#people have told me all my life i have A Distinctive Face. which is not a compliment.

[sepulchral-pulchritude]

I understand the difficulty ppl have around using the word "ugly" in any sort of positive sense (e.g. "support ugly trans people", "there's nothing sexier than an ugly [x] person") because there definitely is a factor of "who are you to be calling me ugly? screw you!"/"you couldn't get through a positivity post without insulting me?", but.

idk as a fat person some of the conversation kind of reminds me of how we were talking about using the word Fat back in like 2011. which is, if we don't reclaim this word, it's just going to keep getting used to hurt us. and we can come up with as many linguistic workarounds as we want ("chubby" "friend shaped" "plus size") but ultimately they will often end up grating and/or imbued with the same visceral disgust as Fat, with a veneer of plausible deniability.

and for ugly-- ugliness is both real and not real. it is based on societal beauty standards, which are NOT real (and are themselves based on racism, homophobia, transphobia, ethnic hatreds of all types, white supremacist ideals... etc). beauty/ugliness is also arguably to SOME extent based on some basic, rough core concepts (to varying degrees): symmetricality, the visible perception of youth/health (e.g. even, unblemished skin), confidence, effort put into appearance (looking like you care about how you come off to people is very often of baseline import for attractiveness. again, this is a messy thing where the exact amount of effort you're supposed to put in varies culturally but it's important to most people that you look like you care about something. even when people are into someone looking bedraggled and rumpled, usually part of the appeal is either confidence (she doesn't care about how she looks she knows she's That Bitch) or implied effort into something else (he is too focused on identifying plants to give a shit about mud on his pants, I live for that)). sorry, got off topic for a moment there. ANYWAY.

my point is that even if most of what ugliness is is essentially false (and many of the more "objective" qualities are mutable-- you can gain confidence and become "less ugly" without changing anything in your appearance), I know the face I have and I know how I am treated for it. and I don't know how useful it is to pretend otherwise. and I don't see the point in using euphemisms for being, by the standards of the society I live in, ugly.

I would rather be celebrated and told that my "ugliness" does not make me less sexy, less desirable, less worthy of love.

I don't feel represented by euphemisms-- when someone says "everyone is beautiful! even people with Unique Features and Non-Normative Faces and Bodies" I feel that they don't believe that. but when someone says "I love ugly girlies, with acne and scars and weird noses. not joking please hmu", you know what? I believe them.

I think there is something worthwhile in reclaiming ugliness and removing the disgust assumptive in it-- we did it for Fat, we can do it for Ugly.

[chuluoyi]

UNHOLY MATRIMONY — 07

✩°｡ ⋆ love unspoken

- fushiguro megumi x oc/reader - oc/reader's character name is hara sena, pronouns still refer to “you” and i won’t mention it often—just for the sake of aesthetic rather than repeatedly writing "y/n"

in another life, in which fate is still screwing his life over, Fushiguro Megumi finds himself in an arranged marriage―with you.

genre/warnings: arranged marriage au, gojo cameo, jealous!megumi

notes: ladies and gentlemen, it’s with great pleasure to tell you that another drama is about to unfold after a one-week break :)

series masterlist | next. all falls down

Harajuku, Shibuya. The busiest ward in the city is the most lit spot to meet up with anyone. And the greatest place to hide in plain sight.

Gojo Satoru, suave and neat in his casual shirt with that distinctive sunglasses, undoubtedly drew the eyes of many. He appraised you from head to toe, from your curled hair to your blue floral sundress, and then let out a chuckle.

"Well, well… Look at you. Now quite happily married, eh?"

You regarded him with a furrowed brow. "It's been a while, Gojo-san."

"How's it going? No regrets, I hope? You look absolutely stunning, so I'd assume not."

This isn't a good idea, you lamented internally. You shouldn't have agreed when he asked to meet at this popular bakery in Harajuku.

After Megumi's more or less confession on that morning, you immediately contacted Gojo, because in the end, he was the only one who actually could help you and Megumi.

You cleared your throat. "Megumi treats me well, yes."

"As I expected of someone I raised," Gojo proudly quipped with a proud smirk on his face.

You remembered the night following that fateful morning a week ago. Megumi told you that he was this close to finding someone who might be able to break his sister's curse.

“A curse-breaker, also a jujutsu sorcerer,” Megumi explained. “She possesses a nullifying technique capable of canceling all curses. Perhaps she can help to free Tsumiki as well.”

A beam bloomed on your face upon his explanation. "That's great! Like, if she can cancel the curse, there's a high chance for her to recover right?"

"Should be... I've got to meet up with her first though. So far, I'm still using the Zen'in name to contact her." He had this look of being deep in thought briefly before fixing his gaze on you. “Well, I just want you to meet Tsumiki soon.”

The fact that he wanted you to meet his remaining family filled you with joy. "You never talk about her much. Tell me more."

"She's exceptionally kind. In short, she is different from me." His emerald eyes crinkled a bit, seemingly remembering a fond memory. "She is against cruelty, even though there were many people who weren't nice to us."

"For as long as I can remember, it's only been Tsumiki and me," Megumi proceeded to add, as if sensing your curious stare. "Gojo-sensei is there too but I can't say he's my father now, can I?"

No, Gojo is more like his benefactor, and with his sister cursed, Megumi is essentially alone. Your smile fell a bit at that.

It was strange, you did feel sympathy for Megumi before, but now that you had acknowledged that you were in love with him—and even more now that he also made it clear that he felt the same, the thought of him being alone sent needles to your heart.

"Don't make that face," he retorted and you glanced at him. "I'm fine now. It was not that bad."

He then went after your hair and messed it up, making you scrunch your face in faux indignation.

Before you even realized it, you were down bad for him. You didn't want to see him get hurt or upset, and ultimately, you wanted to stay by his side for as long as possible. And that was what hurt the most, because you didn't know how long this could go on.

That was why now you were facing this six-eyed devil once again.

"Gojo-san," you exhaled. You didn't come here just to let him mess with you. "With what I've heard, the first hearing went well. The second one will be held soon. You… will be there, right?"

He let out a thoughtful hum. "Well, if I don't have any missions lined up, then sure."

"Please treat it more seriously. You know how they wouldn't dare to touch him with your presence alone."

"Oh, it seems you've forgotten already," Gojo remarked with a snort as he plucked a mini tart and popped it into his mouth. "That should be your part, Sena-chan. I'm just here to assist."

You clicked your tongue in irritation. "My point exactly. I'm asking you to provide your assistance."

You couldn't really believe him. He had said it himself—he had raised Megumi. Why wasn't he slightly bothered at all?

"You know, you're really cunning now that I thought about it," he blurted, mouth still stuffed full, as if mocking you altogether. "You're playing him like a puppet just to fulfill your goals."

"Don't act like you don't have your own agenda too." You bite back your anger, disregarding his comment. Apparently, true to many rumors about Gojo you had heard, this man was truly infuriating. "You want control over Zen'in. That was why you agreed to my proposition in the first place. You're using Megumi too."

"Are you really in mourning?" Gojo fixed his gaze on you, his clear blue eyes seemed to shimmer. "Barely a month after your mother's passing and you are instigating another bloodbath without knowing the consequences."

You felt your breath hitch at the blunt words. Something inside you snapped at his mention of your mother, and you bit your lower lip, willing your tears at bay.

Gojo's mouth was split into this rather manic grin, satisfied at how he managed to make you clam up. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Crankiness doesn't suit you, Sena-chan. And you don't have to worry if I will be there, because as you put it yourself, I do have my reasons."

But now your mind was pulled elsewhere. "Did you know something about who murdered my mother?"

"No. But she wasn't even a sorcerer. Who would target her? Someone who pins a mark on you would."

"Zen'in Naoya..." You gasped at the realization. He was the first person you should look into, how could you overlook it?

"Nah, but that's jumping too early," Gojo huffed. "You can't just come with nothing and accuse him of murder. Naoya would have your head before Megumi's."

"But he—!"

"Keep your eyes forward, Sena." Gojo's voice dropped, nearly sending a shiver down your spine. This sensation felt familiar to you, you could have sworn you have gone through this washed up terror before.

Your father's warning words. The way you would lower your forehead to the dirt ground, asking him for permission only to be told to remember your place.

Gojo Satoru was this era's strongest sorcerer, and now he was staring you down as if you were the stupidest person he knew. "I see through you. You can't run away from this. Not anymore."

And his smirk made you flinch.

"Not when Megumi is involved. Figuratively and literally speaking, you can't do that."

You shuddered this time, as what he said sank into your core. Figuratively and literally was the cold truth, incorporated in your binding vow, and not for the first time, you truly feared what and where this would lead to.

Perhaps sensing your silence as petrification—which wasn't far off the mark, brutally speaking—Gojo threw his hands in the air and barked a sardonic laugh to ease the tension. "Well, you've got me. Don't stress too much about him. Worry about your actions more."

"I'm doing this for him as well, you know," you snapped. "All of this, now I'm doing this all for him too, not solely for myself anymore."

Megumi was now so close to breaking Tsumiki's curse. As much as the prospect of him becoming the Zen'in clan head wasn't appealing at the slightest, that vile name was still useful and you could worry about that later.

Gojo released a derisive snort. "Is that so? Then, what's still in it for you?"

You looked at him with blind determination.

"I'm going to destroy Zen'in Naoya by taking away the one thing he covets the most."

Megumi thought it was going to be an ordinary day. As ordinary as meeting someone new would be, at least.

He was meeting up with a woman by the name of Kurusu Hana to discuss the possibility of curing his sister in Shibuya. At first she was acting fine, he was certain of that.

"Zen'in, right?" her voice sounded hesitant. He snapped his head towards her, and nodded. She promptly took a seat before him in this high-end cafe. She seemed nice, and he was convinced after she introduced herself.

"Let me introduce myself first. I'm Kurusu Hana, it's a pleasure to meet you, Zen'in-san."

"Oh, that... actually—" He never rectified it in their calls, but it felt wrong if he didn't disclose it to her now. "I'm not actually a Zen'in—please call me Fushiguro. Fushiguro Megumi."

"Fushiguro... Megumi...?"

That's when he noticed a sudden shift in Hana's gait. It occurred to him that she might be not as cooperative now after knowing that he was a not true-born Zen'in. However, this theory didn't align with her behavior, as she continued to respond to his inquiries and displayed genuine interest in Tsumiki's condition.

"Uh—oh, so it's been nine years..." she mumbled, lost in thought. "A curse as profound as that is not easily undone." Hana briefly met his eyes, then quickly looked away, a shy expression crossing her face.

If he were honest, her demeanor made him uncomfortable. He saw that kind of expressions on you, and you looked adorable, whereas she... was not. Well, might be because he definitely wasn't remotely attracted to her.

"Can it be reversed somehow?" he asked curtly.

"In theory, there's a chance. Possibly 40% actually," Hana responded, though her tone lacked the firmness he would have preferred to hear. "A curse residing that long in a human's body have... ingrained into the body itself, so it's not going to be as simple as exorcising newly-planted curses."

Megumi knew it wouldn't be easy, but hearing it firsthand was undeniably disheartening. "I see... Is there something that I—or you—can do?"

"I can attempt to break it, but the cost of it failing would mean the vessel’s immediate death."

He took a sharp intake of breath at that, his chest feelings suddenly tight.

Why was this world so unforgiving to kind people like Tsumiki and your mother? They hadn't done anything wrong, so why did they have to bear such heavy curses?

It was hard, but stalling any longer still meant Tsumiki’s impending death, so he decided to go through with the idea.

Hana would do enchantments for three weeks straight as a preparation to lift the curse from Tsumiki's body. And Megumi would be there to keep watch. Ah, he was thinking he could bring you too to switch with him if needed.

Wrapping the discussion up, he expressed his gratitude to Hana and prepared to take is leave. However, she halted him with a hesitant look.

"We have met before." She looked at him with such a hopeful expression it was jarring. "D-Do you... remember me?"

To him, what she said sounded like the peak of absurdity, and so he blurted the first thing that crossed his mind. "No, we have not."

"But..."

Megumi wanted to argue but then noticed something peculiar out of the corner of his eye. Through the glass panel of the quaint cafe, he could see the establishment next door that just happened to be where you and Gojo were.

Wait, you and Gojo-sensei?

"You saved my life!" Hana exclaimed, her raised voice shattered his thoughts and drew the attention of nearby diners. "You had two dogs with you—they led me out safely. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made it until today."

There were many things on Megumi's mind then. It took him a few seconds to discern her words as his eyes flickered again to where you were, and this time he saw you getting up from your seat and grabbing your purse.

And how Gojo seized your arm, pulling you roughly enough that you stumbled back a couple of steps.

Megumi saw red.

"I don't remember."

He knew it was his irritation speaking. He shouldn't have brushed her off like that, especially since he was the one in need of her help, but an overwhelming urge to stride over to where you were surged within him, and Hana's insistence was starting to grate on his nerves.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go." He completely missed Hana's crestfallen face as he fixed his gaze on you. "Thank you. I'll be seeing you again soon. Will contact you later."

He marched towards where both you and Gojo were, forcefully yanking the door that it caused the bells to ring with such intensity that it startled the girls waiting in line for pastries. That was when he realized that this fancy place was the one that required reservation before you could have a seat here.

Was it Gojo? Or you?

In any case, it appeared that both of you had finally become aware of his presence. You whirled to face him, wrenching your hand off Gojo's grasp.

"Megumi." Your voice came in a tense gasp. "What are you doing here?"

In sharp contrast to you, Gojo Satoru was jolly and didn't seem to care if he had just manhandled another man's wife. "Yoo, Megumi! It's been a while!"

It was as if every wire in his body had switched to autopilot. He remained expressionless, but he swiftly grasped your hand and pulled you to his side.

"I'm the one who should be asking you." His voice carrying a hard edge as he turned to you. "What are you doing here with him, of all people?"

"Booo, Megumi, you wound me! It's not like I would do anything to Sena-chan—"

Gojo's familiarity with you seemed to irritate him even further as he shot him a warning look. "Shut up, you're annoying," he said, lacing his fingers with yours and glancing at you from the corner of his eye. "We're going home."

The three of you—or rather, Megumi—definitely had made a debacle that onlookers were left with gaped expressions. He scowled and passed by them, maintaining a firm grip on your hand.

Gojo couldn't suppress an amused smile. "Well, well, Megumi-kun... Look at how much you've grown up."

