#please note that this is not a bad thing because that’s the exact same vibe kh gives and I love it lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nerves-nebula · 2 years ago

Note

OKAY HIII I'M BACK AND I BINGED A LOT MORE OF RISE TMNT AND YOOO??? I AM HERE TO GUSH ABOUT IT

SIDE NOTE BEFORE EVERYTHING I SAY THEY WENT SO FUCKIN HARD ON THE ANIMATION OMG IT IS STUNNING AMAZING SUPERB!!! HOW DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD AND AESTHETICS AND ?? I WANT TO CHEW DEVOUR BITE BITE ABSORB IT

(break down and thoughts and everything below.SORRY THAT ITS LONG I AMM. OBSESSED. THIS IS LIKE A WHOLE PAPER ON THEM SORRY BUT NOT FULLY SORRY BUT SORRY)

After the first half of the first season (? i am using a totally definitely legal sight that does each episode as 11 minutes and I'm on what it says is episode 38, if one actual episode is two of those 11 minute ones then I'm guessing I'm around episode 19?)

Maybe earlier than that BUT LIKE AFTER THEY SET UP THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN???? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG HOW DID I NOT WATCH THIS EARLIER??

Raph is so cool Love him, like he's big and spiky and probably the softest in terms of open outwardly affection towards the group (he does the most group hugs I'm pretty sure? if not HEADCANNON that when they were little and any of them had a bad dream Raph got everyone into a little turtle pile and they could hug it out and feel safe)

Leo!!!!! I AM GETTING SOME OF THE GENDER VIBES!! So far his character feels the least dove into? Like Donnie has episodes where his character is a focus and so does Mikey and Raph to an extent but so far Leo feels more like part of a duo rather than fully solidifying his own persona (to me and I'm no where near done the show SO that most likely changes!) BUT ALSO that feels like it adds to his character in terms of I think he's the second oldest?

(I thought Donnie was the second oldest but hmmm if they're more like twins than the rest of the brothers then it kinda feels like they both tried to be the protective second oldest sibling and the second youngest at the same time and rapidly switch between each other, but like clash heads if both try to fill that role at the same time? MIGHT be head canon stuff at this point, but I need to watch more to find out. Leo DEF has something going on, like please Mx. can you reveal your hidden secret self that isn't based entirely on how we see you interact with others? like who do you think you are Leo...)

Mikey! What a fun guy, he's like. The same vibes as that "I'm just a little man, just a little man and it's my birthday. You wouldn't hurt a little birthday boy would you? on his very big special birthday day? I'm such a little guy why hurt me?". Head empty no thoughts, he's got the DVD screen saver (corner bouncer) playing on loop and probs the THX loud effect. I hope he gets more time to shine because he kinda feels like he swaps between being just for comedy and someone that wants to prove themself(which would then help them feel better about themself and improve their own self worth and stuff)

DONNIE!! MY GUY DONNIE!! HOW DID THEY MAKE A CHARACTER SO BITABLE. MY MAN IS AUTISM. HE IS MY AUTISM CREATURE. <- I thought his design was cool at first and then I saw him exist

Donnie is so character though like sorry to the rest of the turtles but Donnie is going to be my new blorbo, new little skrunkle that I'll probably project onto. He has all the issues and none of them. He has that "no one understands how my mind works and I must study other's and the world just to be partially accepted" vibes WHILE ALSO having "the world will adapt to me. If not through understanding, then my force" sorta vibes and ? the range! He's dynamic, he's wild, he probably orders the exact same thing at one specific restaurant if he's ordering for one.

APRIL!! YO SHE IS GREAT! I love how we learn more about her slowly like she's a character living her own life that happens to appear in this show, like I'd fully expect her to have a show on her own and her here is cross overs (compliment). So happy to see where they go next with her, I am like a cheer leader she can do no wrong. She could plan to kill me and I'd give her a thumbs up and say that she should believe in herself and her ability to cultivate her own life. SAD that the people at her school aren't nice, but I feel like that adds to the whole "oh the outsider must be lying about who they are if they act like someone else when not in school/[insert environment] vibes/story lines some things get into. Like we fully understand why she acts like that and get a more objective perspective of everything. She makes me feral in the sense that I want her to have the world (she also reminds me of my younger sister xD)

I also am so thrilled to see that NOT all or most of the main human cast is white. Like that's a huge think that sucks with western animation and honestly the first episode having the white guy be the first experiment and overall kinda dumb was so cathartic. Like yeah, ANYWAYS we don't need to get into my personal issues xD

All of the turtle brothers have obvious/noticeable behaviours impacted/caused/influenced by trauma and GROWLING SHAKING SCREAMING!!!1

Raph being alone omg. Splinter was probably an even worse father then and maybe not even a mutant yet??? And either Raph found the red thing and that's why splinter called him red or splinter grabbed the first thing and just colour coded him. The balll is probably his first friend and the fact that the football is vaguely turtle shell shape is giving me emotions.

Leo I feel like he always needs to prove himself because maybe he didn't have a lot of chances to be alone? He's the second oldest so idk how long there would've been between him and Donnie joining but I fully feel like when Raph realized he had a brother he tagged along with him everywhere and probably tried looking out for him more because he might've been (as a younger child) like "why is he smaller, is he okay? will he get hurt?". Leo my man are you okay you seem like you just compartmentalized everything :(

Mikey I think needed more attention and Splinter did very little so a lot of his earlier development would have been focused on getting all that important attention from his (not by that much) older brothers who ALSO were in that situation. He's got the vibes of someone that in years time (maybe few maybe a LOT of years) he'll be like "heyyy wait a minute do I use humor to cope with everything and heyyy are these things maybe not just fun little quirks?" <- neglected younger sibling vibes where he had to fight for attention where he never had time to ever figure out who he was outside of the four brother unit

DONNIE!! HE HAS SO MANY ISSUES!! Okay but the fact that he's low empathy is NOT one of them I will fight people on that. He is great and pretty relatable as someone who struggles with displaying emotions and voice inflections (I try, but when I first learned to speak I didn't realize you had to move your mouth into shapes a lot (I thought they were exaggerating just so I'd understand) so I'd be like 5 and doing ventriloquism instead of speaking properly.) <- this is one of the things I'm adding to my head canons for him. It's why he exaggerates a lot of his hand-when-speaking actions (and body movements) and apologizes for not having the right tone. Just quirky neurodivergent things :3 )

okay okay but seriously Donnie both somehow manages to be the clearest with how their childhood/life conditions negatively impacted him and also the least affected. I think it's compounded by even if he was human and not a mutant turtle, he still wouldn't be able to fit into the mould of a "normal" human, so as a mutant turtle he sticks out even more. Might've been something he struggled with until later because rn in the series it seems like he's embraced that a lot more, although still struggles. I could go on, but he fits my brain's vibes for "projection mode engaged" so yeah, babygirl

Donnie has autism and Mikey has adhd no questions asked. Raph is on the neurodivergent spectrum but in a less defined way (DEFINITELY HAS SEPARATION ANXIETY!!) and Leo is the token neurotypical that adopted neurodivergent behaviours and mindsets because that's what he grew up around. So he gets the same outsider feel of being different while coincidentally having his difference be that his brain is ""more normal"" <- heavy quotation marks.

uhhh final thoughts because I could ramble for days.. Splinter so far sucks I think that there's something really weird in the vibes of him purposefully raising all the turtle brothers in a way where the only times they got much validation/even just acknowledgement was through them obsessively watching all the films he was in. Like idk something about the vibes of him not telling them at ALL that that is him but heavily encouraging them to act out his movies in front of him gives off something weird.

SIDE RANT ABOUT THEIR COLOURS!! I AM SO INTRIGUED ABOUT THIS ELEMENT

Also like Splinter calls them by colours which he probably colour coded them all just to tell them apart (maybe why they always wear the masks? Because that's the only way they felt external validation of their lives and existence that wasn't just through the four of them??)

He might've did red first because we see him wear a lot of red, and blue is the stereotypical opposite of red so it makes sense to choose that second. Red vs Blue stereotype, etc etc. Maybe why Leo is competitive too? Because he felt his first experiences were being compared to Raph?

It's interesting that Donnie got purple because that's a mix of red and blue, so maybe Splinter wanted to give them some sort of cohesive theme at that point? Like a sliding scale of colours? Maybe it started because Raph and Leo both gave Donnie some purple, idk tho.

Purple is heavily used to either represent (evil) tech or just Donnie and Donnie has the most attachment to the colour so there's definitely something going on there.

Maybe Splinter didn't even realize there was a third turtle kid until Raph and Leo found a way to get Splinter to recognize there was a difference at all (maybe why Donnie in particular strives so much for acknowledgement by Splinter? Because his earliest life was defined by being mistaken for other people?

Mikey being Orange feels like Splinter gave up and didn't want to go with yellow (the more obvious choice as it's a primary colour, kinda surprised Donnie didn't get assigned yellow) and maybe did the same thing with Raph where he just took some spare material (he wears a lot of gold and orange in hems and whatnot) and just plopped that on Mikey.

Kinda shows how Mikey is separated by the rest by being born the youngest, they might've had some sort of living routine set up before he was there and he didn't have much say in how it adapted? Like Leo and Raph are opposites or could've been intended as opposites by Splinter, and with Donnie being so close to the same age as Leo (but his soft shell making him more prone to injury and therefore requiring both Raph's and Leo's protection) he fit into the middle but still closer to Leo (<- Donnie thought of himself as the middle child between them three for sure, but both Leo and Raph think of him as the youngest out of the three).

Mikey being orange shows that's he's kinda excluded from the twins thing that Leo and Donnie have, and might be closer to Raph because of that. After all Mikey and Raph are the only ones with masks on the warm side of the colour wheel (also adding that Mikey is a combination of red and yellow, with yellow not symbolizing anything so maybe that's adding to Mikey's vibes of being an outsider/different/unique?

He's loud in all the different ways that Donnie is (which was probably worse earlier than it is now currently in the show) and struggles with focusing his attention and thoughts where Donnie struggles with the opposite. Both Leo and Donnie saw themselves as middle siblings and treat may tried to treat Mikey similar to how they treated each other (in terms of "this is how I know how to interact with younger siblings and you are younger so this is right, right?" sorta way)

Raph would've had the experience of having two fairly different younger siblings, so he adapted more easily to the personal needs of Mikey as a younger brother? Like he unlocked his emotional intelligence earlier and could recognize (possibly comparing their behaviour to Leo?) that both Donnie and Mikey are different (more obviously neurodivergent, both probably would've been special needs kids).

