#please leave my works alone
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Tumblr keeps putting community labels on my works, THEYRE TAME ASF COME ON, I saw a post abt Luke x MC (smut 🤢) and y'all can leave that up but label my bb Mammon's beautiful cheeks??
So anywayyy, if you can no longer see my posts, blame tumblr :((
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Thinking about a full ghost Danny AU where he just straight-up dies in the portal. I think there should be more of those. <3
Character death, obviously.
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The drive back to Fentonworks was a blur in Maddie's memory, keeping Tucker on the line while he sobbed and stammered, trying and failing to keep himself together and explain what happened.
"-doesn't h-have a heartbeat and he's f-freaking out-"
"It just turned on, we don't know w-what happened, he, he said it didn't work-"
"-trying to keep Danny c-calm-"
"Please come home."
Jack's driving was even worse than usual, veering through the streets in an undisguised panic. Maddie hadn't been able to discern much from Tucker's ramble; the portal had finally turned on, but the kids had been messing around with it and Danny had gotten hurt. How hurt? Tucker didn't seem to be sure, but all three of them were in a state.
Jack pulled into their driveway and flung himself out, half the GAV still sprawled across the sidewalk. Maddie was right behind him, hanging up on Tucker with a quick assurance that they'd be right there.
"DANNY!" Jack yelled.
"In here!" Sam called back, from the open lab door. Of course.
Maddie slipped past Jack and got there first, almost falling down the stairs in her haste. What she saw there made her heart stop.
Danny wasn't there. There were three teens crumpled on the ground in front of the activated portal (a part of her sang, it worked, it worked) but Danny wasn't one of them. There was Tucker, staring blankly at the floor, and Sam, with her arm around a strange, glowing white-haired boy that was in tears - a ghost. A ghost? A ghost!
"GHOST!" Jack yelled in delight. The teen sobbed harder.
"Where's Danny?" Maddie demanded. Sam looked up sharply, her eyes wide like Maddie had never seen, her face dead pale under her makeup.
"I'm sorry!" Sam blurted out, looking nearly in tears herself. "I just, I, I thought it would be cool, it was just a picture, I, I didn't think-"
Maddie's heart skipped a beat. "Sam. Where is Danny?"
Sam looked at the crying boy next to her, huddled under her arm as if for comfort. The boy looked up, radioactive eyes swimming with tears and the water on his skin sparkling prismatically, and met Maddie's eyes.
"Mom," he croaked, his voice tripled and echoing with itself like a movie memory. "What happened to me?"
Maddie's knees gave out, and she crumpled to the floor, unable to take her eyes from the ghost in front of her. In a moment, she understood.
That was Danny. His colors had partially inverted, his hair turning white, the colors of his haz-mat suit - God, that was his haz-mat suit, the one they'd made for him and that he never used - reversing to white-on-black. He'd huddled into Sam, shaking and gasping, but now was pulling away, looking at Maddie like- like he thought she could fix this.
"I think something's wrong," Danny said, his voice trembling somewhere underneath all the alien reverberation. "Should we go to the hospital or, or something?"
"I don't think the hospital can fix this, man," Tucker said weakly, lifting his head just to stare at Danny.
The portal powered down with a whine. Maddie jerked her head up with a gasp, and found Jack at the control box, backing up silently. Jack stared into the portal. Maddie followed his gaze.
She couldn't stop the scream that tore itself from her throat. Jack yelled too, running inside, tripping over the bundled cables, and collapsing unceremoniously short of the body inside. Careless of that, Jack crawled forward the last few feet, scooped up the body, and then started to sob, cradling Danny's burnt and blistered corpse against him.
"...Do we call 911?" Danny asked, voice cracking. Maddie's head snapped back to him from the corpse, watching him stare in bleak, lost confusion at his father and the body he was hugging.
Danny didn't even believe in ghosts. Neither of their kids hid it, treating their profession with a lighthearted exasperation at home and plain embarrassment outside. Somehow, the fact made all of this worse.