Kurusu Hana was in love with Fushiguro Megumi.

She had convinced herself of that fact somehow, going as far as thinking of him as her destined one.

On a harsh snowy day, when she was teetering on the brink of certain death, a fluffy dog suddenly barked at her and indicated the path to safety. She recalled crawling on her hands and knees, following the white dog, until she felt the warm touch of local police guiding her to a secure location, away from menacing curses. She also remembered how the dog had dashed toward a boy who promptly patted it on the head. The boy, whose name she would later learn as Fushiguro Megumi, looked at her with a straight face, before a smile slowly spread across his lips.

She really didn't expect that she would really meet him again. More than ten years had passed by, and yet she still held that boy close and dear to her heart. Her savior.

Meeting him again this time was, of course, fate, or at least that was what she thought. She was about to erupt with euphoria… until he didn’t acknowledge her and left to catch another woman, pulling her along in a display of possession.

She was heartbroken. Maybe it was her fault too for keeping this love unspoken for as long as she did. But then again, how would she even speak it out loud? She never got the chance.

The way this encounter had played out and that she had seen him firsthand with a woman who clearly had his affections made her realize that there might not be a chance for her after all. Hana felt disheartened once more. But her spirits were consoled somewhat as she reminded herself that, from now on, she would be in contact with Megumi regularly due to her involvement in breaking his sister's curse.

It’s okay… Even if she couldn't have him, she could still admire and be near him.

That… should be enough.

next : all falls down

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[vigilskeep]

i have never thought of the bg3 paths as railroaded before but oh my god... i see your vision. i think that, for all that can be picked apart in the writing of dragon age, the worldbuilding in that series is so so interested in complicating all factions that you can envision a character who /makes sense/ while bouncing through various ideologies. and the sort of fantasy writing in (most of) the forgotten realms doesn't really allow for that.

dao is particularly the light of my life because the origins mechanic is specifically intended to let you create a character who has a distinctive perspective on the world that’s grounded in the worldbuilding. one of my favourite aspects of this is several origins having completely different codex entries on their own culture as opposed to those an outsider would get. it’s really good! it’s also a reasonably grounded world (while obviously silly) because, like, the basic fundamental premise of thedas, from which they ikea flatpack built almost every feature, is “how would people react to magical and fantastical diversity? the same way they react to human diversity.” you’re meant to feel like, aside from i guess the darkspawn, people are normal and have real motivations. sure it has to fulfil certain roles in a story, and dragon age was manufactured too quickly and purposefully for everything to land feeling authentic, but evil in dragon age should feel recognisable. and in most of the origins they give you a chance to do something that is bad, but also totally makes sense, because of the context of your character belonging to this world where these things happen

in dnd/the forgotten realms it’s a bit different because capital e Evil exists, so there are people and deities and devils (and, to open another can of worms, races) whose entire goal is to Do Evil. it’s also harder to produce grounded evil because in a world where i’m being given basically no context and just told to make whatever i want, i don’t have an inch of the kind of social information i get from for example a dao origin: what my character has been taught to believe they should do to survive, who they are willing to sacrifice, whatever. bg3 also happens to have a main plot goal that is, at least for the first part of the game, broadly selfish (“i am sick, and i need a cure”) which works really well for getting a bunch of people with vastly differing moral standards to band together for the same goal, and not so good for any kind of “greater good” type blurred morality, so that’s out too

however much the worldbuilding factors into this, bg3 specifically went for quite a clear distinction between the good path and the capital e Evil Path, and i find it pretty hard to vary up the good path. when i say railroaded i mean you either do the specific thing that gets you a quest down the line or not. i was really disappointed actually in my playthrough where i totally fucked up in the druids’ grove and caused a fight to break out, because it immediately instakilled tons of characters i knew i would need down the line. the few it spared needed some of the dead ones to stay alive in later quests, so it’s like... oh. that’s just... over. for both factions. bg3 arguably lets you do basically anything you want but they are able to do that because if you fuck around it just breaks the entire quest line from coming up again, which means playing a character who fucks up is not even really going to get me consequences it’s just going to cut content from the game. does that make sense? and then the Evil Path is just straight up evil, like... there’s no way for me to complicate and empathise, here, especially playing a blank canvas character whose motivations i would have to make up from nothing, and who faces basically no consequences for not doing this. the only neutral/cowardly/self-interested option in act 1 is to do neither path, which gets me the least content because i literally don’t get to play the fucking game

i don’t know, i’m not saying it’s necessarily bad just that it’s hard for me, personally, and how i like to create characters. especially when you have my constant restart disease and you have to do this all over again a dozen times just for a handful of different dialogue. does any of that make sense

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Both Ends Cleared Special Story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

This is in his POV

nsfw, minors dni

Today, I’ll tell you a story about me, a man named Roger Barel.

Someone, whose face I don’t remember anymore, once asked me something.

“Why do you live so recklessly?”

I absolutely don’t like wasting anything or being idle.

“Finding a way to get rid of curses” is a huge research project, and time keeps ticking away.

Even with a shortened lifespan, I wanna dig even deeper with my research.

Going on missions for Crown’s like gathering information, and my trivial everyday interactions, research.

With my boxing hobby to train my body and long hours of research, the only rest I get’s when I sleep or drink.

If my brain could stay in a fresh state, then I’d do research forever.

—At least, that’s what I thought. But apparently I’ve been changing lately.

--

Only “her” footsteps were distinct to my ears.

When the basement opened, I saw her face before I heard her voice.

Kate: Roger! I’ve sorted all your data on the Cursed by year!

Roger: Done already? That’s my dog-assistant-partner for you.

Kate: …What about lover.

Roger: Haha, I left it out on purpose. Thanks Kate, you’ve been a big help.

With the way Kate was beaming, if she were a dog, her tail would be wagging.

(You’re as cute as ever)

Kate: So…Do you remember our “promise”?

Roger: Yeah, “after finishing a task I assigned you, I’ll grant one request.” What did you want so badly?

Kate: Um, there’s a place I want to go—

--

Kate dragged me to—

(...The hell?)

—A group of people lying down on the grass.

They weren’t just lying down, they were all spacing out, as if their souls were sucked out.

Kate: It’s an “do nothing party” where busy people gather for a short break.

Roger: Do nothing?

Kate: Yes, Ellis told me it’s been secretly been in fashion in London.

Roger: Where does that guy even learn about this kind of stuff?

Kate: Hehe. Roger, you lie down too. Come on!

Kate spread out a large blanket she brought and lay down. 

(...Just doing nothing, huh? If Kate wants to, then I’ll go along with it)

I lay down next to her…

A blue sky filled my vision.

(...)

(...Has the sky always been this blue?)

(And I can hear the wind)

Despite the sky being around forever and my abnormal hearing, it felt as if I was experiencing these things for the first time.

Kate: …I’m sorry.

Roger: …What for?

Kate: I know you hate being idle and that you’d rather be spending your free time doing research. But we still have to live… The fight against despair never ends. Which is why if you keep running at full speed, you’ll run out of breath.

Roger: …

Kate: Sometimes you just need to pause, breathe, take a break.

Kate glanced at me and smiled.

Kate: Let’s run together again.

(So that’s it. That’s what Kate wanted to tell me.)

She said it casually, but the kindness in those words made it sink in.

It’s like I realized I hadn’t noticed the blue sky or sound of wind in a while.

(...Ah, I see. I’ve been acting reckless ‘cause I might’ve been “scared”)

For some time, I’ve felt like if I didn’t find a way to get rid of curses, then there was no reason for me being born.

I definitely felt that if I didn’t pursue my ambitions, I’d be betraying the people important to me.

So I continue to egoistically devote all my time into pursuing my ambitions.

(But humans aren’t kept alive only because they have meaning)

Every human’s existence was equally meaningful.

Though I came to realize that I didn’t apply this to myself.

(Having free will and fulfilling your ambitions makes you a villain)

(So I’ve been living life by getting rid of all the wasted needed to feel alive)

I don’t know if Kate did it on purpose, but she taught me some important things. To pay her back for these important lessons—

(Let’s enjoy this lovely idleness to the fullest)

Roger: Kate, let’s go.

Kate: Huh? Are we going back to work?

Roger: Nope. Sitting idle’s fine , but I wanted to spoil my cute lover. We can go shopping, eat, or go on a sightseeing cruise. What do you wanna do?

There were sparkles in Kate’s widened eyes.

Kate: All of the above!

Roger: Pfft, hahaha! Alright, we’ll do all of it. Come on, let’s go. Take my hand.

--

Kate: Roger, your shooting skills were amazing! Hehe, you shot down all the targets and the carny was at a loss.

Roger: You taking one prize and giving the rest back to the carny was admirable.

Kate: …There you go treating me like a child again.

Kate was in high spirits after playing all those games and held a large corgi plushie, the top prize from the shooting gallery, in her arms.

Roger: The stuffed toy’s nice and all, but I think it’s about time you give me a hug too.

Kate’s face fell, making her look like a scolded puppy.

Kate: …Don’t want to.

Roger: What, you going through a rebellious phase?

Kate: Because! Even though I took up a lot of your time today…I want to take more. If I hug you, I don’t think I’ll ever let you go…

(...*sigh* Why’s her reason so damn cute)

She wasn’t even trying to flirt with me, but that unconscious spoiled act aroused an animalistic desire.

Not one to hide my desires well, I sat on the bed and laid my sweet trap.

Roger: You’re a villain’s lover, remember? If you wanna take it, then take it—come here, Kate.

Kate: …Are you sure I can take up more of your time?

Roger: How insensitive. And if I say “I want you to”?

Kate: ~~...!

Kate squealed and threw herself onto the bed.

Roger: Heh, as usual there’s nothing sexy about the way you try to seduce me.

Kate: Sorry, your glasses—

Roger: Don’t need to put them back on—I’m gonna do this anyway.

Kate: Mnn, nnn…

I kissed Kate deeply and she sweetly sighed out my name in between breaths.

Kate: Roger…

(Early I said your seduction wasn’t sexy)

(...But when you’re like this, it’s enough to turn me on)

As we kissed, I stripped and caressed her, making her heat up and easily melt under my touch.

The more often we did this, the more Kate’s body became receptive to pleasure, which was also cute.

Watching Kate moan on top of me ignited a wicked desire.

Roger: Oh right, how about I teach you something we haven’t done before?

I pulled my shirt out, undid the front of my pants, took my cock out, and stroked it.*

I rested against Kate’s dripping wet entrance.

Roger: Tonight, you’re gonna put “this” in by yourself.

Kate: I don’t think…

Roger: Then I guess we won’t do it then. I’ll just have to take care of myself.

Kate looked like she was fighting against her shyness as she put her hand on me…

Kate: …Please don’t laugh if I’m not good at this.

After positioning herself, she slowly sank down onto it.

Kate: Pfff…

(...I told her to do it herself, but now I’m feeling impatient)

Roger: Come on, just a little more. Keep lowering your hips.

Kate: I don’t think I can…Roger.

Roger: Heh, alright. I’ll help you.

I might’ve sounded like a sensible adult…but I was already at my limit.

Her walls fluttered around me when I grabbed her hips and lowered her down.

Kate: …Haaa…Nnngh

Roger: Come on, don’t cum without saying anything.

Kate: But…

Roger: You might feel light-headed after just cumming, but…there’s more pleasure to come.

I took a nipple in my mouth and rolled it around with my tongue while still holding onto her hips, slowly thrusting in and out of her.

Kate: Ahh…Roger.

(Ahhh, I can only think about her right now)

(No, not just now)

(Come to think of it, I never thought that she wasted my time)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Strong…I want to be strong. Because I…don’t want to hate myself. Besides…life’s too long to live in despair.

Roger: …O_O Pfft, hahahahaha!

(I thought it was amusing how she was sobbing when she felt down, but didn’t despair)

--

Kate: Next time you do something perverted, I’m breaking our friendship!

Roger: Pfft, haha! Are you a kid or something? Dummy.

(We had a lot of pointless, childish arguments)

--

Kate: …Huhu…

Roger: Ah…you’re trying to hold your tears back.

Kate: B-because…You’ve acknowledged me as your partner…I’ll ruin it if I cry.

Roger: Pfft…

Kate: Besides, I know my crying face makes you happy.

Roger: Pfft, ahahahaha! You…You’re really… You’re so damn cute!

Kate: W-waaahhh~ Roger you bully!

(I bullied Kate so many times just to see her cute reactions)

--

Kate: Pull yourself together, Roger Barel! You’re the strongest egoist out there! This despair’s nothing. Just give it the middle finger and laugh it off like you always do!

Roger: …O_O

~~ End flashback ~~

(And when I didn’t believe in love, she proved to me that it existed)

(Kate, I don’t think any of the time I spent with you was a waste)

(To me, the time I spent with you’s a lovely idleness)

It’s thanks to this idleness that I was still able to escape despair and continue pursuing my ambitions.

Kate and I lost ourselves to passion and pleasure, savoring this lovely idleness.

Kate: …Roger, love you, I love you.

I stroked Kate’s hair as she lost herself to this heat and pulled her into my arms.

Roger: …I know. It’s an emotion you taught me.

--

A few days later, I heard Kate’s footsteps as she ran down the stairs to the basement.

Kate: Roger.

Roger: Yeah? What’s up, Kate?

Kate: Ah, you’re working right now, aren’t you?

I heard the sound of paper crinkling behind her back.

(Ellis did mention something about the circus being in town)

I guess Kate was holding the flyer behind her back.

Roger: Let me guess what you’re hiding behind your back. A circus flyer?

Kate: How did you know?!

Roger: Who knows. Gimme another half hour and then we can go.

I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Kate looked as she blinked at me.

Roger: Research is important to me and I still don’t like anything wasteful. I’m sure there’ll be more times in the future when I get so absorbed with research that I neglect everything else. I’m not exactly the most considerate.

Kate: Hehe, I know that a little too well.

We looked at each other and exchanged conspiratory smiles.

Roger: —However, Kate, I can change. I’ll try to change for you, so— Let’s be together forever.

(I want to love you until the moment I take my last breath)

(Even if I spend my whole life searching, I’ll never find another woman like you)

Kate: …What do I do.

Roger: Hm?

Kate: I love you so, so much. You’re glittering.

Roger: Pfft, hahahaha. You’ve said something like that before.

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: The person I like is different from everyone else. They’re especially glittering.

~~ End flashback ~~

That’s what Kate told me when I didn’t know what love was.

