#personality crisis: one night only

[krispyweiss]

David Johansen Doc Headed to Showtime

- “Personality Crisis: One Night Only” premieres April 14

“Who am I?,” David Johansen asks from the stage of New York’s Café Carlyle.

The question - posed in the trailer for “Personality Crisis: One Night Only” - is appropriate, given Johansen is in his Buster Poindexter persona while performing Johansen songs.

“I was a one-hit wonder - twice,” he says in one of the archival interviews featured in the film, which premieres April 14 on Showtime.

Co-directed by Martin Scorsese and David Tedeschi, the doc follows Johansen from the New York Dolls through Poindexter and onto the stage in New York in 2020 to illuminate “a lost New York and a performer who remains as fresh and exciting as ever,” per promotional materials.

3/21/23

[greensparty]

BEST DOCUMENTARIES OF 2023

Documentary as a genre can encompass any medium: feature film, TV mini-series, or even podcasts. Here are my picks for the best Docs of the Year:

Honorable Mentions:          

Geddy Lee Asks: Are Bassists Human Too?  Sam Dunn

A Compassionate Spy  Steve James

10. Albert Brooks: Defending My Life Rob Reiner

9. Personality Crisis: One Night Only  Martin Scorsese / David Tedeschi

8. Little Richard: I Am Everything  Lisa Cortes

7. Lynch/Oz  Alexandre O. Philippe

6. The Lost Weekend: A Love Story Eve Brandstein / Richard Kaufman / Stuart Samuels

5. A Disturbance in the Force Jeremy Coon / Steve Kozak

Who would have thought a deep dive into The Star Wars Holiday Special could be so fascinating?

4. Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie Davis Guggenheim

Guggenheim has made a pop culture-soaked doc that is also delving deep into a man facing the realities of a debilitating disease. About time Michael J. Fox got the doc treatment!

3. Bono & The Edge: A Sort of Homecoming with Dave Letterman Morgan Neville

David Letterman visits Dublin and learns about Ireland from the locals while also talking with Bono and The Edge about U2’s history and it’s every bit as engaging as it sounds!

2. Chasing Chasing Amy  Sav Rodgers

This is really two docs: one about Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy from the perspective of 2023 and one about director Sav Rodgers’ own trajectory and the influence the film had on them!

1. 20 Days in Mariupol  Mstyslav Chernov

Filmed from the front lines in the besieged city of Mariupol after Russia invaded Ukraine in 2022, this doc is at times hard to watch, but it’s one of the most powerful docs ever made about the brutal impact of war.

[thedragonemperess]

In my very humble opinion, Ness went to school for music production and theater but when that unfortunately didn't go anywhere, he got the job at Sparky's. He has a music-focused podcast on the side, though. It's called Music Theory.

[lobotomy-lady]

watching heathers on my job as a suicide hotline operator & did not realize the irony until halfway through

[thousand-winters]

Okay, yeah, I'm not 100% settled on that because it just feels wrong, but I think I might quit Dadrius week for real and just. Not write the rest of the prompts.

I was thinking about how I was regretting not having written an angsty prompt for day 2 because I know people like angsty prompts more but the friends I consulted like the fluffy one more and I did want to write fluff so I was happy with that, but then the whole time I've been worried about not having enough angst in my prompts for people to want to really read my stuff and... idk, man. That's just off. I used to write things because I thought they were fun, not because I was agonizing over if people would read them or not, you know? Literally my first Dadrius fic was just me going "oh, my god, I want to write this so bad" and coincidentially it did get a lot of attention but at the time I was just SO excited about the idea and the composition the fic would have and that was literally it. I wasn't thinking about anything else, I was just having fun.

And I guess it's because in the past, when I wrote fics for this fandom, people did interact with me and I liked that, it was fun to talk to people about these things and whatever. And I don't get that anymore, which is fine, of course, I'm not entitled to anybody's time, but it's just not fun anymore. It feels like I'm just throwing empty words out there and it's so... boring. Like I don't know, maybe my writing just sucks, maybe it doesn't. My friends are very sweet and do seem to like it but you know, they do like me, so things I do they might see with sweeter eyes.

