#people have told me all my life i have A Distinctive Face. which is not a compliment.

[sepulchral-pulchritude]

I understand the difficulty ppl have around using the word "ugly" in any sort of positive sense (e.g. "support ugly trans people", "there's nothing sexier than an ugly [x] person") because there definitely is a factor of "who are you to be calling me ugly? screw you!"/"you couldn't get through a positivity post without insulting me?", but.

idk as a fat person some of the conversation kind of reminds me of how we were talking about using the word Fat back in like 2011. which is, if we don't reclaim this word, it's just going to keep getting used to hurt us. and we can come up with as many linguistic workarounds as we want ("chubby" "friend shaped" "plus size") but ultimately they will often end up grating and/or imbued with the same visceral disgust as Fat, with a veneer of plausible deniability.

and for ugly-- ugliness is both real and not real. it is based on societal beauty standards, which are NOT real (and are themselves based on racism, homophobia, transphobia, ethnic hatreds of all types, white supremacist ideals... etc). beauty/ugliness is also arguably to SOME extent based on some basic, rough core concepts (to varying degrees): symmetricality, the visible perception of youth/health (e.g. even, unblemished skin), confidence, effort put into appearance (looking like you care about how you come off to people is very often of baseline import for attractiveness. again, this is a messy thing where the exact amount of effort you're supposed to put in varies culturally but it's important to most people that you look like you care about something. even when people are into someone looking bedraggled and rumpled, usually part of the appeal is either confidence (she doesn't care about how she looks she knows she's That Bitch) or implied effort into something else (he is too focused on identifying plants to give a shit about mud on his pants, I live for that)). sorry, got off topic for a moment there. ANYWAY.

my point is that even if most of what ugliness is is essentially false (and many of the more "objective" qualities are mutable-- you can gain confidence and become "less ugly" without changing anything in your appearance), I know the face I have and I know how I am treated for it. and I don't know how useful it is to pretend otherwise. and I don't see the point in using euphemisms for being, by the standards of the society I live in, ugly.

I would rather be celebrated and told that my "ugliness" does not make me less sexy, less desirable, less worthy of love.

I don't feel represented by euphemisms-- when someone says "everyone is beautiful! even people with Unique Features and Non-Normative Faces and Bodies" I feel that they don't believe that. but when someone says "I love ugly girlies, with acne and scars and weird noses. not joking please hmu", you know what? I believe them.

I think there is something worthwhile in reclaiming ugliness and removing the disgust assumptive in it-- we did it for Fat, we can do it for Ugly.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

[aishi-toru]

YOU'RE MY WISHLIST! ♡

⟡ synopsis ─ gojo satoru's the man who seems to be everywhere you go, whether it be within the comfort of your own home or miles away from the place. well, guess what happens when you show up looking a little too fine at your college's annual christmas eve party?

꣑ৎ content ─ MDNI, brother'sbsf!satoru / collegesenior!satoru x afab!reader, reader is suguru's younger sister, no use of y/n, reader can't escape him, suggestive content, reader is in love w/ gojo (and vice versa), intentional use of lowercase, usage of pet names e.g baby, pretty, good girl, etc., smut in the form of fingering, and probably more idk

◖word count — 2.6k

☆ credits ─ live laugh love @anitalenia 4 the gorgeous divider <3 no specific inspiration for this fic, just felt like writing one fueled by my christmas spirit (i have never celebrated christmas in my life, so if u caught me lacking, no u didn't!)

꩜ author's note ─ first fic ever & ofc it's ft. my man !! i'm not v satisfied with this work and it was really rushed towards the end, so feedback is much appreciated :3 merry xmas to all those celebrating and happy holidays ♡ title's from "a nonsense christmas" by sabrina carpenter :3

when you left home for college, you were certain you’d outrun the real-life horrors of your past— your parents' scoldings, the shitty food served at your school's cafeteria, the fake people you were surrounded by, and most importantly, your brother's best friend, gojo satoru, who just seemed to get finer with every single passing day.

the man was, for some reason, genetically white-haired all over. yeah, he had albinism, but god, the sight of him was no less than breath-taking. his sparkling, cerulean orbs, which glowed mesmerizingly both under the moonlight and the sun, seemed more and more enchanting with each passing moment. as the years went by with him by your brother's side, you told yourself to look away, refusing to acknowledge the feelings that flickered inside whenever you saw him. you did whatever you could to let go of them— tried to distract yourself with the shittiest of boyfriends, avoided him at school, locked yourself up in your room whenever he came over to hang out with your brother, you name it.

however, it seemed that luck hated, no, despised your embrace no matter how much you yearned for it, considering how the menace was always hovering around, inserting himself into your life at the most inconvenient moments. you're rehearsing for a school play in an empty classroom? the next thing you know, he has an arm propped around your shoulder and smiling at you in the most stupidly handsome way ever with a lollipop in his mouth as he asks you to just... practice with him around. oh, you're trying to get him off of you now? he'll steal your script before you can escape him and raise his hand up as high in the air as possible so you can't reach it. "hey, give it back!" you exclaim, only to be met by a smug smirk on his face and the most annoying "nuh-uh." he completely refuses unless you promise to not kick him out until the practice session is over.

you're walking back home with your brother, suguru? oops, gojo is there too! he's ruffling your hair no matter how pissed you get and yell at him; he only finds joy and pleasure in seeing you in this enraged state. whether he was a sadist, masochist, or simply insane, you did not know.

so, starting college felt like stepping into freedom. no more conversations centered around satoru, no more being so pissed you lose your voice from screaming, and no more late-night sob sessions everytime he got a new girlfriend.

however, it seemed that you'd forgotten that the stars didn't quite align for you, and the universe had decided to remind you of that very fact by ensuring that satoru received enough distinctions to be able to transfer universities. oh, and of course, the one he'd chosen just had to be the one you'd decided to spend the next 4 years of your life in. it wasn't until after you’d moved into your dorm and started your classes that you found out.

the first time you saw him around campus, you were freaked the fuck out. nevertheless, you simply assumed he was visiting a friend or relative and dismissed the sight.

however, much to your dismay, you discovered that he was, in fact, a senior at your college—a 2nd year, to be exact. it wouldn't be an understatement to assume you nearly had a heart attack when you found out, considering how this was the same guy who used to have a 2.6 gpa back in high school. when did he even start taking his studies seriously and lock in hard enough to meet the criteria and eligibility for your university, one of the most prestigious in the entire country? instead of rooting for you, fate just had to be your biggest hater.

every single time you saw him around, gojo would come up to you to exchange greetings and obviously, tease you about the most embarrassing things from your past while his obnoxious fangirls stared you the fuck down, wondering why he's so close to you even though you're just a freshman who should have nothing to do with him.

what surprised you more, however, was that you sometimes shared the same sentiment as them because you were definitely never this close with satoru. not in all the years your brother used to hang out with him, or all the times you'd seen each other on family dinners. sure, he'd teased you plenty, but he had no real concern or curiosity towards you. you found him walking you to classes, treating you to coffee and meals, buying you all the snacks you could ever need during exam preparations and so much more that you could never even list down.

and worst of all, the feelings you'd so desperately pushed away in the past had now creeped their way back into your heart and embedded every inch of your soul even deeper.

it struck you then—satoru’s actions might not be out of pure obligation. that would’ve been far too simple, too detached for someone like satoru. maybe, just maybe, there was something more to it, something unspoken lingering beneath it all. you couldn’t say for sure if it was intentional or not, but whatever it was, it felt personal, like you mattered in a way that went beyond the promises he'd made to your elder brother and family.

but still, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was all just in your head. satoru’s actions, the way he treated you—it didn’t necessarily mean what you thought it did. it could be nothing—satoru’s actions didn’t have to mean anything. maybe you were just fooling yourself, letting your feelings cloud your judgment. so, you buried them as deep as you could, pushing them aside, telling yourself that letting go was the only way to protect yourself from the uncertainty. it was easier to convince yourself that you were just being delusional instead of facing what could be very real.

although, you do seriously question your latter supposition at your annual college christmas eve party when satoru, dressed in the sexiest 3-piece navy blue pinstripe suit with a black tie, has you pinned against the door of the nearest bathroom. if haven't had the opportunity to pay enough attention to his luminous, cerulean eyes up until now, you do at this very moment when he's staring at you like a predator would at it's prey.

"satoru," you let out a breath you weren't aware of holding, "what are you doing?" gojo, whose gaze had shifted down to your lips, let out a chuckle. "oh, so it's satoru now," he murmured, his hand pushing your hair behind your ear. "fine, 'toru..," you pronounce, going back to the nickname you'd started calling him during the while you'd spent with him. "that's more like it." his eyes meet yours again, conveying the desire and thirst that stirred within him— for how long, nobody knows.

the air around you two was thicker than usual, laced with tension as well as something… else. "you still haven't answered my question." upon your words, the white-haired man's face broke out into a cupid-induced smile, the most beautiful you'd ever seen. "well," his right thumb traced the outline of your lips so light as if you'd break from further pressure, "i thought you looked beautiful." what he says renders you speechless, your throat gone dry and your cheeks turning the prettiest shade of rose (in his eyes, at least.) "you always do, but even more so today." and if you weren't already a flustered mess, you would most certainly be now.

your reaction only draws a smirk on his face, and he decides to tease you a little more. "so, on that note, what do you think i'm doing?," his voice lowers as his hand traces its way down to your neck. "i... uh- i don't know... you tell me." satoru grins, only wanting to push you further.

"yeah? how about i show you instead?" and a mere instant later, his lips come crashing down on yours— you couldn't say you hadn't been expecting or anticipating it, but absolutely nothing could prepare you for the way his warm and impossibly soft lips felt against yours. initially, you froze, and you came to realise that all the possibilities you'd once ignored were now very much real.

it wasn't a bad thing— no, nowhere near it, maybe even one of the best that could ever happen to you. however, it did feel like too much of a development to be able to process in a matter of seconds.

upon the realisation that you hadn't responded to his advances, satoru pulled back from the kiss, seeming rather puzzled. "was i wrong?" he inquires, voice lower and deeper than it normally would be.

the melodic sound of his voice is what breaks your trance and serves as your call back to reality. you wanted to say no, reach for his collar, get on your tip-toes and lean in to kiss him, but you were stuck in place. you couldn't find your voice or your words, and it felt like your heels were superglued to the tiles of the bathroom floor.

if it hadn't already been obvious, you'd been yearning for this moment for god knows how long, and now that it was handed to you on a sliver platter, you couldn't simply pass up on it. being well aware of the fact that this encounter could change your and satoru's relationship for either the better or the worse, you took a deep breath, cupped the sides of his face, and tilted your head just enough to be able to kiss the man. your hands gripped the fabric of his shirt in an attempt to pull him even closer, if that was possible.

being the way he is, satoru smiled into the kiss and lowered his hands to your hips. he could tell you were pouring each and every emotion from both the past and the present, and of course, he was doing the same.

it was inevitable, really— now that you could feel his skin against yours, it wasn't too difficult to put the pieces together and figure out that this was all bound to happen, already having been inked into the wondrous book of fate.

and so, for the first time in all the years you'd spent alongside satoru, you could say that the universe was, in fact, rooting for you. the way gojo's lips moved against yours, the way he looked at you like you were the only person in the world when he pulled away, the way the both of you heavily panted but still chased each other's warmth again barely seconds later, are more than enough confirmation.

"no, you weren't," you reply, feeling giddier than you ever had. "i wasn't what?" his hands caress your cheek with a carefulness that was almost unlike him, and your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest (in the best way possible.) "you weren't wrong."

"and i'm still not wrong if i do this?" his large hand reached under your clothes and wandered up to your waist, resting over the skin of the region. "or this?" his mouth had reached your neck, leaving kisses-turned-bites all over, which were sure to transform into hickeys.

"no... no, you're not," you let out breathlessly, unable to escape the fire coursing through your veins at the slightest touch. you wanted more, so much more, and satoru was the only one who could fulfil your needs— not that you would have it any other way.

"you sure, pretty?" the corner of his mouth went up, resulting in a lopsided grin— he was obviously teasing you, that was just the way he was and always had been.

"uh-huh," you nod to reaffirm your statement. "good girl," he breathes out, only contributing to the echoes in the parts of your body which ached for him so badly.

his long fingers played and toyed with the hem of your dress, as if to test the waters. when you didn't resist, his hand sneaked up your thigh, gently fondling the skin.

despite the confidence in his actions, he observed every expression on your face cautiously, ensuring that nothing he did hurt you or made you uncomfortable in any way. when you show no signs on unease but instead only desire, he goes on to satisfy and soothe your needs.

his fingers traced their way up your inner thighs and lurked over the already soaked fabric of your underwear, bringing about a chuckle from satoru. "so needy for me already, hm?" he remarks, as if his own pants weren't tightening upon the observation.

"shut up, 'toru..." you're trying to regain your composure and keep up an attitude, but to no avail. the fact that he has you exactly where he wants you isn't helping, either. you're even trying to avoid his gaze, but the way you can feel his presence everywhere makes it impossible to do so— besides, he's making you face him again using his index finger and thumb to hold your chin in between, as he whispers out a "look at me, baby."

and when you do, you have to let out a gasp at the sight of him— his disheveled hair which was perfectly tamed at the start of the night, his half-lidded eyes as he looks at you like you're his entire world and his lips that are now slightly bruised and swollen from the kisses you've shared. it was beyond enough to get you all the more hot and bothered.

oh, but that's not the only factor contributing to the sounds you're making— it's also the way he's pulled your panties to the side and is currently tracing your slit ever so slowly. "want more, princess?" nearly mocking tone.

you hardly even manage to let out a hum before his slender fingers are running over the most sensitive bundle of nerves, eliciting a moan from you. your eyes roll all the way back when one of his digits slides inside you just a moment later— you'd never been this sensitive, but it seems that was going to be entirely different with satoru.

he added one after the other, and now, three of his freakishly large fingers were pumping in and out of you relentlessly— he was so good with them, you could practically taste your orgasm about to wash over you.

