#people don't need to see my whining
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see you in hell you stupid fruits: a rambling reflection on revue starlight relive
revue starlight relive has reached end of service, so i guess i might as well share my thoughts? if you just want the tl;dr, my opinion can be summed up as "good fucking riddance", but you know. might as well talk about it a bit more.
first off, things i liked about relive. i liked most of the new characters it introduced, even if they were pretty flat early on. it was clear that they weren't sure what to do with some of them, but they did expand on them and give them more depth over time. some of the events were cute. the battle system was fun. arcana arcadia had some cool stuff, even if i had already stopped actually playing the game by that point (more on that later). and, uh... that's kind of it, i guess.
none of this stuff was ever really able to overcome the game's flaws. the new characters were fun, but it was pretty clear that they didn't always know how to juggle them, and some characters would go months with no new events or cards (i recall Misora often being neglected). events often had cute moments and occasionally an interesting character tidbit, but a lot of the time they just felt like pointless fluff.
while the basic battle system was compelling, the game never did much with it. PvE stuff was mostly just bland grinding and PvP was a mess full of ridiculous power creep where if you wanted to keep up you had to either get super lucky with your pulls or spend hundreds of dollars. Leveling up and unlocking skills for characters was tedious. in fact, most of the gameplay was an exercise in tedium - eventually, i realized i was going to all this effort to raise characters and do dailies and shit for basically no reason! why bother grinding characters so i can beat event bosses over and over to get the many different types of materials when the only thing to do with them is make your characters better so that you can get more materials??? if you just wanted to experience the cutscenes, you didn't need to engage with the actual gameplay much at all, so why bother? that's not even mentioning the complete lack of variety in basic enemies and bosses that got reused over and over.
arcana arcadia was really cool, but i don't think the story was well-served by the format, and also it took years for them to get to it - the first story arc was pretty much nothing and the second mostly felt like a course correction rather than a compelling narrative arc on its own (especially the first half, imo - the Rinmeikan and Frontier stories were probably the best).
but even if all of this was fine, and the game had compelling gameplay and writing, it would still be bad, because it's just a slot machine with anime girls on it! the entire purpose of the game, the whole reason it exists in the first place, is to grab as much money as possible from vulnerable people. and i kind of debated on whether i would talk about this, but i was one of those people. i spent thousands of dollars on this game because it turns out, surprise, i have a gambling addiction! so it was very frustrating for the bulk of writing for this franchise was locked behind an app i could not safely use.
i think that's basically it. it was a bad game stapled to a slot machine that showed you yuri if you won and i'm glad it's dead.
at least junna and nana kissed.
#not gonna bother posting this in the tag#people don't need to see my whining#fuck gacha games though
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Request for anonymous. I forgot to post this here lol
I drop the mushroom on him immediately afterwards because I suck at using chopsticks. It's okay, though, because he can just catch it with his tongue.
#espio the chameleon#sonic#human x anthro#self ship#espio x self#yumejoshi#and whatever else I need to tag this as so that the people who don't want to see it can just blacklist it and stop whining to me about it#espio#my art
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guys if i reblog a post to add an opinion/discussion and say 'don't go into this person's askbox we're just all having a friendly discussion' that's not in fact code to go into that person's askbox telling them how they're wrong
#alexa play please please please by sabrina carpenter#like then that gives me a bad name and i'd rather give myself a bad name all by myself#some people just want to be on tumblr to vibe in THEIR space....that is acceptable#just because someone doesn't have the same opinion doesn't mean you have to jump to correct them on anon - if you have something to say#say it with your full username#also people have different opinions and that's fine! ik some people can't stand me and block me which i'm chill about they're curating#their space but i still follow loaaaaads of lovely people who i KNOW have differing opinions from me because at the end of the day i don't#want my space to be too bubbled but that's the way i'm curating it! if i see a gushy post ab a driver i dislike#that's my own fault! i'm not going to go whining in askboxes about it#and who knows! i might even gain a different perspective on something! the wonders of the internet#tldr: curate your space and don't get mad when you see a blog with a different opinion and try to 'correct' them#esp when i'm discussing it as “hey i think it's a valid opinion but i disagree here's MY take on it! but please don't go harass the OP”#this is not twitter there's no need to be reactionary and impolite it's okay to sit on things for a while
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you know what i find so funny about shipcourse. particularly about people who complain in the main tags about "proshippers" and their "disgusting ships"?