"What's happening?" Danny asked helplessly. Shock, the stable part of Maddie's brain told her. He sees what's going on but his mind won't comprehend it. (He wasn't expecting to die today.)
"Y-yes," Maddie said at last, and then forced her voice to stabilize. "I'll... I'll call 911."
But first, she held out her arms, and Danny all but scrambled across the room to throw himself into her arms, still shaking. He was cold as ice, freezing through her haz-mat suit, and that was before he slipped forward with a yelp and tumbled through her. He scrambled back with a cry and tried again, and this time fell solidly against her, hiccupping. She wrapped an arm around him, shushing him softly, and groped for her phone with the other hand. She couldn't take her eyes off Jack, now carrying Danny out of the portal and staring from his corpse to his ghost, looking shattered.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"My son is dead," Maddie heard herself say. Danny hiccupped and clutched at her tighter. There was a brief pause.
"I'm very sorry, ma'am. Where are you? Have you checked his pulse?"
"We're at the Fentonworks building, 18701 northwest..." She rattled off the address mindlessly, and reached down to fumble for Danny's wrist. He let her have it without complaint, too terrified to put up any resistance. She shuddered as she felt nothing, not even the tendons or bone that should be there. Then she looked up at the corpse in Jack's arms and swallowed. "Jack, h-his... his pulse."
Jack nodded mutely and fumbled for Danny's wrist, gingerly running his fingers down the burnt skin until he found the right spot.
"What do you mean, his pulse, his ghost is literally in your lap!" Sam half-shrieked, her mascara running and her fists clenched against her cheeks, her breath coming in short gasps.
"No pulse," Jack croaked hollowly, staring at Danny's ghost.
"Maybe they could..." No, it was a foolish thought, and she wouldn't put false hopes into Danny's head just to put off her own grief. She cradled him closer again, feeling him shudder. She spoke to the operator. "N-no pulse, ma'am."
"Ambulance and police are on their way," the operator said, calm and reassuring. "Can you stay on the line with me?"
"Yes." Maddie felt numb, her own hands trembling as she held Danny close.
"Thank you. Can you tell me your name? Is there anyone else with you?"
"Maddie Fenton," she said. "My husband is with me, and my son's two friends, and... and my son's ghost."
There was another brief pause.
"Alright, Maddie." Maybe it was her imagination, but she thought the operator sounded gentler there. They thought she was crazy, of course. Maddie shut her eyes. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"I, I don't know. My son Danny was home with his friends, and they called and..." Deep breath. She started over. "There was an accident in our lab. Danny was electrocuted by one of our in-progress projects."
"Is the device still on?"
"No, ma'am. We had to turn it off to remove the, the body."
Maddie continued answering questions on autopilot, most of her attention on her son, her husband, and the body. Danny had stopped crying, but remained glued to her side, shivering and sniffling. Jack continued to cradle Danny's body, but his eyes were now fixed on Danny, grief spread across his face. Sam and Tucker had both quieted, watching them with fearful, guilt-stricken looks.
It seemed to take forever for the police and ambulance to arrive. Sam got up to show them inside without being asked, staggering up to steps on obviously shaky legs. Maddie was too grateful to insist on her or Jack doing it; with Danny's ghost cradled against her and his corpse in Jack's arms, well...
The paramedics arrived first, sharp-eyed and professional, but the first almost immediately faltered as he laid eyes on the scene. But Jack held up Danny's body beseechingly, his eyes wet and miserable, and they jolted into action.
"Thank you, ma'am," Maddie said to the woman on the line. "They're here now. May I hang up?"
"Yes. The paramedics will take it from here. Take care, Maddie."
Maddie hung up, and looked at the two paramedics as they filed down. They looked at each other, one inclined his head toward Danny, and they split up, one heading for Jack and the body, the other toward Maddie and the ghost. Both of them knelt beside their chosen patient, and Maddie fixed her attention on the one with her.
