#people really dying for real is super sad and different

[anamelessfool]

Copia dying?

Tear the bitch apart ✨ aesthetically✨

Make it camp make it big make it iconic

Out of control off the wall off the cliff explosion CAMP

Some of us need the closure (me)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I have been thinking about Feast recently and it got me thinking about the kids that are studying at the temple and how fucked up it is that they're brought back 186 years later

Considering that Fu was forced into guardianship and had to leave his family behind we can assume the same thing goes for the other kids as well, which makes the situation even worst

Because imagine you're around young Fu's age, they force you into guarding a box with magical jewelries that you didn't asked for and aren't interested in, doesn't help that the training is a nightmare, suddenly a giant blue frog shows up and swallows you whole alongside other people and you're now dead, and when you thought things couldn't get any worst you're miraculously (no pun intended) brought back to life and you realize you skipped almost two decades into the future, meaning you can't come back to your family since I highly doubt they're alive for so many years, you can't go back to your home either because again highly doubt it exists anymore, so you're now an orphan just like the other kids and you're forever stuck in that guardian temple

One thing for sure everybody want Fu dead after this

The guardian lore is one of the many elements of canon that feels incredibly underdeveloped. Heck, I'm not even wild about the idea that a sentimonster's damage can be perfectly undone over a hundred years later. The implications are really weird. Like, if I'm dying from cancer, can I make a sentimonster and have it kill me so that a future Ladybug can undo that move and I wake up when cancer has been cured? Based on Feast, I think the answer is yes! It's super weird. ~180 years have passed. The guardians should have been dead, cure or no cure.

Having Fu be an unwilling child guardian would have been a solid choice if the goal was to have a discussion about Marinette also being an unwilling child guardian. It's a decent analogy for generational trauma. It could even be used as a discussion on child soldiers! But canon isn't doing any of that, so Fu being an unwilling child guardian just feels sad and weird. Why add that element if you're not going to do anything with it? It's up there with implying that teenagers aren't supposed to be Chosen like they did in Furious Fu:

Su-Han:(interrupts, shouting) When the lion speaks the cub listens! First off you two are going to hand over your Miraculous to me. Cat Noir: What, that's a bad joke. (smiles with Ladybug) And I know all about bad jokes. Ladybug: We can't do that! How are we going to defeat Shadow Moth without our Miraculous? Su-Han: I will reassign then to carefully selected, appropriate adult holders. Like any rightful responsible Guardian would do.

You should never acknowledge that teenagers are a questionable choice for heroes in your show about teenage heroes unless you're going to give that statement actual weight and discuss how messed up this would be in the real world. Canon doesn't do this, so this was a terrible thing to include. This isn't breaking the fourth wall for a joke. It's the writers trying to engage with bad-faith criticism to which there is no good counterargument other than, "this is the show's premise. If your suspension of disbelief doesn't allow you to enjoy that premise, then this isn't the show for you." Don't remind the viewers who are happy to play along that the show is asking them to use their suspension of disbelief. That is a great way to break their suspension of disbelief!

All of this is why my stance is that the guardian order was a bad call. It's just way too complicated an element to introduce if you're not going to do anything interesting with it. Su Han could have easily just been the guardian of a different miracle box who comes to train Marinette when Fu is lost. He could have even been some sort of master guardian who only has one kwami of his own and no box because he oversees all the different sub boxes. Anything is better than introducing a whole temple of guardians and then only having one guy show up to help, especially when he doesn't actually do anything to help! At least give the heroes a new power up!

[tea-and-secrets]

I hate people asking me about religion because I have no idea how to explain mine because it's literally just some insane shit I made up.

When I was a kid and I realized there were a bunch of different religions, I thought it was really sad that people were fighting over which one was "right". Like, how come your god gets to be a real guy and not that other guys god? That's not fair. :(

So I just said "Fuck that, everyone is right." So I believe that every religion is real and true and if you believe hard enough that your religion is a thing, it will be.

But also the caveat is, you can't just think your way into like, fucking up this world that we're in right now. So people can't just go "Doomsday is real!" and then rapture everybody else. But you CAN do whatever the hell you want about the after life.

So like if you're a Christian and you believe in Heaven and Hell, you'll go to either place after you die. And if you believe there's no afterlife, then, well, you just die I guess lmao.

So anyways my personal belief is that when I die, if I do my best in this life, I'll get to pick whatever new life I want. So I can like, Idk, make myself super hot and a shapeshifter and reincarnate myself into one of my favorite TV shows or something if I want to.

The funniest part of this is that I used to be terrified of dying and this belief totally fixed it. Every once in a while I get worried that this is the only life I'll ever get but I immediately go "Nope, no the fuck it's not, that's literally not an option" and then I feel better again.

So this is great but also, I can never talk to people about religion because there's no way to explain this without sounding like a I'm a lunatic.

.

[backofftubby]

My thoughts about Bobby dying part 2.

This post is more about the execution and the storyline of how they did it.

Obviously there is a lot of criticism about it, of course there is, people are sad. But personally I don't agree with most of the criticism I've seen. Which is ok, we are allowed to have different opinions.

I think Bobby got a suitable end for a fire captain, one that was in character. And I also thought he got a full arc. Like he said, LA was never supposed to be home for him, but he got another chance at life. We saw him dealing with his past and the pain of it a lot. We saw him trying to quit because of it. But in the end, he made peace with everything (even with his mom!) and was happy and fulfilled when he died and that makes his death even more devastating. He was a hero in the end, deciding to save his team instead of himself. But he didn't so anything stupid, he was going to die, so was Chimney, there was only one cure, there was no way they both could live. A real captain saves his team first. And that's what he did, but he didn't look for death and that was a character growth for him.

I was pleasantly surprised that Buck too got to say goodbye. The two characters closest to him got to say goodbye. That was important.

Now the Eddie of it all. I hated he wasn't there, but he was in El Paso. Any scene with him would not have fit in. He will be there in the next episodes. Also him not being there adds another layer and a different kind of view for it all and that's good. I dunno if that was the reason the kept him at El Paso or was Bobby's death decided so last minute that they just didn't have time to bring him back. I do still hate that he wasn't there when Bobby died. But it can be good for the story.