(Back then, I thought it was completely unscientific and impossible)

When Kate blushed and smiled at me, she also seemed to glitter for a moment.

Like gold dust glittering in the dark.

I wanted to touch the light, so I pulled Kate into my arms.

Kate: …Roger, what about your research?

Roger: …Just let me hug you for 3 minutes. Then I’ll continue my research.

Kate: …I’d like to extend it to 4 minutes. 

Roger: How about 5 minutes then.

(Ah, what the heck. It’s a complete waste)

(But I can’t live without moments with her like these anymore)

(This lovely idleness is necessary to live)

Roger: Kate, I love you so much.**

-

*I’m not using their “mass” euphemism anymore. Time to free the cock. Especially since this is Roger’s POV

**Whenever “I love you” was used, it’s been 大好き (daisuki). But here, Roger said 愛してる (aishiteru). Unfortunately, English doesn’t have as many ways to say “I love you” with different meanings and feelings so…”I love you so much” it is.

[ingravinoveritas]

How did u feel with the age gap question was it pr or do u really think he meant it and this was the truth

This is referring to the question asked on The Assembly last night. I'll post the clip here, for those who haven't seen it yet:

A lot of what I felt while watching this was touched on in this incredibly thoughtful post from @body-face-words, so I encourage folks to give that a read. But I think for me, when it comes to Michael's answer, it's not a matter of whether he lied or told the truth. It's that his response was sweet, but it was also a version of the truth that sounded convincing because it needed to, because this was not a time or place where he could say what he actually felt.

I'm really not sure what people expected him to say, in all honesty, as he was never going to say anything that would make him or Anna look bad, and especially not anything that could potentially negatively impact the kids, so he instead gave a very perfect PR answer. This again does not come as a surprise because we know Michael has scripted his answers about AL/their relationship in the past, but I noticed how careful he was in his response, which seems to contrast with how off-the-cuff he normally is when discussing every other subject. Part of what so many of us love about Michael is how unfiltered he is and always has been, with the exception of how much he filters and edits himself when talking about Anna.

It also seemed like, at least from my perspective, that Michael answered the question without answering the question. What the girl asked wasn't so much about the age gap, but about AL being five years older than Michael's daughter Lily, and it would've been a perfect opportunity for him to mention her, or how the relationship with AL affected his and Lily's relationship. He could've talked about the falling out he had with her (and Kate) in 2019 once AL's existence/pregnancy came to light, and what has happened in the years since, or how Lily now gets along with Anna/her half-sisters. But instead Michael deflected from all of that and talked about everything while saying nothing at the same time.

It was also the things Michael didn't say that stood out as much as the things he did. In the entire answer to the question, Michael never once used the word "love." Prior to the show airing, I saw a lot of people online confident that he would say that he loves Anna, but he never did. He never praised her, never talked about the things he loves about her, or how glad he is to be with her. He never once mentioned her by name. The pivot and focus was on the kids, and there was a clear distinction made between how happy he is to have the family he does, rather than to be in the relationship that he is in. Michael's use of the phrase "very happy" was also identical to the wording of a comment AL wrote on Instagram the other day, which added to the whole "reinforcing a public narrative" feeling of his response.

I think what struck me most of all, though, was how somber and heavyhearted Michael sounded while saying how happy he is. It reminded me of the song "I Am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel, where the upbeat and cheerful music contrasts starkly with the fraught, angry lyrics. There was no sparkle in Michael's eyes when he said it, no enthusiasm for what he was saying (which is particularly jarring when we know Michael has the capacity for incredible enthusiasm), and his face never lit up while he was talking.

There was one specific moment (which is also highlighted in the body language post) where he seemed to visibly wince and the micro-expressions were in overdrive, and it immediately made me think of a moment from Good Omens:

Time and again, I have seen fans talk about Michael's micro-expressions as an actor and how he uses them to such devastating effect (especially in the role of Aziraphale). And while these two moments are not completely identical, the idea of ignoring how Michael uses those same micro-expressions in real life makes no sense to me at all. In this instance, what we're seeing could be either because he has put so much of himself into Aziraphale that we can now recognize those "Michael" moments...or it could be because in both clips he is performing, albeit for different reasons.

The difference between Michael when he is doing this vs. when he is being genuinely himself is made even more apparent by the question immediately following this one. Unprompted, he brings up David, and the change in his expression and demeanor is swift and dramatic:

Having the mention of David happen so soon after the AL question seemed to highlight so many things. I can't help but feel that David is a security blanket for Michael, something he hides behind when he is feeling anxious or sad or overwhelmed. I wondered if perhaps he was even already thinking of David while answering the AL question, which would explain why he named him so readily--as if his mind needed to drift to someplace else just to finish answering that question.

To me, this made it abundantly clear that David is Michael's safe place. Here was where we saw Michael's eyes sparkling. Here was where we saw him light up from the inside. And it was David he kept returning to and bringing up during the rest of the show in response to other questions. So if that doesn't speak volumes about where Michael's heart seems to be, I'm not sure what does.

So yes, those are my thoughts on Michael answering the age gap question on The Assembly. As always, this is just my interpretation, but I am glad to hear from my followers with your take as well. Thanks for writing in! x

[ever-go-on]

thoughts on false-positive alter recording and alter fixation (or: i used to think a lot of symptoms were alters when they were not)

or: how the online DID community can exacerbate identity issues and further fragment a person's sense of self

warning: very long post. personal and subjective experiences ahead.

i'm going to start this by saying i have DID. i've been in treatment for three years and my trauma recovery journey is intrinsically linked to me acknowledging and integrating my other selves. part of this journey has been recording and identifying my selves when they emerge. this is easier said than done.

even earlier than professional treatment, i've been in online system spaces for five years. i discovered my parts about a year after a stress and trauma based breakdown in 2018. i didn't have access to therapy at the time, so i went online to get answers and for models of how i 'should' be approaching my revelation.

the first advice any questioning system gets is 'try to communicate with your alters'. i was advised to journal and talk to myself. i went and did that on my own, and made decent small progress seeing my different mes express their opposing views. alongside some unfortunate triggers that brought parts to the surface, i began to identify an angry part, a child part, a calm and reasonable part, amongst others. i became aware of how my identity was fragmented between my different self-states, which i could seem to switch between at the drop of a hat. my partner at the time helped me, by telling me about switches they witnessed, and noticing and talking to my child part when they emerged during a flashback.

after a while i really wanted to start understanding what was going on, so i started joining discords and communities. it was here i got a faceful of what alters 'should' look like. every alter had a name and age. every alter had a sexual orientation and internal appearance. every alter was distinct.

the way alters were identified was also different. it wasn't "someone shouted at me and i acted like a completely different person", or "i was told i had a flashback, but i don't feel connected to the memory". it was mostly about identity.

the signs you were (or had) a new alter included:

identifying as a fictional character

suddenly rejecting your 'real'/host life and identity

suddenly deciding on / showing signs of a wildly new identity

in my experience, this altered identity-first approach to identifying alters is misleading. it's led me to some embarrassing inflated alter counts. i want to talk about it in this post.

a core of DID and a large part of its sister disorders is dissociation, and dissociation is confusing, unclear, and sudden spikes are often temporary and brought on by stress.

unfortunately, in the very alter-centric DID communities online, it is easy to develop a bias towards (new) alters being the only explanation for dissociative experiences. this way one-off moments of identity confusion and choosing a new appearance for the evening can become written into your alter lists for a very long time. you might assume the experience was an alter fronting, and because they were an alter, they will come back some day, prolonging the impact of the episode on your sense of self.

when this bias (towards thinking every confusing dissociative experience is an alter) is paired with the rhetoric that alters are whole, defined "different people", with no room for overlap, inconsistency, or blurred lines, it can lead to very messy issues in self-perception.

over the past five years, i have:

clung to a fictional character i admired or saw my experiences in and announced them as my whole self. dozens of times. these periods can last hours to days.

spoken to loved ones without feeling much connection at all, bordering on feeling like i was talking to a total stranger.

hated myself so much i rejected every identity i had, and decided the only way i could go on is if i lived as a totally different person.

these experiences aren't exclusive to DID. they're the experiences of someone with a poor sense of self and a tendency to dissociate. i've met many people with personality disorders and/or long term trauma that i've connected with over sharing these symptoms.

however, it is easy to see how any of my experiences could be construed as a sign of an alter. doing so, though, leaves you with:

a further fragmented sense of identity by assuming you had 'split' a new alter state that you didn't.

normalising not connecting to your loved ones, because they are 'not your' loved ones, just the host's.

seeing parts that hate your life and identity as abusive or aggressive intruders, rather than understanding the root cause within you (internalised self hatred).

i've fallen into all of these traps before, and i don't think there's any shame in misunderstanding your experiences. i've recently done a sweep of every alter i've ever logged over the past five years, trying to honestly evaluate whether or not each one was a real alter, or just a one-off name and identity confusion i assumed was a part, but was not.

identity issues and fragmentation are very distressing symptoms. some of the worst times of my life were when i had no cohesion between my selves: i didn't 'know' myself, and it felt like my head was full of strangers. it was hard to love myself when i didn't know who 'i' was, in multiple or singular state.

i have been much happier in recent years, having gone into therapy, a vast amount of integration happening, and getting a generalised better self-awareness, making it easier to identify my different selves, and feeling more confident telling when i am only experiencing identity confusion, knowing that it will pass.

nowadays, my alters don't look like they did when i was trying to fit into the DID community template. my alters don't have unique sexual orientations, and not all of them have internal appearances when i visualise them. at their core, they are parts of me who hold conflicting reactions to trauma, and all want different things to get their peace.

i am confident that every alter i engage with nowadays is 'real', because i have known them all for many years, and i understand how they think and function. there is nobody on my documentation that might just be a one-off moment of identity confusion, because i know how to identify my episodes, and know not to write them down as alters.

but, most importantly, i'm confident the alters i know today are real because i've removed myself from spaces that changed how i saw myself. i am confident in myself now, but i was not so lucky earlier in my recovery, and i find it a bit embarrasing.

i tend to avoid DID communities online nowadays, because of my bad experiences with the common rhetoric and the templates systems are expected to fit into. i don't fit into their boxes, and their approach doesn't speak to me. and that's ok. i'll stick to me, my loved ones, and my therapist.

sorry for the super long blog post, i had thoughts to get out. feel free to strike up a conversation if you connect and want to talk. this was a hard topic to broach for my wounded pride😅. i'd be interested if anyone else shares my experience. thanks for reading.

[drunkwhenimadethis]

I cannot share with you what I know because I don’t know anything. I find my writing dreadful. I never remember where my sacral chakra sits. One night on the third layer of a marvelous ancestral dream a baby Guru comforted me inside the bathroom of a party and told me my shame is unnecessary because I glow with unknown colors.

I looked in the mirror and saw my wet face flash with all the faces in the world. No distinction between self, Lover, mother, teacher, stranger, friend. Total recognition: the inevitability of connection. With this knowledge I could have rested. I could have rested.

Don’t remember when I began to fortify myself against the imagined moment in which I’d be blamed for being something really bad by some figure opaque and incoming. It was this mission that kept me a little distant from people, my whole heart paralyzed by the vision and always trusting that I’d be submerged without warning into a state of visceral anguish if I lost my head and attached.

I knew I’d be tossed from life into a dark horrible place of vast lifeless vegetation, a nocturnal place with no answers, where the Spanish cherry trees bloom backwards and vodka flows instead of water and the clock is nothing but sad wind chimes whistling whistling in the endless gusts of time that will blow on and on forever even after you leave me. The baby Guru, who appeared to have lived less years than the years required to talk, possessed Brahminical intelligence anyway and said: Why are you so afraid? You are solely of soul! 

The truth washed my eyes of grime and shifted my sad paradigm. The room snapped back into place. Physical space inflated. My body, present and sensing itself, was so delicate and heartbroken and real, so much better than wine, better even than the grapes before the wine. I was myself the vine: conduit for splendor.

[featherandferns]

Prompt 2 with angst

2. I blame you for this.

I lost the original ask (which was from ages ago - sorry!) but they added extra information along this line: JJ cheated by ‘accident’ and wants reader to forgive but having hard time trusting. Fluff ending, possible smut.

a mistake - prompt 2

JJ is hot on your tail as you storm into the chateau. You can’t believe he followed you back. Can’t believe he had the nerve to. No, not the nerve. The audacity. 

“Baby, come on! We can just talk about this!”

“Talk about it?” you echo. Spinning around, you can’t help but laugh humourlessly. “What the hell is there to talk about?”

JJ falters in his step. You watch as he swallows, slow and thick, and you shake your head, lips down turning into a painful, deep frown. 

“JJ. You slept with another woman.”

You’re surprised you keep yourself from gaping in shock when he raises a finger, pointing at you accusingly. 

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t say it like that! Like I cheated on you or some shit!”

Another laugh bubbles up through you. You’d never been good with shock. Some people freeze, some people cry, and some people laugh and cackle and grin. The whole situation is so absurd to you, so far from what you could ever imagine, that it doesn’t feel real. 

“You did!”

“We were on a break!”

“You think you’re getting out of this on a technicality?”

“I think it’s an important dissertation,” he loudly replies. 

You grit your teeth, eyes narrowing. “It’s distinction, and no, it is not.”

You want as much space between you as possible. He could be on another continent and it still wouldn’t be far enough. The thought of having him near you, having him talk to you- it all just makes you feel sick to your stomach. Storming into the hallway and into John B’s (thankfully empty bedroom), you go to shut the door. JJ forces it open, stronger than you. Tears begin to sting your eyes. Why can’t he just leave it alone? 

“Look, can you just try to understand things from my perspective?” JJ says, the anger morphing into desperation. 

You stare at him, lips parted. He takes your silence as cause to continue. 

“I thought you’d left me forever, and I was spinning out, and freaking, and didn’t know what to do.”

“So you fell into another girl’s bed?”

“It was a month later!” JJ snaps, throwing his arms up. “You hadn’t spoke to me for a month!”

The thing is, you and JJ had a rather dysfunctional relationship. Neither of you had very good role models growing up of what a healthy, happy romance looked like: your dad had cheated too many times to count on your mom, and JJ’s mom and dad were a nightmare before the former up and left. That meant codependency and challenge and combativity. I’m not happy if you’re not happy, and you’re never fucking happy type beats. So, you finally broke. You told him that you both needed a break and some space to think. And now it seems that whilst you were actually trying to reflect and work on yourself, JJ had been getting his yips from other chicks on the island. Beneath all the anger and rage, you were breaking inside. Since JJ admitted it after a more than bizarre interaction with some brunette at a kegger, all you can picture is her lips on his neck, and his hands on her figure, and their writhing, sweaty bodies intertwined…Your stomach is sick. 