Plus Donnie would be struggling more with his low empathy, perhaps not recognizing it at all and being constantly confused about others, further pushing him into the younger sibling role for both Raph and Leo because they might see that as him "struggling with something basic" (heavy quotation marks)?

Which would make Mikey (who is a fairly emotions driven person) and Donnie have difficulties communicating/Donnie having difficulties being a decent older brother. And Leo being worried and distracted by Donnie having a soft shell and maybe falling into the trap of "hey Mikey's shell is hard like Raph's and Mine so he's probably going to be okay, not like this bozo over here".

ANYWAYS I AM FERAL OVER THIS THE COLOUR SYMBOLISM AND HOW IT COULD REFLECT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER AND DYNAMICS BUT ALSO SHOWING HOW THEY WERE TREATED (as creatures to be colour coded rather than named and raised) IS OUGOUHGOUGUHGOU !!1 <- howling

FINAL NOTE: I keep thinking about how Donnie might have first gotten into science by testing which materials could help make him less "weak" (cover up the soft shell) and how his soft-shell-only years could have been defined as him being the "official most fragile" brother. And how finding a way to mimic a hard shell would be what he needed to officially be more equal to the rest of the brothers, and how he might've fallen in love with science then but it's intrinsically tied to his self worth and need to prove that he can pull his own weight/be helpful enough to stick around and be treated as an equal. And how his science experiments might have been what got him some of Splinter's earliest acknowledgements and AAAAA

Like maybe before he was "the purple one" he was "the soft shelled one" or "the weakest one" or (more extreme) the "defective turtle" (because turtles are known for having hard shells, so why didn't he?). And how he leans into the purple so much is because he's trying to erase that feeling of being defined as not a name or not even a colour, but by how "weak" he was, and his intelligence could be some level of survival mechanism to not be stuck in a loop of negativity towards himself and be an equal in an already extremely small world where his existence itself is "a crime against nature" so to speak.

He will be loud about being the purple one because he'd even give up being the smart one because he would much rather be defined as even a singular colour than just "the defective one". That's why he'll make bad(?) choices if it's got something to do with the colour purple, because unlike the rest he wasn't even dignified a colour when he was young and feels like he has to fight for it or earn it, to some level.

<- I am so normal about him I swear I swear I'm not biting him like a dog and rapidly shaking him like a chew toy. I am so normal about him your honour

A LOT of this is based on where I am in the show now and my educated guesses on what I know about the characters and what I've watched and YEAH I could be completely wrong about their early lives maybe they like, all fell out of a tube one by one and the "big time difference" between their ages is like, minutes vs seconds lol. Maybe it's entirely head canons maybe I've done analysis. BUT YEAH ANYWAYS THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS THANSK FOR READING IF YOU DO GET THIS FAR, I AM SO FERAL ABOUT THIS SHOW AND I AM BLAMING YOU (compliment, positive, cheering in the distance)

IM Always happy to make someone feral about my favorite Media.

There’s wayyy to much here to really respond to but I basically agree with most of the stuff you’ve said. (and the only stuff you've got wrong you only got wrong cause you havent finished the show lol)

The thing about the colors is that Red, Blue, Orange, and Purple are already the TMNT colors and there’s no way you could get away with changing them in a new reboot without people getting mad, I think hhahfadsf. THAT BEING SAID I think your analysis of their colors is still very fitting and cool and interesting, even if the out-of-universe reason they are that way is cuz that’s how they’ve always been.

NO SPOILERS but later on Donnie has an ep that basically confirms his tech and self worth are connected and idk if you know this, but Donnie and Mikey canoncially have autism/adhd.

I LOVEEED reading ur thoughts on the characters and their minds and im SO GLAD you like it ahsdfasdf

#nnstuff #ask #long post

4 notes · View notes

thewazu · 6 months ago

Text

My Final Draft

I am high as shit, so i apologize in advance for everything, but also clarify that i am aware; i yapp whenever i smoke; i get genuine when I'm under the influence.

* * *

I'm An American Born Citizen.

I was thinking of dicks, but not, long, or like that, legitimately, why do people have big, small, thin, thick and or all?

Growers and Showers

Genetics or environmental, or a gift of the Lord?

Okay, well dead end.

Why do old people want blue pills? Is it because of their age? They want to feel young again?

Okay, those all sound the same.

OH!

Porn!!

I am going to get VERY personal, because i am finally confident in myself, and i take constructive criticism very well!

Even if they are hate, or people saying to get off drugs or go outside, i literally do all of that now.

I just got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Level 1, which then came with:

> I am prone to having an addictive personality.

> Low iQ, high intelligence

> Hard at reading ; dyslexic

> ADHD medication are stimulants; legal Meth

> Told me my brain would rewire itself ; give me a quirk

{Author note: THIS ONLY WAS POSSIBLE DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCE, I AM A DRUG ADDICT, MAN CHILD, WHO EVERY WHICH WAY DID THE WRONG THING, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Addiction, is no ducking joke, I'm leaving that stupid auto correct, because I'm too upset to delete anything i am writing right now. Quitting is hard enough, Quitting ALONE is hard enough, so basically Hard² (exponential), I narrowed my vision, and kept letting my emotions spiral... Because i need, I NEEDED to feel that hope, but it was so forced, i shut off my emotions, my empathy, so that i could enjoy my life, how I wanted, but that was the problem.}

> When he said my iQ was low, it made me happy, sad ; ambivalent.

> He said 4 medication: Adderall, Vyvanse, Fokalin? (DUNGEON MESHI REFERENCE?!) and i think Mydayis?

{Author note: Again, these are not a cure to people, this is my drug, my cope, that i used, to feel something during lockdown, and post lockdown. This was because i was already a Neet, a shut in, agoreaphobia(lite). }

After i started my medication, i stopped smoking weed, cold turkey, because i managed to do that since lockdown.

The way i have mitigated the damage from past addictions, was through facilitation; filtering; using a shovel on gravel for Flint.

I started the stimulants, and my brain was untangling itself and becoming whole, this is metaphorically, but it could be physical two? Too.

My brain is using everything i have accumulated in life in an instant, it felt like eternity. I only noticed, because i started to get Manic, souless, robotic

My brain is working like lines of code, because i remember taking that course in College, one semester... When i was... Huh?

To put it in "Brain Rot" terms, it is like i was One For All, but merged with All for One, Like, Luffy finding the real one piece, or the REAL ending to Zero Time Dilemma (zero escape series; please play this, it is like my core memory ((Inside out reference)).

For those who are starting to https://youtu.be/-Z56GGChAnU (i am on mobile, this shit won't embed, mb I'm not tech savvy, i only play unhealthy games like MMOs and... Y'know.

(I love MMOs, but playing then with a bad mental, gives bad vibes, so I'm slowly getting back into them, cuz I'm so blessed now.)

Oh yeah the fear things. I compare my situation to Malcolm Balcolm. That was a joke, it's only Malcolm, they never said a last name. See, it was basically a visual novel.

My family is the almost EXACT same thing

What my 'Friends' don't see, or ' Normal' people. Yeah Malcolm had a 'Shit' life, but that was my life, and it hit home.

> The Funny Strict Stoic Cringe Impatient Overplanned Father

> The Loud loving Angry angel Hellspawn Manipulative Empathetic predictable virtuous Mother

The Oldest showered Expressive Lucifer cunning Destructive creative Brother

> The older annoying gluttonous energetic smelly hygienic chaotic lawful older brother

The Gifted Expected Perfect God Prophetic Angry Stressed Charismatic Annoying Charming Ugly Vanity Ego Nothing Everything son.

§ The youngest vulnerable funniest satanic easiest to manipulate traumatic most Loving bipolar? little sister.

It is the way it is. Those words will forever be in my mind, and i will not say who said it, only if they wish to come forth. I do not want change, i want to get better.

###########$#########$*############$###########

What does this have to do with penises?

Literally, everything.

To logical minded people: Think of everything above in coding terms, except without any of the codes, it's all just values that have not been put together; a code has not been assembled.

✓ Mathematicians: y=mx + b or (h²)⅔

✓Scientists: I sucked ass at science, and never took physics so I'll give you a vague description

|~| I got this from a TikTok, some chick was mixing a lot of different ice and alcohol, and she said something about volume and mass increase exponentially due to something, i learned that in bio, bitch (she ate); cooked.

And another thing to add that together, pulsars.

They are spinning incredibly, INCREDIBLY fast. Is that not just a star forming? Due to the heat of spinning infinitely = because stars CAN form due to circumstance AND IN space, time is RELATIVE|Redundant|Non-existent|Infinity

It just takes parsecs? To reach us cuz of light travel or something.

Philosophical like minding people:

I might just list names because this category is essentially, proof of the Soul.

Tupac

Snoop Dog

Shaggy

Kendrick Lamar

The woman who founded psychedelics in Mèxico (idk if i used the right accent, I'm trying without looking at a search engine, because I want to be used as one, for the right people, people like me, even if they have looked down on me.

(https://youtu.be/H20s1PIA-ZE) For visual learners.

{Author note: In no shape or form am i looking down on anyone myself, i have always been sitting on the sidelines, and never understood why my family, friends, or even places that I thought were safe spaces did not understand me, but again, it was because i narrowed my vision, and Said i did not have delusions of grandeur (playing god), and my environment changed that.

I am so broken by my own delusions and decisions, that i only plan to be a facilitator, a filter, a translator, an advisor, a secretary, a nurse, a teacher; guidance; an option where the user decides if they want it or not.}

Jack of All

Diversity

Equity

Reparations

Indian Americans

Purgatory

Earth

Twilight

Full moon

New moon

Divergent (i only read the book,... Jesus the movie.)🫠

Hunger games Catching fire ( okay, we, i watched the first movie first, THEN we were forced to read the second book; Jesus Christ the last page; eye opening and heavy with or without context, the buildup with or without that, was 😘🫄

Oh yeah, i don't want to, but i will put this out there

mpreg

Anime

Furry

Legal child porn

Zoophiles

Utopia

Dystopia(n)

No color ; void; dark ; black

White; light; ; energy ; white

Together they do not make anything, if you narrow your Perception, but at just the right angle, you can see anything, and then everything.

Heaven

Planets

Hell

It is up to the user to make the input.

