#person A: 'want to help me with XYZ?'

[starsong-dragonheart]

Also! Sometimes folks with autism and/or ADHD do this, too! Even if they have a hard time figuring out what's going on when other people do it! Because learning to communicate in ways that will be understood by those around them, even if they don't "get" it or if it's bad for their mental health, is a form of masking! It sucks SO MUCH for everyone involved!

Source: I'm audhd and live with other people who have autism and/or ADHD, and we all do this at least occasionally, and all of us sometimes have trouble recognizing that we're doing it, and we all struggle to figure out what's expected of us when the others do it. It's fairly common for this kind of thing to get worse when folks are under stress and when we feel (right, wrong, or indifferent) like we're not being heard or listened to.

I can't speak for allistic folks, but for all of my group, unfucking this shit wasn't as simple as "don't do that anymore" or "learn what we/they actually mean when we/they say this." For us, a critical step was working to make asking for clarification less fraught on all sides, because with some forms of "guess" communication, asking if something is a request or just asking about preferences can actually mean anything from "I don't want to/can't, please don't ask me" to "I recognize that you are asking me to do something, but I don't want to, so I want to make sure you know that I'm only going to do this under protest if pushed. Do you really still want to ask me to do that?" Which sucks SO MUCH when you're really just trying to get clarification.

(side note: if allistics get pissed off when you ask for that clarification because this is what they're used to that meaning, it might be worth experimenting with adding something like "I'm not trying to blow you off/be rude/be passive aggressive, I just don't want to answer the wrong question, I know how much that frustrates both of us" - some people are still going to be jerks, but for the ones who actually are trying to communicate with you better, it can be a good de-escalation off-ramp)

Once we got to the point of not worrying that any of us was doing that any more, it got WAY easier to both get clarification when things were unclear, and recognize that if someone has to ask us this, then we'd probably accidentally slipped into "guess" communication - and it's much easier to change a behavior when you actually recognize it happening!

(brain hack: if someone asks for that kind of clarification, it can be super helpful to include in your response a clearer re-wording of your original question, both so that they know they've understood you this time, AND to help re-train your brain so you're more likely to use "ask" instead of "guess" in the future! It can feel ridiculous at first, but it helps.)

Allistic people really need to stop phrasing requests as questions because it's fucking with me

"Do you want to help me cook dinner?"

No, I'm still overwhelmed from earlier and want to stay in my room.

"well fine, dinner will be ready when it's done." And now they're upset with me

And I'm just here like ???????

[child-ofdust]

thinkign about my f/os helping me deal w my disorders n stuff makes me feel better.... my brain tries to shut me down sometimes and be like "Thats stupid" but Who Cares .

there's some thjngs it can't help, no matter how much i want to i still can't speak properly in public or even at all to strangers, but just imagining my f/os are near me & talking / helping me through my avpd has made me go from having anixety attacks just standing in my backyard to being able to go inside grocery stores and actually shop even while crowded like.... that is so awesome sauce...

i never in my life though i'd be able to do that again, for a time i didn't think i'd ever be able to go outside at all again, but selfshipping is awesome and i am mentally ill and i think the former is very helpful & epic when you're the latter but that might just be mmy pov though

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

not one character in hannibal that i don't relate to. not one.

[luvsavos]

pain is temporary shara brainrot is eternal

[katistrophe]

That feeling when you get a plotbunny for a fandom where you don’t even go, IN A CONLANG, and you don’t have anyone who knows it so it’s just pingponging around in your brain

[yakamozarda]

I know i should continue therapy at some point but my latests therapist doesnt give me any trust and honestly i couldnt be bothered to deal with finding a new one lol

[tambourineophelia]

dating continues to be awful (not because of them but because of me) but I maybe figured out that unfortunately I do connect a lot a lot over sharing music and literature and culture and that explains a lot but also doesn't help in this situation with a person who asked me "who again is patti smith?"

[curiouschild]

Sometimes I think of Marjorie and just.. have to sit in it

[unproduciblesmackdown]

lavender marriage / beard for the soulmate or timeloop au

[caitofcaithall]

I am begging artists selling traditionally painted originals to take better promo photos. Is it framed? It's okay if it's not. What does it look like propped up against a wall? Hung (maybe over a side table or a sofa)? A photo is going to help me imagine this in my space and hide flaws from digital scans that make the work look 'off'.

[yongseungkim]

.

[aro-culture-is]

update, update, get your update to the submission rules here!

intro and rules

hi! this is a submission based blog centered around aromanticism as both a specific identity and an umbrella of identities. due to chronic illnesses, we post somewhat inconsistently, and would recommend not sending urgent questions our way. That said, you can send questions about being aro, though we would like to suggest checking out our tags #question (for general questions), #am-i-aro (for questions about if the asker is aromantic), and #advice (for aro-focused advice) first. Please be patient if you would like an individualized response to a situation.

submissions can be silly or serious. aromantic people are not a monolith, and your mileage may vary for each and every submission - know that even if you don’t relate to many posts about your identity, that’s okay. we don’t relate to a lot of this either.

we will probably block you if you’re rude about how “everyone can experience this, not just aros!” there are no “purely” aro experiences, and we hate to tell you, but we’d rather not just post increasingly niche definitions of aromanticism.

this is open for any aro-spec people (including questioning folks)! if you don’t see much for your particular aro identity here, feel free to send more :)

for those interested in a playlist of the submitted “music recs”, @felixisaprince has made one here for Spotify.

