caitofcaithall

[caitofcaithall]

I fell asleep without meaning to tonight and just woke up from a dream. My heart is still racing, I'm trying to calm down before I take the dog out properly and go back to bed.

I was staying in my grandmother's house (in the dream, not her actual house) for some time, but she wasn't home. Everything was going fine until I started to feel watched, and in the dream I remembered (another dream?) where my childhood friend told me about a mutual childhood stalker who went after her again now that he was free from prison.

Weird things started happening. I went to pack up and a random pair of black shorts landed on me from nowhere. I turned around in the kitchen and the fridge had been moved out from the wall, revealing a passageway. I wasn't going to wait around to pack everything - I was ready to leave in the night with just a duffel bag. Called for my dog by name and was hooking him up in his harness to go back home to my mother's house when I woke up gasping.

[caitofcaithall]

there’s a post on tumblr about like. if you could do something to bring people a little relief, why wouldn’t you do it? which has unironically informed my practice as a nursing student and patient care tech

[caitofcaithall]

February Schedule

As you may or may not have noticed, the schedule I keep on AO3 never covers all my fics. Partially because so far the Mischief Monday and the Friday Ficlets have been a bit more spontaneous, partially it's also due to the pathetic character limit on the AO3 profile though; it is at times a struggle to put four Wednesday Oneshot summaries on there.

Since I am very confident in the February lineup, I thought I'd try something different and post a full schedule for the upcoming month on here!

Saturday Update, February 01:

Little Red and the Black Fox, chapter 2

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Superhero/supervillain AU, where Petopher are a married couple of vigilantes, while Stiles is the seemingly innocent best friend of their daughter's but in reality doubles as the hero Little Red and the vigilante the Black Fox. Since chapter 1 introduced Peter and Chris' side of the story, chapter 2 will introduce Stiles and his life up to this point.

Mischief Monday, February 03:

Praised and Pampered

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Chris and Peter noticed that Stiles had a bit of a praise kink and they turn praising him into a game between them, for the most mundane things like doing good research. It is absolutely wrecking Stiles.

Wednesday Oneshot, February 05:

It's For the Best

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Deaton and Theo convince Scott that it's for everyone's best if Stiles is mated off to a good match, since the omega is now off age and completed his Emissary training. That'd forge a strong alliance for their pack and allow Stiles to actually act as an Emissary. They arrange a marriage to the mated Alpha Pair of the neighboring Hale Pack, since they're both alphas.

Friday Ficlet, February 07:

Daddy's Gonna Take Care of That

Ship: Stargent

Summary: During the virgin sacrifices, Stiles is freaking out. Chris offers to help out. As the title suggests, Stiles doesn't just lose his virginity, he also discovers he may have a daddy kink.

Saturday Update, February 08:

The Clever One, chapter 8

Ship: Steter

Summary: In this canon divergence, Stiles and Peter are True Mates and Stiles realizes that in the parking garage and afterward claims his role as Alpha Mate (even though he makes it clear Peter will have to work for it if he wants them to work). They build their new Hale Pack together, as equals. Chapter 8 is going to cover some much needed Stiles and Derek bonding (pool scene, my beloved), an investigation into the kanima and Lydia reluctantly joining... not the pack, but the plot.

Mischief Monday, February 10:

The Death and Resurrection of Allison Argent

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: The Hale Pack and the McCall Pack are abducted by a court of divine judges, three of their members are to stand trial for breaking the sanctity of life through unauthorized resurrections: Peter, Allison and Stiles. Two will come out with a not guilty verdict and one will plead guilty - and it's not the person anyone would have guessed.

Wednesday Oneshot, February 12:

Rest and Recovery

Ship: Stetalion

Summary: A canon divergence where Peter was actually tended to and recovered in a supernatural rehab center after the fire and met Deucalion there. The two are a mated pair by the time Stiles checks himself in to deal with the aftermath of being possessed by the Nogitsune.

Friday Ficlet, February 14:

Valentine's Heart

Ship: Steter

Summary: Look, Valentine's Day is a Friday this year, I gotta write something for it. And what would be more romantic than Stiles getting the ripped-out heart of Gerard Argent? It doesn't take a genius to guess who his secet Valentine is.

Saturday Update, February 15:

Guns and Gags, chapter 7

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Peter and Chris are a married couple who own neighboring shops, Peter a sex shop and Chris a gun shop. They're also looking to add a third to their relationship, each smitten with an irresistible twink and unwilling to budge on their own choice to give the other's a chance. Until they realize they both fell for the same twink. In this final chapter, we're honestly mostly gonna have smut and BDSM. So much filth and pleasure, they're gonna go out with a literal bang.

