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jayriverside · 28 days ago

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Kyle Gooden is a bad person pt.1 - JUMP

August 2000

Kyle Gooden loved the window seat. He loved watching the airport workers mishandle packages labeled fragile and then just shrugging off after watching something glass wrapped in paper become half its size after collapsing in on itself after someone dropped it. Kyle wondered what it would be like to be a part of a union. To throw boxes around like the airport guys in the yellow vests, it looked like fun. Kyle wiggled in his seat needing to move, he accidentally kicked the seat in front of him. Causing the middle aged man with a face like a potato to turn around with a scolding expression before returning to his newspaper. Kyle’s mother turns to him.

“Kyle please” the exasperated woman says before returning to her business phone call

“Yeah Kyle, what’s wrong with you?” Kyle’s younger sister Britney says, while Kyle’s dad sits quietly reading a business magazine.

Soon enough the plane is ready to take off while Kyle hops between gawking at the airport workers and imagining what it would be like to be a medieval knight. A thought pops into Kyle’s head as the plane heads to the runway, just popping through, almost like something outside of him put that thought in, it wasn’t even a particularly interesting thought, it was in fact a reductive and incredibly mundane thought that doesn’t even deserve to be stored in his head even to the extent that it’s just passing through but it stuck with him. “Goodbye California”, he felt the slightest pang of sadness before he felt nothing at all. But, even nothing passes. He stares out the window and watches the buildings, people and vegetation that comprised his world that seemed so big up close become so small that he swore it was almost like the houses were little toys he could pick up and play with.

Kyle stared out the window and made a mental note to himself that he should go skydiving one day. He imagines himself jumping and just feeling the wind on his face on the way down. The sun setting over the mountains as he falls. He wonders what if he just jumped without a parachute. The ground coming at him. It’s a thought that makes Kyle’s insides squirm, like at his very core were full of worms just squirming around. He switches to thinking about how cool owning a katana would be, like a really shiny Katana and ninja jousting with before mentioned katana.

The flight passes by painfully slowly, there is only so much interpreting the different shapes of clouds before they all turn into big puffy nothings. The boredom only broke up by the mid flight meal, eating broke up the monotony of being in a prison tube. He really wished he didn’t pack up his gameboy in his checked bag. He wished he brought like a pen and literally any piece of paper so he could draw something but at a certain point he breaks through conscious boredom into dissociative boredom where he begins to view himself in the third person. Kyle Gooden begins to believe like there was nothing before the plane and there will be nothing after. The world that existed in California was purely imagined, it was never real, everything outside the plane is actually nothing. He was corporealized in this seat and any moment he could be decorporealized. Due to some arbitrary mechanism that Kyle will never be able to understand. Then the pilot says “We are making our final descent into Chicago”, then Kyle becomes semi aware of his situation again. He looks out the window and sees the ground becoming closer, more tangible. Kyle can start to imagine a world outside the flying tube again. In a half dissociated, far away state yet impatient state, a burning frustration that he was on the ground yet was going nowhere. Waiting for a elderly couple to try and grab their carry-on bags for 10 minutes while they hold up the rest of the aircraft, and wondering why won’t anyone help these rotting people. Then finally being able to shuffle off the plane. Kyle gooden waited with his younger brother and sister outside of the car rental place while his parents handled the car rental people, apparently according to his mom, the car rental place lost their reservation for a minivan and could only give them a compact. After far too long of hemming and hawing between the nineteen year old car rental employee who wasn’t involved in losing Kyle’s father reservation at all and a forty two year old man yelling at someone who's being paid not to call him a “balding asshole”. Kyle just watches through a pane of glass, watching his usually reserved father waving his arms around like a crazy guy in a movie whose saying the world is about to end. Kyle’s mom just stares off with a 1 million mile stare. Kyle wonders where his mom goes when she stares like that, he hopes it’s somewhere good.

Eventually Kyle’s parents settle for the compact, but they were able to get 50% off for their trouble after getting the manager involved and threatening to report the branch to corporate for managerial incompetence. They begin driving quickly leaving the city streets for the highway taking them away from the city, as the urban aesthetic is subbed out for the suburban then for the semi rural. As houses get further and further apart and there is more and more green space. After getting on the highway Kyle’s dad turns on the radio tuning it too business news, “Enron is reporting a great quarter” the reporter says

“Do you think we should invest in Enron” Kyle’s mom says

“You have the instincts for financial decision that manatee has at avoiding boat propellers” Kyle’s dad says before the car returns to deadly silence

“Kyle kicked the seat of the man in front of him” Kyle’s sister says

“Britney, no tattling” Kyle’s mom says in a monotone

“I bet he would have killed Kyle if given the chance” Britany says

“Britney please, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Kyle mom’s emits defeatedly “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” she continues as if she continued shushing then she could delay any further event from conspiring in the car indefinitely. They take exit 97 labeled with the name “Riverside”.

“Here we are, a town that manipulates people with pedantic minds that a one and a half hour commute isn’t that bad if they can look at trees” Kyle’s father bitterly spits

“Tom please” Kyle’s mother says only half in the car, just staring out at the spread apart houses built around 1900. “The houses around here have so much character”

“Yeah that’s what I am going to think when I crash my car after falling asleep on the way home from the office “at least I get to look at a nice house while I slowly die” thanks Linda, always filled with such great contributions to conversations” Tom says

“Tom, it’s been a long day, the kids are in the back seat, we’re both tired, so tired, let’s not rehash this again, nothing said in this state is bound to be constructive, let’s just focus on not missing our turns.” Linda says

“Linda . . .” Tom says before exhaling and rubbing his forehead. The rest of the car ride continues in silence. The first impressions Kyle has of his new neighborhood is that it was picturesque, big old houses from the turn of the century, that has something that modern mass produced Mcmansions will never have. There is A Lot of green space, Kyle’s dad is right, there were some nice trees. They pull up to their new home, It looks like the pictures he was shown like he expected, in the golden light of an evening sun makes it look like the house is saying hello.

“Mom, Dad, I’m hungry” Jacob, Kyle’s younger brother, states, as everyone exits the car, the sounds of the doors on the car slamming giving this trip a feeling of finality.

“How does everyone feel about Chinese?” Tom

“Sure” Kyle passively agrees more interested in exploring his new home, wandering away from the main group.

“YES” Jacob says

“Chinese food is full of MSG” Britney says

“I still feel a lil sick from the Chinese we had a few days ago” Linda says “How about somewhere where Britney and I can get salads?”

“GODDAMN IT” Tom yells looking around the garage and front yard

“What is it?” Linda asks

“Where are the Crates with the new furniture?! It was supposed to be here today! I spent a fortune getting this furniture and they can’t bother delivering it on time” Tom yells

“Different location, same shit” Kyle thinks, they can’t let their new home be untainted from pettiness and bitterness for five minutes. Tom eventually opens the door so everyone can go inside. A house with no furniture is a lil eerie but also hopeful in an odd way. Nothing but beautiful vintage wooden floors and blank walls. Linda goes around admiring the original moldings on the walls. Kyle feels bad for the house that all this opportunity is being squandered housing his family. Kyle walks from room to room. It was a big house, far bigger than the one they left behind, but he didn’t want to think about his house in California so he didn’t. Beautiful large windows allowing the orange evening to bleed in. Kyle thought the Victorian architecture plus the ideal lighting made it look like he was in a movie. He walks to the back of the house and opens the door to his backyard and climbs down the step to the patio that’s waiting for a picnic table and a grill. Across the backyard is a neighbor’s backyard, a much smaller backyard but what it lacked in size it made up for in being absolutely filled with density and variety of plants. Literal shelves of plants with even more plants hanging off the shelves. Flowers, ferns, tomatoes, basil and types of plants Kyle didn’t know the name for.

Kyle moves through his back yard for a better look failing to realize there was a boy his age standing in the middle of the human cultivated jungle of vegetation. It was only after this boy stared at him confused for a few moments did he finally realize he wasn’t alone. Kyle puts on his best smile and hopes for the best.

“Hi, I’m Kyle, I just moved in” Kyle says pointing with his thumb over his shoulder at his new home.

The blonde boy puts the water canister down and extends hand, Kyle abruptly reaches out for it, almost knocking over one of many potted plants in the process.

“Ummmm, Hi?” the boy says being caught very off guard

“What’s your name?” Kyles asks

“Ughhhh” the boy goes

“Are you slow?” Kyle asks earnestly, squinting aggressively, making the boy even more taken aback

“No, no. my name is Jay, I live here” Jay regaining his bearings says pointing behind him at the far more modest quaint house.

“It’s nice to meet you” Kyle says running his script “Are these all your plants?” Jay looks around taking stock of which plants are his and which are his grandmothers.