"Are you Danny?" the paramedic asked, unexpectedly gentle. Danny peeked up and nodded uncertainly, and the paramedic glanced at the body before seeming to make a decision. "Okay, Danny. My coworker June is going to check your body for signs of life to see if you can still be revived. Are you okay with that?" Danny hiccupped and nodded, though a new wave of tears welled up and trickled down his cheeks. "Can you tell me what happened?"
Danny hiccupped again, reaching up to wipe his eyes. "M-my friends wanted to see the p-portal," he managed, voice wavering. Maddie squeezed him, her own eyes welling up while the paramedic listened patiently. "A-and it didn't work so I t-thought it would be f-fine. I went inside a-and I d-didn't check if it was plugged in or anything, a-and then I tripped and fell and I think I hit a button and it turned on!" His voice rose until he was almost wailing. Maddie's throat tightened, and she hugged him closer. Her poor baby.
"You were electrocuted?" the paramedic checked softly.
"I guess," Danny sniffled. "I dunno. It just hurt. And then I felt really cold, and then I..." He looked down at himself and sniffled again, tears slipping nonstop down his cheeks. "Am I dead?"
The paramedic looked at his coworker, who met his eyes and shook her head. Maddie had to swallow a hiccup of her own, trying to be brave for her terrified son. The paramedic did a much better job at it, looking back at Danny and speaking gently.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "There's nothing we can do. June is going to call a coroner and explain the situation-" He caught the other paramedic's eye, and she gave him a nod. "-and we'll have your body taken somewhere it can be prepared for burial or cremation, whichever you prefer." Danny started crying again, and the paramedic exhaled and looked up to meet Maddie's eyes. "Obviously, there's no protocols for this situation. But, as his mother, I think it would still be appropriate for you to make a decision if he doesn't feel able to."
#911 transcripts freak me the Fuck out so i didn't read any for this#sorry if anything seems off#the 911 operator works in a dispatch that serves a large rural area and is not from amity park#so she doesn't know who the fentons are#the paramedics on the other hand ARE from amity park and know them by reputation#hence rolling with the ghost thing better#no identity shenanigans here only Your Awful Lab Safety Killed Your Son And Now He's Crying In Your Lap Because He's Fucking Dead#character death tw#my writing#danny fenton#danny phantom#maddie fenton#jack fenton#tucker foley#sam manson#not pictured: danny begging them not to do an autopsy just leave his body alone please please#he ends up choosing burial because he wants to know where his body is
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out celebrating with coworkers but its just me sitting silently shoving wings and tater tots into my mouth in between drinks while i get asked for the 50th time what my 4th of july plans are (idk think about gj i guess)
#i have low alcohol tolerance i must Eat#me at work: i cant get the work out today#my manager at sync meeting: her ft will be out tmrw#me: wtf 🥹#i used to have high alcohol tolerance#literally untouchable#now i have none less than 0 truly a pathetic amount will do me in#i wasnt feeling the convo at all tho#but i was feeling the spicy wings….#i miss my cat#this morning he was like why r u depressed again#and i was like please leave me alone and kicked him off the bed and i feel bad about that
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for all the shit lewis sometimes gets for his heavy-handed christian allegories, tolkien's work feels more deeply saturated in it tbh... christological themes of course echo throughout but on a more fundamental level, his cosmology (more than lewis's) hinges on racial and spiritual hierarchy. the racial elements are fairly obvious, but even individual races are subject to rigorous ordering: the seemingly arbitrary inequality between valar and maiar; the mightier and fairer high elves who saw the light of aman and the moriquendi who did not; men of darkness, men of the twilight, men of the west of diminished glory who are, or were, higher than the others, stronger and wiser, longer lived, and naturally owed allegiance. better, higher bloodlines: far from social constructs, confirmed by prophecy and magic. all over the place, detailed classifications that prompt questions like "why is it like this? why does it have to be this way?" and for all their equally detailed in-universe justifications, behind it all is the fact that hierarchy is divinely ordained and the unquestionable condition of the world. kind of a bummer honestly
#some disclaimers:#1) though no longer christian i was raised protestant; i may be blind to the more specifically protestant underpinnings of lewis's work#the contrast between them may not be so sharp as this post suggests.#2) these are reflections based on my personal experience of reading and rereading the lord of the rings and the silmarillion in particular#(i am not a tolkien scholar but only an enthusiast of history and of his work)#3) i am uninterested in arguing about the natural goodness or divinity of hierarchy#if you're personally super down with tolkien's cosmology then that's your business. but please leave me alone#lotr#the silmarillion#tolkien#mutterings
