#pink tote lid

[fledermaus-mainblog]

Pink Tote Discussion: My Personal Experience with Parental Trauma

I've been seeing a lot of "pink tote lid" moments* on TikTok today and it has given me pause to think about the things I've experienced with my own parents. My parents and I are, for the most part, on at least somewhat better terms now, but they're still bullies and it doesn't erase the experiences I had as a child.

*For those unaware, pink tote lid refers to a TikTok video where an individual recounts their experience with emotional abuse from their parents, wherein the mother screams at their child because she wanted them to get the pink tote lids out of the bathroom.

Trauma manifests in many different ways, and it can be hard for an individual to tell what exactly their trauma stems from. In my case, the main issue with identifying my trauma was the fact that I have memory issues. It's a vicious cycle — Between having ADHD and mental illness, my memory is very poor. That coupled with the fact that as you grow with little perspective of what others' upbringings are like, you grow comfortable in the idea that it's just normal behavior.

For the longest time when I was a child, I had an issue with food insecurity.

I don't know the true source, but my guess is that I wasn't fed enough. My family members tell me that I was being fed constantly, but then again, they are also responsible for my trauma. Not exactly reliable to my narrative. I remember that I often ate small amounts, but very frequently. I couldn't stomach a full meal, and instead liked snacking throughout the day.

My parents... Did not like this. I remember being hungry rather often because they didn't want to accommodate my appetite needs. Perhaps this is the reason I started food hoarding.

I think this behavior started around when I was five years old. I would sneak out of bed during the night or early morning and raid the fridge as well as the cabinets, often taking sugary snacks back to my room. Sometimes I would pick dried scraps from dinner off of the stove. I would discard the wrappers and containers under my bed or behind my dresser. When I was caught, I would get a beating. Eventually, they started locking the fridge and cabinets.

At one point, they locked me in my room for the night so that I could not sneak food again. When I woke the next morning, I had to pee very badly. I banged on the door for what felt like hours — My parents slept at the other end of the house. They couldn't hear me. If they did, they didn't care. I banged, and banged, and called. Finally, I couldn't hold it any longer. I ended up wetting myself because they had locked me in my room. I don't think I got a beating that time, but I was yelled at.

I was beaten once because I was suspected of eating a container of leftover sauteed mushrooms from the fridge. I hadn't. I tried to convince my mother of this, and she refused to believe me. I got the belt for it. Only later did my mother realize that my father ate them. She did not apologize to me.

Sometimes, I think to myself that I was not abused. And perhaps I wasn't. But man, sometimes it doesn't feel like my parents wanted me at all.

[a-stubborn-little-fish]

Reading all the stories these girls have of “pink tote moments” and I’m starting to realize that I’ve had more of those moments than anything else. I have a moment like that every week. I never realized how severely I was being abused and still am. I can’t even remember them all. They just keep happening. They never end. My body is broken because of it. She rarely puts her hands on me but I wish she would. Physical wounds are easy to recover from. She hurts me in worse ways.

[luveline]

PLS PLS PLS IM ON MY KNEES what about Remus with a sunshine reader? Like she comes around and is just so chatty and energetic and a much needed change of pace for our brooding quiet boy

Remus takes his earphones out the moment he sees you, but that's his secret alone. You barrel through the atrium to drape yourself over Sirius’ shoulder, meeting his smirk with a genuinely ecstatic smile before looking up at the others. “Hello, my favourite boys. Did you get dinner yet?” 

“No, babe, we were waiting for you. Sit down,” Sirius says. 

You beam and make directly for the chair next to Remus, though you could've sat with Sirius, or a little ways across next to the girls. “Hey,” you say, like he's the only boy you've ever wanted to speak with. James makes a knowing face behind your back. “What are you having?” 

“Remus doesn't believe in canteen food,” James says.  

“No kidding,” you say, still smiling, not even slightly put off by this nor Remus’ passive expression. It's not that he doesn't like you, the opposite, he just has a headache and he hates uni. You make it easier, a light in the dark. “What's not to like? Three quid for a slice of burnt pizza or five for a bowl of metallicy pasta. You couldn't get it any better.” 

“We'll go up to town,” Sirius suggests with a chuckle.  

“Let's order a pizza or something, they'll deliver in here, won't they?” James asks. 

You focus on Remus. “You don't like anything at all? The curry and chips is nice enough.” 

“It's not for me.” 

You nod appreciatively and let your tote bag fall from your shoulder into the crook of your arm. You rifle around and pull out a tupperware full of cut fruit, slices of banana, strawberries, blueberries, what looks like circles of pear. “We can eat this.” 

Remus could say no. He can't decide what's worse, saying yes or no, that is until you open the lid and put it between you both, offering to Sirius and James as well, and suddenly it isn't awkward at all, just something you've done. The pads of your fingers turn pink with strawberry juice as you tell him, “I was gonna put some tangerine in here but I keep getting super sour ones.” 

“They're out of season,” he says, fingers brushing yours as he takes a slice of banana. He swears, it zings. 

“I should know that. You know everything.” You leave a little strawberry print on the back of his hand, unnoticed, and he knows he's fucked when he lets it dry there in the shape of your finger. 

Somewhere between fruit slices and your chatter your chair grows closer to his, your knee pressed to knee without remorse, your elbow a whisper from his as you lean back in your chair. “So, bad day?” you ask. 

“What makes you think that?” 

You tap the space between your brows. He registers the gesture, nearly misunderstands, but eventually he relaxes the set of his brow and his tensed jaw. It's actually a relief. He hadn't realised he was doing it. 

“There,” you say, still smiling softly. “That's better. You'll get a headache, you know?” You sound genuinely worried. “It's not good to be so tense.” 

“Thank you,” he says. James and Sirius order a pizza on speaker across from you both, and, for fear you've missed it, he adds, “Thanks.” 

You needle into him with your elbow gently. “You're welcome. You're handsome when you smile.” 

“Not like you,” he says, “you're brilliant.” 

Your teeth peek out. His chest lifts, you look that happy, and when he smiles back it doesn't feel nearly as taxing as it usually does. 

[orchidsangel]

MY BABY, MY BABY. YOU'RE MY BABY, SAY IT TO ME. (JT)

notes/cw ~ fluff, minor(ish) angst, fem!reader, talks of having a baby, idk i just had really bad dad!jason brain rot and i felt like i had to share it with my lovely angels, (2.3k)

The sound of laughter rings through your house like jingle bells during the holiday season, pitter patters of tiny feet tumbling against hardwood floors, and bigger ones chasing after them invade your ears. Squeals of laughter pour out through an open window as you pull bags of groceries out of the trunk of your car, the sound of running dying down when the trunk closes with a thump. "Is mommy home?" You hear a familiarly sweet voice say. "I think she is. Come on, let's see if we can beat her to the door."

Bags in hand, you walk up the pathway to the entrance of your house. The street of your suburban neighborhood, mostly empty on this chilly winter night, save for some residents walking their dogs before lights get turned off. The sound of a lock clicks before you're even halfway up the path, and soon after, you're met with Jason and your daughter standing in the doorway looking ridiculous, goofy grins on both of their faces. Red bows are hidden amongst his hair, some tied around short braids, some just hanging loosely on a few strands bunched together. Pink pajama pants peek out from under the red tutu she's wearing, and she dons pink ballet slippers on her feet as if she's about to perform the Nutcracker. 

He steps outside, meeting you at the top of the steps, hooking his fingers under the canvas straps of your reusable tote bags—an investment you'd made to offset some of the carbon emissions from his bike—and takes them into his hands. "New hair, huh?" you ask, eyeing the variety of red satin ribbons tied in knots littering the expanse of his head. "Yeah, you like?" He asks, turning towards you, lowering his head a bit so you can get a better look. You roll your eyes, but there's a smile playing on your lips at the image of Jason sitting down while your daughter's tiny hands play hairdresser with bows and barrettes.

