#people are MAD

[lucecolinauwu]

It is heartbreaking what just happened in Venezuela with the elections, especially with having to read people's opinions who obviously have never actually listened to Venezuelans or Venezuelans who are not connected to the government.

There were Venezuelans coming back after escaping the country just to vote, people getting rid of their fear to vote, my great-grandmother who needs aid to move went out to vote, all my family back home voted, and people all across the country went out to vote.

Some were not allowed, the military kept them out, and the military closed some voting boots, the law in Venezuela dictates that boots that still have people waiting to vote must wait for all to vote and then close, the law dictates that people are allowed to be on the room while the votes are being counted. None of that happened, boots with nobody waited to close past hour while boots with people were being closed, and people were not allowed in the room even though they were asking and demanding their right to be there.

People are protesting and risking their lives both yesterday and today, because the elections were rigged, and everyone in Venezuela is tired from their bullshit.

Please, please, please, don't say that the Venezuelan people chose Maduro, don't support whatever they say, even if they said they support Palestine, do you really want the support of someone who has destroyed their own country? ignore the needs and wants of their people? force people out of the country because there is no electricity, food, or medicine? I don't care where you fall on the political spectrum, THIS IS WRONG.

As a Venezuelan, I am crying and heartbreak for what just happened.

[jtl-fics]

But also... Andreil on the great British bake off (they have celebrity seasons)

Look, I'm gonna be honest.

It's a disaster in two parts.

Neil is there EXPLICITLY because Stuart found out that he had been asked to go do it because he is technically British. Stuart has asked him to be the bane of Paul Hollywood's existence and is willing to do quite a bit to make the man's life hell.

"He knows what he did." is all Stuart will say on the matter.

Neil agrees to come be a Baker on the stipulation that Andrew also gets to come. Andrew has no interest in baking other than what it can produce for him to eat, he has no desire to do the laborious task of baking himself.

Stuart offers him an Aston.

Andrew agrees.

Neil is a nightmare in the tent. He hates desserts. He hates measuring. He has never done a single prep bake. He has no idea what the desserts are during the technical challenge. He just goes with his gut (his iron gut). He produces three straight desserts that Paul will not let Prue eat for fear that she will just straight up die if she eats it. He is a pile of misery upon consuming all three.

When Neil is kicked off in round one no one is surprised. Paul pats Neil on the back as he leaves the tent and Neil just leans in, "Stuart Hatford sends his regards." he says now that the mic has been removed. Paul Hollywood's tan fades but Neil doesn't look back.

Andrew is a nightmare for a completely different reason and that reason is that he very visibly and honestly does not give a single flying fuck about what he's doing but he's doing quite well. He is the most boring man on camera, zero quips, won't interact with Noel and whoever the fuck is the other presenter by this point, just him doing exactly what the recipe requires and then he always makes a point of grabbing whatever Paul and Prue have judged and taking it all back to his station so that he can eat it. He stares straight into the camera as he eats an entire three tier cake. He dedicates every week he is Star Baker to his inspiration: Kevin Day.

Andrew makes it all the way to the Finals with impressive bakes that he basically just decided on 100% by how much he thinks it would upset Kevin to watch him eat it knowing that he SHOULD be doing weight training for the olympics. ("Weight TRAINING not Weight GAINING Andrew! Do you have to hold up two fingers as you eat the entire thing? Can you at least PRETEND it's not to SPITE me?" Kevin wails as Andrew calls him for the post-credit scene where the star bakers call their families usually but Andrew just uses it so everyone can hear Kevin Day lose his mind on Public Access.)

Andrew gets to the finals and his show stopper....it's immaculate. It's gorgeous. It's a work of art. Paul Hollywood is looking at this feat of modern baking engineering in wonder.

He shakes Andrew's hand before he even tastes it and-

"Stuart Hatford sends his regards."

Paul Hollywood is now nervous to eat this cake. Does he look out at the gathered friends and family of the contestants and see Stuart Hatford? Does he remember what he did?

He eats the cake because show obligations and it tastes as good as it looks but he is oddly silent as Prue talks about it.