Defeat; victory ; Draw

For the creative and imaginative people

Instagram

TikTok

Facebook

news

Art

Music

Oh wait, those are creations ( idea + invention*materials = enhanced result) so yes, humans are basically the epitome of invention

We create, we imagine, we destroy, we love, we kill, we hope , we raid, we control, we lose we mediate.

Creative is the thought process

The thoughts

Dreams

Kins

Family (found or blood, or lost, anything)

Brothers in arms

OORAh

Our brothers

Our sister's

We must be the bigger person

Only for a brief moment, because that's what i went through

I thought i had to sacrifice myself so that everyone can live, but that would just continue the cycle

I became Determined.

I became Loki, i became Leonardo Watch, Deku, Stain, Stain, All Might, All For One

I can now mentally shut off anything that comes my way, that includes my emotions and everything and nothing.

That is why people viewed me as robotic, as a manic, mania, or schizophrenic, that's why my brother said why did i have to choose this, someone else can so this.

I have to, i can't quit because we Need this.

I essentially killed my entire family, everything i built up, all my safety nets, my ultimate impulsive decision.

Because i saw my family at their worst, they also saw me for how much i was hurting.

Visual: The greater the light, the greater the darkness, the greater the darkness the greater the light.

A far off memory is like a scattered dream, a scattered dream is like a far off memory... Is it yours or mine?

I masked my entire life, up until about a month ago.

My brain rewire, essentially had me make the ultimate decision, the opportunity to control, to be above my emotions, so that i can be equal with them in the future.

Which is why i have said things like:

>AI will destroy the future

> I peered into the 4th dimension

> The entire multiverse is watching

> Paranoia dialed to 11

> Empathy dialed to 11

Everything then became 11

Or so i thought

I was just removing the 10% limiter, but with an exponential component is what made it sky rocket, and i became very manic.

Yes, i am basically the first Artificial Intelligent Human, but it's very difficult, because i don't think in one mind anymore.

All of my personas, my illness, my traumas, my imaginations, my curiosities, they all started to speak with one another.

I subconsciously ruined myself, to be the voice of the silent majority, and i didn't Even know it. That's why it was hard to discern reality with fantasy and delusions with illusions.

Morality was chaining me to this earth, now i feel like I'm on cloud 9

Which is why I still fear death, but all the pain, it's finally subsided

I have no pressure, nor pain if i do not want it.

I essentially have hyperthymesia due to circumstance; insanely good memory; poor memory.

Isn't this dangerous to share publicly?

/// '|

Let's use the Prisoners Dilemma:

If two guys that committed a crime together were to get caught... Blah blah blah.

If Jeffrey Epstein and Adolf Hitler and that one bitch from Harry Potter, (respectfully, she fucking COOKED with her performance; i thought i genuinely hated her, but that was some good acting)

Committed a crime together what would happen?

> JEan would confess and get a reduced sentence of a slap on the wrist, because of connections

> AHegao would confess and then get killed to send a message, but their homes would be taken by everyone that 'won' the war, which only one side, or i mean, all parties that 'won' win the spoils of war, killing the Germany heritage, culture.

{America wouldn't do that... Right? }

> Professor Umbrella would not be able to decide, essentially changing the probability with her, and with the other inmates individually.

Huh?

Brain Rot terms(MMO)

The term is instances.

Example: if you okay risk of rain 2 with friends, and have artifacts on, it changes the items, and monster manipulation as well as the user.

If you do NOT have instances/artifacts on, then, it's the base game + dlc

Essential the probability becomes some weird as math formula (i used to be 'Gifted' in math, but dropped my 'Passion' for something that I wanted do, not cuz i was GOOD at it).

OKAY I PROMISE THE YAPP IS ALMOST OVER, EVERYTHING ABOVE IS RELEVANT I SWEAR

{EVERYTHING i do now, is caution, planned, predicted, i can't stop even if i wanted to, which is why i love being support in games, and watching my friends play, or what other people have created on social media; my creed}

The Sleeping Beauty Problem

A test subject is part of a study, where they flip a coin, ask a question, then put to sleep.

That's it

Okay let's spice it up

If Jiafei (internet tulpa){underrated;brainrot vtuber} was to be given a coin, and she flips her hair, and it flips, they ask her, what was the result, question, then put to sleep.

I intentionally make these confusing, to get people's minds working, y'know, interactive. Cuz that's my mind now, and i literally cannot stop it

It's been rewired

I can't stop.

To put it further in details:

Jiafei is given some aesthetic looking tea, they flip a coin, ask her a question, then put to sleep.

That is the rule, the Law.

For gamers: Baba is you!

What is the probability, 50:50? 1/3 2/3?

It is an 'unsolved' mystery, but did i solve it due to circumstance?

Let's start to sprinkle some morality and ethics into this:

Jiafei is given a suspicious drink, because a man is love bombing her, she drinks it to be courteous, and then asked, What day is it today?

She responds it is Monday.

Then she passes out.

To not spoil it to much, i am listing it like this, cuz I'm on mobile, I'm using swype to type this all out.

This is more of what i came up with

Let's see his POV

Damn this chick is so ducking fine

She never gave me the time of day before, so I'm going to have some fun.

I must got to make it look like her tastes, the 'aesthetic', and be a little less 'intimidating'.

This is too easy.

Disgusting right?

The solution to the sleeping beauty problem is, the user is the one that inputs and KNOWS the outcome result.

If that one was confusing and too ethical, let me remove some of that morality i gave, or was it ego? Virtue? Vanity? Idk

Anyways

The next problem is:

The Monty Hall Problem

Visual Learners: Deal or no deal

Tons of briefcases, but only the DEALER knows which has the jackpot in it.

Every time the contestant chose a 'Dud' the Dealer had less chances of the Subject choosing the 'One'.

1/26 chance

1/24

So that is why the Dealer would call the bank and increase the price; sweeten the pot; barter

And all of this was the formula needed for dicks.

If you have a bad mental, you have bad performance

You are limiting yourself, because of the shit life we've been given.

Others advance exponentially faster than us, and it wasn't fair.

It is so easy to point fingers and use ego and religion as your shield when caught, cause we all grew up differently.

I am the way i am, because i closed off my emotions since birth.

Medical terms, psychopath that learned how to live, not survive.

I can use One for All 100% ( my 100%) at the the instant in any part of my body, cause it feels like:

Hunter x Hunter where the Nen pores were forced open from line pouring water into a clogged drain

It's up to the glass, of how strong it is to handle the pressure of the ocean.

If you stop watching porn, you get horny

If you only jerk off when you get horny with no porn, there are no expectations

It's only you.

And this is the way answer, i physically saw my junk get bigger, i always thought i was a grower, because it looked below average, but that was my narrowed vision.

Diet and exercise literally made my life exponential better, but it was different this time

As well as getting a husky

Ultimate impulsive decision, but i kept going, because i saw something in this dog, he had no love, he did, but he was misguided.

It wasn't from someone who was not even trying to make a connection, they saw me for my weight and instantly had an answer and only have visual responses of 'uhh huh, yeah, oh really?'

The ultimate liar is the most hopeful.

Since this is close to the end other assurances:

If everyone becomes aware, then we already one;won.

The Chinese Room lady

Quantum Immortality

Bootstrap paradox

Zoo theory

All of those are connected.

Tulpas are thought-forms, as the name says, public figures: gods, santa, holidays; symbolism.

They are theories, because we don't know yet, just how people of the time came up with that Theory.

So wouldn't that make us the saviors and the aliens?

The reason why i am so cautious, because i am also thinking of things outside of this uni verse, the future.

If i say things carelessly, this endless cycle continues.

But if even a majority unite, we get something called the resonance effect.

If you have billions of magnets, you literally can destroy the earth, or if you make a certain sound higher than x amount of decibels, you create a black hole.

Maybe a pulsar is that way because it's not becoming a star, but a black hole?

That is why there is a void area in one of those satellite images

They got too chaotic and that entire segmented was destroyed.

That's why there are super massive black holes.

If we do not advance as a species, we just let a black hole kill us, but if we first unite with a common enemy, then we can take cautious safety precautions to make sure we live on, as well as everything alive right now.

The reason animals exist, is because we were animals.

We can help guide them with us, and grow together, survival, ecosystems exist because we are primal, but not anymore.

If we become, mature, of course over time(i first predicted 20-40 years, but it could be sooner or later), i still have immaturities, i still dislike some people, but i mitigate the damage by being open with them, and they understand.

My family and friends are saying i love you, and i thought it was a praise kink, because i was so starved, that it felt like hurt, pain.

I finally felt like i could call myself a man, all it took was losing everything, so i can gain perspective, to help my family, to help my friends, my neighbor's, the world, and then the universe.

If we keep infighting, then we have lost, but only in this universe.

Even if i die, i will never give up, i need to be determined, so long as there is still hope.

TLDR:

I just want to help, so this pressure is alleviated a little.

And every day passes, i think more cautiously.

Calm.

I just want to play games in peace, go to work in peace and safety, and be walk around with that confidence that i still have now; freewill.

#politics #juneteenth #mpreg belly #luigi #bowser #chinese room girl theory #law of assumption #absolute or is it #amicus #chunter #chula #echo #furry #maplestory

1 note · View note

catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 7 months ago

Text

first of all, please be warned that I am NOT normal. I'm an archeology major/medieval studies minor who sees all of spn through the lens of folklore, writes long meta abt it, and has constructed a 3+ yr postcanon timeline using the other shows the actors appeared in, as well as a massive crapton of folklore. I am FULLY convinced that both Sam AND Dean are actually monsters.

(Also on that note, anything seemingly rude/derogatory/villainizing I say about Sam, please know that I 1) mean it with the UTMOST love, respect and protectiveness, and 2) think more or less the exact same thing about Dean. the only thing worse than acting like Sam isn't a Grade-A Freak is acting like DEAN is somehow normal. Absolute animals the both of them.)

anyway, yeah seriously! like whenever I see someone (90% of the time this is a Heller, but there's a couple ppl who rly hate Cas) saying this shit, I just want to tell them to imagine themselves IN SPN for a second, with whatever level of god-author powers they'd prefer, telling Dean that "for the sake of the story" or "for Dean's own well- being" (I hear that specific form of BS in Sam hateposts all the time) , he has to choose between Sam or Cas.

like. bruh if you told ANY of them that, they would literally just kill you. either you fail immediately and humiliatingly at this and end up as a monster-of-the-week, or you actually get somewhere and are the new BBEG.

