Run! The fog is poisonus” she yelled you helped Mags get up as Finnick crouched down to get her up on his back. When she was safely up you started running following Katniss and Peeta.

You passed Katniss and Peeta as being quick was sort of your specialty.

It was hard to know where to go as almost everywhere you turned the fog seemed to be coming closer. You heard falling behind you and saw that Katniss had fallen over but Peeta had helped her up. Then a little bit after that Peeta fell over and Katniss helped him up, you turned around to come to their aid but you heard Finnick screaming and saw him falling over.

You ran to Finnick to help him get up but by the time you got there he was already up and he had gotten Mags back up on his back. You grabbed him by the arm and helped him away from the fog. You and Finnick saw that Peeta had fallen over once again from exposure to the fog.

You and Finnick ran to him and Katniss. ”I can’t carry him, Peeta please” she said with tear stained eyes. You tried to help carry Peeta but it was no use you weren’t strong enough.

Behind you heard Finnick saying ”Mags? Mags?” You turned around and saw Mags walking right into the fog (like the boss she is).

(R.I.P Queen, both the actress and character)

”MAGS!” Finnick screamed and the came the sound of canon. You grabbed Finnick by the arm and Katniss told him that we need to leave.

Finnick helped pick up Peeta as you picked up Peeta’s machete and started cutting away plants that were in the way. The others staggerd away from the fog, you ran to Katniss side to try help her keep up.

You feel the fog touching you back as immense pain shoot through you whole body and then the 4 of you fell… not because the fog though but because there was a huge drop that you hadn’t noticed.

When you land you just lay on the ground twitching and flinching from the pain.

After a while you hear Katniss saying ”The water, the water helps”. You tried to get up but you body was like on lockdown. You hear them helping Finnick into the water, Finnick tries to let out a scream but gets water in his mouth.

Peeta comes to you and drags you up into a sitting positon saying ”Come on” as if he’s talking to a child but it was strangely comforting. He then pulls you into the pond making you let out a scream from a sudden sharp pain but the pain slowly starts to fade away.

The group takes a little brake now to rest and you can’t help but to whisper a little ”thank you” to Mags.

You then hear Katniss saying to Finnick ”I’m sorry about Mags”. Finnick answered by saying ”She was never gonna make it….so”.

Finnick then turned his attention to something behind Katniss, you turned around and saw some sort of monkey like creature staring at you, whatever they were they didn’t look friendly so you pulled out your combat knife in one hand and a throwing one in the other.

All 4 of you stood in the little pond surrounded by the mutts, you were all waiting for one to attack. ”Get to the beach” Katniss said and turned towards a path that lead towards the cornucopia but the mutts started looking more aggressive.

One tried to jump at Katniss but was cut down by Peeta which made more start to attack.

You weren’t really that well equipped to deal with animals but you tried your best. A mutt tried to jump at you but you kicked it in the face and threw a knife at it.

Another one ran towards you so threw a knife at it’s arm making it shriek in pain and you ran over and stabbed it with the combat knife.

”We need to get to the beach” Peeta said as he and Katniss started moving in the beaches directon, you started following him and Katniss and made sure Finnick was keeping up.

You made you way through the difficult terrain while trying to avoid the mutts. You did your best to hit then with your knives but the didn’t pack enough of a punch to kill them unless they were hit in sensitive areas.

You were tackled by a mutt which made you fall to the ground. It crawled onto you about to maul your face off but you stabbed it in the stomach and twisted the knife.

You threw it’s dead body off of you and got up, you saw Katniss and Peeta carrying someones body to the beach, you turned your head back and saw Finnick fending of the mutts. Your mind raced for a second if Finnick is there and Peeta and Katniss are fine the who’s body was that.

You ran over to Finnick who was slowly making his way to the beach backwards with the mutts following him, only held back by his trident. You stood by his side swinging your blade at any mutt that comes to near you two.

Finnick then whispered to you ”At my signal grab my hand”, you nodded.

”Now” he said and you grabbed his hand and the two of you started sprinting towards the beach while the mutts chased yoy, when you got near enough you and Finnick dove on to the beach sand.

You and Finnick quickly got up and pointed your weapons at the mutts that where now on the edge of the jungle where the beach began. You then heard a canon going off and the mutts then started making their way into the jungle once more.

You put you knife in the holster at your leg and then turned to Finnick. You threw your arms around him in a hug, Finnick put his big arms around and you leaned you head against the older males shoulder.

It was hard putting a label on yours and Finnick’s relationship. You had met during part of your victory tour in district 4, you were attending a dinner in your honor.

You had excused yourself to go to the public bathroom during the dinner. You had no need to actually use the bathroom. You just needed to get away from the people who had celebrated the fact that you had killed people.

You started having a bit of a nervous breakdown in the bathroom, you were crying, splashing water in your face trying to calm down but you felt like you needed to scream.

One of the toilet stalls had opened and Finnick steped out. He went to the sink to wash his hands and while doing so he noticed your red eyes and trembling hands and he asked if you were okay.

And you spilled everything to him and told him how you were feeling, he put an arm around you, he told you he somtimes felt like that as well and told you how he usually copes with it.

He had told you that if you didn’t want to finish the dinner he could go out and tell everyone you weren’t feeling well and have you escorted back to the train.

But you said you wanted to try to get through the dinner as long as he was there to help you. He agreed to be there with you and you managed to get through the whole thing.

After that Finnick was basically your bestie and you guys would come to each other for emotional support.

And last year during the 74th hunger games while you both were in the capitol, you had been hanging out at his apartment the capitol give the victors while they visit for the games.

While hanging out things got a bit steamy between the two of you and you ended up hooking up, the day after the two of you kinda acted like it never happened and things got a bit awkward between you and him.