Storywise this opens so many doors. How are they all gonna move on? How is Chim gonna move on when Bobby decided to save him and not himself? How is Eddie gonna feel when he was not there? How is Buck gonna take Bobby's words about the team needing him? Who's gonna be the next captain? Hen? I hope so! Maybe Buck? Although I feel it would be too soon and a change I would not yet want for the character. What's next for Athena?

I would have been completely happy and content with watching this show without anyone dying and everyone being happy and the show being stagnant and them repeating the same storylines for Bobby and Athena. But realistically speaking, there isn't much left for them. They have been through so much and been together for over seven seasons! I would've have hated to see them broke up. There was not much left for them, unless it was rinse and repeat and people were already saying it was that. Bobby simply could not have just retired. They tried that, it didn't work.

A new captain will bring a shift to the show. I assume Gerard is there just for a while, I don't think they will make it permanent. I wonder weather they will bring a completely new character for the captain or will it be Hen or Buck. I doubt it will be Chim or Eddie. I assume Ravi will be main now, which makes me happy. The only happy thought I have atm.

This is a lot of rambling. But I'm sad, super sad. I think it was a really good episode though and Bobby deserved to have a big end. But I'm still super sad.

[timelyrmdoodle]

Alright real talk for the people that follow me here, it's time I came clean

This account is under indefinite hiatus until I can get my mental health and life on track, and I no longer see it as a priority for me

I apologize greatly to all my mutuals that were really expecting me to come back soon and better, but I still have more work to do, I'm currently on recovery from an addiction and I realized it's better for me to cut ties with this. For how long? I don't know. Permanently?

I wanna go ahead and say that I DO NOT blame any of my mutuals that love my art and what I do in this account. I loved doing this and would also love to maybe come back to it someday under healthier terms! You guys all supported me and I'm grateful for everybody that stuck around, I truly do love y'all so much and I wish everyone the best.

This account didn't have the biggest following, at all, it's super niche and at one point it was self indulgent. But I relied so much of my worth on it and this character that it started to become really unhealthy, so unhealthy for me it was sad.

I see it now at a point where my life came apart. And I wanna rebuild. But in a different way. I'm going outside, believe or not, and trying to not be so chronically online anymore. This isn't an offense on anybody, of course, just what's better for me personally.

If you still want to stick around with me and me only, I'm more active on my Instagram, even if it is minimal. It might not have a bunch of your favorite character anymore, but it might still have my art every once in awhile, and I appreciate it so much if anybody is interested. If not, that's fine too. I'm glad you were here when you were, and I hope we maybe cross paths again, share nice moments related to things we like.

I'm not dying, but I am trying to get better, and that is probably different from what you guys are used to. And I hope that's alright.

see y'all around maybe

[scammysmileroksuu]

There are many characters I love in lcf, and there are many relationships I adore.

But I think the relationship i love the most is (well okay maybe after the soos) cale's relationship with his ancient powers, and the way each of them somewhat represent a part of cale's personality.

Like in the crazy kid, cale's disrespectful-punk behavior and thevway he cusses and curses a lot, in the glutton; his appreciation of food, in the super rock; his determination to protect his family and the people he care for, in the crybaby; his fear of vicious people or hate towards the thought of getting hurt, in the cheapskate; his love for money and their crazy behavior when it comes to shitshow-ing, in the thief; his love for treasure hunting, looting and causing chaos upon the enemies' heads.

...etc etc etc. Cale is the mashup version of all these souls.

Additionally, they are literally a part of his soul. They kinda know about his past as Kim Roksu (at least some snippets of it), are fighting with him wherever he is, be it in an illusion or a different world, and are always with him 24/7, when he's calm, panicking, happy or sad, even when he doesn't understand what he's feeling.

It also hit me real hard when the super rock explained why Cale can still hear their voices, and Cale still decided not to absorb the ancient powers completely.

Because they're basically cale's only way out of his fear of being alone, because they are always with him no matter what, unless Cale himself dies or decides to take theor power fully in. And that was what made the wind island test 10 times more angsty for me.

He called out to them, but they were not there.

I also love that part when cale went to get the crazy kid's power and named her the sky eating water instead of the water of judgment; it was especially mind-blowing because unlike other ancient powers' trials, this one was actually really hard. And wasn't one mentioned in tboah. And cale was pretty much dying before obtaining that element.

Same goes with the wind island test where their past was revealed and the dots were finally connected– the western continent's past, how the super rock, the hero of the boulders and his friends were separated and died one by one in the mist tragic ways possible.

The super rock's wish for cale and his party to not be separated, it hurts more when you remember he had built the rock villa originally for him and his companions. His comrades he never got to live there with. But then gifted Cale and his family that villa.

Cale calling super rock the scary giant cobblestone at first was a great crack element in the story, hilarious to say the least, especially when he used to ask him if he was going to sacrifice himself. But then super rock told cale not to sacrifice himself when he actually answered yes, super rock's wish for cale not to end up like him, the lonely hero who sacrificed himself for the world.

Not to end up like them, like how him and his comrades did, separated and dying without each other's knowledge.

They are one of the reasons I actually believe lcf is going to have a happy ending. Because unlike the heroes of the ancient times, our Cale knows he should fight for his and his family's happiness, and not just for the world. To run away when it's really dangerous. Because Cale has them to remind him that sacrifice was never the right solution.

And I hope, through Cale and this timeline's heroes, these ancient souls would see peace and happiness after a lifetime of war and loneliness. Would experience what they never got to in their lives.

