#personally i need time to react to things and form my own opinions before i can handle discourse

[danielnelsen]

i’m not cut out to be a fan of something while new info is being released. any time i see a remotely negative or bad opinion i want to eat my own eyes

[voidwizardwholikestheshadows]

I’ve decided I want to say something. I’m going to try to see things equally as I talk about it but I will acknowledge my bias toward Tommy. He is and has been a favorite creator of mine and I want people to know that I acknowledge that I might say bias things and to take that into account.

I watched Dream’s stream three times. Once when Dream streamed, Kwite’s stream and Tubbo’s stream. I also would like to acknowledge that they both tried to give him the benefit of the doubt many times and Kwite and Tubbo tried to reach out to him. Also my apologies if I miss anything important in the stream, please just let me know if any of what I say is incorrect.

Firstly and foremost, I will say that Tommy should have backed down with the pedo jokes or stopped altogether. It just doesn’t look good, I’m sorry. I have watched Dream’s “The Truth” video before and tried to look into it myself and I honestly don’t believe that those allegations are true.

I will say that I am not in any way, shape or form okay with telling someone to kill themselves. It’s just not who I am and I don’t like how widespread of a thing that is nowadays. I understand other Tommy fans are upset but god fucking damn it that’s not okay to do toward anyone. I made this post earlier but leave Techno’s name out of this. I am absolutely disgusted by the fans that made “Dream SA” comments toward his fans and how he was going to SA them. It’s gross and you don’t look like a good person.

I have my grievances with Tommy fans but that’s not what I wanna say right now. I didn’t like when Dream was making any sort of sexual remark toward any of the minors. Like in this stream with Tubbo’s sister around 39:55 to 40:02, he made a weird joke about her respawning in Vik’s house. Idk if anyone else cares but that made me uncomfy personally, there was no need to say that. Or this Dream and Tommy interaction, maybe this isn’t as much of a big deal, they were friends and Tommy joked about it but it made me uncomfortable. I would like to specify again that these are my personal grievances with Dream. Or when Tommy joined the server for the first time and Dream and George had him do the crafting table bit which was a reference to sex, that was not cool, Tommy was 16, a minor, it just doesn’t feel okay to me at all. Also he had no clue what the joke was, he did what they asked him to do. Those are my main examples of that.

Also Dream skipping over all the important criticisms that Tubbo was giving him only to act shocked at not having context. It kind of irked me, I don’t know if it was done on purpose or not but either way, Tubbo reacted to the whole thing and Dream couldn’t be asked to do the same, slightly disappointing.

His statement on Aimsey really made me upset. Calling them a mastermind when they only tried to support their friend was a very odd choice. I have no knowledge on the George drama if anyone does please let me know.

Saying people hated him for playing a villain character on the Dsmp is kinda crazy. I believe that most fans can differentiate reality from fiction. No, I don’t think that’s why people dislike you Dream, when watching Tubbo’s stream he mentioned that Dream seemed to skip over the important bits of their phone call to focus on the smallest thing. Whether that was done on purpose or not is just not cool. If he wants people to form their own opinions and look into the facts themselves, at the very least give everyone the full facts.

Dream’s mention of the nsfw artwork posted in the discord in the early days of the SMP… I honestly don’t care what anyone else has to say on this point, it is his server and his responsibility to make sure the minors in the server are safe and not exposed to anything. Showing or allowing minors to see nsfw shit is a Crime. I’m sorry to say but that’s a fucking crime. I know Dream didn’t show it but if Tubbo was uncomfortable, it’s his job to make sure that stops. If nobody else was going to be the responsible adult, it’s his discord server and his Minecraft server, he should have some say if not have all the say in keeping minors safe. Even if they asked to be treated like adults which Tubbo doesn’t remember saying at all, YOU DONT TREAT MINORS LIKE ADULTS IN THAT WAY, THAT IS A CRIME.

And at the heart of it all. The R slur. Reclaiming a slur is for deweaponizing the slur. You can Not reclaim a slur by using it against a group of people, that’s the opposite of reclaiming, that’s just using the slur as a slur. I am not down for ANYONE using slurs they can’t reclaim or are weaponizing it. I am not for people calling Dream slurs when all that went down, it’s not okay. I will agree with Tubbo that his drama did kinda outgrow the MCYT community. Different communities have different tolerances on what can and can not be said, I don’t agree with it but that’s the truth. If there were a lot of people in the MCYT community throwing slurs around, I personally don’t want them here. Using slurs if you are weaponizing it is not fucking okay.

These are my personal opinions and thoughts and why I dislike Dream. I’m sorry if this upsets anyone, etc, etc. I might edit this later if I think of anything else.

[bewylderbeest]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[ghostly-bat]

If I can be honest with myself? I have a neutral view on Flatline/Nika as a character. Death has always been a human topic everybody thinks about and I think her embodying this concept is pretty neat. BUT. I have complained many times (and sometimes I feel rather poorly I fear 😭) how I think Nika's narrative was poorly done/or felt distasteful. I've seen people misunderstand what I say/calling it nit-picking/or that I can't read and it makes me feel bad. And it makes me feel worse knowing that I'm not good at words. You seem like an understanding person! Sooo, I thought... why not talk about her a little more? Sure I might be repeating past opinions but so what? Maybe it'll help get some things off my chest? You're also welcome to disagree tho! Anything you say I will take wholeheartedly.

Here's my LIKES and DISLIKES about Nika:

1) Like I said, Death is a fascinating concept we think about regardless whether it's good or bad. Nika embodies this really well. She pushes the boundaries of good vs evil or loyalty vs ambition with her connections to life and death. The idea that death has always been a part of Nika—whether through her past or her powers—is an interesting angle. There's a lot of potential here. And if given the opportunity, maybe Joshua Williamson or some other writer, could let this fascet of her character shine. 2) Her personality. Her theatrical tendencies make a smile form on my face. And I'm guilty as charged to admit that she had her small bits that made me wonder what will she do next. It's that air of mystery that leaves you wanting to know more; dangerous but alluring. 3) Nika has SUCH an eerie and really cool ability! The fact that she doesn't just need to kill people to gain skills is what makes her even more deadly! She just needs to be at a moment of death and her instincts are amplified. Done! And... Like... have you SEEN the way Nika took down all those Man-Bat cultists in B&R??? SHE MOVED LIKE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! 🤩 4) OF COURSE, you can't go wrong with Nika's classic design! I feel it fits with her symbolism on death—practical but stylish enough to stand out. Not to say her other designs were any less good. They're pretty too! Liked that she kept her jacket and gloves of all elements to her style. 5) I really like little moments where Nika shows depth or rather her vulnerability/where we get to see her soft side or sadness/seriousness that contrasts with her sassy/carefree persona. It's refreshing!

Those are what I like about Nika! Now... here's my reasons that take away my liking towards Nika:

1) Nika's humor isn't great, ngl. I kinda eye-roll whenever she cracks death-related jokes/especially the k-pop comment... nothing against k-pop! It's fine! I think that was unnecessary in the situation Nika was in. 💀 2) I feel Nika doesn't really show vulnerability—both emotionally and physically—which make me feel less engaged with her character. Nika can take on almost all obstacles with ease and she doesn't react much beyond sass/humor/confidence. Moments when she is emotionally vulnerable are rare and while that does spark my interest... it's still brief/only in one or two pages... if that makes any sense? 3) Nika's own content is very underdeveloped and keeps being shoved into Damian's to the point it feels unnecessary/overshadows her character. I'm picking on B&R (2023) because I feel like the Mila and Nika bit wasn't needed when they had no connection with the original (and boring) plot (Man-Bat/Mistress Harsh). 4) Overall just not a fan of Nika being introduced as a love interest FIRST before introducing her own character/meaning we don't really see much of how she acts prior to her meeting Damian—until the romance is established... if that makes sense?

This just doesn't help that while I understand why fans enjoy Daminika... I can't say the same. Damian and Nika entered into a relationship in a matter of eleven issues/which feels pretty fast and does a disservice to both characters: Damian's typical traits feel less like himself (he's easily accepting/less judging and awkward compared to past love interests) while Nika's character wasn't entirely developed beforehand. Other people may see development differently... and I'm sorry that I don't share their vision.

As I look back for more details on previous stuff, I'm in a gradual process of warming up to Nika. She has potential—I don't doubt it. I see the effect she has on fans and... I'm slowly giving her a chance too even as a Damian Wayne fan myself. I wanna see what she can do on her own first before I can continue letting past writings of Nika's appearances affect my view. Who knows? Maybe I'll be humbled. There's been a rumor that Joshua Williamson has plans for Nika this year... so I'll see if things will change.

After all, with death comes new life! 💀🌿

No this is all so well said!

Your points are very clear and if I'm being honest I agree with you completely! The characteristics you seem to not like her are the exact reasons why I want her to have a solo run. I wanna see her out of being Damian's love interest cus she really does have so much potential. If she where to have her own issue maybe we'd be able to understand why some of her humors a bit odd or why she's relatively calm whenever fighting an opponent. Maybe she's just so desensitized to it that it doesn't seem like a big issue anymore to her but we may never know because we don't have a lot to work with in general when it comes to her.

I find her so interesting simply because of her concept and her design and the potential she could have. Is she one of my favorite characters not necessarily but I do really like her. She sparks interest for me and I feel like if she was introduced as her own character before being introduced through Damian she could have been really popular on her own and maybe even the pairing between her and Damian would make a little more sense for some fans

[themonotonysyndrome]

hello, lovely lady! i had a question for you, and i value your opinion given the fact that you to know a lot about the series.

now, i dont know why the empire attacked intacia, as im not subscriber to desmond’s patreon, but i know a bit of what went down.

but primarily what i wanted to ask was, am i the only one who understood, if not AGREED with captain dolion when he was speaking to the baroness in chap4 pt1? having to adjust to imperial customs in your own country, i can understand how that could make people upset. all im saying, is that its not shocking or surprising that violence was met with violence. in a war, no one wins. you just survive.

but like i said, i understand both parts of the argument. am i saying either side is innocent? absolutely not, they both did awful things. ex: witch hunters attacking to empire, and ascendants burning things down.

what im primarily upset about is when the baroness had “said” or heavily implied, that intacia just needs to “get over the war”. very insensitive and disrespectful thing to say. dolion wasnt perfect either, and im not on any sides.

but in my opinion, the baroness shouldnt form any opinions on a particular controversial topic that didnt even affect her. again, saying that, “intacia needs to get over it”, without knowing what really any of them went through? yeah, shitty move.

but im curious, what do you think?

hello, lovely lady! i had a question for you, and i value your opinion given the fact that you to know a lot about the series.

Yo, awesome addie! Aww, you're very sweet. It's the obsession, really 😂

now, i dont know why the empire attacked intacia, as im not subscriber to desmond’s patreon, but i know a bit of what went down.

I'm not certain if it's stated in Canon (as I actually haven't listened to Rhett's series yet until Desmond brings him out of that cliffhanger hell), but my theory is that the Empire was trying to conquer Intacia and meld it into the Empire.

but primarily what i wanted to ask was, am i the only one who understood, if not AGREED with captain dolion when he was speaking to the baroness in chap4 pt1? having to adjust to imperial customs in your own country, i can understand how that could make people upset. all im saying, is that its not shocking or surprising that violence was met with violence. in a war, no one wins. you just survive.

So here's the things, right, personally? I get how Dolion felt. He and the rest of the Intacians have the right to be upset, and the Baroness was insensitive to the plight. Castin was also right; she can't just brush it off and demand that they all move on already.

But at the same time, she can't denounce her roots AKA the Empire. She can't go, "Yeah, fuck the Empire! The Empire's evil for waging the war against Intacia!" She's the Baroness! She has ties to the royal family, the family, ya know, who sanctioned the war!

So, the way I see it, the Intacians were in the right to be upset, and the Baroness was not only insensitive but also trapped in a very hard place, so she can't just react without consequences.

but like i said, i understand both parts of the argument. am i saying either side is innocent? absolutely not, they both did awful things. ex: witch hunters attacking to empire, and ascendants burning things down.

The Empire attacked, Intacia reacted accordingly and the war escalated. The lines get blurry.

You know what? Judging from Dolion's statement (which could be heavily biased), they nearly won the war until Rhett and his Queen threw a coup. Now I want to know what the Imperial Nobles have to say about that.

Do they think that they were the ones who were winning? Do they feel super salty that the war was stopped before they could conquer Intacia? How does the Empress felt about this?

I GOTTA KNOW, MAN.

what im primarily upset about is when the baroness had “said” or heavily implied, that intacia just needs to “get over the war”. very insensitive and disrespectful thing to say. dolion wasnt perfect either, and im not on any sides.

I share the same sentiment! The Baroness has a lot of character development to do and I hope that Desmond would deliver it one day!

but in my opinion, the baroness shouldnt form any opinions on a particular controversial topic that didnt even affect her. again, saying that, “intacia needs to get over it”, without knowing what really any of them went through? yeah, shitty move.

This goes back to my previous statement above.

Remember. She is an Imperial Baroness. Whatever she says, whatever she does - they all have consequences. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she's branded as a traitor by a few of her noble peers because she married Castin! It's no surprise that she was immediately attacked as soon as she went back home with Castin!

And you know what? I also wouldn't be surprised that if she was killed, the nobles would immediately martyr the Baroness as a ploy to resume the war against Intacia and pin her death on Castin. Rally the loyalists of the Baroness, muster every last Ascendant and deliver one final, devastating blow against Intacia until they can no longer fight.

'Cause that's what I would do if I was a scheming noble.

I hope I answered your ask well, Addie!

[iztarshi]

Hello there, your observations regarding Victor and Jayce are very interesting. Finally somebody, who wishes to analyze these scenes and not just fangirl about it.

There are a few points, I would like to discuss or add...

Have you noticed...that the mask that Ekko as a firelight wears resembles greatly the form Victor assumes`? For me this was pretty interesting, as Ekko as well, (just like Jinx later) became a sign of hope...a hero...but a hero is after all an artificial image, just like Victor´s saviour is an artificial persona Victor created in order to "become better" as a sort of refuge from his own problems.

2. Victor refuses Skye twice, as a child and later as an adult. Skye is presented like the healthy alternative, Victor isn´t interested in.

3. The scene of finding Singed plays also out like the murder of Georgie in Stephen King´s "It". Just like Georgie Victor fell down as a child, lost his ship and an "evil being" found it.

4. Could it not just be, that Victor was just excited to see Jayce, since he needed somebody to share, what he had experienced? This might be the reason, Victor in Salo´s body reacts so positive and nearly gleeful to seeing Jayce...and also...Jayce has never attacked Victor before...in fact he has worried for him many times before...People do not want to believe that a person they love could be hostile.

5. Your words:“Who else could mend such a broken creature” and “I owe Viktor everything” are weird sentiments from someone as entitled as Salo.It seems like at best light mind-control and at worst the hexcore puppeteering Salo’s corpse, but either way Viktor doesn’t seem aware of this."

In my opinion, Victor chose - at the beginning at least - people that wished to be saved. He wanted to help them, to make their lives better by using the influence of the arcane...And honestly...we can see that the people Victor "changed" desired it earnestly.

So yes, being made "whole" again, might change Salo himself for the better. Also Salo became part of "something bigger" This could change people - so it is possible that Salo might have a change of heart. If the outer circumstances change, the inner part might be affected.

However I have to admit, Salo is somebody I cannot warp my head around completely.

6. It also leaves me with a lot of questions about Viktor’s relationship to gratitude. The idea that people would be grateful enough to him to change their entire lives to live a way he approves of, to let him enter their bodies at will, that’s weird.

It isn´t weird. This is a cult made of desperate people, mostly from the undercity. Their lives were hard, desperate, people were dying, and justice was mostly granted to the strongest person.

I mean, heck, we do have people who follow Jinx like she is some kind of godess.

And Victor grants them now safety and care, "wholeness", health...that desperate and anxious people are easy prey for cults is - unfortunately-nothing new. And Victor is their leader, the person they consider their saviour. Of course they don´t see him as a human being with imperfections, but a higher being, something like a god. And aren´t you grateful to a god for taking care of you?

Taking over bodies...of course...Victor was testing their limits, but in cults worse things happened.

Huh. Jayce is not doing a terribly good job of explaining anything but he does try to talk to Viktor. Announcing that hextech is a curse and they have to end it with no explanation is not all that convincing - but, rather than ask Jayce why he thinks that, Viktor concludes that Jayce’s mind has been damaged by the Arcane and then immediately switches back to Salo who tries to leave. At least part of the lack of communication here is on Viktor for being so certain of his own rightness he takes Jayce’s disagreement as a sign of damage rather than trying to hear him out.

Of course, especially, since Jayce had been the one, who had tried to persuade Victor from the advantages of the arcane. And suddenly Jayce declared it a curse...The usual Jayce was quite eloquent at expressing himself...it was one of his strong points, while Victor did not dare to go out in the limelight.

So Jayce barely explaining his thoughts might finally feel weird, after the endorphines had settled down in Victor´s system.

“That isn’t Jayce. There is another will at work within him.” This declaration is made with great confidence and we never receive any evidence that it is true. I think pretty much everything Viktor says from now on requires fact checking, but this one was especially confusing on a first time viewing, because Viktor’s hanging out in the Arcane, he seems to know what he’s talking about, so it’s easy to take him at his word. The simplest answer, however, turns out to be that this is Jayce and Viktor just can’t handle the idea of Jayce killing Salo. Then again, Jayce will spend a lot of act 3 insisting that Viktor isn’t Viktor and I’m not sure either of them actually believe it, so they’re just being weird about being at odds with each other in the exact same way.

I have always interpreted it like this: their different forms hinder both of them to recognize, what actually takes place in the inner world of the other person.

In a sense, they have both betrayed their wishes for non-violence and feel threatened.

But the first statement of Victor is true, isn´t it? He just does not recognize that it was him, who Jayce made a promise with.

Well, the arcane is adapting and changing, reacting to the emotions of the people, that interact with it.

Victor used the arcane in order to "become whole" and lots of emotions must have gone into it, binding him stronger to it.

It is strange, but the "worse" characteristics of both characters separate them, somehow. Jayce suffers from PTSD and great guilt...Victor basically hides even more in the shadows, now in the form of the Herald.

Although Viktor clearly does feel some attachment to his body, shown by wanting to meet Jayce in person, this almost feels like some kind of magic assisted dissociation. The core of Viktor is in this safe place with all sorts of things to explore and Sky as the perfect, non-judgemental partner. The Herald is acting as a public figure while constantly hurting himself to heal others, but part of Viktor can just escape from all that and watch it through a screen.

Very interesting interpretation. Indeed. It does seem like some kind of dissociation.

Huck does not react normally to having a weapon drawn on him. Also, Viktor’s commune really does not seem to have any way to defend itself except asking people nicely to leave their weapons outside.

It does appear like some kind of paradise, right? It might be Victor´s apparently. I wonder, if Victor´s will or feelings are transmitted through the arcane, as he feeds the arcane the most.

Or if he arcane is helping him, since his wish for non-violence draws more people in?

Viktor’s commune is so pretty in a way that is clearly inspired by the wildrune or the Arcane in general and Huck describes it as “the Herald’s vision” so it does seem this is coming entirely from Viktor.

Yes, like this. It might have been his dream or vision.

I think that’s what’s hardest to imagine about season 1 Viktor starting a cult, he’s got too much of a sense of humour not to find that a bit silly and be embarrassed.

It does seem that he does not consider it funny...His humour was a way to deflect as well. Now he has another armour. Strangely, but it seems like this was Victor´s vision, that he took seriously enough...and the arcane exploited it in order to grow.

It’s fascinating that the hexcore seemingly can’t stop Viktor from burning himself out trying to save Vander. Sky tries to talk him out of doing it, and there’s certainly no advantage from the hexcore’s perspective, but Viktor can’t be swayed from doing what he believes is right. He’s still got agency here, it’s just that he’s been convinced to go along with the hexcore so far because it seemed like the right thing to do.

A very good observation. Indeed the cost were most likely more than the win...so the hexcore in the form of Skye was against it.

There’s something so innocent about the version of Viktor in the Arcane, treading through Vander’s brain with the same wonder as a cathedral. If there’s anything that indicates he’s not yet destroying the people he heals, no matter how strangely some of them are acting, it would be this I think. That he finds people’s minds beautiful. And he genuinely does seem to do some good for Vander.

Indeed.

“If you perish, this community is soon to follow.” I wonder if Singed is right that Viktor realises that? When Singed says it it sounds like a threat. Ambessa will destroy the community as soon as Viktor is gone because he’s the only one Singed is interested in preserving. But in retrospect it’s not a threat, doesn’t need to be a threat, everyone will die as soon as Viktor does. And I suspect Viktor doesn’t know that because he’s willing to martyr himself here to save Vander, but I can’t see him being willing to take others down with him.

But were they already gone? Or did they only die after Victor took their "energies"? Maybe it was not just Vander, but also the others? Destroying in effect, what Victor had desired.

The trust Viktor shows in Jayce is astounding. Jayce has been aggressive and unstable on his way through the commune but he still gets led straight to Viktor, and with a weapon in his hands too. Viktor isn’t even in his own body to receive him, meditating with his eyes closed as if Jayce couldn’t possibly be a threat to him.

Not really. It just does show, that Victor didn´t want to see Jayce as an enemy...in every case. At least until he learnt.

Jayce is the only person that knows the "invisible man" Victor better than anybody. Being alone hurts and Jayce has been for a long time Victor´s intermediate between the world and Victor.

So yes, I can understand, why he did not want to see him as an enemy for a long time.

I’m not sure why Viktor’s death affects Vander the way it does. I’ve heard it said Singed injects Vander with something earlier, but to me it looked like Caitlyn stopped him injecting Vander. It might be because Viktor hadn’t finished healing Vander? The ones fully assimilated just keel over, but because Vander’s not fully healed he’s also still alive but wounded.

Ah, yes, Victor is the source of the arcane...or let´s say his main meal...so it does make sense, that his death let the system topple over.

I feel like this revelation isn’t as deep as Viktor thinks it is, but he’s certainly not wrong. (Also I feel that maybe using weird magic you don’t understand on a bunch of people to create a hive mind is a bigger reason for the failure of the commune, but I digress.) It’s important to Arcane’s themes, anyway, since a lot of what works about the characters is that their virtues are the same as their flaws, just in different circumstances.

I would argue, that they are right regarding this aspect. The wish for revenge has annihilated many people and kingdoms. Of course, emotions, love, hate ect drive us. Even Silco and Vander might have been able to reconciliate and they do in another universe. Their feelings could either lead to a positive outcome or destruction. Of course this is right.

And even the arcane is powered by emotions...

However, unfair systems created by people in power do seem to me, as the reason the arcane or shimmer were created.

I would even argue, that this is how science partly works...try and error...Victor tried to create "paradise" with the power of the arcane, an immense power, yet he failed.

Even if not having had this revelation until two thirds of the way through the second season makes me think that Viktor is very naive, it does make sense for his character specifically if I look back through the lens of him not realising this. The assumption that good people will do good things for good reasons and bad people will do bad things for bad reasons goes some way to explaining the complete refusal to make weapons, which are designed to do harm, but lack of concern with possible side-effects from things intended to do good. Also his confusion at some of the things Jayce does, because Jayce is a good person in Viktor’s eyes, so it’s hard to understand when he does bad things.

Of course, he is naive. Victor hardly seem to have related to other people, outside of Jayce...even as a child, we did not see him play with the others, but only by himself.

His sarcastic attitude is a good armour to deflect and heck, not even Heimerdinger seemed to have cared for Victor so greatly, even though he might have known the lad since he was a boy.

Jayce is most likely everything Victor has always desired to be...The one in the limelight, the golden boy, the eloquent upper classman. I do guess, that shame was a big part of his life...shame regarding his origin, shame regarding his body, health...Victor has hardly wanted to face other people.

I guess, that people did show gratitude for him was one of the greatest things he has experienced...His changed body, that he had previously despised became a source of pride, suddenly. And yes, I do believe, he was maybe also naive regarding the arcane...even though he knew that it took lives, he "healed" them...not realizing that the arcane might have consumed during the "healing process".

That’s a really interesting point about Ekko. In a lot of ways he feels like a counterpoint, a character who is doing things right, but of course his image is also artificial. And we’re introduced (re-introduced) to him with a music video style introduction that highlights the artificiality and aesthetics of his persona.

I wouldn’t have said Viktor rejected Sky as a child. Failed to connect with her, certainly. He was shy and tried to direct her attention to his boat instead of talking to her, but it seems clear to me that he wanted to connect.

Ooh. Yeah, that’s a good point. Viktor gets a lot (a lot) of gothic horror tropes and references, it’s interesting to see him get a more modern one too.

Yeah, he’s excited, that’s for sure! And it really might be just that, that his more natural body language isn’t related to the body he finds himself in at all, but simply to Jayce himself. And, yeah, it’s potentially normal enough that he doesn’t realise Jayce is hostile - as I said, Jayce is the same about not wanting to realise Viktor is angry with him after Viktor leaves the hexcore. There’s just a lot going on in terms of “is Viktor or is he not being affected by the hexcore” at every point in season 2 so I’m vacillating a lot and trying to consider both possibilities.

5/6. I still think this is weird. There’s some truth in that, that Viktor is helping only people desperate enough to come looking for an unknown healer, but he’s also not turning people away. There’s none of the pre-selection you’d get in a real cult where only the most vulnerable are chosen. And people leave real cults, or, perhaps especially, nearly get drawn in but ultimately make other choices. We see from Vi and Jinx, who have not been affected by Viktor other than for him to give them help and shelter, that they act more normally about it. They’re still drawn in by the hope Viktor’s commune offers, and they may even have stayed if things had been different, but they evaluate it. For no one Viktor healed to want healing so much they went to him but still decide his commune was unlikely to work? Or to have a passion in a different direction from farming that, in the end, they couldn’t bring themselves to give up?

Salo especially feels chosen by the writers to highlight the unnatural nature of it, simply because he did have other options especially once he was healed. He was feeling the humiliation of being disregarded by the council and dismissed by Ambessa, he was struggling with pain and shimmer addiction, but he still had money. He could have gone home once his legs were healed as that solved half his problems. It is ambiguous, though, deliberately I’m sure. Salo’s shown to us at a low enough point that it’s not totally implausible he could develop this devotion to someone who helped him.

Aww, you stopped using numbers, I was finding those useful :D

“There is another will at work within him,” is true if you take that as “another will he made a promise to” rather than “another will possessing him”, but that is not what Viktor made it sound like.

The Arcane potentially being at work in Jayce as well as in Viktor, reacting to both of their different emotions and pushing them further into them is a very interesting thought. If the hallucinations are the Arcane manifesting Jayce’s trauma and pushing him to act to prevent that future just as Viktor is seeing people’s pain pushing him to go further to heal it.

Your words. “But were they already gone? Or did they only die after Victor took their "energies"? Maybe it was not just Vander, but also the others? Destroying in effect, what Victor had desired.”

That is the question, isn’t it? I’m inclined to think them already gone, and yet I can’t say at all. I think this is one of the most deliberately ambiguous points because it seems to mirror a point of LoL lore where the conflict between Jayce and Viktor (and Viktor’s rejection of emotions) starts with a situation that Viktor and Jayce see very differently. Unfortunately I can no longer find the event in their bios to compare because of the lore being in flux.

Yeah, it’s understandable that Viktor does not want to believe Jayce would hurt him.

Your words “Of course, he is naive. Victor hardly seem to have related to other people, outside of Jayce…even as a child, we did not see him play with the others, but only by himself.”

Yeah, it seems unfair to call someone with as many difficulties as Viktor “sheltered” but it’s the only word that comes to mind, even though it’s not really the one I want. This is very true of him, that he just hasn’t been around people very much, at least not in any way that isn’t very guarded on his part.

That’s a good point about how much it must have meant to him for people to show gratitude. It reminds me of how much it affects Jinx in the prison, to have people touch her almost reverently in thanks for her rescue, and how much that affects her attitude going forwards. It matters a lot to feel like you’ve been able to do something right.

[onbearfeet]

WIP Wedneday? WIP Wednesday.

Road trip with the cast of Monster Mash. Imagine these dinguses playing yellow car.

--

Jack Russell had never been a fan of long car rides.

He didn’t mind driving, particularly. Being a werewolf often meant living somewhere new every month, and until the advent of cheap intercontinental air travel, that had mostly meant picking a continent and moving around on it as best he could. And for the last century or so, moving around in North America had meant automobiles. He’d driven everything from Model Ts to Rolls Royces, and none of it had been particularly difficult or uncomfortable.

No, it was being a passenger that he couldn’t stand.

Perhaps it was something about werewolf reflexes; he reacted to things slightly faster than ordinary humans, even in his own human form, so if he wasn’t careful, riding shotgun in a car meant he was constantly tapping an imaginary brake or gas pedal half a second before the driver did. Or perhaps it was lingering trauma from all the times he’d been shot or netted, trussed up, and thrown into the back of something with a snarling engine. Whatever it was, he didn’t enjoy being in a moving vehicle that he didn’t control. He sometimes wondered how Ted felt about it; after all, there probably weren’t any vehicles built for someone his size.

But Elsa Bloodstone owned the van, and Elsa did not give up her keys without a good reason, so Jack had gotten used to swallowing his pride and climbing into the passenger seat—or worse, the back after Bucky Barnes won the coin toss.

There was one positive to Elsa’s driving, though. Somehow, through whatever perverse alchemy made her the most remarkable woman in the world (at least in Jack’s thoroughly biased and entirely correct opinion), he could sleep while she was at the wheel. Something about the cedar-and-sage scent of her at close quarters put his hackles down, smoothed his bristling paranoia, and let him drift off to the thrum of the engine and the whisper of her breath.

And so he was mostly asleep, slipping in and out of a pleasant dream about running through high mountain forests with nothing chasing him for once, when he heard Elsa’s voice.

“Barnes.”

“Your majesty,” Bucky drawled from behind Jack, where he was presumably still strapped into a jump seat in the cargo area.

Jack felt the smile tugging at his lips. He hoped Elsa couldn’t see it.

Elsa huffed, and Jack could hear the eyeroll in her voice. “In my infinite mercy, I’ve decided to do you a favor.”

“Golly, gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she said flatly. “I’m saving you considerable embarrassment. Not counting your years with Hydra, how long would you say you’ve been, er—?”

“Myself? Conscious? Human?”

Jack couldn’t suppress the small flinch.

“Yes. That.”

“A few years, now. I guess you can count it from 2014, if you’re going from when I got out. But it took me a couple years to, y’know, have a personality again. Why?”

“Did you spend much time catching up on history?”

“I puked for two days straight after I googled JFK, so no.”

“Right, then. There are facts you’ll need to know if you don’t want to make a complete arse of yourself.”

“If this is about Marvin Gaye, I swear to Christ—”

“Your Wikipedia page,” Elsa interrupted, “says you were raised Irish American Catholic. Is that true?”

“Near ’nough.” A faint Irish lilt drifted through Bucky’s voice. “My dad was, anyway.”

“Then you probably heard a few sermons in your day about the evils of homosexuality.”

Bucky burst out laughing.

It was loud enough that Jack gave up even pretending to sleep, opened his eyes, and sat up from where he’d been slumped against the passenger window. He stretched as somewhere behind him, Ted rumbled a question that sounded like What the hell?

“Sorry, fellas,” Bucky chuckled. “Old man laughs at history lesson, you know how it is.” He snorted.

Jack stretched and used the motion as an excuse to look back at the cargo bay. Bucky was, indeed, still in his jump seat, wiping tears from his eyes and grinning.

“Priceless,” he muttered. “Just priceless. Elsa, is this gonna be one of those ‘some people are queer now and you gotta be okay with it’ talks?”

“If by ‘okay’ you mean ‘on your best manners or I’ll stab you’, then yes, that’s what this is.” Elsa took her eyes off the road just long enough to glare daggers at Bucky.

“Ha.” Bucky scrubbed at his face with his flesh hand. “Okay, let’s save you some time. Quick show of hands—who in this van has, at some point in their life, done queer shit?”

He pulled his hand away from his face and raised it above his head.

Jack grinned and put his own hand up.

Ted urfed and raised his.

Bucky looked at Elsa and raised his eyebrows.

Grudgingly, Elsa raised her hand.

“That’s what I thought,” Bucky said. His voice gentled. “Doll, I’m from Brooklyn. Down by the Navy yard, no less. There’s not much I ain’t seen. If I use the wrong words or something, please do correct me before the ghost of my mother rises from her grave and hauls me off by my ear, but you don’t have to worry I’ll see two fellas kissing and get the vapors.”

“Good,” Elsa replied, turning her attention back to the road. “Because our client is an old friend of mine, and I’ve got barbed bolts in my crossbow.”

[dwtdog]

im really really stressed about how it will go,

i dont i just, support system wise i have almost nothing

these guys are kinda it and one person whos neutral

its just the aftermath, i dont know if everything will be okay and i get so stressed about it

my tummy issues been fucking me up man

anon :( i'll do my best to give u some general advice, but if u need anything please don't be afraid to dm me <3

the thing that really helps me through these type of situations is sitting with myself and thinking okay, what's the most likely thing that's going to happen, and how am i going to feel about that.

to start with what i think will be the outcome, the only things we know for certain that are going to happen are caiti's final statement/stream, and george's final statement.

based on what caiti has said, her final stream is going to be more general, and i assume she's going to discuss the problems with misogyny within the mcyt space, or something similar, along with the future of her content. i do not think she will say anything more directly about the situation, and if she does i don't think it will be new information, except to maybe clear up the story ghostie told

for george's statement, judging by what the rational sides of the internet are calling for and his most recent tweet, i think he is going to give a sincere apology, no matter what form that may come in, along with some sort of private, personal apology to caiti that we may never see. some people will accept what he has to say, and others will continue to call him terrible names that do not fit the situation at all. and from there, we move onward (press w :3)

i can't predict how you're going to react to these events happening, but if a look at myself, i know that i'll probably watch caiti's stream as a vod, so i can give myself time to pause and take breaks. i want to try to watch the stream before seeing others input, so i can form my own opinions without going in feeling overly negative/positive.

worse case scenario- she says something that completely puts me off the space as a whole. i don't know what that would be, maybe just some observations she's made as a female creator in the space that puts a bad taste in my mouth, and i no longer feel comfortable being here at all. in that case, i disengage completely, or let myself sit and think on it for a bit before coming to a final decision

best case scenario (realistically)- caiti does her stream, and she talks about many of the things we already know about as problems with the space, and we take that as closure from the whole thing, and send our love and support.

when george's response comes, rinse and repeat. take the time to read/watch through it without the influence of others, and come to you own conclusion before looking what anyone else has to say. do not look at twitter. if you feel that his response is satisfying to you- however that may be- than assess how active you wish to be in the community going forward, what you want to spend your time doing online. and then we heal together, as a community.

and eventually, things will get better. dream and george might take hiatuses, but i find it very, very unlikely they'll quit entirely. eventually, we'll get titan videos and the plethora of shorts and content that dream has planned, even if a wrench has been thrown into the plans

obviously, we can never predict unexpected elements, but i genuinely believe that if something big were going to drop, it would have already. don't let the behind the scenes bullshit get you down, because it always comes from ccs who either hold grudges or are trying to save their own skin/get views

hope this helps at least a little bit, but please, please reach out if you need anything. no matter the responses caiti and george give, i'll stick around to talk to u guys

[heireign]

why did rhaenyra chose to make a statement in the tourney of 111ac? how was she feeling through it and when the "greens" and "blacks" formally formed?

@lcerys : SEND ME QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT MY CHARACTER

honestly ? she chose to do it because it really had just gotten to that point — we don’t hear any mention of how she reacted, to those questions about the great council, and those questions were getting loud enough it was prominent enough to be recorded during that time period. we get next to nothing besides births and deaths during the gap between 106 and 111AC as to what was going ON at court - we get bits and pieces of council appointments and things like that but on a day to day there’s very little beyond the fact they celebrated each birth, and alicent and rhaenyra were ? allegedly both vying to be the first lady of the realm ( which has always been the queen consort because the heir apparent is, usually male, which is relevant to contextualize their relationship a bit more ) the things we do know that pertain to her and alicent however, is the fact alicent was not exactly subtle in the fact that she was confused and likely upset that viserys hadn't changed his mind yet and that she was chief amongst the people questioning why viserys was seemingly spurning his son in not ? giving him what they perceived as his rightful inheritance. and otto in particular got so loud about it that viserys fired him in 109AC, and named lyonel because, " this hand won't hector me. " and this likely ? made things more intense at court, and resulted in alicent becoming even colder to her. it's important to note, also, that the greens by and large had the 'normal' opinion, their viewpoint on the succession is what has been for the past century, and cemented by royal decree, four years before viserys named rhaenyra heir. it was within her lifetime the great council happened. they would have been viewed by and large as in the right, save for the few lords who were loyal to viserys, and to the notion that the king is allowed to chose his successor. and personally ? i don't think any of them would have batted an eye if he had replaced her before the tourney.

before the tourney she felt ? trapped between rock and a hard place. it became increasingly difficult to hold her nerve. all of the reasons she had wanted it had started to feel so increasingly flimsy because they had started to feel so hopeless and unachievable and that just made her sadder, and more ? lonely. more ? increasingly tired and desolate and just ? more ? unsteady and unbalanced. because she had no one with whom she could be wholly comfortable without needing to take consideration of the duty that lay between them. like, she had her ladies, and she had criston, and she was so grateful for them. she loved them, she clung to those bonds so intensely but she ? had to keep in mind that this was also their job and their job that was hugely dependent on what she did and how she did it and it was ? she was close to them, but she also couldn't ? let them down either. she couldn't do anything that would put them in jeopardy because they were apart of her household. but things definitely got more intense at court after alicent had a second son for viserys, and to a degree she struggled with immensely. she felt stuck between wanting to be a good dutiful daughter who didn't start problems and didn't make any waves that would ? cause her father more problems then what he needed and would make more issues with his wife and stuck between wanting to, stuck between hearing so many voices arguing against her, to hearing a few, in her own. like don't get me wrong there was ? there was still plenty of people who came to her and wanted to curry favor with the potential future queen, but who of them would speak for her if viserys set her aside ? who would care ? she couldn't answer that question for herself, she did not know the answer. there was that still small voice that asked herself ( what if alicent is right ? what if you are stealing something from your brothers and that's why you're never going to be close to them, because you deserve to lose them for what you're taking ? ) but she also just ? did not feel as if she could turn down the throne, she didn't feel like she could tell viserys she didn't want it because he gave it to her, and he invested her as his heir, and she had no other choice to proceed forward on that path until he stripped it from her. which, given how loud the people against her were, she feared that would be sooner rather then later, because she didn't know how long he would endure it with so many people speaking in opposition to her.

to her ? even if she needed to continue down this path and there was no other option but to continue, she didn't need to continue as she had been — not speaking a word in her own defense because she was afraid viserys would consider her a problem child who couldn't remain silent while he handled it. she had promised herself before, when she was MADE heir to the iron throne in the first place that she would try, and she would do everything she could to be perfect, to do x, y, z thing so there was nothing that could be said about her, nothing that could be critiqued and held up as proof of how ? incompetent she was alongside her male contemporaries. she had promised herself that she wouldn't be cowed by her detractors and yet she had been, and she had been for years, and it needed to stop. this consistent uncertainty needed to stop. she had taken the reigns of her dragon's saddle at the age of seven, and she wasn't scared then, how was she not scared to face the skies in mid air, but scared to face a room full of people who were only saying what she already knew. she had to take the reigns back. because her claim wasn't just about her father's word cementing it, it was about her as a prospective future queen and she needed to act like it. the dramatic targaryen dress was basically a way to ? be like ' i am the heir, i am the heir and your future queen until the day your king changes his mind and none of you can take that from me but him. " it was also a tourney to celebrate their fifth anniversary that she showed up ? after they did to. this was the ? first time she's ever showed up late to anything, and she didn't say anything to the point, she didn't need to. the outpouring of coldness as they sat in her direction was enough to know alicent understood. she was, however, petrified through it. her heart was hammering in her ribs, and she was, clutching her own fingers hard enough the color had bled from them the entire time they were there and that ? eased a lot whenever criston won. whenever he beat alicent's champion and people that were very obviously greens in HER name. her ladies, also wore black that day, and i ? think criston was definitely aware of the plan given he was by her side day and night in those days. and then daemon returned, at the end of it, and it eased a bit more, but she definitely had ? a huge amount of anxiety when it came to how viserys would respond because she had never really taken a public stand against his wife before, and stood for herself, and after she had done it, the fear was: did i take it too far ?

it had such, an unforseen positive effect on the legitimacy of her standing at court. she hadn't really expected the lords and knights and ladies to be impressed — she hadn't expected it to be spoken about all the way in essos, what she did. and yet it was. she kinda went into it treating it like a last ditch effort to budge how suffocated she was feeling because it was getting to a point she couldn't take it. she thought it would either ? get better or it would end, and viserys would fire her and she could breathe again and she was leaning ? toward the likelihood it was going to be the latter in the days after with how angry alicent was, and that she did it at a special event for both of them. but it ? people began approaching her slowly at first, but then they kept coming and asking to ? have supper with her, to dine with her. to engage her in real genuine conversation, they asked her out sailing and hawking and hunting and all to like ? subtly let their allegiances be known where they stood on the matter of her vs aegon as heir, and it ? it gave her hope again that she could do this, that she could manage it and work upward from here, and wouldn't ? so utterly trapped . that there was a middle ground through which she could at least somewhat defend herself, and not need to remain stagnant and helpless forever.

[utilitycaster]

So while I’m an imodna enjoyer, I absolutely agree to the agree-est of agrees that the most interesting thing they could do is break up right now. I don’t think they will, but I would love to see it. My concern mostly comes down to how fandom would react to Marisha or Laura if they did. I enjoy them [the ship] for their codependency and inability to do anything without consistently ignoring their own emotions or comfort to do so. They should absolutely break up. It would be so good. So interesting, I think. I, again, just know fandom would not be normal about it especially when Marisha got so much shit just for saying that Beauregard wasn’t quite serious about Yasha yet, and that was before the ship even had a canon kiss. This? Would be hellfire and as much as id love it, I would literally never open the critical role tag ever again out of fear lol.

Hey anon,

I just deleted a somewhat similar ask and I do respect any choice people made to back away from fandom for their own personal well-being but ultimately...I don't care how the broader fandom responds. This shit pre-dates my entry into the fandom (people freaked out, apparently, when Gilmore's status was unknown in C1 when Hotis attacked Whitestone) and it's not exclusive to CR by any means (see: everything happening with the Good Omens fandom because the two main couples did engage with the various problems and communication issues and different desires they had). It's unavoidable, and honestly, it's kind of exhilarating to me. I am, as I say, a STEM bitch, and meta feels like a sort of logic problem, and a good way to piece together that logic is to find the holes in what others say. You need the bad opinions to be out there in order to best formulate the good ones.

Anyway: I'd rather have a good story than a docile fandom, and I'm posting that one block evader's alts mostly so that people who are more hurt by their statements can take precautions but they are ultimately on par with a disease-free mosquito to me: extremely annoying but not any kind of threat.

In the end, what I need to get on board with the ship is some kind of canon engagement with the core of it: that Imogen told Laudna repeatedly to her face "hey what if your murderer was right." I don't mind if that exploration comes in the form of a breakup, or a fight, or an honest and open mature conversation, or discussions with other party members, or leaning into the codependency; I just need there to be some stakes. Conflict would interest me, but it doesn't need to be a blow-up (though I really do think a breakup would be a new and incredibly good direction - there's a reason why Laerryn and Loquatius manage to have a trillion times the chemistry in a fraction of the time and it's the path from their introduction to their conclusion) - just the introduction of the idea that there is some line that would be crossed under some circumstances, or an exploration of the toxicity of having no such line. I think a lot of people feel the same! I don't think there's many people other than outright homophobes who think of Imodna as an absolute NOTP - it's just that a lot of us find it lacking, and it's a lack that can be addressed.

[oathbreakerapologist]

i think the way u decided to have gortash drive a wedge between orin and your durge (as opposed to the other way around) quite interesting. what insecurities/hangups do you think he preyed upon to make that happen? what changes did ghost notice in her, if any, and how did he respond? did he suspect gortash had anything to do with this?

ah this is such a fun question!! answer below the cut because this is a long one lol

Orin was brought up in an environment that encouraged treachery with deadly stakes; arguably her most significant formative experience was being attacked by, and then slaughtering, her own mother as a young child, and I can't imagine that was the only time she encountered and overcame a similar threat. As a result, she was primed to expect betrayal—even anticipate it—and react aggressively. After all, she earned Sarevok's favor by doing exactly that. Orin survived to adulthood specifically because she eliminated potential threats before they could eliminate her.

For that reason, then, she was ideally positioned to be turned into a usurper. She was already capable of murdering even those to whom she was closest. But seeing everyone around you as either a future victim or a possible threat leaves very little room for the sort of social bonds that humans, as social beings, tend to need.

One could say Niro was the only person Orin trusted, but really their relationship was built on a stranger sort of dependence than that: they thought of each other as extensions of a single being, the lone two tokens of one type, parts of a whole that would melt back together once there was nothing left but blood, gore, and death. Nobody else thought like her, felt like her, acted like her—he was transparent, comprehensible, predictable to her in a way other people weren't, in a way he wasn't to anyone else. She trusted him because she trusted herself.

So what Gortash had to do was force her to see differences between herself and Niro. He leaned into their differing statuses, involving Niro and leaving Orin behind whenever he got the opportunity. He concocted schemes to draw Niro away from the Temple as often as possible, and added forged letters into the mix of the barrage of correspondence Niro sent back to Orin each time he was away. The letters were easy to forge, too; he didn't even need to match handwriting, as Niro—who is blind and at this point could neither read nor write—dictated all his letters to a scribe. Those letters picked at things Gortash knew Niro loved about Orin, particularly her artistic flair (in my canon the letter you can find from the Dark Urge to Orin criticizing the spectacle of her killing style exists courtesy of Gortash). The letters didn't even need to match up with what Niro would undoubtedly say to Orin in other letters; all Gortash needed to do was introduce inconsistency, confusion, unpredictability.

Soon after Gortash began targeting Orin in this way, Niro noticed her seeking reassurance from him in odd ways, as if she'd suddenly become uncertain again about things like her artistry, her place in the Temple, her place in Bhaal's visions of a slaughtered world. But his responses never seemed to improve the situation; it was as if everything he added to the mix only perturbed her further. Then she pulled away from him, which he found deeply upsetting.

He did indeed consider the possibility that Gortash had engineered this situation, but because of his particularly low opinion of Gortash made Gortash a bit of a blind spot to him. As far as he was concerned, Gortash was useful because of his ability to cultivate alliances and develop technology of war, and just about all else the man did was, at best, pathetic. Niro did not think highly enough of Gortash to believe him capable of meddling in his relationship with Orin. Without a clear reason for their newfound strife, he spiraled, disappearing for long stretches of time to go on murderous rampages through the loosely-settled areas around Baldur's Gate in an attempt to exorcise his fear and grief. Of course, his absences only made the situation worse. There was a time that, when Orin didn't know where he was, she didn't believe him to be off plotting her downfall, but that time was long gone.

