#people who fully perceive me and don’t actually dislike me

[theirony-of-choking-on-this-dick]

i’m going to explode

i’m so lucky i have such great, loving, understanding friends

like, wow!!!

[inkdrinkerworld]

omg please write that !!! ur so talented i know it would be amazing !!

Cw: angst, sibling arguments, being perceived as a bad person, anxiety, overthinking 0.8k

“Dove, you can’t keep letting them get away with that! It’s not fair.” Remus is tugging at his hair, his eyes wide as he tries to get his point across.

You’re not exactly sure how you venting about your day had turned into an argument but it had.

You’re on a video call, eyes tired as you explained to Remus the plights of your last few days.

You’d had the most massive falling out with your siblings because you’d tried standing up for yourself and now no one was speaking to you.

Mostly because you’d just resorted to silence than actually continuing the conversation- be it for fear of them fully disliking you or be it just to keep the peace.

Remus had been there for some of your arguments, he knew that eight times out of ten they took simple instructions or comments the wrong way no matter how clear you’d been.

“Rem, I have to. It’s just easier.”

Remus narrows his eyes at you, taking in your tear puffed cheeks, red eyes and shaking form.

“For who? I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s clearly not easier for you. You’ve been crying nonstop and you’re not speaking to each other.”

You sigh, hard. Remus isn’t getting it and in your annoyance, you think he’s being thick on purpose.

“Remus, it’s just how it always is. We fight, we don’t speak and then it sorts itself out.”

He rubs his forehead. Remus has had this conversation with you before, and while he’s always been open about his opinions, he’s never been this upset.

Most definitely because you’ve never been this upset by it.

“It doesn’t though, you forgive them without saying anything and bottle it up until the next disagreement.” You’re sure he doesn’t mean to be harsh, but having your behavior pointed out this clearly is jarring in a way that it’s never been before.

Your eyes spring tears at his words. You love and you hate how well Remus is at reading you.

He takes your silence as the floor to continue, “They already think you’re a bad person, what’s standing up for yourself going to do? They’re not going to take the silence as anything but you being ‘difficult’, just like always.”

You choke back a sob, “But I don’t like being the bad guy. Being that is exhausting Remus and having people think that is hurtful and it’s tiring and,” you sniffle a breath in. “I just don’t want to be that anymore. Everyone else gets the benefit of the doubt besides me.”

“Dove,”

You hang up before he can say anything else and flop back onto your bed with a groan.

Your body shakes as you cry, your stuffed animals soaking up all the wet tears.

It feels horrible, having the people that mean the most to you upset with you.

At first you feel okay, ignoring your conversation with Remus in your head.

And then, your brain works up scenarios where tomorrow or tonight when he calls or if you see him- whichever happens first- he’ll say this is it.

It’s not the first nor is it the second time you’ve both had this conversation, and you imagine he’s upset having to say the same thing repeatedly only for you to ignore his words completely.

You know how tiring that is, and that makes your chest burn even more. It feels like a hot knife slicing through cold butter, this shame and this guilt that sits in your chest.

You cry some more when you realize that Remus really could break up with you, if the look of annoyance on his face had been any give away.

You fall asleep some time between crying over the argument with your siblings, the one with Remus and the anxiety-inducing idea that Remus is done with you.

The shrill ring of your phone wakes you up, and you answer without looking at the screen.

“I didn’t mean to imply that you’re a bad person, dovey.” Is the first thing out of his mouth and you feel your eyes burn with unshed tears again. “You’re not a bad person and you could never be.”

“Yeah,” your voice is groggy and hoarse as you speak. Your eyes are heavy as you blink, weighed down by all that crying. “You’re not upset with me? For being a pushover and for hanging up on you?”

Remus sighs and you wish you could see him.

He feels bad for the couple hours of your overthinking. The regret sets in his chest for a bit before it dissipates.

“Dove,” it’s a little reverent the way he says it. “We’re okay, baby. We’re always going to be okay,” you exhale shakily. “You could do horrible crimes and we’d always be okay. Tell your brain to give you a break okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

You sob softly and Remus makes a cooing sound in his throat.

“Will you come see me? Please?”

Remus chuckles his keys jingling in the background. “I’m on my way dovey, wait for me out front? On the swing set?”

“I can stay over right?” Remus laughs fully this time.

“You’re being silly. Dovey, pack two bags yeah? I’ll be ten minutes.”

[syndromestatic]

Something I’ve been thinking about… because of recent moominous events & also the classes I’m taking:

Queer artistry is so so special. & when a queer artist creates something, it resonates with other queer people. The art becomes inherently queer. I think it could probably be debated if all art made by a queer person is, necessarily, queer- separation of art and artist and all that- but at least I think that’s the case.

The question is: does this remain the case after the artist is gone and their art is altered? You probably see where I’m going with this. We think of these characters as inherently queer because of their long and storied history, but at the same time, we know that Moominvalley has changed these characters, too. I’m not going to definitively state that they’re made… not queer, because I don’t believe that to be fully true, but if fundamental aspects of their character and how we perceive it can be changed, can their queerness be so as well? And if the queerness is not erased, then what is it? tamped down? undermined? mishandled?

& Maybe this is the point where you go “okay static it’s not that deep” but I really do think it is! Moominvalley 2019 mishandles a lot of things, i daresay even skirts around the queerness of itself without fully leaving it out. Here is my main case: If they were going to be more explicit with Moomin and Snufkin’s queercoding, that very much should have been followed through with. & let’s speak on how much Moominvalley played around with and constantly changed the nature of Snorkmaiden and Moomin’s romantic relationship with little to no actual explanation or context? Guys I don’t know. It’s odd, it’s weird, and it certainly doesn’t sit right with me.

To me, Season 3 left off in a place where Snufkin and Moomin’s relationship was at it’s tipping point between romantic and platonic- the season literally ends with them arm and arm- And that’s why season 4 falls flat in the demonstration of their relationship. I never expected season 4 to deliver on that front in the first place- by season 2 I felt that the Moomin/Snufkin moments were heavy handed and a bit too forced to be completely natural, and I knew it wasn’t about to become explicitly canon in the first place because Moomin and Snufkin never have been- but to me it’s about follow through and writing, and the fact they were dropping such obnoxious hints only for that tension to be dropped last season feels like both a cop-out, and perhaps even intentional.

The contemporary Moomin boom occurred in 2019, in the wake of the series. Shippers went wild. absolutely nuts. If Moomin has no fans, the world is dead, but this definitely contributed to a spike in viewership. and listen. Season 1 had its flaws but if every season onwards was of the same quality, and each season included the snufmin subtext only as much as season 1, I would not be upset right now. I do, in fact, believe, that the queer fanbase of this show was teased and strung along with the Moomin/Snufkin relationship. And I think the way it was handled in season 4 was due to the fact that they wouldn’t need that part of the show to, excuse my terminology, bait viewers along because it was the last season. Obviously this is all speculation, but I really don’t think it’s all that unlikely. And I’m not even saying that it’s strictly the writers’ fault, but I think there was someone in power who let the queer shit- the shit was was just obvious enough to give young queer viewers fuel- pass by for as long as it was useful, but by no means could the show surpass a certain limit.

Ahem anyways I love Moomins and I dislike Moominvalley 2019… for many reasons but also for this… sorry for incoherencies, typos, the like.

[adolfusraptor1985]

The Effects of DPDR (Depersonalization Derealization) On My Alterhumanity

[Warning: 1,000+ word essay below the break]

The connection between psychological abnormalities and alterhumanity has always been a significant and undeniable experience. I believe that more studies should be conducted to explore the relationship between mental health and alterhumanity. My own alterhuman experiences are closely tied to psychological challenges, and I strongly suspect that while alterhumanity cannot be fully explained by science, there may be substantial links to certain psychological conditions that contribute to it. This short essay will focus on the impacts of and connections between my identity and experiences with dissociation.