“They are mostly mine, the white orchids are my grandmother’s though” Jay says, Kyle silently moves around his backyard analyzing the many different flowers and plants. Jay is made nervous by someone just choosing to enter his space without his permission. Jay squints at Kyle, a natural reaction of trying to make sense of him, someone who immediately after meeting someone feels comfortable just inspecting his space. After several moments of Kyle smelling different flowers and gently touching the petals of different flowers. Kyle notices Jay squinting at him suspiciously and Kyle begins mirroring squinting back.

“What?” Kyle asks inquisitively

“Nothing” Jay says, realizing how he looks just silently squinting, trying to put on a neutral face but just looking strained in the process. Kyle responds by putting on a smug grin.

“You’ve really got something going here”

“Yeah, I’ve been working on it for a long time”

“Hmmmmmm” Kyle says nodding, trying to think of something to say that wasn’t incredibly obvious to the point of being insulting like, make sure these guys get water and sunlight, or something stupid like, good job, that would make him sound like a manager. Kyle impulsively settles on “It’s beautiful”

“Thank you” Jay responds, just then an old woman opens the door to the backyard.

“Jay, time for supper” The old woman says

“I gotta go have dinner” Jay says

“Okay, bye” Kyle quickly emits, immediately, turning around and running towards his house. Kyle was relieved, he was drowning in awkwardness and cursed himself for never developing the social skills he lacked.

He goes back to his new home. Eventually his father returns with pizza and salad which he partook. He then finds his bags and puts them in his room. He finds his athletic shorts and goes on a run. He runs until he feels like he has no legs, head or body, till the point of almost complete exhaustion, he finally makes his way home and rinses off in the shower. He prepares his sleeping bag and slinks into it and immediately passes out. He only wakes up afraid once from a nightmare he’s thankful to only remember the darkness of.

Kyle wakes up to the sun streaming through his window, beaming seemingly right into his eyes. Kyle rolls over and tries for exactly five seconds to fall back asleep, when the only thing that comes back is a sudden feeling of shame and guilt, burning like embers in his head, Kyle gets up.

Kyle goes down stairs, His mother is directing movers carrying probably very expensive mid century style furniture. His sister and brother sit at the kitchen counter eating cereal quietly together.

“You're the reason, all my friends back home are having a sleepover without me” Britney says with a casual cruelty. Kyle immediately goes from wanting breakfast to wanting to just leave-fast. Kyle doesn’t respond, just approaches his mom who is making sure the movers put her sofa exactly where she wants it.

“Mom, I'm heading out, where is my bike?” Kyle says while Linda never takes her eyes off the sofa being carried by the movers.

“The movers put it in the garage, I think, a lil to the left please” Linda says, causing the movers to move the couch a little to the left.

“Thanks mom” Kyle says

“Wait, if your going out, you are gonna need money” Linda says taking out her wallet and taking out a ten dollar bill, “now promise me you’ll use this money to go out and have fun”

“Awwwwww, mom, come on, you’re spoiling me” Kyle says

“Why does Kyle get ten dollars but I don’t” Britney says

“I already gave you ten dollars” Linda says

“But ten dollars in boy money is equal to twenty dollars in girl money, boys don’t appreciate the finer things” Britney says

“Britney that’s sexist, A dollar is a dollar ” Linda says

“But mom, Kyle (tatatatata)(babababababababa)” Kyle chooses to stop listening and keep it moving. Kyle views himself like a shark, he needs to keep moving or he will suffer then die. If he keeps it moving nothing will ever catch up with him. Kyle enters the garage to find his dad sitting on a metal folding chair watching the local news on a handheld portable tv the type with the really long antenna that takes D batteries.

“Hey dad” Kyle says and his dad just responds by letting out an acknowledgement grunt not taking his eyes off the portable TV. Kyle quickly finds his trusty blue bike and exits. He goes around the house to the backyard where he sees Jay in his backyard sitting in a lawn chair reading a dusty book called “a short history of horticulture from 10,000 BC until the present”(which must have been a lie because the book had to have at least a thousand pages) and sipping tea.

Before he makes it to his backyard, he is already trying to get his attention. “Hey Jay, Jay” Kyle yells from 50 yards away. Jay looks up and looks more concerned than anything, eyebrows tensing. He tentatively waves back. “Hey, do you have a local newspaper?” Kyle yells from 25 yards away now running.

“Ugh why?” Jay asks, looking off to the side nervously as Kyle clumsily maneuvers through narrow paths in his garden with a bike making several pots shake and tip slightly but not fall over.

“To see the cinema listings” Kyle says like Jay had just asked what color is the sky.

“Yeah I guess” Jay wonders why Kyle came to him for this, there were probably other ways to get this information or maybe not Jay didn’t go to the theater to see movies that often. Jay would have to go alone because his taste in films didn’t overlap with his grandmother, which he was pretty sure hadn't seen a new film the entire time he’s been alive and going to the theater alone is just a depressing affair. It’s like admitting to the ticket seller and the ticket taker “yes I have no friends”, he would just die if he had to do that, plus the little money that comes to him goes straight into his plants.

Jay leads Kyles into his house, Jay lives in an incredibly comfortable home, comfortable is the sense that even as a stranger walking in Jay’s house, Kyle felt more at home than he does in his own. It wasn’t anything over the top, it was even a little messy with a couple tall stacks of newspaper here and there, just simple furnishings. A small kitchen with linoleum counters, an old wooden table with about a hundred rings from cups, a worn formerly white cloth couch turned somewhere between tan and gray with time. An old TV from the eighties that uses bunny ears. Jay runs over to one of the piles of newspaper then another and proceeds to hand one sitting atop the pile to Kyle.

Kyle “NO WAYYYYYYYYY! MISERY!”

“Misery?” Jay started to regret letting this very loud possibly crazy boy into his house.

“They are doing a re-release of Misery, a 10 year anniversary type deal, damn Jay, my mom wouldn’t even let me rent it for my birthday, damn I heard to movie is gnarly, we have to go Jay” Kyle says

“We?” Jay says

“Jay, you can’t let a dude watch a horror movie on his own, if i'm alone I might have a heart attack from spooks, come on” Kyle

“Ummm” Jay says hesitantly,

“Jay. come on. It’s on me, I’ll even get snacks. Come on snacks everyone knows that snacks taste better when you eat them in a movie theater”

“Does everyone know that?” Jay says his voice rising a few tones by the end of the sentence

“Yes. look at me.” Kyle says using his pointer and middle finger to point at his own eyes as he leans in toward Jay, Jay looks at Kyle’s pupils which he realizes seems abnormally enlarged, Jay can see his own reflection in them. “Are you in or are you in? Yes? or yesssssssss”, Jay felt compelled to say yes in a way that made him wonder if what Kyle was doing was a type of hypnosis. It goes quiet in the house for just a moment.

“Yes, yes of course” Jay says, he wonders if Kyle is some sort of serial killer, I mean if he was then he is surely a bad one because it would be incredibly on the nose to take your victim to a movie called Misery.

“Grab your bike we head south, Barb’s budget cinemas waits for no man” Kyle says

“How do you know where the cinema is? Didn’t you just move here?” Jay asks

“You think I would move anywhere without memorizing the directions from my new house to the closest cinema? You are crazy. Like you are actually insane, like you belong in a mental hospital. Pew pew pew” Kyle says slowly going from overly jovial to deadpan and monotone, loading his finger pistol and shooting Jay between the eyes before snapping back to a more normal(?) jovial state “Now let’s rock and roll, you got a bike right?”

“No . . .” Jay says, hoping that his lack of bicycle is gonna save him from whatever this is, he really has more important things to do like read about the three field revolution during the middle ages.

“Damn really.” Kyle says more of a statement than an actual question. Kyle turns his brain on and starts brainstorming, they could run to the movie theater and still make it by the 10:15am showing but then he wouldn’t have time to get snacks, plus he really wasn’t in clothes he wanted to run in, curse you jeans and your propensity to chafe, hmmmmmmm, Kyle keeps thinking then it hits him, it was obvious, his bike has back pegs Jay could just stand on the back pegs and ride with him. Kyle patted himself on the back mentally for his quick wits. “I got a sick BMX bike it got like back pegs just hop on” Kyle says

“Really?” Jay says, Jay has really gotten himself into an escalating series of agreements, first he lets Kyle into his house then he agrees to see a horror movie with him immediately and now he is gonna get there by riding on the back of his bike which is more or less putting his life in his hands. This guy could have no sense of spatial reasoning, I mean he almost knocked over like a dozen pots on the way to him.

“Yeah” Kyle drops nonchalantly and puts his hands out as if to say “What’s the problem?”

