#pls hate him with me jordy.

[laurenairay]

svechie with 2 pls !! if 2's been taken then 4 pls <3

2 – “Let me know what you need, okay?” – Andrei Svechnikov

612 words.

Thanks for requesting this one for Svechy, Cam!

*

“Okay no, there’s no way you’re going to practice today.”

Andrei frowned at you from where he was slumped against the kitchen counter, shaking his head. “I’m fine. Just a little bit of flu,” he shrugged.

“Sweetheart, I’ve never seen you so pale. I really doubt the trainers will even let you on the ice,” you replied, frowning back at him.

He wasn��t just pale – your boyfriend had dark circles under his eyes and his nose was red where he’d obviously been sniffling, and the fact that he was clearly using the countertop to hold himself upright? Not okay.

“I’ll be fi-”

Three loud sneezes interrupted his own words, and you just smiled sadly as he groaned.

“Come on, I’ll text Jordy, okay? You need to take a rest day,” you murmured.

The pitiful look he sent you broke your heart, even more so as he sadly nodded. You knew how hard he worked with the team – hell, everyone knew that – but today was just not his day to push past his limits.

“Can you walk to the sofa by yourself?” you asked, quickly typing out a text to his captain.

Andrei took one step away from the kitchen side before pausing, and then shaking his head. He always hated asking for help, and this was just a sign that he was feeling just as bad as he looked if he was accepting help this easily.

“Alright, let’s take it slow then.”

Because there was no way you could carry his full heavy body by yourself – your man was big. The two of you slowly shuffled over to the sofa, Andrei eventually sitting down with a heavy thump, the saddest self-pitying look on his face, to which you could only add an extra cushion behind his neck and drape a large blanket over him.

“Am not that sick,” he grumbled, although he tucked his feet under it tightly.

“Uh huh, tell me that when you can stand upright without feeling congested and dizzy,” you mused.

Andrei just groaned, burrowing further under the blanket, making you smile at how adorable he was unintentionally being. For such a big guy, he sure could curl himself up into a tiny ball.

“I’d better start my workday properly, but I’ll only be down the hall, okay? Just yell for me if you need something,” you said, smiling.

He chewed his bottom lip briefly before looking up at you. “I don’t want to distract you. Don’t want to be a burden.”

Oh bless his heart.

“The last thing you could ever be is a burden, sweetheart. I mean it – let me know what you need, okay?” you said firmly.

Andrei sent you a sweet smile, eyes crinkling, making your heart melt even further.

“Okay, I will. Thank you for looking after me.”

“Always,” you grinned.

As you wandered away from the living room and down the hall to your office/study, you couldn’t help but glance over your shoulder at your boyfriend, smiling to yourself as you saw him wiggle down into the sofa to get comfortable, one hand peeking out of his huddle to reach for the TV remote. Adorable. As much as you wanted to curl into his side and take care of him 24/7, this really was the best option for both of you – you had work to do and he really just needed to rest. Not that this would stop you from taking a couple of extra coffee breaks to wander past and check on him, of course – and if you happened to take a sweet photo of him napping wrapped up in his blanket burrito, well, that was just a little extra bonus.

[vole-mon-amour]

2x01, Part 1.

Poor little meow meow. Somebody snap his neck pls.

*squeals* MY BABIES.

This is a 'I'm here for the crows only' territory. :)

Lmaooo. Jesper be like, "Yes boss. Hate to do nothing but ok, boss."

Things are moving rather quickly. What the HELL. Crooked Kingdom deserves its own damn SHOW, not this!! And the flashback immediately?? Omg. Then jesper handling his guns... No, don't touch Crooked Kingdom ;_;

HELL YEAH.

That's such a powerful acting. What a scene. No idea how people that didn't read the books watch this, but yeah.

*inhumane screeching* Remember when in the book Inej caught on Kaz having a panic attack? And how it's Jesper here, and he immediately tries to create a diversion and help him? KAZPER FOR THE PEOPLE. Also, Jesper calling him by his name.... Shamelessly falling into this Kazper void. My boys.

Can you IMAGINE how heavy that hand on Kaz's shoulder feels? Ahhh.

HELLOOOOO?????? WHAT [ARE] YOU DOING THERE. I mean, I remember some encounters of him and Kaz in the book, but HUH???? It was well closer to the end, if I'm not mistaken? Or was it in SAB? I already forgot since I didn't like SAB, only the crow series. I love how they show it though: Kaz noticing every detail, every difference.

Look how gorgeous.

My fav theme of Kaz and Jesper sharing and exchanging glasses continues. <3

Kaz is so done with Jesper when he's babbling, lol.

Don't you start this "Jesper has his doubts about Kaz" nonsense. Don't you dare.

The famous look. Kaz immediately being introduced to us as someone who knows about Jesper being a Durast... THINGS ARE MOVING RATHER SWIFTLY.

It was for your own sake, you fool. When are you gonna talk about Jordie with him? WHEN??

"When you shoot, you never miss."

I'm not really sure if Kaz pushing him like that is in character for Kaz. Sure, he's like that most of the time. But the only thing that Jesper intends to keep for himself, and Kaz NEEDING to see how Jesper turns that coin into a key? That's... not something I feel he'd do? I should definitely reread CK. I don't remember Kaz pushing Jesper like that. I understand they might need it for the sake of the show, but... I don't feel good about this. Kaz usually notices and keeps it to himself. Like when he sent Jesper and Wylan to a mental asylum, knowing Wylan's mom is alive, letting Wylan experience it at his own pace and grief through that moment. I'm very conflicted about this. I obviously like Kazper visuals, but not all of them are exactly good. We'll see.

That scene between Darkling and Alina... jfc, they're suffocating and pompous. I genuinely don't know if I dislike them in the show or in the books more. Both are bad lol.

And here we go with the posters around the city. Honestly, CK is all over the place here. Scattered.

The Menagerie... I am VERY cautious about how they'll portray that one. That storyline bothers me A LOT.

I mean, that's a valid question, considering their history.

I'm ready for a scene of ONE disabled Kaz beating up, what, 5 abled bodyguards of Rollins at the Crow Club? And pushing some of them down the stairs. Go, Kaz, go!!

Jesper is all dorky and all, but he isn't stupid. Why are they making him this way in the show?

[ephemeralgalaxies]

alright you have me so excited rn so imma add some more stuff to this (also bestie pls get some sleep <3)

There is so much to go into with Wylan's expressions here (Jack Wolfe, bless u so much oh my god) but specifically, I wanna touch on when Alby walks in.

