#pays good but uuuuuuugh

[phdbabygirlism]

.

[observethewalrus]

the part of me that feels nothing at best and like a scared child at worst whenever I’m around my parents vs my lifelong fear of people being mad at me can’t decide if I’m happy or upset that my parents aren’t coming to have dinner with me for my birthday

[guqin-and-flute]

And A-Fu Makes 4–Chpt. 6 [3zun Raise Jingyi Au]

[EDIT: DANGIT, I forgot to add credit to this one too!! THANK you madtomedgar for the 'call me xiaoshushu' convo idea!!]

[Ao3 Link] [Series] [More 3zun Raise Jingyi AU]

A-Yuan opened his mouth--probably to say this was a bad idea again --but it was Jin Ling who shushed him this time. Outside the door, beyond the sitting room, they could hear muffled voices coming down the hallway. So, A-Yuan went quiet automatically (totally already in sneaking mode, even if he pretended he wasn’t.)

“--even awake yet?”

“Oh, undoubtedly. They vowed to stay up later but were out within minutes.”

Both A-Ling and A-Fu pointed to each other at the same time, mouths open in a triumphant, silent yell. 2 fathers at once! How lucky! Uncle Zixuan was coming back with Yellow-Father and they were going to get them both so good. A-Yuan, though, just looked even more uncomfortable with this extra grownup in the mix, but A-Fu wasn’t too worried; A-Yuan didn’t snitch, he just sorta squirmed, then did it anyway.

All 3 of them had been plastered around the door to A-Fu’s Jin room in their pajamas for a thousand hours with the hot sunlight coming through the window onto their feet, waiting. Back when they had woken up and found Yellow-Father’s bed already made and him gone, A-Fu knew that this was a perfect opportunity for Sneaking-and-Spooking they couldn’t miss. (He had decided to change the name of the game to Sneaking-and-Spooking, so he could win it easier--if he didn’t manage to sneak on someone, he could at least jump out and spook them! Jin Ling said that was cheating, but he just didn’t like how often he lost.)

A-Ling had kept whining about having to go to the bathroom and A-Yuan had kept saying that he was nervous about this and A-Fu had to be A-Voice-Or-Reason and calm them down to be ready--and now it was time! 

The lock on the front door clicked and the voices got less muffled as it rolled back and the fathers came in. “Boys?” Yellow-Father called, and A-Fu made the fiercest shushing face at his cousins. When no one answered, the fathers started talking quieter, something about rooms being bigger--A-Fu was paying too close attention to the sound of their footsteps. One went to the set of drawers and one started walking around slowly. 

Then, something terrible happened. Or, at least, terrible for the Sneaking-and-Spooking plan.

The smell of Aunt Yanli’s rib and lotus root soup wafted into their noses like a nice breeze. Yellow-Father and Uncle Zixuan had brought back special soup! A-Fu’s tummy grumbled all of a sudden, and A-Ling started sniffing all interested. A-Yuan looked at A-Fu with an ‘I told you so!’ in his eyebrows.

  ‘Told me so what?’ A-Fu scowled back with his own.

‘They have soup!’ A-Yuan’s chin point said. ‘ It could spill! Bad idea!’

‘You don’t know that! ’ said A-Fu’s nose scrunch.

“A-Ling?” said Uncle Zixuan from close by the door--he was the one walking around.

‘I want soup,’ said the pleading look Jin Ling shot at A-Fu. 

‘You follow too many rules,’ said A-Fu’s headshake at A-Yuan.

‘What?’ said A-Yuan’s confused eye squint. (Okay, so maybe A-Fu was making up words for him and his face, so what? He knew what his best cousin-friend would say out loud, if he could.)

“Boys?” Uncle Zixuan’s voice was softer now, like he thought they were maybe all still asleep--even closer to the door.

‘I want soup !’ said Jin Ling’s frown, but, like, louder this time.

A-Fu waved his hands at them frantically to stay where they were. Then, he held up one hand and started counting down with it.

3,

Jin Ling crouched down to be ready. A-Yuan nervously balled up his fists but did the same thing.

2.

A-Fu bent his knees and took in a huge breath to shout--

“I know we’re not going to thank your bofu for bringing us soup by trying to startle him,” came Yellow-Father’s pleasant voice from right outside the door.

A-Fu blew out a huge breath with an, “Uuuuuuugh- uh! ” 

He hadn’t even heard him walk up! Yellow-Father had won Sneaking-and-Spooking again. When he threw open the door, Yellow-Father smiled down at him from next to a surprised looking Uncle Zixuan. “Diedie, how do you know all of the times! ?”

Jin Ling and A-Yuan charged out together. A-Ling jumped up into Uncle Zixuan’s arms, kicking his feet and shrieking when they spun around together and A-Yuan hugged tight onto Yellow-Father’s leg. Yellow-Father looked all twinkly down at him and patted his head, then said to A-Fu, so totally unhelpful, “ Diedie’s are magic that way. Good morning, little ones. Did you sleep well?”

A-Fu’s annoyed didn’t stay for long, though, because then, it was Super Special Soup Time! It wasn’t a normal breakfast food they ate, but apparently, Clan Leader Jiang was coming to visit and meet the new twin babies for the first time in the next few days, and so Aunt Yanli had been cooking a lot. Since A-Fu loved the taste of it and he was leaving soon, she had sent some over with Uncle Zixuan. He was halfway through his second bowl, happily chewing on a big chunk of ginger when he remembered something. 

Uh oh. He had super promised Gray-Father really serious he wouldn’t eat meat anymore. And Gray-Father had specificity mentioned this soup.

Yellow-Father spied his Thinking Look from next to him and asked, “What’s wrong, Fufu? Did you find a bone?”

“We’w…” Pointing his spoon at his steaming soup, he asked, “I’th got meat i’ i’, righ’?”

“Oh, Fufu, please don’t talk with your mouth full. Meat? Yes, it has meat.”

He swallowed. “What animal?”

“A pig!” Jin Ling announced triumphantly, banging the table in his excitement to be right, and Uncle Zixuan quieted him down with shushes, scrubbing his soupy mouth with a napkin.

Oh. Well, he hadn’t ever met a pig or even seen too many, and when he did, they were pretty big and loud and bristly, not like cute, soft bunnies. Plus, it didn't look anything like a pig. 

Yellow-Father’s gave him a confusion look when he stayed quiet. “What's the matter? You like the soup, don’t you?”

“Well…yeah….”

Yellow-Father reached over and rubbed his back all soothing, smiling. “Then what’s wrong? Your Blue- die doesn’t mind if you choose to eat meat outside the Cloud Recesses when we make it for you.”

A-Fu glanced over at his cousins, who were looking at him curiously, chewing. Jin Ling had a little soup drip wobbling on his chin again and A-Yuan was munching on his mung bean pancake. He didn’t have trouble eating no meat--he liked the food at the Cloud Recesses and didn’t take breaks from it when he left like A-Fu did. But meat tasted so good and he was already eating it. “Well, Gray- die said it’s not convictioning….”

At this, Yellow-Father scooted over and scooped A-Fu into his lap. “Your gray die is not in charge of what you eat. Here--” He plucked A-Fu’s spoon from his hand and scooped up a good chunk of stringy strips of fall-apart meat. “Open?”

Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal after all. Now that he was really-for-real thinking about it, he didn’t want to have to just eat the lame Cloud Recesses food for his whole life. Plus, Yellow-Father didn’t seem to think that it was a big deal! So he happily let his yellow father feed him, wiggling around and dancing just like all the spices and yumminess were dancing around in his mouth.

Jin Ling shoved his spoon over at Uncle Zixuan, exclaiming, “Feed me too, diedie! ”

“Weren’t you just telling me yesterday that you were a big kid, now, and didn’t need help doing anything?” 

“Puh- leaaaase ?”

With a shake of his head and a chuckle, Uncle Zixuan scooped up some of A-Ling’s soup into his mouth. So that he wasn’t lonely, A-Fu leaned over and grabbed at A-Yuan’s pancake so it tore into a little strip that he wiggled in his face. “Here, A-Yuan! Like a worm! Cheep cheep!”

“Ew!” A-Yuan laughed, scrunching up his nose, but he opened up his mouth to eat it.

Excited, now, A-Fu grabbed Yellow-Father’s chopsticks and scooped up rice--a bunch spilled all over both of them when he held it up over his head for Yellow-Father to eat. 

“Fufu, you’re getting it in your hair!”

“You gotta eat it!!”

While Yellow-Father was picking the rice grains off A-Fu’s head,  Jin Ling grabbed a chunk of pork from his soup and fed it to Uncle Zixuan, who looked like he wasn’t so sure about maybe dripping stuff on his robes. A-Fu knew that A-Ling just did it to be a copycat, so he got huffy and tried to crawl across the table to feed Uncle Zixuan, too. But then Yellow-Father pulled him back into his lap and said maybe only the grownups would do the feeding, thank you, though. For the rest of the meal, Uncle Zixuan fed A-Ling and Yellow-Father fed A-Fu and A-Yuan. Yellow-Father had a pleased smile as he wiped the corner of A-Yuan’s mouth with a dark blue napkin, saying, “No one should ever keep you from your food, boys. You should eat as much as you like when you like.”

At least it wasn’t all so serious as A-Fu had been afraid of! He had been a little worried he would get in trouble if he brought it up, since Gray-Father had made it sound like he couldn’t change his mind about it.

“I’m just real sorry, pigs,” he made sure to tell the next spoonful before it reached his mouth. “Maybe try not being so yummy.”

After breakfast, the fathers rounded up all the kids and gave them baths and got them dressed. (A-Fu tried to start a splash war with A-Ling that Uncle Zixuan stopped, but not before he got wet.) When they all trooped out to the garden, the Jin nannies were already there with the twins and A-Qiang. Apparently, all the for Sect Leader Jiang cooking made Aunt Yanli really tired, so Uncle Zixuan wanted to make the house all quiet so she could take a nap for the day. And so the big kids got stuck with the babies again . All A-Fu had to say was A-Qiang better not belly flop on his face again, or A-Fu was gonna lose it . His nose was still sore from yesterday!

He scowled at A-Qiang when he ran up to them, so Jin Ling scowled back at him. But A-Fu just wanted to play , not argue, so like, whatever. It wasn’t so bad, once they started running around together. A-Qiang was getting a lot better at walking and running, so they could at least play chase--plus he didn’t know how to be quiet, so when they played hide and seek, he would giggle and A-Fu would always find him first. A-Fu would usually be mad that he wasn’t playing the game right…but he really liked winning, so it didn’t bother him too much. It was even fun to hold him upside down to train him to do headstands until Uncle Zixuan told him to stop! (He didn’t get why he should stop, A-Qiang was laughing the whole time anyway.)

The roofs around them were so bright when the sun bounced off them that they hurt A-Fu’s eyes. Green spots blinked on his eyelids after he looked at the giant puffy white flowers Yellow-Father called peonies. They were the only flowers in the whole garden that he actually knew, and only because they were the Jin Clan flower--Sparks Amid Snow, his Lan teachers made them remember. The other flowers nodded in the breeze all around them, pink and orange and red and purple, buzzing with bees. A-Fu had gotten stung, like 10 times before, when he went trampling through the Jin gardens. He sometimes just forgot that they were there! They were such grumpy bugs and should just mind their own business.

 Uncle Zixuan and Yellow-Father sat next to each other in the shade with their robes all spread out around them while kids played. Each of them held one of the twins, talking about boring adult things--probably about babies, because he could sometimes hear Uncle Zixuan coo at A-Zan in that embarrassing way that grownups got around babies where they acted all stupid, making weird faces and talked in high, silly voices. A-Fu really liked Uncle Zixuan, but that guy was way too okay with babies--he kept looking over at Yellow-Father holding A-Mei with a very pleased expression.

 At least Yellow-Father was just smiling down at A-Mei sleeping, rocking a little and not making embarrassing noises. He would kiss her forehead and pet her hair, sometimes, but that was about it. Whatever. As long as he didn’t get any baby ideas like Blue-Father or make too much of a fuss, A-Fu was happy to leave him to deal with the boring babies. 

It wasn’t until A-Fu ran past him, determined to show A-Ling he could cartwheel the best that he heard his father humming--and he screeched to a stop, almost falling over his feet. What. The. Heck! 

That was his lullaby, the one about a little lotus flower in a pond who made friends with the moon! He stomped back to them, fists all balled up. “You can’t sing that!”

Yellow-Father squinted up at him against the sunlight twinkling through the leaves in surprise. "Shhh, Fufu. What’s the matter?”

He didn’t want to quiet down! Yellow-Father always sang to him to go to sleep, and that song was A-Fu’s favorite! Yellow-Father was his father, not anyone else's! No one else got to have him! The Jin kids got to see him a hundred thousand times more than A-Fu did because they all lived in Koi Tower together and it wasn’t fair! 

He scowled ferociously down at the Jin baby--she just smacked her weird chubby lips in her sleep. “You can’t sing that to them! It’s mine!”