You close the front door behind him as he makes his way toward the kitchen to unpack the groceries, turning your attention to the little girl in front of you sporting a toothy grin. "I thought ballet ended hours ago," you say, eyeing the layers of bright red tulle you had previously hidden to avoid the specks of glitter that shed every time she moved. "She had to practice her pirouettes." you hear Jason say from inside the fridge. "Yeah, mommy. I was practicing my pirouettes." She pouts her lips and cocks her head to the side, small hands fidgeting as she tries to use cuteness to get out of trouble. You cross your arms and squint your eyes at her, "Uh huh. And the hair?" You gesture to Jason, walking toward you. "What does that have to do with pirouettes?" 

He joins the two of you in the living room holding up a container of Gerber baby puffs, using them as a distraction to get both him and his little girl out of trouble. "What?" You ask, deadpan. "What d'ya mean what? We've got an infant I don't know about?" Your daughter gasps, eyes lighting up suddenly. "A sibling!" He laughs, turning towards you with a raised eyebrow. "No, you jerk. Him, not you, honey," you say, quickly correcting yourself. "They're for me." You snatch the container of blueberry-flavored rice puffs out of his hand, peeling off the lid and shoving a handful into your mouth. "God forbid women enjoy things." 

You pop a few more into your mouth before feeling a tug at the coat you still hadn't taken off. When you look down, you're met with your daughter, mouth open and waiting for you to share. She stares at you with wide eyes, using your inability to say no to her to her advantage. Sighing, you raise the container a bit and pause, "Only a few, and you have to get ready for bed after." she nods her head, mouth still open, and you tilt and pour out a substantial amount. She closes her mouth and displays her adorable little smile once again before running off to the bathroom to brush her teeth. "Hold on," Jason shouts down the hallway. "Say thank you to your mom!" You hear feet running again, and soon enough, feel the soft squeeze of your daughter giving you a hug; she presses her head into your lower abdomen as you bring your hand up to softly stroke her hair. "Thank you, Mommy." She says before moving on to Jason and giving an equally soft hug despite using all her might. "And thank you, Daddy, for letting me do your hair." She lets go and scurries off again, leaving a trail of red glitter in her wake for you to clean up.

She disappears into the bathroom, and you watch the hallway, now empty, as she gets ready for bed. You sigh, listening to the sound of water running while she independently does her end-of-the-night tasks, something you'd still helped her with not too long ago. Jason's arms creep around your waist, pulling you against him. His chin rests on your shoulder, and you feel something tickle your neck, but you're not sure if it's his hair or a ribbon. He notices the solemn look in your eyes, a stark contrast to the liveliness he'd seen in you just a few moments ago. "What's wrong? Is it the glitter? Because I can clean that up." He says. "No, not that." You nibble on your bottom lip, lost in thought, trying to organize your feelings. "Just… she's gotten so big." He hums in acknowledgment, his way of saying he shares the sentiment. "I just don't know where the time went." You mumble, overcome with an unexpected sadness. "She's only five." He says into your neck, bringing his hands up to your shoulders and gently pulling off the coat you'd forgotten to take off. "Yeah, but she was just a baby not that long ago. I swear."

The both of you watch her move between her bedroom and the bathroom, soft dark brown curls bouncing with every movement. At five, she was already more responsible than most children her age, having a pretty concrete idea of right and wrong well before most kids do. Responsible for her age, but still just a baby in the grand scheme of everything, and sometimes the two of you would wonder if Jason's occupation might end up inadvertently affecting her and warping her idea of justice, but those fears were almost always disproven as soon as they came and oftentimes you didn't worry more than a few minutes. "We're doing a good job." He says from behind you, rubbing your back in an attempt to take away some of the worry. Normally, it would go away with ease, today, not so much. "We're not bad parents." You say with conviction, but you both know you're just trying to convince yourself of it. "We're not. You know we're not." 

He turns you around to face him, away from the hallway, so you can't dwell any longer. His hands move to your upper arms, kneading gently as he searches for your eyes. "What's wrong? Talk to me." You struggle to make eye contact, unsure of your next words. "I think…I think I want another baby." You breathe out, looking down, unable to meet his gaze. Seconds pass, but they feel like minutes, and you barely breathe while you wait for his reaction. Not a single thing in the universe could've prepared you for the words that come out of his mouth. "Is that all? Is that what you were sulking about?" You look up at him, eyes wide, as he lets out a breathy laugh. Oh Jason, your Jason, taking your face in his hands and leaning down so he can look you in your eyes. "Don't scare me like that again, okay? Do you know how fucked up shit has to be for me to be the optimist out of the two of us?" It's your turn to laugh now, a weight having been lifted off your shoulders. "Language," you warn. "Aw, come on, she's way out of earshot." He bends down and presses his lips against yours; you close your eyes, leaning into him, hands finding his chest as you feel all of your worries melt away.

"Blegh." 

The sudden sound of a disgusted child, your disgusted child, pulls you away from Jason, and you wipe your mouth in embarrassment. It's just your daughter, but you still feel like a kid who's just been caught stealing candy and is about to get lectured into oblivion; Jason, however, handles it with ease. Taking on a playfully stern tone and pointing an accusatory finger at her, he asks, "Why are you up, little lady? Shouldn't you be in bed?" She mirrors his action, pointing a finger at him now. "You didn't tuck me in or read me my bedtime story." He puts his thumb and forefinger on his chin, seemingly thinking it over. "Hmmm, seems you've got me there." He shrugs before picking her up into his arms and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "You've gone soft," you say with a laugh, the embarrassment of being caught having passed. "What can I say? She's bossy. Gets it from her mama." You nudge his shoulder lightly as he turns in the direction of her room. "Alright, that's enough out of you." 

He leaves the door to her bedroom slightly cracked, and you can hear their whispers as they do their nightly routine of picking out a book to read, followed by her falling asleep in his arms. "What do you have in mind tonight?" He asks, laying her down gently on the bed adorned with princess sheets and stuffed animals he'd bought for her during trips around the world. "Can we finish Lord of the Rings?" She grabs her favorite stuffie, a gray bunny with droopy ears and button eyes, and holds it close to her chest as Jason climbs in beside her. "I don't think we can finish it, but we can fit a few pages in before it's time for you to go to sleep. That work for you?" He leans over the side of the bed and picks up a worn copy of Lord of the Rings that had been sitting on top of a stack of books he kept in her room solely for the purpose of bedtime. She nods her head at his question and snuggles further into him as he flips to the page they left off at.

You hear the sound of rustling and know the bedtime story has commenced, leaving you to clean up the mess of glitter and ribbons. Broom in hand, you start to sweep up the remnants of her "pirouette practice." Going up and down the hallway, sweeping back and forth. You catch a glimpse of the photos in the frames lining your wall before coming to a full stop and reminiscing about how far you guys have come. There were some pictures from when it was just the two of you, but most of those were kept digital, hidden amongst miscellaneous screenshots and disorganized photo albums. The majority of the framed photos came after she was born; something so special about being able to hold a photo of the three of you in your hands, to have it on display in your home proudly saying this is my family. Corny, maybe, but you'd never regretted starting the collection, especially since it had been Jason's idea. He'd been insistent that you keep a scrapbook to commemorate your ever-changing lives, but after realizing neither of you had the knack for cutting and gluing bits of paper onto pretty pages, you'd settled on the wall. Now, you look at them so often and always with fondness. Oh, how things had changed since that day, you'd met so long ago.

You don't know how long you'd been standing there, but you hear a door closing softly, and you turn to see Jason trying to make his way into the hallway with minimal noise. "Is she asleep?" You ask, barely above a whisper. "Out like a light." He says, joining you in front of the framed memories. A picture of her as a newborn, freshly discharged from the hospital, catches his eye, "she was really tiny, wasn't she?" He says, voice cracking a little as he remembers the overwhelming fear he'd experienced when you were in labor and how it all went away once he had held her in his arms. You hum in agreement as you both get lost in pictures of her from the past. Birthdays and holidays, family events and major milestones, there was a picture for everything.