is that it would be completely unjustified if someone took a popular, accepted fandom ship, complained that it showed up on their timeline/dashboard/fyp/what the fuck ever, and no, it's not their fault, they can't block or filter, it's THOSE artists fault. you know the ones. the ones that tend to be [identity/label]. GOD, those fucking [identity/label]s RUIN my day.
#salting right now#i'm just so tired of seeing people whine in the main tags about ships they don't like and complaining about proshippers#LOOKING AT YOU RICK AND MORTY FANDOM. YEAH I SAID IT.#this is about you guys specifically. you suck.#sals-soda#proship#pro-ship#things that make me want to log off of tumblr part 10000000000000000#and you know what. i should#my salt is too high i need to go eat a banana or something
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Perhaps the funniest League of Legends character interaction that's also highly plausible in-universe, thematically appropriate and emotionally charged is Rell and Veigar teaming up.
They’re both extremely magically strong and skilled. Rell controls metal, a product of the earth from which she can directly rip ore. Veigar draws his celestial magic from the stars.
They both have dark, tragic backstories: because of their magical talent, they were taken into custody by powerful, corrupt Noxian authorities, isolated, abused and forced to use their magic harmfully for a long time, at least relative to their respective lives. This traumatized and broke them so much that they now see inflicting pain as the only thing they’re good at, even capable of. They have no friends. They've never known or have forgotten what it feels like to be loved, joyful or carefree. All they were left with once free was so much guilt and grief and so much power. From that, they have forged new identities - roles to play - built around singular, combative ambitions that they cannot imagine lives or futures beyond. Rell identifies as a gritty, edgy antihero, having noble intentions but using brutal, destructive and downright gruesome methods. Veigar identifies as a villain, but is good at heart despite not comprehending this himself.
They’re both currently roaming around the Noxian countryside in order to find and defeat as many powerful, corrupt Noxian authorities who mistreat people as they can. Rell does this to make the guilty pay for their crimes and liberate and protect the oppressed. Veigar does it to replace the authority and prove that his evil is greater and cooler than theirs, but in practice doesn’t really bother hurting anyone innocent and just ends up making the guilty pay for their crimes and liberating and protecting the oppressed.
They’re both connected to Mordekaiser, and would be primary enemies of him holding personal grudges if his plot about trying to dominate Runeterra is ever developed. Rell was such an important project for the Black Rose because they hoped that she would be able to defeat Mordekaiser. He embodies everything she stands against. Mordekaiser was Veigar’s captor and abuser, responsible for who he is today. Rell can manipulate metal; Veigar wields incredible cosmic magic; and Mordekaiser is a magical suit of armour, so if anyone can finish him off, it’s these two working together.
Rell is practical, pragmatic, cynical and consumed by bloodthirsty, vengeful rage. Veigar clings to and imitates an immature ideal of Villainy, fashioning his outfit after Mordekaiser’s stereotypical fantasy evil overlord aesthetic, his behaviour after all the most theatrical tropes that archetype can be associated with and having very dramatic and flashy magic, but inwardly lacks the cruelty (not to mention dignity) to back that presentation up.
They both want the Noxian people to respect them as a threat. Rell has wanted posters and become widely feared by the elite army less than a year since her escape. Veigar has been ‘conquering’ for centuries and is still not taken seriously.
Their respective magic colours are yellow and purple, and the rest of both of their colour palettes is grey, silver and black.