[erisolkat]

*opens my hands* tell me about Fight Club and why it makes you so mad I would like to hear <- has never seen Fight Club

HI so first. most of what makes me mad is that it's actually pretty fucking good like its been done now but it was real fucking original at the time and it's genuinely clever and funny at parts but what makes it irritating as hell is that it Knows That its smart and rubs it in the audiences face and it makes me go graahhhhh i hate you. i dont know how to explain it but it makes me mad vibes wise for the same reason that rent makes me mad. like the musical not the concept of paying rent.

also, second, it's really clear that this guy just hates women. the movie tones a lot of it down but in the book marla is like, really really in love with tyler and thats sort of her whole thing? and theres this one girl at one of the support groups i think her name was chloe. shes dying from cancer right and nobody will fuck her because chemos making her gross looking. so in the movie they set her up as a real girl with wants and needs and then soon before she dies she starts to get really desperate to get laid one last time and its like thematically relevant and parallels with tyler and the narrator or whatever. but in the book shes just horny the whole time and its like a gag? you can tell that theres just no respect for her at all.

also third the book i cant really tell if its chuck palahniuk who hates fat people or if he wants to set tyler up as a bad dude- different from the cancer girl thing, cancer girl is wrote bad but bob is viewed bad. the number of gross derogatory synonyms for 'fat' that he thinks of is astonishing.

and fourth the book is just really preachy i guess? pretentious? you can tell that mr palahniuk doesnt exactly agree with like, exploding apartments or crashing cars, but i think he really does think that tyler durden is a cool as hell dude and that men are all really sad all of the time and that its Womens Fault and also their fathers i guess. and god? and capitalism. which circles back to their fathers. and also women. poor marla jfc

finally i hate it cause the prose style wormed its little fucking wormy squirmy head into my brain and this is gonna sound crazy but my inner monologue sounds like chuck palahniuk as the narrator slash tyler durden (also slash as himself he just sounds like that) now. ive complained about this before but seriously its terminal. im dying. there should be a support group for victims of fight club the book slash the movie. everyone shows up in cosplay

also ps i mentioned this but. god he's an asshole but brad pitt is just so so hot in it. like really really hot. like it really sucks how hot he is. i saw him walk on screen and i was like 'oh you suck' but he talked for five minutes and i was like 'nevermind i want you'. free me. the lye scene with the hand kiss and the burn and the ugh it has not left my head. Kill myself.

sorry this is not coherent and i could explain it better if i was more awake. and im making a lot of ad hominim attacks against chuck palahniuk but i read some of his other shit a bit and it's not super unfounded. i would hate to meet that man at a party he talks like an asshole

also?? sorry one more thing but god the ending of the book was bad. he lived and went to a mental hospital run by project mayhem. metaphor? probably. but jesus man. im so glad they changed the movie ending to the buildings exploding. and marla at the end of the book she brought a bunch of nice people who care about him up to the roof where he was gonna shoot himself and she was like please don't kill yourself i love you. come the fuck on girl. it was like an angsty teenager wrote it. like this super hot lady who lowkey hated me before but now super loves me is telling me not to shoot myself but plot twist im actually trying to kill my evil alter ego because he's inside my brain... im crazyyy... im gonna go to a mental hospital now until i can escape again... because i blew people up.... rip tyler durden slash narrator from fight club you would have LOVED the edgy joker.

ok done now. maybe.

[literaticat]

With Algonquin closing, ive been hearing talk that YA is dying, YA writers are ditching YA to write adult, and only unicorns and super trendy YA books will get bought now. As a debut author, this is making me feel SO doom and gloom about my career even before it’s started! Do you have any thoughts? Thank u Jenn !

Not to be mean, but baby where have you BEEN?

YA has been "Dying" for like, the better part of a decade, and has been fully rigor mortis, toe up with a tag on it, authors "ditching YA", etc, for several years. If anything, YA has recently experienced something of a reanimation -- the former corpse has officially got a pulse again and is breathing, though perhaps still a little clammy. The hotness of 2024 is complaining about how MIDDLE GRADE is dead. Keep up! ;-)

In reality, everything is cyclical. Categories or genres or trends or whatever boom, they get oversaturated, sales fall off, eventually they come back. And people ALWAYS say that "publishing is dying" that "only trendy books will be able to be bought now" or whatever whatever. I was reading DEAR GENIUS, the collected letters of Ursula Nordstrom (highly recommend btw), and there was this whole part in there about bookstore people complaining that TV was destroying the publishing industry, nobody would buy books anymore, authors should just pack it in, etc. It was literally the same conversation, and that was like 70 years ago.

(For a bit of a reality check, you might check out this post from the pinned FAQ: I heard that traditional publishing is DEAD, is that true?)

As for your opening premise, I think it is faulty, AYR closing hasn't really got much to do with the other stuff.

To be clear: I love Algonquin Young Readers. I have sold many a beautiful book to AYR over the years; they were my special favorite. (Don't tell the others!) Their founding publisher, Elise Howard, who I aspire to be for real, is an absolute Dear Genius herself and a wonderful editor and person (and now, agent)!

I am very grateful to have been able to work with the whole team there for the past decade, and I am sad that the program Elise started and Cheryl Klein and the others continued will be coming to a close, and that two wonderful editors and a terrific marketing person will be looking for new jobs (but I do hope/believe/feel strongly that they will all land in good spots, they are really great!) -- HOWEVER.

Algonquin was bought by Little Brown several years ago. And whilst Algonquin the brand is closing now, those books are not disappearing, they are just being folded in to LB. In other words, the backlist books will still be in print, and the frontlist/forthcoming books are still going to be published, just with a different publisher name on the spine. Also Algonquin only published like... 2, maybe 3 new YA books per season? It's a small list! (Small but mighty! -- but still, very small!)

So.... I'm not sure what, if anything, the news of their closing says about the larger world of YA books? In other words, obviously it is NOT GREAT, it’s a sad loss, we loved that publisher, it's good for the publishing ecosystem to have a variety of publishers so fewer is not good, capitalism and massive corporate conglomeration and whatnot are sucky things, it's awful when nice people are out a job -- but there's zero reason for you to take that news as like, an OMEN about YOUR CAREER or something. It has nothing to do with you. Unless your book was coming out from Algonquin, it won't affect YOU at all. (And even if your debut WAS an AYR book... hopefully those effects would be minimal at the end of the day, as those books are still coming out!)

[butterscotch-goat]

if your story was made into a muppet remake which muppets would play your ocs and who would be the token human actor

I thought. way too hard about this. TL:DR Aster would be the token human, Beatrice would be played by Fozzie, Charles by Bunsen, Grace by Kermit, Eli by Rowlf, and Martha by Gonzo. way-too-thorough explanations below cut i am so so sorry ace

Hhokay, This is a tricky (but fun!) question for me for a couple of reasons.

1. Imagining potential muppet gore and muppet emotional manipulation and muppet public execution was. An experience.

2. Balancing finding a muppet with a similar personality or overall vibe as each character and and/or one with a similar narrative role or occupation?? Depending on which makes my job easier??