"'m close, satoru," you whimper out almost pathetically, and his fingers are going even deeper now, hitting the spots you'd never even dreamt of reaching on your own. "yeah? is my princess gonna cum for me?" his voice is rough and he's groaning as if he's the one receiving the pleasure.

you can only nod as your arousal overwhelms you, white ropes of cum spurting out from your throbbing hole with one final thrust of his fingers. his entire hand was covered in your fluids, which he brought up to his mouth to be able to savor the sweetness of your juices on his tongue. god, he was an obsessed freak when it came to you.

"ew, satoru! why would you do that?" you hold back a giggle, expressing faux disgust at his actions. he only kisses you in response instead of using his words, making sure you get to taste what he'd drawn out of you as well.

"you think suguru's gonna be mad?" he asks, obviously amused at the idea of your brother enraged when he finds out what you and satoru have done. "oh yeah, definitely." he sweetly presses yet another kiss to your lips.

"if it's at the expense of me getting everything i wished for, i don't care, babe."

@cuntphoric :33

[dreameryfics]

JJ MAYBANK x READER

Summary: You and JJ talk about what happened

We didn't know it at the time, but today would change everything. Hurricane Agatha swept over the island, leaving destruction in her path, although if you look at Figure 8, it seems like just a small storm hit. The Cut looks rough to say the absolute least. I was helping my parents clean out the backyard, knowing they were already hiring people to fix the electricity that went out. All I really wanted to do was hang out with the Pogues, but I knew that wouldn't happen until later.

Sarah had come over to the house and told me about the kegger that was happening later in the night. As soon as I was done helping in the backyard, I headed to Heyward's to help. "Those dumbass friends took Pope with them," Heyward told me as he was cleaning up around the dock. "I'm gonna ground his ass for life," I walk over and start helping him clean up. If Pope had left, Heyward was trying to clean everything by himself. "I'll make sure to tell him that next time I see him," I tell him which causes him to chuckle.

"Do you think your parents will trade you for Pope?" he jokes. I let out a laugh and shake my head at him, he already knows the answer. Can't have anything wrong with our picture-perfect family, and Pope was a Pogue at the end of the day. "When I turn 18, I'm coming and living with you." Heyward pats my shoulder before pulling me into a side hug. He presses a small kiss on the top of my head before walking back to the piles of debris he was working on.

We spent the rest of the day cleaning, only taking a break to eat some food he made the day before. I got a text from Sarah reminding me about the party. "Hey, there's a small bonfire happening later and I was planning on going," I set the broom down and look over at Heyward, "I can come back tomorrow and help though!"

Heyward looks at me and shakes his head, "Don't worry about it sweetie, you helped so much already." He walks over to me and takes the rag off my shoulder. "Can't have you going anywhere with that," he chuckles at me before shooing me out of the shop. I walk back to Figure 8 and quickly get changed out of my dirty clothes. I quickly throw on a mini dress. Sarah was wearing a dress and she requested I did too. I threw on my high tops and headed down to the beach.

It didn't take long to find Sarah, she was with Topper. I hung out with them for a bit before I looked and saw JJ, John B, and Kie handing out drinks to Tourons. I made my way over to them and nudged Kie's shoulder, "Having fun?" I ask her before looking over at the two boys, "See anybody worth talking to?" I heard John B scoff before going back to filling up red solo cups. "I'll take that as a no."

I stay with them for a while before walking around. It was getting dark now and I was swaying to the music. "Hey, loser!" I heard the distinct voice of JJ say, I looked around and saw he was definitely talking to me. I roll my eyes at him before flipping him off. "You want this?" He holds out a red solo cup to me and I shake my head no.

"Why don't you just drink it?" I ask as if it was the most obvious answer. He walks over to me and rests his arm around my shoulders, "Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to come talk to you?" I feel the warmth rise to my face and smile at him. "You know you don't have to have an excuse to talk to me."

"I know, but all your Kooky friends are here," he whispers into my ear. I turn to face him and put my arms around his neck, forcing him to dance with me. "I don't care if they know you're my friend J." I hear his breathing hitch for just a second when I put my arms around him. He places one hand on my waist, still holding the cup in his other hand.

"Listen, as much as I hate the Kooks, I don't want to make you a social pariah because you're hanging out with a Pogue" he looks deep into my eyes. He was trying to read me, but he knew what I thought about it.

"JJ," I stand on my tiptoes to get closer to his face and I brush my lips against his ear, "I don't care what they think." I take his face in my hands and press a small kiss on his lips. I may have been a little drunk, but sober me wanted to do this for years. I pulled away and looked into his eyes before he leaned down and kissed me back. He placed his empty hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him. It felt like it was just the two of us on that beach for a moment.

We were quickly pulled back to reality when someone bumped into us. I feel an arm holding me so I don't fall and I suddenly realize that someone is looking at us: Topper. JJ looks over and sees Topper standing with Sarah, getting ready to leave. JJ sees the interaction Topper and I are having, and JJ being JJ, he gets in the middle of it. He walks over, cup in hand, and tries to offer it to Sarah. Next thing I know, the cup goes flying and a fight breaks out between Topper and John B.

JJ ends up pulling a gun on Topper, leaving me wondering where the hell he got that from. John B fell face down into the water, Kie and I rushing over to him as JJ let off some shots. We got John B back to the Chateau and I headed home, all of us deciding not to talk about what happened.

The next morning, I wake up and head to the Chateau. Everybody is there talking about Sheriff Peterkin. I stand next to Pope and just listen to what's being said, knowing I'll have to ask about it later. Right now, I need to talk with JJ. I walk over to the dock, thinking about what to say to him. It doesn't take long before I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and see JJ looking at me. My heart beats just a little faster, remembering our kiss from last night. He walks over to me and sits along the ledge.

"Do you think we would ever work? Like if you weren't Kook royalty and I wasn't, well me?" JJ scratches his forehead before looking over at me, anticipating an answer. I look at him and I can't help but study his face. "Just after last night, I can't pretend that what happened, didn't happen."

JJ and I have always had a flirty friendship. We always stole hushed glances when the other wasn't looking. We knew everything there was to know about the other person. We knew what each other was thinking without saying it. We would always do the same thing without realizing it. We were just two people hopelessly in love, but staying quiet about it for the sake of our friendship; until now. "JJ, I can't pretend either." I walk over to him and he jumps down off the ledge, now standing directly in front of me. He places the palm of his hand against my face and I lean into it.

"So, what does this mean?" JJ asks looking down at me with a smile on his face. I shrug my shoulders at him, "I don't know. All I know is I can't keep pretending I don't have these feelings for you." I take his hand in mine and intertwine our fingers.

"Good, 'cause I've wanted to do this for a long damn time," JJ tells me before placing his hands on my face and pulling me into him. He places a kiss on my lips and entangles his hands in my hair. I pull him closer to me and deepen the kiss. We finally break apart and I can see his heavy breathing matching mine. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. He plays with my hair before we hear someone behind us clear their throat. I turn around and see John B staring at us with wide eyes.

"Uhh-" John B turns away and starts to walk away before glancing back at us, "About time." I look at him and he gives us a small smile before walking back to the house. I glance up at JJ and chuckle.

So it turns out, everybody was betting when we would get together: Pope won.

[chuluoyi]

UNHOLY MATRIMONY — 07

✩°｡ ⋆ love unspoken

- fushiguro megumi x oc/reader - oc/reader's character name is hara sena, pronouns still refer to “you” and i won’t mention it often—just for the sake of aesthetic rather than repeatedly writing "y/n"

in another life, in which fate is still screwing his life over, Fushiguro Megumi finds himself in an arranged marriage―with you.

genre/warnings: arranged marriage au, gojo cameo, jealous!megumi

notes: ladies and gentlemen, it’s with great pleasure to tell you that another drama is about to unfold after a one-week break :)

series masterlist | next. all falls down

Harajuku, Shibuya. The busiest ward in the city is the most lit spot to meet up with anyone. And the greatest place to hide in plain sight.

Gojo Satoru, suave and neat in his casual shirt with that distinctive sunglasses, undoubtedly drew the eyes of many. He appraised you from head to toe, from your curled hair to your blue floral sundress, and then let out a chuckle.

"Well, well… Look at you. Now quite happily married, eh?"

You regarded him with a furrowed brow. "It's been a while, Gojo-san."

"How's it going? No regrets, I hope? You look absolutely stunning, so I'd assume not."

This isn't a good idea, you lamented internally. You shouldn't have agreed when he asked to meet at this popular bakery in Harajuku.

After Megumi's more or less confession on that morning, you immediately contacted Gojo, because in the end, he was the only one who actually could help you and Megumi.

You cleared your throat. "Megumi treats me well, yes."

"As I expected of someone I raised," Gojo proudly quipped with a proud smirk on his face.

You remembered the night following that fateful morning a week ago. Megumi told you that he was this close to finding someone who might be able to break his sister's curse.

“A curse-breaker, also a jujutsu sorcerer,” Megumi explained. “She possesses a nullifying technique capable of canceling all curses. Perhaps she can help to free Tsumiki as well.”

A beam bloomed on your face upon his explanation. "That's great! Like, if she can cancel the curse, there's a high chance for her to recover right?"

"Should be... I've got to meet up with her first though. So far, I'm still using the Zen'in name to contact her." He had this look of being deep in thought briefly before fixing his gaze on you. “Well, I just want you to meet Tsumiki soon.”

The fact that he wanted you to meet his remaining family filled you with joy. "You never talk about her much. Tell me more."

"She's exceptionally kind. In short, she is different from me." His emerald eyes crinkled a bit, seemingly remembering a fond memory. "She is against cruelty, even though there were many people who weren't nice to us."

"For as long as I can remember, it's only been Tsumiki and me," Megumi proceeded to add, as if sensing your curious stare. "Gojo-sensei is there too but I can't say he's my father now, can I?"

No, Gojo is more like his benefactor, and with his sister cursed, Megumi is essentially alone. Your smile fell a bit at that.

It was strange, you did feel sympathy for Megumi before, but now that you had acknowledged that you were in love with him—and even more now that he also made it clear that he felt the same, the thought of him being alone sent needles to your heart.

"Don't make that face," he retorted and you glanced at him. "I'm fine now. It was not that bad."

He then went after your hair and messed it up, making you scrunch your face in faux indignation.

Before you even realized it, you were down bad for him. You didn't want to see him get hurt or upset, and ultimately, you wanted to stay by his side for as long as possible. And that was what hurt the most, because you didn't know how long this could go on.

That was why now you were facing this six-eyed devil once again.

"Gojo-san," you exhaled. You didn't come here just to let him mess with you. "With what I've heard, the first hearing went well. The second one will be held soon. You… will be there, right?"

He let out a thoughtful hum. "Well, if I don't have any missions lined up, then sure."

"Please treat it more seriously. You know how they wouldn't dare to touch him with your presence alone."

"Oh, it seems you've forgotten already," Gojo remarked with a snort as he plucked a mini tart and popped it into his mouth. "That should be your part, Sena-chan. I'm just here to assist."

You clicked your tongue in irritation. "My point exactly. I'm asking you to provide your assistance."

You couldn't really believe him. He had said it himself—he had raised Megumi. Why wasn't he slightly bothered at all?

"You know, you're really cunning now that I thought about it," he blurted, mouth still stuffed full, as if mocking you altogether. "You're playing him like a puppet just to fulfill your goals."

"Don't act like you don't have your own agenda too." You bite back your anger, disregarding his comment. Apparently, true to many rumors about Gojo you had heard, this man was truly infuriating. "You want control over Zen'in. That was why you agreed to my proposition in the first place. You're using Megumi too."

"Are you really in mourning?" Gojo fixed his gaze on you, his clear blue eyes seemed to shimmer. "Barely a month after your mother's passing and you are instigating another bloodbath without knowing the consequences."

You felt your breath hitch at the blunt words. Something inside you snapped at his mention of your mother, and you bit your lower lip, willing your tears at bay.

Gojo's mouth was split into this rather manic grin, satisfied at how he managed to make you clam up. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Crankiness doesn't suit you, Sena-chan. And you don't have to worry if I will be there, because as you put it yourself, I do have my reasons."

But now your mind was pulled elsewhere. "Did you know something about who murdered my mother?"

"No. But she wasn't even a sorcerer. Who would target her? Someone who pins a mark on you would."

"Zen'in Naoya..." You gasped at the realization. He was the first person you should look into, how could you overlook it?

"Nah, but that's jumping too early," Gojo huffed. "You can't just come with nothing and accuse him of murder. Naoya would have your head before Megumi's."

"But he—!"

"Keep your eyes forward, Sena." Gojo's voice dropped, nearly sending a shiver down your spine. This sensation felt familiar to you, you could have sworn you have gone through this washed up terror before.

Your father's warning words. The way you would lower your forehead to the dirt ground, asking him for permission only to be told to remember your place.

Gojo Satoru was this era's strongest sorcerer, and now he was staring you down as if you were the stupidest person he knew. "I see through you. You can't run away from this. Not anymore."

And his smirk made you flinch.

"Not when Megumi is involved. Figuratively and literally speaking, you can't do that."

You shuddered this time, as what he said sank into your core. Figuratively and literally was the cold truth, incorporated in your binding vow, and not for the first time, you truly feared what and where this would lead to.

Perhaps sensing your silence as petrification—which wasn't far off the mark, brutally speaking—Gojo threw his hands in the air and barked a sardonic laugh to ease the tension. "Well, you've got me. Don't stress too much about him. Worry about your actions more."

"I'm doing this for him as well, you know," you snapped. "All of this, now I'm doing this all for him too, not solely for myself anymore."

Megumi was now so close to breaking Tsumiki's curse. As much as the prospect of him becoming the Zen'in clan head wasn't appealing at the slightest, that vile name was still useful and you could worry about that later.

Gojo released a derisive snort. "Is that so? Then, what's still in it for you?"

You looked at him with blind determination.

