#please come validate me

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

[sad-leon]

some finding home au incorrect quotes <3

thank you tea for sending me some of these in discord, and the last one was yoinked from a pm seymour video :P

Link to the au if anyone's curious

[holland-vosijk-antari]

[deus-ex-messina]

[shiningstarr15]

Their relationship in a nutshell (in my eyes)

How I managed to capture Greg with the same vibes in all three, but Vanessa’s is completely different in each one is beyond me but it’s hilarious 😂

That’s what we call ✨versatile✨

Can you tell the hyperfixation is hyperfixating lol😀

this was three more doodles that I decided to turn into full drawings lol

Here’s the three separate drawings too lol

[wraithsoutlaws]

i think theres a conversation to be had about how taash's story explores gender roles and transness in ways that could be seen as reductive but if your take away is "they could've given us a butch lesbian and instead we get THIS" about a canon nonbinary character i simply don't want to hear anything else you have to say about it

[confessyourship]

The Proship Community has saved me from harming myself and idk how to thank them 💗

🩷

[pluralhottakes]

Let's be honest- anti endos have done far more damage than pro endos have done. As an UDD system, we get a lot of crap because it's not a "final diagnosis". Because of antis, we keep looking for validation from other systems to exist. We have npd, and the way some people go on about our dire need of acceptance has got us to crash. Its horrible

.

[thequeenofsastiel]

I love the way Style is always grabbing at Fadel's neck every time they kiss. My switchy baby has SUCH a choking kink no matter which role he's taking. And I love that Fadel just lets him get away with it even though Fadel isn't a switch, because he loves spoiling Style so very, very much.

[sak-supernatural]

Ok don’t come at me for this, but incest in fiction (specifically fanfiction) can be a great jumping off point for angst. It’s the forbidden love, the taboo relationship, the dirty secret. And ao3 is for sure proof that people are drawn to angsty relationships. The site was founded on Winchester for gods sake. I am not saying that IRL incestious relationships are in any way ok or acceptable, but why is it so awful to portray in FICTION? Why is it somehow considered worse than fiction about murder? And horror novels? And gore?

All it takes is a brief look at human history to see that we (as a species) were not naturally opposed or disgusted by incest. Humans had to learn that incest was bad by having fucked up children with their siblings. The Royal Family gets real fucked up when you go far enough back and dig into it, obsessions with keeping the bloodline pure and that shit. No it’s not good or ok IRL, but there is no need to call out or crucify writers who choose to explore the topic in FICTION!!!

[stateofcharles]

"i'm convinced people hate l*ndo because he's been getting the good results lately" LMAO sure man, keep believing it!

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

You know. I’ve been debating this for weeks now but I’m kind of upset with your decision to have a baby. You were one of my favorite Mewtwo artist but now it feels like you’re just throwing your fans to the side like we’re trash. Don’t we matter to you at all? We’re the reason you can even make anything on Patreon but now you’re going to leave us with an unfinished story? Way to make us fee appreciated and loved…

Anon do you like

Need a hug??? /gen

[soggycereal]

i know this post has nothing to do with this blogs topic but ill really really appreciate some help because this is the only place apart from my real life where i feel like i can say this before really saying it and putting it in social stone because i want to say it somewhere ifykwim im neutrois/agender (really neutrois but agender is more well known i know theres a difference but its close enough for me to be comfy using that label) but idk if im going to come out anytime soon because im being bullied (thats what happens when you go into the college major infamous for being FULL of regina georges - nursing) by this group of people who are all trans but are constantly making fun of enbys that go by anything than they/them and present anything but androgynous and it sucks because anytime they meet someone whose not the flavor of enby they like they grill them and you cant really actually explain it to them because theyre convinced you're a faking cis person and how dare you mansplain genderqueerness to them but i really dont care what they think i just cant handle having to demand respect for another thing from them because its tiring.

but anyway the purpose of this post is plssssssssssss validate me and see me plssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

*btw i dress/act mostly feminine because in my humble opinion mens fashion hasn't been cunty since like the 18th century, i use either she/her or they/them pronouns because my brain will not respond to anything else, but if you want to thirst after me or be freaky you can call me any honorific/title thing feminine or masculine

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

guess who's back and is harassing me and my sister again.

hope you see this, martin <3

more ss under the cut bc they're really pissin me off. tryin' hard not to be too petty here *-*

upon someone asking for proof ---

after my sister blocked them

saying this shit

so this is disgusting!

[cramdaniel]

kipperlily copperkettle was originally Brennan’s PC in a home game with friends. speaking as a fellow long time D&D player, if i ran a game with one of my many PCs as an NPC, especially one won I wrote with villainy in mine for them, i’d do something similar to what he did. they’re MY PC so if i wanna highlight the worst parts of them and turn them into a shitty little villain, and let my PCs feel justified in killing them, i’m gonna fucking do just that. it’s so much fun, and since they’re entirely my creation, and ya know, not a Real Teenage Girl, i’d have an awesome time.

sometimes, teen girls are little bitchy assholes, and sometimes in D&D, little bitchy assholes who are actively killing their friends, their teachers, and trying to bring about an apocalypse, they get killed by the PCs who are the heroes of the story.