#platonic partners society

[redysetdare]

I think there's a genuine conversation to be had about how aro spaces have begun pushing QPRs in a similar way that amatonormativity pushes romantic relationships onto people but a majority of aros just refuse to engage in the discussion because they see it as an attack on QPRs or people saying QPRs are romantic relationships lite instead of actually looking at the fact it's critiquing how some Aros have begun pushing it almost like an alternative to romance and something all Aro's want.

No one is saying QPRs are bad but rather that there is too much push that the idea of a QPR will fix people's problems. "oh you're lonely? just find a QPR!" "You dont have to be in a romantic relationship you can be in a QPR!" "QPR is MORE than friendship" etc etc.

There's a genuine critique here of QPRs being used to continue to push amatonormativity by again assuming that every aro wants a partner - even if not romantic - and I think we can have a genuine conversation about this rather than going at each other throats over a fake argument of "QPRs bad"

[ghoulishautism]

People need to be more normal about platonic relationships in fiction I swear to God

If you see any sign of affection as inherently romantic then you need to do some soul searching and figure out why

[filurig]

bäckahäst family/reproduction loredump bcs i was hit by the desire to flesh them out a bit moar

[autuboho]

*a couple love each other platonically*

Straight society: that’s not love.

*two friends love each other romantically*

Society: that’s not friendship.

*person who loves their family member*

Society: mhmmm… that’s affection.

*person who loves an animal more than anything*

Society: that’s affection.

*person who loves his friend more than anything*

Society: that’s affection.

*a person loves their child*

Society: that’s affection.

*a cat and a dog love each other*

Society: that’s affection.

*a person love their daughter*

Society: that’s affection.

*a couple loving each other romantically*

Society: THAT’S TRUE LOVE

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN FANTASY AU HOME FINDS WALLY A LOVER AND THAT ITS COMPLICATED?????

AM I SNIFFING SOME LORE????

OK LISTEN YES AND NO YES AND NO it's not so cut and dry!

most if not all of my decisions in au-crafting stems from the source, my understanding of it, and my interpretations. so warlock!Wally & patron!Home's relationship is how i view their relationship in ~canon~(albeit slightly more intense due to the change in situation). in short: devoted, codependent, intimate, a little strange, and unable to be labeled

so i wouldn't say that Home looks at Wally with outright/explicit romantic feelings, because it's more complicated than that. plus i'm an aro Wally truther. i actually have a ramble post queued up about exactly this so i won't say anything more on the matter rn

[potted-cilantro]

god who invented this 'friends can't be affectionate' shit and 'romance is a necessity and the default so we're treating every single relationship as a binary' and 'the words in your language only support this binary it is impossible to describe a relationship outside it' bullshit can we get rid of it please

[midnight-els]

my friend told me it was really important to her that everyone was getting a +1 to her wedding but my invite doesn't have one so apparently I'm just so chronically, haplessly single that it's assumed I won't use it lmao thx 💀

[ranger-kellyn]

look. i don't care what anyone says, if you're someone who wants a partner, you deserve one that doesn't yell at you. you deserve a partner that doesn't make you walk on eggshells. you deserve a partner who you can have civil discussions with when disagreements come up. you deserve a partner who doesn't try to intimidate you in any way when they're mad. you deserve a partner who doesn't "keep score".

[just-a-little-unionoid]

"like asexuals" funny because ace/aro people are ALSO oppressed in the very same ways and for the very same reasons polyam people are

like, it all boil down to monogamous amatonormativity. monogamous (straight) relationship being the norm and anyone not falling into this category is seen as either broken or evil and often coerced into conforming by either law or social pressure, why don't you see it?

its fucking crazy how regularly people on this website who really earnestly consider themselves Radical and Progressive vitriolically mock polyamorous people

[trashpremiium]

my brain just supplied me with the term “romantic passing” and like. what do i do with that

[angelellipsis-devilofdots]

can we normalize the mindset of "i don't fully understand your identity, but i accept and support you"? i've definitely felt this way before and i wish more people could do so when they don't fully grasp a label. the examples i can think of off the top of my head are aplatonic and afamilial. i don't fully understand your identity but i'm absolutely down to learn! you've found a word and a label that describes your experiences & feelings, that's awesome and i've absolutely been there! you belong in the lgbtqia+ community just as much as anyone else here!!

you don't have to understand why some people don't feel platonic or familial love in society's "typical" way or "normal" level; you don't have to understand why some people have or desire multiple partners; you don't have to understand why someone's gender is fluid; you don't have to understand why some people don't feel sexual or romantic attraction, but some of them still desire those relationships, and others may hate the idea of it; but you can be open to learning, open to being educated, and accepting of the people who have found these wonderful words to describe them and validate them, the people who belong in this community just as much as anyone with a more generally understood label. you can normalize people's identities, and normalize the fact that you do not have to completely grasp all of those identities to support those people.