Andrew Wins and Paul Hollywood stays exactly one entire party's width away from Neil, Stuart, and Andrew during the entire victory picnic.

Andrew gives his post bake-off speech and flat out says it was kind of boring and he wants to go home to America. The next scene is him driving off with Neil in an Aston Martin.

Edit: Thanks @the-inner-musings-of-a-worm for the idea once again!

[perachel-heretic]

Btw y'all I do actually know that I was wrong about Will not calling Nico attractive in tsats and like I do feel bad about making an unfounded joke but personally it doesn't seem like something to call me homophobic over lmao

[depressedhangrybitch]

weird ascension of darius the great

have u ever heard of Darius the great. i  mean people who are passionate in middle east’s history might or probably do know about this king since he was the first Persian ruler who actually unified the what is now known as persian empire and under his rule it went onto great heights. he kinda reminds me of Julius creaser since their story is pretty much the same :- great majestic prime then died tragically.

anyways back to the topic, what really makes me laugh about his case is not his empire and his rule but the hilarious chain of events that led to him becoming king.

never heard about this...buckle up since this is going to be a hell of a ride.

the story starts with Cyrus the great

yes that Cyrus the first to ever write a human rights tablet. great ruler. salute to this man. he was actually a distant relative of Darius.

one day he dreamed of Darius with wings behind his back one wing shadowing Europe the other Asia. Cyrus fearing that Darius might be plotting against him send him away. though Cyrus's story ends tragically i dont really feel bad for him. he died at the hands of queen Tamarius. badass lady seriously dont mess with her as Cyrus learned the hard way. she cut off Cyrus's head after he killed her son and dipped his head in the pool of his own blood. i think the exact words she said were i always keep my word and   ��"Drink your fill of blood!. Badasssss i say with a capital B. well she had aright to be angry since Cyrus got her son slaughtered.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!!!!!

ANYWAY I ALWAYS GET A LITTLE TOO PASSIONATE IT SEEMS.

SO after Cyrus death, as the custom dictates his eldest son should inherit the throne the problem was Cyrus had 2 sons Cambyses and smerdis.

while Cambyses was the elder one he was also a short tempered spoiled  and paranoid man who had a habit of going into fits of rage and doing things he later regretted. in my opinion he was also an idiot.

there is actually a story of how when a close comrade of him told hm that he drank too much. and he was like ,”ok if i drank too much then i wouldn't be good at shooting a bow and then he had the comrade’s son stand against the wall and used him as a target board. he said that if he drank too much then he will PROBABLY miss the shot and then proceeded to shoot the comrades son in the heart IN FRONT OF THE COMRADE.

WHAT.    A.     DICK.

kinda like Joffrey from got.

smerdis was....

his brother?? he is not the focus here and is irrelevant.

so... FFUUUUUCCCKKK OFFFF SMERDIS!!!!!

ANYWAYS, he also had a weird mind considering he sometimes had very crazy plans that always ended in disaster.

case in point in his new years of crowning himself  he had this awesome (not) plan of invading Egypt by basically sending his army through Sahara desert. SENDING AN ARMY THROUGH SAHARA DESERT!!!! l

LIKE. DUDE. WTF. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU.?

even today i think people have not fully travelled through Sahara desert through foot or on horses and camels imagine in that time.

understandably this ended in disaster as i think we still haven't found the lost army of king Cambyses as people have named this mystery.

though he did end up conquering Egypt during the reign of pharaoh phastmik 2?? i think the name is. but the first attempt and its consequence still remain a mystery. (probably)

So when he visited Egypt he took his brother with him because he had a dream of smerdis on a throne and his form  big enough to touch the heaven.

(i swear this family has weird dreams).

this nightmare made him fear that smerdis will usurp him in his absence so he ordered smerdis to come with him. now the most logical decision in these circumstances would be to go yourself and in order as to not have a power vacuum in your empire u leave a close family member to rule temporarily. but what this idiot dd? he took his brother with him and put a magician aka a complete stranger to rule in his absence.

i.  am. done.   with.   this.   guy.

soon his paranoia reached its limit and he had his brother assassinated.  througha trusted confidant of his - perxasspes. after the deed was done prexasspes returned to egypt to give his master the good news.

also fun fact i dont know where this comes in the story but the guy who assassinated smerdis, perxasspes his name was i think, his son was actually killed by Cambyses.

