#personally i need time to react to things and form my own opinions before i can handle discourse

[danielnelsen]

i’m not cut out to be a fan of something while new info is being released. any time i see a remotely negative or bad opinion i want to eat my own eyes

[wered0gs]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! Character showcased here was my beloved fursona Shiki! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[themonotonysyndrome]

hello, lovely lady! i had a question for you, and i value your opinion given the fact that you to know a lot about the series.

now, i dont know why the empire attacked intacia, as im not subscriber to desmond’s patreon, but i know a bit of what went down.

but primarily what i wanted to ask was, am i the only one who understood, if not AGREED with captain dolion when he was speaking to the baroness in chap4 pt1? having to adjust to imperial customs in your own country, i can understand how that could make people upset. all im saying, is that its not shocking or surprising that violence was met with violence. in a war, no one wins. you just survive.

but like i said, i understand both parts of the argument. am i saying either side is innocent? absolutely not, they both did awful things. ex: witch hunters attacking to empire, and ascendants burning things down.

what im primarily upset about is when the baroness had “said” or heavily implied, that intacia just needs to “get over the war”. very insensitive and disrespectful thing to say. dolion wasnt perfect either, and im not on any sides.

but in my opinion, the baroness shouldnt form any opinions on a particular controversial topic that didnt even affect her. again, saying that, “intacia needs to get over it”, without knowing what really any of them went through? yeah, shitty move.

but im curious, what do you think?

hello, lovely lady! i had a question for you, and i value your opinion given the fact that you to know a lot about the series.

Yo, awesome addie! Aww, you're very sweet. It's the obsession, really 😂

now, i dont know why the empire attacked intacia, as im not subscriber to desmond’s patreon, but i know a bit of what went down.

I'm not certain if it's stated in Canon (as I actually haven't listened to Rhett's series yet until Desmond brings him out of that cliffhanger hell), but my theory is that the Empire was trying to conquer Intacia and meld it into the Empire.

but primarily what i wanted to ask was, am i the only one who understood, if not AGREED with captain dolion when he was speaking to the baroness in chap4 pt1? having to adjust to imperial customs in your own country, i can understand how that could make people upset. all im saying, is that its not shocking or surprising that violence was met with violence. in a war, no one wins. you just survive.

So here's the things, right, personally? I get how Dolion felt. He and the rest of the Intacians have the right to be upset, and the Baroness was insensitive to the plight. Castin was also right; she can't just brush it off and demand that they all move on already.

But at the same time, she can't denounce her roots AKA the Empire. She can't go, "Yeah, fuck the Empire! The Empire's evil for waging the war against Intacia!" She's the Baroness! She has ties to the royal family, the family, ya know, who sanctioned the war!

So, the way I see it, the Intacians were in the right to be upset, and the Baroness was not only insensitive but also trapped in a very hard place, so she can't just react without consequences.

but like i said, i understand both parts of the argument. am i saying either side is innocent? absolutely not, they both did awful things. ex: witch hunters attacking to empire, and ascendants burning things down.

The Empire attacked, Intacia reacted accordingly and the war escalated. The lines get blurry.

You know what? Judging from Dolion's statement (which could be heavily biased), they nearly won the war until Rhett and his Queen threw a coup. Now I want to know what the Imperial Nobles have to say about that.

Do they think that they were the ones who were winning? Do they feel super salty that the war was stopped before they could conquer Intacia? How does the Empress felt about this?

I GOTTA KNOW, MAN.

what im primarily upset about is when the baroness had “said” or heavily implied, that intacia just needs to “get over the war”. very insensitive and disrespectful thing to say. dolion wasnt perfect either, and im not on any sides.

I share the same sentiment! The Baroness has a lot of character development to do and I hope that Desmond would deliver it one day!

but in my opinion, the baroness shouldnt form any opinions on a particular controversial topic that didnt even affect her. again, saying that, “intacia needs to get over it”, without knowing what really any of them went through? yeah, shitty move.

This goes back to my previous statement above.

Remember. She is an Imperial Baroness. Whatever she says, whatever she does - they all have consequences. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she's branded as a traitor by a few of her noble peers because she married Castin! It's no surprise that she was immediately attacked as soon as she went back home with Castin!

And you know what? I also wouldn't be surprised that if she was killed, the nobles would immediately martyr the Baroness as a ploy to resume the war against Intacia and pin her death on Castin. Rally the loyalists of the Baroness, muster every last Ascendant and deliver one final, devastating blow against Intacia until they can no longer fight.

'Cause that's what I would do if I was a scheming noble.

I hope I answered your ask well, Addie!

[onbearfeet]

WIP Wedneday? WIP Wednesday.

Road trip with the cast of Monster Mash. Imagine these dinguses playing yellow car.

--

Jack Russell had never been a fan of long car rides.

He didn’t mind driving, particularly. Being a werewolf often meant living somewhere new every month, and until the advent of cheap intercontinental air travel, that had mostly meant picking a continent and moving around on it as best he could. And for the last century or so, moving around in North America had meant automobiles. He’d driven everything from Model Ts to Rolls Royces, and none of it had been particularly difficult or uncomfortable.

No, it was being a passenger that he couldn’t stand.

Perhaps it was something about werewolf reflexes; he reacted to things slightly faster than ordinary humans, even in his own human form, so if he wasn’t careful, riding shotgun in a car meant he was constantly tapping an imaginary brake or gas pedal half a second before the driver did. Or perhaps it was lingering trauma from all the times he’d been shot or netted, trussed up, and thrown into the back of something with a snarling engine. Whatever it was, he didn’t enjoy being in a moving vehicle that he didn’t control. He sometimes wondered how Ted felt about it; after all, there probably weren’t any vehicles built for someone his size.

But Elsa Bloodstone owned the van, and Elsa did not give up her keys without a good reason, so Jack had gotten used to swallowing his pride and climbing into the passenger seat—or worse, the back after Bucky Barnes won the coin toss.

There was one positive to Elsa’s driving, though. Somehow, through whatever perverse alchemy made her the most remarkable woman in the world (at least in Jack’s thoroughly biased and entirely correct opinion), he could sleep while she was at the wheel. Something about the cedar-and-sage scent of her at close quarters put his hackles down, smoothed his bristling paranoia, and let him drift off to the thrum of the engine and the whisper of her breath.

And so he was mostly asleep, slipping in and out of a pleasant dream about running through high mountain forests with nothing chasing him for once, when he heard Elsa’s voice.

“Barnes.”

“Your majesty,” Bucky drawled from behind Jack, where he was presumably still strapped into a jump seat in the cargo area.

Jack felt the smile tugging at his lips. He hoped Elsa couldn’t see it.

Elsa huffed, and Jack could hear the eyeroll in her voice. “In my infinite mercy, I’ve decided to do you a favor.”

“Golly, gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she said flatly. “I’m saving you considerable embarrassment. Not counting your years with Hydra, how long would you say you’ve been, er—?”

“Myself? Conscious? Human?”

Jack couldn’t suppress the small flinch.

“Yes. That.”

“A few years, now. I guess you can count it from 2014, if you’re going from when I got out. But it took me a couple years to, y’know, have a personality again. Why?”

“Did you spend much time catching up on history?”

“I puked for two days straight after I googled JFK, so no.”

“Right, then. There are facts you’ll need to know if you don’t want to make a complete arse of yourself.”

“If this is about Marvin Gaye, I swear to Christ—”

“Your Wikipedia page,” Elsa interrupted, “says you were raised Irish American Catholic. Is that true?”

“Near ’nough.” A faint Irish lilt drifted through Bucky’s voice. “My dad was, anyway.”

“Then you probably heard a few sermons in your day about the evils of homosexuality.”

Bucky burst out laughing.

It was loud enough that Jack gave up even pretending to sleep, opened his eyes, and sat up from where he’d been slumped against the passenger window. He stretched as somewhere behind him, Ted rumbled a question that sounded like What the hell?

“Sorry, fellas,” Bucky chuckled. “Old man laughs at history lesson, you know how it is.” He snorted.

