#please id love to write

[wrecklesswriterswrath]

Guys, I promise. I may not know much, but I do know that you'll never get any better at writing if you're not cringy or self indulgent. Please, I implore you. You need to give your brain ample practice to explore your WIP and characters. But you CANNOT do this while also expecting yourself to create masterpieces.

So, to break the idea that authors always have to create masterpieces, here is a non-complete list of every cringy or self-indulgent thing I have wrote. I'm on my 7th draft of my novel, and I've written over a million words in my life. However, this is a complete timeline of all of my writing.

These are my most... Interesting works:

-I began my writing journey with fanfic. Fairly standard. Harry Potter, to be specific.

-I created my first few characters. Roleplayed like mad with old friends that are no longer with me (they aren't dead we just aren't friends anymore).

-1st draft. It sucked. But it exists.

-1st draft of 2nd book. I got 1 chapter in.

-2nd draft. Less bad, still awful.

-A Disney Descendant's AU. Yes, that's right. The musical? I put my stupid book characters there. The song lyrics were actual chapter titles. I was 14.

-A High School Musical AU.

-A stage-play adaptation of the 2nd draft.

-The third draft.

-A MUSICAL adaptation of the 3rd draft. 3-4 original songs still exist somewhere deep in my computer files. It was 2020.

-The fourth draft.

-I begin to roleplay with a good friend of mine. We've done roughly a hundred AUs together, and I've written about a million words in RP alone. I wish I was exaggerating.

-A comic adaptation of my fourth draft.

-A Newsies AU (specifically the Broadway version). I'm 17 now.

-ANOTHER rewrite of the Descendants franchise. This time not even with my OCs. This one was baller. I was almost an adult.

-The fifth and sixth drafts, which both needed to be restarted less than 20k in.

-Ideas for a sci-fi began surfacing around my freshman year of college. I'm yet to actually act on anything.

-The current, seventh draft of my novel. I'm approximately 3 chapters away from finishing.

-A Rise of the Guardian's AU with my novel characters. Not Guardian's of the Galaxy. The animated film about Jack Frost.

-A secret, scheming new version of a stage play based on my novel. I really like plays.

-An AU done through RP called "Malumien Academy" based on the TV show Wednesday, and the film Dead Poets Society. There's at least 50k words to it.

Along the way, I've come up with many concepts. I've roleplayed just about every Disney film. You need to practice. You need to write. You. Need. To. Be. Cringe.

You won't ever be Shakespeare if you can't let yourself have fun.

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[feelo-fick]

it can't be too hard right?

it's easy not to think about things, he tells me i don't think all the time! wait...

—

a scene from a fic that i have no clue if ill finish, let alone post, but look i made fanart of my own thing that doesnt even exist :D

[grand-line-shenanigans]

For those of us who cannot comprehend big numbers (me) I have done the math. FOUR FUCKING YEARS. SECUNIT WHAT THE FUCK.

[wing-grayson]

Apprentice!Dick shows up in our "normal/standard/regular" DC universe and everyone (batfam, titans, whoever) is shocked and upset by his physical and mental state. Everyone is assuming it is dimension travel and wants to try to help him get back to his dimension, while also kicking Deathstroke's ass to get Dick out of this situation. However, our Dick recognizes that it is Not, in fact, dimension travel, but rather time travel, and he just never let anyone know that the apprentice trauma had happened to him. Our Dick Grayson goes along with everyone else's reactions while trying to hide that he went through this and never let anyone find out.

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

“he's like a brother to me”...”he's my best friend”....

[nordidia]

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

[ouaw-facts-i-just-made-up]

Gideon proposes to Kremy after the Krew settles down.

He forges the rings himself (many failed attempts happened, but Gideon is anything but a quitter), got them enchanted (one is cold, one is hot), and he saves up money to take Kremy on the most extravagant date he's ever been on.

He gets all dressed up, Gricko, Frost, and Torbek all hype him up. They take a nice walk, go to a fancy restaurant, do some other cute lovey dovey shit. Kremy is throughly swooned. And when they go back home, in front of all their friends, Gideon proposes to him, "I didn't do it right the first go around, will you let me have the honor of marrying you, for reals this time?"

Kremy, obviously, says yes

[rookflower]

ok, new apprentice pov officially confirmed!

[motianz]

I'll rant about Zhanyi for a minute

Honestly such a shame that OX refuses to do anything with Zhanyi.

I'm not even talking about them not being the main couple anymore, but the lack of progress on their relationship overall.

In the beginning, they had a really cool concept of Jian Yi being this lovable childhood friend who hides behind smiles and jokes, that suddenly disappeared and came back years later with no explanation. Then we go to the past, and there's some angst about the intensity of Jian Yis's feelings, the mysteries of his family, his kidnapping, etc. And their dynamic was really good, with Jian yi being a very carefree but also intense person, and Zhan Zheng having a short fuse in a kind of childish way (as he is a teenager at the time), being extremely loyal and intensely confused about his feelings towards this friend of his, who he spent most of his life with.