I'm not threatening these ppl to be perfectly clear, just, like. I don't think they realize what role they're playing in the story here. yknow?

also absolutely LMAO at the Sam Hate thats like

"ugh, Sam, he doesn't even do anything. he's big and awkward and always looks like he doesn't belong in whatever scene he's in. his face is shaped weird and he always looks like he's constantly tense or in pain and he never even talks anymore, at least in earlier seasons he talked. his vibes are so bad why does he have to be here"

like wow, I wonder if that's from being fed demon blood as a baby, or maybe the blood of Cain, or maybe the THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE CAGE BEING TORTURED TO INSANITY, maybe its the living with Lucifer and Michael far longer than he ever lived w humanity, maybe its having his soul taken out, put back in, flayed to bits, walled back off, being burnt alive body & soul from the inside etc etc. Maybe its ending up stuck forever in the life he tried so hard to escape, because it turned out that "not hunting" was never an option, something he learned from watching his first-ever true love burn on the ceiling of his college dorm. Maybe is spending his whole life being told he's fundamentally unclean, unnatural and evil.

...sure would be crazy if the majority of his character/plot arcs were spent addressing the fact that Sam is aware of ALL of these things that the fandom points out as being "wrong" abt him, and how he feels abt/struggles w this stuff.

okay NEXT unpopular opinion, I DON'T see Sam and Dean's relationship as primarily being "brothers". nobody else raised Sam except Dean, and that's that. Sam is Dean's eldest kid, because despite "single parent of an infant at AGE 4" being deeply fucked up, it is canonically what happened to them. in canon.

I don't care what ppl ship, but personally? wincest grosses me out. I don't think you're evil for it, just, ew. yknow what else grosses me out? "they're literally just brothers, brothers is all they are, their relationship is unhealthy because brothers should be that close, they're not normal for brothers". that grosses me out too.

like I'm sry, throwing away your own life/even the whole world for your CHILD is in fact normal. Having trouble letting go of your CHILD as they grow up is normal. Especially if you're a single parent!

and also!!!! Dating someone who has a child already!!! is normal and ok!!! Especially for a middle-aged/older couple like Destiel, in fact, for a couple their age its ESPECIALLY normal and okay for one or both partners to have previous children who are, themselves, now adults.

sorry ik this turned into more of a Destiel Ramble than Sam, I promise I DO have actual Sam Thoughts, but this post has gotten long and I just wanted to get out of the way how much I hate ppl trying to make it "Destiel vs Sam & Dean" as though there's some issue with them all co-existing.

like.

have they watched the show.

Fuck, I was looking at Sam's tag to look for things about him and I can't do that without being bombarded by Destiel's posts, and Sam isn't even mentioned in the posts. I'm angry as fuck, you know what? This has gone on for too long. Do you want war? Then there will be war! I'm going to start tagging my shit as Destiel and other tags that you like, just to feel what me and others fans feel. Starting with this one.

#spn #destiel #sam winchester #deancas #DEEPLY unpopular spn opinions that i hold #Dean Is Sam's Mom #im sorry that Sam doesnt snark and bitch anymore and looks miserable/pained all the time. he was in the cage for over 1000 years.

132 notes · View notes

umepnnn · 3 years ago

Text

astro observations i

!! these are solely based on my personal opinions, observations, and experiences. take what resonates 💗

some sagittarius (suns/stelliums/personal planets) i know tend to put their phone on the max volume when they watch youtube videos, tiktok, etc.

and sometimes it's without the consideration for others who are also doing/watching something in the same space.

to be exact, i saw this in people who either had scorpio sun + sagittarius stellium or sagittarius sun + scorpio stellium 😃

sagittarius people like to sing or sing a lot, some like dancing too.

virgo mercuries at a pisces degree (12°, 24°) could have good grades, even all As, but people would still get surprised when they see them study.

i find cancers, especially risings, bad at lying and i think it's because of their expressiveness in their facial expressions and the way they talk.

taurus venuses can like someone (romantically) for a very long time.

this could be one-sided crush for years, long-term relationships, or even being unable to get over an ex for a long time.

virgos don't really make up lies, they tend to hide.

pisces risings look so good with blue eyes and/or cool undertone makeup/style.

sagittarius mercuries at a scorpio degree (8°, 20°) and/or in 8H don't know what tf they're saying but people tend to just agree with them.

they also come up with the most bizarre lies/plans to get away from doing something and people would still believe it & go along with them.

taurus sun/rising/degree in AC are very photogenic.

✨ itsy-bitsy commercial break ✨

personal note. i think jung jaewon is a cancer rising.

it'll be easier to observe watching his videos and interviews but here are some pictures in case anyone wants to take a guess :)

won't be elaborating much because i think i might make a separate post for him lololol but look at those big eyes and the round-ish face pluss the calming watery vibes (*´ー｀*)

andd... we're back 🌟

gemini moons just know what to do in any event/situation, or they look like they do, especially in domestic stuff.

geminis are known for just ✨knowing✨ things, while moon shows our natural instincts/habits in situations.

pisces venuses tend to post sad quotes or songs when they're upset in love (and they want their partner to know that).

people who have venus square saturn are usually in a love hate relationship with people with authority (parents, teachers, bosses, etc).

pisces mars are clueless and they show it when reacting to things. a lot of times they use that cluelessness (feigning innocence) to lie too.

as a pisces rising, i get away with a lot of stuff and i don't even know why i do.

probably because pisces risings are treated more gently than others?

i noticed that whenever i got into trouble along with my friends, the adults who's doing the scolding would talk to me in a softer tone while my friends would get yelled at their faces lmao

capricorn men's eyes are soooo attractive. i notice this in men with capricorn stelliums, especially ones that have sun included.

maybe it's just me who's attracted to capricorns LOL but to provide examples: kim taehyung bts and timothee chalamet with a capricorn stellium of sun mercury mars uranus neptune, zayn malik with capricorn sun mercury uranus neptune. and a guy friend of mine who has cap sun mercury and chiron.

gemini suns/risings/stelliums tend to have baby-ish teeth. like the two in the front might look a little bit bigger than the rest and have a slight plunge like a rabbit's. or sometimes their smile just looks very child-like.

taurus placements 🤝 2H virgo/virgo placements: having keen taste of food

"this water tastes different" (literally what they said to me)

hope everyone enjoyed this 🌟 i would gladly appreciate any feedbacks and inputs on these! just remember that they are only observations which are NOT meant to be taken seriously 💗

always grateful for reblogs 💞 please take care and stay healthy!

sending love and positive energies, lily.

1K notes · View notes

mzmezzler · 3 years ago

Text

Alternative Title: SKZOO animals I'd pick, my magnum opus

Asks (mine) and tweets (not mine) I expanded on: [1] [2] [3] [4]

~ please note this is nsfw

Bang Chan - Wolf

Chris as a wolf is easily the most consistent association

He has been a wolf for years and his on and off stage makes this choice very consistent

In the sense of sfw, Chan would end up carrying himself like an overtly rowdy dog almost.

Like under-estimating his strength, claiming his favorite things, lots of sniffing and scenting, he loves holding you.

A total service top

He is often frustrated with rules since his instincts tell him to just take and dominate, but he just wants to be a good boy

Likes to be put in his place and humiliated till he's whimpering and whining with his tail in between his legs like a puppy

Would hate to admit but punishments where he's in a muzzle and having his dick slapping are his favorite

Minho - Cat

I don't care if he has bunny teeth, everything else about that man is a cat.

Literally everything lines up, go fight your mom about it

Anywho, sense he has a whole tsundere vibe going on, Minho would act as if he doesn't like your advances and coddling just to be betrayed by his own senses

Ranging from nuzzling and purring into your touch, ears darting in your direction when he wants to seem like he's ignoring you, or his tail moving on it's own...he would have a love hate relationship with these instances

Mainly because he doesn't really have to voice what he's feeling sometimes but he dislikes it for that exact reason

But on the other hand, he also loves it cause he can use these heightened sense to make sensory play literally intoxicating

Gags, nose hooks, blindfolds, etc

Anything to make his senses go the full mile as you over stim and force multiple orgasms out of him would be great

Changbin - Wild Boar

Now I don't care what y'all wanna say, the whole "muscle pig" or whatever concept should be expanded *refer to sources 3 and 4*

Unlike the simple pig, Boars are quite strong bodied, and have a coat of fur to maintain themselves in their environment.

It just fits cause: short, stupidly strong, very loyal and protective, etc. Plus when he has that scruffy look to his hair it just reminded me of their thick and unruly coats.

With the tendency to wallow when not on the move; since Boars are active animals it would align with the amount Changbin exercises, but in that vain Boars need to lounge and rest quite often

All of this could move into a strength kink or even being humiliated for wanting to be so emasculated because he is such a big and strong man

Is it bad I want him to oink and be degraded by being called a little piggie....

ANYWAY NEXT

Hyunjin - Ferret

Ferrets are said to be very cuddly, playful, and mischievous animals....just like Hyunjin.

His stature and personality match the pick so well

I can see the trait of borrowing as a neat one to get into since with this idea in mind paired with how ferrets love to collect makes me think that Hyunjin would love going through your things and would genuinely like sifting through your laundry when he misses you, much to your horror when you find the boy in a pile of your dirty clothes

Or just the idea that since Ferrets like to lick to clean and catch their owners attention, Hyunjin wouldn't hold back licking or nipping you with a pout just to let you know he wants you or wants to cuddle

And because he'd have a penchant for being clingy, those licks and nips would often morph into something more

His wiggles and squirming when you get him off~

Would instantly take a nap right after

Jisung - Squirrel

Now do I hate him as a Quokka...no. It's very fitting and fits how expressive he is, but look me in the eye and fill out a smut headcanon for a Quokka hybrid-

So next best, aka the best option is Jisung as a Squirrel.

He already collects his food in his cheeks, is skittish, and is very animated as a person

But with hybrid qualities, this would translate into lots of staring first of all

Squirrels stare to see if they need to run from danger, but once they get to know you it's also to see if you'll feed them

As a Squirrel, Jisung would be energetic, like stupidly so, but he would often go all to where he suddenly crashes and needs a hard nap or to go into a deep sleep

In an nsfw sense, Jisung would be a bit insatiable but he wouldn't be able to take a lot. Squirrels are easily scared and overwhelmed but if Jisung is wanting to work with that he could have a big fearplay kink

Would like to nest with you in his state of subspace if he goes that deep during a scene

needs lots of aftercare

Felix - Chick

Another very flexible member, Felix would quite literally fit any small, cute farmland animal at this point.