Jack stretched and used the motion as an excuse to look back at the cargo bay. Bucky was, indeed, still in his jump seat, wiping tears from his eyes and grinning.

“Priceless,” he muttered. “Just priceless. Elsa, is this gonna be one of those ‘some people are queer now and you gotta be okay with it’ talks?”

“If by ‘okay’ you mean ‘on your best manners or I’ll stab you’, then yes, that’s what this is.” Elsa took her eyes off the road just long enough to glare daggers at Bucky.

“Ha.” Bucky scrubbed at his face with his flesh hand. “Okay, let’s save you some time. Quick show of hands—who in this van has, at some point in their life, done queer shit?”

He pulled his hand away from his face and raised it above his head.

Jack grinned and put his own hand up.

Ted urfed and raised his.

Bucky looked at Elsa and raised his eyebrows.

Grudgingly, Elsa raised her hand.

“That’s what I thought,” Bucky said. His voice gentled. “Doll, I’m from Brooklyn. Down by the Navy yard, no less. There’s not much I ain’t seen. If I use the wrong words or something, please do correct me before the ghost of my mother rises from her grave and hauls me off by my ear, but you don’t have to worry I’ll see two fellas kissing and get the vapors.”

“Good,” Elsa replied, turning her attention back to the road. “Because our client is an old friend of mine, and I’ve got barbed bolts in my crossbow.”

[fluffypotatey]

Okay I know I keep calling Macky all smol and cute and shy and he lowkey gives off those vibes, but his actual stated issue was not having the confidence to put his foot down and state his opinions in a way that everyone would listen. He never raised his voice and just was that person surrounded by so many people, yet still alone and cut off from the group, just following along with the one who was more extroverted and captured everybody's attention. Anyways, this is all to say that for so long we kept thinking Macky always runs, I mean everybody says it. Even Peng. Present day Macky uses his shadows to intimidate, but apparently he wasn't using his shadow form to scare people back then. I find myself wondering if the reason he talked to MK about making your own decisions...it doesn't quite cleanly match up with the War on Heaven. Like, if he was like "yeah I don't like this. Y'all have fun tho." That doesn't erase the consequences, and the issue was speaking up. I get it means "stop always following Wukong wherever he goes" but that ALSO doesn't erase other *hypothetical issues* on how the Brotherhood and Wukong would react. (Something I'm still concerned about bc how DID they react when he ditched them? That scene Tang sees with Azure had a dark, oppressive aura. Between that and Macky's opposition over Camel Ridge, Peng implying he knows how to sniff Macky down. I am concern.)

Maybe if he said he was backing out, Wukong would've been surprised enough to listen, but insistent, and if they kept going, and Macky really stood his ground, he may even have doubts. But then Azure and Co. could just as well reel him back in and create a nice juicy conflict of loyalties, but point is. What if it wasn't Macky's decision to run? Azure was treating Wukong like a warrior fallen in battle, a leader fallen in battle, in a way that was shattering the pedestal he was placed on. Was it really Macky's call to run? Or someone else who made the decision for him.

Cowardly maybe, but he always came back. He's always been loyal. Is the person he was in the past the kind to make ruthless choices like some army generalfleeing for the greater good, cutting their losses to try again? I mean honestly, leaving Wukong? What he's GREAT at is never telling Wukong the real story. Never defending himself when people accuse him of anything. Even now he doesn't answer to the "what about you- you just come back?"It would not surprise me if the answer to "cause normally you just rush to my rescue" wasn't just a matter of falling into the trap of thinking Wukong was too strong to need help, he never put up an image of that, wanting to be the strongest, but also a matter of "I'm sorry I couldn't, I was ordered to retreat." The Warrior always listens to the most commanding presence in the room. Never making his own choices. Thinking of Option A and Option B, never seeing he could have an Option C. And it's all deliciously wrapped up in the horrors of how, sincerely, getting punished alongside Wukong, he would not survive the furnace, (if kept in LMK) how this time, while Wukong's jab was right, it had an unfortunate extra layer of an additional factor between the two bread slices of Macky's communication issues.And the tasty angst of "everytime Macky chooses to rescue Wukong, it's to make up for what he couldn't do before even if he complains." "...there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Not on Earth or the Celestial Realm..." Except for the Jade Emperor. I need to know his thoughts behind this still. We know he cares enough to do stupid things for Wukong, now. And enough to leave the Brotherhood because he still had faith in him despite their fight. Still loved him, despite the "I never want to see you here again!" Question is, that enough for, in that singular moment where retreat seems to be the only option less they fall too, to ask. "What? We can't leave Wukong! You're the ones to came to our mountain to ask him to be your king! Everything he did was for you!" <-- evil parallel dialogue ^_^ <- also guy who doesn't realize Wukong meant it when he said "us" it did include him, and it wasn't just to get strong for the heck of it. <-- pairs nicely with guy who doesn't realize his friend thought he was already enough. "It doesn't always have to be you, he needs to know it's not all on him-" Wow, that history sure do be repeating.

i personally hop between the “the Brotherhood fled the second Wukong had his back to the wall and deemed him a failed weapon, but Wukong only saw Mac leave” and “Mac, already not on board with the plan, left the moment he was surrounded by celestial troops he could not overpower”

and both still fit with Macky’s whole “i never gave myself a chance to really choose my path and stand my ground, believing there was an inevitable one i was meant to follow”

he is a fun character to study because a lot of his actions s1-3 is him still upset that his path isn’t up to him. and then we get to s4, Macky finds his previous belief shaken and thrown out the window no thanks to MK, and he finally realizes that he never needed to follow the predestined path. all the choices and lines carved for him that he felt he could not escape in the past, were ones he did not need to abide by despite how much it felt like he should. he saw, first hand, MK shatter LBD’s well-ironed destiny because he refused to be beaten into submission into choices he did not like

and he is able to help work MK through that as well (in future seasons) and drag him out of his learned helplessness. also, how his teachings with MK complement Wukong’s??? how we see the same message repeated by Wukong in 5x03 but in a slightly different way. this just proves to me that shadowpeach mentorship is real and where both monkeys will fall, teaching MK from their learned mistakes and strengthening hi resolve

[dwtdog]

im really really stressed about how it will go,

i dont i just, support system wise i have almost nothing

these guys are kinda it and one person whos neutral

its just the aftermath, i dont know if everything will be okay and i get so stressed about it

my tummy issues been fucking me up man

anon :( i'll do my best to give u some general advice, but if u need anything please don't be afraid to dm me <3

the thing that really helps me through these type of situations is sitting with myself and thinking okay, what's the most likely thing that's going to happen, and how am i going to feel about that.

to start with what i think will be the outcome, the only things we know for certain that are going to happen are caiti's final statement/stream, and george's final statement.

based on what caiti has said, her final stream is going to be more general, and i assume she's going to discuss the problems with misogyny within the mcyt space, or something similar, along with the future of her content. i do not think she will say anything more directly about the situation, and if she does i don't think it will be new information, except to maybe clear up the story ghostie told

for george's statement, judging by what the rational sides of the internet are calling for and his most recent tweet, i think he is going to give a sincere apology, no matter what form that may come in, along with some sort of private, personal apology to caiti that we may never see. some people will accept what he has to say, and others will continue to call him terrible names that do not fit the situation at all. and from there, we move onward (press w :3)

i can't predict how you're going to react to these events happening, but if a look at myself, i know that i'll probably watch caiti's stream as a vod, so i can give myself time to pause and take breaks. i want to try to watch the stream before seeing others input, so i can form my own opinions without going in feeling overly negative/positive.

worse case scenario- she says something that completely puts me off the space as a whole. i don't know what that would be, maybe just some observations she's made as a female creator in the space that puts a bad taste in my mouth, and i no longer feel comfortable being here at all. in that case, i disengage completely, or let myself sit and think on it for a bit before coming to a final decision

best case scenario (realistically)- caiti does her stream, and she talks about many of the things we already know about as problems with the space, and we take that as closure from the whole thing, and send our love and support.

