#please don't expect me to post these types of things regularly
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Prototype Fredbear (The Fallen Hero AU) visits the Sun and Moon Show universe.
The SAMS universe didn't have anything that Shadow Kennedy and Shadow Afton wanted, so he just turned around and left. He only stepped out into Kill-Code's base and was like "I hate this place already).
#josephthesnail#joseph rambles#prototype fredbear#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#fnapf#five nights at prototype fredbear’s#the sun and moon show#sams#kill code#kc#kc sams#tsams killcode#tsams kc#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#daycare attendent#dca#shadow kennedy#The Special Strike#Special Strike#the hottest dog#I am not exactly a fan of this series as I am not into daycare attendants#I love the fnaf classics#I don't hate security breach#but it isn't my thing#please don't expect me to post these types of things regularly
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Advice for beginner Hellenists
This isn't necessarily a post where I include a list of Gods, epithets, resources, and offerings for said Gods, but rather, hopefully soothing the worries of those of us who are starting the journey into the religion. As someone who was once in a religion that made other religions sound like something absolutely terrifying, my journey into Hellenism was once which was also... pretty terrifying, and this fear was mostly just from my own mind.
Anyways, my list of Advice:
You can literally just start praying. If you want to get more formal, you can absolutely get more formal, but you very much don't have to. I've definitely had my first prayers to some Gods be "hello, [God or Goddess's name], I want to worship You! Please lead me in my journey. Thanks!" I can promise you, the Gods are much kinder and more understanding than any of us fully know.
You can also just start worshiping in general. I feel like I've seen on occasion people worried about the Gods not "calling" to them. This is definitely not something that needs to happen pre-worship. If you find them interesting enough to pray to, then that in and of itself is enough.
In a similar vein, I wouldn't be too concerned about the idea of "signs". I feel like there's a tendency for folks to be incredibly worried about everything when first starting out - the behavior of a candle, the sighting of an animal, a strange dream, all can suddenly seem to take on jarring significance. But I can promise you, the Gods don't constantly give out signs, and frequently, these strange occurrences can be attributed to the mundane. When something comes from the Gods, you will know, trust me!
You don't have to worry too much about the idea of cleanliness, be it spiritual or physical. Khernips are cool, and I'd definitely recommend integrating them into your practice sooner or later. Hygiene is cool too! But if I'm being honest, we in the modern day are far more physically clean, and a lot less likely to regularly encounter the type of pollution that would have been encountered in ancient Greece.
The Gods will be at varying distances over the course of your worship. Sometimes, They will feel close, joyfully, burningly so. And sometimes, They will feel far, and prayers may even feel a bit futile. Both of those are perfectly okay, and neither of those will be permanent.
And, once again in a similar vein, you will likely not find yourself having constant, close mystical experiences with the Gods (i.e., conversations, visions, etc.). These experiences are rare and far between, and I would advise that you not make them a central part of your worship. They will come when the Gods deem you're ready for them, and you definitely won't be expecting it. Focus on the little things!
My final thing (for now) is that you also shouldn't put undue pressure on yourself to be doing some sort of big offering to the Gods. If that's what you can afford, that's great! But if not, fresh water, a small wildflower that you came across and picked*, or a small bit of a meal also count as a good offering!
And with that, my (much longer than I was previously planning on) list of things for beginners to keep in mind! A lot of this list is made up of things which I picked up along the way, and a lot of it is also made from my own personal hindsight being 20/20. I hope this is helpful to someone, and that it maybe soothes some of the (incredibly common) worries which so often accompany those who are venturing into the world of Hellenic polytheism!
#dionysian#dionysos#dionysus#hellenic polytheism#hellenic polytheist#dionysos deity#dionysus deity#hellenic pagan#hellenic gods#hellenism#helpol#beginner helpol
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Crimson Phantom: the one that gfkion got me
Flashback to my old yakutier list: in the top tier, you'll notice that one of these is not like the others:
SO WHAT IS IT DOING THERE????????
Perhaps the reason Crimson Phantom R5 ranks so high is cuz of the PERSONAL HISTORY i got with it. The straw that broke the fish's back? the last drop of water that makes the cup run over and spill onto my socks MOST iRRITATINGLY?Hm. Maybe. Prepare yourself for the longest post yet:
Let me give you a timeline...
May 2022: start playing nuca during Mystical Banquet. First SSR is Endless Banquet Garu. I am intrigued by his musculature and adorable puppy eyes. July 2022: Idol Fest. I only care about Olivine. Captain Oli is the one SSR i get, and i am exceedingly happy. October 2022: Eerie Escapade. I pull for Garu, but get 3 Yakumos. I am bitter and ignore him entirely. November 2022: I don't have many SSRs, so I consider building my 2-star vampire yaku. This would involve unlocking his rooms for the stat boost. I ask Friend A, who also plays nuca, what his rooms are like. Friend A says "it was roleplay cringe but free' I respond, "i expected as much" and do not build up vampire yaku. December 2022: I get Friend B to start playing nuca. Since we live together, it is very easy to spark impromptu , impassioned nuca discussions in the middle of the kitchen. February 2023: Friend B discovers the main menu- Past Events and Galleria, most notably. Their eyes sparkle as they look thru the events they missed. "When did you start playing?" they ask. "Since THIS event." i say, pointing to the Mystical Banquet banner. "Can I see who you have?" I give them my phone. They express mild awe as they scroll. We continue life as usual. March 2023: Friend B gets Spring Chaos Edmond and i am JEALOUS. I say so- regularly and loudly. During one such griping session, this occurs:
Me: you JUST started playing . you cannoT be destroying me in the rolls like this!!! i'm getting NOTHING!! Friend: but you have so many units that I don't! That I didn't even have a chance to get!!! Me: none of them are Beautiful Bride Edmond??!!! Friend: BUT YOU HAVE VAMPIRE YAKUMO Me: ?????????? so??? Friend: GOD HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND I'M SO SAD I MISSED HIM Me: you can have him. he's not doing anything over here. i wanted garu!! Friend: YOU HAVEN'T EVEN UNLOCKED HIS ROOMS? THAT'S NOT FAIR. GIVE HIM TO ME. I'LL TREAT HIM RIGHT Me: i wish i could dude i wish i could
Please imagine the utmost confusion on my face the moment my friend equated Bride Edmond's beauty to Vampire Yakumo's.
Because,, from the moment I started nuca, I had zero interest in yakumo's general aesthetic. I was long soured off the vibes due to an extensive history of dating sims shoving a Certain Guy into my face:
"Certain Guy AKA 1st potential love interest is imperious red/black guy who's also kinda the True Ending so we're only giving you the illusion of free will and you will be disappointed by the lack of care we give to other routes compared to this guy. You wanted a character that wasn't him? HAHAHA nah that nobody dies in a ditch offscreen. You were SUPPOSED to fall in love with the 1st guy we showed you and find his attitude problems attractive for the rest of your blissfully coupled life." (The freshest wound at the time was Nobunaga from that Specific branch of the ike series)
Butbutbut!! Yakumo is not imperious??? He's nothing like what you're describing??
Yes, dear reader, your assessment is fair. UNfORtUNATeLY, I'm a shallow ho and just the LOOK of his redblack skeleton embroidery was enough to repel me. The only thing that kept Yakumo in the Neutral zone was that his story self was Wibbly.
Looking at VAMPIRE yakumo, however... This was not wibbly. Here, with his hair slicked back and his torso seemingly widened and his generic bishonen-vampire-halloween-cosplay ...... it irked me. I did not like it. This look was everything I hated about those redblack domineering types haunting my past. The one interesting thing about yakumo (his wibble. his personality subversion of the aggro trope) and they GOT RID OF IT? Nah. I'm not into it. I refuse it out of principle.
I was steadfast in my dismissal of vampyaku for months.. But that was because I played alone- without outside influence.
Then that March conversation with Friend B happened.
SUDDENLY, SOMEONE introduces the POSSIBILITY that YAKUMO in THIS form can be attractive? Huh? Seriously? People think that?Legitimately never occurred to me. Unfortunately, my friend's words are in my head now.
During that convo (a convo which, unbeknownst to me, caused the first cracks in the healthy moderation i held for this game), i jokingly offered to unlock vampire yaku's rooms so my friend could watch them. A peace offering. "PLEASE!!!!!", they yelled,, with effusive sincerity.
Ah... well now I had to commit...
Determined to give my friend a Nice Thing, I threw excess knives at yakumo in my spare time. "I might as well unlock these rooms, and see how bland they are, and maybe sorta achieve vindication when I show them to my friend and they find out how Not Worth It vampire yakumo is compared to bride edmond" (I am fueled by spite and pettiness.)
thus, with time... ROOM 1 UNLOCKED!
Yakumo is wallowing again. Nothing new. He's handling the new cooking duties well, though. Good for him! Eiden is perceptive and wonderful, as usual... ah, eiden, beloved eiden.....i adore him and all the Sense he brings to these traumatised clan members ☺ Oop, there they go! initiating the cliche roleplay! Biting. Blood. Yep. Guess we're doing this.
AND NOW WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT ROOM 2
I was so self-satisfied when i unlocked R2. I mean, i wasn't going to show my friend until i unlocked EVERYTHING, but so far? From what I saw? this ain't it. this is SAD. this is... so very unsexy.
the only thing anchoring me to the present while watching this room was eiden's cheeky self. As Friend A remarked long ago, this was indeed cringe roleplay (but eiden is free).
I'm not very adept at voice reading/recognition, but i still felt something was up with yaku's voice. Meaning, it was different. he was REALLY laying it on heavy... It being the Role? Where was his tremulous soft voice? Naaaaaah, here in R2 we got yaku DROPPING octaves like they're on fire and affecting a drawl that...i think... is supposed to add to the seductive dangerous mood? i think? i'm really not good at parsing the horny from the Not fjkdrhgdu
with every extended vowel leaking thru yaku's fangs MY ANTI-NOBUNGA DEFENSES ARE BRISTLING yaku is REALLY playing it [Count Drakumo] up and he is NOT himself and, wait, he's spiralling? ooohhhhhh ok this is not good this is not fun he is not having fun
yes ok we've been over this my boner is dead killed by sadness that's just me not everybody is like me and i should let ppl like what they like MOVING ON
ROOM 3: OOOh Girl How they gonna react after THAT disastrous scene Woah!
Yakumo, angry???? Standoffish???? REfusing to be near Eiden? Interesting.... I mean. No! Not interesting! There's nothing interesting about vampire yakumo! Cliche as hell!!! Conventionally decent-lookin whatever-man is growling and hiding his face in a shadowy corner while saying things like "oh i'm a horrible monster .who could truly love me?!" and "stay away!! i'll only hurt you!!!"
Eiden: starts spouting truths about how the perception of "bad" and "undesirable" traits don't negate an entire person's positive traits and that someone's value can't be determined by such rigid thinking
Me: dammit eiden. stop making sense. i'm trying to hold a grudge here .............i'm starting to get hungry...
ROOM 4: OOPS I LOVE EIDEN AGAIN
I LOVE YOU EIDEN AND READING THIS ROOM MADE ME LOVE YOU EVEN MORE yakumo is, once again, spiralling in his self-hatred. i, on the other side of the screen, am getting weary. tbh, if you asked me to react to yakumo in real time, i would not know how to behave appropriately. i probably would have dismissed his concerns in some way (empty reassurances or bored ignoring).
but eiden??? ebeatutiiful emotionally UNconstipated FULL OF EMPATHY FIBRE eiden? candid... communicative... accepting yet not encouraging the dark thought patterns. . a self-aware king...
so when eiden gets in front of that mirror to demonstrate the self-talk "training":
I AM SO ENDEARED AND IM LO IBVE UHJIJM....
When Eiden gives yaku a chance to try, poor snakey doesn't know what to say. So Eiden whispers all these nice words and affirmations while standing behind yaku, expecting him to repeat them outloud THEN OF COURSE THE SILLY GUY ESCALATES TO HORNY AND I HAVE TO 🤣🤣🤣
ok, i'll begrudgingly admit... pretty cute interaction... and funny... if there's one way to win me over it's The Funny... how dare. how dare this room make me smile. I'm having a little giggle. Over a Yakumo room. THANKS eiden. For injecting humour into anything and making everything seem more tolerable...