Everything about Rell is played completely straight. Almost everything about Veigar is played for comedy.
Rell could come across a village that Veigar has seized and accidentally benefitted, like Boleham in his story on the website, and try to challenge him. Or they could both arrive to kill the same tyrannical warlord at the same time. She realizes that he is a) really bad at being bad, b) just a silly little guy and c) an extremely useful asset to her quest.
So she directs him at the Black Rose and they go and utterly fuck Noxis up while helping the downtrodden. There's so much comedy to get out of their contrasting personalities and perspectives. Rell always acts like the protagonist of a grim, action-packed young adult dystopian series and Veigar is standing right next to her emanating campy children's cartoon villain energy; they both think the story is a different genre and the acting and tone should reflect that. This premise is hysterical with the proper execution.
But it isn't just funny! They can genuinely bond and learn, or in Veigar's case remember, what loving and being loved is, and begin to process their trauma and help each other cope with their C-PTSD and be kinder to themselves and have fun and become fulfilled. And then kill Mordekaiser, whose return is one of the subplots. And then live happy, safe, peaceful lives together, because they were never meant for all this violence.
Other subplots besides Mordekaiser include LeBlanc, Rell's mother and the Black Rose's operations; the wider Noxian politics they tie into; Samirah hunting Rell; Annie also wandering around Noxis causing trouble and eventually getting adopted by Rell as a little sister (they deserve it); maybe the story of a Yordle who knew Veigar before and thus can supply some of his backstory that he's forgotten, a 'normal Yordle' foil to him; and generally lots of Noxian and Yordle worldbuilding and lore.
While I'm talking about Veigar, here are my ideas for a redesign of him, because his design is... not that great:
As yordles are generally animalistic or at least furry, he strongly resembles a black cat, with gold eyes with slit pupils and a dark purple nose. Black cats are associated with the supernatural, magical arts and misfortune, they're bad omens to some, but they're also fluffy little babies. He is covered in fur. You want to scratch his checks. You want to kiss his little forehead. He's so adorable and he hates it. His large pointy ears, visible under the brim of his hat, move to signal his emotions for more expressive animation. They both have notches, which help him look pitiable and allude to his past as a prisoner and victim of abuse. He has big 'weathered street cat hissing and growling at you when you try to pet it because it's reflexively afraid of people and shows that through aggression' energy.
@ohnoitstbskyen's idea in his "What's the deal with Veigar?" video that Veigar's face (his cute kitty face!) is never fully in the shadow of his hat despite him trying to look mysterious and ominous is brilliant. He’s very lively, since he acts like a classic cartoon villain who’s so excited and gleeful about being evil, so he has a habit of jostling his hat or lifting his head to reveal his whole face and then hastily pulling the hat back down.
His robe no longer has the spiked metal hem and is of a soft, loose, flowing fabric. It’s dark indigo with silver sparkles all over it like he’s wearing the night sky, in homage to the stars he draws his power from. Except the beautiful pattern is interrupted and partly obscured by a leather belt - not spiked and black, a bolder and more ‘evil’ colour than brown and a Noxian colour - with a tasteless spiky silver buckle that clashes with the stars. I love what TB Skyen said about the armour and spikes working best as a parody of Mordekaiser’s aesthetic, so I want those aspects to look tacked on and out of place. To feel wrong. Inadvertently on Veigar’s part, but deliberately in a meta sense. Between the robe, his big purple wizard hat matching his nose that also makes his body look smaller and cuter and the black cat associations, you’ve got a perfectly good yordle celestial mage design; but the influence of Mordekaiser is intruding on it, corrupting it, even. That is the clear conflict of this design. While the robe is comfortable, the armour doesn’t appear to be. This impression is helped by it all being at least a little oversized, because Noxian armour doesn’t come in yordle size and therefore Veigar has cobbled his together out of scraps he scavenged (I mean, he STOLE, how wicked) and he isn’t really a great blacksmith. His boots aren’t clown shoes or anything, but they’re big enough that his attempt at an imposing villainous stride is awkwardly clunky. They could have black leather straps on them to hold them tighter than their metal fasteners will allow. His spiked pauldrons were cut out of human ones and still jut out too much, one of them having an irregular shape that gives him a dash of Noxian asymmetry and marks him further as a flawed imitation of a fantasy supervillain. The message that he’s incompetent at something and did it anyway out of passion, perhaps not even realizing his mistakes or at least too proud to acknowledge them, makes him come across as comedic and yet an endearingly earnest, hardworking underdog, and adds to the surprise of his genuine incredible cosmic power - he couldn’t learn to smith properly before forging his own armour, but he can command the energy of the stars to smite you? Yeah. That’s Veigar. There’s one silver ring around the base of his hat that has five spikes on it, thick, long and evenly positioned so that from above, they form a star shape. Specifically, an inverted star with one spike pointing directly forward. Symbolism! His belt buckle could also be an inverted star to establish that as a motif of his; it’s spiky, but more personal and iconic than just spikes themselves.