But being back in to the arena had stirred up feelings for him you had buried. While in the arena most people will latch onto whatever makes them feel safe and Finnick made you feel safe.

You finally let go of Finnick and you noticed a hover craft picking up the body Peeta and Katniss had taken in to the water. Finnick told you he was gonna go try to catch some fish food, you nodded at this and walked over to Katniss and Peeta.

”Who body was it they picked up?” you asked. ”The female morphling” Peeta answered in a saddend voice. You sat down in the sand, the 4 of you had almost died 3 times (+ 1 for Peeta) in less than 24 hours and it was exhausting.

Finnick had managed to catch a fish and found some oysters that you were now eating. Peeta found a pearl and gave it to Katniss.

You then heard a scream coming from the jungle, ”That’s new” Peeta said and you heard a thundering noise.

Out of the jungle came a huge wave of water and you heard a canon going off. The wave was so big it washed up on the beach.

You then saw a hover craft lifting away the body.

After it had flown away you heard Katniss say ”Someone is hear”. You immediately looked in the direction Katniss had been looking and saw another tribute on the beach and two other tributes emerging from the jungle, you backed up slowly.

”Johanna?” Finnick whispered and ran out of hiding towards Johanna shouting her name, ”Finnick!” she yelled back and the two embraced each other. You made your way towards them and waved Johanna.

Johanna told the 4 of you how she, Wiress, Beetee and Blight, her district partner, had been wandering the jungle when it had started raining blood on them to the point where they could barely see and were choking on it. Then blight had hit the forcefield and passed away.

Wiress was stumbling around murmering the words ”Tick-tock” to herself, Wiress tried to get Johanna’s attention but she ignored her.

”What’s wrong with her?” Katniss asked referring to Wiress. ”She’s in shock, dehydration isn’t helping” Beetee answered and the asked ”You have fresh water?”

”We can get some” Katniss answered as Johanna had started getting fed up with Wiress saying ”Tick-Tock” to her. ”Listen stop it!” Johanna said loudly while grabbing a hold of Wiress.

”Hey! Get of her” Katniss yelled as Wiress fell to the ground. Katniss stromed passed you and started fighting with Johanna. ”Hey!, what are you doing” Johanna asked as Katniss got up in her face but before things could escalate Peeta and Finnick had pulled them apart.

You got the spile and hit it in to a tree so that the others could get freshwater. You took a big leaf and shaped it like a bowl and got some water for Beetee who was working with some sort of wire. Katniss and Wiress then came excitedly and said that the arena was a clock with different obstacles every hour.

You all decided to go to the cornucopia to stock up on weapons, you had decided to get something more lethal than just knives just in case something comes up.

Katniss was trying to go through what happens during every hour that we know off. When you arrived at the Cornucopia you refilled your knife supply and picked up a nice sword. The others were drawing up a map of the zones and the drew the threats we knew about tsunami, lightning, blood rain, fog and mutts.

Then came a loud gasp from Wiress who was being stabbed in the back by the male tribute from district 10 (you know since your here instaed of Gloss). Katniss was quick to shoot an arrow hitting him right in the chest killing him almost instantly.

Another figure had appeared it was Cashmere she had a knife in her hand. She was on her way to attack Katniss but Johanna pushed her out of the way and plunged her axe right in Cashmere’s chest.

Right as she hit the ground there came clang of metal against metal and you saw Brutus attacking Finnick and Peeta. Enobaria then suddenly appears and throws a knife at Finnick cutting his arm. You quickly draw a knife throwing at Enobaria cutting her shoulder.

Enobaria and Brutus start running away from the cornucopia. You, Katniss and Johanna run to follow them but as you do the island the cornucopia is located on starts spining and you all fall to the ground.

You take out a knife in one hand and stab it in to the ground to try to keep you from sliding of the island, you manage to get a good grip with your hand as well.

You hear struggling behind you and see Johanna struggling to keep a hold of Katniss’ hand, she lost her grip and Katniss fell into the raging water.

The island then stopped spining and Katniss climbed up on one of the spokes and started coughing up water. Johanna and Peeta checked that she was okay.

She was fine and your group left the island and went back to the beach, you all sat down on the beach to stratergize. Other than the group there was 3 people left in the games Chaff, Brutus and Enobaria.

They were all outnumbred so they probably won’t try to attack us. Johanna suggested that we hunt them down but then you heard a scream ”Ahhh!!! Katniss,Help me!!!” which made Katniss scream in return ”Prim!!! Prim!!!” as she ran into the jungle.

You all ran to follow her Finnick was in front you were right behind him but then you hit something almost like when you run in to a glass door, it was an invisible forcefield. ”Y/n!Are you okay?” You heard Peeta saying as you sat up.

”Yeah” you said as he helped you up. You tried to touch the forcefield, it was as solid as a brick wall. Soon Katniss and Finnick came running back with a bunch of birds following them but they couldn’t get through the forcefield and were stuck on the other side.

You had to wait an hour until the birds flow away and the forcefield disappeared. You ran over to Finnick to check on him. ”Are you okay? You asked putting a hand on his shoulder. ”Yeah, i’m fine” he said weakly.

You the heard Johanna say something about ”Riots in the damn capitol” she then yelled ”Hey! How does that sound Snow! What if we.. What if we set your backyard on fire?! You know you can’t put everybody in here!!!”. You were all looking at Johanna speechless at her open disrespect of President Snow.

”What?… they can’t hurt me, there’s no one left that i love” Johanna said and walked away to get Katniss some water. That left you feeling bad for Johanna, sure she may be a bit rude at times but she’s nowhere near as bad as some people make her out to be.