Finally, the tears begin to fall. Your heart shatters as you let out a shaking breath. JJ’s own face crumbles with that. He closes the distance between you, grabbing for your arms and hands, refusing to back down until you relent. 

“It was a mistake. It meant nothing, okay? And I know jackasses always say that, and it’s a cheap line, and it sounds like a cop-out, but I swear on my ma’s grave that it’s true. I swear on my fucking life.”

Your lip quivers. You can’t help but look up at JJ. Darling, sweet, troubled JJ. You knew him almost as well as you knew yourself. And as you stared up at him, you knew he was telling the truth. Maybe some might say that you were being wishful, or too forgiving, or running back to a bad thing…But you’d seen JJ lie plenty of times to know when he was being honest. To you, the difference was as clear as night and day.

JJ tries to steal himself. His voice is quiet, vulnerable, prepared for rejection, when he speaks. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

“I blame you for this,” you hear yourself say. You’re not entirely sure what you by it. Blame him for cheating? For making you walk away? For making it so hard for you to say no, here and now? 

His eyes slip shut, ready for the final blow. You can see him mentally preparing to depart from your life forever. 

But no. 

No. 

Slipping your hands up, cupping his face with each palm, you lovingly stroke a finger over his damp cheek. At the tender action, JJ forces his eyes open. 

“But I don’t know who I am without you either.”

[c0wb0yenthusiast]

❝Sweet as pie❞

Phillip Graves x Reader

So basically me and @sarahs-secrets2 exchanged ideas and I hope I did it justice!

Summary - you're a waitress and you're dealing with a particularly cocky regular.

✮

The sun was peeking over the horizon, hazy colours still swirling in the sky as you parked outside the café and opened up for the day. It was quiet, except for the sound of cars speeding by. It was only a stop n' go after all.

Buttoning up your uniform and now stepping out to see an array of customers filling up the booths, chattering away as you passed to get your notepad from counter.

That was until you heard a distinct voice.

"Hey, doll."

Your head swivelled around quickly to meet with him.

For the past week, this cocky, smart-mouthed man had sat in the same booth. For the past seven days, playing out the same exact routine.

"God, is it just me or do we keep running into each other?", he smirked, removing his aviators from his face and tucking them into his shirt pocket.

"Hi. Again. Do you want the usual?", you rested your hands on your hips, letting out a sigh. You'd met many douchebags in this café and he wasn't any different from the rest.

"Of course. You know me so well, already. Why don't you sit down and we can get to know each other a little more?", he grinned, batting his lashes innocently up at you.

He's just another country bumpkin who's trying to get laid.

"Honey," you smiled back at him, "I'd love to have coffee and hookup in the back of your lovely little jeep parked outside, but I'm actually quite busy because I have a life. Okay?"

He took a moment to process what he heard, before breaking out into laughter.

"Honey? Oh, girl, you're just adding fuel to the fire."

You didn't respond, tapping away at the tiled floor with the sole of your foot. You wanted to stay longer, but this café, the customers and the overstimulation it brought made you bossy and unsociable.

"Ah, are you alright?", the chuckles died down and he now raised a brow at you.

"I'm fine, I just- I really need to get to work."

"Sure thing, doll. Come talk to me when you're free."

The whole time you rushed from one table to another - he was still there. Sitting idly with his cup of coffee, fumbling with the dog tag hanging around his neck. You could feel his eyes boring into you every time you passed by his booth.

He always ordered the exact same thing: 'A black coffee - and keep em coming, darling.'

After running through the majority of the day around the café, it started to quiet down and people were filing out slowly but surely. Only a couple lingered by the afternoon, including him.

Slowing your steps, you approached his table again, he seemed a little taken aback to see you once more.

"Hey."

"Hi.", you breathed, letting out the pent up air you seemed to be holding in this whole time.

"Take a seat.", he nodded in front of him, to which you obliged and attained yourself not to collapse into the booth.

"What's it like?", you blurted out loud, now setting off a panic in your head yet keeping calm - mainly due to how tired you were at the moment.

"Hm?"

"Not having to run around and serve entitled customers?"

He let out a low chuckle, "It's alright, but I'd rather be here than my job."

"How come?"

He shifted in his seat, making his biceps flex under the short sleeves of his t-shirt.

"I'm going to be deployed soon, so I just thought I might enjoy my last couple of days until work. It's nothing, really." he added, seeing the way your expression softened.

"I can't believe you just told me all that-"

"Well-"

"And I don't even know your name!"

This made him grin, before lifting off his dog tag and sliding it across the table.

You caught it clumsily, eyeing the writing.

"Phillip?"

"Mhm, now what am I supposed to call you?"

You let out a fake gasp, "Did you ever bother to read my name tag? Or were you too busy looking at my tits?"

He shrugged, definitely the second option.

"I don't have to tell you, do I?"

Before he could reply, you leaned over the table and pushed out your chest slightly, your badge shining from the dimmed rays of the sun.

Graves blinked, his eyes widening and now reading the name.

"Y/n. That was a.. forward way to ask for my number.", he now fished in his pocket, bringing out a beaten phone with a car as the background.

You snorted, still practically laying on the table to meet him, "Alright, hand it over. Maybe this will help you when you're lonely at work."

Now tapping in your number, you turned the phone over in your hand. "How come it's so broken? I thought you guys get paid."

"Of course we do, but all of that goes to my other stuff.."

".. Like?"

"I don't know, my car, food, er... My car?", he mumbled hesitantly, now listing things under his breath.

You couldn't help but laugh, "That's nice, at least you're not engrossed in your phone."

"Darling, I only have that thing to call people, I don't need it for anything else."

You weren't focusing on his voice, just now seeing the scar on his cheekbone.

"Mhm.."

He caught your lingering stare, "I'd love to tell you the story, but I think you're too special for the tactics I use on all the other women who flock to me."

You grinned, sliding his phone back at him to which he clumsily caught, "You're the one who came to me."

"Sure, darling, have it your way.", he seemed to relax in his seat, gaze still fixated onto you.

After a small amount of silence, you cocked a brow, "What?"

"hm?"

"Do I have something on my face?"

"No, no.. I was just thinking about something.."

"What is it?"

He let out an amused huff, "Why should I tell you?"

"Because I'm bored."

"Alright.", he put his glasses back on his face, "How about we go for a ride?"

What?

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you're bored and I've already paid my bill so we're off the hook-"

"But-"

"Don't fret, doll. I'll buy you dinner too, okay?"

That definitely shut you up.

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

i've been thinking abt this for the last 10 seconds and i need to share this LMFAOO but how but either jack or kappa with "i would never let anyone or anything hurt you. i've never felt that way about anyone." AAAAAAAA imma pass out oki lob u lots and i love the way you write i like hang on to every word ITS SO GOOD EVERYTIME

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1000 FOLLOWERS! Let's celebrate that with this little something something here 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 I'm very much left speechless by the sheere amount of people that apparently enjoy my deranged writings enough to follow this flaming dumpster fire of a Tumblr blog. I love and appreciate all of you so incedibly much! 🖤 Thank you from the very bottom of my heart!

Going To California

Summary: Kappa displaying insane amounts of husband material.

Pairing: hippie!Kappa x fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Content Warnings: Romantic Van Life Smut 18+!, Unprotected P In V, L-Bombs, Very Fluffy And Domestic, Kappa Being A Heartthrob, Kappa Talking You Through It, Sprinkles Of Actual Plot, Dad!Kappa 👀

A/N: To the wonderful nonnie, I have to confess that I thought much longer than 10 seconds about this 🤭🥴

I put together a hippie!Kappa playlist!

Tagging the horny horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @r0ttenmess @doddernix @svgarcaine @amayalul @basementgrl222 @kristennero-wallacewellsver @iiheartsai

Spent my days with a woman unkind

Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine

Made up my mind to make a new start

Going to California with an aching in my heart

Someone told me there's a girl out there

With love in her eyes and flowers in her hair

- Going To California By Led Zeppelin

With his plush, soft lips Kappa left a trail of slightly sloppy kisses all the way from your forehead down to the tip of your nose that he eventually nudged playfully with the tip of his own.

"And here I thought you'd let me sleep.." You giggled, your tone a little drowsy as your senses had already been on the best way to slip towards warm and comforting dreams for tonight.

" 'M sorry, sugar, didn't wanna wake you up again." He nuzzled his face into the curve of your neck, his left cheek soft against your jawline.

"Are you though?" You pushed somewhat teasingly, arching your brows in the dark of the van while a smile tugged your lips.

"Well, yeah…but also not really." Kappa admitted, his curly, black hair ghosting over your collarbone whilst his hands searched for your waist further down underneath the woolen blanket that the two of you shared.

In gingerly soft touches, his fingertips caressed over the bare skin of your hips, tracing your curves slowly to savor every inch of you next to him.

"Go on.." You inquired, feeling how he sent little waves of gentle goosebumps all over your body.

"I'm just..y'know…I've never been just that happy and I can't help myself here, really. I hardly get enough of you, babe." His slightly raspy voice hummed into the crook of your neck which had you leaning your head back just a little yet enough for him to take note of the invitation.

"Hardly enough, yeah?", It rolled over your tongue in a tender laugh as you recognised his lips softly nipping right underneath your earlobe, "I'm with you all day everyday. How are you not tired of that yet, honey?"

"How could I ever, hm?", To underline his point, Kappa suckled your sensitive skin right between his teeth, effectively leaving a hickey just like a love-sick teenager, "None of this would just be remotely as heavenly as it is right now without you. Living in a van this, being free to go wherever that…but I wouldn't wanna go anywhere without you anymore. I love you."

"Good god, you're so sweet, Kappa.", You felt your entire chest swelling with a very distinct kind of fulfilling warmth as you led your fingertips to sneak under the hem of his linen shirt and caress his soft skin all the way up to his shoulders, "I love you, too. So incedibly much."

Turning your face to the side just a notch, you pressed a long kiss to the crown of his head, holding him close in your embrace, your senses following closely how his body heat quickly engulfed your statue, seeping through the layers of fabric.

'Hmhmm…right there, sugar." Kappa quietly groaned into your neck, pressing his front further against yours.

You very well knew how much of a slave he was to being touched around his shoulders and you eagerly followed his plea for more of your tender strokes. Planting another kiss to his hair, you started drawing random shapes and forms, curly waves and loops all over his shoulder blades and along his spine, pulling little moans and whines oozing with enjoyment from his mouth.

"S-so good to me, love." He hummed in a low voice, his own hands fastening their hold on your hips.

"Always." You returned softly while it didn't go unnoticed how both of your bodies reacted to one another.

You could feel Kappa's growing hard on pressing through his pants against your thighs just as much as you acknowledged your perked up nipples brushing against his collarbones whilst your own arousal throbbed between your legs.

"So much for just falling asleep, huh?" You joked amicably, pressing both of your palms against his back before pulling him on top of you as you turned to lay on your back.

"Oh, that's all you now!" Kappa reciprocated with a hearty laugh right before lowering his lips onto yours, nipping and nibbling at them teasingly.

"Is that so?" It left your mouth in a chuckle, your hands busy with pulling his trousers off of him.

"I might just be a tad bit involved in this.." He groaned, feeling his cock prodding against your cunt without anything left in between.

"A tad bit, yeah?" You inhaled sharply at the sensation, noticing how your body turned gradually more greedy.

"Probably severely very interested, s'that what you wanna hear, sugar?" Kappa sighed against your mouth before thrusting into you in one languid, careful stroke.

"Fuck…", It rushed over your tongue as you felt his girth stretching you out, "Feels so good, damn."

"Still mad about being awake?" Your lover huffed against your jawline as he rolled his hips into your lap, having your eyes flutter shut at the sensation.

"Hmhmmm…" You moaned out whilst allowing your head loll back into one of the plenty tie-dye patterned cushions.

"Fuck, I love you so much.", Kappa groaned, raising his forehead to rest right against yours as he thrusted into you anew, "I'd never let anything or anyone hurt you, sugar. You know that, right?"

Kappa's words reverberated, echoed right through you, making you feel as one with him.

"I've never felt that way about anyone before." His voice filled your mind as the tip of his cock nudged against that especially sensitive spot on your inside.

"My one and only…", You moaned softly against his warm, slightly sweaty cheek, your lips brushing over his upper lip and pressing soft pecks to the corner of his mouth, "Wouldn't trade the world for you. Ugh, god, hear that? You turned me all soft, damn hippie."

Both of you chuckled for a moment, the vibrations of his chest against yours making your heart feel like it was about to explode right into his aura that smelled like lavender and freshly cut grass to you. The warmth of his character, the carelessness in the most inappropriate of moments and just simply being with Kappa had done things to you…good things for once in your life.

"You were soft way before me, love, the world just didn't appreciate you showing it, but be certain that I do." You couldn't quite decipher if it was the way Kappa spoke to you or the way he cradled the curves of your waist in his grip, making you feels safe and protected with him right on top you, between your legs, that eventually pushed your body over the threshold of a rapidly building orgasm and quite frankly you didn't care.

Soft moans, repeated chants of his name cascaded from your lips as you arched your back to shove your hips into his lap, needing to feel him inside of you as deep as you possibly could, your pulsing and contacting cunt clenching down around his cock.

"There, there…let it all just go, 'm here, sugar." He cooed into your flushed cheek in a low groan, his own body turning rigid as he felt your walls pulling him in deeper.

The tide of your orgasm, the push and pull of your release was enough for Kappa to come undone himself, spilling his load as deep as possible, shoving it and pushing it deep inside of you.

"I gotchu…" Kappa hummed, enjoying the bliss of his own release rippling through his muscles, allowing himself to get lost in that instant of being ultimately close to you.

Only very reluctantly he pulled out of you eventually, the load of his seed trickling out and pooling all over the inside of your thigh.

"Uh, I gotta tell you something, actually…" You started awkwardly, immediately drawing Kappa's attention towards you.

"Huh? Are you trying to give a panic attack right after cumming now?" His hand fumbled around the headboard above the mattress, fingertips eagerly trying to find the light switch for the fairy lights dangling from all over the ceiling.

