#people can do the right thing by accident. even if they don't realize it

[anashins]

Too Hot for Snow

Pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Jaemin

Genre: angst, drama, romance, smut, love triangle

Word Count: 17k

Warnings: There are two smut scenes with the same mc, but nothing that really needs a tw. If you aren't here for him, you can skip them without missing out on anything tho! The other mc won't come short in terms of romance either, trust the process! But it's a bittersweet ending.

Summary: When your husband decides to file for divorce, you find yourself back in the arms of your first love. After all, things are different now and you're not kids anymore. But after a weekend lost in heavy snowfall and wishful dreams, you come to the painful realization that some people don't want to change, and others change too much.

A/N: I wrote this inspired by my own experience from a time where I had to decide between my situationship and now-bf. I thought I could pass this message on to ones who need this as well. Sometimes, we make the right decisions, sometimes the wrong ones. Sometimes, it's too late, sometimes it's not. (Also, I miss Jaehyun :( D-497)

Three years. That was how long your marriage had lasted.

“I want a divorce.”

These words shouldn’t surprise let alone hurt you - but they still did. After all, nothing could prepare you for the day your husband decided to divorce you.

You had talked about it before Jaehyun had moved out and mutually agreed on seriously thinking about an official separation while taking this six month break from each other. 

Yet, hearing this final decision out loud from your own husband’s lips made it real. And even though it had been foreseeable and up to a point even inevitable, you hadn’t been prepared for reality, for the fact that now, this was indeed real.

Your husband didn’t want to be married to you any longer. 

How was that even possible?

We walk down the aisle, thinking it will be forever. Donned in our white gown, the veil in our hair and the flower bouquet close to our chest, we are full of hope, light and love for the person who awaits us by the altar. 

“Till death do us part” is considered the love line of our lives as we all desire to vow it one day to our partner.

But thinking about it, it sounds morbid. We stand in front of witnesses and promise to the heavens that it will literally take a terminal illness, a fatal accident or another forced act of nature to tear this love apart. 

The painful truth is that it takes much, much less.

It often takes minimal profound, heroic and inspiring reasons for two married people to never look at each other again. Oftentimes, love doesn’t get torn apart by death. It gets torn apart by pent-up arguments, lack of commitment and the belief that everything you already own still isn’t enough.

“What about Kang Kang?”

Your throat was so dry, you didn’t even recognize your own voice, and Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes were wrinkled, hair completely askew. 

There had been a time, back then in university, where on weekends, you both had looked like that, but for entirely different reasons. You were just staying at home, playing games and watching movies together. It had been the best and most carefree time of your lives. The strict business man Jaehyun had turned into throughout the years would have never left the house looking like this.

At this moment, you could see your past boyfriend in your husband again, who you had long deemed missing, and you wondered where you both had taken the wrong turn in your once fairytale-like relationship.

“He’s your dog on paper,” Jaehyun said nearly matter-of-factly. “You can keep Kang Kang.”

You bit into your bottom lip, so hard that you swore you could nearly taste something metallic. “Is this your final decision?”

In the break of the second that he needed to answer, you grew hopeful again. Hopeful that your husband would admit this decision was wrong, that he wanted to work on things for you two to be happy again.

Because this was the conclusion you had come to last night. You didn’t want a divorce, you didn’t want to give this all up. You wanted your little family, you wanted your husband and your dog, and children of your own in the future.

But instead, Jaehyun said with a tired, but determined voice,

“It’s my final decision.”

____

If Jaehyun were a season, he’d be summer. 

He was the feeling of getting woken up by sunshine tickling the tip of your nose. He was the salt on your skin when you emerged from the sea, the sand beneath your toes and the water dripping from your hair tips. He was the shade under a tree on sweltering days and flowers blooming in all colors.

He was everything good, fair and bright.

… Until summer vanished and you were left alone when seasons changed. It didn’t only become clear by change in weather, but also by the fact that Jaehyun had taken every last piece of himself out of your once shared apartment.

By the next week, he had officially filed for divorce. 

Summer had come to an end.

____

If Jaemin were a season, he’d be winter.

He was the feeling of thick sweaters when you got dressed on a cold day. He was the sound of snow crunching under your boots, the cup of hot chocolate you drank while watching the icebound lake. He was the snowstorm that came overnight and locked you in, causing chaos and destruction.

Jaemin was charming, tempting and dangerous.

But who, after a hot, sweltering summer, had never not anticipated a beautiful winter wonderland?

Luckily, winter came early that year.

____

“Why are you calling me at this hour?”

You stared at the skyline stretching in front of you. The few cars passing by were only recognizable by their headlights, but apart from that as well as a handful of windows reflecting some light in the building across from you, it was a quiet and dark night, the clock showing 3am.

“Why are you picking up?” you asked.

A light hearted laughter that made your heart jump followed. “I will always pick up when you call, you know that.”

“I know.”

A beat of silence passed by as you opened the balcony door and stepped outside, closing it again behind you. You turned your head to the sky and watched the moon, and you knew Jaemin was doing the same right now. 

“Did you already sign and send out the papers?” Jaemin questioned.

“Yes,” you answered, and as you spoke, you could see a small cloud forming in front of your face. “They are at my lawyer’s now to get checked. So perhaps, by next week, his lawyer will get them and send them out to him to sign too. Then, I’ll be a divorcée.”

“Don’t use that word.”

“Why not?”

“It sounds like you’ll be a lonely, sad woman.”

“Well, if anything, I’ll be a lonely, sad dog-mom.” Your gaze wandered aside to the balcony door from where you could see Kang Kang sleeping peacefully on this dog bed in the very corner of the living room.

“You’re neither going to be a lonely, sad woman nor a lonely, sad dog-mom. You’re going to be free. You should be happy.”

“I can only be happy with you.”

Jaemin let out a chuckle that came in unison with a cool winter breeze grazing your skin, and only now you noticed how icy it actually was outside, only dressed in your pajamas and a bathrobe. But right now, you didn’t mind the cold. You only tried to remember the last time you had felt so… like Jaemin had said… happy. 

It had been half a year since Jaehyun had come to you to file for a divorce and already a full year since you had actually started living in separation. That was enough time to move forward when you had been long unhappy before.

You could finally quit pretending, quit fighting, quit caring. You had finally reconnected with the man you had always referred to as your first love, willing to start all over again with him.

Then why, when you looked at the night sky, the only thing your mind wandered back to was still the night Jaehyun had proposed to you?

Back then, he had just graduated from university and you had been working in your job for two years already. He had saved up all the money that he had earned while being enlisted to buy you the perfect engagement ring that was now kept hidden in your drawer along with the wedding band. A very beautiful ring that had once been a symbol for a very beautiful relationship.

His proposal had taken place under the night sky too, in privacy like you had wished for, with only the moon and stars as witnesses. It had hurt to look at the night sky for a very long time after your separation. But it didn’t anymore now, it was more of a nostalgic feeling.

As though Jaemin could read your thoughts, he said, “Don’t worry, when we get married, we don’t have to go through a divorce, I’ll get you an even more striking ring.”

“Stop joking.”

“I’m not joking,” he obliged. “I mean it.”

“Jaemin…” You swallowed, hard. “What are you even saying?”

“I’m saying,” you overheard him taking a deep breather, “if I had done things right the first time, we would have stayed together after high school and you would have gotten married to me instead, and you wouldn’t need to go through all this now.”

You both knew that this wasn’t true. 

There had been grave things that had led to the downfall of your first relationship and you into the arms of your soon-to-be ex-husband. Things that had been totally out of your might to control as you had been so young. But that was long in the past and you had both grown enough as people to pick up where you had left off and do it better this time. 

After all, Jaemin was your first love. That meant something, that was something special.

You sighed. “We were only kids. But now we’re adults. We now have the chance to do it better than back then, Jaemin, and that means to always be honest with each other.”

“I mean every word I said.”

You felt your heart turn heavy. “But for me, it means that I don’t think I will be ready to get married again in the next few years. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about that.” His light-hearted laughter took the weight from your chest at an instant. That was what had always fascinated you about Jaemin. Everything seemed so easy and carefree with him. “I’ll wait. One year, two years, five years, ten years… I’ll wait until you’re ready again.”

“Back then, you never wanted to get married and always dreamed about getting famous, moving to America....” You only then realized that it could be taken as an insult and wanted to correct yourself quickly, but he preempted, 

“Back then, I chose foolishness over commitment. But this time, I mean it and I will come get you next week.”

“Get me?” You raised a brow. “To where?”

“To Jeonju."

“To do what?”

“To be with me.”

“I can’t move to Jeonju so suddenly, Jaemin. I have a job here, my apartment, my dog, my family, especially my grandma…”

“Then only for the weekend. Bring Kang Kang with you. And the rest, we’ll figure it out together.”

Silence from your end, but he was being patient. “Do you mean it?”

“I mean it this time too. It’s been two weeks since we’ve last seen each other and we only met twice overall since back then. I know there is so much going on in your life right now, but I need more of you. And you could need a break from your daily life. So come to me.”

A romantic weekend in Jaemin’s home in Jeonju sounded exactly like what you needed right now. 

So you answered, “Okay, let’s do it.”

You were looking forward to winter.

____

The first family gathering without your husband took place two days later, the weekend before you planned on leaving for your short trip to Jeonju.

You had informed your mother about your separation two weeks after the official decision via a text message, very short and dry. You hadn’t wanted to speak to anyone as to why and when, ignoring all upcoming calls from every family member since the news had spread like wildfire. It had been hard enough the first time already when you had to explain why your husband had moved out. You couldn’t do this all over again.

Not because you were rude. But because you were still hurting and you feared that speaking about it stirred up feelings you had long locked up deep inside your heart. Only now, you were ready to face everyone again. Because half a year later, you were fine again.

Your big family adored Jaehyun so much, especially your grandmother, so you still met her with a heavy heart. To her, Jaehyun had been the perfect grandson-in-law, everything she had ever wished for you, and the feeling had been mutual since you had rarely seen your own relatives act with your grandmother as closely as Jaehyun had.

Whenever you had visited, he had brought her gifts, helped her with the chores and told her stories that made her laugh her heart out. Nobody else had done all this with such sincerity and continuity as Jaehyun, and it broke your heart to know that you had robbed her of this experience forever.

Your grandmother was celebrating her 80th birthday that Saturday, and with her declining health you didn’t know for how many more birthdays she could still be around, so you wanted to spend the remaining time with her, even if it was only you alone.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

You were sitting on the couch in her living room while everyone else was still dining, chatting and laughing.

“I think I’m doing quite fine.” 

“Are you sure?”

She reached out her weak, fragile hand and touched your cheek. You started to wonder when your grandmother had aged so much. The woman who had watched over you when you were still a child, had driven you to school, had made you food, and had let you spend the weekends with her. The one who had dried your tears when you had gotten your heart broken in school, who had picked up every single broken piece of you throughout the years.

She couldn’t do all that anymore, but she still could tell how you were feeling just by taking a brief look at you.

You couldn’t deceive your grandmother, so you just shrugged and her hand slipped from your cheek right into yours, squeezing it meekly. 

“It’s alright to still mourn him, sweetheart. If, at some point in your life, you realize that you have made the wrong decision, don’t hesitate for a single second and tell him.”

“What do you mean?”

You didn’t believe in the term ‘the one that got away’ which people would commonly use to describe a lost lover they were still thinking about all the time. You believed that you could grow to love someone just as much as you could grow to stop loving someone. If humans could never move on, how were they supposed to continue living?

“Your grandfather…” Around your grandmother’s thin lips played a mild smile that gave her face back something very youthful. “He was and will always be the love of my life. I married him young and I stayed loyal to him until he passed away. I loved him with my whole heart and he was the only person that had ever evoked such feelings inside of me.”

It tightened around your chest as it reminded you painfully of Jaehyun.

“But there was a time before our marriage,” your grandmother continued, and although the smile around her lips was still present, it wasn’t quite merry anymore, but rather pained, “where we were separated, because we didn’t know whether we should get married or not. There was still so much to see in the world, so many people to get to know. Why would we settle so early? So we decided we wouldn’t.”

“Grandma, you never told me that.” You squeezed her hand back to comfort her.

“I got back with my first ever love from when I was still a teenager. The timing was just right, we both seemed to have evolved so much. Maybe fate wanted us to take this path and meet again much later.”

Now, warmth grew in your heart as it reminded you of Jaemin. 

You had gotten to know each in the second year of high school when he transferred to your school, and the two years that followed was a whirlwind of ups and downs that, looking back at, you wouldn’t have wanted to miss a single second of. After all, it had forged you into the person you were now, and also into the one that had met Jaehyun and had now led you back to Jaemin. 

But you feared your story would separate from your grandmother’s at this point. “How did you then end up with grandpa?”

You now understood why your grandmother was wearing that expression. It wasn’t a fully happy core memory anymore, nor a completely sad one either. It was bittersweet. “It didn’t work out the second time around as well.”

“...May I ask why? You sounded so happy. What happened?” It wasn’t like you wanted to push her boundaries, you were genuinely curious as you secretly found yourself in a similar position now.

“When one day, I returned home, I encountered your grandfather by my house. Apparently, he had waited two days and nights for me and refused to leave unless I talked to him. So I did and he officially proposed. I wanted a week to think about this, and when I, following this event, wanted my first love to make a decision, he couldn’t.”

“He didn't want to marry you?”

“Even after all these years, he didn’t know whether he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. And I wanted a man that knew.” 

You inhaled deeply. “And you never went back to your first love.”

“I never went back to him,” she repeated. “Not because I didn’t love him, but because I knew your grandfather would show up in ways he could never. And that was what I wanted.”

You were asking yourself whether your grandmother told you this story on purpose. But then again, she never did anything without a purpose. She wanted you to learn something from it, and it actually hurt you quite a bit that she was questioning your decision.

“I don’t regret it. Do you regret it, grandma?”

“I don’t regret anything either, sweetheart, absolutely not.” You were worried that she might conceal the truth from you, but from her voice alone and the way her mien changed to the one she was always wearing when she talked lovingly about your grandfather, you were assured that she was being honest and always had been. “Sometimes, I still think about him and wonder where he is, what he’s doing if he’s still al-... And it’s normal. Sometimes, I wonder what if. But if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have chosen differently.”

Your grandmother’s gaze wandered to the coffee table where you spotted something very familiar for the first time since you had arrived: a pink bouquet consisting of different summer flower arrangements. The one Jaehyun and you usually got together and brought over to your grandmother whenever you visited.

This time, you hadn’t had time to bring anything, and admittedly it had also slipped your mind completely. Yet, the very same bouquet was standing there on the coffee table.

“Jaehyun was here?” you breathed.

She nodded. “This morning.”

You weren't surprised. This was typical of Jaehyun. He always thought about others first, never missing an event, always reliant and considerate. With your own mind always wandering, you had very much relied on him and he had never complained about taking matters into his own hands.

“Grandma, I-” You didn’t know why your heart suddenly felt so heavy.

“I’m not telling you what to do, sweetheart. I’m just wondering if nowadays, before a couple decides to divorce, they have already given everything. There is a reason you were married in the first place. That’s all. That is something you should always think of.”

Yes, you had given everything, every day and minute of your marriage. 

When Jaehyun had stayed for work longer, then worked during the weekends and then rarely came home anymore. When you had started to feel lonely, not appreciated and unheard of your feelings. When, every time you had still seen each other, every minor thing led to an argument where one of you needed to leave the house. 

You had tried, over and over again. 

“I have given it my all, grandma. I have.”

“If you can confidently say that, then move on, sweetheart.”

____

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

You followed Jaehyun into his new apartment, Kang Kang passing by you. He was jumping up and down, circling around Jaehyun like the happy labrador he was. As you had figured out, there were no dogs allowed in Jaemin’s apartment, so you had asked Jaehyun to take care of him this specific weekend.

You wondered whether it was selfish of you and quickly came to the conclusion that yes, it was, and cruel on top of that too. That was why you hid the truth from your soon-to-be ex-husband and had told him you had work in Jeonju this weekend and no other family could take Kang Kang. At least the latter was the truth as you had earnestly tried it everywhere before, but to no avail.

At least, you knew Kang Kang was in good hands, and he hadn’t seen his human dad in so long either. You put your dog’s belongings in the living room, which consisted of his bed, a few toys, his bowls and other necessities.

“Don’t you have to work this weekend, though?” you asked Jaehyun politely. 

You still didn’t know how to behave in front of him whenever you had to interact. This was actually the third time you met since your official separation half a year ago with the first two being the time he had to pack his stuff and move out completely. How did one interact with the person you were soon to be called ex-husband?

You were nervous and anxious, but also somehow happy to see him, because you hadn’t seen each other in three months. Jaehyun was still Jaehyun, he hadn’t changed. You wondered whether he was dating someone new now too, though.

“I actually requested time off this weekend when I knew Kang Kang would come,” he answered almost nonchalantly. “Do you want something to drink? I’m sorry, I only have water.”

You weren’t sure whether the water would help the lump that had built in your throat to disappear, so you declined. And just like that, Jaehyun had requested an entire weekend off when you had had begged him in the past to do so over and over again. You were hurt, once again, and it showed all over your face. 

“I’ve started a new job, actually,” he quickly explained, but you didn’t know whether it would make it all better, truth to be told. “Less salary, but since I’m living alone now, it’s fine. They still pay well enough and I have more time to myself.”

You deadpanned, “Good for you.”

It shouldn’t bother you anymore, it really shouldn’t. But you couldn’t shake off the fact that Jaehyun had changed his work and lifestyle almost so easily right after separating from you when he hadn’t been able to do exactly that while still with you. What had hindered him all this time?

Jaehyun, sensing already where this conversation would lead to since you had been there over and over again in the past, quickly changed the topic. “How is your grandma?” 

You unpacked Kang Kang’s stuff while he arranged the bed for him where he thought your dog would like it. 

“Quit playing, I know you visited her.”

He let out a shy laugh. “Did she tell you? I purposely told her not to.”

“She didn’t have to, really. I saw the flowers and knew immediately.”

You turned around to him, and even from the side, while he was kneeling down and petted Kang Kang, you perceived how shy he had gotten as his ears had turned slightly red. 

“I was worried about her since she hasn’t been feeling well these past months. So I wanted to check up on her. I didn’t want to break tradition, you know. Yet.”

“I know,” you admitted and quietly added, “Thank you for that.”

“I hope she’ll get better soon.”

He shifted in your direction and smiled, and this reaction made you longing for easier times where you didn't have to deal with the fact that this was the last time he had seen your grandmother.

Had you been too greedy, wanting too much that he hadn’t been willing to or couldn’t give yet? Had you pressured him too much and driven him away instead? Should you have been more patient with him and supported him, even though you hadn’t condoned any of his actions? Had it only been a rough patch and you would have come over it by now? 

Those were questions to which you would probably never get an answer. It was all too late now anyway. The papers were signed from your side.

“Jaehyun…” you whispered and wondered whether he had heard it as he suddenly interrupted you with,

“Ah, I’m sorry but you have to leave now.” He arose from the crouch and scratched the back of his head. “I actually have a visitor over the weekend and she’ll arrive soon.”

“She…?”

He nodded with a hint of reluctance.

You couldn’t explain why this revelation hurt almost just as much as the day Jaehyun had opened up about wanting a divorce. You were seeing someone else too, probably for longer than him, but you didn’t want him to be dating anyone else, giving her everything you had been asking of him for so long. 

You should be happy for him to have finally changed and wanting to make it better with the next woman he would grow to love. Yet, all you could think about was that he had never been able to give it to you.

You were so selfish.

“Okay,” you said breathlessly and grabbed your purse, moving to the entrance door. 

“Hey.” You heard footsteps, and before you could grab the handle, Jaehyun was already holding you back by your arm. “I’ve known you for too long to unsee the fact that you’re upset. And let me tell you, I understand why you’re angry.”

You lowered your head so that he couldn’t read your exact expression. But he didn’t need to. He never needed to. To him, you had always been an open book. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Jaehyun…”

“You’re probably asking yourself why I couldn’t change my job to have more time for you too. Just like I’m asking myself why you couldn’t have been more independent and wouldn’t rely on me only. We’ve both come quite a way, haven't we?”

You took credit for the not independent enough part. After all, since freshman year, you’ve only had Jaehyun. He had been the center of your life, of your universe, and this view had shifted into a toxic direction you never wanted to look into again. You truly had turned codependent at some point, you owed that part. 

All that was left to do was not letting these negative traits affect your new relationships. That was a promise you didn’t only need to make to yourselves, but to your new partner, too.

“Do you think… Do you think we could have reached this point too if we had stayed together? This is what we have wanted, right?”

After all, it didn’t matter anymore. But you really wanted to hear this opinion, whether he thought the same. 

He admitted, “I don’t think we could have evolved like that if we had stayed together.”

“I think so too.” You shrugged off his grip and pulled down the door handle. 

“If you ever need something… I’m always here, okay? Call me, text me, no matter how late, I don’t care. I will always be here for you.”

After all, he was still so good, fair and bright.

It was unfair that you couldn’t offer the same kindness in return. Envy never looked good on anyone.

You switched to a cold business-tone. “My lawyer told me you received the papers already.”

“I did yesterday. I’ll sign them this weekend and pass them on on Monday.”

“See you on Sunday then when I come to pick up Kang Kang.”

And then, you left without another word.

____

“I have a gig tonight, but don’t worry, we can drop off your things first and head right there,” Jaemin declared. “I already told them to start the soundcheck without me.”

“Gig?” Jaemin had picked you up with his car from the train station and you were currently on your way to his house. “I thought we were going to spend the whole weekend… you know, at your place.”

“We will, we will!” he repeated and put his hand on your thigh while the other was still holding onto the steering wheel. “Don’t worry about that. It’s only tonight. Besides… you’ll get to know all my friends and bandmates too, so that’s gonna be fun!”

You should actually be excited about getting involved with his life right off the bat, but you couldn’t help but to feel more anxious about meeting new people when all you wanted to do was to spend a cozy weekend at Jaemin’s place, just the two of you. You wanted to take your sweet time, learning about each other, and only each other, again.

Jaemin had always been an extrovert while you were the complete opposite, and in all these years, this fact hadn’t seemed to have changed at all - just like him always forgetting how hard it was for you to come out of your shell. But you decided that you weren’t going to be hurt over this and see it as a compliment to get introduced to his friends and lifestyle so short into the relationship.

Perhaps, this was also a sign for you to break out of your shell that had only hardened throughout the years you had spent with Jaehyun as he was very similar to you. You couldn’t always live that way and accepted Jaemin offering to show you a new lifestyle.

“I’m looking forward to it!” you exclaimed and shifted your head back to the street, swallowing your anxiety and just hoping it wouldn’t resurface.

____

But it did later that night when you stood by the bar in that very small club, the crowd dancing and singing along to tunes you had never heard before, and you suddenly felt so alone and lost. 

Back in the days, Jaemin had also been in a band, just one of many self-formed ones in school, but his band had always been the most popular, because, well, he himself was so popular. And even now, he was remaining true to his image, flirting with the crowd through his mimicry and gestic, radiating a charisma that would have all girls on their knees in front of him if only he asked.

Since he was with you now though, you felt proud and a bit haughty that he was still so popular and you had him all to yourself. But also, on the other hand, you were questioning if the negative feelings from your teen years would resurface…

The irritation when he hadn’t looked at you even once during his performances. The doubts when he had always winked at another girl during his solos. The jealousy when he had eventually talked to said girls after his performances, treating you like air.

But this Jaemin… he was different. Just when he finished and you viciously feared that it all would be repeated again, he passed by the entire crowd, not sparing his female fans even a single glance, and walked straight up to you.

“How was I?” he asked with a beam and you fell happily into his arms.

“Amazing!”

He laughed. “I’m so happy you liked it! Here, let me introduce you to my bandmates.”

So many new faces, but you were feeling welcomed from the very first moment on. There was no need to be anxious about feeling left out and to be nervous about nobody wanting to talk to you. You were having so much fun and everyone wanted to talk to you, wanting to know more about Jaemin’s girlfriend.

You hadn’t known he had already introduced you as such and felt very honored.

“Let’s have a toast!” Jaemin then raised up his shot.

“This will be our fourth toast!” a band member pointed out. “What do we still have to celebrate?”

You felt Jaemin’s strong arm around your shoulder, claiming you in front of all his friends and his entire band. “We’re celebrating her divorce. I’ve waited many years for her to separate from her husband, and now I can have her all to myself, for my entire life!”

You blushed at his loud confession. That didn’t seem like your Jaemin who you had known for so long at all. He had always been openly flirty and charming, but love confessions were never really his thing. Until now, apparently.

“So you want to marry her and spend the rest of her life with her?” someone teased. “What happened to Jaemin and when do we get him back?”

You quickly shook your head and waved aside. “Please, he’s only joking!”

“I’m quite offended you think I’m joking!” Jaemin objected and turned to you to make the conversation more private. “I mean it. We will spend the rest of our lives together. No matter where.”

This had suddenly turned into such an intimate moment, and all of his band mates sensed it which was why they pretended to be occupied with each other.

“You can’t say things like that so casually here!” you chided. “You’re probably drunk.”

“I’m actually quite sober and can think straight, and these thoughts currently always lead me to one desire: I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t care if you marry me or not, I just want you to always be with me. We will make it work. With your job, your dog, and your family. Even if it means I will have to come to you and live in the capital.”

“The Jaemin back then wouldn’t have uttered these words at all. He was always talking about going to America, getting famous with his music…”

“Well, I can still go to America. But with you. And one day, when you decide that you’re ready, even if we’re old and grey, we can get married.”

He then kissed you, and you dared to daydream just a little bit. In one possible future, you actually saw yourself watching your husband, Jaemin, standing on the stage of a big stadium in America while the crowd cheered, but he only had eyes for you who stood in the first row. 

One faraway possible future, you didn’t dare to venture in further, because in this one, you were still married and it would take so, so much time until you could actually think of accepting a proposal ever again.

Forgotten was the toast still, and you and Jaemin called it an early night. You were surprised, because back in the days, he would have partied until the sun went up, and longer.

“I want to spend the remaining time with you,” he only said and led you out of the venue by your hand.

Maybe, just like you and Jaehyun, Jaemin had evolved too - to the man you had always needed him to be.

____

The next morning, it had started snowing.

The blanket slipped from your naked shoulder when you arose, the mattress giving in under you as a result of you bracing your hands against the surface. Jaemin was still sleeping soundly next to you. Of course, because a brief look at your phone told you that it was only 7am on a saturday.

Yet, you didn’t want to miss this beautiful, quiet hour and slipped out of the bed. Throwing on Jaemin’s t-shirt from the night before, you walked to the big window that offered a panoramic view of the landscape. 

There were only a handful of high rise buildings in his city and no skyscrapers were seen far and wide. The horizon was a bit cloudy, but the beautiful landscape was still recognizable through the falling snow. 

You had been to Jaemin’s hometown only once when you were together as teenagers. He had been sent to Seoul to attend a better school and eventually university, but had moved back after his degree.

You loved it here, it was the entire opposite of the bustling and ever lively capital. But living here, you wondered, would you get bored eventually? It was quite the contrary to your personality, but you had always enjoyed your environment being fast and never sleeping while you stood still. It gave you the feeling of never being alone while actually being alone.