First of all, have to bring up the fact that right before this, Jesper is completely flirting with Wylan here like "hey, u ran away from me... I wouldn't have minded if you stayed... (maybe stay forever next time)" like he's so invested in this (HIS LIL SWAY AS HE BACKS UP, EYES ON WYLAN THE WHOLE TIME. IM SCREAMING) that Jesper doesn't notice Alby walking in until he realized that Wylan has noticed something. Like, Jesper's reaction is SO DELAYED compared to Wylan. Wylan jumps, he jerks his head to the door, then he gasps. And it's only then that Jesper finally reacts as well, so invested in this moment in making Wylan blush that he doesn't realize something's wrong until he sees that something is very wrong with Wylan's body language (like this is the only time I've noticed Jesper being so delayed in reacting. like, yeah it takes him a bit to notice Inej, but cmon it's Inej. And he reacts to her once he feels her presence. Here, he only reacts because Wylan has reacted so harshly).

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE PAINFUL PART:

Wylan reacting so strongly to Alby, being so scared by him, the fear on his face when he sees the sketches that Jesper shows him. Jesper reacts to the sketches in caution, in that okay, something is different now. keep a steady head about this or a kid ends up hurt. And as much as I do believe that Wylan is also cautious in this moment now that a kid is involved, it is so much more to him because he was that kid.

Except he wasn't. This is a kid miles away from the fight, living safely with people to watch over him and a kind memory of his father. This is a child that we later see so distraught as his father is dragged away from him. A father that would literally do anything for his son. Like, no I absolutely hate Pekka Rollins, but he's definitely a better father than Wylan's ever has been. And I think Wylan sees that a bit, if just a flash of it. This is a child spoiled and fed and loved, protected in a mansion under the guise of some glass factory. This is everything Wylan is and isn't, everything he had and didn't. This is innocence, and they are destroying it.

This child scares him for every way he is and isn't like Wylan.

And Jesper is right, none of this is Wylan's fight. But he's in this now, so he has to find some solution. Kaz Brekker is determined to take down Alby's father, so he's going to do it (and Wylan's already started to see a dark side with Kaz when Kaz screamed at him then fussed at him for talking about the history of firepox. he's not gonna try to get on his bad side again). But if Wylan can do anything to help this child escape all of it, he will.

I love the idea of Wylan and Kaz being character foils of each other so much, because they really are. Kaz had to grow up fast, while Wylan never got the chance to until he ran away. Kaz wants revenge for his past, Wylan wants to supress his past. I think the line Kaz gives later just hits the nail on the coffin:

Jesper: "He's just a kid, Kaz!"

Kaz (muttered): "So was I..."

The way both Kaz and Wylan find so much in common with this child but for such different reasons and how that affects the way they feel about Alby. Kaz hurt and destroyed over how Pekka Rollins can treat this child after how he left him and Jordie for dead. Wylan desperate to protect Alby like no one did for him, let him grow up loved and encouraged -- even if he may not be the best at things.

just-- gOD I LOVE THAT ARC

Now that I've finished I'm going back and rewatching most of the wesper scenes, taking more time. And my gods I'm so glad I am. Wylans facial expressions at everything is fucking top tier.

The way he looks at Jesper everytime he's trying to figure out where/how they've met before

The little shake of his head, the face of absolute 'oh ffs' when Jesper asks if they'd met before when talking on the carriage about how Kaz found Wylan at the tannery

The absolute terror on his face when Alby walks into the room. Wylan, it is simply a kid, you don't have to be terrified 😅

The wincing at the kid playing the piano 😂 yet trying to be so supportive 😂

The way he looks up at Jesper after playing the piano

The little lean in and back when he asks Jesper if he's worried about him 😍

The way he's looking at Jesper so concerned, trying to figure out if he's gonna give Kaz the kids name. And the subtle look of betrayal and Jesper does

The look and the little silent 'what??' when Jesper refers to him as a total stranger

The little look and emphatic nod when Jesper finally realises they have met before while laying on top of him under the carriage

The look of 'are you fucking kidding me' when jesper mentions the stroopwaffles

Look I could go on, but that's gonna be way too fucking long a post 😅

[oldfshioned-blog]

   ❝ so you’re jeannie’s new squeeze.  interesting. ❞  he’s pretty , but not as pretty as he is , slight sneer on lips as he walks around him , hands in his pockets.  he’s not too worried , jeannie always ended up back at his side after a while , whether he made it so it was impossible to be anywhere but , or of her own volition depending on just how terrible things had gone.  mortals were fickle things after all , better for a meal rather than a relationship.  

jeannie would figure that out once and for all at some point.  maybe after this one had abandoned her , just like the rest had.   ❝ let me guess , she let you fuck her on the first date. ❞   @urulxce liked for a starter. 

[distance-does-not-matter]

kanej Ted talk pls?

Oh boy now I have to remember my talk

Well, it’s interesting to trace the development in their relationship. When it first starts out, even before the book starts, it’s strictly business. He’s Dirtyhands, and she’s his Wraith, his thief of secrets. And then she begins to steal his secrets. Not to sell them, of course, just to have. He begins to trust her. He takes her on missions. They have each other’s backs. By the time the book starts, he trusts her enough to take off his shirt and, more importantly, his ever-present gloves in front of her. A Big Deal when it comes to Kaz, right?

And he calls her endearments, but it’s sarcasm, and she teases right back. (”Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?” “Have a long trip down.”) Against their better wishes and instincts, they’ve become friends. And having friends is dangerous in the Barrel, especially when your friends are the most deadly things in the Barrel.

Next comes the departure for the Ice Court, and Inej is injured in the course of rescuing her teammates. Severely injured. Kaz goes ballistic. Rips a man’s eye out and then throws him overboard. And he says something very interesting, a clue of how much he’s come to lean on Inej without even knowing: “My Wraith would counsel mercy. But thanks to you, she’s not here to plead your case.” She’s become his conscience, the mercy to his ruthlessness. She retains her goodness for both herself and Kaz, while Kaz has long since cast it aside.

Here, Inej acknowledges her feelings for Kaz, as well as their stupidity. He is the deadliest thing in the Barrel, and her cheeks heat when she sees him shirtless. (It takes him days to work up the courage to talk to her.)

We get to the trek to the Court. Kaz and Inej are a duo, Kaz&Inej, working in sync. They know each other’s every trick, every turn of phrase. Inej knows how Kaz will lock himself in. Inej knows when Kaz faints. Inej wakes Kaz up. Inej brings Kaz back to himself. (”Better it should be her.”)

He hates to reveal weakness, but he begins to reveal it to Inej.

I can’t remember if he ever addresses his feelings for Inej before this, but if he doesn’t, then this could be seen as a good start-point. Inej has become his second in command, his moral compass, and now, his confidante. Or, the closest thing a boy called Dirtyhands has to a confidante.

They break into the Ice Court. Kaz is loathe to leave Inej. Inej climbs the incinerator shaft. She gives Kaz back his gloves, his armor. She tells him she’ll leave Ketterdam. He hates it, and he welcomes it. He will let her go.

He is almost drowning, he is a child again, helpless and dying, and still he thinks of her. He has to make sure she’s safe. He has to rescue her if she isn’t.

On the return to Ketterdam, he asks her to stay (”Stay. Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me.”) And she would, but his armor is still on. He is still wearing his gloves. He still will not meet her eyes. And so she leaves him to his armor.