"I'm going to destroy Zen'in Naoya by taking away the one thing he covets the most."

Megumi thought it was going to be an ordinary day. As ordinary as meeting someone new would be, at least.

He was meeting up with a woman by the name of Kurusu Hana to discuss the possibility of curing his sister in Shibuya. At first she was acting fine, he was certain of that.

"Zen'in, right?" her voice sounded hesitant. He snapped his head towards her, and nodded. She promptly took a seat before him in this high-end cafe. She seemed nice, and he was convinced after she introduced herself.

"Let me introduce myself first. I'm Kurusu Hana, it's a pleasure to meet you, Zen'in-san."

"Oh, that... actually—" He never rectified it in their calls, but it felt wrong if he didn't disclose it to her now. "I'm not actually a Zen'in—please call me Fushiguro. Fushiguro Megumi."

"Fushiguro... Megumi...?"

That's when he noticed a sudden shift in Hana's gait. It occurred to him that she might be not as cooperative now after knowing that he was a not true-born Zen'in. However, this theory didn't align with her behavior, as she continued to respond to his inquiries and displayed genuine interest in Tsumiki's condition.

"Uh—oh, so it's been nine years..." she mumbled, lost in thought. "A curse as profound as that is not easily undone." Hana briefly met his eyes, then quickly looked away, a shy expression crossing her face.

If he were honest, her demeanor made him uncomfortable. He saw that kind of expressions on you, and you looked adorable, whereas she... was not. Well, might be because he definitely wasn't remotely attracted to her.

"Can it be reversed somehow?" he asked curtly.

"In theory, there's a chance. Possibly 40% actually," Hana responded, though her tone lacked the firmness he would have preferred to hear. "A curse residing that long in a human's body have... ingrained into the body itself, so it's not going to be as simple as exorcising newly-planted curses."

Megumi knew it wouldn't be easy, but hearing it firsthand was undeniably disheartening. "I see... Is there something that I—or you—can do?"

"I can attempt to break it, but the cost of it failing would mean the vessel’s immediate death."

He took a sharp intake of breath at that, his chest feelings suddenly tight.

Why was this world so unforgiving to kind people like Tsumiki and your mother? They hadn't done anything wrong, so why did they have to bear such heavy curses?

It was hard, but stalling any longer still meant Tsumiki’s impending death, so he decided to go through with the idea.

Hana would do enchantments for three weeks straight as a preparation to lift the curse from Tsumiki's body. And Megumi would be there to keep watch. Ah, he was thinking he could bring you too to switch with him if needed.

Wrapping the discussion up, he expressed his gratitude to Hana and prepared to take is leave. However, she halted him with a hesitant look.

"We have met before." She looked at him with such a hopeful expression it was jarring. "D-Do you... remember me?"

To him, what she said sounded like the peak of absurdity, and so he blurted the first thing that crossed his mind. "No, we have not."

"But..."

Megumi wanted to argue but then noticed something peculiar out of the corner of his eye. Through the glass panel of the quaint cafe, he could see the establishment next door that just happened to be where you and Gojo were.

Wait, you and Gojo-sensei?

"You saved my life!" Hana exclaimed, her raised voice shattered his thoughts and drew the attention of nearby diners. "You had two dogs with you—they led me out safely. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made it until today."

There were many things on Megumi's mind then. It took him a few seconds to discern her words as his eyes flickered again to where you were, and this time he saw you getting up from your seat and grabbing your purse.

And how Gojo seized your arm, pulling you roughly enough that you stumbled back a couple of steps.

Megumi saw red.

"I don't remember."

He knew it was his irritation speaking. He shouldn't have brushed her off like that, especially since he was the one in need of her help, but an overwhelming urge to stride over to where you were surged within him, and Hana's insistence was starting to grate on his nerves.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go." He completely missed Hana's crestfallen face as he fixed his gaze on you. "Thank you. I'll be seeing you again soon. Will contact you later."

He marched towards where both you and Gojo were, forcefully yanking the door that it caused the bells to ring with such intensity that it startled the girls waiting in line for pastries. That was when he realized that this fancy place was the one that required reservation before you could have a seat here.

Was it Gojo? Or you?

In any case, it appeared that both of you had finally become aware of his presence. You whirled to face him, wrenching your hand off Gojo's grasp.

"Megumi." Your voice came in a tense gasp. "What are you doing here?"

In sharp contrast to you, Gojo Satoru was jolly and didn't seem to care if he had just manhandled another man's wife. "Yoo, Megumi! It's been a while!"

It was as if every wire in his body had switched to autopilot. He remained expressionless, but he swiftly grasped your hand and pulled you to his side.

"I'm the one who should be asking you." His voice carrying a hard edge as he turned to you. "What are you doing here with him, of all people?"

"Booo, Megumi, you wound me! It's not like I would do anything to Sena-chan—"

Gojo's familiarity with you seemed to irritate him even further as he shot him a warning look. "Shut up, you're annoying," he said, lacing his fingers with yours and glancing at you from the corner of his eye. "We're going home."

The three of you—or rather, Megumi—definitely had made a debacle that onlookers were left with gaped expressions. He scowled and passed by them, maintaining a firm grip on your hand.

Gojo couldn't suppress an amused smile. "Well, well, Megumi-kun... Look at how much you've grown up."

Kurusu Hana was in love with Fushiguro Megumi.

She had convinced herself of that fact somehow, going as far as thinking of him as her destined one.

On a harsh snowy day, when she was teetering on the brink of certain death, a fluffy dog suddenly barked at her and indicated the path to safety. She recalled crawling on her hands and knees, following the white dog, until she felt the warm touch of local police guiding her to a secure location, away from menacing curses. She also remembered how the dog had dashed toward a boy who promptly patted it on the head. The boy, whose name she would later learn as Fushiguro Megumi, looked at her with a straight face, before a smile slowly spread across his lips.

She really didn't expect that she would really meet him again. More than ten years had passed by, and yet she still held that boy close and dear to her heart. Her savior.

Meeting him again this time was, of course, fate, or at least that was what she thought. She was about to erupt with euphoria… until he didn’t acknowledge her and left to catch another woman, pulling her along in a display of possession.

She was heartbroken. Maybe it was her fault too for keeping this love unspoken for as long as she did. But then again, how would she even speak it out loud? She never got the chance.

The way this encounter had played out and that she had seen him firsthand with a woman who clearly had his affections made her realize that there might not be a chance for her after all. Hana felt disheartened once more. But her spirits were consoled somewhat as she reminded herself that, from now on, she would be in contact with Megumi regularly due to her involvement in breaking his sister's curse.

It’s okay… Even if she couldn't have him, she could still admire and be near him.

That… should be enough.

next : all falls down

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[bharv]

On defined vs customisable protagonists

Taking a break from DATV for some musings on this. This isn't really an essay, just a ramble, and I'm trying to steer clear of spoilers and heavy critical stuff.

I'll discuss the Dragon Age franchise, the Mass Effect franchise, and Baldur's Gate 3, Pillars of Eternity and Cyberpunk 2077.

Basically, I want to talk a little about ways in which a game's set up can help and hinder us in understanding our protagonist, the pros and cons of voiced protags, and what works in my eyes and what doesn't. I hope this also helps people to think about how they draw characters as well!

Firstly I want to say that people will have different reasons to prefer a more defined protagonist or a more open one. Ultimately it comes down to expectations from roleplay in my eyes. There's not a right or wrong answer in which is "better" but I think there are things that help us to engage with both types.

Establishing what we know (and being consistent with it)

Essential to both types in my eyes is establishing what is known. I'm going to use Commander Shepard as my first example here. We are told instantly that Shepard is an experienced officer, has an expertise in one area, and is being considered for a significant promotion. This allows us to infer that they get the job done, and that they have to have a degree of competency (whether or not they are by the book or more loose with the rules) and that they take their job seriously. The game then gives us some good flavour choices around family values, historical trauma, what they look like and what kind of expert they are, but make no mistake; this is a veteran soldier and you are on that road with them. It's a masterpiece in creating just enough freedom for ownership of a character while telling a very distinct story; if you are paying attention at the start, you know exactly what kind of person Shep has to have been to be considered for this role, which makes for a really clear path through.

Hawke in DA2, which was almost certainly designed to mirror the success of Shepard, follows a similar path. We know that Hawke is a refugee, and has a family, and fought in a recent battle. I would argue where Hawke is weaker to people who enjoy customisation is in setting them against their family; your Shepard could be a wunderkind or be eighty years old, have any number of emotional resonances in their personal life. Hawke is much more definite in age range, relationships and social status, which gives less freedom in making them truly your own. However, DA2 is highly consistent with Hawke. Perhaps you can only really customise the face and the attitude, but that attitude ripples through all of your interactions and creates a very distinct character that is easy to become attached to.

Dragon Age Origins does a very different thing by threading through the origins into inferences throughout the story. The knowns are that you will be the Warden and you will have to save the world. How you get there offers enormous choice. You can be a self-serving politician trying to weasel your way back into power, or you can be a devout Andrastrian on a path to martyrdom. A lot of this choice comes from the choice that is allowed with a non-voiced protagonist in sheer range of responses, a pathway that games like BG3 and Pillars of Eternity have continued.

It is essential you are clear with your player early in what is known about the character, both to help them establish them in a world and avoid disappointing their expectations. If your character is a rookie, say it! If they are an expert, make it clear. You can do this through action too - it doesn't have to all be written out.

To voice or not to voice

To me, personally, Shepard is one of the only truly successful voiced customisable protagonists. I have others I like very much (V in Cyberpunk 2077 and Hawke in DA2) but they are much more a slightly editable character on a defined narrative journey. The moment you put a voice on a character you are deciding tone, meaning and intention, and if your written choice doesn't accurately reflect your tone, it breaks immersion. Shepard walks a careful line that is aided by them being "on the job" for much of the time. Formality helps! It creates boundaries that we instinctively understand from our world.

If you have a voiced protagonist, then you have to either record a ton of lines allowing for anger, diplomacy, fun, inquisition and dismissal, and if you don't do that? You probably should have just set up a more defined character and told their story, and been clear in that expectation from your establishing moments.

Oh, Lore

One thing I really liked in BG3 is the way you could toggle on and off lore friendly options during character creation. It gave you the chance to say actually no, I don't care, or make sure you were creating within that world if you did. But regardless, if you have established lore, you have to carry it through. If you have a ton of backgrounds for characters, you have to make sure that's meaningful. A Grey Warden should be able to sense Darkspawn in their first encounter; it's a huge part of their deal. A Qunari character, if you have not specified that they are Tal-Vashoth and strictly from one background, should be able to reflect positively on their religion and cultural upbringing or see things through a non-Andrastrian lens. This is where it can be easier, even if it is disappointing, to set stronger boundaries in the creation of characters. For the most part, people are okay with limitations if it gives them something to work with. In Inquisition there were complaints about how much or little the backgrounds really added to the experience of being the Herald of Andraste, but they did choose backgrounds where there might be a rough knowledge of what was occuring at the conclave. It's okay to leave some things for people to fill in the gaps, but consistency is key.

Learning as the character learns

One clever way to establish connection but allow for discovery is for the characters to learn as we do. The Dark Urge in BG3 is an obvious example of this, but I'd also add in The Watcher in Pillars of Eternity too, and even V from CP77. Whatever they thought they are, they are something more, and it allows us to keep all of what we thought we knew about our characters and find out more along the way. It allows the game to take us down a path of the present, not the past (even though all of them ARE discovering events of the past!) by making it about what a person sees themself as, what they want to be, and what they have been. It sidesteps invalidation of ideas by creating narratives that are inherently biased as they are memory, allowing us to take or question the information we are given as we are given it. It trusts an audience and the player to invest their own opinions in the burgeoning narrative.

To do this, you need to make sure that the player has a good grasp, again, of what they do know. Good grounding is essential here. Think of the prologue of Pillars of Eternity, where we can establish a character's whole value system, or the pre-heist time with V which allows us to establish an enormous amount of relationship building and relationship to the world around them. Take that time, or it will fall apart.

[theitgirlboutique]

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Dolly tutorial: From Glow-Ups to Dream Lives

Your ultimate inspiration to start living the life you’ve always dreamed of—because anything is possible.

ଘ꒰੭˶• ༝ •˶꒱੭ .⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹❀

Hiya gorgeous! lets jump right into it!

Just a quick reminder: if this post feels familiar, it’s because it is. I’ve shared this before and then deleted the entire blog.

1. Desired Face

When I tell you I look completely different now compared to just a year ago, I mean it. I’ve been consistent with subliminals, and the results came quickly. I changed my nose, lips, eyes, and skin tone (goodbye hyperpigmentation). Now, I’m working on refining my jaw shape. Stay tuned for a post on how to manifest appearance changes—it’s coming soon.

2. Desired Body

I never had a specific dream body, but I desperately wanted to lose weight. At first, I made the mistake of turning to unhealthy habits, like starving myself, which led to the dreaded yo-yo effect. Frustrated, I decided to fix my relationship with food and manifest weight loss using the law of assumption. By affirming consistently, I lost 10 kg without dieting. It was the hardest manifestation journey I’ve ever been on, but now I not only have my dream body but also a positive relationship with food.

3. Academic Success – Part One

When I finished my GCSEs, I was convinced I’d fail. I felt so hopeless that I didn’t even want to manifest better grades. But I listened to a single subliminal three times, let it go, and forgot about it. When results came out, I got all As, including an A* and second-highest in English.

4. Academic Success – Part Two

I completed a music exam knowing I’d guessed more than half the paper. To everyone else though, I acted as though I aced it, which (as I later realised) was me unconsciously manifesting success. The result? High distinction.

5. Glow-Up

Yes, I manifested my dream physical features, but what I really needed was a glow-up in personality. Enter Jennifer Check, my ultimate icon. I didn’t tell anyone about my obsession with her character, yet at least 30 people have told me I resemble her—both in looks and personality.