[autuboho]

‘nullifying’ each other for a relationship just because is a natural process of a developing relationship or a part of nature is a big sign of amatonormativity.

[pikp0kcas3]

The Hazbin Hotel fandom’s issue with accepting aromanticism and asexuality

Now that it is officially Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, I want to talk about this!

I find that, as an aroace myself, I am constantly grasping at good representation and coming up empty— it usually ends up in one of two ways.

One: the character is portrayed as emotionless, cold, and robotic in nature. It’s the question aromantic and/or asexual people are often asked: “Are you heartless?” The answer is no, of course, but general media makes it out to be the opposite.

Or two: Their lack of attraction is seen as something to “fix” because they “haven’t found the right one yet”, and they end up with a partner as a “happy ending”.

It frustrates me greatly because of how little people actually see aromanticism or asexuality as a true part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

So when I watched Hazbin Hotel, and I found out about Alastor being aroace, I was over the moon. I was on cloud nine. I also saw how his voice actor has looked up the term as an attempt to learn about aroaces, which makes me OVERJOYED?? Amir is truly a blessing, and I love that he’s proud to embody a character that’s part of our community. It’s so beautiful to finally have a proper character, a fan favorite at that, who just so happens to be aroace— and that’s another thing I love about this.

It’s never explicitly stated in the show (though it is stated in interviews), but it’s rather clear when you’re watching, isn’t it? Alastor’s aversion to any sort of sexual advancement, coupled with Rosie’s blatant “I know you’re an ace in the hole” comment sort of spell out his asexuality pretty clearly, as well as what side of the spectrum he falls upon. In addition, his Valentine’s day card was strictly platonic, which caters to his aromantic side. It feels so validating to finally be represented, to finally have a character in media who shares the same lack of interest in romance and sex as I do.

When I entered the fandom to look for more content, I kind of expected to see the same respect for Alastor’s orientation there too. But that… wasn’t the case? I am fully aware that aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums— of course, aromantic and/or asexual people can enter those kinds of relationships. I’m not denying that and they belong in the community as much as anyone else on the spectrum.

But, the more I see the same line again and again and again, the more it feels like an excuse to just ship what you want.

Usually I don’t mind shipping? I’m often a firm believer in people shipping what they like as long as it’s harmless and they don’t go crazy over it. I also know for a fact that Viv doesn’t have a problem with people shipping her characters. They are fictional, after all.

But in this case, people are ignoring the very thing that makes Alastor a part of the aroace community! People are ignoring his lack of romantic or sexual attraction!

Is this not the same as changing a gay character’s orientation to suit a straight ship? If not, how so? I’m told that we are a part of this community, so why aren’t we being treated like it? Why is it so hard to accept the people on the end of the spectrum who aren’t interested?

Something I’ve been noticing throughout my life is that society has not exactly progressed very much on the idea of accepting asexual or aromantic identities. Maybe we have, a little, since the old days— but hell, people in “the old days”, which in truth wasn’t very long ago, believed that asexuality was a medical condition to be “fixed” by taking the right medication or having sex. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. And on the romance side, you’re seen as a “late bloomer” or “boring” if you don’t express interest. These days, being friends with someone is treated like a gateway to them possibly becoming a lover. Not getting married, not going on dates, not wanting a partner— it’s all treated like a crime when it’s not.

Maybe I’m selfish, or sensitive, or I’m butthurt over nothing, or I’m making it all about me. Maybe I’m gatekeeping or whatever the term is. But please, please, please, I just want an aroace character like me who simply is not interested in sex or romance.

And I want fandom to respect that. I admire the creations that fans make— the art, the animatics, the writing and the character analysis. And I want people to keep creating because creation is indeed a beautiful thing.

But I really would like people to treat aroace identities like they’re important. Like it’s more than just a spectrum to get wiggle room to wrangle in another ship.

[jilted-love]

You all need to be reminded that Queerplatonic Relationships are long term committed relationships that originated from aromantic people who want the consistency and loyalty in romantic relationships without the expectations of performing romance. If you don't want to commit to a platonic relationship, then you don't want a QPR ("platonic" word here is used as the opposite of "romantic" instead of "sexual" because some queerplatonic partners can be sexual and others can be non-sexual).