3. Humanity is such an integral thematic topic in Escapism that picking who to be the only human was going to be. Tricky,

In an IDEAL world, both Aster and Grace would be played by Real People, as they're the characters that have their humanity ripped from them the most and in the most intense ways, but that kind of felt like cheating since the main cast is so small.

Aster would make sense to be the Token Person since she's the main character and is on screen the most, she's arguably put through worse conditions than Grace for longer periods of time (other than. Literally dying.) and also I don't know how muppet surgery would work, and finding a muppet to play Aster feels like a DAUNTING task.

But it would make sense for GRACE to be the Token Person bc she's sanctified til the very end of her life and doesn't fully get her humanity back as a character until Martha gets Character Developed AFTER Grace's death. And Grace is a little bit of a worst-case-scenario to Aster and meant to be a fresh look on another magician's experience so having a brand new Real Person against a bunch of Muppets would work with that.

Ultimately I'll have Aster be the Token Person since we spend the most time with her. But if you'll let me cheat a little bit it's both Aster and Grace. Don't ask me about actors because I don't know actors,, finding references of people with similar enough faces to those two for my semi-semi-realism pieces was challenging enough.

Okay now the hard part. This took so long because I had to set aside an afternoon to watch at least ONE muppet movie and I kept either having school stuff or wanted to draw,, I ended up just watching The Muppet Movie and writing down lines or interactions I thought could apply to a character.

I would have Beatrice played by Fozzie Bear because of his sidekick-ish role, how he does his best to refuse to admit when he's in a bad situation and gets himself to persevere through everything with a smile, how he always seemed so ready to protect his friends (Kermit, at least) and how he's borderline desperate to make people laugh. Also the way he always says "Yes sir" to Kermit? I don't post my writing much but Beatrice calls people "Mister" and "Miss" a lot even when it's unnecessary to, kind of like in a Samwise Gamgee way?? Mister Frodo?? You know??

Charles was hard to decide because he has so many facets to him that are all SO wildly different. I went for I guess what'd be the obvious option of Bunsen Honeydew; Bunsen specifically reminded me a lot of Charles at the beginning of Escapism, welcoming and friendly, almost monotone, even while talking about the silliest most deranged science-related things.

Grace was somewhat easier than I anticipated though I don't think Kermit is a super obvious choice, but his mildly sad and pathetic manner mixed with his sense of authority and self-assured air is similar enough to Grace on her better days. Also Kermit was only really convinced to go to Hollywood when he realized he could make people happy, which is very Grace-core.

Eli was difficult because he is the most normal member of the cast. They have the least amount of screws loose by far. I think Rowlf the Dog suits him enough because of his solitary nature but care for people around him.

Martha was also surprisingly easy. Gonzo matches her general "weirdness", her social awkwardness, and her sincere love for the world around her. And also the non-binary vibes. Every day Martha gets more and more non binary...

I hope. I didn't commit any muppet crimes or anything. I grew up on the movies but don't watch them all that much anymore, but honestly I had such a fun time watching The Muppet Movie (Kermit riding a bike will never not be the coolest goddamn thing) so maybe I'll get around to watching more muppet movies. If anyone has any suggestions for muppets for any characters I didn't mention, or better choices for characters that I did, I'd love to hear them !!!!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR ASKING, ACE!!!!!

[shouldhavestayedawayfromhere]

My Thoughtforms

This is my follow-up post on my rant about thoughtforms. I really love my thoughtforms and have wanted to talk about them forever, and now I finally found a place where I could potentially meet people who share my passion. So let me tell you all about them!

Zhang Wei

My very first and longest thoughtform is called Zhang Wei. He has a Chinese background. I don't even know why. It makes no impact really, since he speaks perfect English (and my native language, but we stopped using that ages ago). He's a fire elemental 100%, super energetic and funny. His age is similar to mine and he always kinda grows with me. He has pink dyed hair and loves to dance. He's been my friend in very though times, which is why he was the first to get the privilege of becoming an official thoughtform. Zhang Wei mainly helps me with courage and confidence in situations I'm unfamiliar with. But he can also up my passion and motivation easily.

One funny story I have of him was when I was still taking driving lessons, and my teacher had me drive really steep roads, and I was getting super anxious. I always took Zhang Wei with me to the driving lessons, since my teacher was low-key a butthole and almost made me cry every week. Anyways, as I was panicking internally, Zhang Wei told me "it's alright, even if you die, I promise I'll be there." Which did not initially help the fear but it was so funny to me that it kind of just made the situation ridiculous instead of scary to me. He was so serious tho lol

Matt

My second human thoughtform is called Matt. Matthew in full, but I don't call him that. He's someone's OC I don't even know whose, a drawing I saw on Pinterest, I think. His character just built up from there. He's a water elemental, super calm and chill person. He's currently 27, again, don't ask me why or how I know that I just feel it 🤌. He's Brazilian. Also a fact I don't know why it's relevant but okay. He likes to cuddle, that one's really important. He has comfy vibes and is mostly a safe space for me.

Matt is there when I wake up from a nightmare and need comfort. He's there when I feel the strings of toxic people from my past tugging at my heart and making me feel empty and unvalued. And he's also there when I need a hug, but my sensory issues won't let me, or my autistic ass feels safe with no real person because "they won't understand". He does. He understands and he's there. And he reminds me of Lucifer too sometimes because of the protective vibes. Random, but it had to be said.

Bob

My third thoughtform is Bob. Bob started out as a drawing in my sketchbook. Bob has it/it's pronouns. It's kind of like a personification of an emotion, but in a way that is very gentle. It can shield me from the outside by being all around me like a mass of black goo. Making me safe from my surroundings. I could call it an autistic accommodation thoughtform. I also use Bob sometimes to channel difficult emotions by drawing it in different positions and postures or doing different things. Mostly hard emotions such as sadness, numbness, anger, frustration, etc. Bob is really nice to have around. It doesn't speak, by the way. It's just there. And I'm currently working on a crochet version of it so looking forward to that. Maybe I'll post it when it's done :)

Doggo

And my fourth and currently last thoughtform doesn't have a name. Or maybe it does and I forgot about it. She doesn't really need one though, because she doesn't talk either. And because she's a dog. A pink dog to be exact. She's been with me too before I ever made my first thoughtform official. She's a way I channel my excitement.

