#patients expect to be treated like they’re the only person in the world who needs to be taken care of

[dragonanon]

Healthcare is such a fucking joke in this damn country. I’ve been working in healthcare for over 3 years now, and the pandemic has shown me that it’s truly a fundamentally broken system clear down to its very core. It’s honestly frightening that a field this fucked up is responsible for literally keeping people alive and healthy. The demand for healthcare is outrageously high and it’s only continuing to skyrocket, all while we literally don’t have enough doctors and support staff to begin with nor do we have enough people going into the field. Hell we actually have people LEAVING the field entirely because there’s so much fuckery going on and they can’t mentally take it anymore. We’re over here busting our asses to keep people alive, yet most of us don’t make even half of what someone in IT makes. Mark my fucking words, the current healthcare system isn’t sustainable and WILL eventually collapse. And once it does, this country is fucked.

[writingseaslugs]

Heartslabyul: When They're Sick

So my best friend and I had been discussing what the boys would be like if we had to take care of them while sick…and this happened. Hope you enjoy! Also please keep in mind this series and the one right after was written literally MONTHS ago, and that includes authors notes at the start.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series are aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please click the “Au Information” below!

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Heartslabyul: When They’re Sick

It was that beautiful time of year when the world was getting colder and everyone and their mother was getting the flu. Sadly, when it came to Heartslabyul, the flu ran rampant. With all their tea parties and chores, everyone worked closely together. This meant that if one person got sick, the rest of the dorm was going to be following close behind.

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle actually gets sick more often than most think, he’s just good at treating it the moment it happens. He’s almost always stressed with his studies or running his dorm, so it’s not odd to think that he gets sick pretty often. Normally he’s just a slight cold that can be treated with over the counter medicine, and it’s rare that it’s ever anything more.

As per usual Riddle style, asking for help isn’t something he’s very fond of. However, even he knows his limits so when you notice him looking like he’s on death’s door and ask him if you can take care of him, he’ll reluctantly agree. He’s a good patient for the most part, but he will be criticizing some of your methods since he does have a background with medicine due to his parents.

The only hard part with Riddle is getting him to take medication that isn’t in a pill form. It’s no secret he prefers sweeter things, so he’ll be grimacing when you show him the disgusting liquid in the cup. He might even insist that he doesn’t need it knowing full well he does. Get Trey to work his magic and make it taste less vile and he’ll down it in one go.

When it comes down to what he eats when he’s sick, he’s very picky. It has to have all the correct nutritional value. He probably had a cookbook of things that are acceptable for you to make him while he’s on the mend. If you can’t cook then you best grab someone who can, because not a single one of these recipes are simple. They do seem to be amazing for healing someone though, so it’s worth a shot at making him some.

Once he’s all better he might be a bit more bashful around you for a while. You did just see him at his most vulnerable…well one of the times he was most vulnerable. He’s going to be thanking you, and promising if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, he’ll make sure you’re well cared for.

Trey Clover

It’s a bit harder to know if Trey is actually sick; he’s the oldest of his siblings and therefore was the one who always had to act like he was fine. When the flu swept through his home every year, he’d be the one taking care of everyone despite being sick himself. So when he’s sick he’ll just carry on as though it’s nothing and hope for the best. Not to say he won’t relax though if it gets bad, but it had to actually be bad for him to care about it.

He’s going to try and assure you that he’s fine despite the horrible wet cough he has going on, but if you insist even a little bit then he’ll give in and let you take care of him. It’s nice to have someone actually being the one to care for him since normally he’s by himself. He’ll make sure to express his gratitude while being spoiled by you.

Unlike some of his dorm members, he’s fine with gross tasting medicine. He swears he doesn’t even use magic to make it taste palatable…but you figure otherwise. Even while sick he’ll have that mischievous smirk and try to trick you, which normally means he’s starting to feel better.

He’s happy with whatever you make him to eat while he’s sick. He prefers things that are more bland while he’s feeling ill, but he’ll take something with a lot of spices as well to help unclog his sinuses. He’ll take whatever, as long as it’s not sweets. He knows the importance of eating correctly when sick, and can’t be coerced into eating a slice of pie for his mental well being.

Once he’s better he’s going to be thanking you a lot. Expect a delicious tart to be delivered to your dorm the moment he can move freely again without wanting to faint. He’s another one who’s promising you the sun and moon that if you ever get sick, he’ll make sure to take care of you.

Cater Diamond

Cater can be a bit dramatic when he’s not feeling well. In fact, you’ll probably be finding out through social media that he’s sick before you even see him. Probably captioning a post of “If only there was a nice nurse who’d come and save me from my misery”. It’s a hint, to whom though…well nobody other than you knows. Because it’s you. He’s hinting that you should take care of him since you’re one of the few people at Night Raven that don’t have another agenda and would care for him just because you’re his friend.

As soon as you knock on his door, the floodgates are opening. Cater hates feeling sick and anything but energetic, so being sick absolutely sucked for him. He’s going to be happy you’re there, but also asking if you’re sure about helping him since he doesn't want to make you sick. He’s conflicted to the max about you helping, but just give him some assurance that you’re fine and want to make him feel better.

He’s one of the best in the dorm when it comes to taking medication. Unlike Trey and Riddle, he doesn’t care much about the taste. He’ll down it in one go like he’s taking a shot of liquor and be done with it. He doesn’t put up a fuss and is overall a very easy patient, but he’s going to be asking for you to stay with him until he’s all better. Be prepared to grab a chair and drag it over to his bedside because he doesn’t want to be left alone.

Only time you really get to leave him is to go to the restroom and grab him something to eat. He’s simple when he’s sick, grab him some chicken noodle soup and call it a day. He doesn’t care if it’s from a can or homemade, as long as he has some he swears he’ll recover in no time. He even says it's more like a magical potion than actual food.

You’re probably going to be waking up with a fully recovered Cater hoping about. He’s always recovered fast from being sick, and this is no different. Just a little bit of rest and medicine and he’ll be ready for anything. Expect to be showered in affection the moment he can, thanking you over and over again and telling you that you’re the best nurse to ever exist.

Ace Trappola

Ace is one of the more dramatic members of NRC when he’s sick, but he’s going to be more whiny if anything. He hates the fact that he can’t do what he wants, but he also isn’t going to turn down the fact that this means he doesn’t have to go to class. It’s a win-lose situation for him really. If he is sick for more than three days though he will be regretting life and would rather be in class than dealing with this icky feeling.

If you offer him help then you just signed up to be his full time maid while he’s on the mend. Be expecting him to text you when he’s hungry or needs more water. He’s a huge baby, and will be teasing you the entire time. The good news is when the fever hits its peak his personality takes a dramatic turn. He becomes significantly more honest and is thanking you, even going so far to hold your hand and playing with it, letting you know he appreciates you helping him. When he’s no longer sick you best never mention this though, he’ll deny it since he can’t remember his fever induced haze.

He doesn’t like taking medicine, at all. He can down it in one go, sure, but he still hates it. He especially hates medicine that makes you drowsy since he despises the sedated feeling that takes over him. So if you’re going to be giving him medicine, make sure it won’t make him sleepy. If he gets that drowsy feeling where his mind can’t think straight and it’s not just from the fever, he’s going to be mad and refuse to take anything else.

He won’t turn down anything you make him, honestly. He’ll happily eat anything you bring him, even if it’s just something from the cafeteria. Just be careful if Grim comes with you, because the little cat is going to be trying to snag food off of Ace’s plate. The good news is if they begin arguing, you know Ace is starting to feel better.

The moment he’s better he is out of bed, ready to take on the world. He refuses to stay another minute in his shared dorm room, wanting to get out and cause some trouble. Of course he’ll be thanking you, but also saying that if you ever get sick, count him out of helping. He saw all the shit you had to put up with when taking care of him, and he’d rather not deal with that himself. At least he thanked you though…right?

Deuce Spade

Deuce is a mama’s boy, and whenever he got sick his mother would be the one to figure it out right away. This meant he was used to being taken care of the moment he got even the slightest of colds. Half the time he wouldn’t even realize he was getting sick, and since it was caught so early it was over before it even began. Sadly coming to Night Raven meant when he got sick and he didn’t realize it, it got bad and fast.

He’s the one reaching out for help before you even know he’s sick. Messaging you and informing you of his situation, asking if you could bring over some medicine and soup. He’s not asking to be babied, but he doubted his dorm mates would be much help. His best bet was Trey when it came to being taken care of, and he was too weak to leave the bed and inform his Vice Dorm Leader that he was in need of help.

When it comes to taking medicine, he dislikes it, but does it anyway without much fuss. He would always remember his mom’s disappointed face when he didn’t take medication as a child and learned how to just down it. Don’t be surprised if you hear him mumbling “Around the teeth, through the gums, watch out guts, here it comes.” Before drinking the meds. He’s going to be pounding a water bottle after it though to get the sickening taste out of his mouth.

Deuce will take anything you hand him while sick and be thanking you the entire time. He’ll even insist you eat with him and move over on his bed to have you sit down with your bowl of soup. He gets a bit more talkative despite his throat being sore, so tell him that he needs to rest after eating something. If you want huge brownie points, grab his phone and call his mom to find out what she puts in her lentil soup that she always makes when Deuce is sick. The boy will be crying tears of happiness the moment the first spoonful hits his tongue.

Deuce is a bit slower on recovering, and will take a few days to be back to his normal energy levels. After the first two days though you don’t have to worry about playing nurse anymore, it’s mainly just the after effects. He is thanking you though and expect a present to be in your mailbox when he is better. Mama Spade did teach her son to always thank people properly, so you’ll have a handwritten letter that’s barely legible and some snacks along with it.

[lagacomicofficial]

art by @lorddialtones

Name: Ida Wolff 

Personality:  Ida Wolff complex and enigmatic individual but also has a gentle and empathetic nature. She is analytical and perceptive, able to quickly discern patterns and clues to solve mysteries or puzzles. She is also calm and composed under pressure, rarely showing any emotional reactions even in dangerous or stressful situations.

However, Ida Wolff also has a strong sense of compassion and empathy. She is deeply invested in the well-being of those around her, and is often the first to notice when someone is struggling or in need of support. She is patient and kind, and always willing to listen and offer advice to those who need it.

Despite her caring nature, can also be very reserved and distant at times, particularly when dealing with people she doesn't know well or situations that make her uncomfortable. She can come across as aloof or intimidating, but this is usually a defense mechanism to protect her sensitive and vulnerable side.

Shadow: The genuine emotion and care she feels for other people, the overly high standards she has for herself, using others to get her into better positions, the distant relationship she has with her family because they’re distant from here a lot distance. 

Important Relationships:

Stier- Very interested since she’s never had a classmate like her before. She tends to keep out of her way even with Stier being antagonistic towards her. Though she despises her rumor starting ways and rough exterior. 

Rossa- She finds her annoying, someone who thinks she be treated with much more respect than she deserves and she gives. And she’s always cheating or starting some rumor about her opponents. She hates the rest of her family too, expect Alfa she’s cool. 