There was one of her on his shoulders; she couldn't have been more than two at the time, her tiny fingers laced through locks of jet-black hair. You remember like it was yesterday; she had just watched Ratatouille and was trying to imitate Remy. He had played into it, and he couldn't get her off his shoulders for days after that. Another, taken from her first trip to the beach. You sit behind her, keeping her upright and holding her arms out, making one wave at Jason, who was behind the camera. You smile to yourself, the two of you standing outside of your daughter's bedroom, mostly content, remembering what it was like to have a baby in your arms. The memory of bringing her home floods his brain; how nervous he was yet so insanely happy he couldn't control the smile on his face. A shaky laugh falls from his lips as he pulls down a picture of the three of you still in the hospital, thumb pressed against the glass like he's trying to physically feel the moment. "Yeah…I could do it again." 

been working on this almost non stop for 9 hours, literally my longest fic yet (only by like 600 words, but still !!!), special thanks to @kiyozu (my beloved) for giving me this idea !! eek, hope you guys enjoyed it <33 (user orchidsangel is going to sleep now) (also tried following up dialogue with actions this time, gonna see how that goes bc if it’s too hard to follow along with i’ll just go back to he said she said)

[ladamedusoif]

Cookies (Tim Rockford X F!Reader)

A Merry Fic-Mas - December 26

Pairing: Tim Rockford x F!Reader

Word Count: 1455

Rating: Explicit; 18+ MDNI

Warnings: Established relationship (Reader is Tim’s wife); workplace sex; fingering; unprotected but safe PiV sex (Reader is on birth control); no use of Y/N; no physical descriptions of Reader; strong language; when we say “fuck the police” this is what we mean

Part of A Merry Fic-Mas: A Pedro Boys Holiday Fic Calendar - click for masterlist!

Follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to keep up with my work.

Tim kisses you on the cheek as he heads down to the precinct on Christmas Eve, overcoat in hand.

“I hate leaving you all, baby, but…”

You wrap him in a tight embrace and return his kiss. “Tim, you’re a good man. I’m sure Corinna appreciates you taking the Christmas Eve cover, so she can be at home for her baby’s first Christmas.”

Your husband’s ears pink up a little at your praise. “I guess. And older cops did it for us, too, when the kids were tiny.”

He looks over your shoulder into your mother’s kitchen, where your daughters are excitedly asking their grandma whether the Christmas cookies are cool enough to decorate. You turn and smile at the scene.

“I love you, Detective Rockford. We’ll save you some cookies. Come home safe.”

***

The cop at the front desk is thanking his lucky stars as he sips his umpteenth cup of filter coffee. It’s almost midnight on Christmas Eve, and - other than a couple of minor call-outs for the guys out in the patrol car to break up bar fights - he hasn’t had to book a single person into the cells.

It’s a goddamn Christmas miracle.

And then the door buzzes. He sighs in exasperation and checks the CCTV. A woman, wearing a winter hat and carrying a tote bag. He presses the button to let her in.

“Hello there, ma’am. Now, I have to warn you, as it’s Christmas Eve we don’t have a full complement of officers in tonight and - oh! Hi there, Mrs R!”

You smile as you take off your hat and scarf, and hand him a small tin. “Hey, Bryan. Tim in his office?”

“Sure is. Hey, these some of your famous cookies?”

You’re already climbing the stairs to your husband’s office. “Maybe. Open it and see if Santa thinks you’ve been a good cop this year.”

***

Tim’s at his desk, shirt sleeves rolled up and tie slightly loose, flipping through some papers with his glasses on. The desk lamp bathes him in a warm light, highlighting his handsome features, and you pause for a moment to take him in before you knock on the door.

He looks up in surprise before a broad smile spreads across his face. “Hello there, miss. What brings you to the precinct on a Christmas Eve?”

You carefully close the door and turn the little lock on the handle, before pulling down the blind. You reach into your bag and produce another cookie tin, sauntering over to Tim’s desk and placing it in front of him.

“So, everyone was tucked up in bed at home, and would you believe it? I met Santa Claus, leaving gifts for the girls.”

Your husband chuckles and pulls you onto his lap. “That so?”

You nod. “The man himself. And you know what he said?”

Tim shakes his head, eyes twinkling. You lean in and kiss him softly.

“He said that Tim Rockford had been a particularly good boy this year, and he should get an extra special gift.”

Tim’s eyes turn to the cookie tin. “The cookies?”

You shrug, reach for the tin, and open the lid. “You could say that, I guess. They’re part of the gift.”

He bursts out laughing when he looks inside and takes out a gingerbread man perfectly decorated to resemble - well, him. White shirt, black pants, dark hair and moustache, tie, and even a pair of shoulder holsters.

“Your handiwork?”

You throw your head back and laugh. “Damn right. Why wouldn’t I make cookies that look like the most delicious man I know?”

He eyes you up suspiciously, but a smile plays on his lips. “You said the cookies were part of the gift.”

You stand up and move his paperwork out of the way, clearing enough space on the desk so that you can sit up on it. “The other part is under my coat.”

Tim’s eyes widen as he reaches for the buttons on your knee-length woollen coat, unbuttoning them eagerly and pulling the coat open.

His mouth falls open. “Holy fuck, baby.”

“You like what you see?” You fight against all the anxieties and insecurities that haunt you about your body, focusing on the look of astonished desire that’s burning in your husband’s eyes.

Tim’s eyes roam over you, taking in the dark red bra and matching, high-waisted panties trimmed in black lace, the sheer black stockings. He carefully eases off your coat and throws it to one side, running his big hands gently over the soft skin of your shoulders as he slips down the straps of your bra.

“I love what I see.” His voice is a rapt whisper.

He slips his hands to your back and waist and pulls you tight to him as he kisses you deeply, moaning as you twine your fingers through his dark, grey-streaked curls. You bring your hands to his belt buckle, working it open and undoing his pants so you can palm his cock, already hardening under your touch.

Tim brings his mouth to the side of your neck and begins to softly bite and lick the sensitive skin, working his way down to your breasts as one hand holds you in place while the other tugs aside the lacy fabric that covers your pussy. “I fucking love what I see,” he grunts, pulling down the cups of your bra to expose your breasts. “I love you. My sexy fucking wife.”

You whine as two thick fingers trail across your folds before settling on your clit, working it steadily in the way only he knows. “I’m going to get you good and wet for me, my love,” Tim murmurs, encouraging you to lift your hips so he can ease off your panties.

“Mmmm… and then what are you going to do to me, Detective?”

He slips his fingers into your cunt, pulling a delighted gasp from you. “And then, Mrs Rockford, I plan on fucking you hard right here on this desk. But only if you come for me first.”

A hook of his fingers and you’re squealing with pleasure as Tim spreads you out in front of him, standing between your thighs as you continue to stroke his dick. He fucks you over and over with his fingers, watching you writhe and buck as you near your climax.

“C’mon, baby,” he whispers, eyes locked on yours. “You look so beautiful like this, all spread out and ready to come on my fingers. Can’t fuckin’ believe you’re mine, sometimes.” Your pussy tightens around him and he knows you’re about to come.

“Tim…Tim, fuck, I’m - oh, fuck, baby.” He keeps fingering you through the orgasm, sucking on your nipples as he extends the wave of pleasure running through you.

You reach up and undo his tie and unbutton his shirt, hitching up his under vest so you can feel the soft, warm skin of his belly against yours as he pushes himself inside you and begins to fuck you. You hitch up your legs around his waist to hold Tim in place, slipping your hands under his shirt and gripping his broad shoulders firmly as he takes you on his desk.

“Feel good?”

“Fucking incredible, Tim - you?”

He leans his head against your chest and flicks his tongue over your nipple. “Baby, you always feel amazing but this - fuck, this is so fuckin’ good. Feels so tight and wet for me. Listen to that.”

For a moment the only sound in the office is the lewd wetness, skin on skin, and your pants and moans.

“Can’t believe you did this for me, baby,” Tim grunts, speeding up his rhythm and making you whine, arching your back. “Came down here in nothing but lingerie, ready to fuck me…fuck, you’re incredible.”