A kiss on the back of your neck let you shudder, but in a good way. You giggled and turned around to Jaemin who had his arms wrapped around you now. His muscles were well-built and tense in your grip.

“Look Jaemin, it’s snowing!” you pointed out. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Mhhmm,” he muttered, but he didn’t look. “I know a more beautiful view, and it’s also in front of me.”

His voice sounded so sexy when he had just woken up. He embraced you tighter and kissed your temple. “You’re so charming as always.”

Jaemin chuckled. “Why are you up so early already?” he then asked you and gently rocked you in his arms. “You can still sleep.”

“I know, it’s just…” You shrugged. “I want to spend as much time with you here as possible.”

“Oh, does that mean I have to get up now too?” he seemingly wailed. “But what if I don’t want to get out of bed yet? Is there something we can do in bed together?” 

You didn’t need to be told twice, but let yourself get carried, with both of your legs hooked around his waist, back to the bed. Letting out a laugh, Jaemin threw you onto the mattress and then crawled on top of you. He was still naked from last night, his muscles flexing nicely in the dim morning light.

You stretched out your arms and placed them around his neck. Gently, you pulled him close to you so that your nose tips touched, and smiled. You wanted to stop time right here and now, and bathe in this intimate moment for a while longer.

Jaemin didn’t know the words ‘enjoy’ and ‘patience’ though as not much later, sweat droplets started to collect on his chest, making his skin glisten with every shift that he performed on top of you. Your breathing came in hitches and caught every time he pushed himself deeper into you.

“You like that?” he whispered into your ear, causing goose bumps to spread all along your neck.

“I lot…” A gasp passed your lips when his wet tongue licked your earlobe.

It had slipped your mind when you had last felt this deeply satisfied. What Jaemin was doing right now even topped the events from last night when you had returned to his apartment, even though you had thought that it was impossible to top that.

You stretched out your legs and placed them around Jaemin’s waist, pushing your hips up. 

“Hm?” He raised his head and locked eyes with you, revealing a sneaky smile that was accompanied by a cocked brow to emphasize his feigned surprise. “What’s that? You’re impatient already?”

“It’s you,” you said. “I just can’t get enough.”

Jaemin lowered his head again and started sucking on the side of your neck. You were sure you would be able to see a few faint bruises later on, but it was the time to wear scarves anyway and you wanted him to mark you in every way possible. 

Your fingers entangled in his soft hair that then slipped through the gaps between them, and after a few bypassing moments of absolute stillness from his side where you slowly grew even more impatient, Jaemin started to move inside of you again. 

When you were a teenager, you had lost your virginity to Jaemin after a few months of dating. He hadn’t been as insecure, nervous and awkward as you, because of course, the most popular boy from the band had already gained experience. And it seemed like he hadn’t lacked keeping to do so.

Or how else did he know to slip out with only the tip remaining so that you could quickly catch your breath, just to thrust back inside you with full force again? You couldn’t help but scream every time he penetrated that sweet spot, and he made sure to hit with every single motion.

The sheets grew wet under you as you were sweating so much, and in the peripheral of your blurry vision, you noticed that it had turned a bit lighter already in the apartment. God, for how long had this been going on, and how much more could you take?

You were already calling out, “Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin!”, mixed with dry screams that only grew more hoarsely, but you couldn’t seem to reach the anticipated release. Whenever you faced him, you only encountered his wicked, charming grin, and were assured that release was nowhere near yet.

Time and space blurred together for you and your mouth hung open, longing for air as he ripped you off it with his thrusts, again and again. The neverending string of a nearing orgasm was always graspable, but remained out of reach as each time, Jaemin took a brief pause by halting his motions and never pulling out entirely. 

“Please…”

You didn’t know why he was doing that or where he had even learned to be this skilful to drag it out for so long, and truth to be told, you also didn’t want to know. At this point, you were only worried that he was punishing you on purpose, for dumping him back in the days, and for letting him wait for so long. Fair enough, you accepted this kind of punishment over anything else. 

Jaemin drew his face close and licked over your dry lips. “I want to hear you beg.”

You didn’t care anymore at this point. You pressed him close to you, drawing your thighs even tighter around him. “Please, Jaemin!”

“Louder.” A low growl into your ear. But eventually, you felt him moving again.

“Please, Jaemin. PLEASE!”

“Louder!” he summoned.

“JAEMIN, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I BEG YOU, PLEASE!”

The next moment, it felt like a wave came crashing down over you after trying to swim away from it all this time. It only took Jaemin two more skilled thrusts at the right angle until you let out a long-lasting scream that was on the brink of waking all the neighbors up, but you didn’t care.

You felt your insides clenching around him, your legs shaking in the aftermath while your fingers simultaneously dig deep into his skin as though you were holding onto a lifeline, nails grazing along his back and leaving long marks that would also be visible for quite a time.

Jaemin followed almost directly after you. He was gracious and quiet about it, but you knew him well enough to see that he was still enjoying it a little too much as he revealed himself by a low whimper that he tried to hide in the side of your neck, followed by a long sigh. His arms were shaking as he lost all strength and limply fell on top of you.

Your fingers were still on the back of his head, slowly stroking and comforting him while he was coming down from his heights. Your sweaty chest heaved up and down with Jaemin’s head on top of it.

For a moment, it was silent, only your regular breathing rhythms audible. 

In that moment, you wondered when you had last felt this happy.

____

“Are you with Jaemin this weekend?” 

Jaehyun’s anger was palpable through the phone. You moved away from the queue, signaling Jaemin that you had to take this call while he was lining up to buy you octopus skewers.

“Uh… I-”

Your still-husband had caught you red-handed and you didn’t know what to answer, because you hadn’t been prepared for this kind of situation. Only now, you realized that it would have been better to not have picked up the call at all when you had seen his name popping up on the display - ‘hubby’ and a heart. You still hadn’t brought yourself to change it to his government name.

“Answer me,” he demanded when your stuttering slowly grew uncomfortable and you settled for a quiet corner to talk to him.

“Jaehyun…”

“Someone sent me a video of his stories from last night and you were in it. I should have known the first thing you’d do would be running to him.”

How was that possible? You didn’t have mutual friends anymore from back then who would have cared enough as all contact had started to dwindle down at some point. And as far as you knew, these two had each other blocked everywhere. Unless they didn’t anymore and Jaehyun was lying to cover up that he had been digging.

“Jaehyun, that’s not fair at all.”

You heard a snort, followed by dead silence, but he didn’t hang up. “When did you want to tell me you were spending the weekend with my best friend?”

Dead silence again, but this time from your side of the line. Eventually, you reproached, “You haven’t been best friends for four years.”

“You told me you weren’t in contact anymore since he tried to creep back into your life even shortly after our marriage and I had to nearly physically fight him when he suddenly stood in front of our door.”

“We weren’t in contact!” you defended yourself. “But he had gotten wind of our separation and then hit me up again. Initially, it was just small talk, how I was doing and dealing with the situation. This is only the third time we've seen each other ever since. I really wasn’t in contact with him all this time, Jaehyun.”

“You never blocked his number or his socials as you had promised or otherwise, how could he have reached you?”

“I did! I told you I did, and I immediately did so back then! He contacted me from another number as he had changed his phone contract. I’ve never lied to you throughout our entire marriage! Don’t doubt me now just for me to fit your narrative, Jaehyun.”

“Hm.” He always let out this sound when he was at a loss for words, but didn’t want to drop the topic just yet. “I see.”

Somewhere in the background you heard Kang Kang and suddenly felt so guilty. Yet, you shrugged it off. You were too happy to get dragged down by his double standards right now. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about why I wanted to go to Jeonju. But honestly, Jaehyun, you also have a female over this weekend, don’t you?”

“I told you straight-forwardly. Also, she’s not an ex or your best friend, and certainly not my first love.”

He was right. The way you had handled this situation was certainly not pretty or fair at all. Why hadn’t you told him the moment you asked him to take care of Kang Kang? 

Perhaps, because Jaemin had always been a threat to your relationship, long before your marriage and after it too. And it had always been your fault, even though you had complied with Jaehyun's requests about blocking and deleting him.

Somehow though, whenever Jaemin wanted to find you, he always did. And he was lucky to now have found you at a time where you had wanted to be found as well.

“Jaehyun…”

He let out a long breather and you imagined him shaking his head at this very moment. “I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I’m calling. I just thought… It’s not even my right anymore to know who you’re with and what you’re doing, but… really, him out of all people?”

“Jaehyun…”

He hadn’t been in Jaemin’s band, but in the same class. You had always seen him around, but never interacted as you had rarely hung out with Jaemin’s friends. He hadn’t wanted that. And when you had finally had enough of his shenanigans after suffering in your on-off relationship for two years, you moved on in university - with your ex’s best friend who had happened to be the complete opposite, and everything you’d ever asked for.

In the beginning, you had tried to keep it a secret, but eventually came clean with Jaemin after a few months, who had reacted in a very mature way. Or so you had thought. You didn’t want to be friends with him as you rarely saw him anyway, but you let them be friends. Eventually, you warmed up to this new dynamic as Jaemin had once been a huge part of your life too. Nothing had seemed weird at first and Jaemin seemingly was okay with it. 

Until it all went downhill.

“Do you remember the day you told him we were engaged?” Jaehyun then asked.

Of course you remembered. Jaemin hadn’t let his true emotions slip, he hadn’t thrown a tantrum, he hadn’t said anything more than,

“Good luck. But you won’t be married for too long, because she’ll be mine again.”

And ever since then, best friends Jaehyun and Jaemin had never spoken a word to each other again.

It was eerie and sad how this prediction had eventually turned out to be true.

“I chose you, because you are kind, dedicated and warm, Jaehyun. Jaemin was fickle, unreliable and unfaithful, yes, but we were almost still kids! He’s changed.”

“That’s what you also said when I was in the army and he tried to test the waters with you again. That he’s changed, when you went back to him shortly. And look how that ended.”

“Are you bringing this up again? We were never involved in that sense again! You were in the boot camp and could only text me for one hour on the weekend, I felt lonely and we wanted to meet up as friends! I was young and stupid, how many times do you still want to hear it?”

“... And he never turned up.”

You bit into your lower lip. If you didn’t know it better, Jaehyun was hurt and jealous. But there was seriously no room for him to feel this way anymore. You were separated and it was only a matter of days until it was official. You didn’t even need to talk to him right now, but somehow, you also couldn’t bring yourself to just hang up.

“This time, he did turn up. Among many other things.” 

Only then did you realize that tears were pricking behind your eyes. In your peripheral, you could watch Jaemin ordering the skewers already, he was not supposed to see you cry.

“And you know that from a day of spending with him?”

“You know, I don’t have to justify myself in front of you, Jaehyun.”

‘If you still love me, then say it out loud!’ that was what you wanted to tell him. You wanted to grab him by his shoulders, shake him and ask him why he hadn’t told you so earlier. Why Jaemin had to come in between you again for him to finally open his mouth. 

At the other side of the line, it had suddenly turned quiet. 

“Are you sure about it?” you whispered into your phone. “About the divorce.”

“What is this about?” Jaehyun almost seemed angry now. “We’ve talked about it over and over again. This is for the best.”

“Then stop bothering me!”

Finally, you hung up and took a deep breather. Wiping a tear from your cheek with the back of your hand, you turned your head against the sky. It was still snowing, and the flakes melted immediately on your hot cheeks.

“Everything alright?” Jaemin asked when he had reached you. “Did something happen?”

You shook your head and accepted the skewer he was holding out to you. “No, nothing. Let’s go.”

____

Jaemin rolled his head back, his mouth falling agape.

“Yes, just like that.”

You felt his fingertips grazing over the back of your head, and then, with a firm tug, he had your hair between his fingers, tightly pulling on it. You swallowed a pained squeal, but the discomfort passed quickly as you realized it even added up to the sensation of sucking Jaemin off.

You let it slip past your mouth, only trapping the upper part between your lips, and then halted. With the tip of your tongue, you pressed down into the slit where you already tasted his sticky precum. You smiled when you heard him groan.

This time though, Jaemin didn’t let you get away with teasing him so easily. He pushed your head down his length, and as you didn’t have time to prepare yourself for this sudden action, you almost choked at him hitting the back of your throat. 

You weren’t trained in deep throating at all, the only time you had tried, you had wanted to gag so badly. Even now, it wasn’t really a cakewalk for you to suppress the reflex. But as you turned your gaze up and caught Jaemin stretched out gloriously on the couch, enjoying it with angelic moans, you gladly complied, no matter the circumstances.

Jaemin set the rhythm with his fingers still entwined in your hair. He pulled on your strands and lifted your head up his length just to slam you all the way down again until you nearly met his pelvis with your lips. It took you three tries to get rid of the gag reflex and another two to adjust to this submissive act.

“Now, suck it.”

You happily did so as it meant having a break from the excessive motions earlier, and only dedicated yourself to the upper half, sucking him off like a lollipop. You also used your tongue with which you teased him again by letting it glide over the smoothest part, just passing the frenulum. The sound he let out as a result was the loudest you had ever heard pass his lips during an intimate act.

“What was that?” he asked almost breathlessly, and looked down at you.

“You like it?” you wanted to know shyly.

“I love it!” he exclaimed and laughed. “Do it again!”

You felt Jaemin releasing himself into your mouth without a warning not much later, though you felt it pumping past your circled lips. Patiently, you waited until he was done and only let him slip out of your mouth then, falling back into a crouch and wiping over your stained mouth.

With a smirk, Jaemin patted the top of your head, then dropped his hand and angled your chin with his index finger. You faced each other, and you observed his expression changing.

“Now, your turn?” he asked with a bit of danger in his voice.

You swallowed, but didn’t hold him back. You were in for a wild ride.

That was until Jaemin’s phone rang and he needed to interrupt your act. You wanted him to ignore it, but he had already told you beforehand that he was expecting an important call. Just talk about timing…

You wondered what it could be about when you arose after Jaemin had left the room to go to another and take the call. It was kind of a long conversation as you only remembered how you went on to lie in bed, mindlessly scrolling through your phone and losing track of time. The next moment, when Jaemin came out again, it was already dark.

You were standing by the window now, the snow still hadn’t stopped falling. As a matter of fact, it was snowing even harder, and you wondered whether by tomorrow morning, the snow would have put a white blanket over the whole country.

“What happened?” you asked, unsure what to read out of Jaemin’s undefined expression.

That was until he broke out into a beam, closed the short distance between you and swept you off your feet. He had his hands placed under your ribs and swung you around with your feet dangling above the floor. 

You laughed and asked, after he had placed you down again, “Will you tell me what happened now?”

“Great news!” Jaemin declared with your hands remaining in his. “That was a producer who’s called me. I’ve been sending demos to different companies for years now, and finally this one is interested in my music! The producer wants to meet me tomorrow, isn’t it great?!”

“Oh, Jaemin! That’s amazing to hear!”

“I know, right?I have to prepare a few things for tomorrow since I have to drive to Gwangju where the company is located, do you mind?” He suddenly drew his brows together and looked very concerned. “I know we had dinner plans, but…”

You immediately shook your head. Of course, disappointment sank into your stomach as you had especially looked forward to this fancy dinner with him. It was your last night together as you were supposed to go home the next day, but another part, a bigger part, didn’t want to be so selfish. She knew that music had always been Jaemin’s dream, and if he could make it his main occupation, who were you to stop him?

“I’m gonna make up for it!” he immediately apologized, led your hand to his mouth and kissed your knuckles. “Tomorrow, fancy brunch or lunch before you leave?”

You nodded, very well aware of the fact that knowing Jaemin for the passionate man that he was, neither brunch or lunch would take place tomorrow. Somehow, it was all high school again, but you were more mature now and there was no room for your own, selfish needs.

Jaemin let go of you and dedicated himself to his music station where he gathered together a few documents. “Imagine,” he then summoned, “if it’s really going to work out and I am really going to be big with my band, we could play so many shows or even do a tour - maybe internationally too! And I would take you with me of course! To America!”

“Jaemin, I have a dog to take care of and a job I’m really dedicated to, you know that. I cannot be on the road for months.” Had he forgotten the words from last night where he had offered to move to the capital for you? Had your wants been overshadowed by his daydreams once again like back in the days?

“Oh yeah…” He scratched the back of his head, but then beamed again. “Don’t worry, we’ll find a solution!”

Again, he was proposing something so far off into the future without asking what you wanted. Aside from the fact that you liked living a domestic life with a stable job and a routine, you didn’t want to be separated from your dog. Or your family, especially your grandmother yet.

And that was what Jaemin didn’t get… again. Just like the fact that you couldn’t think of another marriage already when you were still with one foot inside your current one.

He was impulsive, dreamy and so demanding. But this was what you had wanted, right? Someone to take things into his own hands and consider you in his future, whether you fit in or not.

“Yes, we’ll find a solution,” you eventually replied as he was expecting an answer. And who knew, perhaps you would really find one.

Jaemin turned back to this work and rambled on about how great of a life you two would have together.

Would you, though?

Your current life as it was, was already perfect for you. Just the man in it hadn’t been.

____

With shaking hands, you swiped over your phone screen until, from your blurry vision, you finally saw your husband’s name pop up. Hubby and a heart next to it. You still hadn’t changed it, and for now, you were glad for that as it had made finding his contact easier.

It was only 7am on a sunday, but you knew Jaehyun would pick up no matter how early or late, no matter what, regardless of your dispute from the day before. He had promised.

“Grandmother is in the hospital,” you cried into the phone the moment the ringing stopped. “And I- I can’t go back. I-I don’t have a car and I’m in J-Jeonju, the trains are not running because of the heavy snowfall and I don’t know how to get back, how to get to my grandmother. Jaehyun… C-can you-”

It was rustling on the other line and from your peripheral, you could see Jaemin watching you with a displeased face. 

No questions asked. Jaehyun’s voice was still so deep and raspy as you had just woken him up, but his head was as clear as ever. “Send me the address, I’ll take the car and come pick you up.”

“Th-there is snow everywhere! It’ll probably take hours.”

He didn’t ask why Jaemin wouldn’t drive you or why Jaehyun himself should do this even though you were separated. At this moment, none of this mattered except the fact that he needed to bring you to your grandmother. 

“I don’t care.” There was some noise on his end of the line, and you could have sworn you also heard a female whispering something, but none of this mattered. “I’ll get going now and will text you the estimated arrival time.”

He didn’t care about the weather, the amounts of snow blocking the streets, whether he would even get through the traffic, none of this mattered.

“Thank you,” you whispered through your sobs.

It was like he still wanted to say something, but only brought himself to end the call with, “See you.”

Jaemin waited for you to finish typing the address for Jaehyun first before he spoke up. “I wish I could change things.”

“You can!” you yelled at him, having suppressed your anger for an hour already.

At 6am, you had been unexpectedly awakened by a call from your mother that held unfortunate news you never wished upon anyone to ever receive: Your grandmother was in the hospital as she had fallen in the bathroom that night and had been unconscious for a few hours before she could call anyone for help.

And Jaemin’s reaction? 

He fell into silence again.

“You can change things, but you don’t want to,” you repeated through tears and fled out of the bed as you couldn’t physically bear being close to him anymore.

“That’s not it…” His feeble attempts to defend himself were all to no avail as expected. “It’s just a once in a lifetime chance, if I need to cancel, I might not be able to…”

“My grandmother can also live just this lifetime! I only have her for one lifetime,” you hissed, not sparing him a single glance as you started to throw your belongings into your bag. “She’s fighting for her life in the hospital and you think your music appointment is more important than driving me there? It’s only in the evening, and you’re worried you won’t make it back to your appointment on time, because of the snow?”

“We called your parents and the hospital already.” His voice got louder, more determined now, though it was nothing compared to yours. “She’s fine. You can probably take the train by midday, maybe even forenoon, anyway. I’m just being realistic.”

“You just don’t get it, don’t you? Probably because no one has ever been this important to you.”

The moment you had spoken the words out loud, you already regretted it, but an apology refused to pass your lips as Jaemin only said,

“You are this important to me.”

“I don’t believe you as you cannot even do this for me.”

His music was more important, his career and everything connected to it. It would always, always come first, and this was something that was never going to change, and had never changed, you saw it clearly now. 

Your relationship in your adulthood was merely a projection of what it had already been in high school.

Nothing had changed.

____

Jaehyun picked you up from a nearby café four hours later. 

You had directly left Jaemin’s apartment the moment you had gathered all your belongings and hadn’t looked back - neither had he. He hadn’t changed his mind about the situation and he hadn’t tried to hold you back, no matter how much you had wished for it. 

You were standing in front of the café, still in your joggers and with tousled hair, freezing to your bones as the snow touched your naked ankles, but at least Jaehyun was here, regardless of the weather, his appointments and the time.

He was here.

He had always been here. 

You had just been too blind to see it.

The moment he opened the car door at your side, you broke out into tears again, unable to move, and it caused him to actually get out of the car himself to then approach you. 

Suddenly, it got so warm around you despite the weather, and even with your teary eyes closed you realized that Jaehyun had pulled you into an embrace. With his slender fingers, he brushed over the back of your head in a comforting gesture as you sobbed into his jacket.

“Your grandmother will be fine,” he whispered into your hair, unaware of the fact that you were currently not crying over your grandmother anymore, but over the fact that he was here regardless of how ridiculous it might sound.

He had made it through the snow chaos and traffic just to bring you home safely. If this wasn’t what your marriage vows had been about, then what was? Was that what your grandmother had been talking about?

You had two hours to think about it as you made your way back to the capital. There were many things you wanted to ask Jaehyun. How serious it was with that woman, if she was mad he had suddenly left her for his soon-to-be ex-wife and if he himself was mad that he was here now. But first and foremost…

“Why did you come?”

“I told you, you could always call me. No matter how late… or early in this case, I’ll always be there. Despite that, I care about your grandmother and your entire family, too. For a large part of my life, they were also my family.”

“They will always be, Jaehyun.”

“I know.”

His gaze was too focused on the street ahead of you as though it was taking him everything in his might to just keep his eyes averted from you. The majority of the snow had been cleared from the streets already so that cars could drive without many obstacles again. 

“Are you sure about it?” you repeated from your disrupted phone call the day before. “Are you sure about the divorce?”

“Why does it matter?” he asked back strictly. “Haven’t you moved on with my former best friend already, this time for good, because he’s changed so much?”

“That’s not an answer, Jaehyun.”

You had no reason to feel so attacked, but it still hurt, because he was wrong, even though Jaehyun didn’t know it yet. Jaemin hadn’t changed at all, and you were too proud to admit it. Perhaps though, you had overreacted as well. Perhaps, everything would have gone so well if only you had been calmer and more rational, and had actually listened to Jaemin. Perhaps, you had done Jaemin so wrong. 

But Jaehyun was now in the car, driving you back home, and not Jaemin, right? Jaehyun was here, and not Jaemin.

“On the way to Jeonju,” he started, “I had a few hours to think about everything. Have we given it all? Was a divorce really our last solution? What could I have done differently, what could you have differently for us to avoid this outcome. And I just… couldn’t come up with an answer. 

“Which means, on the contrary, perhaps a divorce was not a solution either,” you concluded. “But we’ve lived in separation for half a year at that point, Jaehyun. And we were fine with it. We’ve had many talks, so why are we here, ripping open this wound again? What’s the purpose? I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that it only took one weekend for us to doubt this decision.”

“Perhaps, there is none,” he said, and shrugged. “Perhaps, it’s all about what makes us happy, after all. And finding out you lied to me and spent the weekend with him, didn’t make me happy at all.”

Now that he was so honest with you, you could be honest with him too. “I also wasn’t happy when you told me you would get a female visitor this weekend.”

A long pause followed the conversation before you confessed,

“But you picking up the phone and being here with me now, makes me really happy.”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly, “I’m also happy you called me and didn’t rely on him.”

He didn’t ask what exactly had happened with Jaemin, and you also didn’t ask him about the other woman when you arrived at his empty home much later that day to pick up your dog after having visited your grandmother together first. 

She didn’t get hurt except for a bruise by her hip and would be fine after being taken care of in the hospital for a few days. You visited her every day for one week straight, but on neither of these days did you see Jaehyun or Jaemin.

The fact that you were disappointed would be an understatement, but you were too caught up with everything going on at this point that you couldn't waste too many unnecessary thoughts in their behaviors.

____

A week later, you and your mother returned home with your grandma. Despite her refusing your offer, you had still insisted on taking one week off from work and living with her, just in case something could happen again and until she regained her health. 

Nevertheless, you as a family had all agreed on hiring a caretaker that would look after her half a day and who would start right after your week off with her. After a few attempted protests from your grandma’s side though, she had eventually given in as well.

“Where’s all the food I requested?” you asked in astonishment as you opened shelf after shelf in your grandmother’s kitchen, but each of them you found empty. “Didn’t father and uncle do grocery shopping? I made an entire list for them and they knew she’d return today.”

“Oh, they were busy last night,” your mother explained after she had taken your grandmother to her bedroom. “They’ll do it later today.”

You rolled your eyes as you tried to fight the wave of reproach against your family. “Busy with watching football all night long probably. What did they think would happen when we came back home with grandmother? There are no ingredients to make food for her and when I looked into the bathroom, she had also run out of toilet paper. What were they thin-”

“Honey…” Your mom placed her hands on your shoulders to calm you down, but somehow, her not getting as heated up as you was making you even more disappointed. Were you the only one who cared? “Please be reassured that everything is going to be fine.”

“How?” you asked back, a tinge of anger in your voice. “We come back and the sheets are not washed, we have nothing we can make food of for her and we cannot even-”

Your mom exhaled deeply as she tried to convince you again, “Let’s just order the most important necessities online, okay? Then your father and uncle will bring the rest later today, it’s really not a big deal.”

“Sweetheart, will you come here, please?” you heard your grandmother suddenly disrupt your conversation. 

You let out a long sigh, threw another glare at your mom and then left for the bedroom.

“I’m sorry, grandma,” you apologized as you popped into her bedroom with your head first. “I will go to the store right now to bring you the necessities. You don’t need to worry about this, please relax.”

“I do not worry about this,” she reassured you. “I feel so fine here. And you do not need to worry that much either, it’s all going to be fine.”

“No,” you cried out and shook your head, tears welling up on the brim of your eyes. All your feelings came crashing down on you at once, feelings that you had tried to push aside for an entire week. “Nothing is ever going to be fine again!”

You sat down by her bedside and dropped your head. Her soft, warm hand found your fingers and gave them a comforting squeeze. “Is this about your husband?”

“Yes,” you admitted, and ‘no’ you wanted to say simultaneously as this wasn’t about your husband alone. Perhaps, now ex-husband on official papers even. “Why did he never show up again after going to the hospital with me the first day? I thought… he still cared, not only about me, but about you too. I’m so disappointed. I thought he was different.”

The last sentence was dedicated to both of them, though you confessed silently to yourself that you had never expected this from Jaehyun, out of the two. 

“But dear… he did come.”

You lifted your head and wiped away a tear that had dangled on the corner of your eye as you faced your grandmother with much surprise. “What are you saying, grandma?”

“He came every single day in the morning before work, we talked for half an hour when I was awake. I thought you knew?”