You helped Finnick stand up and your group made their way back to the beach once more. Finnick went and sat down in the shallow part of the water. You were torn whether you should go to him or not, maybe he wanted to be alone.

But then you remembered how he had been there for you during your victory tour, so you went out into the water and sat down beside him. ”Did you hear her?” You asked referring to Annie.

Finnick gave you a small nod. You didn’t know what more to say, but you didn’t need to cause Finnick started speaking ”I also heard you”. You gave him a questioning look ”Really?”

”Yeah, even though in knew you were there right infront of me, it was still torture to have to hear you screaming my name for help, I had to open my eyes just to check that you were okay” Finnick said turning his attention from the water to you. You grabbed his hand gently and said ”I’m okay, thanks to you”. You and Finnick’s heads were leaning close to eachother but then came a shout ”Finnick!” ”Y/n” it was Johanna she waved for you to come over.

You and Finnick got up and walked over to the others and the group made a plan to use the wire Beetee had gotten to hopefully electrecute the careers.

A few hours went by and the sun started to go down. You were sitting in the wet sand watching Finnick swinging around his trident lightly. Then you heard the noise of something hitting the ground near you, you turned around.

A little bit inside the jungle you saw a silver capsule, you went into the junge and got it. You opened it and knew immediately what it was. You turned to the others and yelled at them to come over. You showed them that you had gotten bread from district 1.

You gave everyone their fair share of the bread, ”District 1 is known for using cinnamon and huckleberries in their bread” you informed them though the only one who actually seemed to care what your district used in their bread was Peeta.

Then it was time to leave to go to the lightning tree and once again you were making your way through the thick jungle terrain.

Then you heard the anthem playing and you looked up in the sky to see the pictures of the fallen tributes. You felt a bit sad when you saw Cashmere up there and realised even if you got out of the arena Gloss would kill you.

But it felt worse seeing Wiress and Mags up there. They had both been very kind people and they shouldn’t have been in here in the first place. You felt something inside you almost as if it was catching fire (A/N:😉) a new hatred for the capitol.

You continued moving until you reached the lightning tree and Beetee started doing his thing and wrapping the tree with the bronze colored wire. He then told you, Katniss and Johanna to go with the spool of wire to the beach, throw it into the water and go to the tree in the 2 o’clock sector.

”I’m gonna go with them as a guard” Peeta said probably not wanting to leave Katniss. ”Nonono, your staying here to protect me… and the tree”. Beetee opposed. ”No i need to go with her” Peeta said stubbornly.

”There are two careers out there, i need two guards” Beetee said. ”Finnick can protect just fine on his own” Peeta said and you and Finnick gave eachother a knowing look. Then Katniss butted in saying ”Yeah, why can’t Finnick, Y/n and Johanna stay with you and Peet and I will take the chord”.

”You all agreed to keep me alive till midnight, correct?” Beetee asked in a annoyed tone. ”It’s his plan we all agreed to it” Johanna said clearly starting to get annoyed as well. ”Is there a problem here?” Finnick asked. ”Excellent question” Beetee said as you were all staring down Peeta and Katniss.

”No, there’s no problem” Katniss said in a defeated manner and walked over to Peeta and gave him a kiss. After they finished you said ”Good idea” and walked over to Finnick and kissed him, you could feel him kiss back and put his arms around your waist.

After you pulled away you said with a weak smile ”You know just incase we never see eachother again”. ”Alright, let’s go” Johanna said. You walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulder saying jokingly ”Incase your feeling left out i can give you a quick kiss too”, Johanna only rolled her eyes but let out a small chuckle.

You, Johanna and Katniss made your way to the beach once more the same way you came. After a while of walking Johanna said ”Come on, i wanna put as much distance between me and this beach as possible, frying is not how i wanna go” but then came another sound from the spool it had stopped putting out wire.

”There’s something…” Katniss said and looked in the direction the wire came from but saw nothing then something pulled the wire and cut it off. Katniss immediately threw aside the spool and pulled out an arrow but Johanna grabbed the spool and hit her over the head with it.

You were kinda lost on what to do but Johanna got you to kneel down beside her and took your combat knife and started cutting up Katniss’ arm open, then it dawned on you the arm with the tracker, the plan to get Katniss out was set into motion.

You grabbed Katniss arm so that she wouldn’t try to fight it, Johanna smeared blood on Katniss’ throat to make her look like she was dying. ”Stay down” she whispered to Katniss and sat up and threw her axe against Brutus and Enobaria who were on their way. ”Come on” Johanna said to you and you followed her as you ran with careers chasing you.

It was hard to keep up with Johanna in this terrain. You then felt a sudden sharp pain in your side and saw that you had gotten a cut that was now bleeding, you guessed that Enobaria must have thrown a knife. You looked up to see where Johanna had gone but she must not have noticed you slowing down because you couldn’t see her.

You turned around and saw that only Enobaria was on your trail now. You drew your sword just in time to deflect another knife coming your way, she drew her sword as well.

The sound of clashing swords came as she made a slash at you which you blocked. You went back and forward with her for a while slashing, stabbing, cutting but neither managed to kill the other.

Enobaria then made stab at your hand cutting it open so that blood started spilling out, you tried to fight with one hand but she easily disarmed you. You turned around and started running since there wasn’t much else you could do.

You managed to put some fair distance between you and her, not enough to get rid of her but enough so you could draw a knife and throw it at the hand she kept her sword in which caused her to drop it but that didn’t stop her as she drew a knife from her vest.

You did the same bracing yourself for her. The two of you pounced at eachother like tigers, colliding in the air and laying on the ground wrestling for dominance, she had gotten on top of you and tried to stab you but you grabbed the hand she kept her knife in and used your other hand to grab her hair.

