#personal revelation

[silvertonguedcharlatan]

Unfortunately realizing as I get older that my type is dork ass loser men

[woodpengu]

Personal Story: feel free to skip. But I wonder if anyone can relate to having a parent that expressed their trauma as love projected onto their children in a way that disregarded what was most important to said child. Read on if you're curious. Might be triggering for those who've suffered passive (or active) neglect.

My mother romanticized the gift-giving aspect of Christmas to unhealthy degrees. Don't ask why - her trauma isn't my story to tell nor her mind mine to comprehend. She just wouldn't accept anyone being okay with not receiving anything. "No" was not in her vocabulary (we'll save the lesson in consent and boundaries for another day).

My last year speaking or interacting with her directly, she had grown to keeping her eyes peeled all year round for gifts to bestow at Christmas. My sister and I were the number one priority even though both of us had told her "One is enough if you must give us a thing at all". And there was something far more important to me that happened every year between one Christmas and the next: my birthday.

I value this day above other special occasions as a benchmark of survival. I lasted another year. I held fast for another circle of the Earth. I gave myself 365 days more of opportunities for good memories and reasons to keep going. Living another year is much more important. Things aren't necessary for the occasion, but I would like acknowledgment. I'd like to think a parent would find their child that they love being alive and well is more important to them than a holiday that's been turned into a capitalist-driven drain on sanity, safety, and good manners.

But this last time, she forgot my birthday. Until a couple days ahead of it, my mother had been collecting gifts for a holiday that wouldn't happen for another four months that I didn't want a pile of things I'd throw out, donate, or shelve (she tended to get me things she wanted for herself just in case I didn't care for them or couldn't use them... nothing was ever just for me). She told me herself that she forgot what the date was, and pulled something random out of the pile, avoiding the "big important gifts" she didn't want me to have until Christmas.

This is a woman who prides herself on her wrapping skills and being covert with surprises and gifts. She made no effort with it. "Here, have a pretty ramen bowl with this cool gimmick that traditional ramen bowls don't have." It was, in fact, a pretty bowl... that I did not in any way hint at wanting, needing, or yearning for in any capacity. I had two ramen bowls at the time that I loved and was very happy with and did not want another, nor did I have the space for one, which I informed her of when she asked. Unwrapped. No ceremony. Just handed over with an apology about forgetting and "I'll take you somewhere to make up for it". Which she did...

She took me to a place she wanted to go to... while the air was thick with smoke from the wildfires. If you have or know someone with PTSD or CPTSD, activates lizard brain (survival mode) at the drop of a hat, and the one thing we can lose resistance to is the smell of smoke (which for animals turns on the flight response and is how they know to get the heck out of dodge). Of course, I'd explained this to her. CPTSD was the reason for being in therapy, and why COVID hit me harder than most - I was isolated with my worst and most constant abusers who were keyed up and agitated more than usual by circumstances (another story). But... to her, I was throwing a tantrum and being ungrateful.

All she had to do was acknowledge the important part: I was alive and still trying to live. If all she gave me was a hug and a "thank you for being here", that would have been the most meaningful gift and the best birthday of my life. But... she made it about her, her efforts, her compromises, her gifting ability... My day was about her. That's like a relative going to a wedding and giving the bride hell for not putting [relative] on a pedestal. Integrity, please.

Point being... [takes a moment to heave a big ol sigh] (part two of my gifting rambles, here) If a person is important to you, then make the effort to acknowledge what's important to them. It's not about you "being a good friend/relative/companion" in the "I give gifts because I love you" sense. It's about showing real love through acknowledgment of their truths.

[ulkaralakbarova]

Film Review: "Daddio" - Journey of Intimate Conversations and Personal Revelation

Dakota Johnson as “Girlie” in DADDIO, Photo credit: Phedon Papamichael, Courtesy of Sony Pictures Classics ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Rating: 5 out of 5. It is indeed true that some of the most poignant conversations occur as a taxi passenger. The confined space and the temporary nature of the passenger-driver relationship create a unique environment that allows the passenger to share their thoughts and emotions…

[person-of-varying-obsessions]

A Revelation

After starting my playthrough of Danganronpa V3 with the Japanese voices instead of English Dub (just because I was curious), I heard this little gremlin's voice and thought: "No way..."