Moving onto Rell... she has her sigils. I don't know why she doesn't in her model or artwork, they're such a crucial part of her character design! Her biography and short story both bring them up. There are even bare sections of her arms, which would only make sense if her sigils were visible in them because it's impractical and she's so averse to vulnerability, but the sigils are missing? What? Why, Riot? So yeah, in my redesign she has sigils right down both her arms. A few more recent ones are on her back (symbolic of her betrayal by her family, the Black Rose and the government). They're always hidden, even in her lighter armour on horseback, as she's deeply uncomfortable around the concept of being exposed and seeing them herself. We and Veigar only see them in dramatic character exploration scenes when a) she feels safe enough to take her armour off, b) she needs to due to injury or to hide her identity or c) someone else damages or removes her armour. Taking TB Skyen's advice again, her outer armour and therefore horse are spikier and less polished and regular, products of her undiluted heartbroken rage in the moment she destroyed the academy. They're highly distinctive, almost organic-feeling and definitely don't look like the work of a smith.
#i NEED this dynamic do you understand me?#almost everyone recognizes rell on sight or when she uses her magic and reacts with fear and awe#and veigar always gets something like *blank stare* '...who are you?'#'oh god it's the iron maiden! and... a little furry magician?'#'wow rell you got a pet?'#and he goes ballistic and whines and stamps his little foot#he insists that he has the title 'veigar the terrible' even though nobody ever calls him that except to humour him#rell even says it to cheer him up once they have a solid rapport#after seeing veigar evolve from bad at being bad to good at being good she eventually asks#'why do you think you're evil? because evil is about hurting people who don't deserve it and you only seem to hurt people who do'#and he gets all broody - not in a funny way this time legitimately serious - and says in a truly broken haunted voice#'you know nothing of my deeds. i have done Terrible things and so i will always be veigar the terrible'#referring to what mordekaiser made him do during his imprisonment#and instead of sounding silly like every time before it's like 'oh. oh. he Hates Himself'#and rell says thinking of her fights with other kids that led to them being nullified#'yeah but i was made to do some terrible things too and that doesn't make me rell the terrible... does it?'#and her voice cracks and her eyes well up and she's sixteen#and suddenly the wacky buddy vigilante sitcom adventure is two survivors of abuse believing themselves to be unlovable#do you see my vision? DO YOU SEE IT?#title idea is 'terrors of noxis'#rell#lol rell#veigar#lol veigar#noxis#league of legends#legends of runeterra#runeterra
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...