Charlotte- Her best friend she’s grateful for all she’s taught her but in recent years after everything she leans a lot on Ida for support. She wants her to be more independent again but is too loyal to simply tell her off. They’re both very dedicated students who study hard together. 

Skyla- She respects her intelligence but doesn’t trust her. Skyla become “friends” with her and while her intelligence and manipulation is useful they get in a lot of conflict because Skyla is a “work smarter not harder” type while Ida is “work harder and smarter.” So tend to get in a lot of small disagreements. 

Victoria- Someone who Ida and Charlotte took in out if pity. Rumors have it she was once a top student but now is injured and depressed. Both her and Charlotte are friends with her because she’s going through a similar thing Charlotte did a few years ago. They’re very supportive though occasionally does use her taking advantage of her emotional state for her own gain. 

Backstory: Her mother died at only 4 years old and her father afterwards became a workaholic and raised was by various nannies.  She always wanted to make her father proud due to the lack of pride he had in himself so she studied to become the very best in magic in the world.

[bisexual-yuri]

Talent and Blessings Don’t Matter in the Hospital (Lessons from ECMC)

There is only so much process you can reasonably expect someone to do 

I feel like I’ve hit my limit

Shit’s got me feeling bored and stupid like the village idiot 

Need my creativity need a job 

I’m all full of all sort of needs to sort out this agony of idleness

They say it’s a kindness to myself to take so much time to myself but what do I do all by myself except circle a drain I don’t want to drain out of?

Can I take a plane or a train off this cliff of boredom without alarming me and everyone that loves me?

Still processing neuropathy and dark shit discussed in therapy 

Like the fact that the nurses sedated me against my will needlessly because they were scared of me 

Don’t care that they’re the real scary she’s, the real scary ones 

The ones keeping me locked away from the sun and the fan

It felt like nobody cared that the son of God sees all including patient abuse, including how if you scary enough they’ll take your fuckin’ shoes 

They don’t got a clue the trauma they causer with the drama and gel/powder painted claws, damaging psych mentality, my prayer is done so more it be

Amanda and JD, were they manic or just anxious?

Why did Corey have to take all this?

Why won’t Fawzi just get all the words out?

Why wouldn’t they just let Jaxem the fuck out?

People no danger to themselves or me

Still in lockup, docs give no fucks you see 

False profits and false prophets get out easy

Druggin’ the fun out of Aggie

You ain’t fun no more, that’s how you get free

Behavior in the health, good behavior in hell

And it doesn’t even come with Mercy

Quitting’ Cymbalta cold turkey

Can’t see color, can’t smell nothin’, feelin’ wonky

Temperature a mess, cold water on hot hands

No one cares to listen, no one really understands that big emotions are not themselves a disease

Drug’ll fuck your mind up till you can’t even see

I’m Eliza spitting’ rhymes now, not lies now, no I’m no fucking donkey

It’s a song but I wrote it in the wrong key

Singin’ red teeth, spitting truth through the nose bleed 

Now I got time to kill but no blood to spill

You can’t take anything further away from me

Robbed of all my autonomy, my work and my loves all a trifecta of purgatory

Abuse and sex crimes by blonde bitches who look at me and see witches

Plural

I’m just one person, big feelings on a fleshly mural 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done to me 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done period 

I’m deadly serious 

This shit needs to get a hard look at it 

A world full of angels seeking their halos and wings, instead get shot down with syringes and bans that take wedding rings 

No wedding ring for me, no wedding ring for Sarah not even a tattoo

In the hospital they treat you like a damn fool and then wonder why you behave any differently 

Sorry ECMC but the truth you saw in there ain’t the real me, it’s the me you brought out of me

It’s the eagle you carved out of a hummingbird that was trying to rest on a dead tree

I’m not a dead me, I’m just me, so why did you try killing me to make me whole again?

I’ll tell you doc, you have cost me all sorts of friends by locking me up in this shit 

Made some new ones too, but the anger and the loss are harder pills to swallow than anything you gave me in follow up

Divorce the PTSD, divorce from real me, you people never trusted me to take care of me

It’s scary

I know in a moment I had lost my mind, but damn is that license to be so fucking unkind? 

How am I supposed to find peace in the belly of the beast? 

How is anyone supposed to heal when you hit them hard with rules about what is and isn’t real?

Makes you wonder who’s the delusional one, the patients or the system

All I know is the needle toothed fucker takes everyone as a victim and doesn’t care if we scream or we cry

More fuel for the fire, more reasons to make people want to die to escape this

I know Al, you’re still here and you can’t take this 

Neither can I, knowing people suffer every day in this hellfire of some hospital’s fucked up design 

But what can I do, I’m just one person and I don’t even have a second shoe to drop because of what the hospital took from me 

I have a lot of friends, lot of family 

Most people ain’t so lucky

Screaming on the wind “why did you do this to me and him and her and them and everybody?”

I wish I knew an answer, I wish I had a better answer than just to scream

Maybe someday when I am healed I will have energy to dream of a better future for this

But for now, all I can do is sleep

[s0fter-sin]

general society is such an underthought aspect of mha. obviously there’s the big things like the obsession over heroic quirks and the demonisation of villainous quirks. quirkless people are dismissed entirely but i don’t think we talk about how society in general would have to handle a world with super powers.

we know after afo’s first uprising, the government overcorrected and outlawed public quirk usage. we know people have their quirks registered and go through quirk counselling as well as a type of gym class where they practice under teacher supervision.

how in the hell is that supposed to work?

the closest equivalent i can think of is mental health services. someone would have to study for a long time to be able to pursue quirk counselling as a career. it’s also a highly personalised system: everyone has a different quirk - even similar ones have different activations, triggers, exceptions and drawbacks - so no two sessions could ever be the same. if anyone’s been through mental health services, you know how rough it is; it’s an overworked, underpaid system and if you live somewhere that only offers a few free visits, it can also be expensive.

and that’s an elective service.

almost everyone on the planet would need quirk counselling.

there’s no way they could implement such a labour intensive and individual public system and we literally see that they can’t.

we see the gym class in amajiki’s flashback and he only has a few minutes with his teacher before he’s chided for not being more impressive and utilising his quirk to the fullest and they move on to the next student. say a standard class is twenty students like it is at ua. that leaves just over two minutes for each student to learn and practice their quirks. you can’t focus on just one kid per lesson bc what will the other nineteen do? do teachers also have to have a degree in quirk counselling? is that part of becoming a phys ed teacher or is it some random joe schmo trying to wrap his head around literal super powers?

given that inko goes to garaki - a doctor - to confirm izuku’s quirklessness, it can be assumed that quirk counselling is entwined with the medical system. i don’t know if you’ve ever had to apply for a specialist before but you can be on their waiting list for a while. a quirk counsellor is essentially a specialist. are there subcategories of counsellors? do you focus on either emitter, transformation or mutation the way doctors become cardiologists, paediatricians and neurologists? or is one person expected to be equally knowledgeable about all three?

we see through toga that her counsellor identified her need for blood but they didn’t find a way to curb those instincts or even find a supplement for her. she’s left to be abused by her family for something she can’t control bc it’s literally in her dna. compare that to iida who knows he needs orange juice to power his quirk. his entire family are pro heroes so it would be easy to assume they could employ a private quirk counsellor the same way richer people can employ private doctors.

how many people have specific requirements due to their quirks? changes in their physiology that have to be treated the same way nutritional deficiencies and allergies do? even people without mutations probably have those requirements: does kirishima’s shark teeth mean he’s an obligate carnivore? does mina’s acid change her ph levels and what vitamins and minerals she needs? how would they figure that out? quirk counselling.

what about kids like touya who would need extensive counselling so he could figure out how to live with his quirk without hurting himself? kaminari essentially has seizures and they’re so normal to him and everyone around him that they’re the butt of jokes. they wouldn’t be a one and done patient; there’s always going to be people that need continued support the exact same way there’s people that need developmental and disability support. there would be so many quirks that harm their user, are they just taught to bury their quirks? as if that wouldn’t cause any physical or mental consequences?

governments can’t create a system that applies to only some people, we’re expected to believe they’ve made one that applies to all of them?

[formulatrash]

Who are the nicest drivers you’ve worked with (from any series)?

uhm, good question. tbh, they are usually quite nice? like I don’t think I’ve really met that many drivers who weren’t. especially in Formula E but even thinking about junior formulas or whatever there’s very few rude ones. 

Alex Sims, for sure - just an incredibly lovely, kind man. JEV properly made me cry in Berlin this year, by being sweet. Sam Bird is a very good person. Lucas, even though he cannot stop saying the most insane bullshit, is actually incredibly kind and has gone out of his way to be nice to me several times when I was having a very bad time. Ollie Rowland is a sweetheart, as is Turvey. even Buemi is like, a really nice lad who it’s unfortunate has a reputation for being angry given he’s really not. tbh I can’t really think of any recent ones in FE who aren’t nice beyond one driver’s tendency to be incredibly sulky/negative. they’re all how they come across, which is generally a little bit nervous and if anything over-eager to try and do things, like if I start listing them all we’ll be here forever but they’re good drivers, Brent.

Lewis can be (rightly) sharp with journalists but is also genuinely very nice and warm and laughs easily. Lando is much more patient than you’d expect someone his age to be and if he sees someone struggling to ask a question sort of helps them out. the last time I interviewed Seb he was still in his annoying phase but still came across as nice on anything that mattered and clearly that’s only grown. 

like, generally people are good. the motorsport world can be very cruel and there are bad actors and there are people who treat people horribly but they don’t tend to be the people who are grateful to have got to where they are, who know they need a team to support and help them do what they do - you wouldn’t get very far up the junior ladder, usually, if that was your attitude. there are, of course, exceptions but it’s probably important to think of them as anomalies rather than the rule. 

a lot of the drivers who get held up as iconic didn’t-give-a-fuck twats by whichever idiot having a crisis because people with blue hair might like “their” sport were, in fact, very caring. James Hunt, who for sure had plenty of demons, was a highly political hippie who would’ve been the wokest on the block in 2022, he should be much more famous for protesting Apartheid than saying sex is a great breakfast. the two aren’t exclusive. you can be into the sexual revolution (and there’s nothing that suggests his promiscuity was anything other than entirely consensual and enthusiastic from the other parties) and also oppose racism, it’s just that people misinterpret Hunt constantly. 

and then of course you have pieces of work like the racist who exposed himself earlier this year. which just shows you can’t buy class and that even severe alcohol addiction doesn’t take it away.

[electricbluebutterflies]

JessLeto + i  was  eager  to  prove  i  was  good  enough .

This wasn't supposed to be a cute mid-era domestic moment but here we are. PG-ish and also on ao3.

The accusations stop cutting as deeply after a while.

Jessica wonders sometimes which parts of her personality are within her nature and which were programmed into her to make her useful for other people, but… her caution doesn’t always feel real, she’s decided, her tendency to move so slowly and act on so little of her impulses and-

If she were everything she has been accused of, she would be a monster, and she is no such thing.