"No, sorry, oh god, sorry. It's just… come here.", Right after he flipped the switch, illuminating the inside of your van in a warm, almost orangy tint, you reached for his hand and gently pressed it against your lower abdomen, "I have a strong feeling that we are at least 3 now."

"What?" It blurted out of him, brows knit together in confusion as he stared at you with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"I'm way past my period, Kappa.", You hinted further, "Sore breasts and, good god, the nausea lately?"

"What I'm hearing you say right now is that you are… pregnant?" His forehead crinkled in soft creases.

"Ah, there we go. That took you a hot second, no?" You chuckled out softly, planting a kiss to the bridge of his nose.

" 'M gonna be a dad?!", Confusion was swept aside by unbridled joy and excitement, "And you're gonna be a momma?!"

"Looks like it an awful lot now, babe." You couldn't hold back the wide grin spreading on your face before Kappa practically jumped you, attacking you with a wave of kisses, pecks and smooches all over.

[likealittleheartbeat]

hello !!

i was wondering, do you know any other characters like aang from other shows/movies/books? or maybe, just his theme of radical kindness appearing in other stories?

i've been missing aang, and it would be nice to find other representations of such a fun and warm personality like his.

ps.: your blog is like, fantastic. truly.

🥰🥰🥰🥰 This is the best ask I’ve ever received!!! Depictions of radical kindness in media is a special interest of mine—not exaggerating. So I’ve done my best to make a list of rec’s, just tv, from most formally similar to ATLA to least, with a short description for each.

1. Fruits Basket (2019)

"My mom told me, it's better to trust people than to doubt them. She said that people aren't born with kind hearts. When we're born, all we have are desires for food and material things. Selfish instincts, I guess. But she said that kindness is something that grows inside of each person's body, but it's up to us to nurture that kindness in our hearts. That's why kindness is different for every person."

An anime orphan whose established memory of the kindness by which her family raised her ends up transforming and liberating a whole clan from an intergenerational curse that enforced an abusive hierarchy all within a show that has a deeply queer subtext, beautifully complex plotting and character development that due to its zen influence refuses to demonize anyone or any perspective wholly, AND a straight romance you can actually root for!? Nothing comes closer to ATLA thematically than this show. While the lead Tohru Honda is the biggest representative of radical kindness, the character of Momiji Sohma with his complex purity, idealism, and gender performance is one of the closest you'll find to Aang in any media.

2. Mob Psycho 100 (2016-2023)

"The truth behind one's charm is kindness. Just be a good person, that's all."

Mob Psycho 100 explores a core tenant of ATLA's critique of imperialism and power: greatness and perfection are overrated. They both ask the question about what to do for the world with one's gifts if that's the case. How can one be both normal and prodigious at the same time? The satirical comedy and style of this anime, which deconstruct a lot of the shonen genre tropes, are pretty distinct from ATLA, but when ATLA arrived on the airwaves, it was a pretty massive break from tradition in Western animation, and for both of these series, that difference of style is tied to the message of the show about the experience and acceptance of difference.

3. Natsume's Book of Friends (2012-present)

"As I encountered kindness, I wanted to be kind myself."

The anime, Natsume's Book of Friends and ATLA both depict the challenge and necessity of facing abandonment, loss, and a deep-seated loneliness with kindness and gratitude despite the persistence of grief. Both take a deeply spiritual view--even a responsibility--of this experience that demands a compassion for all beings including those who intend to do harm. Natsume, an orphan shuffled between houses who is one of the few people who can see spirits called youkai, inherits his maligned grandmother's book of yokai names, becoming a target for them in the process. He hides all of this from everyone in his life, and even five season in, still has trouble admitting to the one person who understands him when he is struggling and needs help. The gentle and light tone papers over a profoundly honest representation of attachment trauma and the wisdom of compassion that develops as a tool to cope with it.

4. Hunter x Hunter (2011-2014)

"You can do whatever you want to hide your feeling. You still have a heart."

If you think that "Radical Kindness" is by definition non-violent, then this show is either not for you or going to change your mind. Gon, the protagonist of HxH, like Momiji mentioned in Fruits Basket, is another rare character whose naivete and optimism are treated with respect. He is allowed to suffer, to be wrong, to be stupid, and to inspire others away from their own cynicism with the persistence of his beliefs nevertheless. But HxH is a show that integrates the most violent aspects of the world (organized crime, capitalistic competition and privileging, state-sanctioned brutality, pure sadism) with its examination of human potential for goodness. And even within a list of shows deeply inspired by spirituality and religions, this show is abundant with religious references as it seeks out meaning, balance, and an ethic for modern experience. On top of that, it ranks with ATLA for the depth and relevance of its magic system to its themes, plus its got gay subtext out the wazoo!

5. Mushishi (2005-2014)

“Make sure to remember, every person and place has a right to exist. It is true for you too, the entire world, as a whole, is your home."

Elegaic, episodic, compassionate, and strange, with some of the best short story-telling of all time, Mushishi is the story of a medicine-man who travels the Japanese countryside helping people deal with the spirits that accompany the little trials and tragedies of life that cling to our minds long after they're passed. The protagonist, Gingko, and the show itself takes the approach of restraint to observe these problems fully and come to a conclusion that's taoist in its balance and acceptance of reality--"Eyes unclouded by hate" as Miyazaki/Gaiman would have it. Each episode is like a therapy session arguing for you to choose to live even as the heaviest burdens sit on your chest.

6. Reservation Dogs (2021-2023)

"See...love doesn't have to be received, it can just be."

We're finally out of the animes, and moving away from the zen and shinto approach into some other options. Reservation Dogs' indigenous humanism was groundbreaking, bringing in distinctly modern American realities (with the kind of true-to-life details only a an on-location shoot could offer) with Native beliefs about ancestry, community, and connection to the land, while rarely feeling preachy. Instead, it's just fucking hilarious and casually heartbreaking. Four friends on the edge of graduating high school on a reservation in Oklahoma try to figure out what to do with their lives after their plans to go to California get abruptly messed up. Radical kindness as a concept often gets focused on accepting the enemy but what about accepting the weird stoner uncle who farts all the time and won't talk about his years in the army. I think that might be a more important goal of radical kindness, in truth, if we are being asked to look and accept reality for what it is, because growing comfortable with disappointment and the mundane let's us live without the relentless striving that drives perfectionism.

7. Skam (2015-2017)

"The second you start looking for hate, you find it. And when you find hate, you start hating."

A Norwegian teen drama that understood internet culture better than any show before or since, four season-long romance plots better than any romance film from that decade, and a masterfully constructed exhortation about leaning into failures of connection to build deeper compassion rather than demonize another person or group. Each season focused on a specific character within a high-school friend group, emphasizing the limited scope of subjective experience, and had them confront the challenges of opening up to others fully. And even when they return into the scenes with new protagonists, their lives weren't sorted perfectly, reflecting how resolving a single romantic plot point would not resolve life. The impact of this low-budget public-television web series (!!!) will be felt for years (it's already been referenced by Netflix juggernauts like Sex Education and Young Royals), but we're not likely to see something that juggles political themes, heartfelt characterization, realistic dialogue, and meta-commentary (it flashed its own hater and fan comments across the screen in the last episode!!) in such a obsession-inducing package anytime soon.

7. Boys Like Boys (2023)

"Because I have always been someone who hates myself, I don't have the courage to face it. Running away is my only option...What if I give myself one more chance to be brave?"

So how can a reality show make it onto a list of radically kind tv series, especially a dating show!? Well, when that reality dating show casts people who radiate warmth, vulnerability, and respect and seem to have the kind of chemistry that most scripted shows can't even manage, it's a good start. But then, when they elevate that cast with a format that addresses the cruelty of dating, elimination formats, and broader societal exclusion (an important consideration for a gay dating show), it offers a new model for future shows. Boys Like Boys did this when mid-season (spoiler alert) they had contestants vote out a contestant, only to provide the contestants with a vote in which they could retain a contestant who they didn't want to leave. In fact, many of the contestants asked if they could abstain from making a vote that would eliminate a constestant and were allowed to. The final result left one contestant, Jia-Hang, up for elimination--he had voted for himself to be eliminated, and many contestants, recognizing his reticence to continue on the program, didn't want to force him against his will to stay. Then, looking around at nearly the whole cast sobbing, even apologizing to him for not providing him enough support, Jia-Hang chooses to stay on. This is just one of many heart-warming authentic moments in the show that illustrate the vital influence of kindness to impact the trajectory of our hearts.

8. Joe Pera Talks With You (2018-2021)

"I can help you reach things. I can tend the garden. The different hours we keep are a good thing. And when they overlap, I can offer companionship and entertainment."

So much has been written about this show's groundbreaking kind approach, I'm going to quote instead: "It can be difficult to convey how a TV show airing on Cartoon Network’s provocative nighttime programming block Adult Swim can evoke almost nostalgic feelings of kind-heartedness. The premise of Joe Pera Talks With You is so simple as to almost be beside the point: Comedian Joe Pera plays a lightly fictionalized version of himself as a sweet Michigander, a middle-school chorus teacher with small and specific passions. Joe likes breakfast food, obscure trivia, beans, trips to the grocery store, and his grandma. He greets every day with a contented smile, stands beneath a pale blue sky, packs a balanced lunch that contains no surprises. (A turkey sandwich with cheese and a tomato, a banana, some trail mix, and as a treat, some cookies.) Joe, more than anything, is satisfied. His greatest joy is sharing these small pleasures with you, the viewer who exists on the other side of the fourth wall he has cleanly dismantled, often speaking quietly to the camera like he’s sharing a secret, just between you two. That he’s talking “with” and not “to” you is a crucial distinction in the show’s title: Joe never lectures nor rhapsodizes. Instead, he waxes poetic about what he loves and who he cares for and how he leads his life, telling his stories from a vulnerable position of welcoming you into his daily existence.” --“A Great Comedy About Being Good,” Allegra Frank for Vox

9. Anne with an E (2017-2019)

"Her life was not short on challenges, and still she held no grudges, believing instead that grace is perennial like the green, green grass."

While maligned for not being the 1980s version, this Netflix adaptation of Anne of Green Gables takes what many have read as an autistic subtext and made it text, giving Anne a performative quality that pushes a lot of the audience into the same irritation that the characters of Avonlea feel for Anne at first, and, thus, requires its audience to persevere toward the same kindness that Anne inspires in her adoptive mother figure, Marilla, among others, which is much more rewarding than simply identifying with Anne right away. In so doing, it enhances the development of its broader approach to acceptance--an approach in its insistence on the requirement of a community of kindredness (see Sebastian's excitement at finding out about the black community in "The Bog") that is much more rigorous than many other shows will cop to. Expanding far beyond literal adaptation into queer, black, and indigenous characters, without disguising history or disparaging the thematic seed of grace at the heart of the novels, Anne with an E imagines what it meant and what it might still mean to build real joyful community with others through kindness.

10. Little Bear (1995-2003)

"Interesting."

A childhood favorite that disguised in its simplicity a wide-openness to the world and an acceptance of different natures. While most child shows emphasize kindness, few do so with as much patience, wonder, and generosity extended to its viewers. Little Bear is a curious kid who goes on adventures in the woods around his house that can turn into games or small imagined experiences. He is sometimes with his friends Cat, Duck, Hen, Owl, and Emily, whose personalities, along with Little Bear's, bring about small tensions in their games that ultimately resolve, if not independently, then with the help of Mother Bear or Father Bear, who give each other knowing glances about the expected childhood behaviors. This is the first show that initially taught me to observe things while withholding my judgment, that first step of radical kindness.

12. The Andy Griffith Show (1960-1968)

"The key to happiness is finding joy in the simple things."

One really old and somewhat controversial throwback for my last entry. If you have concerns about a sheriff character representing radical kindness, I would encourage you to start with the third episode of season 3 where Andy, the sheriff in question, has to explain to the new mayor why he doesn't carry a gun and lets prisoners go to gather their crops. There have been some fantastic pieces written about the complexities of this show's bucolic fantasy and Southerners (of all races) attachment to it, but they all acknowledge a type of humanistic and deceptively simple virtue found in Mayberry that audiences long to witness, if not emulate themselves. It's a morality that resists the "hyperactive zealotry" and bureaucracy that the show satirizes through Barney Fife (along with guest characters like the new mayor) and instead emphasizes the understanding that one can have for each individual and the trickstery middle paths that one can find to address conflict.

[yukidragon]

I love to hear more of your headcanons on Bo in Mafia AU! Also what would happen if Bo's puppy doesn't want to be his in that AU?

It's been a while since I touched on the Mafia AU hasn't it? And that was before I created my version of Bo's puppy, Barbie too. This ask does make me wonder how their interaction might go in this AU.

In the main universe, Barbie's attraction towards Bo, at least at the start, was pretty shallow, all things considered. He was more like a fun adult toy that she grew fond of until eventually that fondness grew into genuine love. It's hard to blame her though, since he quite literally is a toy. She pretty much treated him like many people treat AI bots - a fun diversion, but nothing to take seriously. It was only when he forced her to realize that his feelings are just as real as hers that she truly saw him as a person.

Barbie is a self-proclaimed misanthrope. She's not fond of humanity in general. She can't stand noisy places or being in crowds. It takes a while for her to warm up to people, which leaves her with few people she cares about outside of her immediate family. It's also why she's very fierce if someone hurts her family. Fictional relationships were the closest thing she was interested in when it came to romantic or sexual pursuits.

In the Mafia AU, Bo is an actual human being, even if he's got some pretty distinct canine features. More than that, he's a wise guy working for a mafia boss (Jack); not really someone who is safe for normal people to get involved with. Add in Barbie's default mistrust of people, and Bo in this universe is going to have a steep uphill battle to overcome in order to win his puppy's heart.

Since I've started fleshing out the King family more, it would be good to reexamine their roles in this Aphrodesia-influenced AU, don't you think? It'll be especially interesting to consider how they'll react to Alice being kidnapped by a human trafficking ring, and the scars that incident left behind on her when she finally sees them again.

Content warnings: this post will contain mentions of violence, torture, human trafficking, SA, drugs, and sex. Overall I'll try to keep any uncomfortable descriptions to a minimum, and ramp up the spice where I can. Remember, Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, DachaBo, and Aphrodesia are all stories for Adults Only. NSFW elements will be touched on!