#i am so drained tbh lmao#the last few weeks took all of me.. i don't think i have ever been this tired in my life tbh.. like yk when you get 1h of rest before#going to sleep and it feels so rare and so precious?#literally been making a schedule for every waking hour of the week these days and there are never enough of them#idk i know i get excited about fics and the stories ill still post and writing them def brings me joy but i just lack energy these days#sometimes i worry i might have to close the blog/leave bc idk how to properly be here anymore and i worry that i might come too late#when everyone's left this blog too :') or stopped caring it's so stupid bc i know we all love each other here.. just bc my energy's missing#it's also why im not capable of answering asks rn but i see them and i will answer pls never stop sending them.. during harsh days they're#my serotonin#dunno.. just so drained by people and the stress :') and other than that my migraines have gotten so bad these days they come back so often#i really don't like to whine but i need a place to let this out after weeks and months of.... this :')#ill probably delete this and it's okay if literally nobody sees.. im just tired and i need a hug lmao sigh#anyways#back to reading c&f!! ill go and write a bit of entertainer
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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debates about queer representation are tired even if they do express real pain & frustration but i am entering the chat to say that i have literally never seen my relationship to being gay portrayed in media anywhere. my relationship to being gay is that when i figured out i wasn't straight i was like, immensely relieved & delighted, & then when i spent the next two years wanting to kill myself constantly & thinking i was responsible for every bad thing on earth i was still like, "but at least i'm gay. like, thank god for that. at least i'm gay, that's going for me. everything else about me may be bad but at least i'm gay." life-saving, to be real with you. even now when i am having a bad day i'm like, "well, i'm still gay! so that's good!"
mostly my point here is that there is a vast expanse of feelings that people have about being gay, and it sucks that we have relatively few narratives for what coming out might feel like or how it might work when it is, still, a momentous occasion for most people, but it's also an invitation to reflect on how fuckin great it is to be gay. if people were mean to you about it i will break their knees. being gay is awesome & i love you
#references to past suicidality#irredeemable whining#i don't disdain or look down on straight people i'm just really glad that i'm not straight & that i know that about myself#my cramps rn are so bad i am so miserable about it BUT AT LEAST I'M GAY#a driving force in my being annoying about youth services in libraries is the queer youth group meeting i went to in a public library#& how i felt weeping in my car afterward thinking about how you can be gay & live. you can be gay & just some guy. you can just live.#i want to be there in my lace-up boots with my ring of keys for any kid who needs to see me#tbd probably sorry friends have a good night!!
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Kids normally take showers now, but small fry has strep and flu both so when he asked for a bath I was like whatever you want kid. But nothing like a bath to really show you how long and skinny your kid is and you definitely have two KIDS and now babies, toddlers, preschoolers... Those stages are gone never to come back.
#and it's one thing to worry about fucking them up as babies (did i hold you too much should i have let you be more independent)#and toddlers (they both fell down at least half a flight of stairs made them both cry with an outburst once)#and preschoolers (i swear to zweet JESUS IF YOU DO NOT STOP WHINING never actually came out of my mouth but it came close)#but kids... i for sure am too tough on t dude and probably not hard enough on small fry and i worry I haven't taught them enough about#being kind and loving to everyone while also standing up for others and needing to get consent from people#and like stand up for what you believe but be careful what enemies you make because god knows if that person has a gun#like thinking about all of it its impossible to do all of it#and watching them make mistakes is hard seeing them disappointed is hard#should i have intervened did i just cause a fork in the road that will make life infinitely harder?#wow this escalated quickly#i had a great childhood my parents are amazing but not without issue but i don't fault them at all#the current problems I'm facing in my brain are all mine and nothing they did#but what if... i fuck up my kids#I would not trade these two for anything they mean absolutely everything to me#and I know why i wanted more#but it is not for the feint of heart and i will never fault anyone for not wanting to have kids#just like I would hope people don't fault me for choosing to have kids#anyway#sorry about this#personal nonsense
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I'm sorry for not posting good stuff, I just feel so useless at the moment. To keep it not so brief, one teacher is being an utter bitch and as a result, my entire life is crumbling around me. I was sick during an exam last week and only had 20 minutes to even attempt it. The English teacher rung home and told my parents that I'm not trying and I'm doing it on purpose because im arrogant and that I'm going to fail, which basically means that I won't be able to further my desired career and my entire life will be in shambles because later on in life, I won't be able to fund my own courses because im relying on my parents for financial aid at the moment. They're threatening to cut off that aid and not let me do the courses if i fail a single exam because they don't want me to end up like my sister (aka, they don't want me taking Foundation Studies to retake an exam). Keep I mind that these are practice exams and I still have about 2 months to improve.