You giggle a little. “Got lonely at home, my love. Needed to have my man.”

Tim’s faltering rhythm tells you he’s nearly there as he buries himself deeper inside you. “You’ve got him, baby. All yours. All…”

And he’s there, spilling inside you as he collapses on your chest.

***

Cleaned up but still a little dishevelled, you sit on the floor of the office and eat some of the cookies, accompanied by weak coffee.

In the distance, you can hear chimes signalling the hour.

“Hey. It’s midnight. Merry Christmas, Detective Rockford.”

Tim kisses you, tasting of ginger and sugar and spice and all things nice.

“Merry Christmas, Mrs Rockford. And thank you for my extra-special gift.”

[putaposyinyourhair]

And they were roommates…

part 1 | part 2

• back by popular demand

• you get some chadthan and you get some chadthan everybody gets some chadthan!

• y’all wanted more… well this is what it look like

“Movie night?” Ethan repeats, watching Anika as the beta digs out multiple pillows from the giant sparkly pink tote bag she’s brought along with her.

He’s not sure how she’d managed to get so many to fit in there and as impressive a feat it is, frankly, he’s afraid to ask.

“Movie night,” Mindy parrots from where she’s lounging atop Ethan’s bed— because she steadfastly refuses to go anywhere near her brother’s bed because, and Ethan quotes, she doesn’t, ‘know what kind of bodily fluids are all over that thing.’

She holds out both hands and moves her fingers back and forth in a spirit-fingers kind of way as she echoes the words.

It’s disconcerting.

Mindy Meeks-Martin is a rollercoaster. Ethan is terrified of rollercoasters.

So, his slight fear of her checks out.

“And this is… a weekly occurrence?” he inquires, brows furrowed as he continues to watch Anika.

She’s kneeling atop the seemingly endless layers of blankets and bedsheets she and Chad have stretched out onto the floor between the beds, meticulously organizing the countless pillows against the dresser that he and Chad share— the one they’ve split evenly down the middle so each of them gets four drawers.

Chad’s desk chair is rolled out in front of the makeshift futon on the floor and his laptop is perched atop the seat, lid open and ready to go— the screen proudly displaying a slideshow of pictures of the Meeks-Martin family and friends.

It’s kind of endearing.

Ethan refuses to acknowledge the way it makes his chest ache a bit. He doesn’t have a single family photo on his phone. Only a few pictures he’s taken with Quinn over the years. And a single solitary snapshot of his mother from when he was a kid, before she’d passed.

“Every Friday!” Chad calls from where he’s got his head shoved in the closet— successfully pulling Ethan out of an inevitable dark swirl of thoughts. “We rotate. We had it at Tara’s last week but you missed it cause you were trying that study group thing. Next week it’ll be at Mindy and Anika’s and this week we get the pleasure of hosting, babe.”

Ethan feels his cheeks flush horribly, despite the fact that he tries his damned hardest to ignore the way his heart kind of trips over a beat in response to the flippant way Chad calls him babe. The alpha’s continued and incessant usage of pet names has been steadily increasing over the past two and a half weeks that they’ve known each other.

“You ditched us for study group last week?” Mindy inquires, face twisted in clear disgust. “Nerd.”

Ethan’s still reeling over babe so he can’t even bring himself to remind her she’s a horror movie fanatic and that, in and of itself, also makes her a nerd.

“Hey!”

Ethan’s gaze slides over to where Chad has pulled his head out of the closet.

“He’s the cutest nerd in all of Hortense Tower,” Chad declares with a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Put some respect on his highness’ name.”

Ethan wishes he had a shell he could retreat into and hide.

Princess definitely seems to be the alpha’s favorite pet name for him— thanks to Quinn and her downright mortifying stories— and he uses, ‘his highness’ to refer to Ethan when talking to others more often than not. It’s embarrassing as hell. But Ethan doesn’t… dislike it.

Babe is a close runner-up, followed by the more pretentious-sounding ones; Baby, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.

Ethan’s sure at some point he’ll have to draw the line. Probably somewhere around Honey or Pookie.

He shivers at the thought.

“Debatable,” Mindy decides in monotone, giving Ethan one of those sweeping once-over’s before she turns her attention back to Anika.

Chad’s lips purse in an almost disappointed pout but Ethan smiles softly at his roommate when their gazes meet and Chad grins before he returns to whatever he’s attempting to do in the closet.

Anika is kneeling beside Ethan’s bed, stealing his pillows to add to the collection already on the makeshift futon on the floor. Mindy’s still sprawled on his bed though and is holding a few pillows hostage and Ethan watches as the alpha flops around, groaning dramatically and refusing to move when Anika reaches for them. She only relents when the beta huffs and sweetly asks for them with a gentle smile.

Ethan is still trying to figure out if they’re dating or not.

If they aren’t, they absolutely should be. Sometimes, when Anika goes on these long-winded, passionate rants, Mindy stares at her like she hung the moon and all the stars in the sky.

It’s downright adorable.

But Ethan’s not going to say anything. Despite the fact that he’s Chad’s roommate and Chad seems to like him well enough, Ethan feels like he’s on the outside looking in most of the time. Chad, Mindy and Tara had grown up together. And Mindy and Anika had met at summer camp years ago.

He’s kind of the outsider in this equation.

There’s a sharp knock at the door and Chad pulls his head back out of the closet for a moment to shout an enthusiastic, “Come in!”

The door is thrown open with such force that Ethan physically winces when it slams into the wall with a loud bang.

“The party has arrived, bitches,” Tara drawls, her fingers clutching a downright impressive amount of chips and snacks. She sweeps into the room, toeing off her shoes, and depositing all of the snacks onto the futon on the floor before she looks up at Ethan and waves.

Ethan lifts a few fingers in response to what he naively assumes is her greeting him, but when he glances over at the open door the other omega’s left in her wake, he stills and his hand drops to his side.

Oh, he realizes, that must be his cue.

He sniffs and resolutely does not frown.

“Okay, so— um,” Ethan mumbles, reaching up to run a hand at the back of his neck anxiously. “What time should I come back?”

All at once, four pairs of eyes turn to him.

Even Chad's, who finally seems to find whatever it is he’s looking for in the closet— it turns out to be an old, ratty red-and-green plaid blanket that the alpha tosses over at his sister, who catches it one-handed, even while she arches a sharp brow up at Ethan.

“Back where?” Tara questions, her nose scrunching and her brows furrowing. “What are we talking about?”

Chad’s eyes are narrowed at Ethan and there’s a distinctly grim frown on his face.

Ethan squirms, shifting from one side to the other as he avoids the alpha’s gaze.

“To the room?” he squeaks out, motioning in the general direction of his side of the room. “I mean, I can like… kill a few hours in the library or something but, um, I— I don’t really have anywhere else to like… sleep and stuff.”

Anika drops the pillow she’s holding, her mouth gaping as she stares at him like he’s suddenly grown another head or something.

A muffled sound comes from where Chad’s standing by the closet, something like a wounded noise.

Ethan doesn’t look.

And he gets the feeling he’s said something wrong.

When do you ever say the right thing, a mean little voice that sounds suspiciously like his father’s hisses from the recesses of his mind.

He takes a step back, lifting both hands to wave in front of him frantically.

“I— I mean, sorry, never mind,” he croaks, his face positively flaming once more in shame. “It’s fine, I can— I can figure something out.”

He turns abruptly, and almost trips over Tara’s discarded shoes in his haste to grab his backpack and flee.

Maybe Jason from his film class will let him stay the night, Ethan thinks as he shoulders one of his backpack’s straps and groans internally. If he does that, he knows he’ll have to deal with an infuriating barrage of subtle anti-omega bullshit Jason’s roommate, Greg, is sure to throw his way.

It’s ridiculous that in this day and age there are still people who think omegas are less-than for some reason.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”

Ethan’s head jerks back hastily as Chad rushes forward and steps into his path, effectively blocking him from their open dorm door.