She is his weakness on Vellgeluk. She is captured, and he is left with naught but his rage and his reputation. ‘I’m going to get my money. And I’m going to get my girl. Dirtyhands had come to see the rough work done.’ His gloves are very firmly on.

In Crooked Kingdom, he leans into his reputation to get Inej back. He is ruthless and brutal and he and his crew offer a pregnant woman biscuits and massages. Despite himself, Inej is getting to him. But his growth is his and his alone. He will have to do the work.

Without meaning to, Kaz chooses a geranium barge for his plans. Inej’s mother’s favorite flower. I have to wonder if Kaz stored that detail away in his brain for a later, quieter moment. (A few geraniums, tied together, left on Inej’s doorstep. A calling card, a love letter. She picks them up and smiles.)

He is more open with her. She knows more of his secrets. She knows about Jordie long before he mentions him to Jesper. And yet, they are still not totally honest. He is still working through his trauma.

But they are making strides. (”Curse you and all your saints,” he said to no one at all, then realized he was smiling.) (Nina knew that look. It came after the shipwreck, when the tide moved against you and the sky had gone dark. It was the first sight of land, the hope of shelter and even salvation that might await you on a distant shore.) (”I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our away out together--knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”)

Later, in the bathroom, they fight through their trauma. Kaz touches her with bare skin and fights to stay in the moment. He fights for more. He cannot stop the waves that drag him back. But he hates them, every moment of them.

The rest of Crooked Kingdom comes in a tumble of blood, sweat, tears, revenge, and smiles. (She smiled then, her eyes red, her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It was a smile he thought he might die to earn again.)

And at the end, the very end, he is without armor, and he is willing to let her go. He holds her hand, gives her what she needs for her chosen mission, and her heart’s desire. He gives her a ship and a berth and he is willing to let her leave. She is the one who tells him she’ll come back. She is the one who tells him to come meet her parents.

(”Is my tie straight?” “That’s the laugh.”)

This is entirely too many paragraphs to talk about the fact that at the end of Six of Crows, Kaz is possessive and gives too little, and his growth is that, at the end of Crooked Kingdom, he gives her all she wants and asks for precious little in return. (”Say you’ll return.”) He sets aside his gloves for her, his armor.

She has him without armor.

[kiyokoxd]

Ello there I'd like to request a matchup with BSD, please :)

Sign- Capricorn

MBTI- (i bounce between) ESFP / ENFP

Pronouns- she/they

Preferred gender- prefers it be male but I don't mind being matched with a female

Likes- attention, playing, writing, reading, watching movies, quiet strolls around the beach, swimming, sweets

Dislikes- being ignored (not getting attention), being bored, being left out, spicy food.

Height- 5'3 (158 cm) -i'm proud to be 2cm under chuuya

Love language- touch

Aesthetic- childish soft. (fluffy dresses, stickers, stuffies, soft fluffy things like blankets and rugs, skirts, hoodies, pink, purple, blue in brighter shades)

physical experience- wavy, mildly long brown hair with natural red/blond highlights (a few unnatural streaks of rose though). brown eyes, I'm a ghost child (iron deficiency is fun T_T), I tend to wear a more natural makeup look so no none-little eyeliner, sometimes a lighter unnatural pink for the lips but I mostly stick to nude colors, curvy but fit.

personality desc- I'm loud, act like a child,( "fun to be around" - my bestie's quote about me.) I can have pretty heavy mood swings. I forgive everything, (i mean I seriously can't hold a grudge for longer than a day...) kind, gentle, outgoing (at times). I like to think there is good in everybody. I always try to appear happy and joyful under a smile. I'm the book smart yet strangely idiotic caffeine gremlin in the friend group.

[ pls idk you both irl and somehow ship you guys help me🚶‍♂�� ]

I match you with...

Ranpo Edogawa

🍡  Honestly, you two are perfect for each other - the love language, “acting like a child”, attention. You both are there for each others’ needs - no matter what it is! *ahem*

🍡  Let me tell you, he finds you beautiful no matter what :) he doesn’t seem the type to care about looks but your wavy hair, eyes and face (make up or no makeup) - you’re still hella pretty to him 

🍡  You both enjoy sweets and so decide to buy them for each other. He’s suck for cuddles, hugs and anything as long as you’re giving attention to him, if you need, he’s gonna give you them no matter. Those cases are.. Boring anyways.

🍡  He’s an INTP while you’re an ESFP/ENFP - Opposite here yet you still enjoy each other quite a lot, in the Wan, it’s shown for him to be shy around certain people so I feel like you might cheer him up from that.

🍡  He loves how kind, forgiving and outgoing you can be since people in this world are barely like that ://

🍡  Please hug him. He might just randomly call you out and kiss you, right in front of the whole Agency... Welp-

🍡  He enjoys teasing you since you don’t hold many grudges but will make sure he doesn’t cross the limit

🍡  You share your food - I guess you both might have the same taste in food, if no, you still recommending different sweets, etc.

🍡  You both hate to get bored and so he prefers taking you out to solve cases with him or just small dates

🍡  Also loves how well you get along with everyone (especially the ADA members) since they’re very close to his heart and you are too

Songs

🧁  love affair - umi

🧁  crush - tessa voilet 

🧁  waste my time with you - anna sofia

🧁  are you bored, yet? - wallows, ft. sofia

🧁  play date - melanie martinez

🧁  hooked - why don’t we

🧁  is it love? - jordy

Messy Layout

[the100-shit]

I took notes while watching 6x03:

ITS CHRIS ARGENT

Clarke looking relieved as FUCK when Murphy breathed has me choked up he might hate her but she just wants everyone alive and healthy pls leave her alone

Emori's hand on him all protectively- gotta get me a s/o like that

@ raven pls shut up

CLARKE IS THE LEADER BELLAMY SAID SO FUCK OFF RAVEN UR REALLY TESTING MY MFING PATIENCE MAN

Clarke trusting Bellamy's "I promise" even though last time he said that he broke the promise has me a lil emotional

We back on that past commanders shit already? Omfg

Diyoza listening to Gaia tell Madi abt the flame & it's religion is me listening to most men trying to explain feminism

I love sassy Madi psa

CLARKE MEETING A DOG IM ACTUALLY CRYING

Clarke's bruises have me um so sad

Bellamy is literally going to send Octavia spiraling again can he just back off

"IM PRETTY SURE IM GOING TO HELL" MEANS HES GONNA TRY TO REDEEM HIMSELF AND FORGIVE CLARKE RIGHT LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS TO FORGIVE HER AND QUIT BEING A TWAT AND THEN RAVEN WILL FOLLOW HIS LEAD RIGHT

R they doing group yoga?

Jordan said: 😍

HARPER TOLD JORDAN PRINCESS STORIES

Jordan said: 👀

Clarke said: 😏

Me @ the Gabriel dudes: y'all wtf?

