#paz rambles

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

Oh that RBB/SBB post you reblogged makes me so sad 😔 I know it’s been a long time since the start of 1D but I really hope Louis is okay. It’s almost like Louis’ campiness/flamboyance has been masked over time while Harry has fully embraced that side of himself (which I LOVE!!) but I’m still just sad about Louis. I wish we could have seen him blossom like Harry in that way.

Of course this is all just speculation. Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world. It’s probably not just black and white.

Oh, anon, I'm extending a warm hug to you 🥺🫂💖 and huge same; it massively tore at my queer little heartstrings to read that post.

It was so incredibly insightful and well-written and these parts were so painful:

"We can’t know why consciously camp Louis shined so briefly [...]. But I believe (I think it’s a reasonably common belief) that somewhere between auditioning on X-Factor with a girlfriend and the UK media blitz of autumn 2011, Louis Tomlinson became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture. [...]

But he only got the briefest window to share that part of himself. It was one of the first things that got taken away, [...]   There’s a huge sad irony there – that this code, that was developed specifically so that gay men could be visible in a time when they were completely marginalised, was taken away from a young gay man, because it was too gay, in a supposedly more liberal time. [...] The bears' elaborate queer codes are tucked away from the stage. Because their owners cannot (yet) be visible in the way that the people they put in frames have been."

I'm not nearly as eloquent as the author of that post, @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram, but I will try. -- To what you wrote, dear anon, I want to say you are so valid!

I think the process and inner workings over the last 14 years were very complex and we only have crumbs of puzzle pieces here and there, so that leaves room for a lot of speculation. (which can be maddening sometimes, but also good to ponder different perspectives).

The second they were put into 1D together, they were supposed to make many people a fuckton of money. I cannot even begin to fathom the immense pressure they were under; during and also post-1D. at least they had each other as support, as well as the other 3 boys and a few close friends and family, yet ultimately it was always them who were going to be the most impacted. At least they could go through it together.

(side note: can you imagine the gigantic strain all of the closeting and stunts must've been on their relationship? and they still came out on top! that's a huge testament to their communication and commitment to each other. 🥹💙💚)

I always felt it remarkable how differently the angles of closeting were approached, certainly because of Harry's and Louis' different marketed images, but perhaps also because they are different characters who come from different backgrounds and maybe also because of their relationship dynamic and slight age difference (which is always a bit more remarkable during the teenage years they were in at the beginning).

Ultimately I can only guess why exactly it was Louis who was the one to always verbally respond or make a statement about Larry; why it was only Louis' Twitter account who was used for the denials; why it was Louis who never touched a rainbow flag during a 1D show, not even after Harry had started in 2015 -- all this while Lou did and said a LOT of stuff that clearly showed who he really is, who he's in love and in a steady longtime relationship with; all this while RBB and SBB spoke to us so clearly it sometimes still feels like a fever dream.

I can only speculate, but -- when it comes to their closeting, I think the sad reality is that Harry and Louis were never truly set up to benefit from deals that were struck. While I can imagine it was even sold to them as a positive thing at first; a white lie, a protection of their privacy perhaps, etc, they were both so young when they entered into those probable agreements (even while I hope they both had some kind of legal representation!), it was still ultimately their own choice to say yes or no, but in an industry where you are still a near-nobody and you get the offer of a lifetime plus there's the career fate of three other boys on your shoulders as well, that "choice" becomes an illusion. the power-imbalances were just too great.

As written in the OP's post, in 2011 "Louis [...] became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture.", but then it "[...] was one of the first things that got taken away.", because it was still considered "too gay".

And I think if someone hasn't lived it, they can't imagine the toll it takes on an impressionable teenage mind when they are told again and again that their sexuality and relationship are a liability, a danger, something better kept under wraps, something that the public will not accept or endorse; something that might or will ultimately ruin things for them and the other boys. Maybe those things were ever said out loud or bluntly, maybe they were expressed in more cunning ways, but those things are simply everything a forced closet implies.

What was done to them was manipulation of the most sinister kind, of this I am sure. I remember Harry saying often in recent years how scared he was back then to "make a mistake" and mess things up for the other boys. (I think we can all imagine what he meant by that) And how he recounted crying in disbelief and relief when he finally signed his new contract after they announced the hiatus. Him covering up his "Things I can't" tattoo with an eagle (which is a symbol for freedom) in Dec 2015 (1 month before the start of the hiatus) feels pretty significant to me, too.