PLOT TWIST!!!!.

when Cambyses was to return to his Syria after a successful conquest of Egypt he received very surprising news considering the circumstances - in his absence his throne has been taken by..... SMERDIS?? yeah smerdis.

or is it??

continue if u want this mystery solved. HEHEHEH......MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Cambyses at first was confused by this recent development until someone reminded him that this must be a power grab by an opportunistic usurper.

i. am. honestly. loving.  this.  whole.  situation.  really. so.  far.

in his haste to reach his kingdom Cambyses accidentally  stabbed his thigh with his sword  while mounting his horse and died in Egypt. BUT BEFORE DYING HE INSTRUCTED HIS NOBLEMEN TO SEIZE HIS THRONE FROM THIS SMERDIS...

OR IS IT???

since he had no heirs the power vacuum that was created and the fuckup events following it are finally here so lets get STARTTTTEDDDD!!!!

the problem the Cambyses men faced was that this smerdis was an extremely popular king and majority of the population believed him to be real son of cyrus. yes this is fake smerdis. i really suck at keeping suspense *sigh*.

perxasspes the one who killed the real smerdis could have resolved this confusion but he kept his mouth shut most likely to keep himself innocent because no one is going to leave u alone if u admit that u killed a prince on his brothers orders. most likely this would have created a scandal. or because perxasses was sadist who enjoyed peoples suffering.

the smerdis on throne also kept himself in seclusion whenever possible and surrounded himself with people who never met the real smerdis so as to further protect his identity.

enter one nobleman named otanes, otanes had a sneaking suspicion as to who this imposter was. years ago during cyrus’s reign a man had his ears cut off. otanes believed that this man could be the imposter. but to find out if this was true was very difficult since the imposter king always had a turban on which hid his ears and thus he could not confirm if he had ears or lack there of. so otanes had his daughter who was part of imposter kings harem sneak up on him  while he was asleep and and check if he had ears.

NOOOOOO EARSSSS!!!!!

OTANES HAD HIS SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED. THE MAN ON THE THRONE IS NOT IN FACT THE REAL SMERDIS BUT A MAN ALSO NAMED SMERDIS.

HISTORY TWISTTTTTT!!!!!!

it gets worse btw.

turns out i the magician who was tasked to keep an eye on the empire had a brother whose name was smerdis and he  in the absence of cambyses and smerdis crowned his brother king. its awesome timing since the real smerdis had just been secretly murdered.

otanes now gathered a bunch of men to overthrow the false king and one of them happened to beeee.........

DARIUS!!!! our man is finally here.

it seems that darius had pieced the plot together himself and came to assist the noblemen in their rebellion.

meanwhile the fake smerdis and the magician were getting nervous because the rumors of their scheme were spreading and so to get control of their situation they enveloped perxasspes in their scheme to make a public formal announcement that the false smerdis is the real smerdis and that the real smerdis had not been killed but the weight of his lies and betrayals finally began to crumble upon the assassin. he decided that he will no longer follow the line filled with betrayals and falsehoods. he climbed on a tall building and openly denounced the false king and confessed in front of the astonished crowd that the smerdis sitting on the throne is indeed an imposter. he urged to those who were listening to him to rise up and destroy the false king and restore the true persian royal family line. then in a dramatic exit he jumped and fell to his death. he must have realized he was fucked any way so death seems like a better alternative.

back to otanes and his men, after storming the royal palace and killing the imposter and his magic bro. the noblemen took to the streets and explained the evil plot to their people and urged people to cut down any magi they see. by morning, almost every magi was slaughtered.

the people seem easily impressionable tbh.

after their successful rebellion the noblemen had to decide who will rule them. in order to decide who will be king they determined that they will mount their horse  and whoevers neighs first on the sunrise will be the king.

well at least there wasnt another war. that is a very effective yet childish way to do it.

according to one version of the story darius turned to his horse master obareus  for help who proceeded to help his master by rubbing his hand on one of darius horse’s favourite mare’s vulva and then just before sunrise bought it close to darius’s horse nose which caused the horse to immediately snort and whinny.

ughhhhh so disgusting!!!

and thats how my friends darius the great became the ruler of persian empire after a chain of hilarious clusterfuck of events.

well his intelligent reflects from his actions. piecing together a conspiracy theory from abroad which turned out to be accurate is pretty sherlock holmes stuff.

darius my pal hope u are proud of yourself. u really left a mark on history and ur legacy.