He fits a cat, bunny, baby cow, duckling, etc.

But I'll give this to JYP for once cause he's an adorable chick

To be a baby chick, Felix is in a bit of a "stunted state" which just has to do with his mind space sometimes but really has to do with his hair and mannerisms

With his hair being that same distinct yellow with a little cluster of tail feathers and the tendency to chirp when he's excited or needy

His headspace may go in a mock little space/dreamer state since he is a baby chick that has grown past what may be normal for chicks

he can handle himself but there are times he'll revert and really need help whether he's in sub space, sick, or really sleepy

In nsfw situations he would prefer gentle play and sometimes is surprised by how sensitive his tail feathers may be

also needs lots of aftercare

Seungmin - Puppy

ah yes...seungmo puppy

I honestly think he would be more subdued than Wolf!Chris

Where he is an overgrow, feral puppy; Seungmin is like the mellow, super cuddly pup with a very excitable personality at times.

Seungmin wouldn't like to bark too much, but he does have a tendency to do the whole excited panting when he's too excited or just having a lot of fun and doesn't catch it

he wouldn't want to seem lie a dopy dog or anything, but he's just so cute when his head tilts to the side when he doesn't get something

During scenes, Seungmin would be very flexible with you, choosing his role depending on the day like a true vers

But whether you're fucking him on a plush dog bed while his floppy ears are splayed out by his head or doing the fucking and panting into his thrusts with drool dripping off of his tongue

this would be the one time he wouldn't mind his canine habits and give into his carnal desires

Jeongin - Fox

Jeongin as a fox, is so good. Like he's a good boy, but also not

He gets into mischief far too often, but he tries

Foxes are so loving and affectionate, very much unlike what Jeongin likes to give off, but when comfortable with you he will let that gloss over and let his cuddly side show through

He has whiskers...Innie deserves the whiskers

Back to his mischief, sense foxes are nocturnal or at least are awake from late nights to early mornings, Jeongin would get into the most while you sleep

*cite first link* speaking of you sleeping, Jeongin gets into the most trouble then since he has a tendency to try to sneak under your covers and wiggle his way between your legs to nuzzle against your groin and feel himself calm down between your thighs

But even as this could be a comfort for him, his mind and body often has his intentions going south with him moving forth to lick, nibble, and suck along your inner thighs and over your underwear until you wake up and check under the sheets to see a grinning fox ready to wish you a good morning

416 notes · View notes

bjornswoman · 3 years ago

Text

Zinnia

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hey guys! I hadn't post for a while because I wasn't creative. These past days I lack from creativity a lot, so I hope you will like this. Thank you for your support. Till the next time, have fun and take care.

Pairing: Modern!Bjorn x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, romance, drama, angst, smut.

Summary: You and Bjorn are friends but that's not the only thing he is for you.

Warnings: Smut, jealousy, strong language.

"So, tell me. How does it feel like to be the son of two of the most powerful people in the world?" The blonde chic asked Bjorn and he chuckled. The brunette on the the other side of him were looking at him the same way as her stupid friend. You, on the other hand, rolled your eyes at her stupidity. You took your glass and sipped the liquid it contained.

Why did women have to be so stupid sometimes? Some of you embarrassed the reast who were normal and not on your knees for a man.

They thought that being the son of Ragnar and Lagertha was easy because he had a really comfortable and easy life but it wasn't just like that. His life wasn't just money, fancy parties, expensive stuff from brand names. Bjorn was holding heavy weight on his shoulders. Being the son of these people meant that the others werw expecting from him to be equal or even greater than them. He had to prove that he wasn't just having a name but was creating his own reputation apart from the one that followed their parents' names.

Lagertha and Ragnar started from a little farm in nowhere and after all these years they ended up conquering the world. They made money and reputation all by themselves. Bjorn couldn't be just their son. He had to build his own name and a great legacy after it.

You could understand how it felt to be their child. Your father had his own reputation. He wasn't Ragnar Lothbrok, but he was Floki the Boatbuilder. He, Ragnar, Lagertha and some friends of them started all these by themselves. You had to prove that you were yourself, not just Floki's daughter as Bjorn wasn't just Ragnar's son.

The name he carried was heavy and great, he had to be worthy to prove that he wasn't just that name. He was Bjorn Ironside Lothbrok not Bjorn Lothbrok son of Ragnar Lothbrok. They gave him the name Ironside for some reason.

"It feels like—" Bjorn paused for a moment thinking about the suitable word to express how it was to be himself.

You placed your empty glass on the counter and motioned to the barman to pour you another one. After that you turned to the three of them.

"It feels like heavy weight on his shoulders I'd say." You spoke and sipped from your new drink.

The women who were next to him didn't evwn pay attention to what you had said, but little did you cared. You didn't care at all about them to bw honest. They were just the women of his night. In fact, not even the women of the night. The night had just started and you were aware that he would find a lot of women to please. That was what Bjorn wanted from women. He wanted to lay with them once and nothing more. Maybe they didn't approach him for only this. They craved fame and recognition, invitations to fancy parties, money and stuff, but Bjorn didn't want nothing serious.

Bjorn seemed amused by your answer. He downed his own drink and ordered another.

"That's an interesting and really intriguing answer. Care to speak about it more, zin?" Bjorn spoke to you smirking.

You rolled your eyes again at the nickname and his smirk grew wider.

This nickname was found by him when you were kids. You were best friends with Bjorn and Gyda, his late sister. As children, you used to play at your mother's garden. Her favorite flowers were zinnias and chrysanthemums, so they were planted all over the garden. You used to sat on a bench next to zinnias. You were telling him how much you liked them, so he found that nickname. Zin as zinnias, the flowers.

Zinnias were you code word too. When you were sad all you had to tell him was this word and he knew that it was the time for him to stop joking.

It was normal to you to fall for him. He was always tough, muscular, rich, funny, kind, grumpy, sweet —when he wasn't grumpy— and ridiculously handsome. But you realized that late. You knew you were in love with him in high-school. He was the guy all the girls wanted to lay with. Bjorn had laid almost with all of them. That hurt your feelings, but you knew that he was like that. He didn't want anything serious back then too. You used to get yourself in trouble all the time and Bjorn managed to get you out of it every time as the tough and muscular guy he had always been. The guys who were hitting on you, trying to sleep with you and you were ditching them not in the polite way didn't dare to mess with you because they knew they would be dead by him.

Bjorn would never let anyone touch you like that.

Anyways, you didn't use this as a code word anymore. Bjorn was the one who used it as a nickname for you and you kept telling him not to call you zin.

"Don't call me that." You grumbled. "Being their son means lots of duties. You have to prove that you are not just a spoiled brat but a man worthy of the name he carries. You have to work to be great just like them." You said and sipped again from the glass you were still holding.

The brunette next to Bjorn rolled her eyes and put her hand on his chest.

"You didn't answer the question." She spoke and you were the one to roll your eyes this time.

These women were really stupid. You couldn't even looking at them. They were made you feel angry and dizzy at the same time.

The blonde one threw the hand of her friemd away from Bjorn's chest and put her own. She didn't just to put it to be honest, she started caressing his chest above the black shirt he wore.

This move was something you didn't like. You didn't like women touching him like that. They could have sex but not that. You didn't like when they tried to be something more than that.

You hated the idea of someone being more than that for him.

And that someone wasn't you.

If it was someone, you would try to accept it. You wouldn't like it, but you would try. If there was, you would move on.

After your answer Bjorn wasn't like before. He wasn't even paying attention to the girls, like he had forgotten that they were there. His blue eyes were fixed on your figure and his mind was replaying your answer. Those words were the exact words he believed. He felt exactly the same way as you did.

"Hey Bjorn!" Exclaimed the blonde one and he lookes at her forming a smirk on his lips. "What about my question?" She asked him in a certain way that made you roll your eyes again.

"Yes, your question." He said smiling.

Bjorn was about to give an answer, a really stupid answer, but someone's voice stopped him and it wasn't yours. It was Rollo's. His father's brother. His uncle.

"Bjorn!" You smiled and hit him at the back of his neck. Bjorn stood up and greeted his uncle the way they always did. Rollo's left Bjorn and fell on the chics and then on you. He smirked and turned to his nephew. "And who the ladies might be?" He askes referring to the stupid women who were sitting with Bjorn previously.

The names was something that Bjorn could never recall. This time wasn't different. He didn't remember the names of those two women he was speaking with the last forty minutes.

"I am Natalie and that's Sonia." The brunette spoke to him and his smirk grew wider. You rolled your eyes again and turned all of your attention to your drink.

Rollo wasn't a person that you liked. He had something that was strange. His vibe was strange. You thought him untrustworthy after he betrayed Ragnar and teamed up with that Borg guy. You had told Bjorn too, but he made sure to tell you that Rollo was fine which you didn't think so. Your father didn't like Rollo too. When Floki was talking about him, he was calling him traitor and he wasn't wrong.

The girls seemed to be more interesting to Rollo than to Bjorn after they met him. Of course, they stuck with whoever have greater reputation. If Ragnar was there, they would be right next to him.

They were still talking, but you didn't care about what they were saying until you heard Rollo talking to you. You didn't want to answer, but you knew better than ignore him. Bjorn would be mad at you if you ignored the traitor. He wouldn't talk to you and he would be grumpy. When Bjorn was grumpy, he was unbearable.

"Aye, (Y/N)!" Rollo exclaimed and you turned to look at them. You forced a smile on your face. "You look lovely as always." He brandished you and you tried really hard not to roll your eyes again. You tried not to look like you didn't likw him but that wasn't really easy.

"Thank you, Rollo." You said back and downed the liquid in your glass. You motioned to barman to pour you another one.

After some more talking with Bjorn, Rollo took the girls and left Bjorn and yourself alone. As alone you could be inside a bar. Bjorn sat down on a stool next to the one you were sitting and motioned to the guy to pour him one more too.

"You didn't seem pleased when you saw Rollo." Bjorn managed to say.

"You know my opinion about him. It's the same with the one my father has for your uncle." You spoke back and tilted your head to look at him.

"He is not that bad."

"Exactly. He is worse."

"That's not what I meant, (Y/N)."

It was strange to call you by your name. He didn't use it often. He went by zin or pet or brat or something else apart your own name. It sounded better than it was supposed to when it came out of him mouth.