Traffic Stop

The broad strokes of the AU are basically the same as from the first post. Alice and her family originally lived a normal, happy life, far and away from the crime-invested city of St. Valen's. She and Ian grew up as childhood friends. Things seemed to be going down the same route it did in the regular universe, with puppy love developing between them that might turn into something more.

The divergence happened when they were both still in high school. There was a person going around their school, looking for acting talent. It was somewhat shady. Alice wasn't sure about going, but Ian wanted, no, needed to seize the opportunity to achieve his dream. The talent scout remarked that he had a nice face, both of them did. They would go far. They just had to audition.

It was flattery that Ian couldn't resist.

Of course Ian's mom wasn't going to let him do such a thing, so they had to sneak out. Ian didn't want to risk his mom finding out from her parents, so he convinced Alice to lie to her parents that they'd be out with friends.

As you might suspect already, this audition was a trap sprung by human traffickers. They pick young and vulnerable people who look like they can't fight back, lure them someplace isolated, nab them, and ship them off someplace to be sold for, well, less than savory purposes. While initially both of them were caught in the trap, Alice managed to help Ian escape.

Ian's greatest regret was that he ran away, that he didn't stay to rescue Alice like she did him. Even though she told him to run, to get help, Ian still felt like a coward. It was made worse when by the time he returned with authorities, the traffickers were already gone.

Needless to say, this incident still haunts Ian to the present day, crushing him under the weight of his guilt.

This incident replaces the cheating Ian does in the main universe, and Alice being trafficked replaces the SA incident she went through. While Alice mercifully didn't get SA'd during the trafficking, she was a victim of a "red room" after being taken and sold in St. Valen's. A "red room," for those unaware, is a type of livestream on the dark web, where innocent victims are tortured according to an audience's bids.

I won't go into detail about all the horrors Alice experienced, since the scars speak for themselves. Fortunately, she managed to be clever and lucky enough to escape. Luckier still, she managed to stumble into a member of the Sunny Family, and said family just happened to have a vendetta against the gang that was behind the trafficking.

St. Valens is full of people who showed up out of nowhere, and others who don't ask or care where they came from. There's plenty of corruption, people looking the other way, and shady deals going on. The Sunny Family might be relatively better than most crime families, but at the end of the day, they're pretty shady. They helped her out by rescuing her, even paying her hospital bills and taking her under their wing, so now she owed them.

Alice could contact her family, have them pay back her hefty debt... or she, now an 18 year old adult, could do some favors for the family. Her medical bills were insane - St. Valen's isn't exactly kind to the less fortunate when it comes to medical care - it would bankrupt her family.

It was a classic hustle, presenting a vulnerable person like Alice with potentially devastating consequences, or an out by someone who is wearing a kind and smiling face. I'm inclined to have that representative of kindness from the family be Mama Shine, who was so kind and empathetic, just wanting to help Alice after she went through so much. Working for them wouldn't be that big a deal, especially since they were the ones who rescued her and all the other trafficking victims...

That's the classic Sunny Family con. They smile, act kind, extend their gloved hands to help, offering salvation to poor souls down on their luck. They are then indebted to the family. They need the family. Alice needed a prescription of drugs that they could give to her regularly for all her pain, far cheaper than the healthcare system would.

Shine had taken an interest in Alice, helping her while she was rehabilitated in the hospital. She could've been the one who Alice ran into that night when bloody and desperate for help. Shine is so caring, just like Alice's mother, having that same warm motherly aura. So trustworthy and kind...

It was a far less violent trap that ensnared Alice a second time into this world of crime, but this time she didn't realize the cage was around her, or that she couldn't leave it, until she was in far, far too deep. Her vulnerability was exploited, and she signed a contract that she shouldn't.

The King family were so relieved when Alice finally contacted them... but confused when she told them she couldn't go home. She was receiving medical treatment and needed to stay in the city, and she had debts to pay...

Naturally, her family isn't going to take this without a fight. The King family immediately took a road trip to St. Valen's to see Alice at the hospital.

Lycoris is a fierce mama bear, and she was enraged when Alice was kidnapped, doing everything in her power to find her baby. So despite Shine acting kind and friendly, she was ready to throw down from the word go. Lycoris is a small lady, but she can be very scary, though, sadly, not as scary as an entire crime family.

None of the King family were happy with what had happened to Alice, the debt she had to repay, or that she had already signed a deceptively scary contract. However, the Sunny Family is the most dangerous crime family in the city for a reason, and the King family were in over their heads.

Not that the King family knew they were facing a crime family. The Sunny Family has a reputation to uphold after all. They're a family-run business. Many details were left out or unspoken, all to hide what was really going on behind their squeaky clean image.

The King family did involve the legal system, but that was a failure. The Sunny Family owns the police in St. Valen's. The police just informed them that everything was legal, Alice is an adult who can make her own choices, and there's no better family to work for than the Sunny Family. Plus, Alice was going to need the drug they provided for the rest of her life, so wasn't this a sweet deal anyway? They should just feel grateful that she was rescued. Not a lot of trafficked teens are...

In the end, the King family was powerless, and Alice became a member of the Sunny Family with a debt that seemed never ending.

Barbie vs the World

Needless to say, Barbie was pretty much spitting nails about the whole thing. Even if the Sunny Family was putting on a smiling face and rescued her older sister, so generously providing Alice with needed medical treatment for the foreseeable future, she raged against the entire situation. Unfortunately, being a teen younger than 18 at the time, she was left with a feeling helpless and frustrated. She raged at her parents for "giving up" on bringing Alice home safely even though they didn't have a choice.

Naturally, with Barbie not being the biggest fan of the Sunny Family, she's going to be wary of anyone working for them. Bo has quite the reputation in the city of St. Valens as their enforcer, so he's got quite a steep uphill climb to take if he wants to earn his puppy's love.

Barbie was already the type to play fast and loose with laws, and this entire affair killed all faith she had in the justice system. In the main universe, she's a programmer and hacker. In this universe, she focused more on the hacking aspect. She snuck behind her parents' back, doing very illegal things online to get more money to pay back the debt to the Sunny Family and free her big sister.

So, years later, while Alice gained experience in the Sunny Family as a sniper, Barbie became a skilled hacker, going by many aliases online. By her early/mid-twenties, she used a particular handle when making things difficult for the Sunny Family - Clown Killer. She became quite notorious among the Sunny Family, and a thorn in their side online.

Of course, Barbie had to prioritize not getting caught above any victory. If the Sunny Family knew that she was the one making things hard for them, it would put Alice in danger. Her primary focus with her hacking and other shady dealings online was to get money to repay the debt, but whenever they would just miss repaying the full amount, or something else tacked onto it to keep Alice in that debt, Barbie couldn't help but want to vent her frustrations as Clown Killer.

Barbie has learned quite a lot about the members of the Sunny Family, but could never quite gather enough evidence that would convict any of its bigger members. Their reputation was so squeaky clean. She especially had an axe to grind against Shine, who never once lost that "sweet and gentle" motherly aura while making it clear to her all those years ago that Alice wouldn't be coming home. She knew behind that sweet smile was a ruthless criminal, but she could never peel back that smiling mask to expose the truth.

The King parents are trying all they can to help Alice, saving up money on their side. They visit the city as often as they can to see her and offer support. If one of them could've taken her place, they would, but with Alice needing regular medical treatment from the city, and Shine taking a shine to her in particular... she was going to be stuck in the city no matter what.

Plus, there are other children in the King family who needed their parents too, Coraline especially. She also needed medical treatments... treatment that the Sunny Family offered to provide. In spite of the protests of her parents about adding to the debt, Alice wanted to help her little sister. Besides, the Sunny Family were treating her well... right?

Well, Alice insisted they did. Her family was already worried enough without knowing how how her job's "duties" slowly became a bit more involved over time, a bit more violent, and a lot more bloody.

Barbie did learn of some of the things Alice was hiding from them because of her hacking, and it infuriated her that her big sis was hiding secrets now too. Their parents told her to not worry about the debt, that it wasn't her responsibility, but fuck that! It's not Alice's responsibility either! She was the victim in all of this! The Sunny Family aren't a wholesome family running businesses, they're manipulative criminals, and Barbie is going to destroy them!

Although Barbie spends much of her time as a recluse, she does visit Alice in St. Valen's from time to time. It's how she crossed paths with a certain dog that the Sunny Family keeps on a tight leash.

The Sunny Family's Hunting Dog

As mentioned before, Bo is working for the Sunny Family as Jack's right hand man. He's an enforcer who enjoys his job. He especially enjoys the thrill of the chase, hunting down a target before brutalizing them up close and personal with his fists and fangs. Of course, he also knows how to handle a gun as well as a few other weapons. He also knows some unconventional means to torture someone if need be.

Bo has excellent hacking skills of his own, as a nod to his AI counterpart in the main universe, but he prefers to get hands on with his target whenever possible. He's aware of the hacker Clown Killer that's giving the Sunny Family some headaches, but they always evade his attempts to catch them in cyberspace, much to his frustration. They become something of a rival, his white whale that he's eager to conquer once and for all.

Not only does Bo have a lust for violence, he's also a very, very horny dog. He has slept around quite a lot, though his relationships never last. He never quite connects with anyone. He gets mistaken for only having a talent for senseless violence, the dumb muscle of the gang who is also is some good eye candy, when he's a lot smarter than his wild behavior might imply. There's a reason why he's Jack's second in command after all...

Alice intrigues Bo, simply because of how Jack is practically obsessed with her. In many ways, Jack is a rival of Bo's, being his "master" who he wants to one day be free of. Seeing Jack bend over backwards to win the heart of just some random sucker who got sweet talked into debt confuses the hell out of him. He wants to know what it is about Alice that draws Jack in... and if he can use that to his advantage.

Alice isn't a fan of Bo's constant teasing, and she hates the nickname of "squeaky toy" that he uses for her. It's in reference to how he loves to sneak up on her and startle her, causing her to squeak in surprise. Bo is really good at sneaking up on his prey, so her reaction is pretty fun.

Still, no matter how many times Bo pops in on Alice unexpectedly, he doesn't quite see what draws Jack in. Sure, she's surprisingly soft despite this hard life of crime, which is a novelty, but it's not something special. She's attractive, sure, but there's plenty just as attractive as her, if not more. He wants to dig deeper, interrogate her more, maybe even seduce her, but whenever he pushes just a little too far, Jack pulls on his metaphorical leash. Hard.

The intrigue keeps Bo coming back to ruffle Alice's feathers despite the risk. It's also why he suddenly pops up at Alice's place while Barbie is visiting one day.

Barbie is surprisingly tall compared to Alice, but Bo can see and smell the family blood between them. She's got these eyes that stand out - both of them blue and brown at the same time. She also has this cutting stare like she wants to carve open his guts. It's actually hilarious that a powderpuff from the suburbs could think she has a chance at even leaving a scratch on an alpha like him. It intrigues him enough to have a little fun teasing her as well.

Barbie shuts down Bo's flirting instantly. It trips him up a bit, as Bo knows he's a good looking guy. He's not used to being turned down in such a harsh manner, especially by someone as powerless as a puppy. He'd be offended if it wasn't so ridiculous.

When Barbie learns that Bo works with Alice, and as such is part of the Sunny Family, her dislike turns into outright hostility. She's not even hiding it either, though Alice rushes in to keep the conversation more or less civil.

After leaving the apartment, Bo decided to case the place until Barbie left. He wanted to tease her a little, scare this spoiled little pampered suburban pet before she barks at someone big and nasty who is more than ready to bite back. Despite his attempts to intimidate her, Barbie didn't even flinch, even when he made a subtle threat, just to see how she would react. Not even that shook her resolve. In fact, she warned him that if he hurt Alice, hell would feel like a sunny vacation spot compared to what she would do to Bo and the rest of the damned Sunny Family.

The threat tickled Bo instead of intimidating him, and Barbie fumed at the way he laughed her off.

It was in that exchange that Bo found himself a new toy to tease. He called Barbie puppy whenever he encountered her. She barked big, but she had no idea just how tiny and helpless she really was compared to him in his eyes. It was cute really, and he found great delight in teasing her.

However, though Bo was amused by their banter, Barbie was anything but. His teasing just made her hate him all the more.

A Hungry Dog

Over time Bo's attraction towards Barbie grows. He stops flirting with Alice, though he still teases her, mostly to learn more about Barbie and how he might win Barbie over. He feels less satisfied with the people he sleeps around with, thinking of Barbie more. He even starts imagining that it's her he's sleeping with, which kills the moment for him and leaves him feeling unfulfilled and horny.

At some point during this, Bo finds out the identity of the infamous Clown Killer. It's surprising, but so fitting that he can't help but laugh when he realizes it's none other than his puppy. My, my, such a naughty puppy too, getting up to so much mischief. It'd be a shame to let anyone else know. Then he wouldn't be able to play with her more.

It's that realization that his greatest rival is the woman who has been intriguing him that turns his attraction into downright obsession. Bo wants to conquer Barbie in every sense of the word, tame this wild puppy and make her whimper and beg for his loving touch.

Bo has obscene fantasies about the various ways he can conquer and tame Barbie. It's the more extreme side of the lines from the game, where he wants her on his leash, to be at his beck and call, ready for him whenever he wants her. (Which quickly becomes all the time, really. The man is so horny he makes Jack seem reserved.) He wants her always by his side, in his lap, hot and whining for him, begging him to take her in every one of her pretty little holes like the dirty puppy he knows that she really is. He wants to make her see that she's powerless before him and beg him to take her, to protect her. Only he can have her.

Unfortunately for Bo, Barbie isn't someone who is turned on by a self-proclaimed alpha asshole who teases her just because he's good looking and desires her. Every time he tries to proposition her or seduce her, he gets rejected, much to his increasing frustration.

It brings out Bo's yandere side more and more. He tries different schemes to win Barbie over. He would use his power and influence to impress her, make her see how much he can provide for her. He tries to show off how good looking he is, entice her to at least want his body if nothing else.

Barbie doesn't want any of it. She knows there are strings attached to anything Bo offers her. The only thing she wants is for the Sunny Family to let Alice go and never, ever bother her or the rest of their family ever again.

Sadly, that's the one thing Bo can't influence with his pull, even if he was willing to let Barbie go. Jack isn't ever going to let Alice go. Worse, he can't even pretend he's going to try and separate them, not when Alice starts dating Jack.