Still, the background noise of it all. Still, the assumptions she tries to be more than she is even though reality has been the opposite. Still-

She barely even knows who said what this time, but her instincts for preemptive damage control have grown stronger over the years. What she actually did or did not do is, as per usual, not the point.

She slips into her partner’s spaces so easily, her sense of timing flawless, not quite late enough in the day for her to be a distraction but on the pleasant edge of acceptability and-

“What do I get to pretend I don’t know about this time?”

She loves him, she thinks, this man who knows her routines and vulnerabilities and… she let that happen, she reminds herself, she wasn’t supposed to and she did it anyway and-

“That’s not the only reason I might go out of my way to-“

“It is with that look in your eyes.”

She will blame time for this, she decides, the familiarity of a dozen years and she’s gotten so damn complacent too and-

“Very preemptive and I don’t know,” she replies, and let that replaced vulnerability be enough, her intact priorities and she’ll try to resolve whatever minor incident there may or may not be ahead before it takes form but she knows how she gets things done and-

“Unlike you on both counts.”

“Good to know I can still surprise you.”

Frightening and reassuring in equal measure, she thinks but doesn’t say, one more internalized compartmentalized meaningless moment against the weight of the world and-

“You’re up to something.” Affectionate, in that voice, just benign curiosity, no worse than that in a decade, she’s not sure how that happened and-

No. She knows exactly what she did. Kept out of the way, did less than anyone expected, decided she liked being treated like a multidimensional human being and look at them now and-

“Not as much as usual,” she murmurs. “Just a little…”

“If I say you’ve gotten calmer…”

“More comfortable,” she corrects. “I used to… I was eager to prove I was good enough, and that meant…”

They don’t talk about what she does. They will never talk about what she does as is necessary for them. She has made herself absolute and infinite and-

Fearless, she thinks, and even safer for it. Confident, whatever happens, that she and her partner function as one.

“You never needed to do that.”

“You forget how obvious it was that you hadn’t the slightest idea how to-“

“Cultural reputation did not line up with-”

“I stopped hiding knives in my skirts two months after I came here, do you realize-“

“You do not have any idea how confusing you are to other people.”

“You might be the only one who’s been interested enough to get close enough to-“

“You’d maim anyone else who even thought about it.”

He’s not wrong, but-

“Maybe they’re all right about us,” she murmurs. “Maybe you did let me too close.”

He gives her an amused look, and this too feels like a sign of how they’ve grown around each other like vines. “If you’d had hostile intentions, you would’ve shown them by now. You’re not that patient.”

And she’s spent most of her life well aware of that primary personality defect, she reminds herself, but-

“Still the possibility I could snap like-“

“You wouldn’t. It would make too many people happy if you did.”

Again, not wrong, again the reality of being seen is a little more than she knows how to react to and-

“I might get bored enough. Or desperate.”

“Highly unlikely.”

She has made herself clear, she thinks, done everything she can, and-

“Maybe you trust me too much, love.”

“Not possible.”

[thebindingofpillo]

Talk about your babygirl (Judas) more, a treat from me to you (~ uwu)~

Judas my babygirl the blorbo supreme, thank you for asking about him because I have SO MUCH to say about the man. I’ve already talked about him (at length) in a different post some time ago, and while it’s a bit old, most of it still kinda holds up. Anyway here’s even more stuff about him (AND A WARNING! MENTIONS OF SUICIDE BELOW!!) (this is gonna be very scattered too, I’m just gonna write stream-of-consciousness style)

Judas (or at least Judas in this current life) comes from a British family of middle-lower class. Both his parents died in a car accident when he was too young to really remember them, and he’s been living with his grandmother ever since. He’s always got a pretty terrible relationship with her. She was always the first to point out any flaws in him (perceived or otherwise) while being absolutely unbearable herself, never putting in the effort to ask for help while still expecting her grandson to drop everything and come to her every call and not speaking to him for days if he failed to do so. Suffice to say, they’re not really close as of right now.

Judas grew up an unbearable kid, considering basically everyone to be beneath him while at the same time being incredibly insecure. He found himself in middle school without a single friend, but he convinced himself that he didn’t need them anyway, so he buried his nose in every book he could find and patiently waited to school in general to be over. This is around the time he met Isaac and Magdalene, who apparently weren’t intimidated by his abrasive attitude and the three quickly became inseparable, with Judas even managing to grow up and not be a prick anymore. The trio stayed strong throughout highschool and college (when Azazel also came into the picture, but I’m not gonna delve into all of his relationships now). He’s currently working on his archeology degree, but kinda put his studies on hold to work so he could support Maggy’s writing. He’s a librarian.

Personality wise he’s… polite. Distant, even. He grew out of being a prick, but he still has a condescending aura about himself, like the whole world is bothering him on his lunch break. This is not true to his partners tho, who have first hand experience of the more chaotic and passionate sides of his personality. He’s also a pretty witty person, and oozes sarcasm from every pore, but doesn’t really like talking to people he doesn’t know, so only his close friends have seen him crack jokes and actually smile. With that being said, Judas would lay down his life for the people he loves, and the fact that in his first life on Earth he had a hand in the murder of his best friend eats at him immensely. So much so, that he usually cannot bear the guilt and usually ends his life before due time. Every single time. In the roughly 2000 years his soul has roamed the Earth, Judas has never reached old age. Belial is also a major factor in his suicides every time, and you can read more about him here bc this is getting long enough already lol.

Speaking of Belial, while not being overtly religious, Judas had a passing interest in the occult that kinda morphed into a quasi-hobby. He likes to collect weird artefacts, ancient tomes and the like, that he stashes in his studio, right next to his school books and dissertations. This interest of his actually meshes pretty well with his passion for ancient history, and he has written quite a few essays about the portrayal of demons, angles and God throughout the ages. He might have tried to use a Ouija board when he was a kid, but it never went beyond that. The only true dangerous artefact in his possession is the Book of Belial, a magical tome that seems to find its way to Judas every single life. He doesn’t even remember where he found it this time, maybe he’s always had it.

More stuff that I didn’t know where to put so you get it here lmao

He sounds incredibly posh when he talks. Dear old grandma thought his accent was too lower-class (and by extension, hers too, but she would never admit it) so she was quick to point it out every time he spoke and ridicule him. With time, she managed to beat it out of him, but his accent still comes out when he’s very stressed or angry. He hates it.

He is also freakishly strong, but as durable as a wet paper bag. He could easily punch a hole in a wall, but would shatter all of his bones in the process. Couple this with a sour attitude and a complete disregard for his own safety and safe to say he’s been in quite a few fights. He’s won some of them, even if he woke back up at the hospital a couple of times.

His hair loss is supernatural in nature, due to the influence of the BoB (and tied to his body being weaker and more fragile that a normal person’s). His hair started to fall out around highschoo, but it’s not a case of simple alopecia like Isaac’s, Judas is completely hairless, doesn’t even have eyelashes.

Cannot stand to have anything around his neck. He even stopped buttoning his shirts all the way up because it was too uncomfortable. Just the lightest touch on the neck is enough to trigger horrible flashbacks and send him into panic

Despite knowing both God and Jesus exist (and the devil too) he considers himself more of an agnostic. For him, knowing God exists and having faith are two completely separate things. This goes the other way too, he doesn’t really believe in Satan either. And if Azazel is to be believed, the guy sucks and isn’t really worth praise anyway.

Tea is also one of his interests. He could talk for hours about the right temperature for brewing and the like, and has to be physically stopped from filling the cupboard with nothing but tea.

Isaac is his best friend, he loves him like a brother. Seeing how things are going with Magdalene, they might even become brothers-in-law too.

Speaking of Maggy, the two of them started dating after highschool and are still going strong. They seem to gravitate towards eachother in every single life. Judas is convinced it’s because they lived in the same period, Maggy prefers to think it’s destiny and stuff like that.

[i-m-xy]

W1: Mental Healthcare Industry

Society grows with each passing year. Technology is advancing, civil rights are being fought for. However, with progress comes pushback. As the voices advocating for respect grow, so do the yells wishing to silence the revolution.

Not everyone is built for this world. Sometimes, the pressure becomes too much and we crumble under its weight. For that reason, mental health professionals exist.

Mental health issues will never disappear. However, in an ideal future, humans are unafraid to express their thoughts and emotions. Mental welfare will be taken seriously and treated with the courtesy it deserves.

Unfortunately, for that future to happen, the world has to change. Societal expectations aren’t the only challenges faced by mental healthcare services. Within the industry itself, there are problems that need to be addressed.

Issue One: Mental Health in the Eyes of the Masses

It’s no secret that the public has a distorted understanding of mental welfare, which affects the industry and its clientele. The enigmatic nature of mental illnesses brought forth an irrational fear within society towards the people suffering from them. They believe the mentally unwell are insane criminals while mental institutions are the cells to contain them.

This harmful view forces the public to keep discussions on mental health hushed. Schools barely delve into the subject with students, and workplaces don’t usually care about their employees’ mental well-being. Parents don’t take their children’s concerns earnestly and will even, albeit unwittingly, gaslight them into believing there’s inherently something wrong with them.

This blatant ignorance can be remedied by better education on the topic. PE lessons are periods for students to train their bodies. Sometimes, it can be used for lecturing purposes. This school subject is the perfect candidate for the education systems to raise awareness about mental health with students. They can learn the importance of mental welfare and the methods to seeking proper help.

Since students are young and growing, it’s best to ingrain these knowledge at their age. Once they’re adults, they’ll have an understanding on the subject and more empathy. The stigma around mental illnesses has a chance to reduce.

Issue Two: Lack of Easy Access

Despite being a healthcare service, mental help seems to be difficult to access for those in need. Unlike doctors who you can find in clinics or hospitals, mental health professionals are trickier to seek. If you ask a person where one can find a psychologist or the likes, they cannot give you a definitive answer.

Mental help resources should not be so hard to obtain. To make accessing mental healthcare services convenient, companies and institutions can hire in-house professionals that employees and students can visit at any time. Alternatively, they can collaborate with trusted services, which leads to them having the necessary contacts for an individual seeking guidance to use when making private appointments.

Wanting to seek mental help should be as easy as walking into a doctor’s office. By creating gateways for people to access mental health professionals, they can look for the guidance they need without having to fuss over a reliable service first. Besides, not every family is open-minded about mental health, so having facilities to accommodate an individual’s psychological needs can provide them safety from potential judgements and prejudices.

Issue Three: Shortage of Qualified Professionals

Within the industry itself, there also lies a heavy problem. As the social climate worsens, the rate of individuals in need of mental guidance increases. The number of mental health professionals cannot keep up with the growing figure of patients, especially with its high turnovers and low recruitments [British Medical Association (BMA), 2024].

According to Philips (2023), two of the five reasons behind the shortage of mental healthcare staffs are the lack of funding and poor reimbursement rates. Both are financial issues which could be resolved with the intervention of government programs, investment companies and insurance businesses. Since mental health is as important as physical health, it should be in the government’s best interest to aid the mental healthcare services.

Conclusion

I am an undiagnosed individual. Due to my parents��� close-mindedness and the lack of available resources, I cannot seek the help I need. The first two issues are coming from my heart and own experiences.