“Slow your roll there, sweetheart,” Chad reasons, regarding Ethan with what looks to be a mixture of disbelief and amusement. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Ethan grips his backpack’s strap tightly and does not think about the fact that even though Chad’s eyes look almost black from a distance, up close they’re very much a deep chocolate brown color that Ethan definitely doesn’t think is the most gorgeous he’s ever seen.

“Yeah, it’s your turn to pick the movie,” Tara calls out, and despite the fact that she’s clearly speaking directly to Ethan, he’s unable to pull his gaze away from Chad’s to look at her. “Thank fuck because I don’t think I could survive another one of Chad’s picks.”

“Whoa, hey,” Mindy pipes up, shooting up from her horizontal position on Ethan’s bed. “First of all, how dare you? Secondly, Empire Records is God tier.”

Mindy is kind of fiercely protective of her brother. It’s unexpected but admirable as all hell. Ethan highly respects her for it.

Quinn is the same way with him. Although, she’s probably the only person in the world who even cares about him at all so it’s probably not saying much.

“God tier?” Tara guffaws. “You and Chad literally just spent the whole night drooling over Liv Tyler.”

“So did Anika!” Mindy squawks, pointing up at said beta accusingly.

Ethan kind of half tunes them out— as they continue to bicker back and forth for a moment, until Anika steps in, in an attempt to mediate— and gulps quietly under Chad’s intense stare, the alpha refusing to look away from him.

“My turn?” Ethan queries uncertainly, licking at his lips nervously and staunchly disregarding the way the alpha’s gaze flickers down for a second. “Are— you want me to stay?”

Chad’s lips stretch out into this lazy reassuring smile, a few of his top teeth digging into his bottom lip as he reaches back with a foot and pushes at the door.

It closes with a soft click.

“Your turn,” Chad promises, one hand lifting to slide the strap of Ethan’s bag off of his shoulder.

Ethan lets him do it and relinquishes his backpack, which Chad immediately tosses into the corner.

Then, Ethan’s eyes widen and his face flushes furiously as Chad wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him into his side, ducking his head just the slightest bit so his lips graze against the shell of Ethan’s ear.

“Stay with me, princess.”

[bomberqueen17]

Lotfus Bralette Sewalong: Construction 1

ok things I've learned: it'd be easier if I used a different fabric for main and lining, and it would be easy if that fabric had an obvious right and wrong side. Despite all my labeling and stickering and everything I *still* sewed a panel in wrong, and it was a nightmare making sure everything was mirror-imaged correctly.

All that said, I had to unpick a total of one seam (but unpicked two by accident, argh), and there's a sudden point where you have everything assembled and you're like..... none of this needs labels any more, and you have to peel them all off before you can continue. And it comes suddenly. So.

I'm not finished but I'm really near the end. It's a lot of fussy little sewing, but the seams are like ten inches long max, it really doesn't take very long.

This being my muslin, I have focused on getting everything put together and have not paid attention to seam finishing, trimming, grading, pressing etc. My next version, I will do those things, but I've omitted them from this version because I still don't know if the thing is going to fucking fit, I'm not topstitching something if I might have to tear it all back out, though let's be realistic I'm not going to disassemble this thing, if it turns out unwearable I'm just going to cut the notions off and start over. It's not that much fabric. I will make minor tweaks probably, but generally it is not going to be worth it to pull this apart. (Exception: if it's too large I would cut seams off and sew it smaller. But it will not be too large, I already know that from the approximate shove-my-boob-meat-into-a-half-of-it not-exactly-try-on-- it is certainly not too big, but I can't tell if it's too small because without the elastic and fasteners it's not pulled closely enough to me to be sure. It feels like there's not enough fabric to go around, but I know the wide band elastic covers a lot of territory, so I'm reserving judgement.)

So. How far did I get? Well.

[img description: this is the cluttered basement setup. Image shows a blue rubbermaid tote lid with a tall rim leaning on a pile of stuff on a cluttered desk, and on the lid is a Kindle with the sewing instructions loaded up, one half of the bra cup assembled, several pattern pieces, and next to the rim is a large box of yellow-headed quilting pins.]

I sent this setup photo to my family groupchat when we were discussing what we're doing with our weekends. (One younger sister is camping in Vermont with husband and kid, the other was gardening and found a big shed snakeskin which was cool, Mom was visiting a brew pub in fort edward and sent a photo of what looked like a pole to me and said "there's edward" and i don't get the joke, and the oldest sister had just taken her daughter to get her ears pierced, which among our people is a sign of young adulthood. Not that it's relevant to the sewalong but this is my blog after all, LOL.)

I had to unpick a seam but progress was quick after that.

[image description: an assemblage of fabric, with a pin in it, going through the throat plate of a sewing machine. The lower fabric is pink, the top fabric white. Both are decorated with Sharpie marks around the edge. The pink is nonstretch nylon tricot, the white is heavy duty powermesh.]

When it came time to attach the powerbar to the cup lining, I felt that the video sewalong had said to have the powermesh side up. The issue here is that the bra cup and lining are non-stretch fabric, as the pattern is written, and the powerbar and back band are stretch fabric, specifically powermesh (which has superior recovery to other stretch fabrics and so is indispensible in bras and compression garments). And attaching stretch to nonstretch is always a little bit of a nightmare, and generally is inadvisable, but bras break the rules in many ways and that's why so many of us are intimidated about bras.

I discovered immediately that sewing with the nonstretch side against the feed dogs and the stretch side against the presser foot was a NO GO. The stretch fabric would get pulled by the presser foot wildly out of shape, and I kept having to raise the presser foot and shove at the fabric to keep it aligned, and I kept wobbling my seam all over the place and it was awful. So I flipped it over and put the stretch fabric against the feed dogs instead, and then had zero further issues. I have not re-checked the sewalong, and the pattern instructions do not specify, but for my own reference, always put the stretch fabric against the feed dogs, that is unambiguously what worked here.

I also broke my anti-topstitching-on-muslins stance here and did topstitch the seam after I attached the back band to the cups. I wasn't doing it anywhere else, but I think it's necessary there, to hold everything down. There's gonna be SO much strain on that seam.

[image description: a pale pink, quite substantial bra, though it only looks fully assembled, lying on the talbe in front of a sewing machine. There's no center gore so it's only arranged as if assembled. But the cups are visibly partly self-supporting, because they're now three layers of fabric, so they're approximately boob-shaped, and hilariously fleshtoned in this light, I did not think this through.]

I got this far, both cups and linings assembled, with the powermesh in the middle. And then I had to make the center gore, which didn't go together the way I expected at all. You sew it in two halves, and then sew the halves together, which I had not expected and could not make myself understand. I did it, and then re-watched the sewalong afterward, and i'm still not sure I did it right, but mine did go on and looks right so I guess even if I did do something not the way the sewalong suggests I did it right enough that it works.

The frustrating thing is that you make the center gore and then set it aside, though, LOL. So I had to make it, then put the neck elastic on, and then check again.

I was SO confused by the elastic. You sew it on right sides together, and then flip it to the inside of the bra and topstitch it from the outside. So you want to sew it in such a way that just a little edge of it, which may or may not have decorative picots because it depends what you bought, will overhang when you flip it. So you want to sew it down along the MARKED SEW LINE on your strap, and if there's a bunch of extra wobbly edges and shit, sew to the inside of that, and you can trim them off after. This is where you compensate for wobbly cutting and wobbly sewing and wobbly putting-layers-together, and it's brilliant.

I didn't do it right but I will next time now that I understand that. And Jenn from Porcelynne *does* explain that, explicitly, in the sewalong, but I watched the sewalong ahead of time and couldn't remember in the moment. So this is me reinforcing it: your whole neckline edge, sew that elastic just so and once you flip it, it will look like you lined everything up perfectly. And you don't have to stretch as you sew for the whole strap bit, and there's only a tiny bit of stretching as you sew down around the cup, and it ends right where your powerbar came in, so it's a nice continuous band of stretch all the way around your boob.

