#please save this man

[codgod]

“HEY ADMINS, CAN YOU DO /SLIMECICLE HAPPY? CAN YOU DO /SLIMECICLE HAPPY? CAN YOU HACK INTO MY COMPUTER AND MAKE ME WELL AGAIN?”

[mochalottie]

How much of a dummy dumb dumb do we think Jake is?

On like a scale ranging from 'laughs at his own dad jokes' to 'burning water whilst attempting to cook'?

It's for scientific research I swear.

[egophiliac]

still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)

anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)

[loganspr1ncess]

i’d suck him like a caprisun

[nightowl374art]

Posting because if I spend another second on this I will literally cry

[starry-bi-sky]

i think i'm hilarious -- aka i made blood blossom danny au memes

all of these come from my DpxDC prompt "i am pushing the batdad agenda--" and it's corresponding additions in the reblogs ksdjlf.

i am. rotating them in my head. forever and always. personally i think there should be more batdad aus in dpxdc, their dynamic could be neat. :)

[tshortik]

Mild rant from me about Hans Zimmer's involvement in Dragon Age:

I just think it's such sellout behavior to hire expensive movie composers (Zimmer is also known to be a transphobic asshole lol) known for their blockbuster soundtracks for your game when you already had the most iconic soundtrack ever for the previous installment, except the composer was lesser known.

Most people hear the swell of violins and immediately think it must be the best soundtrack ever, but if I am really honest, the DATV soundtrack so far sounds like the most generic slopfest with the laziest leitmotif I had the misfortune to hear in a long while.

Hiring people for their name alone is something I find incredibly shameful. Like I cannot even put into words how nasty it is in my eyes, because it actively takes away from lesser known creatives in the industry who could have made a name for themselves. And it doesn't matter to me if Zimmer only did the Main Theme or whatever, because in that case, it shouldn't be his name that is plastered everywhere but Balfe's! But everyone is talking about Zimmer anyway for exactly the reasons I already mentioned.

Even just the thought of how expensive this endeavor must have been... That money could have gone to other, more important places, easily. It makes the layoffs also that much more bitter in my eyes. Idk. I adore Dragon Age and I am still a huge fan and I will play it, but stuff like that make me angry. I don't need some Zimmer who has been sitting his ass on his laurels from 10 years ago in my franchise. I'd rather have a no name person, or Trevor Morris, to get a chance again.

[http-sawposting]

🫀🫀🫀

and he has come to absolve you of your sins, the sacrificial lamb weeps for it knows it’s fate is sealed

[cometrose]

zhongli is so fucking funny when hes avoiding people like venti last year and neuvillette this year he can’t catch a break he moves like they’re his ex husbands 😭

[rhupi]

" Something stupid "

- Frank sinatra

[muzsmocsing]

Svsss is the funniest book ever written and I'm tired of pretending it's not

Chapter 17 is a ride. Shen Qingqiu's non-threesome fiasco was fantastic. But while all that was happening Liu Qingge was on a whole Liam Neeson Taken journey and we need to discuss that because I can't fucking breathe:

Luo Binghe kidnaps Shen Qingqiu, Liu Qingge goes "count your days bitch", powers up to the max and singlehandedly massacres his territory.

He doesn't find his beloved frenemy coworker there but he runs into Shang Qinghua. He's about to interrogate him in the only language he's fluent in (violence) but he doesn't even get to raise a fist before he frantically spills every last detail of Shen Qingqiu's whereabouts.

After he's satisfied he's like "Nice. I shall strangle the traitor now." But the guy just falls on his knees?? And clings to Liu Qingge's thigh and just starts sobbing?? Gets snot all over his robes???

Before he can put an end to that mess, PLOT TWIST apparently Shang Qinghua has domesticated Mobei-jun while no one was looking?? All the crying and the clapping of his asscheeks alerts the demon that something's up and he comes do defend his pet hamster.

It's kind of a holdup on the rescue mission but they fight and they fully level half of Luo Binghe's crib in the process.

After that, he gets to the southern border. Fights some disgusting blood clot animals and successfully snatches his shixiong back, time for quality quiet time together! Perhaps some sparring!

But NO. The mission is too successful and got an unfortunate add-on: the weirdo bitch who slept with Shen Qingqiu's corpse for 5 YEARS came along??? The one he battled for just as long to get it back??? And now they're attached??? And trust each other???