YES OCTAVIA GO GET SHIT DONE THATS MY GIRLIE

Shots shots shots shots

THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BEING SO PARENTAL OF JORDAN I THOUGHT I WAS READY FOR THIS DYNAMIC BUT I WASNT MY HEART IS BURSTING

SJDJSKSJEHHEJSBEHEHE CLARKES IN A DRESS SHES IN A DRESS EVEEYONE LOOK SHES INA. DRESS DJDKSIEHHWBWJQJHSBSBSHSJ THEY LOVE HER SO MUCH DID U SEE THEM THEYRE LIKE "huff f u Clarke ur so terrible" ALL SHES GOTTA DO IS PUT A DRESS ON AND THEYRE LIKE 😍😍😍😍😍

Ok so Murphy literally seeing hell can't convince him to learn forgiveness ok.

OK SASSY CLARKE SAID FUCK U MURPH

Clarke is so pretty I wish I was her

I've been waiting for that princess over the balcony sunset shot for weeks & I'm not disappointed

THE DOG IS BACK!

Aw clarkey loves Food

Yo wtf

Ok wtf

Oh my god wtf

LEAVE CLARKE ALOne

Im so stressed what's going on

Oh my god get over it it was 125 years ago Jesus fuck

Aw Bellamy is such a dad ❤️ swooping in & saving his daughter

HOLY SHIT

Octavia's literally gonna kill everyone

Bellamy said: ok bye bitch

Jordan's deadass In Love

AW THAT WAS HIS FIRST KISS AW

OH MY GPD SHES DEADASS LIKE LETS FUVK

Ok wait WHAT THE HELL

Ok fuck we get it death to primes pls shut the fuck up

The Abby and Murphy scene just shot me back to "it's Abby... I have to." & Now I'm crying

Clarke's on her way to scold her son.

Hey there Delilah what's it like kissing a virgin you're a million light-years away but girl tonight u look so pretty

Aw Clarke is such a mom ❤️ swooping in and saving her son

Ok so clarke's gonna save everyone, again, hm no one's shocked.

Oh dear God what's happening now

ROSE!

"PRINCESS CLARKE" FUCK YEAH!!!! FUCK! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH

Miller defending Clarke :,)

Aw jordy's upsetti spaghetti

Aw Huggies we love them

HM CLARKE SAVING EVERYONE: AGAIN. NO ONE IS SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh holy shit what's happening

LEAVE DIYOZA ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok wtfwtfwtfwfw

[justalittlelitnerd]

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

"No mourners. No funerals."

God I don’t even know where to begin with this book. I guess I’ll begin with being honest: I fully expected to not like this book. In fact going into it I wasn’t even convinced I would finish it. I can’t really explain to you why that is since I didn’t really know what it was about. I think it was because of how often I saw people post about it. 

Now obviously I don’t have anything against fandoms because I love (most) fandoms and think they are great and I love being a part of them, but something about fandoms for books instills a sense of caution in me. So I approached this book with the kind of hesitation usually reserved for approaching strange animals that may or may not bite you before running away. 

But eventually (obviously) I gave in partly because with each post my patience wore away a little more and partly because enough people who’s bookish opinions I’ve grown to trust recommended it to me, but mostly because a copy was readily available at my library and when I saw it I thought what the heck.

I have never been so happy to have been so wrong. I am only disappointed that my own stubborn nature stopped me from reading this book long ago. Don’t be like me. Don’t be a fool. Please go read this book and enjoy all that Bardugo has to bestow.

Now that the truth is out, I’m still not sure where to begin. 

Do I start with the fact that so much happened in the course of the story, but also not enough? So I’m left in that limbo of wanting more, but not wanting the story to end (I know I’m not the only one who draws out reading a series because the thought of closing the door on that world (at least canonically) even if it’s temporary while waiting for the next book is excruciating). I want to live in that space where there are so many possibilities and every one is alive. But I also crave more which is why I immediately went to Tumblr to look at Six of Crow posts after I finished the novel.

“I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath." - Matthias (pls don’t tell me what I already (possibly) know/fear)

Or do I start with the world that Bardugo has so precisely created? A world that is somehow at once familiar and unfamiliar. Every moment I thought I had a grasp on the word that these characters inhabit Bardugo would remind me that it is not my world, but something a little different, a little better, a little worse. It’s a world that I wanted to recognize my own in but at the same time I wanted it to be vastly different because I read to escape the world we live in. I wouldn’t say that it is a magical world, but it has a little magic in it and that balance is hard to strike, but Bardugo does so skillfully and without hesitation.

“For a second Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world." - Kaz 

Really I want to start with the characters, but if I did that I would never talk about anything else. The book describes them as “a gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse,” but they are so much more than that. 

Kaz, the tough (supposedly badass) leader of a raucous band of hooligans but is really just a scared, traumatized little boy who’s in love with a girl but just can’t even.

“The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie’s voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome. You, Inej. You.” - Kaz

“He needed to tell her...what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he'd begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. He needed to thank her for his new hat.”

Jesper, my dear, sweet, not so innocent but all too cute, Jesper. Jesper is amazing simply because he is a cinnamon roll wrapped in an enigma. He so easily could’ve been placed simply for comedic effect, but Bardugo let’s him be so much more. He is college educated (a fact that sometimes falls to the wayside) and a gunslinger with a penchant for gambling, a knack for losing, and a weakness for naive boys names Wylan.

"Stop being dense. You're cuter when you're smart." - Jesper

“Maybe I liked your stupid face” - Jesper to Wylan

Wylan, my poor bby, if I could choose any of the characters to just wrap up in my arms for a quick cuddle it would be Wylan. I feel like the poor boy needs it considering he was only really brought along as a hostage and really so he could be Jesper’s love interest (because how unfair would it be if Jesper didn’t have a love interest). I don’t know if I have ever met a character that is so smart yet sweetly dumb and I don’t know if I would ever want to meet another because no one can pull it off like Wylan can.

“Who’s Mark?” - Wylan proving he doesn’t know anything about being bad

Nina and Matthias, the enemies turned friends turned something more turned enemies and so on. They deserve individual comments, but this post is getting long and they were my least favorite of the 6 and therefore get the short end of the stick. Also it’s hard to discuss one without discussing the other because they are so wrapped up in each other from long before I entered their world. I both love and hate their relationship. I hate it because it is by far the most toxic of the three presented (if you think Inej and Kaz are more toxic pls fight me) and the circles they run is exhausting. I understand why their relationship is the way it is and why it is a part of the story and its complexity is what I love because it does show that love, like the world, is not very pretty or kind or nice or always right, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

“She wouldn’t wish love on anyone. It was the guest you welcomed, and then couldn’t be rid of.” - Literally the most accurate description of their relationship ever

And, finally, Inej. I didn’t expect Inej to be my favorite. Coming out of the novel I might have been apt to say that Jesper was (what can I say I love the quirky sidekick - re: Stiles from Teen Wolf). But now it’s two weeks later and I find myself drawn to her character again and again. She is smart and witty and has overcome (quite literally) every obstacle thrown at her. 