And THEN you stick the center gore in, sandwiched, before you flip the elastic, and it looks weird as hell and no way could this be right. But then once you flip the thing, sure enough, there's just a cute decorative bit of elastic between the cup and center gore, and it looks good as hell.

(I mean, it doesn't on my muslin, but it will when I make a nice version. My muslin is hideous LOL, and I'm not worried in the slightest.)

[image description: an expanse of pale pink fabric with disconcertingly peach-colored elastic running down the middle of it.]

That's what the elastic looks like topstitched down, and there's the center gore with a big sharpie mark down the middle because i meant to turn that bit to the inside but put it in backwards. Oh well.

and this is the back, where the elastic's sewn down: if I was doing a finished one, I could trim off all those odd little bits sticking out where the three layers of fabric didn't quiiiiite go together evenly, and it would look finished and polished and lovely.

[image description: a bit of pale pink fabric flipped to the back. The peach elastic at the top has a couple wobbly lines of stitching on it, and some sharpie-bordered white fabric is sticking out and looks wobbly and terrible, and there are unclipped loose gray threads from construction everywhere.]

I'm not even saving that much time by making the muslin shitty, LOL. I'm just figuring, I need to see how it goes together before I get hung up on the cute details. I have enough of this exact fabric to use it again, but I also have a cute kit, a bunch of salvaged notions, and an intense desire to use a whole variety of other nontraditional bra fabrics, so I'm not that worried.

I should buy cuter elastic though. Elastic can't really be salvaged, not nicely. I'll have to pick up some cute stuff with decorative picots and whatnot. The supply list doesn't specify that you need picots, but then the instructions assume you have them, which confused me. The point is, you should sew the elastic at a point where some of it will protrude past the turned edge, because that's the correct look and function, and you should buy elastic that's not too scratchy.

I know a lot of people are concerned with bras being scratchy. I personally have never been irritated by the seams or fabric of a bra, but I HAVE been wildly irritated by the edge of the hook-and-eye band, the tips of side boning if there is any, and the STRAP elastic being shitty. So I will be focusing my energies on those.

I'm also thinking about making a bra in one layer, with binding over the seams and the powerbar made of stretch lace with a decorative edge, and put on the exterior of the single layer. That would be possible. The two-layer construction of this is kind of bulky and I get why it's like that, but my heavy-duty chestmeats aren't necessarily that heavy-duty.

I'm also going to make this in knit fabric, and am perusing all the Cashmerette Club discussion boards (where much of the pattern design team does lurk) for pointers on alternate materials and such, and I'll compile what I learn and post it here don't worry. (The number one thing is that if you make it in knits, size down one cup size. The number two thing is that if you make it with a fabric that stretches, match the stretch between the outer and lining fabric, it HAS to be the same. And example one is a fellow-commenter told me she made the whole thing in powermesh, sized down one cup size as per recommendation, and it worked perfectly. So we have that as a datapoint.)

(I don't love powermesh for its own merits but I cannot deny, it recovers perfectly, until it doesn't and you throw the bra out, so from a functional standpoint, it's The Thing to use. I'm taking apart old bras for notions and that's the thing I see-- when the powermesh went, I had to stop wearing that bra. But most of them, I busted the underwire channeling or the hooks first. Because they were DDs and I was a J, mostly, but. Hey. Yeah some other time I'll write a post about my horrible struggles with bras and how long I spent with everyone telling me it wasn't possible to be more than a DD and i must be having a body wrong somehow.)

ANYhoo.

I had to stop to make dinner after attaching the neckband elastic and center gore. So at some point today I will venture back down and keep working. The next step is the underarm elastic, and then the straps, and then the hook and eye closure, and then it's done. So I'm pretty close really, but my cat just got into my lap so I won't be headed down there imminently, LOL.

cat tax:

[image description: a white lady in a chair heavily overshadowed by a small gray cat with a white chest patch in the foreground looking extremely smug]

She's helping me post.

[l1ft-l1ft1ng-l1ft3d]

What I l1ft3d 5/1/2023 - 5/31/2023

B@rn3s & N0bl3:

- 6 books (5/1/2023)

- PaperSource Mountain tote bag

- 5 books (5/6/2023)

- B&N canvas tote bag (teal)

- ShedRain Windjammer umbrella

- 6 books (5/11/2023)

- 3 books (5/16/2023)

- 8 books (5/18/2023)

- Out of Print Eric Carle Hungry Caterpillar tote bag

- 4 books (5/19/2023)

- Moomin tote bag

- Keep Calm and Read On bookmark

- 3 books (5/22/2023)

- Fjallraven backpack

- 8 books (5/26/2023)

- B&N canvas tote (gray)

- 4 books (5/30/2023)

¢V$:

- CeraVe Renewing SA Cleanser

- Billie Whipped Shave Cream

- Kitsch The Satin Pillowcase (Ivory)

- CeraVe Acne Foaming Cream Cleanser

- Cottonelle Flushable Wipes

D1ck'$ $p0rt1ng G00d$:

- Nike sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (yellow)

- Nike Sportswear embroidered logo t-shirt (black)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts w/large elastic band (chartreuse)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts (blue)

- 2 Nike Sportswear embroidered logo t-shirt (guava, gray)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts (burnt orange)

- Nike Sportswear cotton shorts (gray)

- Hydroflask 24 oz. bottle w/sip lid (pastel aqua)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (black)

- Nike athletic shorts w/large elastic band (gray)

- 49 brand Giants pullover hoodie sweatshirt (dark gray)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (gray)

- Nike athletic shorts (mauve)

- Nike Sportswear graphic logo oversized t-shirt (olive)

- Adidas crewneck pullover sweatshirt w/elastic bottom hem detail (charcoal)

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (blue)

- Calia short sleeve t-shirt (gray)

- Calia sleeveless t-shirt (white) 71

- 2 pairs Calia athletic shorts (tomato bisque, goldenrod)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck graphic logo pullover sweatshirt (ivory + aqua)

- Nike DriFit athletic shorts (black)

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (olive)

- Stanley 40 oz The Flowstate Quencher H2.0 Tumbler (Tigerlily)

- 47 Giants long sleeve baseball shirt

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (florescent yellow)

- Calia straight leg crop sweatpants (gray)

- Stanley 30 oz Ice Flow Tumbler with Flip Straw (lime + forest green)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck sweatshirt (yellow)

- Nike bike shorts (black)

H0bby L0bby:

- 2 X-Acto knives (regular + small)

H0m3 G00ds:

- Yeti Rambler Colster Can Insulator

J.C. P3nn3y:

- Levi's Shaping Capri jeans

- Wrangler graphic logo t-shirt (light blue)

- Adidas Cloudfoam tennis shoes (rainbow)

- Levi's 501 Cut-Off Short (dark denim)

- Levi's crewneck embroidered logo pullover sweatshirt (pastel pink)

- ANA sleeveless sundress (olive + white tropical flowers)

- ANA button-down polo neck sundress (olive)

- ANA spaghetti strap dress (olive floral)

- ANA shift dress (black)

- Levi's denim button down shirt (med. blue)

- Levi's 501 cut off shorts

- 2 Levi's graphic t-shirts (black, white)

M@cy's:

- Kipling mini crossbody bag (cherry red)

- Kipling backpack (med., gray)

- Kipling mini backpack (black w/raindrops)

- Calvin Klein Performance full zip hoodie (electric green)

- Kipling medium over the shoulder purse (gray)

- Kipling minimalist wallet (army green pattern)

- Levi's 501 shorts (med. length/med. blue denim)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie sweatshirt (stone gray)

- Kipling backpack (cherry red)

- 2 Guess wallets (black - large + small)

- Levi's 501 cut off shorts (black)

- And Now This ruched peasant blouse (black)

- Levi's Shaping Skinny Jeans

- Levi's denim overall dress

- Levi's cropped peasant blouse (blue + green plaid)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip sweatshirt (black)

- 2 Calvin Klein Performance cropped straight leg sweat pants (black, heather gray)

- 2 And Now This tank tops (white, cocoa)

Levi's button down denim shirt (light, distressed)