Yellow-Father’s eyebrows stopped squinching and he glanced over at Uncle Zixuan, saying, “Ooh,” all gentle, like A-Fu was so small and so special--specialler even than the baby. “I see. You’re right, it is your song, Fufu. My mistake, I'm sorry.”

Finally he got it. A-Fu sighed a huffy breath and crossed his arms. "Good.…You can sing something else to her, though. If you want. I guess," he allowed grudgingly after thinking about it for a second

Uncle Zixuan made a funny noise like a snort--but when A-Fu eyed him suspiciously, he was just letting A-Zan chew on his finger, not looking at them. 

 Yellow-Father's eyes crinkled up farther into a smile. "That's very thoughtful of you, Fufu,” he said. “What song should be A-Mei’s, then?” 

“I’unno. But not the flower and the moon one,” he warned.

“Of course, of course.”

He sort of snugged her in closer in his arms when he said it, though, and shot a laughing sort of look over at Uncle Zixuan, who shook his head with a grin. That Uncle Zixuan was such a bad influence on Yellow-Father, giving him babies to hold and pay attention to, so A-Fu added, just in case he got any ideas, “And you’re not allowed to have babies.”

This made Uncle Zixuan and Yellow-Father laugh --loud enough that A-Mei squirmed, and they quickly quieted down. A-Fu didn’t know why they were laughing at him, and it made him scowl, but then Yellow-Father opened his free arm to invite A-Fu closer and even though he didn’t want to hang out with the babies and he didn’t get what was so funny, he snuggled in next to him. “Alright, Fufu; on one condition.”

“What?”

Leaning down, he kissed the side of A-Fu’s forehead and said, quietly, “That you’ll always be my baby.”

“I can’t stay a baby, die! I’m growing pains already! I’m so much bigger than a baby!”

“Ah, you’re right. What if you promise to be my xiao -Fufu forever, then?”

Well, he wouldn’t really be able to be anything else , so that seemed like a pretty easy promise to make, so he nodded. “Deal.”

He stayed next to Yellow-Father for a while, pressed right up against his side and chewed on his thumbnail as the grownups watched A-Yuan and A-Ling to cartwheel competitions and talked. (He wasn’t supposed to chew on his nails, Great-Uncle Qiren scolded him about manners, but he just kept finding his fingers in his mouth sometimes and he had no idea how they even got there.)

After a bit of them talking, Yellow-Father pet his head and murmured all soft down to him, “Do you think you’re a little grumpy because you miss Blue- die ?” 

And A-Fu didn’t like that question because it made a bunch of tears rear up and clog his throat like they had been waiting to pounce, so he just shrugged and sniffled a bit. His yellow father squeezed him closer and kept stroking his hair back from his face, which helped them sorta fade away without coming out. “He’ll be alright, Fufu. Everything is under control.”

Uncle Zixuan reached over and squeezed his knee. “Zewu-jun is a very strong cultivator, A-Fu, and he’s in good hands.”

A-Fu didn’t like this conversation, so he just said, “Do you wanna see me cartwheel? I can totally do two in a row!”

While they were saying yes, they did, all the other kids came over panting and dizzy to collapse by the grownups for a bit of a break, so A-Fu got to be the star and show off all the the new tumblings he had learned in class, so that was pretty cool!  He fell over a couple times and kept hitting his head. “Don’t help me, don’t help me, I can do it!” he yelled every time Yellow-Father looked like he was worrying-- Uncle Zixuan kept having to pat him on the shoulder to keep him from getting up and coming over. 

Finally, he managed to do 3 cartwheels in a row and then one of the ones he forgot the name of where you landed with both feet together--and he only stumbled, like, the tiniest bit--and he felt like he was the king of the world when everyone clapped for him. 

That feeling didn’t last super long, though. Because right after that, A-Fu saw his and Jin Ling’s nemesises .

Both Uncle Zixuan and Yellow-Father got ‘Jin-gongzi’-ed and ‘Jin-er-gongzi’-ed away to do some Important Business by some guy who poked his head into the courtyard. A-Qiang cried and cried to see his father leaving; so the big kids acted very grown up about it and didn’t make any fusses at all, to show him how it was done (even though A-Fu did feel a little grumpy about it.) The babies got given back to the 2 nannies that appeared to take them back home for feeding time. But then, the nanny that was left had to hurry A-Qiang off to go to the bathroom or something, telling the 3 big kids to ‘stay put.’ They were just about to practice handstands again when they heard a voice saying, “Oh look who it is. ” 

It was Jin Chan and his gang.

Jin Chan was the worst. Whenever he showed up, it was a bad day, because he had a stupid face and a stupid way of talking and he never, ever had anything nice to say and he picked on everyone.  He was just a little older than A-Fu, but he pretended like he was 10 times smarter and he was always followed around by a group of boys that were just as nasty as him. They weren’t always the same kids whenever A-Fu saw them, but they always followed whatever Jin Chan said, like he was a Sect Leader or something. A-Fu had run into him a few times in Koi Tower and at a few Cultivation Conferences, but he had heard even more about him from A-Ling, who had to live with him. He would trip people and say he didn’t, he would steal things or break them on purpose, he would make fun of things you were eating, or your clothes, or whatever.  One time, they saw him push a kid into the Lotus Pier Lake. Last time they ran into him, Jin Chan said that even though his name was Lan Fu, which meant luck, he was an unlucky jinx that made his birth parents die. 

He was totally Evil, and Lan rules said not to association with Evil--and A-Fu had no problem not associationing with Jin Chan and his gang, if he could help it. 

Today, he was smirking and strutting around all slow. “It’s LingLing and the Lan babies in our courtyard.” His friends all laughed, even though he hadn’t said anything funny at all. There weren’t a ton of them this time, but they were all kinda tall, even taller than A-Yuan who was just, like, a couple inches bigger than A-Fu. 

But A-Yuan was looking nervously around for a grownup, not like he wanted to use his tallness to help beat up stupid bullies. And A-Fu didn’t need an adult’s help telling someone to shut their stupid face. “Shut your stupid face, Jin Chan. We’re not babies,” he announced back, just as loud.

Next to him, Jin Ling puffed up, hands on his hips and said, “Yeah! And this isn’t your courtyard, it’s ours ; we were here first.”

The breeze that had been nice and perfume-y now seemed like an ominous wind on a battlefield in a legend. Jin Chan rolled his eyes, elbowing his friends, like they  had said something funny, which made A-Fu’s mad go all boily in his stomach and he clenched his fists. “Aww, what are you gonna do, LingLing? Tell your parents? What’s your die gonna do? He’s just a son-of-a, and you’re just a son-of-a-son-of-a. You’re not special. You’re stupid. And plus your niang is totally useless.” 

Jin Ling’s face and ears turned all bright red and he stomped over to Jin Chan, getting up in his face on his tiptoes. “You shut up about my a-niang!” he shouted. “Or I’ll--!”

A-Yuan hurried over and pulled Jin Ling back away from him by his arm--but he did exclaim, “You can’t say things like that!” back at the group of laughing older boys. “You’re being mean on purpose! I’m going to tell!”

“Oh, shut up!” One of the other bullies piped up. “Lan’s can’t tell us what to do in Lanling!”

Another one with mean eyebrows said, all smug, “Yeah. Plus, my yiyi said they’re both bastards.”

“Well, your yiyi is a stupid piece of crap!” A-Fu snapped back. ‘Bastard’ was a forbidden word in his family--he didn’t know exactly what it meant, but whatever it was, he knew it was supposed to be bad.

“And so are you!” A-Ling added, kicking a rock toward that guy with a scuff.

“Guys! Let’s just go!” A-Yuan begged, expression all worried, then turned and told Jin Chan and his gang, “It’s against the rules to fight! You’re all gonna get everyone in trouble, stop it!”

“Ooooh, I’m so scared!” Jin Chan pretended to shiver, and then straightened up and  laughed like an evil villain. “You’re such a coward, A-Yuan. Hanguang-jun should be so embarrassed to have a coward-son.”

A-Yuan’s chin got crinkly like he was going to cry and it made every bit of A-Fu start shaking like a mountain with a thousand boulders crashing down the sides. His boily stomach was red hot with fury. A-Fu was more used to scuffling than A-Ling was, but A-Yuan hadn't been in any fights at all ever because he stayed in the Cloud Recesses so much. He didn't know that bullies like this didn't care about rules or grownups or being mean. 

It was up to A-Fu to protect all of them.

“You better leave them alone! I’m gonna pop you so hard that your face’ll turn inside out!” he yelled, raising up his fists in front of him to show he meant business. “Plus, my die’ s could totally beat you up, for your information, so you better watch out!" 

The other boys stuck out their tongues and jeered while Jin Chan shook his head, saying, “You’re so stupid. We’re not scared. And you’re not even a son-of-a. Your die is fake. You’re an orphan. You’re bad luck.”

He heard A-Ling say something, but it was like there was a loud river in his ears and he couldn’t pay attention at all. “I told you, I am not bad luck! They’re not fake!”

“Uh, yeah he is and yeah, you are. You’re an orphan. Your real parents died and Zewu-jun can’t find a wife because of you. ”

A-Fu’s tummy swirled around like slimy angry snakes even more, and he shoved Jin Chan back, shouting, “I don’t! I’m not! He doesn’t need a wife! He’s got Gray- die and Yellow- die !!”

Jin Chan stumbled back, then scowled. He stomped up and shoved A-Fu back, harder, and he crashed back into A-Yuan. Right away, A-Yuan wrapped his arms around A-Fu to hold him back, pinning his arms down, keeping him there. The Jin Chan gang all made scoffy noises and laughed, repeating A-Fu in high pitched voices while Jin Chan said, “What are you even talking about? Yellow-who?”

A-Fu wriggled hard, trying to break free, but A-Yuan was really strong and hanging on tight. “Chifeng-zun and Lianfang-zun!”

“PFF!” Jin Chan blew out a raspberry. “Those are his sworn brothers, you moron, not a wife. And anyway, my die says that Lianfang-zun’s not even a son-of-a anything but a whore .” 

That was it. He may not know what that word meant either, but he knew that Jin Chan was being a son-of-a alright! It was a special word that he learned from the Nie, and he roared it like a tiger as he finally ripped out of A-Yuan’s arms and pounced on the bullies.

It took the Jin nanny and A-Yuan and A-Ling to pull them all apart. The Jin Chan gang were all cowards, because they all scrambled up and ran right away so they didn’t get in trouble with the grownup . A-Fu shouted so after them and the nanny shushed him really hard and scolded them all nonstop. Apparently, A-Yuan had sent Jin Ling to go get a grownup when he figured out that A-Fu was gonna fight no matter what and A-Fu just hadn’t noticed. 

Now, him and A-Yuan were shut inside Yellow-Father’s office, waiting for him to come back. They were alone and it was quiet ‘cause the Jin nanny had taken A-Qiang and A-Ling away. “We’re gonna get in so much trouble,” A-Yuan moaned from where he was balled up tight on his own floor cushion next to A-Fu’s, face buried in his hands. “A-Fu, why’d you do that?! We aren’t s’posed to fight or do ‘vulgar language’!”

A-Fu poked at his bleeding and puffy lip with his tongue. “Th’o? We aren’t in the Cloud Rethetheth. And they were mean to you! You heard what he said, they deserved it! I’m not sorry.” 

And he wasn’t. Even though his head and hands and knees and face and right eye hurt and felt like someone was pounding a drum inside his skin, he would totally do it all over again. He would defend his family all over again, no problem--except he would probably punch Jin Chan sooner, this time. So what if his eye was all swelly and his lip was bleeding? That’s what warriors did--they got hurt protecting things on purpose, just like Gray-Father said. Pride puffed up in his chest and he sat up straight. His fathers would be proud of him for doing the right thing, he was totally sure. This time, he wasn’t even just fighting because someone was annoying him; he was being noble and honorable! There were lots of rules about defending and not talking bad and not insulting people.

…There were also rules about not fighting, but, like, how did wars happen, then? Great-Uncle Qiren couldn’t scold war heroes, right? He was like the hero of the Koi Tower Courtyard Battle!

A-Yuan uncurled to look over to see him wiggling at his tooth with his fingers. “Why can’t you just calm down?! Look how beat up you got!”

A-Fu shrugged. “I’m okay. Are you okay?” He had seen A-Yuan fall over a few times when he was trying to stop them fighting before the Jin nanny came back. 

Instead of answering, his cousin reached out a hand and patted all worried at his face. It hurt a lot, but A-Fu was being super brave about it so he just sat there and let him. “I think you’re gonna get a black eye. It’s all poofy.”

“Really? Cool!”

A-Yuan looked like he really didn’t think that was cool at all, but A-Yuan sometimes didn’t understand stuff like that. He was too stuck on rules and not getting in trouble. Together, they waited and waited for Yellow-Father to appear. A-Yuan stayed all curled up and rocking nervously on his cushion, but A-Fu eventually got bored. Sitting and sucking on his lip was making his tummy feel yucky. When he started wandering around, A-Yuan hissed that he should come sit down, but he was way more interested in exploring. He didn’t get to go in Yellow-Father’s office much! 