"They would learn to fear her, and they would know her by her name. The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true." - Inej

She has the most brushes with death in the novel and somehow comes back even stronger. 

“I’ll die on my feet with a knife in my hand” - Inej

She doesn’t fall at the feet of the man that she loves, but instead calls him the boy he is and demands more. 

"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." - Inej

She is not only an empowering female role model, but a badass who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

“If I want to watch men dig holes to fall into, I’ll find myself a cemetery” - Inej

But mostly she is the hero we all deserve and I’m just a little (okay a lot) bitter that she was subjected the the trope of damsel in distress because she deserves so much more than that and so I hope that is handled well in the sequel (this may explain some of my apprehension in reading Crooked Kingdom). 

"For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too." - Inej

If you have never listened to another of my recommendations, please listen to this one: read this book. If you hate it, that’s fine, I guess, but I think that it will still be worth the read.

[rationalthings]

Hey. Jordy. Hey Jordy. Hey. Hey. All the numbers you haven’t done please 😊

Ugh you suck houses

1. Are looks important in a relationship?Based off of previous relationships, no 2. Are relationships ever worth it?I would like to think so, but so far no3. Are you a virgin?No lmao4. Are you in a relationship?No lmao 6. Are you single this year?Yes lmao7. Can you commit to one person?Absolutely 8. Describe your crushMmmm nah no thanks they know lmao ((also beautiful and amazing))9. Describe your perfect mateLike friend????? Idk someone that doesnt hate me lmao10. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lowkey yes but also nah bc thats ridiculous(br /> 12. Do you forgive betrayal?Constantly, it has backfired on me numerous times14. Do you have a crush on anyone?Hella lmao15. Do you have any piercings?Yeah, normal ear lobes and nose 16. Do you have any tattoos?Yep, triceratops on my thigh and a deathly hallows on the inside of my foot 17. Do you like kissing in public?Definitely, but not like so much that it grosses everyone out yknow 20. Do you shower every day?I shower after sport, so nearly every day i guess 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Definitely 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?The aim is married by 26 so probably not 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I dont think so? 28. Have you ever been cheated on?No, not that i know of, thankfully 29. Have you ever cheated on someone?No 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?Yes, considered getting smaller boobs so i can actually dance 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?More times than I’d care to admit32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Lmao so many times 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?Yes34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Yes 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?So many times lmao 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yes lmao 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I dont think so? Maybe not approved of but not hated 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes lmao 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes lmao, everyone who hasnt wanted me ever lmao 41. Have you had sex so far this year?Yes 43. How long was your longest relationship?Just over 2 years 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?2 boyfriends 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?1 lmao 46. How many times did you have sex last year?Maybe like a 3 times? 47. How old are you?19 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Sounds about right lmao 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?Don’t have one right at this moment 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? So many people. Literally any of my friends, I’d do anything they wanted me to 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yes, because they gave up on me first 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?No?? 54. Is there someone you will never forget?Yes, so many 55. Share a relationship story.God idk, i dont really have any stories that arent mildly sad. I guess the reason my last bf and i started dating is because he made really good banana bread?? 56. State 8 facts about your body8??!! So many idkI’m 5 foot 5, chubby, blue hair, brown eyes, hips dont work, back is constantly sore, wonky eyebrows, button nose 58. What are five ways to win your heart?Idk just attention and actually liking me i dont need anything else 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Ugh there are pictures on my tagged/me or whatever i have tagged. I havent changed other than in hair colour in about 5 years 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?3 years between me and a boyfriend 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?How kind they are 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?Honestly I’m a sucker for absent minded running of fingers down my back/leg etc 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?Idk honestly, still trying to figure that out 64. What is your definition of cheating?When you’re emotionally involved with someone else or have become emotionally uninvolved with your partner i think 66. What is your favourite roleplay?Idk I’ve never tried any?? 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Being with someone who actually likes my company lmao. I dont mind what activity it is 68. What is your sexual orientation?Bisexual 70. What turns you on?Turning someone else on 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Honest to god i dont think I’ve ever had a wet dream i remember 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?Idk my name i guess, that they’re enjoying it or something idk I’m too inexperienced lmao 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Idk, like me for a start, that’d be nice 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?As in like that i want in a partner?????? Idk I’d just like to not date terrible people? 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Depends on the relationship 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?Idk man I’ll tell anyone anything if they ask 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?God idk constantly of every friend i ever have talking to someone else, I’m v insecure lmao ((i have gotten better though i stg)) 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Literally seconds ago, i tell everyone as much as i can 81. Who are five people you find attractive?God idk most people i know are attractive wtf 82. Who is the last person you hugged?Sister i think?? It was a pity hug bc I’m still drunk lmao 83. Who was your first kiss with?My first boyfriend 84. Why did your last relationship fail?Because i realised i needed more and deserved more than i was getting 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Likeeeeeeeeee idk probably not honestlyStill v drunk, pls message if you want explanation lmaoooooooo

[zahrathedreameer]

Spoiler review :Six of crows by  Leigh bardugo

My REACTION WHILE READING IT :oh god what have i done to myself ; what have i done to my sanity 

This bloody masterpiece gave me everything i wanted in this life !!i’m so glad like so amazingly glad i read the grisha trilogy first before diving into Soc , i  wanted to fathom the world deeply so i can enjoy the masterpiece as much as i should !! i had a strong feeling that SOC gonna be my truly bookish masterpiece and as always ; my intuition did not betray me !! As i always keep saying ; the most wonderful thing about books is that you can measure the smartness of the authors throughout their stories !! and hey let me tell u !! leigh has just  a hellish smart mind .

 So naturally i’m a sucker of villains and brutality ; i just enjoy so much the complexity of their personalities . somehow they have always this twisted back story that keep you on  the edge of your seat  and  let you attached emotionally to them .

So this book is about a six mind twisted  kick ass dudes mainly driven by greed and the unbearable obstacles they faced before joining the famous gang * the dregs * .

So the crew is basically guided by the loveliest viciously badboy ever and the breaker of hearts clearly !! KAZ BREKKER ; *breathhard* *controlurself* . How can i describe him ; how can i describe this fictional character that hollowed out my heart insanely !! 

As i mentioned before , i read this book, becuz of a fanart of kaz brekker i saw in insta and holy moly , i don’t regret a shred of my decision . can we sit a moment and admire this treasure !! i got a fetish for this .

He’s smart as fuck hot as fuck viciously mad as fuck greedy as fuck everything about him is attractive as fuck .

HE’S THE  BEST GRAY CHARACTER I’VE EVER READ ABOUT BEFORE LIKE REALLY . somehow leigh slay beautifully the villains in her stories * despite the harsh fate that faced the darkling in her first damn trilogy * more than the good dudes .