- Levi's spaghetti strap sundress (checkers)

- Ralph Lauren short pajama set (white w/floral)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie (ivory)

- Wacoal convertible bra (black)

- Calvin Klein Performance full zip hoodie (dark heather gray)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie (sky blue)

- Levi's graphic logo t-shirt (black)

- Levi's button-down short sleeve shirt (green + white stripes)

- Levi's High-Waisted Mom Jeans (med. denim)

- Calvin Klein Performance logo hoodie (heather gray)

- And Now This short sleeve bodysuit (pastel blue)

M@r1n@ M@rk3tpl@ce:

- Burt's Bees Aloe & Coconut Oil After Sun Soother

0ff1c3 D3p0t:

- Pilot Dr. Grip Frosted Ball Point Pen

- Pilot Dr. Grip Ball Point Pen Refills (2-ct)

$pr0ut$:

- Badger Organic Cuticle Care

- Pacifica Silver Moon Parfum

- Hello Antiplaque + Whitening Toothpaste Tablets

- 3 Pacifica Parfums (Island Vanilla, Tuscan Blood Orange, Persian Rose)

- Zum Mist Aromatherapy Room + Body Spray (Frankincense & Myrrh)

- Olika refillable spray moisturizing hand sanitizer

- Olika hand sanitizer refill

- Pacifica perfume (French Lilac)

- Zum Mist Aromatherapy Room + Body Spray (Patchouli)

- Humble Natural Deodorant (Palo Santo & Frankincense)

$t@rbuck$:

- Sign language art Starbucks mug

- Yosemite Pin Drop Collection Starbucks Mug

T@rg3t:

- Vornado Whole Room Air Circulator (w/interchangeable base plate discs)

- Vornado Whole Room Air Circulator

- Owala Free Sip water bottle (24 oz - tangerine)

- Reusable silicone menstrual disc

- Fine'ry Sun-Phoria body mist

- Olive & June The Poppy mani tool

- Owala Free Sip water bottle (24 oz - plum)

- Fine'ry I'm A Musk Eau de Parfum

- Fine'ry Magnetic Candy body mist

- Differin Dark Spot Correcting Serum

- 2 Casaluna sateen standard pillowcases

- EOS tropical summer lip balm (set of 4)

- Being Frenshe Awaken & Uplift Citrus Amber Glow On Perfume Oil

- American Tourister hard side checkered carry-on rolling suitcase

Ült@:

- The Body Shop Moringa Body Butter (6.75 oz)

- Lanolips 101 Ointment Multipurpose Superbalm

- Drunk Elephant Virgin Marula Luxury Facial Oil

- Byoma Brightening Serum

- Briogeo B. Well Organic + Australian 100% Tea Tree Oil

- Dr. PawPaw Lip Scrub & Lip Balm Duo

- Essie On a Roll Apricot Cuticle Oil

- O.P.I. Nail Lacquer (Yank My Doodle)

- L'Occitane En Provence Ultra Rich Body Cream

- Drunk Elephant Protini Polypeptide Cream

- Origins Ginzing Refreshing Eye Cream (Original)

- Hero Force Shield Superfuel Serum Stick

- Lanolips Lip Water (Watermelon)

- Lanolips 101 Ointment Fruities Trio

- Drunk Elephant C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream

- Cosrx Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence

- Briogeo Farewell Frizz Rosarco Milk Leave-In Conditioning Spray

- Briogeo Farewell Frizz Smoothing Conditioner

- Kenra Platinum Blow Dry Spray (6 fl. oz.)

- Bumble and Bumble BB Hairdresser's Invisible Oil

- Mario Badescu Skin Care Drying Lotion

- Soap & Glory Hand Food Intensive Hand Balm (Original Pink)

W@lm@rt:

- 2 Prep Solutions Silicone Grease Keeper & Strainer

- Cottonelle Flushable Wipes (2-pk)

Total: 197 items

[tarzinnia]

Surface Tension

This is for @littlewhispersofsolitude OTP Prompt: Kisses

"Kissing each other as tears well in their eyes because they're not sure if/when they'll see each other again. Wrapping their arms around each other, pulling them closer to feel every bit of them in case it's the last time they get to."

A/N: I hope I credited the prompt properly. Please correct me if I need to change how I did that.

Pairing: Peter Parker x OC or Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Angst maybe?

She was sitting on a small blue blanket near a tree; it wasn't their tree since this was Central Park. Their tree, where they usually shared lunch, was in a park in Queens, much closer to each of their apartments but she had asked to meet him here, near her office. She said she needed to finish this project before she left tomorrow but he knew it was to keep the moment impersonal somehow. Easier.

As if anything was easy.

As if anything was.

As if anything.

As if.

He didn't approach her. Not yet.

She hadn't started searching for him amongst the people dotted here and there like a painting by Seurat. People walking, lounging on the grass, tossing a frisbee.

She was motionless, however, her face turned slightly away. His eyes followed her gaze to a brown-haired young man and a slender woman each holding the hand of a small boy between them, lifting the child up every so often and swinging him, his bare arms taut while his little legs bicycled through the air.

He didn't care to examine the emotion that descended from his throat and twisted somewhere in the vicinity of his heart at the vignette displayed on the grassy lawn. Him watching her watching them. What could be. Whatever there is. Whatever...

As if.

Her raised arm indicated she had spotted him and he strolled over to the tree that wasn't theirs.

"Hi."

"Hi." She was smiling at him but her eyes were not. The word inscrutable came to mind but he didn't normally use fancy words like that.

"I bought sandwiches, I hope that's okay?" She gestured at the paper sack from a deli near her workplace and pulled two water bottles from her ever present tote with I read banned books emblazoned on the side. He gave her that tote last October, when they sat under their tree, its bare arms reaching up. Reaching out. As if.

He didn't want to sit near this tree. He didn't want to sit and catch the scent of her perfume. To sit and watch her delicate fingers brush her hair from her eyes as the breeze blew wisps about her face. To sit and see her wistful smile as she watched him eat. Reaching out with her fingers to brush a crumb off his cheek. As if.

They ate in silence. The words were knotted in the tangles and twists of a timeline that began at their tree and ended at the tree that wasn't theirs. They sat together, watching as the couple with the little boy tossed a kite in the air. Watching as it danced clear of the open arms of nearby trees, reaching for the sky. As if.

Him watching her watching them. Until she caught his eye and cleared her throat, and began to gather their empty wrappers and napkins, sweeping them into the tote. Inscrutable, he thought.

His hand closed around the pink bottle in his pocket and he slowly withdrew his hand, turning away slightly so she couldn't see as he set the bottle on the blanket and twisted off the lid. Two wands. After the very first time at their tree he added the second one just for her.

He turned toward her, drawing a wand out and lifting it to his lips so that the bubbles came around them like a cloud. Floating towards her, floating into open arms reaching towards his, floating towards the sky. As if.

"Peter." Her voice caught on his name. Her arms wrapping around him, holding him tightly while the bubbles floated around them and above them and vanished one by one.

She kissed him as if afraid the memories would vanish like bubbles. She kissed him as if their arms would forever be empty, she kissed him as if it were the easiest thing in the world to love him.

She kissed him as if she would never see him again.

As if.

"I'm coming back, Peter. I love you. You know that. I promise I'm coming back."

He looked at her face, no longer inscrutable; reaching out with love.

As if it were a kite, his heart lifted toward the sky. As if.