6. My Dog Manifestation

This happened before I even believed in manifestation. Growing up, I desperately wanted a dog, but my very anti-pet parents wouldn’t allow it. Still, I pretended I had a dog 24/7 as a kid. Somehow, despite their resistance, they eventually agreed to let me get one.

7. Talents

I used to be terrible at art. Like, truly bad. Then I decided to manifest artistic talent. Now, I’m not just good—I’m one of the best artists in my school. Thank GOD for the law of assumption. I also did the same for dancing, singing and crocheting

That’s it for today! I hope these success stories inspired you to create your own. Manifestation isn’t just about wishful thinking—it’s about transforming your life. Start believing, start affirming, and watch your dreams become reality.

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[vigilskeep]

i have never thought of the bg3 paths as railroaded before but oh my god... i see your vision. i think that, for all that can be picked apart in the writing of dragon age, the worldbuilding in that series is so so interested in complicating all factions that you can envision a character who /makes sense/ while bouncing through various ideologies. and the sort of fantasy writing in (most of) the forgotten realms doesn't really allow for that.

dao is particularly the light of my life because the origins mechanic is specifically intended to let you create a character who has a distinctive perspective on the world that’s grounded in the worldbuilding. one of my favourite aspects of this is several origins having completely different codex entries on their own culture as opposed to those an outsider would get. it’s really good! it’s also a reasonably grounded world (while obviously silly) because, like, the basic fundamental premise of thedas, from which they ikea flatpack built almost every feature, is “how would people react to magical and fantastical diversity? the same way they react to human diversity.” you’re meant to feel like, aside from i guess the darkspawn, people are normal and have real motivations. sure it has to fulfil certain roles in a story, and dragon age was manufactured too quickly and purposefully for everything to land feeling authentic, but evil in dragon age should feel recognisable. and in most of the origins they give you a chance to do something that is bad, but also totally makes sense, because of the context of your character belonging to this world where these things happen

in dnd/the forgotten realms it’s a bit different because capital e Evil exists, so there are people and deities and devils (and, to open another can of worms, races) whose entire goal is to Do Evil. it’s also harder to produce grounded evil because in a world where i’m being given basically no context and just told to make whatever i want, i don’t have an inch of the kind of social information i get from for example a dao origin: what my character has been taught to believe they should do to survive, who they are willing to sacrifice, whatever. bg3 also happens to have a main plot goal that is, at least for the first part of the game, broadly selfish (“i am sick, and i need a cure”) which works really well for getting a bunch of people with vastly differing moral standards to band together for the same goal, and not so good for any kind of “greater good” type blurred morality, so that’s out too

however much the worldbuilding factors into this, bg3 specifically went for quite a clear distinction between the good path and the capital e Evil Path, and i find it pretty hard to vary up the good path. when i say railroaded i mean you either do the specific thing that gets you a quest down the line or not. i was really disappointed actually in my playthrough where i totally fucked up in the druids’ grove and caused a fight to break out, because it immediately instakilled tons of characters i knew i would need down the line. the few it spared needed some of the dead ones to stay alive in later quests, so it’s like... oh. that’s just... over. for both factions. bg3 arguably lets you do basically anything you want but they are able to do that because if you fuck around it just breaks the entire quest line from coming up again, which means playing a character who fucks up is not even really going to get me consequences it’s just going to cut content from the game. does that make sense? and then the Evil Path is just straight up evil, like... there’s no way for me to complicate and empathise, here, especially playing a blank canvas character whose motivations i would have to make up from nothing, and who faces basically no consequences for not doing this. the only neutral/cowardly/self-interested option in act 1 is to do neither path, which gets me the least content because i literally don’t get to play the fucking game

i don’t know, i’m not saying it’s necessarily bad just that it’s hard for me, personally, and how i like to create characters. especially when you have my constant restart disease and you have to do this all over again a dozen times just for a handful of different dialogue. does any of that make sense

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Both Ends Cleared Special Story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

This is in his POV

nsfw, minors dni

Today, I’ll tell you a story about me, a man named Roger Barel.

Someone, whose face I don’t remember anymore, once asked me something.

“Why do you live so recklessly?”

I absolutely don’t like wasting anything or being idle.

“Finding a way to get rid of curses” is a huge research project, and time keeps ticking away.

Even with a shortened lifespan, I wanna dig even deeper with my research.

Going on missions for Crown’s like gathering information, and my trivial everyday interactions, research.

With my boxing hobby to train my body and long hours of research, the only rest I get’s when I sleep or drink.

If my brain could stay in a fresh state, then I’d do research forever.

—At least, that’s what I thought. But apparently I’ve been changing lately.

--

Only “her” footsteps were distinct to my ears.

When the basement opened, I saw her face before I heard her voice.

Kate: Roger! I’ve sorted all your data on the Cursed by year!

Roger: Done already? That’s my dog-assistant-partner for you.

Kate: …What about lover.

Roger: Haha, I left it out on purpose. Thanks Kate, you’ve been a big help.

With the way Kate was beaming, if she were a dog, her tail would be wagging.

(You’re as cute as ever)

Kate: So…Do you remember our “promise”?

Roger: Yeah, “after finishing a task I assigned you, I’ll grant one request.” What did you want so badly?

Kate: Um, there’s a place I want to go—

--

Kate dragged me to—

(...The hell?)

—A group of people lying down on the grass.

They weren’t just lying down, they were all spacing out, as if their souls were sucked out.

Kate: It’s an “do nothing party” where busy people gather for a short break.

Roger: Do nothing?

Kate: Yes, Ellis told me it’s been secretly been in fashion in London.

Roger: Where does that guy even learn about this kind of stuff?

Kate: Hehe. Roger, you lie down too. Come on!

Kate spread out a large blanket she brought and lay down. 

(...Just doing nothing, huh? If Kate wants to, then I’ll go along with it)

I lay down next to her…

A blue sky filled my vision.

(...)

(...Has the sky always been this blue?)

(And I can hear the wind)

Despite the sky being around forever and my abnormal hearing, it felt as if I was experiencing these things for the first time.

Kate: …I’m sorry.

Roger: …What for?

Kate: I know you hate being idle and that you’d rather be spending your free time doing research. But we still have to live… The fight against despair never ends. Which is why if you keep running at full speed, you’ll run out of breath.

Roger: …

Kate: Sometimes you just need to pause, breathe, take a break.

Kate glanced at me and smiled.

Kate: Let’s run together again.

(So that’s it. That’s what Kate wanted to tell me.)

She said it casually, but the kindness in those words made it sink in.

It’s like I realized I hadn’t noticed the blue sky or sound of wind in a while.

(...Ah, I see. I’ve been acting reckless ‘cause I might’ve been “scared”)

For some time, I’ve felt like if I didn’t find a way to get rid of curses, then there was no reason for me being born.

I definitely felt that if I didn’t pursue my ambitions, I’d be betraying the people important to me.

So I continue to egoistically devote all my time into pursuing my ambitions.

(But humans aren’t kept alive only because they have meaning)

Every human’s existence was equally meaningful.

Though I came to realize that I didn’t apply this to myself.

(Having free will and fulfilling your ambitions makes you a villain)

(So I’ve been living life by getting rid of all the wasted needed to feel alive)

I don’t know if Kate did it on purpose, but she taught me some important things. To pay her back for these important lessons—

(Let’s enjoy this lovely idleness to the fullest)

Roger: Kate, let’s go.

Kate: Huh? Are we going back to work?

Roger: Nope. Sitting idle’s fine , but I wanted to spoil my cute lover. We can go shopping, eat, or go on a sightseeing cruise. What do you wanna do?

There were sparkles in Kate’s widened eyes.

Kate: All of the above!

Roger: Pfft, hahaha! Alright, we’ll do all of it. Come on, let’s go. Take my hand.

--

Kate: Roger, your shooting skills were amazing! Hehe, you shot down all the targets and the carny was at a loss.

Roger: You taking one prize and giving the rest back to the carny was admirable.

Kate: …There you go treating me like a child again.

Kate was in high spirits after playing all those games and held a large corgi plushie, the top prize from the shooting gallery, in her arms.

Roger: The stuffed toy’s nice and all, but I think it’s about time you give me a hug too.

Kate’s face fell, making her look like a scolded puppy.

Kate: …Don’t want to.

Roger: What, you going through a rebellious phase?

Kate: Because! Even though I took up a lot of your time today…I want to take more. If I hug you, I don’t think I’ll ever let you go…

(...*sigh* Why’s her reason so damn cute)

She wasn’t even trying to flirt with me, but that unconscious spoiled act aroused an animalistic desire.

Not one to hide my desires well, I sat on the bed and laid my sweet trap.

Roger: You’re a villain’s lover, remember? If you wanna take it, then take it—come here, Kate.

Kate: …Are you sure I can take up more of your time?

Roger: How insensitive. And if I say “I want you to”?

Kate: ~~...!

Kate squealed and threw herself onto the bed.

Roger: Heh, as usual there’s nothing sexy about the way you try to seduce me.

Kate: Sorry, your glasses—

Roger: Don’t need to put them back on—I’m gonna do this anyway.

Kate: Mnn, nnn…

I kissed Kate deeply and she sweetly sighed out my name in between breaths.

Kate: Roger…

(Early I said your seduction wasn’t sexy)

(...But when you’re like this, it’s enough to turn me on)

As we kissed, I stripped and caressed her, making her heat up and easily melt under my touch.

The more often we did this, the more Kate’s body became receptive to pleasure, which was also cute.

Watching Kate moan on top of me ignited a wicked desire.

Roger: Oh right, how about I teach you something we haven’t done before?

I pulled my shirt out, undid the front of my pants, took my cock out, and stroked it.*

I rested against Kate’s dripping wet entrance.

Roger: Tonight, you’re gonna put “this” in by yourself.

Kate: I don’t think…

Roger: Then I guess we won’t do it then. I’ll just have to take care of myself.

Kate looked like she was fighting against her shyness as she put her hand on me…

Kate: …Please don’t laugh if I’m not good at this.

After positioning herself, she slowly sank down onto it.

Kate: Pfff…

(...I told her to do it herself, but now I’m feeling impatient)

Roger: Come on, just a little more. Keep lowering your hips.

Kate: I don’t think I can…Roger.

Roger: Heh, alright. I’ll help you.

I might’ve sounded like a sensible adult…but I was already at my limit.

Her walls fluttered around me when I grabbed her hips and lowered her down.

Kate: …Haaa…Nnngh

Roger: Come on, don’t cum without saying anything.

Kate: But…

Roger: You might feel light-headed after just cumming, but…there’s more pleasure to come.

I took a nipple in my mouth and rolled it around with my tongue while still holding onto her hips, slowly thrusting in and out of her.

Kate: Ahh…Roger.

(Ahhh, I can only think about her right now)

(No, not just now)

(Come to think of it, I never thought that she wasted my time)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Strong…I want to be strong. Because I…don’t want to hate myself. Besides…life’s too long to live in despair.

Roger: …O_O Pfft, hahahahaha!

(I thought it was amusing how she was sobbing when she felt down, but didn’t despair)

--

Kate: Next time you do something perverted, I’m breaking our friendship!

Roger: Pfft, haha! Are you a kid or something? Dummy.

(We had a lot of pointless, childish arguments)

--

Kate: …Huhu…

Roger: Ah…you’re trying to hold your tears back.

Kate: B-because…You’ve acknowledged me as your partner…I’ll ruin it if I cry.

Roger: Pfft…

Kate: Besides, I know my crying face makes you happy.

Roger: Pfft, ahahahaha! You…You’re really… You’re so damn cute!

Kate: W-waaahhh~ Roger you bully!

(I bullied Kate so many times just to see her cute reactions)

--

Kate: Pull yourself together, Roger Barel! You’re the strongest egoist out there! This despair’s nothing. Just give it the middle finger and laugh it off like you always do!

Roger: …O_O

~~ End flashback ~~

(And when I didn’t believe in love, she proved to me that it existed)

(Kate, I don’t think any of the time I spent with you was a waste)

(To me, the time I spent with you’s a lovely idleness)

It’s thanks to this idleness that I was still able to escape despair and continue pursuing my ambitions.

Kate and I lost ourselves to passion and pleasure, savoring this lovely idleness.

Kate: …Roger, love you, I love you.

I stroked Kate’s hair as she lost herself to this heat and pulled her into my arms.

Roger: …I know. It’s an emotion you taught me.

--

A few days later, I heard Kate’s footsteps as she ran down the stairs to the basement.

Kate: Roger.

Roger: Yeah? What’s up, Kate?

Kate: Ah, you’re working right now, aren’t you?

I heard the sound of paper crinkling behind her back.

(Ellis did mention something about the circus being in town)

I guess Kate was holding the flyer behind her back.

Roger: Let me guess what you’re hiding behind your back. A circus flyer?

Kate: How did you know?!

Roger: Who knows. Gimme another half hour and then we can go.

I couldn’t help but smile at how adorable Kate looked as she blinked at me.

Roger: Research is important to me and I still don’t like anything wasteful. I’m sure there’ll be more times in the future when I get so absorbed with research that I neglect everything else. I’m not exactly the most considerate.

Kate: Hehe, I know that a little too well.

We looked at each other and exchanged conspiratory smiles.

Roger: —However, Kate, I can change. I’ll try to change for you, so— Let’s be together forever.

(I want to love you until the moment I take my last breath)

(Even if I spend my whole life searching, I’ll never find another woman like you)

Kate: …What do I do.

Roger: Hm?

Kate: I love you so, so much. You’re glittering.

Roger: Pfft, hahahaha. You’ve said something like that before.

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: The person I like is different from everyone else. They’re especially glittering.

~~ End flashback ~~

That’s what Kate told me when I didn’t know what love was.

(Back then, I thought it was completely unscientific and impossible)

When Kate blushed and smiled at me, she also seemed to glitter for a moment.

Like gold dust glittering in the dark.

I wanted to touch the light, so I pulled Kate into my arms.

Kate: …Roger, what about your research?

Roger: …Just let me hug you for 3 minutes. Then I’ll continue my research.