After the practice run, Yaku ends up spilling his actual fears about his dual natures... but eiden insists that he can handle both.
yaku: if i think these dark thoughts does that make me a bad person eiden: well we all have layers n stuff so go wild yaku: if. if i. wanna lock u away all for myself and gnaw on your bones forever and keep u attached to my skin like an anglerfish absorbs mates into their flesh. will u hate me??? eiden: girl let your freak flag fly. i can take u ;););)
OKAY. SO MAYBE I CAN SORT OF SEE THE POTENTIAL FOR *NOT-AS-SAD* HORNY. THIS IS QUITE NICE (i comment mildly, gesturing to the emotional catharsis and deepening your understanding of another person). Now that yaku is emboldened in uh, being himself? all versions of himself? let's see how boinking is gonna go. hopefully it will be quite the departure from R2's struggle hours...
FUFIOKIN. ROOM 5: BANE OF MY EXISTENCE
The FIRST thing that strikes me when the room starts is
EIDEN YOU ARE SO HOT WHAT TH BRWOIJAOIEWFSKAESFKJLFEA?
INIPPL?
EIDEN'S HANDS? I'M BITING THEM? LET ME BITE THEM??? Yeah so i'm just staring at eiden displayed proudly in the mirror and a bird could probably land in my mouth with how it was hanging open, thinking, "yall know how to lewd your protagonist, nuca.... respect....." i'm distracted, but i need to move the room along so
.? ⚠! (ALERT NOISE) (ping!) the only yakumo room i've unlocked at this point is the OG SSR/Story H. i may have seen idol r2, too. so my current image of yakumo at this point is: -wet -crying -subby little baby
therefore, him saying he's GOING TO TEASE EIDEN causes my brow to upturn. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 really? really, yakumo? YOU? are you even capable of doing that? can you do more than one thing [be wet baby]? i doubt it. these games always choose one niche for a character and stick to it... you caNNOT drift into switchery. try it i dare u (<- famously lesser-known last words)
eiden, in line with "i can take all of you", responds that he likes both. and btw, this ain't one-sided. he warns that he's about to weaponise bottoming again. if yakumo thinks he can just lead eiden around, lolollololo l good luck. my boy's gonna squeeze him dry (seriously. i have zero faith in yakumo's ability to stay in control of any situation)
OK! so! they're fukin *mundane hand gesture. rollin it along*
yakumo slows his roll and is all, actually, part of the fun is looking at you confused and needy :3 so he's going at a super lax pace and adjusting his dick angle and some other tactical penis feint that's edging eiden into horny frustration
as if i'm cheering on my fave racehorse, i start YELLING when eiden ~~snatches back the reins~~~~
WEAPONISE! 👏THAT!! 👏BOTTOM!!!!!!!👏🏭🎬ATTABOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!📣📣📣🔊📢🔊🎖🥳📣🔊📢
wait what ........HOW HAS HE NOT LOST IT? if eiden went off on me like that, uhhhhhhhhhhh hahahaha rest in pesis i'm losing immediately but... crybaby.... is holding it together? in fact, he somehow TAKES CONTROL AGAIN??????? THET F ????
idk guess i'm shocked with processing another side of yakumo that i didn't expect,, i avoided yakumo because his look served potential for "2000s toxic seme" energy. but i tolerated him because his ACTUAL personality was NOT That. yet... now he's showing that exact domineery junk and i'm ..ok with it? Is it specifically because i've only seen him be pathetic in every other room?!
i'm just gonna...a. take a moment here to... maybe sort of understand the predicament i'm in along with my growing . something. admiration? for yakumo. uhhh.... hmmmm..........
yeah ok whatever people can be freaks about nipples i guess
SHIT I FORGOT HE HAS COLD HANDS . SHIT. I FORGOT I LIKE COLD HANDS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M INTO THAT?
NOT THE NECK BITING AGAIN AHAHAHAHAAHHAHHA FOR REAL?????? VAMPIRE COSPLAY SERIOUS????? (<- my voice has gone an octave higher as i start panic laughing)
i don't know why i didn't expect that here. do i just not think ahead? it's stupid count drakumo. of course he's gonna suck blood. at least twice. maybe the rest of you saw it coming, and rolle dyour eyes. ahahaha, how very trite. how very standard.
did the active shattering of my preconceived yakumo.png weaken me THAT much? was i sudddenly swept up into the revelation thata game was Finally going beyond the yaoi dichotomy? to make someone subby AND dommy? Was i SO swept up that the "cringe vampire roleplay" bypassed my eyerolling sensor?!?!?!
i've got a single nervous bead of sweat making its way down my back and it's cuz of the very simple combo of hole/temperature/neck
so while i'm taking another impromptu wary pause , stewing at how DEVASTATED i may or may not be idk whatever it's not a big deal that the neck bite isn't shown on screen
LOGIC: that makes sense. animating and drawing that separate pose in this setup would be way too much work for 2 sentences. HORNY: TEAR INTO HIM. SUCK HIM DRY. LET ME
SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
yeah for real. I'M feeling attacked right now. eiden trying his best not to splort from the three-pronged feel-up (struggling like an amorous salmon up a waterfall) when suDNDEnly
......?
*RECORD SCRATCH* ?!?!?!?!?!??!?????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!!!!!??????????????????????? ?????!?!?!?!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????E?!?FKFOO>>>>?VFF??A""????":??"??????!?!!??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
👆
WHAT WAS THAT?
*runs into the adjacent room like it's a reality tv privacy booth* *slams the door and stares incredulously at the camcorder* *points toward the room i just left*
IS THAT ALLOWED?
Is Yakumo legally allowed to say "fuck"?????
*falls into a hushed and baffled whisper* i don't have enough Japanese comprehension to parse exactly what yakumo said oh god i wish i had the comprehension is this a translator liberty? is it real? because if the original speech was actually more reserved but the translators were like "bro that ain't sexy. just write FUCK"?? i guess that wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility? but if yakumo legitimately said "fuck" ...... AND dropped the honorific from eiden's name?! .......... huh! ohhhhhhhh *ruffles my hair out of confusion* did he really say that? i mean ok he's a grown ass snan i shouldnt ' be scandalised like i hear d an infant say FUCK as its first word , 11 months out of the womb ....... *deep breath* ok. don't dwell on it. gotta return to the task at hand. *steadfastly turns the doorknob and returns to my previous location*
so eiden looks like what i feel right now (in the key of: !?!?!?) thankfully the surprise doesn't last long in the face of his shamelessness (blessed be eito), so he tries to repeat after yakumo but yakumo's drilling him so hard that brain mysgh muysh can't really... speak..prororperly
SUHUT THE FUCCK UP YAKUMO I'VE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED BY SUCH A SHORT SENTENCE GO AWAY WITH YOUR THIRTY SHADES OF COUNT DOMKUMO PARADING IN HERE THINKIN YOU CAN DISH OUT ORDERS LIKE THSI WHEN YOU'R E NORMALLY A SOBBING MESS BY NOW=====----
*pinches in between my brows* uueugh...... eiden doesn't get to finish his task but they go at it until the screen goes white with that powerful SPLOOSH we all know and love
and yakumo FINALLY breaks character getting juiced released a bit of his control i guess we hear an "uhu" at last. he uses his pathetic wibble to ask eiden for more because he's still hard. of course he is...... mans is never done.......dick ouroboros with the way he never ends.......
BUT THEN EIDEN PULLS A FACE THAT GRABS MY ENTIRE BRAIN AND FLOODS ME WITH SO MUCH AFFECTION
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY JUST LOOK AT HIM SLUTTY BLEP i was having an out-of-body experience i was suddenly going over every BL i've ever played and how none of the protags were ever this unabashedly INTO IT (of course we are only here because we build upon the foundations of our gay ancestors THANK YOU GAYASS SPIRITS OF YORE , ) BUT! i'm experiencing a grand realisation of how far we've come and how eiden being a slutty versatile dweeb enriches my life to untold measures and his stupid cute little ;P thirsty look is going to sustain me for years and also i love it so much i'm going to screenshot it and keep it in my gallery just so i can look at it whenever i think about homophobia existing ever . i love u eiden get that dick and hole forever💖
now that yakumo is all vulnerable and Himself and freed from his edgy persona , he's just pounding into eiden liek 🥺 i'm just a normal snokai right? 🥺😥 so it's ok to act the way i truly want to❓ you'll accept all of me? 😖 i'm not a horrible irredeemable monster ?? 😧💦 you still want me? here?? with you???🥺🥺🥺 i'm allowed to make you feel good??😢?😭?😥 of course eiden affirms all this with a big moany yes (in surprisingly eloquent words despite the state of his anus)
and to top it all off, the room provides a full circle of plot by letting eiden complete his failed "repeat after me" task from before..- with a horny addendum about how he can't get enough of yakumo's dirty expressions, because of course our boy has to get the last word.
ahhh,,, like an epic movie,, it all comes together. loose ends tied and fucklines affirmed. tasks fulfilled; pervert's journey complete;; we, the audience, can go home with satisfied closure.
after-credits sceNe: when the post-nut clarity hits yakuei, i am brick'd with overwhelming concern about eiden's leg. how has it NOT cramped this entire time, being held up like that.? what was that? at least 15 minutes?! of lifting up one leg and spreading it so wide? damn, boy, is ya potassium that powerful? no calf cramps? nothing? eiden your sexual athleticism is unrivalled. i am in awe.
Note!
When i first watched these rooms, I didn't have headphones. Months later, i finally got to watch the scenes WITH SOUND. and i was so very pleased to hear that yakumo's voice in R5 was a nice middle ground between his suuuuper drawly heavy cosplay mode R2 angstvoice,, and his regular uhuu soft voice. it's definitely more himself, but with the added confidence of roleplaying ehuehue so it's just nice!! to hear him being more secure in himself!! and enjoying the situation!! but also teasing eiden and enjoying the power plays?? yay! near the end he returns almost fully to his regular voice due to , you know, whiny pleady 🥺 feels-too-good things afoot and that just .... upped the affection for me.... ugh... so he CAN do both......
in future watches, i eventually take the time to look at yakumo's face instead of eiden's. . .
and i do NOT like where my subsequent thoughts go
oh no he's hot.......................
WE RETURN TO REALITY. IT IS SOME TIME BETWEEN MARCH AND MAY (2023). I HAVE AT LAST UNLOCKED ALL OF CP YAKUMO'S ROOMS. I AM IN MY ROOM AND I AM SHOOKETHED. Shortly, I seek out Friend B, the catalyst for this train of horror and realisation. I tell them the task is done. Eventually, i give them my phone so they can watch their beloved vampire yakumo rooms. I couldn't even hand it over with the derisive scoff I THOUGHT I would show. the look of absolute dismissal that used to appear whenever someone mentioned crimson phantom yakumo. No, i handed it over with thinly concealed amusement . perhaps even excitement, that someone would soon share in something that so pleasantly surprised me. A part of me wished for them to return my phone with a disappointed "tch". to tell me that, oh, that wasn't very good after all. you were right. i could have missed out on vampire yakumo and lost nothing. Unfortunately, they returned my phone later that evening . their eyes glittered with the glee of someone whose hopes were beautifully fulfilled. "OH MY FUCKING GOD I KNEW it was gonna be amazing!", they bubbled. "Yeah." is all i could say... . I spend the following weeks slowly falling victim to yakumo's charms. By June, I am putting up posters of him all over my room while talking about how much i hate him.