Idk, man. I just feel like I've been doing so many things for so long that haven't been for myself but for what it feels like it's expected of me and that's all. And it sucks even more because literally nobody expects this of me, I'm not fulfilling anybody's expectations, I'm just stressing myself out for nothing.

So idk. It might be good to just NOT.

[makarovspussy-moving]

man it's crazy how childhood trauma fucks you up

[nexus-nebulae]

it's kinda funny how similar to my grandpa i am considering my birthday was three days after his

[airenyah]

should i just. study theater- film- und medienwissenschaft

[sga-owns-my-soul]

i saw family (one of my cousins, but not the one i'm fighting with) for the first time in a month and it actually went well

i am pleasantly surprised

[greensparty]

Stuff I’m Looking Forward to in April

It’s Springtime and we’re now in the 2nd Quarter of 2023! In addition to April Fools Day (April 1), Palm Sunday (April 2), Passover (from April 5 to 13), Good Friday (April 7), Easter (April 9), Orthodox Easter (April 16), Patriots Day (in MA on April 17), Tax Day (April 18), Eid al-Fitr (expected to begin on April 21), Earth Day (April 22), Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day (April 24), and Administrative Professionals’ Day (April 26) here is what’s on my radar this month:

Movies:

Air

Ben Affleck directs himself and Matt Damon in this true story of Nike making the Air Jordan. The last time he directed a true story was possibly his best directing Argo, so hopes are high for this one opening 4/5.

Showing Up

I kind of like the simplicity of Kelly Reichardt’s films notably Wendy and Lucy, which she did with frequent star Michelle Williams. Here Williams plays an artist in this dramedy opening 4/7.

The Lost Weekend: A Love Story

May Pang had an 18-month romance with John Lennon during his “Lost Weekend” era and she has told her story in books and been interviewed in other documentaries, but now she is getting the doc treatment she deserves. Opening 4/14.

Personality Crisis: One Night Only

Martin Scorsese and his frequent documentary editor David Tedeschi direct this doc about David Johansen, the former New York Dolls singer later known as Buster Poindexter. The fact that Scorsese is taking on this music legend is literally an NYC icon documenting an NYC icon!  Premieres 4/14 on Showtime.

Beau Is Afraid 

I had mixed feelings about Ari Aster’s first two films Hereditary and Midsommar. On the one hand they kinda lost steam at times and were a little bloated, on the other hand the parts that worked really worked and there’s not denying his ambition. His new one with Joaquin Phoenix is actually a dark comedy I have high hopes for. Opening 4/21.

Evil Dead Rise 

Alright, I don’t know if I’m actually looking forward to this, so much as cautiously optimistic about this Evil Dead sequel. I’m not expecting this to be as good as Sam Raimi’s first three, but hoping it cracks my Top Evil Dead Movies next time I revise the list. Opening 4/21.

Music:

Metallica 72 Seasons

Metallica’s 11th album is also their first since 2016′s Hardwired...to Self-Destruct, which was a serious comeback (I even included it in my Best Albums of the 2010s list). New album drops 4/14.

Smashing Pumpkins Atum

Smashing Pumpkins dropped Act 1 of Atum in November and Act 2 in January. Now Act 3 and the physical release of the entire rock opera are dropping 4/21.

Film Festivals:

Salem Horror Fest 

I have been lucky enough to cover this genre film festival in Salem, MA since 2018. Last year they decided to move the festival from October (when there is a lot going on in Salem) to April. Fest runs from 4/20 to 4/30.

Independent Film Festival Boston 

My favorite film festival (I am an alum) is IFFBoston! Last year they returned in-person after they took 2020 off and 2021 virtual. It felt so good to return to the fest in person! This year marks IFFBoston’s 20th anniversary. Fest runs from 4/26 to 5/3.