To begin, what exactly is DPDR? DPDR stands for Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, a dissociative disorder that lies at the lower end of the spectrum of related conditions. Dissociative amnesia is in the middle, and at the most severe end is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Depersonalization involves "experiences of unreality, detachment, or being an outside observer with respect to one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, body, or actions." Derealization is characterized by "experiences of unreality or detachment with respect to surroundings." Together, these symptoms can leave individuals feeling numb, robotic, or as though their perception of reality is distorted. They may perceive the world around them as blurry, dreamlike, lifeless, or fake.

I have not been medically diagnosed with DPDR, although I have never seen a therapist or psychiatrist. I am considering seeking a diagnosis to ease my mind and potentially receive help. My research suggests that my experiences align perfectly with the symptoms of DPDR, and the condition has only worsened over time. I’ve spent the last few years feeling increasingly detached from myself, my surroundings, and my life in general. Everything feels unreal to me, like a dream or a TV show. Nothing seems truly to exist—myself, my actions, the people around me, and their actions all seem either scripted or entirely imagined.

So, what does this have to do with my alterhumanity? How does DPDR make me identify as nonhuman? It’s actually not the disorder itself, but rather the impact of the symptoms that influences me. My primary focus here is on the depersonalization aspect of the disorder, as it directly affects my sense of self. For me, depersonalization creates a profound sense of detachment and emptiness. I don't feel connected to my body or as though it truly belongs to me. While I don't dislike my appearance—I generally think it looks nice—I can't genuinely feel it as being "me." Most of the time, my mind feels empty, particularly when reflecting on myself. I struggle with "about me" projects because I can’t identify personal interests, hobbies, or personality traits. The few things I do know about myself have emerged only after the onset of DPDR. To cope, I immerse myself in work or creative projects. I often daydream about being fictional characters I’ve created, allowing me to embody someone with a defined personality, backstory, and identity.

This detachment from myself leads me to feel nonhuman. Typically, humans have a strong sense of identity, but I don’t. Humans are generally aware of who they are and how they fit into society; I’m not. Humans retain memories that shape who they are, but I don't. How could I possibly feel human if I don’t even feel real? Because of this lack of self-awareness, my mind attempts to fill the gaps with things that feel "right" to it—a fluffy tail I should wag when I'm happy, a collar I should be wearing, a walk I should be enjoying with my owner.

One of the few things I've been able to genuinely connect with is animals. Society and human interactions can be overwhelming for my dissociated mind. Growing up with a dog, I find my identity leaning heavily toward canines, though I still lack a solid self-image. I’m comfortable identifying as a dog, as that feels natural, but I’m not comfortable identifying as human (aside from biologically). This is where derealization plays a role. Concepts involving reality—whether something is physical, psychological, conceptual, or spiritual—are difficult for me to comprehend. Since some days nothing feels real, who’s to say that I’m not actually a dog? Why should having a human body matter if it doesn’t feel like me?

In short, my dissociation detaches me from my own humanity. Does this make my entire identity a disorder? Am I not truly a dog because this is all a construct of my mind? Could this even border on clinical kynanthropy? My personal answer is no, but honestly, the answer might be "possibly." The challenge with endelic and similarly caused alterhuman identities is that it’s nearly impossible to draw the line between what’s "real" or not, and asking someone with DPDR to define these things is like asking a four-year-old to solve an algebra problem. I barely understand what reality is—but when you think deeply about it, does anyone? My belief is somewhat divided. On one hand, I recognize that much of my alterhumanity is related to a potential disorder and therefore isn’t "real." But on the other hand, it’s a deeply personal and integral part of my own reality. At the end of the day, no science or logic can disprove the concept of nonhuman identity unrelated to biology, meaning this is, at the very least, not delusion based.

[lillified]

Oh!! Btw! I'm a drag artist and I'm doing a drag cosplay of starscream for pride and tfnation 2023 and sometimes when I question if the look is too fem or cutesy shaped, I think about your starscream and I remind myself that I'm serving cunt actually. Thank you for your service

hi!! I absolutely love both of the asks you sent but I hope you don’t mind me responding to this one with a little bit of personal musing—specifically about Starscream and femininity, lol. (long post warning!!)

I cannot stress enough how generally positive and supportive reception to my changes has been, especially in the case of Starscream—that being said, I do think about the occasional pushback I get every so often, and how it feeds into why I make the choices I do

starscream has always been a feminine character, which I think is part of why a lot of people are drawn to it in the first place—even talking to older fans, who grew up with the original show, there seems to be this implicit understanding that Starscream is something “other” (“pretty poison” as a beta name should tell you quite a bit). this is something that has remained relatively consistent in the entirety of transformers—albeit in, I’d argue, the worst way possible.

there are a lot of character decisions I dislike on a thematic level that vary across continuity, but one extremely reliable element of any Starscream is the way femininity defines their villainy. you’re never supposed to like the “feminine” traits. they’re played for jokes and comically exaggerated at best; at worst, any and all Starscream redemption arcs are completely dependent on grappling with emasculation, and shedding the feminine. Even in continuities where other characters (a whole other ballpark) are murderous, abusive, and violent, Starscream is canonically regarded as morally lesser, specifically because their villainy manifests in the feminine. masculine, “active” displays of malice are more noble and admirable than the “passive” and “feminine” act of quiet scheming and deception.

I’m not saying that Starscream doesn’t do bad things, obviously, but this is such a constant theme that it has thoroughly leeched its way into fan spaces as well. I’m not really active in fan communities anymore, but I will always feel frustrated with how the character’s femininity is simultaneously misunderstood and exploited, because that is the natural reaction to femininity. it is inoffensive and clean and neat, and it fits into one of very few digestible archetypes, because it is not perceived as a natural form of expression, but an other. it is only allowed when it is attractive and easy to understand.

this is something that extends to women, as, obviously, in a performative binary womanhood is a shorthand for femininity. “woman” is an other, and feminine women exist in palatable, digestible archetypes. even with all the progress we have made it is really not common to see women or feminine characters in general treated with equal respect or interest, and, the more you pay attention, the more you’ll notice a total apathy for their feelings, struggles, and complexity.

I know this is all really dense, but I bring that all up to say that there is a reason I want to spotlight and elaborate on Starscream’s femininity. it’s a trait that is inherent to the character, but I’d argue that there hasn’t ever really been a moment where that femininity ever manifests as something positive. it’s a derogatory label, but never something the character owns.

I want to see a Starscream that is confidently feminine and “cutesy” because the character has never been afforded that luxury! moreover, I want to portray a fully femme Starscream because there is no reason that should change the character’s complexity or their queer association! (I once saw the argument that making Starscream a girl would be “erasing the character’s queer history” and that kind of sums up the casual effect of misogyny in these weird online spaces, lol. granted that doesn’t mean you can’t project or imagine any gender identity you want for the character—I think that’s very good, actually!!) even though I have never personally been a feminine person, I’ve always been really attached to Starscream’s femininity and the idea of a femme-presenting version because there was a sorely lacking character type I desperately wanted to see—a messy, bitter, and by all means “evil” person who was also feminine, without those things being linked via cause and effect. I hope that makes sense?? essentially, a very feminine girl whose femininity wasn’t the implicit or explicit cause of their moral failings, and was instead treated as. yknow, a neutral mode of expression

anyway, I am very sorry for saying so many words about something pretty trivial here. if you couldn’t tell transformers was the thing that first got me thinking about gender and themes and media critique as a child, so i have feelings like this, lol. none of the problems I listed here are ultimately all that serious and they certainly aren’t exclusive to the robots, but it’s something I really wanted to talk about!

TL;DR: Starscream’s gender is what you make of it and i think you shouldnt stop yourself because it is accurate to the character, actually! I hope that I can encourage people to think outside the box of what rigidly exists in writing and expand their horizons to what the art is trying to say, and how your experience is important :)

sorry again for the long post jeez!!