It turned out to be pretty boring though, because everything was locked up tight and the only things on his desk were papers, an ink grinding station and brush, those weird blocky paperweights, and a swirly looking incense burner that looked like ones Blue-Father had at the Cloud Recesses. He peered at the sheets of paper, but only recognized a couple of the characters and even then, he couldn’t really remember what they meant. 

When he started grinding ink, he caught A-Yuan watching him with his face screwed up in upsettedness, so he smiled all reassuring. It didn’t seem to help. Oh well. Blue-Father and Yellow-Father always let him paint when he felt like it, so A-Yuan had nothing to worry about, here. He maybe added a little too much water to the ink and it splashed on the desk, but after he hastily scrubbed at it with his sleeves, you could hardly tell there had been an accident at all. A-Yuan eventually came over to see what he was doing and seemed relieved when A-Fu pointed out that he was being careful to draw around all the words on the papers, so it wasn’t a problem. “Okay.” he said, but didn’t say anything else.

Pleased that he wasn’t whining about how they were gonna get in trouble anymore, A-Fu invited him to sit next to him on Yellow-Father’s chair-cushion and draw with him. “Yellow-Father always gets super happy when I give him paintings,” A-Fu added, which seemed to help him make up his mind.

Together, they took turns adding little faces and animals on the tops and sides of the pages. Some of A-Fu’s bunnies looked like turds and some of the ink got runny and made the paper wet, but it helped to cheer them both up after a tough day. Plus, it would cheer up Yellow-Father too, when he saw it when he got back to work! A-Fu was in the middle of carefully painting himself backflipping a million times and slicing off Jin Chan’s head with his super cool sword when Yellow-Father came in. 

“Boys!”

The first thing he did was come over and kneel down and worry over both of them being hurt, making upset faces over A-Fu’s puffy lip and eye. He wasn’t at all excited when A-Fu showed him his first loose tooth, for some reason. “Are you both alright? Your poor face. Does it hurt very badly? A-Yuan, are you hurt? Thank goodness. Fufu, what have we told you about fighting? What happened?”

Immediately, A-Fu and A-Yuan started babbling over each other about what happened, pointing and waving and hopping;

 “I tried to stop them--!”

“--was doing handstands--!”

“--wouldn’t listen!”

“--Jin Chan and his stupid gang came in--!”

“--was so mean, saying son-of-a’s--!”

“--said I was a jinx and I was like ‘shut up’--!”

“--and I told A-Ling to run and get someone--!”

“Boys--”

“--he was like ‘he needs a wife’ and I was like ‘no he doesn’t’--!”

“--so I grabbed him--!”

“--being evil and we don’t asso-associoning with--!”

“--didn’t wanna do it--!”

“Shh, one at a time--”

“--and so I called him a son-of-a-bitch and kicked his nards off--!”

Yellow-Father closed his eyes for a second. “A-Fu--”

“--and that’s a vulgar language--!”

“--and bit him and what’s ‘whore’?”

Yellow-Father had been grimacing back and forth between the two of them, his hands held up to calm them down, but now his eyes snapped over to stare at A-Fu. His eyes were wide.

After a second of silence, he said, voice very quiet and tight, “What did you say?”

A-Fu blinked. “Uh…what’s a ‘whore’? Jin Chan said it. ‘Son-of-a whore’? Is it like son-of-a-bitch?”

Drawing in a sharp breath through his nose, his father stood up, turning away. “Go sit down, boys,” he told them, still just as quiet--he didn’t sound angry, but A-Fu didn’t get it. 

“What? Are you mad? I was just--”

“A-Fu, stop. Please. Go sit down.” 

Grumpily, he let A-Yuan drag him back over to the cushions in front of the desk as Yellow-Father went over to a set of drawers in the corner. But then, without doing anything to them, he turned and went to look out the window, his hands behind his back. A-Fu opened his mouth to keep asking questions, but A-Yuan shushed him with his hands waving in his face.

After a few more moments of silence, Yellow-Father took in a deep breath, and turned back slowly to the desk. “I’m--what’s this?” he interrupted himself though as he looked down, right at the art that he and A-Yuan had left him.

“Paintings!”

Without saying anything, he picked it up. A-Fu was waiting for him to smile and compliment his art like he usually did, but his face didn’t get happier, he just closed his eyes. Then, he took a deep breath as he set it back down. Then, eyes still closed he said. “Fufu, you cannot fight like this in Koi Tower.”

“But I--!”

“This is not how we solve problems. When you are the son of a zongzhu , you must be careful of your actions and your words.”

All of the proud in A-Fu was mushing into shock and angry. Why was he getting in trouble for doing the right thing? “Are you mad? Are you mad at me? Why are you yelling at me? That’s not fair!” Next to him, A-Yuan tugged at his sleeve, trying to shush him again quietly.

“I’m not yelling, Fufu and I’m not angry. There are just particular rules we must abide by as cultivators--”

“He was saying bad things about our family! I was defending you!”

Yellow-Father opened his eyes and smiled; it was a lying smile, because his eyebrows still looked frustrated or worried. A Fake Jin Smile. “It is not your job as a child to--”

“I was right! We protect people!”

“Stop yelling!” A-Yuan hissed in his ear, but he didn’t even care about that right now.

“Fufu, we cannot hit people when you have a conflict. You should leave the area and tell me and I will take care of it.”

“I’m not afraid of Jin Chan!”

“That’s not what I’m worried about--”

“I’m a warrior, like you and Blue- die and Gray- die! ”

His father’s lips pressed together before he forced another not-true-smile and said in a calm, convincing sort of voice, “Fufu, you’re old enough now that you can’t talk about your Gray- die or me like that anymore. It is not something that other people are going to understand. From now on, you need to call me your xiao-shushu , like A-Ling and A-Qiang.”

A-Fu couldn’t believe his ears. His tummy squinched up all sick and angry and shocked and scared, like shock dumped cold water all over him. Because he thought A-Fu messed up, he wasn’t his father anymore? How could he do that?

“You have to understand--”

“You’re going away ?!”

“No, no, of course--”

All the emotions in A-Fu’s tummy were zinging around through all of him, shaking him, and he had to stand up, peeling off A-Yuan’s hand. “You’re--Why’re you being so mean ?! I didn’t do anything bad! You can’t leave me!”

Yellow-Father all of a sudden looked as shocked as A-Fu felt and he came around his desk, kneeling down in front of him again, taking his shoulders. “No, no, no, Fufu, you're misunderstanding. I’m not leaving, I’m not going anywhere, I’m simply saying you cannot call me Yellow- die in public anymore.”

“Just ‘cause I punched Jin Chan!? I did the right thing! I was protecting!” Furious, scared tears were hot in his eyes, stinging the one that got kicked. “That’s our job!” All his fathers had said so!

“No, this is not a punishment--”

“You are!”

Yellow-Father shook his head and dabbed the back of his knuckle at the corner of A-Fu’s eyes. “You can’t say all the things you want to just anyone anymore, Fufu, it’s part of growing up. You have to have discretion , you have to be careful-- ”

He twisted his head away from his gentle hand. “It’s lying! It’s--It’s against the rules, the rules in Cloud Recesses!” he blurted out when he all of a sudden thought of it--grownups always cared more about rules.

Yellow-Father let his hand fall back to his shoulder, shaking his head. “Shh, this is different. It’s simply not safe to talk about this with other people, and you’re at an age, now, that you must start being more careful about how you speak and who you tell what. Not everyone is allowed to know everything about you.”

The tears finally spilled over as A-Fu stared at his worried face, smile nowhere to be seen--not even a lying one. This was just like when Great-Uncle Qiren said he couldn’t have 3 fathers, but ten thousand times worse because it was coming from Yellow-Father himself. He most of the time remembered not to say things around Madam Jin, and he tried to remember all the rules about who acted weird about his fathers, but now, he had to not tell anyone at all ? Ever ? “That’s not fair! I don’t tell everyone! Gray- die and Blue- die don’t make me lie about them!”

“At Koi Tower--”

With a huge wrench, he pulled himself out of Yellow-Father’s grip, just like he had with A-Yuan earlier, and backed away. “Why do Jin’s always gotta try to take away my family?! Why are you letting them, die ?! I don’t gotta lie to the Nie!” 

A-Yuan stayed curled up on his cushion with his hands covering his ears, watching both of them all scared. Yellow-Father stood up and came forward, reaching out to him.  “Fufu, please; take a deep breath and lower your voice. They are different circumstances, Chifeng- zun …has a very different--”

A-Fu didn’t want to take a deep breath or calm down! He wanted to throw all the stuff on Yellow-Father’s desk on the floor. He wanted Yellow-Father to know just how mad this made him because he wasn’t listening! He yelled louder, “That’s not convicting! You gotta do it, even when it’s hard or not fun!”

“Lan Fu--” his voice had a little bit of warning and that just made A-Fu madder, more tears clogging up inside his face, making his injuries throb and ache. 

How come A-Fu always got in trouble?! How come it was just rules rules rules and doing everything wrong? And now, his father didn’t even want to be his father anymore! “You’re the worst die ! You’re so mean! I hate you! I don’t wanna be here anymore! I wanna go home!” he shouted as loud as his lungs could take, his throat burning.

His father went pale, hand still outstretched, frozen. When the door all of a sudden opened, he flinched. It was Uncle Zixuan and Uncle Wangji, both with frowns, one big and one small. A-Yuan ran to Uncle Wangji as soon as he saw him, clinging to his thigh and hiding his face in his robes as the door shut quick behind them. 

“Lan Fu, you cannot speak to your die that way,” Uncle Zixuan said all stern and hushed as he turned away from it, “Lower your voice right now.”

Everyone was being awful! If grownups got to be terrible, he got to be terrible right back! He was already in trouble for something that wasn’t his fault , so he didn’t care anymore! All the angry and hurt and scared burst out of A-Fu in one loud, wordless scream as he stomped his feet and balled up his fists.

“Stop.” Uncle Wangji’s voice wasn't loud, but it cut over A-Fu’s yell and made everyone look over at him. 

A-Fu did, but he still glared around at them all. His breaths were sobbing in and out like he had just run a thousand miles.

"What would your Blue- die say about your behavior?" Uncle Zixuan demanded, going over to Yellow-Father who was still standing silently, smiling a weird little smile at the floor without seeming to see it. 

Probably to be empathy or something, but A-Fu didn't care. "I don't care! I don't wanna be here ever again! I hate it! No one here loves me! And I hate them!”

“Stop,” Uncle Wangji said again--still not loud, but sharper this time. “Do not use words that you do not mean and cannot take back. Apologize to Lianfang-zun.”

“It’s alright. He doesn’t need to. He’s just upset.” Yellow-Father said quietly. 

“ Didi, ” Uncle Zixuan argued in a quiet voice, putting a hand on Yellow-Father’s shoulder, frowning deeper. “He shouldn’t be allowed to be so disrespectful towards you. This sort of behavior--”

A-Fu just couldn’t take it anymore. No one ever listened to him! No one was ever on his side! All they wanted to see was him just messing up, they didn’t care that he had defended all of them against Jin Chan and his gang! 

Before anyone could say anything else, he ducked around Uncle Wangji and A-Yuan by the door and ran out as fast as he could. Behind him, down the hall, he heard a grownup calling his name, but he didn’t even slow down. A couple servants gave him weird looks and one or two court ladies talked behind their delicate circle fans as he pelted past, but he didn’t stop for them either. He was totally out of breath from running and crying by the time ran past all the stupid Jin’s stupid statues and stupid tapestries and stupid Jin everything and flung himself onto his stupid Jin bed, face down. He wasn’t sorry! He would never be sorry! Yellow-Father was being unfair and horrible and trying to pretend A-Fu wasn’t his son anymore! 

He would show them--he would run away and hide where they couldn’t find him and wouldn’t come out for days and days until they were all sorry. He wouldn’t come out until they called for him 500 million times. They would be so worried and never be mean to him again. Maybe he would even run away for real. Maybe…maybe….

A-Fu woke up with a snort. The birds were twittling outside his window that was shining super hot sun right down into his eyeballs. His whole mouth tasted like yucky metal. Scrunching up his aching face, he rolled up onto his knees, wiping away drool and sweat with his sleeve--then yelped when it swiped his puffy eye. He barely could even see out of it, now. He poked at it a little, swinging his legs off the bed. Then gulped.

Through his open door, he could see Uncle Wangji sitting at the table of the sitting room with a cup of tea. Even though he was looking at the wall, A-Fu knew that he knew that A-Fu was awake. And now A-Fu remembered everything that had happened. Uh oh.

Maybe he could just stay in here and fall back asleep. He thought about it a second, looking at his pillow and jostled up blue blankets. Uncle Wangji probably wouldn’t let him, though. Some of his mad puddled back as muddy grumpiness and he scowled. “I’m--”

Without looking over, Uncle Wangji held up a hand. A-Fu fell sullenly silent. When his uncle nodded his head at the seat across from him, he slowly got up and dragged his feet in and flumped down onto the pretty gold-green seat, crossing his arms and glaring at the table. But he tried to get a peek at his face--to see how mad he was. 