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Paranatural fandom rn
#pnat posting#tag#razor rex is not the cherub . dad puckett isnt razor rex either. nor is phantomime . also not june! failed again.#can we leave polaris ALONE#the way yall talk about him. its like hes working overtime#please consider the timeline Im accttttually begging you. yall are so stupid.#also shoutout to the person who thought Pj was ALSO Shrike's son. guys Davy is kind of Edward-Cullen'ing it right now.#she was like 20 when she had that kid#well. mid 20s. but you get my gist right#anyways. hilarious.#making me laugh at least#and how people think that pj is Davys brother. So close! he is actually his son. ♡#paranatural#<- actually fuck it Im maintagging this. I have beef with some of you guys 😭#some of yall are OBZEZZEDDD with Davys fuck ass sword. IT DIDNT CUT JEFF INTO A PERFECT PLAYMATE FOR CODY GUYS. THINK WITH YOUR BRAINS#all of this and yet nobody is considering the Implications of Collin Sloinne yet? eye see how it fucking is . cheesus christ
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Disclaimer for everyone: I need to avoid a lot of the unhelpful noise about recent events so I’m not going to be online for more than a couple minutes at a time here and there for several days.
My main priority with political and world event topics is the hard and careful discussions about them I have with specific people I have ongoing inroads with who are still in high control situations. I don’t have time and energy to engage with anyone about leftist moral superiority and bickering. Full stop. I’m donating money I can spare and I’m actively and constantly working with people still in the same high-control/cult groups I came out of.
Don’t come into my inbox again with more claims I’m supporting evil by not trying to bring about an immediate revolution against colonialism and capitalism while I’m just trying to keep some people alive and critically thinking long enough to get out of high control groups and actually vote, volunteer, and change policy. I hear you. I understand your anger. I’m not your real target though. Please focus somewhere else.
Thank you.
#this is the one and only time I’ll discuss this from here to the election#I lean almost fully leftist#I’m also a realist#leave me ALONE#I’m already doing the work#go do your own instead of policing other people#the end.#politics and current events#shh katie#I also don’t want the U.S. or Israel to be doing these things but there’s no fucking glorious revolution in the next five weeks#especially with the right getting EVERYTHING they want on a fearmongering military global unrest level#do concrete work or leave my inbox please#I’m this close to just closing it. I don’t want to but I might at this point#I don’t know how to tell you guys that sometimes the right is completely correct when criticizing and complaining about leftist behavior#and if you can’t see that I dont know what to tell you.#but keep it out of my inbox and dms!!!!!!!!!!!#I’m just one person! it’s not my ability OR DUTY to act according to the mantle you’re trying to paint me with#genocide is evil.#war is bad.#I will happily protest and do actual activism about it#but not voting or saying to vote for like. fucking Jill stein the liar and longtime hack is not it#and this is coming from someone who was a Jill Stein fan for a bit#I’m not afraid to admit when I was wrong and say that I changed. are you?
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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every time someone hc damian having come to bruce earlier i die a little inside because then he wouldnt be the damian al ghul we love, he wouldn’t have as deep a connection with animals, he would be a worse fighter and his humour wouldnt be so esoteric
HE WOULDNT HAVE THE EXTREMELY COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOTHER OR FATHER
#you guys say you like him and then remove everything that makes him him and leave a blank character#nust make an oc atp please pleaseplease leave my boy alone#my boy is already getting whitewashed and now you guys wanna make him palatable? stop just stop#damian as a character is good and works because he wasnt palatable when he was introduced#him beung fucking annoying and rude actually works. in his favor beacuse then we get to go on the journey with him of changing#and thats where we fall in love with him#but if you remove that we have mothing#damian wayne#please stop just make an oc im begging you
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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hey, seeing that hate anon made me very upset for you and also worried for you. you okay? please remember to drink water and do something nice for yourself today.