when george's response comes, rinse and repeat. take the time to read/watch through it without the influence of others, and come to you own conclusion before looking what anyone else has to say. do not look at twitter. if you feel that his response is satisfying to you- however that may be- than assess how active you wish to be in the community going forward, what you want to spend your time doing online. and then we heal together, as a community.

and eventually, things will get better. dream and george might take hiatuses, but i find it very, very unlikely they'll quit entirely. eventually, we'll get titan videos and the plethora of shorts and content that dream has planned, even if a wrench has been thrown into the plans

obviously, we can never predict unexpected elements, but i genuinely believe that if something big were going to drop, it would have already. don't let the behind the scenes bullshit get you down, because it always comes from ccs who either hold grudges or are trying to save their own skin/get views

hope this helps at least a little bit, but please, please reach out if you need anything. no matter the responses caiti and george give, i'll stick around to talk to u guys

[star-anise]

Bit of a long-winded ask, but I'm in the process of trying to find a new mental health professional and one of the prospective ones specializes in person-centered therapy. It's not a process I'm super familiar with, and wanted the opinion of a professional; how likely is this to be effective in treating anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies? I'm already a deeply introspective person, and so I'm a bit skeptical about a technique that (to my uneducated perspective) is only reflecting my own thoughts albeit filtered through the perspective of another.

Any insight you might have would be greatly appreciated.

I can do that!

If you've been through counselling before, you know how much of a difference it makes to say stuff out loud, so that no matter how introspective you are, it always hits different to have another person in the room. So we're not discussing this approach vs no therapy, but vs other kinds of therapy.

Person-Centred Therapy (PCT, also known as Rogerian or Humanistic Therapy), is basically the foundation on which psychotherapy as I was taught it rests. You can get counsellors who didn't get Rogers as a base, especially in places like Europe or Latin America where Freudian techniques are still quite popular; but Carl Rogers is like the anti-Freud, someone about whom we are taught very little but of whom Tumblr would probably greatly approve.

So, before I get ahead of myself: The most important thing is whether you, individually, feel like the person who is counselling you is someone you can trust to really listen to you and take you seriously, and that you are in agreement about what your collective priorities are. The technical name for this is "therapeutic alliance" and absolutely nothing is as much of an influence on whether your therapy will succeed as that. Therapeutic style, number of degrees, or years of experience all bow at the feet of therapeutic alliance.

I realize that's not a the most useful thing to hear if you're looking at a web directory of counsellor profiles and trying to pick one. It's often something that needs to be tested out by actually meeting them, and that's a giant pain! I'm sorry about that. Many counsellors offer free initial consultations, which might help.

PCT is a bit of a wildcard because it's got a very very solid grounding in therapeutic alliance, but can vary a lot in actual content. Some therapies that have very rigid techniques and agendas can sometimes feel rough and impersonal, where your therapist seems to be audibly thinking as you talk, "Which worksheet should I cram this one onto?" On the other hand, you have more certainty that they will probably hand you one. PCT relies a lot more on what you bring to the table—Are you a worksheet kind of person? Do you use worksheets to hide from your feelings? What would be better? Frankly, being introspective means this might be a better approach for you than others; the biggest failing of PCT is when clients don't have enough ideas, tools, or insight to spot problems and generate possible solutions, so they need more tangible forms of advice or instruction.

But to address the biggest question: No, the counselling process isn't just your therapist parroting your own words back at you all the time. It's a lot more complicated than that.

Being good at PCT rests on a tripod of three things: Warmth, empathy, and genuineness. They form a complicated dance depending on what's needed at the time. Empathy is just being able to accurately understand and state what another person is feeling; you need the warmth that says someone gives a shit about you and thinks you're okay. Warmth and empathy on their own are often just bullshit without the genuineness that provides honesty and discernment.

That warmth, empathy, and genuineness can include expressing different thoughts and opinions from yours, bringing up contradictions from experience or education, or emotionally reacting to what you've said. Unconditional positive regard (another PCT touchstone) doesn't mean uncritically approving of everything you say and do, but rather, having faith if you're treated in a positive manner, without being shamed, blamed, or punished, you'll work to get better than where you are now.

I hope that's enough of an answer to help. Trust your own instincts when it comes to the person themselves. Good luck!

[utilitycaster]

So while I’m an imodna enjoyer, I absolutely agree to the agree-est of agrees that the most interesting thing they could do is break up right now. I don’t think they will, but I would love to see it. My concern mostly comes down to how fandom would react to Marisha or Laura if they did. I enjoy them [the ship] for their codependency and inability to do anything without consistently ignoring their own emotions or comfort to do so. They should absolutely break up. It would be so good. So interesting, I think. I, again, just know fandom would not be normal about it especially when Marisha got so much shit just for saying that Beauregard wasn’t quite serious about Yasha yet, and that was before the ship even had a canon kiss. This? Would be hellfire and as much as id love it, I would literally never open the critical role tag ever again out of fear lol.

Hey anon,

I just deleted a somewhat similar ask and I do respect any choice people made to back away from fandom for their own personal well-being but ultimately...I don't care how the broader fandom responds. This shit pre-dates my entry into the fandom (people freaked out, apparently, when Gilmore's status was unknown in C1 when Hotis attacked Whitestone) and it's not exclusive to CR by any means (see: everything happening with the Good Omens fandom because the two main couples did engage with the various problems and communication issues and different desires they had). It's unavoidable, and honestly, it's kind of exhilarating to me. I am, as I say, a STEM bitch, and meta feels like a sort of logic problem, and a good way to piece together that logic is to find the holes in what others say. You need the bad opinions to be out there in order to best formulate the good ones.

Anyway: I'd rather have a good story than a docile fandom, and I'm posting that one block evader's alts mostly so that people who are more hurt by their statements can take precautions but they are ultimately on par with a disease-free mosquito to me: extremely annoying but not any kind of threat.

In the end, what I need to get on board with the ship is some kind of canon engagement with the core of it: that Imogen told Laudna repeatedly to her face "hey what if your murderer was right." I don't mind if that exploration comes in the form of a breakup, or a fight, or an honest and open mature conversation, or discussions with other party members, or leaning into the codependency; I just need there to be some stakes. Conflict would interest me, but it doesn't need to be a blow-up (though I really do think a breakup would be a new and incredibly good direction - there's a reason why Laerryn and Loquatius manage to have a trillion times the chemistry in a fraction of the time and it's the path from their introduction to their conclusion) - just the introduction of the idea that there is some line that would be crossed under some circumstances, or an exploration of the toxicity of having no such line. I think a lot of people feel the same! I don't think there's many people other than outright homophobes who think of Imodna as an absolute NOTP - it's just that a lot of us find it lacking, and it's a lack that can be addressed.

[oathbreakerapologist]

i think the way u decided to have gortash drive a wedge between orin and your durge (as opposed to the other way around) quite interesting. what insecurities/hangups do you think he preyed upon to make that happen? what changes did ghost notice in her, if any, and how did he respond? did he suspect gortash had anything to do with this?

ah this is such a fun question!! answer below the cut because this is a long one lol

Orin was brought up in an environment that encouraged treachery with deadly stakes; arguably her most significant formative experience was being attacked by, and then slaughtering, her own mother as a young child, and I can't imagine that was the only time she encountered and overcame a similar threat. As a result, she was primed to expect betrayal—even anticipate it—and react aggressively. After all, she earned Sarevok's favor by doing exactly that. Orin survived to adulthood specifically because she eliminated potential threats before they could eliminate her.

For that reason, then, she was ideally positioned to be turned into a usurper. She was already capable of murdering even those to whom she was closest. But seeing everyone around you as either a future victim or a possible threat leaves very little room for the sort of social bonds that humans, as social beings, tend to need.

One could say Niro was the only person Orin trusted, but really their relationship was built on a stranger sort of dependence than that: they thought of each other as extensions of a single being, the lone two tokens of one type, parts of a whole that would melt back together once there was nothing left but blood, gore, and death. Nobody else thought like her, felt like her, acted like her—he was transparent, comprehensible, predictable to her in a way other people weren't, in a way he wasn't to anyone else. She trusted him because she trusted herself.