So I looked it up, and SURE ENOUGH!-

They're both voiced in Japanese by Hiro Shimono!

The worst part was that, during my time getting all of the Good Endings in Nightshade, I literally had the thought that Kuroyuki was like Kokichi in that he was essentially a purple gremlin (though not in the same way, obviously). And I had no idea how accurate that thought was going to be until today...

[bookish-bi-mormon]

I was liking this talk but now I feel like he's putting too many restrictions on personal revelation. Ask God whatever you want, His answer for you might be different than what people have told you.

[loveerran]

I find the phrase cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am) to be relevant to why I hold qualitative religious experience to be a valid method of personal discovery.

My experiences with deity are, qualitatively, so much more important, meaningful and greater than all other experiences in my life that they do not fit within the same frame of reference. The brightest, best and most spiritual moments of my life are shadows by comparison. I do not need to accept the witness of others because I am an independent witness.

Having found that thing which is qualitatively best in such a degree, it is reasonable for me to base my life and actions around it.

It makes sense for me to encourage others to find this treasure for themselves the same way I found it. Through qualitative, subjective, personal experience. My experiences came as I studied, pondered, prayed and sought the light in profoundly personal ways. And that means it is not intellectually dishonest for me to espouse the same course to others.

There are many competing religionists with different tenets seemingly in conflict with one another. In our LDS tradition, Joseph Smith found himself in need of answers. I believe he had an experience with God because I recognize the language he used and feel that relationship to my own experience. Joseph’s experience, my experience and the experiences of many others demonstrate that deeply flawed individuals may seek and gain this knowledge. Our witnesses show that your truly marvelous experience may come from bypassing the mortals, including ourselves, and going straight to God (or, if you prefer, the light - or another placeholder for that which is Good).

Therefore I encourage everyone to search, ponder and pray with real intent, rather than seeking only through logic and objective, quantitative analysis. Not that such things are evil in and of themselves, but rather that they miss the mark. If you want to get hit by a spiritual train, you need to be standing on the track the train is running on.

[thecagedsong]

Me, on my way to work: Dear Heavenly Father, I have a meeting today and I really don't want to be mean or rude, but the draft they showed me was absolutely terrible and my untrustworthy emotions want to scream in rage at the sight of it. Please help me figure out a good way to express my critiques without being mean.

Me, on my way to work still, five minutes later: huh, you know, I still don't get why they tried to make us read that stupid toad book for book club in sixth grade. I don't remember anything except it talking about how people in Austrailia would go out of their way to purposefully run over giant ugly invasive species toads on the road. I guess I couldn't get into it because at the time (and now) I can't understand such a needless cruel practice and I spend every morning praying that the dogs and cats of this place stay out of the road.

Me, one more minute later, still on my way to work, remembering that I have an undergraduate degree in anthropology with a focus on diaspora and a law degree with a focus on international human rights: OOOOOOHHHHHHH! It's a metaphor. The protagonists were never one running over people, it's about dealing with people who do see life that way and are needless cruel to people (minorities) they don't like. And if I wouldn't run over a toad, or try to target a toad, why would I try to hurt a human being? Thanks God, I know how to deal with my meeting today.

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[mindfulldsliving]

Samuel the Lamanite: Catalyst for Change in Helaman 13

In Helaman 13, the Gospel of Jesus Christ shines through a profound narrative of transformation and warning. Samuel the Lamanite, a figure often overlooked, emerges to present an extraordinary message.