For the third issue, I actually wanted to address the commercialisation of incompetent trainers, A.K.A BetterHelp. However, I realised the organisation doesn’t represent the industry. So, I scoured the Internet for actual problems faced by the mental healthcare services, and came out with the current issue.

Surprisingly, the challenge I ended up with correlated with my initial idea. Due to the shortage of mental healthcare staff, there is a rise of unqualified trainers. Whether this is to tap into a market with high clientele potentials, or to genuinely provide help to the mentally unwell, no one knows. However, it doesn’t change the fact that both problems are connected, and that solving the root cause will also resolve the variant.

References:

British Medical Association (BMA). (2024). “It’s broken” Doctors’ experiences on the frontline of a failing mental healthcare system. https://www.bma.org.uk/media/ddclsiii/bma-mental-health-report-2024-web-final.pdf

Philips, L. (2023, May). A closer look at the mental health provider shortage. www.counseling.org. https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/a-closer-look-at-the-mental-health-provider-shortage

[uplifted-vibes]

"If They Can’t Treat You Right, Walk Away – Your Worth is Non-Negotiable"

Alright, let’s get straight to it: relationships are supposed to lift you up, not bring you down. But sometimes, we find ourselves bending over backward to make things work with someone who doesn't see our worth. This isn’t about just having a partner; it’s about having a partner who sees you, respects you, and makes you feel like the amazing person you are.

You deserve someone who actually listens to you—who cares about your thoughts, your goals, and your little quirks. I’m talking about the kind of person who pays attention, who knows your dreams because they’ve taken the time to ask and genuinely care. And if they’re not putting in the effort? That’s a red flag, my friend.

I’ve been there myself, bending my own standards, hoping they’d see the effort I was putting in and maybe, just maybe, reciprocate. I ignored the fact that I felt like I was the one doing all the heavy lifting because I didn’t want to seem “demanding.” But listen: expecting basic respect and kindness is not demanding! You don’t have to be the only one giving.

Sometimes, we think love means staying even when things are falling apart, thinking that if we’re just patient enough, they’ll change. But here’s the reality: you’re not a rehab center for someone else’s issues. You’re not responsible for fixing someone who doesn’t even see that there’s a problem. And honestly, if they don’t recognize your worth right now, they’re probably never going to.

If they’re making you feel less than, if they’re ignoring your needs, if you’re constantly feeling like you have to shrink to fit into their world—it’s time to walk away. Your worth is non-negotiable, and you shouldn’t be lowering your standards just to keep someone around.

Imagine being with someone who actually gets you, who’s as excited about your success as they are about their own. Someone who makes you feel safe, who respects your boundaries, and who doesn’t just love you for the highlight reel but for the real, raw, everyday you. That’s the standard you deserve.

Walking away doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re choosing you. It means you recognize that your peace and happiness are worth protecting. Because, at the end of the day, no one is going to prioritize your happiness if you don’t prioritize it yourself.

So here’s the deal: don’t settle. Know your worth and stand by it. There’s someone out there who’s going to love you for exactly who you are, and they’ll be willing to put in the effort you deserve. Until then, keep raising those standards, keep loving yourself fiercely, and never apologize for expecting the respect you’re worthy of.

[confessions-official]

I absolutely hate myself for wanting what my friend has. She’s disabled. She can’t live on her own and her boyfriend stays with her and treats her so well so she doesn’t have to live with her family who doesn’t give a fuck about her

I may not be paraplegic but I’m also disabled. For me it’s a bunch of “smaller” invisible disabilities. I have chronic pain that’s not too bad sometimes but still affects how much I can lift and how fast I can move and sometimes I have flareups so bad I have no energy and am pretty much housebound. I also have very shitty lungs. I come down with a pneumonia like illness that knocks me on my ass at least twice a year and if I’m lucky it’ll only last a coupke weeks but sometimes it REALLY clings in and is so resistant to antibiotics I’m sick for months. There’s also the autism.

I can pretty much take care of myself but I’d give anything to have someone who’s there like she does. Do I need them? No unless I need to move something heavy during a pain flare up or need to drive long distances which is hard because of the pain but I force myself to do it anyway even though my body is SCREAMING at me to stop because if I don’t I’ll pay for it later but I’ve got to do it all myself because unlike her, I don’t have anyone in my life who gives that much of a damn about me. I have my parents, but they treat me like a fucking toddler even though I’m in college and have a job. If I go back to live with them it’s back to being monitored around the clock, not being allowed to eat without their permission and being treated like a psych ward patient - they’re all or nothing people.

If I need their help with anything at all, that’s how they fucking treat me and I’ll never be able to build a bond wi to anyone outside of them. Unless I can be normal to where you can’t even tell my body is slowly destroying itself, I can’t have a relationship. I can’t expect to ever find anyone as understanding as the kind of person she found, especially because on the outside you can’t tell anything’s wrong with me and I have to deal with people screaming at me all day for being “lazy” , simply not understanding how burned the fuck out I am not only from trying to fight my own stupid body but being traumatized and mentally exhausted from having to be a fucking one man army against an entire world that seems hellbent on killing me and keeps throwing one thing after another at me that I’m forced to tackle one after another but I’m slowing down and soon I won’t be able to keep up with all of this shit.

I know that makes me toxic. I should be focused on money and success instead of wanting love and support. I’m a man. I’m supposed to be a fucking island. But this world has no idea I’m running on fumes at this point. Nobody knows, nobody cares, and I don’t have a single person on my side or even an emergency contact.

I know I know I know! Stop being a man child. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Don’t love anyone until you can be an island and don’t need anyone’s help with anything ever. That’s what they tell me. Little do they know that I’ve lost 40 pounds in the last 3 months from stress and being spread so goddamn thin. I have no one who can help. I’m in this completely alone and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on like this.

I have a boyfriend. But if he knew what I dealt with (he doesn’t think I’m actually sick), if I asked him for help, he’d leave like everyone else. As a man it is NEVER okay for me to need help

 

[katcadecascade]

If you believe the lies I tell (Snowjanus fic Chapter Nine)

Ao3

Tumblr Chapter Index

Chapter Nine: Arguments

Word Count: 4,886

There is a crack in the wall that separates the Snows from the outside world. It’s been crumbling for a while now, Coriolanus can admit that now that he’s faced with the rubble. 

Clemensia Dovecote, the beta daughter of secretaries and one of the smartest students on the honor roll. 

Sejanus Plinth, the alpha son of a District couple who made enough wealth to live in the Capitol. 

Two shining examples on how education and money equals ascension. 

They’re out of place in the Snow penthouse, similar to how Coriolanus is the odd one out in the Capitol. 

Their blood red uniforms are too pristine and vibrant compared to the muted and torn wallpaper. Coriolanus can literally see the dust collecting on their tense shoulders. They both know they’re unwelcomed despite Coriolanus letting them in.

He still regrets closing the door behind them. 

No mask or armor, surrounded by the evidence of decay. This house is Coriolanus Snow’s last possession. He couldn’t maintain its state of when his mother was alive. 

Watching Clemensia and Sejanus take in every little detail of cobwebs and faded color, empty spaces and the scuff marks of where tables and cabinets once stood, the cold air and the how his spearmint scent is beginning to fill the room. The thick of the heat is threatening his muscles and bones to relax, draining energy from the weak and empty stomach. The warmth may border the lines of a fever if he’s not careful. 

But his analytical mind is focused on his two companions. 

Coriolanus dares not to close his eyes, forcing himself to accept this reality. 

Yet he can't help but demand, “Stop looking at me like that.”

He’s never seen Clemensia guilty before, the furrow in her eyebrows clearly shows her confusion. 

“I never knew,” Clemensia admits softly, “I never thought…” 

She trails off but she has said enough. 

“Good,” Coriolanus grits his teeth, “that means I have done so well for so long!”

“Coriolanus, please-”

“Please what?” 

His harsh rhetorical question is met with silence. 

The way they're staring at him boils his heart. Coriolanus is just another piece of ill-kept furniture. It completes the painting of snow falling. 

Because once snow is on the forest floor, it will be trampled upon. 

He gestures to his humble abode. “Does all of this answer your questions Clemensia? Satisfy your curiosity? What about you Sejanus? Do you want to dig more into my life?”

Coriolanus knows this is pointless, offensive behavior. They’re already inside his bleeding home, an open wound in Coriolanus’ pride. 

In a heated state, where he’s supposed to feel comfort and peace, Coriolanus is on edge from having something different in his familiar world. He still sees them as enemies, despite how he wants their scents to be in his space. 

“You would have never willingly told us anything.” Sejanus foresees a reality that Coriolanus longs for. “You’d rather brace everything by yourself. School, our classmates, even university.”

“That would’ve happened,” Clemensia agreed. “I know it can still happen because you’re the most clever person I know.”

“Yeah, with your stubbornness, you’d achieve everything you put your mind to.”

Coriolanus is taken aback from the compliments. Any fluster or blush is disguised under his already warm face. He expected them to be more confrontational due to his bitter nature. No, instead, they’re patient. Cautious more like it, still treating Coriolanus Snow as a wild animal.

And perhaps he is. 

Raw instincts crave a fight, the need to defend his territory. Yet there is no fight to be found. That type of realization is what ends an alpha’s ruts. 

Coriolanus isn’t an alpha, he’s an omega.

Omega’s heats don’t end so fast. 

The fire within is a prolonged suffering, an ache that needs to be soothed with the knowledge of community. Not only with blood relatives, but it includes the chosen few who are deemed worthy. 

Maybe from the first moment they were partnered for that school project, Coriolanus deemed Clemensia Dovecote as his ally.

Yet with Sejanus Plinth, Coriolanus hates to analyze the moments where he relied on the alpha. First the gifts of food, then making the bet knowing that Coriolanus can win, lastly just his presence.

Coriolanus has tracked Sejanus in his environment, believing he’s just another enemy in the grass. Yet the District boy was always a little different then the rest of the Capitol, always was. A gentleness that’s more rustic compared to the usual high status.  

Something in his brain rooted them both as his, as people he refuses to let go. 

Yet that doesn’t mean that Clemensia and Sejanus actually know Coriolanus. 

They only think they do. 

Hostility and defensiveness melts as Coriolanus openly recalls the first real conversation he had with Clemensia. 

“You told me that scenting makes you feel like the world isn’t out to get you. I cannot experience something so…”

Tranquil.

Wonderful. 

Coriolanus finishes with, “...easy.” 

His body sways at that thought, of a dream that can effortlessly become reality if Coriolanus lets go of his paranoia, insecurities, and fear.

“I don’t have anything to protect my family except for lies. Tigris needs her job and I need the Plinth prize to afford university. We’re barely living as is.”

There are a million things that Coriolanus Snow desperately needs. In the typical sense, it’s material goods but even he has to admit that he wants the sentimental values. 

Loyalty, respect, and influence, all attainable things through having power over others. 