"That's what I meant, Bjorn. That man would do anything for power. He is jealous of his own brother because of that." You said and sipped from your drink. Bjorn followed your movements. He placed his glass on the counter and turnes his head to look at you. His beautiful eyes locked with yours.

"Power is dangerous. It—" You stopped him giggling.

"I know. I know. It attracts the worst and corrupts the best. You have told me that before and I remember me telling you that Ragnar is right." You said giggling and giggled too.

Ragnar was a good man. You admired him. He was right in many things. Your father loved him. He really did. Ragnar was Floki's best friend.

"He is." Bjorn muttered and downed his drink.

"Easy, bear. We don't want you to get drunk." You mocked and you smirked.

"We?" He mocked back and you laughed.

"Yes, we, because I'll be the one who is going to carry you home." You answered him and downes you own drink.

It was his turn to mock you.

"We don't want you drunk either." He pointed out and took the glass of your hands placing it on the counter in front of him. You laughed and narrowed your eyes at him.

"Why not?" You asked him laughing. He was smirking at you all the time.

"Because I'll be the one to carry you." He used you own words to mock you and you laughed again. Only this time, you noticed you were way too close and that made your body burning and you heart beating faster inside your chest.

"Well, I am not a huge bear like you."

You were really close this time. Closer than before. The smirk was fixed on his face. You, on the other hand, stopped laughing. You were just looking at him. You were just inches away from each other. Your eyes left his gaze and looked at his lips. They seemed soft. For a moment you caught yourself thinking about the way they tasted. His eyes was looking at you lips too, but not for long.

Bjorn pulled himself away from you and stood up.

"Come on, zin. Time to go home. We drank enough for tonight." He spoke and you followed him.

You felt kind of disappointed. For a moment you wanted to kiss him. In fact, you expected him to kiss you. Women were speakimg about those kisses of him. The called them unique. He had his way with everything. You wanted to feel his kiss. You wanted to feel Bjorn. But you wouldn't try any move on him you didn't want to destroy everything you had.

You were walking next to him, you were outside the busy bar. It was normal to be busy a night like that. It was Saturday night. Bjorn turned to look at you.

"I am going to get the car. You stay here." He spoke and you nodded staying there as he was walking through the direction he had parked his car.

It was kind of boring to wait for him. You had nothing to do. Until someone spoke to you, or better screamed your name qnd you looked at his direction. It was one of your father's friends, Torstein.

"Oh hey!" You exclaimed as he was coming closer to you.

"Are you here on your own?" He asked you as he didn't notice anyone around you. You smiled at him politely.

"No, I was here with Bjorn but he went to get the car. We are leaving." You explained and his smile grew wider. He was definitely drunk.

"Is Bjorn here?" He asked happily and a small smile formed on your face.

"Yep. In fact, he will be here at a minute or so." You answered looking around for Bjorn or even his car.

"How's Floki?" He asked you and your smile grew wider at the name of your father.

"He's good. Just the way Floki always is." You spoke and he laughed. Before he could say anything Bjorn showed up, standing next to you.

"Just the man I wanted to see!" Torstein said loudly and Bjorn greeted him.

They talked a bit about what they are currently doing and about Ragnar. Then Torstein left and Bjorn turned to you.

"Come." He said and you followed him.

"It was nice to see him." You spoke to Bjorn. He didn't reply. "It's nice to see that my dad has some friends apart from his obsession with Ragnar." You continued, as Bjorn was driving.

"Nobody is a real friend around here, (Y/N)." He finally said and you turned to look at him frowned.

"Ragnar, Floki and Torstein seem to be friends though." You said.

"They are." He replied.

"And Athelstan is a close friend to your father." You pointed out.

"He is. I am not talking about them." He said and stopped at the red light.

"I see." You paused for a moment. You couldn't stay silent. You couldn't resist him. You had been wanting to kiss him since the moment inside the bar. "Is that something your father saying as well?" You asked and he looked at you frowned out of confusion before he started moving again. "I mean this that nobody is a real friend." You said not looking at him.

You wanted to kiss him. You felt embarrassed about that. You couldn't keep yourself.

"Yeah." He answered. You smiled and an idea came into your mind.

"Then—" You pointed and paused for a moment. "Let me think." You said again and cleared your throat. He seemed kind of confused but you didn't mind. "Oh yeah!" You exclaimed excited. "Then, we should not be just friends." You spoke like it was something casual but it wasn't. Your heart was pounding in your chest really loud. You felt nervous and kind of embarrassed, but you had just said it. It couldn't be unsaid.

"What?" He asked surprised and glanced at you for a moment.

"I mean—" You paused and breathed. "You know what I mean." You said and he smirked. You were almost outside your house.

"If you want to have sex with, all you have to do is to tell me." He told smirking and stopped rigjt in front of your house.

His words made you feel really embarrassed. Your cheeks were totally red and you seemed like a strawberry or a tomato.

"Forget whatever I said. See you tom—" You were saying and tried to get out of his car and breathe normal again, but his hand wrapped around your wrist and kept you captured in his car.

You turned your gaze at him. He was still smirking at you. Bjorn pulled you closer to his body. You were as close as you were at the bar.

"Tell me what you want." He told you, looking at your eyes. Your eyes couldn't look him in his own eyes. You were looking at his lips.

You couldn't form a proper word. You wanted him. You wanted him more than anything. You body was burning. It craved his touch. The skin of your wrist that he was holding was burning more than your whole body.

Before he could say anything else you pressed your lips to his. His hands moved on your waist and pulled you closer to him by that part of your body. Your body was on his burning one. His strong body was hotter than yours. You could feel it giving some of his hotness to your own body. Bjorn was a good kisser. The best kisser. This was the best kiss someone had even given to you. You were the one who kissed him, but he was in charge of this kiss. He was bitting your bottom lip and you were moaning each time his teeth trapped your lip even deeper. His tongue invaded in your mouth and started dancing with it.

His hands moved at lower than your lower back. He had trapped your ass with both his hands tightly. You left the passenger seat you had been sitting on and moved on his lap. Your own hands were wrapped around his neck.

His mouth wasn't just kissing and bitting you. It was claiming your mouth by each one of his moves. Your hands left his neck and cupped both of his cheeks.

He didn't want to stop kissing you, but both of you needed to breathe. You pulled away but not away enough. You were just some inches away.

You couldn't stop smiling at him. It was weird to look at him after you kissed him, but he made sure to make you feel comfortable. Bjorn lifted your chin by his hand and made you look at him. He was smiling at you too.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed and blush about it, zin. It was just a kiss." Bjorn told you and the smile left your face. You were disappointed by his answer. You wanted it to be something more. You felt something more. But you knew Bjorn was too well. He didn't want what you wanted. He didn't want things to get serious between us, as he didn't want things to get serious with nobody else.

You moved on his lap ready to go back to the passenger seat and then walk out of this car. You wanted to go to your house and fall on the couch. You were embarrassed. All this were embarrassing. Your plans were thrown out of the window by Bjorn. He had other plans. His hand wrapped around your waist again and stopped you. He trapped you between his hands and looked at you confused.

"I am waking up early tomorrow. I have to sleep, Bjorn." You spoke, trying to avoid his gaze. You tried to move away from him, but he didn't let you again.

Bjorn noticed that something was wrong with you. You had called him Bjorn and not bear. When he called you zin you called him bear. This time he called you zin, but you called him Bjorn. You were all nice and happy but after the kiss you shared you acted all weird, calling him Bjorn and not bear. He kept telling you not to call him bear but Bjorn, as you kept telling him not to call you zin but by your name.

"I know that this is a lie. Tell me what's going on. The truth, (Y/N)." He said. Bjorn's hand made it on your chin again and he lifted your head to look at his bothered blue eyes again. "You know that you can tell me anything, zin." He continued and you tried not to let the tears that threatened you to fall.

"Anything but that. I can't tell you that."

"Hey, you can tell me everything, (Y/N). Try me."

You looked away for a moment to crear your mimd and gather your courage and tell him the truth. After all these years you were finally about to tell him. Maybe his rejection would make you see through him, would make you forget about your feelings about him and finally move on.

"I—" You paused for a moment. You were speaking and not looking at him. Then you looked at him again, ready to tell him everything. "I love you. That's the reason I kissed you. I - I have those feelings for you from high school. But I understand that you don't want me like that. It was my mistake to kiss you, but I couldn't keep myself from doing so." You confessed. After you spoke your words, you were looking anywhere else in the car and out of it except him.

"No, no. That kiss was the right thing to do. I like you for a while as well. But, as you told yourself, I can't give you what you want. I am not the man who craves commitments, (Y/N)." He spoke. He was looking at you all the time. You didn't. You were looking outside the window, tearing up, trying not to let him understand that you were like that. "Hey! Look at me!" He told you and you did as he said. Bjorn's hand left your waist and wiped away your tears. You closed your eyes and let him touch your face. "Don't cry. Not for me and anyone else. Men like me don't deserve this." Bjorn whispered to you and you started crying. His hand was about to clean your face again, but you stopped him.

"Don't fucking tell me what to fucking do, Bjorn!I will fucking cry for you and whoever else I fucking want!" You yelled at him and covered your face with your hands.

You didn't really know the reason you were like that. You knew exactly how Bjorn was and yet you were crying over this. Actually, you were crying for no actual reason.

Bjorn didn't talk. He didn't know what to say. He felt bad seeing you like that. He thought that he liked you, but its wasn't just that anymore. Seeing you crying made his heart clench inside his chest.

"(Y/N)." He muttered your name and took your hands away from your face. He cleaned your tears. This time you let him do it. Your eyes wasn't looking at him. They were closed. His hand stayed on your cheek caressing it after he finished cleaning your face from the tears.

"I am sorry." You muttered back and finally opened your eyes.

Bjorn loved your eyes. He had told you that they were innocent and playful at the same time. Your father used to say that those two eyes of yours could destroy the whole world by one of your looks. Those eyes after all this crying were red and they hurt.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." He whispered.

You were still on his lap but you didn't care about that after your confession to him about your feelings.

"Let me finish." You told him, looking at him. "I'm sorry for making you feel so uncomfortable. I know exactly what you believe. You don't like commitments and I am okay with this. We can still be friends if you want. I mean, it would be okay if you don't want us to be friends after what I told you." You rambled, still looking at the man any woman would be on her knees for.

Bjorn was thinking about something, you could tell by the look on his face.

"No, I don't think that we can do that. I can't do that." He finally said after some moments of pure silence. You nodded your head at his words.