His eyes were on A-Fu, now, and he just looked like he always did, but no sneaky small secret smiles hid in his mouth. How did A-Yuan deal with getting in trouble when his father always had a ‘you just got in trouble’ face? Well…A-Yuan didn’t really hardly ever get in trouble. So he guessed that was his answer. 

“You are going to apologize to your die . And then we are leaving.” He sounded serious, but that wasn’t new.

A-Fu hunched farther into his seat. “I don’t want to. I’m mad. I’m mad at him. I’m not sorry.”

“You were unfair and unfilial. You will apologize because it is respectful, whether or not you are still angry.”

“But he wanted me to lie! He wanted me to say he wasn’t my die ! It’s not fair!”

Uncle Wangji was quiet for so long that A-Fu snuck another look up at him. There wasn’t a big change in his expression, but he was looking down at his teacup. “I spoke with him. The matter is complex. There are things that are rejected, even when they are not wrong.”

“That’s dumb.”

“Nevertheless. When you choose to stand by things others eschew, you must be ready to accept the consequences. You are too young to fully understand those consequences.”

“I’m not afraid!”

“It is not about fear. It is about responsibility.” 

“...Huh?”

Uncle Wangji looked straight into his eyes, a tightness appearing in little lines next to his nose.  “Without understanding, there is fear. Fear…can have terrible repercussions. It is a weapon.”

“...Okay…?”

“Your actions do not just affect yourself. Do you remember what this represents?” He reached up, touched the silver cloud pendant in the middle of his forehead.

Automatically, A-Fu’s hand went up to feel his own, a small white triangle on the white cloth instead. “It’s the headband. It’s sacred. Only families touch it.” What did that have to do with anything?

“It is a symbol of restraint and discipline. When you wear this, you represent your Sect, your Clan, and your family. It is important to know your own responsibility. Your consequences don’t just befall you. Do you understand?”

“Uh-huh,” A-Fu said, automatically, even though he only sorta got it.

Kinda. …Maybe. Maybe he would ask Blue-Father about it when he got back, just to make sure. Either way, it sure sounded like ‘consequences’ was Uncle Wangji’s pocket word.

“Come,” Uncle Wangji stood, tucking one hand behind his back like always, Bichen glittering in his other one. “A-Yuan and Lianfang-zun are waiting. When we return, I will speak with xiongzhang to decide your discipline.”

Aw, farts. At least he wasn’t really getting yelled at, though all his mad felt kind of slimy and guilty, now. He did feel bad for yelling mean things at Yellow-Father. But he also felt just so frustrated at the whole thing, y’know?! The grownups really needed to work on listening.

When he and Uncle Wangji got back to the office and he mumbled a ‘sorry’ to Yellow-Father, it was like nothing had even happened. Yellow-Father was his normal sunny, smiley self and didn’t even mention the fighting again, he just asked about what hurt where, and then dabbed on some cream that smelled like something sharp and like flowers onto all his bruises. It was nice enough that A-Fu was tired of holding onto all his mad and climbed up into his lap when he held out his arms. Keeping arguments in his head made his tummy hurt. And he was just happy to be cuddled and not be yelled at anymore. He was so ready to go pet some bunnies with A-Yuan when they got back to the Cloud Recesses.

What a stressful visit!

Just to make sure, before they left, he craned his neck back to look up at his father, and asked, seriously, “You’re still always my die , though, right? Even…even if I gotta lie?”

Yellow-Father blinked, then smiled back down at him. “Of course.”

“Forever?”

“Well, will you always be my xiao-Fufu?”

“Yeah.”

His smile got a little softer at the edges as he smoothed A-Fu’s hair back from his forehead, then tucked a tail of his headband back over his shoulder. “Then it’s a deal.”

[thesporkidentity]

So last year my sister-in-law gave me one week of one of those meal kit deliveries for Christmas. And another friend gave me a different one as a very very late birthday present. I’m not sure how they both came to the same idea, but it was actually a really enjoyable gift. So my mom and I are gonna do the same for her this year. And some people can be really hard to shop for so I figured I’d put this idea out there as well for any of you who have friends or family who like good food and enjoy cooking (because you do have to cook them, and depending on the recipes that can take a medium amount of effort).

And it’s a $40 off of a first-time order so you can get 3 meals for 2 people for $20. And I know this sounds like a commercial but whatever. It’s a good deal for nice food for someone who likes to cook. And cancellation was easy, no fees and they don’t give you a hard time or anything because I’m gonna be honest there’s no way I would ever pay full price for this kinda thing like holy shit I’m way too poor for that. But $20 I can do.

Whatever. I enjoyed it as a gift. Other people might too. ^There’s a discount code. Do with it what you will.

[lovepmd]

Part 22 of Blue Rescue Team no damage run.

The frustration is finally pay off.

I beat magma cavern without taking damage.

The right strategy,tactics,and good luck are require to beat this.

Groudon is very hard since i replaced screech with scratch.

Every move i throw barely damage him.

And i almost got a heart attack when groudon got over from it's inflatuation.

Luckily it use scary face.

So i use attract again and beat it.

The next dungeon is sky tower. The true roadblock.

And the hardest dungeon to no damage because this pesky pokemon. Venomoth

Although Ghost from wall can be damaged with Thunderbolt, It won't really help you because it has 84% accuracy which likely to miss.

Masquerain always kick my duck with quick attack.

Even with all stuff i mentioned, Sky tower will find a way to make you reset this run. And venomoth is no exception.

Because silver wind. But let's wish he don't have that move.

oof, but glad you were able to get thru all that!

uuuuuuugh, i bet sky tower is the hardest, it’s a lot of floors with venomoths and ghost pokemon galore

good luck!

[writeawayjake]

Robin Hood AU New Chapter!!!

Robin Hood Chapter 7 Red Bird

                    Wails of grief rang out through the valley floor as the villagers came out of their homes to see their neighbors lying in the street. An older woman flung herself onto one of the fallen, a young man no more than twenty, a dark red spot staining his white linen shirt and his friend or brother lying closely beside him wearing several similar stains. All around her, family and friends gathered, crying, consoling, praying. It was a sight she'd seen too many times. 

                     The "Robin's" men began helping however they could. Tuck had rushed to try to help the boys but it was no use, they'd been gone before Nottingham had even left. The medic closed his eyes and said a prayer over the two before he continued on to help any others who had been hit by stray rounds or shrapnel. 

                     Little John had been handing out any rations or supplies they could spare, offering his condolences and apologies as well no doubt, while the others pushed the now smoldering APC's off the road.

                     A few of the elders came to where she and Robin stood, before they even spoke Robin looked ashamed, like he was about to cry. An old man, hunched over and nearly toothless approached Robin. "Tashakor. Tashakor sur murghA'."

                    During her tours she'd picked up a bit of Pashto, usually they would just use local translators but she felt like it was her duty as an officer to build a rapport with the locals. Hearts and minds and all that junk. The old man had a heavy lisp so it was difficult to make out but she understood it as, "Thank you Red Bird." She assumed that was the local's approximation of a robin. 

                      "Afgha gwaram. A-afgha…" Robin replied, trying to apologize, hanging his head and stifling the lump in his throat. 

                      The old man placed a trembling hand on Robin's shoulder before saying, almost in a whisper, "Khodai de wabakha. Te malamat na ye." He patted him before shuffling away, propped up by what she assumed were his grandchildren. "May god forgive you. It wasn't your fault." 

                       Lifting his head up Robin sniffled before composing himself. He took a deep breath, straightened his hat and started toward Little John. Before he could take another step Mari cut him off. 

                       "Who the hell are you? Who are these people to you? What exactly are you doing here?" 

                       With a resigned sigh, knowing he wasn't getting rid of her anytime soon he replied, "Robert James Hood, formerly Captain Robert Hood. People who need help. And helping." He quickly tried to slip around her but she juked to stop him once again.

                        "I mean who are you," she gestured to his men. "You definitely not Delta, who are you C.I.A, D.O.D, N.S.A, merc's?"

                        He let out a hard scoff and a chuckle, "C.I.A.? Seriously? I don't know whether to be flattered or offended. Listen ma'am -"

                        "Oh don't  you fuckin' ma'am me!" She barked.

                        "Sorry." He replied, a look on his face like he thought she might bite his head off. "Look we aren't affiliated alright. Weeeeeeee're uh pro bono merc's I guess you could say." 

                        Is this moron serious? she wondered. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?! You're telling me you guys just do all this out of the goodness of your hearts? You expect me to buy that?" She was utterly exasperated at the concept, he had to be fucking with her.

                        "Believe what you want L T, we're just doing what we can. You know Nottingham's a prick, you know Sherwood isn't much more than a bunch of frat boys with machine guns. Somebody's gotta do something." He said with a shrug.

                        "Last time I checked I'm wearing a Sherwood patch, so why not just frag me and move on? What do you want with me?"

                        "Me? I don't want anything from you," he chuckled. "I saw you lay out "the Sheriff", figured you still had a bit of a soul, thought maybe that was a fire worth tending." 

                        "What're you fuckin' Confucius? What's all that supposed to mean?"

                        "It means that deep down you're like us. You wanna fight the good fight. Now the way I see it you got three choices; you can hoof it back to base probably get fragged and left in the hills, Nottingham will list ya M.I.A. and that'll be all she wrote, you can hoof it to Kabul - hope you can work out a way to get home and probably get robbed or killed along the way, or, you can fall in and help us out." He put on an impish shit eating grin before walking past her and toward John once again.

                         Uuuuuuugh I hate him but he's right… Gritting her teeth and letting out a sigh she spoke up. "Fine. But you know Sherwood's gonna be back, this isn't gonna stop."

                         Robin was now busying himself by distributing supplies with John, as he passed crates down a line he answered, "I know," without even looking at her.

                         "You can't be everywhere at once, one way or another they'll roll over this place."

                         "I know." He replied once again.

                         "So what the hell's your plan?"

                         Slamming down a crate in frustration and then taking a deep breath Robin answered, "Look lady I'm doing what I can. That's all any of us can do. I took a shot at Nottingham today and I missed, and because of that more people are gonna suffer." His large friendly eyes hard now taken on a hard glare, his jaw clenched as he whiteknuckled the crate. "So if you don't mind, I already have enough shit to deal with." And like that he turned and went back to work, paying her no more mind.

                            Twisting her mouth into a frustrated frown and tightening her jaw, Mari stood there for a moment; angry, ashamed, and frustrated. Biting her lip she finally made a decision. Ripping off her Sherwood patch she made her way towards Tuck to see how she could help.

                  @emdop @lourek @fragrant-stars

[incorrectstevesagaquotes]

What’ll happen if Origin Steve, Plague Steve, Hypno Steve and Illusion Steve met?

If they didn’t know who everyone was, they would probably start fighting each other, lol.

But since they’re all observant or have the power to gain information easily, they most likely already know who everyone is. So in that case, they’ll all first argue with each other because they all got opinions they want to get off their chests. Then they’ll start fighting each other.

(I got inspired to write their entire conversation. So if you want to read it, see below.)

Origin: YOU STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND’S POWERS!! And brainwashed her into working for you!

Illusion: First of all, Alex is not your girlfriend anymore. Stop calling her that. Second of all, you also brainwashed her by making her think she could only be happy with you, so you’re a hypocrite.

Hypno: Speaking of stealing…I’ve heard you stolen my vibe of twisting reality and creating new ones : ))))))

Origin: You ALSO stole my goals! I didn’t steal anyone’s goal, but you did! So that makes you worse than me!

Plague: …What year is it? And why is everyone suddenly so competitive??? When did being nasty become a contest?

Illusion: Uugh, why does everyone say I steal ideas?? Yes, I stole some things like Alex’s powers. But you can’t steal ideas. Have you guy heard of inspiration?

Plague: *looks at the Illusion Town* …Is that the Rainbow Town I see in the distance? I don’t remember it being in this location.

Hypno: YOU STOLE THE DESIGN OF THE RAINBOW TOWN?! THAT WAS RAINBOW STEVE’S THING. HOW DARE YOU S T E A L FROM HIM?!

Illusion: Ok, I admit I did steal the Rainbow Town design. But that was because it was the best structure to power my really. And I changed it a little bit by calling it the Illusion Town instead.

Hypno: It’s still stealing! You didn’t give Rainbow Steve or Sabre any credit!

Illusion: Uuuuuuugh, do any of you guys realize how pointless this entire argument about stealing and originality is? Like, do you guys understand the greater scheme of things? We exist in a story that first started because of some “I spotted Green Steve” trend on this video sharing platform. If we use your dumb logic, we’re all technically rip offs of Green Steve and you are all hypocrites accusing me of being a rip off. This entire argument is pointless but I’m still participating in it because I’m so used to wasting my time around idiots.

Plague: …Did you get all of that out of your system, friend?

Illusion: No.

Plague: That’s ok. Feel free to rant as much as you want. It’s good to express your emotions and not bottle them up.