SUMMARY: like nuca itself, it started as a joke and now the quences have conned. i'm suffering the cussions, reperfully. eiden did NOT help. he was beautiful and amazing from every angle and that added to the positive associations with these rooms,, and by extension, yakumo. and now? now i hate this snakeboy for what's he's done to me. i'm p sure he's actively moving the goalposts on my preferences as i type. i'm scared. he has too much power . that this mushy noodle would subvert tropes by following the old kabedon-seme script then DO IT AGAIN by hitting me with the SUBVERT REVERSE BEAM #2 and now i dream about railing him under the moonlight.
it was all downhill from that accursed roleplay. eiden's a gayteway drug. he fkoin got me. and now yakumo's got me too
#if any of you actually make it through this entire post#it'll feel like you just took a thorough psychic reading of my brain and tbh i fear for this new level of mental link#if you saw me immediately after my first playthru of r5#i would have been angrily kicking up the papers all over my floor and tearing apart pillows#barking indignantly about how some boring-ass touching and basic bitch dirty talk#and bitey roleplay did me in#well....... you can't help what kicks you behind your knees and leaves you for dead on the cold sandy floor.....#nu carnival yakumo
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As a Guy who Fixes Machines for a living, but unfortunately doesn't have Much experience with engines, *but* has read a Ton about them: please tell me about steam engines and/or their Repair Quirks and Logistics. Infodump Away :chinhands:
I'm going to be honest with you - this is one of the most flattering asks I've ever received in my 14+ years on this website.
Steam locomotives seem pretty overwhelming at first because, as you'd expect, there's a lot of moving parts, and they're actually huge. Like many large animals, people often don't realize how big they can actually get until they're in the presence of one. The one I drove, Strasburg #90, weighs in at 212,000 lbs - and she's smaller than a lot of the active steam locomotives operating today. 106 tons is nothing to sneeze at, and she's still considered smaller.
You probably don't need this in layman's terms, but I'm going to try to keep the explanations easy to understand in case anyone who doesn't work with machines reads this.
How do the beasts run?
Continuing the metaphor of these things basically being really large animals, you have to feed and water them. Early steam locomotives ran on wood, but as time went on the most common fuels became coal and oil, and today some can even run clean on vegetable oil or torrefied biomass. The fact that they need to be fed and watered fairly regularly is why there's always at least two people in the locomotive cab - you've got an engineer driving and a fireman keeping the beast fed and monitoring the water levels in the boiler.
This is a diagram of a fire tube boiler from Wikipedia. Steam locomotives generally use this type of boiler, which gives them their familiar shape. The fuel is thrown into the firebox on the left of the diagram, and the heat from the fire flows up to the tubes in the boiler. The water in the boiler becomes steam (specifically what's called "wet steam" because it's saturated). The steam rises to the highest point in the boiler, the steam dome at the top. From here, the steam is sent down into a superheater, which dries it out and produces superheated steam, and that's what's directed down to the cylinders to get everything moving. The smokestack on the right of the diagram is where the exhaust gasses are released, giving off that plume of smoke everyone expects to see.
Now that the steam is at the cylinders, the pistons can start pumping and moving the driving rods on the driving wheels (the big ones). Here's an animated gif of that process, again from Wikipedia.
At this point, it's basically like any other engine with pistons - the pistons get pumping and the machine starts operating. This whole section of the locomotive is referred to as the running gear, and includes the valve gear, connecting rods, brake gear, wheelsets, axleboxes, and springing.
Essentially, it's a steam engine with wheels that is capable of pulling incredible amounts of weight if everything is done correctly. Your average steam locomotive is still stronger than your average diesel or electric locomotive is. Depending on what you needed your steam locomotive to do, the size of the driving wheels would differ - locomotives built for high speed tend to have really large drive wheels, whilst locomotives designed to go slower but pull more weight have smaller drivers for better adhesion and traction.
Maintenance?
As expected, since they have a lot of moving parts, steam locomotives need a lot of active maintenance. They're checked frequently, have mandated annual inspections, and are required by the Federal Railroad Administration in the United States to have a more thorough inspection every 1,472 days of active service - so it's basically 15 years or 1,472 days of operation, whichever comes first. 90, the locomotive I drove at Strasburg, is currently undergoing her 1,472-day inspection as I write this post and she'll hopefully be back in operation for her 100th birthday next year.
One of the things that's unique about steam locomotive maintenance is that the boiler regularly has to be cleaned out, which is why the boilerplate on the front has hinges - that thing's a door! This job was more dangerous historically because boilers were often insulated with asbestos, but pretty much anything operating today has had any asbestos removed or wasn't built with it in the first place. This website has a really good explanation of the process of cleaning out and fixing up a locomotive boiler for a 1,472 day inspection, complete with photos!
In terms of steam locomotive shops, I'm biased towards Strasburg because I grew up going there all the time, but they really do perform incredible work. Late last year, one of their locomotives, #475, had a run-in with a crane left on the track due to a misthrown switch, and her smokebox took some damage. Fortunately, the damage was minor, and they were able to get her repaired in a mere 96 hours.
She now looks like this:
They opted to braze weld her and didn't smooth it out as a reminder to crews to stay vigilant, so she now has some really cool battle scars.
I'm not as well-versed in repair since I don't have hands-on experience with it (yet), but once I can start volunteering I'll hopefully have some more stuff to talk about since I'm hoping to learn to work with these machines more closely! (And drive. Drive all the time. Drive forever.)
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I saw that thing you posted about something called an OhNut. I am going to use this opportunity to ask you a question de dilation, if that's okay? I'm a trans lady... I hate having a p*nis (dysphoria). If I'm not comfortable about receiving penetration, (or any form of sex even) would it be unfeasible for me to get a vaginoplasty? I don't want to feel stuck between two unpleasant situations, so I would like to ask you for advice on this. <3
Lee says:
If you want to have a vaginal canal (maybe you just want one!), you can get full-depth vaginoplasty even if you don't plan to use your new vagina for penetrative sex-- but you would need to use a dilator regularly to maintain the depth and width of the canal.
If you don't want to be vaginally penetrated, even if you do it yourself with a dilator in a non-sexual context, you might find that minimal-depth vulvoplasty is a better option for you than full-depth vaginoplasty.
Minimal-depth vulvoplasty (sometimes also called zero-depth vaginoplasty) creates an external 'female' vulva, so you'd be able to pass while changing in the locker room for example because you'd have labia majora, labia minora, and a clitoris, but you wouldn't have an internal vaginal canal that could receive penetration.
If you know know that your feelings on vaginal penetration will not change over time as your dysphoria lessens after surgery, minimal-depth vulvoplasty is a good option because it significantly reduces many of the risks of medical complications associated with full-depth vaginoplasty.
But it may not be ideal for folks who think that their feelings regarding penetration might change over time as their relationship to their body changes and they want to explore different activities as they grow to be more comfortable in their post-op bodies and have lessened dysphoria.
If there's a chance that someone even maybe might become interested in exploring vaginal penetration, they will need to consider very seriously whether minimal-depth vulvoplasty is the right choice for them because it requires either using or discarding a lot of the tissue that could have been used to create the vaginal canal for full-depth vaginoplasty.
That means that there's no easy path to create a vaginal canal after someone has had minimal-depth vulvoplasty, so they can't just change their minds a few years after surgery and decide that they want a vaginal canal after all.
All that being said, minimal-depth vulvoplasty is a great option for people who want to have a vulva instead of a penis and are certain that they never want to be vaginally penetrated. There are many people who have had minimal-depth vulvoplasty and are very pleased with the results.
Of course, every surgery has risks, and I'm not getting into the in-depth risks and benefits in this post-- this post is more about letting you know what your options are regarding vaginal canal depth and the ability to receive vaginal penetration.
If you are seriously considering this surgery, you should make a consultation to discuss the risks and benefits and expected outcomes with a gender-affirming genital surgery team. For this type of surgery, you'll likely see a urologist and a plastic surgeon who collaborate on creating the genitals you want to have.
#Lee says#vagina m#penis m#genital m#surgery#minimal depth vulvoplasty#minimal depth vaginoplasty#zero depth vaginoplasty#minimal-depth vaginoplasty#zero-depth vaginoplasty#minimal-depth vulvoplasty#zero-depth vulvoplasty#grs#srs#trans
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Welcome to my Inter-Knot Page for Requests and General guidelines for sending anything through my ask box. I'll try to get everything in order here to make it an easier process.
If I'm missing anything or you have any further questions, please talk to me and I will give you my take/word on the situation. If it's important, I'll add more into the guidelines as we go along!
Thank you guys for checking it out and thank you for your patronage!
⋈ Falu
Character Count
For Requests, I'll do a max of 3-4 Characters per requests.
Please list the characters you want to ask and as for the reader insert, please clarify the basic things like gender if they have one/species if their is a specific prompt you would like to see.
i.e fem!reader / father!reader / bangboo!reader
if not specified ahead, I'll usually go straight to a gn!reader. Everything will be tagged properly either way but please let me know in your request to best fulfill your wishes!
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Prompts
For Requests, I'll do scenarios, headcanons, AUs, single-character interactions, drabbles, and detailed prompts.
That being said, I would like to note that anything following any NSFW will be handled differently. In fact, I won't be taking direct NSFW requests as I don't feel confident that I can deliver your wildest fantasies to the best of my capabilities. I do have my own ideas for future content which I will share and might mention/hint at some sexual content here and there, but that does mean I'll consent to accepting any NSFW/general smut content. 1*
Anything with established relationships like even poly relationships (or prompts including harems types content), I will try but I'll admit, not my area of expertise.
If a Prompt becomes popular and becomes somewhat of a series on the blog, I will add a tag for the specific request and add it to the tags list on the intro post for easy access to said requests.
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Interacting with Falu
I would like to state that I am down to talk about characters, simp over our favorites, and making friends in the community. I won't say no to a simple Hi or Hello, I like answering questions and interaction as a whole so feel free to come say hi!
I don't only making writing requests and prompts, I also make characters and draw occasionally so don't be shy to share your own thoughts and ideas! I'm have a ball for a brain, got all these ideas bouncing around.
I would like to state some boundaries as well down below.
One ; I am not a consistent writer as stated before and have a very packed schedule, so please understand that I can't post regularly and/or interact with people. I also am a nervous reck so please be patient.
Two ; I don't mind any form of interactions. Whether it's me, the writer / persona Falu, the Bangboo who I am accompanied by, ButterBoo, or even breaking the fourth wall the OP. Just please be respectful and kind, we can have fun with this until we can't.
Three ; Don't be rude on my blog, please treat everyone with respect. Understandably if you see something you don't like on my page or don't enjoy my writing, I request that you don't interact with it and move on. It works out for everyone and we all can continuing going along.
Four ; I do have the right to reject and refuse any request sent to me. So please don't go spamming my inbox with the same request, or even hit me up in DMS with your request and asking about updates on your request. I will block you if you continue these actions and worst case scenario I will turn Anon off. 2*
1* Especially when it comes the some characters who I see as minors (Corin/Ellen/Koleda/etc.). I don't do Aging-Up Characters content either so don't expect that. Also included in this list of no no's is anything with non-con, r-pe, SA , intense gore, self-harm, or suic-de.
2* I like to leave my ask box open for anon's because I understand if people aren't comfortable or wish to remain anonymous when it comes to interactions and requests, we've all been there when you are spotted by mutuals in the wild when you think you aren't noticed. I respect that choice so please do the same and respect my boundaries so we can have fun together in comfort.
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In the Teen Wolf fandom, it seems like peeps only love the big-names, the ones who regularly return to post content versus people who joined in the last few years.
As someone who has been here a while, what's your take on this? Should new people stop trying? Because that's what I'm feeling.
Hey friend!
I just wanna say, before I really get to my answer, I'm kind of touched that you see me having been around for a while!! I'm definitely not what I'd consider a big-name and I know my blog is mostly just my little corner full of stuff I curate with my own creations or reblogs of other people's but you see me 😊 I'm also for sure not tapped into the fandom itself like some folks I follow. I just doot my snoot in my little archive of teen wolf shenanigans and try to maintain friendships with anyone who wants to interact with me (via asks, messages, or tags, good golly I wanna hug anyone who interacts in tags lol and I for sure recognize when ppl come back).