“Okay” Jay says, Jay really thought he would be able to refute him by the time he said “Yeah”, but he just follows Kyle as he stomps his way out of the house and gets on his bike.

“Come on, hop on” Kyle says with a toothy grin. Jay tries to hop on but stumbles backyards before trying again. Jay puts his hands on Kyle’s shoulders and as soon as he steadies himself Kyle begins biking at full force which feels to Jay to be one hundred miles per hour. Kyle for some reason decided to make unnecessarily tight cornering when turning and not yielding at stop signs. They make it to the main road that takes them to downtown Riverside with cars passing too close for Jay’s likings.

“I’m gonna swerve into that eighteen wheeler and fucking kill us both” Kyle says

“WHAT?!” Jay says immediately considering jumping off

“Come on, I’m joking” Kyle says, Jay considers running away the next time Kyle stops his bike but he does at a traffic light and Jay finds himself staying. Kyle pulls off the road and onto the sidewalk as they get within a stone’s throw of the cinema, Kyle almost crashes head on into a young mother with a baby in a baby carriage, swerving at the very last moment as the young mother leans herself over the baby carriage to try to weaken the expected impact. “Sorry” Kyle quickly says as Kyle pulls over in front of the movie theater. He leans his bike against a tree. He scans a mix of small businesses and chain stores, He spots a CVS across the street and wordlessly begins crossing the street followed by Jay.

“Where are we going?” Jay asks

“Too get snacks” Kyle says while trying to find his way inside CVS to the candy aisle

“We are sneaking snacks in?” Jay says

“Yeah, Im not fucking splooge McDuck, don’t you understand the world is a world of scarcity, cinema concession are a scam and I not expend my scarce resource endorsing a scam” Kyle says as he finds and begins inspecting the candy aisle. He takes a bag of gummy worms and hard candy root beer barrels and shoves one in each pocket. Then proceeds to start walking out.

“Aren’t you going to pay?” Jay whispers

“Pshhh no ” Kyle says then covers his mouth to chuckle, Kyle cases the place to make sure no one is watching, then he continues walking. Jay looks side to side nervously. They cross the street to return to the front of the movie theater.

“Awwww man Misery is rated R” Jay says looking at the poster out front.

“What the fuck are you even on about?” Kyle says shooting Jay an extremely confused look.

“How are we supposed to get tickets?” Jay says, Kyle squints at Jay with mouth ajar.

“Did you hit your head? You are not making any sense at all, you are speaking in word salad” Kyle says

“We are not eighteen, how are we supposed to get tickets?” Jay says, he looks around to make sure no one is nearby “Do you have a fake ID?” Jay asks

“No, we just go in” Kyle says

“What? We can’t just walk in” Jay says

“It’s a budget cinema for a 10:15am showing” Kyle says, peeking through the glass doors inside, there is just one person working the concessions/ticket desk and like Kyle expected there is no ticket taker. “Okay . . .” Kyle says

“Wait Kyle isn’t this wrong?” Jay says

“Wrong?” Kyle chuckled “Wrong!” he chuckles again “wake up, we live in a death machine, that wants nothing but to cut us up and sell us for parts, currently there are lobbyists working for exxon trying to sell our future for profit, across the country people are working tirelessly to make the world a worse place, I mean like congress, the senate, the bureaucrats, academia, I mean look over there” Kyle says pointing at a Catholic church “The Catholic church a institution that’s supposed to be holy, with holy men trying to spread the holy word, is infested with pedophile priests, the catholic church and the pope not only looked the other way on but actively protected and sheltered and moved around from town to town pedophiles, In a world where those supposed to spread the holy word are child rapists how can you even think to trust anything you’ve been told about morality or even what’s truth, Everything has already been bought and sold, can’t you feel the flesh being ripped from bone? we have a chance to take a crumb back, here, today, right now, don’t let them take this” Kyle says while staring wide eyed directly into Jay’s eyes with intense unbreaking eye contact. Jay wasn’t sure who exactly the “they” Kyle was referring to are, but he got the general energy and it was like an electric shock. “Okayyy . . . now” Kyle says and he grabs Jay’s hand and while the guy at the concession had his back turned Kyle and Jay ran into the theater part of the cinema looking for a theater named Misery. They found it and ran into it, Jay starts laughing then Kyle started laughing. They sit down as the cinema gets dark and the ads for the other movies start playing. They just sit in the theater seats giggling like idiots.

2 hours later. Jay sits pale and still. Kyle just laughs, “That move was fucking gnarly, did you see how she broke his ankles? That was crazy, like holy shit” Kyle goes on

“Yeah” Jay says in a whisper, too afraid to move.

“Are you alright?” Kyle says Jay doesn’t respond “some air will do you some good” Kyle said planning outloud and ushering Jay up and out of the theater past concessions and onto the street. Jay did feel slightly better being outside. “Let me buy you a slice” Kyle says, then uncomfortably laughing as he realizes taking a prospective friend to a movie most people would find extremely disturbing was probably not the right move.

“Like buy buy a slice right?” Jay says

“Yeah, I’ve never technically lied, I never said I’d buy the candy or that I’d pay for tickets but yet, we have snacked and been entertained for no money, but yeah I will pay for this pizza with money” Kyle says, they proceed to the pizza place down the street, they talk to the old Italian man and get 2 slices, one regular cheese for Jay and supreme for Kyle.

“No toppings?” Kyle says

“Yeah?” Jay says, Kyle says nothing, just squints, “What?” Jay says, Kyle continues to squint at Jay tilting his head back and smirking. “What?!” Jay says

“You chose wrong” Kyle says, Kyle returns to a more neutral expression “So you live with your grandmother?” Kyle says

“I do” Jay says

“So what’s the deal with your parents?” Kyle says

“It’s nothing I want to discuss” Jay says entering a thousand mile stare over Kyle’s shoulder for just a moment,

“I get it, retarded shit happens, You know Jay when retarded shit happens, you are right to just leave it in the rear view mirror, don’t look back just keep running and eventually you won’t even know what you are running from, you’ll just keep running.” Kyle says

“So where are you from?” Jay asks

“Some retarded place, who cares? Does it matter? I mean You were in your mother’s vagina but that doesn’t make you a vaginian, oops sorry didn’t mean to bring up your mom” Kyle says, Jay laughs. Kyle felt a lil rush, making people laugh was always his drug of choice.

“I guess so, location is fairly arbitrary in the modern age, where people can just get on a plane and go wherever whenever, I mean this town is filled with people from New York, California, Canada and wherever, It doesn’t seem to really make a difference where they are from.” Jay says

“Yeah exactly, it all blends together, in the melting pot everything becomes goo” Kyle says

“So what made your family move to Riverside?” Jay asks

“Work, you know how it is” Kyle didn’t know if Jay knew how it was, but saying you know how it is puts the job on Jay to understand instead of him to explain. Then there is an awkward moment of silence. “We are lil more than halfway through august.”

“Yeah?” Jay says

“What’s in bloom in your garden right now?”

“A lot of people think late spring is the end all be all of peak bloom season but late summer and even early fall I honestly think are hugely underrated flower season. In my garden, my Hibiscuses have been coming in perfectly this year, my blue birds, cheeky points, comic dancers, doubles and Gwen maries are all perfect, My roses have just been incredible this year, I was worried that the late spring frost would stunt their growth but they powered through, The sun flowers have grown taller than i’ve ever seen, and My agastache-” Jay says, Jay continues to talk about flowers while they eat, Kyle tries his best but is only able to make out 15% of what he was talking about, it was clear that Jay has been dying to talk about his flowers with someone. Kyle even though he didn’t understand most of what Jay was talking about, loved the energy and light that appeared in his eyes. Kyle opened his mental notebook,that only exists in his own head, and under the page headed with Jay writes “-plants and flowers”.

After about twenty minutes, Kyle interrupts Jay who is talking about the magic taste of fresh sunflower seeds. “Wanna hit the bricks?” Kyle says.

“Oh sorry” Jay says

“About what?” Kyle says looking momentarily confused

“I can get a lil overly fixated sometimes and just go on and on” Jay says

“Don’t worry about it, I like listening to you talk, don’t ever worry about talking too much around me. Now let’s bounce” Kyle says, leading the way out of the pizzeria, They hop on the back of the bike and go off back towards their homes. About halfway back Kyle sees a group of kids their age standing at the top of the cul-de-sac on a hill all looking downhill. It's a new construction, with the street on both sides being lined with big boxy houses with designs not even glanced at by an architect, built to optimize for square footage and listable features but not for beauty. Kyle and Jay both wince at an opportunity lost to build homes that would stand for one hundred years or more with beauty in mind instead of what was built was the equivalent of industrial gruel for the eyes. Quickly Kyle represses those feelings by putting them where everything he doesn’t like goes, it wasn’t very manly to care about architecture or aesthetic beauty, Kyle should be caring about vroom vroom cars that go fast or breasts or something. Kyle focuses on the boys cheering and is inherently curious. As he gets closer he notices the ramp at the bottom and the guy biking back up to the top of the cul-de-sac. “Sick ramp bro” Kyle says while hopping off his bike.

“I know dude, we’ve been hitting sick jumps bro” One of the guys say

“That’s sick dude, I’m Kyle by the way and this Jay” Kyle says pointing at the shy boy hiding half behind Kyle. The boys who set up the ramp introduce themselves. A really tall brunette with wavy hair named Derrick, A short kid with a blonde buzzcut that almost makes him look bald named Ian and an asian kid with long hair named Steven.

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” Ian says pointing at Jay

“Ah yeah, we were in three classes together last year.” Jay says

“Are you sure?” Ian says

“Yes, don’t you remember I think we were both there when Mr.Liken got food poisoning and vomited” Jay says, light of recognition spreading across Ian’s face.

“Oh yeah. Where were you during that?” Ian says

“I was seated behind you” Jay says

“Well, I don’t have eyes in the back of my head” Ian says like he’s offended

“Where are you from?” Derrick asks

“Pshhh Wherever” Kyle says while crumpling up an invisible ball of paper then throwing it over his shoulder then immediately proceeds to run to his bike “Watch me get some air!” Kyle says immediately hopping on his bike, Jay runs over to Kyle

“Are you sure you should do this?” Jay asks, nervously looking to the left and right but not at Kyle and his hands fiddling with each other.

“What do you mean?” Kyle says

“You could seriously hurt yourself and you are not even wearing a helmet.” Jay says, Kyle flashes a smirk like Jay had just said something funny.

“Who fucking cares?” Kyle says before letting out a quick chuckle, Kyle quickly starts biking down the hill towards the ramp. Jay silently watches with fear in his eyes while the rest of the boys cheered. Kyle feels the warm air of a summer’s day quickly flow through him as he rushes through it. Time slows down, the cheers from the boys from the top of the hill sounds muffled and distorted. The ramp comes closer, Kyle continues cranking the pedals for more speed. Kyle looks behind and sees them all watch him before turning back to the ramp, for a moment he is on the ramp then he feels the weightlessness, it was liberating. It was enthralling. Kyle felt truly in the moment, there was no past or future, just him in mid air with a big goofy grin on face. He lands and time immediately returns to normal and within a second he loses control of his bike and crashes into a large bush. The cheers from the top of the hill fades. Kyle is stunned by the crash for just a moment and takes a second to feel if anything is broken. Kyle pushes himself up out of the bush and gives everyone at the top of the hill a thumbs up. Kyle runs his bike back up the hill.

“You got sick Air dude” Derrick says

“Bro I kinda thought you were dead for a second after you fell into that bush” Steven

“You can really ride” Ian says

“Awwwwww guys, don’t flatter me” Kyle says feigning coy, they all have a chuckle. “Jay wanna try the jump?” Kyle offers Jay his bike for the jump.

“No, thanks for the offer but I prefer to just watch” Jay says

Ian instinctively screams “GAAAAAAAYYYYY” Derrick and Steven chuckle

“Don’t be an asshole” Kyle says, giving him a mean glare. Ian looks at his shoes embarrassed. “Have y’all seen Misery?” Kyle says and the conversation immediately transitions to the most gnarly shit they’ve seen on TV and in movies. They bounce from subject to subject, all fairly light unsubstantial nonsense. Making tasteless jokes about the news and gossip of the day in between cheering people doing jumps and just like that a couple hours were killed. It continued like this until Derrick proposed an idea.

“Wanna come over and play Mario Kart” Derrick proposed

“Play? Mario Kart? What are you seven?” Ian spits

“Shut up Ian, don’t let your need to project your insecurities ruin everyone else’s good time” Kyle says

“Yeah Ian. Stop projecting your insecurities” Derrick flips off Ian, Ian just grumbles. The group moves the ramp out of the road then heads over to Derrick’s. Derrick’s house looked like all the others on the street, another copy paste of the same boxy house, front yard sterile of any life except the hedge meant to act as a fence around the perimeter of what is his families private property and the almost comically bright green grass that almost hurts to look at. They walk up the stone pathway and into the house. They entered the kitchen, boxes were everywhere, labeled things like “Utensils” “Plates” or just “Fragile”. Derrick’s mom is unpacking a box full of mugs and putting in oak cabinets while across the trendy open concept dining room/Kitchen combo is a red faced middle aged man angrily trying to build a table, he is mumbling curses under his breath.

“Are you boys having fun?” Derrick’s mom says

“Yes mom” Derrick grumbles while looking at the ground looking at the ground, Derrick’s mom turns to Kyle.

“Hi, have we met before?” Derrick’s mom reaches out her hand to shake Kyle’s and Jay’s hands.

“No, My family just started moving in yesterday, i’m Kyle” Kyle says

“And i’m Jay” Jay says

“Do you also live on Sunflower?” Derrick’s mom asks

“No, We live on White Orchid” kyle says

“Oooooooo Ohhhh that’s the street with all the really nice Victorian houses right” Derrick’s mom says

“Yeah” Kyle says

“That’s lovely. So do you boys want some snacks?” Derrick’s mom says turning to the rest of the group.

“MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, children have snacks, we are men now, we have hyper-strategic mini meals.” Derrick says

“Okay do you want ugh whatever that thing you just said?” Derrick’s mom says

“Yes” Derrick says blushing and looking at the ground.

“GODDAMN IT, THEY MAKE IT SO YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING NASA ENGINEER TO ATTACH FIVE PIECES OF WOODS TOGETHER” Derrick’s father yells throwing his tools down creating a loud clattering noise. The sound of something big running on all fours is heard as it quickly gets louder. A black labrador retriever runs through the kitchen full speed and jumps on the table top of the non constructed table causing extremely necessary screws and little metal pieces to fly everywhere. “KIMBERLY! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT KIMBERLY” He yells before draging the dog by the collar through the kitchen to the glass sliding back door, pulling it open as hard as he can and forcing the dog outside. He then walks up next to Kimberly and leans on his elbow on the granite countertop and lets out a defeated “Kimberly” Kimberly rubs Derrick back.

“Scott” Kimberly says in a attempt at consolement

“Kimberly” Scott says even more defeated hiding his face in his hands

“Scott” Kimberly says more cheerfully, rubbing circles on Scott’s back.

“Kimberly” Scott says light returning to his eyes and grabbing his wife’s hands, Kyle gives Jay a “can you fucking believe this” look and Jay returns it. Then they all look at Stephen and silently communicate the same information while Derrick has his T-shirt pulled up over his head and his arms wrapped around his head like he is bracing for nuclear armageddon.

“Scott” Kimberly says pleased,

“Kimberly” Scott says lovingly pulling in Kimberly close and giving her a long smooch, the sound of lip smacking rings out.

“I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die, I want to die” Derrick whispers over and over again. Scott looks outside their little bubble of intimacy to notice his son’s friend was 7 feet away all watching with differing ratios of confusion and disgust. A wave of embarrassment hits Scott as he realizes how must have looked. He turns even more red then he did working on the table and rushes out of the room. Derrick stops collapsing in on himself to abruptly begin ushering all his friends towards the door to the stairs to the basement.

“Dude like bro, I think your parents are like gay for eachother” Ian says as they go down the stairs

“I thought it was sweet, It good to see a married couple that don’t quietly despise each other every once in a while” Kyle says

“Dude are you getting off on watching Kyle’s parents be gay” Ian says

“Every time you speak, the more I doubt that you’ve ever felt anything or thought anything that’s more than a rudimentary defense mechanism to defend against how truly empty you are” Kyle says, Ian just looks shocked as they approach the TV set up in the basement. It was a big TV with a very worn leather couch in front of it. Sitting on the couch is a ten year old boy watching cartoons.

“Blake, I have my friends over, we want to use the TV” Derrick says, The boy turns around making a chewing motion.

“O-ay” Blake says chewing 10 pieces of gum at the same time

“IS THAT MY GUM” Derrick yells, Blake quickly gets up, runs through the group and out of the basement. “That little bastard is always taking my gum”, Derrick goes over the TV and changes the input and very quickly they were playing Mario Kart. Derrick and Steven are both experts at Mario Kart so it was really a three tiered match, the first tier being Derrick and Steven fighting for first, the second being Kyle and Jay fighting for third, and third tier is Ian who just sucks. After the first match Derrick’s mom brought down Ritz crackers sandwiches with banana and peanut butter and chocolate milk.