So what Gortash had to do was force her to see differences between herself and Niro. He leaned into their differing statuses, involving Niro and leaving Orin behind whenever he got the opportunity. He concocted schemes to draw Niro away from the Temple as often as possible, and added forged letters into the mix of the barrage of correspondence Niro sent back to Orin each time he was away. The letters were easy to forge, too; he didn't even need to match handwriting, as Niro—who is blind and at this point could neither read nor write—dictated all his letters to a scribe. Those letters picked at things Gortash knew Niro loved about Orin, particularly her artistic flair (in my canon the letter you can find from the Dark Urge to Orin criticizing the spectacle of her killing style exists courtesy of Gortash). The letters didn't even need to match up with what Niro would undoubtedly say to Orin in other letters; all Gortash needed to do was introduce inconsistency, confusion, unpredictability.

Soon after Gortash began targeting Orin in this way, Niro noticed her seeking reassurance from him in odd ways, as if she'd suddenly become uncertain again about things like her artistry, her place in the Temple, her place in Bhaal's visions of a slaughtered world. But his responses never seemed to improve the situation; it was as if everything he added to the mix only perturbed her further. Then she pulled away from him, which he found deeply upsetting.

He did indeed consider the possibility that Gortash had engineered this situation, but because of his particularly low opinion of Gortash made Gortash a bit of a blind spot to him. As far as he was concerned, Gortash was useful because of his ability to cultivate alliances and develop technology of war, and just about all else the man did was, at best, pathetic. Niro did not think highly enough of Gortash to believe him capable of meddling in his relationship with Orin. Without a clear reason for their newfound strife, he spiraled, disappearing for long stretches of time to go on murderous rampages through the loosely-settled areas around Baldur's Gate in an attempt to exorcise his fear and grief. Of course, his absences only made the situation worse. There was a time that, when Orin didn't know where he was, she didn't believe him to be off plotting her downfall, but that time was long gone.

Ultimately, Orin betrayed Niro because Gortash, through a lens of falsehood and exaggeration, had forced her to confront something true: Niro was not her. He was someone else, he was someone else in a position of power, he was someone else in a position of power with the knowledge and physical prowess make him capable of doing her harm, and therefore he was a potential threat. And Orin had survived to adulthood specifically because she eliminated potential threats before they could eliminate her.

[rin-and-jade]

This question touches upon the notion of “traumagenic” and “endogenic”; as well as The Theory of Structural Dissociation. The Theory of Structural Dissociation seemingly supports endogenics as it states that there are “natural born” systems. They would be “endogenic” because they're not born from trauma, (as those who are “traumagenic” are).

I recently had a discussion with someone in a yt comment section about those two terms and they pointed me to you, so I just want to see what you think.

I believe in endogenic systems; because why would a book (the DSM) made by those who don't even experience plurality determine whether something exists or not? And as systems, those who are heavily categorized and misunderstood or looked down upon because they don't fit the singlet category, I feel as though we should embrace different forms of neurodiversity.

My questions are: what is the real line between "traumagenic" and "endogenic"? Are systems who were born as a system and weren't exasperated by trauma (like an endo) any less valid or real than those who were exasperated by trauma (traumagenic)? Or because of that theory, if that's how all systems work, aren't all systems "endogenic"?

Before reading: Long post. This purpose is to discuss and look at things in another pov, not intended to debate current beliefs/opinions. TLDR Provided. Last notes at bottom.

To clarify first, im in a neutral stance between the endo and traumagenic community as i focus more on the better of living for any kinds of plural people. Your question did seemed interesting and i had ever discussed this by myself on free time, so i do got some answers for you!

The line between these two are its origin and functionality, to put it in my opinion. The unique thing about plurality is that, i can totally see it being possible that it can exist outside of trauma.

Well, let me explain it to you like this:

An intact personality is where multiple facets are cohesive, and these facets that gives you that said personality is your identity. It's how you see yourself, and act like who you know. Basically, it's how you can act differently in different situations be it at school, at home, at somewhere else etc.

The thing about where personality is located in our brain has been a complex topic for scientists, if i remember correctly, there wasn't a specific spot for it as our brain has multiple areas with different functionality, and these regions cooperating creates a tangible output like how you react, or your typical behaviors.

I kept finding singlets discussing things that looks like really mild system things, and especially from this one youtube video (im so sorry i couldn't provide the link, it has been months ago i had watched but it discussing this too by a doctor or something. lmk if i have to find it again) quotes that the brain fools us into thinking theres only one 'kind' of us, not by it's exact words but close. These people can have different levels in terms of sense of personality unity btw, so not all singlets are the same either.

Now the origin and functionality for a traumagenic is different, because these states are being separated, and compartmentalized due to trauma. The presence of amnesia blocks the other side's of selves sometimes to severe degrees, now acting independently. There is also proof that the grey matter and the communication between regions are different, compared to a healthy brain (i can find the links for this too if needed). Well, you could read more about DID if needed.

So no, neither are less valid, but that doesn't mean both works the same or have the same processes either. Which means, not all systems are endogenic by origins.

Lastly, this is from what i had learnt and connect the dots over many sources i had read to ensure a wide perspective, nuanced understandings in topics. I am fully aware if some of you seem to disagree or see my views as wrong,, we have our own pov's ofcourse. i don't want to fight about validating my pov alright? Im also open to feedback/extra questions, im as well aware of the existence of fake/bad endos and do not support them.

TLDR: There are real life experiences and proof that supports the idea of being plural in mild/different ways, or ways that are different to traumagenics due to the complexity of the brain. Neither are the same in terms of how it functions and where it came from. Neither are also less valid.

- j

[flowers-of-io]

I'm not an anon ;P but whats your opinion on what they did with Rasputin the end of last season

Uh Oh

It's probably gonna be long so I'm putting a read more and vibing under the cut:

If you know one thing about me, it's that I hate half-baked redemption arcs.

I hate hate hate hate giving a character the Vader treatment, i.e. redeeming them and then immediately killing them (often in some heroic way), before they really get to live this new redeemed life. It's a lazy shortcut for when you want to turn the character to the light side but not really have to deal with all the hard stuff that comes with redemption, like answering for your crimes and making amends, etc. It's hard to do a full, real redemption arc, especially when your character has done some nasty shit! The turning point is such a glorious, bright moment, but what needs to come after is often ugly and gruelling -- there is justice to be had, and forgiveness to be asked for, and amends to be made. And I understand the temptation to just turn the character into a heroic sacrifice (that will highlight their newfound nobility even more!) and not have to deal with all that unsightly stuff.

I still consider it a cowardly move, though.

I don't MIND Rasputin's death in and of itself. Destiny is ripe with themes of bravery and duty and sacrificial love. What grinds my gears is the execution of it, most of all in terms of the pacing. I love how @idlenight summed it up that Rasputin dies in every season he's in, lol. It's becoming a meme, how whenever someone says that with an ally like Rasputin no one can cross us, Rasputin gets off'd in the next 5 minutes. We had him knocked out by the Darkness at the beginning of Arrivals, then his exo frame teased in the Beyond Light intro cutscene and again in Immolant, and then over a year later in the loretab for Grand Overture which came with Risen. Okay, it is realistic Ana would need two years to set up the frame and figure out how to transfer Rasputin into it, but holy shit, couldn't she have at least found an hour or two to attach some legs?

So we had over two years of build-up towards this season, and another month of directly building up towards finally waking him.

And then we had, uh. Another month of him being alive and communicating with us. And then he died.

Let me stress this again: Rasputin lived for a MONTH after over two years of having been stuck inside an engram. We hardly got to meet him, and actually talk to him, and form any sort of meaningful relationship with him as a person and not a warmind. He interacted with like... three? other characters during that time. I think we spent more time on the subplot-mystery of 'why is Clovis locked out of the warsat network command' than we did on the actual main character of this season and his arc.