Kate: …I’d like to extend it to 4 minutes. 

Roger: How about 5 minutes then.

(Ah, what the heck. It’s a complete waste)

(But I can’t live without moments with her like these anymore)

(This lovely idleness is necessary to live)

Roger: Kate, I love you so much.**

-

*I’m not using their “mass” euphemism anymore. Time to free the cock. Especially since this is Roger’s POV

**Whenever “I love you” was used, it’s been 大好き (daisuki). But here, Roger said 愛してる (aishiteru). Unfortunately, English doesn’t have as many ways to say “I love you” with different meanings and feelings so…”I love you so much” it is.

[physics-of-one-piece]

Oh gosh thank you for the tag physics, I'll make a post about my wips too, all art of course, but before I do that I need to know more aboit this one:

"I’ll build castles for you, my love (look at me, not my brother)"

All of the wips sound lovely, can't wait for them🫶

Aaaaa, @skullfacedlady I can't wait to see what you're working on! 💕🫶🏻❤️

Oh, "I'll build castles for you, my love (look at me not my brother)"

(sighs wistfully)

This is my baby. The original. The LEGEND. The one that started it all with the Rosinante's Wife!Reader trope. Where to even start with this one? First, I'd like to link all the posts I've made up until now about this fic, it includes scenes, as well, if you want to read them.

Snippets of Doflamingo x Reader in the fic ie first ever post of the fic, the og, the LEGEND

Things Doflamingo does & says in "I’ll build castles for you, my love"

Things Rosinante does/says in the fic + Rosinante’s thoughts before he dies scene snippet

Rosinante’s Crew (Crow Corps), scenes with them + scene of Doflamingo interacting with them after Rosi’s death

More scenes from the fic, including Rosinante x Reader Scene, Rosinante & Law Scene, Doflamingo x Reader Scene

Another Doflamingo x Reader scene from the fic

How Doffy shows acts of care for Reader by providing financially for her in the fic (though this is overall for his character)

Now, let's start on explaining some more about it. The title is inspired by that thought I had when I looked at these two Donquixotes side-by-side. Like. Reaaally looked. They look very similar to each other. Their faces are nearly exactly the same at FIRST GLANCE (they have distinctive differences but a normal person wouldn't notice that from a simple glance). Usually people would say Rosinante looks like Doflamingo, except here, you meet Rosinante first.

So to you, Doflamingo resembles Rosinante when his hair is down. It's only a second, but your eyes completely change for that split moment when you think he's Rosinante. And Doflamingo notices this - it's very easily noticeable. And it fckn... Annoys him. A lot 🤣. Bcs Doflamingo was never told "oh you look like your brother" it was Rosinante who always experienced that sentence. So it's a real punch in the gut for Doffy, including his pride. Especially as he falls in love with Reader. Reader has (understandably) preconceptions about Doflamingo. So Doflamingo needs to break that preconcepted image Reader has of him so she can truly see him. It's a new experience for him.

The fic, originally, at its first outline, was only Doflamingo x Reader. But then I wanted to flesh out the entire story and Rosinante & Law happened, and they became their own chapters, and fit into the story so well, and it was my first attempt at Rosinante x Reader and damn it pulled on my heartstrings.

The Doflamingo in this fic is the Dressrosa Takeover Doflamingo (he hasn't taken over Dressrosa yet at all when he meets Reader, he simply cuts his hair short and changes his entire style after entering the Grand Line in this fic)

Why?

BECAUSE I ADORE HIM. He is HANDSOME AS HELL. WOW. JUST. WOW. And I needed to write sth with him and the idea just came. He still has a bit of his upward spikes, so when they go down they cover his forehead probably exactly like Rosinante's. And that fucks up your mind. It's an absolute mindfuck.

The story can be separated in 4 Arcs, which are for now the chapter titles.

The Marine - Chapter 1

Rosinante x Reader - it spans throughs years of Rosinante's life in the marines + meeting Reader & getting married, ends with him going on the Donquixote Pirates Mission

The Sick Boy - Chapter 2

There are 3 weeks of emptiness between when Doflamingo tells Rosinante about the Op-Op Fruit and Minion Island. These three weeks are all in Chapter 2, where Rosinante takes Law to you so you two can care for him and keep him alive. It focuses on Law, Rosinante's death (the only Minion Island scene for now), and Law's journey back to you to tell you the truth of what happened - with a polar bear and two boys sneaking into the submarine with him on the way 🤣. It ends with Rosinante's funeral and Law officially forming the Heart Pirates. ❤️‍🔥

The Warlord - Chapter 3

Doflamingo x Reader - This one is finally very much Reader's POV focused, with a bit of Doflamingo's POV as well. This part covers the next nine months of Reader's pregnancy, and Doflamingo's visits to Marineford during the weekends. There are so many things here — fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, domestic life, humor, Doflamingo singing while he cooks in a pink apron with a flamingo drawn on it with "Kiss the flamingo 🦩"... Doflamingo knocking on your window drenched like a pink cat and stripping naked while your back is turned, Doflamingo being an absolute demon you should not mess with (but you do) but also a soft three meter meow meow 🥺. Also the best support during pregnancy. Seriously. He's great at that part. Also. Doflamingo's charming smiles. Doflamingo's puppy eyes. Doflamingo's. Fucking. Puppy eyes. Damn him (I say lovingly)

The King - Chapter 4

Doflamingo x Reader - Follows post-childbirth after Reader & Rosinante's child is born, and the next two years of Doflamingo & Reader raising the child and eventually the fall of Dressrosa and Doflamingo becoming its king... I can't say too much for this one cus I don't want to spoil it too much, but... It's good. So good. And is the last chapter of the story with a Happy Ending for Doflamingo x Reader. Also, 100% will try to write some smut for this chap, bcs I neeeed it at this point. 😩

Here is the summary I made for Doflamingo's Part ie The Warlord Part when I first thought this would just be a one-shot (ha, fool!)

Summary: To Donquixote Doflamingo, family is everything. A month after Rosinante’s death, Vergo delivers him damning information after he’d ordered a full deep dive into Rosinante’s fourteen years of absence — his brother had gotten married years ago. And not only that, his brother’s wife is pregnant. Doflamingo does something both impertinent and bold, just as any pirate — he enters the Grand Line with one goal — become a warlord, meet you, and be there for you during your pregnancy. He makes history, stealing and robbing Heavenly Tributes almost every few days, conquering the Grand Line and its underworld — and is made a warlord the next month.

As the pink flowers on the single pink cherry blossom tree in Marineford sway in the wind, so do the pink feathers of Doflamingo’s coat as he steps foot on Marineford a few days later to attend a meeting with the higher-ups — and meet you.

You don't need the curse of his protection or his blood money, or want him in your child’s life — your husband would roll in his grave. However, as a former Celestial Dragon and now a warlord, Doflamingo gains permission to visit you on weekends in Marineford, and not even Fleet Admiral Sengoku can do anything about him as the orders come from "up high". The newly appointed warlord is just as your husband described him as - stubborn, sadistic, enjoys mocking people, laughs at their suffering, and a manipulating schemer. As the warlord forces you to spend more time with him, you realise there is more to the older Donquixote than your late husband told you.

I'm trying to figure out which scene to send...

How about... The first meeting?

Excerpt:

You were about to tell Tsuru they brought the wrong pirate to meet you, but then, your gaze reached his face. You inhaled sharply, the thought coming before you could stop it because of the eerie similarity of the chin and cheeks, and for a split second you thought it was…

Rosinante.

But his skin was tanned, a bronze colour. And his smile... It was all wrong.

That wasn’t your husband’s smile. It was too sharp, too wide, too wicked.

Doflamingo was taller than Rosinante, but gangly and long-limbed like him. He was bigger than on his wanted poster. His hair was no longer long and uplifted like a dragon’s head, but instead the spikes were shortened, sticking upward.

Your heart picked up its beat, dread spreading in your stomach.

Evil emanated from every fibre of his being.

“There you are.” said Doflamingo victoriously, smiling all the way.

***

For what song would fit the fic... (Giggles evilly)

This one, Doffy is thinking this one 24/7

I don’t want to let your body go 🎶

Be my queen, I'll be your king 🎶

We'll be rulers I'll give you everything 🎶

I'll be your king, you'll be my queen 🎶

Unbelievers get down on your knees 🎶

We can rule the world 🎶

So be my girl 🎶

Thank you for the ask! Can't wait to see what you're working on! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist: @fanaticsnail @queenmimi2817 @daydreamer-in-training

[ingravinoveritas]

How did u feel with the age gap question was it pr or do u really think he meant it and this was the truth

This is referring to the question asked on The Assembly last night. I'll post the clip here, for those who haven't seen it yet:

A lot of what I felt while watching this was touched on in this incredibly thoughtful post from @body-face-words, so I encourage folks to give that a read. But I think for me, when it comes to Michael's answer, it's not a matter of whether he lied or told the truth. It's that his response was sweet, but it was also a version of the truth that sounded convincing because it needed to, because this was not a time or place where he could say what he actually felt.

I'm really not sure what people expected him to say, in all honesty, as he was never going to say anything that would make him or Anna look bad, and especially not anything that could potentially negatively impact the kids, so he instead gave a very perfect PR answer. This again does not come as a surprise because we know Michael has scripted his answers about AL/their relationship in the past, but I noticed how careful he was in his response, which seems to contrast with how off-the-cuff he normally is when discussing every other subject. Part of what so many of us love about Michael is how unfiltered he is and always has been, with the exception of how much he filters and edits himself when talking about Anna.

It also seemed like, at least from my perspective, that Michael answered the question without answering the question. What the girl asked wasn't so much about the age gap, but about AL being five years older than Michael's daughter Lily, and it would've been a perfect opportunity for him to mention her, or how the relationship with AL affected his and Lily's relationship. He could've talked about the falling out he had with her (and Kate) in 2019 once AL's existence/pregnancy came to light, and what has happened in the years since, or how Lily now gets along with Anna/her half-sisters. But instead Michael deflected from all of that and talked about everything while saying nothing at the same time.

It was also the things Michael didn't say that stood out as much as the things he did. In the entire answer to the question, Michael never once used the word "love." Prior to the show airing, I saw a lot of people online confident that he would say that he loves Anna, but he never did. He never praised her, never talked about the things he loves about her, or how glad he is to be with her. He never once mentioned her by name. The pivot and focus was on the kids, and there was a clear distinction made between how happy he is to have the family he does, rather than to be in the relationship that he is in. Michael's use of the phrase "very happy" was also identical to the wording of a comment AL wrote on Instagram the other day, which added to the whole "reinforcing a public narrative" feeling of his response.

I think what struck me most of all, though, was how somber and heavyhearted Michael sounded while saying how happy he is. It reminded me of the song "I Am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel, where the upbeat and cheerful music contrasts starkly with the fraught, angry lyrics. There was no sparkle in Michael's eyes when he said it, no enthusiasm for what he was saying (which is particularly jarring when we know Michael has the capacity for incredible enthusiasm), and his face never lit up while he was talking.

There was one specific moment (which is also highlighted in the body language post) where he seemed to visibly wince and the micro-expressions were in overdrive, and it immediately made me think of a moment from Good Omens:

Time and again, I have seen fans talk about Michael's micro-expressions as an actor and how he uses them to such devastating effect (especially in the role of Aziraphale). And while these two moments are not completely identical, the idea of ignoring how Michael uses those same micro-expressions in real life makes no sense to me at all. In this instance, what we're seeing could be either because he has put so much of himself into Aziraphale that we can now recognize those "Michael" moments...or it could be because in both clips he is performing, albeit for different reasons.

The difference between Michael when he is doing this vs. when he is being genuinely himself is made even more apparent by the question immediately following this one. Unprompted, he brings up David, and the change in his expression and demeanor is swift and dramatic:

Having the mention of David happen so soon after the AL question seemed to highlight so many things. I can't help but feel that David is a security blanket for Michael, something he hides behind when he is feeling anxious or sad or overwhelmed. I wondered if perhaps he was even already thinking of David while answering the AL question, which would explain why he named him so readily--as if his mind needed to drift to someplace else just to finish answering that question.

To me, this made it abundantly clear that David is Michael's safe place. Here was where we saw Michael's eyes sparkling. Here was where we saw him light up from the inside. And it was David he kept returning to and bringing up during the rest of the show in response to other questions. So if that doesn't speak volumes about where Michael's heart seems to be, I'm not sure what does.