Barbie doesn't buy that Alice is happy with Jack. She doesn't buy Jack's super nice and generous millionaire sweetheart from a sappy romance novel schtick. After everything she's gone through to save her sister from that damn Sunny Family, there's no way Barbie is just letting Alice stay with them.

Jack is just another smiling liar, just like his mother Shine who talked Alice into signing that contract in the first place.

Bo can use this hatred for Jack though. He can try to show Barbie that he's on her side, that while he works for Jack, that doesn't mean he wants to stay a part of the Sunny Family.

In spite of Barbie's hatred, she did have encounters with Bo where he showed his softer side. St. Valen's is a dangerous place, especially for someone who has never killed before. Barbie resents being in Bo's debt even as she's grateful when he saves her life. Bo had Barbie squares away this debt with dates, which she very reluctantly accepted with the stipulation that he never touches her unless she explicitly gives him permission.

On these dates, Bo tries taking a play from Jack's book and acting more polite, more gentle with Barbie. It doesn't win her over, since she doesn't trust it, but she's not as openly hostile. Barbie also uses these dates as an attempt to sneak info on the sly that she could use against the family. It's kind of cute to Bo, that she thinks she's so slick, but she's a lot better at hiding her real motives online than she is in person. She has such a lousy poker face.

But it's cute too that she doesn't hide her real feelings. The more time Bo spends with Barbie, the more he wants her. Her scent is so appealing, so delicious. He wants to nibble on her skin, or at least get just a little lick. It's almost like she was made to drive him crazy. She's so fierce, so loyal to her family, and so in over his head. The small moments that he gets in past her walls where she softens to him, just a little, oh that makes his hope burn brighter, hotter.

Still, for every step closer he takes, something seems to pull them apart again. Usually that something is Bo and the criminal life he lives with the Sunny Family.

Puppy Love

Before Bo realizes it, he is helplessly in love, completely obsessed. It's Jack who infuriatingly points out to him that Barbie has become his weakness. Despite Bo insistence on being a lone wolf that doesn't need anybody, he is desperate to make Barbie, that grumpy barking puppy, his mate.

Which works in Jack's favor. After all, if Alice's family gets closer to his family, then she won't ever want to leave. He can also have Bo indebted to him for helping Bo win over the untamed heart of Barbie.

Barbie isn't going to make it easy for Bo, even with Jack's help. Like Alice, Barbie is on the aroace spectrum. She has to trust Bo in order to start developing real feelings for him, and it's going to take a lot of effort to get her to trust him.

Also, Barbie is the type to take charge. In the main universe, she's the one who holds Bo's leash. He might be the alpha dog, but he bows down at her feet. I imagine until she can feel secure in her dominance over Bo and trust that his love for her is stronger than his allegiance to the Sunny Family, she's not going to feel anything remotely close to attraction when it comes to him.

Still, Barbie and Bo are one of my ships, and it'd be a shame if they didn't eventually sail, even in this darker AU. It's just going to be a very slow burn.

It'll burn even slower if Bo gives in to his frustration and yandere impulses to force his puppy to stay with him. Only by rolling over and showing his soft belly will he stand a chance of seeing Barbie's softer side as well.

A bad end to their storyline would no doubt be Bo forcing Barbie to be his, through blackmail, debt, or both. Even in that situation, she wouldn't simply just submit. Trying to overpower her isn't going to win Barbie's love. Instead it'll just make her bear her fangs and fight back even more. The harder he forces her, the more desperately she fights, and the closer he pushes them both to their mutual destruction.

Of course, I'm a sucker for happy endings. So while Barbie isn't going to make it easy for Bo, I do like the idea that in spite of everything, Bo manages to slowly show her there's more to him than a blood-thirsty, horny killer. He's someone who loves deeply, is loyal, and would do anything to please her. His love for her is more real and pure than anything else he found in the city of St. Valen's, and despite all his dreams of becoming top dog, there's nothing he wants more than to be loved by his puppy.

Bo might hate to be on a leash, but he'll find it's not so bad when Barbie is the one holding onto it instead of Jack. In fact, when she's confidently in charge, she'll be a lot more inclined to reward her big bad alpha dog with some treats.

Oh, and naturally, Bo wouldn't be Bo without his breeding/seeding fetish. Once he and Barbie finally get together, he's going to want to knock her up immediately with his pups. He never gave serious thought about having kids before, but that's only because he never found someone he wanted as his mate before. He really hopes the pups his puppy gives him will have her pretty heterochromatic eyes.

I think we can wrap things up there for now. I hope you enjoyed another visit to this multi-crossover mafia AU. Let me know if you want to hear even more about this AU or any of my other story ideas and characters.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[rockwgooglyeyes]

. . i know i may not sound very coherent when i say prepose this silly idea to you but . . madoka . . magica . . au . ? for alnst ocs . ? ?

specifically the witch part . . ill be putting out a official question for this on the s39 account but . . may i ask what you would think of the possible designs of the witches for some of the ocs ? your free to pick whichever you’d like by the way !

i have been brainstorming a bit . . but i only have smol thoughts myself . like sai and or himei both maybe having orchestra halls similar to sayaka’s as their labyrinths to represent khoi and tallis, or maybe azure’s being pretty empty other then an endless sky of stars . . or maybe they’d even be combined type witches like walpurgisnacht made from the pairings instead ?

sorry that this is pretty unorganized and a bit random : ( but i hope that your monday is hopefully going well and it continues that way, if not getting better ! love you rock : > ( sai & khoi : @bittersweet-adagio / himei & tallis : @lookatmysillies / azure : @azureitri )

Good afternoon, Apri! I love you, too <3 My monday is going alright, I hope yours has been good or at least, relatively inoffensive heh

Considering that, to my knowledge, a witch is created when a magical girl gives into despair, the witch forms for each of the ocs would have to be representative of each character's breaking point.

With that in mind, I think orchestra halls is really fitting for Himei, because of Tallis' musical skills and specialization in the harp, which is pretty much just a classical instrument that is played in orchestral or performance settings (unless it's a celtic harp but that's different lmao). For Sai, I feel as though it might be a little more complicated than that? I feel like it could be an orchestra hall again but specifically at night, with ghosts haunting the halls, or maybe a hedge maze at night where there is classical music playing and the faint sound of laughter but the farther in you go, the darker it gets and the hedges are stained with blood?

I think the empty world filled with only stars would work better for Tov (@ivanttakethis), actually! Similar to that scene in Howl's Moving Castle (the movie) where they're surrounded by the dancing star figures and it makes Howl's wizard form flare up? I'm thinking something like that, where the stars circle ominously and there's either singing or laughter or both, and the stars are all representative of the people she loves. The ground of the world would be visible below, too, to further disorient the people inside.

For Azure, perhaps some kind of world where there's not any real distinction between the sea and the sky, like they can't be told apart from each other, and the surface that people can walk on is a cloudy/white cap substance? A world barren of land, something commonly associated with life, leaving any inhabitants to be consumed by the churning sea and the endless sky.

Maybe a place filled with plants and animals in cages, squawking and whining and crying, for Solei (@solei-eclipse)? Because of Ouro's practice of growing plants and keeping animals, something with both would probably be pretty fitting for Solei, who grew up surrounded by those things and then, against their will, was turned into another creature to be caged. Perhaps animals in the cages even wear the faces of their friends, screaming out in agony for Solei to save them, even as Solei can only see them as prey.

Those are the main ideas I have right now, I hope they make sense? To be perfectly honest with you, I've read some of the Madoka Magica manga but . . . I haven't finished it. I just know the lore via osmosis heh so I'm really sorry if I got anything wrong <3 love you Apri thank you so much for trusting me with your idea!! I think it's super fitting

(makes me think about an ALNST canon madoka magica AU with Sua as Madoka, Mizi as Homura, Hyuna or Luka as Mami, Ivan as Kyoko and Sayaka as Till . . .) (anyways hope you have a good day!!)

[atlasshrugd]

My thoughts on Bridgerton Season 3 Part 1 (Spoilers)

Hi guys! I have reached astounding levels of brainrot over this season (having rewatched Polin scenes until I am blue in the face) so here I am going to air my thoughts out in probably an incoherent manner. Thank you!

Off the bat:

. Amazing, stunning, beautiful chemistry. Nicola and Luke are really the fucking MVPs. Their chemistry is undeniable to the point where I NEED MORE. It kind of seems like they didn't have enough scenes together, but maybe it just felt that way because of all the other plotlines going on.

. Speaking of plotlines, I am sorry to say that I found all of them unnecessary and dull. I just wanted more Polin, I couldn't stand the Featherington drama, Mondrich drama, Queen drama, or even Bridgerton drama. Francesa's story was probably the most significant, but I felt it was still very dull!

. However, that won't turn me off from loving this season because I have been waiting EONS for Polin to get together! Someone needs to sedate me!

. LET'S TALK ABOUT COLIN "MANWHORE" BRIDGERTON. I have to say that while I was with everyone else when the news broke and hated the idea, I honestly did not mind it. I found it a good and impactful way to show the difference between meaningless sex vs actual intimacy and love. I liked that Colin was exploring himself and thinking he had to be more "manly" like society dictates, but that his genuine and deep connection with Pen (literally his only real friend aside from his siblings) made that pale in comparison. I LOVED how he was trying to get it off at the brothel but couldn't even GET IT UP when having a threesome. That made me laugh! I was like DAMN girl Penelope you did a number on this man. He is Colin "17 cities" Bridgerton yet ONE kiss from a virgin is enough to turn his world upside down and make him question everything he knows???? Hmmm yeah more of that please.

. Oh, carriage scene. If I loved you less I might be able to talk about you more. I can only say that I've broken my rewind button. It’s got CRACK in it. COLIN'S FACE when he realizes that THIS is the woman I will devote myself to for the rest of my life. He is done with his gallivanting ways and wants to literally just be with one woman for the rest of his life. I feel like without his promiscuous ways and bravado in the earlier episodes, this realisation would not hit as hard. It's no longer just the puppy love that he had with Marina, or the vacant lust he had with other women on his travels, but a true, real, meaningful connection that makes him LOSE HIS MIND. I like that that distinction is VERY clear and leaves no room for doubt that he is CHOOSING her.

. I love that he is “experienced” and that she isn't, but she’s able to bring him to his knees with one kiss! That dynamic is always tea, I fear! Also, I LOVE that my girl Penelope is able to get her needs met by someone who KNOWS what he’s doing. I don’t know what people are saying by “they have no chemistry.” To me, they have chemistry falling out of their ass!

. That being said, I am so scared about the LW reveal!! Holy shit, they are engaged and she still hasn't told him!! Which is different in the books. But LW is different in the show + the Marina thing didn't happen in the books. However, I love that they made LW less scathing in this season. She actually compliments all the debutantes and is really more of a reporter over a tabloid (except for that little thing she wrote about Colin, lol! But she was right!). I feel like Colin's hatred for LW is a little overstated. LW saved him from being trapped in a loveless marriage full of lies. I am shaking to see how this goes! Bring on the angst!

. I actually surprisingly liked the Cressida and Eloise friendship, I liked how it became a vehicle to show another side to Eloise, a more tolerant, compassionate, and realistic side. I loved Eloise and Pen's relationship this season. While they are fighting, they still love and try to protect each other. It's really the secondary love story of the season. We love to see it. I just hope Eloise doesn't fuck with her too much in part 2! (Btw, hate that this season is split into two parts! How am I going to wait until June 13th??? Tf???)

. Also, am I the only one thinking that they are building to Cressida having feelings for Eloise? Their connection and Cressida's sincerity towards Eloise is a little too real. I feel like by going into her stifling home life, they are inching towards that. Also, I am guessing that Cressida will end up marrying Debling, who will be gone so much and won't put any demands on her, so it will more be a marriage of practicality that allows Cressida to explore her feelings. We shall see!

. LET ME JUST SAY I SCREAMED when Penelope put her hand in Colin's hair. I remember in an interview Nicola saying that it was her idea to do that. THANK THE HEAVENS FOR THIS WOMAN !!!!! Because that was actually the hottest part of the season, there I said it. I CHEERED!! And if that was improvised by them, then that means that LUKE'S SLUTTY FACE was also his design!! I cannot thank these two enough for their service to this country!! Also, give Nicola an Oscar right now. I have never seen a more realistic sex scene and depiction of female desire tbh (oh god the moans). Especially in Bridgerton. This was the most real and sincere sex scene they've had yet. Take all the awards!

. LET'S TALK ABOUT COLIN'S FEELINGS. I've seen some people say that the season felt off (which I understand, I think it's bc of all the unnecessary plotlines) because Colin's feelings developed too fast. Let me just say that I DO NOT AGREE. I thought this was an entirely natural and logical progression of events. Think about it. We are not watching a "friends to lovers" arc from scratch. They have had TWO SEASONS of the "friend" part. We have had to watch ignorance, rejection, obliviousness, and misunderstanding between these two. Finally, in their own season, all that groundwork (laid over multiple years) has the chance to come off. It's like a spark that finally lights the embers. Their love has been smouldering under the surface for so long and all it takes is a match (their kiss) to make it spark into flame. Colin has felt so deeply for Penelope for a long time, and indeed they are best friends. He has always admired her as a woman and friend and felt comfortable with her. It wasn't until he kissed her that he realised those feelings were much more layered than he supposed. The fact that he dreams about her and that kiss, and ends up growing regretful and jealous of helping Pen attract other men, is absolutely right. The fact that he tries to get over her by going back to brothels but it DOESN'T WORK is absolutely genius! His love and desire for her, and thereby the realization of his feelings for her, is what propels him to look into himself and find that what he has been trying to be has been a lie. It's in that scene where he's with all the other Rakes. He considers himself, at heart, to be a gentleman - unlike the rest of them, and unlike what he's been presenting. He realizes that all the escapades he had only afforded him vacant experiences. He knows the difference between shallow and real connection now. This is when he decides to stop being someone he's not and embrace himself finally, just as he embraces his feelings for Pen! It's a great moment for his character development. I will be the one to say that by the realization of his feelings for Pen, he comes to the realization of himself.

. ONE MORE THING. I have seen some viewers complain about Penelope being the one to "beg" Colin to kiss her. I think these are more new fans who don't know the books, but I am TIRED of seeing this. The fact that Penelope is finally voicing her desires to the object of her desire after never speaking her mind or asking for what she wants, IS empowering! She is finally taking control of her own destiny! Unabashedly asking for what she wants! Being truthful with herself and brave enough to voice it! That is my GIRL. I was so proud of her. It was at that moment Colin knew that he was fucked (look at his face after he decides to do it). MM HM. That is good shit. I don't see her "begging" for it to be degrading. This was a beautiful moment between two close friends who trust each other more than anything. And that was the match that sparked all those repressed and ignored feelings!