Still, it takes years to unlearn and re-learn certain conditioning and I want to make it a point to say the closet is never the fault of the closeted person. I can only speculate, but it seems to me that parts of that conditioning and a closeting mindset still live inside of the choices that are being made for their respective careers. Holivia, Elk and babygate-still-not-ended are three of the most glaring examples. Without insight, it's hard for me to gauge reasoning, though, so I will leave these topics at this.

Also Louis apparently got the short end of the stick post-1D, with him still(?) being blacklisted by the powers that be (*clenches fist* fucking SC). But I cannot say much more to that, because I haven't caught up enough on it, yet. To me personally it always felt like SC tried to keep an iron fist especially on Louis and I can only hypothesise why. Maybe Louis was always most defiant to SC verbally, behind closed doors? Maybe it's got to do with SC's own suspected closeting? Maybe Louis had to make some sort of deal with him years ago? I shudder to even think about why SC is still "allowed" to insert himself into the boys' business so much (as evidently last seen at Liam's funeral). He's such a powerful asshole.

But back to Harry and Louis -- they do (to this day) present themselves differently to the general public in regards to their sexuality and relationship -and I share your feelings, anon, of wishing that things would've gone differently for Louis. 🥺 I think this is a very valid wish to have; for the people you admire to be as free and happy and seen as possible. For them to gain their full freedom and happiness on their own terms. For them to get to be their most authentic selves (*Louis voice* "Flamboyant!"). And eventually, maybe, for them to get to come out together (because if they do, I personally don't think they'd want to do it separately), if ever / whenever they want to and ideally, with a level of publicity they chose. Their potential coming out is a very multi-facetted discussion that I'm too sleepy to get further into, though.

To conclude my too-long-answer (sorry!!) -- I am still catching up on the past 6 years of Harry and Louis, but from what I have seen of the recent years, I have a feeling Louis does feel very seen..

..and that he's responding the most that he currently can / is comfortable with 🥹🏳️‍🌈

(melting at this decor of Louis' tourbus in 2022: another bear with a Louis smiley rainbow flag 🥹🧸🏳️‍🌈) (source post)

And I feel the same way about Harry. ("Feelin' myself. 😌🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️")

Harry and Louis have both been brave -- together and individually - in so many ways over the last 14 years. It left them at different points in their public images and just like you, anon, I sometimes ask myself "Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world." - it's not impossible. It's all a journey, for every member of our community. And Louis and Harry are still on it and have not reached the final destination, yet.

Harry's taken a more public road in 2015 than Louis was allowed to do and from the way Louis looked at Harry while he was bounding across the stage with the flags every night, he loved seeing his boy like that and likely silently cheered for him; knew Harry was doing it for him also. After all, they are a package deal est. 2010.

I'm secure in my belief that we will one day see Louis feel ready to pick up a rainbow flag on stage; that he'll raise it and lift a middle finger to everyone who ever doubted; that he'll let that flag hang from his mic stand for himself and Harry and all of us who always support him; who see him -- now and also back in the earliest days, where a 19 year old very camp Louis adopted British gay code for himself and happily sung his heart out at the G-A-Y next to the boy he's in love with.

I believe Louis when he says the last 2 years were incredibly happy for him. And despite it being an awful and tough time (for Harry, Zayn) and him right now, he's also said something he's always had and always will have is resilience. I hope he takes all the time he needs. Luckily, Harry and him have each other in this, too. Also I can imagine that Liam's sudden passing might have shifted their perspectives on a few things, as well.. so we will see.