So yes, those are my thoughts on Michael answering the age gap question on The Assembly. As always, this is just my interpretation, but I am glad to hear from my followers with your take as well. Thanks for writing in! x

[ever-go-on]

thoughts on false-positive alter recording and alter fixation (or: i used to think a lot of symptoms were alters when they were not)

or: how the online DID community can exacerbate identity issues and further fragment a person's sense of self

warning: very long post. personal and subjective experiences ahead.

i'm going to start this by saying i have DID. i've been in treatment for three years and my trauma recovery journey is intrinsically linked to me acknowledging and integrating my other selves. part of this journey has been recording and identifying my selves when they emerge. this is easier said than done.

even earlier than professional treatment, i've been in online system spaces for five years. i discovered my parts about a year after a stress and trauma based breakdown in 2018. i didn't have access to therapy at the time, so i went online to get answers and for models of how i 'should' be approaching my revelation.

the first advice any questioning system gets is 'try to communicate with your alters'. i was advised to journal and talk to myself. i went and did that on my own, and made decent small progress seeing my different mes express their opposing views. alongside some unfortunate triggers that brought parts to the surface, i began to identify an angry part, a child part, a calm and reasonable part, amongst others. i became aware of how my identity was fragmented between my different self-states, which i could seem to switch between at the drop of a hat. my partner at the time helped me, by telling me about switches they witnessed, and noticing and talking to my child part when they emerged during a flashback.

after a while i really wanted to start understanding what was going on, so i started joining discords and communities. it was here i got a faceful of what alters 'should' look like. every alter had a name and age. every alter had a sexual orientation and internal appearance. every alter was distinct.

the way alters were identified was also different. it wasn't "someone shouted at me and i acted like a completely different person", or "i was told i had a flashback, but i don't feel connected to the memory". it was mostly about identity.

the signs you were (or had) a new alter included:

identifying as a fictional character

suddenly rejecting your 'real'/host life and identity

suddenly deciding on / showing signs of a wildly new identity

in my experience, this altered identity-first approach to identifying alters is misleading. it's led me to some embarrassing inflated alter counts. i want to talk about it in this post.

a core of DID and a large part of its sister disorders is dissociation, and dissociation is confusing, unclear, and sudden spikes are often temporary and brought on by stress.

unfortunately, in the very alter-centric DID communities online, it is easy to develop a bias towards (new) alters being the only explanation for dissociative experiences. this way one-off moments of identity confusion and choosing a new appearance for the evening can become written into your alter lists for a very long time. you might assume the experience was an alter fronting, and because they were an alter, they will come back some day, prolonging the impact of the episode on your sense of self.

when this bias (towards thinking every confusing dissociative experience is an alter) is paired with the rhetoric that alters are whole, defined "different people", with no room for overlap, inconsistency, or blurred lines, it can lead to very messy issues in self-perception.

over the past five years, i have:

clung to a fictional character i admired or saw my experiences in and announced them as my whole self. dozens of times. these periods can last hours to days.

spoken to loved ones without feeling much connection at all, bordering on feeling like i was talking to a total stranger.

hated myself so much i rejected every identity i had, and decided the only way i could go on is if i lived as a totally different person.

these experiences aren't exclusive to DID. they're the experiences of someone with a poor sense of self and a tendency to dissociate. i've met many people with personality disorders and/or long term trauma that i've connected with over sharing these symptoms.

however, it is easy to see how any of my experiences could be construed as a sign of an alter. doing so, though, leaves you with:

a further fragmented sense of identity by assuming you had 'split' a new alter state that you didn't.

normalising not connecting to your loved ones, because they are 'not your' loved ones, just the host's.

seeing parts that hate your life and identity as abusive or aggressive intruders, rather than understanding the root cause within you (internalised self hatred).

i've fallen into all of these traps before, and i don't think there's any shame in misunderstanding your experiences. i've recently done a sweep of every alter i've ever logged over the past five years, trying to honestly evaluate whether or not each one was a real alter, or just a one-off name and identity confusion i assumed was a part, but was not.

identity issues and fragmentation are very distressing symptoms. some of the worst times of my life were when i had no cohesion between my selves: i didn't 'know' myself, and it felt like my head was full of strangers. it was hard to love myself when i didn't know who 'i' was, in multiple or singular state.

i have been much happier in recent years, having gone into therapy, a vast amount of integration happening, and getting a generalised better self-awareness, making it easier to identify my different selves, and feeling more confident telling when i am only experiencing identity confusion, knowing that it will pass.

nowadays, my alters don't look like they did when i was trying to fit into the DID community template. my alters don't have unique sexual orientations, and not all of them have internal appearances when i visualise them. at their core, they are parts of me who hold conflicting reactions to trauma, and all want different things to get their peace.

i am confident that every alter i engage with nowadays is 'real', because i have known them all for many years, and i understand how they think and function. there is nobody on my documentation that might just be a one-off moment of identity confusion, because i know how to identify my episodes, and know not to write them down as alters.

but, most importantly, i'm confident the alters i know today are real because i've removed myself from spaces that changed how i saw myself. i am confident in myself now, but i was not so lucky earlier in my recovery, and i find it a bit embarrasing.

i tend to avoid DID communities online nowadays, because of my bad experiences with the common rhetoric and the templates systems are expected to fit into. i don't fit into their boxes, and their approach doesn't speak to me. and that's ok. i'll stick to me, my loved ones, and my therapist.

sorry for the super long blog post, i had thoughts to get out. feel free to strike up a conversation if you connect and want to talk. this was a hard topic to broach for my wounded pride😅. i'd be interested if anyone else shares my experience. thanks for reading.

[drunkwhenimadethis]

I cannot share with you what I know because I don’t know anything. I find my writing dreadful. I never remember where my sacral chakra sits. One night on the third layer of a marvelous ancestral dream a baby Guru comforted me inside the bathroom of a party and told me my shame is unnecessary because I glow with unknown colors.

I looked in the mirror and saw my wet face flash with all the faces in the world. No distinction between self, Lover, mother, teacher, stranger, friend. Total recognition: the inevitability of connection. With this knowledge I could have rested. I could have rested.

Don’t remember when I began to fortify myself against the imagined moment in which I’d be blamed for being something really bad by some figure opaque and incoming. It was this mission that kept me a little distant from people, my whole heart paralyzed by the vision and always trusting that I’d be submerged without warning into a state of visceral anguish if I lost my head and attached.

I knew I’d be tossed from life into a dark horrible place of vast lifeless vegetation, a nocturnal place with no answers, where the Spanish cherry trees bloom backwards and vodka flows instead of water and the clock is nothing but sad wind chimes whistling whistling in the endless gusts of time that will blow on and on forever even after you leave me. The baby Guru, who appeared to have lived less years than the years required to talk, possessed Brahminical intelligence anyway and said: Why are you so afraid? You are solely of soul! 

The truth washed my eyes of grime and shifted my sad paradigm. The room snapped back into place. Physical space inflated. My body, present and sensing itself, was so delicate and heartbroken and real, so much better than wine, better even than the grapes before the wine. I was myself the vine: conduit for splendor.

[featherandferns]

Prompt 2 with angst

2. I blame you for this.

I lost the original ask (which was from ages ago - sorry!) but they added extra information along this line: JJ cheated by ‘accident’ and wants reader to forgive but having hard time trusting. Fluff ending, possible smut.

a mistake - prompt 2

JJ is hot on your tail as you storm into the chateau. You can’t believe he followed you back. Can’t believe he had the nerve to. No, not the nerve. The audacity. 

“Baby, come on! We can just talk about this!”

“Talk about it?” you echo. Spinning around, you can’t help but laugh humourlessly. “What the hell is there to talk about?”

JJ falters in his step. You watch as he swallows, slow and thick, and you shake your head, lips down turning into a painful, deep frown. 

“JJ. You slept with another woman.”

You’re surprised you keep yourself from gaping in shock when he raises a finger, pointing at you accusingly. 

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t say it like that! Like I cheated on you or some shit!”

Another laugh bubbles up through you. You’d never been good with shock. Some people freeze, some people cry, and some people laugh and cackle and grin. The whole situation is so absurd to you, so far from what you could ever imagine, that it doesn’t feel real. 

“You did!”

“We were on a break!”

“You think you’re getting out of this on a technicality?”

“I think it’s an important dissertation,” he loudly replies. 

You grit your teeth, eyes narrowing. “It’s distinction, and no, it is not.”

You want as much space between you as possible. He could be on another continent and it still wouldn’t be far enough. The thought of having him near you, having him talk to you- it all just makes you feel sick to your stomach. Storming into the hallway and into John B’s (thankfully empty bedroom), you go to shut the door. JJ forces it open, stronger than you. Tears begin to sting your eyes. Why can’t he just leave it alone? 

“Look, can you just try to understand things from my perspective?” JJ says, the anger morphing into desperation. 

You stare at him, lips parted. He takes your silence as cause to continue. 

“I thought you’d left me forever, and I was spinning out, and freaking, and didn’t know what to do.”

“So you fell into another girl’s bed?”

“It was a month later!” JJ snaps, throwing his arms up. “You hadn’t spoke to me for a month!”

The thing is, you and JJ had a rather dysfunctional relationship. Neither of you had very good role models growing up of what a healthy, happy romance looked like: your dad had cheated too many times to count on your mom, and JJ’s mom and dad were a nightmare before the former up and left. That meant codependency and challenge and combativity. I’m not happy if you’re not happy, and you’re never fucking happy type beats. So, you finally broke. You told him that you both needed a break and some space to think. And now it seems that whilst you were actually trying to reflect and work on yourself, JJ had been getting his yips from other chicks on the island. Beneath all the anger and rage, you were breaking inside. Since JJ admitted it after a more than bizarre interaction with some brunette at a kegger, all you can picture is her lips on his neck, and his hands on her figure, and their writhing, sweaty bodies intertwined…Your stomach is sick. 

Finally, the tears begin to fall. Your heart shatters as you let out a shaking breath. JJ’s own face crumbles with that. He closes the distance between you, grabbing for your arms and hands, refusing to back down until you relent. 

“It was a mistake. It meant nothing, okay? And I know jackasses always say that, and it’s a cheap line, and it sounds like a cop-out, but I swear on my ma’s grave that it’s true. I swear on my fucking life.”

Your lip quivers. You can’t help but look up at JJ. Darling, sweet, troubled JJ. You knew him almost as well as you knew yourself. And as you stared up at him, you knew he was telling the truth. Maybe some might say that you were being wishful, or too forgiving, or running back to a bad thing…But you’d seen JJ lie plenty of times to know when he was being honest. To you, the difference was as clear as night and day.

JJ tries to steal himself. His voice is quiet, vulnerable, prepared for rejection, when he speaks. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

“I blame you for this,” you hear yourself say. You’re not entirely sure what you by it. Blame him for cheating? For making you walk away? For making it so hard for you to say no, here and now? 

His eyes slip shut, ready for the final blow. You can see him mentally preparing to depart from your life forever. 

But no. 

No. 

Slipping your hands up, cupping his face with each palm, you lovingly stroke a finger over his damp cheek. At the tender action, JJ forces his eyes open. 

“But I don’t know who I am without you either.”

[likealittleheartbeat]

hello !!

i was wondering, do you know any other characters like aang from other shows/movies/books? or maybe, just his theme of radical kindness appearing in other stories?

i've been missing aang, and it would be nice to find other representations of such a fun and warm personality like his.

ps.: your blog is like, fantastic. truly.

🥰🥰🥰🥰 This is the best ask I’ve ever received!!! Depictions of radical kindness in media is a special interest of mine—not exaggerating. So I’ve done my best to make a list of rec’s, just tv, from most formally similar to ATLA to least, with a short description for each.

1. Fruits Basket (2019)

"My mom told me, it's better to trust people than to doubt them. She said that people aren't born with kind hearts. When we're born, all we have are desires for food and material things. Selfish instincts, I guess. But she said that kindness is something that grows inside of each person's body, but it's up to us to nurture that kindness in our hearts. That's why kindness is different for every person."

An anime orphan whose established memory of the kindness by which her family raised her ends up transforming and liberating a whole clan from an intergenerational curse that enforced an abusive hierarchy all within a show that has a deeply queer subtext, beautifully complex plotting and character development that due to its zen influence refuses to demonize anyone or any perspective wholly, AND a straight romance you can actually root for!? Nothing comes closer to ATLA thematically than this show. While the lead Tohru Honda is the biggest representative of radical kindness, the character of Momiji Sohma with his complex purity, idealism, and gender performance is one of the closest you'll find to Aang in any media.

2. Mob Psycho 100 (2016-2023)

"The truth behind one's charm is kindness. Just be a good person, that's all."

Mob Psycho 100 explores a core tenant of ATLA's critique of imperialism and power: greatness and perfection are overrated. They both ask the question about what to do for the world with one's gifts if that's the case. How can one be both normal and prodigious at the same time? The satirical comedy and style of this anime, which deconstruct a lot of the shonen genre tropes, are pretty distinct from ATLA, but when ATLA arrived on the airwaves, it was a pretty massive break from tradition in Western animation, and for both of these series, that difference of style is tied to the message of the show about the experience and acceptance of difference.

3. Natsume's Book of Friends (2012-present)

"As I encountered kindness, I wanted to be kind myself."

The anime, Natsume's Book of Friends and ATLA both depict the challenge and necessity of facing abandonment, loss, and a deep-seated loneliness with kindness and gratitude despite the persistence of grief. Both take a deeply spiritual view--even a responsibility--of this experience that demands a compassion for all beings including those who intend to do harm. Natsume, an orphan shuffled between houses who is one of the few people who can see spirits called youkai, inherits his maligned grandmother's book of yokai names, becoming a target for them in the process. He hides all of this from everyone in his life, and even five season in, still has trouble admitting to the one person who understands him when he is struggling and needs help. The gentle and light tone papers over a profoundly honest representation of attachment trauma and the wisdom of compassion that develops as a tool to cope with it.

4. Hunter x Hunter (2011-2014)

"You can do whatever you want to hide your feeling. You still have a heart."

If you think that "Radical Kindness" is by definition non-violent, then this show is either not for you or going to change your mind. Gon, the protagonist of HxH, like Momiji mentioned in Fruits Basket, is another rare character whose naivete and optimism are treated with respect. He is allowed to suffer, to be wrong, to be stupid, and to inspire others away from their own cynicism with the persistence of his beliefs nevertheless. But HxH is a show that integrates the most violent aspects of the world (organized crime, capitalistic competition and privileging, state-sanctioned brutality, pure sadism) with its examination of human potential for goodness. And even within a list of shows deeply inspired by spirituality and religions, this show is abundant with religious references as it seeks out meaning, balance, and an ethic for modern experience. On top of that, it ranks with ATLA for the depth and relevance of its magic system to its themes, plus its got gay subtext out the wazoo!

5. Mushishi (2005-2014)

“Make sure to remember, every person and place has a right to exist. It is true for you too, the entire world, as a whole, is your home."

Elegaic, episodic, compassionate, and strange, with some of the best short story-telling of all time, Mushishi is the story of a medicine-man who travels the Japanese countryside helping people deal with the spirits that accompany the little trials and tragedies of life that cling to our minds long after they're passed. The protagonist, Gingko, and the show itself takes the approach of restraint to observe these problems fully and come to a conclusion that's taoist in its balance and acceptance of reality--"Eyes unclouded by hate" as Miyazaki/Gaiman would have it. Each episode is like a therapy session arguing for you to choose to live even as the heaviest burdens sit on your chest.