INEJ & NINA : THESE 2 PIES  HAD MY HEART ALREADY ? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH , how they are so sassy and ready to sacrifice everything for the sake of the friendship that combined them . i just love how everyone is so protective of the other !!Mattias :my cutie naive person that did not  betray my expectations of him��without  forgetting  for sure wylan and jesper and how they were hilariously cute together and added more fun to the story .

Ladies and gentlemen pls it’s the proper time to discuss the main romance here : Okay i love slow burning romance and i hate insta-love shitty love triangles too .So this relationship had my heart ; my soul ; everything ughhhhh their scenes were so fucking emotional and let me weeping like an  idiot .Their relationship is GOAL !! i can’t wait for them in the second book ugh!

“I want you to stay. I want you to … I want you.” “You want me.” She turned the words over. Gently, she squeezed his hand. “And how will you have me, Kaz?” He looked at her then, eyes fierce, mouth set. It was the face he wore when he was fighting. “How will you have me?” she repeated. “Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?”“I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”

Guys this scene , like i wanted him so badly to do something  although his reaction was perfectly imperfect which is perfect *whutamisaying* !!! this just explain how kaz’s persona is so complex and explain pretty much how the things that endured before influenced on his emotions .

“Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?”

OKAY i’m a sad potato right now !!! this ‘treasure of  my heart ‘ melted my heart !

THE PLOT TWISTS WERE PERFECT AND TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE !! I LOVED EVERYTHING !!Especially the one about pekka rollins , i thought kaz killed him especially with the blood that was on his t shirt !! BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT KAZ WAS MORE SMARTY THAN THIS AND WANTED HIM BADLY TO SUFFER for what he’s done to HIS BROTHER JORDIE . i loved all the characters like even the villains even brum ; per haskel ; pekka rollins . they were so 3 dimensional… HOW LEIGH PORTRAYED THEM IS JUST PERFECT !

I adored the worldbuilding even more than the shadow and bone trilogy !! what are u waiting for just go read this bloody masterpiece !!

Goodreads : www.goodreads.com/callmezara

[nyandom]

Introduction of the Members

Yuki: A page dedicated to this is still under works so for now, we’ll be introducing the members via text post.

Elo: The members are arranged from who joined MEOW first to the last.

Jordan

Nicknames: Jordy, Superman, Freaking Disgrace (FD), and Mama

Posts including Jordan will be tagged with #jordan.

He is the oldest member of the group and is considered as the Mother of Meow. Of course, being an adult means having a job is part of the package. This becomes one of the main reasons for his lengthy absences in the group. But even so, he had kept everyone in his thoughts. He even sent his friend, Edzon, to check on the members so that he’ll be able to know how they were doing while he’s at work (which was how Edzon became a member). His confidence levels are off-charts especially on the topic of his charm and looks. It is worth noting that the amount of hearts he has broken just by turning around is limitless. He also has a cool temper that will take a lot before bursting. But when it does burst, he can be terrifying. However, like Elora, he doesn’t hold grudges for too long and will apologize. That aside, he is a patient and caring friend. He’d give advice and do his best to help someone in a bind. That is why no matter how long the period between each of his rare visits, the members would always patiently wait for him filled with just as much anticipation as they had the last time.

Yuki: His confidence is so high I’d call it pride. But I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t a bit envious or fond of it. He’s got moves too (also one of the things I’m jealous of). With all the wise words and guidance he’d drop on us like some sort of nuclear bomb in WWII, it’s easy to forget that he too can be fragile at times.

Sophia

Nicknames: Yukiko, Yuki, Snowie, Sunshine and Granny

Posts including Sophia will be tagged with #yuki.

She’s a religious gal with a caring heart. Do not be fooled by her seemingly aloof appearance for she is a huge, clumsy dork. Remember not to aggravate her. Her strength is a force to be reckoned with. She tries to be more fit, often sparking the fire in the rivalry between her and Derek. Even with that fact, she still eats a lot of spicy food, sometimes going out of her way to drown her ulam in chili. She is a fashionista at heart, despite what she lets on. Last to enter a fandom and the last one to leave it. She is also fond of jokes, puns being one of her favorite types. Loyal and loving, she’ll stay a friend through the toughest of times. She also enjoys minimalistic art and Pinterest.

Elo: Well that was way easier to write than I expected.

Yuki: You darn lil sweetheart, you pressured me.

Elo: Oops, sorry bby.

Elora

Nicknames: E, Elo, Eloroll, Ero-chan, Zurithia Xeliquana, Iron Board and Zuri

Posts including Elora will be tagged with #zuri.

This charming chocoholic has caught the often unwanted eyes of lots of boys (and sometimes girls) at her school. It is really no wonder why for her sweetness is as great as the chocolates she loves so dearly. It reaches to a point that most of the time, she can’t bring her heart to straight up tell someone annoyingly hitting on her when she’s a little too tired for a chat. She’s a fond of sweets but she’s even more fond of salty food. She’s very supportive of her friends and is usually lively. Her greatest weaknesses include cute things and spicy food. She can be forgetful at times and she really hates it when people say anything about her height. But it’s hard for her to stay mad at anyone for too long. It’s in her nature. She’s a very loving, thoughtful, and optimistic friend that lots of people would definitely fight for to befriend and to keep happy. One can always, always count on her to make anyone feel better even without words.

Yuki: She loves shipping countries and musicals too. Definitely an active tumblerist. Sinnamon roll. Ya think she’s just all cute? Yes, she is. An alpha sister being tough and cool. But know this, if she ever did something to you, believe me when I say it’s going to be very hard to be angry at her for more than 3 minutes and if she’s ever sad, you’d kill to turn that frown upside down. She’s that easy to love and hard to drop which is often a bother to both of us because some people who really won’t drop her end up choking her.

Elo: *SCREAMING* BBY WHY??? OMG PLS MY SINS- YOU SAY YOU GOT PRESSURED BUT YOU BUST OUT THIS FANFIC! THIS WENT TOO DEEP > /// < MAYDAY MAYDAY ELOROLL HAS LOST CONTACT

Yuki:  Love you.

Maricris

Nicknames: Mari, Chrissy, and Leonia

Posts including Maricris will be tagged with #mari.

An intelligent and academically competitive student. But don’t you think she’s plain and dull just because of her passion for science. The dancer deep within her is anything but that. Not only is she great with keeping up with the music but she’s also a great actress and singer. Though she freezes up when it comes to singing in front of crowds, she has no problem showcasing her wonderful talent in theater and dancing. Her love for food is only bounded by chocolate and ruled by pretzels.

Yuki: Real fun and amazing person to discuss with about debatable topics—social, religious, political, scientific—anything. She’s got great facts to give away too. She becomes very enthusiastic when it comes to the people she’s got a crush on too. By the way, she’s the one who made our header.

Elo: Doesn’t she have just the most awesome editing skills??? :DDD

Hanna

Nicknames: Nee-tan, Sharina, and Flour

Posts including Hanna will be tagged with #hanna.