I wouldn't mind Rasputin going as he did, in the end -- if he'd got to actually live beforehand. I spent so much time wondering how he'd work in a dynamic with Elsie and Ana and Banshee as an actual walking, talking exo! How would he get along with the Vanguard? How would Saladin react? What would Clovis do--and I mean, really do, instead of just throwing a fit after Ana alt+F4'd him from the exo frame--once the Warmind actually took control over BrayTech systems in his own literal hands? How would a formless AI built to be a weapon even work with the constraints of a physical body? Would he butt heads with the Vanguard over combat strategies? Would they still see him as a weapon, an asset, rather than a person, and would there be some interesting conflict born from that?

I don't mind his characterisation this season, even though Rasputin felt like but a fraction of himself -- a humbled, guilt-ridden man afraid of his own power and in awe at his new, wondrous life. I really liked him struggling to come to terms with what he had done to Felwinter, his conversations with Osiris, and the dynamic of "I can only ask for forgiveness / Some day, you may receive it". It was great! But for Light's sake, where is Saladin in this equation, Saladin who'd seen the horror of SIVA and Site 6, who'd lost not only Felwinter, but all his friends because of Rasputin's mismanaged emotional response? Why haven't we heard Rasputin asking him for forgiveness?

The easiest fix to avoid all this mess would be simply pushing this season earlier -- and I say 'easiest' with full knowledge of how tricky managing a story's pacing can be, and how huge of a narrative Destiny is, etc etc. But I still think leaving it at the tail end of the Witch Queen year was a terrible decision. Seriously, we could've got the first half of Seraph instead of Risen, and the final part could be left as is, and imo it would've worked. But the way it is now leaves Rasputin's sacrifice feeling incredibly cheap, and the two-year build up ringing very hollow.

There is also a lot to be said about why the decision to off him could have been made in the first place, but @sundayswiththeilluminati already made a great post about that, so I'll just link it here (along with my emotional outpouring of an addition).

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S2E1 (part 3)

Goodbye Earl

Ted's wiping of the nail polish and his butt still hurts. So I thought about this, and they would have had to get the shot of Dani kicking the ball at Ted a few times. Obviously it would be a prop ball so it didn't hurt as much, but still after a few takes of trying to get it right, it you would start to ache. And who's to say it hit his butt every take. He might missed a few times.

Nate's harshness is really coming through now.

Ted said Beard's name and we all kissed it because we thought it was another reference. And yes it is definitely believable that Beard is only referred to as Beard. It's not just a TV show thing where people are just called by their last names. I've had friends who I have done that to. Two of them had the same first name, so calling them by their last names just made things less confusing.

So, Dani has the yips. Ted and Beard's reactions to it being said out loud are hilarious, as is the fact that the players and Will in the locker room all react to the door being slammed.

I don't know Ted's sports references. I'm as lost as Nate and Higgins.

Well, Ted you are living in a foreign country. One that would describe American Football as rugby but with a shit load of padding.

Ted is apprehensive about therapy because of his own time in therapy (You suck, Dr Jacob) . He agrees to it while shaking his head.

Roy is suffering. I would be too if I had to listen to that story. We like Martin Short in this house. He's definitely going to need more drinks to survive.

Roy sees through John's bullshit. And just how boring he really is.

Does anyone else get the slight impression that John looked down on Roy for saying that he coaches kids football? Even though Roy enjoys it, and is a good coach, and has experience from being a 9 year old who got scouted by Sunderland. The man is happy enough and trying to figure out what he's doing next with his life, don't judge.

Keeley was being sneaky and underhanded by bringing up the pundit stuff. Though, it does help him realise where he belongs, so it does eventually become a good thing that he did it.

I still want to see Roy's retirement speech.

To Earl. He was a good boy. I'm going to keep saying it every time it gets brought up.

Michelle had been seeing Dr Jacob as her personal therapist for a while before couples counselling. So Dr Jacob would already know a bunch of stuff about Ted, from Michelle's perspective, which made him form his own opinion about Ted before their first session. They should have seen a separate therapist for couples counselling. Dr Jacob should have stayed as Michelle's personal therapist and referred them to someone else who could have helped them. If not, then he should have done private sessions with Ted to understand his side of things before bringing them both in. Ted was being set up for failure because before he even spoke in their first session he was seen as the problem. Because instead of helping them both with their issues, they just told Ted that he was doing everything wrong and making Michelle miserable. Which is shitty therapy. And made worse by the fact that later on Dr Jacob and Michelle are dating. He might not be her therapist anymore, but he still had intimate knowledge of her relationship and personal life. The problem is, did these feelings occur during the time when he was treating Michelle or when he stopped being her therapist and they hadn't seen each other for a while? Because if it's during his time as her therapist then it adds another layer of why he's such an ass, because he could have been trying to get rid of Ted. Any way you shape this, Dr Jacob does not come out of it like a Prince.

I don't know why, but every time Beard talks about never dating another dancer, the lyrics to George Michael's Careless Whisper come into my head.

'All people are different people.' That is a good line. I might have to steal that for myself at some point. Just because he had one bad experience with one therapist, doesn't mean the next is going to be the same. And Dr Sharon is so much better than Dr Jacob. She actually helps Ted, which Dr Jacob never did!

I need the full story of Beard's life. All of it.

I fucking love Roy's little rant to Rebecca. Yeah, John is fine, and that's nice. But where's the actual spark of attraction? She's playing safe because she got so hurt by Rupert, I get that. But she deserves so much more than just safe and fine. Don't settle for less because you want to play it safe to avoid being hurt again. Find someone who makes you feel safe because they love you and makes you feel like you've been struck by lightning and wants to be with you.

The greatest thing about Roy Kent, he won't bullshit you.

[mrs-dr-reid]

Said It And Meant It

(A Steve Harrington Fic)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!OC (Carrie Brown)

Summary: Carrie finally snaps and says everything she’s ever thought about Richard and Gloria Harrington when she’s invited to their house for dinner

Genre: Kinda angsty, but then it gets fluffy

Warnings: Swear words, allusions to everything the Harringtons did/didn’t do to/for Steve, implications of Richard falling under the “abusive husband” umbrella, Richard Harrington is a terrible human being and an even worse father, Gloria Harrington deserves a better husband but she’s still a sucky person and an even suckier mother, Steve is a precious baby who deserves all the love in the world, Nancy Wheeler is a great friend and a great listener

A/N: This is entirely self-indulgent and contains every single thing I want to yell at the Harringtons and force them to listen to whether they want to or not. And the GIF is most definitely Steve’s reaction once Carrie is done tearing into Dick and Gloria

Word Count: 3062

———————————————————————

Of all the things Carrie was planning on doing that day, verbally tearing Richard and Gloria Harrington brand new assholes was not on her list. She had some idea of what kind of people they were from whispers around town and offhanded comments and anecdotes from Steve that he thought were normal. Apparently, Richard Harrington never tips despite being one of the wealthiest men in Hawkins and Gloria Harrington can’t take five steps from her front door without making a snide comment about anyone. But she’d never actually met them in person. After Steve met her family for the first time, he confided in her that if he could help it, she’d never meet his parents because he didn’t want to think about what terrible things they’d say in front of her, and she agreed.

But a few weeks after that, Steve was bringing her to school and dropped it on her that his dad told him he had to “invite that girlfriend of his” over for his mother’s birthday dinner that Friday. He started profusely apologizing, but Carrie cut him off and said, “Steve, it’s okay. I’m a big girl. If I need to leave, I’ll just leave. It’s not like your parents can force you to stop seeing me, you’re almost 19 years old,” which made him nod before kissing her forehead and saying, “How on Earth did I get so lucky?”, earning Carrie’s reply of, “Your guess is as good as mine, Harrington,” as she got out of the car and the two of them walked into the high school together.

She had to admit that she was slightly nervous as she got ready on Friday, because she’d heard a lot of things about the Harringtons and most of them weren’t very kind, but she steeled herself and proclaimed out loud in her bedroom mirror, “I’ll form my own opinion about Steve’s parents. If it ends up being positive, great. If not, it’s not like I’ll be forced to be around them all the time,” nodded confidently, then grabbed her coat, her keys, and the bouquet of daisies she bought for Mrs. Harrington (most people like daisies, and she even triple checked with Steve that Mrs. Harrington wasn’t allergic to pollen or anything beforehand) before heading down the stairs and out the door of her house to her car, as she’d insisted on driving herself because if things got ugly she didn’t want to force Steve to bring her home.