You had no idea, and looking at your grandma now, who was grinning widely and also a bit sneakily, made you assume that perhaps, she had kept it a secret on purpose - because the effect, when you found out, would be so much more impactful.

And it was.

“Grandma, I had no idea…”

“That’s why I asked you, before you decided to separate, did you really give it your all and tried everything possible to fix your marriage before moving on? Because, as far as I can see, you’re not the only one not ready to do so entirely.”

“I… I can’t say. I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter anymore, grandma,” you eventually said. “Even if we both wanted it, it’s too late. He has probably already signed the papers and sent them out.”

“Fine. But don’t forget my words. If, at some point in your life, you realize that you have made the wrong decision, don’t hesitate for a single second and tell him.” She leaned back into the pillows. “It’s almost afternoon, I want to sleep. Can you close the door behind you then, dear?”

“Of course.” You gave her a kiss on the forehead and quietly walked out of her room.

Back in the kitchen, you saw your mom sitting at the table, scrolling through her phone. Why was she not up and about yet to do some grocery shopping or at least call your father to do the trip? You were fed up by now, fueled by your grandmother’s words too.

“Mom, I’m going to the store and I’ll take your car.”

“Okay.”

That was it. You knew she had had a lot on her plate too, but why did everyone not take this situation seriously enough? 

When you put on your jacket as it was freezing outside, you wondered whether you were overreacting and just putting all your time and energy into this situation, moving here and taking care of things, just so you didn’t need to think about how your own life was falling apart. As long as you could take care of someone else, you didn’t need to face your own problems. Hadn’t this been the root of your downfall as well?

After all, when you returned home after this week, you would get a call from your lawyer to confirm that the divorce was through. You had specifically requested for him not to call while you were here.

What then, after that? Then, you were a divorced woman, and you weren’t ready to settle with this term yet.

“Careful!”

You nearly ran into a tall figure when you opened the entrance door. A familiar scent touched your nose, strong hands holding you by your arms so that you could keep your balance after the impact. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked Jaehyun as your gaze simultaneously scanned his appearance, and you spotted two big bags of groceries to either of his sides on the floor. 

“I thought since your grandmother would come home today, you would need a helping hand,” he stated and pointed at the grocery bags. You saw toilet paper, rice, water, and other necessities peeking out. “I didn’t know what to buy, so I just brought a bit of everything. Is that… okay?”

You couldn’t help yourself but fell into his arms, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulder, and suddenly, this entire situation didn’t seem so difficult and hopeless anymore.

You had felt so left alone, like you had overreacted and that your feelings weren’t valid. But now your husband was here, having shown up in ways nobody else was. Your feelings were valid, they had always been to him.

Perhaps, your grandmother had been right all along. 

No, you hadn’t tried everything possible, because this clearance came way too late now, and you couldn’t apologize anymore for sometimes being a selfish, spoiled brat that had demanded much more from her husband than he was able to give. And always, you had wanted more and more.

Your views on life and the way you wanted to live it had started to take separate roads and you had thought this was not fixable anymore, but was that really what mattered after all?

It wasn’t about who was there for you all the time. Your problems couldn’t have been solved in that way either. That was why it couldn’t have worked out with Jaemin too. It wasn’t about this at all.

It was about who showed up during the times you truly needed someone. And it was always Jaehyun. When you needed support, a helping hand or someone to call during an emergency, he had always been there.

If you needed someone at all times, it could be anyone. But if you needed someone when times were hard, it was Jaehyun.

It had always been Jaehyun. 

“Your grandma is going to be fine,” Jaehyun whispered and gently patted the back of your head.

But you weren’t crying over your grandmother anymore, but about your failed marriage.

Because yes, you regretted it deeply and had not given it your all.

Because now, it was too late.

Neither of you spoke about the divorce papers that day.

____

Jaehyun didn’t come over anymore and neither did you reach out to him during the week you lived with your grandmother. 

You were determined to make it on your own from then on. Very soon, you were an official divorcée and single dog mom, so it was better to start early with this new lifestyle. Knowing you too well, Jaehyun might have already sensed it as he was leaving you completely alone during that time.

You brought Kang Kang with you to live and thus your days started with walking your dog before helping your grandmother get ready and preparing breakfast that you eventually ate together just like the other meals. Even though your grandmother was still able to do most things by herself, you noticed how slower, shakier and sometimes disoriented she had become. 

Time was not stopping, for nobody.

During the day you were occupied with doing chores, taking care of paperwork as well as your grandmother and Kang Kang. At the end of each day, you fell into your bed, absolutely exhausted and tired. Your mind was always occupied as well and there was no space for other things except for those brief moments during nighttime when you were alone and neither busy in a physical way or in your mind.

Then, you stared at the ceiling and wept.

Because you missed Jaehyun so badly and wished for him to be with you. You would have done anything for him to be here right now, but your marriage was over and you needed to move on without him. 

Everyday with this realization was hard, but luckily, no day grew harder than the day before. Eventually, they would only grow brighter.

That was your silver lining. 

____

Realizing that you wanted to be with Jaehyun after all, meant in retrospect that you couldn’t be with Jaemin. And just because you couldn’t be with Jaehyun, didn’t mean you should be with Jaemin. That was not how it worked, unfortunately.

“Hey, it’s me,” you spoke on the phone, watching the skyline from your window the first night you had returned to your home. 

He had promised to always pick up when you called, but this time, he hadn’t. You were struggling to come to terms with the fact that he indeed didn’t want to be reached by you either this time. Perhaps, not anymore at all.

You remembered why you had married Jaehyun.

You had married him, because he took care of the people he loved, because he made things seem more bearable when they weren’t and because when he said he would pick up whenever you called, he actually did. That was not a void Jaemin could just fill.

You would always search for a Jaehyun in his eyes, and that was not fair, because he was not. He was Jaemin, an entirely different person. And there was a person out there that would be perfect for him, too.

“I just wanted to tell you that this is the last time you will ever hear from me.” Softly, Kang Kang was snoring in the corner, filling the pause that then followed.

Maturing was realizing that just because you wanted to be with someone, you shouldn’t be with them. Maturing was realizing that only because you didn’t want to be alone, you should be with someone. Maturing was realizing that even on the third try, some people still weren’t meant to be together.

Tears sprang from your eyes, but your voice gave no hint of it. “Truth to be told, I am very disappointed that you never showed up again… called me, or at least sent a message, asked me how we are. It was a very hard time for me and you just… weren’t there.”

But someone else had been. You dried your cheeks with the back of your hand. 

“Yes, I could have messaged or called you too… but why should I have when I was the one suffering? Admittedly, I also didn’t need to. I handled it all myself very well. That made me realize… I wanted this, Jaemin. I wanted this so much, with you. But I didn’t need it. I don’t need you. And the past weeks made me realize that you feel the same. You don’t need me either.”

You could live without Jaehyun and you could live without Jaemin, you just had to be strong enough to make it on your own now that you had neither. 

And you would make it on your own. 

You had the drive, passion and strength all within you, you just had failed to notice for so long. After all, you had been able to take care of your grandmother, dog and everyone around you for the past weeks. So taking care of yourself wouldn’t be harder than that.

Had you broken down and experienced weak moments? Yes, several times. But that had only made you stronger.

“I’m strong and not afraid, I will always make it on my own. And you will make it too. Go out into the world, perhaps even travel to America where you always wanted to go, make your dream about music come true… I wish for you to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted, with my whole heart.” You swallowed hard and added, “It’s just not going to be with me. I don’t know where my place is yet, but it’s not by your side.”

For now, your best companion was yourself. And your dog. And actually, that was enough.

You finished speaking on the mailbox with, “Goodbye, Jaemin.”

You didn’t hesitate to delete his number and block him all across social media. This time, for good.

The fact that you cried yourself to sleep that night would be your own little secret to keep, but it would also be the very last time you would find yourself in a position to cry over Jaemin, ever.

The next morning, you felt free. The air was clear and crisp. It was cloudy, but not snowing. Thank god.

____

“I apologize for having to tell you this, but Mr. Jeong hasn’t signed the divorce papers.”

“Pardon me?” 

It had been a dreadful feeling to take the call from your lawyer the next morning. The more surprised you were about the actual message he had just passed down to you. Your breath caught.

“His lawyer told me he refuses to sign them and sent them back to me unsigned, that’s why I couldn’t send them to you yet.”

You frowned as you suddenly turned utterly confused. “But why? What did he say? Is there something he still wants to negotiate over?”

“They didn’t tell me, just that he refuses to sign them. I’ll resolve this for you, be at ease.”

“Don’t,” you held him back. “I’ll do it myself.”

“You’re not allow-”

But you had already hung up and were halfway out of the door, he didn’t even come to end his sentence.

____

Not even an hour later, you were standing in front of Jaehyun’s apartment door, ringing the bell like a maniac. He looked at you like he had expected you already as you stood in front of him with your arms folded in front of your chest.

“Took you long enough.”

“Care to explain to me why you sent the documents back unsigned?”

“Come inside,” he invited you calmly.

Your eyes narrowed. “Your girlfriend doesn't mind?”

“We haven’t seen each other since that weekend… and I rather want it to stay this way.”

Your heart jumped. That basically meant they weren’t together anymore, you concluded as you followed him into his apartment and took your shoes off in the corridor. 

“What about Jaemin?” 

“Same.”

It seemed that you both didn’t want to talk about your past lovers, and even though you were curious, if he had to elaborate, then you needed to as well, and there was no way you would ever want to live through the past weeks again.

“I was thinking about our conversation in the car back from Jeonju,” he began as he shifted around to face you the moment you arrived in the living room, “about what makes me happy. When we were separated, we didn’t see each other, and I was happy living a life I haven’t gotten a taste of before. I was happy doing new stuff, trying out new things, being untied from you. Because what made me unhappy… was you.”

Your eye twitched as you didn’t know whether you should feel offended now. But when you let the words sink in and contemplated them, you felt exactly the same. Seeing and spending time with your husband had dreaded you of all your energy and happiness as you two had forgotten how to be happy together anymore.

And you told him exactly that now.

“I agree.” He nodded. “And then I thought about what made me really unhappy. Because up until two weeks ago, I was really happy. And then came you, and you made me feel so miserable.”

You drew your brows together, not quite sure if you had heard right. But you had, and it stung. No, it actually hurt very much that it took all your might to refrain yourself from crying right now. “I… still make you unhappy?”

But Jaehyun’s facial expression didn’t match his words as he nodded. His features were soft, a slight smile playing around his lips. There was no way he could find this amusing?

“It makes me unhappy to see you unhappy. It makes me unhappy to see you suffering because of your grandmother and simultaneously getting mistreated by the guy who is supposed to make you happy. Because if he can’t do it, who will? I was just too blind to see this.”

You dropped your gaze. Jaehyun had. He had shown up in ways nobody else ever had. Just to… see you happy, because he couldn’t stand the thought of you being sad and miserable?

Knowing he was pushing so far, he didn’t wait for you to reply, but instead wanted to know, “What makes you unhappy?”

“When you’re not with me.”

With slow steps, he approached you until he stood tall and calm in front of you. You lifted your head and looked into his clear and sincere eyes.

“Please don’t ask me what will make me happy, Jaehyun,” you pleaded him straight-forwardly. “Because I’m not sure whether you’d like the answer.”

“What if I’d like to hear it?”

You furrowed in worry. “At all cost?”

Jaehyun inhaled sharply as though in tension, but his soft features remained. 

“What if you don’t like it?” you asked.

“You will never know if you don’t try, right?”

‘If, at some point in your life, you realize that you have made the wrong decision, don’t hesitate for a single second and tell him.’ You remembered your grandmother’s words too well.

He didn’t expect it though when you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him down to you. 

He still tasted exactly like in your memories.

____

“Are you excited, Kang Kang?” 

Your dog yelped and ran around in circles. You patted his head when he eventually came to a standstill in front of you and looked up to you with big eyes.

“Are you excited to live with your dad again?”

As though in response, Kang Kang started to whirl around again and you laughed. Lately, you found yourself laughing very often, and every time it came from deep within you with all sincerity and happiness. 

In the past two weeks, your grandmother had started to settle with her new caretaker so that you could cut down your visits to once or twice a week, because you were currently busy moving houses. But each time, Jaehyun came with you, and your grandmother was overjoyed.

You had decided to move into a new home together that wasn’t riddled with memories of a very unpleasant phase in your marriage that had almost ended it for good. It was just as big and beautiful as this apartment, but you had already agreed that that one would only be a temporary home as well.

Maybe, not too far in the future, you could move outside of the city where Kang Kang would have a garden to run around in and where he would have playmates, maybe both, a boy and girl.

You blushed at the thought and looked at the engagement ring and wedding band that you had been wearing again since the day you had found out that your husband had never signed the divorce papers.

Just because you could make it on your own didn’t mean you wanted and needed to. After all, you had given a vow to each other, because somewhere in the past, you were so happy, you had agreed on spending the rest of your lives with each other. And that meant something, so much more than anyone not married could imagine. 

You weren’t walking down the aisle thinking you’re going to get divorced. You got married, because this was supposed to be forever.

Yes, it was right that it took much less to turn “Till death do us part” into “Till your lack of time for me do us part”, but unlike the worst case scenario, everything else was fixable. 

The movers were busy carrying down the last boxes with your stuff while you put Kang Kang on a leash. Looking around your old apartment for one last time, you bid farewell to this home of yours that not only bore bliss, but also destruction. But you had come out of it stronger, better than before.

You wouldn’t say that all your differences were now solved by deciding to get back together. Love alone couldn’t magically make them disappear, that was not how it worked. But you had talked long about this, what you needed to get back to where you had once been.

You had thought of your grandmother’s words every so often. No, you had not given it all yet, you eventually had to admit to her personally too, and she had only smiled, as though in knowing. Jaehyun and you both still had, apart from love of course, the passion, the determination, the strength. And hope. 

As long as there was that, your marriage was fixable.

And this time, you would make sure nothing would do you part again.

“The movers are ready, so we should get to the car. Here, let me take Kang Kang.”

Your heart was full of love and hope too when Jaehyun appeared at your door with a smile and took the leash from you after giving you a kiss on your cheek. 

Jaehyun was a husband who took care of things, so that you wouldn’t need to. Wasn’t this what marriage was about? Making each other’s lives easier and happier, because life itself was already hard enough.

Your grandmother had realized this very early. What a woman.

You didn’t think of Jaemin that often anymore. Only every now and then, he involuntarily crossed your mind and tugged on your heartstrings as a strong memory that day by day slowly faded, too. His face became blurry when you tried to remember his exact features, and eventually, he would only be a flash of a picture among a string of memories when you thought back to this time. As it had always been.

The only difference was that you had shut down every possibility of reaching out on either side. When you caught yourself wanting to unblock him and look him up on social media, you put your phone aside and let the feeling pass. It really worked wonders.

And one day, even this urge would perish.

When you stepped onto the streets that were still layered with a thin sheen of snow and ice, you noticed that the sun was shining and a touch of spring lingered in the air. The temperature would start to get warmer soon as well.

Your husband helped Kang Kang into the back of the car before he circled it and opened the door for you. And that was it, the huge difference. So subtle, but so grave all at once, it nearly made your heart burst.

“Are you ready to go home?” Jaehyun asked.

And finally, you answered, “Yes, I really want to go home.”  

Winter was still here, but in your heart, it was already summer when your husband took your hand.

You wanted rays of sunshine, warm breezes, salt on your skin and the chanting of crickets.

You wanted it to always be summer.

You wanted your husband.

____

One month prior

Jaemin had followed you all the way back to Seoul that very same day your grandmother had been admitted to the hospital, ditching the biggest opportunity in his entire life after all.

After he had seen you so disappointed and sad, mostly because of him, your expression hadn’t left his mind for hours. When it dawned on him what he was doing to you, letting you down in a very crucial situation, he wanted to beat himself up for being such a selfish idiot once again and had directly made his way to the café where you had fled to. But when he had arrived, you were already gone. 

Following you all the way to Seoul, he had been thinking of all the ways he could make it up to you. He had booked a hotel in the city and prepared to stay there for as long as you needed him. But when he had arrived, he saw you in front of the hospital and you weren’t alone. 

You had been with your husband and he had held you close as you cried in his arms, he had seen it all from his car.

He was too late again, he had thought. But when he had looked closer, the way Jaehyun was holding you and consoling you, he knew that timing wasn’t the problem, it had never been. 

You couldn’t be hugged like this by anyone. Jaemin couldn’t embrace you the way Jaehyun did, and it turned out to be a painful realization for him. It couldn’t be him, it also couldn’t be anyone else. It had to be Jaehyun.

It had always been Jaehyun.

___

“May I come in?”

Jaemin stood in front of Jaehyun’s door later that fateful day after you had left with your dog, facing his former best friend in person for the first time in many years. 

Occasionally, he would look at his social media after he had found out on a random day that Jaehyun had unblocked him and vice versa. Somehow, they still wanted to know what the other was up to, who they were up to with. The irony of that.

Jaehyun remained quiet, but pushed the door open for him. 

“Why are you here?” Jaehyun then asked him when they reached the living room. “She’s not here.”

“I know,” Jaemin answered. “I came for you.”

“So?” He braced his arm against the table and leaned back. “The invitations for the tea party are not out yet.”

“There is no need to be so condescending.” At this point, Jaemin was just so tired and wanted to leave this all behind him. “After today, I will be out of your lives, forever.”

“Sounds tempting. But as you know, we will be officially divorced soon, so she’s all yours to have.”

“But I’m not the one she needs.”

Jaehyun drew his brow together. “You’re the one she wants to be with.”

He smiled mildly and repeated, “But I’m not the one she needs. We don’t need to be together a fourth time to figure this out. You show up in ways I will never be able to, you’re the one she needs, even if she doesn’t see it yet.”

“Well… you’re too late.” Jaehyun shrugged. “I’ll sign the papers and will send them to my lawyer tomorrow. You think she’s some puppet you can toss around when you’re done playing just to pick her up again when it’s convenient for you? That’s not how relationships work.”

“I know.” Jaemin dropped his head in regret. “I’ve never wanted all of this. I’ve always wanted the best for…”

“...yourself,” Jaehyun ended the sentence aloud.

“... her,” Jaemin ended the sentence in his head.

And even though everything was different now, even though he had evolved and grown so much as a person, it was easier to let them believe that he was still the selfish, hard-headed Jaemin from the past. 

After all, he couldn't hold her like Jaehyun to make her feel so happy. 

It had to be someone particular. It had to be him.

And if he would be gone, then no one could make her happy anymore.

So Jaemin dashed forward and grabbed his former friend by the collar. Jaehyun was too perplexed to instantly react and just faced his opposite with a shocked expression.

“Listen up,” Jaemin growled, “if you send out signed divorce papers, I will come for you in the worst way possible. If you don’t rekindle this marriage with her, I will make your life a living hell. We might not like each other anymore, but we both love her, and if I ever see you making her sad again, you can dig your own grave. You will fix this marriage, no matter the cost, are we in the clear?”

He slowly let go of Jaehyun after luring out a reluctant nod from him. Latter cleared his throat and asked, “... but, do you think she even still wants to be with me?”

This time, Jaemin’s smile was sincere. “I’m absolutely sure about that. Show her again the reason why she was picking you over me, again and again. Remind her of all the traits that make you so much better for her than me, and she will choose you again. If she hasn’t already. Or do you not want t-”

“I do!” Jaehyun blurted out. “I absolutely do.”

Jaemin stretched out his arm and gave his former friend’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze. “Very well.”

When he made his way to the door, Jaehyun stopped him with the words, “Thank you. Honestly.”

Initially, he wanted to turn around, but it was starting to burn behind his eyes, so Jaemin kept his back turned to Jaehyun and said,

“Don’t make me regret this.”

____

Jaemin threw his phone into the bushes on his way out.

So, what now?

He turned his head to the sky, and even though the tears started streaming down his face now, he tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket and smiled through the blurriness. The wind was cold and burned his wet cheeks, and suddenly, it started snowing again.

This pain would vanish, he was sure of that. When you had fixed your marriage, got children and grew old together, his pain would eventually pass in this timeline. 

Yet, at that moment, it felt like it ripped Jaemin’s heart to shreds, even to the point where he wondered if he was actually tricking himself into believing that he would be fixed again or had to live the rest of his life with this ache slowly eating him up from the inside until there was nothing left of him anymore except for the frayed edges of his once so lively soul.

Jaemin took a deep breather and swallowed the next wave of tears.

He had no regrets, despite everything. And he still had hope. As long as there was that and he was able to hold onto these faint strings, he would continue on.

A fresh start, that was what he needed now as he trotted to his car. Far away from you and Jaehyun so that your paths would never cross again in this lifetime. That was the last selfless act he could still offer to you.

America sounded good.

[benjaminrydersnest]

Repeat after me: Being "redeemed" does not mean you are forgiven, it does not mean you have friends, it does not mean you deserve kindness, and it does not mean you cannot go back. Being redeemed is simply the choice to do the right thing in someone's judgement. It doesn't even require change, and it certainly can be actions that are ostensibly evil.

Though, it should be noted that a character cannot simply do whatever they want forever and always be right. They can certainly think that but that doesn’t mean it’s true.

[writersblockiskillingme]

So I saw you wanted request for the rise of red and I'm here to deliver lol. So Captin Hook right? Can I get something like we are also friends with Bridget (or we are like Bridget) and they like run into each other and stuff I'm bad at doing requests and stuff sorry lol

Happy Little Accidents | Captain Hook

Pairing: Captain Hook x fem!reader

Summary: Hook and you always run into each other and he hates it.

Warning/s: fluff, short fic, Morgie's teasing, possible grammar and spelling mistakes

Author's note: You did amazing with the request, don't worry, hun. I did my best, hope this is what you wanted, enjoy!!

You had a reputation for being, what the VK's would call, a goody two shoes. A person that always follows the rules, never rebels against anyone or anything, is always good, always kind. Even if someone was so incredibly rude to you, you would still have a smile planted onto your face and a thought filled with kindness in your head.

All in all, your personality perfectly matched the one that Bridget from Wonderland had. That is one of the many reasons the two of you were practically inseparable.

No matter what, you always saw good in everyone and everything. Some people loved you for it. Some people found themselves despising you for that personality trait that you possessed.

You usually kept to yourself when you were not hanging out with Bridget or Ella, just trying to stay out of anyone's way.

Bridget always gave her best to make as many friends as possible, simply always going out of her way to make sure she made friends. You were not like that really.

You had Bridget and Ella. You had two friends. That was enough for you. It's not like you didn't want to give people a chance to be your friends. No way! You simply preferred it like that.

And even though you always stayed out of other people's ways, somehow one VK kept running into you.

The one with the smirk that seemed like it never left his face.

The one with the hook on his right hand.

The one who was a part of Uliana's crew.

Captain James Hook.

No matter how hard you tried to avoid each other, you just simply kept running into each other no matter what.

Whether you were just rushing to get to class in time or you were taking a walk or just reading or doing schoolwork on the courtyard, Hook was always there. However, it's not like he wanted to run into you all the time.

He infact hated it.

Constantly running into you. You with your bubbly personality and your kindness and your generosity and your willingness to help others even when they are mean to you and your perfect face and your gorgeous smile and your amazing hair and... and the panic he felt every time the two of you ran into each other.

The panic that appeared every time he realized over and over again just how amazing you truly are. Not that he would admit that to anyone.

Until Morgie noticed.

That's exactly how he ended up leaning against the tree in the courtyard of the Merlin's Academy as Morgie was siting down on the ground not too far away from him, listening as Hook was spilling nonsense at him.

"I just can't do it anymore," Hook groaned as Morgie rolled his eyes once again after God knows how many times. "I constantly run into her, it's crazy."

"Mhm..."

"She's just so annoying."

"Sure."

"I mean," Hook scoffed, basically ignoring Morgie who now had his head resting on his arms, sitting with his legs crossed in the grass. "Who can possibly be so happy all the time?"

"She can."

"It's so infuriating!" Hook groaned, throwing his head back, waving his hook around to emphasize his point. "That stupid, goody goody."

"Just admit that you like her already." Morgie rolled his eyes and Hook got silent all of a sudden.

"I don't-I-," he found himself stuttering and Morgie started to smirk as he saw his friend slowly starting to blush. "I don't like anyone! Especially not someone like her!"

"Mhm," Morgie hummed, unconvinced. "Sure you don't. You just notice every single thing about her and you've been 'complaining' about her kindness and generosity and perfection for almost half and hour. Just admit it to yourself."

"I don't like-"

"Please," Morgie said, once again, no surprise there, rolling his eyes as he looked at Hook. "I'm pretty sure Uliana noticed it, too."

"I-"

"Maleficent did for sure," he chuckled. "She's been looking at you a bit weirdly since few days ago when you started blushing when your little crush touched you accidentally while trying to escape Uliana and save Bridget like usual."

"I DID NOT BLUSH-!" Hook looked mortified and Morgie found himself laughing.

"Oh, please," he said, "Don't be so surprised, of course I noticed it."

Hook looked out into the distance and could have sworn that he saw that familiar hair color at the other side of the school. Morgie looked at him and sighed as he stood up, placing his hand on Hook's shoulder.

"Look, ask her out before someone else does because I've heard that Snow White's son has a thing for her, too." Morgie said and Hook's gaze snapped to Morgie's.

"I just thought that you should know." Morgie said in sing-song voice before he walked away with his arms behind his back, smirking, so pleased with himself.

As his gaze left Morgie's he realized, oh, he's not gonna have that.

TAGLIST:

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@xoxo-h3arts @i-am-fork @a-homosexual-homosapien @snixx2088 @heartsfromcoco @ariaroseloklover @isafran1125 @gayfrog29 @mystic-mae

[werecreature-addicted]

i love the idea of a werewolf best friend who is totally in love with you and keeps trying to court you but since you're human you're just thinking he's being thoughtful or something

but he busts every night to the thought of you crying into the pillow, his heavy body pressing onto you and pushing you to the mattress, as he fucks his fat cock into you, trying to knot you and knock you up

want so badly to mark you as his that when he even gets a glimpse of your neck/shoulders he salivates and gets hard

werewolf courting is a subtle thing- really it's more about keeping others away from you than winning you over. you don't see all the sharp glares he sends to other people. or the way he snaps at his other friends for mentioning how cute you look.

he's sweet to you. he gives you bites off his plate. and almost always brings you a drink or snack when you hang out together. he'd be leaving kills on your doorstep but apparently it "freaks out the neighbors" and "you don't know what to do with a whole deer carcass" or whatever. humans are so hard to please. those silly little candies you like can't be very filling but he can't shake the urge to feed you. so he does.

He's also very protective. he always walks/ drives you home at the end of the night. he'll be by your side in an instant if you call for him and god help any idiot who tries to fuck with you.

Also, his home is always open to you. if you ever want to come over randomly or borrow something- what's his is yours. you don't realize how territorial he is with everyone else because he's always so generous and giving with you. especially with clothes!! if you want a sweatshirt or a pair of shorts, they're yours. he loves little things like that to make you smell like him.