Mischief Monday, February 17:

Unexpected Revelation

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Witches are terrorizing town and some of their magic interfered with Stiles' suppressants. He's been passing as a beta for years thanks to them and never actually went through a heat. So when this sudden, unexpected, first heat hits, he has no idea what's happening. Not a heat sex fic, pure comfort and reassurance for Stiles.

Wednesday Oneshot, February 19:

New Body, New Me

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: Yet another post-Nogitsune fic, but the first one actually written after my 3B rewatch, so this one will be more centered on the little things I kind of forgot. Like the fact that the Nogitsune stole and kept Stiles' body and left him in a whole new one. Or just how ready Chris was to kill Stiles. Or the fact that it was wholly Peter's plan that allowed them to save Stiles.

Friday Ficlet, February 21:

The Lore Keeper's Origin

Ship: Stetalion

Summary: Prequel to The Lore Keeper's Legacy. The story of how Peter, Deuc and Stiles got together when the Alpha Pack first came to Beacon Hills and how Stiles got the position of the Alpha Pack's Lore Keeper.

Saturday Update, February 22:

Defying the Death Date, chapter 3

Ship: Steter

Summary: In this soulmate AU, where you bear your soulmate's birthday and, after their death, their death date, Stiles realizes that Peter is his soulmate when Stiles and Derek kill him. Instead of using Lydia, Peter uses his matebond to Stiles to resurrect himself, haunting Stiles instead of Lydia and making his soulmate fall for him this way. In this final part, Peter is actually going to resurrect himself, finally.

Mischief Monday, February 24:

The Runaway Omega

Ship: Stetopher

Summary: After Derek lost the Alpha spark and Peter took one from a member of the Alpha Pack, the Hale Pack left Beacon Hills for a fresh start. A year later, they're surprised when Stiles stands at their door, a packless freshly turned werewolf.

Wednesday Oneshot, February 26:

Partnered Shoot

Ship: Stetaliopher

Summary: Oooh boy am I excited for this one! My first proper OT4 for Stiles and his DILFs, where all angles will be romantically involved, and it'll be a Neckz 'n Throats AU. The two biggest werewolf softporn magazines, Neckz 'n Throats and Visionary, are having a crossover shoot. For that, they pair their biggest names with each other - Peter from Neckz 'n Throats and Stiles from Visionary. Deucalion, Stiles' husband and the CEO of Visionary, hosts the shoot, while Peter's husband Chris is going to take the pictures. Chris and Stiles are in for a surprise when they realize their respective spouses have history.

Friday Ficlet, February 28:

Empty Battery

Ship: Steter

Summary: Stiles just wanted to masturbate before Peter came over for research, but his damn vibrator died halfway through. He plugs the stupid thing in and opts for a cold shower out of frustration because this fully ruined the mood. Maybe he shouldn't have plugged it in out in the open where Peter could very plainly see it when the wolf gets to Stiles'. But then who needs a vibrator when the very subject of his dirty fantasies volunteers to help out?

[caitofcaithall]

Birdz at my feeder!

[caitofcaithall]

(via c25517d4b6f1abef1ebb3eca6963a8b2.jpg (523×801))

[caitofcaithall]

posted on Kate Bornstein's substack

[caitofcaithall]

[caitofcaithall]

The tragedy of my life is that I keep acquiring and displaying fetish art and having to be corrected by my friends.

Most recently, a friend came over my house and saw my computer background and went, "Wow, um, I didn't know you were into that." To which I look at the picture of the well drawn muscular female minotaur in historically accurate Greek clothing and I start geeking out about how I love the detail the artist did with the clothing and I point out the period appropriate folds and pins, how the artist even inserted the native plant that was used to dye the clothing this particular shade in the background, and even how the belt has technology AND historically accurate weaving patterns on it.

Then I start explaining how I love the muscular choices of the minotaur, that I was so impressed with the artist's anatomically correct depiction of the muscles converging into the neck. That many people get an upright cow's neck wrong because cow's don't have collarbones, so it can be very difficult to merge the upper arms and a chest of a human with a cow's body. I draw her attention to the beautiful way they've merged the pectoralis major so smoothly while also staying true to how muscular they've depicted the rest of the body.

I finish up with my thoughts on the artist's bold choice to depict the minotaur as a female, and despite the underlying themes of a minotaur being violence, child murder, strength, and muscles. I segue into how unlike bulls, cow are perceived as mothers. That they are the major source of milk in human culture, and that idyllic depictions of them in a field usually depict calves frolicking nearby, yet the minotaur kills and eats children.

I finish and there is a long pause.

"Urban, this is fetish art." and she takes me to the artist's twitter and god dammit it's fetish art, not a bold statement on cultural perceptions of women and violence throughout history. I have been tricked again.