I've had every thought under the Sun about it and I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking about reporting her to my academic mentor and asking her to tell my teacher to stop calling my parents because this feels like pure humiliation, but beyond that, I have no power. I feel like I'm gonna end up as a disowned failure and have all the opportunities I've built up just crumble away. School is one of the most traumatic experiences of my life but no one takes it seriously and it's genuinely one of the most harmful things thats happened to me. I can't drop out because of laws surrounding schooling and not a single adult around me has offered any support.
#will delete later#i need to get this off my chest before i have a meltdown#well i already am but i mean before it gets worse#i'm convinced i just had some kind of flashback but it feels almost attention-seeking to say that bc i haven't had a ptsd diagnosis#i wanna give up so back#not like suicide but just giving up#coz what's the point in trying for yourself if you'll never be enough for others#i just want this all to end i'm so tired#i'm not even 18 yet so why couldn't life just be a fantasy until then at least#i've been trying since i was 9 to keep it together but it's never truly worked#i'm just inherently broken i guess#i'm sorry i've gotten into an uncomfortable rant territory for people#i should prob stop being so negative all the damn time#maybe that's why people don't really care to see me any more i've just become some stupid kid who whines all the time#i'm sorry
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one time my mom said to me 'if you can't drink tea unless you add a shit ton of stuff to it, maybe tea just isn't for you'... many people in the punk hashtag could benefit from this mindset
#a joke#i don't even care about punk subculture anymore since I decided to pave my own way ^w^#just kinda funny seeing kids be disappointed by what punk actually is (buncha constantly annoyed middle aged men#whining about the good ol times where u could drunkenly beat people up)#the outfits are really cool though#but I think we kinda need to retire it....#bc the modern day punks are just kinda clumsily trying to emulate what they think they saw on pinterest#when they could benefit from learning that you don't actually give a name to what you do with your life. and you don't have to#match your personality and lifestyle to your clothes
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Diversity win now I'm also blocking the #flashing image warning tag
#lou is loud#maybe someday my tag filters will actually catch a flashing gif before I have to look at it!!!!!!#every time a gif with flashing lights in it comes across my dashboard I check the original post to see what tag they used to warn for that#in most cases: it is nothing!#most reblogs don't have flashing lights tagged and in an ideal world reblogs wouldn't need to tag for that bc the original post would#and then it's just tagged in one place instead of trying to tag every time#but checking the original post before you reblog is more work than just tagging it#ughhhhhhhhhhhh#I get it. it's really easy to forget! but it really sucks for me#the person with severe photophobia#who wants to use the internet#and I'm sure a lot of people think I'm just whining because if it was really that bad just turn off gif autoplay#well I'd still like to look at and reblog gifsets so that would just mean I have to click play on all of them and THEN get flashbanged#at least super short exposures to flashing lights don't trigger full migraines they just hurt for a minute or so#though it's hard to tell what the fuck triggers migraines when it's been almost!! a year!! of continuous migraine
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research as a (future) historian is always so fucking depressing istg
#cay whining about shit#no but like it's good that it's depressing yk? cause what happened was fucking aweful#and that is still a very nice description of what happened#so it's good that i think of it as depressing#but sometimes; just sometimes; i wish my research could be about a happy topic in history yk?#cause they existed too#i should probably explain that my research today is about a person who was murdered in a concentration camp#and that research has led me to the wikipedia article about the death marches at the end of ww2#came close to crying countless of times#only reason i managed not to actually cry was bcs i'm at work#and now i feel sick after seeing the pictures on that same article#i don't think (nor hope) i'll ever understand how people could have been so cruel#it makes me disgusted and sad#anyway that's just me rambling in the tags that i don't think anyone will even see#maybe that's good#i just really needed to get this out