END

[keshetchai]

Fountain pen ink bottle: $4 /ea

pocket sized sketchbooks or notebooks $2 (yellow & brown strathmore drawing/sketch are bundled together for $2)

The three larger sketchbooks are all $5 /ea

various mini canvas packs $3 / ea

acrylic paint pad $8 BNNU

mixed media toned paper pad $6

gel print and roller $8

tortilla pencil roll $2

cheapie brushes bundle (seriously these are CHEAP brushes, they aren't good quality. they're meant for watercolor or acrylic, and I keep cheapies on hand for things like applying masking glue, gesso, spattering, yknow...there's all kinds of reasons why you want sort of terrible brushes. the handles can mix stuff. any time you might end up destroying the good brushes, these are the sacrificial lambs!) $3 for all of them.

brushes box $14 BNNU

brush washer, paint keys (bundle), sanding sponges, letters stencil, clip-on cups to hold medium -- $3 /ea

golden open acrylics set BN swatched and tested like once, got some oil paints on tube but otherwise great. this is the traditional colors set of 6. $30

palette paper (white) BNNU $8

soho, grumbacher, & turner watercolor bundle: $15

marie's gouaches bundle and storage box I had them in $6

Lukas gouache bundle $25

QOR watercolor (remaining paint in squeezed out tubes (1 tube missing), and the paint poured out into a funky pink pill box with a cool skeleton on the front and washi tape decoration. the watercolors left to dry in the pill box rewet nicely. $15

union square watercolor pad $6

Filofax Original A5 size organizer in Dark Aqua WITH loads of interior pages - some bought from an online etsy shop (in rainbow colors, "QUESTS" instead of "to-do lists" and "heart" boxes, plus regular white or colored lined papers as well. it's stuffed full!) No actual calendar pages but does have numbered dividers with tabs. $130

pencils box $2

that white palette $3

art supply carrier tote bag thingy $10. it does have like, graphite, pastel smudging on the insides and all of that, but honestly you're just going to add more, right?

NOTE ON GOUACHES AND WATERCOLORS:

I will not do returns for dried gouache or watercolor in the tubes. Some of them will need to be reworked! (like I can hear one of the marie's gouaches rattling inside the tube, lol)

The fix to a dried out or drying out watercolor/gouache is incredibly simple: add water. You can cut open the tube to act as a cup, or cut them open and pour them out into a plastic paint cub or reused glass/plastic cup with lid. or right into a palette. add just enough water to fully soak the dried paint. wait a few days for it to soften up. add more water as necessary. if it's still a bit thick, you can add a drop of plain glycerin to the paint and mix it in to help it retain the moisture it's soaking in. this will also make it easier to rewet as you go on.

I will say the lukas gouaches all appear squishy still in tubes, the acrylics are perfect, and the sohos/turner seem mostly fine, but there's some they may need re-constituting and the marie's may have some dry ones as well. lastly, the QOR's don't have much left actually inside the tubes, so you might want to cut the tubes open anyways to paint directly from. they're nice paints tho, and i of course am bundling with where i poured all the paint into.

also: sorry the lighting is weirdly yellowy. I laid out a white curtain that I am not currently using to try and take pictures on and it's just...this whole house has terrible lighting in every room lol. i promise you those curtains are white.

these can't be shipped media mail, so just keep that in mind!

[entinullbutno]

Ik this is a tiktok trend but my pink tote lid moment was having finally cut my abuser off in middle school, feeling horrible about it, trying to tell my parents about the manipulation that was being thrown at me by her and her family and them blaming me for it and calling me a villian

[ikno-io]

Explore the concept of a "Pink Tote Lid Mom," its literal and metaphorical meanings, benefits, downsides, and its impact on modern parenting. read the full article: https://bit.ly/4fSJyvQ #PinkToteLidMom #Parenting #Organization #Creativity #Lifestyle read more: what is a pink tote lid mom

[georgiasstyle]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Edie Rose Home Hydrangea Collection Flower Bird Porcelain Lidded Trinket Box GUC.

[2022nursejessie]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Nike Contrast Hyper Pink Insulated Tote Lunch Bag Beverage Cooler For On The Go.

[beautytreats]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: 4pcs Storage Containers Home Organizion Basket Bin Tote Organizer Lot.

[frogsandfries]

Payyyeeeeedaaayyyyeeeeee! So I bought a couple cases of ensure, and I've been fucking around with Amazon, so I didn't get the mattress yet but I'm soooooo freaking excited to have a mattress--my own mattress! A decade into my adult life!

Okay, look, I have many good reasons to never have owned my own mattress: Living in shelters, motels, pre-furnished units, or sleeping on floors and couches, or living with people who already had a mattress that I was welcome to. Okay?

I try not to frame this shit entirely onto myself anymore. If you turned eighteen and your family was homeless, you wouldn't be having a very blazing start to adulthood yourself.

While that person was abusive, I'm grateful to have had some one person in my life, sooner than later, who laid the path in front of me for me to claim my own stability.

It was really tempting, with a big ole chunk of change in hand, to get everything--the office rug I wanted, plus the other cat bowl I need to get, the room divider that I need for my stupid job, pillows, some desperately needed pants (it's always pants wtf). But the cats will be fine eating off this tote; I'll survive without a rug. I just need a couple items; I need some money left for groceries as I get ideas throughout the next couple weeks for meals that I'd like. I can't go without internet, and I'm going to make another attempt at getting a desperately needed new phone either tomorrow or Saturday.

I'd eventually like a new cup with a lid, but I could probably get a decent one from the dollar store. It's gotta be a biiiig cup, because I often forget to fill it on my breaks and talking all day, with how arid it is where I live, and how hot the apartment can get later in the afternoon....... also, my water filtererer is like, twenty-some cups, apparently, and I swear I'm in the fridge constantly filling that thing. Hydration? Not an issue here, but it will be if I don't have anything to flavor my water with. Not sure how much longer I have left on this can of drink powder, since I don't remember when I got it, but can I drink something else besides just pink lemonade 😵‍💫🤢 Not if I blow all my money on apartment stuff.

Besides, I think I can always find something else to buy for the apartment: Silverware organizer, some kind of cat-proof barrier for the kitchen (my dummy boy got stuck behind the stove, and the pilot light constantly heats the whole cooktop, which is disturbing), storage for my bedroom, new bedding, storage cubes for my clothes, maybe eventually a rug for my bed, bookshelves, organizers for my creative workspace, a proper dish set that I won't really use by myself, to prove that I'm definitely an adult, more corkboards, more foamcore to mount the corkboards onto, more diamond paintings that I'll probably just never finish...... Maybe eventually a couch cover just to spice things up. A different chair for being not at work, maybe a laptop or computer so I can download entertainment. More dishes. I could always use like, more toilet paper, a new bath towel, hand soap, body soap, laundry soap, dish soap, cat litter--you can literally never have enough cat litter. Which reminds me, I also don't own a vacuum. That's going to take some real determination to get the one I want.

Ugh....... I've been thinking about a new office chair. Like, obsessively. While I want my desk to be higher, I want my chair just the slightest bit lower. At its lowest, in this chair, my feet do not comfortably touch the ground and my hips won't let me forget it. But...... there are soooooooooooo many options. How do I know if the chair I get will be lower than this one? How do I know if it will be comfortable enough? What if it's too hot? How do I know if it will be worth the money? What if I buy a knee-chair and I hate it? Do I just go straight for a gaming chair? Is that overkill?

Anyway, the point is, I'm obviously no minimalist. I can always think of more things to purchase to customize my living space, and coming from basically zero a decade in to my life as an adult, fully, legally and financially responsible for myself........I don't have a whole lot. This apartment doesn't have a whole lot of storage. My shit is mostly still packed up. I didn't have any intention of moving this year. The more I'm caused to move when I would rather not, the more I'm going to start digging my heels in. I would rather do anything than move next year, or in five years. Maybe by five years, I'll have the stomach for packing again. I have plenty of time, plenty of money, to invest into my home, my comfort, my existence. And I don't have to balance against anyone else, at least for a long, long time........ if ever...... I'm so awful at even just making friends...... sigh.

As for money for hobbies and such, it's probably fine for now. I really don't know what to do as far as coloring the graphic novel. I honestly need some kind of feedback, because this digital thing is not working. I've already made like ten sketchbooks, which is waaaaay overkill. I don't really have any other hobbies. I don't really have much time for any other hobbies.

I'm making really good progress on my linework just squeezing it in at work, don't tell the client 🤭

I'm seriously wondering if I could actually color better with colored pencils......

Anyway, I should probably go to bed...... tomorrow is Friday.