Origin: …What are you even talking about, Illusion Steve? I’m the creator of all Steves and the first Steve. It’s idiotic to say that we are all derived from a Green Steve to hop on some video trend. All the Steves I created are original. I think you just can’t handle criticism. You need to learn how to dispose of your emotions like me. And maybe then you would have succeeded in your plans.

Illusion: I’m literally trying to not be like you, despite people still comparing me to you!

Hypno: Whatever you say, copycat.

Illusion: *frustration*

Plague: Well, I believe you’re original, you strange Steve. You’re not like these two lunatics. You seem rational and just want to be surrounded by Steves who see you as such.

Illusion: t h a n k y o u.

Plague: Of course. Now, since I’ve shown an act of kindness, someone please return the kindness to me and explain what I missed out while I was out of the timeline.

Hypno: Madness. Madness happened. And now everyone is gone. Except this guy somehow, even though I personally destroyed him! *points at Origin*

Plague: The Steves are gone? What happened to them?

Hypno: An infection, and now the Spirit World is being threatened!

Plague: An infection, eh? Hmm, I’m impressed with myself! My ability to infect Steves must have gotten stronger despite being out of the timeline.

Illusion: Wait….are you the Steve that infected the other Steves and Alex?!

Plague: …Weeeelllllll, do you have proof that I infected them? Do you??

Illusion: No. But if you did infect them, I don’t know if I should be happy or angry. Should I be happy because your actions eventually led to my existence? Or should I be angry because your actions eventually led to my existence?

Hypno: HAH. I FEEL THE SAME WAY, BUDDY. I FEEL THE SAME.

Origin: I never knew how ambiguous and conflicted the Steves felt about their existence until now. They were worse than I thought. I should have won and made new Steves.

Hypno: You would have been a terrible ruler. Give it up already!

Plague: Hmm *plots to infect the three to get them to stop arguing and to pay attention to him* It seems like Origin Steve is the most hated in this group, but they also seem to all hate this Illusion Steve. But that Hypno Steve is unpredictable, so it would be ideal to infect and control his emotions first.

Illusion: You look like you plan to hurt us, Plague Steve.

Plague: No I’m not! I’m just planning how to make us all get along! Like a friend!

Hypno: …By figuring out how to infect us and to get all of us to adore you. I know what you did to Rainbow Steve! I will never forgive you for infecting him!

Plague: WOAH, CALM DOWN. I just made him think I was a friend! It was no big deal!

Hypno: IT IS A BIG DEAL.

Plague: Jeez, usually I’m the short-tempered one! You are definitely getting infected first.

Hypno: HE CONFESSED. He confessed he was planning to infect us!

Illusion: Okaaaaaay, I reached my max capacity of how long I can stand you guys. Goodbye, everyone! *leaves*

Origin: Wait…if I defeat Illusion Steve, who stole Alex’s powers, maybe Alex will feel grateful that I avenged her and love me again! Come back here, you power stealer!

Illusion: DON’T FOLLOW ME. PLAGUE STEVE, PLEASE INFECT HIM.

Hypno: I WILL DEFEAT THIS EVIL BEFORE HE STARTS HURTING ANYONE ELSE. *attacks Plague*

Plague: STOP *fights back*

Origin: FOR YOU, MY LOVE. I WILL AVENGE YOU *chases after Illusion*

Illusion: NO. LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR ROMANCE PROBLEMS AND FIND A NEW HOBBY *runs*

*madness continues*

[rawmerobotman]

Hey, I'm hella gay, can I have some poly Nautica/Velocity/human s/o nsfw headcanons? I read a drabble on rawmeknockout's blog and I wanted to see your take on these cute ladies!

@rawmeknockout is frankly uuuuuuugh the best blog run by the best person ever, so you have good taste. Thank you for bringing your gay here, my love for femmes is also catatonic and I love every request people bring to me of them.

Velocity and Nautica are an easy-going and supportive duo who’ve known each other for so long that they’re relationship is not so easily rocked. You were welcomed into the relationship with open arms as they had been interested in you and were equally excited when they discovered that you were interested in both of them as well. They’re both curious and thoughtful, and you will be showered with love and affection. Probably the most fun couple on the Lost Light.

They love using their holoforms on you! They think the idea of it is novel and use it as a chance to get to know you better. 

If they’re busy with work or else bored and preoccupied, you can expect one of their holoforms to come pay you a visit. Both of them are exceptionally rowdy and will pull you into the nearest vacant area to fool around. Velocity is a repetitive offender for simply just showing up to eat you out with little interest of getting off herself (she’s here to pay you a treat! And she may also be obsessed with watching you squirmjust a smidgen.) Nautica, on the other hand, is more interested in whisking you away moments at a time to leave you a disheveled mess (her go to: you, pressed against a wall, leaving plenty of hickeys aaand shoving her hand down your pants.)

Sometimes 3 + 2 = 5! Especially since they’re so fascinated with watching their holoforms have their way with you. It’s an easy way to get them going, and you’ll be otherwise preoccupied with the attention their holoforms are giving you that you won’t mind when they turn their attention towards each other. 

A typical night in with them will involve very non-linear sessions. It’s not necessarily that they have high sex drives, but rather that they take things at a relaxed pace and will often have multiple sessions spaced out during the evening. They’re easily bored when not immersed in their studies 

It’s impossible to sit through an entire movie together. Both femmes are prone to distraction; Velocity will either haul you into her lap, idly fingering you while keeping a vague interest in the film, or Nautica will abandon all pretense and bury her helm between someone’s thighs.

Velocity is a huge tease and will constantly try to play hard to get. She is, however, easily undermined. Simply spread your legs for her and she’ll be immediately overcome by her love of pussy and practically fall over herself in her haste.

If she’s being eaten out, Velocity will always want to be eating someone else out as well. The majority of the time this person is you.

You are frankly the cutest thing Velocity and Nautica have ever come in contact with. The fact that you’re now in a relationship with them means they’ll frequently be reminded of the fact. Velocity loves have you lie atop of her while Nautica fucks you from behind because she gets to hold you and coo over how cute you look. 

Nautica is fond of when you and Velocity work in tandem; her favourite position is when Velocity keeps her seated against her, fisting her spike while you work her valve. She won’t bring it up unless the two of you initiate it, believing it to be too self-centered of her to ask. You both use this to your advantage and treat her to it often, making sure to let her know that she’s not selfish for wanting to be held and fucked by the two people she loves most. It’s the quickest way to get her worked up and flustered, and you’ll be repaid with an insatiable force of nature.

Send Nautica a nude and she’ll forget basic math for about half an hour.

Send something risqué to Velocity and she will actually scream/squeal. She’s easily the most excitable out of the bunch and enjoys whenever the two of you send her things.

The group chat will occasionally devolve into fuck boy tomfoolery if only to get a rise out of you. The two of them are obsessed with how terrible the subculture is and think it’s the funniest shit ever. They’ll jokingly send each other spike pics and dish out the funniest “wyd ;)” dialogue roleplay known to man. The three of you will be lying in bed together when Nautica messages the group chat and than nobody’s getting any sleep because ya’ll are snickering too much.  

[stuckinthekookiejar]

Distractions pt. 13

Pt. 1 || Pt. 2 || Pt. 3 || Pt. 4 || Pt. 5 || Pt. 6 || Pt. 7 || Pt. 8 || Pt.9 || Pt. 10 || Pt. 11 || Pt. 12 || Pt. 13 || Pt. 14

Yoongi x Reader x Jimin

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Series Summary: Somewhere along the way, something went wrong and the relationship you had with Yoongi was broken off just days before his debut. Now, years later your paths unexpectedly cross again.

Word Count: 2,727

You laid back against the wall and chugged down a rather large gulp of water. It felt so good feeling the ice cold water soothe your throat which had been stinging with every breath you made after dancing for so long. Although it may have hurt, that stinging, that burning...you loved it. You craved it. You’ve been dancing for so many years that now it was just a thing you lusted for even though you knew that it would hurt. 

“Gah...I want to rip off my legs so that I never have to dance again.” Joo Yeon complained as she collapsed on the floor, “What time is it? Is it time for lunch yet? I’m craving ramen.”

Hwa Joo, who had been lying down, flipped over so that now she was on her stomach with her head propped up on her hands facing Joo Yeon, “Unnie, you always crave ramen.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but don’t forget we’re preparing for a comeback,” Sun Hee chimed in, “Which means we can’t eat ramen.”

“UUuuuuugh, can’t we like...I don’t know? Sneak out and get some?” 

Sun Hee sighed as she watched the elder groan and roll around on the floor in frustration, “You know, sometimes I feel like I’m the one raising you. You’re older than me, shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

Joo Yeon stopped rolling and stared lazily into Sun Hee’s eyes, “I’m only older by months. Besides, you’re the leader.”

“Just because I’m the leader, it doesn’t mean that I’m your mother.” 

The elder shimmied her way across the floor like a snake and hugged Sun Hee’s leg with her arms, “But you are the mom of the group, mom.” 

“Hey, quit latching onto my leg.”

“But mooooooom!” Joo Yeon cooed hugging Sun Hee’s leg even tighter,

“YA! Hwa Joo! Help me!” Sun Hee screamed as she tried to shake Joo Yeon off of her. Hwa Joo probably wasn’t going to help her anytime soon considering that she was giggling from her spot on the floor.

You could only watch from the corner as the three of them continued on with their goofy antics. It had always been like this for as long as the five of you were together. They’d always be so energetic, even after dancing for hours upon hours and you’d always wonder how they still had that much power in them running. This felt like an everyday thing. This made it feel like everything was the same as it always was.......except it wasn’t and everyone knew that it wasn’t the same anymore. 

“Hey, you.” 

You looked up to see Sol Mi sweaty and out of breath. She slid down against the wall and sat right next to you, her hand held open and you didn’t need to ask what she wanted. Without any hesitation, you handed her your water bottle and she took in just as big of a gulp as you had taken in. 

“You okay?” 

Your head was leaned back on the wall, but you could see out of the corner of your eye that Sol Mi was looking at you with those concerned eyes. Sol Mi had always taken a special kind of liking towards you, even to the point that she’d act sort of motherly towards you always showing some kind of concern. She’d always ask if you’d eaten, always made a point to say not to work yourself out too much, always just cared for you. At first, you thought that maybe it was because you two were the same age, but then as you slowly got to know her you drew the conclusion that that wasn’t the case. 

You were so curious about why she was so nice to particularly you, and so one day you asked her why. Sol Mi was very unexpectedly blunt in her answer: “Because I know a broken soul when I see one.” 

She had read right through you some how. No matter how much you hid your grief or suffering or strife from the past, Sol Mi could see that you were broken. And you were at the time. After Yoongi left you, you were broken to pieces. She didn’t need to know the reason, but she knew you were broken and she cared. 

That was why it was so hard to hate her. 

A tired smile crept up your face as you remembered that moment, “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.”

Sol Mi hummed in suspicion as she moved to rest her head on your shoulder, “Are you sure, you’re okay?”

“Mimi, you’ve been asking me that every single day after the press conference.”

“I know...but I still....I can’t help but worry.”

“The press conference was four months ago, Mimi. Most of the netizens have died down now, I’m fine. I really am.” 

Of course, you hadn’t really been that okay. Words on a screen were just words, and they shouldn’t have hurt you...but they did....they always did. 

Arms wrapped around your waist and Sol Mi cuddled up to your shoulder in comfort. She always knew when you weren’t okay even though you’d insist that you were. 

Suddenly everyone stopped their movements as the door swung open. Sol Mi lifted her head from your shoulder and poked at you with a grin. 

With one look through the doorway, you could see why everyone was starting to snicker all giddily. That was because Sol Mi wasn’t the only one who always knew when you didn’t feel okay.

Yoongi yawned for perhaps the billionth time today. It was only to be expected after working for the past 22 hours straight with only about six cups of coffee fueling him. 

Leaning back in his chair, he reached for his phone to check for the time, 1:36 PM. Boy, how time did fly by fast. He recalled the previous day when he said he’d work for only a few hours after grabbing an early lunch...somehow a few hours turned into practically an entire day. The other members probably had checked up on him, which he was sure of since they were the ones who left the coffees for him, but he was too focused on his work to ever fully pay attention to their nags of concern. He only ever replied to them with a grunt or the empty promise of, “Yeah, I’ll be done in a few...” 

As he suspected, after hours upon hours staring at a computer screen his head started to throb. Now was probably the best time to catch up on some sleep. His studio was large enough to fit a comfortably sized futon in the corner. He folded it out, plopped down right smack dab in the middle of it, then grabbed the Kumamon throw blanket he received as a present from a fan and draped it over himself.

Laying down, Yoongi stared at the ceiling waiting for his drowsiness to consume him. However, it seemed like his mind and his loud thoughts wouldn’t allow for that to happen just yet. Over the course of the past four months, Yoongi had thrown himself into work. Every single day, he’d work for hours upon hours with no breaks, he didn’t even set aside time to eat. The only reason why he was still functional was that the other members would force him to stop and take a breather. They had to remind him to eat, to go to the bathroom, to sleep. Yoongi got a little better now. He knew when to stop, when to eat, when to sleep. But that didn’t mean that his heart still didn’t hurt. 