I definitely can't wait to see Louis on tour again, when he gets to share himself exactly the way he's comfortable with 🥹

Then..

and now ✨

(gif credit 1 + gif credit 2, both by the amazing @delicatepointofview)

additional resources aka. two of my fave tags of all time to just spend time in: the Louis and rainbows and Harry and rainbows tag and this post of Louis using Polari ("a secret language gay men used popularly in the 50s to communicate with each other in England [...] commonly used until the 90s") all by the wonderful @daisiesonafield-blog

thank you for the kind message 💖 x

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

adding the 3rd interview from that day here, the one where Harry says Louis is a good boyfriend and treats him really well.

the tag here from 2015 was "and they haven't done an interview together in the last 3 1/2 years" and now it's almost 13 years later and they have never ever been allowed to do another interview together.

clown ass Syco & Modest! behaviour

like, i need to rant for a second. my memory is awful, so i basically watched these interviews with fresh eyes. they're obviously super comfortable (dare i say: domestic) with each other. the flirting, the banter and the mirroring, and how it sounds like they already knew every single answer the other one is gonna give.. everything is so lovely. it's so obvious how how they sometimes get lost looking at each other and how freely and easily they touch each other. but watching these also got me thinking if you think about interviews where Harry actually said to Zayn, about Louis: "Don't say that.. that he's gay!" (x) "Lou, can I give you a blowjob?" (x) "Louis'.. Louis' boyfriend!" / "Can't choose boyfriend." (x) "And I'd marry you, Harry." (x) "I'd take Harry for the night." (x) (For my a dinner date I'd choose) Harry: "You, Louis." (x) "My first real crush was Louis Tomlinson." (x) "Are you and Louis dating?" Harry: *nods & blushes* (x) "She looks like Harry". Then, Louis: "Marriage. Sex, everything." (x) "Female." - Harry: "Not that important." (x) (re: sleeping with a man) Harry: "Hey, don't knock it 'till you try it!" (x) "Now kiss me, you fool!" (x) "What does Harry taste like?" - Louis: "Salt and vinegar." (x) and their million domestic tweets at and about each other (extensive tweets tag by the wonderful @skepticalarrie)

(and these are only the ones that quickly came to me off the top of me tired brain), then that decision truly baffles and angers me even more. There's like dozens and dozens more instances like the mentioned+linked ones, oftentimes where words weren't even said and they just touched or looked at each other.. and oh my god.. the FRISCO interview just a month after Paris, where Louis declared "some people genuinely think.. they GeNuiNeLy think that we're together!" and Liam says "You are, though, aren't ya!" and Harry just nods, all dazed and still wearing his cock-appointment-blush and then Zayn moves the topic towards him and Harry and curiously, nobody ever says "so it's not true!". and then the air kisses and sign language love declarations and their at least 7 matching tattoos (that we know of). the absolutely besotted way they looked at each other from day one. the way they verbally supported each other; defended each other and got obviously jealous over someone else touching either of them. and the rings Harry was gifted by Louis that he's still wearing almost 12 years later... like--

all of this still happened despite them never again being interviewed just the two of them or even getting a fucking segment just the two of them during things like 1D Day! which is so telling.

and all of this compared to how they behaved with each other during those Paris interviews -the ones that were -to Modest! obviously too much? let's be SO fr.. in my personal opinion, those interviews are very tame compared to everything else. they're rather sweet and polite and they didn't even touch each other nearly as much as they did in group interviews, because obviously that is safer, because you've got a lot more distraction for the eye with five guys instead of two. In one of the 3 interviews, Louis is even pretty quiet and calm; just seems very peaceful (or thoughtful). (which is just my personal interpretation, there could be lots of reasons for it)

And they were the same age in Paris as they were for a lot of the things they let slip in other group interviews then. sometimes when they didn't know it was being picked up by a mic or camera, but oftentimes they knew and still couldn't / didn't want to stop themselves :')

I could write a lot more about the hypocrisy of it all or how devastating it still feels and how angry it still makes me -almost 15 years later-, how swiftly and deeply they were shoved into the closet, when every other very private detail of their personal lives was being dragged into the public, twisted and turned and "marketed" to death. (and the latter was obviously fucking damaging to all of them) I shudder to imagine how much homophobia they were exposed to by the people who were supposed to nurture and guide them when their families and friends couldn't be with them. Obviously, the fact that they -so early on- were tried to be kept separated like that portrays just how desperate Clowndest! tried to do "damage control". And of course they failed, but not for lack of squeezing these two into such a sinister iron closet for so many years; piling up contracted lies upon contracted lies that added to all the pressure of two young people who were giving their love a try.. the more lies they piled up, the harder would it be for them later on.

and now look where we are now. they persisted, but at what cost?