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i hgoupe I'm The roller guy to yall
#I'm srs I need recognition for things I like#I NEED TO BE Known That I like This thing#Not famous but#I'M!! THE ENJOYUER...#I can get like that with clash around friends in general but I keep it lows#But in Tghe fandom. I'm srs I may avoid ppl if I'm like#Man pplproly see them as the Roller guy hahaha they're popular and draw Tghe guy a lot and nobody likes me and#Help me#It's so dark here#What mental illness is causing this#ITS SO COLD....#WHERE AM I... IM SHOEING NEGATIVE MENTAL ILLNESS....#I will go crazy reaches to get recognized for a Thing usually by Overworking On Fanart#But also I'm just a perfectionist also so that doesn't help either#And then oops haha adhd make me NOT feel rewarded for ANYTHING and it's ALL MISERY#At least friends are nice and love me and I feel great Showing Stuff and Them Telling me stuff#But I generally feel disliked by people#I may just be over thinking but I can't shake off the feeling that people murmur about me negatively. Oh it's the annoying lame guy bitch#I think people also don't like me because I talk too much I get personal in art posts and I talk a lot#People tend to ignore that#And idk#I have friends who love me and I love them and that means more than anyrhing#But seeing anyone get recognized for Liking Thing makes me#Seriously want to do physical harm to myself sometimes and that's not a joke#I suffer Self Bite when Stressed. I don't know how to Regulate Sometimes.#Why do you think I block so many ppl and whine abt it#I get jealous upset at nothing feeling threatened. sometimes yea ppl post genuinely triggering stuff but half the time I'm just like#HIISS. HISSSS#HiiIIISSS#I need to have my brain cleaned and changed for a better one this isn't kt
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i'm tipsy and sad and i just want to matter and not to feel like this
#sometimes my brain tries to put blame on others for making me feel like this#but it's my fault and mine only#i'm the only one responsible for thinking and feeling like this and i'm the only one who can make it stop but who doesn't do anything#it's so much more easier to whine and whine and whine and complain and cry when no one sees#and try to make excuses for not doing stuff because oh that's just because of how i feel#and i mourn all the things i lose because of this#wake up you stupid pathetic loser you're the only one who is to blame#and you should stop making fucking excuses and pitying yourself and do something about it#i'm the one who made myself lonely and boring and instead of making it better i just wallow in self-pity and feel miserable#i just want this to stop#but once again i'm too lazy to do something about it#i just want it to stop#will i even just shut the fuck up about all of this and just work on myself instead of rambling stupid shit on the internet#i don't want to write these stupid fucking posts but i guess i feel the need to get it out of me at least somehow#and instead of using a notes app like normal people do i chose this because i can pretend that this somehow matters#well newsflash loser it doesn't so learn to shut up#i wish i could#i can feel a headache brewing#falling asleep will be fun tonight#jesus i rambled too much#not that anyone will read this tho so it's probably fine#or not idk#personal
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Satoru was confident that you liked him back. He was positive. He had no doubt in his mind that you were going to be his pretty little wife. Is he getting ahead of himself? Sure, he is, but he's that confident. That's until he noticed how he hadn't received any chocolate from you.
It was Valentine's Day, and he still hasn't received any chocolate from you. Yeah, he had a mountain worth of chocolate from all those people who gave him it, but where was yours? He couldn't find it anywhere. He was sure that you would have placed your chocolate on his desk since you hadn't given him his. He double no triple checked all the chocolates, yet he could not find the one that has your pretty little name written on it. He continued to search through the chocolate pile for the fourth time today.
He must have missed it, right? Or did someone steal it? He swear he's going to hunt that person to the end of the Earth. Who dared to steal something that was rightfully his?