He tried to close his eyes, tried to block out the memories, but just like every time he laid down to sleep, everything came back. He remembered Daegu, he remembered you waiting for him outside his home so that you two could go to school together, he remembered how shy he was the first time he asked you out and remembered the happiness he felt when you revealed that you felt the same way about him. He remembered moving to Seoul, remembered how he had to leave you behind. He remembered how you cried, wept and smiled for his sake as he boarded the train. He remembered the day you called him telling him that you planned on moving to Seoul, he remembered the excitement he felt as he waited for you at the train station. He remembered your stunning smile, the warmth of your hugs, your kisses, your presence. 

He remembered how none of that was his anymore.

His mind took him to the day of the press conference four months ago. In the room full of eager reporters, Yoongi, the members of BTS and the members of 2S stood in the backroom waiting for you and Jimin to show up. The BTS members had been anxious and worried after not being able to find Jimin for so many hours, and the members of 2S had felt just the same especially since you snuck out in the middle of the night. Nobody could ever imagine Sun Hee’s horror when she saw that her roommate’s bed was empty that morning. 

Just in time, you and Jimin walked into the back room. Everyone, Yoongi especially, noticed the puffiness in your eyes and the redness of your nose. You must have cried recently, and Yoongi’s fist tightened wanting to know who made you cry. His eyes immediately went to Jimin, his dongsaeng, his brother, his friend. He noticed that he had been crying too. Something tugged at Yoongi’s heart. Something that made him want to sack whoever made his dongsaeng cry as well. But he realized that perhaps that there was a reason behind your and Jimin’s tears. A reason that Yoongi had feared that would become a reality. 

A reason that did become reality. 

Those tears you cried weren’t of hurt or sadness. Those tears were of happiness.

Jimin took your hand and marched to the door. Waiting on the other side were dozens of photographers and reporters ready with their with their flashing cameras and their barrage of questions. Everything happened so fast. Nobody, not even the managers, could stop what was about to happen. 

The door swung open, and the loud chatter of the crowd erupted. Questions flew from across the room, and the flashes were never ending. Yoongi watched through the open door and saw how you seemed to be trembling. A feeling welled inside him. It made him want to go out there and bring you back away from the cameras, away from the attention. He knew how you hated feeling pressured in front of people and although you told him that your stage fright had gotten better, Yoongi could tell you were scared out of your mind. But before Yoongi could do anything, Jimin looked at you and saw the fear in your eyes. He did something that Yoongi had been missing for years now. 

Jimin hugged you. Jimin held you close. Jimin kissed you on your forehead.

The act of affection prompted even louder jeers of the crowd. Jimin took the mic which had been standing center stage, and announced,

“Y/N and I...we’d like to announce that we are officially dating.” 

Yoongi let out a sigh as he opened his eyes. A soft murmur of curses slipped under his breath. Jimin’s announcement may have been short and to the point, but that only made it easier for Yoongi’s mind to replay those words crisp and clear with inflection and emotion.  

Beside him, he reached for the pillow he always kept on his futon. It was a travel pillow. The same travel pillow that he bought in a pair while waiting for you to arrive in Seoul years ago. He turned onto his side and buried his face deep into the pillow. Even though it had been years, he could have sworn that it still had the scent of you on it. In and out he breathed into the pillow, his eyelids became heavy and sleep was finally able to claim him.

Jimin walked out of the practice room all sweaty and out of breath. The other members didn’t need to ask where he was going in the middle of practice. It had become routine for Jimin to take a lunch break with you and the girls. Even some of the members occasionally tagged along. 

Ever since the press conference, it was revealed to the other members that the reason why Jimin and Yoongi went out a lot was that they were collaborating with 2S on their title track. Yeah, they were kind of pissed off at the two of them for keeping it a secret, but in the end, they didn’t make too much of a fuss. 

Today, it seemed like Jimin would be going alone to have lunch with you and your members since everyone was busy with their own plans. But on his way to the exit, he passed by the Genius Lab and immediately was reminded of his hyung. Yoongi hadn’t gotten out much lately, and he rarely got to spend time with his hyung after the work on 2S’ title track was complete. 

That wasn’t the only thing that was worrying Jimin. Often, you would ask how the BTS members were, if they were alright and properly feeding themselves. While Jimin found your concern adorable, he couldn’t help but notice that you’d also ask specifically about Yoongi a lot. You’d ask if he was getting proper sleep or if he was overworking himself. 

Jimin wasn’t stupid, he clearly remembered that photo that Yoongi had of you. He could figure out that you and Yoongi had to have known each other in the past somehow, and Jimin was really curious about your past history with his hyung...but he respected your privacy. Your lack of wanting to open up about your past relationships made Jimin conclude that what happened in the past should stay in the past. Whatever transpired between you and Yoongi was between you and Yoongi only, and Jimin respected that. 

And although he seemed uneasy with having Yoongi around you, he still made the effort of trying to get him to tag along for lunch or dinner because the members of 2S had become the elder’s friends as well. That, and because your mood seemed to always lift a slight bit whenever you got the chance to see Yoongi in person.

“Hyung?” Jimin knocked on the door of the Genius Lab, and peeked his head in to see if his hyung was working or not. After seeing that Yoongi’s chair was empty, Jimin let himself further into the room and soon saw his hyung in the comfort of his futon. Yoongi was sound asleep. The covers surrounded him like a cocoon and his arms clutched onto a small travel pillow that Jimin saw way too often. The younger assumed that it must be his favorite pillow considering the number of times he’s seen Yoongi with it. Jimin couldn’t have been any more correct.

Jimin sighed as he crouched down and whispered to himself, “Looks like you won’t be coming for lunch again today, huh hyung? It’s okay...you need to catch up on sleep after working so hard.” 

He couldn’t help but smile at the adorable way his hyung looked as he slept. But soon, that smile faltered as an image of you popped in his mind. It was the image of your concerned eyes that kept asking about Yoongi, 

“Hyung...there isn’t anything between you and Y/N that I should be worrying about, right?”

Yoongi shifted in his sleep, groaned a bit, but didn’t wake up. He looked so peaceful. Jimin laughed at himself for trying to ask such a question to his sleeping hyung,

“What am I doing?” Jimin got up and gave Yoongi one last glance before shutting off the lights and closing the door. Jimin paused outside in the hall for a brief moment,

“Of course there wouldn’t be anything to worry about...” 

Although he told himself that countless times over the past four months, Jimin couldn’t help but have a lingering feeling in his chest. It was a feeling that he couldn’t really quite make out. 

Was it fear? Was it doubt? 

....or was it jealousy? 

Jimin didn’t know, and frankly, Jimin never wanted to find out.

Gif not mine, creds to the owner

[raguna-blade]

Revolutionary Girl Utena Episodes 30-34

Thinking the Next Time I do this, I’m gonna cut down on the reactions thing, and do more a recap after the fact. I should in fact, but for right now i’m just kinda going at it you know.

Came too far and all that. And also, I would like to scrub some of the events in these episodes from my mind because goddamnit they were setting it up for 20 odd episodes and you hoped they wouldn’t and they did and it’s exactly as horrifying (if honestly, put together in such a way that if it wasn’t as uh...Objectively horrifying as it’s played, it’d be a pretty lovely scene I think, but that just makes it worse honestly, cause it is not played as a good thing and yet...) as you’d expect with fuck face mcgee.

Well next time I guess.

Episode 30

First Kiss to do it...uuuuuuugh. Goddamnit

Akio. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

Wakaba does not give a single fuck, she want's what she wants. However bad an idea it is.

Saying this for your own good.

God, he's everywhere this episode. I don't like where this is going.

Please for the love of god....the shading is ominous. Pls. Plssssssss.

Anthy sitting there staring. Um. Um....

“Her, no my very special friend” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Seeing this car a lot lately. Uh...Uh...Wakaba.Where.

Stop stroking the car Akio.

WAKABA NO NO NO NO NO

WHY DO YOU NEED 2 HOURS. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

I mean points for her getting the dream, but also, like, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It was just a drive don't overthink this.

Why for the love of god do you keep coming back to these birthday candles.

The fucking dread in this episode man. It's unreal.

Car....oh man. Maaaaaaan. OH FUCK where did it come from.

STOP THE JAZZ PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Ok, candle out. That's...It's fine. It's fine.

WHY CAN'T ANTHY COME SCUZZLORD

DON'T JUST WAVE HER OFF LOOKING HELLA OMINOUS LIKE THAT FUCKING ANTHY ANTHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Please stop talking like that Akio. You won't because you're the worst but

PLEASE STOP TOUCHING HER. JESUS.

YES HE IS A PLAYBOY.

I can do without

YES HE IS DANGEROUS. SIMILAR YOU AND I

As I was saying, I could do without this ominous intimacy.

Anthy. Jesus christ anthy that's terrifying.

OH SHIT HES KISSING HER FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Shadow Girls! Oh, the red shoes. I know this fable. Doesn't it end with her cutting off her feet?

But...Uh...Uhhhhhhhhh.

Last Candle.

No such thing as a love that's wrong...But there are people you shouldn't be in love with.

A PRINCE OF YOUR OWN HUH. DO TELL.

...What's with this music.

Kanae! PLEASE.

What's with the roses...and her mom....

Is he banging the mom too...?

Engagements can be canceled feels ominous as fuck.Goddamnit Akio.

Goddamnit Akio.

Last Candle out.  YUP. BAD BAD TIMES

EPISODE 31

oh goddamnit it the prince opening thing again. That's never good. I thought this was supposed to be a nanami episode (...have these only been on nanami eps aside from the opening? I haven't been paying attention)

...Shadow girls in the picture...? Also, what the hell is going on with thepicture....

God is this a nanami episode?

Obssessive brother blood bind

Touga akio apprentice for sure?

Taking a shower care to jin me...Nanami hot shut the fuck down.

So...is the thing about Anthy and Akio then...?

Yo wait, what. Is she just staring at her brother in the shower and this fucking rose again. They're just....Holding on this for like 10 seconds what the hell.

Jesus Nanami. Goddamn Akio. I mean Touga. Fuck.

...If this is reflective of Akio and Anthy uh...uh.......I'm not sure how to parse this.

WHO ARE THESE THREE DUDES. Are they ...what's the deal with...hm.

FUCKING HELL AKIO LEAVE GO AWAY.

PLEASE LET ME JUST HAVE THIS NANAMI EPISODE.

...And where did anthy go.

Please i'm just...

Nanami, most people don't want to fuck their brother.

And nanami just being the huge bitch here is...what is...

So I looked this up and type b parents should have a type b child. So...Uh.

She's looking mad torn up about this actually. One would think for her banging her older brother ambitions this would be a huge plus but uh...Uhhhhh.

Damn Touga getting booty calls in the middle of the night. Am I using that right...?

Uh...What the hell was that pose Nanami.

PUTTHAT ROSE AWAY. AWAY

...Nanami just kinda dipping the fuck out. You that traumatized.

….AKIO...FUCKING PLEASE LEAVE. JUST GO AWAY.

YOU WERE NOT KIDDING ABOUT THAT AT ALL YOU FUCK AAAAAAAAA

ANTHY STOP LYING PLEASE.

Do I sound like a mental case? Yes. Still savage.

...Shadow Girls what...? Parasitism.

THEY ARENT ON THE GROUND WAIT A MINUTE.

Nanami Shooketh.

HE IS YOUR BROTHER YOU DINGBAT.

Oh shit she just admited it. Though I don't know if it sank in.

So if the anthy nanami parallel thing holds her taking spot in bed is you know. Sensible.

Oh shit. Akio and Anthy and hooooooooooooooooboy nanami ain't taking this well.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A NANAMI EPISODE. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. GOOFS AND GAFFES AND YOU PULL THIS SHIT AT THE END LIKE THIS.

DID SHE SEE IT ALL GOD DAMN.

EPIDOSE 32

Nananmi is traumatized as FUCK right now.

Anthy andAkio.

Nanami playing it cool.

Nope not playing it cool at all. She's...Ok, she's doing better. Nope she's just...Trying her best.

CALL THE POLICE NANANMI.

Nanami: You'd be eaten Alive.

She's not wrong but...THE POLICE NANAMI.

….Wait. Would it be fair to call Nanami a third main character....?

Yo touga what the fuck. Just

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. KEIKO

JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ITS ON.

This is fuuucked.

Why does kanae look so fucking gone.

Anthy keeping utena from walking in on some fucking shit.

Anthy: THANKS FOR ACKNWOLEDGING I TERRIFY YOU.

Nanami in the anthy bed,

NANAMI THANKS FOR SAYING WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING JUST SAY SOMETHING GOD.

Also, it's like you're a part of each other or something. Given the yinyang thing in the intro I'm wondering.

Nanami, making choices.  Being...Duel time. And a ride in the Akio mobile.