You pulled it with all your strength and managed to roll over so that you were on top of her, you held her down and punched her across the face. She still managed to grab you and roll you over so she was on top of you again and she the showed you her fang like teeth.

She was starting to lean down probably about to rip your throat out with her bare teeth but something had distracted her, you seized your moment and noticed you were right beside a steep slope. So with all the power in your body you grabbed a hold of her and threw her off of you and down the slope.

You got up quickly and looked at what had distracted her and saw that it was a blue glowing wire pointing right up into the sky or what used to be the sky but was now just a gray dome.

Your brain put some kind of scenario together that this was part of the plan so you started making you way towards the source of the glowing wire but it was hard you were still bleeding and you were exhausted from your fight with Enobaria.

You staggerd towards the lightning tree but your body couldn’t take anymore and you collapsed, you looked up at the gray dome and saw that it was starting to fall apart. That made you smile and you thought to yourself ”Thank you, Mockingjay” and then it faded to black.

(A/N: Don’t worry you didn’t die at the end, but please give this a like or reblog it took like a lot of time write and i really tried my best, there might be some grammatical errors in there but deal with it)

#finnick odair x male reader #finnick odair x male!reader #the hunger games x male reader #the huger games x male!reader #finnick odair #x male reader #x male!reader #x male reader smut #the hunger games #male reader #male!reader

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formidxble · 3 years ago

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▸ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the 2 times bang chan tried to confess and the 1 time he almost did.

▸ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: bang chan x female reader

▸ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff and humor || CEO x Secretary AU

▸ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.8k

▸ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @meow-minho @bxngchxn @fairy-of-shampoos @hyunsluvv @bobateastay @http-hyxnjxn @poutypoutybin @fizzydrink698 @minniehohos @the7thcrow @vanishingboots @qtieskz @arohabangtan @willwriteforhugs @mbbykh @helpsplease @freckledquokka @jisungcherry @crazyoverghosts @changlix-mp4 @asweeetdisposition @lixesque

▸finally !! this took so long, but this takes place before the events of “my house” ! you don’t have to read this in order to understand “my house” and vice versa. i’d also like to say that chan in this fic is 28 years old !!!

▸ before i forget, thank you for 900 followers! crazy how i posted “my house” as a gift for 500 followers, but now we’re here!! ahh, thank you! i hope you enjoy this, dear reader!

masterlist ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ my house

bang chan’s sure that he doesn’t believe in the concept of falling in love.

it’s not because of the bitterness that surrounded the concept itself, but he assumes it’s because of the position he’s in. while many think that being a CEO of the company entails many benefits, such as mansions, multiple cars, private jets, and tons and tons of women, he knows it’s actually the complete opposite.

maybe it’s because of his work-mindset that deters him from making meaningful relationships or maybe because he’s detached himself from everyone to guard whatever self-worth he still has. whatever the reason may be, he lays in his king-sized bed, alone, in a mansion that barely felt like home.

bang chan’s sure that he doesn’t believe in the concept of falling in love, but for some reason, as he stares at you from his office window, he’s sure he’s proved himself wrong.

he admits that he may have expected a firework or two or a grand celebration, but as he watches you tuck a hair strand behind your ear, he finally understands why people decide to throw themselves in the name of love with no plan, with no questions of how’s and why’s. the question is, is he ready to grab the opportunity, specifically the one that’s right outside his office?

his eyes follow you as you lean back on your office chair, huffing as you cross your arms in front of your chest before your eyebrows scrunch. chan chuckles softly and it’s got him wondering, for the nth time today, how he never noticed how your skin glowed despite being confined in a busy workplace. he’s never observed how pretty your fingers were when you grab a pen from the holder on your desk. and, maybe he was just blind all this time, but when has your hair looked this healthy and vibrant?

his stare is broken by the arrival of an employee who rests her elbows on your desk. chan watches how your eyes light up and how your lips curl up into a smile. he takes in a deep breath as his heart starts to beat faster. thoughts of work disappear and the image of you makes a home inside his mind. suddenly, his day’s a little bit brighter now, he’s not stressed anymore, and with your smile, he feels as if he can accomplish anything. now, he wants you to be the one to fill his days, afternoons, and nights.

and it’s probably the cheesiest thought that’s ever popped up in his business-centric mind, but that’s how love goes, he can only assume. the worst part is that he’s letting it take over him and he can’t find anything in him that’s saying no, that he shouldn’t push through with it, that it’s probably his loneliness playing tricks on him again. but, for the first time in his life, he’s able to say that yes, he’s ready to grab that opportunity, that chance for love, even if it’s uncertain, even if it hurts him somewhere along the way.

chan laughs.

it’s the mundanity of everything that intrigues him and chan wonders how a woman has managed to capture his heart in this manner. would it be selfish to ask for more when he supposedly has everything he could ever need? nevertheless, he rolls his chair back, a soft blush on his cheeks, before standing up and making his way to your desk.

no plan.

no questions of how’s and why’s.

you immediately stand up from your chair to bow and greet him and the female employee does the same, bowing with a small smile etched on her lips. chan grins and he’d be stupid to ignore the way his hands start sweating when you give him one back.

“come eat lunch with me,” he hums, putting his hands in his pockets. you tilt your head, eyebrows scrunching in response. chan chuckles as his head mimics yours. “unless, you have plans?”

you shake your head in response. chan catches the way you give your colleague a look and in his peripheral, he sees her scrambling away, a soft giggle leaving her lips. both of your eyes lock once more and you grin.

“let me get my stuff, then we can go, sir.”

in chan’s position, it’s always calculated— the probabilities of securing a sale, the percentage of the stock they’ll be able to acquire, and all that business stuff he’d grown accustomed to.

but now, he’s forced to think of all the possible outcomes in a scenario where nothing is certain.

there are many variables that come and interfere with the process of falling in love. feelings and emotions are built up over time and he can’t help but reminisce as the two of you make your way to the cafe. images of him getting angry flash in front of him, partnered with many different instances where the both of you argued in his office. he also remembers the way your eyes turn glossy during said arguments and the way you storm out when it gets too heated.

but, apart from memories like those, chan recalls the soft moments he’s shared with you over the course of the 8 years you’ve been together. the knowing stares, the smiles you share from across the room, the blushes that form on both of your cheeks, and the way the both of your hands absentmindedly reach out for each other when you think no one’s looking.

it’s become a secret language that none of you have consciously created.

and as chan pushes the cafe door open for you, he’s reminded that the line between your work relationship and friendship has been blurred for a long time. the both of you have grown closer to each other ever since you started spending more nights with him in his office. though it’s complicated, he knows that you’re not just his secretary anymore, but you’re someone he can confide in and someone he can trust.

with these, the outcomes that can arise from this conversation with you become hazier than when he started thinking of them.

the phone in his pocket is tempting, but he decides not to call changbin up for this one. he doesn’t know when and how to start, but at the end of the day, there are no rules to falling in love.

before you could fall in line, chan puts a hand on your shoulder. you turn to him as you raise an eyebrow.

“go,” chan tilts his head in the direction of a free table, “i’ll order for us.”

you blink. “but—“

“i insist,” chan chuckles as he rubs the back of his neck. “we don’t usually go out for lunch, so”—he grabs his wallet, holding it up for you to see—“it’s my treat.”

you step in closer, voice hushed only for him to hear, “you don’t have to, chan.”

formalities dropped, like what he’s used to with you in private, but it feels different now, hearing his name out in public. it rolls off of your tongue so easily and he can’t help but feel like he’s on a date.

“i want to,” he responds after a short while, watching as your cheeks turn bright red. “plus, it’s no big deal. we can always eat lunch together in the future if you’re up for it.” mentally, chan exhales shakily as the words leave his mouth.

you clear your throat as you nod and turn away, walking over to the table with no protests.

chan exhales through his nose as he finds his lips quirking up into a fond smile. his eyes follow you as you take a seat. he forces himself to look away before you could catch him staring, but at the side of his eye, he knows you already knew.

one thought pops up in his mind as he walks over to the table after ordering and paying, how was he supposed to go about this?

it brings him back to the talk about probabilities and being secure in your decision despite the uncertainty that comes with it. there’s a huge probability of him not getting the response he desperately wants to hear. is it enough, the moments you’ve shared, good and bad, for your feelings to grow as much as his did? and did you even have feelings for him in the first place?

he hopes the answer to both questions is affirmative.

chan’s hands start sweating as he grips the chair, pulling it away from the table. he takes a seat, your eyes locking with his as he makes himself comfortable. he had to admit that he has no plan and he has no idea what he’d end up saying, but as he’d come to know just earlier, love is about free falling and trusting the other that they’ll catch you. and one part of him knows, deep down, that your arms are open and ready.

at least, that’s what he wants to believe.

“miss y/l/n,” chan starts, clasping his hands on the table, “i brought you here to—“

your eyebrows shoot up as your mouth opens. “wow,” you chuckle shakily. “so formal. is this serious?”

for chan, it is.

his face heats up as he unclasps his hands, subtly wiping them on his pants. he flashes you a sheepish smile. “i just wanted to talk to you about something.”

you tilt your head, eyes not leaving his. chan’s heart starts beating faster as his lips part, but only a shaky sigh leaves it.

chan prides himself in his public speaking skills. he wouldn’t be called the industry’s Wolf if he didn’t do his job well. he’s spoken to a full stadium, presented in front of the world’s most prominent businessmen, and he’s travelled around the world giving seminars to people who aspire to be like him. but for some reason, he’s in front of a woman and he’s suddenly tongue-tied.

but, it’s not just any woman. it’s the woman he’s in love with. the thought makes him reel. saying it to himself has just proven that he’s madly in love with his secretary, you, y/n y/l/n. the woman who’s been with him ever since the beginning of this god-forsaken journey, the woman who’s seen him at his most vulnerable, the woman who’s stood by him after all these years.

“i—“

“is this about the schedule for this week?” your voice cuts through his thoughts and it scrambles them. chan feels like a teenager at this moment as his shoulders tense up, mind going blank at the melody of your voice.

“no, y/n—“

“i actually wanted to bring it up with you, as well. i’ve noticed that there are some inconsistencies with the schedule at the office and the schedule we prepared,” you grab a folder from your bag, laying it on the table, and opening it. chan blinks and swallows.

his eyes scan the paper in front of him, the surface littered with messy writing with a variety of colours adorning them. it’s hard to read if the both of you settled for this as the official schedule, but somehow, it doesn’t annoy him anymore. instead, his heart aches at the sight of your handwriting, the strokes completely unique to you and the design, if one could call it that, screams your name.

“unless,” you hum, “this isn’t what you wanted to talk about?”

as much as humanly possible, chan wasn’t here to talk about anything work-related. if only you knew the reasons behind his invitation, you wouldn’t be whipping out the damned folder. nevertheless, even as his shoulders fall to his sides, he leans over on the table, trying his best to focus on whatever it is you have brought to his attention.

“it’s fine,” he starts. “tell me about the problems, instead.”