Yet it is the complex emotions of love and trust that makes Coriolanus believe he is undeserving of such. Wearing a mask of smiles, of perfection and power. Coriolanus knows it’s a truth that has not been realized. 

Because who would love a fragile mind, a hairpin away from cracking and becoming the embodiment of hunger. Starving for food is one issue, starving for attention and control and power is a madman’s frantic need to have some form of pleasure in all this pain. 

Coriolanus didn’t know he could have fun, making jokes with Sejanus or teasing Clemensia. It felt so normal compared to how much he has to pretend that he is as normal as the rest of them. 

But he’s not.

“I don’t have much to have in the first place,” Coriolanus laughs pitifully, “I have to hide how hungry I am every single day.” 

His body shivers at the phantom pains of his stomach. Its growl would be met with either water or sharp nails digging into the soft flesh. Anything to protect his image, anything to stall out his body slowly shutting down. 

Or maybe his body is swaying and shivering because he has no food in his system and the fever pitch is growing now that he scents nutmeg and lavenders. 

Steady hands are on his shoulders, his skin feels clammy where the pressure lays on his sweater. As hot as the heat is making Coriolanus feel, it’s a focal point of perfect warmth by having Sejanus before him, ever so slowly leaning a bit closer than Coriolanus would ever allow.

Then again, it’s not the first time today Coriolanus allowed Sejanus to be so close. 

Coriolanus almost chokes from the amount of nutmeg around. Sejanus doesn’t break eye contact. 

Just like back in the classroom, something inside registers Sejanus as an anchor. His breathing becomes calmer but the ache is still prominent. Either from food or loneliness, the answer is right in front of Coriolanus. 

“You’re unsteady, Coriolanus, please sit down?”

They move over to the only chairs in the apartment, the three wooden chairs in the kitchen. 

Coriolanus doesn’t lead them to his nest, not yet.

That and he doesn’t think he has the strength to walk over there at the moment. 

So Sejanus pulls his seat close to the point where their knees are touching, thigh pressed against thigh. Coriolanus could stomp his heel down on Sejanus’ foot if he wanted to. He doesn’t but the idea is tempting, just a little intrusive thought. 

Clemensia remains standing, taking in the state of the aged wooden cabinets, the rusted sink faucet, and the leftover bottle of lard they need for the stove. He idly wonders if Clemensia has been in her own kitchen or it’s solely for the staff. 

When she catches him watching her, Clemensia schools her expression. She’s not an expert on masks like him. Confusion to worry to now concern. He doesn’t know if he’ll recognize pity on Clemensia’s fair face, if he does it might break him. More so, Coriolanus is scared of losing Clemensia the longer she’s here. 

Before, Coriolanus would have never acknowledged how sentimental his fears are. Everything went downhill from one catalyst. 

“You just had to notice and start giving me food, Sejanus.” Coriolanus glares at the wooden floorboards because if he looks at Sejanus, he’ll just lash out again. “You just had to be the one stop Felix.”

“No one was stopping him. I had to try.”

Coriolanus drones out, “Of course you did.”

“Sejanus was right to try,” Clemensia boldly states but her voice wavers, “I didn’t… I was too shocked and… scared.” Quieter, she admits, “I was more scared for myself than for you, Coriolanus.”

If someone else made the same foolish mistakes, Coriolanus isn’t sure if he would jump in to help. “I understand.”

“No, I shouldn’t have frozen up. I should’ve done something instead of wasting time and-”

“Stop, Clemensia.”

He reaches over and she is never far, instantly by his side for Coriolanus to hold hands. He leans his head on her arm, letting his scent encompass her. Instantaneously it calms her down and at the same time, Coriolanus feels proud that it was him that helped her. 

Coriolanus isn’t used to feeling prideful for something so simple, for being an omega. Gender and dynamics weren’t much of a variable to account for. It was easier to ignore it until he needed to use it. He’d probably factor a marriage contract around those factors, if that day ever came. 

A formidable suitor would’ve been an alpha like Sejanus Plinth. 

Coriolanus hides his red face against Clemensia’s red coat sleeve. 

“I did not expect you to enter a heat right after.” 

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“Are you kidding me?” Clemensia huffs, “Coriolanus, you have never been interested in scenting until Sejanus started courting you.”

“I wasn’t courting him,” Sejanus hastily corrected, “I was just giving him food.”

“Yeah,” Coriolanus ignores his beating heart at Sejanus' explanation, “because of his hero complex.”

“What? I don’t have a complex.”

Coriolanus begs to differ, just not aloud. The way he presses his lips into a thin line, unimpressed by Sejanus, tells it plainly anyway. 

“I don’t know.” Clemensia begins with a playful tone, “It looks like courting to me.” 

“We’re telling you you’re wrong.” 

Clemensia merely pats the top of his hair. “Sure, whatever you say, Coriolanus.”

Now that amount of condescending is met with Coriolanus’ raw irritation. 

“I hate you both. Invasive and believing your actions are what I need when really it has ruined me forever.” 

He levels them with the most damning glare he has. It only affects one of them. 

Sejanus rushes, “I’m sorry-”

“The last thing I want are apologies. They’re meaningless.”

“Then what do you want, Coriolanus?” 

Clemenisa does not take the bait, sees through his anger and doesn’t try to placate him like Sejanus. 

He doesn’t want to argue any more with her. If there’s one person Coriolanus can trust with both his instincts and brain, it is Clemensia Dovecote. 

Maybe the heat is oozing emotions straight out of Coriolanus’ skin because he quietly admits, “Your scents but I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

The very thing he struggled to ask for spills so easily from his mouth, drunk on a need for any sign of their trust. Yet something as precious as that would need to be reciprocated. Coriolanus never needed scenting before but this heat is certainly changing parts of his philosophy. 

Give and take. 

Somewhere in his mind, Coriolanus deemed scenting as transactional. That’s a type of currency Coriolanus is severely poor in, scared of being in a debt too deep. 

“I don’t know,” he repeats, “how to deal with this heat.”

Sejanus unhelpfully said, “Well, me too.” 

It makes sense. Friendless Sejanus would never be invited to someone’s nest.

Coriolanus squirms at the fact that he is the first. 

“And that’s why I’m here,” Clemensia tells them, the perfect buffer between their awkwardness. She gently holds his chin in the palm of her hand while the other checks his forehead. “I think you cooled down a bit. Your eyes are less dazed.” 

He can’t accurately gauge his own symptoms. From what he remembers from lessons and books, omegas are supposed to be super focused on scents and who’s in the nest. Keen awareness through presence alone. 

Coriolanus feels it all too much, hyper aware of how much he enjoys leaning against Sejanus and having Clemensia rubbing small circles in the spot between his neck and shoulder. 

It feels like falling, letting go of the armor pieces. 

It’s the most vulnerable Coriolanus has ever been. 

Exhausted, Coriolanus rests his eyes for a moment. “Everything is still too warm.”

“It is called a heat.”

“Don’t try to be funny, Sejanus.”

“What, do you prefer Festus’ type of humor?”

“If you make a pun, I will kick you out.”

“Fair,” Sejanus laughs, “I wouldn’t torture you with puns though.” 

“You being here is enough punishment.” Coriolanus doesn’t know if he’s exaggerating or not. It’s a contrasting need of what’s familiar, pushing people away, and what’s not familiar, actively needing them. 

Sejanus doesn’t respond to the insult, maybe taking a page out of Clemensia’s book on recognizing Coriolanus simply being mean to be mean. 

Clemensia interrupts them, “You need food, Coriolanus. Do not argue with me.”

He can only discourage her by saying, “There’s only ingredients for cabbage soup here.”

They all know that’s not going to be enough. 

Heats consume energy, it can be dangerous. Like how alphas can become feral, a state of pure animalistic violence, omegas have their own type of heat stroke due to a fever worsening. 

It’s the downside of those instinctual dynamic cycles, too much will be too much. 

So food, the resource that Coriolanus needs but does not have the money for.

He already hates it when his friends realize what they need to do.

“You’re not buying food for me.”

“Any other day, any other moment you could boss me around about this,” Clemensia points at him, “but not when your life is at risk.”

“You’re being overly dramatic,” he says as if he’s unbothered by the constant warmth and demanding ache. 

“And you’re lying to us again,” Sejanus counters. 

“I’m not-” Coriolanus bites his tongue. 

“I’m going to buy food. You,” she glares at Sejanus, “take care of him.” Clemensia turns to Coriolanus, “And you, behave.”

“Excuse me?”

She sounds out slowly, “BE-HAVE.” 

“What are we supposed to do?” Sejanus asks, a hint of nervousness in his tone. 

“Make sure he doesn’t overheat. Oh do you have snacks on you?”

“Always.” Sejanus reaches into his bag and hands over Coriolanus a small baggie. 

“Good.” She turns to Coriolanus, “Try nesting, that’s basically all you have to do.”

Upfronted with her babysitter tone, Coriolanus tries not to sound so helpless when he complains, “You cannot be serious, Clemensia. Leaving me with him?”

“Coriolanus Snow, look me in the eye and tell me you feel unsafe.”

He does meet her eyes but no words dare pry out from his maw. 

Because as unknown as this feeling is, Coriolanus does not feel in danger next to Sejanus Plinth. 

In the end, this is Clemensia’s betrayal. Their perfect buffer leaves them with the promise of returning with food. 

“Wow,” Sejanus blinks, “Clemenisa can be scary.”

“You’ve never had to pull an all-nighter with her. Be grateful that you never will.”

Coriolanus barely survived last year’s finals week. Clemensia was an entirely different breed of academics. 

“For what it’s worth, I think Clemensia also hates me for kind of causing your heat.” 

“Do not give yourself so much credit.” 

He unhappily opens up the snack bag and eats all the sugar cookies with ravenous fever. 

All the little things make Coriolanus realize he needs him. This is what his instincts beacon through the paranoia and apathy. 

“I can’t believe I have to nest,” he bits furiously into the last cookie. The satisfying cracking noise doesn’t make him feel any better. 

“Have you never…” Sejanus stops himself at Coriolanus’ glare. The alpha politely shrugs, “Alright well, it’s not like you don’t know how to hug… Do you know-“

“Yes I know how to hug, Sejanus.” 

Sejanus nudges their shoulders together. “Are you sure?” 

Coriolanus elbows him away, “You are not goading me into hugging you.”

“I’m not trying to make you mad, Coriolanus. I just want to help.”

Those big brown eyes are too full of something unimaginably soft. Coriolanus can't look away. He wants to crush it. 

“Sejanus, your help is the chaos theory. Every moment I spend with you has spiraled my life away from everything I ever knew.”

“And what is that?” The question catches him off guard, and as Sejanus continues, Coriolanus feels too seen. “The Capitol and its control over the Districts or scent blockers and staying away from everyone including Clemensia.”

Coriolanus is stunned, the very definition of armorless. 

Sejanus forgoes his critical analysis to plead like an arrow to the heart, “Coriolanus, please don’t tell me that all you know is hunger.”

No lie is thought up. Only the first real conversation they ever had, back when Sejanus gave him muffins. 

“...Do you understand me now, Sejanus?” 