Events:

Record Store Day 

Possibly my favorite fake holiday is the day we celebrate independent record stores. This year there’s some exciting RSD releases from Pearl Jam, Ringo Starr, The Stooges and Wilco. Looking forward to 4/22!

[gregmarriage]

i think one of my main goals for the rest of this year, and probably for the new year as well, is to actually write in my proper journal, instead of making posts on tumblr, bc the latter doesn’t feel healthy or productive

[insomnerium]

super awesome that once i realized i really didn't need 🍀 everything just got. so much easier

[guubiiz]

trein...

[eddiesxangel]

1-800-HOT-TO-GO | E.M

Anonymous asked: Can i request a fic where either the reader reveals during a pizza and beers hangout she was a phone sex operator for a brief time and everyone is shocked and one of them jokingly asks if she was any good and she whispers something dirty in their ear and it changes their friendship

Cw: fem!reader, allusions to male masturbation, dirty talk 1.7k words

“Come again?”

“I used to work a sex hotline,” you shrug like it was no big deal.

“No way,” Eddie shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”

You hear Steve and the others giggle around you, also in disbelief.

“Wanna bet?”

“Try me.” He wants to call your bluff because no way in hell did he not know this about you. You always were reserved when it came to talking about sex; you never had you seemed promiscuous.

You hold up your hand to your ear, pretending it is a phone, and Eddie follows your lead.

“Ring ring,” he giggles.

“Hello.” You changed the pitch of your voice to be more sultry.

“Hi,” he smirks.

“Can I get a name, handsome?”

“ Eddie”

“Mmmm, hi, Eddie. I’m Candy.”

“Candy?”

He breaks character, but you don’t.

“the boys say it’s because I’m so sweet.” You fake giggle.

“This is my first time calling. I’m not sure what to do here.”

“That’s okay, I’ll walk you through it… you want to get comfortable for me?”

Eddie looks around the room at the others, who are trying to stifle their giggles. This night was supposed to be chill, with pizza and beers. He wasn’t really sure how you all ended up here.

“I’m comfortable.” He says without actually moving.”

“I wish I could see; you sound so sexy.” You sigh.

Another giggle leaves Eddie’s lips because who is this person who’s taken over your body?

“Yeah? you wish you could see be, Dollface?” Playing into it more.

You lean in to whisper so only he can hear it this time. “oh yeah, big boy; I bet your cock is already nice and hard for me. Such a good boy, I want you to fill me.” You sit back, take a loose tendril, twirl his hair around your finger, and watch Eddie’s eyes widen at what you just said.

“Oh-okay, that’s enough.” He chuckles, trying not to give away how turned on he just got. “I believe you!”

You sit back with a giggle and grab another slice of pizza like nothing just happened.

Everyone looked at you with shock.

Eddie quickly gets up and excuses himself to go to the bathroom.

“What did you say?!” Robin begs.

You shrug in response like it was another day at work… which it has been.

“Damn, is it hot in here?” Steve pops the collar of his shirt.

“You guys need to loosen up, my god.”

While you were still enjoying your pizza, Eddie was having a crisis. Never had he thought of you in that way until moments ago, listening to those filthy words slip from your lips.

“I bet your cock is already nice and hard for me. Such a good boy, I want you to fill me,” your words replayed in his mind while he tried to fight the blood rushing to his stiffening cock.

He can’t go back out there like this. Eddie splashed cold water on his face to try to snap him out of it, but it didn’t help.

A quick rap on the door startles Eddie out of his inner monologue.

“You okay, big boy? You’ve been in there fifteen minutes.” He hears you laugh from the other side.

Had it really been that long?

Eddie’s issue had not been resolved; in fact, it had worsened as he tried to push down the thought of you naked and spread out for him… talking to him like that.

“Yeah-I-uh- just a minute.” Eddie wanted to pull his hair out at how frustrated you had made him.

You were just pals, bubbies, amigos.

You weren’t attractive… were you?

Eddie never thought to look at you in that way; you’re just a friend, always had been, always will be… unless?

The more Eddie thought about it, the more he realized he did think your hair looked really pretty tonight. The way you always did your makeup really brought out your beautiful features…and when he got a whiff of your delicious perfume when you twirled his hair, he thought his.

“You sure?” You try to jiggle the door handle, but it’s locked.

“Shit,” Eddie curses under with breath.

“Come on, Ed, talk to me, please?”

You hear the lock unlatch and watch the doorknob slowly turn as Eddie pokes his head out.

“Hi,” he’s short and sounds a bit out of breath.

“I hope what I said didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

Ed saw the worried look in your eyes.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but…no.”

“Yes, but no?”

Eddie let out a deep sigh. He didn’t see a way out of this. He stepped aside to let you in and shut the door behind you.

“Eddie?” You look up at him.

“Hm?”

His eyes snap to your concerned face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was a big deal! It did it all the time for work; I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. clearly, I overstepped a boundary-“

“You’re not the only one.”

“What do you mean?”

Eddie moves his strategically placed hands to reveal the tent formed in his jeans and watches as your face falls into amused shock.

You cup your mouth to stifle an unexpected giggle.

“That’s not the reaction a guy wants when he shows a girl how turned on he is.”

“I’m sorry, I just!-didn’t think?”

“It’s okay. I’m just trying to get rid of it, but it’s not going away.”

“You mean?”

“I’m waiting it out.”

“Oh, ok.” You nod awkwardly.

An awkward silence washes over the both of you as you try so hard not to stare at his crotch.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask for your help if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Ok…”

Another very uncomfortable silence settled between the two of you as you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, trying to do everything in your power so as not to look down.

“I um… I guess I’ll just.” You point to the door that he’s blocking.

“Uh. Ok,” he nods and steps to the side.

You close the door behind you but don’t leave. You lean against the door and take a deep breath, trying to make sense of the evening.

Why did the thought of turning Eddie on excite you? He’s a friend. Just a friend. I always had and always will be.

With a deep breath, you go to push yourself up off the door, but before you’re able to, you hear your name being moaned from the other side of the door.

You froze. You knew you should move, but your feet were locked in place. More heavy breaths and the sound of muffled moans seeped from under the door gap, and you pressed your ear to the door.

Eddie was jerking off because of you… and you liked it?

Eddie bit back screaming your name as he finally released himself into the bathroom tissue. Finally, he could return to rejoin everyone without being physically uncomfortable.

He discarded his release, tucked himself back in, washed his hands, and unlocked the door, but he was ambushed when you fell onto him when he went to open the door.

You let out a squeak as you lost your balance, falling into Eddie as the door was opened from under you.

“Woah,” Eddie catches you before you’re able to fall. His rage hands wrap around your biceps, gripping tightly to brace your fall.

“Were you spying on me?”

“Oh god, sorry” you’re so embarrassed. The whole evening has been one shit show. You scramble to find your fitting to create space between you and Eddie.

“You were spying on me!”

“Shhhhh! Keep your voice down.”

“You totally were spying on me!” He accused.

“You’re the one who moaned my name!” You defend.

Eddie’s cheeks reddened.

“You’re the one who said all those… things!” his hands flailed.

“You’re the one who egged it on!”

“So!”

“So?”

“Yeah, so!”

“Woah, guys, what’s going on here?” Steve pops his head around the corner.

“Nothing,” you both glare.

“Ohhhhhkayyyyyyyy,” Steve turns a heel and walks back to the kitchen to grab a drink.

“Eddie,” you sigh, “I don’t want to argue. This is dumb, and we can pretend it never happened.”

“We could, but I gotta know.”

“What’s that?”

“Did you like it?” He took a step closer, filling the gap between you.

“What?” You look up at him.

“I asked if you like listening to me?” he brushed your hair behind your shoulder.

You gulp, not expecting Eddie’s demeanour to switch on a dime.

“I… I don’t know?”

“I think you did, and you’re too scared to admit it.” You can smell him. He is so close to you.

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You watch as he leans in closer.

“Just trust me.” His hands find the back of your neck, pulling you close.

“Eddie?”

“Let me try something.”

“Kay,” you whisper.

Eddie’s lips graze yours ever so lightly before he presses them fully.

A million and one thoughts run through your mind as Eddie kisses you.

You blame the cheap beer for letting this happen. You blame the beer for liking it. You blame the beer for kissing him back. You blame the beer for the tongue slip and the beer for how you wanted to moan when he pulled away.

“Woah”

“Yea woah,” you repeated dumbly.

“um… did you like it?”

“Yeah… did you?”

“Yeah.”

“cool… now what?”

“go out with me,” Eddie states confidently.

“Like a date?”

“what else would it be?” He chuckles.

“I don’t know?” You shrug, embarrassed that Eddie is getting you all flustered.

“You’re cute when you don’t know what to say.” He smirks.

“I’m cute?” You never thought hearing Eddie say those words would send butterflies fluttering through your tummy.

Eddie doesn’t answer verbally; he leans in to kiss you again to confirm his statement.

“We should get back to the others.” You sigh as you pull away.

“You didn’t answer me.”

“You didn’t ask me anything.”

“Yes, I did. I asked you out.”

“No, you said go out with me. That’s a statement, not a question.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No,” Yes, you were totally messing with him.

“Will you go out on a date with me?”

“Just say yes! You’ve been gone for half an hour!” You hear Robin yell from the living room.

“Robin!” You hear Steve scold.

“What?”

You can’t help but laugh and can’t believe the next world’s coming out of your mouth.

“Okay, I’ll go out with you, Eddie.”

[rafecameronssl4t]

Frat president || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Unlike Rafe, you managed to balance your responsibilities as Sorority President with your personal life and relationships, something he just couldn’t seem to get right.

Warnings: angst!!!

Word count: 1,973

A/n: first time writing frat boy!rafe lmk if you wanna see more

MASTERLIST (frat boy!rafe x reader au masterlist)

divider by @h-aewo

The room was dimly lit, the golden glow from the bedside lamp casting soft shadows across the bed. You and Rafe lay tangled together under the sheets, the air thick with the heat of the moment. His hand slid across your bare skin, leaving a trail of warmth wherever he touched. His lips found yours again, hungry and urgent, as though he had been waiting for this all day—between the calls, the meetings, the endless chaos that came with being the frat president.

"Missed you," he muttered against your mouth, his breath hot and heavy, his body pressing into yours. You smiled into the kiss, knowing he meant it. Rafe was always busy, always handling something, but when he was with you, it was like the world faded away. His hands cupped your face, his thumb brushing your cheek tenderly, a stark contrast to the heat of the moment.

You arched your body against his, feeling that familiar warmth between you, the kind of intimacy that only you two shared. But just as things were getting more intense, the worst sound shattered the mood—the loud buzzing of his phone vibrating against the nightstand. Rafe paused, pulling away just enough to glance at the screen. His eyes flickered with annoyance but also duty, and you knew what was coming.

"Don't," you whispered, your voice soft but pleading, fingers on his jaw to keep him focused on you. "Just a second," Rafe muttered, "it’s the guys." You groaned and sat up, wrapping the sheet around your body. "Of course it is." Rafe pressed the phone to his ear, ignoring your frustration as he answered, his tone switching from soft and intimate to authoritative. "Yeah, what's up?" His voice was commanding, the kind of tone that always came out when he dealt with frat business.

You leaned back against the pillows, pulling the sheets over your chest, watching as he got up from the bed, pacing the room like he was in some kind of frat office rather than your bedroom. You watched Rafe’s broad back as he paced across the floor, the low murmur of his voice carrying on a conversation that had nothing to do with you. Every word, every command he gave over the phone to one of his frat brothers only added to the frustration bubbling inside you.