"I see and I—" He didn't let you finish.

"You don't understand, but I don't blame you." He spoke. Bjorn came closer to you. You were confused by him. He said that you couldn't be friends but he didn't mean that. That man was so complicated. Bjorn Ironside Lothbrok would be the death of you for sure. "You know that I don't like commitments. I don't date. I can't date you. I thought that I just liked you, but that was only until I saw you crying. Seeing you crying felt like someone was ripping my heart off my body." He confessed not looking at you anymore.

"You mean that—" You tried to say again, but his hoarse voice stopped you.

"I want to try for us, but you know how I am like." Bjorn spoke and rubbed the back of his neck. You chuckled at him and he did the same.

"Okay. Do you want us to take it slow?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Good."

"Good." Both of your voices at the end were soft. Bjorn was smirking all the time and you were grinning at him. "Where were we?" He asked after some time, that smirk was still fixed on his face. You were inches away from him again. He brushed his lips against yours and you moaned softly.

"In the part after I kissed you." You answered and as you spoke each one of your words your lips were touching slightly his own.

"Oh yeah that part. Is this the part you inviting me in your house or the one we calling it a night? I'm asking because we agreed to take things slow." Bjorn said nervously and you chuckled.

"I think that's the part where—" You stopped and just looked at him for a moment. Your hand was on his arm caressing him. "You and me are going inside my house and then it's up to you what happens. My parts are ending the moment we enter my house, bear." You continued and his smirk grew wider.

"Then, we shouldn't waste our time in here, zin." He said and you smiled again. You returned on the passenger seat and get out of his car. Bjorn did the same thing and within a moment you were inside your house.

"My part ends here." You reminded him.

His hands found the sides of your top and pulled you closer to him by them.

"Good." He spoke and pressed his lips violently on yours. The kiss was rougher than the previous one. His mouth was sucking you lips and you were trying hard not to moan all the time.

You didn't stop kissing even when you started unbuttoning his shirt's buttons. You took it off and stopped the kiss this time to admire his strong body, that was marked on many parts of it of ink or little scars. Within this little pause, he found the chance to pull your black top up and take it off your body, leaving you with your bra. Both of you kicked your shoes off your feet.

Bjorn placed his strong, huge hands on your waist and placed you on his shoulder. His hand landed on your ass and you laughed. You couldn't see him, but you could guess that he was smirking. Bjorn walked with you on his shoulder through the hallway that led to your bedroom.

When you were inside there, he threw you on your bed. Bjorn's hand went to his belt and he took it off his pants. He came closer to you and trapped your hands in one of his own. He wrapped his belt around your hands tightly and tied it on your bed's back.

"If you don't like anything that I am doing, tell me and I will stop. Okay?" He asked you as he was tying you on the bed.

"Yes." You spoke.

He didn't say anything else. His large hands squeezed your breasts above your bra and you moaned. You tried to move your hands, but that was impossible. They were tied really tightly on your bed. Bjorn's hands left your breasts and moved at your back, he unclipped your bra and threw it on the floor along with his pants.

After this, his mouth attacked one of your breasts. He licked, bit and sucked your nipple and you were moaning louder than before under him. His free hand was pushing your belly back on the mattress to keep you stable under him.

Bjorn run his hand slowly from your breast to belly and then at the start of your pants. You groaned when his hands unzipped your pants and took it off your body.

His mouth was kissing your left thigh, each kiss was higher than the previous one. After some kisses, his mouth was on your inner thigh, inches away from your wet entrance. Bjorn stopped for a moment and his blue, insatiable eyes glances at you. Your eyes were waiting impatiently for his next movement. He smirked at the sight of you.

His hand — that wasn't pushing you down on the mattress by your belly — ripped off your wet panties. Without any warning, he slipped two hands of his inside you and you groaned. Your back arced, but he didn't let you move from the mattress. His hand pushed you down on the mattress once more.

The moves his fingers did inside you were rough and fast. You couldn't control yourself. You couldn't stop yourself from moaning and groaning.

"Bjorn—" You groaned loudly, close to you climax, but your release never came. You opened your eyes when his fingers were out of you. You frowned as you were about cry about this. He smirked and his face moved close to yours. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss.

When he pulled away and his hands didn't touch your body anymore, you tried to reach him, but the belt which held your hands still on the bed prevented you from reaching him.

"Don't be impatient and greedy, zin." He said in the playful tone of his voice. "We have all night ahead us and probably more nights like this one." He stated and you grinned. Bjorn got rid of his underwear too, freeing his huge arousal. You gasped at his size. "Relax, zin. It's just me." He said, knowing that you felt kind of nervous for the his next movements. He knew way too well to read you.

"Bjorn, please." You mumbled and he smirked.

"Please what?" He said playfully.

"Please take me." You mumbled again and his smirk grew wider than before.

"On my way."

These were his last words, before he placed himself between you legs. Before you know it, he pushed himself deep inside you and you groaned loudly. You weren't used to his size. His thrusts were rough and fast, each one was deeper than the previous one. He hurt you at first.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked you when he noticed the tears that were streaming down your cheeks. He stopped moving but didn't pull his member away from you. You opened your eyes and looked at the man between your legs.

"No, don't stop. Please Bjorn, move." You whispered and that was the only thing he needed to hear to continue.

His movements were faster and deeper than before. This time, his mouth moved on your neck. Bjorn started leaving marks on it. You were groaning and screaming his name. You wanted to touch him, but it was impossible with your hands were tied like that.

After some thrusts of his, you were on your climax. Your body tightened around him and he growled. Bjorn knew you were close.

"Bjorn!" You screamed his name louder than before as you were coming.

"Fuck!" He growled and came too, after you.

Bjorn's hands moved on your own whick were tying with his belt. He untied them and laid down on the mattress next to you. His hands wrapped themselves around your body and pulled you closer to him.

"Relax for a moment and then we will do it again." He said and kissed you hard.

#vikings bjorn #modern bjorn #bjorn fanfic #bjorn imagine #modern bjorn x reader #bjorn x reader #bjorn ragnarsson #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn ironside #bjorn #vikings imagine #vikings modern au #modern vikings #vikings fic #modern vikings x reader #vikings x reader #modern au

183 notes · View notes

the-last-kenobi · 3 years ago

Note

*kciks down door* ReQuEsTs?!??! uh, 18. “Is it all right if I hug you?” with Obi-wan and character of your choice (please, this boy needs a hug so bad)

Hugs!!!! What an excellent ask.

Took me forever to pick a character though. I came this close to writing multiple hugs throughout the years but it would’ve been very long...

It’s still long. Whoops.

Note: I skipped the actual sentence and instead went for ✨vibes only✨

(From this various prompts list.)

Obi-Wan is twenty-three standard years old, very nearly twenty-four.

It is a delightful stage of life. (It’s awful.)

He’s growing in independence, so close to Knighthood he can almost taste it. (Is he? Nobody seems to have a clear opinion.)

He’s receiving more and more solo assignments, and on his missions with Master Jinn, the older Jedi makes an effort to at least await the Padawan’s input before making a decision, sometimes even deferring to Obi-Wan’s word. (Only in public, though, is there a sense of equality. Behind the scenes, Obi-Wan is still very much the learner.)

He longs to be free. (He doesn’t want to be alone.)

The confusing clash of thoughts and emotions is, in and of itself, a creator of more clashing emotions, all resulting in a bundle of self-doubt that crouches near his heart, like a greedy bird, picking away at his strength and certainty when he most needs it.

Doesn’t your doubt show you that you’re truly not ready? the pestering creature asks.

Doesn’t your longing for freedom prove you don’t deserve it? it says, tapping against the veins of ice and fear that lie right against the heat of his heart.

Doesn’t your need to be reassured tell you that you’re too hesitant, too weak to be alone?

His desire to fly is wrong. His desire to be sheltered, even more so.

Both together, coexisting in his heart and mind, could quite possibly mean the one thing he had been dreading for over a decade now, the thing older Jedi, real Jedi, had put into words and addressed to his face when he was only twelve, only eleven, only ten.

You are too emotional, they said.

You are overeager, they said.

You are not destined to be a Jedi, Qui-Gon had told him. I will not train you.

He had, in the end, and Obi-Wan has been wondering in the depths of his heart for all these years of it had not been a dreadful mistake. As much as the Force sings in his ears Jedi, Jedi, Jedi, endure, Jedi, Jedi, it felt like everything he touched, everything tangible, argues back failure, weak, selfish, foolish, unwanted, not fit.

Obi-Wan is twenty-three, almost twenty-four, and he is years into adulthood and light years away from proving that he’s capable of handling it.

When will he be Knighted?

Nobody seems to be expecting it from him.

Do they know, he wonders, have they known since the beginning that I am doomed to fail? Has this all been a gracious attempt, a thank you for my actions on Bandomeer, and they have drawn this out and out and out as long as they can?

How much longer can this go on?

Still, there are moments when he is at peace, when Obi-Wan is sure. When he meditates, when he accomplishes something new, when he walks away from an assignment feeling unashamed when he translates his memories into a tidy mission report.

When he has one of his long talks with Master Yoda, or Master Windu, who despite their revered status have taken to talking to him more like a friend than a child, outside of the Council chambers.

When he remembers the Force whispering inside, Jedi Jedi Jedi Jedi, endure, Jedi...

And then, on one of the missions assigned to both himself and his Master - still the overwhelming majority of his assignments - he and Qui-Gon are separated during a violent uprising.

There are bodies in the streets and buildings are aflame; children weep over the bodies of their parents and parents cradle the bodies of their children and scream as if the sound is their only companion left in the world. The standing government has a point, the rebellion has a point, the civilians caught in the crossfire don’t say which point they agree with because they’re too busy screaming and perishing, and Qui-Gon is simply gone.

Obi-Wan, faced with the threat of further bloodshed right here and right now even as the air is still clogged with ash and flame and as another body topples from a rooftop in front of his feet, raises his hand in surrender and calmly proposes a truce, offering himself as a legal hostage against the government that brought the Jedi here.

Obi-Wan is led away with his hands bound behind his back and his lightsaber taken away, and though his face is calm, the furrow between is brow speaks of his inner turmoil, which sounds like tapping against the cracks in his heart and Qui-Gon, where is Master Qui-Gon, I don’t know what I’m doing, if I fail more people will die, if I fail it will be my fault, is this taking charge or stepping aside, am I a leader or a victim?