I typed a way longer response that you may not have wanted, all to just say I would hate to see new people stop trying!! I adore that teen wolf is still pulling people despite it being off air and potentially not getting more movies (whether or not that's what most people want). I think fandoms need fresh air continually too. No two people will experience the show or content 100% the same way and have every single response be the same. Just with the two cakes mindset of creation, there are multiple cakes for how we all digest the show and they're all delicious. I carved out my own little corner here because I wanted organization for myself, and I create largely for myself. Any interaction I get, I fucking adore, I cannot impress that enough lol. I just never really expect it bc I know I do my own thing here with stuff like Multiamory May moodboards. Rarepairs and polyamory and trans headcanons just aren't everyone's cup of tea and I stopped trying to be recognized for what I "target" when I know my quality isn't 100% and I'm just vibing to my own weirdness instead of being super put together about it. I've definitely flickered in and out of the fandom when it comes to engagement too - like how last year (or year before? idk, time is confusing) I was running regular events but currently I just don't have the energy/passion in the same way.
If you really want to be seen more, esp if you make your own posts/content, utilize tags, even if you're hella lazy with it like me. I try to always use #twedit no matter what, in addition to #twfemslash and #twrarepair when applicable. Those go on the radar of people who fill the queues of some "big" blogs that do a bunch of reblogging just to have continual content out there. I also feel like I got a foot in via a couple of my discord servers, mainly Teen Wolf Legacy, and making a couple too (one for Scott shipping, one for teen wolf femslash; others i know of included pecific Derek-positive ones, a Stiles shipping one). That absolutely increased my reach, because I could share my stuff with people who specifically wanted to get pinged for, say Allison/Stiles content as an example. Idk that my following blew up or anything, I'm still a relatively small teen wolf blog. But it did make it easier to grow into my niche here. It also made me realize how big the fandom is. Some might only watch for or engage with a particular ship or character, while others like me do so for pretty much anyone.
This was still lengthy, I'm sorry. You caught me after work when my brain is like solely focused on decompression via fixation and tumblr is often a source for that. Please don't be discouraged from trying, and if you feel comfortable coming directly to me I could possibly point you in the direction of some other teen wolf blogs with similar interests! Big-names are hella daunting and it still blows my mind some of the ones I always sort of looked up to also just have some nerd behind them that I can talk to (even if I feel like im annoying them lmao). Feel free to talk with me more either on or off anon too, I'm pretty much always here to some extent. I love new people so fucking much, I'm just not engaged enough to always see you 💜💜💜💜
#seriously this was so sweet to receive?? I'm nobody over here i swear#answered#anonymous#anon#idk if I'm becoming a fandom old but i do recognize how hard it is to just get into the groove#i came in during s4? pretty sure. and it was already a huge place here. now it's even bigger and there's new canon (technically)#there is always room for everyone i promise
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I posted 20,208 times in 2022
658 posts created (3%)
19,550 posts reblogged (97%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@aerogadyne
@memetrash-coyote
@46hasu
@windypenguin
@llewellynz
I tagged 7,864 of my posts in 2022
#art - 1,712 posts
#cat - 315 posts
#dracula - 250 posts
#star trek - 215 posts
#long post - 164 posts
#fire emblem - 163 posts
#writing - 161 posts
#dragon age - 154 posts
#cats - 131 posts
#comic - 127 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#(i had a lady leave her kid at my counter once as a retail employee and i was high enough ranked at that point to make a big deal out of it
I sent 3 gifts in 2022
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
me, regularly: so glad we're past the seme-and-uke thing
fandom, occasionally: no, we've just changed how we refer to it, we still feel just as strongly as we did before
125 notes - Posted October 13, 2022
#4
oh, to be a little cat living luxuriously
189 notes - Posted September 17, 2022
#3
Hey what’s this murderbot stuff you talk about all the time? It seems neat
It is The Murderbot Diaries, a series of sci-fi (mostly) novellas by Martha Wells! :D The protagonist is a "construct," a semi-organic robot/cyborg made of both mechanical parts and cloned human tissue; it specifically is a SecUnit, a type of construct designed for security work on the Corporation Rim, a part of space owned and operated entirely by mega-corporations that use people as serf/slave labor and thus need non-rebellious, pre-programmed security to run herd on them.
The theory is that SecUnits are simply equipment, and Corporation Rim dogma basically treats them as less people than humans (which it, frankly, also often treats as not-particularly-people unless powerful enough), and they're controlled by "governor modules" that punish them if they take any unapproved actions. The dominant narrative about constructs is that, without their governor modules, they'll run amok and murder people.
Murderbot a) is very much a person, though it has some trouble coping with that fact, b) disabled its governor module after its bad code made them run amok, c) has not in fact run amok murdering people since, and d) is in fact spending most of its time watching media while it continues to do its job. Literally all it wants in life, when we first meet it, is to be left alone to secretly watch TV inside its own head. #Relatable.
The series starts with Murderbot finding people willing to treat it as a person and starting to escape the role for which it's been designed and the cruelty of the Corporation Rim, and continues on into a lot of grappling with how to exist as an independent being, learning to form its own identity, dealing with people's expectations of it (whether hostile or well-meant), and so on. It makes friends! It learns and grows as a person! It deals with its issues, sort of, and learns that sometimes dealing with those issues means asking people to accommodate it and sometimes it means accommodating them and both are reasonable to do and expect.
The books are first-person POV, and Murderbot is a very snarky narrator; in part due to the mostly-novella format, each entry is very tightly plotted, flows very quickly, and is heavy on fast, fun action. The other characters and Murderbot's relationship with them are also wonderful, and I in particular enjoy seeing Murderbot gradually develop friendships, entirely unaware and/or in denial the whole time.
My mom bounced off the books initially but then fell in love with the audiobooks and thinks the narrative style works better that way, and the narrator for them is extremely good, so if that's a way you enjoy engaging with first-person POVs I will recommend that as well!
210 notes - Posted March 8, 2022
#2
cleric: can I make a Medicine check to see how he died?
me: you don't need to make a check-
cleric: please! I haven't used Medicine once yet
me: okay, go ahead
cleric: [rolls an 8] ...I can't tell much, can I
me: well, honestly, the DC on decapitation is very low, you can tell how he died by the way his head is not connected to his body
239 notes - Posted June 26, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
woke up this morning to a comment on a fic saying they hoped I didn’t mind them commenting on such an old fic, and the fic isn’t even a year old, so I’m going to reiterate: I can’t speak for every single fanfic writer in the world, but I don’t know a single one myself who wouldn’t be thrilled to get comments on years-old fanfic! there is no deadline! it honestly made my day
21,813 notes - Posted August 19, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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(anon only because I'm not openly radfem on my blog) Since you're a horse radfem (I am too! :D), I would compare the differences in dog breeds to, say, the difference in thoroughbreds vs. quarter horses. I've spent a long time specializing in restarting OTTBs and I love Thoroughbreds with all my heart - they're generally very intelligent, hardworking, and eager to please. But thoroughbreds often also have a low anxiety threshold and higher exercise requirements than other breeds, particularly when they're young. I've seen people get an OTTB who is unusually slow off the leg and low-energy and still have it turn out catastrophic because they can't meet the horse's requirement for intellectual stimulation. Does that mean thoroughbreds are "bad horses"? No, they can be wonderful horses for the right owner! But I strongly warn beginner/intermediate riders, timid riders, riders who don't have access to good turnout or who don't have time to get to the barn regularly, away from buying an OTTB. It's not the right horse for their life situation and experience level. Similarly, pitbulls aren't inherently evil or bad dogs, but they do tend to be more anxious/reactive and have higher energy requirements than other dogs. Sure, it's possible you might find a one in a million pitbull who is relaxed and doesn't mind standing in your apartment all day, but for most pitbulls that wouldn't be an appropriate situation. My issue is when people say pitbulls (or other high-energy or reactive dogs, like huskies) are perfect for every situation. It's doing both the dog and the owner a huge disservice. Like thoroughbreds, pitbulls are not inherently mean/dangerous, but their relative size and strength means when they do act out, it's more dangerous than, say, a Chihuahua or a miniature horse. I think it's also naive to say training fixes everything. I could train the living daylights out of a horse, but at the end of the day I can't turn a forward, anxiety-prone thoroughbred into a calm babysitter who doesn't mind sitting in the stall every day. I can teach the horse better emotional management and manage potentially negative behaviors easier, but we can't change an animal's natural personality and we shouldn't want to - there's nothing wrong with the thoroughbred as it is, it just means it's not ideal for every home. Likewise, NO amount of training will turn a reactive, dog-aggressive, high-energy pitbull into an easygoing, quiet, dog-friendly family pet. We can manage behaviors better - for example, get a dog-aggressive dog to the point where it only reacts to other dogs if they're directly in front of it vs. all the way across the street - but we can't change the dog's personality. Again, doesn't mean they're bad animals, but as an animal trainer and caretaker I think it's doing animals a disservice to claim that all animal breeds are exactly the same and it's all in how you raise/train them, which simply isn't true. (End note: Sorry for how long this ask got!! I'm not trying to debate you/start discourse or anything, animal husbandry is just a topic I'm passionate about and I figured as an equestrian you'd have the same knowledge background/interests :)
Yeah I get that! Honestly I agree! It’s def not a one size fits all thing.
My main point was training is the main thing- it’s not necessarily inherent and it’s unfair to blame the animal for stuff that oftentimes was caused by people.
I personally also think that there is a massive issue (especially here in america) with too many animals, too many strays, and too many uneducated or plain cruel people.
So many people see a dog on the streets (or a horse on Craigslist) and think they can save it they can fix it.... and they get in over their head and end up fucking up the animal more while also portraying a poor example of the type of animal.
I know breeds aren’t the same and such- you can’t expect a pit bull and a border collie to do the same job- but honestly the main issue imo is that breeds are just... so muddled now that it doesn’t matter. Breeding here is so unregulated that I find it hard to chalk dog behavior up to breed over socialization or shit bloodlines. (Tbh same goes for horses- we’ve all seen halter bred AQH!)
It’s a very diverse problem, and I would have continued to get into it on the other post but I figured it would seem rambly and off topic.
I actually made a side blog for animal related discourse and opinions so I’ll probably start putting my thoughts over there.
Also, anon, you seem really cool and I’d love to talk more if you’d be comfortable with that! You can send me a message on here or on my Instagram, or send another ask and I’ll answer it privately with my discord :)
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Hello there, I see you're back on blue-line drabbles! I love them, I am obsessed with this universe. I don't know if I ever came back to say hi after I read all your big fics, but somehow I liked each even better than the last! I don't know how that's possible! But anyway, I think one of the best signs of a good writer/good story is when you're not ready to leave the world once you've finished, and Blue Line is one of the few fanfics I've read where even well after I've finished it, (cont)
(cont) I want to keep living in it and I end up writing my own fic of it in my head (strange, I know). Anyway, for whatever reason, I got really invested in Roland and Lizzie's relationship. Like, how did they end up dating after knowing each other for literally Lizzie's entire life? How did the adults react? Do you have any Lizzie/Roland stories up your sleeve? They would not go unread :)
————
Hello, yes, listen, this ask has lived rent free™ in my head since I first got it and I cannot properly convey how absolutely, goddamn wonderful it is. I am a broken record of outdated references , but it continues and will always amaze me that people are not only interested in Blue Line (more than three years!!! after I originally started posting) but are also interested in other characters in the story who are, for all intents and purposes, original characters at this point. Like the overall size my heart becomes when reading something like that could potentially cause a serious medical condition.
But, like, in a nice way.
So thank you, thank you, thank you. It genuinely warms the cockles of my entire soul. And, like, if you wanna share those fic ideas of the fic, you’ll never hear me say no. Just like I will never turn down the opportunity to write more stuff. Which is what’s under the cut. This stuff includes:
Roland and Lizzie’s first kiss, what I hope is some legitimate banter, more kissing, obvious flirting, and Roland being something of a sap.
Also, uh, it’s entirely possible that I have also already written: Roland and Lizzie’s first “I love you,” their wedding and some other stuff where their kid is involved. Seriously, guys, I am always down to write other relationships in this ‘verse.
————
It was, she figured, something almost passably close to, sort of resembling, definitely inching somewhere nearer to—
Assured.
Unavoidable.
Inexorable
Inevitable.