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Hi! Grace asker again.

I wasn’t intending to call you a misogynist by any means, I had simply seen a lot of differing opinions of Grace based on her insanity and just wanted to know if it was a female thing or if she was genuinely irredeemable. I’ve been in a few fandoms before where it was mostly just a female thing, and it gets very exhausting very quickly. But, if your dislike of Grace is because of her insane, cult-building, murderous tendencies, I get it. A lot of people just don’t like to see that in their fandoms.

However, does that same logic apply to how you view Max? He was also—in my eyes—an irredeemable monster, and it seems like the general consensus in NPMD is that life in Hatchetfield was undeniably better without him there. And he also was shown to be a huge bully and bigot in canon, so what makes it more acceptable to make him gay, yet not offer that same development to Grace?

Once again, maybe I’ll change my mind once I finish watching all of the content with her, but for now I’m just gauging where the line is here.

Okay, sorry. It's just a thing I've already heard and refuted before so I was a little defensive.

With Max, he isn't actually ever shown Ever doing or saying anything specifically about minorities, which is my main problem. Like, he's just generally a jerk, not specifically against queer people like Grace is.

I might be super wrong here, but I'm also pretty sure he's supposed to be bi in cannon. I don't know if that was Will Branner who said that or one of the Lang's, so take that with a pinch of salt.

He's definitely got way more of "I am being defensive because I am abused and I cannot be seen for how much I'm hurting," thing going on. If you haven't watched thw show, I totally get how you couldn't gather that. In one of my linked posts, I went a bit more in depth about it.

I've always tried to give any aggressor... well, not the benefit of the doubt, but I've always put thought into why someone might be doing something.

A great example from my own life was for a period of time, someone who'd bully me for years would call me by my chosen name, Conner. And then one day, when I posted something about how I'm not a girl, I'm nonbinary, he suddenly was really brash about it and began deadnaming me again. And instead of being offended, all I could think is "what on earth happened at home." Which is what shifted my view of it in the first place.

Just like how I don't like Grace, I can fully understand anyone who doesn't like Max, and i won't jump to his defense, I'll only jump to my own defense if I am specifically being attacked for how I perceive him, and even then it's just like "Oh, well, I see him like this."

Sorry for being agressive in the first response. It's not the first time I've heard shit like that, and it will not the last either.

I am interested in what you think after you watch the show, which I think you haven't based on how you're wording things, but I'm also at work, so I'm only skimming and I might be wrong. Either way, interested

[taegularities]

read the tags for entertainer and you said “don’t fall for this jk” and i said yup im totally falling for him 🤡 as i started reading the story i was like well he’s not that bad… then i got to the end and i hate him !!!! omg he’s so…cruel? he truly is. the fact that he showed no signs of remorse… a question tho, why did he grow up that way? like why is that his view towards relationships?

i think i tricked y'all well with this one tag :D none of you wanted to believe me!!! but i fully meant it!! 🤣 glad you feel the way i felt as i wrote the fic. he really is cruel :')

i think a couple people deduced it well, but jk's basically extremely spoiled. always got all the praise as the younger sibling, very coddled until his ego shot up. his arrogance made his peers at middle school dislike him pretty hard, but then he learned how to be charismatic and use his charm for himself and against everybody else. i think he's just so full of himself that he can't really perceive anyone as "good enough" (jangmi was basically a toy for him), but still wants the attention.

oc was the only one who could match his wits and who actually planted doubts in him about himself, which is why he found her so interesting (then again, he was very physical about her) – and additionally, he's pretty much of a sociopath, too :') and yeah

[michelleelizabethtanner]

A lot of people bash Beth for being a bad mom and praise Rio for being a good dad. Why do you think that is? Yeah, we saw a lot of Beth's questionable choices as a mom, but we barely saw Rio as a dad. The few moments we did see, it was pretty evident that Marcus really loves his dad, but Beth's children seemed to love her too. So why do people automatically assume Rio is a great dad? Didn't Rhea mention something about him disappearing frequently or maybe I'm remembering it wrong? If that's the case then maybe Rhea has a lot to do with how Marcus may perceive Rio as a dad. Sounds to me like she picks up his slack a lot. I hope I don't get crucified for this, but that's a Deansie move 🫣 Deansie is a whole other level of bad, but on the fatherhood front, I think he and Rio are swimming in the same waters 🤷‍♀️ In short, I just don't think it's fair to bash Beth as a mother and praise Rio as a father in the same breath. What do you think?

Lol, Anon, this will get me STARTED!!!

The TL;DR of it is just….

They’re all flawed parents. I agree with you fully. The sanctification of motherhood in society and the erasure of women as human the moment they become mothers is why. My bigger rage isn’t even if people think Rio is a good dad. It’s when people feel Dean had a redemption arc because he was shown barely caring for his own children while his wife worked. I mean, what?? That woman ran that home flawlessly for over a decade, and even with Dean taking on a more active role, it was still Beth who knew about her kids’ likes and dislikes, their developmental stages, their troubles in school, their special interests. How many bedtimes had Dean missed to boink his flavor of the month over multiple years of his children’s lives? And he had the audacity to shame his wife for being busy? And fan opinions give him overblown credit for doing literally bare minimum of caring for his own children? It’s just misogyny, Anon.

As for Rio, I can respect the fact that Rio never really used his fatherhood as an excuse. It kinda feels like Rio carried a lot of guilt and shame when it came to his son. Not about Marcus but about Rio’s own inability (or lack of choosing to) be the kind of parent Marcus deserves. He allowed his coparent to raise his child and viewed his financial contribution and occasional emotional contribution as sufficient. Or maybe not sufficient. But certainly inevitable. When it absolutely wasn’t inevitable at all! Rio could have chosen conventional parenting, just like Beth could have. Neither of them chose that.

Rhea is the reason Marcus loves Rio. Rio owes Rhea everything! He will never repay her, doesn’t matter how financially secure he makes her life. Rhea will be the one to raise their son, explain to their son who his father is, comfort their son should the unthinkable happen, and probably take the brunt of their son’s anger when Marcus realizes how she kept the truth from him to protect his father. And Rio just gets to be the hero. Compare this to Beth’s coparent, who will do none of the above. Who badmouths their mother, who will not shield his children the way Rhea shields her son, and should the unthinkable happen to Beth… well… I don’t see Dean as a character who would take on the responsibility of helping his children process.

For Dean, it’s enough to just be around. Same for Rio. Beth and Rhea are expected to either be everything for everyone, or to give up parts of themselves for motherhood. Again, misogyny.

I actually have a recommendation for a piece of literature on this. It’s an old essay, written in 1971, called I Want a Wife. It isn’t a long read. It’s humorous and cynical, the language of it is really accessible, and I think it gives good insight into the experience of someone like Beth.

[natugood]

I’ve been having various conversations with people trying to fully understand what self awareness means, which has transformed into a question of what is sense of self, and how much is it dependent on your relationships with others.

To be self aware, you need to understand how your actions impact the world and the people around you, but also you need to be aware of how you are uniquely different from other beings and how those differences impact the ways in which the world interacts with you.

To be aware of your differences, you must be able to understand physical and observable differences, such as height, race, weight, etc., as well as non-visible emotional and social differences, such as how approachable, friendly, intimidating, weird, etc. other people find you to be. There is overlap between observable and non-observable traits - this why we see implicit racial bias and other similar phenomena - which adds another layer of complexity to this assessment, since you not only must be aware of how you exist, but also make assumptions about how other people will perceive you.

Still, to be able to understand non observable emotional and social differences, the only way to truly do this is through understanding your actions, since communication is the primary form of expressing emotions and socializing, but you also must know how others interpret your actions and which actions they are choosing to interpret and which actions they ignore. Again, you have to make some assumptions based on overjoyed experiences and cultural social rules which you may not even be aware of.