I'm one of those Audhd people who are very expressive and show their happiness and excitement by stimming loudly and openly and very freely. That, however, isn't possible in all my surroundings. So, I one day decided to think of her. A pink dog with wings. It sounds silly, but whenever I get too excited, and I can't show it externally, I just think of her power sprinting through the hallways I'm walking in, or sometimes on a field. She'll clumsily jump anything around her, bark excitedly, and let out all the pent up energy I have. It works really well for me to get some of that excitement out of my system until I'm in a safe surrounding where I can openly be my excited, flappy self.

Those are all my thoughtforms. If anyone out there wants to talk about theirs I would be super down to chat about it, I really hope this reaches someone who can relate to this. And if not, I still love to yap, so if you got questions or thoughts don't hesitate to talk to me any way you want I'd be super excited to talk to anyone :)

[gently-decaying-flowers]

some super incomprehensible rant under the cut lmfao

generally speaking my home life caused me to grow up too fast

i see everything- every decision- only in how it will impact my adult life. i’ve never “relished” in being a kid.

there’s so many other factors like neurodivergency, figuring out sexuality yadda yadda that affect how i think

i was talking with my friend late last night about how it’s hard to determine what a relationship is supposed to be and i was mostly speaking on the difference between romantic and sexual attraction from the view of an asexual person. how in all medias romantic attraction is tied to wanting sex with someone and i grew up thinking that’s was love was

and now i’m like- what even is romantic attraction? i need to come to terms with the fact that i will never experience attraction the way “normal” people do. i so badly want a relationship but it’s hard when i don’t even know what that means, and when i think about it i just get stressed and any feelings i thought i had just disappear

maybe they weren’t real in the first place then

on top of that, i can’t get crushes for so many other reasons

no one really knows me as charlie except for my few friends who i don’t go to school with anymore. that means no one at my school knows me- so if i even think i have a crush on anyone i realize there’s no way it would work and i just get sad

and on the topic that started this- growing up too fast. i can’t acknowledge that i have feelings for someone unless i can envision my future with them. because what’s the point? wasting time and energy if it won’t impact my life forever?

and no one else my age things like that- so no one else would even care about the relationship as much as i do. i learned that the hard way.

it just feels really lonely. i have friends who understand- i mean ive met the friends who im going to have for the rest of my life so i dont have to worry about dying along obviously. but its hard feeling and knowing i want something that’s going to be impossible for me until i become an adult, lean into who i am, and find a person who feels the same way i do.

[okthatsgreat]

Ocs in AHL anon here, I'm now wondering how well your OCs would deal with the Convention from lgowab.

YOURE SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok ok ok so. long story short: not fucking well

SPOILER TAG FOR LGOWAB LOL

just to get her out of the way, i honestly think billie would be fine. shes fifteen years old but not a season 53 member so i guess she'd be a spinoff character?? not involved in the main plot, kinda like a warrior of hope maybe. shes unassuming and nobody would be actively targeting her, she would NEVER be chosen as an enforcement team member, so as long as she keeps to herself she'd be fine. honestly it would just come down to luck, worst case scenario she gets gunned down after a failed task (this honestly seems most likely lmfao).

i think season 50 would be eighteen/nineteen at this point (since their season aired mayyyybe threeish years ago), so unfortunately most of the convention considers them to be past the age of "kids". which means theres not gonna be a lot of people watching out for them. Sad! sae is one of the "older" participants at 34 so she'd really be on her own here

from most to least likely to survive/what probably happened to them here we go (THIS IS NOT INCLUDING THE RANDOM FACTOR OF THEM BEING GUNNED DOWN BY THE FAILED TASK!!! ALSO TW FOR SUICIDE):

yoshito is fine i think. he's a protagonist that is liked enough and pretty damn harmless in most peoples eyes, so he'd have some kind of influence and isnt likely to be targeted. he wouldnt be asked into the enforcement team but he'd likely lean more towards the future foundation's side. he'd absolutely be in mental agony over his "i can save everybody" mentality but he'd make it out alive!

mika is smart enough to stick by yoshito and has been with danganronpa enough to learn how to survive it, she's scrappy and headstrong and i reckon she'd be fine. again she would lean more towards the future foundation side of things, would have major feelings of inadequacy and would have multiple breakdowns throughout the entirety of the convention but would probably make it out with a few scratches

sae would be asked onto the enforcement team just because of her physical strength and she would not have a good time about it, might have a target on her back during the latter half of the game but would be fine for most of it. would spiral quite a bit and definitely emerges with like a million mental illnesses resurfacing

rie is smart about appearances and extremely paranoid about her safety after her killing game so she would do quite a lot to survive. not sure if this includes killing anybody but she would deffffinitely change quite a bit. joining the enforcement team will be veryyyy difficult just because she isn't close enough to mondo/sayaka to get in while the team is being formed and she can't sell her smarts like miu did, but i think she'd try? that, or i can see her forming a more lowkey kind of alliance just so she has more people around her to protect her. super paranoid about not dying again, definitely has an ugly breakdown at some point, probably attracts a bit more attention than she would like to

ryobe would struggle BAD. BADLY. he has serious trauma from getting killed by a gun and what is the primary weapon of this convention? GUNS. he would be a completely different person, genuinely so frightened and traumatised, totally unlike his normally goofy and lighthearted self. would get irritated easily and become emotional at the drop of a hat. i have no doubt in my mind he would run around like mad and get himself caught in even further chaos. also he's the antag of his season so he has somewhat of a target already. would definitely need to be wrangled in to survive

erin would be in TROUBLEE since she has already been established as an AHL member. major target, massive presence, would really struggle to keep up her persona and actually could become quite violent if provoked and frightened enough. i think it's unlikely she survives this one to be real with you

straight up i think naomi just takes herself out i dont think there is a universe where she doesnt have a serious psychotic break and kill herself to be real with you. she can not handle another killing game and especiallyyy after her killing game and all of the trauma she is struggling to endure she would absolutely be the person who walks off the roof at the beginning of the story

and andi, of course, is a hologram

THANK YOUUU FOR THIS QUESTION!