[caitofcaithall]

Happy New Year Steter Shippers!

[caitofcaithall]

I feel like folks talking like Tumblr is the last bastion of reason on the Internet are forgetting that the owner of Tumblr is demonstrably cut from the same cloth as Zuckerberg and Musk. Tumblr's moderation polices aren't less bigoted, they're just less competently implemented.

[caitofcaithall]

Anonymous OPM employee posts the following to Reddit:

"I'm a current employee at the Office of Personnel Management (OPM). This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’m posting this because people need to know what’s going on at OPM.

I’ve been an OPM employee for nearly a decade and a Federal Employee for almost 20 years. I’ve never witnessed anything even remotely close to what’s happening right now. In short, there's a hostile takeover of the federal civil service.

Let me say this in no uncertain terms — OPM has been compromised and taken over. The very backbone of American Government, the HR of all HR in the U.S. Government has been taken over by outside politicals. In just five days, they managed to push aside dozens of non-political, career civil servants who were there specifically to prevent the civil service from becoming the President's henchmen.

The current Acting Director, Charles (Chuck) Ezell is a low-level branch chief. He's the friendliest “yes man” you'll ever meet. He never says no. It’s clear they pushed aside all the high-level non political civil servants who refused to do Donald Trump's bidding, until they found Chuck.

Under his name, they’ve sent numerous requests to all the agencies to collect information on gov't employees that they see as a threat to their agenda. Instructions say to send these lists to Amanda Scales. But Amanda is not actually an OPM employee, she works for Elon Musk. She wasn’t even properly cleared by OPM Personnel Security.

Our CIO, Melvin Brown, (also a non political career public servant) was pushed aside just one week into his tenure because he refused to setup email lists to send out direct communications to all career civil servants. Such communications are normally left up to each agency.

Instead, an on-prem (on-site) email server was setup. Someone literally walked into our building and plugged in an email server to our network to make it appear that emails were coming from OPM. It's been the one sending those various “test” message you've all seen. We think they're building a massive email list of all federal employees to generate mass RIF notices down the road.

The non-political civil servants here at OPM are watching helplessly as our government is being systematically dismantled bit by bit. Even the IGs are being fired to prevent them from investigating the numerous whistleblower complaints we've filed.

Please share this and tell the world that OPM is not the bad guy. We're just as helpless to stop this as the rest of our fellow public servants. Hopefully someone out there can help us, but it’s looking pretty grim."

Note: it has since been removed, but has been reposted here.

[caitofcaithall]

[caitofcaithall]

Never stop hating

[caitofcaithall]

such a profound sense of delight when I realize that a piece of media is matching my freak to the very letter. there are creators out there who are my exact kind of sicko and we are reaching out to each other as if across the cosmos.

[caitofcaithall]

movie called technically blonde where she goes to trade school instead

[caitofcaithall]

[caitofcaithall]

Pete Buttigieg is just a faggot.

It's very important to me that younger queers understand this: to the people who you're trying to be more respectable for when you say things like neopronouns set the trans movement back or you're why the cishets don't accept us or including [aces/bi people with the 'wrong kind' of partners/non-binary people/kinksters/non-passing trans ppl/furries/polyam people] just hurts us, can't you wait until we get all our rights before we talk about some of yours? -- to those people? Pete Buttigieg is just a fag.

On Sunday at Pride Northwest, some kids -- late teens, early 20s -- asked what our button I survived Reagan for this? meant. All of the queer adults at the tables making up our ad hoc counter looked at each other and sighed a little. Emet and another adult started to explain the way that the Reagan Administration handled -- or didn't handle -- the beginning of the AIDS crisis. How many people died. How much we were ignored. The Ashes Action. The Time Magazine article which explicitly blamed bisexual men for passing the pandemic to the cishet community, playing on all the worst stereotypical bullshit. The way that even when the CDC started paying attention, they were so focused on gay men that they ignored AIDS in the lesbian community, leading to the "women don't get AIDS, they just die from it" poster. And so on.

I finished counting out change and passed the last Bear Pride raised fist pin over to a bear a little older than me, then turned my head and interjected, "they didn't care until it started infecting more than just the fags." I turned my head back and handed him his change. He laughed bitterly and said, "remember when they called it 'gay cancer?'"

That what I need you to understand. The people for whom you are folding yourself into smaller and smaller boxes will never see you as anything but a freak. A queer. A dyke. A tranny. A fag.

Never.