Exegetical Insights: Helaman 13 How the Gospel of Jesus ChristInvites Change In the chapters of Helaman 13, we find a powerful narrative that reveals hope and transformation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This section is a compelling appeal for change, delivered by Samuel the Lamanite, who boldly challenges the people of Zarahemla to turn away from their iniquities. He fervently warns them…

[sneakygreenbean]

personal observations made by a new cane user:

you do not need to be in constant pain to own a cane.

folding canes have a clasp or band to keep them folded. losing the band is a pain in the ass.

you will get dirty looks

it does not matter what age you are. you will get dirty looks.

you have to hold it in the opposite hand as the disabled leg. this is fortunate, as I am right handed, so i hold it in my left hand to support my right leg.

people will try to steal your cane from you.

when standing still, I hold it in my right hand unless i need to do something right handedly. this does not work as well as i thought it would.

being visibly physically disabled is difficult. having a mobility aid will help with pain and movement, but some people don't get them because visible disability is treated with disgust.

if someone meets you for the first time, and you don't have your cane, then they will like you more, but they will not believe you are actually disabled.

if someone meets you for the first time, and you have your cane, they will not treat you the same.

the majority of other cane and mobility aid users I have met are homeless. I live close to a big city.

People do not want to see you being disabled.

you will not hear of the benefits of using a cane from anyone who does not use a cane.

no one will prepare you for the world of being visibly physically disabled. however bad you think we have it is usually not from the disability at all. I can deal with pain and I can deal with an indisposed left hand.

the hardest part of being disabled is the fact that no one will care until you make them care.

the disabled seats on trains are a suggestion

the disabled seats on buses are a suggestion.

you will have a different experience with using a cane than I have had.

your hand will become tired. you are using it as a leg.

your cane is legally a part of your body. this will not stop some people.

you are not your disability. but it will affect you.

i love you

theres always an invisible someone who has it worse. that person will not be affected or offended by your use of a cane. take the damn ibuprofen. put the folded cane in your bag. ask your friends for help. gd knows they need help sometimes too.

you will have to learn that things will be impossible to you. you may not run as fast anymore. you may not become a skater, like you always wanted to be. you may be left behind when everyone else runs ahead.

you deserve better.

your cane handle gets dirty. wash it.

some days pain is worse. some days you will feel it the moment you wake up.

no one deserves pain. the human condition is not to suffer. we deserve better. we deserve to be loved and not tolerated. we deserve to be seen better than from the corners of eyes. we deserve to be heard better than an afterthought at a meeting.

be quick to care for yourself. I love you.

[somegrumpynerd]

I like the idea that Cross realised Killer was touchstarved (he didn't have the words for it but he noticed how much Killer would settle down from it) and started giving him very small basic affection. Pat on the back, hand on the shoulder, maybe a quick friendly hug, all things he probably learned through royal guard training and thinks of as normal friend/coworker stuff.

But as they both got more comfortable in the routine of it, Killer started instigating touches and he was not shy about it (like not just leaning into Cross's side during movie night, he looks like he's trying to get into Cross's jacket with him)

And that this more intense affection made Cross realise he might also be just a little bit touchstarved

Bonus:

[asleep-kat]

Mentor & his successor

[oldsoul--newmachine]

Fallen Hero Retribution: The Complete, Unabridged Guide

9½ months. 650 pages. 75,000+ words. Pages of notes, countless sleepless nights, and one Revelations demo later- Finally, here it is. Our answer key to all things Retribution. Enjoy.

So, You Want To Be A Villain?

As of posting this has not been play-tested. If you notice an issue, feel free to let me know.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

yes i have personal & intimate reasons for my own (lack of) religious/supernatural beliefs, but it's not dishonest to admit: i am also an atheist bc at no point in my life have i, after completing a slightly unpleasant task, been witness to an angel/imp/sprite/devil/entity-of-any-kind manifesting in all their glory to offer me a pat on the head and a little plastic baggy of crackers (by way of encouragement/reward).

call me childish but in my heart of hearts i cannot truly participate in a belief system that tolerates such negligence

[stuckinapril]