“You drink chocolate Milk? What are you? a baby?” Ian says

“Chocolate milk is manly, they make chocolate flavored protein powder and milk is filled with protein and nutrients so chocolate milk is basically the same as protein powder which is manly” Derrick defends

“IAN, Just shut the fuck up, literally Ian, just shut the fuck up I swear to fucking god” Kyle says

“Shut up Ian” Steven says dog piling

In slightly more than a whisper Jay says “Shut up” It was thrilling to break social rules for Jay, He covers his mouth to chuckle enthralled in how bad he was being. If only his grandmother could see him now, telling people to shut up.

In a race, where Derrick and Stephen were in the obvious lead, Ian does what all people with no honor do when they lose at Mario Kart and covers Jay eyes with his left hand so he couldn’t see where he was driving.

“hey!” Jay exerts, Kyle goes up behind Ian and puts Ian in a chokehold.

“LET ME GO” Ian yells, while Jay goes right back to securing third place

“NOT UNTIL YOU SAY YOU ARE A HONORLESS HEATHEN WHO IS BAD AT MARIO KART” Kyle yells

“NO” Ian yells

“I am not letting go until you say it” Kyle sternly says

“Guys help” Ian says

“You lost your honor as a Mario Karter now fess up” Derrick says while Steven just continues playing not letting even one percent of his attention stray from Mario Kart. Kyle tightens his chokehold around Ian’s neck.

“ALRIGHT ALRIGHT” Ian yells “I am a honorless heathen who is bad at Mario Kart” Ian murmurs, Kyle lets him go.

They play a few more races, until Derrick’s mom comes back downstairs.

“It’s five, Are your friends gonna stay for dinner?”

“Five?!” Jay says surprised while standing up “I’m sorry but I need to be home for supper”

“Let’s ride” Kyle says, Kyle goes up and begins fist bumping Derrick, Steven and Ian, “Wanna hang tomorrow?” he asks them

“Totally dude” Derrick says and Steven nods in agreement while Ian stews as Jay and Kyle leave. Jay hops up and puts his hands on Kyle’s shoulders and they ride off. Jay feels the warm wind on his face and feels lighter somehow in some way. They turn onto White Orchid street. They roll past trees that have been there forever, standing tall and strong, roots reaching down to the center of the earth, bark smiling at them.

Kyle pulls up to Jay’s house. Jay hops off and Kyle leans his bike against a tree near the road. Kyle takes a moment to appreciate the garden in the front lawn that frames the modest home, He goes over to the sunflower and looks up at yellow petals and incredible number of seeds, feeling humbled in presence of a flower that made him feel like a smurf, Kyle looks around to find that he surrounded by life, everywhere blooming with bright popping colors. He looks up again at the sunflower looking down at him as if expecting something to happen.

“These sunflowers are really primordial” Kyle says

“Thanks?” Jay says unsure if that was a compliment

“Truly, you put Monet to shame” Kyle says in momentary awe, something about this garden, the way it was just filled to the brim with overflowing life and colors one couldn’t ignore. Everything for the first time in a long time was bright, everything wasn’t dulled and dirtied. Kyle loses himself for a minute in a sense of childhood wonder he thought was dead but was actually just in deep hiding. He almost expected to find a family of garden gnomes having a tea party under the leaves of one of the plants, enjoying the fine summer’s day in the comfortable shade and speaking in their own incomprehensible language that vaguely resembles dutch.

Kyle doesn’t even notice that Jay’s grandmother pulls into the driveway. “Jay, be a lamb and help me unload the car” Jay’s grandmother says while opening the trunk. Kyle heads over with Jay to help him unload groceries from the trunk while Jay’s grandmother opens the front door for them. Kyle and Jay both carry a bag, coming in and leaving it on the kitchen counter. Kyle turns around and finds Jay’s grandma standing behind him. “You must be Jay’s new friend” She says reaching out to shake his hand, Kyle reaches his hand out to shake, as soon as he does Jay’s grandmother uses her other hand to clasp his hand from above in a two hand handshake.

“Yep. That’s me. I’m Kyle, it’s nice to meet you.” Kyle says, Kyle begins to feel uncomfortable as Jay’s grandmother still has not let go of his hand.

“What’s your last name dear?” Jay’s grandmother asks

“Gooden” Kyle says

“Is that english?” Grandmother asks looking at him suspiciously still holding his hand

“It’s actually Irish, it used to be O’Gooden but somewhere along the way our family lost the O’ and just became Gooden.” Kyle says

“That’s good cause our family is French, we can’t get along with no Englishman” Jay’s grandmother says and proceeds to smile a little too wide and laugh and Jay laughs uncomfortably.

“What’s your name?” Kyle asks not sure of what to say

“Ms.Boucher, Dorothy Boucher” Ms.Boucher says, before a moment of silence falls

“So . . .” Kyle says as he tries to pull his hand away but Ms.Boucher holds his hand tighter.

“Thank you for helping me bring in my groceries” Ms.Boucher says

“Well all in a day’s work? (farting noise)” Kyle says using his free hand to shoot Ms.Boucher with a finger gun, he didn’t know why he chose to make a farting noise with his mouth, and he immediately regretted it.

“You are a Cannoli my dear”

“Ooooooooo” Kyle says as a placeholder, as he does not have a canned response to being called an Italian dessert. Kyle tries again to pull his hand out but she will not let go and Kyle tries to make eye contact with Jay but he is busy putting groceries away.

“You should join us for supper” Ms.Boucher says

“I’d have to ask my folks” Kyle says, Ms Boucher finally releases Kyle’s hand, “I’ll be right back” Kyle runs out

“Kyle seems like a nice boy” Ms.Boucher says

“Well, he’s something like that” Jays says

“Oh my Lord, it’s a quarter to six, time keeps getting away from me today, could have sworn it was morning just a couple of moments ago.” Ms.Boucher says Jay does not have anything to say in response so he just puts the last of the stuff away while his eyes brows scrunches up his forehead and his lips tighten into a flat line.

Kyle enters again “I got the go ahead” Kyle says giving a thumbs up, Jay begins to follow Kyle as he starts to explore the house as Ms.Boucher begins cutting up carrots. “Are you gonna give me a house tour?” Kyle asks

“Oh yes, ofcourse” Jay says, he quickly points out the kitchen, dining room and living room as it is right in front of them. Jay leads Kyle into the hallway that contains a sitting area with two identical loveseats facing each other with a coffee table in the middle and a door that leads to the bathroom. There is a bookshelf filled to the brim, with a mix of photos and books. There are old photos, really old photos and relatively new photos. Kyle sees a picture of a baby.

“Is this you?” Kyle ask pointing

“Yeah” Jay says, Kyle sees Jay at all stages of development, as a baby held by a woman he has not met, as a toddler in overalls running around a familiar garden, as a small child in what seems like a family christmas photo holding the hand of the same unfamiliar woman with Ms.Boucher and a unfamiliar older bald man, they are all wearing stereotypical ugly christmas sweaters and another that looks to be taken a couple years ago of Jay covered in mud working in the garden. There is a black and white photo of current Jay in a suit, the photo looks almost like it has an old timey effect on it. There are some other photos of Ms.Boucher and most likely her friends and family at various ages but Kyle was not particularly interested in them.

“When was this photo taken of you?” Kyle says, picking up the frame.

“That actually isn’t me, it's my grandma’s little brother Robby” Jay says, Kyle holds the photo next to Jay, it's really stunning the resemblance, they even have the same haircut and long messy blonde hair.

“You can really tell you two are related” Kyle says

“My grandma always says I look just like him” Jay says as Kyle puts down the photo back on the bookshelf. Kyle keeps looking around, on the walls is some tacky art from the seventies. He looks down the hallway and there are three more doors. Kyle moves on from the sitting area and moves down the hall. “This is the door to the basement” Jay says pointing at the door to his right and these are the bedrooms, Jay says pointing to the bedrooms down the hall.

“Can I see your room?” Kyle says

“Ugh yeah sure” Jay says opening the door to his room, though it is sunny outside in Jay’s room the numerous hanging plants on the inside in front of the window creates a permanent dusk inside the room, Kyle goes feeling up the wall for a light switch and finally finds one he can finally get a good look at the room. It’s a modest room, a comfortable looking twin sized bed with a plump cozy looking comforter that has little roses all over it. On the walls where there is not enough light to keep plants there are prints of paintings of various types of flowers. There is an old large green and teal rug covered with intricate curving patterns on top of the old wood floors. There is a wooden bookshelf filled with old books, metal bug sculptures and some more photos, there is a dresser next to the bed with a lamp on it, there is a desk with a notebook and an ant farm on it. Woah an ant farm. Kyle picks up the ant farm and looks closely at the numerous paths the ants have dug.