6. Reservation Dogs (2021-2023)

"See...love doesn't have to be received, it can just be."

We're finally out of the animes, and moving away from the zen and shinto approach into some other options. Reservation Dogs' indigenous humanism was groundbreaking, bringing in distinctly modern American realities (with the kind of true-to-life details only a an on-location shoot could offer) with Native beliefs about ancestry, community, and connection to the land, while rarely feeling preachy. Instead, it's just fucking hilarious and casually heartbreaking. Four friends on the edge of graduating high school on a reservation in Oklahoma try to figure out what to do with their lives after their plans to go to California get abruptly messed up. Radical kindness as a concept often gets focused on accepting the enemy but what about accepting the weird stoner uncle who farts all the time and won't talk about his years in the army. I think that might be a more important goal of radical kindness, in truth, if we are being asked to look and accept reality for what it is, because growing comfortable with disappointment and the mundane let's us live without the relentless striving that drives perfectionism.

7. Skam (2015-2017)

"The second you start looking for hate, you find it. And when you find hate, you start hating."

A Norwegian teen drama that understood internet culture better than any show before or since, four season-long romance plots better than any romance film from that decade, and a masterfully constructed exhortation about leaning into failures of connection to build deeper compassion rather than demonize another person or group. Each season focused on a specific character within a high-school friend group, emphasizing the limited scope of subjective experience, and had them confront the challenges of opening up to others fully. And even when they return into the scenes with new protagonists, their lives weren't sorted perfectly, reflecting how resolving a single romantic plot point would not resolve life. The impact of this low-budget public-television web series (!!!) will be felt for years (it's already been referenced by Netflix juggernauts like Sex Education and Young Royals), but we're not likely to see something that juggles political themes, heartfelt characterization, realistic dialogue, and meta-commentary (it flashed its own hater and fan comments across the screen in the last episode!!) in such a obsession-inducing package anytime soon.

7. Boys Like Boys (2023)

"Because I have always been someone who hates myself, I don't have the courage to face it. Running away is my only option...What if I give myself one more chance to be brave?"

So how can a reality show make it onto a list of radically kind tv series, especially a dating show!? Well, when that reality dating show casts people who radiate warmth, vulnerability, and respect and seem to have the kind of chemistry that most scripted shows can't even manage, it's a good start. But then, when they elevate that cast with a format that addresses the cruelty of dating, elimination formats, and broader societal exclusion (an important consideration for a gay dating show), it offers a new model for future shows. Boys Like Boys did this when mid-season (spoiler alert) they had contestants vote out a contestant, only to provide the contestants with a vote in which they could retain a contestant who they didn't want to leave. In fact, many of the contestants asked if they could abstain from making a vote that would eliminate a constestant and were allowed to. The final result left one contestant, Jia-Hang, up for elimination--he had voted for himself to be eliminated, and many contestants, recognizing his reticence to continue on the program, didn't want to force him against his will to stay. Then, looking around at nearly the whole cast sobbing, even apologizing to him for not providing him enough support, Jia-Hang chooses to stay on. This is just one of many heart-warming authentic moments in the show that illustrate the vital influence of kindness to impact the trajectory of our hearts.

8. Joe Pera Talks With You (2018-2021)

"I can help you reach things. I can tend the garden. The different hours we keep are a good thing. And when they overlap, I can offer companionship and entertainment."

So much has been written about this show's groundbreaking kind approach, I'm going to quote instead: "It can be difficult to convey how a TV show airing on Cartoon Network’s provocative nighttime programming block Adult Swim can evoke almost nostalgic feelings of kind-heartedness. The premise of Joe Pera Talks With You is so simple as to almost be beside the point: Comedian Joe Pera plays a lightly fictionalized version of himself as a sweet Michigander, a middle-school chorus teacher with small and specific passions. Joe likes breakfast food, obscure trivia, beans, trips to the grocery store, and his grandma. He greets every day with a contented smile, stands beneath a pale blue sky, packs a balanced lunch that contains no surprises. (A turkey sandwich with cheese and a tomato, a banana, some trail mix, and as a treat, some cookies.) Joe, more than anything, is satisfied. His greatest joy is sharing these small pleasures with you, the viewer who exists on the other side of the fourth wall he has cleanly dismantled, often speaking quietly to the camera like he’s sharing a secret, just between you two. That he’s talking “with” and not “to” you is a crucial distinction in the show’s title: Joe never lectures nor rhapsodizes. Instead, he waxes poetic about what he loves and who he cares for and how he leads his life, telling his stories from a vulnerable position of welcoming you into his daily existence.” --“A Great Comedy About Being Good,” Allegra Frank for Vox

9. Anne with an E (2017-2019)

"Her life was not short on challenges, and still she held no grudges, believing instead that grace is perennial like the green, green grass."

While maligned for not being the 1980s version, this Netflix adaptation of Anne of Green Gables takes what many have read as an autistic subtext and made it text, giving Anne a performative quality that pushes a lot of the audience into the same irritation that the characters of Avonlea feel for Anne at first, and, thus, requires its audience to persevere toward the same kindness that Anne inspires in her adoptive mother figure, Marilla, among others, which is much more rewarding than simply identifying with Anne right away. In so doing, it enhances the development of its broader approach to acceptance--an approach in its insistence on the requirement of a community of kindredness (see Sebastian's excitement at finding out about the black community in "The Bog") that is much more rigorous than many other shows will cop to. Expanding far beyond literal adaptation into queer, black, and indigenous characters, without disguising history or disparaging the thematic seed of grace at the heart of the novels, Anne with an E imagines what it meant and what it might still mean to build real joyful community with others through kindness.

10. Little Bear (1995-2003)

"Interesting."

A childhood favorite that disguised in its simplicity a wide-openness to the world and an acceptance of different natures. While most child shows emphasize kindness, few do so with as much patience, wonder, and generosity extended to its viewers. Little Bear is a curious kid who goes on adventures in the woods around his house that can turn into games or small imagined experiences. He is sometimes with his friends Cat, Duck, Hen, Owl, and Emily, whose personalities, along with Little Bear's, bring about small tensions in their games that ultimately resolve, if not independently, then with the help of Mother Bear or Father Bear, who give each other knowing glances about the expected childhood behaviors. This is the first show that initially taught me to observe things while withholding my judgment, that first step of radical kindness.

12. The Andy Griffith Show (1960-1968)

"The key to happiness is finding joy in the simple things."

One really old and somewhat controversial throwback for my last entry. If you have concerns about a sheriff character representing radical kindness, I would encourage you to start with the third episode of season 3 where Andy, the sheriff in question, has to explain to the new mayor why he doesn't carry a gun and lets prisoners go to gather their crops. There have been some fantastic pieces written about the complexities of this show's bucolic fantasy and Southerners (of all races) attachment to it, but they all acknowledge a type of humanistic and deceptively simple virtue found in Mayberry that audiences long to witness, if not emulate themselves. It's a morality that resists the "hyperactive zealotry" and bureaucracy that the show satirizes through Barney Fife (along with guest characters like the new mayor) and instead emphasizes the understanding that one can have for each individual and the trickstery middle paths that one can find to address conflict.

[yukidragon]

I love to hear more of your headcanons on Bo in Mafia AU! Also what would happen if Bo's puppy doesn't want to be his in that AU?

It's been a while since I touched on the Mafia AU hasn't it? And that was before I created my version of Bo's puppy, Barbie too. This ask does make me wonder how their interaction might go in this AU.

In the main universe, Barbie's attraction towards Bo, at least at the start, was pretty shallow, all things considered. He was more like a fun adult toy that she grew fond of until eventually that fondness grew into genuine love. It's hard to blame her though, since he quite literally is a toy. She pretty much treated him like many people treat AI bots - a fun diversion, but nothing to take seriously. It was only when he forced her to realize that his feelings are just as real as hers that she truly saw him as a person.

Barbie is a self-proclaimed misanthrope. She's not fond of humanity in general. She can't stand noisy places or being in crowds. It takes a while for her to warm up to people, which leaves her with few people she cares about outside of her immediate family. It's also why she's very fierce if someone hurts her family. Fictional relationships were the closest thing she was interested in when it came to romantic or sexual pursuits.

In the Mafia AU, Bo is an actual human being, even if he's got some pretty distinct canine features. More than that, he's a wise guy working for a mafia boss (Jack); not really someone who is safe for normal people to get involved with. Add in Barbie's default mistrust of people, and Bo in this universe is going to have a steep uphill battle to overcome in order to win his puppy's heart.

Since I've started fleshing out the King family more, it would be good to reexamine their roles in this Aphrodesia-influenced AU, don't you think? It'll be especially interesting to consider how they'll react to Alice being kidnapped by a human trafficking ring, and the scars that incident left behind on her when she finally sees them again.

Content warnings: this post will contain mentions of violence, torture, human trafficking, SA, drugs, and sex. Overall I'll try to keep any uncomfortable descriptions to a minimum, and ramp up the spice where I can. Remember, Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, DachaBo, and Aphrodesia are all stories for Adults Only. NSFW elements will be touched on!

Traffic Stop

The broad strokes of the AU are basically the same as from the first post. Alice and her family originally lived a normal, happy life, far and away from the crime-invested city of St. Valen's. She and Ian grew up as childhood friends. Things seemed to be going down the same route it did in the regular universe, with puppy love developing between them that might turn into something more.

The divergence happened when they were both still in high school. There was a person going around their school, looking for acting talent. It was somewhat shady. Alice wasn't sure about going, but Ian wanted, no, needed to seize the opportunity to achieve his dream. The talent scout remarked that he had a nice face, both of them did. They would go far. They just had to audition.

It was flattery that Ian couldn't resist.

Of course Ian's mom wasn't going to let him do such a thing, so they had to sneak out. Ian didn't want to risk his mom finding out from her parents, so he convinced Alice to lie to her parents that they'd be out with friends.

As you might suspect already, this audition was a trap sprung by human traffickers. They pick young and vulnerable people who look like they can't fight back, lure them someplace isolated, nab them, and ship them off someplace to be sold for, well, less than savory purposes. While initially both of them were caught in the trap, Alice managed to help Ian escape.

Ian's greatest regret was that he ran away, that he didn't stay to rescue Alice like she did him. Even though she told him to run, to get help, Ian still felt like a coward. It was made worse when by the time he returned with authorities, the traffickers were already gone.

Needless to say, this incident still haunts Ian to the present day, crushing him under the weight of his guilt.

This incident replaces the cheating Ian does in the main universe, and Alice being trafficked replaces the SA incident she went through. While Alice mercifully didn't get SA'd during the trafficking, she was a victim of a "red room" after being taken and sold in St. Valen's. A "red room," for those unaware, is a type of livestream on the dark web, where innocent victims are tortured according to an audience's bids.

I won't go into detail about all the horrors Alice experienced, since the scars speak for themselves. Fortunately, she managed to be clever and lucky enough to escape. Luckier still, she managed to stumble into a member of the Sunny Family, and said family just happened to have a vendetta against the gang that was behind the trafficking.

St. Valens is full of people who showed up out of nowhere, and others who don't ask or care where they came from. There's plenty of corruption, people looking the other way, and shady deals going on. The Sunny Family might be relatively better than most crime families, but at the end of the day, they're pretty shady. They helped her out by rescuing her, even paying her hospital bills and taking her under their wing, so now she owed them.

Alice could contact her family, have them pay back her hefty debt... or she, now an 18 year old adult, could do some favors for the family. Her medical bills were insane - St. Valen's isn't exactly kind to the less fortunate when it comes to medical care - it would bankrupt her family.

It was a classic hustle, presenting a vulnerable person like Alice with potentially devastating consequences, or an out by someone who is wearing a kind and smiling face. I'm inclined to have that representative of kindness from the family be Mama Shine, who was so kind and empathetic, just wanting to help Alice after she went through so much. Working for them wouldn't be that big a deal, especially since they were the ones who rescued her and all the other trafficking victims...

That's the classic Sunny Family con. They smile, act kind, extend their gloved hands to help, offering salvation to poor souls down on their luck. They are then indebted to the family. They need the family. Alice needed a prescription of drugs that they could give to her regularly for all her pain, far cheaper than the healthcare system would.

Shine had taken an interest in Alice, helping her while she was rehabilitated in the hospital. She could've been the one who Alice ran into that night when bloody and desperate for help. Shine is so caring, just like Alice's mother, having that same warm motherly aura. So trustworthy and kind...

It was a far less violent trap that ensnared Alice a second time into this world of crime, but this time she didn't realize the cage was around her, or that she couldn't leave it, until she was in far, far too deep. Her vulnerability was exploited, and she signed a contract that she shouldn't.

The King family were so relieved when Alice finally contacted them... but confused when she told them she couldn't go home. She was receiving medical treatment and needed to stay in the city, and she had debts to pay...

Naturally, her family isn't going to take this without a fight. The King family immediately took a road trip to St. Valen's to see Alice at the hospital.

Lycoris is a fierce mama bear, and she was enraged when Alice was kidnapped, doing everything in her power to find her baby. So despite Shine acting kind and friendly, she was ready to throw down from the word go. Lycoris is a small lady, but she can be very scary, though, sadly, not as scary as an entire crime family.

None of the King family were happy with what had happened to Alice, the debt she had to repay, or that she had already signed a deceptively scary contract. However, the Sunny Family is the most dangerous crime family in the city for a reason, and the King family were in over their heads.

Not that the King family knew they were facing a crime family. The Sunny Family has a reputation to uphold after all. They're a family-run business. Many details were left out or unspoken, all to hide what was really going on behind their squeaky clean image.

The King family did involve the legal system, but that was a failure. The Sunny Family owns the police in St. Valen's. The police just informed them that everything was legal, Alice is an adult who can make her own choices, and there's no better family to work for than the Sunny Family. Plus, Alice was going to need the drug they provided for the rest of her life, so wasn't this a sweet deal anyway? They should just feel grateful that she was rescued. Not a lot of trafficked teens are...