Fuck. Goddamn. Uh..

Why is Nanami the fucking Realist Person on this Show. Like seriously. I'm actually kinda considering her as a third main character, which feels weird but....

Keiko Talks Shit, GOT THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF HER JESUS

SLAPPED ANTHY

Challenged ANTHY to a duel. That's..new.

Nanami just fucking coming out swinging.

Shadow Girls...What...What the fuck is going on....

Did...Did they change the openin? Thing again...no, it's not. Just been a while.

But for real, Nanami is not remotely fucking around in the LEAST. My vibe of Nanami as a third main character is interesting and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Yo that pose though. Nanami, I wanna the best. Dunk you, dunk my brother, dunk me, I will be the best. Fuck ALL of this hot bullshit though. Fuck it all.

Nanami is whooping Utena's ass right now which is surprising.

I know where those feelings lead.

Oh they're both adopted. And what the FUCK are you two doing on that bed.

Can we just delete Akio.

Episode 33

THEY'RE DROPPING IT AGAIN? PRINCE INFO AGAIN LIKE TWO EPS?

But...none of the animation...Uh...hm

Why is it night.

Pattern broken. Some shit is about to happen isn't it.

Anthy...?

….Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

SHADOW GIRLS ON THE RADIO?

Also, I didn't want to look at the real ones?

What DOES it mean to be eternal?

It'll work out so long as I don't get caught. YEAH I BET.

STOP STOP STOP I agree.

Wait a minute is this a clips episode.

I think it is. Guess they had to give us a space before the last hell ride.

….What if Green Hair wasn't just talking shit, and whatever he saw

King of Imposters...? That's Akio. Right?

Also, wow Utena.

So, Every Sibling pair is fucked in roughly the same way. Which...Concerns. What's the deal.

And what the FUCK is with Anthy. Saionji, what did you SEEEEEEEE.

...Wait, the teacher is actually important? I mean yeah of course she is. Recurring character. The Teacup...? Forgotten huh...?

What is Eternal: A Diamond, A Beautiful Memory, Canned Peaches

What is Miracles: Edisons Inventions, A Prince, Canned Coelecanth

Oh this dude again.

WHEN DID I START LOSING. Hoo boy. Hooooooboy.

Watching this repeat of everyones duels kinda homes in how much Utena REALLY doesn't seem to understand people. And hasn't changed in the LEAST. At least, nothing particularly dramatic. Which is...uh..hm.

DON'T.

FUCK. FUCK NO.

oh god this mad uncomfrotable.

The food thing....repeats like...4 times...

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaSTOP SOTP STOP STOP

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

In a fucking filler episode they would do this.

Akio just...

Anthy...Anthy did you set this up.

This is mad fucked. I am....not ok.

CAN WE PLEASE DELETE AKIO I BEG YOU.

Just...Why did they change the ending again.

God this is such bullshit.

Episode 34

GOD CAN WE NOT WITH THIS AKIO BULLSHIT.

Oh my god the stars are...

Must you still torture me...? Wh-what. Anthy...?

Oh hey the shadow girls are real.

Showering you with flowers has a terrible meaning now.

Stop that: Anthy to Akio. Uhhhhhhh.

The Shadow Girls...Play...Uh. Huh.

….Um.

A rose Prince...?

A Witch: Cut to Anthy uhhhhhh. Rose....Castle...?

Is...Is anthy the big bad?

Trapped the Prince in the castle.

The Witch is The Princes's Little Sister.

A girl who cannot become a princess is doomed to become a witch.

Uh...Anthy.

Wow, Akio just looks...Tired.

She's still around somewhere in this world :CUT TO ANTHY

oh Touga gonna duel.

I do like that even they're confused as to why they lost.

Shadow Girls...? Again. What was that all about.

Why is anthy's shadow so fucking huge.

Sacrificing Noble Souls huh.

Tiring to be friends with her.

God the dread is no longer here but...uuuuugh.

Anthy, why do you look sad...?

oh shit is this Utena's flashback on the scene.

Dios? Not an Angel of death.

And Utena' walking the same path as him..?

uh....uhhhhhhhhhh..That's a witch. The Rose Bride.

Lives on in agony as punishment for taking away the prince...?

Anthy....? um...

They're calling for the prince...That's a huge crowd.

Anthy sealed away Dios. Oh...

oh shit.

Little Utena noooooo.

The only one who can save her is the prince she believes in.

If you never lose your nobility even when you grow up, you may be able to save her.

May huh.....Does...Anthy remember her...?

Who are you really?

Well fuck shit's worse than I thought.

[god-hunter]

Minutes to Midnight - 2007

This was it.  Definitely the end of an era.

I was super excited when I heard LP was finally putting out something new.  Shit...  the 1st & 2nd album took me through High School, but now I was a College Graduate when their 3rd album came out.

I fucking changed man.  How much did they??

I liked this album because it was like... starting fresh.  There was just enough of the familiar nostalgia that I missed, but so much new material thrown in, that I kind of fell in love all over again.

...I was no longer in High School.  It wasn’t all about Metalmetalmetalmetal anymore.  I prided myself on listening to softer music, and even bridged myself into... Emo...  D=  (Oh noes).

So...  The softer offerings on this album I didn’t mind.  Certain choices were strange...  But not awful.  Definitely a skipper or 2 depending on my mood.  But overall, the album has a good flow and energy to it.  And it certainly serves as a time-capsule to our political landscape at the time.  The year was 2007 and we were fucking DONE with George Bush as our President.  And there was one song in particular that laid that out for us.

I talked about this in the last review, but LP showed real growth here.  No longer were the songs about the ins and outs of toxic relationships.  Now we were talking about life hardships.  Not every song was Rock any more.  Not every song had Rap.  Other songs just were...  And they were good.  They were Linkin Park.

Honorable mentions for this album are Given Up, Leave Out All The Rest, Shadow of the Day, What I’ve Done, No More Sorrow, Valentines Day, In Between and The Little Things Give You Away.

They changed.  And for a time... I liked it a lot.  Until I found that it just wasn’t for me anymore.

This album starts with a 1:41 instrumental intro.  And it beats out “Cure for the Itch” and “Session” by a long shot.  Insightful intro was the way to go with “Wake.”

Then we’re taken right into “Given Up”, which is such a cool song!!  This is our full reintroduction to LP.  And if the instrumental was any sign of good things, we were definitely gonna be getting new beats and better riffs.

So, this one starts with keys, of all things.  Keys and claps. Then a strumming guitar, and the full group diving in with a fuckin’ punk beat.  Yeah man!  Yeah man!!  This was very different.  But very welcome.  It sounded so natural.  The keys were a little weird at first.  But in the background, they add to the sound.  And it’s perfect driving music.  Which is I think, exactly what they were going for.  This is primarily a Chester song.  Shinoda is nowhere to be heard.

“Leave Out All The Rest” is the 3rd song and boy is it gorgeous.  This is the LP that I remembered.  Chester takes us away with a ballad.  Nice Orchestral synths are in the background with a nice backbeat.  What I love about this song is that it’s about Forgiveness.  Specifically it came at a time when I fell out of a long-term relationship.  So yet again, in my young adult life, I felt like Chester was speaking to me, here.  And I just love the chorus.  The words are so lovely.  “When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty, keep me in your memory. Leave out all the rest.”  God, I love this one.  This is the song that will make people cry, now that Chester is gone...  =(

“Bleed it Out” -   I’m gonna be honest.  I don’t like this song.  I said the same thing about “Faint”.  This was their... ‘fun’ one.  Liner notes described something about them really going for that and having people just shout, hoot and holler in the background, as if it’s a party.  Mike Shinoda makes his re-debut in this song, as claps take the 1st verse and chorus through the entiiiire song.  A random guitar part plays in the verse that isn’t that great.  It’s happy sounding, but doesn’t go anywhere.  Drums join in with the claps on every beat.  There’s a tamborine in the background.  And I’m left scratching my head, ‘What the Hell happened to this band?’

“Shadow of the Day” - But then we’re treated to Shadow of the Day, which really sounds like a rip-off of U2′s ‘With or Without You’.  Same chords and everything.  Probably a different key.  I don’t care though.  It’s a good song.  Chester’s voice is also beautiful and heartfelt on it.

“What I’ve Done” - This song was pretty great.  It was the new single on the radio, and strangely not overplayed.  Or maybe, I avoided it enough.  Transformers 1 played it enough when that movie came out.  

I really like the piano part, and I can almost start to compare this to Nine Inch Nails now.  It’s very possible that LP was influenced by Trent.  Chester takes control of this song.  Gone are the background raps of the early aughts.  And I appreciate that.  I think I’d get annoyed if I heard them overdone again.

“Hands Held High” -  This was a Mike Shinoda song.  It became apparent to me that this time around, they wanted to have solo songs, so they could give each other a break for long sets.  [That’s what I’m thinking anyway.]  Anyway, this was what I was talking about at the top.  This song is very different in that it set more of a political tone.  Shinoda’s raps paint a picture of a world in panic.  People need to fight back against a war that ‘cater to rich and abandon poor’.  “...when you can’t put gas in your tank, and these fuckers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing a check asking you to have compassion and have some respect.  For a leader so nervous in an obvious way, stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay and the rest of the World watching at the end of the day in the Living Room laughing like What did he say?”

Amen man.  I love that.  Chester does chime in for a refrain during the bridge.  Shinoda does another heartfelt rap, and it seems like he really did go to war between albums here.  

This song was awesome and different.  Certainly not, heavy.  But it didn’t need to be.  It sets a very different tone that we haven’t seen from LP before.  A more, profound and honorable one.  Even iconic.

Which sets us up for a follow-up called “No More Sorrow”.  I feel like this was an intended plan.  A small-concept within the album.  Suddenly guitars get very heavy and we’re taken into a heavy metal song.  [Really. Truly.]  There’s chugs and builds on the rims of drums, and it sounds like we’re about to go to war.  Then, Boom!  I’m so surprised at the chords I’m hearing here.  It sounds like I’m listening to Green Day or something.  This was very exciting.

Chester takes us through a heavy, angry Political War Song. “Nooooo!  No more sorrow!  I pay for your mistakes!  Your time is borrowed.  Your time has come to be.. Re..Plaaaaaced!!”  “I see pain. I see need. I see liars and thieves abuse power with greed.  I had hope. I believed. But I’m beginning to think, that I’ve been deceived.”

[Jesus, is that History repeating itself...]  =/

This was an awesome anti-Bush song.  More importantly, so far no song has sound like a carbon copy of another.  All of these songs are their own thing.  And I love that.

We’re treated to something different in “Valentine’s Day”.  This one is practically a full-on ballad from Chester’s part.  Calm, solemn, and dare I say emo drums are played with light guitars.  A good moving bass takes us through everything. And this goes on for most of the song.  Several verses of this.  And then it blows up at the end, “...to be alone... On Valentine’s Day!!!  On Valentine’s Daaaaay!!!!!”  Its so good.  I really like it a lot.

“In Between” -  I almost like this one even more.  This is a Shinoda number, that’s got a whole different flavor of its own.  We’ve got string samples and Mike’s voice.  “Let me apologize to begin with.  Let me apologize for what I’m about to say...  But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed.  And somehow I got caught up in between...”

The lyrics are hypnotic.  The theme is pretty.  Mike is Singing!!!  And it’s very easy to sing along to him.  I think Chester joins him on this.  And this is where LP crosses genres here.  This is neither rock, nor rap.  This is... alternative.  This is... Hipster territory.  And I like it.  It’s just very pretty music.

LP was becoming a pretty band here.  And whether I was ready for it or not, it happened.  They were unapologetic about it here, and it really landed.  I think the years helped that in my favor.  For other people, maybe not, but I dunno.

There’s an interesting line here.  “The only thing that’s worse than one is none.”

That’s how the song ends.  And it’s just good.  A little nebulous yet profound.  About bad relationships, or fakeness or something.  On his part though, not hers.  I really dig it.

“In Pieces” seems like a partner song to “In Between”, kind of like “No More Sorrow” was to “Hands Held High.”  This was a Chester song as well.  It’s just okay though.  This is where some of the new ideas weren’t exactly landing for me.  There’s a decent build with electronic drums and bass while chester sings the first verse.  But right after, we get reggae off-beat guitars.  It’s not so bad.  I guess it works.  But this might be where I draw the line.  Like... it’s enjoyable now.  But, I think this was the start of Linkin Park taking a left turn in their writing, where people like me fell off, and others absolutely latched onto.

“The Little Things Give You Away” -   This song was specifically stated in the liner notes as written in response to Hurricane Katrina.  And how poorly we did as a Country in helping the people in need, who were stranded in a flood.

...uuuuuuugh.  I’m not shaking my head at them.  I love this song.  It just sucks. Music brings awareness to certain topics that the news will never do.  It brings this up to the masses, and helps us feel things that we’d either like to forget or move on from.  But, such is the scope of Political music.  Its sort of like a time capsule.