To any other werewolf, any one of these things would be a clear indication of romantic interest. I mean- the guy lets you eat off his plate! do you have any idea how territorial wolves are with food? No! Of course, you don't you're human. all of it feels normal to you. there might be other things that you take for flirting that he's doing on accident. but really you think of him as a really good friend.

it's hell on your werewolf. He doesn't know what he's doing wrong. he's a perfect mate for you, but you never seem to acknowledge his flirting as something romantic. he hates it when you stretch your head to the side, baring your neck to him, it's like you're begging to be marked. and by "hates" I do mean it gets his mind spinning. it's like you have no idea how hard it is not to bite you sometimes.

He can't help himself. he will keep going until you accept him because he knows that you're the one for him. so he walks you home for the night then goes back to his place, alone, and lays in bed thinking about you.

at first, it's nothing dirty. he's just wondering what the two of you will do when you hang out next, then he's wondering what you're doing right now. did you take a shower? did you go straight to bed? what do you sleep in when you're all alone? what if you sleep in just your underwear- or naked.

he's hard. he always is when he lets himself think about you too much. he can't help it. so he starts touching himself while he lets his mind wander.

it would feel good to bite your neck. it would feel better to bite the soft sensitive skin of your inner thigh. he wants to mark you while he fucks you. he wants to own you inside and out. he knows you'd take his cock well. it's big but you don't mind, right? you'd like a little pain with your pleasure.

he thinks about all the different positions he could put you in. he thinks about you ridding his cock, about flipping you over and pinning your knees to your chest so he can see your face as he ruins you.

he cums all over himself imagining you screaming- begging him to knot you. he can only hope one day his little fantasy will become a reality.

[reareaotaku]

Superboy vs Robin

Summary: The life of 3 best friends that get confused when realizing they have a crush on their other friend, Y/n Prince, daughter of Wonder Woman Pairings: Jon Kent x Fem! Reader, Damian Wayne x Fem! Reader Tw: Love V [NOT TRIANGLE!!! IT'S A 'V'], Slow Burn? Taglist: N/a

Pt II: Love in High Places | Pt III: Apple of My Eye

[This probably would have been better to write as a multi-part story instead of a one-shot, so I can really get the slow burn and such... Might make a part 2 if yall like this? Also hope this isn't bad because I've been wanting to write this for over a year....]

You had met the two boys when in the league's spaceship. Your mother was on business and sent you off to do, as she put it 'Children things', before taking off with Batman and Green Lattern. You rolled your eyes at her dismissal, but decided to find something else to do. Besides, hero work was boring anway. Nothing interesting about discussing rules and such anyway.

You walked around the large spaceship, before coming across a particular room. In the room where two kids, boys, around your age you didn't recognize. One of the boys, the one in darker clothes, must have felt your presence, because the second you stepped in he turned around.

Damian knew who you were. He knew who everyone was. He would look like a real fool if he didn't know the daughter of Wonder-woman. Too bad the same couldn't be said for Jon.

You awkwardly stand at the door way, now having both the boys' attention on you. You awkwardly wave, "Hey."

Jon's face lights up and he rushes to you. He loved meeting new people and you were nothing short of pretty. "Hi!" He grabs your hand, engulfing it with his own. "I'm Jon, Jon Kent."

"Y/n Prince." You tried to keep up with his handshake, but he was fast and strong, and by the time you could gather what was going on he had already let your hand go.

You looked past Jon back at the emo boy, but he was just staring at you. Jon looked over to see what you were looking at, before gesturing towards his friend.

"Oh, that's Damian. Don't mind him. He's.... Shy."

"I'm not shy. I just don't have any reason to speak to her."

Jon gasps, before glaring at his friend, "That's rude, Damian." He turns back to you, his face flushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry about him. He's not good with people."

You nod, still staring at Damian. "He's Batman's kid, right? The son of those assassins?"

Damian's eyes widen, but only for a brief second. He could let such an emotion out.

"My mother mentioned it a while ago. She didn't say much, just that you were... Different."

"Yeah, he is different." Jon jokes, causing you both to chuckle, but Damian just rolls his eyes.

---

You and Jon stuck your faces to the fish tank. Neither of you had ever seen a fish tank before. You were both stuck in the house by your parents in fear of you revealing yourselves on accident. Your parents have isolated you both- Even Damian was isolated, but he wasn't as naive and foolish as you and Jon.

"Oh, that one's purple," You point to a triangle-shaped fish.

"No, it's a dark blue," Jon argues, causing you to side-eye him.

You rolled your eyes, but don't respond.

"Hey, Y/n."

"Yeah, Jon?"

He looks over at you, wide eyed and excited, "You ever been Tire-rolling?"

"Tire-rolling?"

---

"I don't know if this is a good idea, Jon-" You try and reason, as your hands grip the tire's rubber.

He smiles, his hands gripping the tire, "Oh, it'll be fun. Promise!" He then pushes you, but instead of pushing you at a normal strength, he accidentally uses his super strength and sends you flying. His eyes widen as his mouth drops, before he runs after you, hoping you don't get hurt.

You scream as the tire jumps and hits multiple things while going faster than you've ever gone before. You grip the inside of the tire so hard, that you can feel your nails digging into your palm. You hear cars honking, but there's nothing you can do, without using your powers.

Though, luck must have been on your side, because while you're mid way in the air, something goes through the tire and harshly pulls you down. Your face slams into the tire, your hands ripping the tire's rubber. The tire falls flat on the ground and you sit up, rubbing your head.

Above you was the one and only, Damian Wayne. He was in his school uniform and he was looking down at you annoyed. In his hand was a grappling hook, which you assume he used to save you.

You quickly stand up, brushing off your clothes, "Uh, thanks."

Before Damian can respond, like he would, you hear Jon calling out to you.

"Y/n! Oh my god, Y/n! Are you okay?" He's nearly out of breath as he runs up to you before he stops. "Oh. Uh, hi Damian."

There's a moment of awkward silence, before Jon goes back to his normal self.

"What are you doing, Damian?"

"Nothing." Damian is quick, calculated even.

You had only known the two boys for a few months, but it felt like you had known Jon your whole life and this moment felt like the first time meeting Damian. Though, Damian was busy, so you couldn't really blame him. He was the son of a man with an empire and an assassination group. He was bound to be tied up from time to time.

"Uh, do you want to hang out, Damian?"

Damian is taken by surprise. You wanted to hang out? With him? Why?

Jon went to speak for Damian, but Damian interrupts him, "Sure."

"Really?" Both you and Jon speak at the same time, before you both blush out of embarrassment.

"I mean, great. Wow, okay. Yeah, let's hang out."

---

Damian groaned, before laying down on the roof. He could hear Jon and Y/n snickering to themselves, probably over something stupid. He closes his eye, their voices slowly fading from his mind. He didn't know how you had convinced him to hang out with you on a roof in the middle night.

He didn't like you, so he didn't know why he listened to you. He had no reason to care about what you said or thought, but yet here he was.

You had some kind of pull over him and he didn't know why. There was nothing about you that was different from the other superheroes. Sure, you were pretty, but so was Starfire, Raven, Super-woman, etc.

He looks over at you as you lean on Jon's shoulder, whispering some secret into his ear. He wondered what secrets you two were sharing. Maybe if he asked you'd let him in? He didn't know.

He takes his eyes off of you and looks back at the sky. It was a dark and cloudy night, like most nights in Gotham. Though, unlike most nights, it was quiet; Almost peaceful.

It bothered Damian. More than he'd like to admit. He felt an ich in his skin, like he was supposed to be doing something, but there was nothing to do. There was no fight to fight or crime to solve. It was peaceful for the first time in a long time.

---

Jon liked you, a lot. Like more than he's ever liked someone in his life. He feels immense emotions when he's around you, even if your mother doesn't like him. Though, your mother didn't like men period.

He was thankfully you didn't receive that quality from your mother. You were much nicer and happier than your mother. But that could be because you weren't tortured in the same way your mother was by the women of Themyscira.

In fact, they adored you. They treated you like some kind of goddess and cherished you. Jon understood though. You were perfect- At least to him you were. He thought everyone should treat you like the perfect person you are because you deserve nothing less.

---

You were alone with Damian for the first time in all the years you've known each other. You sighed, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn't know how you were going to tell them you were going to be leaving for Themyscira.

Your mother wanted you to be trained by the Amazons to be able to control your powers and abilities. While she herself was banished, she knew they would welcome you with welcome arms.

You knew Jon would take it hard, but it was only going to be for a year. Just a year. A year you'd be away from your best friends. So, there was a part of you that hoped if you told Damian first, it'd be easier to break it to Jon.

"So, when do you leave?"

You looked over at Damian, confused, "Leave?"

"I heard your mother talking to my father. She said she was sending you to Themyscira to train. So," He sits up on his bed, making direct eye contact with you, "when do you leave?"

"Next month. I'll be gone for a year."

"A year?"

"Yeah. My mom wanted me to stay for 3, but I was able to talk her down from it."

"Have you told Jon?"

"No..."

"Well, you know he's not going to react well."

"Yeah. That's why I've been procrastinating it."

"Can I write you?"

You frown, "No. The island is cut off from the world. So, no contact at all. Not even with my mom."

He now frowns, but says nothing more.

---

You sigh, leaning on your hand, your sword tossed on the ground. Before you stood Philippus, your mentor.

"Princess Y/n, what is bothering you so?"

You couldn't tell her you missed your friends. If she knew they were boys you knew you would get scolded. The Amazons didn't like men, because they were chaos and destruction and they were peaceful. A part of you understood, because you've seen the terrible things men can do, but your friends- they weren't like those men.

"Nothing... Just tired."

She takes your answer, even though she knows you're lying. You were frustrated and annoyed. You had been here for a month and found yourself making no progress. This was pointless.

You could have been with your friends, but here you were on some stupid island. You wanted to your friends.

"You know, if you don't get these down in the upcoming year, you'll have to stay."

You straighten up and glare at the woman. "No, I won't-"

Philippus quickly turns around, looking at you offended, "Excuse me?"

"Nothing." You quickly respond not wanting to repeat yourself.

She huffs, rolling her eyes, but decides to leave the conversation.

---

It had been a year since you were forced, by your mother, to train on the Themyscira Island. They wanted you to know how to use your powers to the fullest potential. It was fine... But you missed your friends. You wondered what they were doing. You wondered if they missed you too.

---

Jon was estatic. You were finally going to return from the island. Though, there was a part of him that was worried that you wouldn't remember them or even worse, you would hate them.

"You worry too much," Damian told him.

Jon sighs, trying to collect himself, "I'm just worried." Jon fiddles on his toes, as he repeated looks out of the window, hoping to see you pull up. Though, you were no where to be found. He walks away from the window, his shoulders dropping. "How far is that place?"

"Themyscira? It's a few weeks by boat, but she'll be here soon. She's home now."

Jon lightens up, "Home?"

"Yeah, she won't be here for a few more hours."

Jon glares at Damian, "You had me here looking like an idiot!"

Damian chuckles, "Yeah. I did, didn't I?"

---

Damian wasn't surprised by your appearance, unlike Jon. Damian had already seen you, without you knowing of course. You think he'd let you leave without any kind of contact? He knew everything, thanks to his connections. Though, nothing could compare to you really being in front of you.

Jon was the first to hug you. His arms squeezed you tightly, nearly causing you to lose your breath. He didn't want to let you go- Just hold you forever. He didn't want you leaving forever, but he was forced to let you go.

"You look great, Y/n."

You smile, a blush forming, "You too, Jon." You look around Jon to see Damian, who was avoiding eye contact. It almost reminded you of when you had first met the boys. "No hug, Damian?"

Damian finally looks at you, his natural glare on his face. Unlike Jon, who had let his hair grow out, Damian still had shorter hair, but his features were sharp. Though, that didn't surprise you. What did take you by surprise though is how much he looked like his father.

While Jon looked like a mix of Clark and Lois, Damian just looked like his father. Well, minus his golden skin- He got that from his mother.

Speaking of Jon, you felt him squeeze your bi-cep. You looked at him confused and he blushed.

"Uh, what are you doing, Jon?"

"Your biceps. They're like... Huge." He's fascinated by your arms, even comparing it to his own. While he was naturally strong, because of his powers, you had trained relentlessly for a year and it showed when your arms were bigger than his.

You chuckled at his amusement, before his eyes lit up, "Ah, Y/n you've missed out on so much- Come on," He grabs your arm, leading you inside the headquaters of the Justice League. You are stopped though when Damian grabs your arm that Jon didn't have. Jon looks back, wondering why you stopped when realizing Damian had grabbed you.

"Jon, why don't you head up. I just want to talk to Y/n."

Jon seems reluctant, but you turn to him, "I'll catch up. Promise."

He sighs, but ultimately goes up the stairs and inside the building.

"You look nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That means a lot coming from you, you know?"

Damian avoids eye contact. He's worried that you might see all his emotions, feelings and thoughts. He didn't want you knowing his darkest thoughts. "Yeah.. Uh, Jon missed you a lot... Obviously. Um..." Damian had never been like this- Lost for words. He always knew what to say. He had everything calculated, but now... Well, he felt lost. He felt your stare on him, waiting for him to finish, but he felt his tongue felt twisted. "It's good to have you back."

"Yeah, well, it's good to be back. You know, I've missed you a lot... And Jon. I've missed you both a lot."

Damian finally looks at you. Your eyes bleeding into his own. For a moment it felt like you two were the only ones in the world. Everything else was just dark and all that was left was you. That was until another voice spoke.

"Y/n."

You both looked up to see your mother. She gestured for you to come inside and you looked back at Damian.

"Well, I guess that I have to go."

"Yeah... I'll see yah."

"Yeah... you will."

You rush up the stairs, trying to stop the blush from forming on your face. You were so embarrassed and felt like the conversation was stupid. You wished you could have done it differently, but it was Damian. You were sure he wasn't as pressed about it as you.

If only you knew how much your life was about to change forever- All thanks to teenage boys' puberty.

[daytaker]

The Gang React to You Breaking Your Ankle

Lucifer

"This was bound to happen sooner or later."

I mean, really, with all the stunts you play with his brothers and that sorcerer, it's more surprising that you didn't break anything before now. Thank goodness your room is on the ground floor. Now, here is a schedule of where you need to be and when, along with the brother who is your designated companion at all times to ensure you don't get stuck somewhere or fall over and break something else. This is a rotating position so stop fighting all of you!

Mammon

"Holy shit, humans break easy, huh?"

Assuming for the moment that Mammon didn't accidentally get your ankle broken by pulling some stupid stunt for Devilgram clout and involving you in it, he'll be extra careful with you for a little bit. People keep jostling you in the hall! Don't they realize you're basically made of glass and paper?! He'll clear the halls for you to hobble by with your crutches. Yep, you're earning all sorts of new friends.

Leviathan

"E-sports are the best activity when you're injured."

What a convenient excuse to drag you to his room more often than usual for anime marathons and all-night gaming sessions. Like Mammon, he's a little uneasy about this revelation about just how delicate you are, but nobody gets injured playing video games. He's basically protecting you from your next inevitable accident.

Satan

"Stop trying to do so much on your own."

Satan acts extremely annoyed when he sees you trying to hop somewhere without your crutches or lifting anything more than fifteen pounds unaided. Of course, he's just worried about you and expressing that in the most practical way he can. He repeatedly reminds you of advice on improving your recovery rate he found in medical books and the blogs of reputable physical therapists (he always checks into their credentials).

Asmodeus

"Poor thing! Let me spoil you!"

And that's basically what he does, whenever he gets the opportunity. This is a great excuse to get some much needed R&R, in his opinion, so the two of you will be visiting spas and getting massages and you aren't walking anywhere anymore, he is one of the Rulers of the Underworld and you are going to be carried on a litter, so help him Gardonus.

Beelzebub

"You need to eat well to get your strength back."

Prepare yourself for Beel's version of "eating well". You only had three eggs for breakfast? You'll never heal at that rate. Have another six and some bacon. Here's a protein shake. It's designed for demons so it's probably a little grittier than the soft stuff from the human world but it's exactly what you need. No, he doesn't have any science to back this up. Yes, he expects you to clean your plate.

Belphegor

"Of course you got hurt, running around all the time. You should just relax with me."

Little did you know this was all part of Belphegor's master plan...

What a perfect opportunity to spend every second of the day with you. Now that you're forced to sit around and avoid being too active, he has you right where he wants you (specifically, under the blankets with him while he sleeps). He'll remind you at every opportunity that you normally run yourself ragged, and you've earned some time to laze around. And now that you're injured, you have the perfect excuse!

Diavolo

"Your poor human bones... My home is always open to you if you need somewhere more convenient to stay. Please take care of yourself, in the meantime."

Rest assured, he will provide you with all transportation necessary to and from RAD. Or perhaps you would like to try remote classes? Leviathan finds them productive! And if you need anything, please let him know. He'll be in touch about five times a day just to make sure you remember that.

Barbatos

"I am only a phone call away should you require my assistance."

And he will be on call at all hours of the day and night, just in case. You'll be treated like royalty when you visit the castle too, of course. (Even more like royalty than usual, that is.)

Solomon

"Oh, that? Here."

He just magics your ankle better. There, there, little apprentice. He's surprised you didn't do that yourself.

Simeon

"What are you carrying? I'll take it for you. No, I insist!"

Simeon will be a perfect gentleman, helping you up and down stairs and carrying your books and shopping for you. He's very concerned about you somehow re-injuring yourself, and even when you're alright to walk without crutches anymore, he still *really wishes* you'd use them for an extra week or two, just to be on the safe side.

Luke

"You did what to your ankle?! Ankles can do that?!

Congratulations, you've introduced Luke to the concept of broken bones, and he will find the human skeleton creepy and gross for the rest of his life.

--------

@thefandomthings I know this isn't exactly what your ask was, but it's similar, so I hope you like this!

[a-hazbin-reader]

love the chaotic-ness of platonic alastor and reader of your posts!! the way you write him is more canon compliant but that makes it even more GREAT. can i req platonic alastor (+maybe rosie as a trio?) with overlord!reader. they just talk shit about the Vees and stuff lmao and do it openly on his radio show. hang out at rosie’s. maybe alastor gets reader to support the hotel too and everyone’s to alastor is like THEM?? You know THEM??? alastor’s like yeah lol we blow stuff up every tuesday and broadcast it where you at

OVERLORD PODCAST OVERLORD PODCAST OVERLORD PODCAST-

Alastor X Reader X Rosie Headcanons

❌️Romantic

✅️Platonic

TW: Alastor and Rosie cannibalism

Description: 👆⬆️

The three of you are very busy demons who have demanding jobs so getting together doesn't happen as often as you'd like

But when you get together??? It's almost like you're all a bunch of gossiping old women instead of powerful deadly overlords

Rosie brings the snacks(bring your own if you don't want people meat), Alastor provides the venue, and you pick the topic of discussion

The first podcast was entirely an accident, Alastor forgetting he was on air when you and Rosie suddenly burst in

ALASTOR YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED

He gets so sucked into what you're saying that he forgets about his radio show and everything the three of you are saying is being broadcast live

But a lot of people are tuning into it??? Like everyone is so entertained by the three of you and your conversation

Once you three realize what happened then you all agree that this must become a weekly occurrence

Even the other overlords listen in on it every once in a while, finding it hilarious

Vox is absolutely livid because he's being IGNORED, why is nobody watching tv anymore???

He tries to get you and Rosie on his show instead but the two of you don't even take the offer seriously

The chemistry would be all off without Alastor's sparkling humor anyways

Which makes him throw a huge tantrum that becomes the next topic between the three of you

Y'all are just trashing this man at this point

It's his own fault for providing you three with so much ammo

But nobody is safe

It's just a fun little gossip podcast that somehow blows up and turns into this gigantic thing

But it gives you three an excuse to hang out

Whenever the conversation starts to drift towards the hotel you try to stay out of it for your own reasons

And it does always go back to the hotel, Alastor is running a business afterall

Alastor slowly starts to warm you up to the idea of his hotel, whatever your motivations are or if you believe in it

Rosie also encourages you to at least humor him and go see it

Easy for you say, he's not pressuring YOU

So you give in one day, accompanying Alastor to the hotel

Huh, Alastor wasn't joking when he said that Lucifer's daughter was his partner 🤔

You're not entirely surprised when you see the shocked looks everyone gives Alastor when they see you

WTF ALASTOR WHEN YOU SAID Y/N WAS COMING I DIDN'T THINK YOU MEANT Y/N THE OVERLORD

Who else would it have been, Vaggie???

Everyone nervously watches you and Alastor interact, it's two extremely powerful beings in one hotel

Except for Niffty, she greats you like an old friend, climbing all over you and making maniacal noises

Husk and Niffty are the only ones not surprised by your friendship, knowing that you and Alastor are good friends

They fill the others in on your relationship when they think you two aren't listening

It's almost funny hearing it come from someone else, you had nearly forgotten how you two met

"That's right..! I DID try to kill you! That's so funny!"

"Isn't it? And I do believe I nearly bit your hand clean off!"

You two are fucking deranged

You have a better understanding of why Alastor wants so much support for this hotel now

And you're a little surprised that Charlie seems to believe so genuinely in the idea of redeeming a soul

Regardless of if you're sold in the idea or not, you agree to support the hotel for Alastor

But now you're going to rope Rosie in with you too, if you're gonna go down then the three of you are going down together

But that's unlikely to happen, Alastor wouldn't lead you guys into a death trap

He's never steered you wrong before

This was so fun to write!!

[hoodedjelly]

my Jenny, Tuck, Brad, Shelden, and Vega older designs ^__^

i'm watching mlaatr, still not done, i think i got like 10 more eps (and if i'm being transparent i skipped around eps... i just wanted to see vega...). And i'm absolutely loving the show!!!! i love these characters a lot, didn't like Shelden at first i'm going to be honest, #1 Shelden hater for a bit there. but he chilled out in season two and i started to ship breldon with that too so now i just love him so much.

more about my personal headcanons:

Jenny: - I am under the belief that she is transgender. Jenny was made genderless, so her deciding to be a girl was strictly her choice and i believe that makes her trans. (She's also a lesbian) - she did grow a bit, im not gonna explain how idc really i just liked her being a taller lady :-) - she has A LOT of different cute outfits and hair styles, honestly too much to draw. she never transforms back into her base show outfit when crime fighting, she just fights in her cute summer dress she don't care. - her and vega are dating grrgrgrrrr - when vega is in rule she makes it so there is complete free access between earth and cluster prime for citizens in both places. - I say that cause i think when jenny is older she moves in with vega, technically living in cluster prime but visits earth like everyday. And brad/shelby/tucker/wakeman visit cluster prime - Jenny also hangs out with the nicktoons unite gang, but i deffo feel like its just that secondary friend group that you don't talk to with for months. when you talk again its the same goofiness as before - i think danny calls for her help when he needs it (also manny) Tuck: - he is still a little shit but we love him - adhd boy - questioning cis (he/him) - he got into robotics/stem and builds little silly things - with that, he gets help from Shelby - pretty much just a silly teen, he's on the internet a lot and has "cringe" interests - but idk he's having fun and being silly and finding himself (those interests is stuff like sonic and among us) Shelden(Shelby) - honestly kinda nervous about ppl thoughts on my Shelden, idk it makes so much sense in my brain - hits you with the transfem beam (she/they) Pansexual (she just wants anyone type of vibe) - I think when jenny is visiting vega often that leaves Shelby and Brad hanging out alone a lot. which they don't mind honestly, they are actually good friends! - but during that they just get closer and start catching feelings. Shelby eventually lets go of her feelings about jenny and realizes they were a real jerk and weirdo to her. brad helps them through that and eventually her realizing she's trans. blah blah they in love and kiss at some point. - Shelby is also a furry lmaooo her fursona is a cat.

Brad: - bisexual cis man (he/him) - Still his old brad self if i'm being honest. - totally forgot to say i think all 3 of them go off to college together (even though jenny doesn't have to i feel like she would prob want to just for the experience, but tell me if you think differently i'm still unsure) - i really don't know what else to say sorry brad! he's literally just as silly as ever man. he's just also gay - i will say here i feel it takes a lot longer for shelby and brad to start dating then jenny and vega. they got that slow burn kinda shit going on, since a lot of that is shelby being confused about her feelings. and jenny and vega just hit it off right away if im being honest, very high school sweethearts. - (also i think shelby makes brad make a fursona to match hers, so brad got a dog fursona)

Vega: - Lesbian cis (she/her) - That ending of her just ruling cluster prime was just so crazy to me cause like, aint she like 16? - i think she has a lot of stressed nights and fearing she's not doing the right thing for her people, and jenny tries to help as much she can - that is why jenny visits so much, she wants to help her. - very much got those nights were she accidently falls asleep at her desk, jenny finding her and giving her a blanket and a kiss goodnight - it's not like she's unhappy, she is actually very very passionate about her work and wants to NOT be like her mom - and yeah she deffo goes to robo therapy for the stuff with her mom. - i think it's a conflict where vega is scared her mom is gonna come back and jenny has to reassure her that if she does they'll get rid of her for good.

imma be honest a lot of my hcs are pretty half-baked and random things, im sure im going to think of more stuff in the future but that will be in different posts.

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Devil in disguise

pairing: lee felix x afab!reader

genre: smut

description: the boy you met at church seems sweet and innocent. but looks can be deceiving.

word count: 6.8k

warnings: dubcon and noncon!!!, fingering and sex in public places, manipulation, reader is innocent and clueless, loss of virginity, oral (f and m receiving), lix is a perv and abusive, unprotected sex (don't do it), religious themes, brief mentions of pee and breeding (lmk if i missed something pls)

important: please please please do not read this if it will trigger you in any way!!! felix is not depicted as a good person here and i do not condone this kind of behaviour irl! this is just fiction!

a/n: don't know where this came from though,hope yall enjoy🤭🩷

~check out my: Masterlist

Ever since you first saw Felix, you thought he was the sweetest and most innocent boy ever. His family was very respected in the community as was yours, so they often hung out together after mass or doing church activities together.

Felix was always smiling, making people around him laugh and feel comfortable, always lending a helping hand, making sure everything and everyone was okay.

He was a textbook example of a good Christian, spreading the word of God, doing good things wherever he can.

He was always polite to you, the innocent smile on his face as he greets you and asks if you would like to pray with him. You did so a few times and you talked about your uni and your church, quickly realizing you share lots of common interests.

You might've even developed a little crush on him but you were so innocent, never even held hands with a boy let alone anything more than that, and the feeling was so new to you so you had no idea how to approach it.

But weird things started happening and at first you brushed them off as accidents.

Whenever your families would meet up or go to mass, as the time went by and you've gotten a little closer to Felix, he would come up to hug you. He pulled you in close, your chest pressing against his and his hand would lay on your lower back.

The next time he wrapped his arm around you, his hand slid down so his fingertips rested on the swell of your ass. You didn't think much of it, but you started noticing other things.

Felix's hand or arm would brush against your ass or breast any time he was near you, sending shivers down your spine but he would continue talking like nothing happened so you dismissed it as accidents. His thigh would press against yours while you sat together in mass or during dinner with your families.

It made you feel hot and wet down there when he pressed against you, weird thoughts filling up your mind and it made you feel so guilty that every night you would kneel in front of your bed and beg God to forgive you for such thoughts. Especially since in your mind, Felix was a sweet boy who wasn't doing anything on purpose and you were the bad one, thinking such dirty and sinful thoughts about someone so pure.