“This is Rad Jay” Kyle says

“Yeah, I got it a while ago” Jay says

“Wow they are really getting to work in there” Kyle says eyes full of wonder

“Nature is magical” Jay says, slightly amused to see Kyle’s eyes so full of wonder at something he’s grown accustomed to months ago .

“I’ve always wanted to get one of these but my mom says that I would just end up getting ants everywhere” Kyle says while he holds it precariously with one hand. Jay puts his hands on the ant farm, suddenly realizing that Kyle might be a drop risk.

“Let’s just put this down” Jay nervously says, as he guides Kyle to putting the ant farm back down on the desk. Kyle takes one last look around before re-enters the hallway. He opens the door to Jay’s grandmother’s bedroom.

“Kyle. My grandma doesn’t like anyone going into her room” Jay says

“I’m just taking a peek” Kyle says, it's a standard old woman’s bedroom, queen sized bed with large embroidered quilt, a nightstand with a lamp on both sides, flowy pink curtains and a dresser with a big ball of yarn on top of it. Kyle then goes and opens the door to the basement followed by Jay, he goes down the stairs, he slips on the uneven steps falling and instinctually grabs the railing to stop himself from falling down the stairs.

“I should have mentioned, these steps can be tricky, they are kind of uneven” Jay says

“I see that” Kyle says slowly making his way to the unfinished basement that has a concrete floor, there are boxes and various little pieces of furniture filling up one corner, there is a washer and dryer with a empty laundry basket sitting next to it, there is a bucket accepting the drippings from some sort of leak from above, Kyle looks up the floor is sagging slightly. “Huh? What’s leaking?” Kyle asks

“The fridge” Jay says

“How long has it been leaking? There seems to be like a lot of rot” Kyle says pointing out where the rot is that is giving the whole basement a really unpleasant musty damp smell.

“It’s been something we’ve been meaning to fix for a long time” Jay says, Kyle wants to say you should get it fixed sooner rather than later because of the cumulative damage and mold but he didn’t want to be captain obvious twice after pointing out something so obvious. Something about the rot made Kyle uneasy.

“Okay, alright . . .” Kyle says staring into the black mold and the black mold stared back.

Eventually, Jay’s grandmother called Jay and Kyle took dinner, and they were all seated at the dining room table.

Kyle was messily slurping up the soup. The chicken and rice soup was very heavy on rosemary but Kyle likes rosemary so it wasn’t a problem. It was a hearty soup, chicken, rice, potatoes, carrots, onions and celery cooked in chicken broth, It was a meal that could only be made with love, perfectly imperfect, imperfections that show it wasn’t produced on a factory line, slightly unevenly cut vegetables that showed it was cut by hand. Kyle appreciated home cooked food. Not that food from a restaurant was not a tasty treat that he takes great joy in partaking in but food meant for someone, a hot meal it warmed Kyle’s heart.

“Do you like the soup . . .” Ms. Boucher says

“It’s tremendous, absolutely tremendous” Kyle says while finishing the bowl

“Do you want seconds dear?” Ms.Boucher says

“Yes please” Kyle says with a big grin on his face. Ms. Boucher takes Kyle’s bowl and refills it and Kyle resumes ravenously eating.

“So what did you kids do today?” Ms. Boucher, Kyle looks at Jay unsure at who the question was directed towards.

“We biked around town, saw a movie, got pizza, met up with some neighborhood kids and played mario kart” Jay says thinking about what they got up to today

“Oh what film did you boys see?” Ms.Boucher asks

“Mis-ugh-”Jay begins

“Marzipan cats. It’s a Disney movie.” Kyle says

“Oh, that’s nice. What's it about?” Ms.Boucher asks, Jay nervously sweats

“It’s about these street cats, they’ve always been about fending for themselves, They’ve been chased their entire lives, they are so tired and during a rainstorm they find shelter in a bakery and they learn the value of friendship through baking” Kyle says

“What a sweet film, be kind to Jay, he’s a sensitive boy” Ms.Boucher says

“Don’t tell people that” Kyle says

“Oh you're probably right, Jay doesn’t need an old woman dottering over him” Jay's aggressively dead pan. “I'm going to get myself a glass of water, do you want a refill?”

“Sure” Kyle says, Ms.Boucher gets up from the table and turns around. Immediately Kyle gives Jay a big thumbs up and a big smile. Jay leans forwards, puts his face in hands and lets out a sigh. Ms.Boucher returns, “It’s so nice to see Jay make friends, especially a dear little fellow like you” Ms. Boucher reaches over and pinches Kyle’s cheek.

“Ohhhh” Kyle says flattered before resuming consuming soup in a fashion reminiscent of saturn devouring his son.

“Are they not feeding you over there?” Ms.Boucher says

“Nothing this good” Kyle says

“Aren’t you a lil charmer?” Ms. Boucher

“I’m just being honest” Kyle says

“You are welcome here anytime” Ms.Boucher says, Kyle finishes his second bowl of soup.

Kyle looks at the clock on the wall “Eight O’clock, I need to get my run in before I go to bed, thank you all” Kyle says, Kyle shakes Ms.Boucher’s hand, and gives Jay a quick hug in a span of three seconds before running out.

“Bye” Jay was able to get out as Kyle was halfway out the door. Jay watched slightly perplexed through the window as Kyle ran through his backyard towards his house.

“It’s a shame, I was just about to offer him some desert, I got a pint of Cherry ice cream from Jerry’s creamery” Ms.Boucher says

“Yeah” Jay says, distracted.

Kyle runs inside his house quickly changes into a pair of his athletic shorts and begins out the door. Huhh-fwahh Huhh-fwahh Huhh-fwahh Huhh-fwahh Huhh-fwahh Huhh-fwahh the sound of his breathing as he makes his way up the hill. Kyle keeps getting further away from himself, after a certain point he feels his entire body disappear. Kyle loved the feeling of barely existing. After a couple hours of running he reaches the point of exhaustion and begins making his way back home, showers, gets into his sleeping bag and passes out.

Kyle wakes up in a familiar bedroom, everything where it was. Kyle lies in bed for a moment staring at the ceiling. Kyle gets up slowly and walks to the door to the hallway, looking all around all he does. He makes his way through the familiar home, he goes down the stairs to the first floor. He turns to his left to see two ghostly figures mostly translucent talking in the kitchen just letting out ghostly murmurs about ghostly business. He exits through the front door to see two smaller ghosts, one emitting bubbles in the middle of the front yard and the other making a translucent drawing sitting at a patio table. He looks around absorbing the suburbs, built sometimes in the 1980s, the identical houses that seem to go on forever. Kyle wanders over to his neighbor’s house, it’s a familiar house. He picks up an inconspicuous rock near the front door and takes a key out of it. He opens the front door, everything seems fine so far, then he turns right to look in the kitchen for what he was looking for but there is nothing. It is less than nothing, It is a void, Kyle tried to move but his body wouldn’t move, Kyle screamed. Kyle begged his legs to move and he begged his eyes to look away from the thing that was burrowing a hole in him. The void starred, sending out tentacles that leaked out turning everything it touched into the void, the void wrapped itself around Kyle and suddenly Kyle wasn’t scared because it might as well be over at this point. Where fear ends, despair begins.

Kyle awoke and immediately jumped out of his bed and was tearing through his bags looking for a pair of athletic shorts, after turning both bags inside out leaving clothes haphazardly flung everywhere, Kyle finds a pair quickly puts them on then continues rummaging around in the dark in such a panic that it doesn’t occur to him that turning the lights on in his room would help him find his shoes. He eventually finds them, puts them on and he’s out the door running. Running. Running. Running. Kyle wonders for a moment what time it is because there isn’t a soul awake or moving for miles. Then he focuses on picking up the pace. He runs. And runs. And runs. He feels himself disappear. His breathing is no longer his, it's just a part of nature like the sounds of crickets chirping and the occasional scurry of something moving through the woods. He is a series of senses arbitrarily paired together, a series of parts without a whole. Sight sees a pair of headlights quickly and haphazardly heading down this narrow street, toward where these strung together parts happen to be. The car is quickly approaching, The series of parts remember a line from one of their favorite songs “Might as well Jump”. The series of parts suddenly finds himself jumping into the middle of the street in front of the car. The series of parts are completely engulfed in light, almost purified in its oncoming inevitability. At the last moment the car swerves, Kyle feels the breeze of the car go by him and falls to his knees. There is a wetness coming from eyes and going down cheeks.

Kyle’s breathing becomes unsteady, he keeps breathing in randomly but he can’t breath out, he keeps gasping inwards, Kyle puts his hands on his face and slowly lets out a breath that felt like it was being let out through a pinhole, it was long and slow, and by the end of it Kyle stood up and kept running.