Carrie pulled into the driveway of the Harrington house, took a few deep breaths, then got out of her car and marched up the front steps before ringing the doorbell. Thankfully Steve was the one who answered the door, because Carrie honestly didn’t know how she would’ve reacted if Mr. Harrington had. Steve’s face instantly broke out in a smile, and he kissed her cheek before saying, “Hey, Babe. Come on in,” and ushering her inside. He brought her into the dining room, and there they were: The Harringtons. All the people Carrie heard whispering about them around town weren’t kidding, because she couldn’t remember the last time she felt as intimidated as she did at that moment.

Steve broke her out of her thoughts by saying, “Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Carrie Brown. Carrie, these are my parents, Richard and Gloria,” and she felt him rub her back assuringly as he did, which made her smile before she said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” and reached out a hand to shake. Richard took it and said, “And you as well. You seem like a nice, proper young lady. I’m glad Steven wasn’t exaggerating,” which made Carrie’s eyebrows scrunch skeptically for a millisecond before moving on to Gloria.

She said, “Happy Birthday, Mrs. Harrington. These are for you,” and handed her the vase of flowers, which made a small smile come to Gloria’s face before she accepted it and said, “Aren’t you a dear? Thank you. I think I’ll put these on the table,” before setting the vase in the center of the dining table. As she did so, she said, “I thought your name sounded familiar when Steven was telling us about you. Do you know a Dorothy Brown by any chance?”, so Carrie replied, “That’s my mom, ma’am,” and Gloria’s smile turned a little too saccharine to be genuine before she said, “I thought so. You act very similarly to her.”

Carrie didn’t get the chance to ask her what she meant by that before Richard clapped his hands together the way Steve always does and said, “Well, dearest, I think it’s about time we get this birthday dinner started, don’t you?”, which made Gloria’s demeanor shift from slightly smug to skittish as she said, “Of course, darling. I’ll go check the roast and see if it’s ready. It should be, but our oven’s been acting up recently,” and borderline scampered into the kitchen (in heels and a skirt no less).

Carrie noticed Steve’s mouth set into a line and his eyes soften as he watched his mother go only for them to harden again as he looked back at his father, but she didn’t say anything as the two of them sat down at the table. Richard joined right after, and Carrie fiddled with her napkin ring as she went over her first interactions with the Harringtons. She thought it was weird that Richard naturally assumed Steve was talking her up into a “nice, proper young lady”, and she also thought it was weird that Gloria was cooking her own birthday dinner (not to mention the potential subtle dig at her mother), but she just brushed it off and decided to keep an open mind about the situation.

Carrie broke the somewhat awkward silence that had settled in the room by saying, “I’m gonna go see if Mrs. Harrington needs any help,” and scurrying into the kitchen before either of the men could say anything. She poked her head through the door to see Gloria frantically spooning what looked like a pot roast out of the Crock Pot and into a serving dish, so she cleared her throat and said, “Mrs. Harrington? Do you need any help?”, which made Gloria jump slightly before she turned to see Carrie in the doorway.

She visibly relaxed and said, “Oh, Carrie, dear. You startled me. Yes, thank you. If you could bring the salad and potatoes to the table and make up a pitcher of ice water while I finish up the roast, that would be wonderful,” so Carrie nodded and grabbed the two serving bowls she pointed out before bringing them into the dining room. She set them on the table, then went right back into the kitchen and dispensed ice from the fridge into the pitcher Gloria had set on the counter before filling it with water and bringing it to the table as well, Gloria coming right behind her with the pot roast.

The two women sat down, Carrie beside Steve and Gloria across the table from Richard, and dinner began. Richard and Gloria asked Carrie the obligatory “parents meeting their kid’s partner for the first time” questions like how long have she and Steve been together, what she was planning on going to college for, what she gets up to outside of school, all that jazz, and Carrie couldn’t help but notice that Richard continuously made backhanded comments about Steve while Gloria didn’t say one thing to attempt to defend her son or reprimand her husband.

When Carrie said she was planning on going to Ball State for an elementary education degree, Richard said, “That sounds wonderful. I’m sure Steven could’ve done something like that if he had kept his grades up,” and when she said that her younger brother had his first soccer game of the season the next day, he said, “Ah, what fun. I’m sure he’s managed to win plenty of games for his team. Unfortunately, our Tigers haven’t seen a championship game yet with Steven as their captain,” and all Gloria did was stare into her glass and keep her mouth shut, which was really starting to piss Carrie off.

Eventually, Richard turned the conversation into a “Point Out Every Flaw Steve Has Lecture”, and Carrie was fighting every urge she had to flip the table. He said, “Honestly, Steven, Carrie here has a solid plan for her future, and here you are frolicking around Hawkins without a care in the world. I didn’t raise you to be so careless with things like this. When I was your age I already had a job at my firm and was working my way up to partner. You could have been like me, Son. I’m very disappointed,” and that’s where Carrie lost it.

She stood up, slammed her hands on the table, and snapped, “Oh my god, SHUT UP!”, which made all three Harringtons look at her with shocked looks on their faces. Richard said, “I beg your pardon?!”, so Carrie said, “If you really think I’m just going to sit here and listen to you demean and condescend to one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met in my life, then you’ve got another thing coming! You’re disappointed in him because he didn’t turn out exactly like you? Good! I wouldn’t have gone near him with a ten-foot pole if he ended up a smarmy dickhead like you!”, which made Richard’s jaw drop open in indignation while Steve’s eyes widened in both shock and amazement.

Carrie continued, “And to elaborate on that, he couldn’t have turned out like you. How could he? Neither of you were around enough for him to glean ANY personality traits from you! He was nine years old, and the two of you would just leave him at home ALONE?! For WEEKS at a time?! I know for a FACT that you people are rich enough to have hired some sort of nanny or housekeeper, but NO! You left your NINE-YEAR-OLD SON in this mid-century modern haunted house BY HIMSELF, and just expected him to figure out how to feed himself?! Have you lost your goddamn minds?!?! When I was nine my mother wouldn’t have been caught DEAD leaving me by myself without at least asking Mrs. Henderson to check in on me every so often,” which made Richard’s jaw set angrily while Gloria started playing with her hands in her lap.

Carrie turned her attention to her and said, “And you! Just dropping everything to follow your asshole of a husband all over the place when he had work trips? I get it, Dick Harrington can’t keep it in his pants worth any type of damn when he’s left unsupervised, but come ON! Do you really have to lean into the textbook example of a ‘neglected and abused housewife’ so hard?!”, which made Gloria shift in her seat ashamedly and continue to avoid eye contact with everyone.

Carrie still wasn’t done, and she said, “And you never ONCE attempted to get Dicky Boy over here to lay off of Steve. I counted eight separate occasions tonight alone, so I don’t even want to THINK about all the times this has happened in his life. I love your son more than anything in the world, and if I have to, I will spend the rest of my life loving him in hopes that I can make up for all of the love he deserved but never got from either of you!”, which left the dining room in stunned silence. She composed herself, said, “Thank you for the meal, Mrs. Harrington, and happy birthday again. Steve, I’ll call you tomorrow,” turned on her heel, then walked out of the dining room, grabbed her coat off the hook, and went out the front door and to her car, not once looking back to see the scene she left behind her.

Carrie didn’t fully process what had happened until she was in the Wheelers’ driveway, and when she did, she clapped both hands over her mouth and whispered, “I can’t believe I said all that. To their faces!”, completely shocked at her own behavior. She brushed it off, then got out of her car and went up to the front door and knocked. She heard Mike yell through the door, “I’M GETTING IT, MOM!!!”, and when he opened the door, he said, “Carrie? What are you doing here? And why are you all dressed up?”, so she said, “I’ll explain later, is Nancy home?”, which made him look at her skeptically before saying, “Yeah? She’s in her room. Why?”, but she didn’t answer him and just walked inside and went up the stairs to Nancy’s room.