This went on for months, and you felt more and more guilty until you discovered that Felix wasn't as clueless and sweet as you thought.

-

It's another one of your joined family dinners, Felix and you are sitting in the corner next to each other as always. The restaurant you're in is close to your church, and the booths you're sitting in hide you from curious eyes.

You're listening to something your sister is talking about when suddenly you feel a hand on your bare knee. The dress you put on this afternoon was a bit shorter due to the summer heat and as you sat down it rode up even more. Your back straightens as you jolt and cautiously look down.

Felix's hand is resting on your knee, sending waves of warmness from where he's touching you right to your core. You're confused as to why he has his hand there and ashamed that it's making you squirm. He squeezes your thigh a little and you gasp, wetness gathering on your panties.

Nobody notices the gasp thankfully as everyone is animated by your sister's story. You don't know what to do or say and you can't look at Felix. He slowly brings his hand up, until his fingers slide under your dress. You shiver, your legs closing instinctively but Felix grips you harder and pulls your legs open and you grip at the fork you're holding. You still can't look at him as his fingers gently caress your inner thigh, close to your sex and almost touching the wet patch on your cotton panties.

Your heart is hammering in your chest, and Felix slides his hand a little further, cupping your wet cunt through your panties and pressing his thumb into your clit. Your hips jerk up, and you almost moan out but you manage to bite your lip. You've never been touched like that, and you were always such a good girl, barely even playing with yourself. You wanted to stay innocent until you got married, giving everything to your husband. This is not what you wanted and you feel so panicked that your family will realize what's happening under the table.

Felix circles his thumb on your clit as your eyes water but you try to swallow the tears and act normal, you hate that a part of you likes his touch and you can't control the wetness of your arousal that's gushing out on your panties. Felix can feel you getting more wet and he presses his finger harder into your clit, moving it faster. Your mind is getting hazy and having his hand on you feels so much different than your own.

The fear and distress you feel don't stop you from subtly grinding your little pussy against his fingers. Felix smirks but you can't see it, you stare at your plate and occasionally look up to see if anyone's paying attention to you.

Without any warning or preparation, Felix moves your panties to the side, pressing the tip of his finger to your wet folds and slowly pushing in. You gasp loudly and your sister turns around to look at you. You quickly shake your head and motion for her to continue talking and luckily she does.

Felix slowly fucks his finger in and out of your soaking wet pussy, the slick coating his hand and you've never been so wet before or felt so aroused. Shame pulsates through you at the same time and you try to clamp your legs shut but Felix presses his thumb into your clit harshly and you bite your lip to stop yourself from whimpering loudly. He pushes his finger deeper as he keeps pressing on your sensitive nub and you comply, spreading your legs a little.

Out of the corner of your eye you catch a smug smile on his face, before he turns back to his innocent self, like he's not fingering you under the table in front of everyone. You're fighting against it in your mind but your body is not listening to you as he keeps stimulating you at a steady pace, holding you in the same spot, just on the brink of seeing the stars but not letting you get to it.

You're shameful but your mind got so clouded that you want to chase the good feeling he's giving you. Your hips start grinding on his hand subtly and Felix revels in the way he's got you falling apart. He stills his hand and you don't even realize that he stopped moving and it's you who's creating friction, fucking yourself on his hand, his finger slipping in and out of your tight little cunt.

Felix is hard in his pants and he wishes he could call you a dirty girl and bend you over the table in front of everyone so they can all see your drooling cunt taking his cock. But he knows he can't take it that far so he focuses on you and starts moving his hand again and you whimper and then cough when you realize the sounds you're letting out in public. There is no room for embarassment or shame as pleasure takes you over and you cum on Felix's hand, your thighs pressing around his arm.

You swear you hear him chuckle deeply as your ears ring and pussy clenches around his finger like it never wants to let go. Felix doesn't pull it out right away, he keeps it in as he moves his palm against your clit, smearing your release on it. You almost start crying from overstimulation as your legs start shaking a little but you keep them open as Felix plays with your pussy, pulling his finger out and running the pads of his fingers over your soaked folds. He pulls your panties back over your pussy, tapping it a little and you jolt again, sitting in your wetness as he moves his hand away. Shame washes over you as you watch Felix wipe his hand with a napkin and you want to get up and run to the bathroom so you can cry but you're afraid in case you wet the chair you're sitting on.

You sit until dinner is over and you don't know how to feel about what happened. Part of you is scared of what Felix might do the next time he gets a chance but another part of you wants to surrender to him and let him do whatever he wants.

The confusing feelings and the guilt blossoming inside you make you cry that night at home, as you kneel and beg God for forgiveness.

-

You want to avoid Felix as much as you can after what happened but your family has other plans. As always, you meet up with his family and you instantly feel embarassed when you look at him, remembering how he touched you and how you would run that scenario in your head every night, arousal pooling on your panties but you didn't want to do anything about it. You ignored the burning feeling in your gut and willed yourself to sleep.

Felix hugs you, this time his hand subtly rests on your asscheek and warmness spreads through your core as he squeezes gently. He leans back smiling at you sweetly, looking like an angel and no one would ever assume anything different about him. But you know better now.

You smile politely back at him so you keep up appearances, you would die of shame if anyone found out what happened at dinner the other day.

During the mass, he sits next to you, his thigh pressed up against yours again. Felix smirks when he sees you squirm in your seat, he knows he has you in his hold when he can make you like this without even doing anything. You pray on the inside, squeezing your hands together so your knuckles turn white, praying yet again for strength and forgiveness, ignoring the way your slick pools on your panties.

When all of you kneel down to pray, your eyes close and Felix looks around before his hand comes into contact with the side of your thigh. Your eyes snap open and trail down, he's gently running his fingertips on you and you dare to look at him. Your eyes lock and you see darkness inside his pupils, something akin to hunger and you gulp loudly, lips parting as your pussy clenches around nothing. Felix smirks and squeezes your flesh before getting up and acting like nothing happened.

After mass, there is a charity event you're obligated to participate in and you're ready to put your mind into something else than Felix. But as destiny would have it, you're stuck with him. You think your and his parents are probably doing this on purpose, thinking the two of you would be a perfect couple, unaware of how perverted Felix actually is.

"Why don't the two of you go get some supplies from the back?"- your mother ushers you towards Felix as she smiles at you fondly, completely blind to the panic in your eyes.

In all the situations until now, Felix and you've never been left alone, and even then he managed to have you at his mercy. You are scared of what he might do when there's no one there to stop him.

"Yeah, we can do that."- Felix smiles, looking like a helpful young man to the outside but you know he just wanted to have you all to himself.

"Great, that's settled."- your mother claps and turns around.

You have no choice but to follow him to the supply room and as soon as the door closes, he's quick to put the latch down so no one can come in. You don't even have time to turn around or say anything before he cages you against the door.

You gasp and writhe against him but he's too strong and he wont budge. A malicious smile spreads on his face as he leans in closer to you.

"Finally."- he says.

"P-please... please don't."- you whimper, tears gathering in your eyes. Your hands fall on his chest and you try to push him away, but he grabs your hands and pins them above your head.

"You seemed to like my finger the other day, though."- he says, his voice deeper than usually.

"T-that was a mistake. It was wrong."- you start but he shushes you, pressing his semi hard cock on your thigh. You gasp when you feel it twitching against you and you feel arousal gushing out of your cunt again.

One of his hands comes down to grope your chest, while the other holds your wrists pinned. You whimper as he easily finds your nipple even through your dress and bra, and he pinches it, rolling it between his fingers. He pries your legs open forcefully with his thigh, pushing it up against your clothed cunt.

"S-stop..."- you beg weakly, tears running down your cheeks slowly.

"Don't fight me, sweet girl. It'll feel better if you just give into me."- he says lowly, grinding his thigh against you.

You try pushing him away again, but his grip on you is strong and he's not letting you get away until he gets what he wants. You're crying quietly, trying not to make any loud noises, your pussy throbbing as he runs the rough material of his jeans against the thin cotton of your soaked underwear.

"F-Felix please, please stop."- you beg once again, hoping he'll show you mercy but he just smirks, releasing your arms and grabbing your breasts roughly as his thigh presses into you harder.

"Ah!"- you let out a surprised moan and he laughs deeply.

"You're a dirty girl aren't you?"- he asks and you shake your head fast.

"I'm n-not!"- you whimper, gripping at his shoulders to steady yourself.

"Yes, you are. Look how wet you are just for me. I can feel it on my jeans."- he smirks and you gasp as he pulls your dress down to reveal your chest. Felix licks his lips at the sight of your breasts squished in the simple white bra and he sneaks his hands around you to snap it open.

"Felix!"- you cry out as your breasts spill out of the bra and he grabs them immediately.

"I bet you taste so sweet, my dirty little girl."- he smirks.

"I'm not d-dirty! I'm a good girl."- you whine and Felix smirks as he stars playing with your nipples, making you mewl out and involuntarily arch into his touch.

"If you're such a good girl, prove it and be good for me."- he smirks, one of his hands grabbing the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair.

Your heart is almost leaping out of your chest, fear and arousal running through your whole body. You don't answer him as he leans in close, his breath ghosting on your lips, hand squeezing your breast and the other holding your head tightly.

You know you can't fight him, he's stronger than you and if you yelled out for help he would probably get angry and you would be shunned by everyone for letting something like this happen to you. So you surrender, tears racing down your cheeks as he presses his lips into yours.

You don't react as he kisses you, his hand gripping your hair, his other hand traveling down between your legs as he moves his thigh away just enough so he can sneak his hand between your legs. Felix grunts in annoyance as you keep still and kisses you more harshly, his lips are soft in contrast to the way he's abusing yours. You give in and kiss him back, following his lead.

Felix slowly lifts your dress up and licks into your mouth at the same time as you hold onto his biceps, little sounds coming out of your lips and slipping into his as he pushes his tongue in.

You open your mouth and let him explore it as he hikes your dress up to rest on your tummy, his fingers tugging at your cotton panties. He pushes his tongue deep into your mouth, circling it around yours and making you moan into his mouth.

Felix leans back, a smirk on his face as he presses his lips wetly into yours a few more times, the pads of his fingers dipping between your folds, massaging you all the way to your sensitive clit.

You moan quietly, nails digging into his arms as pleasure starts taking you over. You feel wrong but you can't fight him, not when he's running his fingers all over your pussy, pinching your clit and rolling it between his fingertips, getting you so wet that you drip all over them.

"Feels good?"- he smirks, pinching you again.

"Y-yes..."- you whisper, head hung in shame as fresh tears slide down your cheeks.

"Yeah? See, you can be a good girl if you just let me have my way with you."- he says and you look up at him, shivering from the way his eyes stare into your soul.

"I want to try something."- he adds and your eyes widden as he starts fiddling with his belt.

"I- I can't... Please..."- you cry as he pushes his jeans and boxers down, his hard cock springing out of them. You gasp when you see it, you've never seen one and you have no idea if his is considered above average or not but in your eyes it seems big.

"Don't be scared, I won't put it in. At least not yet."- he smirks. "I just wanna feel you a little. I promise it'll feel good."

"F-Felix... Please d-" - you start but he already presses his blunt tip against your tortured clit, his pre cum mixing with your wetness.

Felix groans lowly, leaning in and kissing your neck, his hand squeezing and massaging your breast as he jerks off, the tip of his cock dragging against your pussy.

You feel incredibly dirty, but you're so turned on and you feel like you would fall apart if Felix would move away, he's holding you and controlling your body like you're a puppet on a thread so you grip his shoulders, throwing your head back and moaning as you let him drag his heavy cock against your folds.

You're so wet that you coat his cock in your slick in no time and it slides perfectly between your legs, making you lose your mind as you dig your nails into his flesh. Felix grips one of your wrists and brings your hand down between your legs.

You panic when he puts it on his cock, jerking your hand away but he holds it tightly.

"Touch it."- he smirks devilishly, wrapping your fingers around his length. You obey, holding him in your hand as he covers it with his own and starts moving it.

"Like this."- he says and you follow his movement as he guides your hand. You can't believe that this is happening but you try not to think of anything except begging for this to be over soon before someone starts looking for the two of you.

"You can go faster."- he pushes between your legs, and you move your hand faster, him still controlling you, moving you how he likes to be touched. His tip is constantly massaging your sensitive bundle of nerves and it drives you over the edge and you cum, spilling your juices on his cock and your panties.

"Mm."- Felix moans, moving your hand away and jerking off faster, abusing your sensitive pussy as you grip onto him and whimper quietly.

Without warning, he explodes, his cum painting your pulsating pussy and the inside of your panties. You gasp as he looks at you darkly, breathing hard. He grips your panties and pulls them up, pulling them harshly so his cum sticks to your soaked pussy.

"F-Felix!"- you whine when he runs his fingers on your wet panties.

He pulls your dress down over your legs as he looks at you, before he tucks his cock in his boxers and pulls his jeans up.

"Are you gonna be a good girl and keep my cum in your panties all day?"- he whispers, as you fiddle to put your bra back on.

"Y-yes."- you say, eyes watery again.

"That's my girl."- he says, his thumb gently running on your cheek.

You stare into his eyes as he helps you adjust your bra and dress straps.

"W-why are you doing this?"- you ask quietly and Felix chuckles darkly, stepping away from you.

"Let's get those supplies before people start asking where we are."- he says and turns away from you.

You press your thighs together, the wetness of his cum mixed with yours keeps you turned on throughout the whole event, reminding you of your sin.

-

Your mother is celebrating her birthday and she decides to throw a small dinner party, just for a few close friends, which ofcourse include Felix and his family.

He smirks at you when no one is looking at him and you turn away, shivering and you don't know if it's from fear or anticipation, it's like there is a blurred line in between those two feelings.

He sits next to your during dinner, ofcourse, and his leg is pressed against yours, ofcourse.

You know in your gut that the first chance he gets alone with you, you won't be able to escape his grasp.

And that happens right after dinner, when everyone disperses around and your mother practically makes you take Felix to your room so the two of you hang out. She thinks that Felix is the most respectful young man in the community, she trusts him completely to be alone in his daughter's room and you wish you could scream and tell her what he actually is.

When you walk into your room and close the door, you try to mentally prepare yourself but fear starts coursing through your veins as Felix approaches you.

"I like your dress."- he smirks.

"T-thank you."- you say quietly and he starts walking closer to you, making you back away until your thighs hit your vanity.

"It accentuates all the right things."- he says lowly, hands on your thighs as he lifts up your dress.

"P-please, not here. My- my parents or yours could walk in any moment."- you plead with him, your voice trembling.

He laughs- he laughs viciously as his hands rest on your hips.

"I think that's so exciting. Letting everyone see how dirty you are. How wet you get just for me."- he says, an evil smirk gracing his lips.

Your eyes water again, you pray yet again for someone to walk in, to make this end. Something to make Felix leave, make him leave for good.

"Are you praying?"- Felix asks in a mocking tone, looking at your mumbling lips.

You look at him as tears start slowly streaming down your cheek and he brings his hands to your face, wiping them away.

"Don't cry. I'll make you feel good."- he says and hooks his hands under your thighs, sitting you on the vanity. You gasp a little, grabbing at the edge of it as Felix kneels between your legs, lifting your dress up.

"Mm, gotta taste your sweet little cunt. So pretty and tight only for me."- he smirks, his fingers rubbing you hard immediately.

You can't help the moan that falls from your lips, as you lean forward into his touch.

You want to fight against him but it's like you lose all control over your body every time he's near you, he just makes you feel so weak and compliant.

He slides your panties all the way down after a wet patch forms on them, and then he stuffs them in the pocket of his jacket.

"I'm keeping these."- he grins and brings you closer to his face.

You feel his breath ghost over your fluttering hole and you start to panic.

"W-what are you doing?"- you ask meekly.

"Don't worry, sweetie. I'm just gonna give you kisses down here, I promise it'll feel really good."- Felix looks up at you as he massages your clit in circles, the look in his eyes almost sweet and innocent.

"B-but I-"

"Shh. Give in."- he says firmly and you can't escape.

Satisfied with your obedience, Felix leans in and presses a kiss to your clit. It's different than fingers and it's already making your mind dizzy as he keep leaving little kisses all over your wet pussy.

You're completely still, the only things that can be heard is your short breaths and the sounds that Felix's lips make when they come into contact with your lower ones.

He starts licking your clit slowly with small kitten licks and your breath hitches in your throat as you grip the ends of the table. Felix hasn't taken his eyes off of you and you peer down at him to see him looking at you darkly as he darts his tongue between your folds.

"Ah!"- you moan and then clasp your hand over your mouth and Felix chuckles into you, making you vibrate.

"Be quiet or someone will hear us and come in. But maybe you want that, hm? Would you like for everyone to see your little cunt taking it?"- he smirks and pushes his finger only half way inside you.

"N-no! I- I don't want anyone to see."- you cry out, tears in your eyes again.

"No, because this is just for me, right?"- he asks and you're quiet as you cry again while he grips your thigh harshly and pushes his finger deeper inside you.

"Answer me."- he says through gritted teeth, as he pulls out and then shoves his finger back in, right into your sweet spot. Your legs jerk and you almost whine loudly as your eyes widden.

"Yes! Yes! It's just for you."- you say, scared that he'll become more rough with you if you don't comply.

"Good girl."- he smirks, pulling his finger out as he grabs your arm and yanks you down closer to him.

"Taste yourself."- he smirks, his finger prodding at your lips. You open your mouth and let him push his finger in, your eyes flutter as you lick at his finger before you start sucking on it.

"Wow, you're a natural. You'll do good later."- he smirks before pulling his finger out of your mouth. You don't even want to ask what 'later' is as he buries his face between your legs again and starts fucking you with his tongue, his thumb playing with your clit harshly, coaxing your orgasm out.

You try to hold it in, begging in your head for this to stop again, but you know the sooner you let go, the sooner he'll leave you alone so you start gently griding on his tongue and finger, moaning quietly at the increased stimulation.

Felix becomes rock hard in his pants when he sees you complying to him and he palms his erection with his free hand as he buries his tongue as deep as he can inside you, fingers pinching and rolling your clit to drive you over the edge.

You whimper and the coil inside you snaps as you cream all over his lips and chin.

Felix groans and starts licking you clean, his eyes fluttering shut as you mewl quietly begging for him to stop.

He leans back, licking his lips before he stands up and grabs your face roughly, making you gasp. He crashes his lips on yours, his tongue prying them open and you moan as he makes you taste yourself, swirling his tongue around your mouth and licking at you.

He helps you up and then smirks maliciously at you.

"I think I deserve a little treat from you since I made you feel good."- he starts and you gulp nervously, ready to cry again.

"Please Felix, please no more."- you beg but he shakes his head.

"It's not fair that only you get to cum, don't you think so? I helped you out so you need to be a good girl and help me out too, okay?"- he caresses your head.

"O-okay."- you nod, hoping that whatever he wants isn't something too scary.

"You need to get on your knees then."- he smirks triumphantly.

"O-on my knees?"

"Yes, it's like when you pray except you won't be worshipping god, you'll be worshipping me."- he smirks and your eyes widden.

He puts his hands on your shoulders and pushes you down and you kneel in front of him, your big innocent eyes looking up at him and it drives him crazy.

Felix unbuckles his belt and you think he'll toss it aside, instead he loops it around your neck. You gasp, squirming as he puts the end of the belt in the buckle and pulls it towards him, creating a makeshift leash on you.

"W-why?"- you whimper, your hands coming up to grab at the belt.

"So you don't try to run away from me."- he smirks, gripping the belt in his hand and unbuttoning his pants.

"I won't - I swear!"- you say, tears brimming at your eyes already.

"Be silent."- he looks at you sternly and you shut up, your heart beating fast against your chest.

Felix lets his jeans and boxers fall to his ankles, his cock right in front of your face. You realize what he wants you to do, he wants your mouth on him like he did to you but you have no idea what to do.

"Kiss it."- he smirks, tapping the tip of his cock on your lips. A tear streams down your cheek as you press your lips into the head of his cock.

"You can lick it like a lollipop. Slowly."- he says and you put your tongue out, licking at his head, the tip of your tongue running over his slit.

"Yes, just like that, sweetheart. Doing so good for me."- he says, looking down at you with darkness in his eyes, and you feel your pussy clench at the praise.

"Put your lips around it and suck."- he instructs and you do as he says, wrapping your lips around his tip and sucking on it, and Felix moans lowly wrapping the belt around his hand and bringing you into him, making you accidentally take more than you could. You almost gag, tears in your eyes and he chuckles at you. Your hands end up on his thighs and you hold onto them.

"You're gonna need a lot of training to take it deeper. But don't worry, I have patience."- he says and you shiver as he pushes in a little more.

You panic, thinking you'll choke as he holds you tightly, holding the makeshift leash in one hand and your head in his other, pushing you towards him.

"Breathe through your nose."- he says and you try to calm down and breathe as he slowly fucks into your mouth. You want to move away so bad but he has you basically on a leash and if you moved away he would probably pull you back and you don't want to risk making him mad, you have no idea how he is when he gets upset and you don't want to know.

You try to relax as much as you could as Felix uses your mouth, and your core throbs, wet again as you press your thighs and rub them together.

"Look at that, you're enjoying this."- he smirks and you whine around him, making him groan and slip deeper into you. You gag a little, tears spilling from your eyes.

"I said you were a dirty girl and I was right."- he says and you whine again, trying to move away to protest but he holds you firmly, fucking his cock faster into you.

"You're not done until I'm done, sweetheart. You're gonna take my cum and swallow everything."- he says and you start trembling, leaning into him and looking up at him in a mix of arousal and fear. Felix enjoys seeing you so helpless and he fucks you harder, making you gag on his cock. You try to resist him and move away because it makes you panic but he doesn't let you move away as he yanks on the belt and your hair.

You feel his cock twitch and he grips you making you whimper.

"I'm cumming. Gonna fill up your dirty mouth, darling."- Felix groans and you keep whining, but he doesn't let up as he uses you until his cock twitches again and he spills inside you, the liquid spurting harshly into your mouth making you choke on it. You swallow as fast as you can, swallowing everything he gives you, your eyes wide and heart beating hard in your chest.

Felix slides his cock out of your lips and you cough, grabbing at your throat. Felix unloops the belt as you try to catch your breath.

"Was that too much for you, sweetheart?"- he asks, leaning down to look at you after he pulls his pants up.

You nod with tears in your eyes.

"You did so well for me. Such a good girl."- he praises you and you cry.

"Why- why me?"- you ask weakly, your voice breaking.

"Because you're mine anyways. Didn't you hear our parents talk about our wedding?"- he smirks as you slowly get up.

"Wh-what?"- you look at him in shock, you haven't heard anything.

"Yes, they really want us to get married. They think we're the perfect couple. I'm glad they do, cause I worked really hard for them to trust me."- an evil grin dances on his lips as he cups your face.

"What do you mean?"- you ask, lips trembling.

"I had to keep up appearances. With the mass and charity and you know helping others and stuff like that."- he waves his hand dissmisively. "I did all of that for you. I waited for this moment ever since I first saw you. I knew you were gonna be mine one way or the other."

Your lips open and close a few times, you don't know what to say.

"Felix! Y/n! Come try some desserts!"- you hear your mother call out and you wish she'd done that earlier.

"Let's not keep your mother waiting, sweetheart."- Felix smirks, taking your hand in his and leading you downstairs.

-

It's the last day of the big charity event and you have a bad feeling in your gut. Felix has been glued to your side the whole time, and you already know what's coming later.

When it's time to clean up, Felix volunteers the two of you and ofcourse you have to go to the supply room.

You actually clean up and bring some stuff with you and as you put the last box down, Felix locks the door.

"Fe-" - you start but shriek when he pushes you down, bending you over the table in the room.

"Quiet."- he says and loosens his tie, untying it and grabbing your hands. He pins them on your lower back as you squirm around.

"Be still."- he slaps your ass lightly and you gasp and stop moving as he ties your wrists together.

"Wh-what are you gonna do to me?"- you ask.

He grins as he lifts your skirt up.

His fingers hook into your panties and he pulls them down to your knees.

"What I wanted to do since the first time I touched your pretty cunt in the restaurant."- he says and you hear his belt unbuckling.

"P-please don't! We- we're not married! You can do it when we become husband and wife, I- I promise!"- you try to reason with him.

He laughs at you, the tip of his cock running over your folds.

"I'll do it then and I'll do it now. You better be good and take it."- he says as he pushes his tip in.

You try to move away as you cry and beg for him to stop, lifting your upper body but he puts his hand on your back and slams you back down onto the table.

"Stay down."- he growls, forcing his cock into you.

"S-stop! Please! It hurts!"- you cry.

"Stop moving around and relax. It won't hurt if you just surrender."- he says, his hands on your asscheeks spreading them apart as he keeps pushing his cock deeper into your tight cunt.

You know there's no escape so you do as he says, spreading your legs as much as you can and trying to relax so you can take him.

Felix moans as he bottoms out, stretching your little pussy only for him.

You whimper quietly as he starts moving, his cock dragging on your walls, the warmness and wetness of you engulfing him and sucking him in.

It hurts a little but you stay still, hoping you'll adjust to his girth and that the pain will subside.

"Fuck, you take me so well! What a tight little cunt, sucking me in."- he smacks your ass, fucking into you faster.

You mewl under him as he holds your hip and tangles his other hand in your hair, keeping your head down on the table, ramming his cock deeper and harder into you.

"Fe- Felix!"- you whimper, the pain turning to pleasure as you've never been stretched and filled up like that. He groans as he keeps forcing you open, his hips smacking into your ass, the sounds filling up the room.

You would be embarassed of the sounds if you weren't already on edge, his cock hitting something inside you that makes you want more and more. You feel a pressure you haven't felt before, like you have to pee and you panic, trying to hold it in as Felix keeps abusing your hole.

"F-Felix stop! It feels weird!"- you whine.

"Weird how?"

"L-like I'm gonna pee."- you say embarassingly and he chuckles.

"It's okay darling, you can let go. It will feel even better than before. My cock will make you feel better than anything."- he says as he leans over you and fucks into you relentlessly.

You can't fight the feeling anymore as he doesn't slow down and the pressure builds up, he pulls out just as you squirt all over your and his legs, some of it landing on his cock.

"Ah!"- you whine, tears of embarassment and pleasure sliding down your cheeks.

"Felt so good, didn't it?"- he coos at you as he pushes back in.

"F-Felix!"- you moan his name again, your hands becoming fists as you grip at the tie.

"Fuck, this pussy is mine! Only mine!"- Felix growls into your ear as he presses you down with his body, pushing as deep as he can and fucking you so hard that the table rattles and moves.

"Say it!"- he orders as he grips your hair and pulls your head back harshly.

"Ah! It's yours, Felix, my pussy is yours!"- you cry out, bursting with overstimulation, your cunt clenching around him as you feel like you'll explode again.

"Yes, that's right. I wish I could breed this sweet pussy right now, put a baby in you."- he groans.

"D-don't, please!"- your eyes widden.

"I won't, not yet."- he smirks as he kisses your cheek and pulls out, jerking his cock fast against your flesh until he cums all over your ass and cunt.

You lay, still shaking from your orgasm and Felix smears some of his cum all over your pussy before he actually cleans you up everywhere except your core, pulling your panties up like he did before to make you keep his cum in them.

"Good girl."- he says, caressing your pussy.

"P-please untie me."- you beg.

"Alright."- he says and unties you. You slowly lift up as he put his tie back on and looks at you.

You want to escape, not just the room you're in but whatever destiny awaits for you as his wife, as he smirks and looks at you darkly.

You ask god or whoever is up there, just why did you deserve something like this?

Felix leans in and kisses you and you kiss him back, you wouldn't dare test his patience.

"You're gonna be a good little wife for me, aren't you?"- he smirks, hand around your neck and your eyes widden.

"Yes, yes I will."- you nod but on the inside you wish you could rewind the last few months and you wish you had told someone what Felix did that day in the restaurant and maybe now you would be free.

But there is no escape for you.

✨Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght

[chaos-in-deepspace]

Stalker Xavier (Except he's a soft boy at the end of the day)

This isn't how I portray Xavier in the slightest, but if I'm doing a yandere series I gotta commit to the bit. So here's a soft yandere stalker Xavier, which is how I would personally write him at a stalker.

Stalker Xavier who has always been so hopelessly in love with you that you're the only thing that's ever been on his mind for the past couple hundreds of years, and when he sees you in this timeline, he nearly short circuits.

Stalker Xavier who decided that even if you don't fall for him, he's not going to let you out of his sight. Not now. Not ever. He's was going to be your guardian until it killed him because he can't live another lifetime without seeing your face every day.

Stalker Xavier who discovered you wanted to be a Deepspace Hunter, so took the job himself while you were still in the academy.

Stalker Xavier who is the one to put in the recommendation for you to join Unicorns so you'd be working alongside him, because that way it would be easier to keep an eye on you.

Stalker Xavier who's the one who sent you an email about the apartment complex. He had gotten the people who lived right underneath him to move out shortly before you were going to move in, so he could ensure you'd be right underneath him.

Stalker Xavier who is surprised when you appear before him in the No Hunt Zone, but also isn't because he was the one who had suggested the new recruits look into the area.

Stalker Xavier who manipulates things and chases everyone off who wants to be your potential partner so he's the only one left to take the role. He decided nobody else is capable of properly protecting you, not with what he knows, and he'd be damned if you got injured because you got assigned a different partner when he's right there.

Stalker Xavier who goes out of his way to try every lottery thing for prizes. He knows he's lucky, and he wins things all the time and then gives them to you because "I don't like random people touching me, so I don't do massages."

Stalker Xavier who is always conveniently there when you need him. He sometimes gets bad feelings in the pit of his stomach and seeks you out. The incident where he was asleep on the train was no accident. He had been following you, knew you'd only have that one train to get on, and teleported to the stop before so he'd already be there when you got on.

Stalker Xavier who is absolute dog shit when it comes to lying to you, but is amazing at avoiding questions. He knows so much about you that when you're questioning him, he's easily able to deflect your questions by bringing up something you had recently done, or a topic you enjoy.

Stalker Xavier who will gaslight the fuck out of you when you get suspicious that he knows too much about you. He sucks at lying, but it doesn't mean he can't come up with 50 excuses that make you feel like you're overreacting. He doesn't enjoy it, but if you knew the truth you'd be appalled, and he can't have that.

Stalker Xavier who is always listening when he's home. He's listening to you when you come home, shower, getting ready for bed. He'll listen in on your conversations and has fallen asleep on the floor of his apartment before listening to you speaking with Tara in the past.

Stalker Xavier who will teleport into your home all the time. "I'm sorry, sometimes teleportation can be finicky, and your apartment is right below mine." you can't exactly dispute it since you don't know how to teleport and therefore don't know how it works. He's done it to you many times, right after a shower, as you're laying in bed. He always says since he's already there, you two might as well spend time together.

Stalker Xavier who doesn't generally fuss when he's injured, but after realizing how you are when he has an injury, begins letting you know. He enjoys having you over and getting your undivided attention. He'll even purposefully get injured just to have your hands on him, wrapping up wounds on his chest.

Stalker Xavier who takes note of when you're supposed to be home, and whenever he doesn't hear you will go out and find you. He has your location on his phone and will watch you. If he sees you with another male he'll purposefully do things to end the interaction and get you home.

Stalker Xavier who always looks over your missions. If you're going to be out of town, then suddenly he's been assigned on the same mission.

Stalker Xavier that will purposefully find hotels that only have one room for you to stay in. He'll even call and make reservations only at places he knows gets booked up, for the sole purpose of making sure you have to share the same lodgings at night.

Stalker Xavier who hates going to work events, but goes to them and offers to pay for all your drinks. He wants you drunk so you need to lean on him for support. Of course he's your partner and neighbor, so he'll make sure you get home safe. And he can't leave you alone when you're drunk so he's taking care of you and falling asleep on the floor next to your bed. In the morning he also can't leave you because "You're hung over, which is the same as being sick. Stay in bed, let me take care of you for a little while longer.

Stalker Xavier who will sometimes go to your home and put snacks in your fridge and other things for meal making. When you get home and notice it, you're already messaging him, asking if he stopped by earlier. "You don't remember getting those yesterday? Have you been sleeping well? Well, since you already have those ingredients in the fridge, how about I come over and we can make dinner together?"

Stalker Xavier who steals things from your apartment all the time. When you come over and discover them, you ask if he took them, "Those items? I know they're yours. You don't remember bringing them over? Sorry, I must've forgotten to return them."

Stalker Xavier who is surprised when you confess to him. He didn't think he'd ever get to call you his lover, but now that you were here...well he was going to make sure nobody else could have you.

Stalker Xavier who makes it known to everyone that you two are dating at work. He'll always find ways to touch you, having his hand somewhere on your body and gives you kisses all the time. If he sees you speaking to someone he doesn't like, he'll come over and kiss your cheek and ask what you want for dinner.

Stalker Xavier who is suggesting after two weeks of dating to just move in together. "We're already always with one another, and it would help save on money. Or perhaps we could move to a bigger place?" he's so convincing and sweet it's hard to say no.

Stalker Xavier who has managed to convince you fully that his possessiveness is just him being a doting boyfriend. He's far too sweet to be a stalker, or have any of those tendencies. He's also super lucky so of course he's always there at the right time for you, he totally wasn't following you around town.

I genuinely don't see canon Xavier being possessive of MC. I see him being protective with all things considering (because he knows far too much). Hell I could make an entire post that justifies most of his "possessive" actions because in my opinion, they all have reasons. These qualities I wrote are just to fit in more with the Stalker/Yandere theme. Again, this doesn't reflect how I portraying Xavier in the slightest.

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.

Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.

Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.

When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.

The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.

And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.

If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.

It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.

It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.

And it's suffocating.

Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.

Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.

Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.

And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.

I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)

Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.

You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.

And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.

[bbanghiitomi]

BORROWED TIME

pairing: idol!khaerin x nj6thmem!fem!reader

trope: first love! angst with comfort! eventual fluff!

haerin sighed for the thousandth time, she realized just how tiring it was to keep sighing - ridiculous, haerin thought as she stared at herself at the mirror. how weird has this day been? she doesn't know, it's always been weird ever since y/n came back from the hospital, the doctors said she was fine, the blow she got on her head when she had an accident during one of their intensive trainings didn't physically damage her. to haerin, it was kind of hard to believe, how could such a huge blow not do any damage? it had to hurt so much, right?

oh well, y/n's charts that her physician provided didn't seem to show any anomalies...

she told herself not to think too much about it, but that's what haerin does best. she can't stop thinking about y/n, she stayed at the hospital for almost 3 months, hell, it was the worst accident that ever happened to their group; haerin remembered how terrible that night was, everyone was crying and worried sick, y/n fell on the floor and hit her head pretty hard on the ground.

but she survived, haerin hated to say this but it was even a miracle y/n survived, the blow was so hard that it could have shaken her brain and damaged it but her charts didn't show any problem in her brain.

till now, she seemed fine.

maybe she knew y/n more than anyone else but, it doesn't stop bothering her, even tonight.

"excuse me." y/n's voice echoed inside the bathroom, she walked her way towards the sink and stood beside haerin to brush her teeth, haerin stared at the girl and watched as the girl brushed her teeth.

"hey, today's the start of our filming... there's nothing wrong that can happen, right?" this has been occurring in the past few weeks since y/n came back from the hospital, haerin was glad for her to be back but it felt different.

y/n can't seem to recognize haerin's voice, she was functioning like an idol, she can dance to beat, hit the right notes, and act like her usual self but the least y/n thing to do is not respond immediately to what haerin was telling her, it felt weird.

y/n turned around to look at haerin and gave her a soft smile. "don't worry." just like that, haerin doesn't understand the sudden shift in her responses, she's the same way with the other members.

there were times were y/n took a few seconds to reply to the members, often times it felt like she couldn't recognize who is who.

but how?

haerin has no logical explanation, y/n's condition was beyond words, it was hard to explain, she didn't lose memories no, she could tell her members name, she knows what her life was once before the incident but it felt like a part of y/n was missing, barely holding on.

if haerin was to explain this to people, they'd think she's insane.

y/n left the bathroom and haerin, the girl frowned, damned and confused.

it's not like haerin has the sharpest eyes amongst everyone, literally, the shape of her eyes were sharp, but the way she see things weren't always as accurate as it is. but when she stared at y/n during their shooting, in the house where the light was shining upon y/n's face, she knew she had to get these feelings out soon.

y/n was silent, she turned to haerin and gave haerin a small smile. "it's hot isn't it? i didn't want to go to the convenience store with the others cause i knew you'd stay." y/n is still y/n, her memories are well intact, she knows haerin and everything about her.

maybe it's time for haerin to stop thinking too much.

what was that feeling? haerin blinked her eyes and stared at y/n. "i'm glad you're okay." haerin muttered, y/n nodded.

y/n felt bad, just how long does she need to hide this? she knew haerin was catching up to her, y/n knew how rare her cognitive disorder were from the force she got during the incident; she was scared they'd turn her into a lab rat.

that night, when she opened her eyes again, she could barely tell who was who, she knew her members' names but she couldn't recognize their faces as familiar. now, y/n is scared to close her eyes, because when she does, haerin's face fades away...

that same night, haerin didn't speak while everyone did, y/n couldn't remember what her voices sounded like, even now, whenever she's away from haerin, she can't recognize her voice.

in her three months inside the hospital, it felt like hell, her tactile sense was impaired, her auditory sensory too, and even her visual sensory was beyond repair; somehow y/n knew it was hard to explain her condition.

but there was hope, obviously, she really wasn't all that crippled, to y/n, it was just a side effect, yet it's hard to deal with but it was the best outcome out of all. who knows? if she wasn't lucky enough to survive that accident, she would've been dead by now.

yet, she is alive. y/n has to accept that she will live her upcoming years dealing with the anguish that her condition will bring her, it was hard to keep hiding but it was for the best.

y/n looked at haerin. "i promise, i'll always be okay." haerin looked down, it had to be the truth, right? perhaps, their perspective on that promise were different, y/n can only guarantee that everything haerin saw in her was okay, but haerin wanted to know deeper.

the girls came back with snacks, a cold soda, and some breads. y/n turned her head away as hanni cheered, y/n can't tell who was that, every now and then, she kept forgetting the girls' facial features, except for their hair and clothes.

hanni has a short hair in this filming, so it was easy to distinguish her from everyone else, the same with danielle with her curly hair.

y/n is only happy she picks up on it quickly without them noticing.

one day, she'll have to stop playing pretend and come in terms with her reality.

"you want bread?" hanni asked y/n, to which she nodded and smiled. "of course." she beamed at hanni and grabbed the bread.

ah, y/n couldn't tell if this bread was heavy or not.

"it's so soft!" danielle smiled, haerin watched y/n as she looked over the members with a smile. yeah, haerin hated herself for always thinking twice.

both her and y/n needed to make up their mind, find a place where they want their minds to reside, they can't keep going off anywhere.

y/n can't tell what texture this bread had, is it smooth or rough? soft or tough?

her disorder limited her performance in identifying most objects.

the whole filming felt natural, well, it was a tough job but overall, y/n managed to keep up quite well. she was happy to be given this chance to continue with newjeans, she promised herself nothing was limiting her from doing something she loved and being with the people she cares for.

ah, it was another one of those nights again when y/n is in her bed and crying; she can't feel her face, it's been numb and tired.

why does she feel like this?

it's horrible...

why can't she just be honest with what she feels? why does she have to suffer?

it's scary, she can't recognize haerin's voice, her members' face were out of the picture. once again, even for only a short amount of time, they felt like strangers to her.

she needed help and if she can't get it, her cognitive disorder will destroy her whole being, something worse than a nightmare, is her confusion, a poison was the truth.

there's no certain cure for agnosia, maybe it was a bad idea for her to surf the internet for an answer, it must be just anxiety, yeah - she's probably just worrying too much.

y/n sighed, the truth was a pill she couldn't swallow, necessary but felt like a punch on the gut, denial was her only answer, tonight, she wants to still her resolve to face her contests.

haerin heard faint sobbing as she leaned her ears on the door, she sighed, it's one of those nights again. haerin wanted to know what was putting y/n into these kinds of situations, crying herself to sleep until the time burns out and she's left to keeping herself awake till the next day.

haerin knows y/n and her have a connection only they can understand, it was some kind of feelings that both they shared and individually had. something that's hurting y/n is hurting haerin too. haerin knocked on the door. "y/n? are you okay? this is haerin."

y/n rose from her bed and wiped her tears, it's haerin, she knew only because haerin revealed herself.

"come in..." y/n faint voice made haerin's heart skip a beat.

when haerin opened the door, she caught a glimpse of y/n's back, haerin curled her brows but only for a few seconds as she gathered her courage.

"i could hear your sobs you know? what's bothering you?" there was no point with hiding, y/n looked at haerin, the swollen eyes caught the cat-like girl off guard, she sighed and sat on the other edge of the bed, their backs facing each other.

"a lot..." y/n muttered, haerin nodded.

"i guessed it, want to share it?" haerin's offer sounded tempting at the moment, y/n felt like it made sense if she finally came to agreement about what she felt, she'd be able to understand haerin more and get the heavy feelings off of her chest.

"it feels a little heavy for me to share... but i guessed it's you so..." y/n shifts her posture as she turned a bit to face haerin's back, she had a small sheepish smile, haerin chuckled; from what she remembered, the heaviest for her was having to see y/n at the hospital, it made her hate the emptiness of every corridor, the heaviness of her heart weighing all the worries she carried for y/n.

the comfort the practice room once gave her was gone, all that was left is fear of something worse as she await y/n's return.

"i can take it." haerin stated.

"i'm consulting a doctor, again." haerin finally turned her head, both of their backs facing each other but their eyes were on one another. haerin raised her eyebrows. "like your weekly checkups with the physician?" well it was something everyone knew was a part if y/n's new routine.

"why? you don't wanna go there anymore?" haerin asked again.

y/n shook her head as she took a heavy breath. "no," she paused, it was for the best, if she stopped consulting her physician, one thing could go wrong and it's over but she needed more help.

"i... i'll try reaching out to psychiatrists..." haerin looked at y/n, surprised, it was out of pocket.

"why..?" haerin was rather afraid to ask but she wanted to know. y/n shook her head and sighed. "that i'm still trying to look for an answer myself, i felt the need to reach out to a psychiatrist but i can only get the answer why i got the urge if i can hear them out." y/n answered, it was know haerin's turn to shake her head.

"no, there's definitely something wrong." the past was their playful banter, y/n remembers those memories with haerin but all with a distorted image of haerin's face and an almost empty sound of her voice.

even the touch of haerin's palm was unrecognizable to y/n.

that was her problem. "it's hard to explain." y/n said.

haerin frowned and looked down. "are you going to be okay?" like a sad kitten, haerin asked as she looked at y/n. y/n gave her a nod. "of course."

agnosia...

prosopagnosia, the disorder that affects her ability to recognize familiar faces.

phonagnosia, inability to recognize familiar voices, and ahylognosia, the disorder that hinders the identification of textures and materials.

the psychiatrist couldn't give her a proper answer to a cure, even he looked unsure; it brought y/n's hopes down. he could only say that time can help y/n re-develop these skills, it was a side effect of the trauma her head caught during her accident.

"give it at least three or more months. it should be advisable to stay with friends, families, or loved ones, that's the only thing you should really worry about, it doesn't get worse over time as long as you keep great contact with familiar people in your life."

that's what he said.

though, there isn't an instant cure, y/n held on to what her psychiatrist said, he'll keep in touch and check up on her every now and then, maybe that'll help.

as y/n was heading home, she kept listening to their own songs, familiarize... and remember...

watching music videos was her answer, since she gets to call her family all the time she needed to, y/n's main focus is once again recognizing her members.

when she got home, haerin noticed this.

"hey, you've been watching a lot of our music videos." she pointed out, y/n looked up at haerin, just a bit more, she told herself.

"yeah, i like our songs." it was true but in this situation it wasn't.

"how did your consultation went?" haerin asked, not taking no more risk to lose the chances. the members were gone except for the two girls. "it went as expected." y/n answered.

haerin looked down at y/n who sat down at her chair and haerin scratched her cheek. "i hate beating around the bush, can you tell me what you got? i promise i'll keep it." y/n appreciates haerin's honesty but it was hard to say something that took her a lot to understand.

y/n stood up from her seat and shook her head at haerin. "maybe the right time will come, i have something i want to say more now that that." y/n faced haerin and sighed as she let out a sheepish laugh.

haerin blushed as the gap between them got smaller, she really isn't good about these things unless they're playful, definitely not when it's y/n. "what is it?" maybe she shouldn't push the psychiatrist topic so much; it worried haerin yes, but it didn't seem right to y/n, it wasn't her choice.

"do you like me?" it was such a short question but haerin was taken back as she pointed to herself, she's got her tongue tied as she looked away with a soft blush.

"what's that suddenly about?" haerin asked as she looked at y/n again, y/n smiled and shook her head. "nothing, anyway i'll just get something from minji's room." y/n shrugged and haerin saw y/n walked past her and haerin reached over to y/n's shoulder. "wait!"

y/n turned around and looked at haerin as the cat-like girl took a heavy breathe. "i, i have something to say. promise we'll stay the same?" haerin's face looked delicate, to y/n's eyes, her expression were cute. "of course." she said.

"hm, i like you yeah. but why would u ask?" haerin looked at y/n before scratching her cheek. y/n stared at haerin and smiled, she shrugged and looked away for only a few seconds. "well, if i were to be honest it makes things easier for me. you know? just watch over me okay? i'll eventually get better in no time." y/n said as she beamed at haerin, haerin nodded, a soft blush covering her cheeks.

"well, as long as you tell me about what you feel." haerin shrugged, her breath feels short, must have been her heart beating too much. y/n looked down and nodded. "i promise to be transparent." y/n muttered as she leaned her head on haerin's shoulder.

y/n rubbed her face on the soft fabric of haerin's clothes, the cat-like girl's smell wafted around her, the smell of the fresh fabric conditioner. she's afraid if she closes her eyes her mind would be in a blur.

haerin looked at y/n, she awkwardly stayed still.

"i'm sorry," y/n sighed. "i can't really find a way to communicate what i'm going through, not to you, not to the members." haerin nodded.

"it is harder for you than everyone else..." haerin muttered.

"everyone will find out sooner anyway, i don't have to hide forever." y/n smiled as she she felt haerin's arms around her.

a future with everyone, that's what y/n wanted, though hard to put into imagination, she wishes that once all is over, she'll still be with haerin.

"it's okay, i won't let them force you if you don't want to." haerin knew she sounded silly, it was something tough and brave for her to say but it was true, she'd be willing to speak up if it was for y/n's betterment.

y/n chuckled and nodded. "i trust you." she whispered.

y/n doesn't want to close her eyes, she wants to know that she's with haerin, that when haerin speaks, her eyes could see her presence, she wanted more than to feel, it was out of her capabilities as her cognitive disorder limited her to be able to do such things;

if she closes her eyes, she wouldn't know it's haerin speaking, she wouldn't certainly be able to imagine the familiarity of haerin's face.

maybe just now, but in the future anything could change - hopefully.

haerin had to shake her mind off of y/n's secrets, not everything has to have her in the picture and she understood it.

haerin and y/n both hopes for something better to come, maybe tomorrow it will change, maybe not - maybe it'll only take a couple of days or if not, weeks, months or even a year or two. it's hard to try and live in the future if the present needed to be change; no one certainly knew what would happen.

but in this present, y/n only needed her family, friends, and haerin. through what limited her capabilities, it's not enough to put y/n to a full stop and not enough for haerin to keep caring for the girl.

as they stood in the middle of y/n's room, haerin's hug starts to feel tighter, without y/n noticing it.

"i love you." haerin thought, well, she didn't have enough courage to say it.

sighing, haerin carefully puts a hand on top of y/n's head and gently caressed y/n's hair. for a brief moment or more, it felt like home.

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

mouthwashing responsibility au rambles below cut 🫡

(spoiler warning for the actual game obviously)

- even though jimmy got deservedly knocked out by anya and thrown into the cryopod early on, the crash still does happen. it's a freak accident this time, like maybe a piece of space debris just happened to hurtle right into them without time to dodge. it's like the tulpar is destined to crash. but this time it's a story about a group of people finding hope and strength in each other and finding what they themselves can be capable of in a time of crisis. btw i just mean curly, anya, swansea, and daisuke. i am NOT repenting jimmy. he ain't "fixing" shit.

- i'm sorry for frying curly again even though this is supposed to be an au with a happier ending 😭 the way his loss of autonomy reflects anya's own loss of it, making him feel firsthand the suffering she went through in a way, felt too important to just remove. curly's injuries aren't as terrible as in the original timeline since swansea rescued him earlier. and by "not as terrible" i mean he only loses a leg and not all of his limbs. he will get some function in his hands eventually and anya teaches him sign language to help him communicate (she teaches the others too).

- speaking of anya, she really shows her stuff as a nurse (even in the original timeline she does, managing to keep curly alive like that). she treats curly and swansea and is much more of a pillar of strength for the crew than she herself realizes. pre-crash and post-jimmy-getting-fired, she was able to relax and open up more with everyone, building a stronger bond. when the crash happens, anya is of course terrified and hella stressed, but now she knows she has people who have her back, and it helps. she can be more confident in herself without a certain someone being there to belittle and hurt her. this time when she has to deal with something difficult, something traumatizing, she has people to support her. in this au, she is not pregnant because if she was, i don't see how keeping the baby would be a good thing for her. and i don't want her to have to deal with that situation without the proper medical supplies on top of everything else. she's been through enough.

- btw there is no shipping in this au. i personally really don't see how it could happen between anyone on the crew. if there was some sort of spark between anya and curly, it's definitely gone now and won't happen again. the most they'll be are friends (although the friendship/trust will have to be built from the ground up again after everything that's happened with jimmy). the only ship here is the tulpar.

- i know daisuke is seen as a "dumb kid" but i really don't think that's the case. we are seeing him thru jimmy's perspective mostly after all and jimmy is the definition of an unreliable narrator. i headcanon daisuke as having adhd like me who tends to lose focus on tasks easily because your brain is just going 102929 miles a minute and wandering to all sorts of places like me. he feels like someone who doesn't exactly know where they want to go in life like me. also he's definitely a hawaii kid born and raised and talks pidgin sometimes like me except i lost the pidgin :(. i'm totally not projecting my asian ass on the asian boy or anything. BUT ANYWAY i wanted to give daisuke more stuff to do and a chance to prove to himself that he can do these things, he can step up. so that's partially why i made swansea burn his hands rescuing curly. daisuke can now be filled with Determination and be swansea's hands in repairing things as he heals. it's going to be hard and it's going to be frustrating for both parties and sometimes they'll get upset at each other. but it will inevitably be a great bonding experience for the two. i cannot resist the call for more father-son moments.

- swansea my beloved. i am so sorry for burning your beautiful hands please forgive 😔🙏 i have to make my faves suffer a little. swansea's hands will heal up eventually and he'll be able to use them again, but there will be scars. i think him having to guide daisuke with doing repairs n stuff on the ship as his hands recover gives him a mission. something to distract him from completely falling into despair and alcoholism. that man is hanging on by a thread but by god he's going to help get these kids through this. they've all grown closer since jimmy was sacked and swansea feels a sort of responsibility towards protecting anya, daisuke and curly as the oldest one there. it's the dad instincts y'know? on the real hard days, sometimes swansea thinks about cracking open a bottle of mouthwash, but he holds back because he feels he needs to stay strong for the crew. however he does have to learn that he can't shoulder everything and that he can rely on others. him having no choice but to have daisuke take over his tasks is a good way for him to learn that, i think. swansea is definitely a pillar of strength in this and the rest of the crew have a lot of affection for him (and vice versa even if swansea won't admit it). can you tell i really like swansea. he is such a foil to jimmy—a guy who has fucked up a lot in his life but actually acknowledges his mistakes and is trying his hardest to be a better person. aghh swansea i love you 💛💛

- after the crash happens, the cryopod room becomes inaccessible, so nobody is able to check on the state of jimmy in there. so they don't see that the crypod he's in eventually fails from damage and he escapes. this happens a couple weeks into the crash. jimmy is still pissed about everything and still can't see how he's done anything wrong (this is because he is a delusional asshole). in fact, he feels like he's the one who's been wronged and betrayed by everyone on the crew and he wants revenge. there will be a final confrontation between jimmy and the crew. spoilers: jimmy loses. i'm just undecided on who finishes it. it would be fitting if anya shot him, but i'm not sure that's something she'd necessarily want to do. she chose to be in the medical field after all. don't get me wrong, i think she would pull the trigger if it meant protecting the others. but i'd hate to have her kill, because even if jimmy deserves it, anya is a healer and would still probably feel guilty about it. i don't want to put even more shit on her plate. so i think swansea is the one to put jimmy down in the end. with the axe of course. i think he'd feel less guilty about doing it because it's something he's wanted to do since anya first told him about jimmy. oooh what if jimmy gets his hands on the gun, but daisuke tackles him, making him drop it, and anya gets it and shoots jimmy in the shoulder or leg or something to get him off of daisuke, and then swansea comes in with the axe to finish him off. that could be fun. that way anya won't have to actually kill but she'll still get to shoot jimmy. bless.

- the crew gets rescued eventually, but it's going to be a few months because pony express is a nightmare company. i'm honestly still not sure if pony express is even the one who will rescue them or even bother to look. i'm tempted to just have another ship happen across them by some miracle and help. real tempted to make that ship The Unreliable and turn this into a Mouthwashing x The Outer Worlds crossover quite honestly since both settings share similarities (megacorporations, cryosleep, etc). but idk. it's not like i can just write a fanfic or anything since writing is harder for me and who knows how long it will be before i even draw the idea. it's just yet another self-indulgent daydream for now.

[deesseshesca]

PAC : What flashback is imprinted in your lover's mind ? (18+)

Y'all don't know how long it takes for me to found the right images just to end up disappointed ... smh

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PILE 1 

You guys are childhood best friends. Maybe your moms knew each other forever or y’all are neighbors. Y’all grew up together … max 5 years age gap. I feel like this person is older than you. The feminine energy you grew beautifully. Is not even about liking you or not … you are very attractive. A lot of friends of your bff try to hit on you some of y’all, your best friend gave the green light. While others … if you are surprised nobody is hitting on you or even acting interested … babe put 2 and 2 together. Nah you are not bad at flirting actually you are very good. Damm you are a triple threat; beautiful, charming and smart … not your bff doing you wrong. 

The flashback. 

For a long time, they kept their distance. Your person has a lot of integrity and they believe in boy and girl friendship. So they put whatever feeling that was coming through to the side. Or brush it off by being to horny at the moment. Not like… you are the only woman available around me and that’s why I am horny. More in the way that: ‘’Ok pile 2 is attractive and my body is having a normal reaction.’’. The flush they felt when you back yourself on their chest. The tingles they feel when you are close to them, your eyes sparkling because you are talking about something that excites you. The yearning for your touch after you give them a hug or you just run your hand on their back or hair. They love embracing you and putting their chin on your head. They are so grateful for y’all closeness and the fact that you’ve been close because they get to share intimate moments with you in front of people without anyone really questioning y’all. Also they don’t know if they can handle never touching you. 

The vision is you organizing some type of party at your house. Could be a summer house where you invited everyone you knew and the invited; invited more people. Chérie d’Amour y’all are popular. Which does not surprise me . Before you look around running away from the title just know there’s nothing wrong with the title. Some people don’t want to realize  that there are some people with amazing social skills, that love to interact with their environment, that live in their authenticity while being extremely charming and attractive. Like y’all not all popular people are mean. Most of the time they are  resourceful  since they always know a person that knows a person. Moving on , it could be you inviting your soul tribe over at your apartment for Friendsgiving or just for the fuck of it. Y’all like hosting and you go all in. You choose a theme  and buy decorations for it. Keep going with your skills and it will not surprise me if your friend asks you to organize their engagement party or baby shower in the future. Anyway they came early … duuuuuh… bff duty. They were cutting some stuff in the kitchen. Before I go deeper, y’all keep teasing him/her by giving that person fuck me eyes, rub their dick/pussy by accident or texting them ungodly things. Some of y’all discuss each other's sexual past and desires. They were only uncomfortable because they soon realized that not only was y’all relationship not a friendship no more but they were now infatuated by you . They then took a cold shower … LOL … They might even pep talk their dick/pussy before dealing with you. Making sure shit doesn't go hard/wet otherwise it will be very embarrassing. That being said you push them on the wall, they are confuse as fuck, asking question but all you do is  giggle with your seductive eye. You went straight to business , you rushed pulling down their zipper or bringing down their panties. If they have a dick, you just wipe out their hard dick. They complain all the time about how wrong this whole thing is and the fact that people may walk in on y’all or maybe that cooking is going to take even more time because you are playing around. Until the last minute, they don’t believe whatever is happening. Blaming it on the vape, alcohol or weed or fucking whatever (even mercury retrograde for some … lol). Until you are inches away from their dick, looking at them with a big smile. Or you are about to enter your finger in their hole asking them for final consent. I heard them (clearly and firmly) say: ‘’ If you do it … there is no stopping after that’’. You go for it. Eyes close because you are not used to giving head. So instead of enjoying their moan or giving them sexy eyes, you pace your breathing and make sure you are moving your head probably to give them maximum pleasure. If they are an owner of a pussy, I see you pumping your finger and looking at them while they have a hand on their mouth trying to keep the moan in. Which makes you laugh even more. They are going to make you take more inches in, this head session is turning into deepthroat. They definitely talk you through it : ‘’ C’mon … you can take it baby girl. That’s it (moan)’’. You are just hoping not to choke on it. If it is a woman, you are taking their hand away and forcing them to be vocal about how good you make them feel.  I don’t know how y’all made your way from the kitchen to the bedroom but I see them thrusting deep and slowly inside of you. Completely focus on you. The whole session is very sensual and loving. They even rambled about how much they dream of time like this. If it is with an owner of a vagina, y’all share a lot of orgasm but you were more the one leading and give them pleasure. I am hearing a lot of ‘’ Love, baby, babygirl, honey’’ and ‘’ Right, yes… you love it, cum for me please baby’’. Then it's close, to y’all wake up next morning  all happy and they  realize the mess that just been achieved. They don’t regret it but now they are realizing they are stuck with you for life because they are officially  in love with you. 

That's a flashback playing on repeat in their head, reminding them that they have to make you theirs. 

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PILE 2 

This is actually your energy and not theirs. You are the one going through flashbacks. Also I am getting a 100% straight vibe from this pile. Don’t matter if you resonate more with feminine or masculine energy, all I see is a penis and a punani. 

You guys are very awkward when it comes to sex. You guys may be neurodivergent and quite high on the spectrum too. It doesn't matter how much you mask, you can't seem to hit it right. A lot of you have a strong sex appeal but when it comes down to it you're clueless. People need to stop thinking that just because someone is sexy that means they are a sex god. Y’all are very curvy and soft, big boobs, luscious butt and slimmer waist but still with a stomach. Maybe even a fupa. Your hair is long and shiny but I think it is just because of genes. You have your mother's face and her lighter color eyes. People always try to drag you in their bed  with your consent. You accept expecting it to be different but you always end up disappointed and the person is extremely pleased but never knows if you actually enjoy it. NEWS FLASH : You did not. You dissociate a lot during sex, y’all may suffer from depression, anxiety or OCD. I see you getting fucked, holding your tits and literally looking at the person on top of you straight in their eye like ‘’Ho is u cool’’. 

Flashback. 

I don’t know how you met that person or even the setting. I see you opening up and telling them how you never orgasm even though you try your best. They decide to help you, I am not getting FWB. You accept gladly thinking ‘’ what’s one more loser going to do to my body count ? ’’. They make you sit on their lap or on the sofa between their legs. They are talking to you through it like a meditation, they are not loving but more so calming. Telling you to close your eyes and let them do the job. Panties on the ground, you were wearing a skirt. Before you knew it, their fingers were playing with your clit and hole. They ask you to keep your eyes, playing with your nipples. You orgasm, you may have gotten really loud and you never felt so much pleasure. Suddenly your voice gets sexy. Is like they woken the sexy goddess sleeping in you, next thing you know,  you are begging them to suck their dick. They are going to refuse, showing you how hard you got them. Before they wipe it out and they ejaculate on you.  The vision stops there. The thing that gets you wet is their dick. You guys still masturbate at the thought of them having their dick in your mouth.

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PILE 3

You guys are in a relationship with that person. You guys' relationship is so goals. A lot of y’all friends look up to y’all relationships. That person may be a non-binary. Is like the collision of 2 different worlds when it comes to y’all aesthetic. You guys are straight but your partner is part of the rainbow community. They may also be into alternative art, music and style. 

The flashback . 

Y’all had sex multiple times before and after that flashback but that one time is like a golden memory for them. You guys were going to a concert of one of their favorite goth or rock bands and you dress up to the T. Y’all were fucking sexy with your makeup, hair (some of y’all even dye your hair a darker or flashy color for the event), body was expose in lowkey trashy way and you were being clingy which boost their ego because every guy around them realize how much game they had bagging a baddie like you. I see y’all having a lot of fun while waiting in line with them and their friends. The concert may have been planned for months because y‘all end up having sex in y’all hotel room.

They didn't even wait for you to get unready, the sec that you walked in they grabbed your hips. I see you trying to scream but their hand comes in your mouth. Before anyone calls the popo, this couple has been having sex and that’s really their dynamic. What fucking surprise me is the fact that I was not expecting this energy coming from them. Like how something so nerdy and awkward is so rough and skillful in the bedroom. It really be the nerdy one … They up your skirt and force themselves in your anus. You guys are playing along with it. I mean duhhhh is y’all dynamic. Is lowkey giving roleplay and bdsm but very lowkey. I hear you say ‘’stop’’ at the same time that shit actually turns you on. They made you orgasm multiple times before dragging you on the bed ( damn y’all are still clothed … I mean your clothes are torn… but anyway chile…). They are now cuddle fucking you and is rough and quick. They are playing with you  like you are a sex doll. The stuff I put myself through to give y’all good content; I heard them saying:’’Yeah, yeah, take it. Take it all like the good girl that you are’’. They love calling you good girl, that’s all I keep hearing over and over. Or maybe it is your assigned position in your sexual dynamic. Some of y’all may even have rules and punishment. Anyway let me get the fuck out the rabit hole. The orgasm was literally an euphoric sensation, they are comparing it to Xnax (they are telling me that this is an inside joke between y’all. You guys never did that drug. Or is an important lyric of a song that y’all share). When they were probably done, you were the one that did the cleaning up because they were extremely overstimulated.  Between the concert, the abundant love they have for you, the demanding sex, everything became too much.  Some of y’all even brought that person flowers because their performance was that good. 

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PILE 4 

This is your co-worker which I don't think shocks you because you only fuck him as a joke. A way to show them how pathetic they really is. To use him and play with him. I think you and this person are always in some sort of competition at work because your views differ a lot. While others are riding for them because of their last name, their attractiveness and even money. You don't give a fuck and say what the fuck is up. Both of y'all are always competing with each other. What I mean by that is an issue was brought up in a meeting and both of y’all came away with a solution. Maybe y’all boss hints that whoever project we are going to take, this person will be the manager of it therefore make the other person their yes man.  Both of you have a big ego so there’s no way. Yes way and they lost. Now I move from this setting to a Halloween party. Also all this doesn't necessarily mean it is corporate related, it could be a college project. When you read a pick a card you take whatever resonates and try to make it work for your situation. 

Flashback. 

I see you daring them to follow you which intrigues them. Maybe you have worn a cat costume. Y’all were dressed up as animals. They walk in and you pushed them on the bed. There is no lighting except for the moon light. You told them while holding their shoulder, by the way, they were wearing a pathetic last minute costume : ‘’ You really fucking thought you would win (their name)''. You take your black heel and push it on their dick and they fucking whimpered and you laughed. They barely spoke during the experience. You rubbed their dick with your heel while mocking them. Your eye, babe for a long time that’s all I could focus on. Before I even shuffle some cards, the way you looked at them is enough to make them bust. You caress their torso, their thighs and suck off their dick while insulting them. They cum, you try to leave but they want more so you let them suck your tits. I am hearing: ‘’ That’s it. That’s all you are good for. You will never be better than me…’’. Y’all really dislike each other even hate each other. We all know hate is passionate love anyways. You suddenly stand up and leave them wanting more. Every time they lay eyes on you they think about that one time.

They almost develop an unhealthy obsession with you. They have stalked you at some point but knew better so they keep their desire to themself. Honestly they hurt themselves (not self harm but I just don’t know how)  not to fall into deep obsession with you. 

Half of yall is just a sexual fantasy that someone around you has regarding you.

If you have never seen that person in a sexual sitting, they are big and needy for you, don't let the facade fool you.  Take a moment to see how their eyes linger on you and how truly amuse they are about the whole feud between y’all.

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[jweekgoji]

can a Resquest of TFO Sentinel prime with Cybertronian femme reader, that the reader is pregnant and that is her conjux

TFO!Sentinel/Femme!Reader [hcs]

tw: accidental pregnancy, established relationships, Sentinel is a jerk (as usual), yandere!Sentinel, possessive behavior, very brief mention of abortion, narcissistic!Sentinel, OOC (?). terms used: sire - a father, sparkling - a child. word count: 840 words. a/n: the tw sounds scary but it was funny to write.

Oooh no, poor thing, how did you manage to get pregnant by this guy out of everyone? During one of your shared moments of intimacy, you both found out that none of you have any protection! And you two can't get your servos off each other because everything just feels too good, too right? Don't worry, Sentinel is fast enough not to finish inside you, trust him (never trust him with this).

Jokes aside, in my opinion - Sentinel is not a family person at all. Firstly, he's too busy for something insignificant as a family, and secondly, that would mean you are going to pay less attention to him. A whiney, loud, crying mess of a cybertronian is just not something he would dream of.

So if you do end up being pregnant, it was probably an accident.

I imagine Sentinel being a total dumbass about it. Not because he's uneducated about pregnancy, of course not. He's just used to getting laid with one bot and another without any consequences. Usually they don't call back, and even if they do, who the hell would believe them? Sentinel Prime accidentally knocked you up? Sure, we all trust you, hun.

However, he can't just dismiss his own conjunx. That's the moment where he needs a good amount of time to process everything. Sentinel hates the idea that he would not be able to bring you to every fancy meeting, showing you around for everyone to see like you're his luxury item, something everyone can watch but can't touch. Then, he would have to sacrifice his moments of intimacy with you, since you would be too tired, not in the mood, and dangerous for the sparkling.

His possessiveness over his conjunx is incredibly high and even ridiculous. Sentinel probably keeps you in your shared berthroom more than usual, which at first might sound sparkwarming and very caring of him. Like aww, he wants you to rest and not bother about a thing! He's such a good conjunx. In reality, Sentinel is searching through various doctors on Iacon, the ones he can bribe, so not a single word comes out of the room. He doesn't want his people to talk about his personal life behind his back.

Sentinel, obviously, also makes sure no one but him knows about it. Maybe Airachnid gets to know too, but it's not like you can keep something from her, the spider lady most likely knows about your early signs of pregnancy faster than everyone. Faster than Sentinel, lol.

During the early stages of your pregnancy, Sentinel is pretty stressed out himself, even though he doesn't show it at all. Because, what do you mean, he is going to be a sire? When you actually tell him this, he would loudly laugh in your face. You're totally joking, are you? Wait, why aren't you laughing? ...Oh.

When he realizes it's not a joke, that's where he gets serious. I am not going to sugarcoat it, since he might think about getting rid of it. Quietly and painlessly, it is early enough for the process to go smoothly. No one gets to know about it, and by the end of it, you will go back «to normal», and that's perfect for him.

But the more he thinks about it, the more he gets conflicted. What if someone finds out? Sentinel Prime, the great leader of Iacon, got rid of his own sparkling? He can already taste the bitterness on his glossa, when he reads the articles, various comments, his ratings and support from the parties are getting lower and lower. What a nightmare.

But when Sentinel sees you, sleepily wrapping your servos around his arm, nuzzling against his shoulder, so close to him that he can almost hear the faint beat of a spark inside you, he decides to keep it.

He grows prideful through some amount of time. His conjunx, carrying his sparkling. Sentinel sees his sparkling as something of his own too, just like you are his.

It is too early to think about his sparkling being the next ruler of Iacon, his heir, since, well, Sentinel doesn't plan on leaving anytime soon, but he does like the idea of making a tiny some-sort-of-royal-family of his.

For everyone else, Sentinel Prime is the best sire anyone dreams to get. Why wouldn't he, if he's their protective, hardworking leader? In public, this tiny, soon to be growing family is a role model of how every family on Cybertron should be. Inside the closed doors, what you have is not what someone would call «perfect». Sentinel might claim that he loves you, he genuinely loves you and his sparkling, but you would never tell if he's pretending or not. You might just believe him with this one.

[penkura]

where you belong [4/10]

Summary: As Luffy's big sister, you've viewed it to be your job to see him become King of the Pirates in place of your absent parents, even as you try to find where it is you belong in the world. You never really expected to draw the attention of Trafalgar Law in the process.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Fem!reader

Warnings: Discussion of feelings of abandonment, age gap relationship (four years), brief secret relationship, mentions and heavy refences to sex, mentions of alcohol, typical One Piece stuff. Other warnings to be added if needed.

Note: This chapter has heavy references to sex, but nothing explicit. I'm an old maid, I don't have that experience yet. :') Also its 9k words, I'm so sorry, but I hope it sustains you all until chapter 5 is done lol.

Taglist:

@pinksaiyans | @sukunas-play-thing | @spiderlily-w1tch-blog | @mineymak | @valen-yamyam16 | @shimmerxc | @luffy0s | @fluffybunnyu | @laws-wife-things | @crmnic | @eyes-ofhell | @hopelesslover06 | @nyfwyeonjun | @extremely-ashtridic | @idk67876 | @mysweetmagicworld | @lorelexi-main | @pandabiene5115 | @shakysif | @bern87 | @nymeriiiia | @arcanumlaw | @sp1ng | @birdie-24-05 | @bi-narystars | @mars-mizuko | @tojirin

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3]

“You know,” Law can’t help the slight smile that makes it’s way onto his face when you look at him mid-bite but he does think it’s cute, “I thought you had feelings for Penguin for a while.”

You laugh after you swallow the bite of food you have, shaking your head but still smiling. The two of you decide to stay on the ship for the night, you’ll go into town tomorrow for a lunch date, but for tonight, you’ll just share some leftovers in the kitchen and sit close together. Every now and then you both place a kiss on the other’s cheek, it makes you giggle when Law does it, his goatee scratching your face a little, but you like it.

You like him, he already means so much to you, and you can already tell he feels the same way with you.

“No, no, definitely not. I think of him more like a big brother, really.”

“I’m sure he’ll be heartbroken to hear that.”

“Oh yeah,” you roll your eyes a little but still smile, “One of the two people who knew about my feelings for you is going to be so heartbroken that I think of him as a brother.”

“He’ll be devastated, I’m sure.”

You both laugh a bit, knowing that Penguin would absolutely play along if you brought it up, his acting skills on display if needed. He will be happy for the two of you when he hears, but it's fun to think of different reactions from his crewmates, you’ve been thinking about Luffy’s reaction since you realized your feelings for Law. You know he’ll be ecstatic, though he’s probably going to ask you to stay with the Straw Hats, at least for now. You don’t mind it, you’re sure Law will be fine with it.

The current plan is to drop you in Sabaody in a few months anyway, you’ll be separated for a while. At least you have transponder snails, you’ll be able to keep in contact that way easily. Less likely for letters to be intercepted and read in advance by Nami once she finds out.

“How long do you want to wait to tell your crew?”

Law shrugs, he hasn’t thought that far ahead about all this yet. He knows it’s going to happen, they’re going to find out somehow, maybe even by accident knowing them.

“A while, I’m not sure. I…I haven’t done this before…”

“…I haven’t either. Luffy and Ace would chase off any boys I liked, or any that they thought liked me…so I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“I see,” Nodding, Law leans over and kisses your cheek again, making you giggle while he smiles, “We’ll figure this all out together then.”

“Yeah…together.”

Even when the rest of the Heart Pirates come back later that night, you and Law spend your time together, making sure at least that those who haven’t noticed your feelings for each other don’t find things out right away. You’re not ready for that, but you’ve both agreed to let Ikkaku and Penguin know, just for sanity’s sake and not having to sneak around everyone.

The rest of your evening is spent in his office after you’ve finished dinner, talking and making plans for the next day together, plans for after you go back to the Straw Hats if this sticks. You hope it does, Law does too, neither of you wants this to fall apart even if it’s just starting. Law takes you back to your room again, as he always does now, it’s become your favorite part of your evenings. If any of his crewmates come around the corner the two of you separate just enough that it doesn’t look weird, still talking until the other person is out of sight and you move back beside each other.

You’re sure that if he keeps walking you and kisses you before he leaves these times are going to be your favorite from now on. Practically none of the other guys come down towards your and Ikkaku’s room, giving you and Law enough time to enjoy each other before he says he needs to go, he’s got things to do before your (real) date the next day.

“Lunch tomorrow right?”

“Right.”

You nod with a grin, before leaning up to kiss Law again, which he gladly accepts and returns.

“See you in the morning then, Law.”

“You too,” Law gives you a smile and kiss on the forehead before he turns to leave, “I promise I’ll come get you this time.”

You fight not to laugh but nod, still smiling as you go into your room, all giddy and happy. Ikkaku is asleep so you won’t bother her, but once you get into bed, you’re trying not to squeal even though you can’t wipe the smile off your face as you fall asleep. Law does the same, even though he has no one else around him at the time. Its another night he sleeps easily, only because of you he believes. He has hopes this will be good, that you won’t leave him, and he won’t leave you even when he drops you off in Sabaody. He wants this to last, you both do, and it feels like it will.

Neither of you plans to give up on this easily.

+!+

Your first date off the Polar Tang is a success to both you and Law, he feels relieved after it’s over though, but he’s not opposed to another one of course. The rest of his crew goes about their business on the ship, leaving you and Law to slip off without anyone else noticing, Ikkaku and Penguin promise to keep everyone busy so you won’t be found out and you can enjoy yourselves.

You start off at a small café for lunch, laughing when the waitress suggests a sandwich to Law who nearly recoils at the thought of bread but just orders a salad instead.

“Stop laughing, you dork.”

“Your aversion to bread is so funny though, I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like it!”

“Yeah well,” Law looks away as he takes a drink, cheeks just the slightest bit pink out of embarrassment, “I’ve never liked the stuff, ever since I was a kid. I’m sure there’s something you don’t like.”

You stop to think, as your food is brought to you, the waitress had been able to convince you to get the sandwich they were offering, as you look at Law’s lunch once it’s set down.

“Radishes.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t like radishes,” Nodding, you shrug a little, “Never have, I don’t like how strong they can taste.”

“Guess I’ll take your radishes and you take my bread.”

You grin and agree, the rest of your lunch spent in comfortable conversation, nothing feels awkward or weird, not after the night before. Law hopes you don’t ever find him passed out in his office again, though knowing the anxiety he can have, it may happen again. He's grateful you’re so understanding and willing to help him navigate this new territory.

But it’s also new for you, so you’re glad to learn alongside him.

Once you’re done with lunch, neither of you are ready to go back to the Polar Tang, so you take off to look at different shops through the town. Of course you find a bookstore, both of you excited to go in, though Law less obvious about it, you drag him inside and start to look at everything available. While you end up looking at the different books on poisons, Law ends up picking out a medical book almost immediately, before being drawn to the novels and comics, where you end up finding him several minutes later, lost in thought.

You just watch him, he looks like he’s thinking through which volumes of Sora Warrior of the Sea he has, to see if he needs any that are on the shelf in front of him. It makes you smile, he's so feared by so many so people simply because he’s pirate captain, but this side of him makes Law so cute to you, he keeps it to himself most of the time, but when you see it, you can’t help it.

He really is a good guy.

Law picks a book up off the shelf to read the back as you come over, pressing yourself again his side to try and rea it yourself.

“Find one you need?”

“Maybe…I don’t think I’ve read this one before.”

You hum and look at the cover yourself, reading the synopsis before Law puts his arm around your shoulders and brings you closer to him. It doesn’t surprise you that much, but it makes you smile. Despite how he looks to some people, you know Law is much nicer than anyone could ever expect, especially when he starts to explain the plot of this volume while you just listen and in turn wrap your free arm around his waist as Law decides he'll get this book too, asking if you found what you need before he goes to purchase his items.

“Yeah, I think I found everything I was looking for.”

~~

The two of you walk back to the Polar Tang while chatting lightly, Law trying to explain the full plot of Sora to you, which makes you laugh as you ask questions and he looks almost annoyed like it’s something he just explained but you weren’t listening.

It's not your fault he looks so happy as he goes off about his favorite series, the bright look in his eyes and slight smirk he has, he’s just so handsome when he’s happy.

“…maybe you should just read it.”

“If you let me borrow your copy I will!”

Law nods, thinking that’s definitely a better idea than him having to try and explain it. He’ll have to get you the first volume later so you can start it, see something he’s liked ever since he was a child. Maybe you’ll enjoy it too and he can have someone to talk about it with again.

As you approach the Polar Tang, you take Law’s hand in yours, he pulls you a little closer to kiss your head in return. You aren’t ready to go back yet, to have to pretend nothing is going on, but you’re willing to deal with it for now, just for Law. He might be older than you, but you understand he isn’t in the mood to be teased by his crewmates about his first relationship, so you can accept this situation. At the very least, Ikkaku and Penguin know, you think Bepo has his suspicions after you ran to get him when Law had passed out, but none of his other crewmates seem to suspect a thing yet.

“I wish we had more time today…”

“We don’t have to go back in immediately,” Law shrugs while you look up at him confused, making him smile softly, “We could, you know, stay on deck for a while…if you want, I guess.”

That suggestion causes you to smile back, nodding and dragging Law back to the ship, settling both of you in a good spot so you can talk and watch the sunset, maybe stay long enough to see the stars. He knows being in a submarine is completely different from what you were use to with the Sunny, so Law doesn’t mind staying outside for a while longer with you, he’s more than happy to do so, especially when you lean against his shoulder and continue to hold his hand.

“I think today was a good second-first date.”

“Oh is that what we’re going to call it then?”

Nodding, you hum before kissing his cheek, leading Law to press another to your temple.

“We’ll definitely have another date sometime.”

“Good to hear.”

You’re excited to see where things go with Law now that you’ve had this real first date, and when you tell Ikkaku everything later that night, she starts betting you and Law will be married in no time at all, which makes your face heat up at the thought. She’s joking of course, even as she says you’ll have four kids, but even you start thinking about what that could be like one day, though you never tell anyone else about it. It’s far too early to be thinking about such a thing, but Ikkaku’s insistence that she’s correct makes you laugh in the end.

You end up sleeping better than night that you have in a while, and Law does the same, after relaying the date to Penguin who is happy for his captain and proud he took that step with you. All of the Heart Pirates want Law to he happy, and if that means he’s with you, Penguin knows the rest of them will approve when you two decide to tell everyone about your relationship.

This family Law found will be happy for him, just as you know Luffy and the other Straw Hats will be for you.

+!+

“Have you heard of the Will of D?”

“Hmm?”

You’re laying across Law’s lap in his bed one evening while reading a book, him doing the same, before he asks such a seemingly random question. He’d been running his fingers through your hair (carefully, nervously, you’re both still getting used to this) and you thought he’d been so focused on his book, but it seems he has something on his mind instead.

You wrack your brain a bit, knowing it sounds familiar but at first, you’re not sure why until it hits you. Nodding, you close your own book and sit up beside him.

“Robin mentioned it once…she asked if Luffy and I knew anything about it.”

“Do you?”

When you shake your head, Law sighs a bit but nods, pulling you against his side gently to have you lay your head on his shoulder.

“Sorry I’m no help there.”

“No, don’t be,” Law waves off your apology, kissing the top of your head as you hum, “I was just wondering.”

You both return to your books for a while, you trying to focus but keep thinking about what Law asked. You know that you have no information for him about the Will of D, you only know it's something Robin has brought up; you, Luffy, Garp and Dragon have the D in your names, you’ve seen others have it as well, but that’s the extent of your knowledge. You’ve never really been interested in learning the meaning, even with Robin questioning you and Luffy, Garp never had an answer either if you asked him, not a real one. He just said it was like a middle name, nothing for you to worry yourself about. You were too young to argue with him, or maybe it was just that you respected him too much to do so, but it never set right with you. You wanted to know, why you saw that letter on wanted posters too.

Sometimes you wonder if it would give you more information about who you are.

“…what do you know about it, Law?”

He’s not sure if you want to know the very little he does, but since it’s brought up to you before, and you both share that letter, though he hasn’t told you yet, it might not be a bad thing. Sharing what he knows might give you something to look at yourself, maybe even the next time you see Garp he could give you real answers. You aren’t a child anymore, you deserve to know anything that could help you find yourself and where you belong in this world.

“Enemies of the gods.”

“…what?”

“That’s what Cora-san said once,” Law shrugs while you start to think, “I don’t think he knew anymore than that, really…”

“…I don’t really like that thought, being an enemy of the gods.”