Submission Rules - if you do not follow these, your submission will be deleted. If you submit via an account, I will attempt to contact you for re-submission.

Submit via the ask box or submit tab. Anonymous and user submissions are allowed. If you’d like to modify / not submit it, please dm @just-aro rather than sending a second ask that will not be seen in time.

Begin each submission with the phrase “aro culture is”, or something more specific like disabled aro culture, demiro culture, or whatever you’d like.

No discourse - We do this for fun, and that isn’t fun. Judging by our inbox, we need to explicitly state that shipping discourse is included in this statement. That said, we are radically inclusive. We are stronger together, and it’s always worth listening to each other.

Please don’t send replies to other submissions (ie, “aro culture is hating xyz thing”, and sending “actually I like xyz thing”). Reblog the post with your addition if you care that much about it, please.

Exclusionism, ableism, racism, or anything of that like will get you a block. “Cringe culture” is inherently ableist. other people have described this better than we can, but the tl;dr is: most everything described as "cringy, cringe-worthy” behavior is something performed by neurodivergent folks, and generally harmless. Ask yourself it it bothers you because of harm caused or for not following a social norm.

Use of the terms “opposite gender/sex” will result in deletion of the submission. If needed, “other binary gender” or things like that can be used. You can also say that people have expectations of boys and girls, for example. Fight the genderqueer/agender mods by telling us our opposite genders if you think this is so awful, and listen to intersex folks as well.

NO IMAGE SUBMISSIONS unless they are credited and have an image description (link to guide on writing them, additional link for an image to text generator, discord help here). Credit your artists and/or photographers, don’t steal their work. Provide alt text and/or image descriptions for those who are blind, low-vision, have other accessibility needs, and who are suffering from Tumblr’s poor loading speed.

Thank you :)

last edit: 4/19/23. Notes on edit: Rewording, removed rule about “hating” media to replace with rule on replying outside of post. Added submit tab as option for submissions. Added description of cringe culture.

[interstellarrisa]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ Quotes to keep in mind 𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋

a/n: these are just some sayings that I like to keep in mind while manifesting, you don't have to keep these in mind but I like to and think they help me somewhat, btw if you recognize your quote or someone else's pls dm or comment it so I can give credits :)

# Mind over matter

I believe that this one is pretty straightforward. 4D over the 3D, imagination over the physical, the inner over the outer. You can pretty much say that this is the basis of LOA and shifting.

# Persist because you know it's done not cause you're waiting to see it done

THIS, you already have it so why are you persisting to see it? It's already there. It's like you affirm "I have xyz, xyz is right in front of me." and then in the same breath go "Now because I've persisted a bit let's wait till it appears." meanwhile your xyz is staring at you irritated. I'm not saying that you should actively persist and affirm 24/7 cause you'd get burnt out but just continue your day not stressing cause you know it's done.

# Stop trying, Start being

Be the one who has it even though it's not in front of your 3D eyes you still have it in your 4D eyes. Be the one who's the prettiest in school, the smartest, the strongest, the most famous and so on. There's no "Let's affirm that I'm beautiful and see what happens." There's only "I'm the most beautiful, period." Walk like it, talk like it and act like it. Me personally I don't like forcing it or doing anything in the 3D because it can get tiring so instead I just walk like it, talk like it and act like it in imagination cause it's all you need.

# Be too lazy to doubt

This is something I came up with and it's also pretty straightforward. Whenever I want something I just think about it for a second then instead of worrying about if it'll work and then trying to force a positive mindset I'll just quickly move on cause I'm to lazy for all of that overthinking hehe.. Two times I manifested my teachers being sick and keep in mind these teachers are never sick and I've always "failed" to manifest it but this time I just thought "They're not here and idc or know why." and continued my day being too lazy to doubt and BAAM both of them weren't at school. I was kind of surprised at first but calmed down cause obviously it worked, I'm a master manifester duh. Also this week I had to take school photos and I listened to a photogenic/dreamy sub together with a look cute one and everyone even girls I don't really talk with called me pretty. Heck my teacher said that I was one of those photogenic type of people. Anyways never could have thought being lazy was a blessing in disguise huh..

That's all, have fun with manifesting and shifting y'all and bye!!!!

[anonymusbosch]

.

[headspace-hotel]

thinking to myself "If the thought of going back to school makes me want to cry and throw up, what then?" and people keep throwing stuff at me like You could try for this specialized program or trailblaze this alternative line of study or apply for this internship or contact this organization or do this or do that or do this or get involved with XYZ Cool Thing that would recognize what you have to offer etc etc etc etc

But I have less to offer than ever. That's the thing. I'm not an outstanding student anymore, I'm just painfully limping along, and I'm less and less capable of bubbling over with passion and potential. "I heard about this opportunity, since you're so passionate about ecology and environmental science..." Am I? I feel hollow inside.

