#people are so blind

[ishipmutualrespect]

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[likeafolkssong]

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[girlfictions]

thinking about this poem by noor hindi today.

(donate to palestine here)

[lazylittledragon]

ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????

[everythingisredisetitonfire]

I want more memories like coming home from elementary school.

Hanging out with friends who live nearby, who don't try to act cool and like you shouldn't talk to them

Laughing and doing stupid things for eachother not cause someone's looking

Sharing thoughts and not pretending they're too above to pay attention to me

Not making me feel weird.

Not making me feel invisible.

Having some genuine patience.

Listening instead of waiting until I finish

Not making me feel wrong and ashamed of it

Not making me hate.

I hate to hate.

And some people made me hate them, hate the entire place, hate myself.

How could they?

[zoe-oneesama]

Some "Special" Girls! And the late girls.

Ko-fi | Patreon

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[kbsd]

when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes

OR: what were we supposed to take away from episode 4 if not ‘bucky is a war widow’

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[canonkiller]

abjectly refuse to romanticize weight loss and malnutrition. that shit kills you. to starve yourself is crippling¹ even in the ""bearable"" "well I'm just hungry less" / "other people have it worse" / "it's only a few skipped meals" / etc ways. you have this fucking life and that's it so please if you do nothing else allow yourself to actually be alive in it. do you hear me? take your supplements and multivitamins and eat breads and meats and vegetables and fats and sugars and shit that just fucking tastes good okay? thank you

[rot-to-the-core]

for people who want to write jiaoqiu's blindness, here's some research links that i think would be useful for research! :)

a fantastic master post on writing a blind/visually impaired character by mimzy-writing-online, a visually impaired author

a blindness simulator that shows how various forms of blindness can look like

a video of christine ha cooking, a chef who lost her vision. it's posted on her personal channel, where she sometimes posts vlogs about her everyday life as a blind chef

another post by mimzy-writing-online about writing characters with sudden blindness

hope that these links are a good starting off point for people who want to write him! ^^

[isatartdump]

Would do the entire dialogue but drawing Bonnie crying is the bane of my existence! HA

Anyway my reaction to when this entire dialogue was over was just. Hihi.

[achillesuwu]

I think it would be so neat if merlin, arthur and the knight in legalized magic (I nearly wrote marriage lmao yeah legal same sex marriage = legal magic what are you gonna do about it ANYWAY) post canonish need to go undercover to a kingdom where it isn’t legal yet and it’s just Merlin just saying shit he said in Camelot and having the same attitude that he used to have. Like (crack no really too much angst) just Merlin saying thing like ‘Oh, no, I’m the farthest thing from an ordinary man :)’, merlin walking right after a wall crumbled down like ‘oh, idk what happened anyway let’s go’, Merlin walking around with barely hidden magical object etc and you have just Arthur and the knight sweating bucket in the background and having a heart attack every 2 hours because ‘oh my god he is so reckless how did I never notice all of this shit shit shit SHIT there is no way’

Bonus point if Lancelot is the only one being chill about the whole thing

[yangjeongin]

hyunjin x everyone he's done a dance challenge with

[adhdandcomics]

perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

[toupee-or-nottoupee]

my favorite ship dynamic is "I've had to watch you go into the path of no return and I love you" and its just blonde boys watching dark haired guys literally make the worst decisions known to man