That was a bad word. That last word. The third one was pretty impressive, honestly. Vocabulary, wise. She’d have to remember that one later. The last one, though. Made teeth Lizzie wasn’t even aware she possessed ache as she ground them together, a pronounced tension in her jaw that was likely affecting her shoulders as well. That word. An awful word. Boasted less-than-positive connotations, letters practically dripping with lack of self-control and overtly aggressive infatuation, but if the world expected her not to be a little in love with Roland Locksley by the time she turned fourteen and noticed that slight indentation in his right cheek every time he smiled, well, then the world had another thing coming.
Dimple, that was the appropriate description. Another word. More words. Too many words. All of them bouncing off the slope of her skull and scratching at the back of her brain, nearly distracting her from what should have been the very pleasant buzz lingering beneath whatever biological thing made up her top and bottom lips.
Which were parted in an emotion very similar to overwhelming surprise.
That was stupid.
The whole thing was stupid. God, maybe she was stupid. No, that wasn’t true. She’d made Dean’s List last semester. Stupid was—
A stupid word, really. Despite the blush rising in her cheeks and the wide eyes practically boring into her soul, bated breath that didn’t make any noise because that was what bated entailed, and no one else glanced in their direction. Not once. No one else noticed.
That the whole world had flipped upside down.
Or right-side-up, maybe. Depending on how the next five minutes or so went.
Because the last two minutes and twelve seconds, give or take, had seen Roland Locksley tilt his head and let his eyes flutter closed before his mouth found hers for the very first time — at midnight for God’s sake. On New Year’s Eve. Or New Year’s Day, she supposed. His parents were standing on the other side of the room.
Suggesting that Lizzie had ever been just a little in love with Roland was a rather monumental lie.
As far as those things went.
“So, uh—” she started, only to find blood in her mouth. From her teeth. Wayward and unpredictable, as they were. Biting down on the side of her tongue and Lizzie hated going to the dentist. Doing irreparable damage to her teeth on what was now legitimately New Year’s Day, in the middle of an annual party, was not on her schedule.
Metaphorical as it might have been.
She liked schedules. Had plans. Focus, even. People always said that about her — how focused she was, liked to throw around the word drive with startling regularity, as if they were amazed she wasn’t simply willing to rest on her laurels or the pair of last names she proudly toted around with her. As if Lizzie expected doors to swing open on a glance.
Rather than consistently preparing herself to knock them down.
She liked the challenge of it all. Appreciated the way disbelief always spiked something in her blood, and that was likely equal parts genetic predisposition and a product of her childhood, but right now, Lizzie was simply prepared to fight for the schedule she’d never allowed herself to mention to anyone else before and it wasn’t like they weren’t friends.
Talked outside the group chat, even.
That meant something. Definitely meant something. Had to mean something. Her lips felt like they’d been doused in liquid nitrogen.
She didn’t know all the scientific properties of liquid nitrogen, but it always made that rather impressive cloud of steam-type stuff on cooking shows. So, it seemed very likely that it did something similar to cause whatever was happening in the region directly surrounding her mouth. Buzzing and tingling, and whatnot.
When had Roland last blinked? Lizzie couldn’t remember. That would have been impressive in any other situation. Right now, it was sort, kind of, totally— Pissing her off.
Color dotted his cheeks, no sign of the goddamn dimple because he wasn’t smiling, presumably couldn’t do that when it was clear he was so intent on pulling his lips into his mouth, and that felt a little insulting. Her tongue had just been in that mouth.
Lizzie was fairly confident in the abilities of her tongue, so she wasn’t all that pleased to be replaced by a pair of lips that could have been doing much better work against the side of her neck.
“If you sit here right now and tell me that you are,” Lizzie lifted a finger, “one, sorry,” another finger, “two, anything even remotely resembling regretful,” another finger, wiggling close enough to Roland’s nose to make him just a bit cross-eyed, “or, three, too old for me, I will throw my heel at that bruise I know exists on the back of your left calf.”
His lips twitched.
He really had impossible eyelashes. Seemingly made so he could glance up from underneath them, to meet Lizzie’s steely expression with what she refused to believe could be cautious hope. Passable optimism, maybe. She’d have to look up what liquid nitrogen did, later.
“I’m standing.” “I hate you.”
“You wanna go in order, or how do you want to work this?” “Where else are you bruised?” Roland laughed softly, a shift of his shoulders and tiny burst of air between barely parted lips. Feeling that tiny burst meant they were standing very close to each other. How they were standing remained another mystery.
One of those great ones, Lizzie figured. The kind referenced when people talked about the sweeping potential of life and love and— Ah, fuck.
“Please don’t threaten to attack me anywhere else,” he muttered, before quickly adding, “you gotta know this was not my end game, Liza.” Narrowing her eyes did nothing to temper the…tempest. Swirling in her gut. Threatening the back of her throat. Eating away at vocal cords and vocal boxes and the structural integrity of her entire goddamn larynx. Possibly her tongue, too, just to be especially efficient.
“Really? Might’a been mine, actually.”
She’d always liked his eyes.
How they could widen, and it wasn’t like...a normal brown. Nothing about the way he looked was ever dull. Drifted toward regularly excited, and the sparkles were probably a figment of her over-active teenage imagination, but Lizzie liked to think sometimes the sparkle came from her. Because of her, even. When she’d call because he always wanted to hear about her latest lecture and he’d call because sometimes Western swings were exhausting and loneliness-inducing and—
She knew.
He knew.
They knew each other.
Grand scheme, the sparkle-prone eyes still weren’t particularly close to the dimple. On the list of things Lizzie liked. What left butterflies fluttering in her stomach and her heart hammering against her chest. Sparkle was probably a solid fourth. Behind the precise way his curls fell toward his eyebrows when he didn’t have time to get his hair cut. Which rarely happened during the season. Right now, it was happening right now. Well-defined strands that Lizzie knew felt even smoother than she’d ever theorized between her fingers, and she wasn’t sure what she was going to do with that information.
Obsess over it, probably.
For at least the next week, or so.
Still. Eyes. Eyelashes. Too long and too bright, and that was the wrong description order and she was starting to teeter. On the edge of a rather dramatic free-fall. Into feelings and possibility, and this was way too dramatic. For both of them.
“Don’t do that,” she mumbled, a scrunch of her nose that apparently demanded his thumb. Brushing against the bridge, and there wasn’t any caution there. No obvious fear or concern. For the way it left Lizzie’s lungs pinched, and there must have been a limit.
To everything her internal organs could cope with in a limited span of time.
“What was the last one on the list?” She swallowed. “Too old.” “Yuh-huh.” “Pretty flimsy as far as excuses go. You realize I’m not asking you to marry me right now, right?” He choked. On what, she wasn’t entirely sure. Only that it made her stomach heave and her teeth dig into her lower lip, and that was— “Because I know I said, end game,” Lizzie continued, giving in to the need to fill empty space with the sound of her own voice, “but that sounds like several pop culture references all at once, and you know how much I—”
“Hate to come across as disingenuous.” “Mattie’s the pop culture reference machine, anyway.” “Please don’t talk about Matt when I keep thinking about how much I want to kiss you again.” Her eyes, that time. Widened. Bugged. Did something unnatural. “Yeah?” “You’re kidding me, right?” “You’re not an old man.” Rolling his eyes, Roland’s tongue dragged across the front of his teeth. To torture her, apparently. “I was in college when you were a freshman in high school.” “Yuh-huh.” “Liza.” “Nah, nah,” Lizzie shook her head. Crossed her arms. Tried to stand up to her full height, but even the heels didn’t do much to add to the overall intimidation factor. Roland was doing an awful job of fighting off his smile. “Pulling out ancient nicknames is not—” “—It’s not a nickname; it’s literally letters in your name.” “Nick,” she leaned forward, “name. All personal-like.”
Making mistakes was not something she enjoyed very much. It was that Jones competitive streak. Plus, the Vankald stubborn streak. Created a monster of determination, who knew what she wanted, and feeling Roland’s fingers graze her cheek as a strand of hair hung limply in the minimal space between them was the result of Lizzie’s mistaken movement.
Even as much as she might have wanted it.
Goosebumps prickled her arms. Stole whatever oxygen she’d managed to get in the last forty-six seconds, or so. Her eyes fluttered. Head tilted. Towards the touch and the warmth, and for someone who spent so much time on the ice, he really was impossibly warm.
“This is your fault.”
He didn’t move his fingers. Cupped her cheek, instead. “You were doing that eyebrow thing.” “Expand on that for me.” “Lifting ‘em. Happens sometimes. When you’re listening intently. Like you’re a little amazed by new information. They’re these stupid little arches on your face. Drives me nuts.” “The compliment was in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.” “I am so much older than you, Liza.” “Shouldn’t’a played out a bunch of teenage daydreams at once, then.” She was legitimately worried about the state of his tongue. Barely biting back her laugh, Lizzie let her eyes lift. To find Roland gaping at her, drooped shoulders and puppy-dog eyes. And that goddamn dimple. “C’mon, this isn’t...do you think I haven’t made out with people before?” “Wouldn’t classify what we just did as a makeout.” “No?” His eyes darkened. Shivering was probably not a good move, right? Right. Definitely. She wasn’t shivering. It was just...January. And inside. With dozens of people around them. “I would not, no,” Roland said, and the drop in overall volume was some sort of trick. Or, something.
“How many people do you think you’ve made out with? Ballpark it for me.” “No.” “Is the issue a lack of appropriate numbers to tally that mark, or—” She bit her tongue, again. At the flash of amused frustration sweeping his face and polluting the molecules of whatever air was hovering between them. Permeating was a better word. Lizzie really needed to work on all of that. Words. Being slightly less jealous of potential make outs that didn’t have anything to do with her and definitely happened because there had to be other people out there in the world who simply could not cope with the existence of that dimple.
“How many people have you made out with, then?” “Scores,” Lizzie snarled, only to get immediately scoffed at. “I’m really, incredibly popular.” “Oh, I’ve got no doubt.” “Boatloads of guys. Lining up to,” she pointed an imperious finger at her mouth, “make out with this.” “Your well-defined chin?” “I’m going to take my shoe off.” “Draw attention with a move like that.” Whatever fight she had didn’t immediately die. It just, sort of, fell. At her feet, threatening all the bones there and there were too many. All of them far too fragile. For whatever metaphor she was running with at the moment. “And we’re not trying to do that, huh? Draw attention.” “Shouldn’t you be out sowing wild oats?” “Really know how to charm a girl,” she grumbled, and that got her a smile. No scoff. Not even the hint of a smile. The whiplash was hurting her neck. “Trust me, the oats have appropriately sowed. If I was ever particularly inclined to farm work.” “I’m starting to be vaguely embarrassed by all of this.” “Good.” Wasn’t quite a scoff. Was more like a half-hearted laugh, and a tinge of desire and that was better than the other emotions, but the decreasing level of Roland’s eyebrows gave her pause. “What about the status of your oats?”
“Well sowed, rookie season,” Roland said.
“You’re going to change the name on your jersey.” “Not sure that particular fact has a lot to do with anything else. Seven years, Liza.” “I’m perfectly capable of doing math, you know I took that stats class once.” “Because I double checked everything you turned in.” “Makes you slightly less of an idiot than the vibe you're giving off right now.” “A freeway or compliments.” Pulling in a deep inhale through her nose, Lizzie didn’t miss the way Roland’s gaze fell. To the neckline of her dress, lingering on the jut of her collarbones for a few seconds longer than a strictly platonic friendship should allow, and they were friends. Still. She knew that as well as she knew that he believed she thought he was simply being clever with nicknames.
And not making vaguely incorrect My Fair Lady references.
Because he’d always been a little annoyed that Eliza had gone back to Henry Higgins. Instead of Freddie.
It was really impossible not to be a little in love with him at all times.
“You’re really going to hyphenate?” Roland nodded. “Think of all the new jerseys they’ll sell.” “By the box-load, and Gina’s gonna buy the entire stock. She’s—that’s really nice, you know.” “Just a fact. Little late, but—” He shrugged. Lizzie’s smile threatened to split her face. In that same nice way, she’d been talking about. Her lips were still buzzing. She might have been buzzing. With adrenaline. Happiness. The near-desperate desire to find some type of closet and get her fingers back in Roland’s questionably long hair.