Chester sings beautifully as an acoustic guitar primarily rides us through this.  In his pre-chorus he sings, “Don’t wanna reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you. The little things give you away. And now there will be no mistaking. The levees are breakin’.”

In the chorus he sings, “All you’ve ever wanted was someone to truly look up to you. And six feet under water, I doooo.”

The instruments open up from there with synths and another guitar.  When the drums finally kick in, it’s this amazing shuffle beat that I was NOT expecting.  The best drumming I’ve ever heard by this guy.

It’s so bittersweet to end on this note.  Because it’s the best I heard them play.  And the topic is so sore.

...but that was their message to the world.  

It was their comeback.  Times have changed and so did they.  But they were here to stay.

...that’s where my review on Minutes to Midnight ends.

Their career didn’t end there though.  

They put out a 4th album called “A Thousand Suns”, which came out in 2010.

Their main single from that was a song called “The Catalyst” and I absolutely hated it.  I was so disappointed...  that I wasn’t even remotely interested in checking out the album.

Then, in 2012, “Living Things” came out, which was their 5th album.

I actually gave this one a chance, because the opposite happened when I heard the hit single “Lost in the Echo” randomly on at FYE, while perusing through CDs.

It was so good that I had to try it.  And it was okay...  But there were enough songs that I didn’t like for me to consider the cost a bit of a wash.

So... with that, I deaded the band and never looked back.

Apparently, a 6th album came out called “The Hunting Party”

And most recently they put out a 7th album called “One More Light”, which came out on May 19, 2017.

...2 months later, Chester Bennington hung himself on July 20th for reasons unknown...

=(

This is sad man.  It’s such a shame.

I stopped liking the music, but I never thought ill of him.

I feel bad for the rest of his band, his close friends and his family.  He had 2 wives, and six kids apparently.  (I don’t know how that works.  If it’s an ex-wife or a Mormon thing or... what).  And it’s none of my business.

So that’s it.

I was in the mood for music reviews today, and with the recent news, I took it as an opportunity to cover my thoughts on Linkin Park, and how they touched my youth.

It’s sad to end on this note, but sometimes that’s just the way things go.

I wonder what the future holds in store for the rest of the members of Linkin Park.

Only time will tell, I suppose.

I hope these reviews have brought you back to fonder memories, anyway... and that I gave you something to smile on as we recall better times.

Rest In Peace, Chester Bennington.  You are very missed.

[louisewahlander]

Journal 1998

OCTOBER 5 1998 – Farnham England Everyone has moved in to the house now. Ground floor: Charlotte, Rob, and Henry. First floor: Me, Abi, Pauliina, Ella and Emma…and Second floor is the kitchen. My room is awful, white painted brick walls, and it has the shape of…well, i dunno, it has no shape and yet it has a million and one shapes, i think i have 7 corners and none is in a 90 degree angle. Atleast i got the biggest room in the house, but then again, i have to pay most rent. I love the address though, Castle Field. We are right behind Farnham Castle and we can see it from our kitchen tower-window. Pauliina is nice, she’s finish so i guess we have more in common than i have with the rest in the house. They are actually a bunch of snobs! So obnoxious and loud and GIRLY…they are! I cannot believe how they can behave like this just because of a jumper or a pair of shoes: "They’re sooooo gooorgeous!!" And they giggle and jump up and down. OCTOBER 17 1998 – Farnham England Welcome to the house of fun… Aaah, how i love my house mates, they’re so…so, loud, and they never pick up their junk after themselves, and they never go to bed, they throw parties til 5am and don’t care about the ones who want to sleep, they yell and shout, and scream and uuuuuuugh! How can anyone be like them? All they care about is their hair and make up, clothes and shoes… And have any of them been into college yet? I doubt it cuz they are always shopping or just hanging in the kitchen with Henrys one and a million friends! Everytime you go out of your room there’s a new face in the hallway or kitchen, and they say Hi! I’m a friend of Henry’s…Oh yeah, kinda guessed you were! Oh and Char is sooo skinny i’ve never seen anything skinnier and yet she complains she’s so fat and all she eats is Kellogs Branflakes, and at the most a slice of toast with nothing on it… OCTOBER 18 1998 – Farnham England I hate Sundays in Farnham! They’re so ghost like. Everything is so quiet… And today Pauliina is in London. It’s only me and Gabrielle left. We went for the longest walk, it wasn’t meant to be that long… First we walked around town for an hour taking pictures for this stupid module i don’t understand, and neither does Gabi. She even asked Robin what the hell it’s about and he looked at her with those evil eyes saying You don’t know? Read the module book… She said I have, and then he looked totally annoyed and started to explain it. The thing is, the module book says one thing, Robin another, and John says another thing, and i refuse to ask Martin for he’ll probably say something totally different from everyone else… From what i understand we’re supposed to represent Farnham, while challangeing the rural myth and…yuck! Anyway, we were out taking pictures of Farnham, but both me and Gabrielle ended up taking pictures of trash near the shut down theatre. Then we went on to the cemetery, and there Gabrielle suggested that we should go up to the fields behind the art colege. Sure! We started walking and she said Let’s go up here, i know this is the way, this must be the right way… Ha ha ha, right… Eventually she found the right way and we walked out into the open fields… Beautiful, until Gabi started talking about her phobias with open fields. Saying: What if an axe murderer comes along or a wierdo who starts to follow you, where do one hide??? And she says i’m having wierd thoughts sometimes! I think we were out walking for 3 hours. OCTOBER 23 1998 – Farnham England Just came back from the union. It’s Emma’s birthday and she invited everyone in the house to come down to the SU for drinks. Sure she asked me to come along, and she asked Pauliina too…but when we came to the union they totally ignored us and said nothing to us except for: You allright? Like fifty times in a row. They took pictures and excluded me and Pauliina from everyone of them. Me and Pauliina had the advantage to slag them right infront of them…in swedish! Ha ha! Emma had on this skirt that was so short you didn’t need to look up it to see her knickers and Abi had on this top which showed most of her boobs, they were nearly falling out. There’s nothing wrong to show off your boobs if you have a nice pair but, you don’t have to think they’re the biggest and best looking pair in the world, and you don’t have to look down on them every five minutes to admire them, and you don’t shake them and then giggle because they move… They’re a bunch of tarts! Ella and Char are snobby too, but they are a lot better than Abi and Emma… Anyway, i left the union after a while, and by then Rob had left too, cuz they ignored him aswell, but they always do. They say he's’wierd and what not. But he's’a sweet guy, he's’only 17 and so what if he likes to keep to himself? OCTOBER 24 1998 – Farnham England Ha ha ha… Last night Charlotte lost her keys at the union, so she couldn’t get in. Henry did let her in to the house, but then she couldn’t get into her room, so she had to sleep on the kitchen floor. How hilarious! The thing is, she lost her keys, never asked anyone if they’d seen them, called the porters lodge and had them come and change the lock (the front door one, so we all got new keys, and the door to her room) and she had to pay £86 for it! Then ofcourse as soon as the locksmith was gone some guy showed up and said he had Char’s keys… She had given them to him at the union! So she payed £86 for nothing really!! Ha ha ha! I’m not an evil person, but i think she got what she deserved, for if you drink yourself stupid each night like she (and the other girls in this house) does… They all need to realise that they can’t go on like this, they dress like tarts and they are pissed stupid every night, they can hardly walk. Maybe i feel like this cuz i’m older than all of them, i dunno. But it’s not like i don’t drink, for i do, but i don’t drink so much that i pass out from it. And they should be careful, there’s been 3 rapes in Farnham the past month, and they’ve all been done with the help of the "rape drug"… OCTOBER 25 1998 – Farnham England There was a big fire in the house next to ours, joint with ours tonight! Me and Pauliina were down in the laundry when the alarm went off. First we didn’t care, thought it’s just another one of them false alarms. I mean, there’s been atleast 2-3 alarms each week since we got here, and they’ve all been false, the fire trucks has been here and all, but there’s been no fires! But in the end we did walk out of the laundry room and some girl came yelling at us to go to the fire assembly point, so we started walking up Castle Field when we saw smoke coming out of our house! Both of us panicked, and both said at the same time: My cameras!! Then we saw that it wasn’t our house but the one next door, so that felt abit better! But still, that house is joint with ours… The fire trucks came and they had smoke divers and everything! Scary! Apparantly a chip pan got over heated and exploded. And now they have no kitchen…it’s all burnt up…and our back yard is full of junk…the cooker, a melted kettle, a toaster, pots and pans… I can’t wait for tomorrow to take pictures of it all. One thing is for sure, i am never gonna ignore a fire alarm from now on. NOVEMBER 6 1998 – Farnham England I got the tickets to fly to Belfast today! £79 it cost for a return ticket, plus i need to get to Heathrow and back too…taxi? It’s £35 to go to Heathrow by taxi…expensive! I leave on the 12 th and stays until the 15 th. I’m really looking forward to this trip, i need a break! I did go to London 2 days ago, and it was fun. Me and Patricia went to photo galleries and the V&A. Had a delicious lunch at Govindas in SoHo. Then we did some shopping, but i didn’t buy much as i am going to Belfast!!! We had revies three days ago, and they went well, i got a good mark, and they loved my workbook! OH! And i finally got my tuition award. I was down at the registry asking if they’d heard anything from the Surrey County Council and they said no, and then this guy phoned them up and fixed it all and now i got a £1000 tuition grant which will cover my whole tuition for this year!! Yay! I called Emma and asked if i could stay there for the weekend i’m in Belfast and she said yes. They’re all looking forward to seeing me. When i called one of Emma’s daughters picked up the phone and i almost didn’t finish the Hi when she screamed Ooooh! Is it Louise? How you doing? Bla bla bla… It was great, then she asked, When are you coming over to see us, we haven’t seen you in a while, we missed you the last time you were over… And i told her i was coming over in a few days… And she said she’d have to tell Emma-Jane and Vicky… It was great, i’m so glad that they concider me a part of their family. Emma said she might not be home when i arrive but she said You got the key, let yourself in and make yourself at home, your room is there and you know where to find everything! NOVEMBER 13 1998 – Anditown Belfast I’m so happy i am here again! I love this place. The flight over went well and i sat next to some guys and one called me, what was it, not lady…madame or something and i nearly died, hey i’m only 22, and the guy couldn’t be younger than 20… i took the bus from the airport into the city centre and then i walked to Belfast Exposed and Sean gave me coffee in Gerrys mug that said "Horny little devil" ha ha, which i needed for it rained and rained! And they have made Belfast Exposed so beautiful now, they now have the place where the chippie used to be on King Street, and that’s where you enter the place, and it’s so nice, and there’s stairs up to the old premises. And everything was cleaned out and organised for once, and they have a brand new darkroom which i’m in love with! It’s great. And they let me print some pictures for free, those negatives from 96, when Sean took pictures of us at Kellys the night before me and Liz moved back to Sweden. They turned out great. Mark had sent me some of them, but there were so many other pictures i had not seen. It’s sad though cuz Kathy is no longer with the Belfast Exposed, there’s some new girl there instead. After that i went to Anditown and met Emma and one of her daughters, i can never remember her name, she’s got too many kids and grandkids… I do know Moira for she’s in Dublin and she’s the one who gave us a lift down there once…but the others i have no idea who they are, i just know them by faces… Then some lady i swear i have never seen came up to me hugged me and kissed me and said How wonderful to see you again, how are you dear? I don’t know who she was! (i still don’t, and it’s now March 11 99) And Emma’s friend the evil lady was there too, but she has altzheimers now so all she did was sit on a chair and sleep. She always used to stare at me and Liz and mumble words we couldn’t make out what they were… I have been to two exhibitions, Yoko Ono "have you seen the horizon lately" which was crap, she takes credit for alot of things that John Lennon made when he was alive, and that’s not right! Then i saw David Byrne’s "Strange ritual and Sleepless nights" which was amazing! I loved that one! I could’ve stayed looking at that forever. There was a Byrne book in the gallery shop but it was £40 so i couldn’t buy it for i had spent so much money shopping allready! Oh, i wanna see more of Byrne’s photography!! Ofcourse i missed the Clive Barker book signing! I was going to go there, but i was in my room and looked at the time, and realized that it had started 10 minutes ago, so i didn’t bother to try to get there… Oh i don’t wanna leave… NOVEMBER 20 1998 – Farnham England Me Charlotte and Emma cleaned our kitchen today…scrubbed it with bleach! It was so yucky! Emma cleaned out the fridge and gave out a loud scream of horror as she tossed a bag of chips on the floor… Me and Char had a look in it, and i swear, another day and those green furry chips would’ve walked away on their own. Why keep chips in the fridge, for weeks! It’s Henry’s chips and when he gets back he’s gonna hear about it! Atleast now the whole kitchen is clean. But for how long? Char came up with the idea of writing huge notes: Do your fucking dishes, NOW! Stuff like that, and we did put some up. The people in this house needs to take responsibility. It’s always me or Emma or Char who cleans up after everyone else! And when you have to use bleach all over it’s really bad! The kitchen is clean, but it has a yucky smell of Sainsburys white bleach instead!