. ALSO, I do not understand why people wanted Penelope to fall on her face after the carriage! WTF? Sure, in the books it’s fine, but actually seeing it??? Do they realise how humiliating and painful that would be? I’m so glad they didn’t do that in the show (and I hope it doesn’t happen in the next part). She is TINY, and do you see that huge ass gap between the carriage and the ground? If she fell, she would scrape her whole hands and face and it would be bloody. Why do people want Pen to suffer in humiliation even more?? It would not be funny.

. ACTUAL LAST THING: I actually LOVED Colin’s dream confession to Penelope, maybe as much as the carriage confession! “I’ve not been able to sleep, to eat, to speak…these days. My entire thoughts consumed by our kiss, by you.” I just loved Luke’s delivery of these lines. Btw, that dream was horny af! 

. So, in this way, I don't really understand the complaints about Colin or Polin in this season. I thought it was very well done and well acted. The only complaint is that I needed MORE. MOREEEEE

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. I'm afraid I have nothing to say about the other storylines because I was resisting the urge to skip them the whole time. My heart lies with Polin and that's what I am focusing on. Thank you for reading!

[gendervapor14]

because some have proclaimed me as the bell-mère expert…

here are my thoughts on bell-mère’s role in the one piece live action adaptation.

tldr: i’m not happy.

i will preface by stating i am just Some Guy on the internet. do not let this rant negatively impact your opinion of the series. i thrilled with this adaptation!! i had a lot of faith it would be excellent going in so i wasn’t too surprised it delivered. it was comforting to kick back and watch such an incredible first season. i understand they had a somewhat strict timeline they could work from so certain characters and elements had to be cut. this is to be expected and i’m impressed with what they were able to squeeze in.

however. i am disappointed by only one thing. and of course, that one thing is bell-mère.

first, i will address characterization. or the lack thereof. seems like they stripped her entire character away by taking the time to bring her to life. if nami or nojiko explained what happened verbally, rather than sanction so much time and finances towards a flashback-style backstory, maybe they could've given bell-mère some individuality. that is mostly why i'm upset. bell-mère, to me, was one of the first interesting women in one piece. she got herself in trouble, she was violent, she was brave, but she was also a loving mother. we lost all her nuance bringing her to life. they captured only a small fraction of her character. to me, it felt like it wasn't even worth having a physical presence for this version of her.

in terms of her death scene, they took her fuckin' spine. she stood there in front of her kids, okay, she used her shotgun, that was nice. but her death was NOT it. it wasn't nearly as violent, gory and jarring as it was in the anime/manga. had such a low impact to me as a viewer. she just. got shot off-screen, and collapsed. she didn't try to recklessly fight arlong, she didn't face the entire crew. she didn’t put her gun in his MOUTH to BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT. that was the first time a woman in one piece, especially a former marine, fought so dirty. and they took that away from her. she seemed so docile so normal so. flavorless. not easy to remember or get attached to in the slightest.

i told a few people who only watched the live action adaptation that bell-mère was one of my favorite characters. they did not know who i was talking about. her name should be memorable. she should be memorable.

i understand power levels of the villains from what we’ve seen have been decreased. so some may argue if bell-mère DID put her gun in arlong's mouth, that would not end well for him. he was not shown to be capable of biting through wood or metal, after all. but i propose the suggestion that, if they put in the time and effort and stayed true to bell-mère’s character, they could have come up with another way to make her a true threat. that moment was simply not enough.

the death scene wasn't all bad though. she gave a nice speech to the girls, and although it still made me ask "bell-mère, why", it seemed a little more clean than her sacrifice in the manga? i did cry when nami and nojiko called her "mom", too. that was not in the original and cut like a knife. good play, opla. good play. i also liked bell-mère telling nami how she found them herself, it was nice to have that moment from the horse's mouth. the tangerine peel pinwheels were sweet but it signified the distinct lack of genzo. which also made me quite sad :(

i will reiterate: i am very happy with opla, and very happy bell-mère existed. but i almost would rather her be a dialogue-given backstory if it restored her character. nami’s backstory felt weak as a result. imagine how much harder the new viewers would cry for bell-mère’s death if she had zeff-level complexity. she hit nami before the runaway scene, but that was not enough to reveal anything significant about her. she was a little stern when nami took the book but that wasn't the right impression, either. bell-mère isn't stern. she's a very casual parent with a temper. without seeing that side of her, the slap kind of played off as random, or even cruel. that was a big character-development moment for her!! but she dies and zeff lives so i suppose there's no point adding too much depth to her. there was never a point in this season where i was like "this is a waste. we could use this time for bell-mère instead." everything felt necessary. so it's okay. she did what she does best and she took the sacrifice.

in the meantime, i’ll keep writing stories for her ♥️ if you liked this mess of a rant, here’s an analysis i threw together about her role/death in the anime. maybe that’ll make my disappointment feel even more warranted XD

love you all and i love you too opla 🥰

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Just finished reading Pez Dispenser Debris (I don’t even go there but I am fueled by Wiki articles and a love for your storytelling) and first of all—amazing!!! 10/10, I think I need to watch this series now. 

Second, I  noticed that (while very much distinct) Yuuta & Izuku have a lot of similarities in the voice you gave them—maybe it’s the constant panic attacks or perhaps both of  them placing blame for everything squarely on their own shoulders, but ough it makes for the perfect blend of gut-punching angst. I’d love to hear any ramblings you currently have about either of them. I am currently obsessed with both of them now and am placing the blame on you <3

I’m gonna pretty heavily discuss some spoilers for my hero academia in this. I figured that was okay since you’d already read my fanfic and the wiki so the cat is out of the metaphorical bag. That being said, maybe wait to read this answer if you want to not be spoiled for more details in my hero.

Yuuta and Izuku absolutely have the most similar voices out of all of my narrators and it is 90% because they are both completely insane and in violent need of a Xanax and a nice soothing cup of chamomile tea. God I love them both so much. They should each be heavily medicated.

My hero academia is a pretty great watch through the Shie Hassaikai arc. The concept is entertaining, the characters are GREAT, and the world building is really cool.

Then the story sort of. Went to shit.

I tried for a while after that, but eventually had to stop watching. My friends and I have a group chat named “horikoshi just call us” because we got so despondent at the writing decisions after that arc.

Horikoshi. If you’re out there. If you’re reading this. Just call us. We just want to help.

That being said, my love for the characters maintains its death grip on me. I simply adore them. They’re delights.

Yuuta and Izuku, on their face, have a lot of similarities as protagonists. The aforementioned insanity and need of Xanax, of course, but the skeleton of the stories has a lot of common touchstones and themes, like:

Both characters have some kind of history with suicidal ideation or tendencies. In the second scene of JJK0, it’s established that Yuuta canonically tried to kill himself. In the first episode of BNHA, Izuku is told to kill himself by his bullies, in an act which appears to be common to izuku’s life, and the only reason Izuku comes up with to not do it is “then you’d get in trouble for telling me to do it.”

Both characters have severe self worth issues. Yuuta’s looking for a reason to be alive at the start of JJK0. He’s looking for a right to be alive. In a way, Izuku is too at the start of BNHA. At the open of action, he is told by everyone in his life that he is useless. His nickname is “Deku,” which uses some of the same kanji as “Dekunobo,” meaning blockhead. The most direct translation were given is that this is a way of calling him useless. He’s the powerless member of a society choked with superpower, and he’s been told his entire life that he can do nothing, that his dreams are pointless, and that he’s a burden who would be better off dead.

They’re both saddled with power they can’t fully control. Yuuta with Rika, and Izuku with One for All, a transferable power that’s too strong to be contained in his body.

They both have a close relationship with an impossibly strong mentor that they are implied to be the successor of. Yuuta with Gojo, as he’s second only to Gojo in the modern age, and Izuku with All Might (aka Toshinori Yaga), who he is more literally taking on the mantle of One for All from.

They both are chugging that Loving Their Friends Juice and have tried to kill grown men with their bare hands as a result

That all being said, they could not be more different characters and honestly aren’t all that similar.

I have this sort of lasting grievance with literary analysis when people take a list of common plot points or events and use them to make the argument that characters are similar or parallel one another. Like, that’s all facial. The real question is how do they substantively handle those events. How do their story arcs treat those things? How does their character react to them?

Yuuta and Izuku’s actual substantive characters don’t really react to those events in the same way at all. The analysis could go on all day in this respect, really, but the biggest difference is how their respective story arcs treat the cornerstone of their original conflicts.

Yuuta opens action with Rika as the cornerstone of his conflict. She’s who he wants to free, she’s who he’s chained to, and it’s her protection of him that makes him think he deserves to die. Izuku’s cornerstone, meanwhile, is his own Quirklessness. He desperately wants to be a hero, and everyone in his life tells him he can’t be because he is Quirkless. He’s useless because he’s Quirkless. He should kill himself because he’s Quirkless. He’s a burden and always will be because he’s Quirkless.

And while Yuuta’s arc reconciles him with his cornerstone, Izuku’s forgoes it entirely.

The story just. Forgets. That he’s Quirkless. They stop talking about it. It never comes up again. It doesn’t make any real big impact on his character or decisions. It’s one of my biggest axes to grind with how the story developed, and it’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I wrote pez dispenser debris.

Pez dispenser debris was actually inspired by this one piece of my hero academia art where Izuku is hugging his younger self. I don’t know if it was official art or fan art, and I have no idea where it is or where to find it because by god have I tried so I can find it and link it for credit/to boost it. I saw it literally years ago, thought “oh that’s cool,” wrote the original first scene of the fic (where Midoriya stops the bus and is hit by the Quirk), wasn’t feeling it, got distracted by other projects, went to law school, graduated law school, signed up to take the bar exam, and was suddenly electrified in the last fucking month of studying with this fugue state of feverish artistic inspiration. I have never written so easily or so compulsively in my life. I’d write for eight unbroken hours and it would be fucking magic every time. It was like an addiction. I was writhing with a need to create and had so much fucking anxiety about the test I was not studying for instead. The words could not be restrained.

Anyway I taught myself three subjects on the plane ride to the state I was taking it in and passed anyway so it’s fine we’re fine

The moral of the story is that this story has been cooking long enough for me to get two more diplomas than I had when I started it and I have no idea where to find that fucking piece of art that inspired it, but if I find it, I’ll reblog it so y’all can see it too.

The thing is, the narrative sort of forcibly excluding Izuku’s past as Quirkless would make total sense to me if it was used as something Izuku himself was doing.

Izuku necessarily had to hide the truth of his former Quirkless status at the start of action—he needed to keep the secret of One for All. Like, he could not let people find out that a Quirk was transferrable, but you know, just the most powerful one, and also he had it, please come torture it out of him.

But as the narrative goes on, that rationale becomes less important. He has people he can trust with it. And yeah, eventually One for All becomes more known, but the discussion is all about him being all might’s successor. Him being Quirkless and how that affected him and still affects him isn’t really discussed or treated as important. And Izuku doesn’t act like it’s important to him either. He never really thinks about it.

And I just hated that. Like. He spent almost his entire life as a member of society who was spit on. He’s had a Quirk for less than a year. How are his experiences with Quirklessness not important to how he interacts with the world?

The other point of contention I had was Mirio.

Mirio is this superstar of a senpai who takes Izuku under his wing. He has an extremely powerful quirk that’s only as effective as it is because he put in the work and learned how to handle it. He’s a perfect, eternally smiling paragon of heroism. He’s flagged early as the one out of everyone, including heroes with established careers, who is most likely to replace All Might.

He’s also the one who was supposed to get One for All.

His mentor had found him and trained him to be All Might’s successor. Before All Might could meet him, however, he found this feral raccoon child in a sewer and said “oh my god I can’t not offer him incomprehensible power within the first three hours of meeting him” and tripped face first into fatherhood.

During a rescue mission, Mirio loses his Quirk in a way that’s borderline irreversible. There’s no known cure, and the only possible one is dependent on a little girl learning how to control an extremely volatile and dangerous quirk and using it in a way she never has before.

So surely, they’re going to commit to that writing decision, right? He’s Quirkless. We’re bringing back having Quirkless characters. It’s going to be this sick as hell juxtaposition between Izuku and Mirio. We are at least going to force Izuku to reflect on his own times as Quirkless or have some kind of discussion about how Mirio is treated differently now that he is Quirkless.

But no. He gets his Quirk back by the next season. We don’t talk about it much. It’s more of a minor inconvenience than anything.

It’s almost as if the show accepted as an actual rule that you couldn’t be a hero without a Quirk. And then just. Forgot. Everything it had to do with its literal protagonist.

Anyway, I hated it.

In contrast, I fucking loved how yuuta’s storyline with Rika ends. That scene where Yuuta’s turning back to Rika, thanking her for loving him, telling him they can die together? I’m obsessed with it. I recently moved across the country and listened to that theme song on loop during the drive.

Yuuta and Rika’s love was unhealthy. They hurt each other. But it wasn’t malicious.

They just didn’t know how to love each other in a way that didn’t hurt.

They were in shit circumstances. But the love was there.

Yuuta felt guilty for Rika’s love for him and his for her almost the entire narrative. He thought he cursed her with his love. He wanted to kill himself because of how she hurt people out of love for him. It’s why I have moments in sea glass gardens where Yuuta talks about begging Rika to stop loving him—he didn’t know why love had to hurt so goddamn bad, and he’s sorry for that, he really is. He wishes he was better at it than he was.

At the end of JJK0, Yuuta truly is the last person who remembers Rika as she was and still loves her for who she is. He’s faced with Geto, who wants to use her as a weapon. Everyone treats her as a threat or a tool, except for Yuuta.

Like. Just that moment. Of loving someone so genuinely, and being the last one who does, and knowing that everyone else will just use them. I’m obsessed with it.

Yuuta reconciles with his love for Rika and her love for him, and they’re both finally freed. It’s this perfect moment of acceptance that I adore. He comes to terms with his past. It doesn’t hurt him so much anymore.

I wrote pez dispenser debris to sort of force Izuku to have that kind of reconciliation. As it is, he hasn’t reconciled with his own Quirklessness and how that affected him. I wanted to give him something he couldn’t physically escape and had to face.