Jump by Van Halen

#coming of age #contemporary #multiple pov #dark humor #2000s #early 2000s #suburbia #garden #plants #friendship #family drama #angst #original story #bikes #character driven #slice of life

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pebblysand · 2 months ago

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for @nosebleedclub october prompt #11 - "lawyer's office". i did write this yesterday, just horribly later posting ^^. .

lawyer’s office

They fill up the room that morning, the way young people always do. Hands shoved deep inside the pockets of washed out, baggy jeans, long torsos awkwardly hunched forwards, cotton jumpers with uneven strings peeking out at the base of their sternums and hoods thrown back like inverted necklaces around their shoulders. T-shirts with large logos and GAA colours. There is a pile of crumpled bank notes tossed against the scratched, ageing mahogany desk in front of them, hazardously left to die between the three-inch-thick Sweeney file and a copy of last year’s edition of Blackstone’s Civil Practice. They have emptied the full contents of their wallets, including the packaged condom one of them hastily hid back within the folds, a loud cough turning his cheeks red like a sleety, winter day.

‘That enough?’ Liam finally dares to ask. ‘We counted it up, should be about 120 -’

They can sit down, start at the beginning. The money will be a problem for later.

‘Well, it’s our landlord,’ another boy starts. He is short and broad, the nose of a boxer.

‘Yeah, he’s a cunt -’

‘Ah, stop -’

‘Alright, yeah. I’m just saying. So.’

It’s a house-share. Cabra, up in Dublin 7, six people crammed into the old bones of a brick-layered former two-up-two-down. There is an ageing extension, one that’s falling apart, and the foxes eat the mice in the back garden at night. ‘Now, your man, right? The one on the second? Well, he broke the floor of his ensuite shower, we’re not sure how, but -’

‘Probably shagging that girl who’s been - you know the one with the -’ another bearded one interrupts, miming large half-circles over his chest -

Liam shoots him a look. This is not the right place. In the silence that follows, he takes over from Shorty - his voice is softer and more cautious. Embarrassed to be here, almost. ‘Well, anyway. He’s not paying his end of the rent, so our landlord won’t fix it. Until he pays, right? But then every time he showers - well. It, like, proper rains in our sitting room, so -’ He smiles a little, shy. There is a moment of collective contemplation at the difficulty of this conundrum, at the relative guilt of consulting a lawyer behind the other one’s back, too. There’s probably a reason he’s not paying rent. Liam further adds that he tried to talk to their landlord, threatened him with going to the PRTB, but got laughed at in response. ‘Said he’d kick us out to do the renovation works. Fix the shower, then find twenty Brazilians willing to sleep on bunk beds and fill up the place, €500 a head, you know? So, I suppose we were wondering if -’

The young lad eyes the money again, nodding at it like it’ll respond. When he looks up, his gaze is pleading. ‘Anyway, we were hoping you could, you know, write a letter or something?’

A law degree is the right to use big words on expensive stationery.

Liam’s been here before, of course. He is familiar with the décor, the exhausted shelves that line the walls, the yellow glow of a banker’s lamp on winter afternoons, when the sky is too dark outside and the rain lashes against the windows. There is a faux-persian rug that frames the centre of the office and the lawyer replaced it once, back in the day. Perhaps, because of the old English setter that used to sleep in the corner and scratched it, and scratched it, and probably peed on it too many times. Perhaps, because of the dark stains that cups of tea and coffee had made over the years, or because of the vomit of a baby. This isn’t the kind of general practice that facilitates yearly visits by tracking heights or flu shots, but it is still the kind of general practice that watches people grow. Decades apart sometimes, the space in which they all happily go on to live their lives, but Liam’s crawled on the floorboards during appointments before, and as a teenager, he played on his tablet with his headphones blasting in the waiting room, dragged by parents who were worried sick, and often didn’t know what else to do with him.

The first time he attends, he isn’t even born yet. Playing football against her ribs under the soft curve of a rounding belly - she is a beautiful young woman, Louise. The brightest, kindest of blue eyes - pale skin and warm freckles on her skin, long blond hair that is definitely bleached but sure, you can’t have everything. She works as a secretary in an office - it is the early 2000s so probably pharma or tech or something - they don’t call her a secretary, she says, but an assistant. Her mother likes it. ‘Not that it’s any different,’ she corrects, polite and a bit shy, her fingers crossing over her stomach. She is small and thin, a stark contrast with the baby she carries. ‘It pays well, right?’

She wants it to stop, though. Wants to know if they can sack her if she says something to HR. ‘The other girls won’t talk,’ she adds, rolling her eyes. ‘I mean he’s doing it to all of us. It’s not just me.’ There were the comments and the jokes and the ‘accidental’ gropes - he even tried to force himself on her in his office once, kissed her and shoved his fingers inside her pants. She was too scared to do anything - thank God his boss knocked, interrupted, she caveats again, shaking her head quickly at the memory. Since then, she’s managed to avoid him. ‘He won’t look at me now, anyway,’ she shrugs, smiling and caressing her belly again. ‘Not with the baby.’

She wants to make sure she’s protected. It’s what her friend told her, that they couldn’t let her go until she’s back from mat leave. ‘He won’t even have us close the office on our own, says there needs to be a man present at all times to supervise, that we’re not capable.’ Louise bats her eyelashes quickly and blows her nose into a tissue. ‘Oh, you’re very kind. I don’t think there’s a need to go to the guards for that, honestly.’ Her mouth forms a laugh but no sound comes out. It may very well be a criminal offence, but getting the police involved? It’s not like her, and they have much more important things to deal with, surely. He’s just an arsehole. ‘I suppose I don’t want it to start up again when I’m back though,’ she sighs. ‘And, for the others, you know?’

She answers questions carefully, dutifully. She has the facts down and has made note of the dates and of the emails, and yes, she thinks there may be CCTV in the corridors, at least. She doesn’t know what the retention period is. And, no, she has not told her husband about this. ‘He’d just be raging. Can it stay between us, please?’

She has a charming smile, Louise. And a law degree, sometimes, pays for the welcome sound of silence rather than that of the advice.

He is injured when she reappears, a few years later. It is 2004 or 2005, by then, and he is hoisting himself up the stairs on crutches out on Merrion Square. She is holding the door open, politely shaking hands, and yes, she is still working at that same job, she confirms, chit-chatting as he labours up. This isn’t the right time or the right place to ask what happened with HR and it turns out that a lawyer’s office is rarely one of finished stories. Moments in life are stacked like bricks, like files on shelves, and the spines list client numbers rather than names, themselves always a secret.

She is crying proper, this time around. Was so scared when the hospital called. Their son, Liam, is crawling on the floor now, bright red hair and freckles - four-years-old and vroom-vroom-cars-I’ve-a-blue-one-and-a-yellow-one-did-you-see-that? He pets the dog, slow and gentle - Charlie’s an old man, you know? Darren almost died, Louise explains. She speaks low and covers her mouth, constantly throwing looks back at the floor behind her shoulder, trying to convince herself that her son isn’t listening to them. Darren, on the other hand, is silent and mellow. He looks down, uncomfortable on the faux-leather upholstery of the chairs that face the desk. His legs extend, then retract - once, twice. He massages his knee. He does construction, he explains in a grunt. A wall fell on top of him. He’s fine. ‘Stop it,’ Louise snaps. The doctors weren’t even sure he’d walk.

They’re saying it’s his fault, now, though. The company. They’re saying he wasn’t wearing the proper equipment. ‘No one does. It’s a joke,’ he groans. They just don’t want to pay.

There are norms specific to personal injury in those types of circumstances, apparently. A question to answer as to the burden of proof, too. Do they even have proof? And: do they have to prove Darren wasn’t wearing the equipment, or does he have to prove that he was? It’s probably lost somewhere within endless volumes of workers’ regulations. In terms of public policy, it’s hopefully the former. It would make sense. That could be looked up.

‘Well, we don’t want to burden you too much,’ Louise smiles, sniffling. She is holding her husband’s hand like a lifeline and he is stiff in his posture. They don’t have the money to be too much of a burden, it turns out. They were doing so well, so much better than the generation before theirs. The boom of the Celtic Tiger years and a delusional belief in trickle-down economics - they had a nice house and a baby, and they were thinking of having a second, eventually. ‘I’m obviously still working,’ she adds, now, swallowing, ‘but Darren’s on benefits and with the mortgage…’

It’ll be okay. Something will be arranged. The trainee can have a look. If there’s something, a no-win-no-fee route is always a possibility. It is a route that will not be preferred by the short, balding man who comes in once a month to grumble at the office books and pick up VAT receipts, but maybe that man was just born sad, who knows? The conveyancing side pays well, people down in Sandymount have too much money on their hands. Darren agrees. When he’s better, he’ll come back to incorporate his own business, maybe. He leaves smiling. She nods and sighs at the same time.