Ultimately, Orin betrayed Niro because Gortash, through a lens of falsehood and exaggeration, had forced her to confront something true: Niro was not her. He was someone else, he was someone else in a position of power, he was someone else in a position of power with the knowledge and physical prowess make him capable of doing her harm, and therefore he was a potential threat. And Orin had survived to adulthood specifically because she eliminated potential threats before they could eliminate her.

[rin-and-jade]

This question touches upon the notion of “traumagenic” and “endogenic”; as well as The Theory of Structural Dissociation. The Theory of Structural Dissociation seemingly supports endogenics as it states that there are “natural born” systems. They would be “endogenic” because they're not born from trauma, (as those who are “traumagenic” are).

I recently had a discussion with someone in a yt comment section about those two terms and they pointed me to you, so I just want to see what you think.

I believe in endogenic systems; because why would a book (the DSM) made by those who don't even experience plurality determine whether something exists or not? And as systems, those who are heavily categorized and misunderstood or looked down upon because they don't fit the singlet category, I feel as though we should embrace different forms of neurodiversity.

My questions are: what is the real line between "traumagenic" and "endogenic"? Are systems who were born as a system and weren't exasperated by trauma (like an endo) any less valid or real than those who were exasperated by trauma (traumagenic)? Or because of that theory, if that's how all systems work, aren't all systems "endogenic"?

Before reading: Long post. This purpose is to discuss and look at things in another pov, not intended to debate current beliefs/opinions. TLDR Provided. Last notes at bottom.

To clarify first, im in a neutral stance between the endo and traumagenic community as i focus more on the better of living for any kinds of plural people. Your question did seemed interesting and i had ever discussed this by myself on free time, so i do got some answers for you!

The line between these two are its origin and functionality, to put it in my opinion. The unique thing about plurality is that, i can totally see it being possible that it can exist outside of trauma.

Well, let me explain it to you like this:

An intact personality is where multiple facets are cohesive, and these facets that gives you that said personality is your identity. It's how you see yourself, and act like who you know. Basically, it's how you can act differently in different situations be it at school, at home, at somewhere else etc.

The thing about where personality is located in our brain has been a complex topic for scientists, if i remember correctly, there wasn't a specific spot for it as our brain has multiple areas with different functionality, and these regions cooperating creates a tangible output like how you react, or your typical behaviors.

I kept finding singlets discussing things that looks like really mild system things, and especially from this one youtube video (im so sorry i couldn't provide the link, it has been months ago i had watched but it discussing this too by a doctor or something. lmk if i have to find it again) quotes that the brain fools us into thinking theres only one 'kind' of us, not by it's exact words but close. These people can have different levels in terms of sense of personality unity btw, so not all singlets are the same either.

Now the origin and functionality for a traumagenic is different, because these states are being separated, and compartmentalized due to trauma. The presence of amnesia blocks the other side's of selves sometimes to severe degrees, now acting independently. There is also proof that the grey matter and the communication between regions are different, compared to a healthy brain (i can find the links for this too if needed). Well, you could read more about DID if needed.

So no, neither are less valid, but that doesn't mean both works the same or have the same processes either. Which means, not all systems are endogenic by origins.

Lastly, this is from what i had learnt and connect the dots over many sources i had read to ensure a wide perspective, nuanced understandings in topics. I am fully aware if some of you seem to disagree or see my views as wrong,, we have our own pov's ofcourse. i don't want to fight about validating my pov alright? Im also open to feedback/extra questions, im as well aware of the existence of fake/bad endos and do not support them.

TLDR: There are real life experiences and proof that supports the idea of being plural in mild/different ways, or ways that are different to traumagenics due to the complexity of the brain. Neither are the same in terms of how it functions and where it came from. Neither are also less valid.

- j

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S2E1 (part 3)

Goodbye Earl

Ted's wiping of the nail polish and his butt still hurts. So I thought about this, and they would have had to get the shot of Dani kicking the ball at Ted a few times. Obviously it would be a prop ball so it didn't hurt as much, but still after a few takes of trying to get it right, it you would start to ache. And who's to say it hit his butt every take. He might missed a few times.

Nate's harshness is really coming through now.

Ted said Beard's name and we all kissed it because we thought it was another reference. And yes it is definitely believable that Beard is only referred to as Beard. It's not just a TV show thing where people are just called by their last names. I've had friends who I have done that to. Two of them had the same first name, so calling them by their last names just made things less confusing.

So, Dani has the yips. Ted and Beard's reactions to it being said out loud are hilarious, as is the fact that the players and Will in the locker room all react to the door being slammed.

I don't know Ted's sports references. I'm as lost as Nate and Higgins.

Well, Ted you are living in a foreign country. One that would describe American Football as rugby but with a shit load of padding.

Ted is apprehensive about therapy because of his own time in therapy (You suck, Dr Jacob) . He agrees to it while shaking his head.

Roy is suffering. I would be too if I had to listen to that story. We like Martin Short in this house. He's definitely going to need more drinks to survive.

Roy sees through John's bullshit. And just how boring he really is.

Does anyone else get the slight impression that John looked down on Roy for saying that he coaches kids football? Even though Roy enjoys it, and is a good coach, and has experience from being a 9 year old who got scouted by Sunderland. The man is happy enough and trying to figure out what he's doing next with his life, don't judge.

Keeley was being sneaky and underhanded by bringing up the pundit stuff. Though, it does help him realise where he belongs, so it does eventually become a good thing that he did it.

I still want to see Roy's retirement speech.

To Earl. He was a good boy. I'm going to keep saying it every time it gets brought up.

Michelle had been seeing Dr Jacob as her personal therapist for a while before couples counselling. So Dr Jacob would already know a bunch of stuff about Ted, from Michelle's perspective, which made him form his own opinion about Ted before their first session. They should have seen a separate therapist for couples counselling. Dr Jacob should have stayed as Michelle's personal therapist and referred them to someone else who could have helped them. If not, then he should have done private sessions with Ted to understand his side of things before bringing them both in. Ted was being set up for failure because before he even spoke in their first session he was seen as the problem. Because instead of helping them both with their issues, they just told Ted that he was doing everything wrong and making Michelle miserable. Which is shitty therapy. And made worse by the fact that later on Dr Jacob and Michelle are dating. He might not be her therapist anymore, but he still had intimate knowledge of her relationship and personal life. The problem is, did these feelings occur during the time when he was treating Michelle or when he stopped being her therapist and they hadn't seen each other for a while? Because if it's during his time as her therapist then it adds another layer of why he's such an ass, because he could have been trying to get rid of Ted. Any way you shape this, Dr Jacob does not come out of it like a Prince.

I don't know why, but every time Beard talks about never dating another dancer, the lyrics to George Michael's Careless Whisper come into my head.

'All people are different people.' That is a good line. I might have to steal that for myself at some point. Just because he had one bad experience with one therapist, doesn't mean the next is going to be the same. And Dr Sharon is so much better than Dr Jacob. She actually helps Ted, which Dr Jacob never did!

I need the full story of Beard's life. All of it.

I fucking love Roy's little rant to Rebecca. Yeah, John is fine, and that's nice. But where's the actual spark of attraction? She's playing safe because she got so hurt by Rupert, I get that. But she deserves so much more than just safe and fine. Don't settle for less because you want to play it safe to avoid being hurt again. Find someone who makes you feel safe because they love you and makes you feel like you've been struck by lightning and wants to be with you.

The greatest thing about Roy Kent, he won't bullshit you.

[leeisallyouneed]

Recent musing

Friendships come in different forms, yet we often overlook that a friend represents a relationship. Just as life ebbs and flows in a romantic relationship, a similar dynamic occurs in friendship.