I feel like the conversation about "I need disability accomodations" has gotten warped into "Now let's try this alternative route of completing your degree since you're soooooooo passionate and successful and accomplished as a student and you might be a Great Person To Have and your way of thinking is soooooo unique and important for an institution to have and we've been wanting to start this new program anyway—"

But what if I wasn't? What if I was just a regular ass autistic student that didn't have Passion and Potential and a Unique Way Of Thinking, just an autistic person that wanted a degree?

So now I have this meeting with some lady about alternative course work but it wouldn't even be possible until next semester and so far I don't even know if anything being proposed would HELP me instead of being something I have to do ON TOP OF everything ELSE.

I hate how every conversation I have about this gets co-opted into "So you see, you have a unique and independent learning style that isn't getting support in the traditional classroom, so you can contact XYZ people and show them What You Have To Offer" like yes I have a unique ~learning style~ but also I AM DISABLED and yes I go ~above and beyond~ other people in my passion and curiosity but more advanced opportunities to learn is NOT A FUCKING ACCOMMODATION. More specialized classes would make me happier IF MY FUCKING BASIC NEEDS WERE BEING MET.

But I feel like I constantly have to reframe my disabilities in terms of like, ways i'm ~too advanced~ or ~too unique~ for the college environment i'm in and YES i am advanced and YES i am unique and yes I am smart and intrinsically motivated to learn but I also have a disability. and I shouldn't need to have anything unique or special to offer for there to be accommodations available.

The more college crushes me, the less I even have potential, the less I can prove that I had potential in the first place. What kind of work do I want to be doing someday? I don't have the heart to even think of future possibilities in my head. I am not drawn to anything, even things I am passionate about, because I can't imagine being passionate enough about something that feeling this exhausted all the time is worth it. I don't want to study ecology as badly as I want to stop hurting. I want to lock myself in a dark quiet room and never do anything ever again

[eamour]

the way you manifest.

everybody has a different way of manifesting. some like to script, some like to affirm, and some like to just visualise their desires. however, some methods seem to work for some but don’t really work on others. why is that so?

the law of assumption.

now, the reason behind why everybody seems to have their own way of manifesting or why certain manifestation methods and techniques you cannot seem to be successful with can still ensure other people success is because of the LAW. once again, it's called the law of assumption — and it operates with BELIEF. what you assume or believe to be true, has to be true.

everything is an assumption.

in practice, this means that these methods and techniques seem to "function" well for some because they ASSUME that they will function well for them. on the contrary, the methods and techniques that you believe won’t help you manifest, eventually won’t help you. another example is that you might believe affirming might not work for you but works really good for others. the result: everyone can manifest with the use of affirmations except you.

no preassigned meaning.

it is important to not that with the law, nothing actually is the way it is and nothing is promised to remain the way it is… not unless you say otherwise. in this reality, things aren’t factual, forever or fixed. they don’t have any meaning attached to them. YOU give them meaning first.

the creator's rules.

if you know how the law works, you know that you can use it to your advantage. you can decide how you want to manifest by coming up with your own rules and correctly applying them. you can even influence the way a method or a technique will function for you. and not just methods and techniques! here are some examples for rules you could have:

rule one · i always manifest within 2 days.

rule two · manifesting is easy for me.

rule three · i can manifest even if i feel sad.

loopholes in manifesting.

now, what are loopholes in manifesting? a loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in the law or a set of rules, according to its official definition. in more simple words, they are subjective rules you have set up to simplify manifesting. you could almost say they are "cheat codes", coding the way you manifest.

you know, there are rules to manifesting. actually, there is only one: your assumptions create. for an assumption to manifest, you need to believe in it. now, i'm not saying you can’t have doubts, but there has to be at least a little belief in there, somewhere. now, see how i said "somewhere"? what i mean is that somewhere within the process of manifesting, there needs to be BELIEF.

1 · belief in assumption. you can believe in having your desire and manifest it.

2 · belief in method. you can believe that doing a method xyz times makes you manifest your desire.

3 · belief in self. you can believe that you always manifest your desires.

this is why many people who robotically affirm can manifest. they have the assumption that they either don’t need to believe their assumptions to manifest or that simply doing the method guarantees them their desire. other loopholes could be that only desirable thoughts of you manifest or that affirming once is enough for you.

the best way to manifest.

knowing all of this, it is clear to say one thing: there is no best or perfect way to manifest. technically, they are all the same. since manifesting is personal, it is your decision to decide which methods work for you or not, which techniques get you better or quicker results. and remember, all methods and techniques are all equally accessible to you. you don’t have to do anything beforehand. you don’t have to prove yourself to be worthy or deserving for a method to work for you. again, YOU are the creator.

manifesting is personal.

in conclusion, we all manifest similarly but still differently — and that’s alright! each one of us is an individual and the way we apply the law is personal. that being said, feel free to come up with your own rules! make the law work for you the way YOU would like it to and remain faithful to your rules. that way you can make manifesting a lot more easier.

with love, ella.