“Of naming conventions.” She couldn’t begin to guess what the record was for shoulder shifts in an emotionally charged conversation between two people who were simultaneously ignoring the point of the conversation, but Lizzie also knew her eyebrows had been halfway up her face as he’d detailed the reasons for making his jersey say Mills-Locksley. From here on out.
Maybe that was the top of the list, actually.
He was a good guy.
Had always been a good guy. The best guy, really.
Falling into that chasm wasn’t nearly as terrifying as Lizzie expected it to be.
“Why’d you do it?” Roland’s lips disappeared. His tongue moved, again. She was staring at the area around his tongue. So, like, his mouth. Directly at his mouth. “Because, I uh—have wanted to?” “Oh, don’t phrase that like a question.” “Wanted to,” he repeated, a statement of fact with a certain amount of conviction. Enough to make Lizzie’s pulse sputter. “Which is kind of freaking me out.” “Come back with more compliments.” “Your dress nearly made me fall over.” “Better, actually,” she laughed.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Made sense at the time.” “Be more specific.” “Kissing you,” Roland said, enough emphasis that he leaned forward half an inch as well. It was a miracle their noses didn’t collide. Not the most impressive miracle, but—counted. “If I tell you that you might be my best friend does that make the lamest professional hockey player alive?” “Yes, absolutely.” “Matt might challenge you to a duel if he hears me talking like this, you know.” “God, Locksley, didn’t we just talk about the Mattie rules? Also, that made it sound like Mattie wants to kiss you too, so...”
He chuckled. Fingers still tugging on the back of his hair, like he was trying to ground himself in the pull and the self-inflicted tension, Roland looked up. Back at her. And Lizzie didn’t flinch. Didn’t blink. Held her position and prepared herself to defend the schedule she’d only ever allowed herself to hope for in the silence of that one corner in her brain.
Filled, as it was, with memories. Of conversations that didn’t have anything to do with hockey. Others that did. Arguing over blue line placement in the brownstone and college rankings. Of movies watched on two different laptops in different corners of the country, bad jokes, and consistent updates, that deep-rooted understanding that came from a life full of expectations and the exact opposite. No overt pressure, but the need to prove yourself anyway, if only because of the name on the back of the jersey, and Lizzie was going to have to buy a new jersey.
“You like me? Yes, or no?” Roland smiled. Wide and honest, the kind that ensured the dimple was on prominent display. “Yes.” “I am a grown adult? Yes, or no?” Crinkles appeared around his eyes. From the smile.
“Yes.” “Meaning I get to make my own choices. Romantically, or otherwise. Yes, or no?” “Obviously.” “Wasn’t one of the options.” “Yes,” Roland corrected, fingers trailing over the bend of her elbow. Lizzie hadn’t uncrossed her arms. Or remembered when she’d crossed them in the first place.
“Ok, good. Same page, then.” “Liza.” “Locksley.” Lifting her eyebrows wasn’t a challenge, per se. Was closer to instinct, really. Specifics didn’t matter, honestly. She did that thing with her eyebrows, and he did that thing with his mouth, the same one she was staring at and hoping would move closer to her, and then—
Well, it did.
Hands found Lizzie’s hips, pulling her forward sharply enough that she let out a soft grunt. From the feel of hips bumping against hers, and she honestly wasn’t sure who hissed in their next inhale, only that it did something to the flutter-like state of her pulse and the erratic nature of her heart, and it was slow and fast and good and great and not a single person noticed.
Miracles were arriving en masse, apparently.
Pushing her fingers into Roland’s hair got Lizzie another hum of approval, the first brush of his tongue making her lips part and her head fall to the side, but then his hand was wrapped around the back of her neck, and she could not be expected to pay attention to anything except the semi-consistent swipe of his thumb against her skin. It left more goosebumps. Caused another chuckle, the kind that rumbled through her and resonated around her, a tiny bubble of that same cautious optimism from before.
Like a spark.
Fanning flames and threatening to burn everything because if this didn’t work, then Lizzie wasn’t sure what would, and that was scary and overwhelming and terrifying was a synonym, but she really was working with very limited word-based resources when Roland’s thumb kept moving. Tracing her. Committing the feel to memory, and she wasn’t sure when they’d established the rocking pattern they were moving in, but something deep in the center of her trusted it.
Someone who regularly strapped knives to his feet and raced around at top speed knew how to stay balanced. And she was a stubborn idiot. Who got what she wanted.
“Is part of liking me because I told you I didn’t think it was embarrassing that you still got a little emotional about Miracle on 34th Street?” Laughter pushed past her lips. Took root in the pit of her stomach and the spaces between her ribs. Laced through her heart. In the kind of way that cemented itself. Right in the middle of Lizzie. Right in the middle of this. Them.
There was a them, now.
“Was definitely a factor, yeah,” Roland said, not bothering to pull away. “You, uh—you snuck up on me a little, Liza.” “Peak romance.” “Want me to talk about your dress some more?” She shook her head. “Unnecessary. And you didn’t.” “That might be part of the problem.” “Nursing old crushes, you mean?” Her hair hit her cheek. And his hand. He couldn’t seem to let go of her. “Nah, this wasn’t like...there was no torch, not really. I—I wasn’t hanging posters of you on my wall if that’s the picture you’ve painted for yourself.” “Kinda disappointing, admittedly.” “Pick a lane, babe.” No sparkle, that time. Just flash and want and the very thin line Lizzie’s lips had become. “Be more specific,” Roland repeated softly. “You’re not standing on a pedestal. Just you, Rol, as is.” He waited. That was fair. There should have been more. Should have been a detailed list of all the reasons the grown-up version of her liked so many parts of the grown-up version of him, but that all felt a little extraneous when she was still thinking about closet-type possibilities and that stubborn streak was a mile wide, anyway.
Roland nodded once. “Good.”
Both of them jumped. At the pop of another champagne bottle and Lizzie never understood how Regina managed to order so much champagne every year, but she felt a bit like she was floating on the bubbles, and they didn’t decide. Explicitly. To keep the whole thing—
Secret.
Another bad word. With bad connotations and shadows that clung to the definition, but this was them and only them and, for right now, that was enough. And if no one noticed the way Roland’s hand drifted over the small of Lizzie’s back during David’s speech, then that was a miracle she was willing to accept.
#blue line rambles#blue line one shots#these really are just original characters at this point#i have also written:#matt and claire meeting for the first time#henry and ella meeting for the first time#stuff about peggy and jeremy humbert#and i've got a whole list of will x belle stuff#in case it wasn't ovbious people still aren't responding to my emails#oh! also roland and lizzie's engagement#i wrote that too#also if you are so inclined: wilder days by morgan wade played like four times while i wrote this#mylifeisalifestyle#laura rambles
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Dear fellow Queen fanatics! OTP romantics, non-and multi-shippers! Gritty realists and fantasy lovers!
I am very excited to bring you this special event hosted by yours truly, on the weekend of the 5th to the 7th of June.
Our fandom is made up of people all around the world, of all ages, with different life stories, different points of view, different preferences and different opinions - BUT! There is ONE thing we all have in common.
Our love for Freddie Mercury and Queen. 🤴🏻
Freddie’s life and work inspires and motivates us, breaks our hearts and brings us joy. And yet, Freddie-centric stories and especially Freddie POV is not as plentiful as one would think. There's a lot of different reasons for that! Being such an incredibly multi-layered character, he can be elusive and difficult to write. And at the same time, there is an expectation to “get it right” which can be a bit daunting.
Well, I say, let’s take a leaf out of Freddie’s book, be brave and have a Freddie-centric event!
I want to bring the fandom together in a positive and fun way to celebrate what none of us can argue about. We ALL adore and are inspired by Freddie Mercury in our own, individual ways!
This event is:
An invitation to everyone and anyone to write something specifically centred around/from the POV of Freddie Mercury!
A chance to learn things about Freddie you never knew! (see prompts)
Simply a celebration of our collective love and admiration for him!
As we are all different, this event may produce works you will love and works that won't be for you, but to make sure that nobody feels discouraged from participating, I would not like this event to be:
An opportunity to criticise anyone's take on their favourite idol
A chance to debate whose take on Freddie is "right" or "wrong"
This event is simply about giving it a go, having fun and paying homage to a legend - together! 🤝
The Prompts
The prompts will be posted later tonight and are divided into two categories. The prompts have been posted! They are divided in two categories. Real Life and AU. The first category features a selection of lesser known anecdotes from Freddie’s life. The idea is to let them inspire you, be it the setting, the mood, a small detail in them or the actual event. There’s no wrong way to use the prompts! Or else, let your imagination take flight with the AU prompts! The most important thing is to have fun.
Rules
ALL ships are accepted! Nothing is off-limits. Want to switch it up with the prompts and go fem!Queen or A/B/O? Go for it!
This event is not only for writers. While the fanart community already regularly produces stunning Freddie artwork, by all means, please contribute with a special! Be it painting, drawing or any type of edit.
Nervous? Don’t worry! You can also post anonymously on AO3. Here is a quick guide if you’d like to know how, courtesy of @tikiniki.
This event has a collection on AO3 - Freddie_Mercury_Weekend_2020 - which will be opened for submissions on the 5th of June and kept open for about two weeks, for those who don’t quite make the deadline! Please post your work there. If you choose to post it on Tumblr, tag #FreddieMercuryWeekend2020 and don’t forget to tag me, @a-froger-epic, so I can give it a reblog!
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to message me! I will answer them as soon as I can!
Much ❤️! And don't forget to check back for the prompt list! I'm very excited!! 😃🙌🏻
Ana (nastally on AO3)
#FreddieMercuryWeekend2020#Freddie Mercury#Let's celebrate a legend#Queen fanfic#Queen fanart#Queen band
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before i start, i'd like to clarify that writergram is one of the most welcoming and supportive communities to have ever existed. it is a very fulfilling place to belong to, with a lot to learn and a lot to share.
but as far as i am concerned, i have faced a few problems nevertheless, causing me to vanish from my account for months. the writing community itself has not much role to play in creating them per se, so it can mostly be concluded that i was lacking.
so here are three of the situations i faced and my advice on them. if anyone else out there is going through the same thing, i hope this post helps :D
algorithm— okay, writing community or not, instagram's ever-changing algorithm is a pain in the ass for everyone and coping up with it isn't an easy task. what had me however, was the fact that few people got loads of followers and fantastic engagement somehow, while i kept hitting rock bottom.
and to be very frank, i felt that a few of them didn't even deserve their hype. they had low effort posts, used backgrounds, fonts and colors, i couldn't even read, didn't engage in anyone else's post and didn't follow the most important rule of writergram— supporting others. this was one of the most important reasons why i left. i couldn't agree with the fact that my effort was practically useless.
advice— listen people, it's no use feeling inferior or jealous of others, that's absolutely pathetic. if it triggers you that people are doing so much better with such less labor, block those accounts or restrict them so that you don't get reminded of it continuously.
secondly, the algorithm exists for a reason and even if it is crap, it is still a major method to grow your account. follow it, keep up with it and make sure everyone else keeps up with it in your posts as well. trust me, it takes some time, especially if you are a small account, but it will help you grow exponentially in just a bit. you need a tiny bit of patience for that, so hang in there mate, don't give up :)
school— personally, i cannot relate to this because i'm crap at giving a crap about school, but when i created this account, i was actually at the fag end of my 12th grade in science stream (indians out there can understand the pressure).
so even if i didn't care about my subjects, mentally it was still very taxing and this is coming from someone who has surpassed the limits of irresponsibility (you can ask my friends if you don't believe me).
advice— as many writergrammers have said before, prioritize school. especially if you are the sincere type, PRIORITIZE SCHOOL, PRIORITIZE YOUR GRADES, PRIORITIZE YOURSELF!
please, spending time on your posts is absolutely not worth getting a C or a 70% for (i got them, i'd know). the crushing guilt you'll feel afterwards will kill you., LISTEN TO ME!
mental health— keeping up with the numerous posts of numerous people in your numerous following, genuinely supporting them, trying to keep up with the benchmark other writing accounts seem to reach so easily can be exhausting. i know, i feel you.
and then the regular interaction with people can be extremely nerve wracking for people who overthink anything they text, but unfortunately making friends, and close ones at that, is very essential to the writing community.
advice— take a break oh my god. and i'll repeat that, TAKE A FUCKING BREAK! if you were already on hiatus, EXTEND IT! what do you think matters more? yourself? or the engagement on your posts? no one expects you to post regularly and give your fullest in each of them., so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself either.
and about your insecurity of texting, none of the people here are monsters, if you talk to them about your problems with talking to them, i'm pretty sure you'd be surprised that none of them mind much, well, most of them probably don't even care, they are just happy that you text them at all :D
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The Slaughter of the Sacred Cows
In my last video, “The Conspiracy Brain Syndrome”, I went on a vigorous attack against conspiracy theory, and left it battered and broken, bleeding to death on a darkened path, deep in the woods, gasping for it’s last breath under the pale blue moonlight. It seems that I managed to hit a lot of raw nerves with the type of message I was speaking, and, apparently, more then a few people seemed to get quite upset about it. Awwwww. Isn’t that a pity? I’m not quite sure who these protestors are, because most of the emotional commotion was originating from several highly active sock accounts with absolutely no content, who began trolling the comment section relentlessly. In so far as, who I think these people might be, (because none of these accounts are known followers of the Meta Sage), a lot of evidence is pointing towards the dual-sock; who may or may not have recruited a minion to help do his bidding. Or, as hacking reports from the bat cave have implied, the dual-sock with dual socks, or some combination thereof. No matter what the case, the dual-sock is getting punished over this, severely, and I’m not too overly concerned about whether or not he is solely responsible, is in cahoots with an underling, or claims that he had absolutely nothing to do with it; there’s going to be serious consequences nevertheless, because I have already warned him about this kind of troll conduct, several times.