Go on, look after yourself, yeah? A law degree isn’t a medical one.

There was some money in the settlement. Not much but it covered the bills and the physio appointments, and Darren was able to pour the rest into the launch of Roddy’s Construction Ltd the moment the painkillers allowed him to stand up straight again. They couldn’t eternally survive on Louise’s salary and it gave him something to do other than sit on the couch, drinking cans and wallowing. They were happy for a bit, until 2008 rolled its ugly head around, that is. The equity became negative on everybody’s lips and within two years, Roddy’s Construction Ltd was forced out of existence. It was 2011 and their child was ten and in the lawyer’s office again, the clerk passed around an old Game Boy for him to wait. Louise’s tears were now dry as she signed the papers on the desk with a tight smile. ‘Well, I suppose at least this will allow us to keep the house a bit longer, right?’

Her mother died. Breast cancer, it turns out. There was €43,752 in the estate, which her brother in America is graciously letting her have in full. ‘He’s, er -’ Louise presses her lips together. Has aged a little, soft lines on her forehead and her hair cut to her shoulders. ‘They don’t need it,’ she states. ‘He and Lauren, they’ve - they’ve done quite well for themselves. Even with the crisis, it’s -’ She shakes her head again. There is a hint of irony and something else in her voice when she suggests: ‘Maybe I should have gone to America, do you think?’

Darren isn’t with her today. He didn’t believe it was necessary for him to attend anything past the funeral, and even that, he probably only attended because the notice on RIP.ie announced there would be a gathering at the pub afterwards. He has lots of friends there. The owner, in chief, maybe because her husband keeps the business running. Holds the walls with his presence, like a pillar on the stools at the bar. No, she’s being mean. He’s tried to take on a few odd jobs in a meat-packing factory near his parents’ in Drogheda a few months back. But: his knees are killing him and Louise says she feels guilty sometimes, with her functioning limbs and all the things she can’t understand; he is frying his brain cells with weed to make it stop. Maybe, oops, she shouldn’t have told the lawyer that. ‘I dunno how he pays for it,’ she lets out. ‘It is what it is, you know? Thanks, anyway. For the will and everything, I mean.’

She grabs her son’s Cars backpack off the floor by the entrance and they get a move on. With another tired smile, she closes the door behind her.

A law degree is the sigh that follows.

Liam is fourteen, now. They’ve left him outside again, though for once, this is ostensibly about him. Perhaps, he should be here. ‘You’ll talk to him, right?’ Louise pleads. ‘Please -’

‘What the fuck will the lawyer talk to him about?’ There is the voice of outrage in Darren again, his arms thrown up in the air. ‘I’m the one who should be giving him a fucking lecture, I’m his father -’

‘Yeah, and where the fuck were you? Countless times I tried to ring you -’

She was the one who had to get the bus to pick Liam up from the Garda station, last night. Their little baby boy. Got caught trying to nick a bunch of Canada Goose puffer jackets off a shop - the two older kids he was with were held up for the night. Liam being younger, though, and it being the first time - the guards weren’t stupid, for once. They called his parents rather than a judge, and -

‘I was fucking busy.’ Darren is defending himself. The best defence is always attack, that’s what they say anyway. ‘And, it’s you - you’re too kind to him. Always buying him shite he can’t pay for -’

‘He’s in school. He’s fourteen -’

‘Well, I worked when I was fourteen -’

‘Well, you certainly don’t work now -’

She is being unfair, he claims. He and his friend Darragh are opening up a new car repair shop down in Rialto. She easily clocks off at six from her cosy corporate gig every day, but he has things to do. Their son gets arrested for stealing now, and what’s next? She is too lax with him. That scene she made the one time (one time!) he dared yell at Liam. Boys need discipline. What’s next? Selling drugs?

‘Oh, and you wouldn’t want the competition in the house, would you?’

He storms out. Leaves her alone to silently cry again on the chair with the squeaky plastic leather that has scarred overtime. It’s okay. The officer on speakerphone echoing in the lawyer’s office confirmed they wouldn’t be pressing charges. There is no need for her to worry. She apologises. Shouldn’t have said that. Not here. She insists (insists, insists and promises) that Darren doesn’t sell drugs, she just said it like that. There is silence. Darren hasn’t been employed or had a successful venture in years. They’ve managed to keep the house. They’ve got a new car, a Mercedes that roared down the road when her husband took off just now. Neither he nor Darragh know how to fix cars, and everyone knows the kind of crowd that hangs around in Rialto. She works as a contractor for Facebook now, reviewing flagged content for days on end on a computer screen. It pays €24,000 a year. They required an undergraduate degree on the job posting, which she faked on her CV, and she’s been scared they would find out ever since.

A broken, teary smile as she reaches for the tissues on the desk again. She has calmed down. It’ll be alright. A law degree on the wall doesn’t turn an office into a police station. Actually, perhaps the opposite.

It is somewhat inevitable. It funds most of the small, general practices around the world, after all. She says: ‘It’ll be amicable.’ There is a pause. ‘I hope.’

Louise came alone this time. Liam is in school. She does not need the tissues, she is grand, thanks, jokes that she has grieved already. The lawyer’s office is the bearer of bad news: they will have to live separated for four years before the divorce is pronounced. Many people don’t know that, it’s an odd quirk in the law, the state finding it hard to cut off the many, winding tentacles the Catholic Church has wrapped around it for centuries. It sucks the blood out of people and families. Louise smiles. They at least got gay marriage last year, didn’t they?

Liam is living with her, she explains. They found a small one-bed in the Liberties. She sleeps on the sofa. ‘I’m applying to work for Facebook proper, now,’ she smiles. Hopefully it’ll pay more. ‘I love him,’ she explains. But she got married at nineteen and had the baby at twenty and didn’t think it would be this hard. ‘Maybe, didn’t think at all,’ she admits. ‘He’s a good kid. He was just a bit stupid for a while. Acting out. He’s been doing better since we left home, since it’s just the two of us. He doesn’t want to see Darren anymore, I -’

Her friends tell her it’ll be fine. She is thirty-five. She is still so young. There is irony in her voice again when she says: ‘Maybe I’ll meet someone, right?’ She doesn’t sound like she means it. She sounds like she wants to be left alone. She nervously toys with her wedding ring, still at the base of her finger. ‘I loved him,’ she declares, then. ‘I love him. I always felt that if I left, I was abandoning him. He changed. After the accident, you know? Or maybe I did. I can’t save him. He doesn’t want to be saved, I don’t think. D’you remember when we first came to you? When we bought the house back in 2000?’

It was an easy purchase and conveyancing is always a good way to rope new clients in. They got the lawyer’s address off of Darren’s sister, back then. The seller loved them. They made a good offer, had stable jobs and a decent interest rate. He worked in construction and she was an assistant. They’d found a property they liked in a gentrifying residential area in Drumcondra. He was from Kildare and she’d grown up in Meath. They’d met through friends in the city. Were just about to get married. Her ring was big and shiny and showy, even if it was just moissanite. He wanted people to know - see - that he loved her. He took her on a trip to New York that winter.

‘There’s someone else I think,’ Louise admits, then. Another pause. Her bright blue eyes look up again. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to know.’ She shakes her head. ‘He is begging me to stay.’

She doesn’t. She gets herself a decent lawyer and she doesn’t stay.

Liam is nineteen now. His friends file out of the office in a concert of jokes and playful shoves, an army of bikes locked around the streetlamps outside.

His mam’s good, he nods, once. Moved out to Bray a couple years back and she likes it there. Has set up a small shop that sells artisanal jewellery and does the markets. He hasn’t seen his dad in a while, but on the phone he sounded alright. Got in a bit of trouble with the guards a few years back, but - ‘It is what it is, like.’ There is not much else to be said; this is watercooler conversation, not the real kind, and the lawyer’s office isn’t a doctor’s office, and it also not a therapist’s. The lawyer’s office focuses on Family law, Criminal Law, Employment Law Disputes, Personal Injury, Wills and Probate; it says so on the website. A law degree is not one that saves anyone, it’s just a prism through which to watch hundreds of lives go by.

Liam’s lips curve a little further to one side; he bites his lip with something daring in his gaze. ‘I’m doing law. In college, you know?’

And, perhaps, the landlord will fix the shower. At the very least, right?

#tw: sa #lawblr #writeblr #short story #original writing #original fiction #contemporary fiction #family drama #workplace harrassment #financial struggles #divorce #coming of age #irish fiction #emotional conflict #realistic fiction #lawyers #workplace injury #character-driven #slow burn

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