Carrie opened Nancy’s door to find her reading a book, and she was obviously very startled to see her because the book went flying across the room as a surprised yelp escaped her mouth. Nancy noticed the distraught look on Carrie’s face and said, “Oh, dear. Come sit,” while patting her bed, so Carrie closed the door behind her and flopped onto Nancy’s bed with a slightly exaggerated groan. Nancy said, “What happened?”, so Carrie said, “I went over to Steve’s for his mom’s birthday dinner, Steve’s dad would not stop belittling Steve and his mom did nothing to stop it, and I just lost it and said so many awful things to both of them before storming out,” which earned a cringe of sympathy from Nancy.

She said, “Yeah, I never met them, but from what I’ve heard around town they aren’t very pleasant,” so Carrie replied, “Gloria is nice enough. I’m pretty sure she was about to make some sort of remark about my mother before she was interrupted, but she seems okay for the most part. She’s just completely submissive to Dick, and I’d bet any money he’s a lot worse behind closed doors. The woman cooked her own birthday dinner, how messed up is that?!”, making Nancy’s jaw drop and Carrie say, “Right?!”

Nancy said, “Okay, glossing over that, what did you say to them? I’m sure it was deserved, but what did you say?”, so Carrie took a deep breath and said, “I said I was glad that Steve didn’t turn into a smarmy dickhead like his dad, I called his mother the textbook example of a neglected and abused housewife, I insinuated that Dick would cheat on Gloria if left unsupervised which is why she always goes with him on his work trips, and I implied that the reason Steve is nothing like his parents is because neither of them were around enough for him to have any idea what they’re like since they’ve been leaving him home alone for weeks at a time since he was nine,” Nancy’s eyes widening more and more with each and every insult Carrie named.

She said, “Wow. That’s intense. And you just… left after you said all that?”, and Carrie said, “Not before I said I’d spend the rest of my life loving Steve to make up for all the love he deserved but never received from them. Oh my god, I said I love Steve,” before sitting up and burying her face in her hands. Nancy rubbed her back and said, “You are right, though. Steve deserves so much more than what he’s been given, and I’m glad you’re there for him. I know I really messed him up, but I see the way he looks at you and I know he feels the same way about you,” which made Carrie lift her head and say, “You think so?”, earning Nancy’s reply of, “I know so,” before she wrapped her up in a super tight hug.

Carrie went back to her house after thanking Nancy for listening, and it started pouring rain as she pulled into her cul de sac. She almost thought she was hallucinating because she saw Steve’s BMW in her driveway and a person that could only have been Steve sitting on her front porch. She got out of her car and said, “Steve? What are you doing here?!”, while running to her porch to escape the torrential downpour, which made him stand up and say, “I had to talk to you!”, while bringing her over to her porch swing.

They both sat down, and Steve said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t things would go that far and you’d have to hear all of that, and-…,” which made Carrie cut him off and say, “Are you seriously apologizing for your dad calling you a disappointment at the dinner table?! Steve, that isn’t normal. And you shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of stuff!”, while grabbing his hand. He was quiet for a minute, then said, “What you said before you left… did you mean it?”, while playing with her hand, so Carrie made him look at her, then said, “I said it, and I meant it. Every word. I love you, Steve Harrington, and I will spend the rest of my life giving you every bit of love that you deserve,” before pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt and kissing him.

Steve smiled against her lips, and when she pulled away, he said, “So you’re okay with never being invited to my house for dinner again?”, which made her let out a cackle before saying, “If I ever end up in the same room as your dad again, he’ll be lucky if he leaves that room with his stupid smarmy face intact,” earning a laugh from Steve before he pulled her onto his lap and pressed his lips to hers again, feeling the most love he’s ever felt in a really long time as her hands crept up into his hair and her lips parted slightly against his in a giggle.

When he pulled his lips away, Carrie said, “How much would I have to convince you to come inside and cuddle with me while watching Grease?”, which made him scoff and say, “You don’t have to, I was gonna suggest it if you didn’t,” earning a nose scrunch from her as she ushered him inside out of the rain, fully prepared to start making good on her declaration from dinner to love the crap out of her beautiful, wonderful, dumbass, perfect Steve for as long as he’d let her.

———————————————————————

Stranger Things Taglist: @leossmoonn, @boldlyvoid, @stranger-nightmare, @erin-bo-berin

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added

[catcrazyx]

Mahiru?

Hey anon!! I'm so sorry for the late, it's really been a long time I'm sorry 😓 I didn't mean to ignore you, but let's talk about Mahiru!!💖🥰

Favorite thing about them: I really really like how much she cares about everyone, she deep down always just wants the best for others and I admire that! She deserved much more, I even got to spend one free time with her during my playthrough and I planned on spending more until... I was really sad she died 'cause she really seemed like she would be an important character, I was really enjoying her presence. -

Least favorite thing about them: The most obvious answer everyone knows, but that's not what I'm going to talk about. What I'd like to point out about her in this point is how she reacts if people don't give good constructive compliments about her photos or anything in general. I don't think she's wrong, we should all learn to give better criticism and arguments about the things we like or dislike, but that doesn't mean we have to do it all the time or also to things that we aren't very knowledgeable about. Not everything that we like, see or enjoy needs to have a detailed justification to why we like it. Her talent is photography, which is a form of art, and I think art is something that everyone can enjoy and interpret in many different ways, and it can also give people many different emotions. Not everyone is comfortable to share those emotions, even less with the very artist/owner of the art. Some people are just shy, just because someone says "it's cool... pretty" doesn't mean they can't take in the beauty of the art, they may just not feel like sharing it or go on a long analysis at the moment. It always depends on the situation, there are moments and places where people are supposed to give their best arguments, analysis and such about things but when randomly asking someone about their opinion on something, she should be the one to be clear she wants a more constructive opinion before judging anyone for how they reply. -

Favorite line: "I want to visit different worlds and take pictures of people's sparkling smiles there". I think this quote captures well how much Mahiru cares about everyone along with her love for photography. I also love to see people smile, seeing people smile fills me with life that's why I always try my best to smile. I love this about Mahiru so much. -

BrOTP: Hmm I don't know really, maybe Fuyuhiko? I like how they do even have a sweet "make up" interaction in UTDP and it shows how they could have gotten along in different circumstances. -

OTP: I don't really have any OTP with Mahiru, I mostly stay neutral with any ship with her, I think she'd fit best with an extroverted enthusiastic character like Ibuki which can make her relax and realise she can have fun once in a while. Also in the anime I did like her relationship with Sato despite of everything that came out of it, I do like them together. -

NOTP: Hmm... ok I don't actually like her and Hiyoko. They are very cute together YES, if we forget completely what kind of person and character Hiyoko is. Why did Hiyoko even "choose" Mahiru?? Simply for being a "little nice" and respecting her?? What did others ever do to her??. She was rude to everyone from the START, before they judged her for anything, before anyone was ever rude to her and the only reason they were was because of her OWN attitude. After Hiyoko explained why she couldn't take baths, NOT A SINGLE CHARACTER JUDGED HER, Mahiru was simply the first to offer help. NOT TO MENTION SONIA OFFERED TO HELP HIYOKO IN CHAPTER 3!!!!!!! YET THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT SONIA IN HER LAST FTE, TELLING HAJIME TO GO BEAT HER UP, WTF?!?!?! THE VERY LAST FTE!!!!!! How she's so incredibly rude to everyone but then suddenly out of nowhere cares about Mahiru, I don't buy it at all. In her FTEs we see Hiyoko be so rude, manipulative and gaslights Hajime into doing things for her, who's to say she wouldn't do the same to Mahiru? Because Mahiru is her "favourite" ? I don't think so and I don't care either way. Hiyoko comparing Hajime to her dad about how he did everything to her is basically her saying her dad babied her and always did everything for her, and that's what she ended up liking about Hajime, and that's what she likes about Mahiru, all she wants is someone who will always be by her side and do whatever she wants while she makes NO EFFORT to respect anyone around her. She constantly cries and manipulates others into doing what she wants and she never gets ANY punishment for her actions. I think like I said in the "OTP" about Ibuki, how Mahiru would be best with someone more extroverted and enthusiastic, this is why it seems like her relationship with Hiyoko seems to flow well, but Hiyoko herself doesn't. Hiyoko even, EVEN made Mahiru herself a victim of the lust drink or whatever of the anime that got everyone horny. She did that to Mahiru TOO. And that's why I'm pretty sure Mahiru could easily be just another one of Hiyoko's victims. Mahiru deserves better. -