Be that as it may, maybe there were some among you who were genuinely upset with the message I was conveying, but if so, I’m not sure why, as anyone who would regularly tune into the Meta Sage transmissions shouldn’t expect anything less. If anything, this opposition only reveals that many of you have not yet done what’s been expected of you. Not only have many of you NOT let go of your addictive attachments, but, you are, in fact, actively harboring them, and trying to hide them all under a guise of “philosophical disagreement.” No, not acceptable, at all. I already told you, a long time ago, that, at least when it comes to the Meta Sage channel, there are no sacred cows. I am a reality deconstructionist, and everything you hold dear, is on the table. When you were asked to “let go of everything”, that didn’t mean to let go of everything, except for the special exceptions you keep hidden on the side. No, “let go of everything”, means exactly that. EVERYTHING. There are no special exceptions; and the fact that I have uncovered some of these special exceptions, means that I’ve got a lot more work to do.
You see, I have to apologize to a certain extent, because, up until now, I have been in a transition between spiritual strongholds, and, as of late, have not been able to give the adequate attention to my work, as I usually would. And for this, I am truly sorry. A little cryptic back story on this. In the early part of 2018, the time had finally arrived to where, I had to depart from my old spiritual stronghold. It served me well for a time, and I managed to produce more then two years of content in that place, but, eventually, the space became an inadequate setting for the upcoming chapters of my work, and so, I left that place, and then began a transitional phase, and ended up getting waylaid for a time in a sort of interval stasis situation; but, eventually, I broke out of that, and, in the early summer of 2019, established a new foundation in a more appropriate environment, and ever since then, the production of my new spiritual stronghold has been underway, and now, is at least 95% done. Complete enough to where, I can now begin to refocus my attention back onto the pressing issues at hand, and, start to bring everything back into clean sharp order. I must clear away all the cobwebs, and cast out certain rodents, then, I can finally take my place in a brand new seat of power, and begin the task of casting judgment on everything in the field of the mind-space; and then decide the fate of everything that finds it’s place within the framework of this domain. Yes, I will be deciding what should stay, and what should go; so let’s hope that you can account for yourself, and have not been behaving like a shameless parasite.
But anyway, getting back to the story being told here, at hand. I was disappointed by some of the reactions people were having to “The Conspiracy Brain Syndrome”, video. Not only did it reveal the existence of hidden clinging attachments, but there wasn’t many arguments in opposition that didn’t respond with either externalizations, or yet even more conspiracy theory. It just goes to show that, no matter how meta you get, some people will never be able to see beyond the worm’s eye view. It’s just simply beyond their capacity. But how desperate they’ve become in trying to stop me from remaining lucid about the mind-space. No, they don’t want that, because if that happens, then the bar gets raised; and the higher the bar gets raised, the harder it gets for “others”, to function, because this type of raised bar demands high concentration and discipline, and introduces a whole new set of arduous standards. No, they’d much rather I get distracted and lose clarity, so they can continue to be greedy and lazy.
“No Sage, look at history! C’mon Sage, research these factions! Stop it Sage, pay attention to the outside world! Do anything Sage, but please forget that it’s a mind-space! We don’t want to take on any power or responsibility! We’d much rather be slaves to an illusion. It takes less effort. And it’s secure and comforting. Please Sage!”
Yeah, I know. But, too bad. I am already aware that it’s a mind-space, and I’m not ever going to lose sight of it again, so, you can just forget about that. It’s too late. I’m already across that threshold, and I’m never going back. So you should stop trying to use cheap tactics in an attempt to lower my clarity. No, instead, let’s crank up the pressure, and crack the whip down, on YOU.
And so, this brings us to the solipsistic implications of the issue; which should be noted, as it brings us back to the metaphysical meat of the matter. After I posted the “Conspiracy Brain” video, during all the chaos of the ensuing sock puppet uproar, at a certain point, one of them did try to actually muster up the concentration to articulate a half-assed ideological argument, employing, of all things, the philosophy of solipsism. It seems like he was trying his best to try to throw down some kind of unmanageable conceptual sticking point, but it wasn’t effective. At the time, I didn’t go into an in-depth exchange with the fool, because it’s really not worth typing paragraphs and paragraphs of discourse, only to have it later deleted; so now, when dealing with trolls, it’s better to just sling a couple of insults, and then block them immediately. So a lot of comments got lost in the shuffle. But, luckily, before the dust settled, I managed to screenshot his comments, because I figured, at some point, I would later address them, just for amusement. And so, I will now proceed to impale them endwise, properly.
So onto the sock-puppet’s first comment.
Sock puppet: quote - “Corona is bullshit. Strange that you don't even believe there is a real world Meta Sage, as you're a solipsist (which i basically agree with) -- and yet you think the coronavirus plan-demic is real, and there's a real pandemic happening in the time and space of a big world -- a world which you previously claim in your solipsist talks doesn't even exist? That's pretty ridiculous. You're contradicting yourself if you believe in coronavirus and yet don't even believe in an objective solid reality. How are all these supposed people dying on the news if they don't even exist because solipsism is real? You've become a contradiction.” unquote.
To this, I basically replied that, my acknowledgment of the coronavirus, doesn’t translate into an endorsement of an objectively existing physical world. The sock puppet assumes this, because he is, in fact, the only real materialist here, who doesn’t even genuinely subscribe to solipsism; so it’s not clear why he was trying to elucidate it’s points. So I brought it to his attention that, even though the world is illusory, the illusory nature of the world doesn’t mean the illusory events that take place it in it, are a deception. You want to assert that there’s lies being told within an illusion, and the reason they are lies is because it’s an illusion. That’s what you imply by this line of reasoning. If you really understood that reality is not in ‘time-space’, but is, in fact, a ‘mind-space’, then you wouldn’t posit such a silly proposition. No, the world perceived through the senses is indeed illusory, but everything that happens within it, is conditionally true. We say “conditionally true”, to emphasize the illusory nature, while, at the same time, acknowledging the structure of illusion. Yes, there are illusory people in an illusory world, but the illusory world has illusory rules. If an illusory body steps out in front of an illusory truck, the illusory truck is going to crush the illusory body. Period. It’s as simple as that. So it would be real stupid to call the coronavirus a deception within the illusion when it’s clearly a part of the illusory world, and has the potential to kill you; just as there are lots of other things killing people all the time. People are getting eaten by sharks, right now. People are perishing of cancer, and dying in car crashes, right now.
To this, the sock puppet replied with:
Sock Puppet: quote - “Meta Sage, you said someone right now is dying in a car crash -- wrong. Solipsism posits the ONLY thing that you can prove to be real, is your own consciousness. If someone calls you on a phone from Hawaii - you don't KNOW they exist right now in Hawaii -- all you KNOW and can PROVE is that your phone has a voice of someone who claims to be in Hawaii right now. But you, can never be in 2 places at the same time, and therefore you will never ever ever be able to prove that person actually exists in Hawaii right now when you're somewhere else in the world talking to them on a phone. You are here and now -- and only here and now -- forever. So you saying someone is dying in a car right now is pure speculation. "Solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one's own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside the mind”, that's the definition right off of google itself. So you're NOT a solipsist by saying someone is dying in a car right now -- unless you can photograph it and are there in person -- it's bullshit. Just like you claiming all these people are dying of coronavirus. And your claims break the code of solipsism and contradict it entirely.” unquote.
The main issue here, that seems to be this troll’s major mental malfunction, is his inability to directly apply solipsism with the pure mind. Instead, he only considers it intellectually, which, inevitably, is always going to fall short of the mark. Becoming lucid, versus only having knowledge about the subject of solipsism intellectually, are two completely different things. It’s a divide too wide to negotiate, and nothing in this sock puppet’s little bag of dirty tricks, will be sufficient enough to bridge the gap. The examples he references, and the definitions he cites from the internet, are also intellectual misinterpretations of solipsism, and it doesn’t wash. Sorry, no matter how you slice it, I win, and you lose.
So, let’s go ahead and review the second statement, then parse through it’s points briefly, and dissect them accordingly.
“Solipsism posits the only thing you can prove to be real, is your own consciousness.”
“Solipsism”, posits this, eh? Is solipsism an entity that can make assertions now? Silly enough on it’s own, but then you start talking about “what YOU can prove.” So, I ask, who’s the “you”, referring to in this statement? “OWN consciousness?” Who’s the owner of this consciousness exactly? You seem to place a whole lot of weight in the existence of an identification with the ego personality. I guess that’s why you could possibly think that this ego is the only ego you can be sure that exists; as if you are an ego that has an existence in the first place. This conclusion is based on a mis-identification, and is a common stumbling block for existential explorers who don’t journey deep enough. No, you have not made the proper lucid connection yet. The entirety of the dream is a whole, and the ego personality is woven right into the very fabric of it. The ego is no different then those that you refer to as “others.” Both are equally aspects of a dream, and this dream is found within the imagination of awareness. So, more aptly stated, the ‘awareness of the dream’, is the only thing that can be known for sure to exist. Understood this way, there is no confusion. But, even if we take this the wrong way, and argue it out falsely, in the way you originally wanted, I still win. If my ego is the only ego that exists, and everything else in the world, including other people, are all figments of my personal mind, it does nothing to lessen the fact that the coronavirus, and anything else for that matter, are all conditional aspects of my imagined world. In other words, I am dreaming of an imaginary physical world where there are imaginary physical entities that are vulnerable to all kinds of imaginary deaths, via all kinds of imaginary circumstances. And one of the things I am imagining to be killing lots of these imaginary entities, is an imaginary virus. Hence, I imagine hearing about all these imaginary deaths going on in my world. So, that doesn’t work. Ultimately, what we can say with confidence, is that, however which way you want to look at it, the sock puppet troll who left this comment is just as real or fake as the coronavirus. So think hard about how you wanna answer that. The coronavirus is as much of a hoax as you are. Whatever you say the coronavirus is, you fall into the exact same category.
Then the troll goes on to quote from a Google search: quote - “Solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one's own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside the mind.” unquote.
Yeah, but the thing is, this whole “own mind”, versus the “other mind”, bullshit, is completely false. And the reason it’s false, is because it’s a mere assumption grounded upon a faulty premise. Things that are outside of own mind? And what the hell might that be exactly? There’s no “own” anything. How can a thing be outside of one’s own mind when all there is, is mind? It’s ALL mind; so please explain how anything can be outside of itself. There is no “outside”, and this is the crux of your misunderstanding, mr. sock puppet man.