“Don’t dwell on it, I’m not sure what he meant by it.”

You end up nodding, turning your attention back to your book but not really reading it anymore. You don’t understand why having a D in your name is so important in this world, what it would mean for you, Luffy, your grandpa, really anyone with it, it’s so strange. If Dragon were around, maybe he would know something. Maybe he does but you can’t get any kind of answer from him since he’s never around. Garp probably still wouldn’t answer you, he’d tell you it’s nothing for you to worry about still, even though you’re all grown up and now want to know since Law brought it up.

The world you live in is a strange place after all.

“I have it too.”

“Huh?”

“A D in my name, I have it too.”

Honestly you’re not completely surprised, but just a little shocked to hear that. You know there are several people with the D in their name, you just didn’t expect Law to be one of them.

“So—”

“Trafalgar D. Water Law. That’s my full name.”

You don’t say anything about it, not for a while. Honestly Law starts to wonder if you’re upset he never told you, when you’d given him your full name the first time you really met. He'd kept his name secret for so long, it only felt natural to do so back then too, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust you.

Well, when you met it was, even after he learned you were Luffy’s sister, he hadn’t planned for you to join his crew for two years, or to develop feelings and a relationship with you. You were a stranger that simply was related to another pirate captain and had a D in their name, why should he have revealed it back then? The two of you weren’t close at all, so he’s hoping you understand that since neither of you really knows much, not telling you his full name at the time was a safety measure. It wasn’t anything personal.

“I wonder if we’ll ever find out why we have this letter, and why it seems like no one knows anything.”

To say he’s relieved you’re not upset with him is an understatement, leading Law to sigh a bit before nodding in agreement. He wants to know too now, more than he has before, to understand why this Will of D is so important to the World Government especially, that there’s so little information on it.

He wants to find out for you too now.

~~

“Have I told you why I wanted to write a book?”

Shaking his head, Law glances up from his notebook to you, sitting across from him with your own book that you’ve kept every tiny note and detail about your crew’s adventures in hand, giving him a smile.

“Wanna know?”

“If you want me to.”

You roll your eyes as bit, finishing a line in your book before setting your pen down to rest your chin in your hand.

“My other brother, Sabo, wanted to write a book about our pirating adventures for kids. I wasn’t really into writing back then, I thought it was boring but I did like reading,” sighing you lean back against your chair as Law stops his own note taking to watch you, “After he…after he died, I decided I’d take up his dream. It’s not going to be only for kids though, I want everyone to read how Luffy becomes King of the Pirates.”

“Hmm, I see.”

“…do you think it’s silly? To take up Sabo’s dream like that?”

Law wonders if people have laughed at you for taking your brother’s dream on yourself. You’ve told him how you’d lost Sabo, thanks to a Celestial Dragon, and how it affected you, Luffy, and Ace as you continued to make your plans to leave and become Pirates. You’ve always kept him in your mind, especially when you’ve gone to make your notes and write whatever needed to be done next, Law's even read your writing more recently to help you proof it.

You have a talent for writing and detail, even he’s gotten tucked into your unpublished work and wants to know what’s next. It's like he’s anxiously waiting for the next Sora novel, except his girlfriend is the author and he wants to see what’s next for a rival instead. It’s how he learned more about the way you all helped free Alabasta, your adventure in Skypiea, Luffy’s declaration of war against the World Government at Enies Lobby, the zombies you fought on Thriller Bark, and when you arrived in Sabaody. He wants to see how that moment you two first locked eyes was for you, but he doesn’t expect that in this book. It’s not important to Luffy’s story, so you’ll probably leave it out, he thinks.

He does hope you’ll send him copies once you’ve gone back to the Straw Hats, he wants to keep reading the story and stay up to date with you.

“It’s not silly at all,” Law smiles when you look at him with relief in your eyes, your own smile making it’s way to your face, “Taking on someone’s dream like that takes a lot of strength and courage, I think. I’m sure your brother is happy.”

“I hope so…”

“Makes me wish I had known what Lami’s dream was…so I could make it happen for her.”

It makes you feel a little bad to hear that, but you know Law isn’t trying to garner sympathy, like when he’d told you his life story. He didn’t get the time he deserved to have with Lami as her big brother, she didn’t have the chance to grow up and live out her own dreams and desires.

If he knew what they would’ve been, you know Law would be fighting to make it happen, like you with taking on Sabo’s dream.

“I bet she would’ve wanted you to be happy, Law.”

“…I would’ve wanted the same for her.”

Twenty more hearts…

Just a little more before Law will feel better about sending you back to your brother and crew, knowing he could extend Warlord protections onto you at least.

Just a bit longer before his plans can really be enacted.

+!+

You make a realization one day a few months later.

It happens while you watch Law work as you try to do the same, but somehow he’s distracting you just by being there. Not in a bad way though, it’s not like how Luffy and Ace would distract you when you were younger. It’s more of you simply letting your eyes and mind wander towards him, even when you should be working yourself, you just can’t help it.

The last couple months have been more than you ever would’ve expected. It may be your first relationship, and Law’s too, but you’ve both enjoyed every bit of time you’ve spent together. There have been a few close calls with your relationship almost being exposed to the rest of the crew, but no one has said anything to you or Law about it. You’ve done well to keep it secret, only Ikkaku and Penguin know everything.

You’ve felt nothing but safe and happy with Law, before you ever started dating, but now you feel it more and he’s told you how he wants to keep you safe, no matter what happens. You feel the same, it doesn’t matter that Law is older or stronger than you, he deserves to feel safe and loved too.

It's right before your birthday, and the Heart Pirates planned party to celebrate Law becoming a warlord at the same time, that you decide you know exactly what it is you’ve been feeling lately. Watching Law, enjoying the quiet moments, learning a little more about each other every day, you’ve come to realize you love him.

Everything you’ve come to know about Law and his life, how he’s treated you and his crew, the way he’s made space for you in his room and office, allowing you to stay as long as you need, it's brought you even closer to him and caused you to notice how strong your feelings for him have become.

You love Law and you have every intention of telling him that tonight, even after you both slip away from the party his crew threw together. Penguin notices, pointing it out to Ikkaku, and they both work to make sure the rest of the crew doesn’t notice or suspect anything. They’ve done their best to keep your situation a secret, you two can have all the privacy and time you need before you’re ready to tell anyone else.

Once you’re back to his room, after Law has given you your gift (a new notebook for your writings and your own copy of the first few volumes of Sora), you can’t help but to kiss him almost nonstop, leading Law to pull you into his lap as he kisses you back before you decide something.

“Wait, stop.”

When you put your hand on the one he has just under your shirt, Law thinks he’s moved too fast for you, that you aren’t ready for anything more than kissing and dating, that’s fine if so, but he starts to get anxious that he’s screwed everything up. He didn’t mean to, he wanted to make your birthday special, but only if you’re comfortable. If you aren’t, he’ll apologize and make it right however you want. He doesn’t want to ruin what you have right now, taking that next step in your relationship can wait if you’re not ready for anything more.

“Sorry, was that too fast? I didn’t—”

“No, Law, relax,” you giggle a bit seeing how flustered he looks, before continuing, “I just…I need to tell you something first.”

Now he’s more concerned and thinking he’s definitely done something wrong. You seem nervous about whatever it is you have to say, looking like you’re thinking about it. The silence is making Law more anxious as seconds go by, it feels so much longer. He tightens his arms around your waist just a bit to try and coax the words out, which makes you sigh, arms still around his neck, a soft smile on your face.

“…I love you, Law.”

“You…you what?”

You’re not worried that he didn’t say it back, or that he looks almost horrified at your confession, you know enough about Law to understand why, so you don’t feel like this was a mistake. You needed him to know, as soon as possible, you just had to get those words out to him, even though he’s looking more scared than you’ve ever seen and his hold on you is tighter than it’s ever been, you think.

It doesn’t matter though. You keep smiling at him while you kiss his cheek to try and calm down what you know are racing thoughts.

“I said I love you, Law…I just wanted you to know.”

He wants you to take it back, but he can’t seem to speak. With everything that’s happened in his life, you’ve said the three words he's been scared to hear come out of your mouth since you started your relationship.  What he’s dreaded happening ever since he agreed to be your boyfriend.

Not because he didn’t want this relationship, it’s not that he doesn’t want you, it’s that he’s now utterly terrified of what may come next.

The words you’ve said, your first ever love confession to Law has him near a panic once he realizes what you’ve done. You’ve said you love him, it’s only been a few months, how are you so sure?? Why did you have to say that, why did those words come out of your mouth, don’t you remember what’s happened to those who have said they love him?!

“Law.”

No, no, you’re not serious, that’s it. Maybe you’re tipsy or flat drunk, it’s your birthday and you’ve been drinking, that must be it. You don’t know what you’ve said and won’t remember in the morning, he's sure of it. It’s better you don’t remember, he’ll make himself forget this ever happened. You’re not in love with him already, you didn’t say those three words that haunt him with Corazon’s smile, or his mother’s perfume, his sister’s hugs, and his father’s laughter.

“Law, hey.”

It’s not real, none of this is real right now. He’s going to wake up and this won’t have happened at all. You can’t die, you can’t follow the footsteps of those who have loved him in the past. He can’t lose you too, he just can’t, not again. It won’t happen again, he won’t allow another precious person to be taken from him, not for the third time, please don’t die. Please don’t leave him like the others have.

“…you can’t die too…”

It breaks your heart to hear him say that, with shallow breaths that tell you he’s not okay and you need to do something, leading to you gently shushing him as his breathing picks up. You start to feel awful and know you’ve got to calm Law down before he goes into a full blown panic attack.

“Oh, Law, calm down. Breathe, honey,” Law doesn’t even notice he’s nearly hyperventilating until you place your hands on his face, bringing your forehead against his to try and calm him, “I’m not going anywhere, shh. It’s okay. I won’t die, Law.”

Oh, he must’ve been saying everything out loud, not in his head. He didn’t notice that either, it all must’ve come out so rushed he couldn’t stop from running his mouth with his fears and worries. He only realizes the tears in his eyes when you wipe them away, placing a kiss on his forehead before bringing his head to your chest, letting him wrap his arms around you as tightly as he can while he listens to your heartbeat. As he slowly starts to calm down, you run your fingers through his hair while he continues to hold you as close as he possibly can, it’s probably going to be a while before he lets you go.

“Law—”

“I,” his voice is strained from fighting not to cry but your shirt’s already damp from his tears even as he tries to choke them down, “I can’t lose you too…not you, please.”

You shush him again, kissing the top of his head this time before laying your forehead against his hair.

He feels a bit pathetic at the moment, if he were to be honest. Nearly twenty-six and clinging to his twenty-two year old girlfriend like a child does to their mother. If he were anyone else, Law would’ve pushed you away and tried to look more manly in front of you, but he knows you don’t want that and he doesn’t care to hide his feelings right now. You just wanted him to know, that’s what you said when you told him those words, it's why you say them again and brush your fingers through his hair once more.

“I won’t leave you, don’t worry. Even when I go back to Luffy and them, my heart is yours, Law.”

It’s an impossible thing to promise, that you won’t die and you’ll be safe after you return to the Straw Hats, but it’s enough for Law at the moment to calm him. He nods but continues to hold you close, face buried in your shirt while you stroke his hair and whisper your love and sweet nothings to him. He wonders if he should say it back, even though he’s not sure where his feelings are at this moment, but he still opens his mouth to speak.

“Stay with me tonight. Please.”

“Of course, Law. Whatever you need.”

“…I just need you.”

He’s not there yet, not where he can say the same words to you, but you don’t seem to mind. When you repeat them to him, over and over again, Law starts to believe that this time is different. Maybe this time, he won’t lose someone who loves him. Maybe he’ll be allowed to love you back, to have some happiness in his life for the first time in over a decade.

Maybe this time he’ll be able to return those words when he’s ready.

~~

The rest of the Heart Pirates know something must have happened the night before, after you and Law returned to the ship without them, since none of them see him for quite a while that next morning. Those who still don’t know your relationship think you two must’ve had a fight about something, while Ikkaku and Penguin, your confidants on the ship, have the full story from you when you bring both into your room after breakfast. You tell them not to expect to see Law much today, and when you finish explaining, Ikkaku gives you a sympathetic look while Penguin sighs and scratches his head.

“Damn, I never thought Captain would react like that…”

“Can you blame him?” Ikkaku makes an annoyed face at Penguin before turning back to you, “The last person to tell him that…”

“Was Corazon, and he died soon after.” You nod, the story is still fresh from when Law told you everything, so you do understand. You understand why he nearly had a full mental break down last night after you said ‘I love you’ to him, he hadn’t expected it and in his past experience, those words do not lead to positive outcomes. “I feel so bad about it…”

“Oh, no, no, you shouldn’t,” setting a hand on your shoulder, Penguin tries to reassure you as Ikkaku hugs you, “I think it just means Captain cares about you a lot more than he even realized, if his first thought was that he was going to lose you.”

“Penguin is right, Law definitely has strong feelings for you. He was probably just worried. He seems to think all he ever does is lose people…”

“He’s not going to lose me,” you grip the pillow in your lap tight for a moment before releasing it, “I love Law, and I’m going to prove it to him that he doesn’t just lose people who love him. He's still got all of you, right?”

They both nod as you sigh, moving to get up from your bed when Ikkaku asks where you’re going.

“I’m going to bring Law something to eat, he’s been in his room all morning.”

“He may not want anything…normally he’s good to just—”

“No, I’m gonna make sure he knows I’m here for him,” once you’re up with shoes on, you give the two a smile, “Let everyone know Law and I are fine, I’ll take care of him today.”

Penguin goes and lets everyone know it’s a day off, he tells them Law isn’t feeling well and to go do what they want, practically everyone leaving to go back to the island for shopping or relaxation. You, of course, stay aboard, starting to make something for you and Law to share for lunch, anyone still hanging around leaves you alone, knowing you’re taking care of things. Whatever might be wrong, because none of them believe Law is sick, you’ll make it okay.

You’re nearly done making the food when you see an arm come around your shoulders, the other around your waist, Law presses a soft kiss to the back of your head before putting his forehead on your shoulder.

“How are you—”

“I’m sorry about last night,” he’s quiet as he speaks, you shake your head before setting down the spoon you were using and turning around to take his face in your hands, “I just. I didn’t expect that and it freaked me out because I thought of my…my family and Cora-san, I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean you’re going to die, but I—”

“Shh, it’s okay,” You kiss him before hugging him properly, letting Law continue to hide his face in your shoulder, “I know I surprised you, but I really just wanted you to know that I love you.”

Taking a breath, Law still doesn’t like hearing that from you yet, but he nods, tightening his hold on you. The two of you stay like that for a while, you once again speak sweetly to him, making Law feel better but he still feels like he’d look like a child to anyone else if they saw this. Some people wouldn’t see an adult relationship but maybe think he's leaning too much on you, but you haven’t had any problems with that yet. It doesn’t fully make sense to him, why you haven’t pushed him away and said this is all too much, with the emotional baggage he has, he doesn’t understand it at all.

“I’m scared I’ll lose you too sometimes, you know,” Law pulls away enough to look at you, confused by what you mean at first, “You’re a Warlord now…I know it keeps the Navy off you, but other pirates will still come after you. I don’t want to lose another loved one.”

“You’re not gonna lose me.”

“Then you have to believe you won’t lose me either.”

He gets that and understands you didn’t tell him you love him because you were trying to scare him or anything like that. You really do just love him, Law knows he’s going to have it accept that even if someone tells him those words, it doesn’t mean they’re doomed immediately. It doesn’t mean he’ll lose them, precedence be damned, he’ll be the one to make sure nothing happens to you. He was too young, too small to protect Corazon or his family, but now that he's grown and stronger, he can at least protect you while you’re under his care.

“I’ll try.”

“That’s enough for me,” you give Law a smile that he slightly returns, before leaning up to kiss him briefly, “I love you.”

Although he’s not ready to say it back to you, Law nods before kissing your forehead and hugging you again, quietly thanking you. Its enough, you know it’ll take him some time to get to the same point, but that’s okay.

You’ll just keep loving Law, helping him where you can, to show him that he doesn’t only lose people he loves. He’s not going to lose you and you’re not going to lose him.

“You should probably eat something.”

“Yeah, probably,” Law watches you as you turn back to finish the lunch you were making, “Also…before I freaked out last night, we…are you okay...going further?”

For a moment you’re confused, before you see the light blush on his face and realize what Law means, your own face heating up when you quietly say ‘oh’ as you remember. Things got interrupted after you said you love him, and the two of you had settled to laying in his bed, his arms around you and face in your shirt while you just held Law close and calmed him.

After another minute or so, you just nod.

“Yeah I…I’m okay with that,” you can tell he’s relieved when Law sighs and nods, making you smile, “But another night. Right now we should eat!”

Law doesn’t really get how you’re able to change subjects so quickly but he is hungry so he’s not going to complain about it. Not when you’ve made one of his favorite meals and taken the time to make sure it’s perfect for both of you. You both enjoy your lunch together, and whenever another one of his crewmates comes by or returns to the ship from their time on the island, they all seem just as relieved to see Law is out of his office and doing well, he’s back to acting as a captain should later that day.

Everything is fine, and they all know you’re to thank for that. Every one of them, that doesn’t know yet, hopes that you and Law will come together one day, and they’ll all support you and their captain through everything.

+!+

When Law wakes with you in his bed after your first time together, he’s still not sure he believes it. He watches you sleep peacefully for several minutes, knowing you’re safe with him, that you chose to spend the night with him for the first time because you love and trust him.  Honestly he couldn’t even believe the night before was the first for both of you. He’d figured that, even though you’ve never had a boyfriend, you’ve probably hooked up with someone before. It’s common for pirates to do, or he thought maybe Sanji or Zoro had managed a situationship with you. But when you tell him neither had ever even made a move on you, he’s surprised.

“Probably because I’m the captain’s sister haha. I’m considered off limits to those boys.”

He’s not sure if your crewmates would like knowing you’re with him, he hasn’t been since your relationship started, but he’s started not caring. You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions. You did last night, after Law made sure multiple times you were comfortable with taking your relationship further. He hopes you don’t regret anything when you wake up, but with how much you said you loved him last night, he knows you won’t. He really does wish he was at the point where he could tell you the same, but you understand, he doesn’t know how but you do.

Law watches you sleep for a few minutes longer, stroking your cheek while you bury your head deeper into his pillow in your sleep.

“Mm…love you…Law…”

It’s strange how you can say that so easily, even in your sleep, and how it makes him feel so emotional at the same time. How do you do this, make him want to cry at 5:30am just from saying you love him? It’s enough for Law to leave his bed finally, going to his bathroom to wash his face and calm himself down before he wakes you. Splashing water on his face, Law stops to look at himself once he dries off, he doesn’t know how to handle this. How to handle the love you give him so freely and easily. The last person to do that was Corazon, that’d been so long now.

“Cora-san…I don’t know how to handle this…”

Law never really expected to fall so hard for someone, it wasn’t something he ever worried about. Falling in love, getting married, having children, it’s not something Pirates normally do, he’s only ever viewed it as a civilian lifestyle. To be settled in one place where they could raise their family, it sounded good when he was a child but now, it’s such a dangerous thing to think about.

If the right person figures it out, he’s afraid he’ll lose you like he’s lost everyone else that’s told him they love him.

So many new ‘what-ifs’ are taking over his thoughts, there’s so much to think about now.

What if someone finds out and uses your relationship against him, or against Luffy? What if you get pregnant? Of course you were safe last night, but even Law knows protection is only so effective. Law would protect you of course, but it's another fear that someone could find out and use it against him. He doesn’t think he could handle losing a family again if that were to happen.

What if you decide he’s too much with the baggage he has? Would you leave him and want to forget your relationship even happened?

No, after last night, Law is sure you won’t do that, at the very least. You’re in this for the long haul, and so is he, neither of you are getting out of this relationship easily. You’re both too attached at this point.

He’s there for a few moments longer, thinking and trying to work things out in his head, before he’s surprised by your arms coming around his middle and your head laying on his back. You place a soft kiss to his tattooed back with a ‘good morning’, which Law returns.

“Did you sleep well?”

“I did. You?”

You nod, smiling up at him when he looks over his shoulder at you and places one of his hands on yours.

“I borrowed your shirt, hope that’s okay.”

“More than okay. It looks better on you.”

It makes you giggle while Law smiles, you tell him you’re going to steal it then and he doesn’t fight you on it.

“Do you wanna take a shower with me?”

“I’d love that, Law.”

Your shower is quick, only due to you needing to head off to your room so no one is suspicious of you being gone all night, especially Ikkaku so she doesn’t start asking questions. You’d rather stay with Law for the next couple hours before everyone else is awake, since you personally believe that most of his crew has figured things out by now, but you do understand his being worried that it might leak to the World Government and someone could target you to get to him once he becomes a Warlord. You try to extend your time with Law by wrapping your arms around his shoulders and kissing his face over and over, enjoying the slight blush he gets from it that only you ever notice.

“All right, all right,” he doesn’t sound annoyed, more like he’s appreciative of your affection, “You need to go on back.”

You pout, shaking your head before burying your face in his chest while he sighs and pats your head. “Last night was nice…I don’t want to go yet…”

“It was nice. Next time, you can stay longer…”

“Next time, hm?” Your grin makes him roll his eyes before responding to you.

“Don’t read too much into it, dork,” Law pinches your cheek a bit, making you whine before he kisses you one more time for that morning, “Of course there’ll be a next time. You’re my girlfriend, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I sure am,” nodding, leaning up just a bit more, you rub your nose against his briefly, “And you’re my boyfriend, my love.”

You leave a moment later, after telling him again that you love him, and Law wishes he could’ve responded in kind to you. You don’t seem to be upset he doesn’t, you never have. You’d told him that a simple ‘thank you’ is enough of a response until he’s ready to say it back to you. You’re willing to wait until he’s ready.

Law hopes he works things out before you have to return to the Straw Hats in a few short months. He doesn’t want to leave you wondering once you’ve separated.

Cora-san…I think I found who I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life…

Despite the worries and he has about losing you, about someone finding out and trying to use it against him, Law is determined not to let anything happen to you, even after you return to Luffy and your crew.

He's not going to let another person who loves him be harmed again. He’ll prove he doesn’t just lose loved ones and he can protect them.

Even if still may take him some time to return your words, Law is going to protect you, even when you’re miles away from him again.

I won’t let anything happen to you.

+!+

You’re not surprised when the Heart Pirates throw a going away party the night before you’re set to return to your crew. They’ve docked in Sabaody, but your intentions are to leave the next morning, you arrived a day early thanks to Law’s planning, so you have just a bit more time with the people who have become another family to you. They’ve all celebrated your birthday twice now, and tonight they’re celebrating you as an honorary Heart Pirate, you’ll never be rid of them, they all laugh when Shachi says it with a grin. It makes you laugh too, though you feel sad at the thought of leaving them, you’re anxious and excited to go back to your crew.

You want to see Luffy again, despite the part of you that wants to stay with Law.

Speaking of, you notice after a few more minutes that he’s not been around or said anything, and don’t see him when you stop to try and find your boyfriend. When you ask Hakugan, he says Law had gone back to his office a bit ago, telling him not to worry about anything and to keep the party going for you. It makes you wonder if he’s gotten overwhelmed once again, to the point you sneak off like you do often it seems, to go check on him. You don’t plan to let him stay locked away in his office, not when you have so few hours left before you have to leave, so you knock on the door and say his name, not getting a response at first.

“Law? Can I come in?”

“Go back to everyone, I just need a few minutes.”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.”

You don’t leave, trying to find something to say, before you nod to yourself.

“Okay, I’ll see you when you come back then.”

It’s not the party itself that overwhelmed him, Law only got that way as he heard everyone saying such nice things about you, how much they’ll all miss you when you leave and they’ll be waiting to see you again. The strain in Bepo’s voice when he talked about how much he’ll miss you being around too, the grins Shachi and Penguin had when they talked about your stories you’d tell them, Clione and Uni bragging about your cooking, Ikkaku nearly in tears because she was going to be the only girl on board again. It was just too much for Law at the moment, especially when Penguin nudged him and told him he needed to say something too. It felt too final to do that, made Law anxious, and he had to leave. He didn’t want to seem like a downer or make anyone else sadder than they already were to have you leaving, so he chose to step away for a bit.

You’ve changed things in the last two years, Law really does believe that. Especially with him, you’ve made him realize he's not going at things alone with his crew just along for the ride.

You’ve fallen in love with him and given him something he’s needed for a long time, reassurance more than anything, that you aren’t going to leave him alone.

Even if he doesn’t come back to the party, you’ll be okay with it. You’ll join him that night once everyone else has started to wind down and it gets quiet again. You’ll have one more night together before you leave, that’s more than enough for Law right now.

~~

“You could stay.”

“No,” Sighing you set yourself up on one elbow, holding your face in your hand, while you brush your fingers through Law’s hair with the other, “I really can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Luffy needs me,” you lay your head on Law’s chest, while he keeps an arm around your shoulders, “I’d love to stay but…I need to be with him.”

Law doesn’t say anything at first, placing his hand on your head and stroking your hair. He knew that would be your answer, even with an open invitation to join his crew and stay on the ship. Every one of the Heart Pirates loves you, they’re all happy Law has found you, and they wish you’d stay. Ikkaku wants to have a roommate still, even if you’ve been spending most of your nights in Law’s room, she’s going to miss having someone to gossip with. Penguin and Shachi want you to stay because they’ve never seen Law so relaxed before, and Bepo just loves you so much, you’ve helped him with so many things the last two years.

They’ve all come to see you as a member of the crew, if the going away party they threw for you is anything to go by.

“…I wish you would stay.”

You stay quiet but nod, moving enough to lay on top of him with your arms crossed under your chin. You’re sure you haven’t seen him look so sad since he'd told you his past, but he's definitely not near tears or anything. You don’t expect that anyway, it’s not Law and that’s okay. You love him as he is.

“Are you going to tell him about us?”

“Mm,” you nod a little, already having that planned, “Luffy needs to know, I don’t like to keep things from him.”

Law understands that, he’s perfectly fine with you telling Luffy. If you had said no, he was going to try and convince you to do so anyway. He deserves to know, maybe he’ll be understanding and let you join the Heart Pirates, who knows? You know Luffy the best, you may have the same idea, but Law also knows you probably won’t leave right away even if Luffy is okay with it.

“I love you, Law,” you lay your head back on his chest and Law simply hugs you close, kissing the top of your head, “Nothing’s going to change that.”

“I know…”

Once you fall asleep, Law watches you for a bit, wishing you would make the choice to stay with him and his crew. Everyone loves you, they feel like you belong there with them, he can’t count how many times they’ve all told him to just steal you away from the Straw Hats, but Law could never do that. He’d never force you to stay if you didn’t want to.

He's realized he loves you too much to do that. When you’re ready to stay, you will, he knows that.

“It’s so stupid…” Law is quiet, whispering mostly to himself to keep from waking you, “I wish I could just tell you. But the words just don’t come out when I try…”

He worries he’s woken you when you start to stir in your sleep, until you settle back down, he breathes easy again and holds you closer.

“…I do love you…I hope you know that.”

I promise I’ll tell you when I can.