Louis & Harry Paris Interviews

How many interviews are there of just Louis and Harry? I’m talking video interviews of L + H, sans Niall, Liam or Zayn to babysit them. There seem to only be a grand total of 2. And both took place on the same day. (February 14, 2012…Was it really on Valentine’s Day??) The Teemix interview below is broken up into 4 parts, but it’s all one interview.

This post actually took me longer than you might think because I tried so hard to find other video interviews of H + L. There aren’t any. Shocking, right?

L’Interview Paris - Fan2Fr

Highlights include: 

At 4:30 Louis reading Harry’s Hot and Dangerous on the fan-art: “Of course he’s hot” 

4:51 Harry says of Louis, “I would describe it more as funny and handsome and rugged…A bit more manly” and Louis gives the brightest most amused smile to the camera.

The looks they give each other at the end of the video with the whole ‘dangerous dave(?)’ thing. Many people hear Harry say ‘I’ll get you for that tonight’ in response. I suck at deciphering these things, but it would make sense given  Louis’ laughing reaction to it.

Teemix Interview 1 of 4

Louis’ face at 3:24 when waiting for Harry to describe Niall’s characteristics.

Louis softly pushing Harry’s hair back at 3:40 when describing him as ‘curly.’ He just..keeps..going..oh my god it’s adorable.

Teemix Interview 2 of 4

The way they finish each others’ sentences, talking about being normal lads. They seem so in sync and sound so relaxed about it.

At 0:38 – L: We still pop down to the shop every now and again– H: Bread and milk. L: Yep, the standard.

Teemix Interview 3 of 4

At 0:20 when describing their ideal girl, Harry corrects Louis’ ‘good sense of humour’ comment with ‘GREAT sense of humour’ and Louis nods ‘yeah’ with the most earnest, serious agreement I’ve ever seen from a person in a boyband answering a generic question. They’re clearly describing each other.

This entire segment is a ridiculous display of how calm and in sync these two are. Telling the story of Liam’s chat up lines, agreeing on their favourite date spots (1:35), Louis proudly suggesting ‘cook them their favourite meal’ (2:12), they’re so at ease with each other and so willing to agree on every little thing.

At 2:42 Louis tries to figure out how long he’s been with Eleanor and Harry suggests ‘a year?’. Harry’s just straight-up laughing at this point and again, clearly talking about him and Louis.

‘I would definitely say Harry is the most confident with girls’ and then he GRINS.

The way they’re smiling at each other at the end is too much. Louis tells Harry, ‘you’re on a whole new level of charm, man’ and can’t stop grinning.

Here’s a slow-mo gif of Louis’ cute head roll, when faced with having to choose his favourite love song. 

Teemix Interview 4 of 4

They cut off Louis at 1:52 here and it makes me realise I can’t even imagine what the unedited version of these L + H interviews is like…

[misteria247]

Imagine time cuz I'm insufferable unfortunately.

But like Ford one day is home alone. Dipper's gone out with Mabel and Stanley, leaving him alone for once. So he's ya know doing his thing, enjoying the peace to the best of his ability when the Mystery Shack door bursts open. Ford looks up, startled because the shop should be closed. And Soos and Melody were in town currently. And he peeks his head around the corner to spot someone he never would have suspected to come to his doorstep. None other than Pacifica Northwest. But that's not the concerning part that puts him on edge.

It's the fact she looks like she's been crying.

Ford's immediately in Gruncle mode, because how could he not when there's a child who's obviously distressed. He sees Pacifica stiffen up when she notices him and he puts his hand up in a peaceful gesture. Looking her up and down and noticing she's got scraps and cuts from what looks like a tumble onto the ground. Ford gestures for her to come inside, letting her know that Dipper and Mabel would be home soon if she wanted to wait up for them. The blonde just nods, not meeting his gaze due to embarrassment. She takes a seat at the kitchen table and Ford gets to work finding band-aids and medicine. It's quiet between them and Ford doesn't know how to break it when Pacifica breaks it. By asking a simple question.

"What do you do, when nothing you do is ever good enough?"

And the older man just freezes. Because he wasn't expecting such a heavy question from someone like Pacifica Northwest of all people. Ford thinks about it, sensing it's a complicated situation for her. And while he's thinking of a response he thinks of his father and how he felt when he couldn't ever do enough for the older man no matter how hard he tried. And while it's not exactly the same it helps him give a response.