"Satoru, calm down."
He looked up at his best friend, who was trying to hold down a laugh at his panic.
"She'll probably give it to you later. The day just begun."
Right. Suguru is right. You'll give him his chocolate later. He's a good boy. He can wait.
That's what he told himself, but Suguru and Shoko have already received theirs this morning, and his is still nowhere to be found. Where is his chocolate? You're just sitting there in your seat, looking all pretty as if Satoru is not going through a huge dilemma because of you.
He couldn't help his hands that kept inching itself closer to the chocolate you gave Suguru. He wouldn't know if he snatched it, right? Suguru had received a lot of chocolate! He wouldn't know if he took it... was what he convinced himself before Suguru slapped his hand away.
"Satoru," he sighs.
"But Suguru!!!" Satoru whined as he sunk down into his seat.
"Be patient. You'll get yours soon."
But how soon is soon? Satoru isn't exactly known for his patient.
It was the end of the day, and still no chocolate from you. He asked Suguru and Shoko to leave first because he thought you would finally give it to him when both of you were alone. But you haven't. Where was his chocolate?
The two of you were approaching the exit of school, so Satoru made a quick decision, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into an empty classroom. He quickly shut the door and locked it.
"Satoru?" You asked in confusion. "What's wrong?"
"My chocolate."
"Your chocolate?"
"My chocolate from you! The symbol of your love towards me!"
"I didn't make you any," you replied smoothly. "Forgot to make them yesterday, so I woke up early today to make them, but I guess not early enough. I only had time to finish Shoko's and Suguru's. I didn't have time to make yours. Otherwise, I would have been late."
Satoru swear the world just ended. He looked down at his chest because he swears his heart ripped out of his chest at your words. Nope. Still alive. Why is he still alive in this cruel world? You had no chocolate for him? None? Not even a crumb?
"That's fine with you, right? I mean, you got a bunch of chocolate from other girls! You don't need mine."
He swear he is about to burst into tears. He didn't care about other girls. He didn't care about their chocolate. He wanted yours. How could you be so cruel and deny him of your chocolate? To reject him like this? He was devastated. No. Beyond devastated. Where is the closest cliff so he can jump off?
Pure silence radiated the room as Satoru tried to comprehend this horrible situation. Then he heard a small giggle slip pass your lips. That small giggle soon turns into a full-out laugh.
"You should have seen the look on your face, Satoru," you say as you try to stop laughing.
Was this funny to you? Why were you laughing at his suffering? Do you know how much he looked forward to today? To receive the cute little wrapped up chocolate you made for him? He dreamed of today, and you didn't have chocolate for him?
He then sees you reach into your bag and pull out exactly what he had imagined. A cute little chocolate box wrapped up in a baby blue color with a touch of white ribbon to finish it off. Fuck. He thinks he just got a heart attack seeing your chocolate. His chocolate.
"Princess, please don't joke like that to me ever again. You scared me half to death. I was going to jump off a cliff," he whined as he took the chocolate from your hand.
You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his dramatic behavior. "Stop being dramatic, Satoru. It's just chocolate."
A look of offense dawned his face as you utter those horrendous words to him.
"Chocolate? Just chocolate?" He huffed at you. He can't believe you as you treat this amazing god send gift as just chocolate. "Don't you dare call this just chocolate! This! This right here is proof of your undying love towards me!"
You laughed at his antics– "You're getting ahead of yourself, Satoru."
He delicately placed the chocolate safety away in his bag, treating it as a prized possession. He's looking forward towards white day. He already knows what he wants to get for you. He pulled you into a hug, nuzzling his face against your neck as he mutters– "You won't be saying that after I wife you up."
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru drabble#satoru gojo drabble#satoru gojo imagine#jjk imagines#gojo satoru imagine#gojo satoru headcanons#jjk drabbles#jjk headcanons#satoru gojo x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jjk#gojo x reader
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