She’s a junior high school classmate of Elora’s. She’s fond of cute things and is very fickle. Once she likes another thing, she’ll immediately switch to that. She also likes makeup and trying out different hairstyles. She doesn’t often get to do either though due to her religion, Islam. She has a boyfriend named Paul who thinks that her small stature is adorable. Despite her height, she tries to be badass, often failing. As a way to prove that she is indeed badass, she plays League of Legends.

Elo: The friends whom she often plays with say that she is not good at the game. Whether she is good or not remains to be seen.

Yuki: She good a dancer. The variety of the hijabs she wear each day and how she copes with the heat never fails to amaze me.

Elo: Ooh! Building up on that, she rarely takes off her jacket. Like, even in scorching hot weather. She says it’s hotter with it off??? She really doesn’t like direct sunlight.

Miles

Nicknames: Derek, and Derk

Posts including Derek will be tagged with #derek.

An aspiring researcher with a beautiful singing voice. He’s an avid fan of Eurovision and has been trying to improve his art skills. He’s an ambitious young lad with great determination for his goals and living a healthy life is one of them (just like the competitive Sophia). He can be a bit prideful of himself sometimes but he’s just a huge loveable dork with big dreams and good amount of belief in oneself.

Yuki: Family friend since first grade, really fun guy. Quite the eccentric - one of the major requirements for the group. He’s a minecraft former SU fan kid by the way.

Edzon

Nicknames: Eddy, Alistaire, Ali, the most handsome person you will ever meet, and Alien

Posts including Edzon will be tagged as #eddy.

He’s a jokester with a habit of flirting with people he’s interested in. It seems like his style of joking consists of well-cultivated jokes that often times leave one thinking. Jordan and Edzon are known to have been classmates at one point in time. His location as of now is unknown as he often flies off to one place or another, possibly due to his job.

Elo: He’s also fond of using kaomojis with English characters such as (but not limited to): - w - , - o - , and e - e.

Yuki: His confidence is as annoying as FD’s. Pretty laidback but when it comes to people who mean a lot to him, he’s quite the opposite. He can be thoughtful at times though. He wasn’t much of an FB user but according to his friends, he’d become a little more active in it ever since he became a part of the group.

Elo: He’s also really sweet! <3

Rudy

Nicknames: Piece of Crud (PC)

Posts including Rudy will be tagged as #rudy.

He’s a Korean who is twins with Ruby. He has been known to roleplay (in fact, that’s how he and Elora met!). He often portrays himself as mean and perverted. But from the observations of the group members, he’s a sweetheart who just doesn’t want to get close to anyone in fear of being left alone.

Elo: He’s a real piece of work, he is. At his worst, he could kill a man. He has been suspended for fighting with his the principal’s son of his school. However, the said son threatened to hurt Ruby. You can imagine what happened next. At his best however, he’s the nicest, most thoughtful person ever. He even saved all the pictures that was sent in MEOW (even if he denies it.)

Yuki: Real life tsundere boi. He’s a brutal prankster too. Oh and surprising fact, he dances ballet. Actually, he dances a variety of styles but still, ballet.

Ruby

Nicknames: Gemmie

Posts including Ruby will be tagged as #ruby.

The angel of the group that rarely goes online but not as rare as the adults, Jordan and Edzon. She’s the female of the Kang twins and just like Rudy, she loves and cares about her sibling just as much as he does even though she’s the usual target of Rudy’s freaky pranks.The only difference is, she’s a lot more open and honest about that part. She doesn’t like it when her brother gets judged too quickly and she’s always the first to defend him. She rarely gets mad at anyone but when she does, it can be quite unsettling. She holds grudges but forgiveness is not something that’s hard to come by her. Nevertheless, she’s the sweetest and purest person in the group and the guilt will haunt you for the rest of your days if you’ve ever mader her upset.

Yuki:  Angel is no exaggeration cuz she literally is one. It’s really hard to make her mad, just to let you know( as long as it’s not about her brother that is) so don’t worry ‘bout her hating you. Like Rudy, she dances too and she’s got a knack at it..

Aimee

Nicknames: Aim, Shotgun, and Gun

Posts including Aimee will be tagged as #shotgun.

She’s the youngest and newest member of the group. A great artist. Much is yet to be known by her and prior to Miles's request (and interest), she was added. We've had our doubts about her but looking back, our conditions are pretty much better than the ones Rudy has put us all through. And so far, the group have had quite a grand time with the lass and are looking forward to get to know the fun little gal more.

Elo: We will link her art blog here once she makes one! (If we fail to do so, someone please remind us.)

Yuki: Very great artist. Had a DA once but she gan move here now—internet’s hell hole.

[just-jordie-things]

Just Friends (part five) - Stiles Stilinski

a/n: very triggering content, abuse, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts to come.  little stiles+y/n in this chapter.  also swearing

You’d woken up earlier than you usually do.  On a normal school day, you’d be out of bed and getting ready around six.  It wasn’t even five o’clock yet.  But you’d been up, trying to find a good outfit for about fifteen minutes now.

For some reason, your regular attire of jeans and a tee shirt just didn’t seem right to wear.  And somehow, you ended up looking at a skirt and sweater with tights.  You couldn’t recall the last time you even wore a skirt.  Perhaps your great aunt’s wedding... although it was when you were five.

You bounded down the stairs in a ponytail and an outfit that made you feel pretty.  Your body danced in the kitchen while making yourself an egg, knowing Stiles was going to bring you a doughnut and coffee.  You smiled at the thought while turning on the stove.  You were excited to see him.  Even though you saw him everyday.  Something about seeing him today just seemed important and  much more electrifying.

“What’s the fuckin’ ruckus” You turned, seeing Jerry standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Good morning, I’m making breakfast” You said as kindly as you could.  “Would you like an-”

“No as a matter of fact I don’t” He said gruffly, and walking to the kitchen, and opening the fridge.

“Is mom at work?”

“You know damn well she left a while ago” He said, popping off the lid to a bottle of beer  You didn’t say anything.  Just put your sunny side up egg onto your plate.  You turned off the stove, set the pan to the side, and heading into the dining room.  You sat alone at the table, slicing off a piece of your breakfast, and you were about to eat it when Jerry came dragging his feet in.  “You won’t be getting a ride to school today, you’ll have to walk”

“I have my own car” You said quietly.  “But Stiles is coming to get me-”

“I’m sorry” He lowered his beer, peering at you with narrowed eyes.  “What was that? Was that back talk?”

“No I’m just saying it’s-”

“GOD FUCK!” You jumped, and didn’t even process what happened, just realized there was glass being shattered at your feet.  You yelped, but quickly wished you hadn’t.  It only seemed to upset him more.  “I treat you with kindness, I work to put a roof over your damn head, I offer to drive you to school” He growled, and you stood fast, backing up.  But not quick enough.  Jerry moved with one stride, gripping your jaw and moving you backwards, your body slammed into the wall, and you yelled out in pain once more.  “You’re an ungrateful bitch” He growled, and tears streamed your cheeks uncontrollably.