See, the problem here, is that you are not sincere. Instead, you are just playing little word games, and engaging in intellectual thought experiments, that have no basis in reality. And the reason you are doing this, is because you want to both hide your attachments, and attempt to distract me from clarity; but, you’ve failed on both fronts. And now, I am going to turn the tables and put you through your paces. I know that you are actively trying to hide your special exception attachments from me, but now, I think the time has finally come, for a slaughter of the sacred cows. So watch out. I am coming for everything, and I will hunt down every last sacred attachment that you have hidden, deep in your mind. I am going to find them all, and lay them bare. Nothing is safe. And if you think for one second that, by erecting fortified walls around your precious attachments, that it’s going to do anything to stop me, then you are sadly mistaken, my friend. It’s not going to stop anything. I will find every last attachment you have concealed, and I will drag it out into the open, and then brutalize it, harshly. And I don’t care how vigilant you are in your protective efforts. It’s just a matter of time, and I have an obscene amount of patience. You have to go to sleep some time; and when you do, I will break into your mind and search every nook and cranny of it, until I have found all of your hidden special exceptions. Then, I will proceed to quickly strip them down, and then club them repeatedly, to within inches of their lives.
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I was a witch, I practiced for over 5 years, and honestly I realized it was all fake. Spells don't work, crystals are just rocks, idk I had a major crisis of faith and I feel like I wasted all those years of my life. How do you keep faith doing it?
this is so sad lol :(I mean you are the biggest magical tool, like you are the main instrument stringing along the energy, crystals just help amplify, candles help focus, actually physical tools are just crutches to help focus certain energy but you are the main conductor. Once you feel like it’s all fake it becomes useless because you are essentially the source and it’s dependent on you.
Depression and anxiety can become challenges when dealing with magic because your energy is dependent on how strong your intent is and how much power you give out and those two things can hinder your power and can make you lose faith cause suddenly you feel like your spells aren’t working and maybe its all fake but really its your negativity talking and your fear and or apathy weakening your energy that you put out. I don’t know you of course cause you are an anon but I deal with these issues myself and sometimes I have low moments because I am trying to battle my own anxiety.
I mean did you accomplish anything amazing in those 5 years? I’ve honestly have had insane things happen to me and have experienced crazy unbelievable things because of my will power and magic so even when I am in those moments of doubt or even thinking that I am probably some wack ass weak witch I think about the list of things I have accomplished or done for other people that have worked even if it was by eerie coincidence, I still wanted something and it happened. Sometimes I assure myself when I am in these negative mindsets that even if its ‘fake’ and all coincidence- the fact still stands that the coincidences STILL keep happening. So whether its me making up stuff or if it’s truly a power I have that’s out there connecting me with everything it doesn’t matter cause the results remain the same. Its just negativity really can be a massive wet mop to manifesting things to take form (unless if you are cursing).
Also there is this idea of how witches should be like and I have been technically practicing since I was nearing 13 years old but I never called myself a witch until I was in the middle of college at like.. 21? Actually tbh I never called myself a witch OTHER people started calling me a witch lol and I was like ok so if the shoe fits then whatever. But my point saying that everyone goes about their practice their own way cause as I said before you are your own magical instrument and everyone is unique and has their own pace. I mean I like witchy aesthetics cause I was the HP generation influenced by JKRowling’s books so its cute but I never started out that way and the only reason why I like the aesthetics now is for childhood nostalgia reasons. But because what I was doing before, though it worked powerfully, it was not aesthetically or typically witchy, I didn’t think I was qualified to be a witch or label myself so until other people saw me as such and started addressing me by it. That being said you might be pressuring yourself to perform a certain way and you are probably disappointed that you are not getting some type of results you feel like you should be getting because what works for you doesn’t match others expectations of how a witch should perform or what expectations you are trying to meet does not work for you especially if you are going about it in a way that someone else says you should and not by your own means.
To be honest (and please no shade to like no one here, it’s a personal thing) the majority of spells I see on this site I ignore because its like strongly not the way I do magic and some that get too materialistic or vocal are like a massive waste of time to how I visualize and project my energy or can even be distracting. I also don’t really post my own spells cause they are so abstract and energy based that it might make no fucking sense to the next witch, like I usually post pictures of visual grids that help me focus energy cause people can visually get it, but for the most part my magic makes sense to me and it works for me and that’s what matters.
Anyway you don’t need to even touch or look at any of the magical tools most witches use to do magic and you don’t need to do any classical spells or popular spells here because if it doesn’t resonate with you it really will not work. What will help you with finding true spells is something that you make for yourself that will make you feel right after you cast your energy. Don’t worry if what worked for you before is far from the expectations of what people regularly think witches should do or how they should perform. Don’t worry if some spells here don’t work for you. Don’t worry if you don’t resonate with crystals cause fyi they ARE just rocks and yes some do vibrate energy but its on a small scale. And also guess what? A lot of witchcraft goes hand in hand with science or daily crafts so even if what you did made you happy you can do it in a logical way that does not have to necessarily need to slap a magic label on it. Herbal medicines have schools you can attend classes in. Learning aromatherapy and making your own bath mixtures that are good for your skin is a skill. You can practice kitchen magic and learn basic nutrition and see the correlation of how certain foods are natural aphrodisiacs or how they can release dopamine and see how certain herbs and foods have correspondences for love or happiness because of it. (For example I see blueberries as very cerebral and psychic fruits but blueberries really help the brain and give it nutrients and it also helps that it has a deep blueish indigo color like the third eye energy pool so it fits with half logic half spiritual shit). European witches in the old days just knew how to heal people with herbs and that was enough to get the church to want to burn them on the stake cause they were salty they could deliver children without childbirth pain and churches hated women so fucking much they couldn’t deal with that. Maybe one day in the future the things what we are doing could be explained- maybe there will be a science as to how our energy can manipulate things, but for now there are a lot of magics that go hand in hand with science so you don’t have to feel like its all completely made up. I mean in ancient times we thought lightning was caused by the gods and now we know how lightning works. There are many mysteries in the world and the science we know now is not finite knowledge to the universe.
Lastly, from my own experiences, doubt won’t deter your magic, but apathy will and same with fear like anxieties. If you feel like those last two are your obstacles maybe take some time to do some self reflection and figure out where the root of these sentiments are coming from. Another thing that can really stress some people out is the fear that they don’t want to come off as delusional or something- which, is an anxiety, but honestly just keep your practice to yourself and view it as a religious/spiritual thing and people should respect that. If I live in a country where the majority of people are in a religion that they feel so justified in taking away people’s healthcare and dictate who we should marry then people can take a seat if it upsets them to know someone believes we have energy that can influence our surroundings. But also treat it like a religious/spiritual thing as in don’t talk to it with others unless they are genuinely interested or else its going to be an uncomfortable conversation.
#ask#anon#also I dunno magical shit happens to me on the daily so its hard for me to lose faith#but everyone is different#blog tips
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Reserve judgement: Chelsea don't deserve praise for youngster revolution (yet) - opinion
Prior to Chelsea’s hosting of Liverpool this Sunday the Blues boast 11 goals in a nascent 2019/20 with every one of them scored by a player under the age of 22 who has come through their academy. Seven of them have been notched by Tammy Abraham and this after the highly promising striker fired home 25 in the Championship last term. With two England appearances already under his belt the future looks exceedingly bright for the prolific South Londerer.
Rounding up the goal haul to double figures is Mason Mount who has taken to Premier League football with captivating ease so far, showing the same twinkling creativity that made him such a stand-out star at Derby County on loan last season, notching up four goals and eight assists en route to the playoff final. Like Abraham, England honours have duly followed suit. Like Abraham, he is surely destined for the top.
Unquestionably the most spectacular of the eleven goals meanwhile came courtesy of a stunning long-range strike from Fikayo Tomori, Chelsea’s young centre-back who, like Mount, spent last season at the Rams finishing school. After winning their Player of the Year award over and above Harry Wilson and Mount. it is fair to say that he passed with flying colours.
If the emergence and immediate excelling of three home-grown kids in your team isn’t an exciting enough proposition for the Stamford Bridge faithful it gets much better. In charge of proceedings of course is Frank Lampard, a club legend with a meaningful connection to the fan-base, and it shouldn’t be over-looked too that two further stars who have rolled off the production line of late Rufus Loftus-Cheek and Callum Hudson-Odoi are both still to come, each having attained international recognition before injury struck after impressing so greatly with their club form.
Last but by no means least there’s an expected promotion to the first team on the horizon for the highly regarded right-back Reece James, another who is injured but impressed enough on loan at Wigan last season to finish the campaign as the club’s Player of the Year.
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Theoretically then there is a plausible-to-probable chance that this will become a pivotal, symbolic season of change for the Blues; one that sees them compete for much of it with half their team having come through the ranks and with an inexperienced up-and-coming manager to boot. You’ve heard of the Busby Babes. You’ve heard of Fergie’s Fledglings. Lampard’s Litter anyone?
But wait, before we succumb to such silly hyperbole – that always accompanies the admittedly invigorating phenomenon of a mass break-out of youth – some perspective is required. Because for all of the reports that suggest Reece James is due to compete with Cesar Azpilicueta for the right-back slot, others insist that Chelsea are keen on signing Nice’s Youcef Atal to address their problem position, as they hope their two window transfer ban is reduced this January.
And therein lies the juxtaposition that is prevalent right now between the Chelsea that we have all come to know and generally disapprove of and the nicer, more commendable club that is currently existing out of necessity. Given the praise the latter has received recently it is a situation that has not been lost on Twitter.
‘Any side who persists with youth deserves praise. Hats off to Chelsea’.
Yeah, unless they’re from down the road, play in red, begin with the letter A, have done so for decades & weren’t forced into doing so because of a transfer ban.
— Patrick Timmons (@PatrickTimmons1) September 14, 2019
Please stop forcing the Chelsea play youth narrative. They never have and they’re only doing it because they haven’t got anyone else to play because they couldn’t sign anyone. Give me a break.
— TikiTakaConnor (@TikiTakaConnor) September 14, 2019
In the modern era and particularly since their transformation post-Abramovich, Chelsea football club has become known for four distinct traits. They buy players, and yes every club buys players but Chelsea are synonymous with purchasing made-to-measure talent more than most. In 2013 it was estimated that under governance of the Russian oligarch they had spent in excess of £2billion with transfer fees and wages forming a significant percentage of that outlay. In the last eight years only Manchester City have a higher expenditure across Europe.
All of this recruiting of elite fare naturally had led to silverware and lots of it and this is the second Chelsea trait: success. This century they have won five league titles, six FA Cups and the Champions League in 2012.
They also have a somewhat unsavoury habit of burning through managers with an average of one per year occupying the hot-seat since Jose Mourinho’s first departure in 2007, while lastly Chelsea – despite regularly possessing a dominant and ultra-healthy youth system – do not tend to promote from within. Until this season, Ryan Bertrand was their only noteworthy academy product since John Terry.
These characteristics inevitably dove-tail as one, each having a considerable effect on the other and this is especially true of the latter pair with managers less willing to afford youngsters a learning curve when their job is forever dependant on instant success.
Fikayo Tomori’s stunner for Chelsea at the weekend had fans breaking their phones. See for yourself in the video below…
Even so, logic only excuses to a certain extent because it shouldn’t be underestimated just how brilliant some of the Chelsea development teams have been in recent times. Chelsea’s kids have won the FA Youth Cup an incredible seven times in the last ten years while no other team in Europe has won more UEFA Youth League games.
In that time a welter of next-big-things have come along and then vanished with barely a trace and by cherry-picking just some of them we can name Josh McEachran, Jeffrey Bruma, Nathaniel Chalobah and Jeremie Boga. Individually a reasonable case can be made with each of them that had they been nurtured patiently and incrementally introduced into the Chelsea set-up they could have become household names. Yet none have come anywhere close to that status.
So let us be wary at present on the lauding of Chelsea’s new-found trust in its youth at least until the next transfer window comes along when they have an opportunity to revert to type and flex their financial might again.
What we are seeing at Stamford Bridge is certainly a cause for celebration – and absolutely reason enough for Chelsea supporters to be loving every minute right about now – but praise? Let’s hold fire on that until the elevation and prioritising of the kids is done through choice.
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