“chan—“

“no,” he dismisses. “it’s nothing important. it can wait.”

this is what he gets for not having a plan in the first place. falling in love is all about falling into the depths of what is essentially the unknown, but it doesn’t mean that he has to dive in head first with no helmet. he groans internally as you flatten the paper on the desk, his confession thrown out of the window that’s beside the two of you.

suppose, it’s not the right time nor is it the right place. if chan was looking for fireworks and a grand celebration for his realization earlier, then maybe he can be the one to give that to the both of you once he actually gathers the courage to tell you how he feels. despite his defeat today, he forces himself to sit in front of you, and listening as you get into the nitty-gritty of the schedule in the office and the schedule you have on-hand.

truthfully, chan’s seen the inconsistencies before you could, but he lets you tell him, the sweet melody of your voice wrapping itself around and in him as he rests his cheek on his palm, eyes not leaving you.

“chan?”

your voice snaps him out of his trance and he raises an eyebrow.

“before i go on,” you giggle, “i’m paying the next time we go out, okay?”

chan cracks a smile, heart bursting at the thought of getting to be with you like this again. he hopes it’ll be a more relaxed setting. no more talk of work. just you and him, like he’d envisioned it to be.

“alright.”

hopefully, he’ll get to tell you next time. he’ll hold onto that.

the fateful next time comes rather quickly, just three days after the first one.

it comes in the form of a successful contract, with the client agreeing to it almost immediately. chan could sit back and say that it’s all his doing, that it’s with his charisma and wit that charmed the client, but truth be told, he couldn’t have done it without you.

first, without you, he wouldn’t have known about the company. sue him for not being interested in smaller companies as business partners, but it’s with your exceptional ability to get him to listen that’s made him understand the appeal. second, without you, the process wouldn’t have been as smooth as it was. papers arrived on time, meetings were set without a hitch, and the relationship with the client was amenable enough that it made transactions easier.

of course, all of the things you’ve done are considered to be the behind the scenes of a successful company, but for chan, you’re front and center. and though the success is connected to his name, it’s always also going to be your success.

as chan offers polite goodbyes to the businessmen who were exiting, his eyes drift to the other end of the room and it lands on you, glowing, with a wide smile that’s taking over your lips. your hair’s a bit disheveled, blouse not neatly tucked in, and the bags under your eyes are now more prominent than the last time he’s seen them, but to him, you’re still the most beautiful woman in the room. it’s multiplied tenfold when he sees you speaking to the client, the two of you laughing because of something you whispered.

chan’s heart aches and he knew it was the right time.

this is why he finds himself leading you up to the company rooftop.

chan’s an incredibly simple man when it comes to life’s pleasures. if he wants something, he’ll ask and he’ll get it, as simple as that. but, this is different. if chan wants to get something—get you, he knows he has to exert effort, even if it was as cheesy as confessing while the sun is setting in the horizon.

he has a plan now, a script to follow, and a solution to every outcome that may arise, but why are his hands still sweating in his pockets and why is he feeling light-headed?

chan pushes the rooftop door open, motioning for you to step outside first. he fights the urge to smile fondly when you narrow your eyes toward him. you step out nevertheless and he hears you gasp when you look out to the city’s skyline. he steps out himself, the door closing softly behind him.

the building is positioned perfectly toward the sunset and the light outlines your features. you’re glowing and it’s brighter than the brightest star responsible for this view right in front of him. chan puts his hands inside of his pockets as he stands next to you, watching the way the air ruffles your clothes and your hair from the corner of his eye. how he wishes he could be the wind softly grazing your skin as you looked out to the horizon.

chan lets out a soft chuckle as he shakes his head.

standing beside you, he understands why people say that love brings out the worst in you. chan’s never been the one to open up. used to guarding himself, he was taught to always be strong and to never show vulnerability, especially in public. he had an image to protect, a family legacy to keep going, and being weak won’t help him at all.

but, maybe, you can help him with that. make his worst into his best. chan sighs shakily.

“you did well,” chan starts as he taps his foot. you turn to him with a grin.

“thank you, sir. i couldn’t have done it without you.”

you cough softly as the words leave your lips. both of your cheeks heat up and chan uses this opportunity to move closer to you, the warm, afternoon air flowing around the both of you. just like the first time, the confession he’s prepared in his head is scrambled and he didn’t know when or where to start.

come to think of it, changbin did mention cue cards. chan smacks himself internally.

“yes, well,” his voice cracks slightly, “i didn’t bring you up here just to praise you.” you raise an eyebrow. “you and i both know of your abilities, so i won’t inflate your ego any further.”

“inflate my non-existent ego?” you joke, earning a giggle from chan.

chan turns to face you, wiping his palms on the side of his pants. you mimic him as you cross your arms in front of your chest, your head tilted to the side. your eyes lock and chan’s mouth grows dry. you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and he wonders why he’s never pieced it together before.

chan takes a step forward before taking your hand into his. he feels you hesitate for a moment, your hand threatening to pull itself away from his touch, but after a while, your fingers relax into his palm, as do your shoulders. your eyes scan his face and chan prepares himself to dive into the depths of love, hopelessly.

“y/n,” he starts. “we’ve been working together for a long time now and—“ chan rubs his thumb on the back of your hand—“i can say that you’re one of the most extraordinary women i’ve ever had the opportunity to be with.” your eyes widen. “and it’s not just about our professional relationship, but it’s also about our relationship outside of it.”

“you’re not just my secretary,” chan pauses to look at you—your eyebrows are scrunched and your mouth is slightly open. “you are my friend, someone i can talk to when i’m alone, someone i can confide to, but y/n…” chan taps his foot gently on the floor as he looks out to the horizon once more, wetting his lips. he hangs his head briefly before letting your eyes meet.