"If what you're doing isn't enough, then you move onto something new. There's always going to be some situation or person, where nothing you do will change it. So you have to keep going and go your own way sometimes. There's no shame in it."

And Pacifica she kinda takes it, thinking about it before just giving a nod. Ford leaves it at that, hoping that it helps her somewhat. He doesn't know exactly what's up, but he knows that Pacifica is clearly struggling with something. So he'll try his best to offer advice whenever possible. Especially when it's a friend of his grand niece and nephew.

[pines4thetwin]

Stan and Eda as divorced besties where they have a lil reunion when both of their world ending crises are over and Eda realizing Stan is in love with his brother and she's just like nods "I get it". Eda is in love with Lilith and I'm not taking criticism on that.

Anyways Raine = Fiddleford

[maybege]

new Paz AU idea: you are the weather fairy of a local TV channel and Paz is the cameraman 🥺 imagine the little banter in the studio over your colourful outfits or his wink when he catches you looking at his tattooed arms, carrying all that gear around.

being sent "out into the world" to do little weather segments around town and him encouraging you from behind the camera, imagining - as he looks through the lense - that your smile is just for him 🥺🥺

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

i hope it’s okay i reblog this gina @twopoppies, but it’s such a fat mood

with peace and love, newer larries, please educate yourselves - and here on tumblr!

it’s where everything “Larry Stylinson” started in 2010, where most info was preserved through wonderful people who poured their hearts & energy into compiling, analysing, fact-checking, and archiving everything. because of that, there’s an abundance of compiled, as-complete-as-possible information, which is fucking amazing! use it, read it, please.

if i have learned anything since 2013 here, it’s that people who truly support Harry & Louis, above all else, strive for honesty and love.

we were there for them in all the years they desperately needed us to see and hear them. we’re still here, supporting and loving, even if they don’t ‘need’ us anymore. and that’s okay, because it’s not about us, it’s about them.

if you care about that, you stay open-minded about Harry & Louis’ history and care about learning what happened to get them to the point where they are now, preferably without your own biases or (lack of) personal experiences shadowing your opinions.

let us never forget that this isn’t about a fictional ship - these are real people in a real life long-time commitment.

(and yeah, we also have fun, sure! but there’s always an underlying premise, a mutual understanding of the basic facts - and that’s important with that)

a good point to start your read is here and here.

okay peace, lovelies 💖 let's let kindness prevail x

.

[journal420]

Please, tell us (me) more about your pinecest x paz thoughts / timeline. Are pinecest together before they realize they’re into Pacifica? Does one of the twins date Paz and accidentally groan the other twin name instead of her’s during intimacy? Do one of the twins become selfless and try to push the other twin to date Paz — because they know deep down they’re hopelessly in love with both their twin and Paz?

rubs my hands together like a fly

SO.... honestly in my head i think for them, pacifica crushes on the twins for a loooong time. on both of them. she goes through phases thinking she's straight, then a lesbian, then realizing wow i like them both at the same time. then she hates herself for being "weird" about it. i like to think she's straight up bi but has internalized homophobia cause of her parents

i like to think the twins are weirdly codependent and in love in that way, and while they teeeechnically know its not "healthy" they could Not Care Less, because theyre happy being themselves with eachother (and have bad influences COUGH THE STANS). their relationship is ambiguously Undefined they just know they do everything together. including being romantic

pacifica over the years becomes a staple at the mystery shack. maybe she even takes wendy's place as cashier when wendy eventually goes to college. she goes from being overly formal with everyone (mr. pines, mr. pines 2, mr. ramirez, etc) to being semi casual (mr. stan, mr. ford, mr. soos,) to just being straight up casual. hell she's let a couple "grunkle stans" slip out. she's just another part of the group that hang around the shack and she gets super close to dipper and mabel which doesnt help her crushes

i like to think that at some point pacifica breaks and admits she likes them. maybe she phrases it "i like you!!! and more than just a friend!!" to both dipper and mabel who stare at her and then are like "did. did you mean that for me or for -" and pacifica is like "i meant both of you!!!" . she'd probably run off in embarrassment after that too leaving mabel and dipper to talk about what to do now and how they both feel about pacifica