Reprogrammed my own brain by realizing that people don’t just get your devotion outright, but have to work for it. You do not go from 100 to 0 as people fault u. You go from 0 to 100 as they prove bit by bit that they are worthy of ur trust and patience. I used to be infinitely patient & understanding bc I thought that was my “gambit”—an initial investment I was hoping would beget more investment from the other party. I don’t do that shit anymore bc it has never served me once. I will show kindness and compassion to someone, but unless they prove they’re willing to put in the work to make a relationship work (platonic or romantic alike), I’m not going out of my way to emulate patience bc I’m hoping that somehow that will change them. Never ever ever. Humans almost always never work like that. They either give a fuck when they see you’re on the outs w them and change, or they don’t and you’re better off. It’s not “you’re worthy of my time until proven otherwise.” It’s “you’re not worthy of extra effort by me until proven otherwise.” And that may sound harsh but it’s healthier than the opposite approach

[izzystizzys]

“ - but have you ever considered, I don’t know, not sucking all the time? Just a thought.”

It takes the combined grips of Nuisance and Hound to keep the wriggling, snarling body beneath Fox from throwing him off its back. With three years’ practice of having to fix his own rickety desk chair over and over again, the movement merely ruffles the proverbial fringe on his helmet.

“And I don’t mean that as an insult, necessarily. Well, I do a little bit. But also I have some amount of empathy for the no doubt immense amounts of trauma that had to go into the creation of something so dysfunctional as you, on a very personal level, so have you considered going to the root of that in a way that’s like… useful? Instead of wasting it all on kriffing Kenobi, I mean. Look at the guy. All he does all day is drink tea and commit warcrimes. I bet he knits for fun. Bit of an embarrassing nemesis, don’t you think?”

“I”, says Kenobi, then pauses. The space between his eyebrows is creased with uncertainty, and he looks deeply torn between continuing rocking the shaking Duchess of Mandalore against his chest from his corner of the throne room and re-activating his lightsaber to continue losing his fight against the Darksider Fox is currently sitting on. “I feel like I should object to some part of that, but I’m not entirely clear on what. Or how this happened, again. Isn’t Mandalore a few star systems from your purview, Commander?”

“Probably the warcrimes”, mutters Nuisance underneath his strained breath.

“About as far from my supposed assignment as yours, General”, says Fox a little louder.

Kenobi twitches. Fox cannot claim to know which of them does it. Both, maybe. Probably.

“I will - taste - your - flesh!”, heaves out Darth Maul, snarling and hissing.

“Oooh, kinky!”, calls Grids, from the corner where she’s got her stun-setting aimed at the other Zabrak, currently passed out cold. Fox sighs deeply. He knew he shouldn’t have taken those three - any combination of Grids, Hound and Nuisance in a room together usually spelled chaos.

Unfortunately, it also spelled competence. The Basic alphabet can be funny that way.

The point being: as of some months into the war, one of Fox’s assigned tasks is the surveillance of all GAR-wide communication. All command-class staff theoretically got that memo, but no one seems to have read the fine print where that includes both professional and personal communication, as well as any and all comm devices registered or suspected to be registered to that person. Especially not one Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.

The point further being, if that sounds both immensely impractical and sort of terrifying in a democratic supposedly non-surveillance state, you’d be bang on the credits, and to Fox’ eternal chagrin the singular person in this whole useless army who’s spent the second of thinking necessary for that conclusion.

The final point being, when one frantic General’s mad dash across the Galaxy to rescue his teenage sweetheart from the spectre of his supposedly dead nemesis crosses his desk on its way to the Chancellor’s inbox, it doesn’t take much time for him to block any and all trace of it across the digital space of the GAR commboard and take matters into his own hands.

“ - which is why I told Thorn to suck it up and be in charge for a few days, and also why you’re still alive, your Highness, very welcome, was no trouble at all”, he concludes, drily. The Duchess stares the wide-eyed look of someone attempting to reconcile clones with ‘sentience’ or perhaps ‘personality’ in her head, but won’t say it outright.