[runthepockets]

Finished Shameless. Thoughts:

Gallavich 5ever bitch.

Frank dying actually made me pretty sad. I assumed he would have gotten covid or something being that he's old and conservative, but watching him slowly get worse with his dementia and watching his body fail was way more tasteful and actually made me feel bad for the old bastard.

Liam ended up being pretty awesome by the end. I wondered if they were just gonna be colorblind to him being the only black person in a white family but they actually handled his character arc really well and made him really well rounded and sympathetic. He's got all the street smarts and wit and charisma of his family but he's also the only Gallagher that you can say is a good person, which is a great balance for a little black boy to strike.

Carl's character arc with the police force was actually really tasteful? I was expecting him to just be a sadistic asshole and that it was gonna get played off / played for laughs the whole time, cus, ykno. But he was the only guy on the force who actually cared about doing the right thing and they just demoted him to a meter maid over it, and he just dished out justice via writing parking tickets for rich assholes and letting the poor people off scott free. Imo his character wasn't actually that inconsistent he went from a boyish thug, to a "tough guy" lout, to a kind, respectful, upstanding young man who still maintained a charming level of mischief and a disturbing interest in violence. He was younger than his other siblings and had a much different temperament than all of them (most noticably Debbie) so his ending just made sense to me.

I wish Fiona got to be in the finale, and I wish we got to see Mandy one more time too.

Lip's character arc wasn't actually that disappointing to me, it felt very real? Yeah he's a smart guy he went to college and tried to do everything right, but has always come up short cus he's constantly getting in his own way, be it via his lack of impulse control or his anger issues or both or neither. Him being stuck working doing Doordash or Postmates or whatever to make ends meet feels very real. Him fixing that guy's Crypto code and saving that guy's business only to get tipped a meager 4 bucks in the end is pretty all encompassing of being a smart guy with no money or connections, like it just is what it is sometimes.

Imo Debbie had the most disappointing character arc of the series. I wouldn't say it's a surprise she grew up crazy considering she, like, stole a baby from a birthday party as a kid cus she was lonely, and followed Jimmy to his mom's house to figure out about his double life, but a lot of her charm in those days was due to an integral childish innocence and naievete that everyone runs out of by the time they're like, 15. I like that she still had a strong sense of justice, I still think she was pretty smart and tough for the most part, I don't hate her or anything, but Jesus. A lot of the shit she did toward the end was just super frustrating and made no sense, she was just really bratty and bitchy and kind of a woman child toward the end, just starting a bunch of pointless beefs for no real reason, dating that ex con with a huge rap sheet cus she was a worse / "more pathetic" person than Debbie. Idk bro it was just weird. I did like her dynamic with Fiona as the only two female Gallaghers to Fiona leaving and her becoming the "matriarch" figure from then on pretty interesting but ultimately Lip was the better "parent". Lol.

[avionvadion]

Kai'mana has finally gotten some decent camp clothes! The drow clothing looks super good on her with her scales, honestly. Astarion got the armor, Kai'mana got the clothing, lol.

Mostly just screenshots of my Dark Urge Kai'mana being pretty, but there are ASTARION ROMANCE SPOILERS below.

This is my second playthrough (because I lack self-restraint) so there are mentions of things that are revealed in Act Two.

ASTARION, PLEASE. XD

BABY. FEATHER BABY.

PROTECC

SHE GETS TO CARRY HIM!???? I LOVE IT.

I guess Dragonborn do count as the "buff" body type...

I can't actually believe they had the Dragonborn smooch. With their snouts, I figured Dragonborn would kinda... nuzzle or bump noses??? Something really affectionate and cute. Anyways, that's my headcanon. Astarion can place kisses to her snout, but she'd nuzzle his hair or something.

I do wish there was a way to trigger the romance without having to sleep with him, though. Especially since he later clearly expresses in Act Two that he's sex-repulsed/demisexual.

It's so interesting romancing Astarion from the beginning again, because you can tell when he's being genuine and putting on an act. And it's so sad. I want to give him all the hugs.

SHE'S. SO. FREAKING. PRETTY. LOOK AT HER SCALES. GORGEOUS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. AHHHHHHHHHHH. HAVE YOU SEEN A PRETTIER DRAGONBORN DRUID???

Just... another screenshot of Kai'mana being ridiculously gorgeous, don't mind me. Also, I like that Volo was nice enough to replace her eye with a matching pink one- even though it's not necessarily identical, since the sclera of the fake one is white whereas the iris of her real eye takes up the whole space.

Gods, you're really pretty too. Even though I know the truth. T_T

NEW ARMOR. DYED.

She looks so badass. :3

I thoroughly enjoy how different her scales look in the different lightings. Sometimes they're the usual, sometimes they look purple with blue accents, sometimes they're black with blue accents- it's so fun. Really adds to the mystique, me thinks, and the charm.

I love this silly man so much.

Imagining Kai'mana and Astra (my Tav) in the same playthrough is so fun. But also I feel like if they both existed Kai'mana would actually be paired with Gale, since I love Astra with Astarion too much. That said, Kai'mana would still have that little thing with Shadowheart in the beginning because of how much they just click and get along, before realizing they're better off as besties.

Astra is the brains, Kai'mana is the brawn- Astra knows better than to have people poking her eyeballs, Kai'mana is like, "Y'know what? Couldn't hurt to try" and can now see invisible, lol.

And Astra would make sure BARD BESTIE IS SAFE.

Anyways, this is Astra for those who don't know. :3

Yes, I'm obsessed with the color blue. T_T

Her full name is Astra Tav'aria Duskraalis! Tav'aria is the pseudonym she uses for her works, as she is a Sorcerer Bard, while Duskraalis is her Drow surname. Her mother was a Wood Elf, while her father was Seldarine Drow.

[masschase]

6, 14, 23, and 24 for casey for the edgy ask meme

Edgy/Misc OC ask meme (still accepting, will spread throughout the weekend)

This is a super long post due to my answer to the last one! If I tagged you in this it just means I mentioned your Boss OC somewhere in my list of universes Casey exists in, don't feel it means you have to read it! 😅

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Casey arguably doesn't have much of a moral compass to begin with so if something goes against it, chances are it's something she has a strong personal objection to/thinks is pure evil. On that basis I don't think it'd be that easy.