i love the angst potential of one of the twins trying to be Selfless and stay away so the other can be with pacifica, but in my head theyd only get into dating around 17 and at that point the twins already know theyre weird with eachother and are totally chill with it

honestly IDK how pacifica would react to learning that dipper and mabel are romantical together and that they also both like her back. apart of me thinks she'd be grossed out but come around or she'd just be like "oh well im an only child so i dont really get it. must be different for twins i guess!" and she doubles down on that viewpoint after realizing the stans are the same LMFAOAOAOOA. the idea that the pines family tree is just a circle is really funny to me and pacifica gets roped into it (gladly) LOLOL

[sw4ns0ngs]

Omg I’m so sorry for spamming Mouthwashing stuff 😭 I know y’all originally followed me for Paz 😔

[avaitor]

Punching the air rn sobbing into the pillow rn

THEIR FRIENDSHIP

paz and kaz would've been too powerful if PW didn't happen 😔

mutually pining 😭

[somerandomdutchfangirl]

Okay so i have calmed down a bit (that is a lie) (i have not) (in the slightest) (but i need to vent some thoughts and this is the place i'm doing that in so y'all can suffer with me 🥰)

This is probably not going to make much sense so. You've been warned for random tangents and unorganized thoughts

Since i'm gonna be talking about the movie (obviously) there's gonna be spoilers under the readmore!

(I am so normal about this movie) (i really am not)

Okay so set design? The animatronics??? 100/10 the animatronics look kinda soft ish i get why abby would hug them so much.

(Also is it abby or abbey?? I've been looking at the subtitles for nearly 2 hours i feel like i should know how to spell her name by now but alas i dont 😭 so if i write it wrong; no i didn't)

I also know i probably would be terrified as a kid but that might just be because i'm european and we don't have restuarants with animatronics here (at least not in the places i've been to). A n y w a y

Got some genuine scares out of the balloon boy jumpscares, still hate his guts tho <3 10/10 mike turning that mf around the second he sees him is such a mood

The animatronic killing screens, while mostly off-screen were amazing. Max's death,,, holy shit. Me and a friend went "was that the bite of '87" in unison lmaoo

Also. Matthew patrick is a bitch ass motherfucker liar. Me and my friends were theorizinf in the car back already bc my friend swears up and down golden freddy/cassidy was in the movie but my other friend was like "but he's stuck in suit mode in the games???" Save to say the movie differentiates from the games a bit lmao

Speakinf of- Vanessa being William's daughter. I did see that one coming, Vanessa acted incredibly sus and cagey with her knowledge so yeah. Dunno how i like it yet, i'd also have lived for the family drama of William being Mike, Garret and Abbey's dad but that wouldnt make sense with the kidnapping plot.

ALSO THE FUCKINF. THEME MUSIC?? Whatever it's called that played with the title card. It's such a bop, it's my new favourite song and it's gonna be stuck in my head for weeks (positive)

The springtrap scene? Amazing. Some friends were talking about wantinf more screams but honestly? Being in so much physical pain you cannot scream anymore? Is so much better in my opinion. And the little movements afterwards? Like the shaking, i forgot what it's called- phenomenal.

And like with the first deaths of Max and her gang i was like "wait how did Mike not notice the blood/bodies?? How are the animatronics spotless?" Got explained with Vanessa being in on the plot. I was legit afraid Abbey would be scarred for life. Also how did they clean up the aunt situation? Since i'm assuming she's hella dead. How did mike handle that. Did mike even handle that?? Also the poor lawyer man 😭😭 give that man a hug and a raise, jesus christ

Bro i swear the cinema had a collective "OH MYGOD YES, YESSS" moment when The Living Tombstone came on. Like come on

I probably still missed a lot and might have made some mistakes on some of these and i dont even know if this makes any sense but hey! All i know is i had a good time, the movie is amazing and my autism is autism-ing at catasprophic levels dkwmfkemdk

I JUST WENT TO THE FNAF MOVIE WITH SOME FRIENDS AND

HOLY SHIT

The autism is definitely autism-ing

Like

AAAAAAAAAAAA

[bitchin-beskar]

THE WHAT NOW AU???

TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE

OK OK OK

so the premise is that reader and Paz have been friends their whole lives, but kind of drifted apart in high school/beginning of college bc of reader’s boyfriend’s jealousy

(she was trying to make him happy and not jealous so she stops seeing Paz as much which just breaks her heart but she craves the tiny bits of affection she gets from her boyfriend so she suffers in silence)

and then they get into a fight bc of something related to Paz (maybe he picks her up from a bar when she’s drunk and her bf didn’t answer his phone?) and they argue and she breaks up with him

except they’re still in college and she was living in an apartment with her now ex so she’s basically homeless

so ofc Paz offers for her to live with him, and she moves in right away BUT shortly after this whole mess she finds out her parents (who are assholes) have been stealing from her college fund so she now has to chose between paying rent or finishing her degree

but obviously Paz isnt gonna let her do that but she refuses to just be a freeloader cause her pride won’t let her do that, and she keeps insisting she has to pay him back somehow

and I haven’t decided which sport Paz plays yet bc one thing I am NOT is a sports girlie so idk but he plays sports at the college and that plus classes is rlly stressful, so he ends up suggesting that as a way to help him relax, she (aka her body) can be his stress relief

and ofc she’s basically had a crush on Paz most of her life so it’s not like she’s gonna turn the offer down and so they enter into a roommate agreement where instead of paying rent she just follows one rule:

She lets him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

(Obviously there’s been kink negotiations and other stuff too but there’s not much she’s not willing to do)

there’s so much to explore with this au and I welcome any and all ideas/thots to help me expand upon this 😏

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

was that your first time listening to all along :D

WHAT GAVE IT AWAY, SAS

....

We stayed up 'til 6 just watching shit tv in bed Late night drive to Tesco to buy cigarettes and bread I remember clearly how I turned to you and said, "I wish I met you later, I wish I met you later."

We're young and I was so naive But in my head that's how it had to be And now I'm home I've been all over the world And I was wrong And I'm smoking in my bed all on my own And I can't wait 'til you're awake so I can call And tell you it was you all along

We saw Ed in Manchester, I held you while he played Every time I hear his songs, it takes me to that place Even after all we've done I had the nerve to say, "I wish I met you later, I wish I met you later.

HELP i can't believe that's a song that exists... like- Sas @grapejuicebluesrry I CANNOT, WITH THESE TWO 😭💙💚 catching up on what I've missed in the past 6 years is so WILD. i need to go read lyrics analysis posts of that song immediately (but how much analysis does one really need with lyrics that are that obvious and LOUD?)

in reference to my first listen of All Along a week ago

[strangebossyuri]

I LOVE PAZ ORTEGA ANDRADE <the version i fixed in my head

disclaimer: I did some major projection to get to this point and i acknowledge that most of the meaning im getting from her character was not kojima's intentions im just taking what i saw and running because im GOOFY!1!1!1!1!

OKAY SO- PAZ REMINDS ME OF THE POC STRUGGLE SO MUCH ITS INSANE- especially a latina one-

The way she has to hide all her anger and resentment just for the mission- keeping away all her actual feelings and making herself as palatable as possible- cute, demure, innocent and sweet, everyones dream girl- and most importantly non threatening- reminds me of the masking one has to do to do move up in a place that hates them- i know in the case of the game its for the sake of being a spy for cipher but at the same time- it specifically reminds me so much of the masking POC have to do- having to suck up to authority and make yourself as ideal as possible- becoming what someone else wants you to be for the sake of your "mission"- even the selectiveness of how Paz came to be- the last one standing among the other candidates for "Paz"- thats really how it feels trying to move up in society as a POC- i cant help but think of how so many systems in the USA filter out POC until theyre only left with the palatable and idealistic POC that they can parade around as a symbol of their progressiveness- SHES JUST SO- THATS HER- THATS LITERALLY HER- cipher groomed her into becoming the person "Paz" was- cipher groomed her into denying her own identity for the sake of infiltration- the same way some POC are groomed into "infiltrating" their way up society-

EVEN THE WAY HER NAME IS PAZ, PEACE, SHES GROOMED INTO PRETENDING TO BE PEACE- and in this POC struggle rep im setting up, you could say that she represents the FAUX peace- a fake peace- that "progressive" white spaces groom into existence- a peace that isnt peace at all-