Jian Yi kept pushing and Zhan Zheng was this un-movable force where he just decided fuck it, whatever the kind of love I still love you no matter what and I'll fight for you. From the dangerous adults around them to the people who had crushes on Jian Yi, Zhan Zheng refused to let him go. They had depth and a lot of development at the start.

It could be such a great dynamic, and could lead to so much angst with Jian Yi's disappearance.

And they even had some great comedic moments of teenagers figuring out their sexuality, so a lot of them being caught doing or saying weird stuff to one another and getting flustered about it.

But it's like OX just GAVE UP ON DEVELOPING THEM

LIKE GOD DAMN

Their dynamic pre and post disappearance is exactly the same, it didn't get any deeper or more explicitly romantic, it feels like they are the same people, no changes at all. They're not upset, Zhan Zheng didn't acknowledge he has sexual/romantic feelings towards Jian Yi (which was great back then, but how is it still the same), Jian Yi has the exact same personality - no shiftyness about his experiences being gone, no serious moments, no growth. Yes they do have this "I'll stay and take care of you forever" but they've had this same dynamic FOR YEARS (in universe), how has it not developed? How has it not sowered or changed after Jian Yi disappeared??

They still feel like the same teenagers that are very close but aren't together. Every time we could get a serious moment, or progress on their sexual/romantic feelings we just get another vague "no mater what, we are besties" or goddamm comedic relief.

(Teenagers on the left, adults on the right) Like, we got this same situation so many times already, where Jian Yi does something dumb, Zhan Zheng reacts and they get caught doing something that is misunderstood. (The bug bite photo Jy sends Zzx, Zzx drying Jys pants, Jy tearing Zzx pants on the subway, jy touching Zzx chest in public, Jy wearing the skirt, this update with Zzx spanking Jy, I can list this forever) it's always the same concept/situation, and their reactions are always the same, there's just never any progress.

And don't get me wrong, I very much understand and came to terms that 19 days is not a plot focused story, and let's be honest the time-line has been a bit of a nightmare lately, but I feel at the very least we have some very good and fun progress and character depth with Tianshan. Zhanyi did progress from the very beginning, but overall it feels like that just stopped.

Like, we still didn't get to see Mo realizing he tian is gone or anything from that period, but their dynamic changed SO MUCH from when they first showed up. From when they first meet to when Ht leaves (after beating up SL) their relationship deepens, their characters gain layers. And since 19 days takes time with its plot we are still at the very beginning of their post leaving dynamic and we've already got some pretty obvious change on how the intensity of their relationship changed (Ht basically proposing sex during their last update).

But it just feels like Ox doesn't want to do anything with Zhanyi, not even just forget about them, but freeze them in the same state. Maybe OX is just leaving them frozen until they finish Tianshan's story and then go back to focus on Zhanyi, but like, it just feels like such a let down to continuously see Zhanyi stay the same.

We got to here, we got JY admitting his feelings and ZZX accepting them but being vague whether he felt the same or not, and then we got them several times dedicating their futures to each other, and that's it. Nothing else changed or advanced from their teenage years.

I think it's why Tianshan became so much more popular, because they never got stuck in time. Zhanyi had around the same level of potential (don't come for me, I love Tianshan and HT is my favorite character from 19D so I can't say it's exactly the same lol) and could have such a great intense dynamic, but it keeps not happening.

Maybe I'll have to re-read their chapters, and the progress is just super nuanced, but hopefully, OX will do something with them now that they are really testing the limits of Chinese censorship, lol

TLDR: Zhanyi relationship and characters had so much potential but now feels frozen in time, their relationship lacks depth because OX keeps making them repeat the same situations and have the same reactions. Hopefully this will change.

[crustyfloor]

"Let me drown in you" - Till knowing deep down that Mizi doesn't love him in that way, but he still asks for that chance because he wants her to love him back

Till being desperate for Mizi's attention, love, ect. he has nothing left going for him, so if she could at least lend him her heart so that he could forget his own pain he'd willingly put himself through the pains of being in Alien stage to get there. He'd let himself get lost in perfect picture of her if only for some semblance of meaning.

"I'll drown in you" - Till giving Ivan his heart isn't an option and he knows it, but Till has nobody else to fill that void, so he'd be willing to let himself be lost in that one-sided fantasy even if Till doesn't reciprocate, because at least he's letting him, and Ivan will continue letting himself be seen as a different person even after he's not useful anymore.

Ivan wants Till's attention, love, etc. and even though Till has nothing to give Ivan, Ivan takes what he can get and puts himself and his pain aside to be next to Till, if only to get Till's heart to himself.

[wrecklesswriterswrath]

Experienced writer with a passion for not writing.

[gt-daboss]

Nightmares (8)

"Dammit"

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PS: secret poll under readmore!!

[harrywavycurly]

Lines of dialogue that have been floating around in my head recently:

“This feels like a trap…fuck it let’s go.”

“You’re in love with me?…like me as in the person standing right in front of you?”

“Who does this tiny human belong to and why is it drooling?”

“I’d love you for the rest of my life if you’d let me.”

“This isn’t what it looks like…or maybe it is? It really just depends on what you think…this...looks like.”

“What are you doing on my porch at five in the morning?”

“Well great you’ve made me go and fall in love with you and now everything is ruined.”

[howdoichooseablogname]

buddie au where shortly after they get together buck gets contacted because it turns out someone he hooked up with in his buck 1.0 phase got pregnant

now he's a dad and has to look after the kid. the kid is like half of chris's age, so it depends on when they get together. season 2 buddie makes it a pre-la hookup (season 3 and 4 too? i could be wrong)

the kid calls eddie dad before buck. cause the kid is around chris so often, and chris calls eddie dad. both chris and eddie call buck, buck. so the kid imitates the only other kid and calls eddie dad

there is a whole drama point to it. they have to decide if they want to co-parent or not (they do) and since the kid already calls eddie dad, is buck okay with something else? buddie gets closer than ever

they also have a talk with chris. is he okay with buck officially being a parent (he already thought he was). does he want to continue calling him buck? it's okay if he doesn't

depending how old chris is he might stay with buck. the older chris is, the more likely he sticks with buck. maybe the exception is when he's talking to his sibling about buck to make it easier on the kid (even if he feels uncomfortable calling him that to his face)

also, depending when this buddie get together there may be more drama with the kid. the older the kid the more memories they get of thier family pre buddie. the more emotional it gets. especially depending on what brought the kid to buck. was it death, abuse, just plain didn't want the kid anymore? all with thier own trauma. so they have to help the kid too

there are sad moments, happy moments, angry moments. moments where all you want to do is lay down and never get up. moments where you just want to tear out your hair. but despite all that there is love. love for the child, love for the parents, love for the siblings. it can be hard, but they work through it. the true familial love happens at different points for everyone, but it isn't instant, it takes time

like, eddie loves the kid, that's his kid, he'll do anything for the kid, but sometimes he has to take a moment to remind himself that the kid is equal to chris. chis is his top priority, but this kid is too. it almost never shows in actions, but it's in his thoughts sometimes. over time it goes less, and he feels bad about it every time. buck gets through that easier

just sweet domestic family fluff with a buddie family. married with 2(.5) kids (maybe they get convinced to get a pet) and a white picket fence. but it's not perfect, life isn't perfect, but it's perfect to them

[sparring-spirals]

Compromise. Im not going to actually WRITE meta but i AM going to lay out a list of things I'm thinking about broadly and thematically and would probably write meta about if i were properly caught up and informed, but is instead influenced much more by early campaign F.C.G:

**edit: no this is kind of meta again. sorry.

- F.C.G grappling with the questions of: being made. purpose. whether it matters if you find your own purpose if you were made with one in mind and you "choose" something else. Can you actually? Does it matter? Is your choice a choice at all?

- Wanting so badly to heal people and help people and the unique fear of waking up and seeing damage done by your own hands. To the same people you wanted so badly to help. You extend healing and you offer comfort or kind words but all the while, in your core is a tightness. In your core is a danger. How much good do you need to do to get the blood off your chassis? Can you, at all?

- Metal body. Metal hands. A little wheel. You were a turtle once and it felt so wondrous to breathe. You try out tongues or little wooden legs or whatnot but it always comes back to an inorganic metal body and empty insides no matter if youre filling them with liquids or secret goods to smuggle or pastries (faux warmth). Maybe everything like wooden legs dangling off a metal body. All for show.

- A coin in hand. Looking for a higher power. Thinking about choice. Deferring choices.

- You love your friends, so much. You love people being kind to each other. You love your boyfriend and their wonderful way of thinking. You love being alive. Even when you doubted you were at all. You love, truly and deeply.

- Ashton raging at F.C.G for being a martyr. For aching for a good enough reason to get himself hurt or killed or blown up. Ashton looking at F.C.G knowing they're all messed up inside and trying so hard to stop them from letting it destroy them.

- Ashton always worried about how they're always trying to find a big enough cause, a good enough reason.

And so with those things, I remembered about F.C.G:

- F.C.G looking at their friends all down. Ashton laid out unmoving.

- F.C.G with something awful in their core. Ready to spill out. The same something awful they were always worried about. They were always aware of.

- F.C.G always looking for that reason. For that bigger and better cause.

- F.C.G always feeling like they didn't understand purpose, like it was so. unattainable- finally, briefly, startlingly- sure. Finally free of doubt. Their friends down and something awful and destructive in their core and one last thing they can do to maybe make things worth it, and the ability to choose it. They were made for something. They chose what to do with it.

- F.C.G finding that reason. F.C.G making that call. F.C.G thinking it was worth it.

- I think because of him, they succeeded. They won. That is certain.

- I think. "Worth it". Is always a subjective thing.

- I think. A self sacrifice is never just one person giving everything up. A self sacrifice, unfortunately- is one person making a choice.

And everyone else caught, in the blast radius.