His hand ran through his messy hair as he listened to whoever was on the other end, barking orders and sounding like a leader—like the Rafe everyone else knew. But that wasn’t the Rafe you wanted right now. "Seriously?" Rafe’s voice cut through the air, frustration dripping from his words as he dealt with yet another frat-related crisis. "No, tell him if he doesn't fix it, I'm pulling him from the party this weekend."

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you tugged the blanket tighter around you. This wasn’t how the night was supposed to go. You knew he had responsibilities, but this was supposed to be your time. His phone calls could’ve waited, just this once. But no, everything else always seemed to come first—the frat boys, the parties, the constant drama. It was like you were sharing him with the entire fraternity.

"I said, handle it. No—no, Jacob. I was clear about what you needed to do. Get it fixed, or both of you are looking at probation." Rafe’s voice was cold, sharp as a blade. He paused for a second, then scoffed bitterly. "I don’t care if he was drunk. I don’t give a damn about excuses—just get it done." Rafe snapped into the phone, his voice hard and distant, like he wasn’t the same guy who had just whispered how much he missed you.

You had felt so close to him just minutes ago, tangled in the sheets, his hands on your skin, making you forget everything. You thought tonight would be different, that for once, you could have him all to yourself. The warmth of his touch and the closeness you’d shared felt like a cruel joke now, as you sat alone on the bed, waiting while he dealt with something that wasn’t you.

You stated at the ceiling as his voice grated on your nerves. The anger was bubbling up faster now, impossible to ignore. The thought of being second to his frat boys made your heart ache, but it was more than that. It was the growing realisation that maybe, you’d always be second. Always waiting for him to put you first.

After a few more minutes of listening to Rafe handle the situation, you had enough. "Rafe," you said, your voice sharp as you interrupted him mid-sentence. He glanced over at you, his expression apologetic but still distracted. "Hang on, babe." That set you off. "No, you hang on. You’ve been on that phone for ten minutes. This was supposed to be our time. Remember?" Rafe sighed, covering the phone's speaker with his hand as he turned toward you. "I know, I’m sorry. This is important."

"And I’m not?" you shot back, feeling the sting of his divided attention. Rafe blinked, clearly caught off guard by your words. "That’s not what I’m saying." "Sure feels like it," you muttered, turning away from him as you pulled the blanket over your shoulders. You felt the weight of your words settle between you both, a heavy tension replacing the heat from earlier.

Rafe exhaled loudly, covering the phone with his hand. "Babe, I’m handling it. Just give me a second." "That’s the problem, Rafe," you snapped, the anger flaring as you sat up, the blanket falling away from you. "It’s always 'just a second' with you. Always something more important than me. I thought this time would be different."

Rafe ran a hand through his hair, clearly irritated now. "It’s not like I want to deal with this shit right now, alright? But I’m the president. If I don’t fix these fucking problems, who will?" You shook your head, hurt and anger swirling in your chest. “I get it, Rafe. I know how much responsibility comes with being a president. Believe me, I have my own duties as sorority president. But I’ve learned to separate those responsibilities from my personal life, from us. Something you clearly can’t seem to get a grip on.”

Rafe’s face flushed with frustration. “You think I don’t care about us? You think I’m choosing the frat over you?” Rafe turned fully toward you now, his phone still in his hand but on mute, his voice was a strained mix of anger and desperation. "Of course I care about you. But this is my responsibility. You knew what you were getting into when we got together." "Did I?" you shot back, your voice shaking. "Because I don’t remember signing up to be treated like an afterthought every time someone screws up at a party!"

He rolled his eyes, frustration mounting. "Okay, now you're just overreacting." "Overreacting?" you repeated, the word hanging between you like an accusation. "No, Rafe. I’m tired. Tired of always competing with your frat, tired of feeling like I’m just here when it’s convenient for you. What kind of shitty relationship is this?" He looked at you, and for a second, something flickered in his eyes. Guilt, maybe.