“y/n, i want to be more than that for you. i want to be more than just frie—“

a familiar tune plays in the rooftop and chan recognizes it almost immediately. your ringtone. what amazing timing this has been.

chan blinks as the warmth on his hand disappears. his heart is ringing in his ears, yet he catches your quick apology as you fish your phone out of your pocket. before you could say anything else, chan nods, shoving his hand inside his pocket again. you shoot him an apologetic look before you make your way out of earshot.

chan steps forward to grip the roof railing enough to make his knuckles turn white. he hunches over it as his stomach starts to hurt. he feels as if his blood has been drained from his body and his head becomes light, a stark contrast to the way his chest feels in the moment. he gags softly when the air blows on his face.

he was so close to the edge, both literally and figuratively, but the ringtone had to pull him back to square one. if he thought that his mind was a pain in the ass earlier, it was worse now.

one thing is clear, though. the confession has been eating him up the past few days and if he wanted to feel like himself again, he had to tell you, even if it meant getting rejected and making things awkward around the office.

he could always continue once you come back, right?

but, he learns now that the universe has a funny way of fucking with him. he can’t continue anymore because how could he when you returned to him out of breath, eyes bloodshot, and hands shaky?

“y/n?” chan questions, pitch higher than intended. he puts his hands on your arms to grip them gently as he scans your face. he tries to ignore the panic that’s brewing in his stomach. another thing to add to the list of the things happening in his body.

“did something happen? is there an emergency?”

“my—my sister—“ you stutter, tears flowing down your cheeks. chan prepares himself for the worst.

“y/n, i—“

“she passed her dream university!” you exclaim before bursting out crying again. chan slightly deflates, his shoulders falling to his sides and his chest becoming lighter. he rubs your arms awkwardly before pulling away with a nervous laugh.

“i thought it was—“

“no, chan! you don’t understand how serious this is!” you scream. “we’ve been talking about it ever since she was a kid, now, she’s on her way to college. and not just any college! it’s her dream uni! sure, it’s expensive, but you know, we can make it work! we always do!” you run your hand through your now disheveled hair, a huge smile forming on your lips. “you know that one time i was telling you about my sister taking the exam? this was for that university! the—“

chan sighs internally. if he confessed now, he would be stealing such a monumental moment from you. it wasn’t about him or your relationship anymore, but it’s about your family and your personal life. instead, he lets you ramble as he rests his arm on the railing, watching and listening to you and your stories. chan tilts his head gently, a fond smile on his lips.

next time.

he’ll get to tell you next time.

lucky for chan, the next time comes exactly the next day during the company’s big blowout party for him.

he finds himself waiting for you in the car and the both of you were running behind schedule, but he knows why. you’ve always wanted to take your time dressing up during formal events such as this. of course, he’d always offered a professional stylist to make sure the schedules don’t suffer from your tardiness, but time and time again, you would decline. the memory makes chan scoff in the backseat, letting out a soft huff after.

“late again, sir?” his driver teases.

chan puts his arm on the arm rest as he replies, “as usual.”

when the front door of your house opens, chan’s reminded of the reason why he’s never pushed the professional stylist offer.

you’ve done your hair in a manner chan hasn’t seen before, but it suited you. your make up’s bold, but elegant, and your dress hugs your body perfectly, leaving nothing to the imagination. he gulps. you’ve always upstaged your looks and tonight’s no different. chan knows you’re definitely going to outshine him in the party later, but you deserved to be seen the way he sees you—not just as his secretary, but as a professional who commands respect in the rooms she walks in.

as chan sharply inhales at the sight of you, his driver chuckles quietly.

he knows deep down that he had to say something tonight, but as usual, he’s ready with the cheesy speech—the ‘you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me’, the ‘i want to be yours’, but he’s just not sure when to tell you. would it be a good idea to steal you away in the middle of a company event or would it be better if he waited until the both of you were alone?

another day, another dilemma it seems. however, this particular dilemma has no right answer. no matter what he thinks of, there’s always a negative outcome.

before he could delve deeper, he sees the car door open through his peripheral. “we’re late again.”

you hum nonchalantly as you make yourself comfortable in the backseat. “good evening to you too, sir.”

“are we good to go now or are we still on your schedule, miss y/l/n?”

“there’s nothing wrong with being fashionably late, right mr. bang?”

but, as most things in chan’s world, there is something wrong with being “fashionably late”. you and chan are ushered out of the car as soon as you arrive at the company. the staff are muttering something about the crowd waiting for the two of you—for the grand entrance as the others have labelled before.

despite being part of the industry for a long time, chan could only roll his eyes at the formality of it all. it wouldn’t hurt to let loose, but he lets the staff guide the both of you to where you needed to be.

on the way to the event hall, chan unbuttons his black formal polo. he tells himself that it’s for show, but really it’s to let out the heat that has formed throughout his body as the thought of potentially being able to tell you about his feelings takes over his mind, alongside his thoughts of feeling like a teenager again. nevertheless, he tries his best not to look in your direction as you walked beside him.

once you arrive, the staff tell the both of you to wait as they prepare the hall for the grand entrance. chan thanks them as they disappear from sight, leaving the two of you alone. he shuffles awkwardly as he waits before hearing a soft ‘tsk’ leave your lips. he turns his head toward you, but before he could ask, your hands are on his chest.

chan freezes, but he finds it in himself to choke out your name, mouth drying up as he feels the heat from your fingertips through the fabric of his polo.