That said, if someone knew her well enough to appeal to what's important to her, to convince her that it's beneficial for her friends/the Saints as a whole, I think she could eventually be swayed.

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

Casey spends a lot of time claiming to be unapologetic about who she is, but at the same time I think deep down she does want everyone to be her friend, and I think in some convoluted way the whole "I'm an asshole, take me or leave me" thing is actually a mix of self-defence and thinking people find that attitude itself appealing. And a little bit of truth, lol.

I think the proof of this is in the fact she gets surprised when people actually like her vulnerable side. She thinks showing her vulnerability makes her unlikeable. So the fact she hides that makes it clear to me she wants to be liked. I think one of the reasons she mirrors other people's traits (sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously) is related to this too.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Grief is one of the hardest for her to process, I think, it's why it invades her subconscious in dreams and such so heavily. In fact I think grief that she's not fully dealt with affects her character in a lot of ways. I don't know if forgiveness is an emotion but if so she's terrible with that too. She has a pretty good memory and she holds grudges like... forever.

In terms of express, you'd think it would be loving feelings but actually although she avoids romantic love for so long, I don't think she actually finds it hard to show love in general, she just has her own ways to express it. Like ok, she's not great at initiating physical touch as I'm sure I've said like 1000 times, so she might not hug her friends much but she'd die for them. She will occasionally express her affection for them verbally, she's a pretty good gift-giver, she's chill with a lot of things that might annoy other people.

So this ties back into the grief thing but my actual answer would be any kind of overwhelming sadness, really, because she struggles to cry so much. She has that thing I've talked about before where she finds it hard to cry about real life, but cries at movies and other media. If it's a movie where the situation is actually relateable, she practically breaks down.

Therapy does change that a little. Like if a friend were dying in her arms then yeah she'd be sobbing if she's post-therapy(whereas pre-therapy, say with Carlos she sat there staring into space for a good while). But stuff like Johnny "dying" on the plane, the earth blowing up? It's not as visceral, so she struggles to process it. And seeing as she's a very denial-based character, she spends so much longer in that first stage.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Ohhhhhhh this is so hard because thanks to AUs I have so many different iterations of this! But I'm going to look primarily at events her life and not so much at external factors like the earth exploding or not exploding, the Saints becoming vampires... etc. etc.

I play around with her age in a few AUs because I believe that has a major impact on her family life. (and ok it's partly because of the "coma years don't count" joke bc she's always 1990 if she's the Boss) Being taken care of by her sister means a larger gap actually means better care, though more isolation from her peers without Mori. It creates quite a different person.

I also play around with her level of education and whether she got anywhere with the literature degree she wanted to do. I find it funny that she often ends up like... a librarian before leaving to do something cool like be a vampire hunter or an assassin or a jewel thief. All I know is I can't just like... leave her there. I think it's funny but I don't like that for her forever. She's too good with tactics and pistols and being awesome, obviously.

But what about more specific choices/differences? (a.k.a. ooh an excuse to list some of my AUs!)

I had mentions of some choices her parents made before her birth: investing in what turned out to be amazing stocks, moving to Paris for her dad's job, naming her the other choice for her name. They could all lead to different possibilities for Casey/Sephy, but if all of these take place, she becomes Persephone Brimstone, that is the Agents Of Mayhem Universe. I actually... don't know much about AOM but I made a little throw-in mention of it so it counts as a possibility. One could argue Johnny picking the reset ending of GOOH is actually what causes this, but in-universe, that's the explanation.

Obviously the big one is whether she ends up on that street corner, like that's always the determining factor to whether she becomes Playa(whether or not she becomes "Boss" is not necessarily in line with this choice as I'll get into in two different places below). There are a few reasons that she might not be there as I've got into before.

If she's alone there, and goes through more or less all the canon events of SR1-GOOH, as well as my in-between and post-game additions, that is Casey's Main Universe.

But... what if she quite literally bumps into a boy of around the same age on that street corner right before everything goes down? That's @zoo-the-saint's Zoo! If so, chances are they go through most of the events of SR1 together, setting up some other tangents leading to multiple AUs:

-> When Julius leaves it ambiguous which of them they leave the gang to, does it end in a stalemate? That's one of the Double Boss AUs! Those two fuckers have their ups and downs friends-wise (and benefits-wise) but they always seem to do everything together, get the best of both worlds in any sort of two-way choice, and are Definitely Totally Not In Love Because They Don't Do That Sort Of Thing.

-> -> The original Canon Compliant Double Boss AU is one I wrote a long ramble for way back and might post some time, and this is the one I know for a fact ends with the Zoo/Matt/Casey triad Cazoom. It incorporates Casey and Zoo's stories with Matt in their own universes as best as I could.

-> -> There is also a situation where the two Bosses end up being idolised but later hated by Noah Johnson/The Faceless, who captures and tortures the Saints and kills many of them leaving the others devastated. That's The Cult Of Celebrity AU, and I'm mentioning this for a really important reason; this is the only AU I have that features Santo Ileso! With the remainder of the gang all pretty broken, and intent on she and Zoo retiring, Casey suggests the survivors make a fresh start there, with the Saints name being taken over by one of their most resilient lieutenants, @iamkinzie's Rose, who ends up recruiting Kevin, Neenah and Eli.

Orrrrrrr... going back to the fight in SR1, do Casey and Zoo fight until he gives her a chance to run and she takes it out of (not that she'll admit it) genuine fear for her life? That's the Sinners AU. She holds a grudge against the Saints for many years and eventually stages an attack post-SR3. A very loosely Die-Hard inspired New Year's attack 😆 I want to do some designs for all the characters outfits so badly but it's going to be a big project!

So... on the other side of things, what if Casey's not on that corner? What if she's never Playa?

Well I do have the undefined potential universe where Casey is NOT Playa but IS Boss; taking over the Saints in Saints Row 2. This was just based on the fact that I didn't try and make her when I first played SR1, I just made A Random Dude(not to be confused with Noah who is Just Some Guy). I never really sorted out what then happens to the original Playa in that situation. We'll call that the Boss Swap AU? Tbh the only time I can see using that is if someone else wants to write a story with me with their OC as Playa, because I don't have much of interest to do with my own OCs in that position yet.