Having a strong sense of self means that you know yourself: you know your likes and dislikes, you know what some of your main personality traits are, you know your goals and how you want to achieve them. The thing is, if part of knowing yourself is based on your core emotions, such as having an excitable or goofy or weary personality, to be self aware you need to know how people respond to your core personality. To have a strong sense of self, you need to know you are communicating those aspects of your personality to others.

The issue I see is that if you struggle understanding how your actions are perceived by others, or basically if you struggle to interpret or understand social cues, rules, or norms on some level, how can you actually say for certain or not how others perceive you? I may be feeling happy, but if instead of or in addition to grinning my eyes are wide and darting around all over the place and I’m bouncing on my toes, can other people tell that I am happy? Do people find me to be just as approachable if I carry my stuffed bunny with me as when I don’t, and does who finds me approachable change? How can I define the aspects of my personality which are based on social interactions if I can never be sure how I am communicating my emotions to others?

People tell me I seem genuine, friendly, approachable, caring, etc, and I do think I am all of those things or at least I try to be, but I have no idea WHY people think those things about me. I’m just out here existing and people like that I guess?? Like it’s not a bad thing at all, but it drives me up the wall because I can tell that I communicating things about myself to people without realizing, and I have no idea what those things are or how I’m communicating them. Because of that I’m also always terrified I’m accidentally being cold rude or selfish or mean and not realizing either, because if I’m unaware that and how I’m communicating more positive feelings, I probably also am unaware that and how I’m communicating more negative feelings.

This goes back to sense of self and self awareness because if I don’t know how I am perceived by others, if I am aware the my actions impact others but I am not sure which actions or how, how can I define who I am when my existence is defined by my interactions with others, and how can I truly be aware of myself if I don’t know what to be aware of?

[cuntycassandra]

Why I think the beginning of this scene is extremely important to Sebastian’s redemption arc.

• scene from ‘Glee, Season 3, Episode 14, ‘On My Way’, timestamp: 17:44’.

Tell me, when you look the above images, what is it that you see?

Most people will recognise the photo for what it is when presented to us amongst the cluster of the rest of the episode, the opening cut to Sebastian’s very ‘rushed’ character development segment, which starts out with him writing school notes/doing homework, drinking a coffee, and waiting for Brittany, Santana, Kurt and Blaine to show up for their scheduled chat. On a surface level, that’s exactly what this scene is, nothing less, but maybe something more.

I’m going to elaborate on why I think this section sets the correct tone for the upcoming scene, and how I feel it makes Sebastian seem a lot more genuine than he is shown to be in prior episodes.

1) Teenager or Adult:

One thing I think Glee truly struggled with, even throughout its earlier seasons, was the mismatched attempts at making the age of their characters believable. Between seasons 1-3, their youngest teenaged individuals were 14/15 (Artie and Tina in S1), and their eldest were 18 (the graduates of S3), your typical high schooler age range. However, throughout the filming of S1, many of the actors portraying our favourite glee kids were actually in their late 20s (for example Cory Monteith was 27 as he played 16 year old Finn Hudson). This concept wasn’t new to TV at the time, many shows even to this day use young adults to play their spritely teenagers, and while it may fix a lot of issues behind the camera (legal working hours, maturity levels, contract signings and professionalism), this can cause a few show-based misdemeanours for the audience.

While watching from afar as fans discuss characters wrongdoings, I’ve come to notice that a lot of people overestimate the actions of each character based upon their ‘ages’. It’s easy to forget that Quinn and Puck were only sixteen years old in season one, when they’re portrayed by 23 year old Dianna, and 26 year old Mark. Psychologically, it is much easier to be angrier at somebody you perceive to be in their twenties as the age is often used as a scapegoat (“they’re 21 years old, they should know better), especially in comparison to that of a sophomore. I mostly see this sort of misinterpretation in characters with more faults than strengths, so for example Santana, Puck, Rachel, and yes, Sebastian. If we take into consideration that throughout season three Sebastian would’ve been 16, if only just 17 at the latest, this should add a layer of understanding to his maturity levels, especially when considering his upbringing? But again, as a flawed character being played by the 21/22 year old Grant Gustin, I think that subconsciously this gives people a reason, or even an excuse, to discard this segment of his redemption, as I often see it does with other characters.

“He’s sneaky, he’s manipulating them, he’s irredeemable”, what he is, is a spoiled teenager with a brain that literally isn’t, and won’t be for years to come, fully developed. Whenever I flip this argument on somebody and say “are you irredeemable for the stupid decisions you made as an emotionally confused sixteen year old?” And to that, it’s always: “it’s different for Sebastian, he’s evil and should know better.”

No it’s not different. Sebastian should be held accountable for his behaviour, I’d never dispute that, but do that, and only that. Don’t force a false vindictive narrative onto a character because you dislike them, and especially don’t set up a double standard when it comes to actual facts. He’s a teenager, a minor, a spoiled little brat who did need his ass handed to him for lack of a better phrase, but a child no less. Treat his wrongdoings as such, hold the accountability, but don’t force evil intentions when they aren’t there because you think it’ll be held, allow him room and a chance to grow up. Everyone, especially teenagers, is entitled to that.

- Redditor comment from the glee subreddit.

- a more in depth version of my teenaged vs adult argument, written by myself on a Reddit comment.

2) How this timestamp rectifies this:

I find that this timestamp helps put into perspective Sebastian’s age, and as a result, his maturity levels and mentality (or lack there of…). I know that in the US uniforms aren’t a common practice unless it’s for a prep or private school, but I genuinely think the use of the Dalton blazer adds to the legitimacy of the canon ages of the character. I tend to associate a uniform with a high school, especially the stereotypical blazer, tie, shirt and nice shoes, this works for the unholy trinity and the footballers in their letterman jackets and cheerleading outfits too. It really sets the tone that these are high schoolers, aged 14-18 year old kids who are going to make really stupid decisions sometimes, keeping in mind the emotional turmoil that comes from puberty and hormonal changes around these ages too.

Now this next point is the one that scratches my brain itch. Sebastian 👏 is 👏 doing 👏 homework 👏. We hardly ever see any of the kids in glee doing homework, or anything school related unless it sets up for a song (in a classroom). I know people don’t tend to look at it this way but even just the principle of Sebastian doing his school work sets such a realistic tone for who actually is. A teenager. He’ll sign his name at the top of that piece of work like any other student, he’ll hand it in to get feedback like the rest of his class, he’ll anxiously await to receive his weekly grade, much like any other teenager would, when it arrives he’ll either be pleased or disheartened, and he’ll discuss it with his friends. The simple idea of him doing something completely unrelated to sabotaging the NDs, even if it’s just as simple as a bit of homework or finishing up a phone call, really sets apart that this is a person, not a monster. He has a life outside of hurting your favourites. I adore how much this puts into perspective that underneath the layers people associate with him, rightly or wrongly, he’s still a 16/17 year old boy, both recognising his age and his maturity level along with it.

3) Video essay:

Audio clip: https://youtu.be/hhYQBudh0vc : timestamp: 8:41.

That’s all I really had to say, definitely not as in depth as my very first analysis post, but this is one of my favourite details about our lovely meerkat no less. This can really be applied to a lot of your high school faves from glee, mainly Quinn, Puck, even Artie to an extent off of the top of my head. It gets a little trickier to defended when the behaviour continues as they grow up and still act this way in a professional work place and/or college (not naming any names, but I’m thinking them-), but beforehand, I’m not going to have anybody try and wipe away Sebastian’s redemption for the price of nothing, and these are just the aspects I think help set the tone for who he truly is, not who he’s painted himself to be in the eyes of an audience.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hey. Thanks for answering my last ask. I did like Tom/Lily back at my day (lol as if I'm that old) but to be fair...any ship with Lily is better than Jilly.

One question. What you think of Hinny and Luna x Ginny? Cause nit gone lie I think Luna x Ginny has more potential than Hinny. But maybe is because I love the trope "pop falls for unpop"

... I’m not sure I’m supposed to feel as insulted as I do that I apparently barely cleared the very low bar that is Jily. 

Moving on.

I’ve given most of my thoughts on Ginny and shipping here.

Harry/Ginny

To sum up for what you’re asking though, I think Harry/Ginny is a complete disaster. Oh, Harry’s the only one she has eyes for but... it is not a good relationship.

Both of them are attracted to the idea of one another and barely seem to know who the other is.

In the case of Ginny, she tries to be someone who she thinks Harry will be attracted to. She takes note of what failed with his relationship with Cho and goes out of her way not to be that. All of her actions in the sixth book are geared towards desperately getting Harry’s attention. More, she projected this heroic persona onto Harry Potter that she never seems to see anything beneath it.

Harry for his own part... likes Ginny’s skin? His attraction to her in Halfblood Prince is one of the weirdest things I have ever read. He seems to lust after her, sort of, we get this green rage monster that throws a fit every time he sees Dean Thomas with Ginny. However, he really doesn’t know much about her and proceeds to barely spend any time with her even when they start dating. That he leaves her in Deathly Hallows is very telling, and very chilling to me. Not only is Ginny not a part of “the gang” and not invited to their club house, Harry is effectively leaving her to be taken hostage by Voldemort. This doesn’t bother him, at all, but then nothing really does.

I also think Harry’s gay (he spends a lot more time drooling after attractive men in canon then he does attractive women), he just doesn’t know it.

So, I think his and Ginny’s marriage is likely a disaster. Ginny has affairs all the time as nothing works out the way she thought it would but is too in love with the fame, the money, and the dream of being Harry Potter’s wife to ever leave. Harry’s utterly oblivious to his wife cheating on him and has to have it pointed out by James Sirius. Harry doesn’t believe him.

I’ll put it like this, their marriage is worse than Ron and Hermione’s. And that, my friend, is a low bar.

A Tangent: Ginny’s Not Popular

I’m actually going to argue that Ginny’s not at all popular. In fact, I imagine she’s actually severely disliked. Harry’s just too oblivious to notice.

So, first, Ginny is the youngest sister of the Weasley family. We see the hit this has on Ron, who has a massive inferiority complex, but we don’t see what it means to Ginny. What we can assume though, is that she’s known, and that the instant she walks into school she has a reputation that’s not necessarily good.

Percy, her brother, is that smarmy asshole prefect.

Fred and George are those assholes who constantly prank everyone. Some think this is hilarious, usually when they’re not the victims, others aren’t too keen on this.

Ron’s that guy who’s constantly getting into trouble with Harry Potter, is a known dumbass who doesn’t even have a working wand in his second year (wizards are elitist like this), and earns hundreds of house points at the end of the year for committing arson.

All of this will feed into how people perceive Ginny before even meeting her. For better or for worse, she is a Weasley, and that means people will see her a certain way.

And then Ginny has the worst first year imaginable.

She isolates herself and pours her heart and soul into a diary. Every second she’s spending talking to Tom Riddle is a second she’s not making friends. More, Ginny’s behavior becomes more and more erratic as Tom Riddle begins to possess her. She starts missing classes, acting strangely, etc.

And I think it’s damning that no one noticed.

No one is watching Ginny, no one is even around her, so if she disappears for a few hours and wakes up covered in blood in the bathroom, nobody knows. Had Tom not written a message informing the entire school that Ginny had been kidnapped, no one would have noticed, Ginny would have died down there in the chamber and it would have been days until someone, maybe, put it together.

Ginny in her first year has no friends.

And then it’s too late.

We see with Harry that people in Hogwarts form friendships fast and they rarely change. You get your clique in you first few weeks of Hogwarts, and if you’re unlucky like Hermione then it takes a few months and a troll nearly killing you to find your group, and then you stick with that group.

Ginny comes back second year, everyone already has their best friends, there’s no room for her. She tries to integrate into a group, they just give her weird looks, and more remember her as that sickly lunatic.

Because remember, that she was possessed is not known beyond a few people. It’s never publicized, and most probably think Harry or Hagrid was behind the Chamber of Secrets Fiasco II: Electric Boogaloo.

So, you get a bunch of kids who don’t want to hang out with Ginny. And, Hogwarts houses are so insular, that Ginny can’t really go and hang out with anyone else.

For all that Ginny joins the quidditch team, for all she joins the DA, I don’t think she ever really has friends. She’s just the youngest and weirdest Weasley.

And then comes her fifth year.

Ginny decides she’s going to date every guy in Hogwarts to get Harry’s attention. Now, good or bad, this is going to get Ginny a reputation, a very negative one. To the male Hogwarts population: Ginny’s an easy lay. To the female Hogwarts population: Ginny’s that bitch who will steal your boyfriend.

Halfblood Prince will not make Ginny any friends.

Ginny/Luna

It has more potential than Harry/Ginny but I personally don’t think it’s going to happen.

Like everyone else, Ginny looks down on Luna, which is a bit hilarious as per the above I don’t think Ginny’s rolling in popularity either. Luna’s weirdness is tolerated at best in a sort of, “Oh, look how cute and nuts she is, let’s pat Luna on the head.”

More, as I explained in the Ginny shipping meta linked, Ginny only has eyes for Harry and I think it would take a lot for her to look in any other direction. And to go for Looney Lovegood instead?

Part of Harry’s appeal is that he’s Wizarding Jesus, he’s important, wonderful, charming, a prince in Ginny’s eyes. Luna’s that batty girl who lives down the street and has radishes in her ears.

I just don’t see Ginny ever going for it.

As for Luna, she’s hard to get a read on, but I believe she’s fully aware of what different people think of her. She’s a very kind and generous person who overlooks this for her friends, but in a romantic partner... I think Luna is waiting for someone who truly understands her or if not that then at least truly likes her.

I don’t think that will ever be Ginny.

[heuristicallyinclined]

I have somewhat organized my Bronya thoughts. I have a lot of them and have put them under a read more as a courtesy.

Bronya is such an underrated character who really grew on me over time with how complex she is. While I really do love the mom jokes as much as the next person, to say she’s the mom friend sells her short, even if it’s partially the way she presents herself. I think that her being perceived that way is very “safe” for her in which she is seemingly conforming to jadeblood stereotypes and having people see what they more or expect protects her and her cloister from more scrutiny. I think that she and Lanque are similar that way in which they both use masks for protection and both want to be perceived a certain way, though for different reasons.

Bronya’s route was more of a world building route and we learn more about the caverns than her character and I think it’s really interesting that we learn more about her from other people’s routes (Elwurd, Lanque, Lynera) than we do about her on hers. She and Elwurd dated and she took her role in the caverns seriously and that caused some friction and ultimately it was a large factor in why she dumped Elwurd. Whether it’s because she wanted to or she felt like she had to is another matter. Elwurd also mentions how Bronya always wanted to talk about her feelings and during their argument, Bronya stresses emotional honesty and communication. But then when we meet her, we see in her own personal life and route she isn’t exactly super open regarding her thoughts and feelings and occasionally has to catch herself from it. Granted, Mspa Reader is an absolute stranger and an alien so there is reason for hesitation. However, Lynera isn’t exactly subtle about her crush on her and Bronya never addresses it and more or less seems to be avoiding that topic entirely.

I think that Lynera’s crush on her makes her profoundly uncomfortable, not just because it isn’t reciprocated, although that is a decent amount of it, she can’t really address it because of what that would mean she’d have to confront what she’s being seen as. Lynera very much has put her on a pedestal to a bit of a dehumanizing extent as she is seen as this paragon of jadeness by her, and the thing is, that is in fact the mask Bronya has chosen to wear. She wants to be perceived as a model jade with nothing to inspect or hide to keep her nursery safe and other jades safe, but seeing Lynera fully view her the way she has wanted to be seen to almost the extent of being a parody of herself is just a lot. She is fully Bronya™ to her.

I don’t even really think she wanted to be Bronya™ so much as just Bronya, the girl who used to sneak out, to go to parties, do dumb shit, and go on dates with her girlfriend. She is still a young adult who likely from the point of being a teenager had to step up/ felt like she had to be the one to step up and be responsible for the rest of her cloister and grubs under her care and that her becoming Bronya™ really ended up alienating her from the rest of the jades and none of them really seem close to her. Daraya and Wanshi seem to view her as an authority figure, Lynera adores the person she’s spent sweeps projecting as, and the person who knows her best, Lanque, doesn’t really like her anymore and views her as a hypocrite. Despite their implied messy past, I do think that strangely enough Lanque is the person she is closest to since he’s the one there who actually seems to know her best even if he does dislike what she’s become. I think that her trying to help him find his place in the cloisters is somewhat of a projection of her having to find her own peace there and how she gets it. She’ll likely have to keep it up too to be put in any position of power on a cloistered planet so that she could continue getting to take care of the jades in the way she wants to. I ultimately don’t think she regrets the role and is genuinely devoted to her jades and cloister, but she had to give up a lot of herself for it and that couldn’t have been easy for her. 

I really like the idea of writing a fic where Mspa Reader notices her starting to get worn down and invites her out of the cloisters to hang out with them. If Elwurd and Lanque’s route are any indication, she’s still got it and has no problem getting out of the caverns. Though she might claim it’s a privilege of being a head jade and one that she would never abuse. I know one of the members of the Hiveswap team once said that their good end is how they perceive/ what they view as friendship being and in her route, that’s her being able to take care of their wounds. She even says if she can’t take care of someone, she isn’t sure how they can ever be friends. I just want to see her be on the receiving end of it. I don’t think she would take the bait for a “me day” on her own so I almost feel like they’d have to get her to take care of herself/ let them help her by making her think she was taking care of them. She just does a lot and has been through a lot and I want to see her get care too for a change.

Just… Bronya.

[variousqueerthings]

Sam and Daniel and Legacy and Queercoding (and some fun hypotheticals)

More on @bobakick and @jenpsaki coining “Delicious Jellyfish” as a term here because that’s basically what this analysis is saying in a lot more words

Introduction

Sam is a fascinating character, whom I think we’ve only scratched the surface of on the show and I’m interested to see where s4 takes her. The thing about Sam is that she is in a role that for every other character on the show is inhabited by boys and men, and also just generally has a tendency to be inhabited by boys and men in these kinds of stories: She’s the heir to her father’s story and trauma.

Their stories continue to mirror one another – in small ways like the “dick sucking” bullying, or in big ways like how she reacts to perceived unfairness or the way both of them benefit from Miyagi-Do Karate, even if it’s not necessarily the most “natural” fit for them (they’re hot-headed and free-floating by nature, Miyagi-do grounds them, which is good, but I bet s4 will see Sam thriving under more offensive-based/aggressive karate).

She is often underestimated (by Kyler, by Miguel, by Hawk, by Tory), her moniker given to her by people who don’t like her is “princess,” and she might not strike first, but she definitely strikes hard. Contrasts this to skinny-TKK-Prima-Donna-LaRusso yelling this school sucks and the feminine-coded insults that get thrown his way (that’s its whole other analysis that a fair few people have wonderfully touched upon) and on Cobra Kai you know I won’t strike first. Also Amanda literally calls her his “mini-me.”

Up until now she’s been written as a straight girl in a way that’s similar to how Daniel was written as a straight boy in The Karate Kid – she likes a boy, other aggressive girl also likes boy, they fight over boy (boy falls over railing, ouch, but actually that’s more to do with Robby and Miguel and Johnny than with Sam and Tory, anyway): “Heterosexuals.”

Look just beyond this somewhat clichéd narrative and there’s something else going on that probably? was unintentional? In that way that queercoding by accident so often is?

For Daniel and his narrative with Johnny it was that their fight really had very little to do with Ali once the movie got going, and 35 years later it has zero to do with her at all, beyond needing to get a bit of catharsis on their respective relationships with her. She was – as is the often unfortunate role of girls in these kinds of stories – the catalyst.

Similarly, (but not in quite the same way, because Miguel absolutely is also his own person on the show and arguably written with more to do than either Sam or Tory) Miguel is a catalyst for the violence that erupts off the back of the dislike that Sam and Tory felt for each other from the get-go. But he wasn’t the first one. The original catalyst for this was of course Aisha. Funny that she should fall into that role as a queercoded black girl…

I will continue to theorise and/or headcanon that Tory dating Miguel had way more to do with getting back at Sam and self-sabotaging herself than with actually thinking she and Miguel had a good shot at making it work. Hell, she kisses him off the back of a day of him pining for Sam. Like he’d been pining for Sam in the moments before the kiss. That girl knew this was doomed! She wanted it to fail, so that she could prove that nothing good ever happens and justify her hatred of Sam (and have that very homoerotic, “I’m kissing the boy who kissed her” subtext), because Tory is a complicated gal. And in season three when Sam and Tory fight, Miguel is fully out of the equation, just like Ali was back in the 1984 tournament.

“But wait,” you say. Sam dates three whole real boys in the course of three seasons: Kyler, Miguel, Robby, (and then Miguel again). That’s several boys. Clearly her narrative is about boys.

And yet… and yet her most complex relationships are with two girls – RIP Aisha, maybe you were nerfed from this show because your queer energy made everyone else queerer just by being in your powerful sphere.

1. Sam As An Heterosexual:

But let’s take Aisha and Tory out of equation for a moment and go back to Daniel and the legacy that Sam has to carry. Let’s look at these boys for a moment and Daniel’s reaction to her dating them.

His caution around her and The Boys seems to come less from an over-protective dad mindset and more from a “Yeah, I’ve known plenty of guys who seemed harmless that were real pieces of crap behind the scenes" space + from having spent a portion of his teen years around boys who wanted nothing more than to beat him up or manipulate him and destroy his life or outright kill him.

His trepidation around Kyler and Miguel obviously comes partially from Silver, but I’d argue with the latter it’s also the wider legacy of Cobra Kai – after all, he’s only seen Miguel being violent and fighting dirty at the All-Valley (although he’s also met Carmen and he knows Sam cares about him after the fall), so to him he might as well just be Johnny 2.0.

Robby, of course, is actually Johnny’s son. This is fine-ish despite the one Terry-Silver-Induced freak-out in 1x9, up until 2x10 when Robby’s taken Sam to Johnny’s to sleep off her bender, at which point whatever roiling anxieties Daniel Absolutely Doesn’t Need Therapy For rear their head and he lashes out – no Johnny-type-or-child-of-Johnny-whom-I-have-occasionally-mixed-in-my-head-as-Silver-because-Cobra-Kai-is-a-mess-of-emotions is going to do to his daughter what was done to him!

What, does he think Robby’s going to push her off a hill? Miguel’s going to chase her through a field with four other buff guys? They’re going to lure her in by being nice and friendly only to reveal that secretly they’ve been manipulating her all along and wanted nothing more than to twist her up and/or destroy her? - subconsciously… yes, probably. Fascinating how Daniel’s response towards Sam’s boys are really all about his boys.

Also, man, Robby really catches the brunt of both the worst of Daniel’s traumas and fears and grief and repressed queer desires and the worst of Johnny’s traumas and fears and grief and repressed queer desires. Poor kid.

Basically: It’s dangerous to be attracted to boys, because they might be like Miguel/Johnny – violent and angry, or they might be like Kyler/Terry – playing nice in order to manipulate you. It’s not you he doesn’t trust Sam, it’s boys who’ll hurt you. Uh-huh.

Thinks about if Sam had been a son dating girls and if Daniel would have the same fears – probably not (unless maybe that “son” was physically smaller, like he was? Maybe he’d warn that hypothetical son about those girls’ ex-boyfriends or their fathers or maybe he’d try to raise that son to not become that kind of man… side-glance at Anthony’s lingering potential… idk, maybe?) The point is that he relates partially to some of what Sam’s going through as a person who’s perceived as physically weaker and more at risk of being hurt and/or used by boys and men.

I do love though that the show (in a sliiiightly rarer moment of getting into the head of a teenage girl in a way that isn’t kind of off-base) has Sam tell him that it’s different if you’re a girl – Daniel fighting back in TKK is one thing, Sam fighting back on Cobra Kai makes people perceive her as a “psycho,” and her self-defence against Kyler in season one when he is sexually harassing her leads to slut shaming – slut shaming that was born out of… slut shaming Daniel for the same thing. That unintentional Delicious Jellyfish queercoding again… 

Daniel might be trying to protect her in the ways he knows, but he’s not a girl. (Vice versa of course, Sam isn’t poor like he was). He’s also wrong that the “danger” was the boys…

And now for the more interesting version (for me at least).

2. Sam As An Queer:

Alright so all of the above still applies, but we assume that she’s got that added confusion of not understanding how she feels in that classic queer way – (why do I feel like this about girls? Good friendships? Sex? Do I want sex one day? Do I want sex one day? Do I want sex with a guy one day? Girls are cute. Boys are cute. Is it the same cute? Wait do I want sex with a girl one day???)

Sam can be read in a myriad of ways under this header, lesbian, bi, pan, ace, demi, a fun mix’n’match, so I’m keeping it a little bit vague, but generally with the assumption that she’s in some way attracted to girls, however that attraction looks.

This reading puts her interactions with girls and with boys in a new light – starting with her attempts at normative popularity in s1 with Yasmin and Moon, the latter of whom is later canonically bi or pan and has a moment of nerves when introducing her girlfriend after she herself has let go of some of that mindset (although it’s not really an in-depth storyline and we don’t see her trajectory, since she’s a tertiary character).

Kyler and his friends are dicks from the get-go, but they put on a (very thin) veneer of niceness around the girls. Sam sees how her interactions with this group affects Aisha, whom she excludes and doesn’t stick up for.

It’s not too dissimilar – but far less extreme – to the way Hawk pushes away Demetri for some of the same surface-level “sins” of nerdy weirdness, except of course Aisha is also black and fat as the only character, which forces the show to push a little deeper on who this kind of bullying most often affects (and may be why it chickened out of developing her, Aisha you deserve so much).

Non-specific reasons of bullying (or the “I just don’t like the look of that kid” kind of bullying) tend to beneath-the-surface really be about ableism and/or queerness -- things that aren’t visible on the surface necessarily, which you see coded in both Demetri and Aisha, and to some extent early-days Miguel before he becomes a beautifully Built boy post physical therapy. 

If you’re desperately trying to fit in and you can mask your own vaguely specified non-normativity through weaponising either masculinity (Hawk) or femininity (Sam), then that’d naturally be a tempting thing to do. This also mirroring Daniel’s inability to hide his non-traditional masculinity vs Johnny’s Intense Masculinity and how he gets punished and almost killed the second he falters in upholding it… there’s so much going on here.

So Sam pushes away Aisha, who’s naturally hurt, Sam apologises and things are tentatively okay again... and then a new girl rides into town and says this town ain’t big enough for the both of us to be queer in, or at least, that’s how Sam perceives it when she grossly overreacts to her getting close to Aisha. (So wait – is Sam actually Johnny, Aisha is Ali, and Tory is Daniel? Anyway, point is polyamory is the endgame in my head, naturally).

And it’s around here that Aisha sadly starts to get written out of the picture, but let’s take what we can get in the little merry-go-round of emotions that is this threesome drama: Aisha meets Tory and they immediately get on/flirt – she invites Tory to the club-beach-place, partially because she’s nervous about Sam being there, because they’re not in a good place, partially because she just really likes her (and sidenote: Aisha doesn’t have girl friends at this point and she’s used to girls secretly or not so secretly thinking she’s ugly and/or weird or not sticking up for her, but Tory is immediately openly admiring and friendly) – Aisha and Sam make up again – Tory and Sam meet and dislike each other, because of Aisha – Sam accuses Tory of stealing – Tory accidentally pushes Sam into a table of various desserts and runs away – Aisha rightfully sides with Tory and leaves Sam covered in the desserts. Sam – due to a myriad of complicated reasons to do with classism and being gay – dislikes Tory even more.

Unfortunately Aisha and Tory don’t have any deep interactions after this for unexplainable reasons, but Sam and Tory entrench themselves in this first impression and immediately start to egg each other into more and more extreme encounters. 

Cue school fight, Tory almost fucking cuts up Sam’s face, Aisha is moved to a new school, something that Moon comments is Really Sad For Sam, because she and Aisha were friends since they were kids (which is never referenced again, c’mon we couldn’t at least have Sam being sad that she can’t talk to her oldest friend??? EDIT: Heyyy at least we get a cameo in s4!), and Sam has panic attacks throughout season three, because of Tory and the fact that she didn’t sign up for teen army karate wars.

And in all this she keeps on dating boys or being in a weird limbo space between Robby-knows-I-kissed-Miguel-and-is-in-juvie and Miguel-got-out-of-his-wheelchair-and-is-back-in-school yay. But it’s not really about them. It’s about Tory.

Tory is in her mind, you see. Sam is dreaming about her, she’s that entrenched. She’s got her. Right up until Sam manages to fight back in 3x10, but that doesn’t mean that Tory’s out of the picture (or out of her mind). It just means that now they’re on a more equal footing for the next “fight.” (EDIT: I love that their dynamic has changed once again post s4)

Daniel was - to some extent - wrong when he mirrored his own experiences with boys/men to Sam’s relationships with boys. The fact that Daniel was hyper-focusing on the dangers that boys present says more about him than about Sam, who’s capable of self-defence, if also subject to the Laws Of Being A Girl.

The real mirror to his relationship with boys is her relationship with Tory.

3. Conclusion:

So what would Sam coming out to her dad mean for the legacy he’s passed onto her? 

What would that mirror back onto him if she were to tell him that her fraught interactions with girls hid an insecurity about her attraction to girls? 

If she were to tell him that she’s felt like she’s had to pretend at Correct Heterosexual Girlishness and she can’t do it any more, but she’s afraid of what it’ll mean, what would that reflect back about his Correct Heterosexual Boyishness in the Karate Kid movies? 

What does it mean for Daniel’s legacy that she carries that shame with her?

She’s the heir to his story and his trauma after all.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi, Em! I believe that I’m an SFJ, did I get my type right? Thanks for the help!

- I enjoy doing things just because they make me happy. When I’m not working, I get fully immersed on my hobbies and I don’t need to have any bigger goal to feel satisfied with my life. I’m pretty much focused on the present moment.

- I also like to stick to my “chill” plans and hate dealing with last minute changes — if I want to spend my day reading at the beach, I won’t like it if someone suggests a shopping trip for us to do instead.

- I like to create my own methods of working/organizing things. If they work well enough for me, I won’t change them until it’s actually necessary.

- I’m usually very instinctual when it comes to making decisions, I don’t think too much before choosing a path to follow. My heart guides most of my choices.

- I have a hard time separating my own emotional state from external situations; e.g. my friend has a hard time with her coworkers and when she mentions her struggles to me, I feel as mad as if I was the one going through everything.

- That being said, I can get passionate when I’m discussing about social injustices as well (I’m not the best to argue, though, my feelings easily get on the way and people may not take me seriously because I’m not being rational enough).