“I really didn’t-”

You were cut off by a stinging slap across your cheek, and you were silenced.  Out of shock, out of pain, out of fear.  Then before you could say, pr do anything, his fist collided with your eye, and again with his other hand against your jaw.  Your hand shakily raised to where Jerry’s hand had struck you across the face.

“Get the fuck out of my sight” He gritted, hand painfully tight on your arm. He threw you to the ground.  You whimpered, and barely noticed Jerry walk away.  Just heard his work boots stomping down the hall.  You scampered to your feet and clambered up the stairs as fast as you could manage.  

You wandered into the bathroom, planning to take a shower.  But your eyes wandered into the mirror.  Tears blurred your vision at the ghastly reflection before you. 

Your eye was already a light purple and puffing up.  And a large blue mark was blooming across your jawline and up your cheek.  Your arm was pulsating as it got darker than your eye.  Your tears fell, and soon enough you broke down with choking sobs.  

Why did you even bother? Why’d you even try today? You backed up until your back hit the shower.  Why’d you dress nice? What was the point you looked just as broken and worthless. as you always had.

You sunk slowly to the ground, no longer caring about taking a shower.  Not like it could wash away this bad feeling anyways.

~~~

“Hey, y/n so I’ve been standing outside your house knocking...” Your eyes blinked open, light from the window blinding you.  “I was just wondering if maybe you’re sleeping still? Should I come in?” You propped up on your elbows, seeing Stiles was leaving a voicemail on your phone.  You barely remembered coming into your room and passing out on the bed.  “There’s just a few minutes before school, but if you want we could um, we could ditch” 

You fell back onto the bed, squeezing your eyes shut tight.  The bruised one stinging and bringing tears.

“Um, could you just call me, or text me whenever you get this please?” Stiles asked, and you could ear footsteps through the speaker.  He was walking away from your house.  “But I..uh..I hope I’ll see you at school” 

And then the line died.

You cried yourself back to sleep.

Why was it that every time some good to you happens.. all the bad comes back ten times worse than before?

You hated this.  You hated this feeling.  You hated this life you hated this stupid bad luck you hated this room this house.  You hated Jerry you hated your weakness you hated your anxiety.  You hated school you hated your car you hated your phone.  You hated yourself you hated-

No, no you didn’t hate him.  You didn’t hate Stiles.

You couldn’t hate him, how could you? The one person who knew your well being before you did.  All you’d wanted was that, someone who cared about you, that wouldn’t leave you.  All you’d done was push him away.  You let him in, told him stories of your life and showed him parts of you that you barely knew existed.  He gave you a light that you never thought was possible.  He made you feel warm for the first time in what felt like forever.

Not that that could change anything.  Wasn’t like he was going to stick around long anyways.  He’d leave eventually, just like everyone else.

Except this time, you really wished he wouldn’t.

You opened your eyes, gaze landing on your phone, still resting on the blankets beside you.  Not ten minutes ago, Stiles’ warm and sweet voice was echoing from it.  Comforting you, and he hadn’t even known it.

Your hand slowly retrieved your phone, checking the time.  It was already into first period, he was already in class.

But you called him back anyways.

“Hey! This is Stiles, sorry I couldn’t pick up the phone, I’m probably watching Star Wars.  But leave a message, and if I like you, I’ll call you back.  Beep!” You almost smiled at the way he made the beep sound before the voice box did.

“St-Stiles” You said his name in a cracked mixture of relief and pain.  “Sorry I-I cou-couldn’t come to sc-school t-today” You stuttered.  “I know you’re in class- I’m sorry” You added quickly with a few sniffles.  “Um I just... I just wanted to call...” You fingers picked at your bed sheets.  You sat silently on the line, unsure of what to tell him.

You just wanted to hear his voice.

“Pl-please don’t leave me” You broke.  “Please” A fresh flow of tears worked their way in streams on your cheeks.  “There’s a million better people out there for you to be friends with” You cried out.  “But for me there’s only you” The words stung your own heart.  “Stiles I-”

“The person you are trying to reach as an inbox that is full” An automated voice said, before cutting off the line.  You pulled your phone from your ear, staring at it in your hands.  Small splashes of tears fell onto the screen, and you shut it off.  It fell onto your mattress, and you crumpled onto the ground by your bed.  Ugly crying out sobs.

Why would he stay?​

tagged: @lena-lightwood hey! so i’ve never said anything about tagging people, but if there’s anything you want to be tagged in, such as this multi-part imagine or certain characters, i’m more than happy to add you :)  xoxo ~ jordie

[searchforthescars]

omg I just read your soc next gen au writing! so good! could you possibly tell me more about them?

OMG HI first of all thank you so much for reading all that - it makes me so happy and I’m so happy you liked it AAAA

Anyway, okay so I won’t bore you with all the details about the kids’ backstories (unless you want the backstories, then let me know, okay?) but I put together lists bc thats just how I roll (and they’re under a cut bc this might get long)

ALEXANDER

Basically a 18-year-old marksman with an older brother complex

Major dad friend

He’s Zemini like his da (Jesper) so he’s got the tall, dark and handsome thing going for him but he’s also suuuuuuper dorky

Still manages to get the ladies though he’s always flirting and having one night stands

When he was two he demanded that Jesper and Wylan adopt a girl so he could have a younger sister

He has a lot of strong convictions and they mostly align with justice, not vengeance

(Unless you hurt Victoria or Jordan)

He’s very street-smart but does study hard (he just doesn’t call attention to it)

Everyone knows he’s in love with the Brekker girl but he waits patiently for her to get it first

VICTORIA

Smart, sassy and sixteen

Could probably cut you with her eyes alone

Very very smart with numbers. Words confuse her but numbers are her jam

Basically runs half the Exchange along with Wylan bc that’s just how they do

She adores Alexander they’re so soft with each other he’s a good big brother

She has a scheming face but it’s not as bad as Kaz’s

She’s competitive but usually just has to compete with herself??? but she still does???

Prefers to go by “Victoria Fahey” bc she doesn’t like how “Victoria Van Eck” sounds

(Everyone still knows that she’s a Van Eck though)

JORDAN

Pls don’t call her Jordie she’ll hurt you and so will her papa

She calls her father “papa”, “da” and “father” depending on the day/mood so Kaz is always like???

Always the scheming face. Always

Grew up with stories of The Wraith even though she doesn’t know the Wraith was her mother

She carries on The Wraith’s mission, though on land, not at sea

She’d rip Ketterdam apart with her bare hands if she had to

Make plans. Is horrible at sticking to them.

Extremely empathetic.  Hates it.  Secretly doesn’t mind when it’s a good feeling.

Throws shade all day every day

Lowkey in love with her best friend but she doesn’t talk about it