In the end, the King family was powerless, and Alice became a member of the Sunny Family with a debt that seemed never ending.

Barbie vs the World

Needless to say, Barbie was pretty much spitting nails about the whole thing. Even if the Sunny Family was putting on a smiling face and rescued her older sister, so generously providing Alice with needed medical treatment for the foreseeable future, she raged against the entire situation. Unfortunately, being a teen younger than 18 at the time, she was left with a feeling helpless and frustrated. She raged at her parents for "giving up" on bringing Alice home safely even though they didn't have a choice.

Naturally, with Barbie not being the biggest fan of the Sunny Family, she's going to be wary of anyone working for them. Bo has quite the reputation in the city of St. Valens as their enforcer, so he's got quite a steep uphill climb to take if he wants to earn his puppy's love.

Barbie was already the type to play fast and loose with laws, and this entire affair killed all faith she had in the justice system. In the main universe, she's a programmer and hacker. In this universe, she focused more on the hacking aspect. She snuck behind her parents' back, doing very illegal things online to get more money to pay back the debt to the Sunny Family and free her big sister.

So, years later, while Alice gained experience in the Sunny Family as a sniper, Barbie became a skilled hacker, going by many aliases online. By her early/mid-twenties, she used a particular handle when making things difficult for the Sunny Family - Clown Killer. She became quite notorious among the Sunny Family, and a thorn in their side online.

Of course, Barbie had to prioritize not getting caught above any victory. If the Sunny Family knew that she was the one making things hard for them, it would put Alice in danger. Her primary focus with her hacking and other shady dealings online was to get money to repay the debt, but whenever they would just miss repaying the full amount, or something else tacked onto it to keep Alice in that debt, Barbie couldn't help but want to vent her frustrations as Clown Killer.

Barbie has learned quite a lot about the members of the Sunny Family, but could never quite gather enough evidence that would convict any of its bigger members. Their reputation was so squeaky clean. She especially had an axe to grind against Shine, who never once lost that "sweet and gentle" motherly aura while making it clear to her all those years ago that Alice wouldn't be coming home. She knew behind that sweet smile was a ruthless criminal, but she could never peel back that smiling mask to expose the truth.

The King parents are trying all they can to help Alice, saving up money on their side. They visit the city as often as they can to see her and offer support. If one of them could've taken her place, they would, but with Alice needing regular medical treatment from the city, and Shine taking a shine to her in particular... she was going to be stuck in the city no matter what.

Plus, there are other children in the King family who needed their parents too, Coraline especially. She also needed medical treatments... treatment that the Sunny Family offered to provide. In spite of the protests of her parents about adding to the debt, Alice wanted to help her little sister. Besides, the Sunny Family were treating her well... right?

Well, Alice insisted they did. Her family was already worried enough without knowing how how her job's "duties" slowly became a bit more involved over time, a bit more violent, and a lot more bloody.

Barbie did learn of some of the things Alice was hiding from them because of her hacking, and it infuriated her that her big sis was hiding secrets now too. Their parents told her to not worry about the debt, that it wasn't her responsibility, but fuck that! It's not Alice's responsibility either! She was the victim in all of this! The Sunny Family aren't a wholesome family running businesses, they're manipulative criminals, and Barbie is going to destroy them!

Although Barbie spends much of her time as a recluse, she does visit Alice in St. Valen's from time to time. It's how she crossed paths with a certain dog that the Sunny Family keeps on a tight leash.

The Sunny Family's Hunting Dog

As mentioned before, Bo is working for the Sunny Family as Jack's right hand man. He's an enforcer who enjoys his job. He especially enjoys the thrill of the chase, hunting down a target before brutalizing them up close and personal with his fists and fangs. Of course, he also knows how to handle a gun as well as a few other weapons. He also knows some unconventional means to torture someone if need be.

Bo has excellent hacking skills of his own, as a nod to his AI counterpart in the main universe, but he prefers to get hands on with his target whenever possible. He's aware of the hacker Clown Killer that's giving the Sunny Family some headaches, but they always evade his attempts to catch them in cyberspace, much to his frustration. They become something of a rival, his white whale that he's eager to conquer once and for all.

Not only does Bo have a lust for violence, he's also a very, very horny dog. He has slept around quite a lot, though his relationships never last. He never quite connects with anyone. He gets mistaken for only having a talent for senseless violence, the dumb muscle of the gang who is also is some good eye candy, when he's a lot smarter than his wild behavior might imply. There's a reason why he's Jack's second in command after all...

Alice intrigues Bo, simply because of how Jack is practically obsessed with her. In many ways, Jack is a rival of Bo's, being his "master" who he wants to one day be free of. Seeing Jack bend over backwards to win the heart of just some random sucker who got sweet talked into debt confuses the hell out of him. He wants to know what it is about Alice that draws Jack in... and if he can use that to his advantage.

Alice isn't a fan of Bo's constant teasing, and she hates the nickname of "squeaky toy" that he uses for her. It's in reference to how he loves to sneak up on her and startle her, causing her to squeak in surprise. Bo is really good at sneaking up on his prey, so her reaction is pretty fun.

Still, no matter how many times Bo pops in on Alice unexpectedly, he doesn't quite see what draws Jack in. Sure, she's surprisingly soft despite this hard life of crime, which is a novelty, but it's not something special. She's attractive, sure, but there's plenty just as attractive as her, if not more. He wants to dig deeper, interrogate her more, maybe even seduce her, but whenever he pushes just a little too far, Jack pulls on his metaphorical leash. Hard.

The intrigue keeps Bo coming back to ruffle Alice's feathers despite the risk. It's also why he suddenly pops up at Alice's place while Barbie is visiting one day.

Barbie is surprisingly tall compared to Alice, but Bo can see and smell the family blood between them. She's got these eyes that stand out - both of them blue and brown at the same time. She also has this cutting stare like she wants to carve open his guts. It's actually hilarious that a powderpuff from the suburbs could think she has a chance at even leaving a scratch on an alpha like him. It intrigues him enough to have a little fun teasing her as well.

Barbie shuts down Bo's flirting instantly. It trips him up a bit, as Bo knows he's a good looking guy. He's not used to being turned down in such a harsh manner, especially by someone as powerless as a puppy. He'd be offended if it wasn't so ridiculous.

When Barbie learns that Bo works with Alice, and as such is part of the Sunny Family, her dislike turns into outright hostility. She's not even hiding it either, though Alice rushes in to keep the conversation more or less civil.

After leaving the apartment, Bo decided to case the place until Barbie left. He wanted to tease her a little, scare this spoiled little pampered suburban pet before she barks at someone big and nasty who is more than ready to bite back. Despite his attempts to intimidate her, Barbie didn't even flinch, even when he made a subtle threat, just to see how she would react. Not even that shook her resolve. In fact, she warned him that if he hurt Alice, hell would feel like a sunny vacation spot compared to what she would do to Bo and the rest of the damned Sunny Family.

The threat tickled Bo instead of intimidating him, and Barbie fumed at the way he laughed her off.

It was in that exchange that Bo found himself a new toy to tease. He called Barbie puppy whenever he encountered her. She barked big, but she had no idea just how tiny and helpless she really was compared to him in his eyes. It was cute really, and he found great delight in teasing her.

However, though Bo was amused by their banter, Barbie was anything but. His teasing just made her hate him all the more.

A Hungry Dog

Over time Bo's attraction towards Barbie grows. He stops flirting with Alice, though he still teases her, mostly to learn more about Barbie and how he might win Barbie over. He feels less satisfied with the people he sleeps around with, thinking of Barbie more. He even starts imagining that it's her he's sleeping with, which kills the moment for him and leaves him feeling unfulfilled and horny.

At some point during this, Bo finds out the identity of the infamous Clown Killer. It's surprising, but so fitting that he can't help but laugh when he realizes it's none other than his puppy. My, my, such a naughty puppy too, getting up to so much mischief. It'd be a shame to let anyone else know. Then he wouldn't be able to play with her more.

It's that realization that his greatest rival is the woman who has been intriguing him that turns his attraction into downright obsession. Bo wants to conquer Barbie in every sense of the word, tame this wild puppy and make her whimper and beg for his loving touch.

Bo has obscene fantasies about the various ways he can conquer and tame Barbie. It's the more extreme side of the lines from the game, where he wants her on his leash, to be at his beck and call, ready for him whenever he wants her. (Which quickly becomes all the time, really. The man is so horny he makes Jack seem reserved.) He wants her always by his side, in his lap, hot and whining for him, begging him to take her in every one of her pretty little holes like the dirty puppy he knows that she really is. He wants to make her see that she's powerless before him and beg him to take her, to protect her. Only he can have her.

Unfortunately for Bo, Barbie isn't someone who is turned on by a self-proclaimed alpha asshole who teases her just because he's good looking and desires her. Every time he tries to proposition her or seduce her, he gets rejected, much to his increasing frustration.

It brings out Bo's yandere side more and more. He tries different schemes to win Barbie over. He would use his power and influence to impress her, make her see how much he can provide for her. He tries to show off how good looking he is, entice her to at least want his body if nothing else.

Barbie doesn't want any of it. She knows there are strings attached to anything Bo offers her. The only thing she wants is for the Sunny Family to let Alice go and never, ever bother her or the rest of their family ever again.

Sadly, that's the one thing Bo can't influence with his pull, even if he was willing to let Barbie go. Jack isn't ever going to let Alice go. Worse, he can't even pretend he's going to try and separate them, not when Alice starts dating Jack.

Barbie doesn't buy that Alice is happy with Jack. She doesn't buy Jack's super nice and generous millionaire sweetheart from a sappy romance novel schtick. After everything she's gone through to save her sister from that damn Sunny Family, there's no way Barbie is just letting Alice stay with them.

Jack is just another smiling liar, just like his mother Shine who talked Alice into signing that contract in the first place.

Bo can use this hatred for Jack though. He can try to show Barbie that he's on her side, that while he works for Jack, that doesn't mean he wants to stay a part of the Sunny Family.

In spite of Barbie's hatred, she did have encounters with Bo where he showed his softer side. St. Valen's is a dangerous place, especially for someone who has never killed before. Barbie resents being in Bo's debt even as she's grateful when he saves her life. Bo had Barbie squares away this debt with dates, which she very reluctantly accepted with the stipulation that he never touches her unless she explicitly gives him permission.

On these dates, Bo tries taking a play from Jack's book and acting more polite, more gentle with Barbie. It doesn't win her over, since she doesn't trust it, but she's not as openly hostile. Barbie also uses these dates as an attempt to sneak info on the sly that she could use against the family. It's kind of cute to Bo, that she thinks she's so slick, but she's a lot better at hiding her real motives online than she is in person. She has such a lousy poker face.

But it's cute too that she doesn't hide her real feelings. The more time Bo spends with Barbie, the more he wants her. Her scent is so appealing, so delicious. He wants to nibble on her skin, or at least get just a little lick. It's almost like she was made to drive him crazy. She's so fierce, so loyal to her family, and so in over his head. The small moments that he gets in past her walls where she softens to him, just a little, oh that makes his hope burn brighter, hotter.

Still, for every step closer he takes, something seems to pull them apart again. Usually that something is Bo and the criminal life he lives with the Sunny Family.

Puppy Love

Before Bo realizes it, he is helplessly in love, completely obsessed. It's Jack who infuriatingly points out to him that Barbie has become his weakness. Despite Bo insistence on being a lone wolf that doesn't need anybody, he is desperate to make Barbie, that grumpy barking puppy, his mate.

Which works in Jack's favor. After all, if Alice's family gets closer to his family, then she won't ever want to leave. He can also have Bo indebted to him for helping Bo win over the untamed heart of Barbie.

Barbie isn't going to make it easy for Bo, even with Jack's help. Like Alice, Barbie is on the aroace spectrum. She has to trust Bo in order to start developing real feelings for him, and it's going to take a lot of effort to get her to trust him.

Also, Barbie is the type to take charge. In the main universe, she's the one who holds Bo's leash. He might be the alpha dog, but he bows down at her feet. I imagine until she can feel secure in her dominance over Bo and trust that his love for her is stronger than his allegiance to the Sunny Family, she's not going to feel anything remotely close to attraction when it comes to him.

Still, Barbie and Bo are one of my ships, and it'd be a shame if they didn't eventually sail, even in this darker AU. It's just going to be a very slow burn.

It'll burn even slower if Bo gives in to his frustration and yandere impulses to force his puppy to stay with him. Only by rolling over and showing his soft belly will he stand a chance of seeing Barbie's softer side as well.

A bad end to their storyline would no doubt be Bo forcing Barbie to be his, through blackmail, debt, or both. Even in that situation, she wouldn't simply just submit. Trying to overpower her isn't going to win Barbie's love. Instead it'll just make her bear her fangs and fight back even more. The harder he forces her, the more desperately she fights, and the closer he pushes them both to their mutual destruction.

Of course, I'm a sucker for happy endings. So while Barbie isn't going to make it easy for Bo, I do like the idea that in spite of everything, Bo manages to slowly show her there's more to him than a blood-thirsty, horny killer. He's someone who loves deeply, is loyal, and would do anything to please her. His love for her is more real and pure than anything else he found in the city of St. Valen's, and despite all his dreams of becoming top dog, there's nothing he wants more than to be loved by his puppy.

Bo might hate to be on a leash, but he'll find it's not so bad when Barbie is the one holding onto it instead of Jack. In fact, when she's confidently in charge, she'll be a lot more inclined to reward her big bad alpha dog with some treats.

Oh, and naturally, Bo wouldn't be Bo without his breeding/seeding fetish. Once he and Barbie finally get together, he's going to want to knock her up immediately with his pups. He never gave serious thought about having kids before, but that's only because he never found someone he wanted as his mate before. He really hopes the pups his puppy gives him will have her pretty heterochromatic eyes.

I think we can wrap things up there for now. I hope you enjoyed another visit to this multi-crossover mafia AU. Let me know if you want to hear even more about this AU or any of my other story ideas and characters.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps