#please god someone put me out of my misery

[pieshopbarber]

I have made the mistake of watching too much what we do in the shadows and now all my thoughts sound like fucking Laszlo

[frnkiebby]

this is just as much for leathermouth frank being fucking delicious as it is for the fucking amazing watermark (url) on this frimage~🎃

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

guess who has covid 😆😆😀😀

[caluski]

unfortunately with a heavy heart i admit i deserve to be crushed by a tissue like a spider and tossed into trash. no burial no funeral. maybe left in the soil to rot naturally

[wideminded-dreamer]

I actually just whimpered out loud

[doonthestair]

I have GOT to stop listening to Joseph while doing work because I literally just want to belt to my little shriveled heart's content

[gio-cosmo]

I’m taking some community college courses soon and istg if someone doesn’t see the fandom related stickers on my laptop and immediately become my lifelong bff I’m dropping all classes idgaf

[seokmattchuus]

Every time a man opens their mouth, I realize I'll never be able to be in a relationship again.

Why would I want to deal with something like that when I can have my silly little delusions about men that have yet to disappoint me

[pepprs]

not to be a pain-crazed wild animal. i KNOW i do this every time. but p*riods are so fucking crazy. like my cr*mps are so bad my body is trying to strangle itself but im awake and i need to be at work in 2 hrs and get thru an entire 9 hr workday as if im not in excruciating pain and im gonna bring my heating pad and my p*in r*lief cr*am if you catch my drift (💀) and i’ll need to use them DURING a busy day in which i will not see any other ppl who get periods in person and using them is gonna be a whole awkward thing. like omg. this is not fucking normal lol

[c0cain3-camwh0r3]

the body is very sick and I'm frontstuck so I am laying in bed incapacitated while our brother brings me soup

[treevore]

it's incredible how you can have one shitty moment before bed that turns into a literal whole day of being so mentally unwell that it's everything you can do to minimize the graphic intrusive thoughts of self harm down to "not that graphic" thoughts

[your-average-gay-dork]

Pls don’t tell me you can see a future with me unless you absolutely mean it. Don’t tell me unless you feel that shit in your chest.

[writingsbychlo]

this is a sick joke I need to be put down like a rabid animal oh my god

never ever getting over him

[gay-dorito-dust]

Imagine going on adventures with Logan and Deadpool and you’re the voice of reason behind them 😆 Deapool the idiot with hot headed Wolverine that reader has to keep in check all the time

It’s not easy being the only person with common sense in this rag tag trio of yours.

^^ this is literally you babysitting two grown ass men that need to be kept on leashes and separated from one another in case they fight, again.

You are overworked and underpaid to be dealing with this shit, but there was no one else who had the patience for Wade nor the compassion and empathy for Logan as you did.

So unfortunately you were stuck with them for every mission given but despite how vastly different and incompatible some of you were -*cough* Logan and Wade *cough*- you three worked well enough together that you were a force to be reckoned with.

You were forced to face situations where wade would be pissing Logan off to the point his claws were out, and you had to pat the rugged man on his shoulder, wait for him to look at you as you pointed towards his claws;

‘Them. Away. Now.’ -you.

Wolverine: *grunts*

You: don’t give me attitude, put. them. away. Now.

Wade: ohhh Logan’s in trouble!

You would then look at Wade before pointing at him like a disappointed parent: and you, stop pissing him off if you like to keep your dick where it is! Or so help god me I’ll cut it off myself!

Wade: 😶

Wolverine: *smirks and puts the claws away*

You were their voice of reason, their angel on their shoulder, their peace keeper and confidant and they respect you for keeping up with their shit. However it wouldn’t be much like Logan and Wade to make your life easy as you often had to stand between the two as a barrier of sorts to keep them from killing each other.

When in actuality they are flipping each other off behind your back and it wasn’t until Logan slapped wades hand away, causing him to say ‘ow’ did you look between the two of them as they acted like they weren’t acting like children a few moments ago.

You: I’m so sorry you’ll have to excuse them.

*Meanwhile Wade and Logan fighting, stabbing each other in the balls in the background*

You: WOULD YOU TWO STOP FUCKING FIGHTING FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!

Wade and Logan; *immediately stop and point at each other* he started it!

They were the reason you had grey hairs at an early age you swore this to anyone who’d listen. They were a pain in your ass, thorn in your side and a headache waiting to happen but the moment you were threatened, Wade and Logan put aside their differences and acted accordingly by standing protectively in front of you.

Logan: I would shut the fuck up if I were you bub.

Wade: oh look what you did, you made daddy angry.

Logan and you looking at Wade: 🤨😐

You: can you not make everything into a sex joke?

Wade, booping you on the nose; it comes with the territory peanut.

Logan: be serious for fucking once, they’ve just got threatened!

Wade: you don’t think I want our pookie to get hurt? (why do I think he’d say pookie unironically)

You: kill me now and end my misery. Please someone, anyone. Preferably pyro. (He’s hot, literally and figuratively)

Being stuck with Logan and wolverine is a curse and a blessing at the same time, which one you want to focus on more is up to you. However you three were incredibly loyal to each other, even if you do piss each other off from time to time, but you’d never betray one another for it wasn’t an option.

You were stuck with these two whether you liked it or not.

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

I I don't understand why everyone else has love and I am so alone

[minkdelovely]

I AM A BLUBBERING MESS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDD 🥲❤️‍🔥

Before long he was covered in your absence. It spread, a piece of thigh now the knee up. He could feel it. All the places you no longer were.

Humid breath primed the sheets for the drool that left his panting, open mouth. While your name could only be pieced together across butchered syllables intermingled with gasps and groans, you were there. He focused on the sound of you, the nape of your neck, the warmth of your skin, the softness he was sure you had for him.

HAZEL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? THE AMOUNT OF PINING AND DESIRE HERE IS LETHAL. LE 👏🏻THAL👏🏻!!!

Loss of decorum (part two)

I’m feeling too angsty to finish up part nine of ADIF (they’re so in love I can’t make them feel angsty in this moment) or write the very smutty Radioapple so… we’re here! 🫠 better than not writing ig

Part 1

How Alastor ended up dry humping a hotel resident in a hallway.

「Warnings/Promises: Alastor x GN!Reader, pillow humping, reader humping, violence against bedding, angsty little shit」

MINORS DNI 🍷 🛏️

What could he do? What power did he have when your existence collided so mercilessly into his?

You had started out as another thing in his peripheral.

He wasn’t sure when his perception of you shifted from the American Common Squirrel energy wielding sinner to a black hole of his focus.

You were always moving, be it your body or your mouth. Depending on if the topic fell under one of your litany of obsessions, you could go on for far too long. Your voice became background noise. Ambient sound he didn’t notice anymore until you left the room and suddenly— ah, the uncomfortable silence.

The shape shifting from small, inferior creature in his orbit to something substantially worse was too subtle for Alastor to clock it.

Was he finding a space to settle while he read the paper? Well where were you mindlessly mumbling to yourself…. That’d be a good spot.

Everyone gathered in the common area to waste time discussing the future? He’d find himself waiting for your arrival before zoning out.

Distance soon became irksome. He’d approach the bar inches behind you in hopes you’d jump and shriek with surprise. But you’d be so focused on whatever nonsense task you were busy with (like cleaning or bonding with Husk) to notice him, moving away from his bubble before registering any shock.

The audacity.

It only got worse from there.

Your scent lingering faintly in the air where you had just been. The warmth of your hand still seeping from the wood of the bar top.

Absence was suddenly something he became acutely aware of now. The void left behind from you in every room, and soon, on every piece of him.

He was taken by surprise himself when one day you forgot yourself and placed a hand on his lower back. Just trying to get his attention so you could walk behind him safely, Alastor spun around and gave you the dirtiest look.

“Excuse you.” He hissed, and to his dismay you smiled back and moved on. But the feeling lingered on his back. And when he removed his coat and waist coat before bed he could still feel the pressure of that hand. Small compared to his own, he noted, as he let his larger palm settle over your ghostly one to try and replace the sensation. It was of no use. You’d marked him somehow.

A slap to his arm when he said something you thought was hilarious did it too. Then the time your leg brushed against his for a moment when you took a seat beside him. He moved to a nearby chair but it had been too late. Before long he was covered in your absence. It spread, a piece of thigh now the knee up. He could feel it. All the places you no longer were.

Alastor was quite sure he had blacked out. The first night he lost some battle he wasn’t aware was waging in himself, he left his body entirely. The beginning of the trouble. He remembered undressing and checking his skin for any signs of you. And then….

Somehow, at some point, he’d pulled his pants down enough to free the uncomfortable tightness there. Unsure of when, he grabbed hold of a pillow. He was sure it was the whiskey… he told himself as much as he thrust down into the long and soft tube of down-feathers. His head was heavy, antlers looming and forcing him to rest his forehead against the mattress.

What exactly he was thinking about he couldn’t say for sure. It was all a blur of sweat and fuzzy images and errant feathers as his claws tore into the pillow accidentally. He’d been too rough, hands shredding the fabric and hips thrusting the poor stuffing from its casing.

Humid breath primed the sheets for the drool that left his panting, open mouth. While your name could only be pieced together across butchered syllables intermingled with gasps and groans, you were there. He focused on the sound of you, the nape of your neck, the warmth of your skin, the softness he was sure you had for him.

And then the pillow was utterly ruined, messy in ways not entirely dissimilar to his earthside victims. Different fluids, different innards, same principle, he thought. A moment of passion he struggled to control.

A moment that became a pattern. A routine.

Alcohol didn’t help, as he often found himself destroying more bedding when he imbibed… no, it didn’t help. Until it helped too much.

Until you followed him down an empty hallway late at night. Stumbling and slurring, having gone drink-to-drink with him, you reached out and hugged his arm against your chest and said his name in a way he could only perceive as intimate.

Once again, his memory was full of holes about the details. But soon you were on the wall, his hands at your chin and hip, one of your legs around his thigh as he pressed his growing erection into you. He pulled back nearly as quickly as he pressed in, but when you moaned he flinched.

“Do you like this?” Barely understandable as it was diced by the static sharpness of his radio tones.

You nodded, sliding both hands up his wide chest and holding onto his shoulders. He wished he could stop, his face pure frustration as his body took the reins. He watched somewhat helplessly as he humped into you like a hapless teenager. His muscles knew the motions now by heart, memory driving the feeling of his cock up and down your core. Through the discomfort of the friction you found the pleasure of the circumstance.

His hands pulled your legs up by the thighs and you wrapped your body around him instinctively. So tight and determined was your hold on him that he could let his hands roam elsewhere. Tenderly and clumsily he tried to not tear you like your pillow counterparts. His hands roamed and flexed as if telegraphing his thoughts of calm down, gentle.

Drunk or not, you were aware it was a public space so you bit your lip to keep the louder sounds down. Alastor felt his cock jump with every whine you made; his body lit up by just your stifled moans into his chest.

You felt it too, the twitching of something large and solid rubbing against you. Your body tried to roll back against his thrusts, chasing the pleasure available there, but Alastor held you firm in response. “Don’t move, I’m already at my limit.”

For some reason he had thought he could pull away before cumming, but he couldn’t. It was impossible to stop himself, not with you so eagerly clinging to him. His body grew stiff against you, breath held in his lungs as you looked down to see the smallest sheen forming just to the side of his pants zipper.

You wanted to touch it, to feel the sticky proof of his want for you, but found yourself landing ass first as your support disappeared with no warning. He heard your yelp as your tailbone hit the hard floor but he was already gone in every sense that mattered.

He went about the following day glaring menacingly at you; an unspoken warning.

You took the hint.

But when Alastor found himself again rubbing his clothed erection into yet another pillow, he suddenly regretted the cold attitude he gave you. The pillow was now utterly useless.

It lacked the scent of you that rose off your neck, heated blood rushing through your veins. It was too soft, no true form to accept his cock and give him the sensation of closeness to something so tantalizingly unknown. The room was too quiet, your satisfied sounds so loud in his memory. The bunch of feathers and fabric wasn’t capable of wrapping trembling arms around his body to remind him this was something both parties wanted. No twitches. No warmth. No sighs.

No accident that night when he tore the pillow in half. He’d fucked himself by not quite fucking you. Nothing in his bed would be able to satisfy him any longer. Before, he could ignore the occasional physical arousal easily enough as he had nothing to compare that option against. He’d nearly always powered through it, and when it was just unbearable his fist was enough.

Then, somehow, for some reason, he needed to act out the way you made him feel. His thighs and core throbbing to move. The pillow was fine, if not embarrassing in new and horrifying ways.

And now, his hand and cushions were all moot. He’d had a glimpse of what he didn’t know he was missing. Ignorant bliss torn from him like it had been from Adam in his garden.

He simply couldn’t go back. Alastor wondered how long he could keep himself from you. Worried if your hands would snake up his shoulders again or push him away.

Panic turned his blood cold and cock soft. What if you denied him? What if the damage had already been done to you both?

He knew the only way to find out was to try again.

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ⋆Masterlist.ೃ࿔*:･

˖ ݁𖥔.Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult.𖥔 ݁ ˖

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