Too tired to fight this reality he watches as the demon bastard peacefully naps on Shen Qingqiu's shoulder. Grinding his teeth.

ALL THIS IN THREE (3) PAGES.

[islawila]

dont know whats wrong with me but im pretty sure old man logan would fix it x

[ekkoh]

mj said there’s no playbook for people like them. gwen’s dad told her to do things by the book. and miles said there’s a first time for everything.

miles is gonna find his own way, and he’s gonna be the first. he’s an anomaly because he’s not doing it like anyone else. he’s doing it like him.

[egophiliac]

(looks at upcoming card releases)

I'm in danger :)

[sol-thorne-shitpost]

Still reading the Odyssey. How have I never seen anyone bring up a headcanon that Odysseus becomes scared shitless of the ocean after finally coming home to Ithaca? I'm talking mental-breakdown inducing phobia.

The man has spent TEN YEARS lost at sea. Each time he reached land, Poseidon was here to try to drown him. His twelve ships with six hundred men sunk. And later on, when Alcinoos' men sailed him back to Ithaca, Poseidon sunk that ship too. It just never ends. Odysseus has seen hundreds of men, friends, die at sea, he's been whipped by waves, choked by salt, he faced Charybdis on his own, nearly drowned more times than he can count, all of this to finally reach home knowing his journey has drowned hundreds of innocent people.

I'm telling you he'd never heal from that shit. After he finally reclaims the throne of Ithaca, maybe Telemachus mentions that some of his father's old friends are still waiting for news of him, that Nestor has no idea he managed to go home and that Menelaus weeps whenever he thinks of him.

So Odysseus agrees to follow his son to Pylos and Sparta, having to sail across the sea once again, and although the trip goes smoothly it's a living nightmare for Odysseus. The moment the ship departs, he prays Poseidon with all his might, begging him to spare his son. He can't stop puking and crying, choking on his own erratic breath, hallucinating and going paranoid. For a few days Telemachus really thinks he's fallen ill. The trip back is just as terrible and Telemachus has no idea how to comfort his father or to make him understand that the seas are safe for him now, as well as for all the people who travel with him.

Yet another reason why Odysseus needs to spend the rest of his life in a Penelope/Diomedes sandwich hug, I rest my case.

[starry-bi-sky]

my martha knight au in a nutshell:

Danny/Martha: see up here?

Danny/Martha: *taps skull*

Danny/Martha: intense psychological damage

-----------

Danny/Martha: *upon finding out she's pregnant*

Danny/Martha: oh my god i cant be a mom, I'm fifteen and homeless--

Danny/Martha: im going to be a terrible mother--

Danny/Martha: i live in a cAR--

Danny/Martha: what if the baby inherits my powers? Oh no--

-------------

Danny/Martha post giving birth: i've only had Bruce for a minute and a half but if anything were to happen to him i won't even need to fuse with Vlad, I'm razing this goddamn planet to the ground myself

Danny, to Baby Bruce: you are the last remaining thread of my sanity. I'm going to give you the world :)

---------------

Danny/Martha prior to getting pregnant: Fuck it, if everything in my life has led to this moment, i'm allowed to make one stupid decision. I'm getting drunk and getting laid

---------------

Danny/Martha while Bruce was a toddler: i swear to fucking god i am going to kill the next person who talks to me--

Bruce: hi mommy!! i brought you something!!!

Danny/Martha, immediately flipping on a dime: hi baby!! what do you have?

Bruce, a weird child like his mother: a spider :)

---------------

Danny/Martha, talking to Falcone after he made an unsavory comment at her and Bruce: If you ever come near me or my son again, I will dig up your shithead father's corpse and make you eat his skin.

Danny/Martha: do you understand me

Falcone:... crystal, ma'am

---------------

Danny/Martha new in Gotham: *getting mugged*

Danny/Martha: *grabs man's arm*

Danny/Martha: I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF LIKE A TWIG, FUCK BOY, DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH--

(she then proceeds to terrorize Gotham's night life for the next extended period of time, mostly unintentionally)

---------------

Danny/Martha: Danny Fenton?? No. you must be mistaken, my name is Martha Knight.

Danny/Martha: this here is my littlest knight, Bruce.

Danny/Martha: I made him all by myself :]