“buttons,” you mutter, your fingers finding their way to the buttons he unbuttoned only moments before. “you have to look presentable, chan. there are a lot of eyes in there.”

his eyes travel from your hands to your face. your eyebrows are furrowed as you focused on the task at hand and he almost forgets to breathe the whole time you’re on him. your perfume takes over his senses and for a moment, he thinks he’ll float because of the cheesy happiness that has started to bubble in his chest, but he doesn’t. instead, when you raise your eyes to meet his and he sees that sparkle that he’s grown to love, he’s brought back to reality.

and that’s when he realizes, after years of denying it to himself, that it’s not a feeling anymore. chan’s sure that you make him human. around you, he’s not bang christopher chan, the country’s youngest and most successful CEO, instead, he’s chan, the 28-year-old man who’s hopelessly searching for genuine connection in an industry that offers none of the sort.

chan’s on top, constantly, and the others that have come before you have made sure to keep him there, but you’ve grounded him in reality every time the both of you were together. may it be as simple as you answering back to him or as deep as listening to him rambling about god knows what during quiet nights in the office, you’ve always offered him a time and a place to feel human—be human, even for just a few minutes.

chan mumbles your name once more, but you don’t seem to hear as you lightly pat his now-buttoned chest with a smile on your lips.

“there,” you hum. “keep them buttoned for the rest of the night, okay?”

“i—“

“imagine all the articles when you come in there with your chest in full view,” you giggle as you start stepping back to your previous position beside him.

“y/n—“

you playfully cross your arms in front of your chest as you continue, “you have to thank me someday, you kno—“

“y/n,” he cuts you off. “can you please listen to me?” you stop in your tracks as you turn your head, eyebrows raised.

you blink in his direction, lips parting, “i’m listening, sir.” you tilt your head. “what’s wrong?”

chan moves in closer to you as you turn your body towards him, arms falling to your sides. “on the rooftop…”

“yes?”

“i didn’t get to finish my, um…”

your eyes widen. “yes, of course!” you exclaim. “i remember, yes.”

the two of you stand in silence for a moment as chan tries to collect himself, mind a complete and utter mess like the first time he’s faced with this exact same situation. he looks up at the ceiling as he tries to think of a word, a phrase, a sentence, anything else he can say to free himself of the shackles he voluntary put on himself.

your voice cuts through his thoughts as you ask, “did you want to tell me now?” you look at the door in front of you. “we’re due to enter soon.”

“i’m aware,” chan mumbles as he steps in closer to you once more, “but, this won’t take long.”

you nod, eyes scanning his face as your eyes meet. chan inhales, letting out, “how can i—okay. shit.”

this is already a disaster. where’s his cue cards? “i’ll just—“

“chan?” you question, moving in closer to him as well, concern clouding the sparkle in your eyes.

“you’re amazing,” chan blurts out, albeit a little muddled. nothing like the present, yes?

“i—“

“you amaze me,” chan continues. “and you continue to do so after years of us working together and i sometimes wonder”—he grabs a hold of your hand as his starts to shake—“how you do it.” your lips part and chan notices how your chest has stopped moving.

“you’re so charming and just—“ chan lets go of your hand abruptly as he turns away from you, his hand finding its way to his forehead before hanging his head and groaning to himself. he turns back to you, your whole body frozen in place.

“i guess what i’m trying to say is that i l—“

“mr. bang? ms. y/l/n?” one of staff interrupts. you and chan jump away from each other, both awkwardly looking around the hall as blushes form on your cheeks. chan forces himself to make eye contact with the staff member as he rubs the back of his neck. he gives the woman a half hearted smile as he raises an eyebrow.

“we’re ready for you.”

you and chan’s eyes meet as the sentence echoes throughout the hall. he swears under his breath as his shoulders fall, eyes closing as he releases a huff.

“chan,” you mutter, a hint of worry in your voice. he inhales sharply before shaking his head and putting on his best smile for the lady that’s decided to ruin the moment. he nods before closes his fist as he turns toward the door, his jaw clenched. he feels you tug on his sleeve, but he ignores it, heart thumping in his chest as he offers his arm out for you.

“we have to focus now,” chan replies after a short silence. “it’s…it’s not important.”

you don’t say anything else as the atmosphere in the room turns heavy.

for chan, at least.

as the crew finishes up the final preparations around the both of you, you snake your arm around his and chan tries his best not to dampen the mood any further. he straightens his posture, his lips fall in a straight line, and his jaw relaxes as he exhales. and as much as he would hate to admit it, it’s in defeat. yet again.

before he could wallow in his own despair, you ask, “are we dancing tonight, sir?”

it takes a second for him to respond. “unfortunately not, miss y/l/n.”

“not in the mood to show off tonight?”

chan scoffs softly and he hears you giggle. his chest tightens at the sound, yet he appreciates the effort in making the whole situation less awkward than it is. picking up from where the both of you left off, like he wasn’t just about to pour his heart and soul to you.

“i don’t think we need to,” chan plays along. “this party’s for us.”

“us?” you exclaim with a small smile. chan merely nods.

despite the playful banter, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed in himself. why was it so hard to just…say what he needed to say? he can have a ton of scripts at his disposal, but why is it that when he’s in front of you he’s tongue tied? he felt like an idiot, a love-stricken idiot who couldn’t say it straight no matter how much he plans it out.

one question pops up in his slew of thoughts. “if not tonight, then when?”

he may never know the answer to that question. but, one thing is clear to him.

he started this week with some form of optimism that he’ll end up with an actual connection, but now, he feels as if he’s three steps back from his starting position. he sighs internally as he fixes his posture once more. no rest for the weary because the door to the event hall slowly opens and he squints at the light shining right at the two of you. he feels you squeeze his arm gently and he gives you a reassuring look in response.

chan tunes out his thoughts of his failed confessions and his inner voice saying, “next time.” he puts on another smile for the crowd as the both of you start walking in the event hall, the thunderous applause becoming deafening.

here we go again.

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