QPR is not just a quirky term for intense emotional friendship because any friendship can have that intimacy but not all friends commit to each other in the way that makes the relationship queer. The queerness in queerplatonic means we have a relationship that's so devoted and yet platonic because we are debunking amatonormativity here that dictates to us (by society) that romantic relationships must be the priority.

If you just want to kiss and hug your friends and hold their hands or anything else intimate but you don't think you can be committed to that friendship, it's not queerplatonic relationship you want. If you're misusing queerplatonic term, you're erasing the meaning of this word that helps aromantic people communicate our boundaries, expectations and experiences as queer people. Please just respect us. Treating QPR like it's just a "friendship" is as rude as treating it as "romance lite". I want a commitment but no romo. It's that simple.

Edit: This is not gatekeeping or exclusionary. All this post is saying is that QPR is a non-romancebased commitment. Anyone can have a QPR if you can be committed to people even if you aren't expecting romance from them. Any misunderstanding over this is not my responsibility. Maybe read better.

[ozzgin]

Hear me out.

Monster mate matching service. This takes place in the future after the first human appeared in the monster realm/dimension and over time more humans have been appearing (either due to the Monster adoption or wormholes etc). Humans are much more cemented to society having their own housing and stuff and jobs, no longer a work of fiction or myths to most of monster society. However while it is fairly easy for humans to find potencial partners, there are potencial issues that come since every human is different. Some humans can’t wrap their heads around the numerous of monsters going after like other humans can. Some humans are way too scared to get themselves out there, some humans too introverted, some can’t handle the massive amounts of sex requests or proposals or dates. Some humans want to establish a certain relationship and find monsters within the masses that may align with their own goals (situationships/friends/flings/dating/marriage). So the Monster mate matching service allows humans to get out there and sort through different monsters to see who could potentially be the one they are looking for no matter the type of relationship be it sexual romantic or platonic or a mix. Humans also create a profile allowing everyone in the service to match up with those who they are interested in. So whether you are looking for a life long commitment, a fun hang out or a raunchy pleasure session this service has it all and is able to outline what you are comfortable with.

I have nothing else to add to your flawless idea, anon, except for this speedily made template in Photoshop.

[kitsu-katsu]

No but I hate so much the fact that the amatonormative relationship hierarchy is so strong that romantic relationships are always referred to as More Than Friends™

If two friends seem to be forming a romantic relationship, it can't just be that the relationship is shifting into something a bit different, it is strictly More, and it's especially more not only compared to what the people involved had before, but it's also more than any other platonic relationship they hold. Other friends are expected to "know their place" in the relationship hierarchy despite sharing many more years of a connection with the people involved, because if the romantic relationship is More, then their platonic bond is Less, and it's just how it "should be" and if people get sad that their friend is isolating to their romantic partner only, restricted to only doing what they want to do, stopping speaking to them if their partner chooses so, leaving them behind all of a sudden because they are strictly Less Important, then they are actually ridiculous and should control their emotions because "of course you're less than their new partner"

And this then also translates to people not breaking off toxic, unhealthy or just simply incompatible due to life circumstances romantic relationships because then "they'll lose their partner". Because they already became More, so if they break it off, they'll become Less again and that's scary, and it can never be the same, because it's not just a simple shift where in many cases things don't even change that much, no, if they shift again they're essentially "breaking something sacred", something coveted, they're destroying the whole bond in every which way by Becoming Less. Not even getting into how society expects people to hate their ex-partners, or at the very least be very awkward about them, so people at large really cannot fathom the fact that maybe the change of relationship title was mostly just that and didn't change the dynamic so drastically that changing it back to "just" friends also wouldn't shake the foundations of the interpersonal bond at all. No, if they shake things up, they'll irrevocably lose their partner, they can never talk the same again, they can't share a laugh, they can't coexist as they did because now they're Less

And how this also impacts how people from outside claim to know more about the nature of a relationship than the people in it. Because "You're acting like More", "You can't really think that you're Just friends", "Look at them, 'Just Friends' don't do that, what they have is Deeper, it's More" or on the other side "You don't act like More, how can you say that you're partners? That's not a Real Relationship"

This devalues all types of relationships. People aren't allowed to put the title they want on it themselves. If you want something that's not either like a QPR you're breaking every rule and "actually it's Just a Friendship" or "actually you're just scared to call it romantic because you gave commitment issues but it is". And the people who buy into the More and Deeper can get so wrapped up in that ONE bond being More Than Any Other, that if it breaks, they've isolated themselves into it and pushed their friends away for so long that not it actually became the One Bond they had left

It damages Everyone