- I’m very emotionally expressive and people who know me well can even notice slight feelings that I’m trying to hide. I also like to communicate my feelings and hate dwelling on things for too long. Emotional situations that didn’t have any closure — like friendships that ended badly — makes me feel terrible.

- I’m pretty straightforward and honest when it comes to sharing my opinions and points of view, especially if I believe that it will be helpful in the moment (e.g. I always let my sister know if I have some insight about one of her friends potentially not being as nice as she thinks they are). I only avoid doing so when it’s going to cause unnecessary conflict.

- For me, things are usually either black or white and there’s no space for the middle ground. It’s also hard for me to deal with people who have opposite beliefs of my own.

Hope you have a great weekend! ♡

Hi anon,

This actually sounds more like a high Fi user to me. I think either Ne or Se is possible.

Typically being most focused on the present moment rather than the future or past is far more common with high Se users than with high Si or Ni users; it can be true for Ne users.

Disliking changes of plans is often true of high Ni or Si users, but the fact is, if you want a chill day at the beach and don't care much for shopping (or even enjoy shopping but was specifically looking forward to a chill day at the beach), you'll probably feel annoyed at a change of plans regardless of type.

Creating your own way of doing things rather than following established procedures is much more common in perceivers (high Fi or Ti) than judgers.

Instinctual/emotional decision making is much more tied again to being a perceiver (high Fi or Ti/high Ne or Se) than judgers. The fact that it's specifically emotional points to Fi.

Feeling for your friends is normal regardless of type; that's just empathy. Most of the emotional sections here match a relatively sensitive emotional person but are not specific to either feeling function.

The part specifically about being very black and white in your outlook and very honest even if it may be somewhat negative is much more indicative of Fi than Fe; some conflict avoidance is normal in many people. My guess is you're an enneagram 9, which may be contributing to some degree of conflict avoidance and desire for balance/harmony that you might be reading as Fe. The above though really doesn't have any high Ni or Si and has a few things that fit the extroverted perceiving functions quite well.

[blushing-titan]

Reasons why I believe the cabin vision was Mikasa’s dream - and not an AU

I briefly touched upon this topic in my previous Mikasa/Anti Eremika-themed interpretation, but in this post I’d like to elaborate further - why do I think that the vision from chapter 138 was Mikasa’s dream, and not an actual AU flashback? As in my previous post, a little warning first: there will be spoilers, as I’ll be using panels from the manga.

1. I want to go back...back to our home

Many fans interpreted this as Mikasa having a flashback to alternate reality, in which she and Eren share a cabin in the mountains - a reality in which they’re both living safely and peacefully. However, it’s important to remember that for Mikasa, the meaning of home is very symbolic - it’s been shown ever since the first chapters of the manga:

After losing her biological parents, she feels like she has nowhere to go - her home was just taken away from her. She’s cold and scared...but then, as dr Jeager invites her to live with his family, Eren wraps his scarf around her and says:

...to which she simply replies: ...okay. Let’s go home. She has just been saved, and despite all the horrible things that happened previously, she has a home again - a home symbolised by the good-hearted boy who wrapped his scarf around her when she was cold. In the following years, this fact becomes a source of her strength and will to fight...

...but, as the time goes by, the boy who saved her changes and seems to be drifting away from her. She feels like she’s losing him, so this time it’s her turn to ask:

My point is that ever since they met, Eren has always symbolised home for Mikasa. He has been her safety, anchor and source of strength - which is why it’s so hard for her to accept that, after all his wrongdoings, he may not be the same person that he was when he wrapped the scarf around her. I believe that’s what she meant by saying: I want to go back to our home - in fact, she even thinks about his old self right before the cabin sequence starts:

Now, onto the second argument...

2. Mikasa idealizes Eren in her mind.

I’ve seen opinions that Mikasa views Eren through rose-colored glasses - and it’s not entirely untrue. When he saved her, she created an idealized image of him in her mind - she perceives him as a good-hearted, caring person who would never willingly go against his friends or hurt any innocent people. No matter what he does, she still tries to see him through this filter. It’s the reason why she often misunderstands him.

(Notice how even Armin is concerned by Mikasa’s answer.)

In another example, Mikasa tries to justify Eren’s actions by saying that he had done it all out of care for his friends.

Knowing all that, it makes perfect sense that the Eren from her dream would be an idealized version, too. He openly acts affectionate with her and is devoid of any fiery or violent character traits of the original Eren. Instead of hurting (or saving) anyone, he runs away with Mikasa to spend his last years peacefully, just with her. 

Many fans caught up that this version of him is quite OOC, as it goes against everything that his character represented up to this point. He has always been a fighter, dedicated to his goal of achieving freedom. Therefore, the decision to run away from problems (...along with his general behaviour in the cabin vision) just seems off to many people...but what about Mikasa’s goals? Quite frankly, they perfectly align with what’s shown in the dream - she just wants to be with Eren and keep him safe from harm...

...and yet, with the way Eren is, it’s simply impossible for her in reality...

...so she creates this scenario in her mind, as a way to comfort herself. In fact, it may have been suggested that she’s been dreaming about living away from danger with Eren ever since her training days - she even proposes that they could go back to the settlement together. Ironically, Eren leaves as she’s speaking, without her even noticing - instead, he wants to get stronger to keep on fighting.

3. Author’s note

A while after ch.138 came out, the information about the particular author’s note appeared on the internet. It said (35) draw Mikasa’s ideal, which (to my understanding) suggested that the vision was based on Mikasa's ideal answer to the question asked by Eren a few chapters earlier.

As we know, her answer was family. Later on, she wonders if she could have changed anything by giving him a different reply. Therefore, I believe the cabin dream was based on what she really wanted to say back then, and how she wanted for the following events to unfold.

I’ve seen many fans theorize that the vision was a flashback of the AU in which she gave him a different answer. I’ve said that in my previous interpretation, but I’ll gladly say it once again - Mikasa’s reply shouldn’t have such a huge impact on the future of the entire world. She should never feel guilty about it, as, at the end of the day, Eren went on with the rumbling and it was his decision. I really dislike how much weight the AU theory puts on Mikasa and her answer, when in fact, if Eren really wanted to give up on his plan, he simply would have done it. He had a lot of occasions to stop, one of which being a collective plea from all of his friends - including Mikasa. 

In fact, if he really wanted to run away with her, he could propose this idea himself - however, the fact that it’s clearly stated that her “correct” answer was required for it to happen makes me strongly believe that the vision was indeed Mikasa’s dream, based on her ideal reply.

4. Plot mechanics

Due to the fact that Mikasa’s See you later, Eren appears in the first manga chapter, many people speculated that it must be because Eren somehow saw a glimpse of an actual AU, dismissing the possibility that he could have seen Mikasa’s mindscape. Personally, I’ve never understood this argument - mostly because we already have a few complicated (...and not fully explored) plot mechanics in SnK that could explain this phenomenon - one of them being paths/founder titan’s power.

Ackermans are supposed to be immune to the founder’s ability to alter memories, however Mikasa is still a subject of Ymir. Therefore, as shown in the manga, she can manifest in the paths, meaning that Eren is able to connect and talk with her telepathically. Thanks to that, I don’t think it’s impossible that he may have seen her dreams/memories through paths, even without altering them - and from there, transfer these memories to his child self. Even more - this could also have been done by the original founder - Ymir Fritz - who’s been observing the entire interaction. At this point, it’s implied that she doesn’t have to be ordered by anyone anymore, so it’s perfectly reasonable to think that she acts out of her own free will.

Taking this into consideration, what’s the point in introducing an entirely new and confusing plot device (ability to experience AUs) when the story is one chapter away from finish? In my opinion, there are enough matters that need proper closure and questions to be answered in these final 45 pages - adding a new plotline only complicates everything more, when it should be the time to close up all the already existing ones.

That’s all from me today! Hope I managed to get my points across - thank you very much for reading! ❤️ All the manga panels used above obviously don’t belong to me - all credits go to the author!