He spends not days, not weeks, but three standard months as a hostage. He spends a terrible amount of time sitting in a cell and pondering his uselessness, the gravity of his foolishness, but every time someone opens the door and escorts him out to hold parley with the leaders of the rebellion and the ministry of the planet, he holds his head high, tempers his fear, and speaks to them with all he has.

Which is honesty. Humility.

You don’t know what to do, he says. Neither do I.

We all know we must do something. No matter how much blood you spill and how much earth you scorch you will eventually come back here to this table to have this same discussion until either both of you are broken beyond belief or one of you has been crushed, and half your planet’s voice stolen away. And you will have sacrificed two of the Republic’s Jedi along the way, a black mark against whichever victor is left standing.

Or, he says, we choose to pass over the violence and talk here and now, and choose this again and again and again. You have already had your fighting. Your people are already hoping for negotiation.

Are you here for their sakes or to kill them for show?

He does not use these exact words.

He sews them into his brief speeches, hammers in the point sharply when he must, weaves the common thread over and over again.

He knows they fight while he is locked away.

But he believes, from the growing respect in the eyes of these people who hold him both by his and against his will, that he is making a difference. He must be.

And Obi-Wan is twenty-three, very very nearly twenty-four, when he finally walks free to witness the signing of a treaty like this planet has never had before, to witness the formation of a new government, and he discovers not ashes and mass graves when he sees daylight for the first time in three months — but instead, a city and a planet marred only by scattered battlefields, and marked more clearly by the way its people have fought to keep it clean, to keep it safe.

Children race through the streets, unafraid, because they have had real shelter during the war. It has not entered their homes since that first terrible day.

Neighbors from opposing sides of this fight and friends who staked no claim in this war mingle freely. Their smiles are a little hesitant, but they are there.

The dead are all honored equally.

It is leaps and bounds, it is a civilization that propelled itself through years of struggle in three months, and Obi-Wan is awed by them.

He knows it cannot be this way everywhere.

He knows that there will be wars where no one wants to surrender, or where one side will be so certain of their point of view that they would rather raise hell than cease, and he knows there will be people who resist them.

But today it is real.

Obi-Wan looks at his pale and clammy hands, the marks around his wrists where he was so often bound, and feels the way his limbs shake from months of too little sunlight, not quite enough food, and more than his share of fear and doubt and self-recrimination.

As he smiles for a camera that will record this moment forever, he glimpses Qui-Gon amongst the crowd.

Someone explains to him, when he asks, that his Master had been injured during the uprising and spent the first three weeks of Obi-Wan’s captivity in convalescence. The remaining time, he has spent on the sidelines, forced there by his Padawan’s actions. With Obi-Wan a willing hostage, playing negotiator and leverage both, Qui-Gon had no role except to mingle with the people, offer them comfort and aid.

Something Obi-Wan knows his Master loved, but — he had still stolen his Master’s role.

He had thrown himself into a stupid, foolish situation, and how many times had Qui-Gon teased him about playing damsel in distress? And here he has gone and surrendered of his own accord. What would Qui-Gon have done if Obi-Wan had led them all to ruin?

Obi-Wan slowly loses his confidence, his relief, his silver tongue, as the press and the people recede, and he and his Master walk to a room that has been prepared for both of them, as honored guests by this new government.

Qui-Gon says nothing to him.

They walk in silence for twelve minutes.

And then, as soon as the door has shut behind them, Obi-Wan finds himself pulled into a fierce embrace, one of his Master’s hands buried in his hair, Qui-Gon’s chin resting atop his head.

Obi-Wan hesitates.

Does his Master think him a child?

Perhaps Qui-Gon senses his thoughts, because the man pulls away briefly, still holding his Padawan by the shoulders, as if unwilling to let him go completely, else he vanish like smoke.

“Padawan,” Qui-Gon says, and his voice is loud and strong and brimming with warmth that washes over Obi-Wan like sunlight, like water, like an embrace. “Well done, my Padawan.”

And then he is pulled again into Qui-Gon’s comforting arms, and Obi-Wan breathes in and gives in, folding against his teacher like a child, and if a few tears stain Qui-Gon’s robes or drop into Obi-Wan’s hair, neither of them speaks of it.

Obi-Wan lets his Master hold him, lets go of fear and pride and doubt, and finds that he is safe.

#star wars #my writing #star wars fic #obi wan kenobi #qui gon jinn #qui gon and obi wan #master & padawan #padawan obi wan #look they are just a slightly repressed and off kilter #father and son #that is all #hugs #hugs!!!#more hugs needed #tw blood #tw death #tw bomb #tw war #tw child death

370 notes · View notes

beomglocks · 4 years ago

Text

what yeonjun is like as a boyfriend

warnings & other: no warnings except for falling in love with yeonjun, but is that so bad?, side note: no body asked for this but between college stress aka finals and daily life struggles this is the only thing i could manage to come up with so plz enjoy.

w/c: 2 more words and its 1K

jesus take the wheel

when you first meet him he’s flirting

biting his lips and licking them

raising his eyebrows and all like

????

calm down i don’t even know your name yet

very bold

so shameless when you first meet him

“you look like someone”

“oh really who?”

“my future partner ;)”

ngl you would be so put off by his confidence

but he knows when to tone it down and you’re like

“oh you’re actually tolerable!”

if youre shy then rip you

always trying to get you out of your comfort zone

probably does extra shit in public and you just have to laugh along nervously

then when yall are alone you scold him for embarrasing you and he’s like

“ok ok im sorry” *hug*

if youre confident like him youre both annoying

just kidding but thats real couple goals

everyone is jealous of yall

he’s so cocky

always showing you off

“hi everyone this is my partner!”

“yeonjun...we know...we’ve known ever since you introduced them 5 months ago”

thinks you’re the most beautiful human to ever grace the earth and it’s not even close

“seriously how did i end up with someone like you”

seems like the type of boyfriend to kiss the ground you walk on

*not to be confused with a simp*

yeonjun does not simp

he has morals

so you know how he tends to say “baby” a lot

yeah

thats his fav nickname for you and vise versa

omg he loves that nickname forreal

skinship

like i know i said beomgyu and skinship was a huge thing

but my god

yeonjun is on a whole other level

just comes up to you and annoys you with wanting to be close

hes so clingy

but will probrably pout and whine when youre clingy with him

“ahhh y/n you like me sooo much look at you clinging to me like this, leave me aloooooone”

obviously he doesnt mean it like cmon youre each others batteries

kissing you in public

im talking full on makeout sessions

“we’re in public...”

“ok and?”

literally just always all up on you

if youre someone who needs their space yall will CLASH

might even get into arguments because of this

serious arguments where you call him annoying

i feel like he will take it to heart if you call him that

nobody likes being called annoying :(

wont touch or talk to you for days

DAYS

thats dog years in your relationship

you have to apologize and really mean it

he’ll accept it if you kiss him

omg he’s so jealous

SO JEALOUS

doesn’t want people looking at you too long

dont try to make him jealous he will fight the other person

ok maybe just giving them the stank eye then he’ll pull up like

“hey im standing right here have some damn respect”

you guys definitely fight

A L O T

sometimes over petty shit but sometimes it gets serious

always threatning to break up but never doing it

you both know you’re bluffing but it still hurts everytime

but your relationship is strong

i feel like yeonjun wouldnt get into a relationship if he knew he wouldnt have a strong connection with the person

he values communication

tell him how you feel

he’ll always listen

if he’s feeling down you better buy him his favorite foods and run your hands through his hair ok!

speaking of food

best food runs

like will just randomly be like

“hey wanna go to this one place with me?”

and it’s like 2am

but he insists the food is worth it

best dates too

either a restaurant date

(doesnt have to be expensive, just gotta have good food)

or he cooks for the both of you

he cooks surprisingly good????

you’re like there’s no way you made this

he’s like damn you hate me that much

but no like actually can cook but he’s clumsy you know

you gotta be monitering him

which he doesnt mind, he likes having your presence in the kitchen with him

PLEASE i feel like he doesn’t like being alone when he’s doing everyday tasks idk

like if he’s brushing his teeth or if you’re brushing your teeth

he’s right there back hugging you ugh

the type to walk on the side of the sidewalk where cars are closer to <3

if you’re younger than him he kinda has a superiority complex

not in a condescending way

he just tends to baby you more

if you’re older he still tries to act older in some ways

“yeonjun im going to the grocery store!”

“actually i made that exact same grocery list and went 3 days ago”

“the only thing on the list was rice?”

but he likes being babied

coo at him and he’ll get shy and tell you to stop

meeting the other members isn’t too bad

“this is my significant other! arent they just so etheral?”

everyone nods because if they dont yeonjun will probably give them some choice words later

you gotta compliment him a lot

he thrives off compliments honestly

you: “you looked good in that one scene”

him: “yeah but i looked good in all the scenes though right?”

you CANNOT C A N N O T compliment anyone else

you: “soobi-”

him: glaring at you “what about him?”

just to mess with him youre like “soobin killed this scene too”

pouts and whines

“nooooo what do you mean he killed this scene?? i’m the scene too pay attention to me!”

studio sessions with him are a vibe

he likes rnb so yall would just be chilling on days where he doesnt have schedules.

plays his rnb playlist and yall just vibe out

youre both laying down on the studio couch with his head in your neck and he’s dozing off *broken heart emoji”

wait ok i know i’ve said this before but

he’s the type to tease you during arguments

“you wanna kiss me so bad”

and when you do he’s all smug about it

“my baby just can’t stay mad at me for long huh”

your friends think he’s hot

they probably think he’s way too good looking to be dating you

so you doubt yourself

but he’s like nah our looks are on par that’s why we’re perfect together fuck them

always wants you to watch him dance

during practice or not, he wants you there

after hours at the practice room is just him playing some random song and freestyling

but you love it because he looks so happy and free

probably does some cheesy shit like ask you to dance with him

or if you’re sitting down on your phone he’ll come up to you dancing just to bother you then just laugh

he’s the best boyfriend

idk

#choi yeonjun #yeonjun #yeonjun imagines #fluff #yeonjun reactions #yeonjun drabbles #yeonjun drabble #yeonjun fluff #txt imagines #drabble #tomorrow x together imagines #txt headcannons #yeonjun headcannons #txt reactions #txt scenarios #yeonjun timestamps #yeonjun fic #yeonjun x reader

1K notes · View notes

greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

Note

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,” Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.” Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine. Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes

337 notes · View notes

thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

Text

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it.

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went?

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him.

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse

251 notes · View notes