There's a few scenarios where I can see Casey ending up as a lieutenant of the Saints because she joins during SR2 under an existing Boss. Depending on age, as above, this can be at 16 and she has a similar temperament to sr1, or it can be at 21 when she's had some time to develop as her own person, and I think that really impacts what sort of person she is. Anyway, without the SR1 interaction with Dex she never becomes as good a tactical planner, and she's obviously not the leader, so she's really just a skilled gunwoman and thief.

If she has no real association with the Saints, but is still very much drawn to a life of crime and longing for slightly older women, that's potentially the toXic Universe! She falls for @snail-eggs Xixi Rosario(also not a Boss in this universe though I imagine she still has ties to the Saints due to her family) and follows her around like a puppy (where's that "submissive like an attack dog is submissive" thing again?). They steal and get wasted and fuck and crash cars and confess their love while being dragged away in handcuffs. They're not good for each other but the love is there. In the long term... if they're lucky they might end up escaping to a desert island together. Or Casey ends up in a triad with Xixi's younger sister Van and her boyfriend who is definitely not Matt Miller. But most likely they die while speeding away from the cops 🥲

If she highly idolises the Saints and their pink-haired leader in her teens (again this is with her having the '95 birthdate) but gets told she's too young (by the way she has some major similarities to Noah here but her reaction is... FAR less convoluted and deranged) when she asks to join, and sets up her own gang, Negative Space... that's @whoredmode's Anteros's Main Universe. NS is not the kind of well organised, professional gang she has with the Sinners. Frankly Anteros's Saints take them out pretty easily. After that... well I would say that whole thing probably scares her back to getting her degree as mentioned before, and probably does work at Stilwater Library for a while after all. After that... well there's plenty of interesting stuff going on in Stilwater on that universe, it'd be interesting to know if she gets involved in any way. Teddy, I leave her in your capable hands; if you think of an interesting way she can be involved then I'd love to know, if not that's fine too! Either way she's your problem now 😆

And then for something different entirely, there's Saints High, which sees all the canons and all the ocs in school together and basically-

...OK just kidding. Mostly. I don't usually do those kind of "x if they were y" AUs, though I'm sure one will suddenly smack me across the face one day. I do have other AUs. It's just that they're not down to factors in Casey's life so much, more changes changes in canon characters lives or other factors.

Anyway... wasn't expecting this to end up quite this long and I'm not even sure how well it answered the question but as you can tell, I had a lot of fun with it!

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

What? Am I finally rewatching season 3 of Stranger things? And is this me watching s3e1? Yes, yes it is. Why did I take so much time between seasons 2 and 3? Broken brain, innit?

1.) I understand they must have done so much work for the opening sequence of the Russian scientists turning the keys and starting up the thing that spins and does electric shit and opens a portal but I’m mostly focused on how there’s a noticeable difference between the portals and tentacles/vines between each season. Like really obvious if you’re watching them as closely together as I have been lately.

2.) I forgot the machine fucking explodes after failing to hold a gate open and they slow mo a bunch of randos dying.

3.) I also forgot how absolutely cartoonish the Russians are in this. That soldier went full Darth Vader on a random scientist for no fucking reason. God, the Duffers are boring.

4.) Oh yeah, this is the season when Hopper becomes annoying.

5.) Steve is adorable in his cute little Scoops Ahoy outfit. His shorts are longer than the kids’ shorts are. How do people think those shorts are slutty? Literally even Mike is wearing shorter shorts than Steve.

6.) I forgot there’s a power outage to the mall in episode 1. IDK how since Steve flipping the light switch a bunch and Robin calling him dingus for the first time in the show is referenced by like so many steddie writers.

7.) I forgot that dirt moving on its own is a plot point here.

8.) ‘Let there be light’. Steve Harrington is a dweeb.

9.) Will’s spidey senses are tingling

10.) I never noticed that Mike and Will have almost the same hair this season.

11.) Oh yeah, the beginnings of the duffers not actually understanding feminism because they don’t understand the intersection of sexism and classism.

12.) I forgot Dustin gets back episode 1. Maybe it’s because steddie fics space things out differently, but I thought I remembered it being like, episode 2 or something.

13.) I forgot all of Dustin’s toys lure him out thanks to El and it causes Dustin to spray Lucas in the eyes with hairspray for like a full 15 seconds.

14.) I want to force feed Billy Hargrove his own goddamn hair. Karen Wheeler, I still think you probably have really shitty politics but you deserve better than Billy.

15.) Hopper seems to have forgotten literally all his character development from season 2 just so Duffers can do the overprotective dad bit. Like what the fuck do you mean Hopper doesn’t know what a heart to heart is? I’ve seen the flashbacks to how he interacted with Sara. I saw the goddamn time he contacted El over the radio to apologize for being a shithead at the end of season 2!!!!!!!! Please stop acting like this grown ass man doesn’t understand what an apology is at this point.

16.) I love Max with all my heart

17.) Steve really is so bad at flirting. I would die for him.

18.) I really hate that suddenly Joyce has to teach Hopper, the guy who has comforted and sweet talked his way into literal government facilities, how to fucking talk to people nicely. Like DID THEY WATCH THEIR OWN SHOW? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. This characterization only works if you literally forget seasons 1 & 2.

19.) So many rats. So many really obviously fake rats. That’s not to say I’d want the exploding rats to be real, but something about the lighting on them or something is off.

20.) Will just wanted to play D&D but this season he’s Foreshadowing instead.

21.) Joyce is so goddamn sad and I would be too. RIP Bob Newby.

22.) Hopper really is a cartoon character of himself this season. Also why is he still in his work uniform this late at home?????? WHY CAN HE NO LONGER TALK TO CHILDREN AT ALL????? Suddenly he’s lying about a child’s grandma.

23.) Okay but Max is a genius and is super pretty.

24.) I think Will constantly asking for D&D and everyone blowing him off is why they think he’s the DM even though he isn’t

25.) IDK if I noticed before that the Russian code is literally translated in the subtitles

26.) I’m still shocked the fandom loves Billy as much as they do since he’s obnoxious, racist, and definitely up for being a cheater, and usually at least one of those things is a dealbreaker for people on tumblr to think he’s fuckable. Usually the ‘fucks married women’ part.