That is enough of a confirmation. 

Sejanus shifted in his chair, making them face to face. Without the curls, Sejanus doesn’t quite look like himself. It completely removes the scruffiness and adds an emphasis on his jawline. Sharp angles and a mature toughness, the typical look of an alpha. Yet those brown eyes will always remain soft. 

“Coriolanus, I… I think I do.”

Coriolanus may not feel threatened by Sejanus but there was always a dread on how well Sejanus has figured Coriolanus out. 

But right now it is not an icy weight that sinks as Sejanus thoroughly unveils Coriolanus’ mask. 

“I know you’re the smartest, so devoted to studying. Being presentable at every event we were forced to go to. I only figured out how stubborn you are when you never took crap from Arachne or stayed long hours in the library. You waited until everyone left before walking home.” 

Coriolanus briefly wonders what memories Sejanus holds of him. Because in public, all of that is performative. While Coriolanus does enjoy winning against their classmates, he needs to maintain that perfection. He can never let anyone see how the stress wears him down, how the paranoia marks everyone as enemies. The depths of his starvation was hidden for so long until now. 

Only Sejanus has seen the closest of who Coriolanus is. 

“That whole bet was just me thinking entirely of you, Coriolanus. You were at the top and everyone knew.” A prideful glint shines in those brown eyes. “That’s how you want to be seen, right?” 

A victor. 

Those words are the sweetest thing Coriolanus has ever heard. 

It is the hardest thing to digest. 

“I shouldn’t have ever let you in.” 

It’s the wrong thing to say, Coriolanus knows it but he has no other words to say to Sejanus Plinth. 

Because it is familiar to hurt Sejanus, to push people away from getting too close. This moment, heat or no heat, is an entirely new experience that Coriolanus does not know how to navigate through.

All he knows is hunger and how it can hurt. 

“Coriolanus-” 

“You never think of the consequences of your actions, of your supposed good deeds. If you get in trouble, your dad can easily write a check to fix your mess.” He balls the cookie bag up and tosses it at Sejanus. “If I step out of line, like today? Arachne will pit the whole school against me and Felix will make sure no one will ever hire me.” 

Coriolanus knows that Sejanus does not wear a mask. Sejanus Plinth is always his true, authentic self and Coriolanus hates it. 

Sejanus has money to protect his family. 

Literally everyone else is ten times more powerful simply because money matters so much in their world. 

He shakes his head, naively said, “They wouldn’t do that.”

“No one is as charitable as you, Sejanus Plinth.” Only Coriolanus would shape a compliment into a spear. “I wished you never gave me food.”

Sejanus genuinely looks hurt. 

He reaches over to hold Coriolanus’ hand, “I wouldn’t let you starve, Coriolanus.” 

To anyone else, this is a reassuring promise.

Not to Coriolanus Snow.

This is a contract. This is the start of a debt. The beginning of his doom. 

Forced to swallow down his pride to satisfy his stomach, to prolong his survival by being a weakling. It’s the opposite of everything Coriolanus grew up knowing. 

Coriolanus pulls his hand away from Sejanus. 

“I could never tell if that’s a District trait or if you’re this level of reckless bravado because I’m so desperately in need.” 

“Is this what you meant?” Sejanus furrows his eyebrows, truly failing to understand Coriolanus. “My apparent hero complex?”

“Yes! You just had to do more for me, thinking you’re actually making my life better.” He stands up and waves to the poorly aged kitchen. “You could fix my whole house and I will hate you forever. I refuse you to be responsible for the good things in my life.” 

Because Coriolanus does not have ownership of his own happiness. 

“Coriolanus,” Sejanus pleads his name so tenderly like that would stop the river of anger. 

But he keeps going, lost in the current. 

“You and Clemensia now know what I really am! I can never put that mask back on. I am on the cusp of becoming nothing and you can never unsee that.” 

Rage pushes through the heat, reborn by Sejanus senseless kindness. 

Coriolanus paces around, invoking the sharpness of his scent to start hurting his burning skin. 

“Arachne was right! I cannot offer anything to anyone. I spent so many years ignoring scents that I will never understand it. Everyone now knows how pathetic I am for a language they all speak so fluently.” 

He’ll be left behind, abandoned like how the world ignored Helena Snow’s fate. None of her friends attended her funeral and those who did came for platitude. 

“Clemensia will never see me as her equal again. Once you both realize that, you will never return. You now know me completely, Sejanus, and I will hate whatever you do with that information.”

He only stops pacing when Sejanus stands up. 

Confusion and pity is whipped clean from that handsome face. 

Sejanus’ narrowed eyes freezes Coriolanus in his place. 

“Whatever I do? Clemensia and I are only here to help you and this is how you really feel?” 

Unlike his confrontation with Felix, there are no prey instincts screaming to run away. No, instead it’s a mournful feeling of Sejanus finally seeing the mess Coriolanus is. 

Echoing that grief, Sejanus says, “Congratulations Coriolanus, your perfect mask fooled me. It fooled Clemensia. And now we know your biggest secret. You want to know what we’re going to do with it?” 

For a millisecond, Coriolanus cannot breathe. A new nightmare is dreamt up. Loneliness that can break hearts, betrayal that will tear up the newborn stars, and a cold nest that becomes a grave. 

Yet in the next nanosecond, Sejanus surprises him. 

“Nothing!” His arms are spread out wide, matching his voice, “We care too much about you to try to hurt you!”

This must be the harshest Sejanus has ever spoken yet it’s to reassure Coriolanus. It's an unimaginable reality that only exists because Sejanus is so terribly kind. 

A tightness in his lungs forces Coriolanus to inhale too fast. He coughs and exhales and inhales again too fast, faster than his heartbeat. It's been beating so fast since Sejanus denied their courtship. 

He feels too hot again, his lips fuzzy from panting and now his eyes feel hot. Wet tears are falling like heavy snow. Any shame or humiliation is devoured by the hunger beast that is hope.

Sejanus Plinth is kindness beyond his fears. 

Coriolanus barely chokes out, “You really won’t?” 

His mind can run a million nightmare scenarios but his mouth isn’t fast enough to name any of them. A bone deep trust instantly knows that Sejanus will never bring those into reality. 

Approaching carefully, Sejanus raises a hand to his cheek. The movement falters, hesitation flickering so fast on the alpha’s face. Coriolanus finishes the intent, rests his cheek against Sejanus’ hand. 

A thumb wipes away some tears but more run down. 

His breathing takes a while to even out. His blurry vision is entirely on Sejanus. 

“Coriolanus, you can’t keep thinking like this. You’ve known Clemensia for years and you believe she’ll abandon you? Has she ever hurt you?” 

He shakes his head. 

Sejanus hesitates, his lip worryingly bitten. “Then is it me? Have I hurt you, Coriolanus?”

Acts of kindness do not leave wounds, yet Coriolanus feels like his flesh is unmade by simply accepting the most gentlest of touches. 

Regaining his breath, Coriolanus admits, “Every cell in my body needs you, Sejanus but I hate every feeling of this.”

Sejanus takes a half step away but Coriolanus instantly clutches onto the labels of his uniform. 

“If you hate me so much then tell me to leave. I’ll do it. I will give you anything you want, Coriolanus.” He wipes away another tear. “Just tell me.”

The epitome of dynamics, an alpha obeying the omega. 

It’s all about shelter. 

No matter how much Coriolanus can hate Sejanus, which is a lot, there’s a growing comfort competing with that hatred. 

Beyond that, Coriolanus does not want to lose Sejanus Plinth. 

He had to perform as someone stable, someone with enough money and food, with effortless intellect and charm. 

Sejanus dealt with this angry, prideful person but remained in his life. A stubborn fool according to Coriolanus, but a part of him is stunned that Sejanus keeps offering kindness. 

“Sejanus,” he takes the alpha by the hand, “Don’t make me regret this.”

Coriolanus leads him to his room. 

The nest is messy, lumps of a few blankets that hang over. The scents linger over, nothing as strong as spearmint. Coriolanus still waits for Sejanus to bring out his own scent. 

He’s prepared to be angry at Sejanus, for taking in the details of his barren room but Sejanus never took his eyes off of Coriolanus. 

It’s getting harder to ignore his ever beating heart, too fast and too hot. He swallows down the uncomfortable air, bursts of his nervousness making the mint stale. 

Sejanus squeezes their hands together. 

Coriolanus pushes his frustrations and embarrassment and shame to the farthest edge of his consciousness and relies on his instincts, leading them to the nest. 

The bed is too small, it always is. 

A new shade of humiliation rattles Coriolanus up but he endures it. 

He arranges Sejanus to sit at the head of the bed, leaning against the wall. There’s space between his legs for Coriolanus to lie in. 

For the first time in his life, Coriolanus does not argue with his instincts. 

He can’t recall if he ever balled up in someone’s lap before. Maybe Tigris when they were kids but nothing compares to this heat. 

Omegas are supposed to literally stockpile their emotions, anything to convey through their scent at how at peace they are. 

Coriolanus still struggles with that concept. 

As if reading his mind, Sejanus rubs a few circles into his shoulder before moving down to squeeze his arm. Wordlessly asking if everything is okay. Or at least that’s what Coriolanus guesses. 

He can’t vocalize his need yet he’s already emitting a sweetness in his scent. Coriolanus gives a big sigh and presses his head against Sejanus’ stomach.

Only then is when he scents the nutmeg. 

Before, Coriolanus would describe Sejanus’ faint scent like the signature at the end of a love letter. 

This here is the full missive. 

A strong sense of devotion, of loyalty unasked for. It’s all the things an alpha does for an omega but Coriolanus can’t help but feel its uniqueness. 

Sejanus gave him food, an opportunity for their classmates’ defeat, and braced some of the worst facets of Coriolanus Snow. It’s a loyalty enduring all of Coriolanus’ survival instincts to push him away. 

Yet Coriolanus craved the scent of nutmeg. 

The heat isn’t making him dizzy or weak-kneed. It’s just another blanket. The scent of nutmeg is a huge source of that feeling. In this vast sea of comfort, Coriolanus dares to break the moment. 

“Do I matter to you, Sejanus?”

“…yes.”

He can’t see his face but Coriolanus hears the unhappiness in Sejanus’ voice. 

It’s the last thing spoken as they embrace the silence. Their scents resonated with each other. 

-

Thanks for reading!

[bisexual-yuri]

Talent and Blessings Don’t Matter in the Hospital (Lessons from ECMC)

There is only so much process you can reasonably expect someone to do 

I feel like I’ve hit my limit

Shit’s got me feeling bored and stupid like the village idiot 

Need my creativity need a job 

I’m all full of all sort of needs to sort out this agony of idleness

They say it’s a kindness to myself to take so much time to myself but what do I do all by myself except circle a drain I don’t want to drain out of?

Can I take a plane or a train off this cliff of boredom without alarming me and everyone that loves me?