[itsays]

"life as a 22 year old mother of 3" "life as a married 19 year old couple" *video of mother daughter and grandma making reference to how they were both moms at like 16* *21 year old girl flex video about how she's a mother of 4* *couple whose entire personality is having 10 kids before turning 30* "married my highschool sweetheart at 18 and now i have 8 kids at age 25" "what i do in a day as a 19 year old housewife"

[nashvillethotchicken]

The drake Kendrick beef trending on tumblr is like finding out an isolated village in the middle of Siberia with no internet or television access knows who Michael Jackson is

[jinxpologist]

just wanted to say that i'm seeing headlines everywhere say "floridians rejected an amendment to secure abortion rights" and that is NOT TRUE.

we voted ~57% to enshrine abortion rights in the florida constitution. amendments for our state require a supermajority, aka 60% to pass. this is bullshit and we were set up to fail.

the entire time, our governor Ron Desantis' officials were pressuring and threatening media outlets for publishing anything supporting this amendment.

don't believe the bullshit headlines. floridians wanted abortion rights.

[rish-you-were-here]

Happy pride

[tariah23]

White people are miserable, racist losers period. They’ve even been getting mad at Japanese people for correcting them about Yasuke as well.

[hotgirlmeg]

chappell roan doesn't need to "get a pr manager" you bitches need to grow a spine and gain some critical thinking skills

[daincrediblegg]

OK THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILL EVERYONE FUCKING REPEAT AFTER ME. THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL DO WHEN YOU WATCH MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL THIS YEAR:

You will navigate to the page on disney plus (and it has to be here. Unless someone has actually uploaded the REAL movie anywhere else you cannot get it elsewhere)

BUT YOU WILL NOT HIT PLAY. You won’t do it. Because it’s NOT THE REAL VERSION OF THE FILM AND DISNEY IS FUCKING LYING TO YOU AS IT ALWAYS DOES

You will scroll down HERE. To EXTRAS instead. You MUST GO HERE. This is non -negotiable

THEN YOU WILL SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE EXTRAS AND YOU WILL THEN HIT PLAY ON THIS BAD BOY: THE FULL LENGTH VERSION

And you will watch it. And you will thank me for having been so blind and led astray by that stupid fucking mouse. You’re welcome.

[true-bean]

A heads up for anyone considering getting married on a day that’s not Saturday or Sunday; people take it bad and they take it personally

[vandijkwrites]

Please do things to strengthen your attention span. It stresses me out so much when people just accept their small attention spans and cater to them without any acknowledgment that they are making it worse by doing that.

There is a reason attention spans are worse now and it didn’t just happen by chance. Media and the internet designed it that way and we went with it because it was easier.

Some of us with ADHD and brain fog need to meet ourselves where we’re at and exercise our attention span by watching a two minute video instead of a one minute video. Some of us need to sit down and read a novel with our phones turned off.

Wherever you’re at, just realize that not doing things that feel hard will keep making your attention span worse.

[scurvyboy]

au where fiddleford decided to start forgiving and stop forgetting way earlier in his life and is just a cool guy that is bad at hiding the fact that he knows things

[femmeofhearts]

i hope (know) this is how everyone who has ever fumbled me feels

[helixsnake]

I remember someone saying "mad scientists in fiction aren't scientists because there's never a control group"

I think if you've created an elixir that turns people into goat men you have sort have gone past the need for a control group. The control group is not going to placebo themselves into goat men. You can probably not run the control group, and safely assume that none of them would have turned into goat men. That said, having a control group for that would make the mad scientist seem extra crazy and be really really funny, especially if he was carefully testing them for goat like features from the dyed water they drank instead of the elixir