sincerely, with care, wind breaker anon
hi wind breaker anon! I’m okay, honestly! I appreciate the concern, but tbh I forgot about the ask after I answered it. like. I had work 😅 can’t be assed to give this person more of my attention than it took to just write out the reply. the fact that they’ve camped out in my ask box is weird but ultimately there’s no point in caring about these people. I only published the ask instead of deleting it because I wanted people to be aware someone like this is harassing wbk accounts. I’ll just delete anything else that’s obviously from them in the future. I’ve given them way too much of a platform as it is.
anyway! thanks again for checking in, no need to be upset on my behalf!! I will drink that water though because I need to be doing more of that anyway lmao
#king’s court#wind breaker#hate anon you are countered always by nice people in the fandom#you have zero of my interest at all times#please go work on yourself and leave the rest of us alone
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so I got the cute manager's phone number today for normal work reasons. and he immediately informed me that it was 11:11 and I should make a wish. and we exchanged photos of our dogs and bantered about military time and being functionally nocturnal. finally I said I still feel awful and am calling it a night. so his final text was "Good night my friend," to which I replied, "Night buddy," and nothing has had me kicking my heels and twirling my invisible landline phone cord quite like this since the time I got asked out to spring banquet.
#internet wasn't lying that autistic can rizz#and I KNOW it's stupid because we don't agree religiously which is super important to me#and also I don't date my coworkers#and also there's a power hierarchy imbalance at work so it would be super unethical#I know this isn't actually a realistic thing#but we work so well together#and I think he would let me pin him down#I'm gonna kermit the kill myself#that one stupid beautiful unreleased Hozier song called 'I could be yours' has the best little set of lyrics#'I know what could've been / but nothing comes from it. / That'd be a helpful thought / if I could remember it. / But I could be yours /#I could be yours I could be yours.'#j*** if you're out there I'M SO SORRY#please leave me alone and let me process this foolishness in peace
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I am also the youngest but I am the favorite (as the one who has never gone to prison it’s not hard lmao) and I feel Pietro vibes hard but I think it’s more of “being a little fucking gremlin” that gives youngest vibes to me.
Also say the word and I’ll fight your brother for you. You’re awesome and deserve good things.
yk in retrospect any time ive hung out with people and ive been A Little Shit and i tell them im the youngest in my family they always say 'i can tell' so i think youre onto something
#snap chats#like kayla had this friend and when the three of us would hang out id be. A Menace as per usual#and one day she was just like 'do you have older siblings' and when i was like Yeah Three she was like 'that explains a lot'#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAAN leave me alone ... im sorry im so funny and charming and witty ... i stole those traits from my sisters#ALSO DONT BEEF WITH MY BRO LMAO PLEASE he's the last person who deserves anything bad to happen to him i promise#theres no one in the world more deserving of good things than him i cannot stress this enough he was just being funny#i always joke about how our mom hates me so floor was open to the joke gejGELKJGELAK it was funny too. no harm done#if we should fight anyone its my mom .... why would i fight my brother when we have to deal with her together right ....#anyway congrats on not going to prison anon !!!!!! keep it up 👍#oh yeah hi i meant to be on more today but even with school over for now i still had some stuff to take care of today#and then i got tomorrow ....... busy bee i am ....#next week Officially i should be in I Can Kinda Breathe territory. i still have work but at least its just comm work and not school
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and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.
#do you see the vision here <- guy who has a watch rate of one episode per month#oh the implications of scorpus not being there for tenax in his time of need... the death of the child who is not but is symbolically their#is that a separate fic completely yes but it is ALSO in some ways a divorce fic. tenax like i needed you but scorpus also needing him#OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY DO SAY FELIX WAS HIM and i can do SO much with the concept of a “stray”. oh please. please strays instead of rats#one knife to the ribs one fixed race one apartment board THAT'S A STORYLINE BABY RISE OR DIE THE ROMAN WAYYYYYY#i do see your calla/tenax storylines i do. i could be swayed but we are not here for that currently this is the same as the chariot racing#like i KNOW what i said about the gold faction representing everything that scares scorpus a dream he never thought they'd reach#and then to have it ripped away now he no longer even has the dream untarnished i do understand. which is why the “i'm disappointed”#kills me even MORE because it shows he gets it. like on some level he does understand why scorpus had to but it's his pride that's wounde#so to continue from what i WAS saying with:#sets the bar so low because how else would tenax love him (as if tenax would not do the same thing if he lost) and they have even MORE#questionable celebratory reward sex. yes i assigned scorpus a degradation/praise kink the world works in wondrous ways don't question it#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#tenax making sure to care for the kids is what's killing me too because i REALLY want to draw a parallel with scorpus making sure he takes#care of the prostitutes. yes he's a notorious hedonist yes he has a lot of sex but he always pays well doesn't he. over-well. he pays too#much and ends up in debt he pays enough to buy girls freedom. so that they only have to if they want to. it gets him a reputation sure AND#it gets whole houses of girls under his (and therefore tenax's) protection. you can't bruise her up; that's scorpus' favorite girl.#she can charge more for being favored. he can pay for massive parties where no one else is invited and if he falls asleep midway drunk#off his ass after a race the girls would never say. they still get paid. if tenax comes to watch and give instructions they'd never say.#if tenax tells them all to leave and it's just him and scorpus in the golden room and all the girls see before they shut the door#and latch it behind them is scorpus on his knees in the soft plush cushions with tenax offering him grapes one by one from his fingertips#like a favored concubine instead of the champion whose laurels are tilted on his head they won't say a word. not even when the noise#inside the room continues for long after the hour runs out the girls still stand watch until it's quiet and then crawl back in around where#scorpus is alone in the big wrecked bed with a smear of blood or wine on his mouth who could say. certainly they wouldn't.#no matter what they still get paid. whether they did the work to wreck him or not.#ANYWAY#they take care of the selves they couldn't protect is what i'm trying to say. for tenax it's the child he was/scorpus it's the body he sold#only he hasn't stopped having to sell it. & i guess as we're learning with the extortion tenax is still a child running from a burning hous
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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remembering the time that I listened to so much rusty quill gaming in such a short timeframe that my internal monologue was narrated by alexander j newall for like 2 weeks straight
#rusty quill gaming#rqg#it was so distressing ahfkajflak#he would not get out of my brain#Alex please leave me alone#I just listened through all the eps of TMP and now I'm in a rusty quill mood again#I'm totally gonna relisten to some of the rqg oneshots at work tomorrow#Jason statham oneshot my beloved#*Ben Meredith voice* Jason. Babe. Darling. Sugarplum. My delicious rose.#I miss hearing Ben Merediths ensemble of voices#I miss them all#rqg I miss youuuuuuuuuuuu#fluffle talks
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tumblr glitched and spared you all the most heated rant of my entire hoa fandom tenure
#idek what happened i answered the ask & hit post but it completely deleted LOL#I’m not gonna bother to reanswer anon’s ask so I’ll give you the abridged version:#i would not feel the need to post so much about season 3 of hoa if people would stop being such virulent haters#and hold this season to an entirely different standard than the other two#like it genuinely makes no sense#i cannot stress enough that you can like s3 the least#that’s your prerogative#but to be so LOUD and so WRONG#ALL THE TIME???#makes me genuinely mental#SEASON 2 IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE SEASON#but season 3 needs love and so it’s been 11 years of me giving her love#anyway i guess i just gave you a take version of my rant#and @ anon: fuck you LOL leave me alone once and for all#i love having discussions and deep dives tho please do not think I’m @ing anyone on here you guys are chill and smart#and make good points and do great work and i love you#but if you’re a genuine s3 hater please fuck off to someone else’s blog i BEG#AND if you’re the anon who refuses to leave me in peace? i hope your pillow is warm on both sides#tess rambles
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