Still processing neuropathy and dark shit discussed in therapy 

Like the fact that the nurses sedated me against my will needlessly because they were scared of me 

Don’t care that they’re the real scary she’s, the real scary ones 

The ones keeping me locked away from the sun and the fan

It felt like nobody cared that the son of God sees all including patient abuse, including how if you scary enough they’ll take your fuckin’ shoes 

They don’t got a clue the trauma they causer with the drama and gel/powder painted claws, damaging psych mentality, my prayer is done so more it be

Amanda and JD, were they manic or just anxious?

Why did Corey have to take all this?

Why won’t Fawzi just get all the words out?

Why wouldn’t they just let Jaxem the fuck out?

People no danger to themselves or me

Still in lockup, docs give no fucks you see 

False profits and false prophets get out easy

Druggin’ the fun out of Aggie

You ain’t fun no more, that’s how you get free

Behavior in the health, good behavior in hell

And it doesn’t even come with Mercy

Quitting’ Cymbalta cold turkey

Can’t see color, can’t smell nothin’, feelin’ wonky

Temperature a mess, cold water on hot hands

No one cares to listen, no one really understands that big emotions are not themselves a disease

Drug’ll fuck your mind up till you can’t even see

I’m Eliza spitting’ rhymes now, not lies now, no I’m no fucking donkey

It’s a song but I wrote it in the wrong key

Singin’ red teeth, spitting truth through the nose bleed 

Now I got time to kill but no blood to spill

You can’t take anything further away from me

Robbed of all my autonomy, my work and my loves all a trifecta of purgatory

Abuse and sex crimes by blonde bitches who look at me and see witches

Plural

I’m just one person, big feelings on a fleshly mural 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done to me 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done period 

I’m deadly serious 

This shit needs to get a hard look at it 

A world full of angels seeking their halos and wings, instead get shot down with syringes and bans that take wedding rings 

No wedding ring for me, no wedding ring for Sarah not even a tattoo

In the hospital they treat you like a damn fool and then wonder why you behave any differently 

Sorry ECMC but the truth you saw in there ain’t the real me, it’s the me you brought out of me

It’s the eagle you carved out of a hummingbird that was trying to rest on a dead tree

I’m not a dead me, I’m just me, so why did you try killing me to make me whole again?

I’ll tell you doc, you have cost me all sorts of friends by locking me up in this shit 

Made some new ones too, but the anger and the loss are harder pills to swallow than anything you gave me in follow up

Divorce the PTSD, divorce from real me, you people never trusted me to take care of me

It’s scary

I know in a moment I had lost my mind, but damn is that license to be so fucking unkind? 

How am I supposed to find peace in the belly of the beast? 

How is anyone supposed to heal when you hit them hard with rules about what is and isn’t real?

Makes you wonder who’s the delusional one, the patients or the system

All I know is the needle toothed fucker takes everyone as a victim and doesn’t care if we scream or we cry

More fuel for the fire, more reasons to make people want to die to escape this

I know Al, you’re still here and you can’t take this 

Neither can I, knowing people suffer every day in this hellfire of some hospital’s fucked up design 

But what can I do, I’m just one person and I don’t even have a second shoe to drop because of what the hospital took from me 

I have a lot of friends, lot of family 

Most people ain’t so lucky

Screaming on the wind “why did you do this to me and him and her and them and everybody?”

I wish I knew an answer, I wish I had a better answer than just to scream

Maybe someday when I am healed I will have energy to dream of a better future for this

But for now, all I can do is sleep

[davidanderson121]

Basics Of Dog Training - K9 Basics - Dog Training

Basics of Dog Training: 10 Steps To Getting Your Puppy On The Right Track Introduction Dogs are one of the most popular pets in the world, and for good reason. They’re adorable, loyal, and usually quite obedient. But as with all things in life, there are always exceptions to the rule. If you’re looking to get your dog on the right track, it’s important to know the basics of dog training. In this article, we will outline 10 essential steps that will help you train your pup to behave at home and out in public. Whether you have a small dog or a giant breed, these basics will apply to everyone. So be sure to read on to learn everything you need to start training your pup today! Basics Of Dog Training Dog Basics: Breed, Size, Age, Temperament People often ask about the basics of dog training, and it's a good question. Here we'll explore some of the most important things to know about getting your puppy on the right track. First and foremost, you need to have a good understanding of the breed of your puppy before starting training. This will help determine what type of training is necessary, as well as how serious the pup should be taken. For example, Labs may be more stubborn than other breeds, so you may need to start with gentler methods in order to get them on board. Another key factor to consider is age. Young puppies require different care than older dogs, so it's important to begin training as soon as possible after bringing home your new friend. Older pups can be very mellow when it comes to obedience training, so don't expect much from them at first unless you're using positive reinforcement techniques like treats or verbal praise. Now let's talk about temperament. Every dog is different and will react differently to various stimuli (including obedience commands). Some pups are more hyperactive than others and may require less vigorous training; others may be more shy and need time to warm up before becoming obedient. You'll want to find out what your pup's personality is like before starting any kind of obedience training in order to make the process go more smoothly. The Rules of Dog Training There are a few basic rules of dog training that you should remember in order to get your puppy on the right track. 1. Positive reinforcement is key – use rewards and punishments sparingly and only as a last resort. 2. Always be consistent – be consistent with your commands and rewards, and never give your puppy mixed signals. 3. Be patient – don't expect shortcuts in training your puppy, as it will take time and patience to get him or her behavior under control. Commands for Walking Your Puppy When you first get your puppy, the most important thing is to get them used to being near you. This can be done through a variety of commands such as "sit," "stay," and "come." Once your pup is comfortable around you, it's time to start training them. There are a few basic commands that every dog should know: sit, down, stay, come, and lay down. Training with these commands will help ensure that your pup stays safe and obedient while you're out and about. It's also important to start introducing new activities gradually so that your pup isn't overwhelmed. For example, start by teaching them how to wait at the door for you before entering the house; then work on getting them across the street without getting hit by a car; and finally let them play in the backyard without getting into too much trouble. Training is an ongoing process, but with patience and consistency – coupled with some good old-fashioned bribery – your puppy will quickly become one of the family members who always follows your lead.

[bisexual-yuri]

Talent and Blessings Don’t Matter at ECMC (Lessons from the psych ward)

There is only so much process you can reasonably expect someone to do 

I feel like I’ve hit my limit

Shit’s got me feeling bored and stupid like the village idiot 

Need my creativity need a job 

I’m all full of all sort of needs to sort out this agony of idleness

They say it’s a kindness to myself to take so much time to myself but what do I do all by myself except circle a drain I don’t want to drain out of?

Can I take a plane or a train off this cliff of boredom without alarming me and everyone that loves me?

Still processing neuropathy and dark shit discussed in therapy 

Like the fact that the nurses sedated me against my will needlessly because they were scared of me 

Don’t care that they’re the real scary she’s, the real scary ones 

The ones keeping me locked away from the sun and the fan

It felt like nobody cared that the son of God sees all including patient abuse, including how if you scary enough they’ll take your fuckin’ shoes 

They don’t got a clue the trauma they causer with the drama and gel/powder painted claws, damaging psych mentality, my prayer is done so more it be

Amanda and JD, were they manic or just anxious?

Why did Corey have to take all this?

Why won’t Fawzi just get all the words out?

Why wouldn’t they just let Jaxem the fuck out?

People no danger to themselves or me

Still in lockup, docs give no fucks you see 

False profits and false prophets get out easy

Druggin’ the fun out of Aggie

You ain’t fun no more, that’s how you get free

Behavior in the health, good behavior in hell

And it doesn’t even come with Mercy

Quitting’ Cymbalta cold turkey

Can’t see color, can’t smell nothin’, feelin’ wonky

Temperature a mess, cold water on hot hands

No one cares to listen, no one really understands that big emotions are not themselves a disease

Drug’ll fuck your mind up till you can’t even see

I’m Eliza spitting’ rhymes now, not lies now, no I’m no fucking donkey

It’s a song but I wrote it in the wrong key

Singin’ red teeth, spitting truth through the nose bleed 

Now I got time to kill but no blood to spill

You can’t take anything further away from me

Robbed of all my autonomy, my work and my loves all a trifecta of purgatory

Abuse and sex crimes by blonde bitches who look at me and see witches

Plural

I’m just one person, big feelings on a fleshly mural 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done to me 

Trying to make sense of the senseless violence done period 

I’m deadly serious 

This shit needs to get a hard look at it 

A world full of angels seeking their halos and wings, instead get shot down with syringes and bans that take wedding rings 

No wedding ring for me, no wedding ring for Sarah not even a tattoo

In the hospital they treat you like a damn fool and then wonder why you behave any differently 

Sorry ECMC but the truth you saw in there ain’t the real me, it’s the me you brought out of me

It’s the eagle you carved out of a hummingbird that was trying to rest on a dead tree

I’m not a dead me, I’m just me, so why did you try killing me to make me whole again?

I’ll tell you doc, you have cost me all sorts of friends by locking me up in this shit 

Made some new ones too, but the anger and the loss are harder pills to swallow than anything you gave me in follow up

Divorce the PTSD, divorce from real me, you people never trusted me to take care of me

It’s scary

I know in a moment I had lost my mind, but damn is that license to be so fucking unkind? 

How am I supposed to find peace in the belly of the beast? 

How is anyone supposed to heal when you hit them hard with rules about what is and isn’t real?

Makes you wonder who’s the delusional one, the patients or the system

All I know is the needle toothed fucker takes everyone as a victim and doesn’t care if we scream or we cry

More fuel for the fire, more reasons to make people want to die to escape this

I know Al, you’re still here and you can’t take this 

Neither can I, knowing people suffer every day in this hellfire of some hospital’s fucked up design 

But what can I do, I’m just one person and I don’t even have a second shoe to drop because of what the hospital took from me 

I have a lot of friends, lot of family 

Most people ain’t so lucky

Screaming on the wind “why did you do this to me and him and her and them and everybody?”