But just as quickly, it was gone, replaced with the same stone-cold exterior he always put up when things got too real. "What the fuck do you want me to do then?" he asked, his voice strained. "I can’t just drop everything for you every time you feel insecure about this." His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you felt the sting behind your eyes, but you refused to let him see you cry.

"Insecure?" you repeated, your voice barely above a whisper. "That’s what you think this is? That I’m just… insecure?" "That’s not what I meant," Rafe said quickly, but the damage was done. You stared at him, your heart aching in a way that felt all too familiar now. It was always the same with him. Every time you tried to open up, to let him know how much this was hurting you, he brushed it off, made it seem like you were the problem.

You stood from the bed, grabbing your clothes from the floor and quickly pulling them on. Rafe’s eyes widened in confusion as you started dressing. "What are you doing?" he asked, stepping closer. "I’m leaving," you replied coldly, buttoning up your shirt. "I'm not doing this tonight." Rafe stood by the bed, his expression torn between irritation and confusion as he watched you. “Are you seriously leaving because of one phone call?” he asked, his voice low and almost pleading.

“Of course not, Rafe,” you said, your voice trembling with everything you’d held back for so long. “I’m leaving because I can’t keep feeling like I don’t matter to you. Not anymore.” Rafe's jaw tightened as he crossed the room, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “You know how this is, you’re a sorority president. You of all people should know how much responsibility comes with it. You can’t just walk away every time something comes up."

You paused at the door, turning to face him, anger flashing in your eyes. “Yeah, I do know. I know exactly what it’s like to balance responsibilities, Rafe. But I also know how to separate my personal life from it, something you can't ever seem to learn." Rafe stared at you, his hands clenched at his sides as he tried to find the right words. “That’s not fair,” he muttered. “You’re acting like I’m choosing this over you.”

“Aren’t you?” you shot back, your voice cold. “Every time we’re together, it’s like you’re half here, half thinking about what the guys are doing, what crisis you have to fix next. I get it, you have responsibilities, but that shouldn’t mean I have to come second all the time." His mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. He looked at you, the guilt flickering in his eyes, but still, no words that would make a difference.

The air between you both felt thick, heavy with all the things left unsaid for far too long. "Do you even realise how many times I’ve put everything on hold for you?" Your voice cracked, the hurt finally breaking through. “How many times I’ve chosen us over my responsibilities, over everything else? I’ve never made you feel like you were second, Rafe. Not once.”

“I’m trying,” he said, his voice quieter now, like he was pleading with you to understand. “You know I am.” “Trying isn’t enough anymore.” Your heart ached as you said it, but you knew it was true. “I shouldn’t have to fight this hard just to feel like I matter to you.” Rafe’s face hardened, the guilt shifting into frustration. “So what, you just give up? Because I can’t drop everything for you in a second?”

Your laugh was bitter as you shook your head. “No, Rafe. I’m not asking you to drop everything. I’m asking you to care enough to make me feel like I’m part of your life, not just something you fit in when it’s convenient. But I guess that’s too much for you.” You turned toward the door again, your hand on the knob. This was it—the breaking point.

The moment where everything you’d been holding onto finally slipped through your fingers. “Wait.” His voice was softer now, almost desperate. You paused, just for a moment, waiting to see if he’d finally say what you needed to hear. But all you heard was the faint buzz of his phone vibrating again on in his hand. And just like that, the hope faded. Without another word, you walked out the door, not looking back.

[mrfoox]

Kinda love that almost all my friends have some sort of theme when I dream about them

Roo: weird/intense shit happens but he always gets me out of the situation and takes charge

Fabian: we literally just go camping. Or go on car rides. Things are calm, we are in nature, all is well

Oliver: he sleeps. I may put a blanket on him. Or I bring him something to eat

Magnus: he's just doing the usual, doing a lil dance, wearing odd hats, smiling a lot