Random headcanon: Hmm I don't know sorry :( -

Unpopular opinion: My unpopular opinion is probably my disliking of her and Hiyoko's relationship because no matter how many people I see dislike Hiyoko, they always comment how sweet she and Mahiru are, and sure they are, but also not when I think about it. -

Song i associate with them: Okay this is just too obvious of course "Photograph" by Ed Sheeran. -

Favorite picture of them:

Just like Mahiru likes taking pictures of people smiling, I like to see her smile. So definitely whenever she smiles, she's so precious! 🥺💖

[culttvblog]

Doomwatch: Public Enemy

High time I blogged about Doomwatch again, since I haven't posted about it for about five years, to my surprise. Briefly to recap the history: Doomwatch (1970 to 1972) was a science fiction show about the titular agency, which investigated various scientific and environmental dangers. The show gained a reputation at the time for being able to predict the future because of its depiction of things which then happened. I hope it played a role in educating the public to the reality that you can predict what will happen and this is only what bookies do on a daily basis.

The premise is that a company called Carlingham Alloys are not managing their chemicals and emissions properly, and this has resulted in a hugely raised death rate from pulmonary disease in the area and a child's death resulting from climbing on the roof of the factory to rescue a ball. The episode represents Doomwatch's investigation into this situation, demanded by the local councillor.

The episode is essentially about a moral quandary, to my mind, although there is a scientific aura given to this debate by the fact that Carlingham are working on a new substance which will revolutionise everything, pretty much. We are therefore already in the familiar 1960s TV territory of the wonders of technology and what happens when these new developments go wrong.

Doomwatch tell Carlingham that they need to get on top of what we would now call Control of Substances Hazardous to Health, and need to take action which will cost more than they are prepared to pay. Carlingham react by announcing that they are therefore going to pull out of Carlingham completely and concentrate all their work in Leicester, which would mean closing essentially the only employer in the town, and this is what causes the moral quandary.

The alderman who demanded Doomwatch's intervention was elected (obviously by the townspeople) on a platform of tidying up the town, and in fact we see residents commenting that it's like the entire environment is poisoned and there is obviously some public opinion that something has to be done.

On the other hand, when Carlingham announce that they are leaving, the employees of the factory of course don't want to lose their jobs or relocate elsewhere and suddenly there is a groundswell of opinion that they would rather chance it and risk that they won't be the ones who get the pulmonary disease. This gives rise to one of those scenes which feel like they occur so frequently in Doomwatch, where the public are up in arms about safety precautions intended for their own safety.

Despite Doomwatch's magical repute for predicting things that were going to happen in the future, I think the series was as good at paying attention to what was going on in the world and presenting issues like this one in a dramatic form that the public would take to. In fact I think this is a very good example of the show presenting these issues. The matter of health and safety must have been in discussion in the UK at this time in preparation for the passing of the Health and Safety at Work Act in 1974, which unified and simplified a lot of previous regulations for individual industries. This episode must essentially be based on the discussions going on in Westminster and trade journals in the years before that act.

If I have perhaps made it sound a bit didactic, I should stress that the episode doesn't at all feel like a textbook of ethics or health and safety, while still being guaranteed to get you arguing about it if you were the sort of family that discuss the telly as you go along. My personal opinion is that you take a risk by living in an area with really only one employer because if they move or go bust this is exactly the sort of situation that happens, and also that the parent company which decides to close the factory are clearly terrible employers, whose only interest is their own profit and not the health of their employees.

I just have a couple of criticisms: one is that Dr Lewis in the factory is played by Trevor Bannister, an actor who I'm afraid I can never take seriously in a straight role. He is however perfect as the voice of the anti-health and safety brigade. My other criticism is that the show depicts no trade union activity at all in a factory which is such a death trap that it is a caricature, and I wonder whether this is credible for the time.

This episode is a solid example of Doomwatch taking an issue of the day, expounding the issues involved, and plugging in to how things would develop in the near future.

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[kodiescove]

Hey, so, I'm going to make an informational post that I'm not sure how needed it actually is, but for my own peace of mind I feel like I need to make it

Be careful with opioids.

Yes, even if a doctor is prescribing them to you.

Opioids are wonderful, highly effective medications, but they are incredibly dangerous.

If you are feeling a sense of euphoria, a weirdness, when you take your dose, you are taking too much and you need to tell your doctor about it so they can lower it.

You need to go slow with opioids. You need to work yourself up from the low level stuff to the higher level stuff.

Opioids are fickle medications. Everyone responds to them differently. "Too much" is different from person to person. The reason it is important to go slow and start off with the lower level stuff is because if you take something that is too strong for you, ESPECIALLY if you do not have a tolerance to opioids, they will kill you. Furthermore, if you are taking a high level opioid, you still need to be cautious because they can still decide to kill you out of nowhere. This is because one of the affects of opioids is to depress your central nervous system, meaning that they can slow your breathing, and they slow your breathing to the point you STOP breathing.

If you are taking a high level opioid (in my opinion morphine or stronger) I would recommend having narcan on hand, and having the person you live with know where it is, how to use it, and develop a safety plan.

Also be aware that sometimes opioids have the opposite affect of what you're looking for, and actually make the pain worse. It is normal that a low level opioid may not RELIEVE your pain, but if your pain gets WORSE while you take opioids, you should consider talking to your doctor about a different medication.

Opioids also have a tendency to build tolerance really quickly, and this is something to consider when/if you start to take opioids. You can need to take very strong opioids in a very short time frame, and that is something I really want you to think about, especially considering what I said about central nervous system depression, because the stronger the opioid, the greater the risk of that happening. This also means that opioids can become ineffective in a short time frame, and opioids are really our only defense against pain (depending on the cause of your pain)

Then there is the risk of addiction. These are highly addictive, dependency forming medications. We can sit here and argue about what constitutes an addiction, whether or not someone who genuinely needs them to not be in pain is addicted, but when I use these terms what I am talking about is that they are medications that tend to cause people to feel that they need to take them in a way that causes problems in their life. They tend to make the brain react in a way to where people feel like they need to compulsively over take their medication, increasing their chances of going through withdrawal, and withdrawal symptoms tend to cause problems in people's lives. Granted, you can take opioids as prescribed and still go through withdrawals, but when you're feeling compulsed to take them inaccurately (not as prescribed) you increase the chance and frequency of withdrawals.

I am not saying these things to fearmonger. I am saying these things because these are the risks of taking opioids, and I honestly do not know if it is standard practice for doctors to ACTUALLY tell patients these things, because the two times I've been prescribed them, no one told me. And I live in a city with a big opioids problem (re: my recent posts) I am making this post so you, dear reader, know the risks of taking these medications before you agree to take them. I'm going to go even further and implore you to research any and all medication a doctor is prescribing you. Learn their risks, benefits, and medication interactions because I've recently found out that Ive been prescribed medication that I should not have been prescribed based on what I had already been taking.

This post is to help you know what you are getting into. This is to help you weigh the risks and benefits of opioids. I cannot tell you whether or not they are right for you, and I'm not even going to dissuade you from taking them. I want you to be able to make an informed decision so you can be able to make as safe of a choice as possible while taking a medication that is both very helpful, but also not perfectly safe. I hope that your doctor will be open and honest with you about the risks and benefits of opioids if you so choose to take them. Please ask as many questions as you can think of. I hope that you find a way to be free of your pain, whether that involves opioids or not, and I pray to God that you have a good doctor to help you do that.