These are people who will stand by and let you wither away and die alone, gasping for breath in a cinderblock room, and not even claim your ashes, and they will say you deserve it, because of your lifestyle. If they speak of you at all it will be by the wrong name, with the pictures you hate the most. They will curse at your lover, throw him out of the home you shared, and steal the gift you gave last Christmas to throw it in the trash just so he can't have it and they'll say Jesus loves you! while they do it. They'll feel good and righteous and blessed and holy and pure for doing it.

And for them, you spit in the eye of your sister. For them, you disavow your sibling. For their sake, you trim away bits of your heart and lace yourself up tight. Never too loud. Never too queer. Never inconvenient or embarrassing, never asking for too much.

Pete Buttigieg is what happens when your Boomer dad turns out gay. Middle America. Parents still married. Suburban-sprouted. Valedictorian. Harvard-educated. Rhodes Scholarship. Military service. More power to him: I hope he and Chasten are very happy together. Genuinely, I do.

You couldn't create a more respectable gay if you grew one in a lab run by concerned voter focus groups.

But Pete Buttigieg? Is just a fag.

That's the part you don't seem to get: when they abandoned us, they abandoned all of us. Rock Hudson was a beloved movie star and even personally friendly with that horrid pair of ambitious jackals. Nancy Reagan refused to help him get into the only place in the world that could treat him at the time, and he died.

It was 1985, 4 years after the CDC first released papers on what would eventually become known as HIV/AIDS and 7 years after the first known death from an infection from HIV-2. Reagan hadn't even said the word AIDS by the time Hudson died.

Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, and so am I. Unless I'm a dyke, which seems to depend on who's yelling what from which window and what day it is.

Yes, there will be people who genuinely love and accept you. Those people are worth all the frustration of the rest, thankfully, and they're the ones who love you in a pup mask or a leather harness and a neon jock like the ones sold by the men up the row from us last weekend. They're the ones who laugh out loud when you tell them you hid the word "dyke" in your company name, the ones who love you in all your messiness and uncertainty and the way you don't fit into neat boxes all scrubbed up and clean.

Most cishets, though... well, they don't actively mean you specifically any harm, at least not when they have to look at you. Not when you're right there in front of them. Maybe they'll be okay with you, personally, especially if you're the kind of gay who makes a good rhetorical device, and as long as you remain a good rhetorical device.

They need people to know that they don't have a problem with the gays, after all, and there you are, being all convenient. You make a nice token, and as long as you do, well. You're useful.

But they call you by your deadname when you're not around, and they put the wrong pronouns in your medical record even though they met you years after you came out, and they won't put themselves out to save you. Not one little bit.

I didn't want to be here again. The year I graduated from high school was the worst year of the AIDS crisis. The world into which I became an adult was a world in which an advisor and friend to Reagan, William F. Buckley, openly advocated for forcibly tattooing the HIV status of HIV+ gay men on their buttocks (and IV drug users on their forearms), and in which my father not only told me that when I was 14 or so, but when was told me that he'd advocated for that tattoo being "over their assholes."

(Buckley wrote that in '86, but he doubled down on it in 2005.

Fucker.)

But yeah. I didn't want to be here again. I wanted my daughter to inherit a better world. I wanted Obergefell and Lawrence v. Texas and Hope & Change to really mean something. I work for it, today and all days. I haven't given up.

I need you to know that, too. This isn't a white flag. I'm not surrendering. This isn't over. To misquote Henry Rollins, this is what Marsha and Sylvia and Stormé and Leslie and Brenda and Auntie Sugar trained us for. This is punk rock time.

But I need you to understand that if Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, if that human embodiment of a Wonder Bread, mayo and Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich is not respectable enough for them -- and he's not -- then the rest of us have absolutely no hope of measuring up. Not even if we trim away every colorful, beautiful piece of our community, not even if the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence vanish into the ether, not even if we sacrifice the five elements of vogue on the altar of white supremacist cishet middle-class conformity: we can't trim ourselves down to something they'll accept.

The only other option is radical acceptance of our queer selves. The only other option is solidarity. The only other option is for fats and femme queens and drags and kinksters and queers and zine writers and sex workers and furries and addicts and kids and the ones who can look us in the eye and see all of us to say we're here, we're queer, get used to it just the way we did 30 years ago. It's revolutionary, complete and total acceptance of our entire community, not just the ones the cishets can pretend to be comfortable with as long as we don't challenge them too much, or it's conceding the shoreline inch by inch to the rising waters of fascism until we've got nowhere left to stand and some of us start drowning.

That's it. Either it's all of us or it's none of us, because if we leave the answer up to the Reagans of the world and all the people who enabled him in the name of lower taxes and Democrats who wring their hands, weeping oh I don't agree with it but we'll lose the election if we fight it right now, the answer is none of us.

The brunch gays can come, too, I guess.