MOVING ON

in MSF Paz ends up being loved and cared for and actually having fun- but at the same time none of that is real- and she struggles so much because the real her isnt receiving those things- the she that she constructed is- she wishes the self that she was forced to make was her- that it was natural to be that person because thats the person everyone loves- thats why she tries to extend the charade so long- but at the same time she knows that the person shes pretending to be isnt actually her which is what makes it so painful because then do they really love you- or do they love the you that you constructed- and all at the same time she still hates them because theyre the ones who cant love the real her- theres such a strong dissonance there and it never even gets resolved as she isnt even given the decision to move forward with things or not- her choice is stolen from her by cipher-

if i wanted to make a massive stretch this could also be thrown into the POC struggle narrative- wanting to be loved but the white people giving "love" only giving it to the palatable you- you know youre on thin ice at all times and can never be the real you- the you thats angry and resentful- unless you want to be stripped of everything- but i think the MSF being kinda- very opposite to society messes with that- but it still feels like a very relatable experience for anyone who masks to a more extreme extent (cough*me*cough)

ah but the way I fixed the construction of Paz i made in my head regarding the creepy Big Boss x Paz stuff was by explaining the weird away by believing that she was comphet projecting a crush- shes a lesbian to me and strangelove was her awakening thank you very much <3

ANYWAYS IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUNT GROUND ZEROS BECAUSE THAT WAS JUST STRAIGHT MESSED UP AND IM NOT GOING TO DEFEND THAT AT ALL- THAT WAS JUST- WRONG- SO WRONG- the one thing i will say is that her favorite song being "Here's to You" and her death being her jumping out of the helicopter- fits very very well- that decision to throw herself out of the helicopter- really was one of the only decisions she made herself- "that last and final moment is yours, that agony is your triumph"- her first and last moment of autonomy- being her deciding what happens as she dies- it just- mmmgmngnsdhughekgliuhaeihfgiluwhi (i am crying as i write this) I love Paz

And as for phantom pain- that wasnt Paz there- she was once again made into someone constructed to be as ideal as possible- even her language in the tapes- its was so obvious just from hearing the way she spoke- but at the same time i think Paz would have been happy that her sacrifice meant something to at least one person-

ANYWAYS YEA

THATS HOW I FIXED PAZ IN MY HEAD

SHES ALSO TAN TAN AND HAS CURLY HAIR AND HAS A REAL ACCENT 👍

to me

to me at least

im just as bad as the rest of MSF i constructed a Paz that I love in my head which is super super ironic

THIS CONCLUDES WHY I LOVE PAZ ORTEGA ANDRADE AND AM THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HER <3333

[icecreambeach]

watching a couple mandos give Din a friendly punch got me thinking. i really would appreciate just... ANY indication of what growing up in the covert was like for Din. like obviously he must've grown up with SOME of the mandos who are still there (unless they ALL died, which, idk possible,) but we've seen zero evidence of any kind of familial connection. ppl have HC'd Paz as having this brotherly OR semi-romantic relationship with Din (which I love) but all we've actually seen is Paz being a huge COP. like a real state trooper "you were doing ten miles over" kind of a dick. like yes he patched Din up that one time and doesn't seem to actively HATE Din, but helping other mandos is just part of the Creed. so far all i've gathered from Paz is that he cares about one thing: the Creed, and making sure he and everyone else follow it. like the fuckin group hall monitor. lol. whether it's soldiers, monks, or soldierly monks, even the most fanatical groups form intimate relationships with one another. if these are the people who raised Din, who grew up alongside him—if this is his FAMILY, where's the FAMILY of it all??? i'd just love for like one mando to push Din into the water and call him a bitch and then later they're sharing food or something. like literally anything. i know it's probably meant to be assumed(?) that familial bonds exist there, but it would be nice to actually see. one.

[misteria247]

Look I know I've probably been insane the past few days with the Fiddleford and Pacifica stuff but like-

Stanley and Mabel. Ford and Dipper. Fiddleford and Pacifica.

Do you see what I'm putting down??? Why they're rotting my silly little brain your honor???

[rose-color-boy]

Paz Vizsla is an absolute UNIT of a man. He could beat the shit out of me and I’d say thank you