I wish I knew an answer, I wish I had a better answer than just to scream

Maybe someday when I am healed I will have energy to dream of a better future for this

But for now, all I can do is sleep

[asstrolo]

explaining the moon signs; i didn’t even remember i made this lol 

(if you wanna know your moon sign do your chart on astro.com , it’s the most accurate!)

moon in aries: the childlike, their responses are rushed by their emotions and their emotions change drastically, incredible creative and talented, aggressive in both bad and good ways; they have initiative, they love so much and are unconditionally supportive of their loved ones, they usually have a really good style and look good even in the most casual outfits, it’s because they love so much they tend to stay in toxic relationships, depending on what other signs are on their charts, they tend to leave those situations to focus on themselves, after all the most important person is themselves, it can make them as much of a narcissist as it can make them self-sufficient and natural born leaders, they need to look more around them or they’ll get lost in their reflection

moon in taurus: a natural caretaker, the friend to call when you want to relax, they have a homey presence, they might have a calming voice or a more quiet way of approaching, they are materialistic, they cannot help but want to protect things they worked so hard to buy, as one would except they can be very possessive in their relationships of any kind, they might even treat their partners as objects that hey want to protect and take care of, they are very patient, not more than a sun in taurus, but as a sun in taurus they can get really defensive out of nowhere, feel hurted by things for no reason and make a big deal about it, but only in private, for they want to look completely different in public, as a Venus dominant, they like to be gracious and classy, seem calm and collected, one of the flaws they have is to be really lazy, they have certain routines and they like to follow them, they can get caught up in money, they need to learn to not be so dependable of material objects as if that’ll show that their life is good

moon in gemini: the crazy genius, a revolutionary person, an inspiring, independent being, ones that people look up to, or so they’d like to think, this moon lives in a constant state of delusion between their projects and how quickly they move from anything, it’s hard for them to keep a promise because they’re always changing, most of the time they don’t even realize they’re  doing it, they like books, more so, they like to know things, even more, they like to know everything, they are completely drawn by their morals and idea of the world, even if idealistic and naive, they follow them, it’s really difficult for them to look at the mirror and define one thing, they like to keep an open mind in everything, but they tend to think they know better, think they’re superior, better, more interesting, they want the smartest friends, but not smarter than them, they tend to copy other’s people personalities if they admire them (just like gemini risings) they don’t realize about this either, they need to speak their mind all the time, if they don’t, they feel really restricted and imprisoned, they won’t like that, so they run off, they like gossips, they need to learn to think before they speak and to stop interrupting people when they talk 

moon in cancer: the sentimentalist, here the sign is in it’s original planet, that is good, with that said, they are dramatic people, they feel every emotion, people with this moon need to write down their feelings or else they’ll feel very suffocated by them, they’re empaths, they put themselves in others shoes, they have a way with words because they’re so good at naming all their emotions, they tend to dramatize situations, they live in the past, for them is really difficult to let go of things, specially people, because they know they remember everything and the memories always haunt them, as anyone would expect they know how to take care of people, they have a strong intuition that tells them if a person needs help, they like being at home a lot, they like sleeping even more, it’s very common for them to not sleep at night because they feel very attracted to the moon and their creativity is better at night, they might really like painting and music, these people, even if they’re extroverted, might feel overwhelmed by people, because they feel people’s energies very deeply and need to recharge from time to time, they need to learn to not look for someone to save or save them and do that for themselves instead   

moon in leo: the performer, they live in a movie, in the stage, they tend to dramatize their responses and their emotions towards everything even if it does not involve them, they pull off a good part on being the positive friend even when sad, they see things from a very self-centered way, meaning they only see their own point of view, always tries to understand their loved ones emotions by putting themselves in their shoes, that’s why they always talk about personal experience, because that is their way of empathizing with others, some of these tend to stay in unhealthy situations for the sake of not being disliked by the other person, they like to be liked more than anything, as any other fire moon, they hold a lot of creativity that needs to be constantly explored for them to feel better, these moon signs tend to put a façade of innocence a lot, they can victimize and not even realize it, might even cry out of exhaustion for their own emotions, if encountered by someone who is prettier in looks they might get defensive and jealous, but they won’t say it, they’ll be passive-aggressive towards it, they are constantly looking for artistic ways or words to cheer their friends up, because they’re so fond of all of their relationships and are so transparent with them, they want that back, these people are naturally good at anything for arts, specially acting, they can see other’s emotions and act them out, however these people need to learn to be more self-aware and to not get defensive when it comes to criticism 

moon in virgo: a helping micromanager, these people are very self-disciplined, mature and resilient, as much as the are neurotic, and nihilistic and go through dozens of existencial crisis, they tend to be very cold, because their way of showing love comes from being helpful in tasks rather than in emotional support, they question everything, all the time, they question themselves and they question the universe, can appear paranoid about certain stuff, like the leo moon, they like to perform, put on a mask, make it seem like they have everything in control, when put in a lot of stress they might run off, they like to be seen when they feel like it, have a very Hermit way of living for those around them, they enjoy their time alone because that’s when they allow their minds to be at peace, but even there they’re overthinking, this moon is one of those that might have a simple and calm way of living, but in their minds there’s always chaos, always thinking about what comes next, how to make something better, how to go faster, smarter, how to improve social skills while still maintain their alone time sacred to them, because they never rest mentally, they are prone to anxiety, to not see the good things that life has to offer to them if they just stopped over analyzing things around them, they are very good friends, because they think the definitive show of affection is helping their loved ones to organize their life is because they take care of people, and they like doing so, might get taken advantage of this, they’re really, really smart and sharp, they know how to use their words and can manipulate a situation if they’re willing to, if they think it requires that, they like their own space without changes and usually keep things the same for a very long time, they need to learn to let go of things they cannot control and to give time to themselves

moon in libra: the mediator, people with this moon tend to be shallow, victimize themselves and hypocrites, they’re usually torn between who they are and who they want to be, and who they pretend to be most of the times, gemini moons get the reputation of being “two-faced” but in honesty, libra moons might as well fight for that tittle too, they’re not the most ambitious moon sign, they look into superficial things to be happy, friendships are very important to them, might keep a toxic friend or a toxic ex as friends because they do not know how to say no, they might have strong opinions of injustice that they brought up depending on the person, if it’s a friend or someone they want to impress that have different views these might not say anything, just let it pass, but if they don’t care about the person’s acceptance then they will show their points of view, no matter how different from others it is, these cannot keep a secret for too long, like any other air sign, likes to gossip to, they do have an open mind, they like to see a situation from all angles before making a serious statement, but halfway through it they might change their mind again, reconsidering things, that is why people sees them as hypocrites, also the fact that they can’t keep their promises, they’re not good at that, have an eye for aesthetically pleasing things, their friends might even ask them for advice on decor, they need to learn to make up their mind and not speak too quickly before setting something, and to own up to their mistakes 

moon in scorpio: the secretive feeler, a dark enigma, the moon in scorpio it’s very intense, because it’s in detriment here, that makes it even harder for these individuals to talk about their feelings without getting frustrated or a little bit uncomfortable, they are so cautious and secretive about everything they do, not only their feelings, as anyone would have guessed, they are very protective of their own personal space, it takes them so much to trust someone that they might regret having done so, they get easily offended, never have their guard down and can become really self-destructive, sabotage themselves, they have a very enigmatic aura that they might not even know about, they like spirituality, they’re very drawn to those type of things, can become very controlling of people around them and micromanage their loved ones without realizing it, they have very demanding presences, they can be as charming as they can be scary, people with this moon can appear sometimes an earth sign even if they don't have anything of that in their chart, they're also very intuitive people but it's hard for them to follow that intuition, it can appear very strongly around strangers, they might know what kind of person they're dealing with only by looking at them, they also like to keep on check about everything their loved ones are doing, ask them how they are, might come off as kinda clingy, but they like to know how people around them are doing and see if they can be of help for them, they’re good at twisting other peoples words and they know how to manipulate, for good or bad intentions, they need to let their guards down and accept help from others, not everything is black and white.

moon in sagittarius: the eternal kid at heart, they are ambitious but lose interest as soon as they're not passionate about it anymore, they are deep thinkers but can be very on their own beliefs, it's because they are so passionate about these beliefs and ideas that they can come off as stubborn, they are so pure, like a kid, and like a kid this moon might have moments of feeling very misunderstood, some of them wear their hearts on their sleeve and can actually be super honest, without even realizing, they like questioning everything as well as standing up for what they think it's right, as any other fire moon, these people are creative, they are very positive people, they light up a whole room just for how they are and how they present themselves, however, they crave love and affection, can be too into their own ways and get easily frustrated if others don't have the same idealistic thoughts as them, their ideas are important to them that it's why they can come off as delusional or "hitting on a dead horse" when it comes to these, they need to learn to be more patient and to listen to others opinions before forming one of their own, just based off of what they've seen, they don't know or don't want to be held accountable for the damages they might have done, that's why they are irresponsible at times, these kind of people were meant to inspire others, they just have a way of making you feel passionate about their work and what they like, however they need to learn to not just jump the gut, take a step back and think the situations a little bit more, don't be so stubborn and accept other points of view.

moon in capricorn: a fatherless figure, this might come off too strong, or ironic since they're seen as a parental figure in the zodiac most of the time, this moon can have trouble directly with the family, since childhood, actually, they just don't have a very normal family life unlike all of their friends, they attract people a lot of the times without not doing anything, they tend to be very laid-back and chill when you first meet them or have this aura of tranquility, like any other earth moon, they're very sarcastic and good at reading people, they're witty and can be very funny at times, even if they have a lot of friends these moon signs often feel very lonely, that's just how they are, their emotions are very contradictory all the time, since this moon is in detriment here all of the emotions are to be avoided or bottle up, they are very helpful, selfless people because they know what it's like to feel misunderstood at first hand, they wouldn't want anybody to feel that way, they can be malicious or manipulative, like a cancer moon, thinking it's for a greater good, they don't see themselves in a good light, this moon often has what it's called the impostor syndrome, they think they're not deserve of what they have or what they want to have, they need to learn to be more self-confident and follow their heart more than their minds all the time, let go of past childhood trauma to live without any baggage.

moon in aquarius: the misunderstood artist, these people are ought to be different and unique and one of a kind, and they are, they truly are, but this uniqueness they try so hard to keep might isolate them from others, this moon it's pioneer of great, creative ideas only an aquarius moon would have, they're so refreshing and they just get you, aside from the conspiracies and the aliens they're so very smart, but they don't posses that emotional intelligence they'd like to have, as figures these people can come off as too cold, detached from the world and a lone wolf, they like doing things on their own but when it comes to having time for yourself and completely isolating yourself they don't know how to draw the line, the way they view the world to themselves it's "the right way", think very highly of themselves or their way of thinking, might be a very cynical person, but they're very humanitarian as well, as a Libra moon, they do not tolerate injustice and are not afraid to talk and make a change, these people usually make a huge change in others environments, even without realizing it, as great and unique as they are, they need to learn to talk more to people, not think they're alone or that nobody gets them, they need to connect with their emotions and only then they'll see a real change from within.

moon in pisces: The "feeling all the feelings", this moon is authentically one of the most difficult to deal with, alongside Capricorn and Scorpio, if so they are very connected to their emotions, they might be too connected to them, this kind of people are highly sensitive and deal with a lot of the feels all the time, they like art, something related to music most likely and have a special connection with water, they come off as oblivious, and they most likely are, but they're also very wise, they just don't know yet how to balance both things, people might see them as a person who's not too much but not too little, they're very reserved and like their privacy, very ambiguous personality in general, one might wonder what they think about all the time, tendency to hide or escape from anxious or tense situations, they need peace, they might avoid conflict to a unhealthy degree where they don't speak up just to not cause a dispute, deals with low self-esteem or one that's changing a lot, they confuse themselves because their minds are confusing and there's a lot going on at once, they do victimize a lot, they might or might not have a distorted way of seeing or thinking, while they have a big heart and are good people, they can come off as very victimizing people, manipulate you into petty them so you would do something for them, some acknowledge this, some don't, if they find a healthy way of dealing with their emotions they can not only help themselves but people around them too, after all they are big empaths, they have a special way to talk and connect with people, they need to learn to not victimize themselves every time they feel pressure and to control a little bit more their emotions