I have two wonderful close friends. One, whom we'll call A, has been my day one; we have been closely connected for almost 20 years. She feels like a part of me in another body, but with her own unique twist. My second friend, whom we'll call Y, is someone whose energy matches mine perfectly. I made friends with Y in my twenties, and I look forward to a lifelong relationship with her.

A and I rarely fight; we see eye to eye on about 95% of things and truly understand each other. However, with Y, we do have disagreements from time to time, but the love between us remains strong.

I've noticed that when you share a conflict you're having with someone, people's responses often depend on your relationship with that person. For example, if it's a romantic partner, they might try to help you see things from a different perspective, unless the disagreement is particularly severe or the partner is abusive. In those cases, people generally won't advise you to end the relationship. However, when it comes to friendships, it seems that we tend to have less compassion.

We often believe that all friendships should resemble the ideal of "i and A," where everything is perfect. However, in reality, friendships are more like "i and T." It's normal to have disagreements; what's important is how we handle them. It's okay to fight, make amends, learn from the experience, and grow together. There's no need to cut ties with a friend over a misunderstanding. While I recognize that this might be an unpopular opinion, I believe it's a necessary reality. Personally, I tend to reflect seriously before ending any relationship, but I notice that many people react impulsively during conflicts in friendships.

My ramble tonight is simply that your friends deserve a second chance, or even a third and fourth, too, as long as they are not malicious and do not intentionally harm you.

Fe

[iabookreviews]

Sadie

Sadie by Courtney Summers is a Edgar Award winning YA thriller and mystery novel that follows two point of views at the same time, both revealing the same story. It flows in the form of a podcaster and his transcripts, as well as the journey of Sadie herself.

Cover

Genre + Format

The genre of the story is YA mystery and thriller, and I listened to this as an audiobook.

I figured that with the podcast segments, it would be an interesting book to hear as an audiobook and I gave it a shot. As much as I did enjoy the podcast bits being read aloud and the way they incorporated the setting sounds into the reading, I did not find myself enjoying the audiobook experience as a whole. I prefer to have the book in my hands because I read at a quick speed, and without a way to speed up the book, I sat there for about 8 or 9 hours listening to a story I could've read in one or two. Ultimately, this is just a personal preference and I did see the appeal of this as an audiobook, but it just wasn't my cup of tea once I gave it a whirl.

Target Age Group

The target age group is listed as 13-17 and the grade level is placed at 7th-9th.

Summary

Sadie is a 19-year old girl with a murdered little sister, on the run and hunt for the man who killed her so ruthlessly with only a picture and some memories guiding her path. West McCray gets a call from her surrogate grandmother pleading for him to find her, and it leads him on a wild chase he never thought he'd ever go on. But the clock is slowly ticking and running out, for West to find Sadie, and for Sadie to find and avenge her little sister Mattie.

Justification

I needed to find a mystery/thriller book to review, and I turned to look at the Edgar award list to see what was awaiting me there. The simple title caught my eye, and then the cover and premise of the story. The lure of the podcast segments and the availability of it as an audiobook had me ready to give this book a shot and see what it held for me.

Evaluation

The three criteria used for evaluation are Style and Language, Plot, and Character.

The style and language of the book is incredibly descriptive and does a wonderful job with painting pictures of the scenes, settings, and characters, and hones in on details and voices. The language seems to match up with the suggested age and grade level for the novel, but it was a bit harder to determine it when listening to the book instead of reading it for myself. However, it sounds like everything was nicely paced and spaced out on the page and I could practically hear the sentence breaks in the audio. Despite the fact it was an audiobook, I think I could still find a solid grasp on the way the style and language was executed, and it was done well.

The plot started out incredibly strong and provided the main missions for each set of alternating views, and ultimately gave us the question “Where’s Sadie?” as that’s the first and main point of the novel in my opinion. The plot follows West trying to find where Sadie went, and Sadie’s own journey, giving us the clues before West does. I was disappointed with how the novel ended because it felt like that question was left unanswered, and it left me with more questions upon finishing the book. The lack of a solid conclusion ultimately harmed the plot for me because it felt like we reached the climax, and then the story ended with no real resolution, except for the definitive answer of who killed Mattie.

To me, the characters were the best part of the novel because of how much detail was placed into making them feel so real. Details of appearances and voices were not overlooked, and they were made to feel realistic, acting in a way someone today would if confronted with the different things each character, major or minor, were faced with. One of my favorite details is Cat, the hitchhiker, who realistically discusses how someone would feel or react when finding a bloody shirt stashed away in a stranger's car which would be falling on edge and wanting to leave the car as soon as possible. There’s a level of grittiness to them that helps keep the serious tone of the novel in place that doesn’t try to lighten the mood, because this isn’t meant to be a happy story.

Reference

Summers, C. (2018). Sadie. Wednesday Books.

[culttvblog]

Doomwatch: Public Enemy

High time I blogged about Doomwatch again, since I haven't posted about it for about five years, to my surprise. Briefly to recap the history: Doomwatch (1970 to 1972) was a science fiction show about the titular agency, which investigated various scientific and environmental dangers. The show gained a reputation at the time for being able to predict the future because of its depiction of things which then happened. I hope it played a role in educating the public to the reality that you can predict what will happen and this is only what bookies do on a daily basis.

The premise is that a company called Carlingham Alloys are not managing their chemicals and emissions properly, and this has resulted in a hugely raised death rate from pulmonary disease in the area and a child's death resulting from climbing on the roof of the factory to rescue a ball. The episode represents Doomwatch's investigation into this situation, demanded by the local councillor.

The episode is essentially about a moral quandary, to my mind, although there is a scientific aura given to this debate by the fact that Carlingham are working on a new substance which will revolutionise everything, pretty much. We are therefore already in the familiar 1960s TV territory of the wonders of technology and what happens when these new developments go wrong.

Doomwatch tell Carlingham that they need to get on top of what we would now call Control of Substances Hazardous to Health, and need to take action which will cost more than they are prepared to pay. Carlingham react by announcing that they are therefore going to pull out of Carlingham completely and concentrate all their work in Leicester, which would mean closing essentially the only employer in the town, and this is what causes the moral quandary.

The alderman who demanded Doomwatch's intervention was elected (obviously by the townspeople) on a platform of tidying up the town, and in fact we see residents commenting that it's like the entire environment is poisoned and there is obviously some public opinion that something has to be done.

On the other hand, when Carlingham announce that they are leaving, the employees of the factory of course don't want to lose their jobs or relocate elsewhere and suddenly there is a groundswell of opinion that they would rather chance it and risk that they won't be the ones who get the pulmonary disease. This gives rise to one of those scenes which feel like they occur so frequently in Doomwatch, where the public are up in arms about safety precautions intended for their own safety.

Despite Doomwatch's magical repute for predicting things that were going to happen in the future, I think the series was as good at paying attention to what was going on in the world and presenting issues like this one in a dramatic form that the public would take to. In fact I think this is a very good example of the show presenting these issues. The matter of health and safety must have been in discussion in the UK at this time in preparation for the passing of the Health and Safety at Work Act in 1974, which unified and simplified a lot of previous regulations for individual industries. This episode must essentially be based on the discussions going on in Westminster and trade journals in the years before that act.

If I have perhaps made it sound a bit didactic, I should stress that the episode doesn't at all feel like a textbook of ethics or health and safety, while still being guaranteed to get you arguing about it if you were the sort of family that discuss the telly as you go along. My personal opinion is that you take a risk by living in an area with really only one employer because if they move or go bust this is exactly the sort of situation that happens, and also that the parent company which decides to close the factory are clearly terrible employers, whose only interest is their own profit and not the health of their employees.

I just have a couple of criticisms: one is that Dr Lewis in the factory is played by Trevor Bannister, an actor who I'm afraid I can never take seriously in a straight role. He is however perfect as the voice of the anti-health and safety brigade. My other criticism is that the show depicts no trade union activity at all in a factory which is such a death trap that it is a caricature, and I wonder whether this is credible for the time.

This episode is a solid example of Doomwatch taking an issue of the day, expounding the issues involved, and plugging in to how things would develop in the near future.

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