Or the look of someone who’s just been violently overthrown and nearly murdered, perhaps, Fox allows.

“Um -“, Kenobi hedges, blinking rapidly.

“And the reason you’re still alive, probably. You’re welcome for that too, by the way”, Grids calls from the back of the throne room, cheekily.

“Alright”, says Kenobi, loudly. There’s color back in his deathly-pale cheeks, Fox notes, even if that color is a lot of red. It doesn’t fade very gracefully into his beard. “Opinions on whether or not I had everything under control notwithstanding -“

“You really didn’t”, Hound supplies helpfully.

“ - opinions notwithstanding, I am admittedly still lost on why you’re now sitting on Darth Maul and attempting to, to - jeer at him, Marshall Commander!”

“We’re not jeering, we’re trying to create a safe space and lay the groundwork for more open communication”, Fox says, primly.

Maul screams into the ground, attempting for the umpteenth time to rear up and visit great violence upon Fox, which admittedly has him rattling in his crosslegged seat atop his back.

Kenobi raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Safe space?”

“He’s restrained and not stabbing anyone, I personally feel much safer than before”, Grids muses. “Watch the teeth though, Hound. Little biter.”

Indeed. Fox’s right greave will have to be replaced posthaste.

“And anyways, the point isn’t to jeer at him, it’s to make clear that he’s focusing his energy in the wrong places and could be doing much better things with his admittedly not-great life”, Fox adds, shifting to cast a pointed look down at Maul. The Sith is panting open-mouthed into the durasteel floor, sharp teeth gnashing wildly as his piercing yellow eyes shine with barely restrained rage. “I’m just saying - aim higher. You aren’t seeing the forest for the Kenobis, Maul. Can I call you Maul?”

“I will feed you your own entrails”, yowls Maul.

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Right now, I’m an easy target to focus all that built-up rage on, but is killing me really going to help you achieve any of your goals? No! Think about it - when it all comes down to it, who sent you on that mission to Naboo in the first place? Who made sure the Jedi and, by extension, Kenobi would be there to kill you? Who used you as a dejarik piece and then cast you aside the second you outlived your usefulness?”

Beneath him, Maul slowly stills in his struggle, still panting heavily. Hound and Nuisance don’t let it deter them in their vigilance, because they’re damn good vod’e and possess an ounce of common sense.

“And, look, I get it. I could spend the rest of my life punching every civilian who spits on me in the streets and it would even be satisfying. I could hit back the Senators who think of clones as easy targets. Or - I can aim my sights at who’s on top. And I think you know who I mean, because you know as well as I do the same damn man has ruined both our lives.”

Kenobi makes an alarmed noise, and Maul an interested one - not that Fox is going to let him walk out of this place awake. Still, he tilts his head in a way he hopes conveys his helmeted grin successfully to non-vod, as well as the bloodlust behind it. “You’re also welcome for the fact that the Chancellor won’t have heard of your spontaneous resurrection yet, by the way. You’ll retain your element of surprise instead of gambling it away on petty revenge on Kenobi.”

“He cut me in half!”

“He killed my master!”

Fox waves their protests away.

“Also, that’s treason!”, Kenobi adds, sputtering. Fox grins. Kenobi purses his lips, and continues. petulantly, “…do you have any proof?”

“So. Much. Proof”, says Nuisance, dreamily. “Like, do you want it alphabetically or by date?”

Which is when the Duchess, of all people, bursts out into barking, crazed laughter.

“You - you’ve certainly given yourself an edge in that fight, Marshall Commander”, she wheezes, brushing tears from her eyes. Fox raises his eyebrows at her, which she somehow seems to be able to tell, because she gestures at the clunky handle dangling from his belt.

“What, this old thing?” He unclasps the black rectangle from its hook, holding it up in the air. Maul stills strangely beneath him, and Kenobi goes ghostly pale again. Fox is starting to get a bad feeling.

“I took it off Viszla and beat him over the head with it. I figured he’d taken it off a Jedi cadet or something. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”